#sensing none of that in what the popular alfreds do nowadays ;_____;

[fitzrove]

Man modern tdv SUCKS in terms of direction and nothing proves it more than für sarah.......... all the early alfreds (watching fritz schmid from stuttgart rn) are desperate during it!!!!!!!! They're half-convinced they're walking towards their doom, they're not dreamy or happy, they're frightened (of the unknown!) but push onwards and swear by their blood that they'll be braver than they are because from now on it's the only way forward. and they're still scared but it's the only way

[ellana-ravenwood]

How to remove a Wayne safely - Batmom x Batfam

My nephew got a tick on him today and, you know, there’s a way to remove them fully, like you can’t just tear them off or the head is gonna stay ? Well, it gave me a stupid idea. Hope you’ll like it.

You can find my masterlist here : @ella-ravenwood-archives

_______________________________________________

Some mornings, you had obligations. You had to wake up early.

When you and Bruce got married, you took the place of second CEO at Wayne Enterprise, to relieve your husband of a bit of the weight of it all. To make things easier on his end...To allow him to, sometimes, sleep more than three hours a night.  

You did it gladly. 

One morning every two days, more if Bruce was injured, you’d wake up early in the morning to go take care of the family business (when Bruce asked you if you could help, you felt like he genuinely fully trusted you...he trusted you with his parents’ empire, which meant a lot). 

Your Bruce both loved and hated it. Loved it because it meant that he could take a well deserve rest, hated it because it also meant that he’d wake up alone in the bed and oh he loathed that more than anything. He lived for those days were neither him nor you had anything to do, and could just cuddle your way to 5 pm haha. 

He also hated it because, since you monitored the bat computer every nights, you also needed your sleep and...he just hated the fact that your “obligations” toward him and his enterprise made you wake up. 

You wouldn’t have it any other way though, anything to allow your Broosh to rest, to recuperate and such. He wasn’t getting any younger and needed those peaceful time...Of course it was even better when you could both be lazy in your bed but, life wasn’t always like that. 

This morning, your faithful alarm clock, aka Alfred Pennyworth, came into your room to wake you up and...it was difficult. 

Last night, Bruce and your boys came back around 8 am, and of course you stayed up with them, monitoring the bat computer. And when you and Bruce finally got to bed...Well, you needed each others before sleeping and you both collapsed after a heated love making session, exhausted. Now, barely two hours later, you had to wake up and your entire body was sore and screaming for more sleep and...Uh, Alfred was having none of it. 

-Lady (Y/N), you need to wake up. 

-I am awake...

You said in a weak voice, bringing the blanket up to your nose. 

Bruce didn’t even budge, his arms around you, his face nuzzling your hair. Contrary to popular belief, once he was truly asleep, Bruce was very difficult to wake up and there could be a very loud metal concert next to him and he wouldn’t even hear it, too deep in his slumber. 

And right now, as you and Alfred talked aloud next to him, and you shifted in his arms...Well, he didn’t even move one inch. 

-Well you need to stand up then. Your meeting is in less than an hour. 

-I don’t need more than twenty minutes to get ready, we’re fine Al’. Just a few more minutes please. 

 Well, it’s true that you always got ready fast but...there was one tiny little problem that meant that you HAD to stand up NOW. And not in a few more minutes. 

-You’re forgetting something, Lady (Y/N).

-Mmm ? 

-It will take you more than twenty minutes to get ready. 

-Non sense Al’, you know I get ready fast, I can even squeeze a shower in there and...Oh.

Your hazed mind didn’t understand at first. It took you a few seconds before you got what Alfred meant. Oh but of course. The good old ritual of “removing a Wayne safely” that you went through so many times since you started dating Bruce, years ago...

You had discovered very early on that the Wayne boys, your husband and sons, when deep in slumber, were almost impossible to get away from. They would cling to you, not letting you go and at first, you didn’t know what to do...until you and your beloved Alfred developed a technique to get away from their grasp, without waking them up. 

It was quite technical really. Especially with Bruce. He was a strong man and making him move while he was sleeping was difficult. Besides, if he felt in his subconscious like the way he was moving was unnatural, he would wake up instantly, fearing that a danger was there. 

It took you a LOT of failed attempt with him and Dick to finally discover how to “safely remove a Wayne from you”. It took you a lot of awkward situation where you were half out of bed or something, with Alfred holding Bruce’s arms, and him waking up, looking at the both of you as if you were mad men...But by the time you adopted Jason, the technique was down perfectly. 

