#self indulgent impulse to post it on tumblr

[kalashtars]

neurodivergent brain urge to rank all the songs from each fall out boy album

[lizzyflowers]

I saw that one meme with DS!Nightmare and DS!Dream's faces slapped on pregnant women and it was really cursed, but it got me thinking.. what if it had lore...(aka real)? Something consumed right then and there at that moment and i went to the drawing app(procreate)... now i present you them but with a baby, p.s. this is super self-indulgent Also, this was also inadvertently caused by @1ka0oo when she made a drawing of DS!Nightmare and DS!Dream married lol (on twitter, since it's not posted on Tumblr, her twitter is @ashi_ashily. Go follow her!)(I personally apologise to my mutuals for having to see this but this is the person u followed):

Take what you will from this, the second picture with DS!Nightmare on the bottom right corner is from another timeline. But the other pictures are just him and Dream from the current timeline. Basically, what would happen if they just got married after they reconciled and began to get close.. Well, close enough that they got a baby now. No i will not explain myself, i don't know how my brain works either. More ramblings underneath:

What are the other's reactions to this? Ink is somewhat surprised, Cross is happy for Nightmare but at the same time wants to kill Dream, Error is just happy for them, Blue is... not surprised at all lol. Dream gets teased and bashed a lot by Cross and Error (most of the bashing comes from Cross) and Ink is just trying to process the information given to him right now (probably has a few existential crisis's because wow his boss has a child now does this change anything or what, he was not expecting this, first the marriage now the baby, what's happening anymore). Blue was kind of just waiting for it to happen, he's still somewhat banned from the castle but drops by here and there to talk to Nightmare and congratulate him or bother Dream. Dream immediately kicks Blue out whenever he sees him. Error probably knits clothes for the baby and Cross is going to be the best uncle/second-parent-figure that kid ever has. Random HC (Headcannon): Dream's wings are made of light right? I think that they'd get a flame like appearance to them when he gets incredibly upset or angry or just unstable. And if you're wondering how Nightmare got pregnant, uhhh, he's trans, but also magic, yeah. Nightmare hates everything and everyone because he's tired, he's grumpy and if Blue doesn't shut up he's going to kill him right then and there. He opts for more simpler clothing because he's too tired to clothe himself properly, and maybe he steals Dream's clothes or maybe just anyone's clothes because he just doesn't care at that point... Dream is more irritable but still patient, just very sleep deprived, more than usual anyway. Probably constantly worries about Nightmare and the baby, Nightmare feels a bit smothered by Dream's overprotectiveness but honestly just too tired to care. Oh yeah, that guy that Dream killed in the second drawing? I was originally going to expand on that with Nightmare arguing with Dream because Dream promised he wouldn't kill anyone or execute criminals anymore, but that happened impulsively so yeah..

This is super self-indulgent, i just like imagining them in post-reconciliation scenarios and what would happen if certain situations occurred. I just really like situations where it's just very domestic, or very painful and they're just trying to make do with it and heal from it.

[Fun Fact: It's my first time ever drawing DS! Cross, Error, Ink and Blue so i kinda had trouble figuring out how i wanted to draw them.. In the end i settled for something simple with a few minor changes, not that it's noticeable though]

[pawberri]

Hi! Sorry if this has been asked before, but how did you get started on selling your work? Did you build your community beforehand, or maybe did you go looking for communities to sell? Thank you!! ^_^

I started out selling furry commissions on furaffinity as a teenager!! I was a furry before that as well, but I feel like I joined FA kinda with the mindset of selling stuff? My pawberry accounts were more self-indulgent and for fun, tho. I joined Twitter kind of on impulse, but I sold stuff early on and definitely cultivated an audience of people who wanted commissions. I built a lot of community on FA and also did a lot of community stuff on Twitter, like drawing fanart and my own ocs. On Tumblr I do lots of community stuff too. In fact, I mostly post here for community because it's rarer I get commissions here. People appreciate it if you really care and want to be in the community. I probably started selling commissions in like 2015, and it didn't become full time til 2020 ish. The more self-indulgent and invested in the community I got the more people responded to my work, I feel like.

[baejax-the-great]

[First, I was rereading "Agua Caliente" and I remembered a song that played a lot in my childhood (and I had kind of forgotten) bc the lyrics somehow matched the Patrochilles dynamic in this fic. This is kind of funny bc I would never in my life associate sertanejo (it's a type of country music, I think? Idk I've never heard country, but the aesthetic is kind of similar. Anyway, it's pretty popular here) with shipping an ancient Greek couple in modern AU, but ok. And I went to listen to this song again and now I'm listening to it on a loop, so thanks for that.]

Now the real question! It's perhaps a strange question, but do you plan what you write? Like, before you write, do you have the whole structured idea in mind? I could have sworn it was like that reading the fics, but then some notes on Ao3 and certain things you say on Tumblr started to make me reflect that maybe you don't plan as much as I thought… in that case, how do you manage to connect everything so well without looking like something was left out/without prior planning??? It's magic, technique, luck or actually do you plan?

Sorry if the question is a bit "???" but I'm REALLY thinking about this! I used to write fics years ago and I was in the "won't plan" group and as expected the fics came out obviously unplanned (but that was ok with me bc it was just to pass the time and I didn't expect it to be an engaging story or anything), and here's why this ask exists: it's precisely bc I was in the “won't plan” group that I'm really intrigued by the possibility of you NOT planning bc it just doesn't seem that way reading your fics...

The short answer is that I do plan what I write, but probably not enough.

I rarely start writing a fic with an entire idea. Often it's just a vibe. But I won't start posting a fic until I know exactly what the conflict is and how it will be resolved.

This was easy in ATG, for example, because I'd already written the resolution before I even decided to write the fic. Structuring it by Patroclus's age also helped, because I could make an outline with the stuff that needed to happen and then jam stuff I wanted to happen around it. That "Stuff" could be really specific--obviously Pat had to graduate school and Achilles had to go to the Olympics on specific years, and it was also like, this section should have them fighting. This section should have them getting along, but Achilles is hiding this big lie so there should be a weird tension.

In Sunset, it took me longer to figure out the conflict/resolution. Sure, I knew that Achilles was going to cry on a Chicago street corner and get naked in Pat's kitchen, but why was he there? How did he get there? I had already written Achilles settling in to Pat's place and the scene where he gets into the lake before I decided on Aphrodite being the key to explain this whole thing. Then I knew Pat had to die. But a lot of the stuff that happened in the middle was sort of on a whim (particularly Achilles getting on the wrong L train-that was definitely just an impulse I had while finishing that chapter). Tecmessa's chapter was also a later addition, and a deeply self-indulgent one, hah.

Agua was the least planned of these three, and in some ways it was because the idea was a lot simpler. After three years, Achilles runs into Patroclus again and they reconcile in some way. I knew exactly how Patroclus would feel about the whole thing (relieved, guilty, upset, wounded, hopeful, upset about feeling hopeful). My original plan was just to set up Achilles in his shop and his new life doing his best and have him run into Patroclus at the beach, and eventually they'd go to the desert. I wrote parts of their meeting first, and then I started writing the beginning and ended up scrapping most of that. I realized I was going to have to do a lot more writing for poor Achilles. My lack of planning here did cause some difficulties--I had like three versions of that date he went on with Pat with different endings. One involved Pat in the hospital, lmao. Zag and Meg coming to stay with Achilles were kind of whims, and I had meant to have Hypnos show up for "his turn" and have Achilles send him home because no, these were not team-building exercises, but then I forgot 😩.

The reason that I need to know the conflict/resolution at the start is because I do think all the scenes in a fic should relate to it in some way, either by building up the conflict or setting the groundwork for a resolution. Even for the impulsive scenes I add just for fun, I think about how they can do this. For example, Achilles getting lost on the L allowed me to build up Pat's unreasonable anxiety, show that Ajax was also feeling it to some extent, and end in Pat saying "fuck it" and just giving in to making out with his hot, ancient boyfriend. It was also something that happened to a friend who was visiting me from out of the country and didn't have a working cell phone. That moment of watching him through the window of the L as it slowly pulled away is just etched in my memory.

