#self blabber

[starfilled-heart]

When I worked at a clown fast food chain, I used to be a guest experience leader so basically customer service and promoting the current campaign products. I had to stay in front of the order screens and help the clients.

Usual day, nothing special and ofc I helped people order. Most kids know how to, but they also need it some of them. You interact with clients so much that you lose track of the clients since you have to promote the products to each person.

I helped this group of kids make their order.

Time passed and I went in front of the counter to give the clients their orders.

A lady comes up to me and gives me a bracelet. I ask her what's with that and she says the kids made it for the "nice girl that helped them with the order" and "it's the company colors and a burger".

It was so wholesome and completely made my day

[indulgentcosmos]

I had the fortune of stumbling across @stupidlittlespirit ‘s (I hope you don’t mind the tag) “When it rains, it spores” fic which was an INCREDIBLE read. It is in-fact so good, it violently jerked me out of my creative block and had me picking up a pen once again. Although somewhat of a messy sketchy product, it was still a delight to visualise the hiding scene as I saw it in my mind.

[sunlit-mess]

WHAT’S YOUR ELDRITCH LUCIFER’S PERSONALITY LIKE?? Sorry if this question makes no sense

Tbh I cooked up a whole narrative for it (because I'm dying to fill non-existent lore)... But it's so long and scattered so I'll yap about it someday.

Anyway, here are the ideas I revolve with:

All of these are just from random thoughts focusing on the ' BAD ' side + curiosity idk " my physical shell can be torn apart, smothered, stretched, bent by my own mind " (Angel Lucifer): Innocent face, underlying horror. (Canon/demon Lucifer): One body, that feels like two souls.

- somehow I can connect this with the ideas in Angel Luci's behavior LOL im too sleepy to fix a timeline for it atm.

Evil is a part of him that can't be erased so he learned to overcome it, but never fully accepted it. So upon his silly demeanor, beneath are the true reasons why he is banished from heaven. Sob story? Yeah, that's what they believe in...

Bro lives with this eternal punishment and I'm about to make that reason worse.

[tubbytarchia]

Dont want to kms anymore. Want smallidarity to kiss

[meirimerens]

the pathologic Kin is largely fictionalized with a created language that takes from multiple sources to be its own, a cosmogony & spirituality that does not correlate to the faiths (mostly Tengrist & Buddhist) practiced by the peoples it takes inspirations from, has customs, mores and roles invented for the purposes of the game, and even just a style of dress that does not resemble any of these peoples', but it is fascinating looking into specifically to me the sigils and see where they come from... watch this:

P2 Layers glyphs take from the mongolian script:

while the in-game words for Blood, Bones and Nerves are mongolian directly, it is interesting to note that their glyphs do not have a phonetic affiliation to the words (ex. the "Yas" layer of Bones having for glyph the equivalent of the letter F, the "Medrel" layer of Nerves having a glyph the equivalent of the letter È,...)

the leatherworks on the Kayura models', with their uses of angles and extending lines, remind me of the Phags Pa Script (used for Tibetan, Mongolian, Chineses, Uyghur language, and others)

some of the sigils also look either in part or fully inspired by Phags Pa script letters...

some look closer to the mongolian or vagindra (buryat) script

looking at the Herb Brides & their concept art, we can see bodypainting that looks like vertical buryat or mongolian script (oh hi (crossed out: Mark) Phags Pa script):

shaped and reshaped...

[akirathedramaqueen]

You know what I love about this show so much?

The kindness. The understanding. The redemption.

And that's in the setting of fucking Hell. The irony.

The characters are deeply flawed. They make a lot of mistakes. They fuck up even trying to fix things.

But they are trying. They have a lot of virtues, too, even though they don't see them themselves. They slowly but surely process their problems. They work around their trauma and the conditions they were raised in, deeply affected by it, hurting but still powering through, learning, and developing.

Although we are far from the end of these characters' journey, the SpindleHorse team does an amazing job of making these characters sympathetic, believable, and real. They give you the information and the opportunity to understand how complicated things are, how both sides of the conflict can be understood and blamed at the same time.

And the main thing? The forgiveness and redemption. You want these characters to do better, to be better, of course. But you also want them to be loved, despite the fact that what they did was obviously wrong.

You, as the viewer, already forgive them, and you just want them to forgive themselves. To allow themselves to be loved.

When I watched the show and saw them making the same mistakes I did, some horrible things I wouldn’t forgive myself for and struggled with for years, I suddenly understood the struggle. I empathized with them. I wanted to give them a hug. I wanted to comfort them and promise that things would get better and encourage them to give it one more try, one more talk. I wanted to scold them for self-loathing because I know all too well the kinds of dark places it can lead you to sometimes.

