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happy-meo · 7 years ago

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Masquerade IV: The Dark Side (Jin x Reader x Tae) Part 1

While love may bring out the best in us, it could also bring out the worst.

And so the last saga begins...

** If you haven't read them already, please read the following BEFORE starting this story: Silver Spoon, Masquerade I, Masquerade II, Masquerade III, Masquerade 3.1 & 3.2 drabbles **

Summary: You were never lucky in love. Through disastrous dates, consistent unrequited crushes, and broken relationships, you've constantly been searching for someone to give you genuine love and romance. And through it all, one person had remained your constant shoulder to lean on. Although you had never seen his face, he had given you a sense of confidence and a place of comfort in Club Masquerade. The more times you've failed in love though, the more you realized that may be no one would ever choose you. However, one fateful encounter, thanks to your dog, made you want to hope one more time. Did fate bring you to the one who would finally end your streak of being broken-hearted? Or had the right guy been with you all along?

Jin x Reader x Tae (ft. previous Masquerade characters, Silver Spoon characters, & Got7 Jackson) Fluff, Smut, Angst, Romance Host Au, Cook!Jin, Vet!Tae, Bartender!Tae

Parts: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 (Finale)

A/N: And the new series is back! Thank you everyone for waiting so patiently! Sorry for the time lapse without updates. As I said, I experienced a little bit of a writer’s block, and I really wanted to this final installment justice. I had planned this series all together in the beginning, and I hadn’t expected so many people to love and anticipate the Masquerade series, so THANK YOU SO MUCH for allowing me to write all four parts and related Silver Spoon <33 ENJOY!

Most people were brought up with the belief that being humble was respectful and how they should always act when receiving compliments. So much so that most people feel bashful when accepting praises; so much so that they begin to doubt compliments and any positive outlook on themselves, to the point where they begin to downplay their own strengths and focus on their weaknesses.

But that wasn't the case with Jin.

It was a meeting of Heaven and Hell when you first met. He was a ball of positivity and warmth, while you were cold and desolate. In your fit of desperation, you had run into Club Masquerade for relief, for any inkling of being loved, for comfort.

And in his own odd way, Jin gave that to you.

"Wow, you're a hot mess." He had chuckled as he grabbed your hand to lead you away from judgmental eyes.

Your make-up was trailing down your cheeks, your hair was unkempt, and your eyes blood-shot from crying. It was another cliché story of being cheated on and dumped. Another episode of not feeling good enough.

"I want a different person." You thought he was making fun of you.

But he smiled as he led you into a room and stated, "Why? Because I called you hott?"

"You said I'm a hot mess." You repeated.

"Why do people automatically think that's a bad thing?" He laughed as he threw his jacket around your shoulders. "I think you're quite beautiful right now."

You blushed and averted your eyes. "Stop lying."

"Not anyone can rock smudged make up and crying their eyes out, while still managing to look good." He handed you tissues and a mirror. "Unless you're me of course."

You looked at him incredulously. "You wear make-up?"

"No. My face was sculpted by the gods." He stated seriously with a shrug. "I meant I make every emotion look fantastic."

You couldn't help but laugh at his ridiculousness.

"Ah, there's a smile." he grinned as he knelt in front of you. "Everyone should technically have a mask coming in here, but we'll keep this a secret between us."

And your gray world gained a little more color when Jin came into your life.

You had worked in the Seoul branch of the Min Company for years, seemingly as a shadow. You had been one of the only ones who saw Mr. Jung for who he really was in the beginning, while others gossiped about his crabby personality. You knew there was more to him than that. But your crush was quickly hurtled towards the amicable and openly flirtatious Mr. Park. Although he claimed to have a girlfriend, you couldn't stop your feelings. Even if you felt ridiculous, you wanted to be close to him, wanted to get to know him.

Then he brought his girlfriend to the company party and to say you were crushed would be an understatement. You left the party early and ran to Club Masquerade once again.

But you continued to persist, hoping that he would notice you if you made yourself ever so present in his life. And that's when you decided to frequent the cafe where he always got his coffee from, something you had noticed from close observation.

"Mr. Park?"

Jimin turned, surprised.

"Oh my gosh. Hi!" You spotted his girlfriend at the counter. "Mr. Park's girlfriend! I can't remember your name."

"I never gave it." She mused. "How can I help you?"

Jimin burst out in laughter at her snark reply, but he played it off as a cough. You knew better, but you tried to save your face.

"He always came in with this brand of coffee so I wanted to try it for myself." You explained unnecessarily. "I didn't think he'd be coming here to see his girlfriend every morning! How sweet!"

"Yes, very." She curtly agreed. "What will you be having today?"

"Oh right. Whatever Mr. Park gets here." You blushed.

"Coming right up." She smiled warmly.

Your eyes followed Mr. Park who floated to where she was and they began bickering about something. Your lips turned downwards at the sight, wishing it was you he was close to instead. Then you straightened up when his gaze landed on you.

"See you at the office." He pointed at you and you couldn't help but beam, excited that he didn't forget about you.

His girlfriend then handed you your order and whispered, "You should give up. You're not his type."

You looked at her alarmed. How had she been able to tell from the few minutes you had been standing there?

