#seriously what IS it with groups these days and making tts i could care less about to go with b-sides that make me go absolutely insane

[many-gay-magpies]

okay so did stray kids just put out like several albums of bangers and hide them with title tracks i didnt like so id be dissuaded from checking out the rest of the album orrrr

[pricklynoodle]

real or not real

Itadori Yuji/Fushiguro Megumi pairing | Squid Game AU | Rated T | warning: implied character death | ANGST

( yes, writing instead of doing school lol, squid game ruined me so if you want to read this then be warned of SQUID GAME SPOILERS. There's no graphic death, but its sad as hell either way TT)

---

“The player who takes all ten marbles from your partner wins.”

Megumi had always kept to himself, never saying anything unless spoken to, never stuck to groups, and never took the choice to attach himself to something. Everything had an expiration date. Unnecessary things like friendships had never appealed to him. He only needed his sister, and it wasn’t like she had the choice to have him as her brother. But the fact that she still stuck around caring for him until she worked herself to a coma.

So honestly, it’s a surprise why he feels his heart drop when the announcement tells him he has to go against … whatever 310 is to him.

He hardly knows 310, and doesn't know anything about his life actually. Other than that he’s crazy strong, has an impressive pain tolerance, but also the loudest kid he’s ever met. He's always around him, sticking to Megumi like a persistent piece of gum stuck to his shoe. But he doesn't dislike him, but he can't say he's thrilled with him either.

But would Megumi kill him?

Stupid, he tells himself.

“Oh, fuck, I honestly didn’t see that coming,” 310 says with a grimace, looking at Megumi guiltily as if he was the cause of Megumi’s inner turmoil. He sits down on one of the stone benches. The whole setup was supposed to mimic a typical neighborhood, something Megumi wasn’t fortunate enough to grow up in. The bastards even made the effort to add in the sounds of cicadas from the fake trees, as if this was a completely normal summer for a couple of teens.

Megumi doesn’t say anything, he feels dizzy. He drops down to the bench, away from 310 as possible.

“I’ve always wanted to say this,” 310 says as he rests his elbows on his knees, looking at Megumi seriously, “This whole thing reminds me of Hunger Games.”

Megumi looks at him with furrowed brows.

“You know, Jennifer Lawrence?” 310 pushes. Megumi says nothing. “...Tall girl, big ass? The one with the arrows?”

“Can you shut the fuck up,” Megumi deadpans, then he shakes his head. He takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly. He counts to ten, then glances down at his hand. 10 marbles. “Just tell me how to play this game.”

“I don’t know either,” 310 admits, sounding sheepish. He shrugs carelessly, “This is more of the games my gramps used to play, but he was too busy being sick to teach me though.”

Megumi looks up at 310. He looks tired, but nostalgic. Like he was thinking of a good memory.

310 perks up, grinning at Megumi brightly, “though they said that we can make our own rules. I’ll think of something.”

Megumi nods solemnly. The silence stretches until 310 lets out an ‘aha!’.

“Let’s bet everything and just play one around,” 310 says, even dropping his fist down onto his hand as if it were the best idea ever.

Megumi freezes, staring at 310, was he going to trick him? He doesn’t even know him. They’re not friends. Of course, everything still is a death tournament at the end of the day.

310 seems to pick up Megumi’s reluctance, he jerks his head to the side. He points towards the pair of men competing against each other, looking frantic and panicked.Their faces are sheened with sweat, t-shirts drenched in sweat. It’s… it’s a pathetic sight.

“Fine,” Megumi relents. “What are we playing?”

“Calm down,” 310 chuckles, “are you that excited to kill me?”

Megumi stays quiet.

“We have a lot of time left,” 310 says breezily, pointing towards the timer mounted on the wall. “Let’s do it at the last minute.”

“What do you suggest we do till then?” Megumi asks with a scowl. “Sit nice and pretty, twiddle our thumbs and shove these marbles up our asses?”

“Jesus, man,” 310 laughs, “no just… talk.”

“Talk,” Megumi repeats.

“Talk,” 310 smiles, looking down at his hands. Megumi looks at them too. He remembers the hard calluses on them, when they shook hands. They’re thick and sturdy, and hold a lot of power. He really could have killed Megumi before, just wrap his hands around his neck and it’s all over.

Megumi also shakes away the filthy thoughts of what else those hands could do. Get a grip, Fushiguro.

“Things we couldn’t tell other people,” 310 says, smiling wistfully. “One of us is going to die here anyways.”

Megumi swallows the lump in his throat.

310 smiles wider. He’s always smiling, Megumi notes.

“There’s no reason to feel embarrassed if that’s the case,” 310 tells him, “I promise I won’t laugh when you blush like a tomato.”

“I don’t,” Megumi denies, but he can feel the heat already rising up to his cheeks.

“You do,” 310 says, “but I think it’s cute.”

Cute.

“So, uh, you have someone back home then?” 310 asks.

“Yeah,” Megumi says.

“...like a girlfriend or something?”

“Sister,” Megumi says quickly, “no...never a girlfriend. Impossible for me.”

“Ah, okay,” 310 says, nodding. “Just your sister?”

“I had a dad, but he … never came back.” Megumi confesses, “he was a shitty dad. He was never really home, but he gave us shelter and food. He had a bad temper, but he never hit us. He never liked to be around me especially. I … used to think he hated me.”

“What changed?” 310 asked.

“I… I became him. I understand why he did what he did,” Megumi says, fiddling with the sleeves of his jacket. “Doing dirty jobs, stealing, never at home. Hiding from danger. Hiding us from danger. Protection.”

310 nodded, he slid closer to Megumi. Thighs brushing. Silence continues.

“He came here,” Megumi says, looking up at the ceiling. It’s painted a pink-orange gradient, like a sunset. “I found half of that business card in one of his jackets. The last two digits were cut off. I dialed every possible number until I got here.”

“For what?” 310 asks.

“Find him,” Megumi says, “punch him. I would have killed him, I think, if I found out that he left us to rot. Then steal all his money to pay for my sister’s medical bills.”

“Oh, she’s sick?”

“Coma,” Megumi clarifies. “Some rich bastard from work hit her on her way home. He got off easy because of money.”

“I see,” 310 says, clenching his fists. “That’s terrible.”

“Yeah,” Megumi says gruffly.

“You’re still getting money though,” 310 says. He doesn’t say but you don’t get your dad back. “What would you do with it?”

Megumi doesn’t even hesitate, “pay for my sister’s medical bills. Buy a nice house for us to live in. A car, if I can.”

“If you can?” 310 says, “where would you drive your car?”

“school,” Megumi says simply. “I would use my car to drive to school.”

310 blinks. “You know, you can do much more with that 40 billion. You really don’t want anything else? Don’t have a destination?”

“I’d go to Sendai.”

“Wh—Sendai? I’m from Sendai. Are you kidding me? Are you going to drive there with a shiny new Toyota Yaris?”

Megumi blushes furiously, “enough about me, ugh, it’s your turn anyways.”

310 shakes his head, but he’s giggling like a schoolgirl. “You really have to think bigger. Have you ever been to the beach?”

“No,” Megumi says.

“You should, one that’s got nice soft sand and blue water. With palm trees too. And you should get piña coladas.”

“What?”

“C’mon man, you don’t get to be frugal with 40 billion. I’ll teach you how to splurge once we get out—”

Ah.

“Right,” 310 breathes out, laughing to himself all silly. “Only one of us leaves.”

Megumi grunts.

Silence.

“...Ever seen a dead body?” 310 asks.

“...I’ve been answering all these questions. You haven’t answered at all,” Megumi points out, feeling far too exposed for running his mouth.

“Ah you’re right! Uh, I don’t have anyone.”

“But your grandfather—”

“He’s dead. For a while now. My mom and dad. Also dead. My brother is on the run. He’s, uh, killed a lot of people. He got the death penalty, so yeah, haven’t really seen him around.”

Megumi looks at him.

“I don’t think he counts,” 310 says, scratching his face. Megumi realizes the scars on his face aren’t from the previous games. They looked healed, puckered and faded from time.“He looks a lot like me, though. A lot of people can’t tell us apart. He hated that. He’s only a bit taller than me, and he loves to brag about it. He has a huge ego.”

“I see.”

“Yeah,” 310 says, but he doesn’t look awkward about it. Just mildly inconvenienced. “Oh, have we really been talking for that long?”

Megumi looks at the time. They have less than 2 minutes.

310 stands up, swiping the dirt off his pants. He pats around for his marbles. “Okay, so you see that wall over there?”

Megumi nods mutely. It’s quite far, maybe around 2 meters.

“Okay, we throw one marble, and the one closest to the wall wins, okay?”

“Okay.” Megumi nods, easy enough.

“Okay, you go first.”

Megumi scowls.

“added rule, we do it together,” he says, jaw clenched.

“Eh?” 310 looks at him, confused.

“I’ve been doing things first, so it seems rather fair if we do it at the same time, with our best effort, okay? I have the blue marble, you get the red one.”

“... okay.”

“Don’t give me a weak ass toss, alright, that doesn’t count,” Megumi says gruffly, narrowing his eyes at him. “Do your best.”

310 nods, giving him a thumbs up. “Okay!”

“On three,” Megumi says.

“Okay!”

“Three.”

“Two,” 310 continues, positioning his arm.

“One,” Megumi does the same.

They both throw their marbles. Megumi’s heart leaps out of its chest as he watches his marble in the air.

Clack!

Clack!

Clack!

Megumi looks down on the marble that lands right next to his shoe.

It’s red.

“Ahh, shoot, I threw it too hard,” 310 says with a pout.

Megumi sees red.

He shoves 310 against the wall. “Are you fucking with me?”

“Whoa! No, you won f-fair and square, man,” 310 stutters. “I did my best shot, like you said!”

“Any idiot would know that shit would bounce right back if you threw it like that!”

310 laughs, “I must be some one of a kind idiot, then.”

Megumi shoves him further into the wall. “I’m gonna fucking kill you.”

“You can’t kill me if I’m gonna be dead anyways.”

“THEN I’LL KILL YOU IF YOU DIE.”

“See, that doesn’t really make sense—”

“Shut the fuck up! Why did you do that?!”

310 slumps against the wall, body lax. Not looking at him.

“Answer me!”

“You… you have a lot more to live for than me,” 310 says quietly. He looks up at Megumi, tears in his eyes, “what kind of asshole would I be to deny you for a life?”

“You have a life!” Megumi snaps.

“I don’t, not anymore,” 310 sobs, a wobbly smile on his face. “Before my grandfather died, he told me that I should help others. That when it was my time to go, I would die surrounded by others and not end up like him.

“I should use my strength to help others, that’s what I’ve been doing here. Out there, no one wants me to help them. No one wants the face of a killer to help them. No one wants me to be around them. I can’t go to places, I’ve… I’ve always hated what Sukuna did to me. Made me carry his sins, his crimes. The way people looked at me as if I was him. I can’t move forward, not like you.

“I… I never went to school either, y’know. Or I never graduated. When Sukuna became a wanted man, I became a target. I stayed in my room. The doors were locked. The curtains were always down. It was like this for years. I received no support. The only way I could get by was doing interviews with journalists, feeding the narrative. Making people hate Sukuna more, making them hate me more. That’s no way to live.”

Megumi felt the back of his eyes burn, his teeth aching from being clenched too tight.

“Even if...I had the money. I can’t erase what my brother did. I can’t erase my existence in the world. I would just keep doing the same thing everyday. I don’t… I don’t want a bigger house, not when it’s just me who lives there.”

“You and I are not so different,” he says, looking up at Megumi.. “I think that’s why… I want you to win. You get to experience all these normal things, and feel… happy. You have a chance.”

Megumi wipes his eyes harshly, “Shit.”

“That’s true.”

“... What’s your name?” Megumi asks.

“Itadori Yuji,” 310—no, Yuji says. “My name is Itadori Yuji.”

Megumi takes a shaky breath, he raises his hand for him. “Fushiguro Megumi.”

Yuji grins, he clasps his hand onto Megumi’s. “That means blessing, right?”

“I don’t fucking know.”

“I’m glad then, Megumi. That I’m friends with you even through this hell. That itself is a blessing in a disguise.”

“Shut up,” Megumi punches his shoulder.

A guard suddenly arrives, carrying a gun in his hand. Waiting.

Yuji looks behind Megumi’s head. “Ah, I wish we had more time.”

Megumi bites his lip. “I wish I’d… met you sooner. I don't know anything about you.”

Yuji jaw drops, “Okay, I’ll … summarize this in ten seconds! I’m twenty-years-old, my favorite color is green, my favorite manga is Bleach, my type is tall people with big butts! Uhh, I really like watching action films—”

“Not … whatever, nevermind,” Megumi says softly as he listens to Yuji ramble on about himself.

Yuji pauses from his ramble looking winded, “uhm, Fushiguro, can I hug you?”

Megumi freezes.

“I just haven’t had a hug in a long time—” Yuji trails off before he gets cut off with Fushiguro hugging him desperately, clinging to him.

“Idiot, idiot, idiot!”

“...Hey, Fushiguro Megumi, live a long life, okay?”

Megumi lets go.

He turns around.

Eyes burning as he stares unblinking down the path. Footsteps. Silence. Breathing. He feels something salty on his lips when he licks them. It's not sweat.

He... he got attached. He stares forward, he doesn't regret it. Not at all. He got to know Yuji Itadori, the real him, and the pain in his heart is the best he can give back. A reminder that he was more than what people saw him. Yuji Itadori didn't deserve what the world gave him, they did not deserve his cries. The fact that... no one would shed a tear for him.

...Ah.

Megumi notices the dark wet spots on the dirt.

“Thanks for playing with me.”

[bestworstcase]

I like your thoughts on how Rapunzel was handling things wrong in “Rapunzel: Day One.” The episode tries to imply that Cassandra is wrong for not sharing her feelings with Rapunzel, but is a Rapunzel really the person Cassandra should be opening up to? Rapunzel never respects Cassandra’s boundaries. Cassandra’s a private person. Rapunzel doesn’t respect that. And just because Cassandra doesn’t want to open up to everyone doesn’t mean that she’s bottling things up.

ok so this is gonna be a long one bc tbh i like. fundamentally disagree that RDO, the narrative of RDO, in any way positions cassandra as the one at fault for the emotional conflict between her and raps.

to digress a bit - while tts is not immune to Aesop Episodes (e.g. rapunzel's enemy or you're kidding me) wherein the characters close out the story by talking about What They've Learned, ultimately i don't think tts can or should be read as a morality play. it's a story where sometimes characters just... fuck up and the narrative doesn't waste its time on hand-holding or spoon-feeding us the moral.

anyway, i submit that RDO is what i'll call a False Aesop Episode. it follows the basic structure of an Aesop Episode (protagonist acts badly -> protagonist learns a lesson) but the lesson rapunzel learns is a bad one. it's like if you took... say, "an apple a day keeps the doctor away" as an aesop, the False Aesop here is rapunzel confidently eating a rotten apple and then being blindsided a few months later when the doctor who kept begging her not to eat food with maggots in it steals the moonstone from under her nose and runs off into the night with her new demon pal--

and that metaphor got away from me a little bit but you get the idea.

#1: constructing the conflict

the episode opens with cassandra. she's training; we see the sword fly out of her injured hand; lance suggests she take a break, and she answers, "thanks to rapunzel's little trick at the great tree, i have to relearn everything using this hand, so breaks aren't really an option."

she isn't harsh about it. her demeanor isn't all that different from her normal self—she even segues into a very typical concern (that the woods are dangerous and they should all be on their guard) and banters with lance a bit.

what this communicates, immediately and succinctly, is that:

1. cassandra's injury is severe. it's disabling. she's either in immense pain or she's lost all the strength in that hand or both.

2. cass is really upset about this, and not happy with rapunzel.

3. nevertheless cass is keeping her feelings more or less in check; the worst anyone could say about her is she's being a bit more curt than normal.

which is to say, she's acting quite reasonable. she's not taking out her hurt feelings on anyone else or being mean or lashing out, and she's not hiding her injury either. the most concerning thing about her behavior here is actually that she's focused on training so she can do her job instead of on healing or resting or taking care of herself.

then there's a pan over to rapunzel, who is angrily watching this play out while venting to pascal. "i get why cass is mad at me," she says. "she told me—" huge disdainful rolling of eyes here "—not to use the decay spell back and the tree, and i did, and she hurt her hand. but if she had just listened to me and stayed out of it, this all could have been avoided! and i feel like we could work things out, but she refuses to talk about it!!"

line this up against cassandra's behavior and spot the differences.

cass is focused on her injured hand. cass is upset because rapunzel accidentally mutilated her in the great tree. that's what this conflict is about for cass; her injury, and how she feels about being injured.

by contrast, rapunzel thinks the conflict is about them not listening to each other. she does acknowledge that cass was injured, but 1. she puts the blame on cass, and 2. has shoved the fact of the injury to the periphery of the conflict. it's not important, it's just a natural consequence of the real conflict, which is cass being mad and petty and refusing to talk to her about how she's unfairly blaming rapunzel for something that wasn't rapunzel's fault.

[i will add here that this behavior from rapunzel is 100% not knowing how to handle guilt and externalizing it as anger, and this thread of rapunzel burying her guilt gets picked up again in rapunzeltopia; it isn't that rapunzel doesn't care that cass is hurt, so much as she's just not emotionally equipped to process these feelings in a healthy way so it mutates into...this.]

and where cass handles her feelings in a pretty reasonable way, rapunzel rants and raves and draws cass as a literal monster with fangs and claws—she's stewing in her out of control emotions and concludes that she just has to find a way to force cass talk to her, which she does shortly thereafter by ordering—not asking—cass to come with her to search for parts to fix the caravan.

