#sent me this huge essay about how terrible i was and blocked me

[jeremiahthefroge]

Deeply Embarrassing: guy who's whole Thing is being The Super Smart Double Major English-Psych Guy, who you used to be best friends with before he freaked out and cut you off, is now revealing himself to be incapable of engaging in relatively simple texts in relatively easy classes and being effortlessly upstaged by people outside of the English department

[beardedmrbean]

Thank you for liking my collection, perhaps other people will too

But I saw that post about how funimation is shutting down and it’s capitalism fault…but bitch it’s streaming service exclusively for ANIME. A huge niche

Also to the reason why, their both are shitshows. But Sony owns funimation and bought crunchyroll, two anime streaming services

Now crunchyroll(which is a shitshow too) got popular

Like been to your local Walmart?

There a section at Walmart dvd area dedicated to crunchyroll in mine

So while this sucks (especially it seems that Sony isn’t going to let people transition their Funi stuff to crunchyroll) it not shocking

Now their a mess, let compare this to Disney handling of Disney plus and Hulu

Now yes Disney plus app is have a hub for Hulu now. Which thank you, because I have the Disney plus bundle (I sharing it with other people. SHIT THE MOUSE IS COMING FOR ME!) but it sure as hell more convenient for me to use the Hulu hub than go out to another app to watch Hulu content

Though it FUCKING funny how my continue watching can have Disney plus alongside with seienin anime

But anyways, I can see why Sony did that because, both streaming services are niches and crunchyroll is just bigger

But I’m 23, any anime consumption…

Bitch back in the day most westerners anime fans had to watch cable TVs blocks like Toonami. Like my tv consumption were in flux. I didn’t have cable all the time and watch a lot of dvds especially in road trips. A lot of my anime consumption started by watch adult swim aired anime. Or if my family a little bit of money. Cable box where I watch Digimon on Disney old block Jetix

Actually the photo I sent you will probably help your other anime fans on how I consume anime

But anime streaming services…are niche af. Yes anime went mainstream in the west, but they can easily be gone instantly. Actually one of my favorite Drifters was taken off it streaming services. But I was able to get the blu ray

Sorry for the essay…I’m just SHOCKED on how bad certain people over reliance of streaming services is because I still really the twilight years of renting (grew up near a family video)

Thank you for liking my collection, perhaps other people will too

ya like I said I recognized the obvious ones, never really did much with anime.

As for all the services, it's a really weird thought that's come into my head watching all of this.

Most folks out in tumblr land probably won't remember when the "Bell System" was broken up.

The phone system in the US was a legal monopoly, until it wasn't a legal monopoly and the Fed broke it up into regional things and also opened things up to competition for a bit there were hundreds of different phone companies popping up offering the best price on local or long distance and all that good stuff.

Then they started to get absorbed by the bigger ones, still no return to the monopoly since that's not allowed but went from on choice to oddles of choices back down to just a few choices none of which were terrible.

Cellphones did that too when they showed up, was never a monopoly but there were tons of regional outfits selling service, that all got slowly bought up by larger and larger companies.

Cable and satellite TV as well as internet too.

I think we may be seeing that with streaming services, not really any tiny fly by night groups doing streaming services but there's only so many that can be out there before they stop being profitable, especially the niche ones.

Which I think that merger and the price hike that is coming with it is a thing that was basically inevitable, the price hike will reverse if history is any indicator, at leas so long as people remain pissed about it and don't sub.

That or they'll sell packages so you can customize what you want.

Either way I'm still with you on the need to rely less on streaming services, I feel the same way about the cloud, which I refuse to use, I know how to work around all that if the need arises.

[mapleleafstrash]

Offbeat (Part Five) - Auston Matthews

A/N: OKAY! PLEASE DON’T KILL ME! I know it’s been forever but I honestly had huge writer’s block and like I only wrote this because I’m being terrible and procrastinating all my final essays for school! So once again, I’M SORRY!

Requested: Yes/No

Characters: Auston Matthews (Feat. Connor Brown, Morgan Rielly, William Nylander, Zach Hyman, Mitch Marner, and Kasperi Kapanen)

Words: 4,050

Warnings: Language

[Part One] [Part Two] [Part Three] [Part Four] [Part Five] [Part Six] [Part Seven]

You rolled your eyes and took a giant sigh as you were once again dragged around the latest designer store the three Lady Leafs had pulled you into. Your feet hurt, your body ached, and you were developing a sharp migraine; the perfect condition for going on a shopping trip you wanted no part of.

