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yurtletheturtlehenderson · 3 years ago

Text

Scars That Heal || Eddie Kaspbrak x Reader Series

• Ch. 11: Under Pressure •

TRIGGER WARNINGS: blatant homophobia from Nicklesmart The Beatboxing Jester™️ in disguise as someone you know, internalized homophobia throughout the whole chapter. As usual, will put a skip marker for the heavier scene before and after if you need/want to skip. It is not light, ngl 😔 [trigger words: f*iry + the f slur, each used on exactly one occasion, and (as an insult) queer. I'm so sorry, this was not easy for me either and please do not read this if any of this in any way bothers you, i won't be mad if you skip the chapter 💕]

A/N: Next chapter will be all fluff I promise 🥲, I'm so sorry, but I needed something that could solidify Richie and Y/n's friendship for good, and her helping him through his worst fear is the best way to do that and will be explored in other ways throughout the rest of the series, specifically in the sequel. all that aside, I missed you guys and this series so much!!

LGBTQ+ RESOURCES AND SELF HELP LINKS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE CHAPTER

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

- 𝗔𝗨𝗚𝗨𝗦𝗧 -

Richie keeps his eyes trained on the dried mud on his navy blue slip-ons as he makes his way across town, his mind buzzing twice as fast as it normally did. He felt as if his entire body had been put through a blender; his skull still vibrating in his head turning his brain into jelly. His stomach empty and lurching as it twisted into knots far more impossible than what you'd see from a circus performer and his heartbeat could rival a hummingbird's. Not to mention he was walking with two extra legs he'd grow from time to time, another freaky affect the physical and mental toll these past few weeks had put on him and his eyesight. The caffeine he had been living on hadn't helped him one bit either he reckoned.

Insomnia had become his best friend in the past few weeks, hence this last-minute trip to the old gravel pit just behind Derry Town dump. At least, this was the lie he told himself to pluck up enough courage to call Y/n up. Richie hoped she could talk him through it, give him some advice. He was never this nervous to talk to her and deep down in a corner he wished to bury forever - that small part of himself that begged to be free - knew exactly why. This small, repressed Richie Tozier that lived locked away in the center of his heart was calling the shots that day. Hell, he probably had been his whole life but he wasn't ready to admit that to himself yet, let alone his true attentions of seeking her help.

All he knew is he was nervous as all hell, his palms were sweating, he couldn't stop fiddling with his glasses and he was sure one wrong move and he'd shit his pants. For fucks sake, he needed to shake this! He had already freaked Y/n out, that he knew. He could still hear her voice over the receiver. It was soaked in static and every 's', or 'c' sound she made felt like a pencil was being shoved into his eardrums cause of her shitty outdated telephone.

"You," she had asked with a pause. "want to meet at... the dump?"

"Yeah," he scoffed, scratching the same spot behind his ear for what had to be the billionth time out of nervous habit. "you got wax in your ears, L/n?"

"Nope. Just, a little confused is all. You seem kinda... I don't know, squirrely," she said wearily, and through a sharp crackling hiss from the receiver he can make out a nervous chuckle on her end. "You sure nothin' jumped up your ass or anything?"

He bit his lip. Hard. As if punishing himself for drawing her suspicions this early. What if she somehow caught on to what he was gonna talk to her about? Her walk to the gravel pit would surely give her enough time to get to that conclusion, and Richie wasn't daft. He knew he wasn't exactly subtle about... "insomnia". What with how many times he teased insomnia, called it that special nickname he knew it hated but secretly loved. That forbidden flutter in his chest when insomnia would laugh at his jokes, and the small but precious moments they shared from time to time when the others were late that would stay in his heart and mind for weeks to come. But it didn't matter now, as everyone knew; insomnia kept Y/n's company now.

Thankfully his mouth was faster than his brain, and it fired a rapid response before a lull could form.

"You bet your fur," he fires, his lanky arm had rested awkwardly against the wall beside the wall mount. "I am right as rain, toots."

He of course hadn't seen it, but she had frowned at her phone. Her concern was growing with every word spoken from him.

"Yeah," she snorts, throwing back a sarcastic remark. "Cause you sound it."

She had eased a bit, growing soft and falling back into their usual banter. Their special dynamic always seemed to coax down his guard a bit.

"You're talking like a 1950's gangster in a speakeasy," She straightened a little and had begun pacing as much as the phone cord would allow her. "Ya know... More than usual."

Y/n smiled when she could practically hear the smirk taking over his face, and she certainly had no trouble picturing his hunched shoulders and intimidating snarl he was most likely dawning.

"It's a little somethin' called moxie, kid," he spoke with curled his words, imitating all the gangsters he had seen in those cheesy old films. "somethin' you just don't have,"

Y/n had rolled her eyes again, at least Richie could see her doing so when he heard her respond. "Right, right. My bad Baby Face."

"Hey!" He barked, snapping his fingers and pointing at the floor as if she could see him. His voice lowered in a thick Chicago accent. "That's mista Baby Face to ya."

"Mista Baby Face Nelson!" She strained, her annoyed shout tainted with a laugh. "Are we meeting at five or not?"

Richie released a quick and silent breath, expelling as many nerves as possible.

"You bet your fur."

The exchange kept playing over and over in his mind and Richie wondered if the same rang true for Y/n. He hoped not, cause that would mean she was thinking about it too much. Hell, he was thinking about it too much now. A heavy sigh rolls off of his chest as every anxiety collectively manifests into its own dark thought.

Fuck, he really had it bad.

How pathetic he was.

Eddie would surely be horrified to know what Richie really thought of him, that was for sure.

And as if he hadn't felt crazy enough, the thoughts actually began to feel like voices calling him from the darkest shadows of his mind.

'And the other Losers? You'll be lucky if they even look at you again.'

Richie was surprised to find himself fighting back, pushing back as much as he could. Despite all the jokes and jabs, he couldn't be completely alone. A small part whispered in his heart that he wasn't, and he thought briefly of the turtle strangely enough but it was gone just as soon as it had come. All he knew was that whatever was telling him this thing was stubborn. But so was Richie Tozier.

He treated it as an intrusive thought. Made a decision then and there that it was, never occurring to him what it could be if wasn't.

No way. Not those assholes, he tells the voice. These are the Losers for fucks sake!

The more he thought about it the more he was sure of it. God forbid Eddie did find out, which Richie had no intention of, and what would happen was in fact unclear. But no matter how he looked at it, he just couldn't picture the little spaghetti man ever cutting him out of his life completely. Not by choice at least.

Now Ben, that lovable sappy haystack of his that was too passionate for his own good. Richie may not be the silent type but he does pick up on things, and Hanscom's affections for Beverly Marsh were far from subtle. Always opening doors for her and turning redder than a tomato when she smiled at him. Not to mention Richie was about ninety percent sure there was a poem of some sort involved. And that was just Beverly, Ben was always thinking of the Losers. Now Richie knew for sure that boy had no hateful bone in his body to the point it was fucking annoying.

Mike, Richie felt, might be a little similar. The kid had a lot of heart, always going on about the animals on his farm. Would even go as far to say he considered them his friends, what with how much Richie knew about Mooriuel the calf and he hadn't even met her for cripes sake! Richie imagined he'd be a bit more shocked but would try some sappy speech when he came around. Would make a whole big thing of it, pat him on the back, and even invite a conversation. He scoffed at the thought, the image of Mike slapping him on the back and his signature grin... Yeah, he appreciated the hypothetical gesture but it wasn't Richie's style.