#2: the breakdown of communication

i've said it before but it bears repeating: cassandra might not be perfect, but she's a good communicator. in s1 and the front half of s2, she shares her feelings with rapunzel readily and frequently. when she tries to set boundaries with rapunzel, she's able to be clear and specific about what she needs. when she expresses frustration with eugene or her dad or rapunzel, she's very articulate about exactly what she's frustrated about. she can recognize when politer, softer refusals are being ignored and become blunter and more specific to ensure the message is getting across.

the moments when cass struggles to communicate are noteworthy because they're not normal. they signal that she's in acute crisis. think of how her unhinged rant about adira in RATGT heralded a complete emotional breakdown. she clams up in RDO because it's the only thing she can do to protect herself. because rapunzel is an inexperienced nineteen year old who learned all her social "skills" from a manipulative, egotistical abuser and nowhere in the series does that show more than in RDO.

rapunzel knows cass doesn't want to talk about the great tree, so she isolates cass from the rest of the group with the intention of forcing her to talk about it anyway. she's passive aggressive at first: chattering about inanities and trying to bait cass into 'opening up,' and acting vexed and guilt-trippy when she finds out cass brought owl along. she broaches the subject by going "too bad there's not an open-up-to-your-best-friend-about-the-thing-you-guys-are-fighting-about wand, huh?"

then she leads with "i know you're mad at me, but i did the right thing. i didn't have a choice," which... what can cass even say to that? she acknowledged cassandra's anger in one breath and followed up with "but you're wrong tho" in the next. that statement makes cassandra's feelings about her debilitating injury into an argument about Who Was Right.

this is a game that cass tries very hard not to play. "look, if you feel that way, then it's fine. we're good," she says, which is a statement that is not true at all on its face but - what it means is that if rapunzel wants to turn this into a debate about Who Was Right, cass will concede because that's not an argument she's invested in. cass does not want to put her feelings on trial so rapunzel can pick them apart and decide whether she deserves to have them or not.

so she disengages. the sun sets. they camp. rapunzel pokes her again, this time with a more direct approach: "cass, i need to talk about what we both know is going on between us."

and that's when cass throws up a WALL. prior to RDO, when cass is pressed on her feelings, she either: 1. opens up and explains to the extent that she's able (e.g. under raps or RATGT), or 2. flatly shuts the conversation down (e.g. cassandra vs eugene). but in RDO?

"there's nothing to talk about."

"i never said i was upset."

"what makes you so sure that you know how i'm feeling?"

this is cass falling off the end of her rope. this is a cass who spent the last year and a half with rapunzel running roughshod over every boundary cass exhausted herself trying to set. this is cass maybe a few weeks out from rapunzel screaming at her in front of all their mutual friends and then telling her "i am going to make decisions you don't agree with and i need you to be okay with that" when cass tried to open up about her deepest insecurities. this is cass spiraling into despair because she's seen that her best friend cares more about assuaging her own guilt and exerting her authority as a princess than she does about cassandra's feelings.

this is the moment when the friendship dies.

#3: the memory wipe, cassandra's apology, and the false aesop

the details of the tangled-but-cass shenanigans are not super important for the purposes of this discussion. suffice it to say that cassandra lashes out in the heat of the moment, seriously harms rapunzel by mistake, and spends the rest of the episode trying to repair the damage, then apologizes to rapunzel for hurting her. this is, obviously, the correct thing to do when you hurt someone, even if it was an accident.

you see the parallel here, yeah?

rapunzel hurt cass with magic by accident, and then made cass's hurt feelings all about her, blamed cass for the injury, twisted the facts to justify her own indignation, picked a fight about Who Was Right and invalidated cassandra's feelings, and pushed and pushed and pushed until cass blew up and lashed out at her.

cassandra also hurt rapunzel with magic by accident, and then she set aside her own hurt feelings from the argument they were having before to focus one hundred percent of her energy on brewing a cure and keeping amnesiac rapunzel safe, readily admitted her fault, and offered an earnest apology for losing her temper as soon as she could reasonably do so.

if RDO were a true Aesop Episode, this would be the lesson, and rapunzel would of course learn from cassandra's good example and reciprocate by apologizing for the accident in the great tree and her abysmal behavior afterwards—and in a reflection of how cass shared how bottling up her anger allowed it to erupt in a catastrophic way, rapunzel would probably confess that her demanding, selfish behavior came from a place of feeling awful about what happened and terrified that it would ruin their friendship.

but RDO is a False Aesop Episode. rapunzel isn't emotionally equipped to handle the intensity of her guilt, and she lacks the social insight and empathy to draw comparisons between what she did to cass and what cass did to her, so she can't connect the two situations in her head to understand what she's doing wrong. the true aesop flies right over her head, and instead what she learns is this:

1. she was right about cass being upset

2. backing cass into a corner fixed the problem

3. friends really do "just know"

4. being pushy and forceful was the right thing to do.

because the thing is, when cass apologizes for the accidental memory wipe, she truthfully explains why she acted the way she did—she's furious and she didn't want to talk about it, so she held it in as long as she could and then exploded when the pressure became too much—and for rapunzel, i think the explanation and the actual apology get conflated. meaning, cass says "i'm sorry for what i did out of anger" and what rapunzel hears is "i'm sorry for being angry."

and because of that misunderstanding, from rapunzel's perspective her own indignation has been validated and her behavior justified, because she was right all along and cass shouldn't have been angry with her in the first place and now everything is fine--

but it's not fine.

we're not supposed to share rapunzel's perspective here, because she's flat out wrong. nothing is really better and nothing has really changed, except that rapunzel got the talk she wanted and stops putting this intense pressure on cass. so as we enter the house of yesterday's tomorrow, rapunzel is taking it for granted that things are fine with cass, and meanwhile cass is still injured, still angry, still as aloof as she can be without getting rapunzel breathing down her neck again... and then she meets zhan tiri, who gives her everything she needed and couldn't get from rapunzel.

like, to my mind, this is the entire point of RDO, that rapunzel makes this catastrophic mess of trying to patch things up after RATGT and comes out of that mess wrongly thinking she succeeded. the episode is presented through the lens of rapunzel's perspective, but the lines are very wide and i absolutely think the intention is for the audience to read between them and understand the reality that rapunzel has sort of blinded herself to.

[butgilinsky]

honest man // tt

warning; language, underaged drinking, and mentions of smut if you squint real hard, a little angst, mostly fluff

summary; where you and topper are hiding from the world, even if one of you wishes you weren’t. based on the song honest man by ben platt

word count; 3.2k+

There's something about you in the moonlight But your eyes go so well with the day You won't let go of your layers But your power can strip me away

“why are you staring at me like that?” 

it wasn’t his fault. the way that the moon casted a blue light across the high points of your cheeks and shoulders had him realizing just how deep in it he was with you. he’d never seen a person glow the way you were glowing right now, and he would’ve given everything to stay like this, with you, forever. 

“you’re the most beautiful thing i’ve ever seen.” you didn’t think you were capable of smiling so wide. the ache in your cheeks was quickly over powered by the slight dizziness your mind brought upon by his confession. 

the two of you had only been together for a little less than a year, but he swore he’d spent ten lifetimes pining after you. sure, you both had been with people before you ultimately ended up together, but that felt like an entirely different lifetime. 

topper thought he had fallen in love before. he thought that he had experienced the greatest heartbreak when he’d caught sarah cheating on him. he thought that was the pinnacle of how it feels to get everything stripped away from him, but the sheer thought of losing you was ten times worse than what he had felt back then. 

“topper thornton, you’re quite the charmer.” 

this was his heaven. having his arm wrapped around your back, pulling you against his chest while your own arm hooked around his neck. having your bright smile directed up at him in a way that had his heart beating at a mile a minute. he swore he’d never felt anything as sweet as the feeling of your lips pressed against his lightly, just enough pressure to call it a kiss. 

he felt you smiling against his lips, though he didn’t mind as his own lips turned upwards at the feeling. he swore he would’ve traded everything in his life for you to kiss him like that for the rest of your lives. 

“i love you.” the words were soft and sweet, but it felt like they held the world within them. it was enough to make topper’s stomach flip, the thought of having the girl of his dreams let the words drip off of her tongue so easily felt like a dream to him. 

It's easier for us to hide If you come out, then so will I Promise that I'll meet you halfway 'Cause I see every part of you And I can tell you see me too By the way that you say my name

“do you ever get tired of hiding?” topper hated sneaking around the island with you. he wanted to go anywhere and everywhere with you. 

sure, it was exciting at first. doing things in secret, having you all to himself, it was a dream. he wouldn’t have done anything different, but he was growing tired of keeping you a secret. he was tired of being a secret. 

topper wanted everyone to know. he wanted to tell his friends that it didn’t matter that you lived on the wrong side of the island. he wanted to see your friends’ eyes bulge out of their sockets when he took your hand in public. he wanted to show up to the boneyard with you under his arm, and he wanted everyone to stare. 

“sometimes, i guess.” you shrugged simply, slipping one of topper’s long sleeves over your head before turning over your shoulder and crawling back up to him. 

he sat against his headboard, eyes locked on you while you moved up to sit beside him. his chest still bare from the moments prior to now, taking in the sight of his shirt hanging off of you as if it had been made specifically for you to wear. 

“so why are we?” his voice was soft, the fear stepping in with every word he let slip. he was scared of ruining things, scared he was pushing too far. 

“you know how that would end, top.” he sighed softly, figuring you’d say something of that sort. he knew where you stood on the issue, having far more to lose than he did. 

he knew rafe and kelce would get over it. they’d tease him for a bit, but accept you with open arms. he knew kelce liked you, despite the fact that you were a pogue, because he had said so once or twice. rafe didn’t care for you, solely due to your class ranking, but topper knew that out of all of the pogues, rafe would pick you for his best friend over the others. 

your friends, on the other hand, would not accept this deal with open arms and wide smiles. your friends would throw a fit, shocked by your betrayal of falling in love with a kook. you knew it shouldn’t have mattered, given kiara’s technical kook status, along with the fact that john b had been involved with sarah for over a year now. 

but it didn’t matter. if anything, having sarah in your group made it that much harder. sure, if john b loved a kook then so could you, but what happens when sarah and topper have to spend time together? topper wouldn’t care, because he hadn’t thought of sarah in that light since before the two of you had gotten together, but you weren’t sure the blonde bombshell felt the same way. 

“maybe it wouldn’t be as bad as you think, though. i mean, what if they don’t even care-” he stopped himself, seeing the deflated look on your face as he spoke. he didn’t want to push you, but he didn’t want to hide either. “we’re in it together, y’know?” 

you nodded, settling your cheek against his chest. you hear him let out a sigh through his nose, only making the thoughts in your mind race more than they had already been. 

I'm an honest man Why can't you take my hand I'm not what you planned But I'm a safe place to land I'm an honest man

you hadn’t expected to fall for topper. you were just trying to assure him that he didn’t deserve the hurt that sarah had dumped on him. nobody deserved that, kook or not. 

but it’s now, as you stand across the beach from the boy who had managed to steal your heart and sweep you off your feet, that you realize you’ve made a mess for yourself. 

all he wanted to do was hold your hand as you walked to the keg, swiping beers from jj, who was dishing them out for the night. he wanted to have his arm around you, as a silent tell to anybody with a pair of eyes that you were taken. you were off limits, and it killed him that nobody knew that. 

“earth to top.” rafe snapped his fingers in front of topper, shaking the boy from his thoughts and tearing his eyes away from the group across the beach. 

“what? sorry. what’s up?” he shook his head, trying to rid himself of the thoughts that were invading his mind for the past few weeks. 

“just go talk to her. something’s clearly bothering you, has been for weeks.” kelce shrugged his shoulders, raising his cup to his lips as he downed the rest of the golden liquid. 

“i don’t know what you’re talking about.” topper tried to wave them off, claiming that he had no knowledge of what their allegations were hinting at, but his friends weren’t stupid. 

they’d caught topper looking at you on more than one occasion. the fact that topper had a crush on you at the very least was anything but a secret to the two boys that spent way too much time with him to believe otherwise. rafe had also connected the dots one night when topper blew them off, again, for some mysterious set of plans he wouldn’t say much about. 

kelce and rafe knew. topper hadn’t told them, and there was room for error in their hypothesis, but they knew topper too well. they knew him better than he’d ever assumed, so a ten month relationship was harder for topper to hide than he’d originally thought. 

“topper, what do we care if you’re shacking up with a pogue? sarah left your ass for one, kelce and i have our fair share of our nights with pogues. who gives a shit, dude?” topper’s eyes snapped over to rafe’s for a moment, slightly shocked that he was anything less than an asshole about the whole situation. 

it took everything in him to stop himself from spilling the truth to his friends. they saw the way his knuckles turned white from gripping his cup tightly, his eyes locked on you, just yards away. 

you were dancing with pope, a reasonable distance that allowed topper’s mind to ease ever so slightly. but the way you smiled, the way your hips moved in a fluid motion, and your laugh filled the air, was enough for topper to want things to go as smoothly as you’d asked many times before. 

“i seriously don’t know what you’re talking about, rafe.” 

You're so afraid of tomorrow So you build your walls up today You won't believe that you're ready But I'd never lead you astray

“you’re never going to be ready if you don’t at least try, y/n!” you groaned again, balling your fingers into your palm to stop yourself from lashing out on the boy. 

“you just don’t get it, topper!” he could see the gears in your head turning, he knew your mind was racing but you were biting your tongue from saying what you were truly thinking. 

“what don’t i get, y/n? i love you! isn’t that enough? what else do i have to do to show you that i don’t give a shit about what your friends think?” you groaned loudly, feeling the lump in your throat slowly subside as the tears poked at your lash line. 

“i care what they think, top! i love you, topper, i really do, but i just- i can’t do it, top. not right now, at least.” he scoffed then, a sarcastic smile pulling at his lips before he ran a hand over his face in an attempt to wake himself up from this nightmare. 

“what’s the worse that could happen, y/n? they don’t like me? i already know they don’t! i get it, i have a past with them, but how’s it any different than john b being with sarah?”

“see! you don’t get it! this is the same shit you always spew when we talk about this.” 

“then help me get it, y/n!” his voice was back up, screaming across the room to reach your ears, though you would’ve been able to hear him all the same if he had spoken at a normal tone. 

“i can’t, topper!” 

“why not?”

“because you’re a fucking kook!” 

topper’s face dropped, his shoulders slumping as a sarcastic laugh dripped from his face. of course you’d go there. you always went there. it wasn’t anything he didn’t already know, it was pretty obvious that he was a kook and you were a pogue, but he didn’t need the constant reminder that the one thing he couldn’t change about himself was your least favorite thing. 

the thing that was holding you back from telling the world about your relationship. 

“and you won’t let me forget it.” topper grabbed his things, not even bothering to slip his shoes back on before he was walking out of your house, slamming the door behind him hard enough to make the windows on the same wall shake slightly. 

you let out a frustrated scream, one that he heard even out by his car. he paused in stride, having half a mind to turn back around and comfort you, suspecting that your cheeks were wet with frustrated tears while you chewed angrily on your bottom lip. 

but he didn’t. he just got back in his car and drove the distance from your house back to his on the opposite side of the island. 

I know I've played with hearts before Don't have the heart to play with yours I only swear to do the best I can 'Cause when you put your trust in me How beautiful our love could be If only you would take a chance

you’d heard the stories about topper long before you’d fallen for him. you’d spent too much time listening to random tourons, the repeats and the newbies, swoon over the boy who caught their attention quickly. 

after sarah spending more time with the pogues, it only got worse. you’d heart the mess of it all, practically having the notion of topper thornton being kook trash ingrained into your mind forever. 

you knew he’d done less than redeemable things. he’d done unforgivable things to your friends, and you’d never let him forget that. 

but your topper was nothing like the stories. he was gentle and kind, soft and sweet. he noticed the little things, and helped you when nobody else noticed you were in the mess of it all. he was there for you when nobody else was, and he provided a sense of comfort you’d never found in the pogues. 

topper, your topper, was the brightest light in your life. sure, you had walls built up, but he’d done everything in his power to break them down. he’d never hurt you, and you knew that. you knew he loved you with everything he had, and you returned the sentiment easily. 

you weren’t scared of how things would end between the two of you. you were afraid of the outside pressures. you were afraid of your friends’ disapproving glares and harsh words. you didn’t want the criticism that came along with dating topper, but you couldn’t pick and choose any longer. 

if you didn’t decide what you wanted sooner or later, you were going to lose topper, and the thought alone was enough to have you in tears for multiple nights afterwards. 

you had to choose between topper and your secret. there was no more hiding. 

I'm an honest man Why won't you hold my hand? I'm not what you planned I'm a safe place to land I'm an honest man See me as I am, show me that I can You make me an honest man

you knew he was on the golf course. it was friday, which meant a 12 pm tee time. you’d been with this man long enough to know his weekly routine, and golf was always written into the schedule. 

to say you were nervous had to be an understatement. your ripped jeans and crop top that you’d already worn once this week was a stark contrast from the rest of the people on the course, all dressed in recently dry cleaned polos and khakis, or tight tops and tennis skirts. 

you were walking around the course with no sense of direction, not having been on the course since the last time you helped pope deliver groceries, but that had been months ago. 

you didn’t know where the boys were teeing off from, since topper never told you that. there was no use of you knowing which hole the started and ended on, but it would’ve been useful information right about now. 

you swore the sky had opened up and handed you a gift on a silver platter when you caught sight of rafe’s tall stature on the green. he was laughing loudly at something that kelce had said, giving you enough of a hint to find him quickly. his eyes found yours, a smirk stretching across his face as you changed your path to walk directly over to the boys. 

“top, your girlfriend’s here.” rafe called out, stopping topper mid swing. 

he turned over his shoulder, muscles tense and face pulled together in confusion as you jogged across the course. he was confused, not having seen you in a few days at this point, along with never seeing you on the course in the entirety of your relationship. 

“what the hell are you doing here?” he wasn’t mad, that much was obvious enough, but he was surprised and confused. 

“i don’t want to hide anymore.” the words were falling from your lips before you could stop them, a sense of exhaustion hanging heavy in your mind as you begged him to connect the dots himself. 

“what? but i thought you said-”

“fuck what i said. i don’t care what anyone thinks anymore. i don’t care about anybody else’s opinion but yours, top. i love you and i don’t care who knows about it.” 

topper swore he’d never smiled so large. the realization sunk in quickly, resulting in his head filling with too many thoughts to decipher. to have you there, standing in front of him, telling him everything he’s wanted to hear for the past ten months, was more than he ever could’ve asked for. 

“you sure?” you laughed softly, eyes flicking over his shoulder to meet rafe and kelce’s gaze, who were both biting back gentle laughs. your nose scrunched softly, a sight that topper would’ve paid to see at any moment of the day. 

“it’s a little late for me to rethink all of it, don’t you think?” you lifted your chin in the direction of his friends, making topper look over his shoulder for a split second before rafe was waving his hand in front of him. 

“we’ve known for a while.” your eyebrows pulled together, confusion evident in your expression. “kind of hard not to pick up on it when he can’t keep his eyes off of you for longer than five minutes.” 

“alright, alright.” topper laughed gently while turning back to face you, trying to end the slightly embarrassing moment for him. “i’m serious though, are you sure? because i don’t care about-”

“i’m sure. i don’t want to hide anymore. if my friends don’t understand, then fuck them.” you shrugged gently, a wide smile spreading across your lips. “i love you, topper.”

“i love you too, baby.” 

“just kiss already, so you can take your shot and we can move to the next hole.” kelce called out, earning a soft snicker from rafe and an eye roll from both you and topper. 

topper broke out into an equally large smile, wrapping both of his hands, one gloved and one not, around your cheeks to bring your face close to his. your eyes shut before you felt his lips on yours, a sense of euphoria flooding through you on impact. 

you loved topper with everything you had, and he loved you all the same. the two of you might have been hidden form the world for the first part of your relationship, but you had a feeling that’s what made the two of you so strong. 

sure, the pogues might have had a problem with it at first, but if they were your friends they would get over it eventually. your happiness should’ve been a priority of theres.

it sure as hell was for you. 