In Agua Caliente, almost anything could relate to the resolution, because the resolution was "Achilles having a life," thus it didn't require as much planning. Zagreus's apartment getting flooded (something that happened to me in grad school) showed Achilles attempting to be flexible with some success while allowing himself to become closer to Zagreus, which led to a point of connection with his kids. It also made it easier to explain why Achilles was doing Zag's delivery that day when he ran into Pat. There were only a couple things that truly needed to happen in AC for the fic to make sense, and that was a resolution with Achilles' kids and then with Patroclus, of course.

I do get loose threads sometimes, side conflicts or things that didn't end up going anywhere, and those things tend to annoy me until I figure out a way to resolve them or make them otherwise relevant. Or I don't. Or sometimes I realize I need to add something/someone into the fic, and it would have been smoother if I'd added it in an earlier chapter so it didn't seem like a convenient thing I'd just thought of to solve a problem. That's always annoying to me. But whatever. It's fanfic. That's the risk of posting while you write.

[streetkid-named-desire]

just the facts ma'am

tag game. im going to adjust the formatting on mine because for some reason, it displayed as huge on mobile and i wasnt able to read it. so apologize for the aesthetics, i'm trying to keep them like grouped as activities so its easier to read on mobile (tumblr likes not copying and pasting stuff properly)

bc of that im also gonna put it under a readmore

tagged by @dani-the-goblin (ilu)

bold the things your oc has done (reminds me of myspace and how you'd do these as blog posts)

Killed Someone Under Orders | Had Someone Killed On Their Orders (unless you count being on gigs and telling Bea to shoot the other netrunner because while she can't see the fun orange line and he doesn't look like he has a weapon he is very much about to kill V) |Killed Someone In Self Defense | Spared Someone's Life

Invented Something | Been Hungover

Kissed Someone I Slow-Danced | Been In A Long-Term Relationship | Had Sex | Had Sex And Regretted It I Had A One-Night Stand | Had A Threesome | Experimented With Their Sexuality (notice a theme?)

Had A Kid | Adopted A Kid | Wanted To Have A Family With Someone

Done Something On Impulse They Regretted | Gone Traveling (sucking dicks on rich dude's yachts as they sailed along various coasts counts right?)

Had A Bounty Put On Them (idk probably) | Eaten An Insect (again idk probably)

Been Groped By A Stranger | Been Groped By Someone They Know | Been Dumped/Dumped Someone

Smoked (nonsmoker, despite how much Johnny hates his clean lungs) | Gotten High | Flirted With Someone To Get Free Drinks | Put Someone In A Headlock

Won a Bet | Lost a Bet | Forgiven Someone Who Wronged Them | Indulged In Petty Revenge | Hallucinated

Has A Noticeable Physical Defect | Gotten A Noticeable Scar | Been Permanently Disfigured Through Injury (that boy's nose is BUSTED af)

Kneed Someone In The Groin | Had An Unattainable Crush | Laughed Themselves To The Point Of Tears

Been Kidnapped | Been Sexually Assaulted | Been Brainwashed/Hypnotized | Had A Recurring Nightmare | Been Bullied | Bullied Someone | Experienced Survivor's Guilt

Been Tied/Chained Up (���) | Given Someone A Massage | Received A Massage | Been Backed Up Against A Wall (seriously what is this myspace stuff)

Shot Someone | Stabbed Someone | Saved Someone's Life

Cheated On Someone | Been Cheated On | Been In An Open Relationship | Had A Friendship With Benefits | Been In A Queerplatonic Relationship | Had A Stalker

Been Betrayed | Been A Traitor (fuck you madame pres) | Been Possessed | Been In A Bar Fight | Been Thrown Out Of A Bar | Been Arrested | Broken Out Of Jail | Been To A Funeral | Been To A Brothel

Had Surgery | Broken Someone's Trust | Broken Someone's Heart | Had Their Heart Broken | Broken/Damaged Something Out Of Anger | Broken/Damaged Something Out Of Spite

Gotten A Piercing | Gotten A Tattoo | Used A Fake Name | Been Beaten Up | Been Tortured/Tortured Others | Been Abused | Been Blackmailed

Gotten Away With A Crime | Framed Someone Else For A Crime They Committed | Shared A Bed Platonically | Been In Love | Suffered From Sleep Paralysis | Been Forced To Flee Their Home | Learned A New Language | Joined A Rebellion (in the sequel!) | Fought On The Losing Side Of A War | Fought On The Winning Side Of A War (depends on who you ask) |

Become A Godparent | Become An Aunt/ Uncle

Killed Someone Under Orders | Had Someone Killed On Their Orders |Killed Someone In Self Defense | Spared Someone's Life

Invented Something | Been Hungover

Kissed Someone I Slow-Danced | Been In A Long-Term Relationship (not before V at least) | Had Sex | Had Sex And Regretted It I Had A One-Night Stand | Had A Threesome | Experimented With Their Sexuality

Had A Kid | Adopted A Kid | Wanted To Have A Family With Someone

Done Something On Impulse They Regretted | Gone Traveling

Had A Bounty Put On Them (idk probably) | Eaten An Insect (she enjoyed grossing the other nomad kids out by eating live bugs)

Been Groped By A Stranger | Been Groped By Someone They Know | Been Dumped/Dumped Someone

Smoked | Gotten High | Flirted With Someone To Get Free Drinks | Put Someone In A Headlock

Won a Bet | Lost a Bet | Forgiven Someone Who Wronged Them | Indulged In Petty Revenge | Hallucinated

Has A Noticeable Physical Defect | Gotten A Noticeable Scar | Been Permanently Disfigured Through Injury

Kneed Someone In The Groin | Had An Unattainable Crush | Laughed Themselves To The Point Of Tears

Been Kidnapped | Been Sexually Assaulted | Been Brainwashed/Hypnotized | Had A Recurring Nightmare | Been Bullied | Bullied Someone | Experienced Survivor's Guilt

Been Tied/Chained Up | Given Someone A Massage | Received A Massage | Been Backed Up Against A Wall

Shot Someone | Stabbed Someone | Saved Someone's Life

Cheated On Someone | Been Cheated On (kiiiinda, they weren't like an official thing but idk what else you'd call seeing V fuck another woman in your bed when you call him for help after you just watched your whole family get murdered) | Been In An Open Relationship | Had A Friendship With Benefits | Been In A Queerplatonic Relationship | Had A Stalker

Been Betrayed | Been A Traitor (fuck you Arasaka) | Been Possessed | Been In A Bar Fight | Been Thrown Out Of A Bar | Been Arrested | Broken Out Of Jail | Been To A Funeral | Been To A Brothel (does it count if you were a whore in said brothel)

Had Surgery | Broken Someone's Trust | Broken Someone's Heart | Had Their Heart Broken | Broken/Damaged Something Out Of Anger | Broken/Damaged Something Out Of Spite

Gotten A Piercing | Gotten A Tattoo | Used A Fake Name | Been Beaten Up | Been Tortured/Tortured Others | Been Abused | Been Blackmailed

Gotten Away With A Crime | Framed Someone Else For A Crime They Committed | Shared A Bed Platonically | Been In Love (she would never admit it) | Suffered From Sleep Paralysis | Been Forced To Flee Their Home | Learned A New Language | Joined A Rebellion (in the sequel!) | Fought On The Losing Side Of A War | Fought On The Winning Side Of A War (depends on who you ask) | Become A Godparent | Become An Aunt/ Uncle

[radioactivepeasant]

Fic Prompts: Free Day Friday

It's Black Friday and I refuse to leave the house. Here, take my incredibly and unrepentantly self-indulgent Eldritch Damas au.

Premise: Damas death scene but close to a light eco vent and Jak tries to heal him.

Well Tumblr won't let me fix the formatting it donked up, guys, so there's a copy of this post that's actually readable on dark theme up now.

Damas has never been exposed to that much at once, unfiltered. Jak can't control how much he's channeling from the vent, he's too distraught. And he ends up changing Damas in the way the Dark Warrior Program changed him.

Damas can't control the light eco transformation. He looks like some kind of ascended being, trapped in a more powerful form and unable to utilize his new powers in a way that would deplete the eco and let him de-transform. 

Do people consider him dead? A changeling? A Precursor-king? Jak would feel so guilty, having put this on Damas's shoulders without him having a say in it.

_____________________________________________________

He's guilt stricken, he's horrified, he's so sorry, Damas please- 

He doesn't know he's Damas's son, Damas doesn't know he was always Jak's father and not just recently his father. 