He could easily see Big Bill sputtering up a storm, but managing a smile. He'd probably even manage to forget their differences long enough to say something stupid but supportive. And Beverly and Stan were the ones he worried about the least. Stan would probably be too indifferent to care, throw him some snarky ass comment like, "took ya long enough, dipshit," and Beverly? Well, Beverly had always been cool, very laid back. She never took shit, and she never dished it out if she didn't think it was deserved which Richie admired greatly. This was one of many reasons he was so shocked she had taken Bill's side in the fight.

The thought brings him back down again, and as soon as the memory touches him so do the nerves in his jaw tensing up again where he had been hit. He could feel the punch all over again. And he suddenly remembers why he is here.

He is here, he realized.

Just around the bend, coming into view was the gravel pit. Old and crumbling it was, and overrun with weeds and bushes. One could easily scale in and out of it, and at the very bottom Rich had discovered one day was a beaten and tattered leather seat from a car that found its way from the junkyard just a ways over. This was where he told Y/n to meet him.

Y/n...

Jesus fuck, what would Y/n say? How would he tell her? Would she still wanna be friends with him? Would she laugh and crack a joke, not taking it seriously? Would she hate him for it? More importantly, why in the ever-loving fuck was he here and willing to tell her?

His gangly legs tumble into a sprint as he picks up momentum descending the uneven terrain. The rubber soles of his shoes kicking up the layers of dirt and shaved gravel that lay beneath the rocks and he had to put effort into not crashing as he comes to a stop. He manages to avoid a nasty fall, completely ignorant to the fact that his right foot had been only inches away from a root peeking out from the rocks surely would have broken his neck had he made even one wrong move. He puffs out his chest, dusting himself off, and once again tries to dispel the nausea broiling in his stomach like hot tar.

He closes his eyes tiredly as he drags his feet to the leather bench, letting his backside fall through the air and into the somewhat plush cushion with a deep groan. "Fuck."

His fingers rub his tired eyes, his fingertips finding bits of crust he hadn't gotten earlier and his knuckles brush his glasses further up onto his forehead. Not quite knowing what to do with the overwhelming thoughts and emotions clouding him, his fingers dig further into his eye sockets until all he can see are inky splotches behind his eyes.

Richie doesn't know why he would ever think those things of Y/n. He hadn't ever told her this, not directly at least, but she was just about the only person in the world he trusted most. He knew in his heart of hearts this was why he found himself dialing her number before he could even register what he was doing. Even after their separation and the bitter feelings they took with it, the Losers were and always would be his best friends in the world.

So why did everything about this feel so wrong?

From the moment the phone call ended, he felt like he was waltzing into a trap like some putz...

"Well, look who it is..." snarled a voice from up above the surface.

Richie's blood ran cold and it felt as if the remainder of the air in his lungs had been squeezed out like air in a deflating balloon. He whipped around at the voice, his head twisting up at the silhouetted figure so fast he was shocked he hadn't broken his own neck. The figure held their hands on their hips, thousands of the sun's rays spilling around them as they blocked out a part of the sun, an advantage they reaped from where they stood before Richie at just the right angle. His breath caught in his throat as he had recognized the voice immediately, but the figure didn't quite match the voice.

The last thing person he needed to see right now was Henry fucking Bowers, that was for sure.

The universe agreed so it would seem. The figure shifted, just out of the light revealing the teasing smirk of his best friend Y/n. Her hands snapped together, her palms forming a handgun, the barrel aiming right at Richie's forehead.

"The jig is up," she snarled. "We knows it was you. You was the ones to steal from Big Bill's dame, and I wouldn't be surprised if yous was in cahoots, neithers."

Despite the fear that had clutched his heart only seconds ago, a small chortle left Richie at how awful her accent was. Hadn't she learned anything from him? A smug smile overtook Y/n's face as he broke. She holstered her handguns and gracefully descended the pile of gravel. His smile expired not long after, and despite the thin veil of clouds creeping over the sun the light in the sky was much too hard to even glance at his friend without blinking back several painful searing tears from the harsh light. But he could still make her out.

She was dressed in her usual ratty and eclectic garb; a mix of something far too big for her frame and something that seemed far too tight to be comfortable. Richie was certain she had never once owned even a thread of clothing that had always been hers. Her s/c brow had its usual, light glossy sheen of grease that Richie had learned very early on to not ask about. But there was something about her now, something he couldn't quite place.

Though one question kept popping up in his mind. One that left an itch in his brain he couldn't quite scratch in his dazed state. And that was how could he have possibly thought she sounded like Henry Bowers?

He finds himself looking down at the gravel now, wiping away as much of the sun's damage pooling in his eyes as he can. Unbeknownst to him, she watches him studiously, the ghost of her smile still on her lips as if she was enjoying his discomfort. His long and gangly limbs are folded awkwardly, still, onto the leather seat that sits on the ground. Finally, she takes a seat beside him with a huff as he had.

As he rubs his tired eyes for a second time she takes a long look around, breaking the silence when her trip around the gravel pit lands on him.

"Well, you've looked better." She quips, offering a smile.

Richie snorts, pushing his slipping glasses up the bridge of his nose with a friendly smirk. "This comin' from Raggedy Ann?"

They both breathe a small laugh and for a moment - just one beautiful, fleeting moment - Richie forgets he was ever scared. This is what he needed.

"So," she says, pulling his gaze towards her, sending him a cocky smile as a knowing look sparkles behind her eyes. "I'm guessing there's a reason I'm here, and not helping you with your summer training?"

Richie, for reasons unknown to him, feels his muscles tense up again involuntarily. Like a puppeteer suddenly yanking the strings, ripping his shoulders up to his ears and his muscles bracing. He felt rigid and he was, but he was doing all he could not to show it. All his unease came back in steady waves marching up the sand, but what could he do now? He could already feel her eyes burning holes into the side of his head as he kicked around a sizeable rock with the toe of his shoe, studying him. Waiting.

Finally, his shoulders slumped in a shrug, lower lip in an indifferent pout as he looked around at the sky hanging above the gravel pit.

"Just needed a change from all those ugly mugs, I guess," he manages a laugh, and he rises to his feet to lazily chase the rock that had rolled out of his reach.

He can feel her eyes on him still, and he doesn't know what to make of it until finally she breaks her silence with a chuckle and rises to join him. She catches the rock with the heel of her dirtied sneakers. They're worn down to the very last thread and several shades off from the original color. She kicks the rock back to him, and they engage in a lazy game of rock soccer.

"I can understand that," she says calmly, eyes trained on the rock as it tumbles across the gravel with several chunky clanks. "Reckon it'll be good for you, too,"

He frowns confused without looking up at her, winding one lanky leg back before one big kick. "Whad'ya mean?"

"Well, you don't wanna spend your whole summer inside of an arcade, do you?"

Richie's face freezes in a frown, the rest of his body going rigid. His eyes cement on the rock underneath his shoe, willing away the veil of tears that threatened to fall. Had he not been so caught up on why he was here, Richie might have had a clear enough head to realize Y/n wasn't there for that conversation, nor had she heard about it from anyone there. Instead, all Rich can think about is the small hypochondriac boy that had stolen his heart.

He can hear the conversation he had with his best friend, all those weeks ago when school let out. And if felt like a lifetime since he had seen that squishable, pouty little disgusted frown Eddie always put on that made Richie's inside melt. As if reading his mind, Y/n spoke.