While the girls had all collected a few shopping bags for themselves, your hands still remained vacant. The only thing you carried was your small purse that was slung over your shoulder. One reason for this being you honestly didn’t have the money, as you still had to save up for your next semester of school, and the second being you didn’t typically shop at any of the boutiques the others had been frolicking around.

“Ooh, this is cute babes,”

Your Y/E/C coloured eyes drifted to your left to see Madison holding up a turquoise patterned romper. You just shrugged in response causing the older girl to immediately frown as her shoulders slumped. She’d been trying to help you find something each time you went into a different store, and you applauded her for trying, but she hadn’t hit the jackpot yet.

Your preference of clothing differed greatly from not only Madison’s, but from both Alannah and Annika’s as well. You had a completely different figure then them. You were tall, and built a lot stockier then the rest of them. You held broad shoulders and your hips curved out much more, meaning your choices of outfits that made you feel at least somewhat comfortable were limited.

“How about this? I think you’d look good in this Y/N,”

Turning back to your right, Alannah was pointing towards a set of light wash overalls that had several rips and scuffs throughout. The pant legs ended about mid calf, which you admitted wasn’t so bad, but you still didn’t exactly like them. Your eyebrows shot up. She was kidding, right?

Laughing at your reaction, Alannah grabbed the article of clothing and strutted up to you. As she pushed the denim material into your hands, she nodded towards the nearby change room, urging you to try them on.

“Just trust me, besides they’ll look cute with Will’s shirt,” she explained, ushering to your Team Sweden shirsey your good friend had gifted to you only day’s before.

“But-,”

Raising her perfectly sculpted brows, Alannah sent you a look, as if she was daring you to refuse her. You sighed, not wanting to piss off the recent law school graduate, and begrudgingly stomped off towards the change rooms.

Flopping out of your sandals and slipping out of your jeans, you yanked on the overalls and pulled the straps over your shoulders. Tucking in the yellow shirt, and doing a double take, you pursed your lips as you stood in front of the door length mirror. You then did a few circles, making sure to inspect your full figure from front to back.

You were honestly surprised. You had initially thought the denim cloth would accentuate parts of your figure you wanted to keep hidden, but it didn’t. The overalls were shockingly very flattering.

“We’re waiting,”

Alannah’s voice snapped you out of your thoughts and you took a deep sigh. Hesitating, you firmed your lips together, before you finally opened the white painted door and stepped out in front of the girls.

Looking up, Madison immediately smiled and pressed her hands together, “oh my gosh, Y/N you look awesome!”

“See, look at that, Alannah was right for once,” Annika chuckled, while the older girl just shot Kasperi’s girlfriend a look.

“It really looks okay?” you asked, just wanting to make sure they weren’t just being polite.

“In all honesty Y/N, you look great,” Alannah confirmed, as she walked forward to place her hand on your shoulder in support, “and I mean that,”

Your lips curved upwards as you nodded. You appreciated her help.

“Finally, we got something for you!” Madison exclaimed, as she pumped her fist up in victory.

“Does that mean we can finally go back?” you questioned, hoping the answer would be yes.

“We still need to find you a bathing suit though,” Alannah laughed, “remember? We want to knock Auston off his high horse, and knock the socks off all the guys,”

Your eyes widened slightly. Oh boy. You didn’t realize she was being serious.

“Well except my guy,” Annika suddenly added, causing Alannah to roll her eyes.

After changing back into your normal outfit, you paid for your new overalls, slumping slightly when you realized the price.

Noticing your change in mood, Madison raised her eyebrow towards you as you punched in the pin of your debit card.

“Everything okay?” She asked, and you nodded, wanting her to forget about it.

As you took the bag the clerk had outstretched towards you, you thanked them and then headed out of the store, with Madison by your side. Annika and Alannah had decided to wait outside.

“Alright! Next stop, bikini’s!” Annika exclaimed, as she headed off towards the high-end swim suit store across the way.