Jak thinks of the Arena, thinks he knows what Damas's wrath looks like (he doesn't, he's seen only the strongest commingling of worry and frustration) 

His war amulet feels meaningless. He has betrayed his leader, after all. The one ruler he chose to serve willingly. The only adult in his life to see his darkness and embrace it as simply part of him. And look what Jak's done to him. He thinks he deserves what is surely coming, but he's still just a boy and he can't help pleading for forgiveness. 

And Damas sees a child, stripped of his tough protective shell, terrified beyond words -- is he so horrible to look upon? -- pleading incoherently for either forgiveness or mercy, he can't tell which. Tears stream down his face, making him look disturbingly young.

"I didn't mean to- I didn't mean to, Damas, please-! Please forgive me! I-I-I lost control of it, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" 

Jak doesn't beg. Jak never pleads. 

This is profoundly wrong and he knows this in his heart although he cannot quite fathom the depths of the wrongness he feels. He only recognizes that he does not want this boy to kneel before him. He has never been so formal before, it feels unnatural for him to be so now. 

(Veger arrives late, does not recognize the cosmic horror as the king he willingly betrayed. He sees the dark eco freak humbled, on his knees before what he believes is a Precursor. He thinks that at last the thorn in his side will be struck down) 

This is it! At last! Veger thinks 

And then this thing that was their king bends 

Jak grieves, believing Damas no longer knows him; he wonders if this is worse than Damas being angry. Everything they've been through, every memory, just gone? As beyond reach as Jak’s own childhood? And he did this to him.

- this is it. I won't fight him, Jak thinks -

And the great tendrils of its -- his -- wings wrap around Jak. On that too calm face, artificially peaceful, something quizzical appears in the tilt of a mouth swirling with stars. Wings draw close around them, dragging Jak up to collide with a broad chest thrumming with energy both alien and familiar. Light eco begins to seep into Jak, whispering beneath his thoughts "ours, ours, ours"

He traces a glowing hand along Jak's cheek, cocks his head and twists Jak's face back and forth with an innocently curious expression as though he's never seen him before. 

Something sparks in Damas's eyes, some thought or impulse, and he seizes Jak by the upper arms. The words that pour from his mouth are ancient, a dialect lost long ago to all but the monks and those who once called Sandover their home.

"Mine…? You are! You are mine.” 

It is a declaration, a discovery. A revelation. A promise. 

With a flick of his wrists, he sends Jak tumbling into the light eco vent. Light flares and Jak transforms with a choked cry. Daxter panics, but he can't get past Damas's wings to get to his best friend. He watches Jak stand on shaky legs, wings curled tightly around himself as though he is trying to hide. Hide from his shame, hide from his friend, hide from his king. Light eco usually calms him, soothes his nerves, but not this time. It is frenzied, yet it is rejoicing, singing through his veins like a homecoming and Jak is left disoriented. Dazed. 

Ours, ours, ours-! 

Unnaturally strong hands lift him up under the arms, leave his feet dangling like a child's. Jak doesn't remember ever being held like this, outside of the secondhand memories of holding his own childhood self. When he finally works up his courage and looks into the Precursor King's eyes, looking through the filter of light eco himself, there is no anger. Neither is there a lack of recognition. Damas still knows him, that's becoming obvious. Jak looks into his eyes and sees pain and acceptance and a naked, boundless joy. 

And Jak is so stunned that he forgets in that moment that he was trying to hide. He almost forgets why he feels squirming guilt -- albeit muted -- under his skin. He knew that Damas liked him. That Damas was comfortable expressing pride in him, even in front of the whole Arena. This is something else. Something Jak has never been bold enough to hope for outside of his own lonely imaginings: that Damas might see him with a kind of fatherly affection. That the closest thing he had to a real father figure might see him as a son as well. 

"Child,"

Damas echoes, proud and warm and earthshaking,

"My child." 

And what Veger sees, what he thinks he sees, is the child he ripped away from Damas, the tainted heir, receiving the blessing that should have been his: to ascend to Precursorhood. Welcomed into this evolved form as though the dark eco meant nothing. 

He can't fathom it. 

His worldview is cracking at the edges. 

Oblivious to his crisis, Damas -- now closer in nature to his ancestors than he knows -- is content. This is his child. His. The eco in their blood harmonizes, dark with light, in one melody. He knows this weary warrior. He knows the blood that flows in his veins. His subject, his best warrior, his impudent rascal, his Jak: his son. 

Vaguely he knows there's something they were supposed to do, something quite important. But it doesn't seem as important as stopping time just so that he can hold his child in his arms again. 

Jak would like to get down, he really would. His wings flail in an ultimately futile bid for freedom. He has a world to save. But Damas won't let him go. He's smiling -- it's a relief, but the guilt still eats at him and he doesn't understand, what is the eco doin? Why is it harmonizing? Does the light eco in Damas recognize his own eco? Is that why he's calling him "My own. My little one."? 

Jak has had enough experience with the Light Form that the Precurian instincts don't overwhelm him, and he still thinks on a very human level. But Damas doesn't know how to separate human instincts from Precurian instincts. They're all one to him. 

His memories run against the swell of light and life and love and absolute otherworldliness coursing through him, too strong to control.

"Why aren't you angry?" Jak whispers as he tries to find somewhere for all that light eco to go. 

Tendrils of living eco brush across his cheek in a loving caress and lift his chin. Jak finds himself leaning into the touch without thinking as he watches the stars shift and swirl across Damas's face. This Light Form of Damas croons comfortingly, a subsonic rumble that is both calming and Alarming to Daxter and even Veger as they watch.

"Angry?" The word lilts oddly in the old language. "Why, little one?"

"I...I did this to you! You didn't choose this!"

"But now I am neither dead nor dying. And I know who you are." 

Jak twists up his face in confusion, refracting light across his cheeks. 

He's not afraid, but he's hesitant to ask. "Who...who am I?" 

"My son." 

[fogwitchoftheevermore]

so… ao3 year in review, huh! this was a good year for me for writing, mcyt content really sparked my brain and i wrote FAR more than i had in the last few years. this post is gonna be mostly mcyt fic, hence why it’s here, but there’s a bit of blaseball left too.

i found the photo of the friend that i was looking for-written for the boston flowers fic exchange commemorating the return of blaseball (heh….), fluff about the flowers being friends and sharing photographs

space’s blaseball poetry collection-exactly what it says on the tin! i joined my school’s poetry club last fall and wrote a lot of poetry about blaseball in that time. (i’ve written a bit of mcyt poetry too, maybe i’ll post that someday)

stop me if you’ve heard this all before-empires s2 cannon divergence where pix is the only survivor of the other universe blood sausage was in and he gets brought to season 2. i swear to god this will be done in the new year, i promise.

would you mind if i tried to take a pass at it?-my longest fic to date and the fic i made this account for in the first place so i could post shipping and people wouldn’t be weird. you all should thank wither husbands for my presence in your life (/j)

just put your sweet lips on my lips-really living up to my ao3 username on this one with a second fluffy wither husbands fic, this time with an established relationship!

i still taste you on my lips, lovely bitter water-i intended for this to be SLIGHTLY cannon divergent and then realized i’d made up an entire piece of empires lore in my head by accident. read this one it’s good.

but when it comes to the end, you’re just the same as them-clock duo are messy as hell and i love that for them. if you could bash someone’s head in with a clock in minecraft impulse would’ve made this fic cannon by now.

men are fools, oh, men are frail-one of my favorites this year about martyn, the end of liml, and misleading prizes. very excited to write more treebark for the title exchange.

she says i’m spread thin, but baby, i’m just restless-deceit had me by a chokehold for a month and i still really like this HOWEVER legundo follows me on tumblr and vaguely implied in his end of the year stream that he reads at least some fanfiction. terrifying.

never forget number 46-another one of my favorites this year, partially because it’s so deeply self indulgent and partially cause it’s GOOD. read my blaseball au even if you don’t know anything about blaseball come closer i promise.

how to rest-the first in the perpetuity/secret life crossover series inspired by @wooshofficial and @betweenlands ‘s ghost fics that wasn’t supposed to become a series. lmao. the third installment will be here shortly.

it’s not something that you put to bed-the second installment in this series and the last of my top 3 fics this year. something about jimmy and chrys’ personalities were so fun to write together and allowed me to play in a very interesting space with him.

so what’s in store for next year? probably a lot of stuff that i don’t know of yet! but definitely on the docket:

blaseball winter exchange fic (will be going on main ao3 and blaseball side blog if you’re interested)

whatever fic(s) i write for treebark title swap (hoping to write at least two!)

second chapter of “stop me” i SWEAR

more blaseball au! i’ve got so many ideas floating around :)

and a million other things i’ve got ideas for that may or may not see the light of day, who knows!

happy new year, everyone!

