#send me numbers yall

[ambivartence]

My top songs (of the first half) of 2023 ✦ Boys Planet edition ✦

tagged by @lunetual @jikyu @leewonseo @lee-minhoe ty 💕

I've listened to over 300 new releases from over 100 different kpop artists this year so picking my top songs felt like an mnet-level survival show 😭 the irony that i never watched Boys Planet AND one of the songs is literally a Peak Time song is not lost on me ! 🙃 but i wanted to pick a trendy format so here we are 😈 anyways i included albums instead of songs that didn't make the cut since there's too many honorable mention songs that i have had on repeat this year 😭 but most of them are in these 22 albums (oo-li is on here twice and istj isn't out yet !)

if u like my gif template, here's the link ! pls credit me ty <3

tagging (no obligation ofc and if you've already posted will u tag/send me so i can see 🥺): @bahngentertainment @chrisbangs @coupsnim @dakbees @dive-in-the-blue @hannahbahng @hyunfelix @ingblr-s @jinniebit @kyubins @losergirlz @quokki @shorelinnes @starcatching @userjiung @userwoodz @wabisaba @woodziecup @yohanblr + anyone else who wants to share just say that i tagged u <3

[vanweezer]

more girl chris? :]]

holy shit three 3's. thats gotta be biblical right

art reqs

[khaleesiofalicante]

I’m sorry but if the meeting is at 4 o’clock, then I will join 4 o’fucking clock 😐😐😐

[cutieacefuck]

wanna play a card game? 🃏

[delusionaltoma]

Every post I see from @maddymoreau

[crowshoots]

tumblr rp needs to realize that a) you are not entitled to people's time, writing, and blog and b) the culture of individualism is fucking shit. you gotta reach out to folks

[huntingrays]

72 for the Spotify ask thing?

72/71

72 - The Horse and the Infant by Jorge Rivera-Herrans

Couldn’t think of a way to valgrace-ify a song from the Epic Saga so I skipped and went with 71

71 - The Archer by Taylor Swift

I think this is more loosely based on some of the lyrics, and way fluffier than this p angsty song, but this is all just for some fun, lighthearted writing! Took way longer than I liked to write this all tho

Original post

“Easy they come, easy they go

I jump from the train, I ride off alone

I never grew up, it’s getting so old

Help me hold onto you”

Leo jolted as he woke up from his nightmare with a gasp. He let out a shaky sigh, running his hands down his face.

It was common for Leo to have nightmares, especially nightmares about the various tragedies in his life. However, typically whatever nightmare god out there was kind enough to limit it to one of his traumas. This night was different. Apparently, Leo hadn’t suffered enough after literally dying, so he just had a nightmare about practically every shitty thing that happened to him, from his mom’s death to awful foster homes to the trauma-filled Argo II quest, to his death. Leo was typically unsettled after reliving one of various traumas in a nightmare. After tonight, he felt off, weak, and shaky.

Leo sat up on his bed, shutting his eyes as he pressed the heels of his hands into them, trying to forget the memories that raced through his head, suppressing the pitiful whine that wanted to come through.

He felt like he was seven years old again when he would get scared and unsettled after having a nightmare. Back then, he’d go running to his mom. He would wake her up and she would hold him close, letting Leo fall asleep cuddled with her in her bed.

Leo couldn’t go running to his mom anymore. After she died, whenever he had a nightmare, he’d just deal with it by suppressing his feelings, which wasn’t healthy but was what he was most used to.

As much as Leo just wanted to forget the nightmare and resort to his typical suppression of his feelings, this time was different. This nightmare left him feeling unsettled, and scared and brought back his clinginess that he thought he’d left behind him in his childhood.

He couldn’t just stay here. He couldn’t fall back asleep on his own.

He was wondering if he could convince Nico to bring back his mom as a ghost, just so he could talk to her when he suddenly recalled that he had two best friends who would let him cuddle with them if he had a nightmare.

He felt a twinge of embarrassment at the thought of going to one of them just because he had a nightmare, but his need for physical contact was stronger than his embarrassment.

Leo checked the time. It was 2 AM.

It was summer, so Camp Half Blood was full of campers. Leo didn’t want to wake anyone who wasn’t Piper in the Aphrodite cabin - or deal with them thinking a lesbian and gay man had feelings for each other, which they already seemed to think - so he figured he could go to Jason since he was the only one in the Zeus cabin.

