#also noting here in the tags that a lot of the bias against polyam that stems from the preference for

[electron-bitch-boy]

Speaking as someone who is poly as well, a lot of people need to unpack why they think their hypothetical partner asking for a polyamorous relationship is insulting/disrespectful because this kind of bias will absolutely carry over into situations that aren't about them and their romantic partnerships directly.

A lot of what i notice this stems from is the bias within a monogamist society to think that a relationship a poly person has with their partner(s) is inherently lesser than the relationship two monogamous ppl have with each other. In this view a polyamorous relationship will always be secondary to a monogamous one. This can look like thinking of poly relationships as less serious, lacking in commitment, being inherently short-term, being exclusively sexual, or without emotional investment. So a lot of what people hear when their partner suggest polyamory is their partner suggesting that they want to downgrade the type of connection they have to them.

This is more than just having a preference for what kind of relationship you want (including to the point of it being a deal breaker), here are of other examples of casual bigotry that can manifest as a result of this bias. Keep in mind these are things I've either see or directly experienced.

cautioning peers against entering a polyamorous relationship for no reason other than it being polyamorous.

starting conversation with polyamorous people with assumptions or doubts about the duration of their relationships. This can look like asking if you're "still together" every time you converse even if a relatively short time has passed or acting surprised when someone says they've been with their polycule for a long duration of time.

being quick to tell a peer who is poly to break up or leave their relationships relative to how they would give advice to their monogamous peers.

asking invasive questions about a poly persons sex life in ways they wouldn't talk to people in monogamous relationships.

Making assumptions on the sexual health of poly people. Most commonly thinking that poly people are more likely to have STIs.

making assumptions on the maturity and psychological health of poly people i.e. thinking they are immature because they "lack commitment" and thinking that mental illness or an unhealthy view of relationships/commitment is driving them to be polyamorous.

Assuming that a poly person will always be open to dating anyone.

not treating poly people's relationship status the same as a monogamous person's in social situations.

thinking it is unwise for a polycule to commit to large financial decisions as a unit, such as buying a house together, because of the assumption that polycules are unstable and thus these kinds of investments hold greater financial risks.

thinking that raising a child while being polyamorous is either dangerous or unhealthy for the child's development. This can either stem from a similar bias as the previous point about instability or biases about the "sexual nature" of poly relationships exposing the child to sexual topics/acts.

You obviously do not have to want to be in a polyamorous relationship; If the solution to your partner asking about entering one is to ultimately break up and end the relationship that is fine. However, you should analyze if the reason why you are adverse to poly relationship's is a result of personal preferences or bigoted assumptions OR some combination of both. Because i cannot stress this enough, for most people there will be an ingrained cultural bias against anything other than monogamy and working though that bias is important if you want to be accepting of polyamorous relationships outside of the context of your own relationship

fucking hell i forget that some people violently hate polyamory and are way too proud of admitting it :/