"Well if you hurry you could probably walk with him to the office." She batted her eyes innocently. "Tell him his girlfriend sent you."

You blushed and sprinted out of the cafe, immensely embarrassed. Were the two of them just toying around with you?

So in an effort to get over your crush on unavailable Mr. Park and not make a further fool of yourself, you attempted to date around again, which hardly ever ended well. You fell too hard, too quickly, and always landed flat on your face because of it.

Receptionist pressed her earpiece as you once again rushed into the Club, distraught.

"Jin, your next client is already waiting for you in the room. Looks like another one of her dates went badly so come with the full break up kit."

"On it." Jin hurried out from the back worriedly.

And you constantly wondered when Jin would get irritated and tired of you coming in like this.

But he never did.

In fact, you weren't sure how it happened, but Jin became one of your closest friends.

"Yo." Jackson came out of the shower with a towel wrapped around his waist.

Jin raised an eyebrow as he was putting on his nightly face cream. "Jackson, what did I say about running around naked in the apartment?"

"I'm not naked!" He pointed to the towel. "My goods are covered."

Jin shook his head. "What'd you need?"

"I was just wondering about that customer you have that's always bawling her eyes out." Jackson plopped down on Jin's bed. "Why do you keep her?"

"What do you mean?" Jin questioned.

"I mean, you were a Consoler type until J-Hope graduated. That's the type of Host she wanted. But now you're our best Gentleman persona. Shouldn't you let a full time Consoler handle her?" Jackson asked.

"Mmm..." Jin hummed. "She was my first ever customer, and we've developed a bond of trust. She's been rejected by so many people --"

"Clearly." Jackson snorted.

Jin glared at him and Jackson looked away guiltily.

"I just don't want to be one of those people." Jin stated. "She's really cool when you get to know her."

"Bro, you've got balls." Jackson chuckled. "First, you're the only mask that uses his real name, and now you're the only mask that's taking on two roles. Respect."

Jin smiled. "Well, I didn't want to develop some 'fake' persona. I always want to be myself in everything I do."

Jackson nodded, "Props man, props."

Jin spun around, "How does it feel being the top Aggressor now that Nochu graduated?"

Jackson stretched. "It's a workout since his customers transferred over to me, but it's been good. The ladies love The Wang."

Jin burst into laughter. "I still can't believe you chose that name."

"What?" Jackson bellowed. "It's catchy. And joke all you want, but it makes perfect sense in the situation. Besides, you love puns so out of all people, I expect you to appreciate my genius."

"I do. I do." Jin waved his hand. "Now get your naked butt out of my room."

"Again, I'm not naked." he pointed. "There's a towel over The Wang's wang."

Jin cracked up, and Jackson, quite satisfied at making his roommate laugh, waltzed out of his room.

"Oh. Can you bring home left over bread and pastries from your store?!" Jackson bellowed.

"We never have leftovers though." Jin smirked proudly.

"You know what I mean. Steal some!"

"I can't steal from my own store. Pay me!" Jin answered.

"Fine! Just bring some! I've been craving them."

Jin grinned. "I told you you'd get hooked."

"I'd totally date you if you swung that way." Jackson replied.

Jin rolled his eyes. "Sure, sure."

"Hey, remember I made you into the city man you are now?! You need to appreciate me more!"

Kim Seokjin, the eldest son of a farm family, had arrived in Seoul after much contemplation and much inspiration from his beloved sister, Farm Girl. He had watched all his younger family members steadily achieve goal after goal of their own accord. He had been envious of their ambition, their intellect, and their passion, but had simply felt content in helping out on the farm for the longest time. It had been a set path for him after all -- to take over the family business. He didn't think of anything else.

But he soon began feeling left behind, stagnant, and aimless. Until Yoongi gave him a cookbook. A gnawing feeling of wanting more had always been present inside him, but as he held the book and as he began trying new recipes, learning more about the world of cooking, he realized what it was he wanted to do.

And so, he began confiding in Yoongi about his ideas and thoughts, to which the younger was supportive, encouraging, and helpful in providing valuable insight into what he needed to do to bring his aspirations to fruition. Later on, he gave Yoongi a letter with his well thought out proposal to open his own shop in the big city. He, too, wanted to chase his passions and try to achieve his dreams of making his small shop well-known, attending a prestigious culinary school, and maybe even becoming head chef of a restaurant.

But he had refused any monetary help from his future brother-in-law. He wanted to find success with his own hands and his own efforts. Instead, he asked Yoongi to reach out to any and all of his business partners, and send his proposal to them to get someone to sponsor, invest, and support his idea. Lo and behold, through the sea of rejections, one person signed the proposal and gave him a chance to open up a small bakery. And so, he immediately left for Seoul to find himself and his dreams.

Luckily, when Jin had reached out to Namjoon for possible places to stay in Seoul, Namjoon mentioned one of his closest friends was looking for a roommate. And not seeing any reason to refuse splitting the rent and having an immediate friend in a new place, Jin accepted.

"Wow, you're handsome. And tall!" Jackson gushed as Jin first stepped foot into the apartment. "But dude, your clothes...I know holes and stitches are in style, but we need to get you a make-over."