"This is about Eddie, isn't it?"

Her tone is gentle but veiled. Something was concealed about the way she held herself, ever since she had arrived, something that Richie couldn't quite place. And there it was. He was right about her suspecting him, he must be. Richie battles the lump forming in his throat, and he can feel his ears turning pink under her unwavering and unblinking stare.

Richie does all he can to fight a snarky response, not knowing how else to navigate and survive the intensity of his feelings. All he manages to do is nod.

[■■■■■■■■■■■■]

"Rich, it's okay," she says, taking a step forward, his gaze is pulled to her eyes. And here it is, he thinks. The moment he had been dreading, the moment he hadn't even allowed himself to think about. "...I miss him, too."

His face caught in another frown. That's definitely not what he expected her to say. Quickly as he could, he wiped away a spot of snot at his nose. He had managed to keep the tears at bay but now they had found another way out. He felt like a fucking fool, and he wanted nothing more than for the ground to open up and swallow him whole. Of course she didn't know what he was talking about. Why would she - how would she? His spirits were crushed, and he suddenly didn't feel like getting into it now. She seemed off today, not that Richie cared. All he wanted was for this whole day to be over with, not even knowing the worst had yet to come.

She studies his reaction, almost as if she had been waiting for this and she blinks for what Richie is now starting to realize must be the first time since she got here. Y/n's face screws into a frown, and yet there still lingered an uneasy smile that taunted him. Her eyes squint suspiciously at Richie, her head tilting in an expression he never knew he had always feared would come.

She laughs finally, a shrill and grating laugh he hadn't quite heard before and she nudges him playfully. "Oh, come on! It's not like you've got some faggy crush on him or something?"

When he doesn't answer, she scoffs, turning away and shaking her head in disbelief for a moment.

Richie felt he just might vomit. Or cry. Or both. He had never felt so distraught, so dejected. So broken.

How could she be saying these things?

He tries with all his might to conjure a response, any fucking thing at all so he wasn't some blubbering broken chump breaking down in front of her. But for the first time in his life, Richie "loudmouth" Tozier was speechless.

That fuck-awful grating laugh returns, a sour look screws up her face as she looks him up and down in disgust.

"Wait, seriously?" She gapes with a scoff, making him feel about two inches tall. "You actually think he'd want to be with some fairy freak like you?"

"F-f-uck off," he sputters, though he does not feel better.

The trembling in his voice, the vulnerability, hearing it in himself strips any remaining scrap of confidence he had left. He's crying now and there's no hiding it. And she heard it in his voice, he knew that now as he looks at her. Her lips curl into a malicious smile and she takes another step closer, Richie fumbles a step back.

"He isn't some," her nose crinkles as she continues to advance on him, the fire in her eyes building as he stumbles back to escape her sudden venom. "rotten queer like you."

Y/n spits the words out like they were poison on her tongue, and this was true in every way. Her fiery stare never left Richie, it burned holes right through him as she advanced on him like a wolf on a wounded doe. They were nearing the edge of the gravel pit, and Richie had nearly run out of room when her finger stabbed his chest like a sword's final strike to the heart, pushing him to the ground as she spoke those poisonous words.

Richie felt his backside meet several jagged rocks that brought even more tears to his eyes, though none of them hurt as much as her words. She towered over him now, the sun beating down on her back and pouring over her shoulders, trapping Richie in her shadow. She shakes her head, and he can still make out the pathetic look on her face as she glowers at him.

"It's girls he likes. It's me he likes." she points to herself, shaking her head. "He was mine the second he saw me, but you?"

She scoffs again, and her shadow releases him as she kneels to balance on her feet, legs folded before him with a snide look.

"You've always been the insufferable loudmouth he couldn't get rid of." A sharp laugh escapes her, the clutch on his heart tightening to dangerous amounts he fears it will give out. "Well, I guess he doesn't have to worry about that now, huh?"

His heart feels as if it has been ripped to shreds, the claws of the wolf had struck and now he was drowning in his own sorrows as pain as the heartbreak filled his lungs. Richie could no longer see behind the thick wall of glassy tears that blanketed his eyes, and the sounds of his own sobs amplified his embarrassment and despair. He was hopelessly broken, and he could feel himself crumble, each piece disappearing amongst the gravel underneath him until he couldn't be found. He blinked only once, but it was enough to send every tear racing down his cheek at once.

Another malicious smile contorts her face, her e/c eyes burning darker until they looked almost a completely different shade. Her lips seemed to stretch on and on and on in a way only one thing could. And it was then that it occurred to him.

Not one thing she had said to him is something he could have ever prepared himself for, each word constricting his heart and lungs and swelling his throat with the ever-growing lump.

Nor was any of it something she would ever dream of saying, he knew this now.

[■■■■■■■■■■■■]

This wasn't Y/n, this was never Y/n. She had never showed, and if he hadn't been so wrapped up in his own fucking head he would have caught on from the second "Y/n" arrived. Especially that entrance, Y/n surely would have fallen on her ass on her way down into the gravel pit never mind the fact her accent wouldn't be nearly as shit.

But none of this mattered now. This thing that looked like his friend had him cornered, and It knew it.

A wicked grin overtook the mask of Y/n's face that chilled Richie to his bones, and yet it also reassured him. Y/n was tough and could be scary from time to time, but he knew she could never be capable of the pure evil that now danced in It's eyes. Richie's body was already in motion, his arms and legs scrambling for any sort of grip that could take him up the side of the pit and to safety. But the gravel beneath him was always shifting, rolling out from underneath him when it wasn't raking his palms to pieces and all he was accomplishing was a small plume of dust that clung to his backside.

Richie didn't know where it came from, but his actions were faster than his feelings as his fist collided with It's nose. And no sooner did the heel of his shoe collide in a painful crack that sent It's head back, did his eyes widen in horrific shock. The painful crack that would surely haunt him for many nights to come, had not been from the collision of his heel on It's nose but It's head - or Y/n's as this was still It's disguise - had snapped completely back and dangled completely off It's/her shoulders.

The only thing connecting her head to her shoulders was the suit of s/c skin. Protruding from the center of her neck just under the skin was the end of her spine where it had disconnected, giving away a disturbing lack of muscles and veins in her neck as if it had been hollowed out like a pumpkin. Her head rolled back and forth limply, and Richie could feel bile climbing up his throat, ready to burst out his digested mac and cheese.

His mind was screaming at his legs to run while all was still but a small part of him knew this was all a gambit, that it didn't matter if she was frozen stiff or not. Richie knew as soon as he booked it, It would spring to life with something even more twisted. That now, without his friends, he was as good as dead.

And It was more than happy to prove Richie right.

The clone of his friend sprang to life, It's head still rolling around on It's shoulders. Connected only by the skin of It's neck, and moving around like some fucked up slinky toy. Richie was already halfway up the gravel pit, bits of rock and dirt finding their way into his shoes as he kicked up the earth though that was the farthest thing from his mind.

By the time Richie reached the top of the pit, he could no longer hear the thunderous boom of his heart attempting to break loose from his chest, which was saying an awful lot. His screams echoed out into the air only to be swallowed by the screams of other children and Richie didn't know how he knew this but he knew those were the screams of Betty Ripsom, Ed Corcoran... Georgie Denbrough. The bloodied screams of It's victims were drowning Richie as he ran for the junkyard, and he wondered if he might live to hear them stop.

