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kyoshi-lesbians · 4 years ago

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hello two things 1) how did i not realize we were mutuals until now seriously i love your blog so much and 2) please give me anything else you've got on the 'ty lee's time in the circus' idea i can't stop thinking about it (-maipreciation)

Ohmygod thank you so much, i love your blog too! i think we became mutuals just recently? hello :) :)

I’m SO glad you asked. What’s fascinating to me about ty lee’s time in the circus is that when azula finds her, she is so happy there. Like, performance work can be grueling, ty lee is probably surrounded by adults while she’s just a kid, she’s always traveling... and yet she absolutely loves it! So... why is that? Here’s what my mind thinks up:

Okay if this was a story i was writing, I would start with the scene of ty lee packing her bags to run away

She doesn’t do this quietly. She slams the essentials in a pack, she mixes in a goodbye along with yelling at her sisters that she’s leaving, she’s through. Her parents aren’t home to say goodbye to, they haven’t been for weeks

She pauses on the threshold of her house, hoping that someone will try to stop her from leaving. No one does. At that moment her doubt falls away; she needs to do this.

She steps outside the house into the garden where she finds her grandma waiting for her

“Following in my footsteps are you?” grandma teases.

See, grandma was a circus performer back in the day. (I mean where do y’all think ty lee learned everything?)

Grandma understands. She doesn’t try to stop her. Instead, she gives ty lee the name of ‘an old friend’ (her old circus ringmaster), a pack of food, a kiss on the forehead, and tells her ‘be safe dear’ and 'write home often’

There needs to be a balance in the presentation of ty lee leaving between usual preteen angst and real pain. The thought of running away to the circus is melodramatic right, but the fact that only grandma was there to see her off (or try to stop her) speaks of real problems, ya know?

Then the setting flashes forward to a circus crew setting up for the night’s performance

Now, the thing about a circus is that they aren’t known for being safe work environments. especially for children, which i mention because−

You know the Island of Chin episode when Aang was hanging out in the jail cell with the big scary looking guys, but they were super sweet and encouraging to him? And the contrast, the shock from what you expect these guys to be like?

Yeah, that’s what the circus performers are like!

They’ve got a hard job after all and they are performers who cultivate a certain image. But being on the road for long periods of time has made them a family and they are genuinely so sweet

Looks being deceiving is a continual theme in this story, and there would be a lot of comedy with the irony of those perceptions being so wrong

And I mean who is ty lee but the definition of ‘looks are deceiving’? this is something that later on is alluded to as a way she fits in with them

When ty lee walks into the camp, this tiny kid who at 13 years old is already better than their most experienced acrobat, and who is clearly clearly struggling with her self-image + feeling down about her family, the performers and crew’s protective instincts are activated

They’ve had kids join before (hell, some of them were those kids years ago) so they know the best ways to help alleviate the homesickness and build up kid’s confidence, and they immediately set out to do that for ty lee

There would be so many fun moments of ty lee making friends with these gruff looking knife throwers, huge tattooed strongmen and women, and being mentored by the acrobats

At home, she was never allowed to really interact with people who weren’t nobility… not in the way that she can talk to everyone and anyone here. Here there are people from all sorts of backgrounds, all walks of life

And thus in the circus Ty Lee Discovers Class Consciousness

(kerjgekjr well she starts to anyway, it’s a journey)

She ends up with a bunch of mentors who joke with her and tell her stories, teach her the tricks of the trade, and with varying degrees of subtlety, impart life advice on her. She doesn’t need to do anything for the attention either, which is unprecedented for her.

Oh and she LOVES the animals. She’s so good with them that the handlers occasionally call for her when the platypus-bear is anxious or the lion-tiger can’t fall asleep.

Ty lee writes her grandma like she said she would. She writes to mai too, telling her the craziest stories slipped along with special sets of knives that the knife-throwing folks give her

As ty lee finds a home here, these scenes are interspersed with memories of the life she left behind. The contrast drives home how stifling Caldera was for her, how exhausted she was from following the social rules, keeping up the act expected from a child of nobility, and competing with her sisters for the attention of her parents

These flashbacks double as critique and satire of fire nation nobility. Like one of ty lee’s memories that shows these awful power-hungry imperialists throwing thinly-veiled insults over a dinner party cuts back to the present moment when ty lee is crushing her circus family in a round of poker (as if she needed to be any more dangerous, ty lee quickly learns how to dominate all betting games)

This foray into the world outside of Caldera is important for shaping her perspective on the fire nation and the war later on, but she’s not there yet

There’s freedom in the circus for ty lee and she’s treated like an individual by everyone − it’s just what she wanted. Needed. She grows confident in herself. Her feelings about home aren’t clear, and that just is-what-it-is for the moment

Her acrobatics act steadily improves. She jumps higher than ever, easily commands the audience's attention and adoration, she can shift into her performing persona at the drop of a hat

And when azula shows up in front of her a year later, shifting into performance mode is exactly what she does.

#maipreciation #ty!!!#this is one of those stories that i would make into a full spin off series #the shenanigans + found family + sly serious themes #would make a great mini series #ty lee #hdc #asks #r.post

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askthedustbowl · 5 years ago

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elysian ballet company dancers

patroclus:

- 11 years at the company

- first language: ballet/pointe

- secondaries: hip-hop, jazz, modern, tap, ballroom

- closest to cory, they trained together, basically grew up together, and got into the company together. he knows firsthand the shit that mnemosyne put her through. he acts as her protector and big brother figure to make sure she’s not pushing herself too hard.

- pat is best friends with erato and has been for several years. he often features on her instagram

nyx:

- 9 years at the company

- first language: ballet/pointe

- secondaries: modern, jazz, tap

- originally auditioned in the same group as cory and pat when they were nineteen and she was sixteen, but wasn’t accepted due to the small number of spots. two years later, she auditioned again and got in. cory and pat welcomed her as if she were an old friend and they’ve been inseparable ever since.

- nyx and selene are happily married and have been for two years. together they function as mothers to perseus—and they have ever since he was sixteen.

- orpheus loves her. they met when he was eight and immediately hit it off.

myrina:

- 8 years at the company

- first language: gymnastics

- secondaries: ballet/pointe, jazz

- president of the Narcissus Shut Up Squad

- many of the younger dancers look up to myrina because of her confidence and skill, and she takes her position as role model very seriously.

- myrina and thalia have been flirting for a while, dancing around one another if you will, but as of late, nothing has come of it.

harmonia:

- 10 years at the company

- first language: ballet/pointe

- secondaries: modern, ballroom

- transferred from another company, joined the elysians when she was a soloist.

- wants to teach when she retires.

- harmonia shares a dressing room with cassandra and cory. she has a little pet dog named viola that has become the unofficial mascot of the elysian ballet company.

- there is not a single person on earth that has anything bad to say about harmonia. she is the personification of grace and kindness.

asterion:

- 6 years at the company

- first language: ballet

- secondaries: modern, jazz

- while he has fuckboy tendencies, asterion actually drinks his respecting women juice twice a day, every day.

- he shares a braincell with narcissus and has it 98% of the time.

- he respects the people that he works with very much, and he’s always trying to learn and be better.

- cassandra is his dance partner, and he’s been in love with her since the minute he laid eyes on her. these days it almost seems like maybe she could possibly like him back.

cassandra:

- 4 years at the company

- first language: ballet/pointe

- secondaries: modern

- cass joined the elysians the year that cal died, so she saw cory struggling and they became friends when cass offered to help. she is one of the only people (in the span of eleven years) that have gone on for sugarplum instead of cory.

- she acts as a big sister to the younger soloists and the corps girls, and has a special talent for making perseus, daphne, and mimi behave themselves.

- dances with asterion.

narcissus:

- 6 years at the company

- first language: modern

- secondaries: ballet

- narcissus has exactly one braincell, and he’s not in possession of it all the time, but he is very trusting and compassionate once you get past the sheer dumbass energy radiating from him. he’s a wonderful dance partner, though, and everyone trusts him implicitly when they’re dancing. off stage? not so much.

- while he is a very good dancer, he can either act OR dance. doing both is a little too much for him.

- currently unfortunately in love with tyro.

orestes:

- 6 years at the company

- first language: ballet

- secondaries: hip-hop, modern, tap, jazz

- orestes may play the mouse king, but he’s truly the most gentle man you’ll ever meet.

- he’s been dating pylades for a little less than six years, and they’ve been the happiest years of his life.

- once had a close call with unemployment—he was involved in an altercation that left him no other choice than to fight back, but really, he’s too valuable to fire.

pheme (“mimi”):

- 5 years at the company

- first language: hip-hop

- secondaries: ballet/pointe, modern

- she trained in france for a good deal of her dance career. once she returned, she auditioned for the elysian company and was accepted. she speaks fluent french.

- as elysian theatre’s resident gossip girl, mimi knows everything about everyone. she can either use this for good or for evil, but mostly she just uses it for fun.

- a being of chaos at heart, she can usually be found with perseus and daphne, wreaking havoc on someone or something.

perseus:

- 3 years at the company

- first language: tap

- secondaries: ballet, modern, jazz

- perseus had no intention of going into ballet. his first love was (and still is) tap, and he took lessons at PK dance school for quite a few years after his father refused to let him continue. after an incident involving the police, nyx and selene took him in and started training him in ballet.

- he has been forbidden from dancing with cory because when he’s onstage, he gets so excited that he practically vibrates, and cory needs stability when she dances, not a babysitting job. because of said excitement, he dances better with partners who are a good few years his senior (harmonia, myrina, phoebe). the person he dances the best with is nyx. she keeps him grounded.

- possibly a trickster god in a past life, he’s typically seen with pheme and daphne at his sides.

phoebe:

- 5 years at the company

- first language: ballet/pointe

- second language: contemporary

- phoebe can usually be found with her head in the clouds, but out of all the dancers (besides maybe cory), she has the best technique. she makes dancing look effortless and a lot of the younger dancers who are still working on their technique look to her as a role model.

- she has a playful rivalry going on with mimi, as mimi is an aries and phoebe is very into astrology—or at least into astrology enough to know that arieses are usually up to no good.

daphne:

- 3 years at the company

- first language: ballet/pointe

- secondaries: hip-hop, jazz

- infamous for being cranked up to an eleven 24/7.

- due to her skill, she’s an understudy for several larger roles, but never gets the chance to go on. at this point she would commit murder to go on for sugarplum AT LEAST ONCE.

- if you recall, she’s the one that slipped her number into orpheus’s pocket when he and eurydice went backstage with cory. she’s a hopeless romantic and has a very, VERY unfortunate crush on narcissus.

lethe:

- 3 years at the company

- first language: ballet/pointe

- secondaries: river dancing

- while lethe’s technique is near perfect and her stage presence is excellent, her dance career hasn’t gone past the corps because she has a track record of forgetting the steps once she’s finally put onstage. the way she counteracts that is near-constant rehearsal—she and cory are usually the last ones at the theatre.

- she’s known for her punctuality and she NEVER misses class. the older dancers love her because she’s so well-behaved and responsible.

- of everyone, lethe may be the one that pandora hates most.

pandora:

- 11 months at the company

- first language: acro

- secondaries: ballet, hip-hop, modern

- pandora constantly has a sneer to spare and seldom talks. she got into the company with ty, so she’s also the newest member, but unlike ty, she doesn’t care whether people like her or not.

- unbeknownst to all but thalia, pandora is the creator of most of the best rules of thalia’s game of chess. they’ve known each other for a long time.

tyro (“ty”):

- 11 months at the company

- first language: sports (soccer), hip-hop

- second language: ballet/pointe, step

- she’s the youngest elysian at 21 years old. the older dancers love her as one would love a small, excitable puppy.

- when she was a little girl, pat babysat for her and her siblings. she wasn’t a ballet dancer as a kid, so when she walks through the elysian doors for the first time, pat is shocked.

- she never set out to be a ballet dancer—in high school, she was a soccer player, and she was AMAZING. but after she wasn’t scouted, she picked up ballet as a different outlet and she got pretty good.

#ASK US ABT THEM #our babies :’’)#dust bowl au #the elysians #patroclus #nyx #myrina #harmonia #orestes #narcissus #asterion #cassandra #lethe #tyro #perseus #pheme #daphne #phoebe #elysian ballet company

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woeismyhoe · 6 years ago

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Azula’s behavior as a child

There’s so much misunderstanding about Azula’s behavior as a child. Often they’re exaggerated to the point that a simple making fun of a sibling will turn into ‘emotional abuse’. This post will go into every action that Azula has ever done that majority of the fandom deems apparently monstrous, and will explain why it’s actually illogical to call her a monster and an abuser for it. These points that I will counter are usually used by the majority that I’ve encountered on Tumblr/Instagram/YouTube/Reddit, in case some of you are doubtful that such arguments even exist.

1. Azula asking about the throne’s line of succession

People refer to Azula’s question here as cruel and monstrous because she was essentially wishing for Iroh’s death, but that’s not true. She was asking IF Ozai would be next in line to throne if Iroh were to fall in battle, and that’s actually comepletely normal for a child.

She wasn’t wishing for Iroh’s death. She was just asking out of curiosity if her father would be Fire Lord next. It was an insensitive question I admit, but children normally are insensitive. Every one of us have thought or maybe even asked about someone’s death whether as a child or as an adult. Just because it’s not a family member’s death that you thought of doesn’t mean you’re excused from being called insensitive or as the fandom generally calls it, a ‘monster’.

Here’s an example: Have you ever thought of who would be next in line to the throne if Queen Elizabeth II were to pass?

If you have wondered about this question or something similar to it, does this mean you want the Queen to die? No. You’re just curious about who will succeed her.

Or how about a more realistic thought that involves your family: Why hasn’t your father/mother gotten lung cancer even if they’ve been smoking for decades?

We’re taught in school that smoking cigarettes causes lung cancer, yet why hasn’t that person gotten that yet? Does that mean we want them to die? No. We just want to know WHY it’s that way even though they should’ve had it by now.

Questions regarding someone’s eventual death whom we personally know is actually normal, but not accepted and generally frowned upon in society. Children usually ask these questions and they’re forgiven because they have yet to understand how society works yet.