“Bikini’s?” you questioned, your mind suddenly scrambling.

Madison just chuckled before you pushed you forward in the right direction, “oh, c’mon!”

You somehow found yourself carrying a Victoria’s Secret bag, along with your earlier purchase as you stepped out of Zach’s car and walked back towards the Brown cottage. It was now into the earlier afternoon and your lack of sleep from the night before was finally catching up to you. You’d spent way more money than you had wanted to, and you were perturbed with the entire situation. Overall, you were annoyed, grumpy, and most of all, just exhausted.

“Hey! Look who finally decided to show up!”

Looking up towards the deck, your lips curved upwards as both Will and Kasperi sent you a wave. Giving them a nod of acknowledgement, you stepped into the cottage and headed towards your bedroom. As soon as you walked in, you slammed the bedroom door shut and plopped down onto the large, plush bed.

Staring up at the ceiling, you let out a loud sigh. Closing your eyes tight, you willed for sleep, but that lasted a whole two minutes.

“Y/N,” William’s voice echoed through the wooden door and he rapped against it three times.

You groaned out, sitting up slightly. You finally stood when the Swedes’ constant knocking continued.

“What?” you questioned, as you raised an eyebrow towards your friend after you swung the door open.

The blonde smiled brightly towards you, “did you want to come down to the beach with me?”

“Uh,” you murmured, as you blinked twice. You then realized he was wearing his bright pink and yellow swim trunks.

“Kap’s gone off with Annika, and I don’t want to third wheel,” he sighed, rolling his eyes at the mention of his best friend.

“What about Connor? Or Zach?” you sighed, and Will shook his head, “girlfriends,”

���I’m kinda tired Will,” you admitted, causing the power forward to frown.

“Please, you can sleep when you’re dead. Let’s go Y/N,” Morgan’s voice suddenly cut in as he appeared behind William.

“But,”

“No buts, get changed Y/N, we’re going to go have some fun,” Morgan fought back and you sighed, before closing your bedroom door once again and putting your new bathing suit on.

It was a black one-piece suit, that cut out slightly on your sides and made your bust look incredibly better than your other suit. Fixing your pony tail, you placed on your baseball cap and quickly sprayed your sunscreen on. You then made sure to wrap your beach towel around your hips before you walked out of the room and met the two boys, who had still been standing outside your door.

“Well?” William then spoke as you stepped out. You stayed silent while Morgan rolled his eyes before he gripped your right wrist in his hand.

“Morgan!” you whined, complaining as you suddenly found yourself being pulled down the hall by the older blonde.

“Let’s go, Mitchy and Matts are waiting,” Morgan spoke, while William followed the both of you out towards the deck.

“Waiting for what?”

Drinking games was the appropriate answer to that question.

“Seriously?” you groaned, once you saw the awaiting game of beer pong set up on the far dock.

“Oh, lighten up, it’ll be fun,” Morgan said, elbowing you playfully.

“Mhmm, yeah sure,” you grumbled as you approached Auston and Mitch, the latter waving towards the three of you enthusiastically.

“It’s okay Y/N, you can be on my team,” Will promised, as he sent you a sweet smile.

Now the thing about beer pong with the boys was that they didn’t get to play too often, and that when they did, rules somewhat went out the window or they were created on the fly. So, as you bounced your first ping pong ball towards it’s awaiting solo cup, you immediately cried foul when Auston smacked it out of the air.

“What?! Since when can you do that?” you questioned, crossing your arms and sending him a look.

Auston sent you a smirk, “since last round babe, gotta keep up, remember?”

You were taken aback and your lips opened slightly in shock from Auston’s choice of words. Blinking, you realized Auston had never called you that before. Feeling your heart rate increase and your cheeks warm, you looked away quickly. Luckily, the screaming match between William, who was defending your team, and Auston and Mitch had distracted them. But Morgan hadn’t missed that. The rounds referee wagged his eyebrows at you suggestively, causing you to send him a warning glare.

Several rounds later, you found yourself once again facing Auston, but this time in a singles match. Aiming the white ping pong ball towards your second last cup, you pumped your fist when Auston was unable to smack it away and it landed safely in it’s home.

Rolling his eyes, Auston took his sip of beer and clicked his tongue. “She’s beating your ass Matts,” Mitch spoke, causing William to laugh from beside him.