The screams were so fucking loud in his ears he could see them. Each of them a blinding, deafening, gut-wrenching, and blood-curdling scream that danced through the air like ribbons as they begged for their lives. Richie cried out and he couldn't even hear his own voice, but he didn't let this stop his legs from pumping as hard as they possibly could. He was nearly to the junkyard, surely he could use something to fend It off but he knew he was just buying time.

He could taste the blood on his tongue from where his teeth bit into his cheek. In all his short life, Richie Tozier would not have guessed child-eating clown to be the way he'd kick the can. When ever the thought of death began troubling him, he always liked to picture something like a western. Him and his rightful enemy squaring off against good and evil, he'd shoot first and save the day but still sustain an injury and bleed out. But it'd be a hero's death. And that was something.

But this... this was something born out of darker than evil and Richie was about to be pulled into the gravity well of this black hole and swallowed up. And he knew in his soul, the very pits of his stomach it would reach out with its shadowy arms and pull him into darkness.

And it did.

Richie had been rapidly approaching the edge of the junkyard without realizing and within an instant found himself on the ground, caved in on himself as he tumbled in the dirt and rocks accepting he was to join them soon enough. He closed his eyes and waited for death as a hand curled around his shoulder and pulled him around. Another jolt of shock shot through his entire body at the sudden contact, locking his jaw and paralyzing his entire body in fear as he was met with the new threat. He didn't dare open his eyes, and certainly not when he heard his best friend's voice again.

"Richie! Richie?"

It was her again, he realized. Y/n's real voice, the one that he heard on the telephone that was dripped in static. The one now dripped in fear.

"Richie?!"

When the boy opened his eyes, they were filled with terror and his sobs continued. A lense Y/n never thought she'd see Richie look at her through. Her heart broke in an instant when she realized he was afraid... of her. Instantly, she released him and let her backside fall back into the gravel. She watched through a thick wall of tears as he trembled, crying to himself, and never in all her life had she seen Richie Tozier so broken.

It tore her apart.

She didn't have to be a genius to realize what had happened here. Before she had even reached the junkyard on her bike she had heard his screams strangled through the wall of trees gating the area. When she had reached the gravel yard, she was happy to see him still in one piece but he was running for his life from an invisible force. The damn coward had gotten what It wanted and scared him shitless, but why would he disappear just because she showed? She had wondered.

Now she was beginning to understand. It didn't need to be here to scare her. Just the sight of Richie in such a state was enough to tear her down and it took just about everything in her not to scream into the sky from a mix of fury and fear.

Besides the tears that race down her cheeks and wet her legs, all Y/n could feel was a painfully numbing fear. Fear that Richie would never be the same. Fear that Richie would never speak to her again. Fear that Richie would never trust her again. Fear for whatever the fucking hell that thing did to Richie. Fear that It would do it again.

All she felt now was fear for Richie.

Y/n doesn't bother to fight the sob that breaks loose, her bottom lip quivers violently and her arms fall to the gravely pavement beneath her. As if her head had filled with lead, it grew heavy enough to fall into her chest where her chin landed, shaking several more tears loose.

"I'm s-so sorry, Richie,"

Y/n yearns to say more, but her body is physically weak from sadness and shame. Yet still, she repeats it in her mind hoping with everything in her it slips out of her mouth, or maybe if she thought them loud enough he'd hear them in his mind.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't there. I'm sorry for whatever happened. I'm so goddamn sorry...

"I'm sorry," she whimpers. "I promise..."

I promise I'm not gonna hurt you. I promise I'm not gonna hate you. I promise I'm gonna be there for you, from now on. I promise.

Her sniffles blend with his own, and Richie is unsure why this is the moment he knows for sure this is the real Y/n before him; maybe he was just too exhausted to think it through, perhaps it was the godawful sound she was making trying to keep herself from snotting as bad as he was but he knew It had gone. And the Y/n sitting beside him — crying with him, was the one he dialed up today. This was the Y/n he had been prepared to bare his soul to. His true self.

So with one shaky hand — the other still tucked in close to his chest — Richie's left hand slid out from under him and across the gravel to Y/n's open palm. Her fingers were digging into the gravel, sharp edges of the rock digging into her skin as if to assure herself she was really real. Suddenly, she felt Richie's shaky palm slide underneath hers, carefully taking it.

Y/n picked her glassy stare up from the ground to look at their intertwined hands, and she melted a little. Several of those fears — not all of them, but some — were ebbed away and she looked to Richie. He was still curled up in the dirt, his eyes closed and silent tears streaking his dirt-covered face. Each tear paved a path of clean skin, washing the dirt away in wild streaks where ever each tear had fallen. Several large and swollen beads of tears collected at his chin where they dangled, threatening to fall.

She gave his hand a squeeze, letting him know she was there for him as she had promised him. And she was ready to sit with him for as long as he needed.

For hours that feel only like minutes, they sit together in tear-filled silence, clinging to one another's presence and the knowledge that they are now all they have left.

And there was no way they were letting go.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Here are some LGBTQ+ resources for mental health and self help if you feel you need them:

How do I find LGBTQ friendly therapy?

An article on safe ways to find the best sources of help that are right for you

The Trevor Project

Self Care Tips for Trans and Non Binary Folks

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#it #scars that heal #sth #sth 🎈#it 2017 #eddie kaspbrak x reader #eddie kaspbrak x fem!reader #tw f slur #tw homophobia #tw homophobic attack #homophobia #f slur #the losers x reader #losers club x reader #the losers club #eddie kaspbrak #richie tozier #richie tozier x platonic!reader #under pressure

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tinyboxxtink · 3 years ago

Text

"Clueless" *Part 3*

Okay so my dog ended up being totally fine, and luckily I had most of this written beforehand. <3

PS- REALLY shouldn't have watched the actual movie while writing this...lulz. Count how many actual lines from the movie you catch.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 4

Tag List:

@lolliepopsicle

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@wanniiieeee

@milkshqke

@gibbs274

@aprildecker-blog

@objection-argumentative

@word-scribbless

@stars-in-the-skies-world

-----

He drove back up the Beach House, but you and Ariel had abandoned it for a loft in the city, no forwarding address. He asked himself why he was putting so much effort just to get back in contact with you. He couldn’t explain it, it was like something against logic.

He dialed Ariel’s number.

IGNORE.

Redial.

IGNORE.

Text: “Answer your phone!!!”

Redial.

“What do you want?”

“I want to talk to Y/N,”

“Well she doesn't want to talk to you,”

“What did you tell her, Ariel?”

“The truth,”

“I don’t...I can’t even begin to imagine what that means in your language,”

“Oh whatever Raf, what does it matter what I told her? She’s MY friend, not yours!”

“You don’t OWN her Ariel,”

“Don’t I?” She smirked. “I feed her, I clothe her, I give her a roof to sleep under. I even gave her a cute necklace with her name on it, like a collar,” she smirked.

"You're evil," he sneered.

“I’m a saint,” She scoffed. “Do you know where that girl would be without me? Do you know the years it would take in a therapist's office to heal the emotional trauma I so selflessly saved her from? Her life will be enriched and better because of me, how many girls can say that about you?"

“Oh right, like helping her hasn’t served you any purpose?”

“What purpose could it possibly have?”