It was rare, nowadays, that you’d wake them up while slipping away from their grasp. Hell the only few times it happened, it was because they weren’t actually asleep. 

This morning though, it was going to be difficult. 

Bruce had seen a lot of shit recently, and was, even more than usual, worried about everyone’s safety...Which meant he fell asleep completely wrapped around you, as o shield you from any possible threat. 

His thigh was over your waist while his other leg was locked under you. His arms were around your shoulder, holding on tightly (though this position sounded uncomfortable, oh it was actually quite the opposite, and if you didn’t have to wake up, you would have fall back asleep in his strong and protective arms...). 

Carefully, Alfred lifted the blanket from you, thanking the day you and Bruce finally started to sleep in pajamas and stop sleeping naked. The butler said : 

-Ok, shall we start with the bottom or the top ? 

-Bottom. It’s easier to get the lower part of my body out of the bed first. 

-Right.

Carefully, Alfred kneeled in front of the bed and, as you moved your legs toward him, he started to lift slightly Bruce’s thigh. It was quite interesting really, how Bruce’s body would react when he was asleep. A slight tickle on the side of his knee would loosen his leg muscles, and allow Alfred to lift his leg so you could slip away. 

Slowly but surely, you untangled your lower body from your husband’s and Bruce only groaned a tiny bit when his leg fell back on his instead of yours. It was rather cute really, how even when asleep, he could feel you leaving. 

Now for the riskiest part...His arms. 

If Alfred made a wrong move, or if you were getting to impatient and left his grasp too soon, there was the risk of making him cling to you even more than he already was. This “risk” was always there. Just the wrong move from Alfred or you, and Bruce would pull you closer in his strong arms, and it would be impossible to leave, you’d have to wait for him to wake up. 

It was a subconscious reflex for your husband really, he would just close around you like an oyster if he felt you slipping away...so you had to arm yourself with patience and bit by bit get away from him. You and Alfred called this the “lock mode” and any action of getting away from it would be vain...So you always tried to avoid that. Mostly succeeding. 

You had developed a technique to roll away from Bruce’s arms, as Alfred was slowly opening his grasp...It was a team work really. Alone, you would never be able to leave. 

Finally, you were out of bed and Bruce’s arms closed themselves on air...he made a weak and desperate sound in his sleep, as if mourning the loss of your warmth, but when you bended down to kiss his forehead, it seemed to soothe him. 

It always did. He would be distressed even as he slept, when you were leaving, but another touch from you, showing him you weren’t completely gone would always help. Mostly a kiss on his forehead. And as you and Alfred left, you couldn’t help but make an “awww” noise at the vision of your husband smiling his sleep...

Oh you wished you could have stayed in his arms. 

************

-Alfred. 

You whisper, hoping that the butler would be around. 

-Alfred ! 

And sure enough, your surrogate father appears. 

You were laying on the couch in Wayne Manors’ living room...your youngest son, Damian, laying on you, his arms around your waist, his head on your belly, and your hands tangled in his hair. 

You and him had just finish watching a movie and of course, your exhausted little bird had fallen into a deep slumber...it was time yet again to use the “how to remove a Wayne safely” technique, but Alfred was nowhere to be seen ! 

Fortunately for you, you just called him for less than 10 minutes before he arrived. As if the man had a sonar in his head that would tell him whenever one of his little duckling (he would never call you or anyone else that out loud) needed him. 

As he came toward you and your son, he couldn’t help but stop a second to witness how cute the scene was. He also couldn't help being a bit jealous of the fact that Damian would always hug you and such WILLINGLY. The other members of his family always had to somewhat force or beg him to...but you ? The boy seemed to wrap himself around you automatically. 

You look up to Alfred and, with a slight smile as you notice the “look” he gives you and Damian (that fatherly look full of love), you say : 

-A little help here ? Please ? I have to go meet Bruce at work and I’m already late...

Alfred nods and comes to kneel beside you and your son. 

First thing first. You untangle your fingers from your son’s scalp and Damian lets out a small sigh, as if already missing your soothing touch. But he doesn’t wake up. Next thing : unwrapping his arms from around you. You lift your hips slowly, so Alfred can access your little one’s hands that are clasped behind your back, and with tender and soft movements, the butler is able to unclasp them. 

You slowly crawl upward, as Alfred raise your son in his arms, trying to move him the least possible and...you fall over the edge of the couch as you finally get over. You get up quickly and whisper a “I’m alright !” and as Alfred lays your son back down on the couch, the two of you try really hard not to burst out in laughter. You quickly leave the premises, an arm around your surrogate father’s shoulders, his holding your hand against his heart. 