And then the thought comes to mind, "Can I afford a bit of this empathy for myself too? Just allow myself to live with the fuckup and allow myself to be human?"

It didn't fix me. But it eased my turmoil and taught me to understand it better. It taught me some empathy, too, and I thought I was the one with the emotional ingelligence of a nightstand. Well, I still kinda am, but at least I learned to listen to people sometimes.

I just want to thank the whole team who worked on Helluva Boss for all the self-reflections I experienced with their creation.

Thank you.

[fleetn-crab85]

hello again everyone! I just want to thank everyone who interacted with the last post about the LEGO Newsies! I genuinely wasn't expecting it to take off like that! A lot of you asked for more, so this is a side by side between the actual Seize The Day dance break and our LEGO version. I hope you all enjoy!

ALSO: I'm going to be using the tag #lego newsies for any more posts about it!

Feel free to leave a comment or reblog with what you'd like to see next!

[gingermintpepper]

🌈 or 🌥️ (or both if you're feeling it)

EHEHE thank you very much for the ask! Gonna mix both prompts and give something soft with my favourite dialogue of this piece (and it's not even a wip actually, this is just a completed bit of writing I have on hand that I'm not really planning on doing anything with) which asks the question I'm pretty sure only I have asked: what if Apollo was the one to tell Heracles that he had to head to the Underworld after he'd lost Hylas during the Argo Expedition (also he consoles him a little).

"It'll never get easier, will it? This life."

Phoebus Apollo doesn't answer him. Before, Heracles would've blamed it on ego, the vanity of the gods who think themselves so much better than the mortals they yank about with their power. Now, Heracles thinks he's just a figment of his imagination, another twisted trick brought on by that bitch of the Heavens. The silence stretches on and on, only the sound of his digging and the quiet rustle of fabric fills the space between them. Were Hylas still here, he'd happily fill this stale air, nattering on and on about herbs or the colour of the fish in the lake, or the beauty of the stars between the treetops. Now, the silence is oppressive. Dense. Like the weight of water pushing all the air from his lungs.

Heracles quickly takes the bundle of Hylas' meagre things and throws it into the hole. Best not to dwell on it. Especially not when an Olympian was right beside him. (Maybe it's a good thing that this illusion is so placid. Gives him space to breathe. To think.)

He spits, picks up the flint. "Can't answer that one either? How about an easier question then," the sparks catch on the edge of Hylas' silk belt, quickly eating up the precious gift. Hylas only got to wear it once when they'd celebrated the night before the Argo set sail. He'd wanted to bring it home for his mother. "Was I also cursed to be alone for the rest of my life? It's not enough that she took my family, she's going to take everyone that treats me well too?"

Phoebus Apollo remains silent, fire turning his body warm gold. Heracles clicks his tongue, anger mounting. First Megara then Pholus and now Hylas. Man, woman, beast, it didn't matter at all, did it? All would die if they loved him. Everything would melt away like ash on his tongue and she would keep him alive just to see him squirm.

"Don't just sit there fiddling with your cloth damn it, answer me!"

Phoebus Apollo looks up then. Eyes so gold they seem to burn their own colour, calm brow, stern lips. This wasn't the playful god who refused to let him take his sister's hind without proving his worth, nor was it the distant prophet outlining the sentence for his crimes. This was someone, something else entirely and Heracles can only swallow his tongue in the face of it.

"Come," he beckons with the slightest tilt of his chin, "sit here." Heracles does. "You ask difficult questions. Ones I have no intention of answering." Slender fingers do not falter in their sewing. Heracles watches all the fine bracelets and rings jostle only slightly as the god makes his stitches. "For that, I must apologise."

Heracles snorts, dismissive and looks out into Hylas' fire, "You lot have never cared to inconvenience me before. What is one more disappointment to add to pile?"

A grim smile dances at the edge of his painted lips, "What, indeed."

"If you aren't here to answer my prayers, then you must have another errand for me." And doesn't that just make his blood boil? Even now, when Hylas' pyre has not yet burnt out, the gods still demand more from him, still drive him harder. He digs his nails into the tooth of the rock they share, hopes it is enough to keep him from laying hands on his divine slave-driver's throat and ripping it right out. "Make it quick. Even you must understand the rules of mourning."

Phoebus Apollo's smile widens. He ties off his thread and cuts the excess length with the side of his fingernail. "On the contrary, I've come bearing a gift." Unfurling the length of cloth reveals a gorgeous chamlys, etchings like constellations dotting its dark length and shimmering even in the firelight. "A gift and a word of warning"

Heracles swallows thickly, such rich cloth would surely need to be hidden from his cousins. "If you think a fancy cloak is enough to gloss everything over -"

A laugh, soft and musical. Lighter than Hylas' chuckles, sweeter even than Megara's hidden giggles. How dangerous. How lovely. "Alcides, be calm. I have nothing to hide and there is nothing you could possibly give to me. You already have my gratitude for not harming my offspring, it would please me greatly if you also accepted my boon."

