#serial monogamy

[jake-and-amy-are-married]

Does Mac get married? What is the wedding like

He isn't as lucky as his parents with love, so I don't think he gets married married.

He has a lot of serious relationships, but they don't really get to married levels of serious

[smilesnsadness]

13 March 2023

as mentioned in your previous post, we fell in love again. but what's new? as a serial monogamist, are you even surprised you managed to get yourself in another long term relationship just months, if even that, after your last relationship? I graduated highschool, got into a relationship that stopped me from ever growing a circle of support, and once that ended, you were so quick to get into another one. & god did this once last.

this one lasted through almost four years and two apartments (scarily almost 3 apartments). I look at the relationship and think why would I allow myself to settle for something so mundane. Something so ordinary, when I think of myself as anything but. I am strong, powerful, and intelligent. There is not anything I can't do. But for almost four years I dimmed myself to a point where I almost didn't recognize myself. It even came down to believing I'm boring.

you know how you're never able to break up with anyone? like you know, attachment issues. it was even harder to break up this time, because it had become such a routine, the norm of your life, that it didn't seem to make sense to leave when you spent your last teenage years and almost all of your early twenties with a single person. BUT IT DOES MAKE SENSE. I am still so young, so beautiful, and I have so much time to just have fun. so it happened! finally we managed to get the words out to end a relationship that wasn't exactly terrible, but also not amazing. & I deserve amazing. I deserve crazy amazing, emotional, lovely love. I deserve it all!

To what the rest of my twenties will bring me! To the life I will live from this moment on. It will be something I have fantasized night after night. What I have dreamed about.

[realitywake]

What is Self love?

What is it to love yourself? I’ve struggle the last few years on accepting or acknowledging that I do not love myself. I did not understand how important it is to, until recently when I kept deflecting my unhappiness on others around me, my job, the weather, etc. I came to the realization that I do not have any hobbies or anything that fullfill’s me. I wondered why I do not have any interests…and realized that I am codependent and rely on being around others to gain motivation and energy. I did not even put together that I was codependent until I was relying on my partner to make me go to the gym, make me order a salad, make me enjoy my own company, to basically live life. I am so disappointed in myself that I allowed myself to fall this low, but please do not sleep on me, because the first step of self love is acknowledgement. I am a serial monogamist. I have jumped from relationship to relationship and never took the time to learn or love myself. I decided to continue my blogging and journey of starting a podcast, which always has been a dream of mine, but never thought I could make it my reality because of self doubt and depending on others to support to work with me, fuck that, I only need me.

[booksieblogs]

I don’t wanna spend the rest of your life having you cook me dinner

I don’t wanna spend the rest of my life buying you expensive meals

I wanna spend the rest of our life cooking together.

You get the eggs, I’ll get the bacon; we got this.

[gudrun-g-ds-precious-lore719]

TLDR: I made a lot of mistakes in my relationships over the years and I'm very sorry, do not recommend serial monogamy, HIGHLY recommend therapy. I have grown a lot as a person, especially in the last 3 years, but no amount of growth excuses the pain I caused to people I claimed to love.

If you know you really need to work on yourself, and you haven't stopped to evaluate yourself between relationships, I really don't recommend getting involved with another person. I'm not saying you can't be with someone if you need work, if that were the case you'd always be alone.

