#seen enough combat rn i can sleep

[zipzin]

why did i think that last night's ep I'd be able to watch for only about two hours and then go to bed?

[starstruckodysseys]

baby, don’t you like this beat? (i made it so you’d sleep with me) —

>> reese’s oc insert jamboree

complete; wc is officially like 8.5k but most of those are not Actual Words if ykwim

in which lanie girlbosses too close to the sun, fucks up her flirting game entirely, and accidentally makes the video store go viral. everything kind of spirals from there.

(or: the kind-of-still-nsbu social media au no one asked for. like, literally no one)

notes for context bc truly this entire thing exists within the vacuum of my mind:

-post nsbu (movie and canon)!

-lanie woodward: 19 year old college dropout, social media manager for russell’s video world after the store’s revamp, blatantly pan and incredibly obvious about her crushes on her best friends

-jenna woodward: 23 year old model in LA, lives just outside of lake elsinore. had a falling out with lanie months ago but they’re over it now. she regrets it now that she has to deal with this

-trans liv trans liv trans liv (truly the least important thing here but it does exist)

-wendell + lanie have the weirdest combatant friendship ever. no one can figure it out (they’re both fucking terrified of each other for Very Specific reasons but that’s a whole other piece)

—

russellsvideoworld just posted to their story!

image description: an instagram story from user russellsvideoworld. a female figure in a black t-shirt and dark blue jeans holds up a peace sign. split dyed green and black hair can be seen in the top left corner, as well as the girl’s chin. the caption, in bright green serif font with a paler green background, reads “put hot to go on our insta note bc our vhs tapes and dvds are always hot to go and certainly not bc the social media manager was trying to flirt with her crushes and forgot which account she was on. certainly not.” HOT TO GO! by chappell roan is playing in the background.

image description: a screenshot of the previous instagram story from user wendellmorris. the caption, in blue arial font, reads “i think we should let lanie rationalize putting more chappell roan songs on our store’s ig. for marketing purposes”

—

[ lanie’s mental breakdown liveblog (not clickbait!) ]

bowling alley carpet:

imagine not being the most oblivious fucking idiot alive

couldn’t be wendell !!!!!!!

…do you guys think maybe neither of them like me and they’re just trying to be nice about it

everything is you:

wendell is the least subtle person on this planet and it still took an entire movie dimension for steven to realize he liked him

i think ur doing fine

unless you wanna figure out how to make out with one of them in the amazon again

bowling alley carpet:

don’t say AGAIN like i was involved the first time??

everything is you:

close enough if you ask me

hollywood(ward):

I think you could choose literally any other way to flirt with them!

But no, I don’t think that’s the issue

bowling alley carpet:

jen i cannot stress enough how much a) that does not help and b) your capitals are fucking terrifying

hollywood(ward):

I’m an adult!

bowling alley carpet:

girl we’re having a discussion about my dumbass flirting via chappell roan songs on the video store insta

there are no adults here. only idiots

—

video description: a tiktok from user del.lanie. lanie, a nineteen year old girl with split dyed green/black hair and slightly tan skin, in a red leather jacket and black ripped jeans, does the hot to go dance with possibly the least amount of energy anyone has ever done it. she gives up by the end, laughing with her mouth covered and talking to someone off screen as she moves to turn the camera off. the caption, in the classic tiktok font, reads “when you fuck up your flirting game severely but at least your video store is going viral”

—

image description: an instagram post from some news site i don’t have the energy to come up with a name for rn. or the post itself actually. the caption reads “In a world where physical media seems to be moving away from public consumption, Russell’s Video World stands out like a sore thumb — for more reasons than one. The video store, located in Lake Elsinore, California, has taken over the spotlight after an Instagram story from its social media manager, Lanie Woodward. link to the rest of the story in our bio!”

comments:

del.lanie: WHY AM I ON INSTAGRAM NEWS HELLO???

↳ del.lanie: girl why are they full naming me… help…

del.lanie: also leave wendell + steven out of this?? this is my dumbassery what the hell did they do

↳ skysthelimit: shared sorrow is half sorrow or whatever !!

↳ del.lanie: yeah but this isn’t even sorrow this is just like. stupid

j.enna: if you told me twenty minutes ago i was going to see lanie frantically clarifying she *is* queer i would’ve laughed in your face

↳ del.lanie: *the most obviously pansexual girl you’ve seen in your life* “but is she gay though?????”

wendellmorris: bold of them to assume i was joking about lanie’s marketing techniques

↳ skysthelimit: “““““marketing”””””

—

Order Up: These Video Tapes are Hot to Go!

July 26, 2024

written by Marie Vienna

With streaming services constantly on the rise and the internet at our fingertips, stores like Blockbuster have more or less fallen to the wayside. One of these video stores, however, has recently come into the spotlight — and not for the reason you might expect.

Russell’s Video World, located in Lake Elsinore, California, is one of the few video stores remaining in the United States. It briefly blew up on the news after its management switch last month, its previous owner now in jail after being arrested for embezzling funds from the company and blaming it on his own employee. This landed the company a small cult following on the internet, with people deeply invested in the follow up, and their newfound social media presence was surely an added bonus. However, the store has found itself going viral once more for an entirely different reason.

On July 21st, 2024, a few eagle eyed fans noticed the store’s Instagram account posting a song on their notes. While this might not traditionally be much of an upset — brands always like to keep up with the trends, after all — they noted that Chappell Roan’s hit HOT TO GO! is not… usually the kind of thing a company might post. Hours later, social media manager Lanie Woodward posted on the store’s Instagram story, clarifying that posting the song was a mistake — and, incidentally, it was meant for her main account as a flirting technique.

[ screenshot of the story post ]

Woodward’s revival of the video store’s social media pages has been revolutionary for the company, her snark and humor mixed with her obvious, though reluctant, care for her job drawing fans in even from outside the city. She’s mostly known for her humorous interactions with commenters, especially her own coworkers. And, as a matter of fact, commenters have speculated about the nature of Woodward’s relationships with her coworkers — namely Wendell Morris and Steven Skyler, both of whom Woodward has posted with multiple times. Morris even added onto the initial post, joking that Woodward should “rationalize” posting more of Roan’s music on the store’s Instagram.

Most of this speculation has centered around which of Woodward’s friends she was referring to in her initial post, but, as some commenters have pointed out, she’d used the word crushes, as in plural. Perhaps there’s something going on behind the scenes we’re not privy to.

While the true nature of the post is, really, none of our business, it has created quite a stir on social media — a TikTok posted by Woodward on July 23rd about the matter gained five million views in no time at all. We just hope that, if nothing else, all ends well for the couple — or, possibly, the trio.

Have something to say? Our comment section is always open!

—

[ muscle man gender envy ]

sky’s the limit:

so

wendell thee morris:

so

sky’s the limit:

what’s it like being famous?

everything you’d dreamed of?

wendell thee morris:

shouldn’t you be asking lanie??

sky’s the limit:

…okay so i might be afraid of doing that

and i don’t know how to bring it up without being like “oh btw i know i already have a bf but i’m also desperately in love with you!!!”

yknow

like i don’t think she’d hate me? but i don’t want things to be weird

wendell thee morris:

okay. good news i think she’s incapable of hating you

unless something changed in the past month

which. a lot of things did actually

but you know what i mean

sky’s the limit:

yeah

but also wdym she’s incapable??

wendell thee morris:

well. uh

okay so you didn’t hear it from me

but um. pre-nsbu we used to… commiserate about our crushes

crush. i guess

on you

um. so idk if that’s changed for her but i don’t think so

sky’s the limit:

oh

well. that’s

hm

cute!

but also deeply confusing now

wendell thee morris:

yeah. sorry

❤️ ?

sky’s the limit:

💕 !!

—

russellsvideoworld just posted!

video description: lanie sits at the checkout counter of the store. she grins, saying “I hope she plays HOT TO GO!” as the words show up on the screen as well. the camera cuts to steven, an eighteen year old boy with medium length black hair and pale skin, wearing a white zip up jacket. he tries to fight off a laugh as he says “This is the grand reopening of Russell’s Video Word.” the camera then cuts to the front doors of the video store, where a line of people can be seen. hot to go does, in fact, play faintly in the background. the caption of the post itself reads “reposting for. uh. reasons!”

comments:

stxrfrxit: hot to go always at the scene of the crime… i know what you are

↳ del.lanie: i don’t even know you but you are the only person i trust around here

skysthelimit: untranses my gender so people stop calling lanie straight

↳ del.lanie: LMAO NO

↳ j.enna: when will the rumors end…

—

[ very serious work chat ]

bowling alley carpet:

gang how do i get the world to stop assuming i’m straight

like i *would* be incredibly passive aggressive and post a photo of me like. idk making out with a girl or something

but i don’t have one of those

so

sky’s the limit:

a girl?

wendell thee morris:

the photo?

everything is you:

the ability to make out with a girl?

bowling alley carpet:

all of the above

WAIT NO HANG ON

i have so much game you don’t even know

you’re just jealous you don’t understand my ways

everything is you:

the ways of posting chappell roan songs on the video store’s instagram by accident?

wendell thee morris:

okay genuine question

was it actually an accident

or was it some publicity stunt

bowling alley carpet:

no unfortunately i am actually that much of a dumbass

i’ve been trying to sort out the algorithm on the store’s explore page and apparently i did not switch off after i last did that

and then i was like “oh boy 1pm time for my daily really bad flirting!!”

but it went worse than even i could’ve anticipated

rust:

At least we’re getting business out of it!

bowling alley carpet:

yeah and they’re getting in MY business

do you guys think they’d count it as self defense if i stabbed someone after being asked for the five thousandth time if im straight

i think it’d be warranted atp

sky’s the limit:

i’ll help you hide the body!

bowling alley carpet:

love the enthusiasm!

mildly concerned but i still appreciate it!