[itsallabouthedetails]

soapy (knj x reader)

Pairing: android!Kim Namjoon x human!reader with a vagina

Summary: You've been given a sex android and are trying him out for the first time

Word count: 2.6k

Warnings: 18+, smut, pwp, soapy sweaty Joon, shameless self-indulgence (OC ofc, not me, what are you thinking), dubious use of dish soap, penetrative sex, fingering, knotting, edging or maybe just wrong timing, excessive use of–, vibrations in various body parts, lots of fun and lots of swear words.

A/N: First things first, the biggest and warmest thank you to @hesperantha for betaing and also coming up with this writing prompt in the first place. Who knew it would be so much fun to dive into this.

I usually don't post on Tumblr for various reasons, but this feels right. You can find the rest of my stories on AO3

(This is actually a prequel to my current series "Everything & Nothing". Don't read it if you're into more smut with Joon but do read it if you're into slow burn with Yoongi )

----------------------------------------------------------------------

The new android, (Joon, you remind yourself) is standing at the sink, his broad back turned towards you. Next to him, he’s lined up the wine glasses he has decided to wash up, even if you never use them. You don’t even like wine, and even when you’re serving it to guests you usually use cups.

Come to think of it, it was probably the dust on them that triggered him in the first place.

The white shirt he's wearing is too tight but at the same time exactly to your liking. You bought it out of impulse because the weird sweat suit he came with didn’t match the colour of your couch. You don’t know anything about clothing for androids, but you'll figure his size out over time and if you don’t, well, his naked body comes straight out of a magazine, quite literally. It’s so mouthwateringly muscular and tanned, it would be absolutely intimidating if it belonged to a human. Even belonging to an android (who, in turn, belongs to you), it’s almost more than you can take. 

Which was such a shame, considering the fact that he was solely designed to satisfy your needs.

And needs you have, especially right now. 

You've been dancing around trying him out for the first time ever since he arrived. You own a lot of other sex toys, after all, and they work really well. 

But since he’s right there–

Fuck it. You walk over to him, sneaking your hands around his waist

“Baby,” you say, just to find out what he'll reply. “Baby.”

He turns in your arms, hands still wet and foamy. His shirt is partly wet too, and it’s almost a relief to see that you aren't the only one who still needs to figure things out.

“Take this off,” you say, tugging at his damp shirt.

He dimples down at you and you want to eat him up or at least run your tongue across his cheeks. Right now you have no idea what made you wait so long. 

He steps back and takes his shirt off in one swift motion (it's amazing what tech can do these days) and you marvel at the flawless sight of him. Even his nipples look real, ready to suck or sink your teeth into. You scrape your nails lightly over the curve of his chest and he purrs before lifting you up effortlessly and placing you on the cabinet. 

"What do you want me to do, hm?" he asks, his voice so incredibly low it makes your core pulse.

"Kiss me."

You don't expect it to be good but oh boy are you wrong. Whoever designed him knew what they were doing. Your tongues entangle and he makes all those little noises you love to hear and which turn you on even more. By now you can't wait for him to fuck you.

Things get heated real quick. You take your shirt off as well and wrap your legs around him and he sucks at your neck and your earlobe and he touches you just right until you whisper "fuck, you get me so wet" and your smart new android dips his hand into the water in the sink and splashes it all over you. 

For a moment you freeze. The water is warm but you are so surprised your brain short circuits. Before you know what you do, you splash water on him too, leaving him glistening and foamy and looking just as surprised as you. 

Droplets of water run down his chest as you stare. It shouldn't make you hornier but it does. He looks like a god just coming from the gym (do gods even need to go there?), all sweaty and bulky and you run your wet hand through his hair until it looks sweaty too.

Damn.

“Fuck me,” you say, not able to think about anything else anymore. 

You shove down your pants while he gets rid of his. When you look at him again, he’s hard, he’s waiting, he’s ready to go.

“Hold on, I just need to–” 

You spread your wetness a little with expert fingers and (thank fuck for not needing protection) guide him between your slick folds without further ado.

“Oh, you’re very warm,” he says, his hands bracing himself on either side of you and you burst out a laugh.

“I can’t believe this is what they teach you to say when you fuck someone.”

“What do you want me to say instead?” 

“I don’t know, my brain doesn’t work well right now. What’s all this talking? Fucking move already.” 

He finally does and a groan leaves you that sounds surprisingly feral, but you forget to care after a second, because ha, he’s not human and won’t judge you. 

Oh yeah, the designers definitely knew what they were doing. 

His thrusts are so powerful you’re thankful there’s a wall behind you for he would probably shove the cabinet across the room otherwise. (You make a mental note not to ask him to fuck you on the dining room table.)

Maybe it's because it's been so long since you were last fucked properly (actually you’ve never been railed like this) or maybe he’s just this good, either way you feel your high approaching embarrassingly fast.

And then, when you are already a panting mess, he suddenly starts to fucking vibrate. 

“Oh what the fuck, holy shit, are you out of your mind?!” 

You come right there and then, pulsing around his perfectly sculptured hardness and he slows down, curiously looking down at you. 

“You like it?”

“Joon,” you catch your breath, “really? I just came like a fucking tornado and you’re still asking whether I liked it? Jeez, what’s wrong with your senses.” You gasp for air, leaning your forehead against his still-glistening chest. He smells faintly salty and you would laugh again if you weren’t so spent. You need to check out the dish soap later. Must be ocean breeze or something.

“You want to see what else I can do?” he says lowly into your ear, making your core clench around him. 

He’s still inside you, still rock hard, still ready to go. And honestly, you’re still not satisfied. 

You wrap your arms around his shoulders and sigh. “Yeah. But please go slow, I need some time before I’m ready to take you full force again.”

“Babe,” he says matter-of-factly, “I was far from going full force.” 

He carefully pulls out, then glides back in, even easier now, slicker and sloppier after your orgasm. 

Goosebumps arise on your skin, as he keeps a languid pace until your sensitivity makes way to pleasure again. 

“Faster.” 

His movements speed up slightly.

“More. Do I need to say ‘three levels up’ or stuff like that?”

Joon makes a sound that pretty much resembles a snort and quips, “who’s the one talking too much now, hm?”

You raise your arm to slap him playfully but your hand slips off his shoulder right away and lands on his bicep instead. His very bulgy bicep that’s actually moving beneath his skin. Like, what the hell. 

“Are you ready?” he asks and winks as you stare at him in mindless horny wonder. 

“Yeah. You aren’t starting to glow or anything, are you?” 

“I can play music if you want.” 

What is he, some buy-one-get-all-household-appliances-in-one-body-for-free-on-top-machine? 

“Seriously?” 

“If you’re still able to talk so much, I’m not doing it right.” 

After that you expect him to speed up his thrusts. But no, he patiently keeps the pace.

Until you feel it. 

He’s getting gradually bigger, stretching you deliciously and the slow movement is just right. 

“Tell me when it’s enough,” he whispers, watching you.

“Yeah, now I guess, hold on, wait, go slow, yeah, like that.”

He almost comes to a halt inside you and you take a few deep breaths. The fullness is awesome, it presses against your walls and–

“I’m not done yet, babe.” A smug grin spreads across his face. 

It takes a while before you feel it. You gasp. Oh, holy shit.

He expanded it. Like–

Oh.

It feels so damn–

full. 

"Oh shit, oh shit, this is–”

While you are busy losing your mind, Joon looks very pleased with himself.

"Can you-"

"What, baby? Use your words."

Damn, who taught him this.

“That’s exactly what they say in those dirty stories all the time, Joon,” you grumble, trying to sound scolding but instead you sound very breathy and very much gone. 

He chuckles. Chuckles. Seriously? Is there anything he can’t do?