It was definitely because he couldn’t see Piper. It was definitely that, and not his feelings for Jason or the fact that he made Leo feel safe. Nope, definitely not.

All of his siblings in Cabin Nine were sound asleep, so he made sure to be as quiet as he could be as he slipped out of the cabin. Luckily, he didn’t run into anyone or anything in his dash from Cabin Nine to Cabin One.

Leo took a deep breath to steady his nerves before knocking on the door to the cabin. Leo suddenly wished he had his toolbelt with him, but he always took it off before going to bed so he didn’t have it on him. Instead of fiddling with some device, messed with his fingers as he waited for Jason.

It didn’t take long for Jason to open the door. He looked tired as he squinted at Leo, not able to see him clearly due to his lack of glasses.

“Leo? What are you doing here?”

“Hey, can I stay here with you tonight?” Leo asked, not bothering to explain just yet. He wanted to feel safer and calmer before he went into all of it. Also, he knew an explanation wasn’t necessary. Jason never needed one, not when it came to those he cared about. If they came to him and needed something, whether it be a favor or just quality time, he would provide it.

Jason looked puzzled, but he nodded. He walked away from the door, going to his bedside table to grab his glasses. Leo walked into the cabin, closing the door behind him.

The cabin always freaked him out, mainly due to the huge Zeus statue. The only thing Leo liked about the cabin was Jason.

Once Jason had his glasses on, he took a moment to observe Leo before sitting on his bed, patting the spot next to him. Jason had such an intense, piercing stare, even when he didn’t intend it to be so. Whenever he had Jason’s undivided attention, he felt so flustered yet pleased by it. He always felt like Jason could see right through him, that he noticed every little thing about Leo. The thought of being so seen was both scary and comforting.

Leo sat down next to him, close enough that their shoulders were brushing, needing physical contact to help ground and comfort him.

“Is there a reason you wanted to sleep here tonight?” Jason asked, getting straight to the point.

Leo flashed a grin that didn’t reach his eyes. “Do I need a reason other than that I missed your handsome face?”

Leo thought he saw a slight blush on Jason’s cheeks, but the dim lighting in the room made it hard to tell. Jason’s gaze didn’t falter. He narrowed his eyes, placing a hand on Leo’s shoulder, and squeezing it. The touch made Leo want to jump into his arms, to feel arms around him, to feel safe in an embrace.

“Leo, we’ve talked about your deflecting,” Jason said, lightly scolding him.

Leo sighed. “I know. I’m sorry.”

The cabin went quiet. Jason let Leo sit with his thoughts and emotions, to ruminate until he was able to voice what was bothering him. Leo appreciated it. Jason may not always know what to do or say, but the fact that he always tried - especially with Leo - always made him feel better, even if it wasn’t what he needed or wanted at the time. To Leo, the thought meant more to him. To Leo, someone caring about him meant the world. That was all he needed.

“I shouldn’t be so bothered. It was just a nightmare. We’re demigods, we have plenty of nightmares. It was just some bad memories. I shouldn’t be so bothered. I shouldn’t… but I am. I don’t know why this one suddenly unsettled me. I just- I need someone to be with,” Leo said, and his voice suddenly went softer, quieter. “I don’t want to be alone.”

The arm suddenly went around Leo’s shoulder, pulling him into Jason’s side. Leo melted into the touch, his eyes closing. Jason rubbed his back and Leo let out a content exhale at the feeling.

“Hey, you don’t have to feel bad about that. I’m sure I would feel shaken as well if I suddenly had to relive my awful memories. I’m glad you came to me, okay?” Leo nodded. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Leo shrugged. “I don’t know. It was mainly just a rehashing of all the crappy shit I went through. Like a highlight reel, but only full of moments that made me miserable.”

Jason’s hand moved from his back to his head, running his fingers through his curls. Leo hummed, pushing his head into the feeling. He felt Jason chuckle.

“You’re like a cat,” Jason mused, amusement in his voice. Leo grumbled softly at the comment.

Leo didn’t know how long they stayed like that, but it was at least a couple of minutes. Leo just stayed against Jason, enjoying the contact and the touch. Being like this with Jason helped him calm down.