“Shut it Mitchy,” Auston snipped back, as he gathered the white ball and prepared for his own shot. He wasn’t necessarily wrong though, you now only had one cup left, whereas Auston had four.

Another rule the boys loved to follow was that if your ball bounced off the table, whoever grabbed it first got to shoot, rather than just handing it back to your opponent. You weren’t overly fond of this rule because many fights and injuries had ensued from it. But when Auston’s ball fell off the side of the table, you immediately jumped towards the bouncing ping pong ball.

Just as you were about to grab it however, Auston slid into you, with his arms wrapping around your waist to try and pull you away. But as Auston tried to whip you around, he scrambled when he lost his footing, sending the both of you off the dock. You shrieked when you suddenly hit the cold lake water and plunged down deep.

Kicking your feet, you gasped once you reached the surface. The three boys standing on the dock above you were howling in laughter and you frowned. Looking over, you sent Auston a glare when he emerged from the water and promptly splashed him once he sent you a weak grin.

“Oh, c’mon babe! It was an accident,” Auston chuckled, while you just swam back to the beach, not wanting him to see your bright red face.

Hours later, you found yourself in your new outfit from earlier, sitting on the edge of the boat house with Connor, Mitch and Auston. The sun had gone down and the bright stars had finally made their appearance. Leaning back up against Connor, who had sat next to you, you stared up at the lit-up sky.

“See? What did I tell ya? Today wasn’t so bad huh? Better than yesterday at least?” Connor questioned, as he leaned down a bit to catch your gaze.

Leaning further into him, you just nodded as you tried to get comfortable, causing Connor to snicker quietly.

“Brownie, is there anymore beer?” Mitch’s voice suddenly asked in a whiny tone, causing you and your best friend to turn back to look at the younger boy.

“I think you’ve had enough Mitch,” You spoke first, while Connor followed, “You guys finished it off tonight, we’ll have to run back out tomorrow for another case,”

“Well this blows,” Mitch then sighed, before he chucked his empty beer can over the edge of the dock, the sound of it splashing into the lake soon there after.

“Mitch!” you complained, sending him an unimpressed look, while the other two boys sat around you rolled their eyes.

“What? It’s just an empty can Y/N, I’m sure people have thrown way worse,” Mitch shrugged before he stood up and raised his arms up to stretch.

“But that’s not the point,” you sighed, frowning. You couldn’t help but notice the frown Auston had sent you due to your words, but you just brushed it off.

“I’ll go get it,” Connor then sighed, standing up before he took his shirt off, but before he could jump into the lake, Mitch was suddenly tossed over the railing of the boat house, screaming as he went down.

Turning around wide eyed, you and Connor stared shocked towards Auston, who now standing, had presumably knocked Mitch over the edge. You gasped, before you scurried to the edge, to see if Mitch was okay. You then took a huge sigh of relief when Mitch had surfaced and was yelling profanities towards Auston.

“What the fuck dude?! You’re such a fucking asshole!” Mitch yelled at his friend, while Auston shrugged.

“Well you were the one who decided to throw the can into the lake, I just thought I’d help you retrieve it,” Auston replied nonchalantly, while Connor just shook his head before he grabbed one of the drying beach towels off the railing, assumingly going down to meet Mitch.

“Yeah okay, Auston. The next time she tells you to jump I hope you get hurt you fucking prick,” Mitch retorted, causing you to blink twice. What did he mean?

Connor just sent you a sad look before he addressed Auston, “You can’t do that Matts, he’s drank way too much and we’re lucky he didn’t get hurt or worse,” Connor quickly scolded as he ran by.

Auston waved him off and you sighed. Of course, there had to be some drama. You pursed your lips when you felt Auston take a seat right next to you where Connor had been sitting. You both sat in silence as you watched Connor approach Mitch, while the water-logged forward emerged from the water, beer can in tow. Passing him the towel, the two headed back up towards the cottage, effectively leaving you alone with Auston.

“So, long day huh?” Auston questioned, while you snorted.

“You’re not usually one for small talk Auston,” you pointed out, while the dark-haired boy sat next you sighed.