"The cloth is hexed?" It feels no different from a usual chamlys, maybe just a bit softer. Phoebus Apollo laughs again, richer this time so that it resonates in the very base of Heracles' bones and sends little electric sparks shooting all across his body.

"Indeed. It will keep you hidden from the eyes of the Lord and Lady of the Underworld. Do take it with you when next you set foot in their kingdom."

A terrible chill slithers down his back. Hylas' fire pops. "What's the meaning of this?" And Heracles forgets himself, digs his hands into the lush fabric of the god's chiton and wrests him close, "You think it's funny delivering my funeral gown now? When Hylas' body hasn't even cooled?"

Phoebus Apollo hums, brilliant eyes gazing calmly up at him, "I think it should be a great boon if ever your spirit wishes to wander in the great fields of Asphodel should you make the trip."

[riewritten]

hello. this has been on my mind for the past few months...

as much as i want to have fanfic writing and fan art drawing stay as mere hobbies (aka this whole blog), it's hard when you're a self-sufficient girlie in a large city where full-time job can sometimes be barely enough to pay for your needs due to inflation (+ the fact that you have a family that also needs your help). i think it's finally time for me (my prideful ass) to accept that and explore any possible means to generate extra funds.

that said, i would like to do an interest check with you guys. if i were to open commissions on writing and drawing at an affordable price, would you be willing to avail them? for context, here are the things i have in mind: fan art (character x character, character x oc, character x self) and fan fic (character x oc/selfship with your preferred POV & character x character with your preferred POV)

thanks a lot! answering this means a lot to me:)

NOTE: for people who haven't read my stuff yet, you may go to my masterlist (pinned post) to see my writing and drawing style and gauge if it interests you:)

[sanchezsimp]

Here are my random Rick Sanchez headcanons because why not!

TW: mentions of self harm !!

- He cries himself the fuck to sleep every night. If he doesn't, then he drinks until he's asleep, or works on a project. He can't just lay there, he'll overthink and get no rest.

- He often has nightmares about Diane or Morty

- He likes musicals. Because I say so.

- Have you seen how he likes his cereal?? I imagine he likes his coffee hella sugary too- With too much creamer, whipped cream, and rainbow sprinkles on top!

- He totally met and had a crush on Ford Pines. I know I ship them, but I headcanon that when they knew each other, Ford never actually returned that feeling. (I could probably elaborate on some of my Ford headcanons later... Oh! Maybe I can make another post of my headcanons for when they knew each other?) And they broke up (as friends) when Ford decided that Rick is, not only an asshole, but fucking insane.

- More on that last one-- I imagine that Rick would often have revenge fantasies about Prime. Constantly imagining the pain he wanted to inflict on him in graphic detail. (I headcanon that at some point, Ford found out somehow and was horrified.)

- He only stays still when he's overthinking. Otherwise, he's constantly stimming or making stupid noises (whenever he's not talking or occupying himself). He gets extremely fucking bored. He needs constant stimulation, always needs to be doin' something.

- He has scars on his arm and cuts frequently. He cuts in shame of how he's lost his wife, and in shame of the fact that he cares for Morty, because he's so afraid of losing him... And he cuts because it's him who killed her. Not him-him, of course, but I imagine he also holds himself responsible because it WAS himself... in a way. Does this make sense to ya?

- He has to resist the urge to rip his fucking face apart every time he looks in a mirror. Because he doesn't see himself anymore. He sees Prime. And it hurts.

- He HATES mirrors.

- I imagine that sometimes when he's drunk, he's more affectionate to Morty in a rather unsettling way. Like, he'll hug him and praise him, and Morty would be just confused as fuck (at first anyways, until he gets used to it lmao).

- He has green eyes. It just... makes sense to me? I dunno, maybe I'll talk more about my RaM eye colour headcanons later.

- I headcanon that he got like, some sort of crazy hair removal on his pits- 'cause he had a lot in Lawnmower Dog, and in the past in comics (like Flesh Curtains... some of it anyways. Their inconsistency with his hair bothers me.), then never again. Unfortunately. GOD, I miss that hair. (I'm so normal I swear-)

- He knows damn well he looks strange, and there is no actual reason. He's aware he's just a character, and so there is no real WHY he looks like that, it's just character design. And he's fine with that.

- He likes cute things. He just... likes cute things. He adores Morty and he adores adorable animals! I headcanon he has a soft spot for cats specifically. This is also based off of how he had Mr. Frundles and his only defense was "It was cute! FUCK!"