Point is, curiosity makes us ask questions. Children ask a lot of questions, especially when they’re curious about a lot of things. Azula was curious, and that’s why she asked. She didn’t realize it was actually insensitive until Zuko used their father as an example. Yes, Azula was perceptive and intelligent even as a child, but smart children are also known to be way more curious than other children. Also, Azula wouldn’t be asking this question if she actually knew the answer to it.

If Iroh were to fall in battle, it wouldn’t be Ozai who would be next in line but actually Lu Ten (who was still alive at that moment). The fact that she did not mention Lu Ten at all during this only means that she wasn’t completely aware about the line of succession. Ursa failed to answer her daughter’s question properly and to address this to which I have no idea why. It was either the Fire Nation was under Agnatic seniority... but that can’t be it since Azula was going to become Fire Lord and Zuko’s daughter, Izumi, has also become Fire Lord in the future or that Azula was simply not aware of the line of succession since she was just a kid after all.

2. Azula’s indifference to Lu Ten’s death.

We don’t know much or basically anything at all about Lu Ten, his personality or his relationships with the rest of his family but one thing’s for sure is that Azula wasn’t exactly indifferent towards his death. Before the letter of Lu Ten’s death had arrived, Azula and Zuko were chasing each other and laughing, enjoying themselves (sigh such a precious scene). Then Ursa reads the letter, Zuko approaches her out of concern and he’s shocked by the news of his cousin’s death.

Now look at Azula behind him. What is she doing? She’s holding her hands in front of her. I’ve read up about body language, trying to understand what Azula’s was saying and this was what I found. This is a position called ‘The Fig Leaf’. People generally clasp their hands in front of them when they feel vulnerable, uncomfortable at that moment and this position can normally be seen in funerals as well.

Azula was uncomfortable by the news of her cousin’s death. This can be seen from her body language. Now think, if Azula was cruel and didn’t care for anyone’s life, then don’t you think that she would’ve made a really rude and insensitive remark at that moment? If the creators wanted to portray her that negatively, she would have, but she didn’t.

Now when she critizes Iroh for abandoning the siege, it makes sense. From Azula’s perspective, Iroh’s action was an act of someone weak. He was Fire Nation’s greatest asset, a renowned General who’s taken thousands of lives, yet when his son dies, its somehow only then that he realizes that his killings actually have an effect on families. What? That was also what the families of those fallen soldiers were thinking when they had suddenly retreated. There’s also that possibility that Azula could’ve thought that Iroh was dishonoring Lu Ten by abandoning the siege. Iroh retreating from Ba Sing Se would’ve just meant that Lu Ten died for nothing. And that’s true. As a leader, you’re expected to put everyone else before you, no matter what happens. Iroh didn’t do that.

“A real general would stay and burn Ba Sing Se to the ground, not come home crying.”

- Again, true. Yes it was a tragedy that his only son had fallen in battle, but Iroh still had a duty to fulfill which was to lead his nation to victory. He abandoned that duty of his instead. If anything his son’s death should’ve made Iroh want to avenge his son’s death. It wasn’t as if he fought again after his son’s death and he retreated because they were losing, no. They were actually winning. He just retreated. Think about those soldiers who had fallen in battle. They went to war, knowing that they would die. They had accepted that fate because they knew they were giving their service to their nation. Their families knew that as well. But Iroh’s sudden retreat had only meant that those soldiers had died in vain.

“He (Iroh) didn’t take the Earthbenders’ defenses and their resolve seriously enough, and it cost him dearly.”

- Azula, Tale of Azula

Azula wasn’t taking pleasure in Lu Ten’s death or making fun of it. She even admitted that Lu Ten’s death was a great loss. No, she was just criticizing Iroh for abandoning his duties.

3. Azula’s mistreatment of animals/plants

Her abuse of the turtle ducks

I’ve addressed the turtle duck scene in another post but long story short— we’ve never actually seen or even heard from Zuko that Azula had directly thrown the bread at the ducks. His reaction towards mimicking Azula even contradicts the assumption that Azula actually harmed those ducks.

Mistreatment of flowers

Ok honestly, I find it ridiculous and just really desperate that people use this as one of their reasons to prove that Azula was cruel and a monster. Burning flowers, really? She was a firebender, a kid who was bored and being neglected by her mother who was happily chatting away with her son. What else could she have done to get Ursa’s attention? Take into consideration that Azula genuinely didn’t know why it was bad to burn those flowers, and Ursa didn’t help her understand this. Children don’t naturally just appreciate beauty. They learn to appreciate beauty. Ursa didn’t even try to get her daughter to understand that.

4. Azula’s abuse of her brother and friends

Let’s first discuss what abuse is. It’s when a person does something SEVERE to intentionally harm someone repeatedly, especially even though they’ve already been told not to.

I did some research and asked people I know who have siblings about their relationship with their older siblings. All of them said that they had made fun of each other, said hurtful things to one another when they were younger, ages typically from 2-10 and it would always lead to petty arguments and fights that would eventually needed to be settled by their parents.

What Azula and Zuko had was like every other ordinary petty sibling squabble. Azula would play pranks on her brother, Zuko would refuse to play with his sister of his own accord and apparently they’d even get into physical fights where Zuko would usually be the physical aggressor (as apparently he would even try to kick her). You could say lighting his bum on fire for ratting her out to their mom was severe, but you can also argue that they were both firebenders, which would mean that it wouldn’t have actually harmed Zuko that much. That move was like a shove for ordinary kids.

Her treatment of Ty Lee

Even as a child, Azula was competitive. This could be seen when she and Ty Lee were practicing some stunts and she failed to be better than Ty Lee at something. All children are petty, and so Azula’s response to this was to shove her and laugh. Children have this mentality of ‘You made me feel bad so I’m going to make you feel bad too!’ -which is what Azula did. It’s completely normal for children to respond like that whenever they’re upset. It’s either they say something hurtful, or they push that child, and then the other child would start to cry. That’s usually when an adult steps in to reprimand the child and explain to them why they shouldn’t do that. In this case, Ty Lee didn’t seem to mind it. After all, it was just fun and games for them.

Her treatment of Mai

So in Smoke and Shadow it was revealed that they used to have sleepovers together. There was particularly this one time when they had a sleepover at Mai’s and apparently Azula had made her steal her grandmother’s mochi and then ate it while the other two looked uncomfortable (probably because they knew they were going to get in trouble). Child Azula was like that one friend who was a bad influence, but we’d still be friends with them because they were fun to be with. In their case they were friends with Azula because she was the princess. Being associated with the royal family would’ve definitely had some benefits for their families.

Azula was the princess. She literally could’ve asked for anything and she would’ve been presented with it. We don’t know if this was before or after Ursa’s banishment but if it was after, then no one would’ve corrected Azula’s thinking of ‘I want this so I’ll take it’ as a child.

Mai had said that Azula made her steal that mochi as a child, but how? How exactly did Azula make her steal something that her own mother told them not to touch? Mai could’ve said, no, yet she did it anyway. By blackmail? That’s a possibility, but we’d never even seen her blackmailing even in the present timeline. Azula said that she had merely suggested stealing it, but Mai was the one who insisted on following through so this is what I think actually happened.

Azula suggested stealing the mochi. Mai said no in fear of getting in trouble, so Azula just said that she’ll take the blame if they get in trouble (she was the princess after all, what could’ve Mai’s mother and Mai herself done if the Princess wanted it?) Mai followed along until she chickened out at the last minute. Azula called her out for it so Mai insisted on following through to prove her wrong. But then Mai felt guilty after that and Ty Lee was nervous about getting in trouble so Azula was the only one eating it at the end.

Is it fair to call her a monster or abusive for that? No.

Was it bad and wrong? Yes.

Her treatment of Zuko

This is the part where I truly believe Zuko extremists take things way out of proportion (this and in the present when she usually makes fun of him). What was her intention behind telling him about this? To warn him. Azula herself had told him that it was for his own good. If Azula did want her brother to be out of the way, then she wouldn’t have come all the way to his room just to mock him about it. She wouldn’t have told Ursa this either. She would’ve just kept it to herself. If Azula was cruel, she wouldn’t have told anyone.

The only reason why she was behaving that way was because she didn’t know how to feel about it. Would her father really kill his own son? Was he actually really going to do it? She was a 9 yr old kid who loved her father. She wouldn’t have wanted to believe that he was capable of such murder, but she didn’t want to risk it either- and so she tried to play if off as joke, while still making sure that Zuko would be aware of what she’d heard.

Also I’ve seen people call her a monster or crazy just from Zuko’s mantra ‘Azula always lies’.

Do I really have to explain why it’s illogical to call a 9 yr old a monster for lying...? Studies have shown that children usually lie between the ages of 2-10. Lying typically peaks between the ages of 6-10. So Azula lying at that age? Perfectly normal.

Azula was mean as a child, but she was never a monster, or even abusive. Future Azula though, that’s a different discussion for another day.

All I can say is this. It’s fine to call Azula an abuser in the present timeline. That’s your opinion and it actually makes sense too since she showed some of the signs. (Although it’s still questionable since we didn’t actually see it as a repetitive occurrence and how severe it was to be called abuse and the fact that Azula didn’t actually show the other signs of an abuser... if anything, Ozai is the literal prime example of an abuser, and the only thing Azula and Ozai actually shared was their manipulation and use of fear against people except Ozai wasn’t remorseful about that at all. Also I realized after reading up articles about abuse that Zuko in early Book 3 hit most of the signs when it comes to abusive partners which is why I find Azula being considered abusive, questionable because in this fandom, the term abusive doesn’t apply to Zuko but mostly on Mai instead...?)

However, it is NOT fine to call a child a monster or to call them abusive.

#atla #avatar the last airbender #azula #zuko #mai #ty lee #iroh #lu ten #meta post #analysis #she was just a child #ik azula’s just a character #but i’m concerned that people who call her actions when she was a child #abusive may even do the same to children in real life #when they do face something similar to this #also can someone tell me when it’s appropriate to put a ‘read more’ on a post? lol

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theonceoverthinker · 6 years ago

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OUAT and 001 for the ask thing? If you want to of course :)!

Hell yeah, I want to!!!

Favorite character:

I’m gonna cheat and make it a tie between Rumple and Emma.Rumple has some of the best dynamics in the entire show. The interesting writing that surrounds him complemented by Robert Carlyle’s acting makes even the most minor of interactions take on such life! He is the center of every scene he’s in and for damn good reason! Additionally, there’s a lot of nuance to his character! He can be sympathetic, cowardly, or in love in one moment and then be tying up and beating a florist in the next! That’s cool!

I love Emma. I love her story. I love how she has what likely would’ve been a villain’s backstory, but chose at nearly every opportunity to be a hero. I love the slow development from someone so afraid and distanced into someone who had the strength to love so much that even a memory wipe couldn’t stop her from getting a happy ending! I love how every season has a new aspect of her walls to tackle and a different degree to which they factor into her life.

Least Favorite character:

FUCK! GOTHEL! NEED I SAY MORE? NO, I DO NOT! MOVING ON!

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon):

Captain SwanCurious ArcherGolden HookShadow QueenDragon Queen

Character I find most attractive:

I love how you’re celebrating Pride Week by torturing my bisexual ass with this difficult question! Seriously, everyone in the cast is so attractive! How the frick frack paddy wack can I choose a favorite?! But, if you’re gonna twist my arm, I’m gonna give it to Hook, but only during Seasons 3, 4, and 6. I know a lot of people like the bangs, but I’m a fan of shorter hair.

Character I would marry:

Robin Mills. She’s got a strong and fierce personality, but can be so soft and understanding! And I’d love to go on adventures with her and she’d help me let go of (or maybe give in to) my bad side. ;)

Character I would be best friends with:

Smee! We’re both often overestimated, but for the most part, pretty likable. We’re both big and would bond over all of Storybrooke’s great food! We’d gossip about all of the town’s going ons! I’d steal his hat from time to time and commit the occasional mutiny! He’d teach me how to use a sword! It would be great!

a random thought:

I don’t get why people complain that we never learned what happened to Prince Thomas when Ella trapped Rumple. It never mattered where he stuck Thomas, what only mattered was that no matter what, Ella 1.0 wasn’t getting him back without trading her kid. So many people complain about this and I’m just at a loss as to why.

An unpopular opinion:

The one-shot characters like Hercules, Megara, and Rapunzel 1.0 don’t get the credit they’re deserved. They act as support characters and in a show with such a bloated cast but such a high demand for character appearances, sometimes, a smaller role is necessary. Additionally, they provide our mains with some of their strongest stories (Like REALLY watch “The Tower” again! It’s thematically really strong!).

My Canon OTP:

To keep things interesting, I’m gonna choose a pairing that’s NOT in the five I listed above. You KNOW I love those pairings, and I know you know I love those pairings, so let’s do something fun instead. And so, as an honorary OTP, I’m gonna say Glass Believer. Are they the strongest couple in the series? I don’t know if I can honestly say that, but what I Can say is they they are freakin’ cute! I watch their first dance so much -- it’s just filled to the brim with chemistry, tension, and sweet sweet understanding. I love how Ella challenges Henry and vice versa, creating a very level headed couple. Plus, the two of them and Lucy make such an adorable family!

My Non-canon OTP:

Grumpy Beauty. I have an on-again, off-again relationship with Rumbelle, but when I’m in the off state, Grumpy Beauty is my salvation! I love how every conversation they’ve ever shared has involved them emotionally supporting one another. I love how Belle had a nightmare about him being tortured. I love how when Rumple was in the Underworld, they had lunch together! I was honestly rooting for them.

Most Badass Character:

Alice Jones! This girl was stuck in a tower for most of her life, forcibly separated from the one person who loved her the most, was cursed to be a homeless thief, and was forced to nearly cause the apocalypse, and STILL had the strength to love everyone she ever met! She is such a badass and I love her!

Most Epic Villain:

Pan! I wrote a whole essay about him if you’re interested, but to make it short and simple, he’s a straight up irredeemable yet still nuanced villain with thematic and/or emotional connections to basically the entire main cast of the show who was so evil that he brought the main heroes and villains together to defeat him and whose death inescapably left such a big and emotional impact on the series that we basically needed a reset button to keep going!

Pairing I am not a fan of:

G*thel X Anyone, Gremma, Outlaw Queen, Stable Queen, Pan X Anyone

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another):

Dr. Facilier. There was so much potential given his moral ambiguity and relatively not terribly dirty slate for either a great redemption arc or a really tragic romance with Regina. He was such a cool and dynamic character.