"What? Why would I need a make-over? My face is already handsome." Jin argued.

Jackson cracked up for a good five minutes. "I like you, Kim Seokjin. Namjoon said you were interesting and charming. He was definitely right."

He shook Jin's hand. "I'm Jackson Wang. And as your welcome present, let me please help you change your wardrobe so you could do your handsome face justice. Okay?"

Jin's lips curled up, "Well, I can't refuse if you're offering so adamantly."

Jackson laughed, "Just between me and you, it's Namjoon's card."

The two cackled all the way to the shopping district. And it truly was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

"Jin. Jin. Chef. CHEF!"

Jin was brought out from his reminiscing by his assistant, who was looking at him scoldingly with her arms crossed. "Can you please save your inner monologues for another time? It's almost opening time, and we have to finish two more batches of fresh bread!"

"Oh right, right." Jin chuckled. "Thanks, Crumbs."

She frowned at his usual nickname for her.

"What?" he grinned. "Did you like Ppang-Ppang better?"

She rolled her eyes and sighed. "There's an insanely long line outside already."

"What would I do without you?" Jin tilted her chef hat playfully as she huffed.

She chucked flour at him. "This is YOUR shop. Can you take it seriously?"

Jin laughed, "Everything will work out, Crumbs. I say it every day, and I've never been wrong."

She exhaled and went back to rolling dough. "Whatever you say, Boss."

Jin patted his hands on his apron and got to work as well.

Crumbs or Ppang-Ppang, to which Jin thought he was cleverly punny for making those nicknames for her, had been with him since the beginning. When he was just setting up the bakery, he was looking for assistants who could help him bake various pastries and bread. Since he was an unknown brand name, not many applicants came in. Those that did try however couldn't handle the speed, efficiency, and delicacy he expected in the kitchen. Then Crumbs waltzed in and was the perfect assistant. She was quick in the kitchen; she had her own flair, the passion to experiment with new flavors and ingredients, and on top of that, she was clean, organized, and determined to make each batch as delicious as the last. She was a blessing for which he was grateful for everyday. He knew that without her, his shop would be difficult to manage alone.

"You want to work the cash register today?" he teased.

She scrunched her face, and he chuckled.

"You just want me to say your face attracts more customers so you should take the register." she retorted.

"And yet, you still said it." He sung as he skipped outside to open up.

"Make sure you don't have flour on you!" she called out.

"Flour won't stop my beauty!" he bellowed.

"Oh boy." She simply sighed as she waited for the last batch to finish in the oven, listening to the excited bustling of the shop. "We need to hire another cashier if this keeps up."

"Oh, isn't he so handsome?" The customers gushed as they eyed Jin at the register while they chose their delicacies.

"I wonder if these people come here for the pastries or for the eye candy."

Jin beamed at the familiar voice. "Hoseok!"

"I come here diligently every morning, just for you my dear friend." Hoseok smiled as he placed his choices on the counter. "I got a bit more today 'cause Jimin keeps eating it when I turn around or leave our room for a second."

"Still the same, that Red Mask." Jin snorted.

"Oh? You're here too?" Jungkook appeared and hugged Hoseok from behind.

"Don't you have patrols to run in the morning?" Jin scowled at Jungkook's presence as he rung up the two's orders.

"My girlfriend asked me to buy her some so I'm stopping by the office to give it to her. She said it reminds her of home for some reason." Jungkook shrugged. "This is addicting, Jin."

"In that case, grab some extra for her." Jin smiled warmly. Jungkook looked at him skeptically at his softened tone. He coughed, "I mean anyone who could put up with your arrogant self needs some extra bread in her life."

Hoseok snorted. "On the contrary Jin, Jungkook becomes putty when it comes to women in the 'real' world."

"I'll have to see this for myself." Jin chuckled. "I can't imagine it."

"Next time you two go to the gym, put him right next to a female and you'll see him panic." Hoseok pointed.

"I've gotten better!" Jungkook argued.

"Oh right. Where's your mystery assistant? She's the one that makes the special bread of the day you said, right?" Hoseok questioned.

"Yeah. She's shy so she's always in the back thinking of new specials." Jin chuckled. "She never wants to be up here."

"Well, send her mine and Silver's compliments. Yesterday's special was amazing." Hoseok gave a thumbs up.

"I'll let her know." Jin grinned proudly.

"Well, good luck. I'll catch you at the gym later." Jungkook waved.

Hoseok and Jungkook chummily exited the bake shop, their handsomeness capturing many of the customer's attention.

"They're taken ladies and gents." Jin commented with a chuckle. "Sorry."

There was a collective disappointed "Awww" within the store.

Jin yawned as he was about to close up for the day, but his eyes bulged out as he spotted you running into the store, disheveled, and wet from the pouring rain.

"I'M SORRY! I KNOW YOU'RE CLOSING!" You heaved. "I ran here after work because I woke up late and didn't have time to wait on the line this morning, or else I would've been late and--"

Jin simply smiled and flipped the sign to "Closed". "I'll get you your usual."

You blinked, surprised. "You know my usual?"

Jin blushed as he hurried to grab what he knows you usually get. "Um, I know all my regulars' usual orders."