[ muscle man gender envy ]

sky’s the limit:

that was too eager wasn’t it

wendell thee morris:

possibly

i think she’s also seen you murder several people before

so. not a dealbreaker necessarily

yknow. speaking from experience and all that

sky’s the limit:

yeah?

i’ll uh. keep that in mind

wendell thee morris:

yeah

good idea

[ how to lose a guy in ten days ]

wendell thee morris:

okay so i realize you are the worst person to ask

but also. what the fuck

[ IMG.098 ]

bowling alley carpet:

i feel like i should be offended but truly i don’t have the energy

?? am i allowed to ask what isn’t a dealbreaker or

wendell thee morris:

um. no…?

i didn’t realize that was there honestly

bowling alley carpet:

bro you cropped the image…

anyway idk what you want my advice on

or why you want my advice actually

like i know i was the only person to watch you guys kiss. or not kiss. several times actually

but y’all are dating??

i do not have special insider information here

wendell thee morris:

anyone ever tell you you’re the most obnoxious texter ever

bowling alley carpet:

why is THAT what you’re taking away from this conversation

anyway idk man just make out or whatever?? ur allowed to do that

wendell thee morris:

…honestly i don’t know what i expected

bowling alley carpet:

look man i've never actually been in a relationship

wendell thee morris:

what

bowling alley carpet:

so like. ur already multiple steps ahead of me

yeah?? this is like. common knowledge i fear

tbf i've also never done anything to change that fact so. that’s on me tbh!

wendell thee morris:

yet

bowling alley carpet:

??

what

wendell thee morris:

what

anyway uh thanks lanie!

bowling alley carpet:

…anytime?

[ california girls ]

bowling alley carpet:

jen

jenna

jennifer woodward

hollywood(ward):

did you just make a nickname of my name that’s longer than my actual name

bowling alley carpet:

yeah

i think i'm having an aneurysm???

[ IMG.284 ]

please tell me i’m not making up this conversation

hollywood(ward):

…dang was right you do just need to make out with one of them

bowling alley carpet:

i’m never speaking to any of you ever again

[ muscle man gender envy ]

wendell thee morris:

i am the dumbest person alive

[ IMG.078 ]

sky’s the limit:

…i’ll be over in ten

—

del.lanie just posted to their story!

image description: a close up shot of lanie’s face as she stares deadpan at the camera. the caption, in bright green serif font, reads “why are we so focused on me being straight or not bc i posted chappell roan one (1) time. i posted joyride by kesha once and no one called me a car so like??”

—

skysthelimit just posted!

image description: steven holds the camera, presumably, wearing a dark red t-shirt over a striped long sleeve shirt. his other arm is looped through lanie’s, and he smiles softly. lanie, in a blue zip up hoodie and a black t-shirt, grins at the camera, her free arm slung over wendell’s shoulders as she makes a peace sign. wendell, an eighteen year old boy with dark skin and glasses, wears a black sweatshirt with an indiscernible logo on it, making a matching peace sign and smiling. other assorted photos follow, including one of three cups of frozen yogurt, and one of wendell and lanie fake sword fighting with those inflatable things at the trampoline park, over a foam block pit. the caption reads “my favs 💕”

comments:

del.lanie: do you need a third

↳ del.lanie: wheel! third wheel

del.lanie: i literally love u guys <3

↳ skysthelimit: we will have a beautiful spring wedding

↳ wendellmorris: am i just roadkill in this situation??

↳ skysthelimit: no we’re going to have the first poly wedding in history

↳ del.lanie: i’m like 80% sure that’s not legal but honestly let’s do it baby i know the law

j.enna: god i love seeing lanie wearing shit i have never once seen in her closet

↳ del.lanie: jenna stop being a hater challenge!!!

↳ j.enna: dress for the weather then dork

↳ del.lanie: IT’S FUCKING JULY

wendellmorris: love you <3

↳ skysthelimit: <3

—

[ lanie’s mental breakdown liveblog (not clickbait!) ]

bowling alley carpet:

i think i’m going to lose my mind

like not willingly but it has already started happening

hollywood(ward):

don’t make me tap the sign (the chat name)

everything is you:

i think i need to study your brain

understand what the hell is going on up there

bowling alley carpet:

that’s my secret it’s just fucking hollow

lights on no one’s home

hollywood(ward):

okay but whose jacket is that. genuinely

i have never seen it in my life

bowling alley carpet:

sometimes i do things without you knowing

everything is you:

it’s wendell’s

bowling alley carpet:

i am going to throw myself into the sea

hollywood(ward):

LMFAO

that’s what i figured though. just wanted to check <3

bowling alley carpet:

okay but fr what do we think “we’re going to have the first poly wedding in history” means

hollywood(ward):

that you’re a moron

bowling alley carpet:

WHAT THE HELL

everything is you:

i think it’s a valid follow up to “do you need a third”

which was fucking wild btw. what are you smoking

bowling alley carpet:

unfortunately nothing

i would say that sometimes i just say shit but i did actually debate commenting that for like three minutes

and for some reason i landed on doing so

[ it’s all love now ]

everything is you:

look i’m not one to get involved

sky’s the limit:

you’re literally the one who set wendell n i up at lord’s but go on

everything is you:

…k so i forgot about that

but srsly. one of you needs to talk to lanie for the love of god

and also my sanity. and maybe jenna’s sanity

and lanie’s sanity also tbh i think she’s losing it a little

sky’s the limit:

am i allowed to ask what that means

or…?

everything is you:

yknow?

for some reason i think you already know

sky’s the limit:

ominous!

unfortunately true also

—

@ del.lanie

7 posts • 5298 followers • 34 following

lanie! she/her

social media rep @ russellsvideoworld

now playing: are you bored yet? (feat. clairo) • wallows

—

[ full of BPA ]

wendell thee morris:

lanie

what’s your deal

bowling alley carpet:

hello???

what the hell does that mean

sky’s the limit:

that ur posting sad songs on ur instagram again and it’s concerning

bowling alley carpet:

okay i’m honored you guys are concerned

but truly can a girl not yearn in peace

also wdym again it’s been vaguely horny for the past like. week

sky’s the limit:

yeah and that’s more concerning!!

what did they do!!

wendell thee morris:

i mean it's not really our business

like if you don’t want to talk about it that’s fine

but. if you do…

bowling alley carpet:

…

you guys know i’m demi right?

sky’s the limit:

…yeah?

bowling alley carpet:

cool

just making sure

wendell thee morris:

lanie you gotta start using your words

that means nothing

bowling alley carpet:

you’re both smart

you can figure it out

i believe in you <3

[ muscle man gender envy ]

wendell thee morris:

i’m going to commit a hate crime

i know that’s a bold move but sometimes lanie instills the rage of god in me

sky’s the limit:

…yeah okay

have fun!

—

wendellmorris just posted to their story!

image description: a black iphone covers up part of the shot, but two people are at least partially visible — the side of a pale neck and shoulder, with a few bruises visible, and a dark chin hooked over the shoulder. their faces are cropped out, but we can all use context clues.

—

sorry, this post has been deleted!

—

[ lanie’s mental breakdown liveblog (not clickbait!) ]

hollywood(ward):

just heard lanie scream violently from upstairs which cannot mean anything good for us

y'know del you could make a killing in horror movies

bowling alley carpet:

IM GOIGN TO LOSE MY SHIT JEN

USE YOUR WORDS THIS MOTHERFUCKER SAYS

AND THEN TURNS AROUND AND

FUCKING HELL DUDE

everything is you:

did we miss something

bowling alley carpet:

hey so you can’t see if people screenshot your insta story right

it’s not like snapchat

hollywood(ward):

…jesus christ lanie

i mean no. they can’t see it. but like

lanie

what the hell

bowling alley carpet:

WHY AM I THE WEIRD ONE HERE

should i be petty and post casual

hollywood(ward):

no you should have an actual goddamn conversation with them for once in your life

everything is you:

^^

i still have no fuckin clue what’s going on but like

agreed

bowling alley carpet:

i won’t post it for the sake of u guys and the fact that i am the down bad one here

and also that weirdly feels like an HR violation even though we aren’t at work rn

but just know. wendell is a fucking menace. never let anyone tell you otherwise

and i’m going to kill him

i like him too much he has to die

hollywood(ward):

i think that might be the first time you’ve ever actually admitted your crush on him!

usually you just send minor threats

…oh my god he deleted the story

bowling alley carpet:

i’m

it’s been five minutes????

hollywood(ward):

del

be honest with me

do you have their post notifications on

bowling alley carpet:

no actually i’m just chronically online

i’m not that bad yet

also like… girl what were YOU doing at the devil’s sacrament 👀

hollywood(ward):

right place right time i guess

i did not want to see the post. i have a whole husband lanie

bowling alley carpet:

you cannot start preaching to ME of all people abt monogamy

hollywood(ward):

okay fair

anyway. how did we get from “lanie posts hot to go on the wrong instagram account” to… whatever that story post was

in the span of like… a week and a half

i don’t think i can look either of them in the eye for the next week

bowling alley carpet:

LMFAO that’s my line i think

anyway idk earlier they were questioning my song choices again

which. idk why NOW is when we’re choosing to worry about that. but anyway

like this is not my wildest song choice

hollywood(ward):

…what was the rest of the conversation?

bowling alley carpet:

uh

[ IMG.244 ]

hollywood(ward):

okay yeah

this has nothing to do with your song choices del

everything is you:

dang dude

i didn’t realize they were THAT bad

bowling alley carpet:

YEAH DUDE

i mean. okay yes i could actually say what i mean more often. i am aware of my own flaws

but they’re not stupid!! and i know this!!

they could put the pieces together if they tried!!