Favourite Friendship:

It’s a tossup between Captain Beauty and Captain Charming, but I’m gonna give Captain Charming the advantage for the steady and solid development they had. I love how they grew to care for each other so much and on their own merits!

Character I most identify with:

Alice. I am so freakin’ bad in social situations, but I have a really loving support system who I would do anything for!

Character I wish I could be:

Ariel! I could swim in the ocean, walk on two legs, make portals, and find a sense of adventure and curiosity in everything! How cool would that be?!

Ask game!

Send me stuff!

#ouat #once upon a time #ask game #intothewickedwood

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romcomathon2016 · 6 years ago

Text

Crazy Rich Asians (USA, 2018)

This week on Romcomathon, a special bonus edition! We saw Crazy Rich Asians last night. Enjoyed it very much. You should go. You should all go. Tonight. Tomorrow. The day after tomorrow. Heavy spoilers ahead.

Predictions: We predicted that everyone would be crazy, rich, and Asian! (We had both read the book.) Then we saw the trailer and further predicted that everyone would be good-looking, and indeed they were — though, this is a romcom, so we would have predicted that anyway.

Plot: Constance Wu is your above-average Chinese-American gal. You know, teaching game theory at NYU, chilling in cute coffee shops with her cute boyfriend, Henry Golding. Little does she know, her cute boyfriend (who loves to play basketball at a smelly YMCA) is actually the scion of a whole bunch of unbelievably wealthy Singaporeans. When Henry Golding invites her to attend his best friend Chris Pang’s wedding in Singapore, Constance Wu happily accepts, thinking, “No problem! I’ll just charm his family! It’s fine!” But oh no, Constance Wu, it’s not fine. As it turns out, Singaporean high-society gossip travels at the speed of light, and within a matter of seconds — literally seconds — everyone in Singapore above a certain income bracket knows that *GASP* Henry Golding, the most eligible bachelor in the world, is off the market.

No one is pleased is about this, but least pleased of all is Henry Golding’s ice-queen mother, Michelle Yeoh. Nonetheless, Henry Golding, bizarrely oblivious, whisks Constance Wu onto Singapore Airlines, into a phenomenally beautiful private first-class cabin, which...kind of forces him to admit that his family is financially “comfortable.” OKAY, HENRY GOLDING. JUST LIE DOWN ON YOUR AIRPLANE BED AND PUT ON YOUR SOFT FANCY AIRPLANE PAJAMAS BECAUSE YOUR FAMILY IS “COMFORTABLE.” (Weird, though, that he never brought this up during the two years they’ve been together. Did he not think that, at some point, maybe he should mention, “Hey babe, my family pretty much owns Singapore. You know, that really expensive place in Asia?”)

Constance Wu and Henry Golding arrive in Singapore; are greeted by Chris Pang and his fiancée, Sonoya Mizuno; and head off, a foursome, to chow down on some of the most amazing food we’ve ever seen in our lives. Just a normal delicious time between some normal friends, right?? WRONG. The next day, Constance Wu goes to visit her old college roommate Awkwafina, whose own family is not too shabby. They are living in a gold-plated house that her mother based off of the Hall of Mirrors at Versailles. So, you know, it’s very understated. During her lunch there, Constance Wu finds out from Awkwafina’s parents — by the way, her dad is Ken Jeong — that a) Chris Pang and Sonoya Mizuno’s wedding is basically the most important event of the season. Like an inauguration or the Royal Wedding. b) Henry Golding is so rich that Awkwafina’s family’s wealth pales in comparison. Compared to Henry Golding’s family, these knockoff-Versailles-house people are just barely making gold-plated ends meet.

Great! Now Constance Wu is even more nervous! (Nice job not preparing your girlfriend at all, Henry Golding, by the way.) She heads off to Henry Golding’s grandmother’s estate, where his grandmother Lisa Lu is just having “a few friends over,” AKA it’s a huge party at the biggest house we or Constance Wu have ever seen. There, Henry Golding finally introduces Constance Wu to the fam, who obviously see her as a gauche American peasant. Which...look, it’s all relative!!!! Michelle Yeoh, in particular, is Not Impressed and makes it very clear through her politeness how very Not Impressed she is. But it’s okay, guys! It’s Lisa Lu’s opinion that matters — and she seems to like Constance Wu! Yay!

Hold on, though. Before we can get further with Lisa Lu, Constance Wu must attend Sonoya Mizuno’s huge bachelorette party -- on a smaller island that Sonoya Mizuno’s family (literally) owns. Constance Wu feels out of place amidst all this opulence, but luckily she finds a kindred spirit in what turns out to be Henry Golding’s ex-girlfriend. SPOILER ALERT: EX-GF IS NOT A KINDRED SPIRIT. IT IS A TRAP. Everyone terrorizes Constance Wu at this horrible party, except for Sonoya Mizuno. And Gemma Chan, Henry Golding’s favorite cousin, who, besides being genuinely nice, is preoccupied with her husband’s affair.

Upon returning to Singapore, Constance Wu lays into Henry Golding for -- well, OBVIOUSLY. Henry Golding is very apologetic, but also, “We have to go make dumplings with the fam. That’s cool, right?” They go back to Lisa Lu’s manse, where things are going okay, until Constance Wu compliments Michelle Yeoh’s ENORMOUS emerald ring. It turns out that Michelle Yeoh was given this ring by her husband, Lisa Lu’s son, who had to have it custom-made because Lisa Lu wouldn’t give her son the family ring...because she though Michelle Yeoh was not good enough. Sound familiar? Yet somehow, this does not make Michelle Yeoh sympathetic. In fact, she tells Constance Wu all of this simply to preface her announcement that Constance Wu is definitely not marriage material.

HOO BOY. Constance Wu, a bit taken aback, gets a pep talk from Awkwafina, who, along with Nico Santos, gives her a Classic Romcom Makeover (TM) for the wedding. Constance Wu shows up to the wedding looking like Elsa from Frozen — but with flowers! Seriously, though, it’s a fab look. Everyone loves it. Except Michelle Yeoh. At the wedding reception, Constance Wu is feeling pret-ty good about herself...but come on, we know this can’t last!!!! Lisa Lu and Michelle Yeoh ambush her and Henry Golding with the news that Michelle Yeoh hired a private investigator to look into Constance Wu’s background. Surprise! Her father, who she had always believed was dead, is not so much, and Constance Wu is actually the result of an affair her mother had. Oh dear. Lisa Lu tells Henry Golding that he cannot possibly marry a girl like this (oh yeah, Henry Golding told Chris Pang earlier that he was planning to propose to Constance Wu). If he does, she will disown him. Constance Wu runs off in tears.

Sad times -- all is lost -- no amount of Henry Golding calling or coming by can repair this damage. Constance Wu just spends days and days moping at Awkwafina’s house until her mom, Tan Kheng Hua, shows up. Her mother admits to the affair and explains that she had an abusive husband. Constance Wu forgives her, uh, remarkably quickly for lying about this her whole life, which...is a bit odd, but you know, it’s a romcom. Who has time for subplots anyway?! Constance Wu agrees to meet up with Henry Golding one last time. He proposes to her, heedless of his family, but *GASP* she turns him down. Then meets up with Michelle Yeoh, secretively at a mahjong parlor, in order to make clear that she could have had him -- but walked away because she didn’t want him to lose his family, be estranged from his mother, blah blah blah. SUCK ON THAT, MICHELLE YEOH!!!! YOU’RE INDEBTED TO ME NOW!!!!!! ME, THE AMERICAN PEASANT. HA HA HA. HENRY GOLDING AND I WILL BOTH BE SAD, BUT MY HORSE IS MILES HIGH!!!!!!!! (...is what we imagine she feels.)

Satisfied, Constance Wu swaggers into economy class with her mom. But lo! Who should arrive but Henry Golding, chasing after her because Michelle Yeoh -- post-mahjong-showdown -- went to him and gave him the ring?! THE GIANT EMERALD RING!!!!!! OH EM GEE, YOU GUYS, IT’S SO SYMBOLIC!!!! This time, as he proposes in a crowded airplane aisle, Constance Wu says yes. Cut to their excessively opulent engagement party, where Constance Wu and Michelle Yeoh share a Look, and Gemma Chan meets Harry Shum, Jr. (Not bad, for an extremely wealthy, recently jilted lass!)

Best Scene: So many good scenes, but probably our favorite is when Awkwafina drives Constance Wu to Lisa Lu’s estate and the two of them are met by two extremely severe Indian guards outside the gate. The guards are wielding bayonets. It’s very funny, as are all of Awkwafina’s scenes.

Worst Scene: ...Weeeell, Ken Jeong spends most of his time in this film creepin’ on Constance Wu, his daughter’s friend, which definitely made us uncomfortable. But, to be fair, we wanted an American romcom starring Asians, and no romcom would be complete without us being a little grossed out. :|

Best Line: There were many funny lines. Pretty much everything out of Awkwafina’s mouth was solid gold. Constance Wu also had some good zingers. Unfortunately, we’ve only seen the movie once so far and can’t quote directly.

Worst Line: Ken Jeong and his son both creep real hard on Constance Wu, so probably something one of them said.

Highlights of the Watching Experience: Well, there’s the obvious — that this is the first (hopefully not last!) Hollywood romcom we’ve ever seen starring even two Asian people, let alone an entirely Asian cast. Plus a fun, fantastic, mostly-Mandarin soundtrack. Some of us may have cried. (“It was not me,” says Alex.) Also, Michelle Yeoh looked FUCKING AMAZING. How old is that woman now? IMMORTAL, is the answer. Also, we, as Chinese-Americans, are obsessed with food, so we appreciated that that common cultural trait was well-demonstrated in this movie, particularly by Constance Wu.

How Many POC in the Film: EVERYONE! EVERYONE WAS A PERSON OF COLOR! There was even one black extra in the wedding scene. We sighted her in the corner and got VERY excited.

Alternate Scenes: ...N-none? Honestly, we thought this was an excellent movie adaptation -- and just an excellent movie, period, which is maybe even more impressive. Yaaaay! No joke, we have already purchased tickets to see it again.

Was the Poster Better or Worse than the Film: Worse. The poster is fine, but the movie is better, of course, because the movie was good! It was a good movie! We saw a good movie!

Score: 10 out of 10 crazy-rich-Asian smooches. We never pretended this blog was objective, okay? No, but actually -- it’s a great romcom. If you love seeing unrealistically beautiful people kissing in unrealistically beautiful locations, as we assume you all must if you are reading this blog, you will enjoy this film. Go see it! Support non-white and non-Netflix romcoms! Plz. <3

Ranking: 3, out of the 149 movies we’ve seen so far.

#crazy rich asians #constance wu #henry golding #2018

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jayleeg · 7 years ago

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What's going on with Marvels comics this time?

Okay, so this guy who called himself “The Whisperer” who claims to be a Marvel Comics employee dumped a crap load of company dirt onto reddit. Once those rumors surfaced Bleeding Cool ran an article about how it was all crap. And then the rumor leak guy fired back that Rich, the administrator of Bleeding Cool, got paid by Marvel to write the article debunking his rumors. Honestly the entire thing is like a soap opera.

I mean I shouldn’t find this stuff interesting, normally I don’t, I stay away from gossip sites for a reason (and that reason is most of it’s torrid and exaggerated) but as someone who’s worked in the market of business data and trends for twenty years I *have* been wondering why Disney hasn’t intervened with the comics division of Marvel when a) it’s going under, sales are way down and b) they’re ruining their brand with crap storytelling. So out of all of these ‘rumors’ the one I can actually believe is that Disney is staging an intervention and also toying with the possibility of moving Marvel Comics to Burbank, California in order to keep a closer eye on them all.

Anyway, the rumors that started the drama are copied and pasted under cut (and by pasting them here I am no way claiming or endorsing that they are in any way valid, they very well could be a bunch of crap) and I linked the Bleeding Cool article debunking some and taking credit for others above…

Editorial is miserable. Understaffed, under experienced and overworked. The direction at the top corporate level is a mess of politics and in-fighting. They all look the fool to Disney because of Feige’s split and the bad PR & constant gaming of their declining sales is wearing on them. Top brass want to make a hard left back to what worked with Steve, Thor, Tony, Banner and other recognizable faces. Editorial knows how bad it’s going to look to push all their diversity celebrations to the side. Reality is those books didn’t sell. A lot of it had to do with Marvel’s chincy practices finally reaching a breaking point with fans but the internal editorial spin is that comic shop fans aren’t ready to embrace change.

>The terrible reaction to Hydra Cap/Secret Empire forced a change in plans. Originally it was going to end with a quasi-Dark Reign scenario where Hydra is vanquished thanks to Kubik shenanigans and the World Security Council from the movies steps in to assume power over super heroes and everything has Civil War-era overtones with registrations, boot camps, the idea of an Inhuman ban. The Vanishing Point would be a way to bring back Steve, Tony, Thor, Banner; sort of like Hickman’s “Time Runs Out” jump-skip but in reverse, it would rewind the characters to before the Hydra subversion stars. The classic heroes realize that they have lost touch with the people and need to learn how to fight for them again. In the meantime, the new generation of Miles, Kamala, Riri and other Champions would form “the resistance” against the WSC state. (“Generation” was also planned to be the transition from the classic guys taking a step back and letting the new generation lead the charge).>>>Legacy is a rush-job. They can’t afford to take the classic characters off the table like that for so long but they also don’t want to piss off the new diverse audience they’ve been trying to court. They’re trying to have their cake and eat it too, and please all masters. It’s a scattershot way to buy time while they right the course on several books. It’s not going to be about “new number 1s” but milestone 500, 600, 800 issues. A lot of these big volume numbers are really stretching the definition but the constant relaunches have started to seriously damage the trade department’s ability to plan out long-term marketing.