"I'm sorry. I'm soaking and you're going to have more work to clean up..." You mumbled shyly, standing awkwardly at the entrance.

"No, come in. You'll help the floor get wet so you're saving us an extra step." Jin grinned and beckoned you over to the register.

You would be lying if you didn't find him attractive, but other than the usual small talk, you hadn't gotten to know the cute baker. Maybe it was a good thing you had woken up late today. He was kind, friendly, and funny. And just for a bit, his attention was solely on you. But you wished you weren't soaked like a wet dog during this opportune moment.

Timidly, you shuffled to the counter to pay for your order.

"Just heat it up before you eat it. And if you want --" he pointed to the umbrella by the door. "--take my umbrella. I wouldn't want you getting sick."

"Oh no." You gushed. "I couldn't. What about you?"

"I'll be fine. I don't live too far. I'm sure you have a long commute." he stated.

"How'd you know?" You blinked.

"Oh. Um..." Jin averted his eyes, mentally kicking himself. "I mean some people who live close by could wake up late and still have time to wait in line, so I just assumed you lived far since you couldn't stop by before work."

Your lips curled up. "You're good."

"I threw in an extra pie in there." Jin winked as he handed her the bag. "For your commute."

You grinned. "Thank you."

"Take the umbrella. Soggy pastries won't taste good." he urged.

You chuckled. "I mean if you put it that way. How can I say no?"

Jin smiled.

"I'll return it in the morning. I promise." You bowed as you scurried giddily out of the store.

Jin sighed and slumped over his counter.

"You're such a creep." Crumbs stepped out of the kitchen.

"Why were you listening?"

"Not like I have anything else to listen to in the kitchen. Rising dough isn't exactly noisy." she snorted. "Then I heard your ridiculous statement of knowing everyone's usuals."

Jin huffed.

"So I'm guessing that's the chick you're banging even though she has no idea what you look like?" Crumbs started cleaning up.

Jin coughed at the sudden attack, "How do you remember everything I say?!"

"Maybe you should be careful who you're around when you get drunk after work." Crumbs chuckled. "Luckily it was only us 'cause all your friends are coupled up, except for you."

"You're not either." he pouted.

"By choice." She tossed her hair over her shoulder. "I'm perfectly content being single."

Jin scoffed.

"But someone looks like he's developed a crush on his client." She playfully gasped. "How tragic."

"Shut up." Jin shook his head. "It's not a crush. I just have a soft spot for her. She's been through a lot."

"Whatever you say, Boss." Crumbs smirked.

"It's NOT." Jin argued.

"Why're you such a baby?" she retorted. "And what're you going to do without an umbrella, Mr. Smooth?"

Jin pulled out his cell phone. "I'm going to call Jackson."

"Ugh." Crumbs groaned. "Please wait until I get out of here."

"Don't take it personally." Jin laughed. "He professed his love for me after seeing me naked one time. I'm sure your cooking skills amazed him into proposing."

"Every single time?" She shook her head. "And you gave him my number! I don't appreciate that!"

"I swear I didn't! He took it from my phone!" Jin responded.

She huffed.

"You want a ride home? Jackson said he'll drive us." Jin grinned.

Crumbs contemplated.

"You know you're going to give in. You don't pass up a free ride home ever." Jin pointed out.

She sighed, "You're right. Fine. But I'm sitting in the back."

Jin giggled, "I promise, he's harmless."

You sat in the subway, grinning widely at your stroke of luck. Although it wasn't much, you confirmed that the attractive baker knew you existed and even trusted you enough to lend you his umbrella. Holding the bag to your chest, you inhaled to try to hold in the butterflies fluttering around your stomach. But instead, it rumbled, signaling that it was hungry after your long day. You received odd looks from the other passengers. Looking down, you reached into the bag to quell your hunger so as not to disturb anyone with your noisy stomach anymore.

You smiled at the pastry you held, remembering your encounter with Kim Taehyung, the fantastic vet, and the man who had given up this exact pastry because you clumsily dropped yours. You had taken initiative to see him again, only to find that he was one of the head surgeons of the animal hospital now, so it was rare for him to just take check-up appointments. But you had caught glimpse of him in passing, and he was even more shockingly gorgeous than you remembered. His hair was slightly longer than when you first had bumped into him, and since he had just gotten out of the surgery room, it had been swept up to reveal his forehead.

But sadly, you hadn't been able to see him since. You would often wonder how he was doing and if you would be able to run into him coincidentally again.

"Um are you just going to smile at that, or are you going to eat it?" One of the passengers spoke up.

You turned red as people chuckled at the person's comment, and at your odd behavior. Squishing your body as small as possible, you started eating your pastry, extremely embarrassed.

"Hey!" Jin kissed you as you entered Club Masquerade.

You smiled as your hands slotted into his. "Hey."

"As requested, the room is set up as a casual living room." Jin bowed as he gestured for her to enter the room.

"You never disappoint me, Jin." You grinned.

"Only the best for you, of course." he chuckled. "So I see you had a good day since you aren't whining as soon as you come in."

You pushed him playfully. "I don't always come in here whining."

Jin gave you a knowing look, and you conceded. "Fine. I often do."

"I'll take it." He settled beside you. "Since you're in a good mood, what would you like to do?"