AND YET!!!!

everything is you:

okay

so you aren’t gonna like this

i really do think you need to talk to them

and i get it. that shit’s hard

but you’re kinda just making it worse for everyone involved

unless you enjoy whatever psychological warfare bullshit you’ve got goin on rn

bowling alley carpet:

i don’t *enjoy* it it’s just. easier

i’m just

i don’t want to lose them

and i don’t want to be like “hey btw i know you’ve had a thing going on for like months now but i’m deeply in love with both of you if you even care!! which you shouldn’t!!”

hollywood(ward):

you made a whole joke about being their third

steven LITERALLY said you guys would have the first poly wedding in history

del. i love you. you’re my favorite sister in the world

but you’re also a fucking idiot sometimes

bowling alley carpet:

…i’ll think about it

and i’m your only sister dumbass

—

stella! @ stcrfruit

deeply obsessed with the love triangle happening at this video store rn

stella! @ stcrfruit

like i can’t stress enough i have nothing to do w this store. i’m not even in the us. i’m also deeply invested in the outcome of this

monabus @ monaslisas

LITERALLY i’m obsessed w their social media manager

kat :3 @ kittiekatarina

no fr like i didn’t have “random video store going viral bc their employees are in love or whatever” on my 2024 bingo card but honestly?? loving it

holding out for a hero @ kizunamusicz

i cannot tell if it’s a publicity stunt or not but god i hope not bc this is the most fun i've had on the internet in a while

monabus @ monaslisas

nah have you seen her personal acc? i think homegirl is genuinely going through it

kat :3 @ kittiekatarina

im p sure the two guys are dating so like. yeah i’d also be going through it tbh!

monabus @ monaslisas

NOOOOO WHAT

monabus @ monaslisas

I MEAN GOOD FOR THEM LMFAO i just feel bad for her ://

gorgeous girls drink gasoline @ delanie

yeah me too girl. me too

—

del.lanie just posted!

image description: a selfie taken from a higher angle, but not unflattering. lanie, in a cropped black tank top and denim shorts, looks up at the camera with the slightest of smirks. the caption reads “call me hot not pretty”

comments:

wendellmorris: okay bet

↳ del.lanie: do it you won’t!!

skysthelimit: pick me!! choose me!!

↳ del.lanie: always 💛

j.enna: i love that you know one song ever

↳ del.lanie: look i accidentally cultivated the brand the least i can do is stick to it

—

[ muscle man gender envy ]

sky’s the limit:

i think ,, i’m dead?

i think i died?

i think maybe this is heaven?

wendell thee morris:

i’m glad one of us can make words rn

bc i think im dissociating

sky’s the limit:

i mean. barely

i think,, maybe we should talk

oh wait nvm you have that family thing today right?

wendell thee morris:

yeah ://

i can try to get out of it though

you and lanie should definitely talk. at least

i don’t necessarily have to be there

sky’s the limit:

you sure?

i feel like that kind of defeats the purpose lol

wendell thee morris:

i mean. one of us has to do something eventually

well. i guess we don’t?? historically speaking

but we should

probably

sky’s the limit:

lol you don’t think the passive aggressive photos you guys have been posting back and forth are the best way to go about this?

…you are sure about this right

like i know this has kind of always been A Thing but also you’re my boyfriend

which i think is a little more important in this scenario

wendell thee morris:

hey

steven

sky’s the limit:

hi :)

wendell thee morris:

i love you

go kiss a pretty girl

sky’s the limit:

LMAO okay

love u too <3

[ royal flush ]

sky’s the limit:

lanie

bowling alley carpet:

hi

sky’s the limit:

do you want to come over?

it’s been a while since we hung out :(

bowling alley carpet:

it’s been like four days lol

miss me that much?

sky’s the limit:

always :)

bowling alley carpet:

oh

yeah i can be there in

uh

so i don’t have a car

or a license actually

sky’s the limit:

lol i’ll be over in ten

bowling alley carpet:

mkay!!

[ lanie’s mental breakdown liveblog (not clickbait!) ]

bowling alley carpet:

i am so stupid

i should win dumbest bitch alive award

hollywood(ward):

okay slow down hon

what happened

bowling alley carpet:

[ IMG.296 ]

how the fuck am i supposed to function normally

like he’s like “let’s hang out!! :)” and i'm like “okay!! i’ll just ignore the overwhelming urge to kiss you the entire time i guess!!!!”

everything is you:

or don’t

just go for it

bowling alley carpet:

so are we just ignoring the part where he has a bf already or…

everything is you:

yeah dude

a bf who is also painfully into u

hollywood(ward):

look i spend about ten minutes a week with either of them

and that’s when i feel like it

so maybe i’m not immensely qualified to talk on this

but they’re pretty damn obvious

everything is you:

steven doesn’t even work @ the store anymore and he still splits his time there between you n wendell

yknow. his actual boyfriend

bowling alley carpet:

okay okay i get it

i will. maybe not ignore the urge to kiss him?

hollywood(ward):

good enough!

bowling alley carpet:

if this goes horribly wrong i’m blaming you

hollywood(ward):

yeah yeah i'll take you for the good ice cream downtown

bowling alley carpet:

oh FUCK yeah dude

wait. but i don’t want it to go bad

hollywood(ward):

well

we’ll see

bowling alley carpet:

okay anyway he’s in the driveway so i will update you all later!!

no news is good news though

probably

—

[ california girls ]

bowling alley carpet:

hey

jen

what it mean when cute boy lay on you and play with ur hair

hollywood(ward):

jesus fucking christ lanie just kiss him already

bowling alley carpet:

OKAY GODDAMN

—

Lanie sets her phone on the armrest with a groan, even though she isn’t really that upset with Jenna, just upholding her brand of being unnecessarily dramatic in the least important situations. She’ll save her energy for the serious conversations.

Steven picks his head up off her shoulder, gives her an amused yet concerned look. “You okay?”

“Jenna wants me dead,” she says, throwing her head back against the couch and grinning when she hears him laugh.

It’s a good laugh. She wasn’t lying in Lord’s when she said he was pretty.

God, she needs to get a grip before she starts ruining her closest friendships.

When she looks back, there’s still a ghost of a smile on Steven’s face, but he looks anxious, and she realizes he’s tense where their shoulders are pressed together. She means to ask him if he’s okay, but he bites his lip and she suddenly forgets how to form coherent thoughts.

“Hey, Lanie?” he says eventually, not meeting her eye. She hums in acknowledgment. “You remember the Amazon, right?”

She does, in fact, remember the Amazon. Very clearly, actually, despite the absolute insanity that followed, which she’s tried and failed to pick apart and make any sense of. But the Amazon itself — yeah, it’s in there clear as day. She remembers Steven running, and wanting to follow but knowing she might be one of the worst people to do so, and trying to talk Wendell out of his self depreciation and immediately failing, and watching the two of them kiss for real this time, and singing jaguars and old men maybe sort of coming back to life and eating dirt and suiting up.

She remembers overhearing I meant it with you and trying to swallow her jealousy before it burst.

“Unfortunately,” she says, because that’s easier, and the smile on her face does not match how she feels. “Which part?”

Steven swallows, and Lanie is suddenly hyper aware of the fact that this is not going to be a normal conversation. He looks up at her, dark eyes wide, and she forces herself not to reach out for him. It’s one of the more difficult things she’s done.

“I— I know I kissed Wendell,” he says, which is not what she’s expecting. “And, like, obviously I don’t regret that. That would be weird. But…”

He turns so he’s sitting sideways on the couch, and Lanie follows because she doesn’t know what else to do, because she’s a planet in his orbit and she’s never been able to pull away. Her heart is in her throat and it’s threatening to burst out. He grabs her hand and she thinks she might combust.

“I regret not kissing you,” he says, and it comes out in a rush she’s only barely able to understand. “And I know you’d said not right now, and that’s—“

“It was stupid,” Lanie interrupts, because it was, and she wants to hit her head against the wall every time she thinks about it. “The— I wanted to. But it was a whole… thing.”

It sounds like an excuse, and in many ways it is one. She didn’t want to undo the entire conversation she’d just had with Wendell. She didn’t want to test how much control their action movie personas had over them. She wanted to kill her fucking boss.

She looks away, which is impressive because she’s never been able to before, picks at a loose thread on her jacket sleeve. “I didn’t want to kiss you for the first time in the body of a lesbian in the middle of the jungle,” she says, which is also the truth.

No response. She looks up to find Steven staring at her, wide eyed and flushed, lips forming an o shape she can’t possibly be normal about. She’s used to getting a reaction out of people — some might say that’s her entire brand. She’s decidedly less used to wanting that reaction to mean something.

“Oh,” he says, barely above a whisper. “Um. Okay. So you—”

Lanie takes a breath, cannonballs into the deep end. “I’ve been a little bit in love with you since you started at the video store.”

Lanie Woodward is many things. A flirt. A walking HR nightmare, according to her coworkers (which is fucking bold, by the way, she’s seen them). The lowkey viral social media manager for her job. Deeply, incredibly obvious about her crushes on her best friends.

Genuine is not one of them. Not usually, at least. Honesty fucking terrifies her, because she’s been lonely her entire life and she doesn’t think she can stand rejection from the people who looked right through her and chose to stay with her anyway.

She takes in the look on Steven’s face and realizes she’s never said any of that out loud before. Right. Okay. That’s cool, she’s just got to pick up the pieces now, put them back together with hot glue and sheer willpower.

“You don’t have to, like, do anything about that,” she clarifies. “I just… you should know. At this point. I can back off, if you want—”

She doesn’t get to finish, because Steven apparently has one move for getting people to stop talking, and she wasn’t really expecting that to ever be an issue for her, but there’s a hand on her face and lips on hers and she’s suddenly incredibly aware of the fact she’s never kissed anyone before.