That's all for now- I'll post more of this if this doesn't flop, lol

Thanks for readin'!! And don't hesitate to ask for my random headcanons of other characters or fandoms, I'll be happy to write 'em!!

[spritecranverry]

I don't really go here (in the sense that I don't engage directly with the Arcane fandom) but I just wanted to point out how the conversation between Caitlyn and Vi where Vi is offered the badge as a test of her loyalty is a prime example of how the show is constantly asking its audience to think about who is allowed to grieve and take revenge and who is not. You can see that theme reverberate throughout their interactions for the rest of the first act; idk if that's something folks are discussing in here but that's what's on the front of my mind rn

[cagedchangeling]

the bugs that swim in the goo that is my brain are telling me simon ghost riley is hot and i should play that god for saken game.

[lorekeeper-backset]

Late night realizations: might be trans. But we can unpack that in the morning.

[tubbytarchia]

Jimmy X Life thoughts

This is long (ft. fWhip and Scott and Joel)

TLDR: its all kinda cute but then devolves into Jimmy misery anyway even though he has done nothing

Jimmy's really cute builds??? to lure you in

Obligatory: I only talk about characters

X Life is a goddamn fever dream lol, following are some jumbled thoughts that I've divided into "Jimmy", ""fWhip and Joel", "Jeremyism" and "Scott" thoughts (all in relation to Jimmy). Shoutout to my friend for liveblogging and discussing together with me and pointing out some stuff I missed or better than I could

-- Jimmy thoughts

Jimmy's actually relatively happy within this series, at least at the beginning, and there is no significant "bullying Jimmy" kind of culture thing in place here, even though chronologically this series came after and partially ran at the same time as Legacy where it was very prevelant. They even hold a 100K milestone ceremony for him and it's very cute. Namely though fWhip and Joel treat him very nicely, he even has many really cute interactions with Scott!! I'm not gonna talk about shipping past this one statement but as someone who hasn't liked fWhimmy till now and finds Flower Husbands really interesting but not always healthy, it was... Really relieving to see both of those duos be really cute for me personally. But in spite of this there's still, sigh, a lot of Jimmisery...

Pretty early on, he decides on this thing "Whoever is nice to me gets a stack of diamonds" like, my sweet cheese.... You don't need to give people so much just for being nice to you.... your bank account is in constant ruin!! Lizzie also mods in coffee stuff specifically for him and Jimmy proclaims that any profits he makes from his coffee shops he will split with Lizzie as a thanks... he's so sweet stop it

Near the beginning he's way more assertive than I've grown used to. There's a point where Scott is waiting for him and he can SEE Scott in the distance but then just strolls the shopping district while Scott tells him to hurry up only for Jimmy to mostly ignore him. Another exchange between them goes S: "did I say you could use my villager?" and Jimmy replying "Did I say you could bring me a crab that'd then kill me? Didn't THINK SOOOO!!!". There's so many moments like this and it's so... it's so awesome to see. What changed.... Why can't there be more of this...

But then at some point he starts being harsh towards himself? He starts to call himself an idiot and starts proclaiming "I hate myself" for the most understandable little mishaps and things like?? Son?? He figures out how to make his advertisement poster bigger like everyone else's is and then when he does quickly figure it out all on his own he goes "I hate myself, I really do" WHAT'S THAT FOR. WHAT'S THAT FOR JIMMY!!!! Another moment to point out, Lizzie doing a friendship test thing and she already has pictures of 3 contestants. She calls Jimmy over for him to try and qualify, and when he sees the pictures he says that those look like smart people and he doesn't think he'll make it...

This isn't exclusive to X Life but him building stuff and calling it lovely and being easily excited at discovering the most basic building tricks, but then as soon as someone else is in the picture he immediately starts downplaying himself and calling his building bad...

At some point there's a war that Jimmy really wants to avoid but he gets roped into it by Jack blowing up Peekay's house (totally obliterated that thing) and framing Jimmy for it. Later when there's a confrontation, both he and Peekay clearly know it was Jack, but they fault Jimmy anyway, saying he's escalating things when he's just like. Standing there. Jimmy even ends up asking "what can I do for you to forgive me, for something I didn't do" like no stand your ground man!! You didn't do anything!! Man.... In the end he ends up rebuilding stuff for Jack (why Jack??? I dont know) and when Jack is the first person out of the series, in his Will he stated something along the lines of "I want Jimmy executed because he did a bad job rebuilding my things". And then Jimmy gets set on fire as everyone watches him burn to death. He didn't do anything!!!!!