“You make me feel safe,” Leo suddenly mentioned, breaking the silence. Jason hummed in question, prompting him to go on. “I haven’t truly felt safe since my mom died. Having someone who makes me feel secure is frightening. I’m scared that you’ll be taken from me or that you’ll leave me. I know you wouldn’t, you’re not like that, but still. I’m scared you’ll leave, but I’m even more terrified you’ll stay. Nothing in my life has ever been safe and secure, at least it hasn’t been in years. I don’t know how to deal with it, how to process it, how to… let myself have it. It’s all so new. Maybe my brain gave me the nightmare to try and psych me out. Maybe it was just a nightmare. I don’t know. I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore. My feelings are just- they’re so jumbled up.”

Jason was quiet after that. Leo knew Jason was just mulling over his words, based on how he was still running his hand through his curls. Leo just focused on the feeling and not how his thoughts ran a mile a minute.

“You came to me,” Jason suddenly said. Leo shifted so he could look at Jason’s face, humming in question. “You came to me. You didn’t just deal with it by suppressing it like I know you would’ve done before. This whole thing, with trusting people and letting yourself be happy, it’s going to take a while, but you’re getting there. They’re baby steps, sure, but those are still steps. Also, you talked to me about how you’re feeling. It’ll be a process, with you learning how to let yourself be happy, but you’ll get there, and I’ll be here to support you. Even if you can’t believe or trust it just yet, I’ll be here before and well after you can.”

“Still,” Leo mumbled with a groan, “it’s exhausting. Why does this all have to be so tiring?”

Jason hummed and shifted, pulling Leo into his arms instead of just into his side. Leo wrapped his arms around him, clenching the back of his shirt and resting his chin on Jason’s shoulder. “It’s like working out. You can’t work out without pain.”

Leo rolled his eyes, moving his arm to lightly wack Jason’s arm. Jason laughed. “Okay, Superman. Just casually imply you’re incredibly buff and handsome thanks to your workouts.”

“I never said I was handsome. I think that’s all your thoughts, buddy,” Jason said, a teasing lilt to his voice. Leo couldn’t object, since he was right on the money.

“Can we go to sleep?” Leo might have gone through a lot of improvement, but he couldn’t completely change overnight. So, when he got too flustered or overwhelmed, he tended to avoid the topic or change the subject.

“Of course. Let’s get some rest. I’ll just-” Jason got up to leave, to sleep in one of the spare beds (Jason requested for them to be added after the war since Leo and Piper loved sleeping over in his cabin) but Leo grabbed his sleeve, stopping him before he could leave.

Jason looked back at him, tilting his head in confusion, resembling a confused dog. Jason often compared him to a cat and Leo thought Jason often resembled a dog, which made sense since he was raised by wolves.

Leo sighed, looking up at him and fighting off his nerves. “Can you- can… ugh, can we please just- just cuddle?”

Leo hoped he wasn’t blushing. He felt thankful he didn’t burst into flames, which happened more often than he’d like when he got flustered. As much as Leo flirted, he was very easy to fluster, especially when someone responded to his flirting and flirted back. Once, he flirted with Jason but did it in a joking tone so Jason wouldn’t take it seriously. However, instead of ignoring it like he usually did, Jason flirted back with Leo, causing Leo’s brain to short-circuit. He hoped Jason didn’t notice. As serious and kind as Jason could be, he could also be little shit and loved to mess with Leo.

Jason blinked at him, his lack of an expression expressing his shock more than anything. “You… want to cuddle?”

Leo wanted to bolt, but he forced himself to stay. He looked away from Jason. “It was stupid to ask. Let’s just forget about it.”

“No, no, no,” Jason objected, sitting next to him, shaking his head. “I didn’t mean it like that! I was just… surprised. I didn’t peg you as a cuddler.”

“I used to be very clingy as a child. However, growing up, I never really had anyone I was comfortable enough to cuddle with, so I just suppressed it.”

“And you’re comfortable with me?”

Leo rolled his eyes. “Obviously, Superman. Now you have the privilege of being the main victim of my clinginess.”

“Well, I’m honored,” Jason said with a grin. Leo thought it was unfair how cute he looked when he smiled. It did terrible things to his heart.

Jason opened his arms, an invitation for Leo to cuddle with him. He looked way too happy about it. Leo rolled his eyes but smiled and moved into his arms. His heart skipped a beat once he felt Jason wrap his arms around him, moving so they were lying down, making sure not to jostle Leo too much. Jason was an odd mix between oblivious and a considerate gentleman.