He pulls away all too soon, and she presses her tongue to the roof of her mouth to prevent any sort of sound she might make at that. “Sorry,” he apologizes, for some fucking reason, like Lanie hasn’t dreamed of this since sometime in high school. “That was— I really like you, too. But I never knew how much of what you said was real, and I didn’t want to assume, so…”

Lanie reaches up, brushes his hair out of his face like she’s always wanted to. “With you?” she asks, and her voice comes out hoarser than she expects. “All of it.”

Steven blinks, grins. “Okay,” he says, somewhere between hopeful and eager and something she can’t quite place. “Okay. Well.”

This is stupid, Lanie decides, and grabs the collar of his shirt to pull him down to her again.

The first kiss was pretty much nothing, in all honesty. Just the pressing of lips against lips — which is, if you’re to get technical, the legal definition of a kiss. Lanie does not have time for definitions, though, and this is immediately not just that, anyway. She falls back against the couch, hands tangled in Steven’s hair as he follows her down, his arms resting on either side of her head as he props himself up. She feels like she should be overwhelmed. Her brain kind of isn’t in her body enough to worry about that.

His teeth graze her bottom lip, tongue poking out hesitantly, and she immediately, hungrily lets him in, because she doesn’t know what she’s doing, because she wants. And it’s selfish, and stupid, and a million other things she’s tried and failed not to be over the span of the past few months fading into years, but here and now she can’t find a single reason to stop herself.

It takes most of her willpower to keep from making a sound, even though she doesn’t know why she’s so worried about that, not when she’s never had to worry about him making fun of her, not for real. It’s a pride thing, mostly, she thinks — she’s used to being the suave one, the cool and collected one even when she doesn’t really feel it. She’s a little tired of it.

Lanie’s always run warm, which is convenient when everyone around her always seems to be freezing. This isn’t necessarily an issue, but it does mean she jolts when Steven’s alarmingly cold hands slip under her shirt, and he pulls back for a second to whisper out an apology before moving down to kiss her neck. She gives up on any pretense of being cool, even if the whine she lets out is still deeply embarrassing. He doesn’t comment on it, just grins against what’s surely going to be a bruise later, and she can’t even be upset.

Or, well, she could, but most of her brain cells aren’t really working right now, so. Maybe later. Probably not, though.

He tugs at her shirt, and she pushes the both of them upright, miraculously, to give him better access. It takes some fumbling — which might be her own fault, but they’ll deal with that later — but eventually her shirt ends up… somewhere. They can deal with that later, too.

“Is this okay?” Steven asks, scanning her face.

Lanie bites back the urge to mention that it might be a little late for that, because she knows if she even hinted that she was uncomfortable they’d stop. “Yeah,” she says instead, and it comes out breathless but she doesn’t care because she’s wanted this for months. “Your parents are, like, out out, right?”

He stares at her. “That’s your issue?”

“I mean, I don’t really want their first impression of me to be that girl their son’s making out with on their couch even though he currently has a boyfriend,” she says, face flushing impossibly redder. “So. A little?”

He still just… looks at her, and she might be uncomfortable if it were anyone else, but all she can think is that she hopes he finds something in there he likes. It’s very dramatic, all things considered. Things such as her being shirtless on his couch and him being half in her lap.

“You really are pretty,” he says eventually, like this is a normal thing to say out of nowhere.

She’s so unprepared for it that she can’t quite stop the strangled cough that makes its way out of her mouth. He laughs, soft and gorgeous, and she melts.

This is also a deeply unbalanced situation, so she leans forward to kiss him again, twists her fingers in the hem of his shirt. Her tongue presses against his mouth, and he makes a surprised sound that turns into something satisfied, and she drinks it in with a grin. It’s intoxicating.

She’s in the middle of pulling his shirt off when someone’s phone buzzes. It’s too far away to be hers, but it can’t be anything important, so they ignore it. Except it buzzes again, and Steven reluctantly pulls away — though not out of Lanie’s grip, she notices with a giddy spark in her chest — to pat around the couch for it. She assumes, perhaps wrongly, that he’s going to turn it off, and while it looks like it for a second, he just laughs and shakes his head.

“It’s just Wendell,” he says, and he doesn’t sound concerned, but something electric and terrifying shoots up her spine.

“Right,” she says carefully. “And he’s, like… cool with this? I’m not the mistress here?”

It might be the wrong thing to say, if only for the immediately concerned look Steven gives her. “What? Holy shit, Lanie, no, this is— he has a family thing later, otherwise he’d have been here.”

Relief spreads through her, cool and soothing, and she relaxes even though she didn’t know she was tense. “Okay. Cool. Just… checking.” They sit there for a moment. “You planning on texting him back?”

“Oh! I, uh.” Steven flushes. “I didn’t know— you’re right here— I mean—”

Lanie leans forward, kisses the corner of his mouth. “Text your boyfriend back, dork. I’m here as long as you want me.”

She hooks her chin over his shoulder and pretends not to hear the way he mumbles forever.

—

[ muscle man gender envy ]

wendell thee morris:

so uh

how’s it going

sky’s the limit:

well

i’m with lanie rn so. pretty good!

wendell thee morris:

yeah i know?

…wait

OH FUCK WAIT IM SORRY

GO DO YOUR THING

sky’s the limit:

well lanie says you’ve already ruined the moment

so

[ IMG.092 ]

> image description: a selfie, cropped just enough. steven grins at the camera, white t-shirt rumpled. lanie leans against his shoulder, a lazy grin on her face. there are faint, scattered bruises on her neck.

wendell thee morris:

holy shit

brb changing my lock screen

sky’s the limit:

lanie just shouted no

i think my eardrum exploded

DUDE OH MY GOD sorry just. don’t be that guy

wendell thee morris:

hi lanie

what could that possibly mean

sky’s the limit is calling…

—

At least Steven waits for the call to connect before he gets up, Lanie thinks. It isn’t enough to stop her glare, but her glare isn’t worth much right now anyway, bright and giddy as she feels. He just kisses her cheek, grins, and walks off across the room. She feels like she should be offended. She doesn’t think she physically can right now.

The call connects with a click, but she’s pretty sure the real sound that signifies it is Wendell choking to death on absolutely nothing.

“Holy shit,” he says, and then looks embarrassed enough she thinks it’s a reflex. “I mean— oh God, hang on—”

While she would usually love to watch him flounder, she can’t help but laugh, loud enough that it ends up stopping him anyway as he stares at her in wonder. “You’re fine, Wen. I’m flattered, really.”

“Yeah, but you’re, like…” he flaps his hand vaguely, which tells her nothing, “a person. And I don’t— I don’t want to be… weird.”

Secretly, she thinks most of their situation could be labelled weird. She doesn’t say that, though, instead tilting her head with a smirk. “Romance is alive.”

—

[ very serious work chat ]

bowling alley carpet:

scale of one to ten how offended would you be if someone told you “i know you’re like… a person”

wendell thee morris:

scale of one to ten how much would you care if i killed lanie

bowling alley carpet:

wowwwww double standard

wendell thee morris:

we are actively on facetime rn

everything is you:

like a solid 3 and 8

what the hell are you two talking about

wendell thee morris:

lanie’s a goddamn menace

bowling alley carpet:

oh yeah I’M the menace in this situation

(“What happened to ‘use your words’?” she mutters.

The camera’s pointed at the ceiling now as she clicks out her messages on her own phone. Wendell just laughs.)

everything is you:

…hang on

holy shit

rust:

Am I missing something??

everything is you:

i mean nothing that isn’t already obvious

bowling alley carpet:

yeah

it’s called steven’s looking for my shirt while wendell acts like he’s never seen a girl in his life

everything is you:

…dang

jenna’s gonna be pissed you didn’t tell her first

rust:

Lanie this is why you’re our HR’s nightmare

bowling alley carpet:

there are five of us in this chat and one of them doesn’t even work here anymore

i think we crossed the coworkers line about the time we all got sucked into an action movie via alien tech

wendell thee morris:

there are definitely more than five of us in this chat

bowling alley carpet:

ugh fine

there are five of us in this chat who actually know how to USE said chat

is that better?

wendell thee morris:

yeah :)

—

“You are so fucking lucky I love you,” Lanie threatens, picking Steven’s phone back up to glare uselessly at Wendell.

He makes another strangled sort of sound, which is kind of strange because she was fairly certain he’d become more confident after the whole movie thing, but it’s cute even if she’s a little afraid to admit that aloud, so she doesn’t say anything about it. She smiles, a little more genuine than her usual smirk, because she’s kind of tired and doesn’t really have the energy to pretend like she doesn’t care. Which sounds counterintuitive, but she’s put work into this facade. It just… doesn’t mean much anymore.

“You…” Wendell starts and doesn’t finish, like he’s afraid of the answer.

Lanie laughs, and it would sound mocking to anyone else, but there’s a fondness only she could muster. “I’ve told you that before, dork.” He deflates, and she sighs. “I’m not confessing to you over fucking FaceTime, Wendell.”

His gaze snaps up, shocked and maybe a little flustered. ”Right,” he says like he’s trying to convince himself. “Okay. Yeah. That’s… smart.”

It truly might be the only intelligent thing any of them have done regarding each other — between Lord’s and the Amazon and whatever the hell happened at their not-actually-closing work party, they’ve all gone about this very stupidly. It’s so deeply on brand, though, that she can’t really be upset.

She starts to tell her story, once she finally remembers there was a point to this conversation, and doesn’t consider how long Steven’s been out of the room compared to how long it should take to find a shirt. It can’t have gone that far. The house really isn’t that big. She only gets a sliver of the way through, though, before she looks back at the camera and realizes Wendell has not been paying attention to a single word she’s said.

“Wen,” she says, not quite accusatory, because that would imply she’s upset about part of this, but definitely sharper than usual. He looks up at her like a startled cat, and she softens. “You there, bud?”

