#sexy babes thst is the theme

[jockvillagersonly]

Last weekend was kinky inebriated weekend (which i loved), do we have a theme this weekend,too?! Considering here it is already friday - early afternoon, I'm getting prepared XD

Well I am ONCE AVAJN drunk so LET THE KJNK WEEKEND BEGIN

[lighteyed]

drunk peter headcanons

tags : @parkerroos @spideyyss @peterletmebeanavengerparker @grant-valdes-holland @ladysnowren @marvelsdaughter @underoosie @sunrisehunny @tomhollandisthicc @quacksoff @lil-spidey @captainswriting @jor-da-na

for the wild ass spiderjizz gals bc our gc was full of sad headcanons and we need to stop being SAD

author’s note : don’t yell at me and say peter is too young 15 year olds get drunk and do a lot of shit they shouldn’t be doing trust me k cool enJOY

ok so if u don’t think peter is a lil lightweight u would be wrong sir

he becomes about fifty times clumsier than he already is

“GET OFF THE TABLE YOU’RE GONNA GET HURT OH MY-”

“OWWWWWW”

“I TOLD YOU YOU’D GET HURT YOU DUMMY”

“y/n y/n y/n i hurt my fooooot kiss it better”

“peter benjamin parker get your foot out of my face and away from my mouth or so help me gOD”

you refuse to drink with him bc peter alone is like watching over an awfully curious child but peter drunk is like trying to keep track of a two year old with the attention span of squirrel

so you’re watching over this ridiculous idiot 

and he is the clingiest baby ever

“ummmm y/n baby baby baby you’re so far away from meeee” cue pouty face and outstretched grabby hands as he reaches for you even though you’re only a little bit away in front of the tv trying to put on a movie

“i’m two feet away peter”

“TWO FEET IS TOO FAR”

“oh my gosh you are so drunk my friend”

“did you just friend zone me” and then he tears up a little and you spend the next twenty minutes trying to convince him that he’s not just a friend

he is completely ridiculous but it’s fine he’s adorable

also he is always yelling

for no reason

he just yells everything when he’s drunk apparently?????

“Y/N Y/N Y/N DID YOU SEEEEE THIS”

“yes peter i know what a cookie looks like you donut”

“donut i love doNUTS”

“askfgsjfg peter no”

“PETER YES”

“STOP YELLING”

then he can’t stop laughing and he laughs for ten minutes and then he gets tired and stretches out across your lap like a sleepy angel/cat

he’s a very ramble-y drunk too and he doesn’t know what he’s saying half the time

“y/n i’ve got a suuuuuuper big thing i gotta tell you i gotta tell you it like right noooowwwwww okay”

“okay peter baby what is it”

“i love youuuuuuuuu did you know that i love you because i do me peter loves you y/n and i wanna maybe marry you and have babies with you like reallyyyyyyyy cute ones bUT don’t tell you”

“peter what”

“don’t tell yourself!!!!” and this nerd says it so matter-of-factly with a smartly placed smirk on his mouth as he stares up at you with big brown doe eyes that all you can do is sigh and shake your head 

“okay i won’t tell myself”

“oh gOOD BECAUSE I WANNA TELL YOU AGAIN FOR REAL WHEN I DON’T FEEL SO LOOOOOOOOOPY”

“peter the yelling”

he keeps trying to sing and usually he’s pretty good (that’s a whole different imagine) but he sounds like he’s scalping a cat as he tries to serenade you

he curls up against you because clingy an grabs your hands and holds them to his face and randomly claps them against his cheeks it’s weird he’s weird

“what are you doing”

“i’m singing the friends theme in my head shhhh you’re ruining my vibE babe”

“RUDE you’re a mean drunk”

but then he gets really kissy and just wants to love on you repeatedly

he starts by kissing your hands and your wrists really daintily 

then it BECOMES NOT SO DAINTY

and suddenly this former nerd is kissing up your collarbones and really slowly kissing your neck and then he bites you but he’s trying to give you a hickey but it’s not working he’s just biting incessantly 

“peter you can be sexy in the morning you’re just acting like damon salvatore at this point”

cue his sad face “why won’t you love me back”

“you’re drunk and it’s like taking advantage of you so we can do this another night okay?”

“uuuuuugggghhhhhh now i’m sad”

you roll your eyes and wrap your arms around him anyway and he smiles up at you all lovingly with little crinkles by his eyes and dimples by the corners of his mouth and he’s clearly not sad anymore he’s just needy 

“can you - can you pet my hair baby love”

“yeah pete of course”

and now he’s sleepy but he’s still curled up in your lap like some sort of kitten nd his eyes keep opening and closing but he has a really firm grip on your hand and refuses to let go ever

“y/n y/n y/n i love you”

“i know peter”

“shhhh no you don’t you don’t understand”

“peter-”

“no no like i really really love you and if i don’t marry you i’m gonna die like die die like deaD 

and then he rolls over and puts your hand against his cheek again and passes the fuck out with his mouth still slightly open and he’s lowkey drooling and it’s kinda gross but you can’t move bc there’s a huge boy laying on top of you and??????

he’s heavier than he looks?????

boy hides his riPPED AS BODY UNDERNEATH THOSE SWEATERS 

BUT YOU KNOW THE TRUTH 

and the truth is that he’s heavy as fuck and he’s crushing you but you can’t move him bc???/ the cuteness is too much and he was highkey wasted and he needs some sleep

he wakes up in the morning with a killer headache and he kinda wants to die because ow his foot hurts and his brain feels like it is pounding against his skull with tiny little Thor hammers

but he sees that you’re sleeping and he feels bad bc he’s been splayed out on top of you all night drooling on your knee???

“ugh that’s disgusting”

“peter i know my face in the morning is scary but-”

“NO NO MY LOVE YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL I MEANT THE DROOL”

“oh god why did i yell my head hurts so bad ughgsgk”

he takes 3 advil tablets and asks if he did anything stupid last night

you tell him no, that he was just pretty adorable to spare him the pain 

later on you'll tell him that he said if he doesn’t get to marry you he’ll die

“well they do say that drunks are the most honest people”

“PETER YOU CAN’T JUST SAY THINGS LIKE THST”

“i’m peter and i wanna marry you or else i’ll die”

“you make me so upset”

“why”

“BECAUSE YOU’RE SO CUTE”

“shhhhhhhhh”

drunk peter is a sweet peter but all peters are good !!!

lol

goodbyE i miss peter and i’ve never even had him to begin with