I've said all I can I am who I am And I am an honest man

[itsthejuggernautbitch]

cut + burn, chapter 1

Pairing: Colossus/reader -  Playlist

Summary: Wade decides that sixteen years of mutual pining is long enough. He's appointed himself your new wingman, and he's the best in town (or so he likes to think). Or, how the compound effort of Wade Wilson and total romantic frustration gave way to getting exactly what you've been waiting for.

Chapter 1: Suzanne

Part 2

Author’s Note: This is part one of a 5-part series. I’d like to tell you that this is something other than the introduction to a ton of smut, but that’s exactly what this is. Chapter title is Suzanne by Leonard Cohen.

Taglist: @marvel-is-perfection  @emma-frxst  @this-that-and-every-thing-else  @ptite-shit  @lesbianyondu  @chromecutie  @ra-ra-rasputiin  @hazilyimagine  @lenavonschweetz  @nu-tt  @rovvboat  @i-write-fanfic-not-essays

-----   -----   -----

You stepped off of the X-Jet onto the manicured green lawn of the X-Mansion and breathed deeply, struck by sweet relief and a feeling of inner peace that only comes from stretching your legs after being squeezed into a cubicle for eighteen hours. The mansion was just far enough away from the city that the fumes and funk from the crowded streets didn’t quite reach the immaculate stonework. Even better, there was no smoke, no fumes, no filtered air from the X-Jet vents - just clean, cold October air that smelled faintly of cut grass and sunshine. For that, you were exceptionally grateful.

Mostly because you were tired of smelling everyone else’s stank on the cramped X-Jet, but, you know, small favors.

As you stepped off of the ramp and onto the impeccable grass, it finally hit you that today was your Retirement Day, all caps, fanfare trumpeting in the background. Sixteen years of jetting around the globe and cleaning up everyone else's shit had led to this final, glorious day. In your line of work, sixteen years without a full-on mental breakdown was a major win.

As reigning HBIC of Professor Xavier's cleanup crew, you’d seen a lot of messes over the years that would have left anyone feeling hollow inside - kind of like your guts had been scooped out and dumped on the ground. The scenes were always ugly. You were the one running off to go coordinate transports of rogue mutants to holding facilities or clean up the bodies left behind from a particularly ugly villainous rampage. Those were your everyday, small-scale chores. The large-scale mass tragedies were the catalyst that really forced your retirement.

Your duties weren’t limited to your obligations to the X-Men - you cleaned up behind everyone. You’d dealt with the fallout from everything the Avengers had ever touched: you'd disposed of the alien corpses after the battle in New York, scoured Sokovia for salvageable lives, cleaned up after Thanos. You'd cleaned up behind all of Dr. Doom’s rampages and Magneto’s tantrums. Everywhere you'd been sent was overrun by the kind of wreckage that left an everlasting mark on your brain. And these mass impacts had only been occurring more and more often lately.

The aftermath of your Last Hurrah as a trademarked Active Duty Hero was bittersweet. There would be a fun party that night with everyone who wasn’t on some covert mission in attendance. Your team had come home with you, and your friends were waiting. They'd make you a cake and pour you a beer and maybe, just maybe, coerce you out into the city for a night of fun. There would be streamers with “Happy Retirement!” written on them, obviously meant for someone much older than yourself. Everyone would congratulate you for sixteen years of impeccable conduct and efficacy.

And tomorrow you would wave your team off on their next task - a task they would complete without you. You’d already chosen your replacement, a new graduate with the power to microwave the air around whatever she targeted. The girl had only been part of your team for a year, but she had great leadership skills and showed real promise. You had confidence in her for sure, but confidence in her abilities wasn't enough to help you sleep at night.

You'd come to find out that passing the torch was much harder than you’d been led to believe. While you had no reason to be unsure of your choice, you had a major problem with relinquishing control. Seriously, it had taken sixteen years for you to decide that enough was enough and you were tired of cleaning up every nasty scene imaginable. You weren't the kind of person who just let shit go.

Nevertheless, you'd finished your last active mission and made it home safely, no worse for wear and no more traumatized than before you left. You'd have to figure out how to handle it on your own time.

The welcoming committee stood off to the side of the small airfield. There were friends and mentors crowding the field, Professor X and the like. Some people you were only acquainted with, like Wade and his buddies. And while you enjoyed seeing each and every one of them, you were only looking for one person in particular - and he wasn’t difficult to find.

Colossus stood head and shoulders above the crowd, the tallest of the tall. He'd taken time away from his duties that day to welcome you home. Not that you expected any less - you’d been friends since you arrived at the mansion twenty years ago. He’d already “retired” from active duty himself, nearly six years earlier than you, if you remembered correctly. Said he liked teaching more than beating the shit out of people. Since he was going to be the one teaching you how to be a teacher, you were going to see firsthand if that was actually true.

Your team disembarked from the jet in a steady wave of mutants. They were the weirdest of the weird - graduates whose powers weren't optimal choices for task teams or active combat but were still “active” abilities. At its heart, your team was a squadron of people who could decimate wreckage or do something weird enough to make disposing of ickiness a little easier. You, as the leader of this squadron of weirdos, must have had the weirdest skill-set of all.

Your former team (that would take some getting used to) mingled in with the group on the airfield, hugging and high-fiving, yelling greetings and (playfully) rude comments. You stopped to greet Professor X, but that was where the fanfare for you ended. You systematically squeezed past everyone separating you from Colossus and, upon reaching him, grabbed him in a tight hug, much to his embarrassment. (He wasn’t great with public displays of affection - never had been.)

Behind them, Wade howled like a hyena.

You stepped away from Colossus, staring sheepishly at the ground, at the same time he stepped away from you. He stared at his feet, which meant that he was still pretty much staring down at you since he was a good foot and a half taller than you. You’d meant to embarrass him on purpose, not really taking into account that your face would probably turn red, too.

Colossus gave you a short once-over, almost too quickly to notice. You smoothed out the creases in your suit, feeling quite self-conscious. You hadn't thought about how you must look returning from a mission before you'd stepped off the jet - probably disheveled, a little ruffled, like you needed a good week of sleep and a hot shower. He, on the other hand, was impeccably clean in his uniform, gleaming chrome in the late morning sun and rippling with muscle. You could have drooled just looking at the line of his forearms, but he was simply too shiny to get a good look at.

He straightened up and stood up a little taller, trying to maintain a look of composure. “Welcome home!”

You tried to mirror his composure and found it to be too troublesome. You were tired and there were too many people crowding around. Wouldn't this be so much better if it were just Colossus welcoming you home instead of this unending crowd of people?

You knew it sounded forced, but you said it anyway. “I’m glad to be home for good this time!”

Colossus raised a glinting silver eyebrow. “Are you really?”

Sometimes he knew you a little too well. You couldn't truthfully tell him that you were ready to come home - just that it was time to come home. Really home - not living in a constant state of perpetually ready to leave at a moment’s notice, not waking up with the sounds of explosions or falling wreckage, not squished into a tiny box on the X-Jet or sleeping on a cot in a safehouse somewhere. You knew where your three square meals were coming from, where you would be sleeping at night when you had to wake up in the morning. You had weekends off now. Getting used to it was just going to take time.

Colossus sensed your apprehension but didn’t comment, though you could practically hear him thinking we'll talk about this later. You forced a grin. “It’s time to come home.”

“If you’re sure…” he replied, still incredulous. Yeah, he was going to make you talk about your feelings.

“I’m sure.”

He was obviously unsatisfied with your answer. “In any case, I’m glad you’re home."

Desperate to talk about anything else other than being home, you changed the subject. "Are we still meeting later?"

He'd mentioned in a mission brief that he wanted to meet to talk about your first day of teacher training. You suspected that it was more so a cover-up for his responsible adult questions about your mental health so that he could assess you before your retirement party. You appreciated that Colossus cared and made you talk about things, of course, but it didn’t change the fact that feelings were hard to talk about. Especially with him - it always seemed to be harder to show vulnerability with someone who truly cared.

He brightened. "Yes! After you settle in, of course."

"How about you come to get me after I take a nap?" you laughed. "You haven't given my room away, have you?"

"Your room is exactly as you left it," Colossus replied, just a little quieter than usual. He shifted and seemed just on the verge of saying something else, but instead, he said, "I'm sure you would rather get to bed than stay out here. Come!"

Colossus ushered you towards the mansion where everyone seemed to finally be meandering. You knew you couldn’t leave to go to your room just yet - still too many people to greet. You'd do absolutely anything to get in the shower and take a nap. Your shower sang a promise of warmth, and your bed called to you louder than any siren song, the promise of rest and safety like a hymn drifting down from your third-floor room. Maybe you could just fuck off and no one would notice...

As you stepped past the threshold of the mansion, you felt Colossus' hand on your shoulder. He leaned down close to your ear, and you fought back a shiver.

"Go. I will make an excuse for you," he said, nudging you gently towards the stairs.

You clapped your hands over your heart. "My hero."

You would swear on your life that he smiled his soft smile at that, but you'd already leapt onto the first stair and run out of sight.

Colossus was right - your room was exactly as you left it. Pillows arranged in a simple pattern at the head of the bed, navy blue comforter clean and unwrinkled. A desk was shoved into one corner, old and creaky but well-loved. An equally ancient dresser situated up against the wall, the dark wood cracking and hardware knobs oxidizing. You'd left a spare uniform on a chair next to the dresser and a stack of blankets neatly folded at the foot of your bed. Your bathroom door was wide-open, calling to you like a prayer.

You stripped down and turned on the water to let it heat up. You showered longer than you ever had, letting the scalding water beat down on your head and rinse shampoo suds out of your hair. When you were acceptably clean and shriveled up like a prune, you finally got out. The water had started to run cold anyway. You wrapped up in a towel, laid down on your bed, and before you knew it, you were out cold.

-----  -----  -----

You awoke an hour later to a knock at your door. Your hair was still wrapped up in a towel as you searched for a bathrobe (you could have sworn you left that on the chair instead of your uniform). You could pretty much guess who was at the door, so the desire to stay mostly undressed was pretty intense. Nevertheless, you covered up so that you could at least appear to be a presentable excuse for a human being.

You opened the door to find - who else - Colossus. He made a pointed effort not to stare down at you in your robe and wet hair. Not that you minded if he did. You'd have answered the door naked if you weren't afraid he'd run away.

"Sorry - just woke up."

He shifted, looking a mite uncomfortable. “I will be down in the kitchen whenever you are ready.”

You nodded, inching the door closed. “I’ll get dressed and be right down.”

Colossus started making his way down the hall. He called back over his shoulder, “I will make tea.”

“Coffee for me, please!” you called after his retreating back. You peeked out after him and watched him walk away. Man, his ass looked great in those pants.

“It will be decaf!”

“I want real coffee, Piotr!”

He might have replied to you, but you'd closed the door already. You grabbed the closest clean pair of pants and shirt that you could find. The clothes you grabbed may have been workout clothes, but after weeks and weeks of wearing your uniform, anything else was better than your uniform. And you’d make an attempt to look nice for the party tonight since everyone would be there - one person in particular, of course.

Speaking of that particular person, you scurried out of your room to join him down in the kitchen, locking your door behind you.

As you walked through the halls, you passed by the residents of the mansion milling around the dorm halls. Some you knew, but most were foreign to you. Your friends were either off on missions or had left the mansion a long time ago. Some were dead, memorialized on the walls. The few who had chosen to stay at the mansion were teachers now or stationed at a base far, far away.

The kitchen was on the first floor, just off to the side of the main hall. It had been remodeled, you remarked offhandedly as you sat down at the table. Colossus hunched over the new stove, fussing over the teakettle and a pair of mugs. The coffee pot next to him hummed and dripped black gold into the pot. Next to the coffee pot, the bag of coffee (not decaf!) was still open.

Colossus grabbed the mugs and sat down in front of you; his chair squeaked in despair but held steady. He passed your mug off to you. “I found some regular coffee you left last time you were home.”

“And here I remember you scolding me for drinking coffee so late in the afternoon,” you teased. You took a healthy sip from the scalding mug - thankfully, hot temperatures didn’t bother you (thanks, mutation). "Why the sudden change of heart?"

“I suspect that the party tonight will last much longer than anticipated,” Colossus replied, smirking. He blew on his mug of tea and took a ginger sip, grimacing. Unlike you, scalding temperatures sucked for him. “Your team makes a habit of partying until dawn.”

“Hey, we clean up dead bodies,” you said. You’d downed almost half the mug already and decided it was probably better to sip for the rest of the meeting. “Work hard, play hard.”

"They learned it from you," Colossus hummed. He sat his mug down. As suspected, he had an ~adult conversation~ planned. “You do not seem excited to be home.”

“Oh, no, I’m happy to be home,” you insisted. Your fingernails were suddenly more interesting than anything else in the room, particularly the man looking at you like a stray puppy. “It’s just hard to let go.”

“Adjusting to a less stressful situation is not easy, but you will have teaching to occupy your time and that’s certainly stressful,” Colossus agreed. His hand twitched as if he meant to stop you from peeling off your cuticles until your fingers bled, but he kept his hands on his tea mug. “And you have me - I have been through this already. Everyone in the mansion is your family, and we are all here for you.”

“I’ll adjust,” you replied shortly.

“And you know if you need to talk about it…”

“You know you’re the first person I’ll run to,” you said softly, cutting him off. You sat up straighter in your chair and took another sip of coffee. “Enough with the counseling session, today is supposed to be a happy day! Let’s talk about teaching!”

Colossus eyed you thoughtfully but conceded. “We will go over the lesson plans in detail later. You will start by teaching the middle-grades age group beginning next week. I want you to teach the little ones, but they are a bit rowdy and I don’t want to scare you away from teaching on your first day.”

“I can handle whatever you throw at me.”

“You will also be assigned a trainee,” Colossus continued. “I have not finalized who will be assigned to you, but I have a solid idea.”

“Anyone I know?”

"I do not think so," he hummed. “She arrived while you were gone last time. She has similar abilities and a similar temperament. It is likely she will be assigned to cleanup upon graduation.”

“So, I’ll be training my replacement?” you asked, eyebrows raised.

Colossus looked away, sheepish. “It was not intentional, but yes.”

“I’ll take your word for it.”

You pushed your mug away after draining the last bit of coffee. Colossus always kept a bag for you in the pantry, but you were pretty sure he didn’t know you knew. You knew you hadn’t left a bag of your regular brew behind - a bag of coffee grounds was one of the first things that went into your luggage. Hell, you’d started bringing your own coffee pot onto the X-Jet because your team would throw hands over the coffee pot. 

“I will come and check on you periodically,” Colossus said. “But I expect that you will be fine. Do you have any questions?”

You’d have questions when you actually started teaching, but you didn’t at that moment. Really, you just wanted to sit at the table and talk to him. Not about your feelings or teaching - just talking.

“No questions,” you replied. “Not about teaching, at least. You are coming to the party tonight, right?”

“I would not miss it!” Colossus said. He sat back in his chair and crossed his arms, grinning proudly. “I made the cake. And helped decorate.”

You laughed. “Of course, you did.”

“I am glad that you are home,” Colossus said simply, “and I wanted to be the one to welcome you back. Also, the cake is chocolate.”

“It’s not that protein cake stuff you made last time I was home, is it?”

“No," he smirked. "We will have plenty of time for protein cake after training tomorrow.”

You paled. “You’re not leading the workout, are you?”

Colossus could never be described as sinister. Intimidating, maybe. Scary, sometimes. But never sinister. Yet, his answering grin toed that line. “What better way to welcome you back than by leading your first workout?”

You could think of several ways to welcome you back that were better than suffering through one of Colossus’ workouts, naming locking him in your bedroom with you. You guessed that he was probably on the same page, but he wasn’t going to say it.

As long as you’d been friends, you’d been back and forth with the unspoken thing - that stupid mutual attraction that neither of you addressed because your respective lifestyles were explosive and hectic. Once Colossus had retired from missions, the unspoken thing had gotten more intense - a pining for you that you could sense without him saying it. It had gotten worse for you, too. It’s just that you weren’t ready to come home - until the day that you decided it was finally time.

Basically, last week. Damn your stubbornness.

“You’re going to run me into the ground before my first day,” you whined, though it was half-hearted.

“Tough workout is good for you!”

“Right, okay,” you replied. You stood up, grabbed both empty mugs, and marched to the sink. “I’m gonna go get ready for this wild party.”

"Leave the dishes. I'll get them."

"Too late - I beat you to it."

-----   -----   -----

You'd never seen your name written this many times. Everything had your name scrawled on it. The streamers hanging from the ceiling, resplendent black and gold, all spelled out your name and “Happy Retirement!” Your cake spelled out your name in Colossus’ careful block lettering. Even the wrapping paper on the handful of gifts in the center of the table spelled out your name (how the hell did they find that?). You really weren’t thrilled about the “retirement” part, but you could deal with it for the rest of the night.

You were greeted by a round of screaming and applause as soon as you walked down the stairs, started by none other than your own rowdy team. They'd already been drinking and had probably started as soon as the jet landed. The younger X-Men joined in, mostly just looking for a reason to cut loose and cheer. Your older friends joined in, much more subdued than the rest, but much more sincere with their claps on the back and gently pointed age jokes. Colossus’ team, headed up by the Man of Steel himself, presented you with a giant slice of cake and an even larger can of beer.

You knew your face must have been red from all the attention, but as soon as you dug into the cake and chugged half your beer, the embarrassment started to fade. The attention was awkward, but this was your party for your retirement, and damn it if you weren’t about to have a good time. You’d always enjoyed a good party, and that night was as good as any to get splendidly plastered with your team after a job well done.

You were two sheets to the wind in when Wade Wilson handed you your third can of beer. He, like most of the people in attendance, had elected to wear his uniform (you had chosen not to - you had to retire your current suit anyhow). He was wet from where he’d spilled beer all over the fake leather.

“I say we do shots after Shiny Jesus goes to bed for the night,” Wade cheered, offering his drink in a toast.

“Sounds like a plan to me!” You tapped his can in toast and took a long drink. “You’d never believe it, but he can out-drink everyone here. Shots go down for him like water.”

“You’re shitting me!”

You shook your head. Bad idea. The world spun topsy-turvy and took its sweet time before it righted itself. “Nope. I convinced Logan to smuggle me a bottle of straight vodka for my eighteenth birthday. Couple hours in, Kitty and I were puking in the corner - man, I got sick that night - and Piotr was still taking shots with frickin’ Wolverine like it was nothing.”

“That Colossus? Giant metal boy scout?” Wade stared, slack-jawed, over at Colossus, who was picking at the greens on his plate (not a single dessert in sight). “What happened? And what do I have to do to get him to cut loose like that?”