What I am saying is this: I used to be a serial monogamist, and I got hurt a lot, but more importantly I was a toxic partner. Because I had previously been a victim, I didn't recognize how shitty I was being in my efforts to protect myself. I knew I had issues, but I'd never stop for long enough in between partners to evaluate what they were, and even when I did, I often did a bad job of actually changing once I knew what was wrong with me. My partners paid the price of my insecurity and fear of being overwhelmed. I wasn't out of the closet and I hid a lot from my family, including partners, and even the ones who got to meet my family and liked them, I was on edge the whole time because I didn't trust, and that's really shitty. Even when I really started trying to work on myself, I was doing it alone. I didn't have a consistent therapist until 2020. I didn't go much before that, and I always blamed it on the money, but it was more so my fear of what they would say, that I wouldn't be fixable. I've been in therapy pretty consistently for the last two years and it has helped immensely with my CPTSD and depression and self worth, and in my more recent relationships. I took a break from dating for a year, because I recognized how damaging I have been to most of the people I've dated, and I didn't wanna go back to it until I was sure I was in the right space to do so. I really don't like hurting people. I'm sorry that it took me so long to recognize what I was doing wrong. I know several of my exes follow me on here, and I know I've apologized in the past, but I don't think I've ever been specific/acknowledged my faults. I know apologies don't fix anything that's been broken, and I don't want to dredge anything up, I just want to acknowledge my faults, and apologize for ever making anyone feel small, or like they weren't enough, or objectified, or like I didn't care how they felt. I do care, and I'm sorry for any emotional wounds I caused. I projected my own fears of not being enough onto the people around me, and I used sex and alcohol as a means of escape from my own trauma, instead of as a way to connect, which in a relationship is really shitty.

[splintersfeelings]

actually, it is other people who are wrong

I would love to be in a healthy and happy long term romantic relationship, but it’s also not a life milestone for me that I’m trying to check off. The way I see it, I’m not trying to speedrun the “dating -> long term relationship -> traditional cishet marriage -> make a kid” life path. Not that it’s bad to do that, for a lot of people that can be very fulfilling and meaningful (my parents did that and I think that overall it made both of them very happy). But it’s also not the only way to have a meaningful and happy life, and for many people it makes them actively UNHAPPY (to which the high divorce rate and large number of unhappy and/or toxic relationships is a testament to). Until recently, even though I was quite happy unpartnered, I still felt like it must be reflecting something poorly about myself, even though I have a wonderful relationship with my family and close friends. Something that made me change my mind was reframing the question of “why am I single,” to “why are so many people INCAPABLE of being single?” That completely shifted my perspective, because it made me realize I wasn’t necessarily single because I was deficient in anything, but rather because my social and emotional needs were being met by the other awesome people who I spend time with. While many people do find happy and healthy mutually supportive relationships, a LOT of people are serial monogamists who repeatedly end up in the same awful relationship dynamic over and over. I think it’s easy to say that people like that are irrational, or have low standards, or are trauma-impacted, etc. but I don’t think that’s the full story. I realize now that a lot of people *do not know how to function* without being in a coupled, codependent relationship. The reason they keep falling into the same codependent dynamic is because they have a debilitating fear and inability to emotionally self-regulate while alone (and maybe they lack other support networks in their life from friends and family). They are forced to seek out a relationship at all times because they don’t know how to exist without it, and they live in constant fear of their partner leaving them even if it isn’t a relationship that makes them happy or secure. While many people are able to be in healthy relationships and maintain a sense of self and identity, a lot of people aren’t dating because they want to - it’s because they don’t know how to exist alone. They spend absurd amounts of time and energy on another person, and if that relationship ends they have nothing left for themselves, and never learn how to cope. So instead of thinking of being single as a deficiency, it’s sometimes more accurate to think of “the need to constantly be dating someone” as the actual deficiency. If someday I meet someone and discover over time that we are very compatible, I would love to be in a relationship. But I’m slowly learning more about myself and making connections that are just as valuable as romantic relationships. I love my parents, I have a great relationship with my sister, and I have close friends who I have known for over a decade. That’s meaningful to me. I don’t need to contort myself to conform to other people’s expectations of what kind of human connections are allowed to be valuable. Full disclosure, I still get lonely of course, and sometimes I do wish I was dating. But when I think about the amount of effort and time I would need to put in just to FIND someone (not even considering sustaining that connection) and what else in my life I’d have to give up in exchange to have that kind of life, I can’t really say it’s worth it to me. My time and energy is finite. Someday my feeling might change, but that’s how I feel right now.