“I’m sorry about everything that’s happened this weekend, I know I kinda made it awkward,” Auston admitted and you sent him a coy smirk.

“Oh, so Auston Matthews can admit when he’s done something wrong,”

“Hey, don’t push it Y/N” Auston retorted, causing you to chuckle lightly.

“I know, I know. I wouldn’t expect anything less,” you spoke, before you leaned back to lay on the wooden boards to stare up at the sky.

Your lips curved upwards when Auston followed suit, allowing you to fall into a comfortable silence.

“So, I’ve been thinking of that question you asked me,”

Turning your head, you shot Auston a puzzling look, causing him to laugh. “About what I’m looking for,”

You rolled your eyes, “God Auston, that was like forever ago,”

“Yeah, I know, but I took it to heart, and I just wanted you to know that,” Auston replied, while you just nodded.

“I think I want a relationship,”

Blinking twice, you sat up slightly, leaning back on your arms while you sent him a look, “you want a relationship? Auston Matthews wants to be in a monogamous relationship?”

“Hey, don’t make it sound so shocking Y/N,” Auston sighed.

“Well it is! No offence,” you then fired back, while Auston sent you an unimpressed look.

“Do you really see me as that guy?”

“You mean the one who never settles down because he’s too busy picking up girls all the time? Well, yeah, but I don’t judge you for it,” You explained, “that’s just who you were when I met you, so it never made a difference to me,”

Auston sighed, “Well, I don’t want to be that guy anymore okay? Seeing all the guys and their relationships has just really opened my eyes lately. It just seems, nice. You know? Having someone to always text and come home to. Someone you miss on the road, someone you can take to team outings and events, it just seems so much better than what I’ve been doing,”

You nodded in understanding, “just make sure she’s not crazy, okay?”

Auston just laughed, before he playfully knocked into your side, prompting you to shove him back teasingly.

“You won’t have to worry Y/N, I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised,”

You hummed sarcastically, “Let’s hope,”

You both fell back into a comfortable silence, but on the inside your brain was screaming. Your heart was hurting at the thought of some girl becoming Auston’s girlfriend. You knew it was going to happen eventually, but you hoped you’d have more time to at least move on and try to find someone new.

“So, you really like the stars huh?”

Snapping out of your thoughts, you looked back at Auston before blinking, “uh yeah, I mean, we don’t really get to see them back home because of all the light pollution so I just try to enjoy them whenever I’m here.”

Auston nodded, and his lips curved upwards slightly while you looked back up at the sky, trying to calm your racing heart and throbbing head.

“You’re beautiful, you know that?”

Whirling your head to your left, your eyes stared wide towards Auston.

What?

Auston chuckled, shaking his head a little as he slid across the wood boards to lean right up against you. “Don’t look so surprised Y/N,”

You opened your mouth to reply, but you couldn’t find the right words to say. Your cheeks were warm, and your heart was now thumping out of your chest.

“Auston,” you sighed, looking away from him and leaning away.

“What? You are Y/N, you’re beautiful,” he said again, as he leaned forward and searched for your gaze, trying to get you to look him in the eyes.

“Stop,” you murmured, sliding back and pulling away from him. As you stood, Auston turned his frame to look towards you, a look of hurt flashing across his features.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, his voice softer than before.

Shaking your head, your crossed your arms against your chest, shielding yourself. “You’re drunk Auston,”

Sighing, Auston stood from his spot, causing you to take another step back. “So?” he shrugged, “I’m not lying,”

Whining, you shook your head again and stared down at your bare feet. “You’re not allowed to say that Auston,” you whimpered out, as you watched Auston’s feet journey towards you. Looking up, you finally met his honey brown eyes, and spoke again, your voice soft with defeat, “you can’t say that.”

Auston’s warm hand met your rosy cheek, and you uttered a gasp once you realized how close he had gotten to you. “Y/N, if today hadn’t made it clear, I really do like you, I mean, I think I’ve got feelings for you,”

Your eyes widened and you stepped away again. Auston suddenly looked hurt, as you unknowingly rejected him. The thought of Auston Matthews actually having feelings for you was something out of a fantasy, a dream. You couldn’t even fathom the idea. “No, no you don’t,”

“And why the hell not?” Auston questioned, his voice low. “Why can’t I like you? Why can’t I speak the truth?”