You shrugged. “If you figure it out, lemme know. I think that was the last time I’ve ever seen him do that - not that either of us has really been home long enough at the same time to party like that. He’s always been so responsible. I mean, I’m responsible too, but he’s just cut from a different cloth.”

Which was true. You had your irresponsible moments, but for the most part, you had your shit together. You couldn’t remember a time when Colossus had been anything less than poised and organized.

Wade leaned against the wall next to you. He had to be at least a full case in already. “So, uh, does he know?”

“I assume you’re talking about my feelings," you snorted. "Can’t imagine why people keep talking to me about that - it’s not like I’m an emotional disaster right now or anything. Yeah, he knows. He’s always known. It’s mutual.”

Wade paused. “And why are you not,” he gesticulated wildly, like he was working through some weird, cosmic math problem, “a thing? Like, why are you down here at this party instead of getting the Metal D?”

“Kind of hard to be a thing when you’re never home at the same time,” you replied, glancing over to where Colossus had set up camp. He was currently entertaining Professor X and a younger X-Man that you didn’t know, still stabbing at the salad on his plate. “Or only home for a couple of days at a time.”

“You know what you should do?” Wade asked, a sparkle in his eye. He chugged the last of his beer, crushed the can against his head, and tossed the garbage off into the corner.

“I have a feeling I know where this is going…”

“Sneak away, take the Tin Man upstairs, and get a real homecoming,” Wade said like it was some fantastic revelation or a particularly scandalous secret. “And if you get loud, we’ll all pretend tomorrow that it was the guy with the pigeon wings.”

You laughed. “I’m not opposed to the idea, but I’m pretty sure he’s not gonna go for that.”

“You won’t know unless you try!”

“Except I do know,” you replied, idly watching the way Colossus' muscles bulged every time he flexed his arms. “I think he thinks I’m going to run off on a mission and be gone by morning. It’s going to require finesse to show him that I’m home for good.”

“In that case,” Wade pushed off from the wall and draped his arm around your shoulders. He reeked of cheap cologne and trashy beer. “I hereby offer my services as your wingman, and hearing no objections, appoint myself to the position.”

Wade stuck out his hand for you to shake.

You peered down at his leather-bound hand. Wade was still something of an anomaly to you, but he seemed invested. Goofy and mildly annoying as he was, he obviously meant well. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to have a little help…

You took his hand and shook. “It’s a deal.”

[readbythestarlight]

c2e91

Fingers crossed for more Essek tonight

Did Matt get a haircut?

Oh lord Sam xD

"Cryptonic Override" lol hi Laura

Lol Laura xD

She’s such a good friend

"0010011 which is binary for YES" is it tho I wanna know

[[MORE]]

I love how the ads have become an arc xD

I’m pretty sure the gauntlets are forfeit already based on the time limit they gave her, but I hope Matt just ignores that

Also TravelerCon keeps getting further and further away I swear lol

Hott boi! OMG HE WANTS TO COME OVER FOR DINNER

IM GONNA CRY

A BABY BOI

he came for dinner to hang out with them and he brought a gift I’m crying

Whispers

OH MY GOD he stopped floating

He’s like!! Relaxing around them!!

Guys I’m so stupidly happy.

He’s opening up just a little bit

Not only is he a prodigy but his mom is the head of his Den?

"I’m not imposing, am I?" Oh honey never

They’re making him so at home guys I’m so emotional

I live for all this domesticity

Cad’s cooking, Essek is chilling casually with them. I’m so happy.

Oooo that’s an interesting take. Essek is consecuted but he doesn’t really buy into all the religion aspect, feels like it distracts from good things that could be done

Oh my god Laura just connected a dot from AGES ago

E: "I can see a similar spark in you, Caleb. I want to unlock these mysteries.... To pursue beyond the limits of what you’re told is capable. To seek the impossible. To do what every archangel before us has failed to do."

Like not to get too shippy on main but Caleb and Essek could be SUCH a wizard power couple

Beau I understand what you’re getting at and you’re right but let the wizard boys geek out about endless magic possibilities

Ohhhh no now he’s talking about things that would definitely interest Caleb

...Okay I can see now though how he and Caleb could not be good for each other, if neither is likely to restrain the other. If they’re both just the sort to delve headlong and get lost in it (even though Essek said they’d go slow) it wouldn’t be healthy.

Whispers!

Essek’s like where is this happy fun ball where is it

He’s a lonely boy who just wants to be friends!

He needs hugs tho and to be slightly less aloof still but it’s fine he can work on it

Y: "do you ever get lonely? In your solitude?"

E: "I didn’t think so, until recently. How about you?"

Y: "Yes, I think so... to be honest, I... didn’t feel lonely in my solitude until I became friends with them."

My HEART

Also Beau likes him which means the whispers were good

Fjord talking about how his goals are now to keep the group safe I’m EMOTIONAL

There’s a lot of sweet things being said I’m crying

I’m so torn about the Traveler because on the one hand for Jester’s sake I do not want him to be malicious (he was her only friend for such a long time, and who would she be without him in her own eyes), but also story wise it would be so fascinating.

J: "trying to find... you know... where I fit in...." oh honey

Jesus Essek you’re dropping the HEAVY lore oh my god

He got his dad killed??

"Doesn’t bother me necessarily, he wasn’t a great man. He had... little aspirations." Hmm... see okay that’s a side I don’t like and a side I don’t think would be good to have around Caleb.

Like doesn’t that sound a bit similar to the Trent/Astrid/etc way of thinking? What’s a life in the face of aspirations? What’s a life when that life doesn’t value what *I* value?

That’s something I hope we get to see Essek grow out of, but for the time being I’m gonna have to admit that suddenly I’m not vibing with Essek/Caleb as much. It doesn’t seem healthy just now.

Here’s another question: is Yasha consecuted

Is there a chance her WIFE could be consecuted?

I get what he’s saying and why he’s advising it, but it would backfire so hard if the Bright Queen ever found out

Ohhh that’s an interesting take. They want to "stop" the war so the war stops prying into what they’re doing

Oh man I forgot about the potion I’m glad they have it.

Oh my god he’s gonna dip in the hot tub xD

Getting some Cad lore and more found family feels

"Supported then as they’ve blossomed into heroes" babyyyyy

"These are good people, despite themselves." That’s the ultimate description of the M9

Beau cutting in is good because Caleb/Essek is now a potentially dangerous thing but I still crave that Caleb/Essek interaction

"It is one of many things that are fascinating about him." Goddd Liam

They’re trying to give Jester pointers for recruiting to her cult

And it’s actually kinda working xD

"Jeff is sold" that’s so sweet Fjord

And then she mentioned the volcano and it’s done xD

Talking about Cad’s stuff now

As much as I love the overall arc I’m ready to get back to character’s personal arcs too

Oh my GOD

"When you’re at an orphanage they give you a shit last name. Mine was Stone."

HOOOOOLY SHIT IT’S DESTINY

Oh my god if this is a coincidence it’s an AMAZING one

Caleb taking some time to encourage Jester

C: "I’m the transmutation wizard but... you’re the one who changes people. I see it every day."

J: "Really?"

C: "Ja. You’re a good friend; and you move people. I don’t know if you see that, but you do. Every day."

Oh Jester, honey... it’s not your fault, sweet pea.

Caleb offering to use major image to "decorate" to cheer her up

God they’re such the best

I’m cryyyyying god remember when they used to snip and snap at each other and now Caleb’s being so soft and sweet with her

TT: "You were my first, and you will always be my favorite." See that seriously lends to my personal favorite theory that he just didn’t exist until Jester imagined him into being and then he became a god because she believed so hard

Awww Yasha ans Cad sleepover because she doesn’t sleep well alone right now oh honey

Cad taking care of them all has just been my favorite. I can’t wait for them to get to/have to take care of them.

Yasha: slightly more buff

Beau: is aroused

It’s so cute that she was so determined to pay for them herself, didn’t want anyone to feel obligated to help her, and everyone was like NOPE

Also I’m so glad that Matt just let her have them and ignore the original time limit

So the first two hours were chilling with Essek, hour three was shopping, hour four will just be trying to decide where to go next

I’m imagining Essek just like sitting there at the table with all this breakfast food wondering when they’re going to show up and wondering if they just forgot or if he scared them away last night and they don’t really want to have breakfast with him, and when he gets Jester’s message he just jumps up and then has to try and play it cool

I love how he stopped floating as soon as someone mentioned it

Are they trying to

They are trying to teach him how to swagger now xD

He’s like please just eat the cheese and stuff I laid out

Caleb geeking out over Essek’s magic tower god they need to stop being cute

Oh my god we could get Veth fully back TONIGHT

Fuck I wish I hadn’t decided Essek/Caleb was probably not a good idea because I am LIVING for the shippiness right now

Like the whole exchange of “we should work together more” like GOD

Okay okay okay slow burn slow burn is fine they’ll have time to work out their issues and learn to reign each other in and it’ll be okay I can live with that and still slow burn ship it

But anyway this is about Nott

I’m... gonna. Miss Nott a lot of she leaves.

Oh fuck oh god it’s happening

Oh god oh god

Caleb is gonna miss her

I mean they all are but if she leaves Caleb will miss her the most. They started this together.

This can’t possibly be the end I can’t tolerate the idea of saying goodbye man

Sam why do you do this

Fjord coming in to say he understands the fear of making the choice to change

Oh god oh god oh god

It’s fine for Sam to crush us all huh

I’m crying guys this whole thing

What

Oh no oh god

What’s going on????

WHAT THE FUCK

WHAT THE FUUUUUUCK MATTHEW

oh god she’s cursed??

Matthew MERCER

HOLY SHIT

what the FUCK

The episode was a ROLLER COASTER

What if she’s just cursed?! What if she didn’t actually die??

On the one hand I’m glad Nott won’t be leaving but FUCK what a plot twist

Goddamn that was good

[lopithecusfanfiction]

When I Count My Blessings, I Count You Twice

Author: Lopithecus Pairing: Clark Kent/Bruce Wayne Rating: Teen+ Word Count: 5540 Alternate: AO3, fanfiction.net Summary: Clark goes to the Manor to visit Bruce. Set just after Batman Beyond. Warnings: Major Character Death Author's Note: This is for the SuperBat Secret Santa and is for @boxymilk!

There seems to be some confusion on how many years pass between the end of Btas/JLU aka “now” and Batman Beyond. Some say 40 years, others say 50 years. I’ve decided to go with 45 years and then tack on 5 more years for this fic. That means this fic takes place 5 years after Batman Beyond.

Boxymilk, I hope you enjoy this! I’m sorry it’s so sad!! Hopefully the second story for your gift makes up for my cruelness. XD

Enjoy and happy holidays!! Prompt: Batman Beyond

Ages:

Bruce: 87

Clark: 86

Dick: 71

Jason: 69

Tim: 67

Damian: 60

Terry: 22

Clark is in the Fortress of Solitude when he gets the call. It's from Terry, the kid sounding distant and in shock. Clark doesn't have to ask Terry why it's so important that he get to the Manor. Clark already knows, a gut feeling that he has as Terry says the words. Clark is careful not to react, to just stand there listening to the modern-day Batman without giving away the fact that his heart is constricting in his chest. Instead he tells the young man that he will be there shortly, then hangs up.

Clark doesn't feel right as he flies towards the Manor, the house that holds so many memories, good and bad. He's made some good memories in the house himself, with Bruce's children and Bruce himself. Some of those memories he cherishes greatly, never wanting to forget them. Some memories are only for Bruce and Clark’s minds, never to be told to another living soul. Some memories Bruce and Clark will die with.

As he gets closer to the house, Clark slows his flying. Despite his decelerated aging, Clark’s powers still represent his age. He's gotten weaker with age, not as fast, doesn't have as much energy. His physicality has been changing imperceptibly, humans not having noticed. But Clark does notice and so does Diana and J’onn. Being in his eighties has not been good for Clark, at least in a Kryptonian who is exposed to yellow sun radiation perspective. He's been feeling his age as of late and dreads to see how he feels when he reaches two hundred years old.

Clark hasn't told Bruce about the effects aging has had on him. He doesn't see the point in burdening Bruce with such knowledge. Not when Bruce himself has been feeling older and older as the years pass. It didn't seem fair or courteous to complain about his own aging woes. After all, what Clark felt, Bruce felt a hundred times stronger.

But none of that matters now. It doesn't matter because Clark is landing in front of the back door that leads into the kitchen where the whole family is gathered, dreading going inside. He enters anyway. Clark has to be strong right now. He can't break down when the family needs him.

As soon as Clark enters the Manor, he is greeted by arguing between Damian and Terry. He's not surprised to see this happening. Damian didn't like Terry the moment the Wayne heir met the kid. Damian has always been mad that Bruce had given the Batman title to Terry and often times takes it out on Terry. Terry, on the other hand, didn't have a problem with Damian until Damian started picking fights with him. It had always bothered Bruce that they would fight over such a stupid thing.

“Well maybe,” Damian begins. “If you hadn't of become The Batman in the first place, Father wouldn't have been so stressed and he wouldn't be in the condition he is in now.”

“Come on, Dami,” Dick says, voice raspy with age. “You know that isn't true.”

Both Damian and Terry ignore Dick, Terry continuing on with the argument with Damian. “Without me being here, Bruce would have died long before now.”

“Tt, right,” Damian snarls but the wrinkles around his mouth make it look less intimidating than it did when Damian took over the Batman role. “Because you being so sloppy didn't give him daily aneurysms.”

“Sloppy!” Terry’s hand clenches into a fist.

A long and tired sigh escapes Tim’s old lungs. “Guys, can you stop arguing? This really isn't the time.”

“Tt.” Damian crosses his arms and turns away from the youngest member of the group. Terry glares at Damian’s back.

“You're sixty years old but I'm glad to see you haven't grown out of your childish stage, Demon Spawn,” Jason’s thick and scratchy voice says quietly from the older man’s corner.

“Shut the hell up, Todd.” Damian narrows his eyes. “Don’t you think I've outgrown that nickname?”

“Apparently not,” Tim mutters and Damian growls at him.

“I might be old, but I can still kick your ass, Drake,” Damian snarls.

Tim stands up straighter, his bones cracking and popping. “Try me.”

Dick steps in between the two, hands out to both sides to stop the two men. “Okay, enough. This isn't the time, just like you said Timmy.”

Clark has seen and heard enough so he finally clears his throat, not having been noticed yet. He realizes in that moment just how invisible he's become with age. Not that he is complaining. After so many years of being in the spotlight, it's nice to not be noticed for once.

All eyes turn to him, a mixture of shock and relief flooding old and young eyes. Terry is the first to speak, being the one with the fastest reflexes. “Superman, you made it.”

Clark steps into the room more. “Of course.” He looks around the room. “Where is he?”

Terry looks around at the others but no one offers up an answer. No one even meets Clark’s eyes. Clark recognizes the looks that each of the boys have, the demeanor of not wanting to acknowledge what is going on. Terry frowns and gestures for Clark to follow. Clark does silently, the weight in his chest getting heavier as he walks the halls and rooms he's become so familiar with. So many things he could reminisce about.

Terry sighs gloomily beside him. “All of those guys have already gone and seen him.”

Clark nods, swallowing thickly. “And you?”

The twenty-two year old shrugs. “Yeah.”

Clark eyes the kid. “Are you okay?”

Again, Terry shrugs. “I don't know why, but I thought I would be older when it happened.” Clark turns straight ahead once more, his throat closing up. “I have so much more I can learn from him.”

Clark swallows several times, trying to rid the lump in his throat. “You'll be able to learn from the League.”

Terry is eyeing him now. “Are you okay?”

They stop in front of Bruce’s bedroom. The door is shut and Clark hates to find out what awaits him on the other side. He gives the young man a soft smile. It doesn't reach his eyes. “Let me get back to you on that.”

Terry nods and turns to leave. Before the kid disappears, Terry shifts to face him. “I'm sorry.” The young man then walks away, hands in pant pockets.

Clark watches the kid go until he can no longer see Terry’s back. Turning back to the door, Clark takes a deep breath and opens it, walking in hesitantly. What greets him takes his breath away and Clark has to force down the tears, blinking them away before they can fall. He doesn't want to cry yet, for Bruce’s sake. If Clark does, it'll upset Bruce and then Bruce will tease him to cover up how the man is feeling.

Clark walks into the room and shuts the door behind him. Bruce lies there on his bed, oxygen mask covering his mouth and nose. There is a chair situated next to the bed, where Clark assumes the kids had sat earlier. The blinds are drawn closed and the light is off in the room except for the soft glow of a night light next to the bed. If Clark hadn’t of known what was happening, it would almost seem peaceful.

A cough comes from the bed and Bruce’s head slowly turns to peer at Clark. The older man is glaring at him. “You going to just stand there or are you going to come over here?”

Clark is by his side in an instant, helping Bruce to sit up. The man groans and flinches at the pain moving causes but otherwise doesn't complain. When Bruce is sat up and has pulled down the oxygen mask, Clark sits down in the chair. “How are you?” he asks.

Bruce is still glaring. “No better than I was ten years ago.” Clark gives Bruce a small smile for the man’s effort at a joke. Bruce rolls his eyes then falls into a coughing fit. Clark grabs the water that has been placed on the side table and holds it out to Bruce. Bruce waves it away and so Clark sets it back down. When the coughing stops, Bruce sighs tiredly. “Stop looking so concerned.”

“I'm not,” Clark replies and it earns him Bruce rolling his eyes. “Seriously, Bruce, how are you feeling? Can I get you anything?”

“No,” is Bruce's sharp reply. Then those icy blue eyes are on Clark. “Actually yes. You can help me onto the balcony.”

Alarmed, Clark asks, “Are you sure that's wise?”

“When do I ever do anything that isn't completely thought out and planned? I'll be fine.”

“But-”

“I'm dying, Clark, not incompetent,” Bruce interrupts. Clark frowns and it earns him another eye roll. “Stop looking so sad. We all knew this was coming. Do you think I couldn't tell when you were listening to my heart weakening these past couple weeks?” Bruce throws the covers off himself and swings his legs off the side of the bed. “I'm still Batman.”

“I think Terry would disagree,” Clark says, attempting to joke.

“Terry is a child and is stupid.” Bruce strains as he tries to stand and Clark is up and out of the chair immediately, grabbing a hold of Bruce’s arm and hauling him up. He steadies the man with one arm around Bruce’s slim waist and they both slowly make their way to the balcony. Once there, Bruce settles, leaning on the railing.

Clark watches him carefully. “You don’t mean that.” Bruce grimaces, not having a retort because Clark is right. Bruce knows it. Terry might not be Tim level of genius but the kid isn’t stupid by any means.