You hugged him and lay your head on his broad chest. "Just...maybe stay like this."

Jin's lips curled up as he rubbed your back. It always amazed you how he had come to know and understand you so well.

"Jin?"

"Hm?"

"Do you think some people are meant to be alone?"

He hummed, "I think some people choose to be alone, because it's not something they prioritize or want in life. I don't think anyone is meant to be alone. People are social creatures after all."

"I hope you're right." You nuzzled closer to him. "Why aren't you taken yet? I feel like girls would fall at your feet."

Jin chuckled. "I guess the right one hasn't come along for me either. Plus I haven't really been looking."

"Oh? Why not?" You glanced up curiously.

"Mmm I don't know. I guess I've always had the mentality of 'if it happens, it happens'?" he shrugged.

You sighed. "Lucky. I have the mentality that if I don't do something, it's never going to happen."

Jin nodded, "I guess there are some things that won't happen unless you make it happen and grab hold of it."

"But sadly, sometimes people take advantage of your obvious interest." You frowned.

"Hey, you're a courageous woman. Take pride in that." Jin complimented.

"I don't know about that..." you mumbled.

Jin clicked his tongue. "What did I say about taking compliments?"

You smiled, "Thank you."

Jin nodded in approval. "Better. Not many people can take the leap like you do. So even if you failed a few times, at least you tried and took the risk. You'd be surprised how many people are stuck in 'what ifs'."

You lifted your head up to stare at him. "I never thought of it like that."

"Aren't I great?" he teased.

You smacked his chest. "You, sir, need to wait for compliments instead of giving them to yourself."

"It's my charm." Jin grinned.

"That's true." You straddled him and wrapped your arms around his neck. "Are you stuck in a 'what if' now?"

"Mmm..." Jin leaned forward. "I'm wondering 'what if I wanted to kiss you right now? Would you kiss me back?'"

"That's not even a what if." You chuckled as you captured his lips with yours. "It's a certainty."

Jin grinned as he unbuttoned your shirt slowly. "And what if I wanted to make you feel even better than you do right now?"

"I would welcome that openly." You whispered as you helped him undress you.

Jin peppered kisses throughout your entire body, not sparing any part of your skin from his large, plump lips. Jin was the one person who had always been there for you, even when you had bared your soul, when you were at your most vulnerable. His touch was always careful and tender, and for the moment, you deluded yourself into believing he loved you. You knew he cared for you deeply, that you two had developed a bond, but another part of you wondered how much of it was his job and how much of it was real.

But you let yourself fall into the delusion, because it was so much better than the reality that awaited you outside of Club Masquerade.

So you reveled in the way his hands roamed your body, the way with each thrust, both of you would moan with pleasure, perfectly in sync, perfectly connected. You pulled him deeper into you, wanting him to fill you up, and he obliged, pushing in as much as your walls allowed him to and with a little more force; his lips never leaving yours unless it was to gasp, groan, or moan. When you came, your entire body was filled with immense jitters-- butterflies-- your heart soared, and your mind was blank from all thoughts except for how fantastic you were feeling. It was absolute bliss.

And it was always bittersweet parting from him, from your little haven away from the cruel world. But it also made you wonder how long you would be content with this transient type of relationship. As constant as Jin was, you knew he wasn't yours.

"Bundle up. It's chilly now." Jin tightened your scarf around your neck.

"Thanks." You smiled as you pushed out your lips. Jin chuckled and knowingly gave you a chaste kiss to bid you goodbye.

"Get home safely." he waved.

You stole another kiss from him before scurrying out the door.

You shivered as you felt the brisk night air. Dogs were heard barking in the distance and your mind was whisked back once again to thoughts of Taehyung. Even though you only spoke to him briefly, something in your heart stirred in that moment in time. You snorted. There you go again, falling for someone you hardly knew. Would he even remember you? Would he even want to see you again? You exhaled as you pulled your jacket closed.

A gust of wind knocked your hair into your face and you flailed around trying to regain your vision. Once you were free from your entangled hair, you realized you were standing in front of a building by Club Masquerade you had always passed but never took a good look at. You moved closer curiously at the bright neon sign, and the seemingly packed venue, wondering what it was exactly.

Suddenly, you stopped in your tracks and whipped your head towards the window as you spotted a familiar figure pass by. Rubbing your eyes, you prayed you weren't hallucinating. You gasped as Jungkook came into view as well, both of them carrying trays of drinks and laughing at something. Pressing your face closer to the window, it became more evident that the person who had caught your eye was, in fact, Kim Taehyung.

You had found him.