“Because it’s not true!” you screeched, feeling your emotions reach their peak, “you’re just playing with my head again!”

You gasped when Auston’s large grasp suddenly gripped onto your forearm, effectively holding you in place. He looked angry, insulted even. “You really think I’d do that to you? Play games? Mess with your feelings?”

“It wouldn’t be the first time,” you muttered, causing Auston’s shoulders to slump. “I’ve seen you toy with other girls’ feelings, and you’ve tricked me once or twice before, so why would this be any different?”

Letting out a long sigh, Auston’s hurt expression stared towards you with sorrow, “Why is it so hard for you to let me in? Why is it so hard for you to believe me?”

Feeling your chest tighten and your tears wet your bottom eyelashes, you stared towards the man you were desperately in love with, and told him what everyone had always told you. “I’m not the type of girl you go for Auston, and everybody knows that! And because, you’re you Auston, and I’m me. I’m just not good enough for you, and I’ll never be good enough for you.” You proclaimed, as your throat grew warm and became uncomfortably scratchy.

Pulling out of his grasp, you bolted towards the staircase that would lead you back down to the dock. But just as you were about to head down, Auston’s voice caught you, “No, I’m the one who’ll never be good enough for you,”

Hesitating slightly, you bit your lip as you once again looked up towards the illuminated night sky. This couldn’t be happening. You just couldn’t wrap your head around this.

“Why?” you suddenly asked, “why do you think that?”

You could hear the vulnerability in Auston’s voice as he spoke, “Because you’re just so, pure. You’re honest, and funny, and kind, and just everything I’ve never been. People love you Y/N, they gravitate towards you because you’re just so warm. And I’m, well, you know my reputation,”

Licking your lips, you slowly looked up to meet Auston’s eyes, “which is why I’ve always shied away from you Auston, I’m nothing like those other girls,”

“But that isn’t a bad thing! I’m trying to get you to see that! I don’t care if you’re not stick thin, and I don’t care that you’re not a party girl! Y/N, you’re the type of girl I’d want to take home to my family, the type of girl I’d want to settle down with. You’re not just some fling Y/N, you’re worth so much more than that,” Auston exclaimed, as he slowly made his way back up to you.

“This is just so much Aus,” you muttered, shaking your head as you felt Auston’s warm hands fall onto both of your shoulders.

“I know it is, and trust me, this was not how I pictured this conversation going, but I like you Y/N, and I know you might find that hard to believe, but just give me a shot. Please,” Auston begged.

Gulping, you nodded slightly, “just give me the rest of the weekend, okay?”

Auston sighed, seemingly accepting your request. But before you could back away, you gasped in surprise when you felt Auston’s lips brush up against yours.

It wasn’t a passionate kiss by any means. It was light and airy, almost as if a feather had been pressed up against your lips. You knew he was being gentle on purpose, so that he wouldn’t startle you. But you also knew he was doing this to reassure you that his feelings were real.

Closing your eyes slowly, you applied light pressure back, still feeling a bit unsure. Pulling away slowly, Auston then wrapped his arms around you tight, holding you in place and he rocked the both of you back and forth.

“I just wish you could see how beautiful you are Y/N, and see how much you’re loved,” Auston whispered, before he placed his lips onto the top of your head.

Deciding not to answer, you just buried yourself into Auston’s warm embrace, silently praying this moment would never have to end.

[startofamoment]

Librarian/avid reader for Jake/Amy, please! :D

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! First of all, I’m so, so, SO sorry that it has taken me forever and a day to fill this request! I blame life and work and apps and writer’s block, BUT I am back from my hiatus and hoping that this will kick off a good period of writing! Second, I’ve gotta say a huge thank you for this prompt because I’ve been meaning to write more for the Library AU I posted about way back when! I hope you like this!!!!!!!!!!!  ♡♡♡

Extended B99 + Library AU: If Terry hadn’t flaked on coming to read to the pre-schoolers like he always did every other Wednesday, Amy wouldn’t be in this mess.

That is to say: she wouldn’t be hardcore crushing on Brooklyn’s most infuriating library assistant.