There's a therapy session after this in which, when Gem asks him to open up, all he says is "Yesterday I woke up and was taken advantage of, that is all"

I think it's Peekay (could be wrong) who also utterly doused Jimmy's house in water as a prank but it... was awful lol. Jimmy's house ended up with lots of holes but at least he was all "I was gonna rebuild anyway". That peeved me so much though... For comparision, Scott pulled a prank on Jimmy where he rebuilt one of his rooms upside down (so kind of moved his furniture to the ceiling) but that's high effort and funny and causes less damage so that's all fair in my books. Good prank. The water dousing was not

He and Scott had a brief prank exchange, but the ONLY thing I can think of where Jimmy was knowingly, unjustifiably in the wrong, was when he cheated on an auction by bidding on a painting after the auction had closed. And even that is such a small offense!! Genuinely all the misery he was caused was just him being caught in the crossfire of other people's shit and it's... ough I don't want to say "he has never done anything wrong" because he totally has but BARELY. Why is it always like this... Hardly ever does he do anything that warrants the things that happen to him

Jimmy's also pretty if not really nice to the mobs, vanilla and modded. In his and Scott's shelter business, he brought in a hostile mob twice with the justification "hostile mobs deserve a home too!!" </3 dawh. He'd make mobs nice enclosures... But then he fucking HATES chickens. He kills them like nothing. Proclaims "I'll enjoy every second of this". Goes "I'll kill only a few of you..." and then kills 10 of them. Violently and instantly kills one stray chicken that escaped his enclosure as Lizzie watches on in horror with the two pandas she just helped bring over. It's kind of insane?? Why.... You're a rancher at heart, what's with the chicken slaughter.... My friend pointed to him canonically being compared to a chicken once. Do with that what you will. Oh also when he came dead last in a race, his immediate reaction upon finishing was to brutally kill his horse?????????? Jimmy??????????????????????????

ALSO he's a good builder?? A lot of people have expressed that Jimmy's building skills have been getting better but I beg to differ, his builds in this series are all really charming and cute? They're not very detailed but they're simplistic and I love it, he obviously has an eye for pleasant looking builds and I'm so SO sad we don't see this too much anymore... There's also a cute moment where he builds a roof out of dirt, says he'll replace it later but apparently his commenters really liked it so he kept it... That's so Jimmy....

-- fWhip and Joel thoughts in relation to Jimmy

fWhip especially is almost (we'll get to that) undingly nice to Jimmy here, and I even felt bad for him in several instances related to Jimmy. Joel is more softspoken as he was in general 3 years ago, and was also almost (we'll get to that) totally nice to Jimmy. At some point they do a horse race and Jimmy comes in dead last but both he and fWhip cheer him on anyway. Joel says "well done Jimmy you nerd" but it's Joel so that counts as him being nice and awesome. It's also very cute that he was partially presenting Jimmy's 100K milestone ceremony, even if it was basically just him calling Jimmy a "wonderful creature" after, to quote my friend, almost vomiting on stage. But it's Joel so it counts

Joel also builds something for Jimmy at some point but whilst they're discussing what it should be like, they land on the word "broken" and Joel goes "broken, like you" and Jimmy replies "broken, like me" like????? Help me this was so early too. That came from NOWHERE. What????? Joel was nice otherwise though... except for one other moment

All three of them create a building business and do acknowledge and agree that Jimmy's not doing the hardest part (building) and doesn't get as much of the profit, seeing as he's just the receptionist. It's still a mostly happy businessship though. They get two bad reviews (from Scott and Peekay) because of Jimmy but all three of them in both instances ultimately agree that Jimmy wasn't at fault. Stuff like Joel taking down a bad review left on a sign saying "the customer isn't always right". Jimmy catches wind of a rumor at some point that he's being fired and when the awaited meeting happens, fWhip and Joel name him receptionist of the month instead, praising him for his hard work in advertising for the business and also making lots and lots of coffee (he's the only one who can even operate the coffee machine lmao. He's really proud of it too, it's very cute. He even keeps bringing it up in an effort for the other two to recognise his value before he gets the news he's anticipating). Jimmy even says "I'm glad that, yknow, you're seeing it. Cus sometimes. yknow. it's really hard for me to feel.. useful. like you guys are building spectacular things and I'm. I'm trying my best." he's genuinely so, so happy and sounds like he's on the brink of tears (claims to be as well)

BUT SIKE PLOT TWIST because I hate myself I went to skim Joel's POV too and he and fWhip actually spoke to one of the other members about Jimmy being a bad receptionist, all "it's Jimmy, you know...". fWhip enforces this and Joel even says "Not to pass blame onto Jimmy but it's all his fault" after which the firing rumor starts to spread. And as far as I could tell, it's forever left ambiguous if they were genuine to any degree when they named him receptionist of the month and this will now keep me up at night. Did they genuinely think Jimmy was at fault in spite of encouraging him that he wasn't? Did they do what they did just to make Jimmy happy even if they believed him to be at fault? Or were they talking shit that one time for no reason...