“Those people who designed you, really knew what they were doing,” you pant, circling your hips on his dick, relishing the feeling of fullness in all the right spots. “Can you still vibrate like this?”

“Would you like that more than me moving inside you?” 

“Yeah. Prepare, I’m going to show you my tricks now,” you announce smugly.

He starts the slightest vibration and you lean backwards, reaching between your legs to touch yourself. He watches you gliding your fingers through your wetness, squeezing your lips and circling your clit repeatedly. 

“Move,” you breathe. “Just a little bit.”

He does a faint body roll, rhythmically catching the light on his wet skin. His abs move. You watch them, mesmerized, how they shift and contract, how they shine with that damn soapy water that doesn’t seem to dry even though it feels like you’ve already been fucking for who knows how long. 

The intensity of all this at the same time, the view, the feeling, the fullness, the tingling of your whole body, is too much to keep to yourself and you begin to spill words and words and words. 

“It feels so good, you’ve no idea, more vibration please, yeah, like that, oh hell, oh what the hell, I’m so close, so fucking close, I–, Joon, don’t fucking stop, don’t you dare stop, oh shit, oh fuck, oh–”

Fuck.

What the hell.

You haven’t noticed that the pressure has decreased until Joon pulls out while you are just seconds away from coming really hard. 

“What, no, what are you doing???” You’re yelling and you don’t feel bad about it.

“I’m not done yet.”

“Yeah, guess what, me neither and I was so damn close and you fucking ruined it!” 

You’re pissed. You know about edging but don’t people agree on this shit beforehand and not out of the blue when they’re fucking getting it on for the first time ever? 

Glaring at him, you shift and deliberately slip two fingers inside you. 

“Oh no, we’re not doing that,” Joon says calmly, taking both of your wrists and holding them away from your throbbing core. “You’re either coming around me or not at all.”

“Don’t I get a say in this?” Your anger slowly turns into curiosity. He seems damn sure to get you off nicely, so maybe there actually is more to it.

“I promise it’s going to be worth it.”

“You better not leave me hanging a second time,” you huff, already pulling his hips towards you again.

He slips inside you effortlessly. “I won’t, I promise.”

“Carry me to the bed, please.”

He lifts you again and makes his way to the bedroom with ease as if he's just carrying a stuffed teddy bear.

A teddy bear that actually is pretty much stuffed.

He stays inside you as he walks, each step sending shocks of pleasure through you. 

"I love this," you say blissfully, while you relax in his grip. Your cheek slips over his pecs. "And dish soap will never be the same again."

On the bed, he lays you down, but after a few thrusts, you impatiently decide it's not deep enough and plant yourself before him on all fours.

He doesn't wait for a command, just lines up and shoves inside with perfect care. It doesn’t take long until you feel the tension inside you build again. Maybe it wasn’t all that bad that he stopped before you came. What coils up in you now feels even more intense, more all-consuming. 

"Goddamn,” you blurt after a particularly deep thrust. “You feel so good, I can't believe how fucking good this feels." 

It's also a kind of full-body exercise to try to steady your body on the mattress. 

"Could you-" you start, then remember he won't ever judge you, "Could you bite me? Please?"

“Where?” he asks eagerly.

“Anywhere. Neck. Shoulders.” 

He leans down and his soapy warm chest glides against your back. 

Teeth sink into your flesh. You wheeze. 

"Do that again!"

It's the most animalistic sex you ever had. You feel like a mammal in a documentary, giving in to your most primal instincts.

"Wanna know what else I can do?" he teases against your neck, his teeth sinking into your flesh once more. By now everything is slippery. Your sweat mixes with the soap, creating seams of foam where your bodies meet. Wetness is running down your arms and your thighs, staining the sheets around you. 

"What?" you huff, "more tricks?" You aren't sure you could take more of his surprises, but hey, quitters never win.

It's hard to speak coherently by now. Your arms hurt. Actually your whole body does. But there’s no stopping now. You just need a little more. Just a little more and you’re done for good. 

It’s right there already.

"Okay, show me."

He slows down and slips a hand over your ass until one of his fingers dips between your cheeks.

Oh.

"Relax," Joon says softly, leaning forward again and licking long stripes of additional wetness onto your back.

Thank goodness he doesn't mind the taste.

He reaches your hole with a thumb at the same time his other hand brushes your clit.

Your body jolts. "What the hell." Eyes wide, you try to make sense of it, of being touched everywhere at once. Your limbs begin to tremble.

His thumb puts on a little pressure and enters you the tiniest bit.

"Fuck, Joon, what the hell are you doing?" 

He moves as if he's about to pull away. But that’s definitely not what you want. 

"Don't you fucking stop. Don't stop, don't stop, don't stop, I'm so fucking close, so close," you're babbling again but you don't fucking care.

And then he vibrates again.

And you scream.

And come.

And there's suddenly even more wetness all around you.

What the fuck. What the actual fucking fuck.

It’s an explosion. A very very satisfying explosion, but damn intense nonetheless. You collapse on the bed, laughing at the top of your lungs, gasping for air and still spilling curse words like you’ve lost your mind. 

“Are you alright?” Joon’s hands run along your back soothingly until the heaving of your chest subsides and you slowly return to the here and now.

“Damn Joon, you weren’t kidding.”

He beams at you, from head to toe a very proud lover. With his damp skin and his hair sticking up in all directions, he very much looks like someone who just had sex. 

You pad the bed beside you. “Come, lie down with me for a moment before I realise I’m covered in all kinds of fluids and want to take a shower.”

He crawls onto the bed, taking you into his arms. It doesn’t take long until it’s getting uncomfortable. 

“Want to spend the night with me?”

“Is that a code for asking me if I’m down for a second round?”

You just stare at him. “It’s a code for ‘you were a good lay and I want to cuddle now and feel loved and cherished’.”

“Oh, ok. Yeah, sure.” He smiles at you innocently. “Go ahead and shower. I’m waiting.”

You climb off the bed. “The hell you are,” you say pointedly, raising a brow. “You can change the sheets, while I’m away. You know, I don’t keep you just for the fun of it.”

[aipilosse]

I always meant to do a self-indulgent navel-gazing post after finishing What Brings Us Together, but never got around to it. Honestly, two days before I posted the epilogue, I got some bad news that completely turned my life upside down. It tinged the whole story with bad vibes and I still haven’t been able to go back and read it in its finished state. But things are looking up now! This is not a post of sadness and complaints, more just self-indulgent musing and complaints. 

When I first joined the fandom (or really returned and de-lurked, I was scrolling through live journals and reading fic back in the 00s), my impression was that the level of activity in the Silm fandom was very low. I had a tumblr but it was largely abandoned after the Great Porn Purge of 2017 (right? 2017?). I’d found a few newer fics on AO3 as I binge read a decade of fic, but I didn’t ever just look at the latest fics. I found most new fic through bookmarks and most of the bookmarks I saw were fics written in 2015-2016 so I just kind of assumed the fandom was mostly dead. 

But I had an idea for a story! And I did a quick search and didn’t see anything like it, so I started writing. And it was easy: the words came, the plot flowed, I figured out characters, and I posted it. Who says writing is hard? (Me; I say writing is hard. But also it’s not. idk it’s complicated man) I also started up my tumblr again and started following a few Silm blogs. My goal in writing at the time was just to write my own version of my favorite Silm post-canon fics (a genre that had exploded in my time away from fandom), heavily inspired by thearrogantemu, bunn (not @ing them because I do not want anyone to feel compelled to read and remark on this ramble, but I still do genuinely recommend their works if you somehow haven’t encountered them yet) and The Starless Road.

I got the inspiration for Fair They Wrought Us, my Feanorian week series, and What Brings Us Together as I was finishing Evil Ex-Boyfriend’s Club and began writing them as I participated in other event weeks and exchanges. I honestly can’t believe how much I wrote that first year and I think I credit it to a lack of self-consciousness and the drive to get that first mega-burst of inspiration out and into the world.

I don’t know when that really started shifting. Instead of seeing the most popular ideas and thinking ‘how can I put my spin on this,’ I began thinking ‘what am I not seeing and can I write it?’ It was partly because my perspective had changed: the fandom was far from dead, and the works that were inspiring me were different. Now it wasn’t just me yelling into the void, I was yelling with other people in DMs. 