PART 2

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thattaekwondoblog · 5 years ago

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My Martial Arts Story (TKD)

2020.04.26

today i miss my dojang extra... i woke up from a dream where i was supposed to spar but didnt have my dobok?? and one of my instructors handed me a.. dobok skirt?? and i was like? and he was like yeah u right this isnt gonna work sdbsmdfjsdd i dont really ever have tkd dreams (i think bc i usually am always doing tkd) but since i stopped for a bit the dreams are coming out. it made me miss sparring so much :( so below i wanted to talk about my tkd story in more detail. Enjoy!

i've actually always been a martial arts nerd, but moved around/focused on studying too much to commit to one until recently. I was talking to my mom the other day and neither of us can really remember what got me into it. I just remember wanting to be able to defend myself and be/feel strong from a very young age, and i knew martial arts was a way to do that. As a girl I also received a lot of messages that my gender was ‘weak’ and needed ‘protection’, which i really didnt like (it made me hate being a girl for some time). This is why i wanted to try martial arts. I discovered taekwondo when I was around 10 years old at a small dojang in my hometown. I loved the school & the master, who I remember always had a bamboo stick he would play around with when the kids started being rowdy (he never hit anyone, it was just his way to say ‘dont fck with me’ haha). but had to stop going after yellow belt because i was the oldest out of all the kids and i tried to go to adult classes for a while but i remember not liking it because it was ‘too slow’ for me and my mom couldnt drive me to late night classes. I was swimming a lot at the time too (fun fact i almost competed in synchronized swimming as a kid but had to stop due to illness (am totally fine now and it wasnt bad dont worry)).

I didn’t do any martial arts in middle school, and only had brief encounters when i started high school. I dabbled in kick boxing (which i still love) through an intense week long training while i was on holiday with family, and then did a bit of karate, for which sadly i had not such a great experience with the instructor which made me distance myself from the sport. The instructor brought up a heavy personal life event during class and i broke down (what did she expect i was like 15 and that event was really hard). When my mom picked me up, she shook her head to her and said ‘girls...’ in a very demeaning way, as if me crying because she re-awoke trauma was a result of ‘feminine weakness.’ i have not forgiven that person for that comment yet. she shouldn’t be a teacher if she treats students like that in my opinion. High school was very competitive and intense so i focused on studying and didnt really do sports then.

In college I really want to do more martial arts, but the lack of proper clubs or instructors made it difficult. I then went to study abroad in seoul and thought to myself if i dont try tkd again in the literal birthplace of the sport what am i doing with my life. i had good experiences with classes at uni; the two masters i had had very different personalities (one was very outspoken and funny while the other.. you could FEEL the power of tkd when he touched your arm slightly to place it correctly sdhfskdj he was very nice though). I had to stop because i was focusing on my academic projects though.

i then graduated and moved to the city, where finally there were plenty of martial arts opportunities! the first thing i did after moving to the city, even before moving into my apartment, was to visit my current dojang. i audited a class and in my head was like ’oh my god i MUST join them right now give me a dobok let’s GO’. I signed up for classes that day. The dojang master (my dad. my father, the love of my life (in the most platonic way)) was a seoulite (we bonded over that) and realized I hadn’t started my job yet so he gave me a discount, which i felt incredibly surprised by and grateful for. I started lessons the next day. at my dojang beginners usually get 3 private classes at the beginning to get the basics down before joining the group. after my first, the instructor said that i was probably ready to go with the group if i felt comfortable doing so bc i already had basics. i went every day until i moved into my apartment, when i had a mental and physical breakdown and got really sick for a week (like.. i dont remember feeling this weak and sick my entire life).

But thankfully i got better and pushed myself to go to dojang again. and it was hard. it was the summer and i hadnt used my body really in years, if ever at that level of practice. three times a week as Difficult for me, physically. i remember being frustrated that my ego wasnt satisfied haha (i thought i remembered a lot more than i did). but i loved the instructors a ton and practice was a great safe space/stress relief for the other sht that was going on my my life. I do remember that i was ready to graduate from white belt and start feeling better about my moves by the end of that summer (i was pretty frustrated that i couldnt do higher level moves, though mostly at myself).

i finally got yellow stripe and tkd things went uphill from then. i got to know ppl at my dojang better, started to go to practice more progressively. I got my yellow belt and decided then that i wanted tkd to always be in my life as much as possible. I started going to practice every day or almost every day. my tkd friendships were developing, there were small disagreements too but overall i fell more and more in love with my instructors, the dojang master (again, my dad) and the sport. we laughed so much, sweat so much, lived well.

after green stripe, my self consciousness during practice spiked a bit more than usual. this is probs bc my life outside of tkd was stressful and i was looking at my friend fellow tkd members who were higher level more. i wasnt jealous of them, far from it, i just felt small compared to what they were able to achieve and felt bad that the instructor had to stop to explain the technique to me Again. in case it wasn’t clear, i am no prodigy; i learn slowly and with long consistent practice. the two disagreements i had with my closest member friends (two separate very different reasons; we kept things civil on both sides but having to deal with that was a new experience for me so i wasnt great at it haha) didnt help my anxiety shut up during practice. i still kept at it. in january my school has an attendance challenge where you win prizes if you go every day or more than 20 days out of the month. I almost made it, but got really physically tired & kinda sick 3 days before then end of jan and had to miss one session. i was also mentally drained by life stuff so i decided to prioritize grad school applications and did less tkd in february. but that experience of going every damn day was so fun; i realized I needed to do this so much more. if there was a tkd seminar where they send you off somewhere to to tkd for like 3 months i would be down. that is when i realized my love for the sport, and the significant changes in my body that had been occurring over the past months really revealed themselves. i hear you thinking there’s no way i could fall more in love with my instructors but guess what... spending every day with them really made the love Explode dudes. In jan and fed i also really started loving sparring, even though im not great at it.