>They’re bringing back the Ultimate line for the teen heroes. Miles will become Ultimate Spider-Man again. Siri becomes Ultimate Iron Man. X-Men Blue becomes Ultimate X-Men. Champions becomes the Ultimates. The only “adult” character that will be a regular presence is Captain Marvel because they want her to be seen a prominent character to the overarching power structure of the WSC/SHIELD and other elements that will factor into her movie heavily. They’ll still make guest appearances in the “main” books but don’t expect them to anchor anymore franchises. Bendis staying on Miles and Riri. Hopeless is still on Ult X. New Ultimates writer is Amy Reeder

>Waid is a stop-gap on Cap to bridge the Legacy launch, then takes over Iron Man with 600 (Doom will be the main villain). Coates is taking over Cap with 700. They want him on the book to endorse the image rehabilitation. There’s a lot of face-palming internally about the “cap is a nazi” talk. He’s on both that and Black Panther as long as his schedule allows.

>They got lucky with Greg Pak and Hulk. It leads into a Planet Hulk revival pretty seamlessly.

>Jane Foster dying was always the end-game with the storyline, but the positive response with female fans means they’re trying to find a way to make her stick around. Tentatively planning to make her the new Valkyrie as the movie version is a blank slate and no one cares about the 70s Defenders character.>Classic Thor will be space-bound for awhile. Definitely through “Ragnarok.”>>

>Slott is off Amazing Spider-Man. They’re going to move him over to Friendly Neighborhood; the fear is he would sign exclusive with DC if they took it away from him completely. Plus he struggles with deadlines and there’s less risk with him off to the side. They can’t ignore declining sales anymore and it’s time for a refresh.>Spencer was earmarked for ‘Amazing Spider-Man” for awhile but he’s “earned it” after taking the heat for Secret Empire. Plus there are fans of his “Superior Foes” book in editorial and the plan is to emphasize tech-based criminals, go smaller scale, focus on NYC. Yes, like the movie. No, they’re not going to de-age him to a teenager. (Although it is a corporate synergy idea that has been floated; editorial has been able to argue that there’s no great way to do it … yet. They’re hoping Tom Holland ages up and they give up on that idea. The time-displaced X-Men are an albatross brought on by First Class synergy).>No major plans for MJ beyond guest spots here and there. The marriage isn’t coming back ever. Renew Your Vows will stick around until its a money-loss. It’s just a spin-off that had some legs, like Spider-Gwen. Silver Sable/Black Cat plans are being developed. Big plans for the Venom series to have a central role in Marvel events.>>>The X-Men are still in a tight spot. ResurrXion was itself a rush job after the Inhumans movie push was officially kaput and there was no future for family of books. Because of the Fox issue, they still can’t create new ideas that could go toward the movies so its literally just nostalgia retreads. Uncanny will be back next year with Xavier. Old Man Logan is sticking around for the foreseeable future with X-23 becoming his sidekick, the book will be called “Wolverine.” They burned out Deadpool fans with the price gouging, so no plans for spin-off series, but there will always be mini-series on the side to line out trades.

>Seriously, don’t expect the classic Fantastic Four anytime soon. Ike has seemingly dug his heels in; even though Fox will probably never figure out what to do with them, he’s spiting the brand because of how bad the negotiations went. Sue & Reed and the kids are seen as “boring” enough to sacrifice. Two-In-One is basically a containment book for people to get their F4 fix. It’s an inventory book, no set writer, it’s like “Avenging Spider-Man” or “A+X.” Different writers will get to use different pet characters.

>Ms. Marvel is in a funky spot because most at Marvel are aware that something organically special happened with her book. She’s basically the new “Runaways,” a special project with a special writer’s connection. It will last as long as Wilson wants to writer her, with a focus on the bookstore market while she pops in and out of other books when relevant. They want the audience to have enough familiarity with her because it’s inevitable she’ll be adapted sooner than later; it’s way too soon for her to be introduced into any Carol Danvers sequels so the TV division might snag her for their Hulu/Freeform teen show pitches. (Moon Girl is saved by her trade sales but the threshold is much lower for if sales drop any lower.)

>Wilson is also taking over Captain Marvel. They need to make it work and she’ll do the best job tying the legacy together. Kamala, Monica Rambeau, SWORD — its all part of it.

>Runaways is just a mini-series. They just want the trade out in time for the Hulu show. They can’t seem to get readers to care if it’s not BKV but they know people still love the franchise.>Cloak & Dagger and New Warriors series are coming. Squirrel Girl is wrapping up and North is moving her storylines over to NW where she’ll be the main character.

>Elektra, Bullseye, Kingpin tanking so hard shook them. They need the “Marvel Knights Netflix” corner to be sustainable, so they’re relying on Bendis on Defenders & Jessica Jones for awhile. Say what you want about his other stuff, everyone here thinks its still his sweet spot.>Brian Buccellato is on Daredevil with issue 600.>Justin Jordan is on Moon Knight; big hope that he can give Marvel their “mature” critically acclaimed book that juices up that corner of Marvel.

>Secret Warriors and Royals are already wrapping up. Rosenberg is moving over to one main Inhumans book. Quake/SHIELD will be background characters until “Agents” wraps up (everyone knows this is the last season).>They’re going to give Ahmed a shot with Black Bolt until sales drop.

>No plans to take Duggan off Guardians. Gunn is moving full steam ahead with Adam Warlock weirdness and they want to make sure those characters/ideas are “accessible” but still fun.

>Punisher War Machine is just one storyline involving Stark tech. They want to pull the character back from some of the real-life darkness and imagery; Nate Edmondson’s rep + Secret Empire has made him “ugly” (plus no one cares about Cloonan’s run). They want to scale him back to the Spider-Man/Defenders side of street-level, with less focus on real guns and more emphasis on comic book-y tech.

>Al Ewing is on Spirits of Vengeance. Editorial likes him, but he can’t sell a book to save his life. They just want someone with a love of Marvel lore to write the magic/horror characters to have them prepped for future Movie Phase exploration with a Blade reboot. They know that corner of Marvel horror needs its own “Annihilation.”

>It’s just like … a Spencer plot device. It could have been WeirdWorld (oh boy that was a failed plan). It’s just Spencer’s take on a “place out of time” a la Morrison.

>There are no plans for a Spidey reboot like that. They can’t get readers to pick up a teen Peter Parker since Bendis killed off Ultimate.

They wrote themselves into a corner because no one cares about kids books like Marvel Adventures or that “Spidey” book from last year.

There has been some discussion about an “Untold Tales of Spider-Man” relaunch with teen Peter and the high school cast but they don’t want Busiek and there’s no market for “prequel” books.

There’s a thought (and I agree) that once the animated Miles movie comes out, they’ll have their “Spider-Man for kids” so we want to keep him strong in the comics and cartoon merch. The Sony deal is kind of closed off but in terms of brand direction, we’re all about synergy. The Gwen revival talk is dead now that the Emma Stone movies are done.

We’re just kind of waiting to see Sony’s next steps but there’s kind of like a prep for nostalgia for the Raimi trajection in terms of MJ & college.

We’re in the dark about a lot of the post Infinity War plans now but the overarching brand direction we were looking at was scaling it to revolve around Spider-Man even though Marvel can’t make a solo Spidey film.

I think Tom Holland is going to be the new lynchpin for the MCU. They’re not going to have a new “Iron Man” franchise but they’ve got Holland locked into a deal where he’ll teaming up with characters in their own stuff.

The original plan was to mirror the Civil War to Secret Invasion to Dark Reign arc.

There’s a reason this is called Secret Empire. The next step was “Nomad”‘ing the entire Marvel line-up. There was a lot of editorial excitement about saying something about Trump’s win and the baby boomer backlash.

No one was expecting the backlash to cap hydra and they probably could have kept the original plans intact but I think it was the sales/marketing push that buried it.

Not everyone is an idiot here; we are aware of how we price gouge comic shops. I think that was more the issue and once all the online fan political arguing started happening around the book, retailers just finally threw their hands cause it wasn’t worth the outrage.

Jason Aaron is off doing his own thing. His Avengers BC thing is just a Morrison mini series idea he has.

Spencer “made his statement” now that Captain Sam won’t be the status quo (that was the original plan while Steve goes back to the maskless “Super Soldier” identity).

I think everyone agrees it’s time to take teens away from Waid.

But the senior editors had big plans for that push and now there’s nowhere else to put it. But we can’t just get rid of it forever.

There was no plan to replace all the “white men” its just how the pieces fell into the place. Honestly, the Riri thing was the tipping point. It was Bendis’ idea, no one in editorial had a big plan for it and it hurt the big post-Secret Wars push to make Tony Stark the franchise of the MU.

Since it’s basically a book for his daughter, we’re kind of stuck keeping her in print.

Edit wants to have a fresh voice on a Miles book in time for the Sony cartoon. David Walker apparently had a pitch that got people excited.

But there’s just no way to take Miles AND Riri away from Bendis without burning a bridge with him forever.

I’m not kidding: the Slott FNSM run is going to marketed like Joss Whedon on Astonishing. It’s its “own thing” “unrestricted by the monthly continuity but still taking place in the MU” which is code for “if its late, its late.”

It’s going to be sold as “separate but equal” to Amazing. I have no idea how long it will last, but it’s to assuage his ego apparently as he was not interested in other books.

I don’t think anybody wants anyone else to jump to DC. The real fear is Disney seeing that Warner had success moving the comics office to Burbank and lining everything up under one roof.

Moving Marvel Comics out of NYC and onto the Disney lots is a real possibility. A lot of us will get downsized or just not relocate if that happens.

not surprised. just our typical variant trick that’s been meant with diminishing returns while contracts get lined up for new last-minute books to replace post SE plans.

shitty day for me because i had to handle a lot of the online damage control until like 8:30

This is how Marvel corporate works under Ike: we don’t give the fox and sony movies anything but we will milk the cash in on comics.

After X3, the plan was to do a teen focused reboot, so we were going to cash in on that. Not literally the movie cast, but remove the baggage and make them streamlined and accessible to younger demos.

Claremont is like the “Spider Man wedding” of X Men. Its this unwieldy thing that none of the senior editors like that they want to rewind but because of the movie deal we can’t make new IP.

X-Men has been a micromanaged mess since I started here. AVX was a sales team gimmick to replicate Civil War, which messed up Schism. Remender’s plans got hijacked by the time displaced O5 which was a pretty shameless Bendis pitch to corporate. There’s no central architect guiding the franchise, just big plans that get derailed by the next sales gimmick.

Then the fox talks started going really south and it wasn’t just “don’t give them new ideas” but actively scale it back.

Yes Ike and corporate really thought they could replace X Men with Inhumans. They don’t actually care what it is, just as long as they own it.

The 05 was seen as a way to scale it back and might as well “House of M” the last vestige of Grant Morrison’s run and just make Scott & Emma straight up super villains. But its been a mess cause no two writers are working together on the bigger picture and Gillen and Aaron and Remender all had different plans.

IVX was a mercy killing to a character that had been written into a corner

Carnage: big villain for the Venom plansPower Pack: early early development for a freeform show, comic would follow obviously

i’m writing this on my personal laptop out of the office. no one at marvel checks this place. and if they did, they just see 4chan as a bunch of trump trolls.

#marvel #comics

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lastsonlost · 7 years ago

Link

It’s time for that rumor mill to start spinning and it might be a big one.

Word around the comic book campfire is that Marvel’s lines of comic books are a disaster behind the scenes and big changes are coming our way. You’re going to have to take this with a huge grain of salt but the news is showing up on message boards across 4chan on their diverse replacement characters – i.e.

Amadeus Cho’s Hulk, Waid Wilson’s Captain America, and Jane Foster’s Thor etc. To add more to the salt, Marvel but be looking to bring back the originals to the Inhumans and X-Men in hopes to boost sales.

What’s adding more to the idea that this might all be smoke and no fire; the people at Bleeding Cool are stating that these rumors are just that…rumors.

Here’s the info that’s been popping up:

Top brass want to make a hard left back to what worked with Steve, Thor, Tony, Banner and other recognizable faces. Editorial knows how bad it’s going to look to push all their diversity celebrations to the side.

Reality is those books didn’t sell. A lot of it had to do with Marvel’s chincy practices finally reaching a breaking point with fans but the internal editorial spin is that comic shop fans aren’t ready to embrace change.

The terrible reaction to Hydra Cap/Secret Empire forced a change in plans. Originally it was going to end with a quasi-Dark Reign scenario where Hydra is vanquished thanks to Kubik shenanigans and the World Security Council from the movies steps in to assume power over super heroes and everything has Civil War-era overtones with registrations, boot camps, the idea of an Inhuman ban. The Vanishing Point would be a way to bring back Steve, Tony, Thor, Banner; sort of like Hickman’s “Time Runs Out” jump-skip but in reverse, it would rewind the characters to before the Hydra subversion stars. The classic heroes realize that they have lost touch with the people and need to learn how to fight for them again. In the meantime, the new generation of Miles, Kamala, Riri and other Champions would form “the resistance” against the WSC state. (“Generation” was also planned to be the transition from the classic guys taking a step back and letting the new generation lead the charge).

Legacy is a rush-job. They can’t afford to take the classic characters off the table like that for so long but they also don’t want to piss off the new diverse audience they’ve been trying to court.

They’re trying to have their cake and eat it too, and please all masters. It’s a scattershot way to buy time while they right the course on several books. It’s not going to be about “new number 1s” but milestone 500, 600, 800 issues. A lot of these big volume numbers are really stretching the definition but the constant relaunches have started to seriously damage the trade department’s ability to plan out long-term marketing.

They’re bringing back the Ultimate line for the teen heroes. Miles will become Ultimate Spider-Man again. Siri becomes Ultimate Iron Man. X-Men Blue becomes Ultimate X-Men. Champions becomes the Ultimates. The only “adult” character that will be a regular presence is Captain Marvel because they want her to be seen a prominent character to the overarching power structure of the WSC/SHIELD and other elements that will factor into her movie heavily. They’ll still make guest appearances in the “main” books but don’t expect them to anchor anymore franchises. Bendis staying on Miles and Riri. Hopeless is still on Ult X. New Ultimates writer is Amy Reeder

Waid is a stop-gap on Cap to bridge the Legacy launch, then takes over Iron Man with 600 (Doom will be the main villain).

Coates is taking over Cap with 700. They want him on the book to endorse the image rehabilitation. There’s a lot of face-palming internally about the “cap is a nazi” talk. He’s on both that and Black Panther as long as his schedule allows.

They got lucky with Greg Pak and Hulk. It leads into a Planet Hulk revival pretty seamlessly.