Joel makes this religion "Jeremyism" to spite Scott (for renaming a bunch of his pets) which Jimmy is the first person to join and is pretty much undyingly devoted to till the very end in spite of the fever dream that spirals from it by the end...

Ignoring that one incident of Joel and fWhip bad-mouthing Jimmy, fWhip was very nice to him, throughout Jimmy's POV at least. I'd like to especially draw attention to fWhip trusting Jimmy to show some other members how to build some houses, like, awgh,,, finally some Jimmy building ability recognition!!! Good for you fWhip!!! They almost exclusively talked in relation to businesses though and at some point made a deal with Jimmy to join Jeremyism if Jimmy would come and basically just hang out with him in the jungle or go on a little adventure. This never happened though

Joel ends up giving up his position as the Jeremyism leader "for content" (??) to anyone who can complete his death obstacle course. Jimmy does, though unfairly by accident (Joel said it was fine though), but finds at the very end of it that someone has already reached this point before him, and of course it was Scott... Scott turns Jeremyism into a proper cult by enforcing rigid rules, his leadership and word, stating that you have to die in order to leave the cult, and his right hand Lizzie demands diamonds as offerings (none of this was a thing before). None of the members seem to be fans, but Joel and Jimmy especially voice and show discomfort, though Jimmy still quickly offers up his diamonds. fWhip fucking burns himself right there thus leaving the cult (king shit) and when he comes to the window from the outside to wave at them, Jimmy is quick to call him a "traitor" and tries to block the view with blocks (this is where I feel for fWhip who has been nothing but nice to Jimmy from Jimmy's POV). Joel makes pathetic attempts at killing Scott with an anvil (fails) and then killing himself (fails)

Gem and Kath put on a therapy session at some point which Jack, fWhip and Jimmy attend. Jimmy states not to want to talk to fWhip (which again hurts) and fWhip makes a subtle jab at Jimmy for never spending time with him in his jungle like he'd promised (totally justified). Jack also hits Jimmy for being part of Jeremyism right at the start, but then when he's jokingly drowning, Jimmy saves him, and he goes "you saved me!! :D". At the end, Jimmy tries to shoot bubbles (not damaging but a nuisance) at fWhip from a distance, at which fWhip starts to run at him to try to lasso him (lassoing a player puts them in a glitchy noclip dimension which they need to relog to get out of). They run around for awhile, fWhip eventually succeeds, Jimmy relogs and then Jack fucking murders fWhip. And then says "I did it for you" to Jimmy. Which, ok. Fast progression, a little insane... fWhip comes back and claims to feel great though. Jimmy pretty much leaves and runs off at this point and unfortunately he and fWhip never make up or have another nice interaction before the finale (I'm quite sure)

Joel uhh Joel just kinda fucks off lol he doesn't even die (Jimmy fills in Joel's grave anyway though)

-- Jeremyism thoughts

Mentioned above how devoted Jimmy was to Joel's religion, and to me it really reads like him finding a home. Like, a genuine home, idk... He really did a lot for it, trying to recruit members and taking care of several Jeremy donkeys and making offerings (Joel also gifted him multiple times)

When Scott takes over, he's clearly very distraught. He tried hard to become the new leader of Jeremyism specifically to stop Scott from ruining it. And yet when Scott does, he can't help but stay, quickly labels fWhip a traitor, offers up his diamonds easily... Even as he's asking for Joel to get up there where Scott is standing, instead of Scott. Jeremyism is done for but Jimmy still holds onto an idea of it

And he does this by literally building a Jeremyism hideout secret from Scott and Lizzy, where he and the other remaining members can hang out. Like come on!! He just wants Jeremyism back... He himself states it's "all I have" and "the one real purpose I had on this server was Jeremyism. And now it's gone" (this is basically before he kills himself and ends his series)

-- Scott thoughts in relation to Jimmy

As I said, they had some really cute interactions. Scott actually treated him nicely and his teasing felt lighthearted enough to not be anything worse than that. They dress up all cute for Halloween, they shoot bubbles at each other, Scott teaches him how to ride a flying carpet, Jimmy's not afraid to be a little sassy back at him... He replaced 3 of Scott's pets as a prank because Scott had gotten him a crab that killed Jimmy at some point, and in retaliation Scott doused his house in crabs, but then they like, ate lunch together date style, it was all good and fun, mutual foolery...

And then this one episode, to quote my friend, someone pissed in Scott's cereal and he's suddenly very dismissive of Jimmy's building skills and contributions like I'd expect to see in Third Life???? They see this arguably amateurishly built hut and Scott turns to Jimmy all accusatory "did you build this??". They build an animal shelter together which is cute but then Scott dismisses Jimmy and says he did almost all of the work and proclaims that he should get almost all of the profits etc. And it pisses me off because just like in 3L, this was a building he just ripped from somewhere else to begin with!! He did lay the foundation and such but you can see Jimmy helping build a decent amount in the timelapse...