“Please, if I ever saw you do anything less than 90% selfish I��d die of shock,”

“Oh that would be reason enough for me,”

“Look, I get it. You've never had a mother so you're treating her like your personal Barbie doll,"

“And what, you wanna be her Prince Ken? Or, lawyer Ken,”

“She’s NOT a Barbie doll!”

“You’re right, she’s not. So I’m not going to let you play with her emotions,”

“What does that even mean? For fuck’s sake Ariel, I just want to be her mentor,”

“Really?” Rafael could hear her rolling her eyes through the phone. “You’re trying THIS hard to mentor some girl you met less than 24 hours ago? REALLY,” She chuckled.

“I may not be ‘Harvard’ smart BRO, but I’m not stupid. I know when a guy has let’s say, less than moral intentions with a girl,”

“It’s not like that,” He growled. “She’s a sweet girl, Ariel. And I’m not going to let you try and change her into your clone,”

“Wha--my clone? Please, Raf she could NEVER reach my level. Believe me, I’ve tried for four years. She’s a good sidekick,”

“This isn’t over,”

“Isn’t it? You have ZERO idea where we are,”

“Please, there’s maybe 5 places in Manhattan you’ll go, and they’re all on the Upper East Side. It’s not hard,”

“Well then, I guess we’ll see who’s better at hide and seek!”

CLICK.

------

Ariel rolled her eyes with a smile just as you walked in the living room.

“Who was that?” You asked, toweling your hair from the shower you had just exited.

“Mom,” She rolled her eyes. “She wanted to make sure we weren’t tearing this place up,”

“Oh?” You asked, suddenly hopeful. “Was she going to ask Rafael to check?”

“What? NO,” Ariel shut down that thought quickly. “I assured her she didn’t need to send that dog over here to sniff around you anymore,”

“Ariel,” You rolled your eyes with a sigh. “I’m a big girl,”

“I know sweetie,” She walked over and scrunched your face. “Such a big girl,”

“Whatever,” You rolled your eyes again walking back to the bedroom.

“Hey…” Ariel grabbed the TV remote. “Do you wanna watch Clueless?”

“What? ….Why?”

“I don’t know, you mentioned it yesterday and now I can’t stop thinking about a young Paul Rudd,”

“....Who looks exactly like present Paul Rudd,” You laughed.

“I know right? I want the magic face cream he must use,” She giggled as you both sat down on the couch to watch the movie.

----

“See, Cher isn’t a bad person, right? She saved Tai,” Ariel gestured to the TV.

“Am I Tai in this situation?” You eyed her.

“Well, yeah,” She shrugged. “Duh,”

“I’ll take it, I love Brittany Murphy,” You shrugged.

“RIP,” Ariel made a sign of the cross with a kiss looking up to heaven. “We should pour one out for her,”

“On your mom’s thousand dollar rug?”

“Okay, so maybe just pour one for us,”

Her phone vibrated wildly; it vibrated so hard it fell off the coffee table onto the floor. You picked it up to put it back, but you happened to glance at the screen.

BHOLE BARBA: You can’t keep her from me forever, Ariel

Wha….keep who from him? You? Did...was he...did Ariel….?

“Alright, who’s ready for mimosas?!” Ariel said in a singsongy voice as she returned with two flutes of champagne.

“What is this?” You held the phone up to her. She read it, her eyes grew wide.

“I...He’s talking about the Adele CD I borrowed from him forever ago, he’s weirdly possessive about ‘her’,”

“Ariel,” You interrupted her with a stern face.

“What?” She played dumb.

“...How could you do this to me?” You asked with a hurt expression.

“Do what?” She rolled her eyes with a laugh. “Protect you from my loser ex brother?”

“You--! Oh my god,” You couldn’t believe it. Your own best friend was trying to mess with your happiness?

“Oh come on Y/N, it’s not that big of a--” She rolled her eyes with a laugh, pissing you off even more.

“It IS a big deal!” Tears stung your eyes, you hated that you started crying when you got angry. How pathetic was that?

“Why? You can’t possibly be in love with him or something,” She scoffed.

“NO! Of course not,” You crossed your arms. “But he could help me with school, with my career! Don’t you want me to get a good job, eventually move out of here?”

“Maybe I don’t!” She yelled suddenly.

“...What?” You asked in disbelief.

“Look, Y/N,” She sighed. “I...you...we both know under normal circumstances, we would never be friends,”

“...I mean, I guess…” You shrugged.

“Oh come on,” She gave you a look. “You’d have to explain every sentence you spoke to me,” She had crocodile tears rolling down her cheeks.

“Oh come on Ariel,” You sighed and sat next to her. “You’re NOT stupid,”

“I’m stupider than you!” She cried.

“...More stupid,” You corrected her.

“See?” She sniffled.

“Okay, but-- still,” You took her hand. "You're my best friend. Do you think that if I don't have to live with you anymore, I won't be your friend?"

"Maybe…" She looked at the floor.

"Ariel!" You cried. "Really? Come on,"

"You come on!" She was actually getting upset now. "Look, Y/N. I don't have...friends,"

"What?" You snorted. "You have the biggest social circle I know!"

"Yeah but--" she tried to find the right words. "They're not like….friends, friends ya know? They're more like…. followers, or leeches, of--"

"Sycophants," you chuckled. She did surround herself with as many people who would tell her she was amazing as possible.

"I don't know what that means but probably, yes," She nodded. “You’re the only one who I can actually talk to, you’re like my little sister,”

“....Right, so…? You think I’ll just give all that up if I move out? If I don’t need you financially anymore?”

“Maybe…” She mumbled. “But ALSO, if that stupid asshole gets into your head about me!”

“Oh God…” You put a hand over your head. “Ariel,” You took both of her hands and looked at her very seriously.

“You are my absolute best friend in this entire world, no…’boy’ could change that! I’ve known you so long, I know you completely. Nothing he could tell me would make me turn on you, I swear it,”

“Really?” She raised an eyebrow at you.

“Really! You held a hand up like an oath. “AND, even if-- WHEN, I get financially stable and can live on my own two feet, I will ALWAYS be your friend,” You used the oath hand and placed it in hers again. “I swear it,”

“....Okay, but absolutely ZERO sleepovers here,”

“Oh, my god, ARIEL,” You gasped. “I JUST want to talk to him about law stuff!”

“Yeah, that’s what he said too,” She rolled her eyes, not believing either of you.

“He did?” You felt your face fall.

“Ah HA! See? Disappointment!”

“Shut up,” You hit her. “I don’t care, we should just be professional anyway,”

“Uh huh,” She nodded sarcastically.

“Are you going to give me his number or not?” You gave her a look.

“No,”

“ARIEL,” You crossed your arms.

“No, then you’re going to immediately call him and give him ALL the power,” She wagged a finger at you. “I’m going to give him YOUR number, and if he calls you, he calls you,”

“Ariel…” You gave her another look.

“What? You don’t believe me?” She feigned offense.

“I really don’t,” You shook your head.

“Alright FINE,” She pulled out her phone and opened her texts with Rafael, typed in your number and hit SEND.

“Happy?” She showed you her phone.

“....Maybe,” You hid the giddiness that was building in your stomach.

Almost IMMEDIATELY after sending the text, your phone lit up wildly.

“Good god I’m gonna get out of here before the nerdy phone sex starts,” She ran out of the room with her mimosa in tow.

“Shut up!” You hissed, mentally preparing yourself for this phone call. The phone call you’d been waiting for for days, even when you thought he was a “player”. You took a deep breath and hit ANSWER:

“Hello?”