Jane Foster dying was always the end-game with the storyline, but the positive response with female fans means they’re trying to find a way to make her stick around. Tentatively planning to make her the new Valkyrie as the movie version is a blank slate and no one cares about the 70s Defenders character.

Classic Thor will be space-bound for awhile. Definitely through “Ragnarok.”

Slott is off Amazing Spider-Man.

They’re going to move him over to Friendly Neighborhood; the fear is he would sign exclusive with DC if they took it away from him completely. Plus he struggles with deadlines and there’s less risk with him off to the side. They can’t ignore declining sales anymore and it’s time for a refresh.

Spencer was earmarked for ‘Amazing Spider-Man” for awhile but he’s “earned it” after taking the heat for Secret Empire. Plus there are fans of his “Superior Foes” book in editorial and the plan is to emphasize tech-based criminals, go smaller scale, focus on NYC. Yes, like the movie. No, they’re not going to de-age him to a teenager. (Although it is a corporate synergy idea that has been floated; editorial has been able to argue that there’s no great way to do it … yet. They’re hoping Tom Holland ages up and they give up on that idea. The time-displaced X-Men are an albatross brought on by First Class synergy).

No major plans for MJ beyond guest spots here and there. The marriage isn’t coming back ever. Renew Your Vows will stick around until its a money-loss. It’s just a spin-off that had some legs, like Spider-Gwen. Silver Sable/Black Cat plans are being developed. Big plans for the Venom series to have a central role in Marvel events.

The X-Men are still in a tight spot. ResurrXion was itself a rush job after the Inhumans movie push was officially kaput and there was no future for family of books. Because of the Fox issue, they still can’t create new ideas that could go toward the movies so its literally just nostalgia retreads. Uncanny will be back next year with Xavier. Old Man Logan is sticking around for the foreseeable future with X-23 becoming his sidekick, the book will be called “Wolverine.” They burned out Deadpool fans with the price gouging, so no plans for spin-off series, but there will always be mini-series on the side to line out trades.

Seriously, don’t expect the classic Fantastic Four anytime soon. Ike has seemingly dug his heels in; even though Fox will probably never figure out what to do with them, he’s spiting the brand because of how bad the negotiations went. Sue & Reed and the kids are seen as “boring” enough to sacrifice. Two-In-One is basically a containment book for people to get their F4 fix. It’s an inventory book, no set writer, it’s like “Avenging Spider-Man” or “A+X.” Different writers will get to use different pet characters.

Ms. Marvel is in a funky spot because most at Marvel are aware that something organically special happened with her book. She’s basically the new “Runaways,” a special project with a special writer’s connection. It will last as long as Wilson wants to writer her, with a focus on the bookstore market while she pops in and out of other books when relevant. They want the audience to have enough familiarity with her because it’s inevitable she’ll be adapted sooner than later; it’s way too soon for her to be introduced into any Carol Danvers sequels so the TV division might snag her for their Hulu/Freeform teen show pitches. (Moon Girl is saved by her trade sales but the threshold is much lower for if sales drop any lower.)

Wilson is also taking over Captain Marvel. They need to make it work and she’ll do the best job tying the legacy together. Kamala, Monica Rambeau, SWORD — its all part of it.

Runaways is just a mini-series. They just want the trade out in time for the Hulu show. They can’t seem to get readers to care if it’s not BKV but they know people still love the franchise. >Cloak & Dagger and New Warriors series are coming. Squirrel Girl is wrapping up and North is moving her storylines over to NW where she’ll be the main character.

Elektra, Bullseye, Kingpin tanking so hard shook them. They need the “Marvel Knights Netflix” corner to be sustainable, so they’re relying on Bendis on Defenders & Jessica Jones for awhile. Say what you want about his other stuff, everyone here thinks its still his sweet spot.

Brian Buccellato is on Daredevil with issue 600.

Justin Jordan is on Moon Knight; big hope that he can give Marvel their “mature” critically acclaimed book that juices up that corner of Marvel.

Secret Warriors and Royals are already wrapping up. Rosenberg is moving over to one main Inhumans book. Quake/SHIELD will be background characters until “Agents” wraps up (everyone knows this is the last season).

They’re going to give Ahmed a shot with Black Bolt until sales drop.

No plans to take Duggan off Guardians. Gunn is moving full steam ahead with Adam Warlock weirdness and they want to make sure those characters/ideas are “accessible” but still fun.

Punisher War Machine is just one storyline involving Stark tech. They want to pull the character back from some of the real-life darkness and imagery; Nate Edmondson’s rep + Secret Empire has made him “ugly” (plus no one cares about Cloonan’s run). They want to scale him back to the Spider-Man/Defenders side of street-level, with less focus on real guns and more emphasis on comic book-y tech.

Al Ewing is on Spirits of Vengeance. Editorial likes him, but he can’t sell a book to save his life. They just want someone with a love of Marvel lore to write the magic/horror characters to have them prepped for future Movie Phase exploration with a Blade reboot. They know that corner of Marvel horror needs its own “Annihilation.”

Replying to whether Marvel will have a black Mary Jane or what Vanishing Point was.

It’s just like … a Spencer plot device. It could have been WeirdWorld (oh boy that was a failed plan). It’s just Spencer’s take on a “place out of time” a la Morrison.

There are no plans for a Spidey reboot like that. They can’t get readers to pick up a teen Peter Parker since Bendis killed off Ultimate.

They wrote themselves into a corner because no one cares about kids books like Marvel Adventures or that “Spidey” book from last year.

We’re just kind of waiting to see Sony’s next steps but there’s kind of like a prep for nostalgia for the Raimi trajection in terms of MJ & college.

The original plan was to mirror the Civil War to Secret Invasion to Dark Reign arc.

No one was expecting the backlash to cap hydra and they probably could have kept the original plans intact but I think it was the sales/marketing push that buried it.

On what Ultimate comics are

just an imprint line. not a separate universe.

Jason Aaron is off doing his own thing. His Avengers BC thing is just a Morrison mini series idea he has. Spencer “made his statement” now that Captain Sam won’t be the status quo (that was the original plan while Steve goes back to the maskless “Super Soldier” identity).

I think everyone agrees it’s time to take teens away from Waid.

But the senior editors had big plans for that push and now there’s nowhere else to put it. But we can’t just get rid of it forever.

Since it’s basically a book for his daughter, we’re kind of stuck keeping her in print.

Edit wants to have a fresh voice on a Miles book in time for the Sony cartoon. David Walker apparently had a pitch that got people excited.

But there’s just no way to take Miles AND Riri away from Bendis without burning a bridge with him forever.

On Spider-Man,

It’s going to be sold as “separate but equal” to Amazing. I have no idea how long it will last, but it’s to assuage his ego apparently as he was not interested in other books.

I don’t think anybody wants anyone else to jump to DC.

The real fear is Disney seeing that Warner had success moving the comics office to Burbank and lining everything up under one roof.

Moving Marvel Comics out of NYC and onto the Disney lots is a real possibility. A lot of us will get downsized or just not relocate if that happens.

On what it was like when the Legacy variant covers were announced

not surprised. just our typical variant trick that’s been meant with diminishing returns while contracts get lined up for new last-minute books to replace post SE plans. shitty day for me because i had to handle a lot of the online damage control until like 8:30

This is how Marvel corporate works under Ike: we don’t give the fox and sony movies anything but we will milk the cash in on comics.

Claremont is like the “Spider Man wedding” of X Men. Its this unwieldy thing that none of the senior editors like that they want to rewind but because of the movie deal we can’t make new IP.

Then the fox talks started going really south and it wasn’t just “don’t give them new ideas” but actively scale it back.

Yes Ike and corporate really thought they could replace X Men with Inhumans. They don’t actually care what it is, just as long as they own it.

IVX was a mercy killing to a character that had been written into a corner

Carnage: big villain for the Venom plans Power Pack: early early development for a freeform show, comic would follow obviously

And where all this was coming from.

i’m writing this on my personal laptop out of the office. no one at marvel checks this place. and if they did, they just see 4chan as a bunch of trump trolls

The thing that bothers me the most about the article is the ending where “leaker” mentions how easy it is to get the information out there for us to see. Marvel as been known to keep a tight lid on their material so all this info that has been dropped on us is suspicious at best.

What do you guys think? Do you think Marvel might be in a panic over their comic book division?

#marvel

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trendingnewsb · 7 years ago

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6 Millennial Fads That Are Way Older Than You Think

There are a few things almost everyone agrees on: Water is wet, babies are cute, and Millennials are the worst generation humanity has ever created. There isn’t a thing they like, from selfies to avocado toast, that hasn’t become a sign that their inventions and fads are ruining the very fabric of society. But guess what? Half of the “Millennial” trends your grandpa complains about are actually even older than he is. For example …

“Sexting” Has Been Around Since The Renaissance

It’s unsurprising that the invention of a device that is capable of both taking pictures and sending those pictures to another human being was followed immediately by the invention of the practice of sending people photos of your own sex bits — or as people much cooler than we are call it, “sexting.” But the idea of “sending nudes” in order to make someone horny for you is much older than camera phones. Hell, it’s older than cameras.

Nell GwynThis was accompanied by a smaller painting of eggplant and peach emojis.

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Take this 17th-century portrait of a lady preparing food while a black servant gives her an expression that seems to ask “Why are your boobs out?” The woman in the picture is Nell Gwyn, comedic actress and mistress to English King Charles II, who sent this lusty portrait to her lover sometime during their 16-year affair. The very suggestive piece shows a virginal white Gwyn flash ample cleavage while “stuffing sausages,” which we’ll assume was the Renaissance equivalent of sending the eggplant emoji. The original picture, made by a wisely anonymous painter in the late 17th century, is only a little larger than a postcard — not big enough to hang on a wall, but probably just about the right size to carry around in a king-sized pocket and show to his ducal bros.

Flash-forward to 1828, and this self-portrait by Boston painter Sarah Goodridge might be the first sext selfie. And unlike Gwyn, Goodridge knew there was a quicker way into a man’s unmentionables than some subtle iconography:

Sarah GoodridgePerhaps the slightest bit less coy than the last example.

She sent this as a gift to none other than U.S. senator Daniel Webster. It’s a miniature painting, measuring around 2×3 inches, which was popular at the time. Pretty useless for display, but handy for, say, keeping it hidden from your wife. Webster and Goodridge insisted they were only close friends, and historians have found no evidence they were doing the wild thing. Except, of course, for exhibit Double D.

Naturally, when cameras came along, sexting became a lot easier. The media already knew about the trend as early as 1860, warning ladies against the improper behavior of “giving daguerreotypes of themselves to young men who are merely acquaintances.”

New York LedgerYou can almost hear #KnowYourWorth quietly echoing back through history.

And during the early 1900s, it was common for women to send racy pictures of themselves to their husbands on the battlefield to show them what was waiting at home (a very blurry half-dressed woman). There are plenty of attics everywhere that might contain such saucy pictures in a dusty box, claims English Professor Joshua Adair — a fact that he likes to illustrate to his horrified students by showing them a photo he found of his pantsless grandmother.

Joshua AdairLearning about family history is fun until you reach the truth: Your grandparents boned. Hard.

People Were Using Selfie Sticks In The 1920s

Selfies might be the worst thing Millennials have embraced with outstretched arms, apart from Nazism. But until recently, selfies had been an awkward thing to pull off, holding the camera as far away as possible while as your trembling hand tries to frame all of your friends’ duckfaces. In came the selfie stick, still the most divisive popular invention of our time. Some people love them, other people love that they cause users to sometimes walk onto train tracks. But for all the crap oldies give kids about their selfie sticks, they’ve been around for almost a century.

Of course, selfies themselves started around five minutes after the camera was invented. But surely, selfie sticks had to wait until cameras got tiny or people’s biceps got massive, right? That’s why the selfie stick only officially dates back to around 2005. But when BBC News mentioned this in a column recently, it prompted one reader, Alan Cleaver, to send them this photo of his grandparents from 1925:

Alan CleaverThis filter sucks. Try Dust Bowl.

The dashing gentleman in the pictograph is Arnold Hogg, simultaneously using the earliest known selfie stick and conveniently providing photographic evidence of it. Unfortunately, the context of this image has been lost to time, but if you look at the picture, it’s quite obvious that that’s the face of a guy who just invented the selfie stick, while the expression on his wife’s face is definitely that of a woman who just realized she married the inventor of the selfie stick.

Text Speak Dates Back To The Telegraph Era

We’re always hearing about how SMS, Twitter, and other quick messaging platforms are destroying the English language by converting it into a bunch of shorthand gibberish. Not like in the old days, naturally, when people wrote out all of their correspondence in full with a quill pen. But now, with their abbreviations and emoticons, Millennials are all hammering out 140-character screeds that look like a shitty Rosetta Stone translating bad English to Pac-Man hieroglyphs.

And that’s probably the same complaint that people had when everyone started doing it back in the 1870s.

Back before the telephone, there was the telegraph, which you might liken to an early form of SMS. You’d write a short message and pay your local operator to tap it out in Morse code to your chosen recipient. But telegraphy was expensive, and it charged by the letter, meaning eloquence could easily cost you an entire week’s salary in the nickel mines. As a penny-pinching response, people derived a shorthand language that looks remarkably similar to the kind of text speak that Baby Boomers complain about today, as you can see from this 1901 textbook:

Google Books

In fact, a lot of accursed Millennial speak can be traced directly to the abbreviations used by fast-tapping telegraphers. Most notably, the letter “U” for “you” or “R” for “are.” Telegraphers also used “ty” for “thank you” and “pls” for “please.” And though they didn’t say “LOL,” they would indicate laughter with “HI HI” (which required fewer dots than either HA HA or HE HE).

Maybe the most surprising acronym to come out of this era is “OMG,” which has been traced as far back as a letter from Admiral John Fisher to Winston Churchill in 1917:

Fisher’s Memories“OMG, R U gonna come intercept the German fleet or wut??? :p :p :p #imonaboat”

A Whole Bunch Of Historical Figures Used Stand-Up Desks

If you work in an office, you might have heard that sitting is the new smoking. (Also, leaning is the new doing meth. Tell your friends.) So in order to combat the tyranny of comfort, the hip new trend in offices everywhere is the standing desk, used frequently by Millennial workers who buy into the often-disputed health claims, thinking they’re better than older generations who sat down their entire lives and didn’t act like precious snowflakes about it. Well guess what, bitter old man we made up: You’ve now called our Founding Fathers snowflakes. Traitor.