Kevin nods gravely, holding the desk phone to his ear. “That’s alright, Mr. Jeffords. I do hope your twins recover quickly. If I remember correctly, it took quite awhile for Raymond’s nephew to get over his bout of the chicken pox ages ago. Yes. Yes - Please let me know if they would like any reading material to help pass the time while home from school. Of course. Not to worry, Mr. Jeffords. We’ll see you two weeks from now. Goodbye.”

He puts the phone down and sighs, loud enough for Amy to look up from the essay she’s writing. “Is something wrong, Sir?”

“That was Mr. Jeffords, our volunteer reader. He’s meant to read to the pre-schoolers in 15 minutes, but it seems his daughters got sent home suddenly with the chicken pox.” He frowns, turning his head to look across the hall, where kids are starting to gather around the reading nook. “Well, I suppose I could read them one of my childhood favorites. Amy, do you think I should go with Beowulf or The Iliad?”

“Uhm -”

Jake pops out from between nearby shelves at that moment, sparing Amy from having to point out how absurd the librarian’s options are. “Sir, with all due respect, I’m not sure those kiddos want to listen to you read either of those books. Let me handle this, Kev. 9 out of the 15 books I’ve read to date are children’s books, so I think I’ve got this.”

He sprints off before either of them can get a word in and returns four and a half minutes later with a small stack of books in his arms. Kevin inspects his selection, hums approvingly, then directs him to the chair in front of the reading area.

Jake makes his way over and smiles widely, greeting the children and cracking a few jokes as they wait for everyone to settle down. The kids giggle and chatter loudly, already excited for storytime to start.  

After leaving a note at his front desk, Kevin drags a chair over to sit behind the pre-schoolers. He doesn’t usually join in on these sessions, but he has a hunch that his excitable, somewhat reckless new assistant is going to surprise him this afternoon.

Amy intended to remain at her usual table and to focus on her essay for at least the next two hours, but Jake’s booming voice followed by the chorus of laughter from the children has her lugging her backpack, laptop, and coffee cup over to a nearer desk.

She manages to get through a paragraph and a third when Jake starts doing exaggerated impressions for each character. She looks up from her work just as he’s huffing and puffing as the Big Bad Wolf, and she chuckles despite herself.

When the kids shriek in combined fear and glee, completely engaged in his storytelling, she finds that she’s just as enthralled. She has to admit, she maybe had Jake pegged wrong; there evidently was more to this disaster of a librarian assistant than his terrible organizational skills and infuriatingly cheeky remarks.

He must somehow read her mind as she considers her own change of heart because he locks eyes with her for a second then winks before seamlessly returning to his narration. The action makes her stomach flip and her ears burn, and a part of her hates that she’s still unable to tear her attention away from him.

Months later, Amy finds herself pressed back against a shelf with the spine of an encyclopedia digging into her shoulder. A book drops on the floor beside her and another one follows shortly after that, but Jake is kissing her, nipping at her lip and trailing a hand down her back, so really she couldn’t care less about aches or messes. It briefly occurs to her that this is incredibly inappropriate, but he starts to kiss and suck at the spot below her ear so that thought’s forgotten entirely.

As fate would have it, Raymond walks past the scene on his way to surprise Kevin at work and is stunned speechless. The two somehow completely miss his presence, and he eventually turns and makes a beeline for his husband’s desk. “Kevin, I believe your library assistant and Ms. Santiago are, shall we say, getting familiar with each other by the periodicals section.”

Kevin chuckles, shaking his head. “Ah, I suppose I am aware of that. Leave them be, Raymond. It’s about time those two did something other than argue or ogle each other from across the room.”

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

It turns out that I STILL have a lot of long winded text posts sitting in my drafts unfinished. Time to dump ‘em .... because I hate just deleting ‘em.

This one feels extra unfinished. It was a late night ramble that started with watching a subtitled movie, wanders through the quirks if brain wiring, and fades out with me straying into thoughts on my isloation.

Late night writing is a BAD idea! LOL

Wanna know something funny? I find myself forgetting I’m watching a subtitled movie while watching a subtitled movie! 

I know I’m not the only one. Mom once argued with me about a movie we had recently watched, insisting it had been in english. I finally proved we only had a subtitled copy, but she still remembered it as being in english.

Weird how the brain works. Once the meaning is understood voices become about inflection, not words. 