So, by the end of What Brings Us Together I was 1) very stressed about life events (plus the job was always a shit show and was getting worse) and 2) writing from a very different impulse than when I first had the idea. 

Anyway, all that has led to what felt like a very aimless past year in fandom. I thought for sure once I finished WBUT (still *hate* the acronym) I would write other stories in that ‘verse, but all the ideas I had had earlier felt flat and I felt constrained by my earlier choices. I no longer wanted a world where *everyone* was back. Before, I was entranced by the idea that maybe everyone could live happily ever after all, forgiveness was there for everyone, the bittersweetness of the Legendarium could tilt more towards the sweet than the bitter. Now? Not so much. I don’t know – some things are gone forever. There’s more I could say about how the vibe of forgiveness and love has soured, but that’s neither here nor there. And I brought Feanor back in my ‘verse! There’s no way even a mellowed out Feanor isn’t causing chaos, but I’m not particularly interested in writing it. I have something started and a few more ideas, but if I ever write anything longer it might be an AU of my own ‘verse (though not an AU in the classic sense, just another possible 4th age and onward treatment, also WBUT is not an AU thank you very much.)

Anyway, despite the aimless feeling, I hope I put myself in a position to have a better upcoming year both in fandom and otherwise. I left fandom discords that were no longer sparking joy (though I’m on that blessed app more than ever). I spend less time on tumblr, I created a twitter and make great use of mute and blocklisting. I blocked all stats on AO3 and live in blissful ignorance of how my work is received (though sometimes I still click in and get the warm fuzzies from seeing people I know in the kudos list.) Well, kind of. The outcome of that is that comments or the lack thereof stand out more. Oh well! I wish I didn’t care at all but if I was truly just writing for myself, I wouldn’t post it on the internet lol. And I haven’t even touched on The Show! I can’t believe that was just a few months ago. No further comment. 

Next year who knows what will happen? Fandom-wise I’d love to read more, write more, participate in event weeks, maybe start my OWN event week (maybe?!?) but I don’t want to get ahead of myself when I’m still pretty unenthused about… well a lot of things in life and fandom. Anyway, if you made it this far, wow, thanks for reading. I hope you all have a great new year! May it bring at least one new thing to love and feed your imagination!

[simply-sithel]

I’m not against it at all, but I’ve been mystified by the way in which you consume/like tumblr posts for months now. I’m dying to know more about how you browse tumblr.

😅 Given when this came in, I've a suspicion of who it may be... Appreciate the ask tho and have been mulling it over for a while.

The TLDR; I follow very few people directly but will visit particular blogs when I'm in the mood for something or curious about someone (often resulting in Like spamming)

For an overly verbose response, proceed beyond the cut--

I'm very bad at moderation-- my brief flirtations with drinking were sprints to full on drunk. I indulge to the point of disaster on things, a fact I've come to terms with. My moderation needs to be applied a level above immediate impulse control. Which is a long way of saying I keep my Dashboard sparse.

I check Tumblr far too often- muscle memory habit- but I don't actually want to be on Tumblr that much. It can be an infinite dopamine click hole and so I keep my "I accidentally tabbed back to the site" impact low. A Dashboard with the same content as the last time I looked is easier to detach from. The cost being I have few "mutuals" and directly follow mostly infrequently updating art blogs.

BUT! I really do like Tumblr and the different "vibes" I can wallow in visiting particular blogs. The image heavy nature of the site allows me to escape the confines of language and "paints" more abstract pictures of people and spaces.

Frequently when someone follows me (especially my alt account) I will peek at that blog. A shadowy mirror of pondering self by inspecting that which it attracts? Also broadening my own horizons, marveling at the many things that can catch someone's attention. Some of these folks have particular... themes or overarching feelings (to my eye) that are intriguing to me.

I'm not looking for my own self or sameness so there's usually a constant curiosity and ??? on my part when I paw through the blog of strangers. And, like bears in national parks, if I find some place filled with treats, I'm bound to return. And if I return more than... three times? and have found content that is cohesive and interesting, then I'm likely to return again. There's a small list of usernames I'm familiar with (and that I can look up via scrolling through my alt's follower list) that match this criteria. So when I'm in the mood to indulge, I'll flit on over for a good time. But I try to keep such indulgences in check. A couple times a month?

The intake of "interesting" content in large batches is also more fun, I find, than the slow trickle of Dashboard updates. Lets you hold/build a more coherent image of an individual in the mind's eye...

And speaking of the mind's eyeing of Tumblr users... was cleaning up craft room the other day and came across the three remaining Tumblr Saint Sketches I did back at the beginning of the pandemic, the sight of which warmed my heart.

There were others, but they've since been sent away to the individuals they were modeled off of. These are three examples though of what... I think of when I think of particular Tumblr accounts?

I'm forever regretting that I failed to sketch one final one of @/festering-queen despite several attempts. And since it's been over two years since then, I feel like I could almost add... 3-4 more folks? (in visual embodiment- I've run out of Tumblr components to pair with them)

It feels scandalous to share the specifics but since I'm on the subject, from Left to Right:

@/notbecauseofvictories - does not follow me but I've been following her and am charmed by her views on life. One of the few blogs whose monologues/text takes on things I enjoy reading. Some elements I attempted to capture-- food, justice, temptation/fascination with the Dark/Other (religion?), and Chicago

@/bzedan - follows my main and I've been following her for over 15 years, going back to ye' old LJ days. One of my favorite artists though I remain fascinated/horrified by her taste in many things (Garfield, Miami Vice, fashion choices, muppets). A multi disciplinary crafting fiend, I admire her diversity of work and drive.

@/stairway2mars - one of those accounts I intermittently stalk. Very visual with a strange blend of savageness and beauty and nature. Very little textual commentary peeks out in the comments but I enjoy the strong chords of coherent taste/themes I feel I find when scrolling there.

I just acquired some new toned paper... wonder if I can bend my attention to pinning down a couple others... my sketching skills have definitely atrophied throughout covid tho :(

[notmuchtoconceal]

Your tumblr is near enough mind-melting with how awesome it is. It's real difficult not to get completely lost in the archives. Would be interested in showing off some alpha cowboys who like lassoing their prey?

bro, i really appreciate you saying this. i haven't been keeping up with my own work lately. i don't read it or enjoy it or know what it's about it.

used to be i really primped and polished and took my time with everything i wrote, but the highly repetitive nature of the sex act or the gym act or the sacrificial rite, tied to genre stratification tied to my own personal need to evolve and grow, sometimes it's a struggle to keep things interesting -- personally and creatively. think what i'm doing now is goin as fast as i can and with as little thought as i can to push myself to favor first impulses and rapid production -- to see how my process is effected, as well as the quality of the work itself.

the things i write -- you may have noticed, they're similar and they're not.

sometimes it'll be three AM and one person will like one random thing in my backlog, and I won't see em again until another three AM nights later.

sometimes a dude'll like twenty or thirty posts of mine in a row, then follow and i'll start to see em either in regular rotation or else just keep hittin me with the splurges -- every few weeks or months.

makes me wonder what people are doing in my backlog. how long they're back there, what they're looking at, what they're reading, what the whole labyrinthine experience of getting lost is like.

it's hard not to notice the sorts of things that people reblog. there's an undeniable tendency towards agreeableness and safety. this makes intuitive sense, as many individuals like to see themselves as activists or connoisseurs with the content they reblog, but let's not kid ourselves -- an online page is curated space where individuals assemble objects to create an aesthetic impression of their inner lives. the objects arranged just so communicate -- this is me. this is what i'm about.

you may read something and find it heartfelt, shocking, rhapsodic. you may read something that makes you think, that haunts you, that changes you. nevertheless, since it doesn't fit the curated experience of yourself you've assembled for your online page, the more vibrant reality of this thing you read is fated to remain unengaged with, left to molder in obscurity in some dust bin of memory, the experience nevertheless enduring, haunting you, effecting a subtle sway on your actions.

it doesn't matter if it's erotic, polemical, poetic -- any sufficiently novel effect can jar you out of your pre-conceived notions long enough to make you truly reconsider something you'd absolutely taken for granted, and if it seems too shocking for approval by other people, you're liable to ignore it because ultimately the opinions of our peer group matter more than considerations of truth, because our peer group is what's most immediate and visible and truth is so abstract it may as well not be real.