Turns out that a whole host of historical figures found it preferable to do their desk work on their feet. It’s purported that Leonardo da Vinci liked to draft his anachronistic contraptions standing up. In more recent times, we have firsthand accounts from lots of writers and politicians who liked it better that way, including Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Jefferson.

Wilhelm, Kotelmann, Bergstrom, ConradiWe may have improved on the design, but they were seriously ahead on their grade-school suit game.

The biographers of Lewis Carroll, Nathaniel Hawthorne, and Virginia Woolf all also claimed that their respective subjects cranked out their books on their feet. In 1888, philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche even snapped at the novelist Gustave Flaubert, who claimed, “One cannot think and write except when seated,” by saying, “The sedentary life is the very sin against the Holy Spirit. Only thoughts reached by walking have value.” Which is kind of the 19th-century version of what an obnoxious Millennial would say to their manager while slurping on a pumpkin spice Frappuccino.

Of course, before standing desks were popular enough to be mass-produced, most people were forced to jury-rig them. Here’s a photo of Winston Churchill working at a desk that looks to have been propped up on some kind of cabinet:

PA via The Winston Churchill Project at Hillsdale CollegeA liquor cabinet, we assume.

Ernest Hemingway also improvised his own standing desk by putting his typewriter on top of a bookcase, claiming, “Writing and travel broaden your ass if not your mind and I like to write standing up.”

Life Magazine“For sale: writing chair, never used.”

Then there’s this photo of 30-year-old Marvel Comics co-founder Stan Lee (yes, he was young once), who made a standing desk out of a bench on top of a table so that he could write not only standing up, but also outside and shirtless. As he claimed: “Always wrote standing up — good for the figure — and always faced the sun — good for the suntan!”

Stan LeeIm trying to absorb as much solar radiation as possible. You see, Ive got this theory …

Adult Coloring Books Date Back To The 1960s

In 2015, the publishing industry saw a considerable spike in profits when coloring books for adults became the hottest new trend, even if they’re already on the way out again. Of course, there’s no considerable difference in execution between coloring books made for kids and those made for adults, except one is to to get whiny brats to shut up, while the other is for kids. (Ha! Take that, Millennials!)

Except that adult coloring books were also a fad for another generation: the Greatest Generation. Coloring books have been published for adults since the early ’60s, and they carried the same cynical tone toward our stressful day-to-day existence. 1961’s The Executive Coloring Book featured images of a man going through his daily routine, with satirical captions like “This is my desk. It is mahogany. I wish I were mahogany” and “This is my suit. Color it gray or I will lose my job.”

G.P. Putnam’s Sons Publishing

G.P. Putnam’s Sons PublishingThis is the empty spot in my soul. Please color something … anything … there so I can feel joy again.

In 1962, the JFK Coloring Book became the first coloring book to hit the New York Times bestseller list, where it stayed there for 14 whole weeks. It contained 22 pages of mockery aimed at the Kennedy administration, with instructions to paint Kennedy “red, white and blue,” and to color the noses of his staff “burnt umber.” It’s nice to see that conservative humor hasn’t lost any of its staleness today.

Kanrom Books

Kanrom Books“Burnt umber. Because of poop, you see …”

The John Birch Society Coloring Book made fun of a prominent ’60s conspiracy theory group (kind of the Infowars of the Cold War):

John Birch Society

John Birch SocietyUsing a red crayon, color the LIES. Dont limit yourself to just this book!

Jokingly, it even contained one totally blank page, with the caption “How many Communists can you find in this picture? I can find 11. It takes practice.”

Women Were Getting Sleeve Tattoos And Nipple Piercings In The Victorian Age

Have you ever heard someone make that overused joke about how ridiculous hipsters with sleeve tattoos are going to look 40 years from now? Goodness, we’ll have entire retirement homes filled with saggy bodies look like Salvador Dali’s droopy phase! Not like in the past, when a tattoo was nothing but a tasteful picture of an anchor on your Navy granddad’s bicep, or a cheeky little butterfly on your hippie grandma’s left ankle.

Well surprise! There’s nothing new about chicks getting inked up. In fact, the trend dates back at least to the mid-1800s. Like anyone getting a buttload of tattoos, their reasoning also had to do with rebelling against societal norms and regimented gender roles, with the added bonus of looking cool as hell. Many notable aristocratic women in the Victorian era were known to have tattoos, including (rumor has it) Winston Churchill’s mom.

But it was, of course, the lower classes that got the most out of being as anti-establishment as possible. Many of the poor and downtrodden, the people you never read about in your textbooks, inked themselves up as elaborately as the patrons of your average modern craft beer festival.

Eisenmann Cabinet Card

The Plaza Gallery, Los AngelesTurns out Suicide Girls goes farther back than you thought.

Those two hipster assholes are Nora Hildebrandt and Maud Wagner, a couple of circus performers from the late 1800s who became well-known for their elaborate body art. But the controversy around these colorful women didn’t end at their tats. They caused quite a scandal when, in order to display every inch of their art, they would lift up their petticoats to show them. Leave it to the Victorian Era to be more disturbed by a bare thigh than a full-body tattoo.

But are tattoos really the most shocking thing 19th-century ladies could stab onto their bodies? Not even close. That honor goes to the Victorian nipple rings. While historians find it difficult to properly research things like Victorian peachrangs due to the intimacy and secrecy involved, some European medical journals have been uncovered that reference their female patients’ nipple jewelry as far back as 1857. Sometimes they were even connected by chains, because your great-great-grandma was much more hardcore than you will ever be. Some women thought that the procedure allowed them to develop bigger, rounder, firmer breasts due to the “constant excitation of the nerves caused by the rings.” And if you were a woman in the 1800s, excitation of the nerves was in short supply.

So what about the dudes? Surely, Victorian men wouldn’t dream of getting something as metal as a dick piercings? Well, not only did they consider them fashionable, but even a sign of modesty. You see, another fashion fad of the mid-19th century was incredibly tight-fitting pants — so tight that they left very little to the imagination. To better tuck their little sinners away from God-fearing eyes, well-off men would anchor their enormous Pride And Prejudice penises with a rod of metal (later called a “Prince Albert”) inside their pants to not fluster any godly women. So if you’re ever feeling insecure, take a moment to remember that your great-granddad probably had to use a barbell to secure his titanic manhood under his trousers. You won’t thank us later.

S Peter Davis is the creator of the Three Minute Philosophy YouTube series, and is the author of the book Occam’s Nightmare.

There’s more to millennials than meets the eye. Check out The Millennial Dream for more.

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flauntpage · 7 years ago

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DGB Grab Bag: Halloween Hijinx, The Nuclear Option, and an Ode to Offense

Three Stars of Comedy

The third star: The Nashville Predators enjoyed Halloween – We won't clog this whole section with NHL player Halloween costumes. If that's your thing, you can find a rundown on the league web site, although they seem to have left one out. But we will mention the Predators, who may have been enjoying themselves a little too much, starting with P.K. Subban:

But the real stars were Nick Bonnino and his wife Lauren, who went as the scariest thing a hockey player can imagine.

The second star: Ryan Reaves vs. Phil Kessel – OK, one more Halloween one.

The first star: Chance the mascot – The new Vegas mascot has not had a warm reception, as documented here.

Honestly, the whole thing is reasonably funny, but I'm putting it in the top spot solely for the little girl who goes "GOOD ONE, DEL." That kid kills me. That needs to go right up there with "Way to go, Paul" as a generic hockey putdown.

Be It Resolved

We're a month into the season, and the Golden Knights are still decent. Sure, everyone realizes that they're not as good as their record indicates, but they're far better than most of us expected. It turns out that expansion teams in the salary cap era can be reasonably competitive right away.

Meanwhile, the Arizona Coyotes began the year with a record-tying 11 straight losses, and their season is already basically over. Other teams, like the Sabres, Rangers, Canadiens, and Oilers are another bad week or two away from being in the same boat.

All of which leads us to our crazy idea of the month. From the same minds that brought you the Jagr Draft, Cup champs picking their banner night opponent on live TV, and using the Cliffhanger guy to announce player signings, please welcome the league's newest rule: The Nuclear Option.

Yes, the name's kind of dramatic, I know. The idea lives up to it.

It would work like this. Every year, at the end of the regular season, all the non-playoff teams have the option of hitting the reset button on the entire franchise. If a team decides to go nuclear, they get to protect up to three players in the entire organization—not just NHL, but prospects, unsigned picks, etc.—and everyone else instantly becomes a free agent. No cap hits, no buyouts, no re-signing anyone, no compensation. Everything you spent the last decade building is gone.

In return for nuking the entire organization, the team gets two things. First, they move to the front of the line for that year's draft lottery odds, if they're not already there. And second, they get to restock in an expansion draft, under the same rules as the ones the Golden Knights just had.

Three players, an otherwise barren cap situation, top odds in the lottery, and an expansion draft to start all over with. Would you do it? Would you take the Nuclear Option?

It goes without saying that not many teams would. This year's Coyotes wouldn't, for example. They've been rebuilding for years, and have plenty of good young players worth holding onto. I doubt any of this year's bad teams would seriously consider it, unless things go completely off the rails somewhere.

But last year's Avalanche would have had to at least think about it, right? And you can bet that a team like the Sabres would have jumped at the chance a few years ago leading into the McDavid draft. You'd probably see the option used once or twice a decade, just about always after a team had fired its old GM and hired a replacement with a mandate to rebuild. Imagine that new guy having the option to walk in, take one look around, go "NOPE" and just bulldoze the entire thing.

(As an added bonus, the same league full of cry-baby GMs who spent all of last year whining about how the expansion draft made their jobs slightly harder would absolutely lose their minds if they had another one dropped on them with a few weeks' notice. That's not the main point here, but it's a nice side-benefit.)

How much fun would it be to argue over whether your favorite team should use the Nuclear Option? How hard would you have to work before you started to talk yourself into it? How mad would you be when Nuke Day came around and your team chickened out and didn't do it?

Like most great ideas, the NHL would never do it in a million years. But they should. Terrible teams need hope too, and the Golden Knights have proven that it's not as far away as you might think. You just need a way to get there. You need the Nuclear Option.

Obscure Former Player of the Week

Today's obscure player is a guy you probably saw a few photos of this week: former Sabres and Canucks goaltender Gary "Bones" Bromley.

Bromley was never drafted, but was signed by the expansion Sabres in 1971 and made his NHL debut two years later. He played 12 games backing up Dave Dryden for the 1973-74 Sabres, then won the starting job for most of the 1974-75 season after Dryden left. He played well, going 26-11-11 and helping the Sabres to a league-high 113 points. That team went all the way to the Stanley Cup final, but turned to late-season acquisition Gerry Desjardins and Roger Crozier for the entire run; despite appearing in over 50 regular season games, Bromley never even saw the ice in a playoff game that year.

He'd play just one more game for the Sabres the following year before heading to the WHA for two seasons. He returned to the NHL in 1978 after signing with the Canucks, and spent three years pulling part-time duty. After a year in the minors, he retired in 1982, having won 54 games over six NHL seasons.

Today, he's probably best remembered for the fearsome skull mask he wore in Vancouver. It was one of the most unique looks of the era, and to this day often shows up on lists of the greatest masks ever.

Trivial Annoyance of the Week

Have you ever been at a point when things were going well—not awesome, not great, but reasonably well—and then your stupid friends show up to remind you that their lives are way better than yours?

That's what it felt like to be a hockey fan this week.

The big news in the sports world this week was the World Series, a seven-game thriller that drew big ratings. Games six and seven were good, but the real show came earlier in the series, as the league's secret new baseballs resulted in every third batter hitting a home run off the face of the moon and everyone went crazy over how much fun it was. Oh, OK, so now sports fans enjoy games with lots of offense. When did this happen?

[Checks earpiece]

I'm being told that everyone has always thought offense was fun. Huh. Well OK, then where were all of you during the NHL playoffs?

[Checks earpiece]

Right, I'm told that the deciding game of the Stanley Cup final featured 58 scoreless minutes, a fluke goal that had to be reviewed, and an empty netter. Huh. I'd completely forgotten about that game. I can't imagine why.

Meanwhile, the NFL stole a few headlines with it trade deadline. If you follow football, you know that their deadline is usually a bust. Unlike in the NHL, where GMs just pretend because they like excuses, the salary cap actually does make trading hard in the NFL because signing bonuses get instantly converted to dead money when a player switches teams. So moves are rare, especially midseason ones, and the trade deadline often passes without anyone really even noticing.

But not this year, where everything went insane and trades were happening everywhere. And not just NHL deadline-style veteran rentals, but big names, young stars, potential franchise quarterbacks…everyone. It was madness. Glorious, wonderful madness.

And then you've got the NBA, where the season is only just starting but everyone has a personality and says interesting things and players quit on their teams over Twitter and fired coaches go scorched earth on Instagram.

Look, other leagues, we get it. You're more fun than the NHL. Leave us alone.

I mean, we're trying, OK? The Golden Knights are a genuinely cool story, Nikita Kucherov and Steven Stamkos are killing it in Tampa, the Kings are kind of back, and the Blues and Devils are surprisingly good. That's something, right? Scoring's up slightly because of extra power plays, there's intrigue in New York, and the Coyotes are terrible, which can be entertaining in its own kind of way.

Sure, we may not have record offense and blockbuster trades and social media wars. We're working on it, OK? You don't need to rub it in our faces all at once. Why don't you go lose half a season to a work stoppage?

[Checks earpiece]

I'm told that other sports don't do that anymore. Wonderful. Good for you. Now finish your seasons, pack up and get out of your stadiums. We're going to need them for our outdoor games pretty soon.

Classic YouTube Clip Breakdown

Hey, it's not like the NHL never serves up a ridiculously high-scoring playoff game. For example, today let's travel back to 2006 and see what happens when two rivals decide to play with the goaltending sliders pushed all the way down…

It's the second round of the 2006 playoffs, and the Senators are hosting the Sabres for game one. It's a great matchup, featuring a 113-point team facing a 110-point team. It also pits the conference's lowest goals-against against its fourth-lowest, so I'm sure there won't be much offense. Hey, defense wins championships, am I right?