[cheesenames]

need a committee dedicated to finding quotes to take out of context as fic titles

[willowcrowned]

i like to imagine that everyone in the star wars universe is within a few degrees of separation from han solo because of various connected polycules

yeah sure okay i'll add that to my star wars opinions

[sensitiveaangel]

something ab this pussy makes people want to build an intimate loving progressive future with me

[electron-bitch-boy]

Speaking as someone who is poly as well, a lot of people need to unpack why they think their hypothetical partner asking for a polyamorous relationship is insulting/disrespectful because this kind of bias will absolutely carry over into situations that aren't about them and their romantic partnerships directly.

A lot of what i notice this stems from is the bias within a monogamist society to think that a relationship a poly person has with their partner(s) is inherently lesser than the relationship two monogamous ppl have with each other. In this view a polyamorous relationship will always be secondary to a monogamous one. This can look like thinking of poly relationships as less serious, lacking in commitment, being inherently short-term, being exclusively sexual, or without emotional investment. So a lot of what people hear when their partner suggest polyamory is their partner suggesting that they want to downgrade the type of connection they have to them.

This is more than just having a preference for what kind of relationship you want (including to the point of it being a deal breaker), here are of other examples of casual bigotry that can manifest as a result of this bias. Keep in mind these are things I've either see or directly experienced.

cautioning peers against entering a polyamorous relationship for no reason other than it being polyamorous.

starting conversation with polyamorous people with assumptions or doubts about the duration of their relationships. This can look like asking if you're "still together" every time you converse even if a relatively short time has passed or acting surprised when someone says they've been with their polycule for a long duration of time.

being quick to tell a peer who is poly to break up or leave their relationships relative to how they would give advice to their monogamous peers.

asking invasive questions about a poly persons sex life in ways they wouldn't talk to people in monogamous relationships.

Making assumptions on the sexual health of poly people. Most commonly thinking that poly people are more likely to have STIs.

making assumptions on the maturity and psychological health of poly people i.e. thinking they are immature because they "lack commitment" and thinking that mental illness or an unhealthy view of relationships/commitment is driving them to be polyamorous.

Assuming that a poly person will always be open to dating anyone.

not treating poly people's relationship status the same as a monogamous person's in social situations.

thinking it is unwise for a polycule to commit to large financial decisions as a unit, such as buying a house together, because of the assumption that polycules are unstable and thus these kinds of investments hold greater financial risks.

thinking that raising a child while being polyamorous is either dangerous or unhealthy for the child's development. This can either stem from a similar bias as the previous point about instability or biases about the "sexual nature" of poly relationships exposing the child to sexual topics/acts.

You obviously do not have to want to be in a polyamorous relationship; If the solution to your partner asking about entering one is to ultimately break up and end the relationship that is fine. However, you should analyze if the reason why you are adverse to poly relationship's is a result of personal preferences or bigoted assumptions OR some combination of both. Because i cannot stress this enough, for most people there will be an ingrained cultural bias against anything other than monogamy and working though that bias is important if you want to be accepting of polyamorous relationships outside of the context of your own relationship

fucking hell i forget that some people violently hate polyamory and are way too proud of admitting it :/

[timoswerner]

nah i thought i was going mad thinking that bed chem by sabrina carpenter sounded like robbie williams rap at the end of kids but OTHER PEOPLE HAVE BEEN THINKING IT TOO!!!!

[holdmeclosebutdontloveme]

I like reading reddit threads and posts on Taylor Swift and Matt Healy's relationship. Lol.

[vidavalor]

It's really funny that Aziraphale didn't-- from the get go-- just miracle Gabriel some damn pants.