At some point he also seems ashamed to admit that Scott helped him with his storage system :(

When Scott reads out Jack's wish to have Jimmy executed, Jimmy goes and basically kneels before Scott, telling him to do it. Scott can't because of spawn protection, but Jimmy gets set on fire instead and he?? Runs to Scott??? He runs to Scott and basically kneels before him AGAIN and Scott does NOTHING and I I don't know I might be insane but. Holy shit this is a fever dream and feels like abstract symbolism but ough that hurt. That hurt a lot. Why did Jimmy run to Scott, why did he kneel/crouch before him as he was burning to death... What was he trying to do... Was he seeking something.... comfort...? Neigh... I just wish to know...

Scott in general is a fever dream in this all by himself though. They all turn up for Jack's funeral and then Scott starts talking about how he tried to be nice and expresses disappointment in having been met with disposition (finding out that Jimmy had a secret Jeremyism cove) acting all "if you want a villain I'll give you a villain!" as if he weren't already one after the cult he turned Jeremyism into and then suicide bombs the entire church still during Jack's funeral. ????? Jesus christ

This screenshot isn't relevant but Im giving it to you anyway

[seilky]

this is about TenShin, since @goodolddumbbanana wanted to hear.

yah I think this deserves another post instead of just in the comment section, from the things we’ve gotten till now (chapter 199), buckle up cus this has no order or what so ever.

(nearly 500 words in and I realized this has turned into a character study, all better I guess)

For Tenkyu, he’s with the Al-Karma gang of Uzuki, or X. The group seems to be tight-knitted, as Kumanomi’s protectiveness over Uzuki and Gaku, Uzuki went against his morals when the gang was threatened (in the past),etc… But for Tenkyu, Kumanomi seems to not know what to do with him, Uzuki also sees Tenkyu as different from the rest, which actually has a legit reason for that. But nonetheless, the difference caused a distance between Tenkyu and other members in the gang. 

Uzuki actively showing his dislike towards Tenkyu’s methods, and sees Tenkyu as a risk, especially when his impulsiveness can heavily affect Uzuki’s plan. Uzuki had a qualm threatening Aoi and Hana in front of Sakamoto, but he doesn’t want to kill them. It might because he knows Sakamoto wouldn’t hold back anymore and probably try to kill him for real. Uzuki doesn’t want to risk that, especially with the Order on his tail.

Anyway, back to Tenkyu, with his non-existent morals, come with no understanding of humans emotional reaction, as he didn’t get why Uzuki was mad. But he is still following the Al-Karma gang, and Uzuki’s the leader, he still thinks they’re friends and wants to make up with Uzuki. Which Shin took advantage of that and made Tenkyu stop the killings, even when it’s just for a while. 

Then Tenkyu revealed that he wanted to kill Aoi and Hana, which allegedly pissed Shin off. In the scuffle, it was Shin who attacked and Tenkyu in defense, still remembering Shin’s words. When he ran away, Tenkyu questioned himself and his ‘friendships’, then came to a self realization of why he wants friends. While the Al-Karma members are all valued each other (even Gaku, he wouldn’t remember last time he talked with Uda if he didn’t value him… somewhat), Tenkyu seems to be excluded out since no one appeared has a good memory/impression with him yet. Humans is a social creature, humans crave connections with each other (as seen with Apart, if anyone remember him), and Tenkyu seems also want that connection, as he was jealous with Shin and Heisuke’s friendship and tried his best to make up with Uzuki by following Shin’s advice on not killing and didn’t defend himself against the guard (he doesn’t know how to fight without killing?)

Tenkyu’s like a clear piece of hard plastic, the type you can’t get the stains out of (or I couldn’t) and the Al-Karma trainings were the stains on him. In a sense, he’s still innocent, seeing the world in a literal sense and quick to trust. But the stains also are a fixed part of him, as he switched up so quickly after finding out Shin’s lies, which to him probably looked like betrayal. As someone who might never feel much, the most he felt was probably confusion, betrayal is too hard for Tenkyu so he went back to his default: killing without hesitation. Even when Shin and Heisuke tried to apologize and talked through, Tenkyu didn’t want to listen anymore, and back to his first objective: finding the fortune teller to ask about how to mend his friendship with Uzuki

Then, after being disappointed twice in a row (Shin’s lies reveal, Atari’s out of luck), it can be said that Tenkyu revealed his true view upon friendship. Basically, Tenkyu also craved connections, but he didn’t understand it.