and then... march came. i got lucky to have been able to celebrate my birthday a few days before they decided to close my state down. at first i was still able to go to my dojang with smaller classes and different format of classes that respected health guidelines, but eventually everything was moved online. during that week of limited classes, i got to hang out with friend members and instructors for what would be, unbeknownst to me, one of the last times. one night after (6 feet no contact) starring, me, 2 friend members who also went very frequently and an instructor had a beer on the mats just talking and chilling. we said that we would do it again the week after. and then the state decided to shut down small businesses. i was helping the dojang transfer their classes to an online format with another student for a week (we two were the members with the highest attendance in the recent times), but then the instructors decided they should not let students come in anymore.

i was angry, i was sad, i was devastated. it was the sound solution to take and all these closings are essential and needed for public health safety, but emotionally i was not ready to let go of the dojang. i was angry at the circumstances for taking away the one thing that i truly loved and kept me going all those months of less than ideal job situation and lost of existential questions. the dojang had been my challenge, my rock, my family. i was especially angry because i had to mourn the loss of it a lot earlier than i wanted; i was already supposed to leave in june of this year. the closer june came the more teary eyed i got when i thought of leaving the dojang, but after the news i had to stop going now... i broke down. i cried so hard and loudly, alone in my room. i realize now it was the first time in my life that i cried because of love. pure, unaltered love. i thought to myself ‘how lucky is it that i felt this amount of love for something and some people’. ive moved a lot in my life but rarely felt sad when leaving a place; i often had made my goodbyes and knew it was just time to go. there were few or no things keeping me back, or i knew i would find those things somewhere else. it was also the first time i had let myself fall in love with something and people only for me. i love studying and learning for example, but when i started doing it it was mostly to make my mom and family happy, not for me. i didn’t feel like i had had a passion that i completely gave in into, a truly ‘me’ thing no one asked me or expected me to do but i just did not to have a better resume or be perceived better by society. until tkd.

now, i am still following online classes but mostly have my own training routine because it’s still hard to deal with the emotional stuff; i dont really do to live classes cause it hurts. it probably sounds strange but ive already done the emotional work of distancing myself to make the leaving less difficult. i also didnt really like the the idea of practicing in my room in front of the camera. seeing the other students on zoom would also make me feel v sad. im slowly getting out of that state of mind though and might start taking online classes again in a bit when i can’t do my regular training routine. im not sure when things will go back to normal but before i leave i will definitely send them gifts and goodbye messages, probably by mail. but yeah as of now i mostly follow my dojang’s videos, do my practice routine, and scroll through tkd tricking videos on instagram to keep motivated.

it’s kind of a sad note to end on but my tkd story does not end here. wherever im headed next I will find another dojang where i will continue to practice. i can only hope it is half as good as the family i found here. and of course now I have this blog! and will continue nerding out about kicking endlessly hahaha.

thanks for reading if you made it this far! you can ask me questions if you’d like! also tell me your tkd story!! its so cool to hear how life lead people to kicking.

#tkd #taekwondo #life story #story #martial arts #kicking #sports #tkd story #me #mind #origin story #lol #taekwondo story #martial arts story #budoblr

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xumxnghao · 7 years ago

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all pf them

under a read more it goes

we are bulletproof: if you could be any superhero, who would you be and why?

spiderman! walking on walls seems cool

no more dream: if you woke up tomorrow to be incredibly famous, how would you react?

“yeah this is how it’s meant to be” (do I 100% expect to be famous in the future? yes)

i like it: if you could reverse any moment in your life, what would that moment be?

throwback to middle school when my best friend confessed to me and I told her I’d date her if i were a boy

n.o: biggest pet peeve?

i don’t really have any big pet peeves but I hate the sound of nails draggin on the weird ceiling material in cars

we on: how do you deal with people who don’t like you?

avoid them like the plague bc i have Anxiety

if i ruled the world: what would you do if you found out that you were an heir to a wealthy kingdom?

possibly have a panic attack but like money

coffee: what’s your coffee order?

green tea frappe with a shot of espresso bc i’m living that college student life of no sleep and only caffeine

cypher pt. 1: if you had to be part of a kpop group, what position would you want to be (i.e. leader, visual, lead vocal, dancer, rapper, maknae, etc.)

i’d WANT to be dancer, but realistically id probably be a singer

rise of bangtan: when and how did you get into the king and legends, also known as bangtan sonyeondan?

uh i remember i listened to fire a while ago and it wasn’t exactly my style and i thought bts was kind of overhyped so i didn’t really listen to them much until like a month are blood sweat and tears came out and i finally decided to watch and mv bank with them and i thought they were funny and it was really just a downward spiral from there

satoori rap: what does home mean to you?

home has no meaning to me bc it’s always been riddled with fear

boy in luv: when you are interested in someone (romantically, sexually, etc.), does your behavior change?

i mean i flirt more but that’s just cause im a libra :/

just one day: who would you want to spend the last day of your life with?

i think i’d want time alone

tomorrow: goal that you would like to achieve within the next year?

finish learning korean

cypher pt. 2: one thing about yourself you wish people would appreciate more?

there’s nothing to appreciate about me lol

spine breaker: what is your weakness when it comes to spending money?

i love stationary

jump: favorite childhood memory?

once in kindergarten we were painting pots for mother’s day. I was the kind of kid that liked to work ahead so i just started painting, but the pot was upside down so when i turned it over it just said “wow�� instead of “mom”

miss right: what is your ideal ‘type’?

kim taehyung, park jimin, or xu minghao

i like it pt. 2: dream date?