Instead, he was all well... hello, supreme archangel that my husband once said was beautiful... it does appear that you really have *no memory of who you were whatsoever and are just colossally hot and dumb* oh Lord, this is both terrifying and absolutely hilarious, wait 'til Crowley sees this... here, just drape yourself in my thin, tartan blanket, Jim... that's it, oh that's perfect actually, you look like I'm living out some Roman fantasy over here... just don't answer the door and stand there... wait, no, you need to be doing something... here, take this YELLOW. FEATHERED. duster and clean our books... oh, at this point I don't know if I'm trying to make Crowley jealous or amused or both or if after he gets over the shock, he's going to very into this and I don't really care which... ok, don't answer the door, I'll be right back with my demonic paramour who once asked me on a date around making fun of a statue of your dumb ass and who literally loathes you for trying to murder us and for being an all-around general prat and once he gets over the WTF anxiety fit he'll have and the fact that we need a plan for this disaster, I really think he's going to be very amused that it took me all of fourteen seconds to turn you into our domestic house boy... not actually, old chap, don't worry, we've evolved into a serial monogamy we don't really talk about at this point but one day, he will laugh very hard at this and I do so love to make him laugh...

*goes to coffee shop to explain that there's a bit of trouble and it's terrifying but it's also, at the same time, hilarious and just wait 'til Crowley sees who's playing tartan toga servant boy in the bookshop... whole bloody neighborhood now thinks (knows) he's the kinky old gay bookseller so might as well just lean into it... this'll top even making the Archangel Michael miracle me a bath towel, Crowley...*

Nina: Morning, Mr. Fell! Details, please, on the stark naked Don Draper that just walked up the street and hugged you hello in front of the entire neighborhood.

Crowley: YOU WUT

Aziraphale: Thanks a bunch, Nina. I never know what to get him for his birthday and now you've ruined it.

[ripplestitchskein]

Thinking about this anti idea that the show switched gears on them. I don’t understand it. I’ve never understood it. I’ve already talked about how it’s pretty clear from the writing and show setup in the first few episodes what the focus would be but what baffles me is that it’s also just not true that the character’s issues are purely centered on and only expressed via the romance aspect. They are pretty good at applying the character’s issues to all aspects of their lives and interactions. Especially with Blitz because he is the main character.

Blitz, to put it simply hates himself, plain and simple. We all know this. He creates scenarios to force others to see him as he sees himself. He is a textbook case of someone who self sabotages due to extreme self loathing. He’s not sabotaging his work or his life in general though. We can see Blitz is hardworking, he is ambitious, he has his life together from a material perspective. He had a roof over his head, clothes on his back and food in his fridge. He provides these material things for a whole other person as well.

Where Blitz self sabotages is his relationships. It’s made clear from early on in the show it’s NOT just romantic relationships, it’s ALL of them. Blitz targets what he thinks will drive people away the fastest. I need it to be super clear that he does this to everyone and its ongoing even if sometimes it’s less prevalent. The show is about Blitz and Stolas, whether you like it or not they were the two characters who were focused on in the first few episodes. And the plot is driven by their issues and always has been, what gets disregarded in these arguments that the show is only about Stolitz now is how we see these issues manifest outside of the romance aspect of the show consistently and regularly just maybe not in entire episode long plots, it’s a through line.

With Moxxie Blitz insults him, he makes comments to make him uncomfortable. He targets little insecurities he has with himself. As we’ve gone along and they’ve developed he does this less, he compliments him more, he gives him responsibility. I think we see a good subtle example of Blitz’s influence in Moxxie on Full Moon. The Welcome to Hell, Bitch line was pure Blitz. His comfort with saying “So fuck him good sir”. These are the kinds of little things that slowly and carefully drive the changes in their relationship.

For Moxxie and Millie as a couple he inserts themselves into their relationship. He makes sexual jokes about them both. He mentions having a threesome with them. He follows and stalks them. It’s an odd and imo off putting behavior, one I think we’ve theorized about a lot and that’s lead to some interesting takes on his character and his view of monogamy in general. I don’t agree or disagree on the reasonings, I don’t have any info to make an informed decision on it but after Apology Tour it was kind of cemented for me that this behavior was also a pretty effective way to test them and drive them away. They are a very loving and committed couple, if I were a serial self sabotager faced with pushing away a couple to prevent them from getting too close, what is the best way to drive them away for good? Obviously, be the toxic third, have them join the Blitz Exes. He’s not going to admit that’s what he’s doing of course, so he approaches it in earnest like he does most things he is deluding himself about. Go all in on denial.