“He’s unskilled,” Bruce finally rasps, coughing again. When the man settles, Bruce peers out into the garden. Clark wonders what it must look like to Bruce. In the dark, Clark can see the overgrown hedges and dying flowers perfectly but he’s Kryptonian and Bruce isn’t. Plus, Bruce is old. The eighty-seven year old’s eyesight isn’t as good as it used to be. “I let the garden get away from me,” Bruce continues before Clark can comment on Terry being unskilled.

Clark places a hand on Bruce’s back, feels how small and fragile the man has become. He has to swallow around the lump again. “You did your best.”

“Alfred always took care of it. I tried after he…” Bruce trails off, clears his throat that then sends him into another coughing fit.

Clark pets Bruce’s back gently. “You did very well.”

Bruce huffs, the one he does when he thinks someone is being idiotic. “No, I didn’t. Don’t lie.”

Clark smiles at being called out. It doesn’t matter how old Bruce gets, the man is still as sharp as ever. “Sorry.”

Silence descends around them, engulfing the balcony and filling it with heavy air that makes it hard to breathe. Clark wishes he was anywhere but here, wishes that this wasn’t happening. He wishes he wasn’t a Kryptonian with the knowledge of how much longer he has to live without Bruce in his life. Clark swallows thickly, his eyes burning with the need to shed tears. He’s not sure he wants to live in a world without Bruce Wayne.

Bruce is eyeing him and Clark avoids eye contact. He’s afraid that if he looks into those blue eyes that he loves so much, he won’t be able to hold back his emotions anymore. He doesn’t want to cry in front of Bruce, show how much this whole thing is tearing him up inside. After all, all of it is happening to Bruce. Bruce is the one that is going away to an unknown place. Clark is just being left behind.

Bruce’s hand on Clark’s cheek startles Clark out of his thoughts. Finally, they both lock eyes and Clark feels his chest constrict. “I’m sorry,” Bruce murmurs.

Clark looks at the man in confusion, eyebrows furrowing and eyes searching Bruce’s. “For what?”

“For putting you through all this.”

Bruce’s statement only serves to confuse Clark more. He shakes his head, not understanding. “Bruce-”

“We had to keep our relationship a secret.” Bruce pauses to clear his throat. The sound of it is moist, as if his lungs are filling with liquid. Clark is too afraid to check with x-ray vision. “When I started getting older and you… didn’t.” Bruce frowns and caresses Clark’s cheek. “We had to kill off Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne had to hold a fake funeral for his boyfriend.”

“I aged,” Clark says softly, trying to lighten the mood but knowing he fails.

Bruce rolls his eyes. “You know what I mean.”

Clark does. He knows exactly what Bruce means. That the man in front of Clark continued to visibly get older and become weaker year after year while Clark only sprouted a few grey hairs at the sides of his head. Bruce used to joke about it, in the man’s blunt way, but eventually those jokes turned serious and then planning began. Bruce is the one that came up with the idea to have Clark die in a car accident, to hold a funeral for him. Bruce even tried to break up with Clark but Clark would have none of it. He didn’t care how old Bruce got or how they went along with continuing their relationship. As long as Clark was still with Bruce he was happy. But now Clark really is losing Bruce and there’s nothing he can do, no amount of stubbornness and determination, that will stop it.

Clark grabs Bruce’s hand, the one that was on his cheek and squeezes as carefully as possible. Bruce is so delicate now. Easily breakable. “I wouldn’t have been so insistent that we keep dating if I had a problem with it, Bruce.”

“I look like I could be your father, Clark.” Bruce yanks his hand out of Clark’s and rubs at it, the pain of arthritis surely radiating. “Maybe even your grandfather.”

Clark smiles at Bruce, loving and reassuring. “You’re beautiful, Bruce.”

Bruce huffs again, rolling his eyes. “No, I'm not. I'm old and ugly.”

Clark frowns and grabs Bruce's hand again. “Don't say that, Bruce. I still think you are the most beautiful person in the entire universe.”

Bruce scowls at him, looking out into the garden once more. Clark can still see Bruce’s blush even in the dark. “Don't lie just to flatter me, Kent.”

Clark chuckles at Bruce trying to hide his embarrassment. “It's true,” he says encouragingly. “I will always think you are beautiful.”

“Then you’re a moron,” Bruce retorts.

Clark sighs but doesn’t try to convince the man more. He knows Bruce knows he’s telling the truth. That Clark really does find Bruce beautiful even after all these years. Even with the grey, thinning hair, the wrinkles, the raspy, damaged voice, and sagging skin, Bruce is still just as beautiful as the man was the moment Clark met him. Aging doesn’t take that away for Clark. Aging only intensifies it, mystifies it, and makes Clark amazed by the whole process, by how human it is.

Clark puts a soft hand behind Bruce’s head and drags it over to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to Bruce’s temple. “I love you,” he whispers and listens as Bruce grumbles at him but doesn’t push him away.

By now Bruce’s breathing has become shallower, harder for the man to take in. Clark tries to ignore it. Bruce will let him know when he needs to have the oxygen mask back on. Clark trusts Bruce. Trusts Bruce to trust him to take care of everything, to help, even if Bruce doesn’t want the help. Bruce needs the help.

“It’s surprisingly a nice night,” Bruce mumbles so quietly, Clark almost misses it.

He pulls Bruce closer, allows the man to lean on him and rest. Bruce is so thin. Clark tightens his grip a tad bit more, desperate to not let go. “It is. I guess Gotham decided to be nice for once.”

“Hmm,” Bruce hums and leans his head on Clark’s shoulder. Clark blinks, wetness gathering at the edges of his eyes. “Terry better not be slacking just because I’m dying here.”

Clark forces a smile, looking up at the clouds in the night sky. “It’s a quiet night, don’t worry.” He’s lying. There’s currently two bank robberies happening, one woman yelling at someone trying to steal her purse, a car chase with the cops, and a man running away from a murder.

Bruce has his eyes narrowed on Clark again. “You’re still a terrible liar.” The man turns out of Clark’s grasp. “I’m going to go order Terry to get his lazy-” Bruce crumples and starts coughing.

Clark rushes to his side, alarmed. “Bruce!” He tries to get him up by grabbing his elbow. “Come on, let’s get you back in bed.”

Bruce shrugs the hand off and Clark lets him, afraid of breaking him. “Let go of me,” he chokes, bent over in half as he continues to hack. “I don’t need your damn help.”

Clark frowns but doesn't argue as he watches Bruce struggle to breathe, struggle to stand up. He swallows, feeling his stomach churn with nausea. “Bruce, maybe you should lie down.”

Bruce grumbles some more and finally gets his feet steady under him. “Why can't you all just let me die alone in peace?”

Clark smiles at the man, small and amused. “You know I can’t do that.” Clark helps to keep Bruce’s balance by grabbing the man’s elbow once more. This time he isn’t pushed away and instead leaned into. “I won’t do that.”

Bruce huffs and allows himself to be guided towards the bed. Clark pulls the covers back more and lets Bruce struggle to get into the bed himself. If Clark had tried to help the man, he would have just been pushed away again. By the time Bruce is fully in the bed and Clark is pulling the covers up to the man’s chin, Bruce is panting breaths. “I don’t need you or anyone else hovering over me, waiting for me to die.”

Clark sits down in the chair, pulling it close. He grabs onto Bruce’s hand and holds it delicately. “Don’t say that.”

“Why?” Bruce meets his eyes. “It’s what you’re doing.” Clark sees Bruce swallow several times before the man continues, whispering, “I don’t want you to watch me die, Clark.”

“I watch people die all the time.”

“Not me,” Bruce says sternly. If his voice wasn’t so ruined by age, he would have sounded so much like Batman. “Not me, Clark.”

Clark smiles at the man again, reaching over to rub at one of Bruce’s cheeks. “Well that’s not your decision to make, now is it?”

Bruce stares at him for a while before reaching up and caressing Clark’s cheek. “You’re so stubborn.”

“I learned from the best.” Clark’s statement makes Bruce huff a laugh, breathy and wet sounding. “Do you need a drink?” Bruce nods slowly and Clark reaches over for the water. He hands it to Bruce and the man drinks it gratefully, handing it back to Clark when done. Clark places it back on the nightstand. “How are you feeling?”

“Terrible.”

Clark chuckles, earning himself another eye roll from Bruce. “Typical Bruce. Deadpan as ever.”

“Did you expect anything different?” Bruce wheezes.

“No, I’m just…” he pauses, taking in the sight of Bruce and those blue eyes. “I’m glad it hasn’t changed.”

They sit there in silence, Clark watching Bruce as the man lies there breathing hard. Clark doesn't ask him about the oxygen mask, whether he wants it or not. It won't do him any good and it will most likely just make Bruce mad. So instead he sits there, trying not to use his super hearing to listen to Bruce's breathing closer than humanly possible, to use his x-ray vision to look at Bruce’s lungs or heart. Being overly observant, overly concerned, won't do either of them any good.

“How are the boys doing?” Bruce struggles to ask. Clark suspects Bruce is worried about leaving them, even if the majority are in their sixties and seventies.

Clark uses his super hearing then to listen to the boys who are still down in the kitchen. Tim is crying and Dick is rubbing his back to try and sooth him. Damian is telling Tim with a wavering voice to grow up, that everyone dies and that Tim should get over it. Jason hits the refrigerator in frustrated anger.

Clark smiles at Bruce. “They're okay. The boys are strong. They'll get through this.”

Bruce stares at him for a while. They both know Bruce knows Clark just gave him another lie, that the boys aren't okay at all. But Bruce doesn't call Clark out this time. Instead he says, “Good. That's how I trained them.” Then Bruce sighs, sounding tired and weak. “And Terry?”

Clark doesn’t ask how Bruce knew Terry wasn’t included in that answer and instead listens again, but Terry isn't in the kitchen with the rest of them. Terry is in the lounge, soft sobs coming from his throat as the young man cries in front of a family portrait, one of the few that actually includes him in it. Clark smiles again. “He's the strongest out of all of them. Very mature in the way that he is trying to comfort everyone.”

Again, Bruce knows he is lying but doesn't say anything about it. “I knew he would be,” is all Bruce mumbles and Clark forces a sad smile onto his lips.

Clark rubs one of Bruce's hands, feels how boney it is. “They all love you, Bruce. Even Terry.”

Bruce nods minutely, whispering, “I didn't make it easy for any of them.” Blue, old eyes turn to him. They are starting to get unfocused and Clark tries to not let that panic him. “I didn't make it easy for you either.”

Clark chuckles, dry and sad. There's no weight behind it anymore. Clark suddenly feels like crying and he has to blink the tears away again. “I will admit, it wasn't easy for any of us, but it was worth it, Bruce. To fight for you, fight for your love, for our love. I love you and that's never going to change. It's never going to go away.”

Bruce looks away, doesn't say anything for a long time. Then, sternly, “I want you to promise me something you idiot.” Clark frowns at the insult. “After I'm gone and you're done mourning for my sorry ass, I want you to move on. Find a new woman or man to love. Someone better than me.”

Clark shakes his head, not being able to believe what he is hearing. “I'm not going to do that.”

Bruce narrows his eyes. “Yes, you are.”

Still, Clark shakes his head. “No.”

“Yes, Kal,” Bruce says intensely. “Promise me. You deserve, deserved, much better than me.”

Clark’s eyes fill with tears again and he struggles to keep them at bay. “No. You were the best. No one can ever compare.”

Bruce frowns, the wrinkles along his mouth making deep grooves in his skin. “I'm not stupid, Clark. I'm perfectly self-aware enough to know that I wasn't.”

Clark bites his bottom lip and bows his head to the bed, holding onto Bruce's hand probably tighter than he should be. He's going to damage the hand. He lets up slightly, his grip no longer so desperate. “I'm not going to promise that, Bruce.” Bruce growls and Clark looks up at the man, eyes wet with unshed tears. “Even if I wanted to, which I don't, I'm too old to date again.”

Bruce huffs, coughs, then starts speaking. “You're not too old and you know it. Not for a Kryptonian under a yellow sun.” Bruce clears his throat and wheezes before continuing. “I understand if you don't want to date another human. The age difference would be too weird. But another immortal or another being that will live just as long as you should be no problem.”

Clark once more shakes his head and blinks at the moistness teetering at the edge of his eyes. “Don't make me promise that. Please, Bruce. I can't promise that.”

Bruce sighs, defeated or maybe the man is just too tired to continue the argument. “So, stubborn,” Bruce breathes and the sides of Clark's lips pull upward. Again, silence surrounds them but this time it lasts a shorter amount of time before Bruce is speaking again. “Clark? Can I ask you to do something for me?”

Clark huffs a laugh. Bruce should know he can ask Clark anything and Clark will do it. “Of course.”

Bruce’s eyes look at Clark from the corners. “Will you lie with me?”

Clark smiles sadly, nodding his head and taking a deep breath to not cry. “Of course.” He gets up out of the chair and carefully maneuvers Bruce so there is room on the bed for himself. Clark then gently lowers himself to the mattress, next to Bruce, still holding onto the man’s hand as softly as he possibly can in his grief-stricken state of mind.

Bruce sighs next to him in contentment. “Hold me.”

Clark swallows and blinks rapidly once more. He’s on the verge of really crying now. He’s not sure how much longer he can hold out. “Of course.”

When Clark wraps his arms around Bruce gingerly, Bruce sighs again. “Tighter, Kent.”

Clark takes a staggering breath in. “Of course.” He tightens his grip and listens to Bruce’s heart. It’s slowing now. A lump lodges itself in Clark’s throat and refuses to leave no matter how many times he tries to swallow it down.

“Better,” Bruce murmurs, closing his eyes. A long, struggled breath escapes the man’s mouth. “You can cry if you want,” Bruce whispers. Clark shakes his head, burying his face in Bruce’s shoulder and tightening his grip ever so slightly. The tears can no longer be held at bay and they slip out of his eyes. He can’t talk. The lump is too big. “Why not?” Bruce asks, as if the man can’t feel the tears on his shoulder soaking through his thin shirt. “It’s okay to, Clark.” Bruce reaches a shaky hand up and pets at Clark’s hair. “I won’t judge you.”

Clark swallows several times until he can find his voice. It wavers and he has a hard time not letting it be noticed. He knows Bruce notices anyway. “I love you,” Clark struggles to say and he wants to say so much more than that but can’t. He wants to recount all the times they shared together; all the missions, the dinners, the sex, all the times they laughed and cried together. He wants to tell Bruce how much he’s going to miss him, how much his heart is breaking right now, that he doesn’t know if he can go on without Bruce. But he doesn't. He keeps his mouth shut because if he opens it again, he knows all that will come out is a sob.

Bruce's hand is slowing in his hair, weary fingers combing softly. “I love you too, Clark.”

They lie there in the silence, Clark biting his bottom lip to quiet his cries. Bruce's breathing is loud but shallow, each struggled breath sounding painful. Clark listens to it, cherishing each moment Bruce draws in air and the feel of those crafty fingers on his head. But eventually that hand stops moving and Clark counts one breath, two breaths, three breaths. The forth breath never comes.

Using his super hearing, Clark listens for Bruce's heartbeat but can't find it. He lies there for five minutes, holding Bruce close, and listening, wishing, for that thump in Bruce’s chest to start back up. It never does and Clark’s eyes fill with more tears. He finally lets them fall freely without trying to stop them, allows himself to sob out loud and place his head on Bruce’s chest. Clark doesn't want to let the man go, doesn't want to watch him go.

Grief constricts Clark's chest and he cries loudly, sniffling and hiccupping into Bruce's shirt. He fists the article of clothing, pulling Bruce as close as he can get to the man, no longer scared of breaking him. He can't break him now. Bruce is gone. The man he loves is gone and isn't coming back.

Clark doesn't know how long he lies there but he knows it's for ages and that he really should go tell the boys. But he can't bring himself to let go of Bruce yet and he ends up lying there for even longer. Slowly, Clark starts to stop crying, hiccupping every now and again. The grief he feels in his chest weighs heavily there and threatens to explode whenever the thought of the future pops into his head. He ignores it.

Clark sniffles and lifts a hand to wipe at his eyes, slowly lifting his head as well. Just as wearily, he sits up and takes a deep breath before looking over at Bruce. He’s glad to see that Bruce’s eyes are already closed and hopes that Bruce at least fell asleep before passing on. Clark’s own eyes roam Bruce’s face and if he didn’t know better, he would think Bruce was sleeping. The man looks peaceful, face no longer taut with pain and worry and anger. When Clark blinks, more tears roll down his cheeks and he leans over to kiss Bruce’s forehead.

Clark closes his eyes, says a little prayer to whoever is listening, and then kisses Bruce’s lips. The man has already started to get cold. It’s no longer Bruce but it’s still hard to pull away, to drag himself out of the bed, limbs feeling heavy, and place each foot on the floor. It’s even harder to muster up the energy to stand and to walk to the door. Harder still to reach out and open that door. Clark doesn’t want to look back but does anyway. He needs to see Bruce one last time, the man he loves with all his heart. When he does, he swallows around the lump that has yet to leave, studying Bruce’s lifeless form on the bed. “Bye Bruce,” he whispers and leaves the room

Clark dreads the walk down into the kitchen where the boys, including Terry now, are still gathered. As he enters, they fall silent and watch him. Clark stands in the doorway, not sure how to even say it. They all knew it was going to happen but words escape him. How do you tell someone’s sons that their father just passed away? Taking a deep breath, Clark steadies himself but when it comes to opening his mouth and actually producing words, nothing comes forth.

“Clark?” Dick asks, taking a hopeful step forward. Clark just shakes his head, eyes cast down to the floor and eyesight blurring again from tears. “No.” Dick stumbles back into a chair and places his face in his hands, crying loudly.

Jason punches the refrigerator again and walks out, Tim calling after the sixty-nine year old but Tim’s voice chokes and then tears are streaming down his face too. Damian glares at the counter, hands curled into white knuckled fists, jaw clenched so tight that Clark actually becomes a bit concerned for the boy’s old bones. Terry stares at nothing and Clark imagines being able to hear the young kid’s heart breaking into a million pieces.

Clark takes another deep breath and is finally able to speak with great difficulty. He doesn’t meet any eyes, not that anyone is looking at him in the first place. “I can arrange the funeral if you all want,” he offers quietly.

Dick looks up, empathy shining in those blue eyes. “You don’t have to do that, Clark. We’re his sons. We can.”

“Yeah,” Tim adds, bringing a wrinkled and liver spotted hand up to his own eyes to wipe the tears there. “We have the money to pay for it.”

Clark is glad no one makes the comment that Clark doesn’t have the money, that he doesn’t have it because he doesn’t work anymore and because Clark Kent has been legally dead long before Bruce, so Bruce was never able to leave him any. Clark doesn’t care about that though. He doesn’t care about the money or the high profile of dating a rich man. All he ever cared about was Bruce himself.