Our clip begins a few seconds after the opening faceoff as we get a look at the Sabres lines and yeah it's already 1-0.

Mike Grier has tipped in a Derek Roy feed to give the Sabres the lead. Nice start. Now they just have to settle in and play a classic road playoff games, take the crowd out of it and wait until—oops never mind it's 1-1.

That Ottawa goal was Jason Spezza from Dany Heatley and Wade Redden, as the Senators deploy their famed "guys we love right now but will eventually leave town as villains" line. I guess Daniel Alfredsson missed a shift.

The Senators make it 2-1 just 15 seconds later. A quick warning here: This game is in Ottawa, which means it features the Senators goal horn guy, which means you're going to be deaf by the end of it. He's a tad excitable. Here's some behind-the-scenes footage of him at work, but it's a preseason game so he's taking it easy.

On the other hand, we've got Bob Cole. You win some, you lose some.

Six minutes in, the Sabres tie it at 2-2. (Hello, Numminen.) Amazingly, this will be the last goal of the first period, as everyone's arms are tired and they decide to just skip ahead to the intermission.

By the way, the goaltending matchup here is Ray Emery against Ryan Miller, which is fine, but we have to point out that this was the year the Senators had Dominik Hasek. But he got hurt at the Olympics, depriving us of one of the great face-the-former-team revenge matchups in league history. Damn you, Olympic injuries, maybe Gary Bettman was right about you all along.

We're back for the second period, both teams having made their intermission adjustments. In the Sabres case, that was apparently "let's give up easy breakaways." and they go out and execute it beautifully.

Buffalo gets it back quickly, as they get a 2-on-1 and then do that video games move where you forget which button is the pass one and just end up with everyone skating into the goalie and pushing the puck into the net because you have penalties turned off. It's super effective!

A few seconds later, the Senators have a 5-on-3 and you can probably guess how this turns out. They do that thing where they park Zdeno Chara directly in front of the net and dare the goalie to do anything about it. It works, because the only goalie crazy enough to ever swing at Chara was Ray Emery.

We skip ahead to goals by Derek Roy at the end of the second and Mike Fisher at the start of the third, and it's 5-4 Ottawa. Both starting goalies are still in, by the way, and will stay in for the entire game. I always thought that was an underrated aspect of this game's silliness.

Side note: This is somehow only the second craziest game featuring Ray Emery and the Sabres.

At this point, things actually settle down and the two teams decide to play NHL playoff hockey, which is to say nobody does anything interesting for almost an entire period. The keyword here is "almost," as things are going to go off the rails as soon as we get to two minutes left. Which is right…now.

The Senators have a one-goal lead late in regulation, a powerplay, the puck in the Sabres' zone, and still somehow manage to give up a 2-on-1. Derek Roy buries the one-timer and it's 5-5.

Hey, was I the only one who called him Derek Wah for his whole career, like Patrick Roy? I don't think I was.

We get a brief glimpse of a dude with an Obscure Player Alumni Maxim Afinogenov jersey, but before our brains can process that we're back to the action. The Senators still have a powerplay, remember. You'll never guess what happens next.

This may be my favorite moment from the game, as Bryan Smolinksi bangs home the go-ahead goal with a minute left and makes one of the all-time great "whew, did we ever just dodge a bullet there" smug faces. Hold that thought, Bryan.

We're down to 20 seconds left, and all the Senators have to do now is cram all six guys into the goal frame and call it a day. Instead, there's a mixup behind the net, the puck comes out front, and Tim Connolly buries it to tie the game. The crowd makes that classic "Are you F-ing kidding me?" noise you only get in the NHL playoffs, and we're off to overtime.

OK, settle in because these two teams are going to smarten up and get conservative. Ha, no, just kidding, the overtime is going to last 18 seconds.

The end comes when Anton Volchenkov commits what might literally be the worst turnover in modern playoff history. Seriously, let's just admire that thing. Not only does he fan on the pass, he kicks it off both skates and then turns his back to the puck as the Sabres break in. By the time Chris Drury scores the winner, Volchenkov is just sadly sliding off into the corner on his belly. Other than that, I thought the shift went well.

The Sabres ended up taking the series in five games, three of which came in overtime. But the Senators earned revenge in 2007, knocking out Buffalo on their way to the Stanley Cup final. This time, Emery and the Senators learned from their mistakes and made sure that when the puck was behind their own net at a crucial moment, they never let the other team even touch it.

Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you'd like to see included in this column? Email Sean at [email protected]. Follow him on Twitter @DownGoesBrown.

DGB Grab Bag: Halloween Hijinx, The Nuclear Option, and an Ode to Offense published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

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amtushinfosolutionspage · 7 years ago

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DGB Grab Bag: Halloween Hijinx, The Nuclear Option, and an Ode to Offense

Three Stars of Comedy

The third star: The Nashville Predators enjoyed Halloween – We won’t clog this whole section with NHL player Halloween costumes. If that’s your thing, you can find a rundown on the league web site, although they seem to have left one out. But we will mention the Predators, who may have been enjoying themselves a little too much, starting with P.K. Subban:

But the real stars were Nick Bonnino and his wife Lauren, who went as the scariest thing a hockey player can imagine.

The second star: Ryan Reaves vs. Phil Kessel – OK, one more Halloween one.

The first star: Chance the mascot – The new Vegas mascot has not had a warm reception, as documented here.

Honestly, the whole thing is reasonably funny, but I’m putting it in the top spot solely for the little girl who goes “GOOD ONE, DEL.” That kid kills me. That needs to go right up there with “Way to go, Paul” as a generic hockey putdown.

Be It Resolved

We’re a month into the season, and the Golden Knights are still decent. Sure, everyone realizes that they’re not as good as their record indicates, but they’re far better than most of us expected. It turns out that expansion teams in the salary cap era can be reasonably competitive right away.

Yes, the name’s kind of dramatic, I know. The idea lives up to it.

In return for nuking the entire organization, the team gets two things. First, they move to the front of the line for that year’s draft lottery odds, if they’re not already there. And second, they get to restock in an expansion draft, under the same rules as the ones the Golden Knights just had.

Three players, an otherwise barren cap situation, top odds in the lottery, and an expansion draft to start all over with. Would you do it? Would you take the Nuclear Option?

It goes without saying that not many teams would. This year’s Coyotes wouldn’t, for example. They’ve been rebuilding for years, and have plenty of good young players worth holding onto. I doubt any of this year’s bad teams would seriously consider it, unless things go completely off the rails somewhere.

But last year’s Avalanche would have had to at least think about it, right? And you can bet that a team like the Sabres would have jumped at the chance a few years ago leading into the McDavid draft. You’d probably see the option used once or twice a decade, just about always after a team had fired its old GM and hired a replacement with a mandate to rebuild. Imagine that new guy having the option to walk in, take one look around, go “NOPE” and just bulldoze the entire thing.

(As an added bonus, the same league full of cry-baby GMs who spent all of last year whining about how the expansion draft made their jobs slightly harder would absolutely lose their minds if they had another one dropped on them with a few weeks’ notice. That’s not the main point here, but it’s a nice side-benefit.)

Like most great ideas, the NHL would never do it in a million years. But they should. Terrible teams need hope too, and the Golden Knights have proven that it’s not as far away as you might think. You just need a way to get there. You need the Nuclear Option.

Obscure Former Player of the Week

Today’s obscure player is a guy you probably saw a few photos of this week: former Sabres and Canucks goaltender Gary “Bones” Bromley.

He’d play just one more game for the Sabres the following year before heading to the WHA for two seasons. He returned to the NHL in 1978 after signing with the Canucks, and spent three years pulling part-time duty. After a year in the minors, he retired in 1982, having won 54 games over six NHL seasons.

Today, he’s probably best remembered for the fearsome skull mask he wore in Vancouver. It was one of the most unique looks of the era, and to this day often shows up on lists of the greatest masks ever.

Trivial Annoyance of the Week

That’s what it felt like to be a hockey fan this week.

The big news in the sports world this week was the World Series, a seven-game thriller that drew big ratings. Games six and seven were good, but the real show came earlier in the series, as the league’s secret new baseballs resulted in every third batter hitting a home run off the face of the moon and everyone went crazy over how much fun it was. Oh, OK, so now sports fans enjoy games with lots of offense. When did this happen?

[Checks earpiece]

I’m being told that everyone has always thought offense was fun. Huh. Well OK, then where were all of you during the NHL playoffs?

[Checks earpiece]

Right, I’m told that the deciding game of the Stanley Cup final featured 58 scoreless minutes, a fluke goal that had to be reviewed, and an empty netter. Huh. I’d completely forgotten about that game. I can’t imagine why.

And then you’ve got the NBA, where the season is only just starting but everyone has a personality and says interesting things and players quit on their teams over Twitter and fired coaches go scorched earth on Instagram.

Look, other leagues, we get it. You’re more fun than the NHL. Leave us alone.

I mean, we’re trying, OK? The Golden Knights are a genuinely cool story, Nikita Kucherov and Steven Stamkos are killing it in Tampa, the Kings are kind of back, and the Blues and Devils are surprisingly good. That’s something, right? Scoring’s up slightly because of extra power plays, there’s intrigue in New York, and the Coyotes are terrible, which can be entertaining in its own kind of way.

Sure, we may not have record offense and blockbuster trades and social media wars. We’re working on it, OK? You don’t need to rub it in our faces all at once. Why don’t you go lose half a season to a work stoppage?

[Checks earpiece]

I’m told that other sports don’t do that anymore. Wonderful. Good for you. Now finish your seasons, pack up and get out of your stadiums. We’re going to need them for our outdoor games pretty soon.

Classic YouTube Clip Breakdown

Hey, it’s not like the NHL never serves up a ridiculously high-scoring playoff game. For example, today let’s travel back to 2006 and see what happens when two rivals decide to play with the goaltending sliders pushed all the way down…

It’s the second round of the 2006 playoffs, and the Senators are hosting the Sabres for game one. It’s a great matchup, featuring a 113-point team facing a 110-point team. It also pits the conference’s lowest goals-against against its fourth-lowest, so I’m sure there won’t be much offense. Hey, defense wins championships, am I right?

Our clip begins a few seconds after the opening faceoff as we get a look at the Sabres lines and yeah it’s already 1-0.

That Ottawa goal was Jason Spezza from Dany Heatley and Wade Redden, as the Senators deploy their famed “guys we love right now but will eventually leave town as villains” line. I guess Daniel Alfredsson missed a shift.

The Senators make it 2-1 just 15 seconds later. A quick warning here: This game is in Ottawa, which means it features the Senators goal horn guy, which means you’re going to be deaf by the end of it. He’s a tad excitable. Here’s some behind-the-scenes footage of him at work, but it’s a preseason game so he’s taking it easy.

On the other hand, we’ve got Bob Cole. You win some, you lose some.

Six minutes in, the Sabres tie it at 2-2. (Hello, Numminen.) Amazingly, this will be the last goal of the first period, as everyone’s arms are tired and they decide to just skip ahead to the intermission.

We’re back for the second period, both teams having made their intermission adjustments. In the Sabres case, that was apparently “let’s give up easy breakaways.” and they go out and execute it beautifully.

We skip ahead to goals by Derek Roy at the end of the second and Mike Fisher at the start of the third, and it’s 5-4 Ottawa. Both starting goalies are still in, by the way, and will stay in for the entire game. I always thought that was an underrated aspect of this game’s silliness.

Side note: This is somehow only the second craziest game featuring Ray Emery and the Sabres.

At this point, things actually settle down and the two teams decide to play NHL playoff hockey, which is to say nobody does anything interesting for almost an entire period. The keyword here is “almost,” as things are going to go off the rails as soon as we get to two minutes left. Which is right…now.

The Senators have a one-goal lead late in regulation, a powerplay, the puck in the Sabres’ zone, and still somehow manage to give up a 2-on-1. Derek Roy buries the one-timer and it’s 5-5.

Hey, was I the only one who called him Derek Wah for his whole career, like Patrick Roy? I don’t think I was.

We get a brief glimpse of a dude with an Obscure Player Alumni Maxim Afinogenov jersey, but before our brains can process that we’re back to the action. The Senators still have a powerplay, remember. You’ll never guess what happens next.

This may be my favorite moment from the game, as Bryan Smolinksi bangs home the go-ahead goal with a minute left and makes one of the all-time great “whew, did we ever just dodge a bullet there” smug faces. Hold that thought, Bryan.

We’re down to 20 seconds left, and all the Senators have to do now is cram all six guys into the goal frame and call it a day. Instead, there’s a mixup behind the net, the puck comes out front, and Tim Connolly buries it to tie the game. The crowd makes that classic “Are you F-ing kidding me?” noise you only get in the NHL playoffs, and we’re off to overtime.

OK, settle in because these two teams are going to smarten up and get conservative. Ha, no, just kidding, the overtime is going to last 18 seconds.

The end comes when Anton Volchenkov commits what might literally be the worst turnover in modern playoff history. Seriously, let’s just admire that thing. Not only does he fan on the pass, he kicks it off both skates and then turns his back to the puck as the Sabres break in. By the time Chris Drury scores the winner, Volchenkov is just sadly sliding off into the corner on his belly. Other than that, I thought the shift went well.

Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you’d like to see included in this column? Email Sean at [email protected]. Follow him on Twitter @DownGoesBrown.