Now to Shin’s part, Shin understands loneliness, understands how it felt when no one accept him for who he’s (chapter 197), that makes him value the Sakamotos  even more. The no killing rule is the first family rule Shin learned, and he has been following it nearly religiously (flashbacks to fights like with Saw or beginning with Mafuyu cus I’m too lazy to screenshot them all) until Tenkyu. When Tenkyu said he wanted to kill Aoi and Hana, Shin immediately dropped the rula. A part of it might be because he read Tenkyu’s mind and 100% sure Tenkyu would do that if given the chance, another part is of course, Shin treasures Aoi and Hana and trying to keep them safe. Just not them two, Shin treasures the connections he made ever since he stopped being an assassins (but Aoi and Hana are the first so it’s kinda symbolized in some way), including Heisuke. As much as Shin was angry and ready to go after Tenkyu, he still listened to Heisuke and gave Tenkyu another chance, hoping he could change that killing mindset.

it’s all blown up when Shin’s lies were revealed and Tenkyu’s back to killing, now actively hunting them. Tenkyu didn’t hesitate to hurt/kill Atari, who was practically defenseless, when she said she’s out of luck (which means she’s useless to him now).

This further highlighted the ‘kill without hesitation’, which seems to be a similarity between the two, as Shin’s not hesitate to kill Tenkyu. Shin’s going to kill for ppl he loves, Tenkyu kills just for the sake of it. But at the end of the day, they’re both killers and Shin’s well aware of that. (also Tenkyu looked more and more crazy it’s kinda scary)

Then to this part, I haven’t completely understood what kind of person Shin thought he was, but one thing for sure, that kind of person is close to what Tenkyu is and Shin despites it. Shin’s character development is amazing and I’d like to write an analysis about him one day.

Now, finally to the reason I write this post, TenShin enemance (enemies-romance). There’re lots of similarities between them: 

Feeling of loneliness: Tenkyu’s no deep connection with anyone in Al-Karma gang, Shin’s falling panel in chapter 197 (tumblr doesn't allow me to attach the pic without messing up my order number

Devotion for the people they treasured: Shin to Aoi and Hana, Tenkyu for Uzuki 

‘Kill without hesitation’: which is probably the whole point of these two interactions. In a way, Tenkyu brought out a part Shin buried deep inside himself. Tenkyu is intrigued by someone who understands his actions/morals, but doesn’t follow that impulse and even goes against it. 

It can be said that Shin and Tenkyu are two sides of the same coin, different faces but same material. Shin was raised to help, as Asakura’s lab did researches to improve the human race; while Tenkyu was raised to kill, as Al-Karma was an orphanage funded by JAA to make the best assassins, and both places succeeded in their raising.

That also mean Shin and Tenkyu fundermentally could never be side by side, and actively, intentionally, determinationally trying to kill each other. For me, their enemance is pain, hurt, not even suffering because the only emotion Shin has for Tenkyu is hate and anger, and Tenkyu’s for Shin is probably interested and tired. 

This ship isn’t sunk, it’s a ghost ship, where the ghosts of the past and horror happened. And if one of the two died, it’d ruin the other’s life. If Tenkyu died, Shin would isolate himself out of Sakamoto’s family and circle, probably would go hunt down Uzuki, making sure no one can touch the Sakamoto again and fully prepared to die in the process. If Shin died (which not any time soon now), it would affect the Sakamoto and allies and mess Uzuki’s plan up anyway, maybe this time Uzuki would cast Tenkyu out or order to eliminate him for real.

Thank you for your patience and reading until now. I might write a fic or two, if anyone has any plot/trope.

[ame0nis]

(6/19/24)

for pride month, i decided to put together a gender + sexuality headcanon list for the cast of hlvrai!! happy pride everyone 🥳🥳

tommy: bigender (he/him/she/her prns) + panromantic asexual

tbh i fw ftm and mtf tommy, so i said screw it. both at the same time.

benrey: non-binary (he/it prns) + pansexual

this mf is QUEER idc what anybody says

gordon: trans ftm (he/him prns) + biromantic demisexual

spoiler alert: literally nobody on this list is cisgender. sorry not sorry 😼

coomer: trans ftm (he/him prns) + bisexual

thanks holly for making him canonically bi 🙏 wouldve never figured him out if it werent for you /j

bubby: agender (any masc prns) + bisexual

i dont have a silly whimsical comment for this one. sorry

darnold: demiboy (he/they prns) + panromantic asexual

idrk anymoree,. 🗣️

gman: agender (he/it prns) + aroace

they faces killing me why nobody gaf /ref /j

forzen: transmasc (he/him prns) + cupioromantic asexual

i was cupioromantic around a year ago,, we need more cupioromantic representation yall

this is the end of the list. gourd bye 4 now, hlvrai tumblr community 🥰