Leo wasn’t sure he’d be able to fall asleep, but all it took was Jason telling him about some of his more boring days at Camp Jupiter and Leo fell fast asleep to the sound of his crush’s voice and the comfort of being safe in someone’s arms.

____

When Leo woke up in the morning, a big part of him wanted to fall back asleep, so he could stay in Jason’s arms longer, to stay where he felt comfortable and safe.

He shifted and gazed at Jason, taking in his features as the other slept. He looked so peaceful as he slept.

He wasn’t thinking as he moved a hand to Jason’s face, gently tracing it on his lip over the scar there, the scar that was left by a stapler, according to Thalia. His lips lifted as he pondered how done with him Jason would be if Leo put a stapler in his room with a sticky note saying ‘DO NOT EAT’ on it. Leo thought it would be funny, but he figured Jason would disagree.

Leo’s hand stilled and panic flared inside him as Jason’s eyes fluttered before opening, looking puzzled as he gazed at Leo, his tired mind slowly catching up with what was happening.

Leo went to yank his hand away, an apology forming on his lips, but before he could Jason grabbed his wrist, keeping Leo’s hand where it was.

As Leo’s mind raced, trying to come up with something to say as Jason fixed him with his intense stare.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know- I wasn’t thinking. I’m so sorry.”

Leo was expecting Jason to crack a joke, like asking Leo if he ever thought, but he didn’t.

Instead of any usual Jason response that Leo was expecting, Jason gave him a soft, sleepy smile. “You’re pretty affectionate this morning,” he teased.

Leo didn’t use his brain, instead just responding without using his mouth to brain filter. “If you’d like me to be more affectionate, I can give you a kiss good morning.”

After the words left his mouth, Leo mentally berated himself for not only being an idiot, but a gay idiot at that. Leo typically hated when people thought of him as an idiot - he made jokes to defuse tension, but he wasn’t an idiot, idiots couldn’t build a whole ass flying ship - but he agreed this time that he was a bit of an idiot. He may jokingly flirt with Jason from time to time, but all those instances had been lighthearted with a very obvious joking tone. It was a bit harder to excuse this as a joke when it was preceded by a night of cuddling as well as Leo waking Jason up by stroking his upper lip.

Jason blinked a few times, staring at Leo in shock. Leo stared back at him, not knowing what else to do other than wait for whatever was going to happen. He briefly considered running off, moving to a new country, changing his name, and starting a new life. He figured Piper would claim he was dramatic if he did that, though, so he didn’t.

“Are you joking?” Jason asked, his voice soft with a hint of something else in it. It sounded oddly like… hope.

Leo decided to just say ‘fuck it’ and took a leap of faith.

“Would it be crazy if I said I wasn’t?”

Jason suddenly sat up, gazing down at Leo. Leo felt the dread of rejection settling over him. He was pondering what new name he would choose - he liked Lance - when Jason suddenly beamed down at him. Leo slowly sat up, a small flame of hope reigniting in his chest.

“You’re serious?” Jason asked, checking a second time, his voice breathless.

Leo resisted the urge to make a snarky comment. He didn’t want to ruin the moment. “My lips are precious. I wouldn’t offer to kiss just anyone, especially not a good morning kiss. Those are reserved for those I have a crush on.”

Jason took a second to process the words before he let out a small, breathless laugh. He pressed his forehead against Leo’s. Leo felt his heart hammering away like crazy in his chest and he wondered if Jason was able to hear it.

“You have a crush on me?”

Leo wondered how much he’d have to repeat himself before it through Jason’s head that he had liked the guy and wanted to kiss his stupid face.

He smiled both fondly and exasperatedly at Jason.

“Yes, you dumb wolf boy. I have a big, fat crush on you.”

Jason’s expression didn’t change much. He still looked filled with happiness, as pleased as punch.

“So, if we both like each other, then you won’t have any objections to me kissing the hell out of you?” Jason asked.

Leo grinned and shook his head. “Don’t threaten me with a good time.”

Jason didn’t wait a second longer. He leaned in, pressing his lips against Leo’s.