Clark nods anyway. He’ll let the boys take care of the funeral. He somehow gets the feeling they have to do it for themselves in order to start the moving on process. Clark isn’t ready to move on yet, doesn’t want to move on yet. He wants to go back to Bruce’s room and find the man breathing, moving, alive. But he knows he won’t. This isn’t a nightmare he can wake up from. It’s reality and Clark is going to have to deal with it at some point.

But today is not that day.

A/N: Thanks for reading and again, happy holidays everyone!!

[jo-the-schmo]

Breaking... Ch.13

Breaking Masterlist

A/N: ‘m really sorry if this chapter feels kinda rushed and out of no where, I’m at a weird point in the story and I don’t know how to go around it yet so I’m really sorry you may have to suffer through this. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Wordcount: 2964

Warnings: Cursing (like more than usual), arguing, just generally being upset, revelations

Tags: @iamnotthrowingawaymyshit @renae-writes @deltablue202 @literally-melonkitty@meunicorn @favouritefighting-frenchman @demi-godamit @gum-and-chips @sweaterkitty-fluff@pinkyiger7 @littlemissshortcakes@msageofenlightenment @unprofessional-inhumanbeing@fandom-panda-221@hummusandchips @spoopy-piineapple @ashwolfcub @myself-and-the-madman @sweet-fate @superwholockbooknerd526 @frozengal2013 @lmaodedhaha@itsmikayblr @sarmar29 @arya-durin-77 @phantastic-fandoms @hoshihime98 @shinigamired @martapetrovic @robotic-space @iamnotthrowingawaymyshit2 (lol) @asprinkleofmermaids @pinkyiger7 (I’m tagging you twice my friend!)

Breaking Chances

This is it. It’s only a few more hours until everyone gets back and honestly you couldn’t be happier. The past two months working for Burr have completely sucked ass. Seriously if I have to hear “talk less, smile more” one more time I’m going to shoot someone. Aaron let you have these last few days off, just in case they came back early. You finally had some time to think, and damn were you doing a lot of it. You realized after your horse accident you need to be more careful. You’re about 99.9% sure that the voices you heard were from your timeline. And you were even more sure that you heard Anna calling out to you. God, I must be worrying the hell out of her… I’m so sorry Anna… Being away from the Hamilton’s was a wakeup call in it of itself. You’d gotten too comfortable being with them, they were practically your family at this point. You didn’t want to risk the universe but you were scared. You felt selfish and that made you more scared. You’ve majorly fucked up; you can’t tell what the backlash from your actions will be. But honestly, you didn’t really care, if that made sense. What you did care about though was how they would feel. What if you just woke up back at home? What if you didn’t get to say goodbye? So you found a way to fix that. Letters. If Alexander and Rachel taught you anything it was that writing solves everything. Or at least, almost anything. You wrote a letter to everyone, just in case something happened. You told Johnny that he needs to open up more, there’s nothing wrong with being a bit more reserved but he needs to be more confident in himself and his voice. You told Jamie that he needs to stop being so serious all the time, it’s alright to be responsible but he needs to lighten up! He’s just a kid, kids need to have fun! You told AJ that he can’t ever let go of his positivity, always think on the bright side and be there for the people he loves when they go through tough times. To Angie you wrote about her determination. She’s strong and intelligent, she should never lose confidence in her abilities. You told her to explore, not to force herself to be the ‘typical lady’, be someone no one has ever seen before! You told Alexander that he needs to relax, spend more time with his family, slow down on the work. Life is too short to let it fly by. For Eliza, your words were simple. Never lose hope, don’t give up. She taught you a lot and she needs to be proud of all the amazing things she’s done and will continue to do. Philip…that was a different story. You didn’t know exactly what to say and that made you question yourself. It was easy to write to the others, no second drafts, no redoes or anything. But Philip’s required many sheets of wasted paper. Nothing you put down felt quite right. How do I feel about him? I definitely care about him, I’ll never find anyone as trusting or as kind as him, especially not back home. Am I falling for him? Oh no, what if I already have? Shit, do I… Do I love him? No! I’ve only known him a year, I can’t say ‘love’ yet! And what would that even mean if I did? I don’t want to hurt him; I know I will. But still… When I fanaticize at night, it’s into Philip’s eyes. What should I do? He deserves someone who can make him happy… But what even IS love? Is it when you see someone for the first time and know you’re meant to be? No, love at first sight is silly. Is it when you miss someone so much that it feels like you’re suffocating? Possibly, but that doesn’t exactly have to be romantic I suppose. Then what is it? Whenever I read Philip’s letters…my mind feels fuzzy, that’s never happened before. If we read in the study, I end up not reading at all. I peak my head over the book and just watch him, try to guess what he’s thinking, guess what chapter he’s on, count his freckles. I don’t get distracted by anyone else. He makes me forget things, sometimes I don’t even remember that I’m from the future. I feel at home with him, even when we’re both awkward and don’t know what to say. I’m never bored with him, he always talks to me, he’s interested in what I have to say and I wouldn’t miss what he has to say for the world. If I’m feeling anxious or sad, he’s always the first one by my side, trying to make me feel better any way he can, and it always works. I can’t stand seeing him in distress, I just want him to always be happy, even if that’s literally impossible. I just love everything about him! Wait… Holy shit, I just said ‘love’! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, no! I…I love Philip Hamilton… Oh my god! What do I do?! Do I tell him?! Well duh, of course you tell him! Idiot! Nothing good comes out of hiding your feelings, but how do I do it? How do you even bring that up? Do I just blurt it out? No, then you’d look crazy! Real nice job, Y/N! You sighed and held you head in your hands. I never thought I’d ever feel so helpless… You looked up and out your window, the sun was high in the sky. Crap! They should be here any minute! You quickly put all your stuff away and ran out of your room, not bothering to check your appearance. Running down the hall and into the main room you heard a sound that made you both over joyed and incredibly nervous. You haphazardly moved some of your hair to sit over top the still healing cut, you hoped it wouldn’t scar so that your life could for once be a little easy. You stood in the middle of the room and waited for a moment. From outside you heard Eliza.

“We’re home everyone! Now children please grab your- Philip dear, where are you going? You need to get your bags!” You heard impatient footsteps on the steps and then the door flew open. Philip was there, waiting for a moment. A huge, dorky smile on his face, wide eyes. He looked so happy that you could barely see his freckles behind is smile.

“Star!” He called out excitedly as he ran towards you. He wrapped his arms around you, lifted you off the ground and span around. You gripped onto his shoulders cautiously.

“P-Philip! Come on! I-it’s only been a few months!” He set you back on the ground, you couldn’t help but feel a bit anxious as you looked up at him. You heard someone clear their throat and turned to see Alex, holding way too many bags. Eliza, holding a slightly bigger Willy than you remembered, and the children following close behind, but once the kids saw you they all rushed over.

“TT! I’ve missed you so much!” AJ yelled. Angie wrapped her arms around you, giving you a squeeze.

“Oh TT! You missed everything!” She pulled away. “I’m fourteen now! I’m a proper young lady! Isn’t that exciting?” She squealed. You chuckled, you missed her excitement. Jamie and Johnny both stepped up to you and shyly hugged your sides, you patted them both on the head. You looked up to see Eliza and Alex waiting to say hello. You walked over to them and wrapped one arm behind each of their backs. They gave you a gentle group hug and pulled away to look down at you. Eliza raised an eyebrow incredulously.

“Are you alright, my dear? You seem out of sorts.” Her voice was soft and full of concern.

“Um, yeah? I’m a bit tired but I would say I’m feeling okay.” Do I look sick or something? Philip stepped up beside you, Eliza and Alex walked around the both of you to check and make sure the children brought in all their things. Philip turned to face you, when he looked at you he seemed confused. Yet he was also amused by something. He chuckled softly.

“Were you writing before you came to greet us?” He laughed.

“Yeah, how’d you know?” He raised his hand to your cheek, he grazed your cheekbone with his thumb, your hair pushing out of the way as he did so. You didn’t even register what was happening at first. “You’ve got ink on your face silly…” His eyes suddenly widened. Oh no… He moved the rest of your hair, completely exposing the cut on your face. His eyes filled with something you can only equate to terror. “What happened? How did you get that?” He asked worriedly.

“Uh…Um, n-nothing happened?” What the hell am I doing?! He grabbed your hand and gave it a squeeze but now he seemed even more confused. He lifted your hand up and turned it in his own, making you palm visible. He focused on it, there were small almost scarred cuts on your hands. Damn you teacup!

“You’re lying; I know when you’re lying! Wait, why are you lying?” He asked with panic. “Did someone do this? Was it the suitor? Did he find you?” Who’s he talking…? YOU’VE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME! No! Did he really remember that? Aw, he really does pay attention! Fuck, no Y/N! This is serious! You instinctively pulled your hand away and took a step back.

“I… I can’t…” You looked down at the ground, you couldn’t even look at him in that moment, you could hardly speak. I just found out I love him, how am I supposed to lie to him? But if I tell him the truth… it’ll crush him. I can’t do that; I can’t do that to him!

“You can’t what? Can’t talk to me? I thought you trusted me! We promised not to lie to each other!” He sounded genuinely hurt, you didn’t know why but you felt angry. Not at him but at yourself for getting into this mess.

“I don’t have to tell you everything Philip! It’s not like I’m your wife or something! And even if I was I don’t have to tell you shit!” You shot back. What am I doing? Where did that even come from?

“Well who even said I’d want you as my wife? Because I sure as hell don’t want my wife to lie to me!”

“What else do you expect me to do Philip? You wouldn’t understand! You’re just a kid!” You yelled. Philip’s eyes looked like they could pop out of his head, but for some reason you couldn’t tell what he was thinking. I hate it when I can’t guess what people are thinking!

“So…that’s how you really feel, huh?” He asked softly. You didn’t move, your muscles were completely tensed up, your hands were clenched into fists and shaking. Philip let out something like a short laugh. “Of course, I’m such an idiot.” He turned and walked away from you, past everyone else and up the stairs. You didn’t dare take a breath until you heard his door shut. What did…Oh God… Philip, I’m so sorry…so sorry… You felt tears running down your face, your shoulders moving up and down with your cries. You covered your mouth to muffle the sobbing. Eliza and Alex were whispering behind you, after a moment you heard Alex speak to you in a calm voice.

“Y/N? Are you alright?” He stepped up to you and placed his hand on your shoulder, you shook it off. He began to say your name again but you cut him off by gathering your skirt and running to the door. You swung it open and rushed out. You didn’t know what you were doing, you weren’t processing anything, melting snow crunched under your shoes. The sun was warm but the air was sharp. You ran out of the yard and down the road, you didn’t realize where you were going, until you came upon that lamp post. The one that you woke up under on your first day in this strange old and new world. You stood in front of it and kicked it with all your might, not caring how badly it might hurt.

“Damn it! Why? Why me? I didn’t ask for this! Take me back! I want to go home! Do you hear me? Take me back!” You screamed, so loud it made your throat burn. Your knees hit the ground, you couldn’t stand anymore. You felt weak, and this time you couldn’t lie to yourself. “I’m helpless… I ruined everything!” Your vision was blurry but as you looked down at the ground, a small light flashed into your right eye. You wiped away your tears so you could get a better look at it. There was a small plaque at the base of the lamp post, you didn’t remember it being there before but it looked old and worse for wear. The only part you could make out was the end. “…nix? What?” The beginning was blocked out by some kind of metal fragments imbedded in it. It looks like…what is that? Broken shrapnel? Whatever it is, it’s making this really hard to figure out. What does ‘nix’ mean? That’s obviously not all that’s there. You heard footsteps quickly approaching you, you didn’t bother to look up. Whoever it was kneeled down beside you.

“Titania! You can’t just run off like that! Or at least tell us where you are going first!” Alex said, trying to catch his breath.

“…Alex…What have I done?” You asked as you continued to stare at the golden metal plate. Alex sighed.

“I’m positive that if you just-“

“Not that! None of this was supposed to happen… Everything I get close to ends up going to hell. What have I done to deserve this? How could I make such an idiotic mistake? I made the man I love hate me…” Alex was silent for a moment.

“We all make mistakes, some worse than others.” He placed his hand on your shoulder once more and you raised your head up toward the sky. “Look at where you are, look at where you started. The fact that you’re alive is a miracle. Just stay alive and that would be enough for him. Look at how lucky you are to be alive right now!” He said with fatherly optimism. “I can’t pretend I don’t know the challenges you’re facing. The words you keep erasing and replacing in your mind. But I can tell that he’s just as afraid. He knows that he loves you, he wants to grant you peace of mind. All you have to do is let him inside your heart.”

“But I’m scared… I shouldn’t be a part of the narrative in the stories they’ll write someday…”

“Yes, you should. Let this moment be the first chapter where you decide to stay.” He encouraged.

“But could I be enough? Would this be enough?”

“It will be enough.” He finished. You knew he was right, you made a mistake but as long there was even a slim chance at redemption, you knew you had to take that chance. Even if he still hates you in the end.

“When should I tell him?” You asked.

“Not now, I believe he needs some time to cool down. I would suggest apologizing in a few days but don’t confess your feelings just yet. You’ll both need time to adjust before you can accept your mutual fondness.” You nodded in agreement. It was probably best to keep your feelings a secret for now, at least until you both felt comfortable again. “While we are away from the others I have a question for you Titania. Rachel, she left with Cato didn’t she?” He asked, you turned your gaze toward him, obvious shock painted on your features.

“How? How did you know?” You asked curiously, he chuckled.

“When we heard from Mulligan that Cato was gone, everyone was shocked. That is, except for Betsy and I. We saw the way she looked at him, to us it was obvious. She’s a bit of a rebel, isn’t she? Laurens would be very proud of her.” He smiled. Wait what? Laurens? As in John Laurens?! Like leader of the first all-black battalion?! “She may not look like him but she sure as hell has his spirit!” He laughed. OH MY GOD JOHN LAURENS IS RACHEL’S DAD HOLY FUCKING SHIT!

“My friend is the daughter of one of the first anti-slavery activists in American history… And fell in love with the slave of one of his closest friends…while she was raised by the other…Wow…” Honestly at this point you had an incredible headache, you had a lot to think about and you told Alex that. He agreed and you both made your way back to the house. You immediately went into your room and fell onto your bed. Making irreversibly bad decisions is exhausting… I wish Rachel was still here…just so that I could talk to her. I wish Anna was here! Why do both of my green-eyed best friends have to be so far away?! If Angie was a little older I would have no issue with talking with here…actually her and Anna are pretty similar sometimes… I guess I’m just going to have to deal with this one on my own! Hopefully I’m not running out of time...

[jessicaptain]

If you weren’t a climber there was an ice cube’s chance in hell you’d podium in the three races. Friday was an uphill time trial. Saturday was a time trial in Hygiene, which, flatter than the other two days, still had quite the hill to overcome. And Sunday, glorious Sunday, was a 36-mile road race, which pretty much felt like another hill climb, but longer, with more ugly-face efforts.

  Friday: Eldora Uphill Time Trial

I wasn’t sure if it’d be more beneficial to bring my time trial bike or my road bike for this course. Half of the 7.5-mile course was relatively flat and I knew the TT bike, Zissou, would be beneficial for aerodynamics, but the other half of the course was a gnarly hill climb, which favored my road bike, Thunder. I opted for Thunder because I didn’t want to haul Zissou up the side of a mountain.

I honestly didn’t expect much from me or Thunder seeing as how I had yet to make the podium so far this season. I was up against some stiff competition in the likes of Anna and Andie, so I figured I was just paying for training and you know, the experience.

As I continued to warm-up on a side road, my bike didn’t want to shift to the little ring. I had a mini panic because that’s the bike’s job. Especially if I’m climbing up a steep ass hill.

I lined up with the other strong women, who you knew, had to be good at climbing because it takes a special kind of crazy to drive deep into the mountains on a work day to pedal uphill.

Ever since my bike fit with Pat last season, I’ve been conscious of holding my handlebars at the top instead of adamantly staying in the drops. I was so strict about following Pat’s orders that I completely spaced the aerodynamics of the drops at the beginning of this race.

More focused on pacing myself and watching my watts, I was quickly reminded by Alison Powers (nbd) who shouted at me from the side to “get in your drops!”

All I could do was laugh because duh.

My goal for the race was to keep Anna in sight. I knew it would be damn near impossible to catch her so I set lower expectations. Any time I couldn’t see her, I tried picking up the pace. At the same time, I kept an eye out for Andie who started after me. I’m surprised I didn’t get motion sickness from swiveling my head around so often.

The Hill wasn’t letting up and neither was Anna. She was quickly out of sight so I focused on my own efforts. My cadence was fast enough to churn butter. I didn’t see the other women behind me but I assumed I wouldn’t make Top Three.

There was no way, I thought. The other women are stronger than me. I haven’t been making the podium. Today’s not going to be any different.

The course winded around the hillside. People lined up along the edge with cowbells and music blaring. There were a couple of people taking pity on us, cheering just to cheer, but didn’t personally care how well we did. No one knew who I was or what pedal RACING was all about. I was just another cyclist who loved the pain of hills.

As I shifted gears, I came over the corner and saw the finish line. The announcer hanging out in a camping chair calmly saying over his mic, “here comes Jessica McWhirt” with pedal RACING. Then I heard Stephen yell out, “GO JESSICA.” I smiled as I pedaled over the white line taped across the road.

I had lost my voice I was breathing so hard. My legs quivered as I dismounted my bike to talk to Stephen and Anna. We watched and cheered for Andie, Jessica, and Sandy, I didn’t want to stay too long after the race and I was convinced I wasn’t making top three.

We knew Anna came in first, in which I called her out for thinking she’d do any less and I made some self-deprecating joke about my race performance. Then Stephen walked up to our group with the race results: “You came in second so now you can’t talk.”

I started cheering, “I’m number two! I’m number two!” like they do in that Ellen Page roller derby movie. Even when I came in second I was still self-deprecating.

I immediately texted Chris, my mom, and sister to tell them I finally placed in a race. I was pretty stoked.

I’m not sure if it’s easier to believe you’re going to win and be disappointed when you don’t or if it’s easier to set low expectations because then you’re pleasantly surprised with your results. I’ve always stuck with the latter. And I think that’s what has made racing so much harder than it needs to be. I focus entirely too much on results rather than this “journey” everyone tells us it’s all about.

I think it’s both. If I didn’t care about my results I wouldn’t train as hard as I do. I wouldn’t look at what I did wrong in a race and try to figure out how to do better the next time. But when I only focus on my placing and not the fact that I’m challenging my mind and body, overcoming fears and setbacks, and having the opportunity to race against badass women then it’s less fun and I get burnt out.

  Saturday: Hygiene Time Trial

Today’s race line-up was reversed based on times. Jessica was first, followed by Andie, myself, and Anna. My goal was to not only try to pass Andie and Jessica, but to stay ahead of Anna.