Unfortunately, this means I have never learned one word from all the foreign language movies I’ve watched. You know, I used to watch the other language dubs of familiar movies, say something like Star Wars that I have literally memorized, and hoped it would help me pick up a few words. Never works. 

I can focus on words to get meaning, and actually can figure out things in languages I don’t know without subtitles, but I can’t seem to start with meaning to get words. The brain goes “Oh, I understand! No need to mess about with all those tricky syllables then...” and zones out.

Hmmm, you know how my only academic weakness growing up was my inability to spell and how despite my reasonably large vocabulary I struggle to pronounce anything without hearing it? That double whammy that means I have a much smaller usable written/spoken reservoir of words than what I understand, and they might connect with my language learning peculiarities.  I wonder if there is a quirk in my wiring that was masked by “reads far above level” comprehension skills. It seems like there is static when it comes to aspects of language that involve sounds. 

OMG! I just thought of something! I always have remembered words as shapes, like whole words like images. Often spelling would be about trying letters until they fit the shape. It occurs to me the visual trumps the auditory with me, which reminds me of my father.

Working in the shop my father would often get frustrated trying to explain something, miming grabbing it out of his head and tossing it to me while grumbling he could see it in his head. It would drive him nuts sometimes. You know, now that I think of it, the spelling and pronunciation thing was his achilles heel too.

Now he was a brilliant guy, and not just in engineering. It’s not that words were a “problem” exactly. He read tons, knew languages, and could write well (admittedly scientific style, and not “flowery” as he called the other end of the literary spectrum). People outside the family would never see it, just like you probably don’t notice the words I’m not using because I can’t get them close enough for the spellcheck to recognize. 

My brother is dyslexic and as a child he struggled to learn to read at all. Oh, he grew up to be a top student and is a computer programmer that also has a degree in chemistry, so it didn’t exactly stop him, but it was terrible for a while. He failed first grade (or was it second) because he just couldn’t read, this super bright kid with a huge blind spot.

 That gets noticed. 

But what do you make of a girl that has the highest grades in the english class BUT is also the worst speller? What of a girl that turns in essays that wow her teachers but is careful to “dumb down” the words to ones she can pronounce if she might have to read it to the class? What of someone that loves reading aloud to her family, and is great at it, until she comes across a word she hasn’t heard where she fumbles entirely?** What of the girl that can decode a written text in an unfamiliar language but can’t speak in a language she studied for two years (and aced the tests in)?

That doesn’t get noticed.

Which is fine. Why should you? My grades were great and I was sorta considered the “smartest” kid where ever I was. (”smartest” is a bullshit concept to begin with, but don’t get me started). 

But geez, it’s funny how long it took me to realize the common source of my language stumbling blocks. After the school sent me for a hearing test when I was little I was officially declared “fine”. I disagreed, insisting I thought there was something “odd” about my hearing,that I didn’t hear things the way others did...

Which makes me wonder about my inability to sing or dance....and that my father was exactly the same. He would never sing or dance, to Mom’s frustration. Now I love music, and he did too, but I always felt it sounded a little  different to me than others. Read a review of music and I have no idea what they are talking about. Pop meanwhile had intensely obvious atypical reactions to music, finding some that others find grating to be soothing while beloved music could be like fingernails on a chalkboard for him...

I dunno, is there an auditory equivalent to something like variable color sensitivities? Not exactly like color blindness. I mean, I think I hear the sounds it just the brain interpretation of them. Lost in translation, so to speak...

You know, much as I loved my father with all his quirks, I do wish I hadn’t inherited so very many. Eccentic oddities don’t do well in these parts. He had the advantage of family where our weirdness fitted together. I refuse to ever fake who I am, but it would be nice to have a few areas of “normality” to stand a chance of belonging anywhere. 

When Pop was sick I told him he had to try not to die because I wouldn’t have anyone to talk to. It wasn’t proximity but the fact we “got” each other.  At the time I actually thought there was a chance I’d still find a place I fit, someone that would “get” me. But I kinda doubt it now.

** Prime example is me reading The Lord of the Rings aloud for my father. Caradhras became officially “that damn mountain!” instead because I just couldn’t turn the letters into sounds. This was just before I had the movies as reference. I could read it now....