The kiss both was and wasn’t like how it was described in books. There were no fireworks or some life-changing feeling, but it felt right. Kissing Jason felt like home. It felt warm and comforting. It wasn’t magical or anything - they were two barely experienced teens with morning breath - but it was them, it was him and Jason, it was everything he wanted for months. That’s what made it so amazing.

As Jason pulled away from the kiss, Leo let out a small, breathless laugh, brimming with happiness at finally having his feelings returned.

Jason was serious about kissing the hell out of him. He grinned as he pressed a bunch of kisses onto Leo’s face. As he kissed his face, Leo grinned and giggled, happiness bursting inside him.

Leo wasn’t sure if Jason was naturally this affectionate, but if he was then it would take some time getting used to it, but he was very much looking forward to it.

Jason ended his kisses with one peck on his lips before pulling away, grinning.

Leo laid back down on the bed, gazing up at Jason, one hand moving up to run through his hair. Jason leaned into the touch.

“How long do you think we can stay here before someone comes to drag our asses out of bed?” Leo didn’t mention any names, but they both knew who they were referring to.

“Maybe less than an hour?” Jason guessed. “She’d probably get suspicious if she sees that we’re both not at breakfast.”

“Nah, I give it thirty minutes tops. She’s both our best friend and an Aphrodite kid. She probably has a sixth sense to detect whenever we stop pining and do something about our feelings.”

They had twenty minutes to lounge around together, where they mainly just talked about nothing while cuddling before Piper barged into Cabin One. Leo was right about the Aphrodite sense thing since she seemed to know what just happened just by looking at them, without them having to explain. She rolled her eyes, saying it was about damn time they got together, before declaring they’d been lovey for long enough and now they need to go hang out all together as a trio.

He couldn’t suppress the smile that took over his face as he listened to Piper and Jason bickering as they left the cabin, with Piper giving Jason the shovel talk (since he and Piper were as good as siblings) and Jason complaining that Piper was both his best friend and ex, she should know he was a good boyfriend but also she should also be giving this talk to Leo, which she refused to do, much to Leo’s amusement and satisfaction.

Leo still had a lot of worries and insecurities. All this, his friends, his new relationship, his happiness, it was all so new and fresh. He was terrified it would all vanish, but at the same time, he never wanted it to go away. Though he was scared that something would happen, when he watched the two people he loved the most in the world - two people who loved him more than he could’ve ever dreamed - joking around happily with not only each other but with Leo as well, he felt those fears fade away. He knew he would struggle, that things wouldn’t be easy, especially as a demigod, but moments like these made it easier, moments like these helped him face the dark times.

He thought, that just maybe, things would be okay.

[bibleofficial]

it needs to become acceptable to end emails w ‘please kill yourself. thank you, [name]’

[feralthembo]

i think waking up in a cold sweat thinking in circles about how terrified i am to go to therapy is a bad thing maybe

[diseaseriddencube]

THE AKUDAMA DRIVE STAGE PLAY IS NOW AVAILABLE!!!!!

[judithan-xing]

I'm going through my OCs and making a list of all the ones that are like. Vaguely relevant (aka that have a concrete name and that I've drawn to full render at least once + actually give a shit about)

I'm going chronologically and I've hit 2015 and I'm already at 150,, bitch wtf,,,,

[lesbiancarat]

Spotify wrapped is here 👀

[fobnsfwdoodlesbackup]

I want in on fem Pete, can I be the lap he lays his head in and I shove my fingers in his mouth?

the thought of him leaned back into your lap just opening wide for you jlafjklsahflsa

[whack-patty]

Entering your gamer girl era are you? Any games you’re particularly looking forward/want to play?

Um

Probably that I'm planning on summoning something for a surreal student film tbh hAHAH

[sunnymused]

☆reverse starter call! I'll go through your tags and send you something fun

[giomagnetism]

9!

billy brown - mika

Oh, Billy Brown had lived an ordinary life Two kids, a dog, and a cautionary wife While it was all going according to plan, Then Billy Brown fell in love with another man

you pulled the highest-ranking personal song on the list lol. it was on the list last year for the same reason, something about it hits right in the yearning— the notion of doing everything right and still being unfulfilled, of finding that fulfillment in queerness but being unable to access it for both internal and external reasons. it wasn't exactly dampened by the fact that i spent most of the year debating whether or not i was in love with another man lmfao (spoiler: i am)