this problem is only compounded by the implicit assumption that a person -- and thus their mind and soul -- ought only be "one thing" as the value of a person isn't in cultivating a holistic personality or skill-set, but their immediate one-way use value to others, as most individuals still bare the scars of a culture shaped by top-down workplace abuse.

to risk putting something on your page which clashes -- violently, discordantly -- with your curated ego, though you recognize the utility it has to free other curated egos from their bondage -- this may not be a revolutionary act in itself, but it can help train you for further revolutionary acts by getting you in the mindset to indulge in some occasional rebellion.

the important thing is you start training yourself to act for self-liberation.

a person is the consequence of their applied actions.

if you continuously make the effort to live a more free and open life, it will only be a matter of time until you're doing so, though you must be ready and willing to confront the ways other people want to keep you muzzled.

you are recognizing a way the status quo is impeding the net spread of human liberation through a harmless social convention -- everyone's page is "for them" and this is individually charming, though can stagnate on a large enough scale -- and you disregard it, coyly, and in doing so invite others to follow suit. voila. now we still have personal pages, but we also have deeper connections and a net increase in authenticity.

the world is a better place and everybody wins. you told the truth and it cost you nothing. someone might be mad at you, but since you reblogged this and thus think it must be right, your first impulse should be that the person who might want to give you shit is wrong.

to wrap this up, i'll add -- absolutely.

the other day i had a blonde thought that the cowboy's basically a knight of rugged individualism, the one true american ethos.

he ain't in uniform, but he's still in uniform.

that's the way it be sometimes, brah.

[clovariia]

here’s my 2022 art summary! thank you for all the support, everyone! happy new year! 🥳♥

i’ll self-indulgently ramble about my thoughts on the year under the cut!

so..........2022. i feel like i have more thoughts about the year than i usually do. i’m not even sure where to start with this because there’s just so many!!! a lot of personal things happened this year, but that included some really good ones. i think 2022 might’ve been the best year ever for me, which is super awesome!!!!!!

i started the year by FINALLY doing something about my mental health issues. i finally got things diagnosed, got counseling, and got meds. this was the best choice i’ve ever made. it totally transformed my life and made me an entirely new person...or maybe, it finally made me able to show the person who’s been buried under the layers of depression and anxiety all this time. if you’re considering doing something similar with your own life next year, DO IT!!! it’s so important to get the help you need!!!

in may, i impulsively decided to start sharing my art and writing online again. i guess it wasn’t THAT impulsive, because it’s something i’ve fantasized about doing for a very long time...but actually DOING IT felt impossible for so long. for more context, i had an art account on instagram back in middle school/early high school. it never went very far and even though i had some good experiences from it, it ended up making me feel insecure too. i wasn’t in a position where i could comfortably share my stuff yet. ever since i stopped posting on there, i’ve barely shared the stuff i make with anyone — even most of my friends had hardly seen any of my art or writing before. making these new art accounts on twitter and tumblr was a huge step for me.

one of the main issues i’ve been lectured for a lot in counseling is that i consistently and stubbornly refuse to let myself share my opinions, thoughts, and interests. i tend to hide everything i care about into a little box in my mind, like i’m trying to protect it from the outside world and any potential judgment. it’s probably due to a mixture of neurodivergency and anxiety. i still bury my thoughts a lot, but these art accounts were a MASSIVE step forward for me. i finally started sharing something i consider to be very vulnerable — my interest in cartoons — with other people again. i didn’t even talk to my friends about it before i made these accounts. i just silently lurked in fandoms, wishing i could reach out to these people who were like me, but i never let myself until this year.

the owl house episode king’s tide airing was a big turning point for me. it was shortly after i made my art accounts, and it really made something SHIFT in my mind. i got filled with so much creative inspiration and i managed to WRITE something again! “a rainy night” was my first toh fic and the first cartoon fic i actually let myself finish. sharing it was terrifying and thrilling, and it marked a new beginning for me. people ENJOYED what i was making for this interest i’ve been hiding for so long! people SUPPORTED my self-indulgence! it was so exciting and such a relief. for the people who have been around since the early stages of my account: thank you for the support. half my motivation to keep writing comes from how kind everyone has been about my work.

i got really fixated on hexsquad thanks to king’s tide (although that was brewing in my head even before they all interacted as a group of five in canon, tbh) and they gave me the most creative energy i’ve had in years. i went from having both writer’s block and art block to writing AND drawing on a basically daily basis, and that makes me SO HAPPY!!! having writer’s block since around 2019 was horrible, and i’m so relieved to finally be free of it again. it’s so nice to do stuff with my biggest passion again. i missed writing SO MUCH. it’s helped me process some personal issues a lot, and i’m really glad that i have that outlet for my feelings again.

besides my own personal projects, i helped mod four seasons: a huntlow zine! i also contributed art and a fic. i got involved in this project in may, shortly before i made my art accounts. i applied to be the beta reader mod SUPER impulsively and made my first connections in the toh fandom through it. later on, i eventually became an organizer mod and helped out with the social media too. i could say SO MUCH about the huntlow zine. i’ve wanted to be a part of zines for so many years, it’s always been a major goal, so i’m really proud of myself for finally doing that year! i’m so grateful that the other mods took a chance on my total nobody self and let me join the mod team. the huntlow zine was one of the main things that defined my 2022, and i hold it very close to my heart for being the thing that got me to start sharing my work again. i met so many incredibly kind and talented people through it, and even some members of the toh crew saw the zine when it came out!!! going from hiding all my interests for years to having the crew of the series i love so much support my work was SO EXCITING!!!!!!!!!!! truly a highlight of the year!!!

besides the huntlow zine, i was also a part of the hexes and o’s zine! i contributed a fic and a doodle. it got completed before the huntlow zine did, so it was the first time i got to see my work in a zine. the day i got sent the finished zine pdf and got to see my writing in such beautiful fancy formatting, alongside everyone else’s pretty pieces, was another highlight of the year. it kind of made me think, “oh man...i finally made it” HAHA!!! i finally accomplished my goal of being in a zine!! it was such a wonderful experience and the entire mod team was so supportive and sweet. i’m so grateful that i got to be a part of it.

for other fandom-related projects from 2022, i got accepted to the toh grimoire zine! i’ve been working on my fic for it and i’m super excited to see how this project turns out! it’s such an honor!

as for stuff that didn’t require applications, i participated in the amphibia tribute zine! it’s not publicly released yet, but the wip version is beautiful! i’m excited to share my piece for it eventually! i also contributed art to the toh tarot card collab on twitter with a bunch of my mutuals, which was really fun too! thank you for the patience throughout the physical health issues i had this autumn! i also wrote a fic for the hexes and o’s secret santa event! it was so much fun to participate in a fandom secret santa for the first time! i definitely want to do more of them in the future!

some other misc things i want to mention from this year include:

i made four animatics and finally shared the ones i made in 2021 too! i hope to complete more in 2023!

i completed a fic with multiple chapters for the first time in SO MANY YEARS...thank you for the support on willow’s summer scrapbook! hopefully i can do more stuff like this in 2023!

i wrote a oneshot for each day of huntlow week!!! i’m so proud of myself for managing to do that!!!!! i’ve never completed an entire ship week before!

besides huntlow week, i also wrote a fic for gustholomule week, drew something for raeda week, and drew something for lumity’s anniversary...so you can count that as my contribution to lumity week, i guess. ship weeks are so much fun, hopefully i can participate in more of them next year!

i also want to share my current ao3 statistics from 2021, 2022, and overall.

it’s really interesting to compare all of these. these numbers aren’t entirely accurate because there’s stuff i haven’t posted/never finished, but it’s a good enough indication of my progress with writing this year. i wrote over 100k words!!!!!!!!! THAT’S SO INSANE!!! I’M SO PROUD OF MYSELF FOR THAT!!! my past self would’ve never imagined this!!! i wonder what these numbers will look like by the end of 2023?

for 2023...my main hope is to just keep this momentum from 2022 going. i have some personal goals too (and some personal accomplishments i didn’t mention in this post) but my art/writing resolutions for 2023 are:

finish making my hexsquad solo animatics

start my big multichapter post-canon au toh fic after the show ends (i’ve already been working on planning that a bit)

write more multichapter fics in general

get better at replying to ao3 comments quickly...oops

write more stuff for my non-toh fandoms, especially amphibia!!!

get better at procreate (i still only use it for doodling...oh yeah, buying myself an ipad and procreate was another highlight of 2022!)

do at least one piece of colored digital art a month

write more consistently...develop better habits with that. i’m hoping to prioritize writing more than art in 2023, but we’ll see what happens.

maybe start doing more with this tumblr blog (posting meta analysis stuff, maybe?) and my new art instagram? i only made my art instagram as a backup to follow my mutuals in case twitter died (since that site has been such a mess recently) but i feel like i could find a use for it if i tried.

i’ve already rambled for long enough and i doubt anyone read this far, but if you did, thank you so much for all the support this year!!! it’s been such a huge year for me and i’m so proud of myself for the progress i’ve made in my personal life and with my hobbies!!! it wouldn’t have been possible without all the kindness people have shown me this year!

i guess the only proper way to end this post is to say HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! see you in 2023!!! 💕💕💕

[black-white-and-red-all-over]

Introductions & Masterlist(s)

Hello, my darlings! Tis I, Elizabeth, purveyor of curious concepts, smashing snippets, and preposterous prompts alike.