I love amusement park dates

danger: have you ever had a near-death experience?

i nearly died of alcohol poisoning once. that’s a story.

war of hormone: most embarrassing moment?

when i was like in 8th grade i thought weed and pot were two different things and I’ve never lived that down

hip hop lover: three songs that are meaningful to you?

Should i just do BTS songs?

Move, Love is Not Over, Hold Me Tight

let me know: are you good at keeping secrets?

i like to think i am

rain: most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done?

i took a day trip to Houston without telling my dad while my mom was in China

cypher pt. 3: favorite outfit to wear?

i got a new Fila hoodie in japan that’s bomb af and i look great in it plus my white hat with the long tail and my adidas samoas

blanket kick: longest time you’ve spent lying in bed (sleeping or not)?

idk how long i spent in bed but once i had a depressive episode so bad that my phone only marked 19 steps on that day

24/7 = heaven: what are you most looking forward to?

SEVENTEEN CONCERT AND MEETING SEVENTEEN

look here: do you have any hidden talents?

I can hum and beatbox at the same time

second grade: proudest accomplishment?

I finished 12 years of music theory, got put in the TMEA pamphlet and got some money from it too

i need u: are you in love?

i need u girl

hold me tight: does physical contact comfort you?

love is not over: ever had your heart broken?

dead leaves: how loyal are you?

very

move: last time you cried?

I nearly cried at the airport leaving Japan because my best friend is staying there for college and I won’t be able to drive a street down to see her anymore, but I don’t cry much so I didn’t actually shed a tear.

I did however shed a single tear because of some gifs of jimin this morning

butterfly: most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen?

answered

run: do you like traveling? if so, where? what’s your dream vacation?

i love travelling and i actually just experienced my dream vacation in japan. I guess my next one would be korea

ma city: if you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

seoul. I want to be an MV producer for idols

baepsae: do you vote and/or keep up with politics?

not especially, but I should bc i used to be a journalist

dope: what did you want to be when you were younger? how does it compare to what you want to be now?

i wanted to be a vet and now i’m going into film so there’s a pretty big gap

fire: are you a spontaneous person?

I’m an istp so yes

save me: your favorite place on earth?

im bad at choosing favorites, i’d like to think that i’m not tied down

young forever: what is one movie from your childhood that you will always treasure?

mulan

boys with fun: you’re going on a roadtrip with seven other people– dead, alive, fictional, real, famous, or not. who are they, and why?

sam, sarah, sara, kim taehyung, park jimin, xu minghao, and mark tuan

converse high: how many pairs of shoes do you own?

jesus wait lemme count

at least 14

whalien 52: weirdest thing that has ever happened to you? alternatively, weirdest dream you’ve ever had?

once after a 4th of july fireworks show my friend and i stopped at a gas station for drinks and this very obviously high dude in the car next to me said to me from his seat “yo dude u okay? u like… saw the paranoia i felt” and i had to reassure him that i was fine and i was going home soon

and i don’t like to think about my dreams bc theyre usually nightmares

house of cards: when was the last time you felt sexy?

like 2 years ago when i took the best selfies of my life

boy meets evil: have you ever committed a crime? if so, what was it? alternatively, what is the worst thing you have ever done?

i mean ive smoked weed

i snorted xanax once but after that night i decided to never do that again

blood, sweat, & tears: kinkiest kink you have?

i…. am not sure yall are ready for this information

begin: who are you most grateful for in your life?

i dont think i have an answer for this

lie: biggest fear?

abandonment. which lead to my fear of commitment and attachment

stigma: would you rather know the date of your death or the cause of your death?

cause

first love: do you believe in soulmates?

i’d like to

reflection: if you could tell your past self one thing, what would it be?

don’t go to the counselor

mama: are you good at giving advice?

not even a little bit

awake: if you had to be a flower, which flower would you be?

i’m not sure which I’d actually be but i love peonies

lost: how good are you with directions? do you get lost easily?

i’m pretty god with directions. I don’t usually get lost

cypher pt. 4: what do you do to treat yourself or relax?

i clean the shit out of my face

am i wrong: you wake up one morning in the hospital, knowing only your name and a single memory from your life. what is that memory?

damn well i wish i just lost all my memories

21st century girls: do you prefer texting, calling, or video chatting?

texting

2!3!: your favorite thing about bangtan?

how fucking weird and unapologetic they are

spring day: who do you miss right now?

my bed

not today: what are your procrastinating right now?

i need to pay rent and my class fees but i’m not

wings: on airplanes, do you prefer the window seat, the middle seat, or the aisle seat?

i like aisle seats for long flights and window seats for short flights

you never walk alone: how many people do you trust with your life?

maybe 2 ?

#anon #ask #this took so long damn it #idk if anyone will actually care enough to read it

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