“Y/N?”

“Yeah who’s this?” You asked coyly.

“It’s...Rafael, Barba…”

“I’m sorry, who?” You teased.

“Ariel’s….brother?” He skipped the asterisk that went along with “Brother”.

“Ohhhh right right right,” You nodded, keeping him nervous. “Yeah, Ariel told me all about you,”

“I knew it,” He growled thinking about Ariel and her lies. “Whatever she said, she’s lying,”

“Oh so you don’t want to be my mentor?”

“Wha--?” He was shocked. Did Ariel actually change her mind? Or dare he think...a change of heart?

“Yes! I mean, I do! I absolutely do!” He may have said that a little too overzealous, so he dialed it back. “I mean, if I have some time I’d be up for it, if that’s okay with you,”

“I might, maybe…” You were twirling your hair in your fingers. “When do you think you might have time?”

“Well you know I was thinking--” He started, but there was a knock at the door.

“Oh sorry, one second,” You got up and walked over to the door and swung it open to reveal Rafael standing there, right in front of you. He was dressed in a black suit with a pink tie. As amazing as he looked in street clothes, you thought you might mount him right there in that suit.

“I have some time right now,” He smiled, acting as if he was still on the phone. You couldn’t help yourself, you leapt into his arms and kissed him, HARD.

-------

“Hello? Y/N?”

You snapped back to reality, Rafael was talking to you on the phone.

“Oh! Um, Yeah, sorry what?”

“I said I have some time right now, if you wanna meet for coffee or something,” He half laughed, still enchanted by your awkwardness.

“Yes! Sure! I...let me just get dressed, just text me the address, I’ll meet you in a few,” You were so glad he couldn’t see how beet red you were from that little fantasy you had just been in.

“Sounds good,” You could hear him smile; even through the phone it made you weak in the knees.

You hung up and ran to Ariel’s room, hoping she’d help you get dressed.

What could you wear to impress him?

#rafael barba #rafael barba x you #rafael barba x reader #law and order svu #law and order svu fanfiction #clueless #rafael barba imagine

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bmongmong · 4 years ago

Text

Chapter 3 - New Emotions

Blue pill or red pill - Jungkook

Description: You're a young girl, who's a little bit introverted and afraid to be under everybody's eyes. You only have your best friend, but it's ok for you. You don't want to be popular and believe in minimal things. One day you meet a guy. Or two?

Jungkook x Reader

The imagines I used are not mine Credit to the owners

Y/n pov

Another week has passed and it seems like me, Rosé and Jungkook have become a great trio.

As I walk towards school I receive a message from Rosé:

Rosé:

Y/n sorry but today I won't come to school. I feel very sick ☹

That's ok I guess. If she's ill, she needs some rest and-WHAT?! OH MY GOD, I'LL BE ALONE!! WHO'S GOING TO PROTECT ME?! I BET EVERYONE WILL LOOK AT ME. WHAT IF THOSE BULLIES COME TO ME BECAUSE SHE'S NOT WITH ME?! Ok y/n. You have to calm down.

I feel my heart pounding very fast and the palms of my hands sweating. This weird sensation is pervading all parts of my body. From my feet to my head. I feel my legs strangely weak, but somehow I can walk without any problems.

I find myself at the entrance of my class. I take a deep breath, but I cannot move. I just want to run away from here. I feel really pathetic right now. I'm all grown up and I can't even go to school by myself, without my friend. Then...

"Are you going to go in or stay here all day?" I turn around and it's Jungwook.

I don't answer, I just look away and try to find an excuse, but it seems like my lips are sewn. Nothing comes out, a part form little indescribable noises.

"Move" he says scoffing and entering the class.

I just stand there, embarrassed of what just happened. I'm still not used to people talking to me, except if it's Rosé or Jungkook. That's right. The good twin. We talk a lot actually and I feel comfortable around him. Of course, there are still lots of things that we both don't know about each other, but I think that now, I can really consider him a friend of mine.

As I'm thinking about the people I know, still on the edge of the door, I hear a voice speaking to me:

"Y/n don't pay attention to him" it's Jungkook. For some reasons I feel calm now. My legs are no longer shaking and my mind is free from bad thoughts. He then continues:

"Come on, let's go inside together!" as he smiles, he grabs my hand and drags me inside. At that very moment, I felt like I died for a couple of seconds and then I resurrected. But then I realize that it was just my heart skipping a beat, or maybe two or three.

Now I'm seated at my spot, still thinking about the two Jeons. Wow, they're really different. The kind one, Jungkook, can make my heart flutter with just a single move, while the other one, Jungwook, is just a bully. As I find myself drawing on the desk, still thinking about those two boys, I hear a voice talking to me. To my surprise is Jimin:

"Y/n. Since today Rosé won't come at school, why don't you stay with us?" as he invites me, I see his hands pointing at him and the two brothers. I nod in response and I see Jungkook smiling. I guess it's not going to be that bad, but wait. How does he know about Rosé?

"Umh...Jimin...sorry for bothering" I say at a very low voice "How do you know about Rosé?"

"Oh didn't she tell you?" he asks surprised and I shake my head. Then I see him blushing a bit and smiling "she texted me this morning. She said, she didn't feel well. And she asked me to take care of you"

My heart melts. Rosé. I really can do noting without you. I feel my eyes a bit teary, thinking about her love towards me. She's like a second mum to me.

In order to not leave me alone, Jungkook sat beside me, at Rosé's spot. I honestly felt a bit better. During the lesson me and him would write on the desk to have some fun. He then helped me with a math problem I couldn't solve. As he leaned close to me, I felt my heart popping out of my chest. His face was so close and once he noticed he quickly turned away blushing.

During other classes I kept scolding myself. Too much is happening in my life. But as I think about Jungkook I start smiling. As much as I want to be emotionless, I really like the feeling when I'm close to him. I guess I'll just allow this new emotion. But what type of feeling is this? Friendship? I honestly don't know, but for sure I know it's not the same emotion I feel when I'm with Rosé.

By now I've known Jungkook for a couple of weeks, or maybe three.

I think I'm too strict to myself.

As another lesson ends I can see Jungwook walking towards us and talking:

"Can you two stop being all lovely dovely? It's honestly annoying"

Me and Jungkook look at each other and start blushing. Then the kind guy next to me talks back to his brother:

"We're not...like...just stop it Jungwook" I feel him nervous. He's kinda transmitting me his anxiety.

As I look at the two twins, I notice their little diversities. For example, Jungkook has a little spot under his lower lip, and I actually find this cute. Then I notice that he also has pretty long hair. Not as long as Jungwook's, but they're pretty long too. Regard the bad guy, I notice the many tattoos on his arm. They're so many!! But it's kinda attractive. WHAT ARE YOU THINKING Y/N?! SERIOUSLY STOP!!

As I'm internally debating with myself, Jungwook gets closer to my face. He's just a few inches away from me. WHAT IS HE DOING? I'm seriously about to explode. I'm feeling too many emotions. My body doesn't know how to react to this. It's actually a mix of excitement and anxiety.

"Stop acting so innocent y/n" the bad boy says as he stares into my eyes. Honestly, his gaze is so piercing. I feel like he can see my soul sailing inside my body.

Now I can hear all my classmates whispering. Jungkook notices how uncomfortable I look and he pushes away his brother saying:

"Leave her alone" he's not nervous. He rather seems calm and serious.