You were closer from that man than from your real father and, to be honest...it was totally fine. 

************

Sometimes, they wouldn’t completely cover your body. They would just cling on your arm or leg...But it didn’t mean that it made things easier to leave. 

Like today. You were reading a book in the living room when Dick and Jason came in. You didn’t talk, you didn’t need to. They just came in to enjoy your presence...and to listen to the story. 

They were grown ass men, but they still LOVED when you were reading them stories and...That’s exactly what you did. 

You were reading a book they never heard before, and though it was full of adventures and really interesting...their exhaustion got the better of them and they fell asleep, their arms wrapped around yours, their head on your shoulders. 

You sighed, as you had just finished your book and, as much as you loved cuddling with your kids, you had important things to do...And oh, hey there Alfred, help please ? 

The butler gives you a knowing look and comes closer. 

It’s time for the “Indiana Jones technique”. It’s something you developed together (of course). And it’s pretty self-explanatory. 

Inspired by that scene in the first Indy movie where the famous archeologist exchanges a golden statue with a bag of sand. Except that, when you and Alfred do that, a giant boulder DOES NOT suddenly try to crush you, and the house don’t fall apart...Good. 

You bend forward as Alfred takes hold of your sons’ arms and...a nod from him and you snap yourself away from them, while Alfred takes your boys’ arms and close them around each other. They’re now hugging each other, without even reacting at the loss of you because...they didn’t feel it. 

You wished you had time to stay and look at them when they’ll wake up, because you were pretty sure it was going to be funny...Knowing Dick he would tease his brother into hugging him more, and Jason would try to get away and...oh you wished you had more time to stay with them. 

************

Tim was the one you had to be “unlatched” from the least. 

He had the lightest sleep ever (probably because of all that damn coffee he ingested) and a slight move, or a noise would wake him up instantly. 

When he fell asleep with you around, he had a tiny bit deeper sleep but...still, it was quite delicate to get away from him without waking him up. 

Like right now. You were both talking about your favorite TV show when he started to yawn more and more. You took the cup of coffee he was sipping away, and as he listened to you rambling about how it was such a disgrace that FOX cancelled Firefly...he fell asleep. 

Good. It was your goal along. For him to finally go to bed. What you didn’t plan though was that he would fall asleep with his head in your lap. 

With slow movements full of care, you put a few wild strands of his long black hair behind his ear and reached for your cellphone. 

The text Alfred received read : “S.O.S. Baby bird number 3 fell asleep on me. Extremely delicate mission. Have to not wake him up, the boy need his sleep. Come as soon as possible please”. 

Thirty minutes later, Alfred arrived in Tim’s room. 

You had your legs crossed, and was resting your weight on your arms behind you. Tim was laying face first on the floor, his head in your lap, arms on the floor and on your knees. 

-Oh...

Alfred lets out in a murmur. 

Yes. “Oh...”. It was going to be difficult. But you had to do it. You couldn’t wake him up, because you just knew that if he did, he wouldn’t go back to sleep. 

Alfred walked on his tip toes to you, and sat down. 

You communicated just with looks and nods of your head, and together, lifted his head slightly as you were slowly crawling away. 

It was like playing a game of mikado really. If you made a stick move, then you lost...well there, it was : “if your knee touch his head too much, he’ll wake up”. 

As Alfred was trying not to shake while holding Tim’s head, you hurried (sneakily as to not make any noise) and got hold of a pillow to put under him and...he didn’t wake up. Success. 

You refrained from high fiving Alfred, and slowly retreated away from the room, smiling as, in his sleep, Tim said something resembling : “I love you mom”...

And with a smile to Alfred, you each went on your ways, probably to go take some more care of your family. And yes, Alfred went to check on your boys to see if they were sleeping too, and you were going back to bed, knowing that Bruce was waiting for you to be in his arms to finally fall asleep...

And the next morning ? It would be a “How to remove a Wayne safely” time all over again. 

************

Your favorite times though, were when you didn’t have to ask Alfred for help. Was when you could just spend times in your husband arms. Or in your boys’ ones. When you didn’t have anything to do, but to enjoy their warmth. 

Your favorite times, were when you could just cuddle your life away.

Fin.

_______________________

This is so stupid, and not well written at all. A mess really, that makes 0 sense. But..Oh well :/.