“I— fuck.” He buries his face in his hands with a groan. “I’m sorry, really, I don’t mean to… be a creep or whatever, I just— you’re… there, and that’s not an excuse but—”

“I saved your story yesterday,” she blurts out, and she doesn’t mean to say it, and she regrets it immediately, but it shuts him up all the same. “The, uh. The one of you and Steven. I assume. That you deleted after, like, five minutes.”

Great. Someone get her a shovel so she can just keep digging her own goddamn grave. This was so much easier when she was drunk and didn’t know what the hell she was saying.

She watches the cogs turn in his brain as he processes that, hoping he doesn’t think she’s a freak.

“Oh,” he eventually says, which is maybe the least helpful response. “Okay. Like— okay. Just… because?”

“Because I’m stupid and I panicked and also am deeply attracted to both of you, yeah,” she says, dry as possible in hopes it’ll hide the weight of her feelings.

Something hits the side of her face, and she’s never been more grateful for someone throwing a shirt at her before now. Steven sits down beside her, plucks his phone out of her hand as she slips on the shirt. It gives her time to sort out her feelings, at least somewhat, because she thinks she might start hyperventilating soon.

It’s not until she has the shirt fully on that she realizes it is not, in fact, hers. She stares at the fabric for a moment, then up at Steven.

“This isn’t my shirt,” she says, perhaps redundantly. “I don’t even think this is your shirt.”

He grins, and it’s almost enough to take her attention away from the fact she does recognize the shirt he’s wearing — because she’d taken it from her own closet hours ago. There’s something slightly possessive about the whole thing. It lights a spark in her chest, bright and burning.

“Is that where that went?” Wendell asks. “God. You’re all terrible.”

“You love us,” Steven chirps, and Lanie leans back against his shoulder.

Wendell looks literally everywhere except the two of them. “That’s… not important.”

There’s something layered in there, something too heavy for three in the afternoon, so Lanie watches Steven laugh and shifts against him. “Okay,” she says, “can I actually tell my story now?”

They settle in, and they listen, and she tells her story, because junior year she’d found a phone in her APUSH class, went to check the lock screen for any indication of whose it was, and came face to face with a shirtless Cassie Langstrom, who she wasn’t aware even had a boyfriend. And then Ms. Garcia had made her figure out whose phone it actually was, which meant she had to puzzle out who in the entirety of their high school could have been the girl’s boyfriend.

It was some senior, by the way. He was a fucking creep.

At the moment, though, Lanie doesn’t think about the implications of the story. She focuses on her boys, and their laughter, and the softness in Wendell’s eyes and the way Steven’s arm wraps around her waist without any sort of expectation. She lets herself be, allows herself to love, and basks in the knowledge that she’s loved in return.

—

wendellmorris just posted to their story!

image description: wendell, on the right side of the image, holds the camera, grinning. lanie is asleep on his shoulder, and steven is asleep on her chest, her arm wrapped around him. the caption, in blue arial font, reads “worst movie night ever”

skysthelimit just posted to their story!

image description: a screenshot of the previous story, shrunken down. an added caption, in pink arial font, reads “love u 💕”

del.lanie just posted to their story!

image description: a screenshot of the original story, shrunken down. an added caption, in green serif font, reads “love does win guys!”

—

russellsvideoworld just posted!

image description: a photo of the employees of russell’s video world… and steven, in front of the store. russell, on the leftmost side of the image, stands like he’s trying and failing to strike a trendy pose. it shouldn’t be working for him like it is. wendell stands next to him, a little awkward, holding hands with steven, who looks as casual as if he never left. lanie has an arm around his shoulders and her other around dang’s, who holds up a peace sign. paula and usha, on the far right side, stand like they’re in a family photo. everyone is, to an extent, smiling.

video description: someone shakily holds the camera, bringing it up to see lanie’s face. she grins as usual, flashes a peace sign as if on instinct. it drops as she realizes what’s playing — HOT TO GO!, because of course it is. “can i have one day to myself?!” she shouts, stomping off to presumably find the source of the music. steven’s laughter can be heard behind the camera.

the caption of the post reads “thank you everyone for all the support recently! remember, we’re always hot to go here at russell’s video world ;)”

comments:

del.lanie: the caption wasn’t endorsed by russell but tbh what is here

j.enna: WE BROUGHT IT BACK FOLKS

↳ del.lanie: and the world had no faith in me smh

stxrfrxit: i feel like a proud parent??

↳ kittykatarina: so real those are my parents (i am the same age as them)

↳ monaabus: yall see the stories the other day??

↳ stxrfrxit: dms !!

russellfeeld2: Thanks for all your work, Lanie!

↳ del.lanie: yeah ofc! i’ll try to get the entirety of instagram deeply invested in my love life more often

skysthelimit: <3

↳ wendellmorris: <3

↳ del.lanie: <3

—

@ del.lanie

8 posts • 5437 followers • 34 following

lanie! she/her

social media rep @ russellsvideoworld

now playing: love song • beach bunny

[seb-owns-these-tatas]

Witcher of the Night (Chapter 23.2)

CHAPTER 23.1

WOTN MASTERLIST

Summary: Higher Vampires are known to be incredibly intelligent. Whence, Tybalt of Toussaint may also possess some humanly emotions just like how mortals do.

Warnings: Blood. Gore. Gory. I think I haven't been too descriptive in this part? I don't wanna say any more in the summary. I don't wanna spoil anything. The usual blasphemy.

Words: 3.2k (short, I know. Heh. Should've been included in the last chapter but I didn't. I think this deserves to have an own chapter.) Short but would give such emotions. I hope. 😉

A/N: Ugh. I thought school has been postponed in my country. It should've been postponed. I have no money and I'm terribly not in the mood everyday to even do anything---what about studying then? Updates will be slower because of the anxiety I'm having. Your words help the anxiety lessen a few whenever you comment for WOTN. Heehee! Mwah!

TAGLIST IS STILL OPEN FOR THIS ONE! Heehee! Don’t forget to REBLOG, COMMENT OR GIVE FEEDBACK IF YOU DID LOVE THIS CHAPTER! IT’LL MAKE ME SMILE! Sorry for the grammatical errors and such because English isn’t my mother tongue! PLEASE LEAVE FEEDBACK AFTER READING, BB! I apologize for errors!

Disclaimer: PNG's and pictures used in edits are not mine even the GIF's too. (All taken from Tumblr so credits to the rightful owners of the gifs) However, the edits and this fanfic is definitely from moi. Character development and personalities are based from my understanding and how I want them to be. This has no connection towards the books, games or show. First line was taken from a Geralt quote. (Here in Tumblr) I don't know if it was from the show because I hardly remember lines or scripts. (I'm forgetful as heck) LMAO. But, I can hear him saying it inside my head rn.

MY WORKS ARE NOT NOT NOT NOT NOOOOOOT TO BE POSTED ON ANY OTHER WEBSITES. My official username in Wattpad is “TATATHEPOTATO” and that’s the only other site I have for writing aside from Tumblr. Thank you, Tater tots!

"I run into dilemmas all the time. Situations where it's hard to judge, hard to know what's right, make a decision. This is not one of them. You both disgust me and deserve to die,"

"What---what the bloody fuck, Witcha'?!"

"I didn't peg you to be an adopted vampire who suckles on that hag's slandering, inimical greed for power. You're intelligent. But, you use it for foolish purposes,"

"Feckin' heck! Yer' attacking me now? Want to pick up a battle in the middle of feckin' Bethleheigm's forest?!"

"Tybalt of Toussaint. You and your cunning sorceress wasted my time all along,"

Geralt of Rivia snarled through gritted teeth, the vampire grounded to a tree where the witcher has him pinned with a tough hand on his shoulder, while the other held a blade pointed to his heart, "---have been blood-guilty since the prince has even been born,"

He was certainly led on by their wiles. The sorceress and the higher vampire. Geralt was sure that the queen had no idea as to what they've done; as to what Ingrith has done. From the curse of Makeda's son up until the point where she has been the king's mistress. Though, the witcher knew he was done for all their bullshit that has been put up. All his energy wasted for a devil's snare that he obviously has been caged in.

He should've listened to you instead when you have tried shushing him in the middle of his impulsive decision making with the king. The white wolf trusted more of his knowledge rather than the instincts that his guts have been telling him.

Geralt should've trusted his midget more than himself. Most of the time, his decisions were always the worst if we could talk about what happened in the past.

"I wasn't taken in that time yet, Witcha'! The feckin' sorceress didn't take me before the prince has even been born!"

Tybalt struggled against his hold, fighting off Geralt's strength and trying to shrug his hand away. He could simply wave him in hand to hand combat, their strengths matching with one another. Perhaps, the Higher Vampire was stronger than the witcher. Yet, Geralt's anger was rather compelling versus Tybalt's sudden cedes, "---Guess, the truth always and will be set free no matter how we---!"

The latter heard the blade of his silver sword ripping his fabric apart due to being constraint physically. Geralt growled beneath his chest, vibrating through his armor that startled Rohesia who sat on a piece of log.

As Geralt convinced the old woman to come with, they've left her home. Notwithstanding his newly found strength of convincing or better yet, begging that he somehow catches himself trapped in. He sounded pitiful to be begging from a mortal to save his own human. The witcher couldn't imagine nor see himself to be in his own shoes right at that moment.

They've went on with their journey going back to Kaedwen. Tybalt looking oh-so-dumbfounded to see the woman who he talked to years ago about Geralt's existence---how they wanted this specific witcher to lure them in for another shitful death. Vesemir's prior visits never being mentioned to the vampire because she knows how they were trying to remove them in the continent one by one with their unreasonable rationales.

The white wolf was quiet, utterly speechless when he'd seen the vampire. His teeth tightly gritted together behind close mouth. Jaw set to bark deep profanities as to how he has been foolish not to point fingers at them from the start.