Here’s what’s impressive: Jessica, Andie, and I all had TT bikes. Anna had her road bike and passed all of us.

You can have the fanciest bike but unless you have a powerful engine, your bike gadgets don’t mean shit.

Trying to stay at a steady pace while also trying to catch Andie, I was also focused on staying ahead of Anna. I was pedaling into the first hill and I could just feel her. I didn’t have to look behind me to know Anna was closing in. Then I heard shifting that wasn’t mine. Within the first mile, Anna caught me.

I yelled, “nooooo!” And then followed it with, “go get it!”

I was asked recently how are the other women whom I race against. “They’re awesome,” I said.

Sure, we are there to beat one another on the course, but off the course, we chat, we joke, and we congratulate each other. I’ve yet to have a bad experience with another female racer. I also don’t look for it though.

I go to the race with encouragement and humor. I want all of us to do well, to set PR’s, and accomplish goals. I don’t want to see anyone getting hurt or treated badly. I’m there to win but I’m also there to encourage the women next to me.

I watched Anna grow smaller and smaller ahead of me as Andie grew bigger. I knew it was only a matter of time before I’d pass her. This is where I lack strategy. Like when do I push it past her? How hard should I push? Am I pacing myself correctly?

We hit a flat section on the course so I turned up my watts. As I closed the gap between us, some random dude (who apparently doesn’t know basic cycling etiquette) cycles past me on my right without announcing himself. I’m lucky I didn’t cut over to the right fast otherwise I’m sure we would have crashed.

I waited for him to pass and then loudly announced my passing to Andie. I tried staying off the dude’s wheel as I hauled past her. I searched ahead for Jessica but couldn’t see her. I wasn’t sure what place I’d get, but I knew every second counted.

I took a slow right-hand turn and booked it to the finish line. Completely spent but energized by the race. Again, I didn’t think I’d place because I’m always quick to disregard my abilities. I rolled up to Anna at the registration area where other cyclists gathered to share their race efforts with each other.

I didn’t really want to know my placement, but at the same time, I was curious to find out where I placed since I passed Andie but never caught up to Jessica.

I was 9 seconds faster than Jessica. Anna blew me out of the water by two minutes. I hung around for the podium because I finally made it to the steps. We joked about flexing our quads as we stood atop the wooden boxes. After a very mediocre season thus far, it was a relief to finally have my name called.

  Sunday: Lyons to Nederland Road Race

It’s classified as a road race, but let’s be honest, it’s a 36-mile hill climb.

Having two days of racing back-to-back then racing this bastard of a race, I knew would be a challenge. I tried getting extra sleep, dialing in my nutrition, and recovering properly, but if you’re not ready, then you’re just not ready.

I lined up with the women and made a couple of jokes out of nervousness. Knowing full well I was tired and that there were strong women next to me, my goal was to try to stay with the group.

It was a neutral start, which simply means we slowly follow a vehicle to a certain point and then we can go race-pace. I learned from my last road race at Superior Morgul that if I hold the front more often than not, I’m going to be tired at the finish.

I was at the front at the start of the race, I don’t know, hoping to set the pace, next to Anna, and realized I did not want to be at the front, especially next to Anna. I knew my pace was child’s play compared to hers, so I dropped back and held on to her wheel as long as I could.

We were maybe three miles in and just like most of the road races this season, the group maintained speed and I couldn’t. I saw Anna, cool as a cucumber pedal off, as a group of five other women sucked her wheel.

And there I was. Trying to focus on breathing and counting my pedal strokes when Julie, my teammate, came up alongside of me. I jumped on her wheel among the rest of the group. There was probably 8 of us or so. Julie and I pulled for a while.

And seriously, it was just a fucking grind. There is no better way to put it. The road continued at an incline. There was no recovery. Slowly, women dropped off the group. I told myself I couldn’t lose the group. It would have been unbearable to Time Trial that race with the headwind and never-ending hill.

A couple MW 40+ attacked trying to drop as many of us as they could. As I pushed and pulled up on the pedals, my hamstring seized up. I didn’t have experience dealing with major muscle cramps so I didn’t know what to do.

The group was pulling away, my right hamstring was cramping, I was letting off the pedals in hopes that the cramp would pass, and I realized there were still ten miles left before the finish.

I had to make a choice and it had to be fast: suffer for the next minute to catch the group and hope the pain would disappear or pull back, let the cramp dissipate, and time trial alone for ten grueling miles that I knew would feel so much worse.

I shifted gears, stood out of my saddle, and pedaled my ass off until I caught back up to the group. One Cat 3 woman was left behind in the headwind and never-ending hill. And as I caught up to the group, the sigh of relief was both for myself and the would-have-been-miserable Jessica I didn’t leave behind.  

The women attacked again. We countered. I was hanging on by a thread. I wanted to rest. I wanted them to ease up. Hell, I would have been thrilled if someone was like, “Let’s take it easy for the next mile.” It wasn’t happening. We hit a downhill and I found myself stuck behind a nervous Cat 3 descender, much like myself. We lost the group. I told her we could work together until the finish. I hadn’t preview the route because why would I do that? It would have only been just a little beneficial.

I’m being sarcastic.

Because I didn’t know what to expect the last mile or so of the course, I blew out my legs on the last big climb. There were cars parked at the top, people standing around, waiting for their family member or friend, and it looked like the BRAC trailer was there too. I took it up a notch (because I definitely didn’t have the energy to sprint) and saw her drop back. As I pedaled closer to what I thought was the finish, I soon realize I still have 300 km to go. If I didn’t have such big sunglasses, the crowd would have seen my panicky eyes looking for the finish.

Laura caught up to me. I was gassed and regretful that I spent my remaining energy on a false finish. We went back and forth the last 300 km. She’d get ahead, then I would. Neither of us seemed to know where the fuck the finish line was. I even said that out loud as we hauled up the rest of the way: “Jesus, where the fuck is the finish line?” There were more people up ahead. I saw the 100 km sign. I tried to muster by last bit of energy, but I was totally spent. Laura was ahead at the finish line and beat me by a few seconds. I ended up fifth, which wasn’t a surprise.

Anna had been finished for 12 minutes by the time I finished. It’s inspiring to see someone excel so quickly and humbly like Anna.

While I was bummed about my mediocre finish, I was excited to see my husband waiting for me at the end. When you give so much of yourself to a race, you also seem to lose a bit of yourself at the same time. When you’re expecting better results and they don’t come, it’s discouraging. When you see other competitors kicking ass, you wonder what you’re doing wrong. We’re told not to compare ourselves to others; to race our own race, but what is competition if not trying to be the best? You compete to win. How you define “winning” is up to every individual.

I struggle between the notion of competing against myself and against others. I race because I like the competitive aspect of it, even when I hate it. I also race because it makes me stronger and faster than before. And because I’m competitive, I can’t stand losing. It makes me feel like a failure; like a poseur. Like, if I’m not winning, how can I lead a team of women racers? If I’m not winning, what will my family be proud of me for? If I’m not winning, how can I be proud of myself? I see plenty PR’s on Strava, but seeing a PR on a segment is much different than seeing my name next to #1.

It’s important to find that balance between self-improvement and competition. And I think it comes down to self-compassion. We end up being our biggest bullies instead of our biggest fans. You can be competitive AND self-compassionate and I’m trying my best to learn and implement that.

The post Race Anecdotes: Boulder Stage Race appeared first on Jessica McWhirt.

[mylovingbouquetearthquakewo-blog]

Where can I find a CAR RENTER’S INSURANCE that I could use for a week?

"Where can I find a CAR RENTER'S INSURANCE that I could use for a week?

Found a cheap rental car- but they require insurance. Need a short short term insurance for renting car- HELP?

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://insureinfo.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

RELATED QUESTIONS: 

Insurance rebate?

If you cancel your car insurance, do you get a rebate as you do with road tax?""

I want to do mba in insurance or any type of diploma in insurance field that help me for job in insurance cmp?

currently im working in max life insurance documant exaicutive thats i wnt to do mba or diploma in insurance field plz help me which institute do part time or full time

Auto insurance premium higher than what was quoted to me?

I just received my auto insurance policy in the mail and the premium is almost $200/year more than what the agent quoted me! My husband's premium for his vehicle was exactly the same as what was quoted. Is this normal and what should I do? I've already emailed the agent asking why the huge difference but am still waiting on a response.

Is the a law the people without auto insrance in california are at fault?

i wasuder the impression that there was a law passed that make it to be where if someone witout insurance gets in a accedent that it becomes there fault if this is trueplease let me know and if you know the law information please ad that

$600 Fine For Expired Car Insurance? BC Canada?

Today I got a $600 fine for a week expired car insurance and my car got taken away to an impound . Is that the right price for British Columbia, Canada?? Because I've heard that its supposed to be 100-200 first time, 300-400 second time, 500-600 third time? This is the first time I've ever had a ticket because of expired car insurance so why is it so dam expensive? Can I get some of my money back at least? Seriously $600 is way too much""

Is the only insurance for abortion Medicaid?

What are other insurances that cover Medicaid or is this the only one?

Why does my car insurance come up so high even when im 21 years old?

hi the car insurance has been destorying my life. I cannot figure out why car insurance in UK is so high, im 21 and i want to insure a 1.6 mazda 3 which is i think group 6 insurance. I HAVE CLEAN LICENCE!! no claims or any other other conviction and still the cheapest quote i get is 6000 hahahaha. thats ridiculous!!! like 2 years ago i use to get cheap quotes for same size cars at around 1000 now for some reason same thing costs me more!!!!!!!!!!!! i have tried everything but cannot figure out why this happening. PLZZ HELP ANY ADVICE WILL HELP SO MUCH. i have 0 years no claim discount but thats because i have been on my dad's policy but even then dont you thing 6000 quote is mad, even when i try insuring a littlle 1.0 ltr car quote comes out at 5000 lool""

How much would it cost for a 16 year old with a 91-93 300zx tt?

How much would the insurance be for a 16 year old to have a 91-93 300zx twin turbo? in alabama

Is car insurance for young people cheap in america?

just wondering in contrast to UK car insurance.

So I'm a little confused about car insurance.?

So when the feeloaders who are generally poor and cannot afford car insurance, don't buy car insurance, which way is cheaper??? The gov't taxing me to purchase car insurance from the insurance companies for these freeloaders ? OR the insurance company simply raising my rates to cover the freeloaders ? You see, it seems to me that adding an additional layer of gov't beauracracy would cost more, but I have been told I am wrong. Am I wrong?""

Health Insurance for pregnant women?

I was laid off from my job and I have been unable to find a new job, my cobra insurance is about to run out and I am looking for affordable insurance for pregnant woman. I do not qualify for medicaid because my husband does work but insurance is not offered through his employer. Does anyone know of a company that has a plan that will cover pregnancy and after?""

Need help with car insurance!!?

i am new with the whole car insurance thing so i need help. how much is car insurance for an 18 year old just got my licenses and with a 1996 pontiac sunfire SE..how do you pay for car insurance please help thanks

Does anyone know where a couple in their early 60's might find affordable insurance.?

We had really great insurance but, it went up from a little less than $600.00 to over $1000.00. We cannot afford that.""

Does your home insurance go up when you have a boat?

I want to buy a 21 foot boat and keep it in my back yard when not in use. What costs am I looking at? The boat and trailer need new registration but is that just a one time payment and I'm good to go? thanks

Looking to insure a Corvette.?

I'm a 16 year old kid ill be 17 in a few months. I am currently saving money to buy a car and my dad will match what i make to buy a car. but that's not my question, like every teenage boy who takes an interesting we all want one thing: sports car. Of course, i looked into cars like the Mitsubishi Eclipse or whatever but my dream is a corvette. Ive looked at prices for a c4 or c5 vette and to buy them i can manage, its the insurance that's worrying me. Can someone give me an idea of insurance costs for a c4 or c5 corvette for a 17 year old kid? I'd appreciate all the help i can get.""

Does anybody have Affordable Health Care benefits for individuals and the entire family?

Are you or your family looking for affordable Premier Health Care Savings Plan with up to $2,000 Accident Coverage with only $100 Deductible(on or off the job at school or at play)You ...show more""

Is supersmartsmile insurance good?

I'm in pretty bad need of some dental care. I am looking for a good dental insurance company to go with for a year. An supersmartsmile is in the perfect price range for my low income self. Please help me here anyone with this insurance. Thanks.

Car insurance changes?

hi i have had my insurance since august and i have decided to buy another car and change it over, but as the insurance may be cheaper elsewhere than staying with my current insurer, if i cancel am i liable to incur costs? if they quote me more than another insurance company obviously i will go with the cheaper. i pay monthly not in whole.""

Cheap auto insurance?

im 17 years old driving a 2004 pontiac grand prix. im trying to find cheap auto insurance for sacramento california. is there any deals better than 69 dollars? i have 0 credit score, no job,sleeps in my own parking lot, i only drive it to school which is 3 miles 5 times a day, and clean history. full time student holding a 3.5 to a 3.75 gpa. i also live with my parents(they have gieco and im on it temprararly until i find something cheaper) they both ahve clean records and passed high school. my mom has an associates degree. they both work and crdit scores are well over 700. please respond soon.""

Do insurance agents get group health insurance?

I am thinking about becoming an insurance agent for one of the large insurers. I was wondering if insurance companies generally offer group insurance for their agents or if they consider them independents and don't offer the coverage. What other benefits do most large insurance companies offer?

Auto insurance quotes?!?!?! please help!!!!?

i need a rough estimate and i really dont feel like typing in my information online and getting a real quote lol i just want a real rough quote with average coverage. if anyone could help that would be great. insurance for a new driver with good grades better than B's and all that junk. the car is a 2003 cadillac deville DTS with like 101,000 miles on it. anything could help!!!!! :)""

How is the aca affordable? Recipients have a 12k deductible before they are coverd by insurance.?

How is the aca affordable? Recipients have a 12k deductible before they are coverd by insurance.?

How much would insurance cost on a 2 door car?

I wanted to get a 2 door car mainly on a Toyota Celica 2000 or a Ford Mustang and I was just wondering how much insurance it would be?

Whats the average cost a month for car insurance in california for an 18 year old?

Whats the average cost a month for car insurance in california for an 18 year old?

How much would insurance cost for me?

i'm an 18 yr old female driving a 86' camaro

Where can I find a CAR RENTER'S INSURANCE that I could use for a week?

Found a cheap rental car- but they require insurance. Need a short short term insurance for renting car- HELP?

What is the average cost of car insurance?

What is the average insurance cost for a 19 year old male with a early 90s sedan?

If your insurance cancels and you reinsure the next day will you get hit with a penalty?

okay im with nationwide and theyre expensive so theyre canceling my insurance on 1/1/08 but i wont have the money to go to my new cheaper insurance until the next day so will i get hit with the 500 dmv fee??/

Car parts insurance company ?

Is there by any chance a(n) insurance company that covers your mechanic bills. Don't lose me here just follow. You know how you pay a monthly fee for car insurance incase you ever get in a car accident, well is there by any chance a company that covers your car parts bills. Kinda like how car insurance cover you incase of an accident, except you pay monthly fees to this company and they cover your car bills incase your car breaks down and you take it to the mechanic (example: alternator, starter, any car part, etc). I don't know if such a company exist but I remember a couple years ago hearing about something like this on the radio. If you know of such a company please let me know I would like to sign up for it.""

Whats the insurance price for an accord?

Whats the insurance price for an accord?

Can I qualify for medical insurance now?

I was non insurable as of last year due to pancreas problems. I went in the hospital 2 months ago and it turns out my problems were caused from my gallbladder. Had my gallbladder removed so now is it possible for me to be insured?

When buying motorbike insurance is CBT= Provisional ?

I was looking about for insurance quotes for a 125 and when you select what type of licence you have it dose not say CBT at all, but it says UK provisional and UK moped, but i dont think moped is a CBT because moped is 50cc only, can anyone tell me what a CBT licence is called when buying insurance""

How much would Insurance be on this car?

I'm thinking about buying a 1974 Chevy Nova 4 Door sedan and I was wondering how much insurance would be on USAA? I'm a teenager so i'm expecting to be paying around $150 to $175 a month. Anyone who can give me a quote, I would appreciate it.""

Red camoro or mustang or white effect car insurance (boy)?

Hello I am driving in a few months. I am getting a 2011 chevy camaro 2lt or a ford mustang gt. does the color of the car effect the price of the car insurance. I do know being a boy I will have to pay higher insurance. But red is my favorite color. If I get a red camaro or mustang will insurance be higher than getting a white or yellow mustang or camaor. And what is better for everyday driving and safety. and features. and what is best for the money the Camaro or mustang. and trim wise to. camaro 1LT or 2LT or Mustang GT or V6Premium???? help

How old do you have to be to buy insurance?

how old do you have to be to buy Business insurance?

USAA or Amica for auto insurance?

As far as I can tell, these are the two top auto insurance companies... Which do you think is better, and why?""

Where can a 29 year old student find health insurance?

I am a 29 year old substitute teacher and part time student. I am looking for some type of affordable health isurance and prescription plan. I am in need of some help...I have no idea where to look. Can anyone please point me in the right direction? Any help would be appreciated. Thanks so much!

How much is homeowners insurance a month?

My wife and I are pricing out home purchasing possibilities, and are looking at homes ranging from 290,000 up to about 360,000. We need to have a feel for the payments, and wonder if there is a quick formula to help us figure out the approximate insurance costs each month? Thanks!""

Need help buying and insuring a motorcycle.?

I am trying to buy and insure a motorcycle without my parents knowing. I am 21 years old and have moved out of my parents house. I have my own car and my own job, but my car is still insured through my parents' insurance. Is there any way I can start my own insurance plan, without my parents knowing, to get motorcycle insurance? Or would motorcycle insurance have to be tied back to the same insurance that covers my car (through my parents). What kind of monthly rates would that cost me? (I'm a 21 year old male living in Nebraska) Any and all help and advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks!""

What insurance company do cheap American car insurance for young drivers?

I'm 19 years old and I'm considering getting a 1985 Ford Mustang 5L V8 in England. The question is who is going to insure me at a reasonable price? I'm not looking at using the car everyday, I probably wont put 4k miles on the clock in a year. Please, can anyone help me?""

Where to find cheap insurance in ontario?

I'm turning 22 had a Kawasaki Ninja 250R as a starter bike and looking to upgrade to something bigger. I have a clean record but any online quote I get for a bike 600cc or higher results in $10,000/year or higher in insurance. I see guys my age riding around all the time on R6s and CBR600RRs and I don't understand it. Am I missing something? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.""

What laws if any must car insurance companies follow when responding to a claim?

It seems that the only remedy if an insurance claim in Ontario cannot be resolved is to take the issue to court. The average driver may not be aware of any legislation that may force insurance companies to meet certain deadlines.

Low cost auto insurance?

looking for a new carrier - can anyone recommend anything?