As the gangster walks away, I notice a group of girls looking at me. I know Jungwook is pretty famous, but I didn't expect such reactions.

"Y/n just ignore that" I hear Jimin saying as he handles me a bottle of fresh water. "Calm down, I'll talk to him later"

I guess Rosé told Jimin that I'm easily conditioned. I'm talking about my emotions. Now I feel nervous, I'm afraid Jimin will tell everybody about this.

"Don't worry y/n" this one says "I won't tell anybody" he says winking at me.

I blush a little and look away. He then continues:

"But I need to ask you a favour"

"What is it Jimin?" I ask curious, still flustered, due to what happened.

"Rosé. Convince her to go out with me"

I just nod and he leaves. So I was right!! Jimin has feelings for her! Yess, I'm so happy. Wow my mood is like a roller coaster. At first I feel nervous and scared, then right after I feel very happy. So many mood swings.

Then I feel a hand on my shoulder. I flinch a bit, not expecting this type of skin ship, and turn around to face Jungkook, who's now talking to me:

"Y/n are you alright?" he asks. I can see that he's trying to look calm, but he's actually nervous.

"Yes, I think. Thank you Jungkook....for saving me earlier ahah..." I say a bit awkward.

"Don't worry. Even though he's tough, I know him really well and I know how to handle this type of situations" he seems a bit sad as he says this. "Do you need something?"

"O-Oh don't worry, I'll just go and get some fresh hair" I say and quickly stand up, leaving the room.

Now I'm walking down the empty hallway and stop at some point, leaning on the wall. I need some support since I feel my whole body trembling and shaking. As I turn around I see those girls that were looking at me earlier.

"So you're y/n? never heard of you" one of them says as the others start laughing at her lame joke. I'm just embarrassed and look down. I mean, that's what I wanted, not to be known. As I play with my fingernails due to nervousness, I feel one of those girls, grabbing my hair and making me fall on the ground. I put my hand in my hair to prevent her from pulling my hair even more, but she's really strong and eventually ends up pulling them a lot.

"How pathetic!" she says scoffing "I feel pity for you" and they start laughing.

I'm about to cry. I feel alone and helpless. I feel like I'm about to throw up all of my emotions. They're too many. And too heavy to handle. I feel my heart breaking into pieces as they keep making fun of me and pulling my hair. That's it. The end of a movie, where the main character gets beaten up and ends up dying alone. That's what I thought, until...

"Leave her alone" it's a male voice. He seems bossy and steady.

"Jungwook. What are you doing here?" one of those girls asks him "we just wanted to make sure she would never disturb you again. We saw what happened earlier"

"How many times do I have to tell you girls, that I will never date one of you? Now leave her alone and go away. And if I see you bothering her again, something bad will happen" he says threatening. Wow, he' really scary.

As I see those girls going away, I look up and see Jungwook looking at me from above.

His body looks so good. He has really long and muscular legs and wide shoulders. I see his black belt hugging his tiny waist and his tattoos moving in sync with his muscles as he cracks his fingers.

"Stand up" he orders me.

I'm so scared right now. I feel like I could die, if I don't listen to this man. I quickly stand up facing him, but my eyes are looking away.

"Look at me" he says.

I just widen my eyes and tense up my body. I'm sweating again, I can feel the heat invading my body. He then repeats himself and I obey. As I look at him I feel kinda hypnotized. Like if my life was an actual movie and I'm just an actress, who's acting.

He gets closer to my face and asks me:

"Did they hurt you?"

I look away and shake my head. I'm too embarrassed to look at him, but he grabs my chin with his fingers and turns my head to his. I feel my heart in my throat and I can hear every beat. My breath gets heavy and I feel a drop of sweat slowly going down from my neck to my chest. It goes really slow and it actually gives me thrills.

I see him scoffing and asking at a really low voice:

"Why you?"

Is he referring to me? Did I do or say something wrong? Am I going to die?

I see him getting closer and closer and I instinctively shout my eyes. But then I hear Jimin:

"Y/n are you ok? We heard some noises so we came to check"

What is he doing here? And he's with Jungkook!!

As the boy that's holding my chin hears Jimin and Jungkook arriving, he lets go of me and steps away snorting. I'm actually relieved that nothing happened. I couldn't stand another scandal. Then I hear Jungkook voice:

"Y/n! Did he hurt you?" he says concerned.

"No, not at all. He actually helped me..."

As I finish explaining them what happened, I see Jungkook's face changing expression. He looks disappointed. Don't know why.

As we go back to the classroom, I feel a mix of emotions, but I cannot distinguish them. It feels so strange. I try to feel sad, but I can't. Then I try to feel angry, but the anger doesn't come out. It's really really weird.

Now that all classes ended, I stand up and make my way to leave the room, but I hear Jungkook voice from behind calling my name:

"Y/n!" he says. I can feel the tension building up. "I-I wondered if I-I could walk you home..." he says rubbing the back of his head.

My head feels peace after that question. I know I can go home safely with him. I nod and smile brightly and I see his face lighting up.

As we walk down the street I see him a bit nervous. I'm too shy to ask if there's something wrong. But I guess that's what good friends do, so I decide to question him. But before I could say something, he speaks:

"Y/n...do you like him?" I see him blushing.

"Umh? Who?" I'm a bit confused. Who is he talking about?

"My brother..." he says almost whispering.

"WHAT?! Of course no!! I'm just grateful that he helped me earlier, but there's nothing more!" I shout instinctively and nervously.

I see his face muscles relaxing and his big smile appears.

"Good to know"

That smile makes me blush so hard, that I have to look away so that he doesn't see my red face. But I guess he noticed it anyway as I can hear him giggle.

Now we're in front of my house.

"Goodbye Jungkook! Thanks for taking me home. See you tomorrow!" I say turning around, but before I could walk away he grabs my wrist and I freeze.

"Y/n..." he says with his calm voice. I don't turn around. I just can't move my body. I feel his hand tightening the grip on my wrist and in just a blink I feel Jungkook back hugging me.

After a couple of seconds he lets go and I hear him stuttering:

"I-I'm sorry y-y/n! I-I didn't m-mean to..." as he says so I turn around as see him looking at the ground. It doesn't look like he's regretting his decision. I think he's daydreaming right now, like he's here in front of me, but his mind is on another dimension.

He's actually handsome. I don't know what I'm doing, but I think I'm looking at him under another prospective. Not as my classmate. Nether as my friend. Could it be...? No way, I'm not that type of girl that dreams these sort of things.

I just want to nod and get inside, but instead I say:

"Don't worry" and my body starts moving on its own and does something I would have never expected.

I'm hugging him. As I hug him I start to panic inside. WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU Y/N?! WHAT ARE YOU EVEN THINKING? I HAVE ALREADY ALLOWED MYSELF TO HAVE A NEW FRIEND, BUT THIS TIME I'M NOT ALLOWING THIS!!!

Then I slowly let go and look at him smiling. He seems surprised but he shows me his bunny smile right after. I don't want him to see me flustered and nervous, so I just keep smiling. Then I greet him, still smiling, and go inside. After closing the door behind me, I look through the window and see him going away.

Then my smile disappears and I just...

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I scream as loud as I can.

"What's wrong y/n?!" my mum is running to me worried. She keeps asking me and shaking me, but I'm frozen. I have to admit it, that scream helped me. I feel so much lighter now.

As both my mum and dad are shaking me, I smile at the memory of a few moments ago. As I smile I realize. I'm doomed.