Hence, which is why; in the middle of hunting for a deer, Geralt had wildly attacked Tybalt. Face being punched from the witcher's fist and having no time to draw his sword from his back. The latter stumbled from his attack, but eventually recovered in an inhumane amount of time---at least, a second of using his agility to fight back. His vampire claws itching to grow but he was trying not to use them for what guilt was setting him reluctant over a battle with the witcher.

Tybalt needed the blood that Geralt spat on the ground when he'd given him a strong punch to the face. Their brawl being a release of their own frustrations over each other until the higher vampire began to try and use his invisibility with Geralt that made the witcher huff and growl, making him draw his sword out of his back as Tybalt stood on top of a tree branch, invisible and owning no shadow.

The witcher felt where he was hiding and had to use Igni to push him back. Fire slightly burning the side of his bearded face that instantly regenerated in a few minutes. Geralt's vexation for him even becoming more insufferable when the higher vampire hauled him over to the ground, pinning him down. But, the white wolf's anger was determined to come back to the castle with his cut-off head in his hand.

Resulting onto their current position against a tree with hearts blaring for rage, the witcher's resentment over your heart being kept at a trembling bay for whatever was giving you more and more questions about him.

"This was an endless hunt---Midget was right." he grumbled and barked, sending a nasty scowl.

"She knew?" Tybalt spat with a sardonic laugh, "---I thought it was er' affection that ye' didn't trust---I didn't thought ye' actually don't trust er' at all."

Geralt's conscience tingled with the need to have a battle with him until he was contented. He pushed him further against the wood, his amber glazing with a major amount of fury. Red as people can describe for his fueled wrath for anyone in his way.

Tybalt wasn't fighting back as he could read him through his eyes, indignation filled within them that made him emit a shaky cackle because of how he explained to Ingrith that their horrid truth will eventually be set free in the future. The unlucky fate they had was that Geralt has happened to know it rather than another mortal that they could murder just like the previous ones who Rohesia has spilled the beans over the issue.

But, this was Geralt. Gwynbleidd. The infamous butcher. If he would tell Tybalt how he didn't have feelings, then it was all just a damn lie because he was being controlled over his own spleen.

Tybalt of Toussaint was a cuckoo for even trying to rattle his cage. Geralt's teeth untamely barred as time was being spent with him. His hostility skyrocketing after knowing how he has been fooled.

"Heard the visions inside yer' head when ye' were talking in your sleep, Butcher." a heavy beat of silence, "---Ye' believe she'll eventually leave because it might be the destiny for a lass who lived in another world. Yer' fearful that she'll die in your hands. Scared that she'll leave ye' behind and grow old earlier than ye' do because she ain't no mutant like ye. The fight ye' had with er' was quite entertaining to be honest. Too childish to think that yer' still feckin' that sorceress ye' had. No questions asked. I must prefer to choose the unchaste one if ye' ask me---no wonder you want the woman who makes my palates tingle. She's fresh, young and smells bloody good! Sure enough, she's no vestal as she may seem anymore because I know ye' fucked that woman---oh, fuck ye' bloody mutant!"

Tybalt hasn't finished his sentence about diminishing his old flame and current one. The witcher didn't hesitate but give him a strong jab to his jaw, making Tybalt spit his own blood on the ground with a hearty laugh, earning a grimace from Geralt himself. His jaw tensing and clenching tighter than ever from hearing such things.

The higher vampire grinned like a Cheshire cat, teeth painted in crimson red from how the witcher has made him bust his lip from being punched in the face. He could avoid them if he wanted to, but he felt like his assaults and madness were well deserved for what they both have caused to his family, especially to you. It was about time Geralt would seethe into his own pique. The witcher should've done it since then---but, Tybalt has escaped back in the marketplace; escaping his profound wrath.

"Is the mighty witcher's weakness, a mere mortal who knows nothing of you, yer' past and the continent---were ye' even honest to her? told everythin' about yer' nauseating stories?"

Geralt growled another, his words vibing a snappy snarl as he grumbled so deeply, "Fuck. You went deep inside my head." he held onto his sword's hilt tighter, penetrating the sharp blade onto Tybalt's skin, blood seeping through his clothing which has ignited a deep groan and whimper from the latter.

"---Vampires. I loathe your kind."

The white wolf was about to deepen his blade against his chest, Tybalt's punctured wound oozing of claret blood. Geralt's actions making the old woman gasp from where she sat afar, seeing that they weren't having their little playtime anymore as it was all serious. Blood and wounds involving his interrogation over the Upir.

"Stop...Stop yer' horses," Tybalt whimpered, not knowing whether to laugh or revel in the pain as to how it felt to be stabbed on his chest. This was like an imbecile move for him; to accept such blade for the guilt he was feeling over his actions towards you---a mortal who had no idea what was happening in the first place.

Maybe, there was still a teeny-tiny amount of contrition left inside of him. The baby growing inside being the cause of his sudden compunction and change of events because of what the sorceress in the castle's next move would be and his sincerity would be the least that Ingrith wanted nor hoped to see.

His next words would cause him his life and what will be outside of the castle---for what was waiting for him and of being Ingrith's shadow since the moment he was taken.

Repentance is always achieved when one is left with no choice for his or her sins. Regret and realization for one's mistakes happens in the end. Though, in most cases, people living in malign don't realize it at all.

"It's in the cup! Inside the feckin' cup, alright!" Tybalt sneered and hissed, feeling the blade slowly being pushed further. His candor being answered with dubiety from the latter and a hoarse reply.

"Hmm. What lies must you be playing now. You're distracting me from sticking this blade inside your cold, withering heart, Upir."

The higher vampire held onto his silver blade with his hand, his skin frothing against the sword, palm burning for what Geralt has coated back before they even arrived in Rohesia's hideout. Vampire Oil. He was still dubious about Tybalt despite of being unaware for their clandestine schemes. Geralt never trusted his thirst for sins after all.

Tybalt accepted the pain, letting his skin burn from the blade. More blood seeping out of his fingers from how he tried wretching his sword off his chest. But, with all of Geralt's willpower, he kept the vampire in his place. His shoulder slightly beginning to burn and it took him one look to see Geralt fighting off to use one of his signs. Igni that he was also susceptible with.

"Ve...Venom from a female royal Wyvern, Cockatrice and a mixture of acid from a Bloedzuiger's insides---mixed with a taste that wouldn't let er' know that it is poison she's consuming," he stammered with a whimper, hissing another and growling back when Geralt pushed through the vampire's heart, paying no remorse over stabbing the vital parts of him.

The witcher only answered with silence. A death stare being thrown back, trying to understand what he wanted to say. His brows tightly netted in confusion, dazed and long enough for Tybalt to continue his divulge over Ingrith's secret agendas.

"She...plans to destroy her insides---make her bleed." pause. "---If she's protected by the Djinn where yer' lass could resist Ingrith's magic, then there is no doubt that she could accept the vile that will be passed through her throat. Down...down, through her stomach,"

Her. Was it you? Geralt silently pondered at the thought, the gaze in his eyes faltering and turning livid. Teeth bared for his acrimonious comment said.

"Know when to fuck off with your lies! I'm tired of it!"

Geralt growled, his skepticism made the vampire weakly shake his head for his incredulity, mutely sparing his bleat with a low whimper and growl as he sent daggers over the blade stuck in his chest, "I...I spare my tongue to you when this is all an actual lie,"

The witcher scoffed, knowing that he was making a fool out of himself again and it was making him go on the warpath because he knew that cutting his tongue would be nothing to Tybalt.

"You regenerate. You can't outsmart me this time."

Tybalt's clothing was drenched in his own blood. Fresh cochineal saturating the under tunic concealed before his body armor that the witcher had no problem to prod. The higher vampire breathed deeply through his nose, his eyes mentally telling that he was relinquishing every ploy to achieve the sorceress' goals.

"Behead me then with yer' silver sword, Weccan. Cut all me' limbs and feed me to a Selkiemore. But, yer' little woman's drink shall be poisoned in the night of the feast. Three cups of wild fruit juice given to er'---safe for---safe for her as a token of appreciation and another for what she would gladly ask from the king. However, I do not know what cup is poisoned or what not. That's all I can say."

Geralt was snarling before the vampire. His nose scrunched in contempt. The idea slowly coming to his senses. They plan to poison you without a doubt. He needed to come back to his midget as soon as possible. The witcher will be risking your anger that hasn't faded still. Their poison was strong---potent as other mages or wizards may know that even it would take him effects once consumed.

Come what may, rue did not move the witcher's heart. He'd punctured Tybalt's heart, his blade passing through the body of the Upir who minimally spat blood out of his mouth. The silver sword being coated with more blood, splattering the tree behind him, drips of blood painting wood. A gash being given to his most vital organ.

Geralt knew it would take him months or even decades for such bodily destruction. Howbeit, he'd only punctured him in a part that would exhibit a vast amount of pain for his sufferings to yours; for what pain they've given to you was felt from the witcher. He came with you in terms of physical and spiritual---your existence had him coming in two's when it should've been only himself.

Nonetheless, Geralt of Rivia knew in order to survive was to exterminate each and every one who would hurt you because you were the most vulnerable including Cirilla. The witcher would do just that. Give agony to human or any other kind who breaths in the continent until you were safe and sound; to shed blood as he may see with the lesser evil on his side. As he may now try to see that particular side of it with no doubts.

He was not done with Tybalt as he pushed the blade further until the hilt, his heart clouding in blue when Geralt could know that something was happening again back in the castle---the heavyness going back and forth, every hour of the day dropping stones on his chest for what was happening to you.

Tybalt spat more blood once Geralt forcefully yielded his sword away. Crimson liquid filling the ground, his Ivory hair somehow catching onto the gore he has created in the middle of the forest. The higher vampire will be taking decades to recover---lucky if another higher vampire would help him with his regeneration but they both knew that no grudges will be held after because he gladly accepted the pain.