How much should an 18 year old female pay for car insurance?

I live in Nevada and am 18 years old,I am paying 1,000 for a six month premium.so thats like 200 dollars each month.I thought that was normal but then all my friends were telling me I was paying too much.One of my friends pays only 1,300 for a full year and she has a brand new car and is younger than me.I have a used 1995 honda passport.And its only liability im paying.I have been in no wrecks at all and have had no tickets.My driving record is clean.My friends were shocked,they said i was getting ripped off,they told me I should only be paying like 100 dollars a month.is this true?Even when I had my older car i was still paying 200 a month and it was an old 1988 beat up honda with liabilty and that doesnt sound right at all.my other friend as an old car and pays 80 a month.Im with a local company and i went with it because my parents told me it was the cheapest and I figured they were right, I figured all the bigger companies life state farm and progressive would be more.""

Names of good CHEAP! Auto insurance companies in New York State ?

I'm trying to look for cheap insurance companies for my bf who is way over the age of 25 and had two accidents. Due to the accidents from the past, their charging him an exorbitant amount. Could you please name a few.""

Cheapest auto insurance in CA?

Cheapest auto insurance in CA?

True or False; We should let people decide weather they want health insurance or not?

True or False; We should let people decide weather they want health insurance or not?

Cheap Car Insurance For Michigan Teens?

I'm 18 a male and would like any suggestions for some the cheapest car insurance i can get in Michigan if I'm a teen.

Do you have health insurance?

If so, How much is it per month? How old are you? What kind of deductable do you have?? feel free to answer also if you do not have insurance.""

Anyone have an idea about Car Insurance Rates?

Anyone have an idea of car insurance rates in Texas on a camaro for a 16 year old female beginner driver??

Insurance In California?

What's the insurance law thing in California? Someone told me that anyone who has a license and drives a car MUST have insurance. Do you HAVE to have insurance to drive in CA? Another thing is that my parents were telling that it's expensive to put my name under their policy especially because I'm a newly licensed driver, meaning I don't have a lot of driving experience yet. Is this true?""

Where can I find a CAR RENTER'S INSURANCE that I could use for a week?

Found a cheap rental car- but they require insurance. Need a short short term insurance for renting car- HELP?

Is their any where that can calculate the average price of car insurance without details?

I just want to calculate the average cost for car insurance without the hassle of putting in my personal details being that it will be at least 2months till i get my licence.

How much would car insurance cost if you have two tickets?

So I just got my second speeding ticket today... -.- My first ticket was going 58 in a 35... (reckless driving) Ironically my second ticket was 58 in a 35 too... (reckless driving) I am 18 and live in the state of Virginia... I own a 2005 Nissan Xterra SE... Can anybody estimate how much my car insurance is gonna go up? Like how much my insurance will be every month now? I have state farm insurance by the way... If anymore information is need please ask me so I can get the estimates... I'm actually very scared to tell my parents... So I'd just like to know all this information before they do...

Should Keep or Look into term Life Insurance Quotes?

I have a whole life policy which I have been paying 45.00 per month for 16 yrs. I have to pay this amount until age 99 so they say. The amount it was for when I bought it was 50,000. It builds cash value. I am now 62. Should I keep this policy or look into term insurance?""

How much would insurance for a 16 year old male in Illinois cost?

I live in Chicago and I have a 2001 Toyota Echo that has been paid off already. I turn 16 in a couple of weeks and was wondering how much insurance would cost for me>

What Insurance is the cheapest for teenagers in texas?

What Insurance is the cheapest for teenagers in texas?

Where can I get Really Cheap Auto insurance?

I am a student, on a really tight budget. I have to get insurance, have not so good credit and a couple of speeding tickets. Other than that have a clean record. I just need something cheap, very cheap. I am a safe driver and only use my car to drive to school. thanks fr your help""

""When someone having AAA auto insurance full coverage, having uninsured motorist.?""

When someone having AAA auto insurance full coverage, having uninsured motorist. Does it also cover the one who caused the accident. In my case I caused the accident. Like there insurance is going to cover her car damage, is it going to claim me the amount of her car damage to pay back to her car insurance, or not ? The persons car I hit, is really sweet even though I hit her car. She told me that her insurance company is just trying to get money off of me, but she told me there's no reason because there is a reason why she pay full coverage having uninsured motorist included. But I did some research and it says that uninsured motorist only apply's if I hit her car and someone ended up injured ? . . . Help me out please ! If there claiming the amount that they are claiming I am going to be in debt. It's AAA insurance the company that the lady has. The lady's car I hit. But like insurances have CRS do there job having to work for insurances, which stands for Claims Resources Services. They sent me a claim amount that the insurance is asking for. They sent me a second notice, and it says if they don't here from me in any way of paying back the money they used up to cover the lady's car they will send the information back to AAA and AAA will end up increasing the claim amount.""

""I pay more than $10,000 per year for Health Insurance, does that sound reasonable?""

I'm self employed and gross about $105,000 / year. Have wife and 3 small children. (wife stays home) Premium for family is $857.41 / month and increases about 11% per year. M.D. visits have $20 co-pay. Policy through Excellus BC/BS. We live upstate New York and have no health problems.""

On average how much would it cost for an independent living 15 year old girl to get good health insurance.?

On average how much would it cost for an independent living 15 year old girl to get good health insurance.?

Is it true about how you can avoid paying car insurance?

I was once told by one of my professors that the law allows you to not pay car insurance as long as you have a certain amount of money on reserve for paying the cost of the accident (if the judge found you to be the cause.) Is this true or the law have changed? If it's true, it would sound logical to test the stats to see the probability of you getting into an accident and the time you can avoid paying insurance. Any thoughts?""

Car insurance?!!HELPPPP?

I'm from Chicago, IL. i don't know how Chicago road law operate so i hope u guys will help me out a bit.i just found out that my car insurance had stop it coverage with me for the last 3 month for whatever reason. I just called them today to reopen up my account again and the new insurance card is being sent home. today Can i still drive my car even if i don't have a actually insurance card in the car? if a police does stop me and ask for my insurance, can i say that it's being mail home and if he/she don't believe me, they can called my insurance agent??""

How can i get cheaper car insurance?

How can i get cheaper car insurance?

What insurance company offer the best auto insurance quote?

What insurance company offer the best auto insurance quote?

Whats a good insurance company?

Hi guys!I just bought my first bike and I'm trying to find out which insurance company is cheap? I bought Suzuki Sv 650 bike.I need full coverage insurance. I just don't know how to get a insurance for my bike please help. Please tell me everything I should know aboout.

Healthcare Homework help?

Here is what i need to find: 1) explore insurance costs for patients with and without cancer 2) will the new Obama healthcare act help patients with cancers be able to access affordable health care insurance rates? 3) do hospitals have the right to reject some patients and refuse care? 4) what are the local, state, and federal laws regarding right to treat? Okay so i've already done some research but some of the questions are kinda vague and im having trouble figuring out what to say and finding info...especially #1. It's supposed to be placed on a poster board for a showcase so it needs to be nice. I dont know much about healthcare so i dont know what i need to focus on?""

Where to buy workers compensation insurance cheap in NY state?

Where to buy workers compensation insurance cheap in NY state?

Where can I get individual health insurance that will cover Pregnancy?

I live in a small town in Texas, I was recently married in June 2008, we got pregnant with twins but unfortunatly had a miscarriage...one of hardest things I have ever had to deal with...anyways...we want to try again but I really want to have health coverage and not have to pay out of pocket...does anyone know of any health insurance that covers pregnancy...from what everyone else is telling me no individual policy will cover me if i get pregnant...if anyone can help I would appreciate it...""

What is the best type of renters insurance available in California?

I want to get renters insurance in California, any good affordable ones available? I noticed nationwide and statefarm are not available here. I am using Geico for car insurance. TIA!""

How much do you pay for car insurance? (teenagers only please!)?

I'm turning 16 next week and was hoping i could get my license right away, but my parents can't afford to pay for my car insurance. It would be really helpful if teens with basic liability coverage could give me an estimate of how much they pay for car insurance. Thanks!""

What are premiums in insurance?

I'm looking at insurance policies.

As a 22 female driver about how much would a 2010 camaro insurance cost? i have a perfect driving record?

As a 22 female driver about how much would a 2010 camaro insurance cost? i have a perfect driving record?

Buying a car in California?

I'm moving to California next week and I would like to sell my car here in NC. I will pay cash for a vehicle at a dealership when I arrive in L.A. When I buy it, do I have to have a CA drivers license? I will not have a permenent address right away, so I was wondering what the procedures are? I have a NC drivers license but will not establish residency in California until I find a job. Any help? Thanks""

What's the best car insurance here in California?

in terms of price what's the cheapest car insurance nationwide or here in California? I am 26 years old and have two cars registered under my name with liability insurance only. I pay $400 every 6 months is that high or low? I also have only one speeding ticket on my driving record fyi. Can you guys tell me how much you pay for your car insurance? and what you think is the cheapest car insurance? I m trying to save money with this bad economy last I check California is in the most debt.

""In health insurance, is a low deductible, or a high deductible better?

There is a $1500 deductible... And then there is a $5000 deductible. I'm thinking of the $1500 dollar deductible. Which one would you get?

What is the best health insurance to cover pregnancy and birth?

I am moving to Florida, miami actually and Im looking for an affordable insurance that is different from medicaid........thanks""

Where can I find a CAR RENTER'S INSURANCE that I could use for a week?

Found a cheap rental car- but they require insurance. Need a short short term insurance for renting car- HELP?

""If i'm under my dad's car insurance plan, does he need to be there when i buy a car?""

Do i have to give the car dealer any of his info? What do i need to show them to prove i have insurance? I live in california, so insurance in required to drive.""

What kind of health insurance is best for business?

in my family i am alone young and i have small business. i am afraid if any thing happen with me, my family become many problem.""

Why did the president veto children's health insurance plan?

I don't understand.

How much Insurance payments?

How much would the average cost of insurance cost me each month if im a 20 year old first time driver with a 2010, honda 15k dollar used car. I understand if its kinda hard to answer but any answer would be nice thanks""

Insurance Cost for Hyundai Elantra in Canada?

I'm 23 years old living in ontario canada, and I'm planning on buying a used 2004 hyundai elantra. I've taken driving school and now have g2 driving license. I'm looking for other people who have also bought the same car and around the same age as me, and I just wanna ask how much do you pay for your car insurance and what's the best (cheaper) company i should go for? Thanks =]""

How can you find out how much your car was when it was new?

My insurance company needs to know how much my car cost when it was brand new so they can give me coverage quotes. I did not buy it new, and it is a 1999. Anyone know the best way to find this out? It is a Chevy Silverado 4500 extended cab. Thanks!""

False County Court Claim Against Me on My Car Insurance?

Someone has put a claim in against me for damages, for an accident I know nothing about. It is from early 2010 and has been going on since then. I have been contesting it on the grounds I have not been involved in an incident, however the third party solicitors have issued County Court proceedings against me. My insurance company are saying they are putting in a defence and have provided a barrister. I am really annoyed with this as I know I haven't been in an accident. I could understand if maybe they were claiming I clipped them and I had done it without realising but they are claiming for an accident which I have no knowledge of! I have attended the Magistrate's Court hearing and although I pleaded not guilty I have been found guilty on the grounds that for the time and date of the accident I have no alibi, witness or other evidence to support my whereabouts. The other party has an independent witness who works for the same company and alleges she could recognise my car but not me as a driver. Mag court fined me and gave me 6 points on my licence. I am not working (and not in receipt of any benefits) and this CC claim amounts to 5k! How would I pay a sum like this??? Or would my insurance company pay out if I was found to be at fault ??? Please help! Where do I stand on this? Any help appreciated. Thanks!""

What is the estimate car insurance cost for me?

Hello~ I'm a 16 year old female who is looking into cars and insurance. I've made a deal with my parents, so I believe that I am getting a 2013 Kia Rio. My question is...What is a rough estimate for the insurance cost that my parents will have to pay?  16 years old  Female  2013 Kia Rio  I have a 3.5 - 3.8 ish GPA (Can't remember exactly)  If I have to, I'll probably take a drivers ed class (Although I'd love to avoid that)  I believe my family is with State Farm  We live in Gilbert AZ Thank you in advance! <3""

Would I need auto insurance if Im driving a motorcycle/scooter with a Motorcycle Instruction Permit in AZ?

I am thinking about purchasing a Yamaha Vino (2004-08 model) and also I will be obtaining my Motorcycle Instruction Permit. I would like to know if I would need any form of auto/motorcycle insurance while practicing with my permit. If so, how much would it cost me per month (rough estimate)? I am 16 years old btw.""

What is the average car insurance for young males with a black box installed?

I'm in the UK and my friend who is 17 who recently passed his test said his car insurance was just over 500 per year, as he had black box installed. (Also, not on his parents insurance either) I've read average figures for car insurance for young males is in the 3000-5000 range. So can the box really bring insurance down that much? I know figures vary for type of car and all that. But we're talking average here. I imagine most young people are not going to be able to afford brand new cars, and will be cost-concious, so will go for older models anyway. So the 3000+ figures still seem incredibly high for an average figure.""

Do i need insurance for a project vehicle?

I am looking to get a project car to build until i can drive do i need insurance

Can we also get free car insurance? Obamacare?

we are very poor,,, and quality for free health care with this new plan that tax payers are so nice to pay for,,, can tax payers also pay for my car insurance?""

Do you need car insurance in order to buy a car?

I just want to buy the vehicle for now until i am ready for the car insurance. How would I be able to transport it to my place and store it?

What insurance covers a driver to drive any vehicle?

I am looking for this type of insurance and I was told about it but I don't know if it has a specific name

What is a good price for a 2007 SV650s?

I am looking to buy an SV650S. So far this decisions has been been placed on price, insurance cost, easability in riding (based on what I have reasearched), and overall looks. Once I get to the dealership it will get my final approval based on the feel when I actually get on it. But assuming that I still love the feel of the bike, how do I begin the haggling process. This is the first bike for me and I don't want to be taken advantage of. Currently near where I live, Los Angeles area, one is being adverticed as a new 2007 for $6199 OTD. Could this really be an out the door price? Can I haggle on an OTD price? Am i only allowed to touch and sit on the bike at the dealership? Could I ask them to throw in gear in the deal such as a jacket or a helmet or something?""

How much will it cost to insure my house cleaning business?

How much will it cost to insure and bond my house cleaning business? I have been running it solo for the last 6 months so I didn't to get bonded or anything, but I will be hiring 2-3 employees within the next month. How much can I expect the insurance and the bond to cost? And, for extra credit, what is the best type of insurance to get? I run it out of my home, if that makes a difference.""

American express auto insurance?

I understand that the auto insurance for rentals via credit cards are secondary coverage. what does this mean? Suppose I dont have any other insurance coverage. does the credit card insurance become primary coverage by default?

""I have Full Coverage Insuranc. Someone vandalized my car destroying the hood, and the front window is busted ?""

My friend has full coverage insurance. Someone vandalized his car destroying the hood and busted the front window out. Will the insurance company cover this? Someone also advised us that it would be better to report the car stolen and they would cover it once it's found with the damage. Is this true? we really need some advice on this one. Don't want to be stuck having to pay the costs for all this damage. Also, what steps he should take first, i.e - informing the police, ect?""

California auto insurance?

my daughter bought a used car and was told by the seller that he would keep his insurance on the car for a couple of weeks so she could find her own insurance. Well a couple of days later she was pulled over and when the cop asked for her insurance papers, they were not in the glove box. Now we can not fond the seller to get a copy of his insurance. Does anyone know how we can find out which insurance company insured the car? When you register your car does DMV write down your insurance information? I added her car to our policy the same day she got the ticket. Any help would be appreciated. The ticket amount is $1100.00! Thanks Gary""

Car insurance payout question?

SO I WAS IN A CAR ACCIDENT, I WAITED 90 DAYS TO GO TO THE DOCTOR, I JUST THOUGHT THE PAIN COULD HAVE BEEN FROM ANYTHING,. ON TOP OF THAT, II HAVE NEVER LIKED LAWERS, OR DOCTORS, AND I HAVE NEVER BEEN ONE TO TRY TO GET OVER ON OTHERS. BUT AS THE WINTER BECAME SUMMER, AND THE WEATHER STARSTED TO BREAK, THE PAIN WAS STILL THERE. SO I DECIDED TO SEEK A DOCTOR FOR PAIN IN MY RIGHT SHOULDER AND RIGHT KNEE ANYWAY TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT. THE INSUREANCE COMPANY SAID, I WAITED TO LONG, AND THEY GAVE ME AN LAME OFFER OF 500, MY LAWYER THOUGHT ITS WAS A JOKE, SO MY LAWER TOOK THE CASE TO COURT FOR 25 THOUSAND. AND WE ASKED FOR A JURY, AND I HAD 4 PEOPLE THAT WAS GOING TO TESTIFY ON MY BEHALF, NOW THE INSURACE COMPANY HAS MADE AN OFFER, SO...............MY QUESTION TO THE EXPERTS IS,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, WHAT DO U THINK THE 2ND OFFER WILL BE, AND SHOULD I TAKE IT

Dodge durango insurance vs kia kia borrego?

Is it cheaper driveing a kia or dodge durango for insurance? People say dodge cost more for insurance then kia. I know to contact the insurance company for sure. But I would just like to know what you think. The kia would be 09 and durango would be 03

Does child support cover car insurance?

I'm about to drive but my dad keeps telling me that he refuses to pay car insurance because he says it's in the child support. However, my mom is the one who bought my car... Does child support cover car insurance?""

Can i go on someones insurance but drive a different car to them?

well i know i can be put on some kind of car insurance with someone like a family member but i herd that's only if i just drive there car. is there a way i can be put onto there insurance but Drive my own car. Or does anyone know a cheap car insurance company for young new drivers??? I've tried hundreds and there all saying around 2,500ish!!! which is ridiculous i might be young but i have a one year old and a new born child it is highly unlikely that i will be racing with friends, and putting myself in unsafe situations!!! my cars only Worth like 1000 so i refuse to pay for insurance that's costs more than my car!!!! Any kind of help would be nice!! Thank you :)""

Would this car make my insurance go up?

I'm thinking about purchasing a 97' Cavalier LS Convertible, would this car make my insurance go? and by how much? Also does anyone know anything about these cars? Are they good cars? Mechanically wise and gas wise. By the way, I'm 16 in case that effects your answers.""

""I'm in the middle of getting a motorcycle insurance quote from progressive online, and it's asking for SSN?""

It's asking for my Social Security number to give me a better quote, is this normal? I hate putting my SSN in on websites.""

Where can I find a CAR RENTER'S INSURANCE that I could use for a week?

Found a cheap rental car- but they require insurance. Need a short short term insurance for renting car- HELP?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/insurance-rates-cars-shockley-altagracia"