0 notes

squaredancing-weston · 8 years ago

Conversation

text || Brobastian (Week 2)

Bas: Well, maybe it should be in a room full of mirrors, then. That way I get to see myself /and/ the other guy. Although I feel like just fucking me would actually take less effort than the teasing would. I mean, there's only so much of someone rutting against me that I can take - especially if they're murmuring in my ear about all of the different ways they plan on having me. That shit gets /exhausting/, Brodes - there comes a time where you just want someone to fill you up, or - fuck, I feel like riding them would be easier than just the /tease/. I mean not that the tease isn't all manner of hot, but, you know - there /are/ limits, and pushing them with me in this state would just be cruel, you know? Best just to give me the relief I need.

Bas: When your material revolves around crappy jokes at my expense, then that's just sad. Really - you have /one/ subject. I know you're obsessed with me, Brodes, but come on. Hey, I'm not the one trying to be a comedian, here. That's on you.

Bas: Can't say I've counted. What - you think I don't own any R&H? You underestimate me, as usual. While I appreciate ballet as an art form, yeah - no. Besides all of the dizziness, it really is just gonna send me to sleep again. I've slept enough. Why do you equate my ability to find people to sleep with to a lack of standards? While I might have had some questionable hook-ups in the past (all hot, just some... questionable people), I do like quality. Newbie Brody sounds adorable - man, I'd have loved to corrupt him - but I digress. Just because you're fine going home alone, doesn't mean we all need to do so. Don't get me wrong, there's been a night or two where I haven't hooked up, but it's really not very often. Why skip out on the chance for some good sex? Fine, fine - he can do the groundwork, but I'm making my intentions clear.

Bas: Man, you can be so dramatic sometimes, you know that? Tell you what - if I die from sex, you can rest assured that you were right, and I'll have gone out in probably the best way that I possibly could. I'm not /that/ sick - I'll be fine in a few days. I already told you - nobody said /anything/ about being ass-raped to death apart from you. Seriously, I worry about you sometimes.

Bas: He's been hovering, yeah. You don't really /need/ to angle Blaine - his ass is a good view no matter where he's standing in the room, so long as he's not directly facing you. Although the rest of him is perfectly pleasing to look at, too.

Bas: You mean there's no one to obsess over. Don't worry, Brodes - me and my ass will be back in no time. Oh, but if he's as bad as you claim he is, you're fine mocking over texts? So cruel. I don't deserve this shit. I didn't say anything about not liking it. If nothing else, she'll give me something to do during lunch hour. And by /do/, well.... I'm sure you know what I mean. Yeah, but what happens when she puts on Legally Blonde and they start thinking that they can get a law degree and win trials based on their perm maintenance knowledge? And I bet she wouldn't even show the Broadway version.

Brody: Doesn't a room full of mirrors mess with the reflection though? Like kind of skew the coloration or something, because it's just reflection on reflection on reflection, etc? But yeah-- I mean, you could definitely play with more than one, get all the angles. You're missing the point, Bas. The point isn't what would take the least effort: it's what has the biggest payoff. And since you can't really handle that level of exertion for at least another week, the tease has to last until you can properly enjoy it. So until then, they can really only get by themselves by talking about how intense it's going to get-- how they're going to spread you out, stretch you open one finger at a time, three fingers deep, before lapping up your ass like a cream to a cat. Fucking bringing you to a breaking point if you don't have their full, thick, throbbing cock inside of you, punching up against your sweet spot hard while their hands are //finally// reaching around, slicked up so they're wet and hot and completely covering you and just pumping like you guys haven't fucked in weeks-- which, you know, you haven't. Because you've been on bedrest and he's not going to fuck you until you're off. It's a medical thing, Bas-- I mean, it's that or nothing, you know? And I figured since //nothing// was basically killing you here, it'd make more sense this way, right?

Brody: I hardly see that as sad-- who deserves jokes at their expense more than the proud peacock? I mean really? And it makes everybody laugh. I cater to my audience, what can I say. And you're worse than they are, Bas-- I know you; you'd rather hear anything about yourself than the funniest jokes about anyone else. Tcha-- everyone's a critic until the light's on them.

Brody: Well, let me know when you think of a ballpark figure. //You// watch Rogers and Hammerstein? Like more than just in passing? You do know people usually fall in //love// in those shows, right? Without sex? Or are you sleeping through those parts? You realize sleep isn't the enemy, right? I mean, I'm not encouraging you to sleep through culture in its purest form, but if your body's trying to drag you under, that's usually a sign. It might have something to do with the fact that there's a limited number of bodies in Ohio and you've likely slept with the majority of them-- and they definitely could not have been all 10s, Bas. I wouldn't be surprised if you couldn't give some of them a 7 after you took off your beer goggles. Yeah, I'm familiar with the questionable aspect-- I've seen that scar on your back XD Hey-- Newbie Brody was still plenty experienced, just...a little gun shy. Let's just say I didn't leave Sparks without a little bit of crazy chasing me out. And if 22-year old Bas was when whips were involved in your sex life, I wouldn't really want to be corrupted, thanks. Well, I guess I just don't mind the break to focus on other things then. Sex isn't air for me. Bas, I've heard you guys talking-- I'm pretty sure your intentions are perfectly clear by now. Like bird flying into a window transparent.

Brody: //I// can be dramatic? That's a laugh, considering some of the shit I've seen you pull over the years. So I can write on your grave: Brody Told You So You Assless Peacock ? I mean, since if you die by //my// dick, I'm going to be in the next grave over, it seems only fair. Okay, okay-- you're just unnecessarily stuck on bedrest while coughing like hell. You're not sick. I'm still not sexing you up while you look like that. You know, when you say crap like that, it makes me believe you never even watched the show, much less read the books, and that hurts my feelings. I mean, did you think they'd be asking about the actor(s-- since the guy was recast three different times at least) or what? Because I'm pretty sure they would have clarified that point if that had been the case. Hey-- I didn't choose the dead guy. I chose the manipulative girl with experience.

Brody: well, so long as we're in agreement that his ass is way better than yours, I'll totally agree with that. I mean, personally, he's not really my type, but I don't blame you for pining over the innocent soul you failed to fully corrupt. Everyone has the one that got away, Bas.

Brody: I'm sorry, are you implying that I couldn't easily find someone else to talk to or about? Because I'm pretty sure that the conversation is significantly more diverse around the people that are actually //allowed// out of the house. Well, a) I can't see you, and 2) didn't you just say you were fine? XD Can't have it both ways, peacock. Speaking of obsession...you know you could always just stop answering, right?

Brody: [unsent] holy fuck please do not actually seriously consider that as an option-- why the fuck did I say that god fucking dammit I'm pathetic

Brody: I guess-- just make sure you wipe off the desk before and after-- and rinse out her mouth. God mayonnaise just bugs the crap out of me. I mean, obviously it's not hurting her, because she looks great, but why do people need their sandwiches to look like someone dumped a vat of glue on it? Yech. I admit, if your kids are watching Reese Witherspoon the Lawyer-based movies and not coming out of it with any worthwhile lyrics in their head, I'll be a little disappointed. But I'm sure she'd give them all time to perfect the bend-and-snap, since you won't be there to demonstrate whenever you need something from the principal XD

#ttl #smut #Sebastian Smythe #txt. Sebastian #text #Brobastian #plot drop #pneumonia #bedrest #txt_003

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