Blitz only ever tests the fence about them though, he never makes any serious moves on it, and he has largely stopped doing it at all after Chaz and Ozzie’s. I think that episode, how he felt after sleeping with Chaz, was the turning point for him when it came to them. It remains to be seen though.

I think GhostFuckers will be the place to explore it if there is anything left to explore about that. We seem to be getting a Millie based flashback and that might shed some additional light.

What also saves Moxxie and Millie from the full force of his self sabotaging behavior is that there is a built in buffer by them being his employees. He always has a way to keep them at arm’s length if there is a power dynamic he can fall back on.

With Loona she is a very closed off, anti-affection person. With her, the tact Blitzø takes is give her too much attention and show too much love. Smother her in affection no matter how many boundaries she sets and how much she protests about it. In Queen Bee he’s too in his head over Stolas to bother with that, and it’s sadly probably the most in sync they’ve ever been until the end. I pointed it out before but in Full Moon Blitz treats Loona very differently. He imitates her and actually snaps back at her when she says Stolas is dropping him, it was a very different interaction than earlier episodes and I think another subtle sign that how he feels right now is changing him and he’s making efforts. He hasn’t simpered at her for awhile. And he obviously is giving her a more active role in the day to day.

These are ongoing threads and they are all part of of the larger picture of Blitz’s growth and change. Just because a romantic relationship is helping drive that change doesn’t meant other things aren’t, or that the only changes or growth we see are only about the romance.

The fact that that there are two episodes focused entirely on Fizz speaks for itself.

[fountainpenguin]

Reblogging things that make me laugh! Sketches of H.P. flirting with the Fairy Elder I drew in 2017.

There's a Part 4 with years-ago Inktober art, actually:

"Hmm?" The Head Pixie still had one hand pressed to his cheek. When he opened his eyes, he blinked down twice at me before he registered my words. "Oh. Oh, good dust, yes. Give us some privacy, Sanderson. It's just common decency."

Prompt #14 - "Minion"

And the actual preview image for "Minion," for anyone curious:

Hey, since there’s no fanfic update today and I did 50 jillion concepts for the “Minion” announcement image last week, take these ones I’ve already ruled out.

[readingbibooks]

“One common stereotype is that bisexuals are promiscuous because of any inability to commit themselves to long-term monogamous relationships. This stereotype arises out of the Western dualistic conception of sexuality, in which heterosexuality and homosexuality are constructed as the two basic forms of sexuality. Within this view, bisexuality can be conceptualized only as a hybrid form of sexuality, in which heterosexuality is mixed with homosexuality. The bisexual person is, therefore, not holistically bisexual but dualistically half heterosexual and half homosexual. Because heterosexuality and homosexuality are often conceptualized as conflicting or opposing forms of sexuality, bisexuals are believed to experience conflict between their “heterosexual desires” and their “homosexual desires.” This conflict allegedly surfaces in bisexuals’ attempts to form stable relationships with others; for example, when a bisexual is with someone of the same sex, she is thought to experience an unsatisfied desire for someone of the other sex that will threaten the stability and longevity of her same-sex relationship, and conversely when she is with someone of the other sex. Her relationship with a single person of a particular gender is perceived as an expression and fulfilment of her “heterosexual side” or her “homosexual side” rather than her bisexuality. Thus, the bisexual’s ability to form relationships with members of both sexes is interpreted as a need for relationships with members of both sexes, a need that cannot be fulfilled by any one relationship and that therefore dooms the bisexual to a life of promiscuity or, at best, serial monogamy in an effort to satisfy both sides of her conflicted self. To recognize the absurdity of such a leap in logic, imagine concluding that a person who finds both blue and brown eyes attractive would require two lovers, one with each eye color, instead of concluding that this person would be happy with either a blue-eyed or a brown-eyed lover.”

- Paula C. Rust, Bisexuality: The Psychology and Politics of a Sexual Minority