DGB Grab Bag: Halloween Hijinx, The Nuclear Option, and an Ode to Offense syndicated from http://ift.tt/2ug2Ns6

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joshuazev · 7 years ago

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On postseasons:

I’m doing something that I’m not very good at right now: multitasking. I’m writing this post and also watching the MLB postseason. I’m a sour grape watching this game on the TV screen. A bitter human being looking at the Diamondbacks and Colorado Rockies battle out the wild card game to see who will face the Dodgers in the NLDS. So Josh, why are you sour you might ask? Why are you bitter? Why are you watching with jealousy and envy? That sure doesn’t sound like fun. Well I’m gonna tell you why I’m not pleased with what I’m looking at. I’m not pleased with what I’m looking at because the Mariners haven’t been in that situation, haven’t been in the playoffs, haven’t played any meaningful type of game in recent memory. 2001. That’s the last time the lowly Mariners, arguably one of the worst baseball franchises in the baseball despite being home to many great players—past and current—have been in the playoffs. I was nine years old going on ten. Fuck does it make me mad. The salt in the wound is that the Diamondbacks have two Mariner players on their roster; Ketel Marte and Taijuan Walker. I was going to be jaded and say in typical Mariner fashion those two mentioned players were drastic underachievers during their time in Seattle, but the decision to trade them was a product of the way of thinking I just displayed. You see, when you haven’t been to the postseason in so long, your patience wears thin quicker than other franchises who taste the playoffs with more frequency. The reality is neither player got much of a chance to develop. I take that back, Taijuan Walker had a chance to do his thing over the course of a few years, but he wasn’t going anywhere for certain except to Aston Manor on Saturdays. So far, Ketel Marte is 2 for 2 in this game with an RBI. Taijuan is in the rotation, I believe. They have significant roles on their new teams. Good for them, I guess.

There is a classic photo of a young Alex Rodriguez holding the head of Joey Cora after the Mariners lost in six games to the Cleveland Indian in 1995. That series followed arguably the best Mariner playoff series of all time, when they were down 0-2 to the Yankees and came back to win the next three games. You know, the classic Edgar double that scored Griffey from first. That would seem like a distant memory except the Mariners have done their best job of trying to shove it completely down the throats of all fans, especially during losing seasons. “Hey fan, remember that time when you were three years old and the Mariners were in the playoffs and all was good?” The sad thing is when you can’t, anymore. Last year was an interesting year for the baseball side of my family. My dad grew up in Illinois. He grew up a Cubs fan and agonized and suffered throughout his life watching the Cubs get oh-so-close but never getting that cigar. He did tell me one time that if it was a World Series with the Mariners and the Cubs, he would root for the Mariners. I always thought that was interesting, but his reasoning was sound. His connection to Seattle over the last however many years was closer to him, more personal. Lucky for him he never had to make that decision because the Cubs faced off against the Indians. I was overjoyed for him when the Cubs won even though they almost lost it several times. Down 3-1 in the series, giving up the tying run in Game 7. They sure did their job of testing the stress limits of all Cubs fans both old and new.

I live in New York now where the attitude of 27 championships is as palpable as the everyday depression during Trump’s current dictatorship. The crazy reality about the Yankees is their merchandise is popular throughout the entire world. The hat, the jerseys, the pinstripes. And that’s in other places! Here in the city it’s a whole different ball game. The franchise is present all around you. The fans really act like they’ve just won the world series every previous year. Shout to their swag when it comes to their fandom. Their arrogance and cockiness is justified. Have you ever met an arrogant and cocky Seattle fan? I don’t think so. What reason have the Mariners given any fan to be cocky about anything. The Yankees expect nothing less than winning. Anything less than a championship is a failure. I don’t even think we would need to win 27 championships to develop that time of attitude. For starters, we might want to get to the World Series. If I’m not mistaken they might be the only team to never make it to a World Series. The Rockies have made it. The Padres have made it. The Brewers have made it. Hey, I’m not being a Negative Nancy, I’m just calling it how it is. There is no reason why the teams we’ve had in the past 25 years should not have made it to the Fall Classic. Ken Griffey, Jr., Alex Rodriguez, Edgar Martinez, Ichiro Suzuki, Randy Johnson, etc. That’s five future Hall of Famers. I’m not saying it falls on the heads of those guys because it does take 25 players to get there. Maybe they can be inspired by the Seahawks model of the past 5-6 years. Get a really good young core and build from there. At the moment there core isn’t going into their prime like the Seahawks were. Felix is on his way out. Nelson Cruz can only produce at this level for so long. Cano can’t do it all by himself. Seager sucks. This one sided conversation can go downhill really quickly.

So what does one do? Every team can’t get Theo Epstein to come for a couple years and completely alter the franchise into championship contenders. Griffey’s don’t come around all the time. What am I gonna do, start rooting for another team? The Mariners are gonna be around for the foreseeable future, so I can’t just become a players fan like I did with Basketball when the Sonics left. What’s the future look like for the franchise? Lately, it’s been a new coach every year. It’s been a new, sweet-talking, confident GM thinking he’s going to be the one to turn things around. The last one even gave me some hope, Dipoto or whatever his name is. The more I looked at the team the more I saw about ten players that played the same position and an aging roster. I saw a manager that had never managed a team before. I found myself asking “What the fuck?” frequently. I’ve never been fan of people running on the field, but if there were a couple that bolted to shallow center field and stretched out to make sign that read, “When are we going start taking this team seriously?” I’d applaud those dudes. Matter of fact, I’d go run on the field to give them a high five. I’m an asshole of fan nowadays. If we are playing like shit I make sure and let the hitters know, yelling out their batting averages and trying to light a fire under their super contented and unaffected asses. Kyle Seager is the worst to me. Seven years. 100 million dollars. They are just a running joke that everyone knows about, but nobody laughs at. Or maybe everyone does laugh at them, silently, and by not giving a shit. Shoutout to the fans in center field. Y’all are the best. Drink up my friends, drink up.

I am an eroded fan. A cynical one. Depressed one. A no room for optimism, realistic realist, who thinks there is an off chance the Mariners will make it the playoffs in the next five to ten years. Maybe make a World Series in the next twenty. Hopefully win one before I pass on. More than myself, I want them to be good because my Dad is a bigger fan than I am. He’s affected by their infectious losing more than anyone I know. It’s audible. It’s physical. You can hear it during conversations, during recaps and recollections. We’re both looking for a glimmer. Maybe the Cubs’ victory will spur something. Provide the good Juju that the stubborn baseball gods dole out every once in a while. You hear that Mariners?? Ya’ll got a job to do. You got a depressed, distracted fan base that needs something to look forward to. And not the look forward to that you guys tease us with every couple of years. I need legitimacy. Consistency. None of this false hope you provide until August and then the yearly losing streak that kills our hope and effectively ruins the season. Think of all of those wonderful left fielders who only lasted a year or two. Think of all the managers that tried so hard to make you watchable and left from exhaustion. I’m not saying it has to happen next year, but maybe it does.

Mariners 2018. Make the playoffs, make the world series, win the whole damn thing.

Deal? Cool. Can’t wait.

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justjoeyyy-blog-blog · 8 years ago

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Day 19-22

6-2-17 Day 19: I was able to get off the ship today in ensenada. We went to the "resort" that we went to last time. This time I got burnt. Only one person said something though compared to when I was burnt on my cruise in march and no one would leave me alone. The lady goes "are you okay?" And I was so confused until she touched her face lol. I got a strawberry daiquiri while I was at the resort and when it got to me there was salt on the rim...I thought it was sugar so I took a huge lick of it. Why the hell would you put salt with a strawberry daiquiri?? Then I sipped it and there was salt in the drink! I was so confused. Maybe it's Mexico thing? So I told the guy at the bar who doesn't speak and English that it was disgusting and salt doesn't go with a strawberry daiquiri and they said I didn't have to pay for it. I can seriously still taste it. After that I did the build a bear workshop. They had me stitching the bears which I had no idea how to do. I finally got the hang of it and at the end I was told I was tying them all wrong haha. I was with the 9-11 year olds again. And again we had people come in and say "this is it?! What is this?!" In which I have to explain that we do games that don't require much. Like one game we do where everyone ties a balloon to their ankle and you have to try and pop the other people's balloon. Whoever is last wins. The kids absolutely LOVE the games we do but it's hard to see when you walk in and see a conference room with a few games and a lot of space. One boy so rudely in front of his mom talked back to me about it, and by the end of the night he was the happiest kid in the world. The parents also get mad at me when I say we can't move their children into different age groups to be with their siblings. Like bitch I don't make up the rules why am I getting yelled at for this crap. One of the kids was 8 and wanted to be moved up. He walked in sucking his thumb...like wtf no turn away. For night owls tonight (10pm-1am) they were having a "party" for the older kids. The amount of kids in that tiny room was insane and probably proceeded the amount of people you can have in that room. Then on the other side we had 2 babies under the age of 2 as well as other young children with only 2 staff on each side. It is very important to always have someone at the door which means there's really only 1 person with the kids it's insane. There's a lot of things that could be changed to make work A LOT easier. I always think of undercover boss how they go in disguise to work at their own company's and they see all these terrible things that need to be changed. One huge example I have is when we do build a bear. There are 2 huge carts that we literally have to push from one end of the ship to the other. You have to have 2 people on each cart and they weigh easily 200+ pounds. The wheels on the bottom are old and barely work and we can't get the carts over the door frames on the way to our destination. They also barely fit through the doors so if you're not careful you'll literally squish your finger very badly. We also carry another huge cart that doesn't have any sides so we have to put tape all around it. Then when we're done we have to bring it back to camp and shove it into a tiny closet that of course is located right in the walk way that's about the size of a small dressing room. Carnival's first priority in their company is safety yet they have us doing this. It wouldn't be so bad if we had the things stored where we had the actual workshop. It's seriously ridiculous and it infuriates me that no one has said anything to the office about it. It's 12:11 right now. I need to go to bed. Tomorrow is day at sea which means working all freaking day. And then the next day my aunt and uncle are picking me up in Long Beach! So excited :) I haven't seen my aunt in about a year and I haven't seen my uncle since I was a freshman in college so it's been a while. Getting off the boat in general is always great. I'm also super happy because they fixed the light in my bunk and our desk. It usually takes them awhile but they got it done within a day. Today my roommate told me that she doesn't get pimples anywhere besides her butt. Like how do you respond to that? She's super sweet and very funny. Also very outgoing. She looks like a 10 year old. She is so tiny it's crazy. Much better than the last roommate that's for sure. 6-3-17 Day 20: got woken up this morning at 730 to the light being turned on. Then my roommate left for work and kept it on...I'm pretty sure I'm gonna move into rains room. I really like my new roommate but I need sleep 😳 it's not possible to do this job without sleep. Especially on a sea day like today where we work 10-12 hours. The boat is also really rocky today. I'm so nauseous. And it doesn't help that I keep having hot flashes. Like literally dripping sweat. I don't get it. It also doesn't help that we have to wear these stupid pants and ugly ass polo. My room legit smells like feet. 6-4-17 Day 21: I'm getting off the boat in 2 hours :) my aunt and uncle are picking me up. Yesterday was a long ass day. I finally started feeling better after I ate dinner yesterday. But now I'm feeling icky again. It feels like we're still moving but we're docked. I'm also low on sleep because my dumbass decided to go out last night instead of going to bed early. It was really fun though and I met a lot more people. It's pretty nice to be at a bar and then just walk down to your room within a minute. Before I went out me Rain Elle and britny went and saw the epic rock show. I've seriously never seen something so amazing. Our boat is known for having the best performers and performances. The vocals on these people are insane. I couldn't keep still in my seat. I got a little too into it. I'm really sad though because that cast is leaving in 2 weeks and a new cast is coming on board. On the bright side I'll be able to meet new people! Usually the guys are gay so no bf for me. But still more friends and maybe even another American :p I just realized that last night when I got back from the bar I took my pills that I'm supposed to take in the morning...I've never done that before. Speaking of medicine, I found out one of my friends from college passed away. I met him on the first night freshman year and he practically lived in our building. He was such a fun guy. I was told that they think he purposely overdosed. He just graduated in may and move to a new state just 2 weeks ago. Another friend gone by suicide. I so badly wish that we could do more for these people that need help. I also recently heard that someone I knows family member took his life just last week. I was reading one of my magazines the other day and there was a whole article on 13 reasons why. When I got on the boat no one really knew what I was talking about because they've been on here without access to internet (or at least internet that works well enough to watch shows). It's kinda cool how you escape from the outside world when you're on the boat. On a different note I think I'm going parasailing tomorrow in Catalina! I haven't been off at that port yet so I'm super excited. One of the guys I met who was in the fun squad had to leave the boat the other day because he lost his passport 😳 I literally thought this guy was in his 20s and he's 41.......my mind was blown. I thought he was messing with me. A lot of people on here look really young for their age. Getting off the boat today was great. My aunt and uncle picked me up. We ate outside and talked for hours and I got my nails done. Still need to get my haircut majorly. An hour ago I went to close the club (it's open for embarkation for like an open house) and it was fucking trashed again. Poker chips all over the place. Jenga pieces cover the floor. Uno and playing cards all mixed together. I just want to know wtf is going through these people's heads. And where are their parents? I don't think I'm going parasailing tomorrow either :/ I was gonna go with britny and now she has a training. I might go by myself though and lay out on the beach :) I open the club in an hour. I really shouldn't take a nap because it's just gonna make me more tired but I have an hour so I'm gonna. I got to meet the kids today. They're actually really awesome. One of the girls told me I'm the chilliest person ever lol. On captains dinner nights we have imaginary Prom. Tonight the kids got really into it and one of the boys made up a whole promposal for one of the girls it was hilarious. He made me play romantic music and he got down on one knee and asked her. And then they slow danced. It was so cute. I have a shit ton of kids. My club is way too small for the amount I have this cruise and really for any cruise. I don't have work tomorrow until 4 😍 I might get off in Catalina and go lay out at the beach alone or I might just lay out on the ship. We have to take tender boats to the port and it can get super chaotic. I'll get off another time when I have a friend to go with me. 6-5-17 Day 22: it's almost 1 and I'm still in bed. I had my alarm set for 1030 but that didn't happen obviously. I was having a really weird dream that I couldn't wake up from. I've had the weirdest dreams since I've been here it's freaky. I start at 3 today. Thought I started at 4 :/ I've already wasted my day away so I'll probably just sleep some more. I need it big time. I seriously love my kids. Besides the fact that they don't clean up after themselves. They loved the whole imaginary Prom idea. We had a prom king and queen it was great. Nominations and then voting. I wanted to rig the votes so the couple I like could win but some of the girls asked if they could help tally up the votes so it didn't work. I met someone moving to stl for a mission trip. He'll be living there for 2 years. Kinda interesting! He's Mormon. After work we had a party in the crew bar lounge. It was a lot of fun and I got to talk to a lot of people, especially one of the guys that's actually a potential option but he was wasted out the ass and definitely won't even remember talking tomorrow. I have training in 5.5 hours. It's 308am. But I had fun tonight so whatever.