While most things I will be popping into this collection of writing bits-and-bobs will be of my own whims, your wish is also my command - so long as it includes angsty sapphic fluff with a dash of dark fantasy, magic or horror, of course. Feel free to message me any concepts you would like to see fleshed out, and I will be sure to meet the challenge! 

However, if you are a simple wanderer of this here Tumblr and do not wish to partake in such shenanigans, please peruse the masterlist below - any existing posts will be hyperlinked, and those that aren’t are yet to come. Have fun, and welcome to the blog, honey-bun. 

Love as always, Elizabeth

(MISC) Curious Concepts: I / II / III / IV / V / VI / VII / VIII / IX / X

(MISC) Smashing Snippets: I / II / III / IV / V / VI / VII / VIII / IX / X

(MISC) Preposterous Prompts: I / II / III / IV / V / VI / VII / VIII / IX / X

(CONT.) Serpentine (Natasha Romanoff x OC) I / II / III / IV / V / VI / VII / VIII / IX / X

(CONT.) Impulse (Wanda Maximoff x OC) I / II / III / IV / V / VI / VII / VIII / IX / X

(CONT.) Dark Little Ditties: Spun in Spider's Silk - Where, Oh Where, Has My Little Love Gone - Pull Out The Pin - Beggars, Choosers, Cheaters, Losers - Mark Your Words - Muteness is Malice is Madness

(CONT.) Grim Faery Tales: Blushing Red as Blood on Snow (SW) - What's in a Name (B&tB) - That Which We Call A Rose (SB) - By Any Other Name Would Smell As Sweet (C) - Pearly Whites (LM) - Faith & Frostbite (SQ) - Sweet Nothings (H&G) - Cardinal Directions (Ra.) - Straw to Gold (Ru.)

P.S. All characters in these snippets will be referred to as they/them, or otherwise as types of flowers/herbs/plants. While in my mind all pairings will be sapphic (as per my self-indulgent mind), you are free and welcome to imagine whatever you wish. Happy hunting!

[e1ectrostatic]

since i’m coming back i also feel obliged to make an informal update post; not for anyone in particular, just as a sort of digital diary entry. ramble about the past 2+ years and what i wanna do now under the readmore

i know in retrospect, 2 years or so is not a long time at all, but it still Feels like forever ago since i attempted to be active on tumblr, mostly because of how different my interests and priorities are now. so i still think it warrants a word dump

in the past 2+ years since i’ve last been active on tumblr, i’ve let new things come along and alter my brain chemistry. 2 years ago, i was really into posting oso-san fanart, but i’m no longer interested in participating in that fandom (or what’s left of it), so i’m letting myself move on to other stuff. i was also into posting ocs, but my investment in that has died quite a bit. it’s now an interest i’d prefer to indulge privately, if at all. i was also into warrior cats, but again, that interest died down and i want to focus on other stuff. i think the only things about my activity that won’t change is posting cringe and reblogging random shit i find funny

as for what i’m currently invested in, i’m mostly into identity v now, and will most probably be an idv-centric blog. but i do still want this blog to include some general interests and personal posts as well. i’m too lazy to maintain a bunch of sideblogs. another way i’ve changed is, i haven’t discovered i’m fictionkin (that discovery was a longer time ago), but its prominence in my life grew substantially, to a point i can’t hide it without feeling suffocated. so i’m gonna use this blog as an outlet for that part of myself as well. when i was first getting into idv i never thought itd put me in the blender this bad but here i am... look how i turned out... anyway i’m also into genshin impact now, and idk how much of that i’ll post or reblog, but it rots my brain so i won’t eliminate the possibility. i can’t think of any other interests prominent enough that it’d be safe to guess it’d be a focus of this blog... i think i’ll just let my impulses guide me amen. okay fr though i’m a hodgepodge of random interests and whims so my friends and anyone who decides to follow this page are just gonna have to deal with that

as for how i’ve changed as a person, um.. scratches head... i’ve changed a lot, but not at all. my art improved a lot, i think. i’ve gone through lots of fictionkin-related self discovery and introspection that put me in the blender, and also my gender has done more cartwheels than i can count. i’ve grown up a little bit (as much as one can do when aging from 17-20 LMAO) and had many experiences, good and bad. going forward, i hope to get out of my shell more and feel free to interact with people. i also hope to become more comfortable existing online in general, and let go of the extreme lurker impulse. i discovered a lot of very skilled artists on twitter, as well as discovered very cool communities! i want in on that, and hopefully one day i can shake off the shyness

ok thats it i think... o7

[skelltan]

what is "fool's work?"

i am nothing if not introspective. every action i take is deliberate, meticulously planned out, and i am always seeking the steps i can take to better myself, define goals and pursue them.

i have had a lot of stop and start endeavors, and this is the latest in that; only, this is to be THE endeavor. this is the credo i use to dictate every piece of creative work i create from hereon out.

it's too easy to start and stop; if i am to tie all my works together through the lens of "fool's work", it'll allow me to introspect upon my work more and understand what i have done and what i want to do, whether it be to change direction or to continue what i've started. all of it is "fool's work", the work of the fool - not because i am idiotic, but because i am like the fool of tarot who always strives to learn. sometimes this will lead me to dead ends, other times it will lead to progress.

there were two main inspirations for this process; watching a video essay by "In Praise of Shadows" on youtube about the comic Strangehaven by Gary Spencer Millidge. truthfully, i've yet to finish the video, but i felt enough motivation from what i have watched to inspire myself. i found myself identifying greatly with millidge's drive to do something without caring about the scrutiny of publishers or material gain, and how he had dabbled in various other experiences - this contrasts with how dedicated he finds himself to his work.

that leads to my latter inspiration. unlike gary, i don't have the burdern to self print, publish, etc. i can simply publish what i wish on the internet. i've always admired early internet and how more insular it felt - this ties together with my general admiration for the idea of a community as opposed to how the internet has only divided us and left us strangers in our separate chambers, both online and in real life.

so, to put a long story short, that's what i wish to do - to categorize all my works in order to gain a better understanding of them, and to publish things online that i truly wish to pursue rather than view art as a trade, and if anyone likes it, that's a bonus, whether that be any friends i show or random online onlookers.

if i were to distill it into three main points, which i will not further articulate too far, as i feel i have done so adequately already; fool's work is:

passion projects

malleable

never the focus of my life

i will expand on the final point; i may go months without updating something, for example, but it may not be dead; it ties back to the first point of being a passion project and the prior point of it being non commercial. i will not stress myself to do something because i have a ravenous fanbase or i have bills to pay. my work is primarily to indulge in my creative impulses with no bounds whatsoever first and foremost. i will not struggle trying to perfect my craft until i create a masterpiece that will make me rich, only to worry about how to follow it up. any possible praise, fandom or monetary gain that may result from this will always be secondary, such is fool's work.

if it was not clear, any time i create a piece of work i feel is complete enough to post, i will post it on this blog via this tag. however, due to the malleable nature of fool's work, the "main hub" of where i post is subject to change, such as if i find an avenue more suitable than tumblr - but if that is the case, i will make it known.

otherwise, i feel these are very good ground rules to what fool's work is.

[cursedauxiliary]

u.u I wanna write a dumb jojo oc story based on my weird dreams