Gwynbleidd has lifted his blade off Tybalt's heart, staring with no remorse and filled with fury. Tybalt was mumbling onto something he couldn't understand. He could only decipher the words 'she' and 'save' over his anger, clouded thoughts before Geralt held tightly onto the handle of his sword, slashing through Tybalt's jugular with determination. Beheading the vampire with his own actions in silence as his amputated body and head fell onto the wet, bloody ground.

He stared, thoroughly emotionless upon his work, thoughtlessly giving heed to the closed eyes of the former living vampire laying lifeless on the dirtground. Geralt grumbled a hum beneath his raging chest, scowling whilst he took a step to pick up Tybalt's head, leaving his body for whatever fate lays for him because the witcher knew he wasn't entirely dead with the slowest beating of heart.

Rohesia was stunned and speechless over watching the scene afar. The witcher's will and determination being sensed from the distance and she knew that this princess he was trying to save was an important person in his dangerous, ill-fate life for the risk he was willing to take---giving her knowledge that Vesemir have been telling the truth in which Geralt of Rivia looked up to him like a father figure and a son that he may never get to have forever.

If you go back to my chapters, you'll know that I had a hint that this would happen to our precious wittle reader. If anybody remembers or had a hint on what chapter, COMMENT! Mwohahaha! RIP to our boi, Tybalt. You shall be missed. Can’t believe this was my first OC whom I killed off in a story. *sobs*

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General taglist for any Henry Cavill fics: @agniavateira​​, @iloveyouyen​​, @rahdaleigh​​, @silverkitten547​​, @henrythickcavill​​, @kaatelyyynn​​, @marvelousell​​, @madelinelina​​, @summersong69​​, @raynosaurus-rex​​, @fckdeusername​​, @evansislife​​  @nothinggoesunpunished​

[witch-hazels-musings]

guess fell asleep to early and woke in the middle of the night :D (i am not proud of myself. pls manage ur sleep schedules well)

but YEAH seeing diluc and kaeya being,,, well, diluc and kaeya,,, their sibling relationship is adorable, idk about you all but it's kind of clear that they still very much care about each other. better bickering than ignoring, to be honest.

which brings me to my next point: imagine being their older sibling! I'm going to go with a big sister because that's where my experience lies (hehe), and also because i've seen more of them having younger siblings rather than an older one.

this can go so many ways, including her acting more like the younger sibling, lol. maybe she hasn't been seen around mond because she's an adventurer who left home a long time ago, or perhaps a scholar studying in some faraway nation. whatever it is, most people didn't know the ragnvindr brothers had a predecessor.

i'd love if she's shorter than both of them: i headcanon her signature move to be getting in between them then grabbing both their ears and giving them a pull when she has enough of their bickering. both brothers hold her in high regard, and it's kind of funny to see two perfectly capable, not to mention powerful young men look like grumpy puppies in front of this lady who has her arms crossed. have i mentioned that they also fought for her praise in the past?? one will get especially salty to the other if only one of them gets told they did an amazing job. diluc pouts while kaeya huffs, both avoiding eye contact with you.

whether she can engage in combat or not is flexible, but for me personally i see her more as a scholar. there has been an incident where she just had enough of their teasing, so she threw the nearest object she had— which happened to be some books. one nailed diluc right in the forehead that sent him stumbling back, and as kaeya cackled at his brother’s misfortune, another, slightly heavier one smacked him right in the nose, knocking him to the ground. another one was when she defended herself from a treasure hoarder with a thick textbook by hitting him repeatedly on the head. up til now, sometimes, when they see her pull out a book they can't help but flinch/freeze up 💀

but also because she's the mother figure neither of them never had 🥺 back when diluc was cavalry captain, and now kaeya, she would bring them food if they ever forgot, checking in every once in a while to make sure they're not overworking themselves. takes care of the boys whenever they get sick, and also scolding them because most of the time it’s either because of kaeya’s antics (sneaking out with diluc to play in the thunderstorm), or diluc training to hard. she also likes to brush and tie their hairs, often petting, ruffling, and running her fingers through them. when they were little, if one of them gets nightmares, they sometimes crawl into her bed late at night and she'll wake up with little keaya or diluc nestled in her arms, falling back asleep with a smile on her face.

when crepus’s death happened, she tried her best to console both boys, not wanting her family to fall apart permanently because her father wouldn't want that. she doesn't want that. she loved them both too much.

she saved her tears for a few days later, by his grave after thinking both brothers were gone, asking where she went wrong, and if there ever was a chance for them to be together again. little did she know, both of them where listening from different places.

a few years before the traveler came, she left to study in sumeru, a small part of it due to her not being able to stand the suffocating tension between the brothers. her heart hurts just thinking about it. i headcanon it was during her leave that they eventually started trying to at least acknowledge each other again, to be civilized, if not for their father, then for her. they'd meet up at his grave sometimes and that's when talking was, ironically, a little easier.

that's all i can think of rn, i need to go back to sleep because tomorrow’s actually a very important day— but yeah! feel free to add anything. i bid you (and everyone else reading this) a good night <3

- 🍡

wowow! look at these head-canons 

you put so much time and effort into these and ugh, I bet being another sibling in their family would have made such a huge impact on them. T.T 

and then you make it sasddddd with Crepus’s passing - man the strength to be put together in front of others is so intense and (I love this character trope so much - probably because its how I want to be) 

these were very lovely and *mwuah* thank you for sharing!!

[mojavehearts]

X6-88 as an overprotective 'older brother '

(requested! Xx)

X6 was always a very protective person, hey its in his DNA

he had a special feeling for you really, he couldn't explain it, no one could but he within himself, wore to protect you

Don't even think of dating for the most part, he would make it pretty hard, no-one is good enough for you, in his eyes

Not that he would be toxic about it or too space invading, he just can't trust others

It was hard to make friends in the institute, there wasn't very many people your age

So he played with you, whatever you wanted, he would dress up as a princess, superhero, villain, whatever you wanted

Tea parties (if asked)

Usually he is seen carrying you across the institute or running with you on his back

As you grew up more all that stuff suddenly stopped

But he didn't get any less protective, if anything he was even MORE protective

Boys, girls, anything inbetween, even if X6 didn't understand all that stuff he knew you did

The acne , stress, hormones GOD the hormones

If female, experiencing your first period was bad for the both of you

He thought you were injured and rushed you to ER, THANKFULLY Maddison stopped him and had to explain what was happening, you still shiver when thinking about it

As a male, you had a crush on someone, and would often talk to them all the time, and he was worried he had done something wrong, the bad thing was, he aired all this Infront of the person....HE MEANS WELL

overall you both 'grew' together as people

You learnt alot of him, he learnt alot from you

He was your rock, sure you had other people to talk to or hang out with or ask for advice, but X6 was ALWAYS there for uou

He'd let you give him funny names or wear funny hats

In return he would dress you up as him

He would never doubt your combat prowess but he would always worry if you ever stepped foot outside the institute

Wherever you go, he will be there

Holds you whenever you cry, even if he doesn't understand why

If you're ever feeling afraid, he will guide you

Helps you with whatever endeavour you go on

Reads with you or too you

If anyone raised their voice at you or showed any sort of threat within their body language, he will elbow them in the neck or glare down at them with animosity, if they got the hint he would take you and turn around and leave, if not, things with become messy, unless you tell him it's not worth it

He always brings you trinkets from outside the institute, and tells you about stories and what things are like

Once or if you're able to go to the outside with him, you make a great pair

He becomes extremely intense though, he doesn't trust many if any people in the Commonwealth, but if you're okay, then so is he

He will back off if he gets to much though, but he will always keep an eye on you in some way

In many ways he still sees you as a child, in need of attention and still small and innocent

And you can tell him whether or not you're okay with this

He is protective but he won't deny the person you are

Doesn't like you anywhere near or in Good Neighbour, diamond city is okay, sanctuary is his most comfortable place to have you be other than the institute

It's still hard to date or like anyone (if that's on your list of things you want) because he is, always there, he will back off a little if you say so, but if he doesn't trust them don't expect things to go well

Helps you cut your hair

Is always giving you extra ammo and caps even if you don't need them

Helps you sleep at night when it's hard

Whenever you show interest in something he makes SURE you get to do whatever it is

You make him hopeful, for better times

You're the one of the only people to make him WANT to be his very own person

You make him feel completely human

Always has a sixth sense for when someone is aiming a gun at you or is closing in

Won't hesitate to kill them on the spot

He's like a father with a fanny pack, always somehow has tons of bottles of purified water and stimpacks, med kits , food , ammo any resource really, and hands them out to you non stop

WILL hunt down a cat or dog if you wanted one as a pet, he will do anything for you

You are eachothers best friend, forever and always

(IM SORRY IR ROOK SO LONF SIGSI and for the format I'm using tumblr on mobile rn 😔😔!!! Thank you for requesting <33!! Hope it was okay that I did it a little differently :((!! (

[existentialvoidofexistence]

50 questions tag

Tagged by @inevitable-anna

1) what colour is your hairbrush? I have a black comb that i use sometimes, but I rarely brush my hair unless I’m washing it bc it goes frizzy and I’m very lucky to never get knots

2) name a food you never eat. Anything with soy sauce

3) are you usually too hot or too cold? Both, sometimes at the same time

4) what were you doing 45 minutes ago? Sleeping I think

5) what’s your favourite candy bar? Cadburies fruit & nut

6) have you ever been to a professional sports game? Yeah it sucked i hate football, but the local basketball team is pretty cool

7) what’s the last thing you said out loud? Yelling “love you too” down the stairs to my dad as I got ready for bed I think

8) what’s your favourite ice cream? Not a big fan of ice cream but either a 99 or ben & jerries phish food

9) what was the last thing you had to drink? Excluding water bc that’s boring it would have been slightly flat irn bru

10) do you like your wallet? Idk I don’t particularly have strong feelings about my wallet it’s okay I guess

11) what was the last thing you ate? Pizza I think

12) did you buy any new clothes this weekend? No but I bought this case.

13) what’s the last sporting event you watched? Bold of you to assume I would willingly watch sports

14) what’s your favourite flavour of popcorn? Salt is the only acceptable flavour

15) who was the last person you texted? I’m assuming sc messages count so the gc with my sister and my ex-gf-turned-best-friend

16) ever been camping? Many times I love it

17) do you take vitamins? Not particularly i do occasionally though

18) do you go to church every Sunday? Im not Christian so no

19) do you have a tan? Only on my arms

20) do you prefer chinese or pizza? Pizza, but like proper homemade/restaurant pizza not shitty takeaway pizza. If ur getting a takeaway get curry or fish and chips they’re the best.

21) do you drink pop with a straw? If they give me a straw yeah but i wont go out of my way to get one

22) what colour socks do you usually wear? i only replaced my school socks last week so probably still white

23) do you drive over the speed limit? I don’t have a full license yet so I don’t drive

24) what terrifies you? Dead bugs and also Adolphus Huxley’s A Brave New World. And lowkey moomins.

25) look to the left what do you see? Cheese

~~~ several weeks later ~~

26) what chore do you hate the most? So long as my brother also has to do chores I’m not fussed

27) what do you think when you hear an Australian accent? Ongoing genocide and systematic oppression of the indigenous peoples

28) what’s your favourite kind of pop? Irn bru

29) fast food or drive in? Neither i can make much better food myself thanks

30) what’s your favourite number? 11

31) who’s the last person you talked to? My mum

32) favourite cut of beef? Mince but u gotta season it with nutmeg and stock and either worcestershire sause or paprika and cumin and be at least 50% carrot or ur doing it wrong

33) last song you listened to? What If Tomorrow Comes (I finally watched Black Friday with my sister)

34) last book you read? The Wide Awake Princess by E.D. Baker (shhhh i loved it as a kid)

35) Can you say the alphabet backwards? lol nah

36) favourite day of the week? Thursday bc it’s D&D day

37) how do you like your coffee? In tiramisu

38) favourite pair of shoes? My comfy red boots, my black low-heeled combat boots, or my nice tan sandals, depending on my outfit and the occasion

39) what time do you usually wake up? 9:30-10:30

40) sunrise or sunset? Sunrise

41) how many blankets are on your bed? One and a duvet but its too hot for either rn

42) describe your kitchen plates. Old and white

43) describe your kitchen at the moment. Smells nice

44) do you have a favourite alcoholic drink? Probably some kind of cocktail but I haven’t been to a restaurant or pub since turning 18 bc lockdown so my opinions are currently limited to “beer and wine/champagne/prosecco suck” and “vodka and cider are ok I guess”

45) do you play cards? You’re not really on holiday unless you play cards at least every other day

46) what colour is your car? Don’t have one but the family one’s grey

47) can you change a tyre? I’ve never even seen anyone change a tyre

48) favourite state/country/provence? Almería! We used to go to a lil town called Huercál and it was great. Especially the restaurant/bar thing just out of town, it was run by a guy called Eneth and there was a big-ass open fire at the end of the room where he cooked everything, and also a bunch of dogs and birds - if ur in the area go see if it’s still there for me 💚

49) favourite job you’ve ever had? The week i spent working at the children’s trust charity in the accounting department (it was work experience dw im not useless enough to get fired after a week)

50) how did you get your biggest scar? idk which is biggest probably the one from where i whacked my head on the shutter of an ice cream stall and had to get it glued back together

~~~

Tagging @femmebos @mexicanfairy @clockwork--frog @aveasorae @lilolilyr @showstoppingnumbrr @just-a-side-kick @a-little-slice-of-fandom @sunflowermycelium @mischief-pixie @jane-seemore @lucyisanerd @spiiderbiites @youvebeengnomed @peanutworm @cliyoh @sunrise-designer @isappho @woulddieforkhoward @the10amongstthese3s @bi-owen-harper @writingvenusian @the-quiver-of-aros @dontforgetpluto

(Obviously theres no obligation to fo it its rlly long but like... I love y’all and im interested)

[askmyboys]

Samael Galloway and Phobos Bates

Name: Samael Galloway | Nicknames: Sam/Gallows | Gender: Male | Age: Unknown | Species/Race: Human??? I mean- he sure don't act like one lmao | Height: 7'3" | Occupation: Mortician/Undertaker (whatever ya wanna call that) | Hair Color: Dark Brown (his hairstyle isn't very prominent, his hair is just thin and long and covers his eyes most of the time) | Eye Color: Dull Gray | Appearance: He wears a long black leather trench coat with a simple black shirt underneath it, he also has a long gray tie he wears along with the outfit as well, and of course he wears some black pants- (no, he doesn't wear all black just bc he's a mortician- he legit just likes the color more so than anything else), he wears a black homburg hat, he also of course wears black combat boots, annd he's got black leather gloves he wears as well (not fingerless), and to get this outta the way- he's got a circle beard- he doesn't... actually ever wear anything else much, that's his main attire like constantly- | Personality: woo boy here comes the hardest thing to explain... I will say he's cold and the epitome of evil essentially- to every one of the townsfolk and well- every being that's come in contact with him will say that, he isn't one to be messed with, he doesn't like people at all in the slightest and will only tolerate them for business purposes, he IS a mortician/undertaker after all, there's only one person he seems to not mind in the slightest- and that would be the Pallbearer that he works with, he is the only one Samael lets stay around, when he desires he can be pretty sick, twisted, and definitely cruel- He despises how many people try to snoop and spy on him to see what he's up to, he definitely believes the whole "curiosity killed the cat saying" and takes it v e r y literally, he isn't a talker- he's silent 99% of the time but when he needs too he WILL speak (tl;dr: Cold/Epitome of evil to most people but I mean what can they REALLY do, they have no actual proof he does evil things, he's also the only mortician/undertaker around so yeaahhh, he isn't one to be messed with tho- and their not wrong, will tolerate people but only for business purposes and nothing more, he doesn't seem to like anyone but the Pallbearer he works with and he can and will tolerate, when desired he can be sick/twisted/cruel, he h a t e s people trying to spy on his work or what he's doing when no one's around, takes curiosity killed the cat p literally in a way, doesn't speak 99% of the time but can if he needs, has absolutely killed a few people himself, DEFINITELY buried people alive before, he seems to enjoy the death and the sounds of grief as edgy as that sounds its true) | Side Facts: god- he's gonna sound so edgy but he's supposed to be this scary, creepy, disturbing dude- so anyways, he also enjoys building caskets- its actually fun to him to build these and to know he's either going to put someone who's dead or alive in here, something about that is... Satisfying to him, oh he also sleeps in a casket he built personally for himself- the inside is a dull gray cushion-y like material, meanwhile the outside has a rustic wood texture and it looks pretty scratched and beat up actually (its also a very dark brown/umber-like color), he also usually hangs around his little Cemetery in his spare time, going around and looking at the graves and the souls he's put to rest there essentially, he doesn't actually do much in his spare time really- he doesn't even go out into the town much himself unless the pallbearer is accompanying him even then, sometimes if its simple enough- he'll legit just send the other to go get the stuff he needs. and btw- while I'm at it- here's the fuckin Pallbearer's desc | Name: Phobos Bates | Gender: Male | Age: Unknown | Height: 5'2" | Occupation: Pallbearer | Species/Race: Human? He also doesnt fucking act like a human | Hair Color: Pitch Black with gray on the sides (slicked back hair) | Eye Color: Lava Gray | Appearance: Phobos usually wears a black suit with a white vest and underneath- oh and he's got a matching tie to go with his outfit, matching black pants and some rather fancy looking shoes to match as well, he mostly just has suits for his attire, all dark colors (he knows Samael cant stand bright colors or anything really colorful in general, so he keeps his outfits white, gray, and black), even the clothes he sleeps in is nothing special- just dark colored pajamas n such, and again to get the simple part out of the way- he's also got a circle beard as well, he's got no scars but he does have very dark circles under his eyes n such. | Personality: Has high respect for his mortician and is very loyal and honest to him, I wouldn't say its out of fear at all, he just legit holds high respect for this being... He's seen the pure evil, hatred, and all other dark things in this being's eyes, he's not even sure Samael is human himself, it wouldn't surprise him if he wasn't, truth be told, if Phobos REALLY wants he can definitely be just as dark as Sam can be, just as evil, he isn't afraid to do any dirty work either, while he knows not to step out of line and will usually let Samael do stuff unless given specific command to do so himself, he's like a lackey in a FEW ways, he's always the one to tell Sam that "there's someone who has gotten a l i t t l e too curious about us..." he knows that if Samael REALLY wanted, he could easily be disposed of by this being, he isn't got the strength or anything to stop him, but honestly... He probably wouldn't even try to anyways- he is THAT loyal and dedicated to this being (tl;dr: has high respect, loyalty and honesty towards his mortician, its not out of fear either, he's seen the pure evil, hatred and god knows what else just by looking into Samael's eyes which he doesn't see very often due to the other's hair usually covering his entire face p much, he CAN and WILL be just as dark as the mortician can be and isn't afraid to do any dirty work either, he just doesn't want to step out of line and usually lets Samael handle things unless given a specific command, he's sorta like a lackey, knows if Samael desired he'd be killed in a heartbeat but he wouldn't fight back or try to stop him solely out of loyalty and dedication, the one to alert Samael to intruders essentially, he does have some degree of control around the place I mean he IS the pallbearer and he WILL do his duties as well) | Side Facts: Like a Pallbearer typically will, he rolls the caskets out when necessary n all that, im too lazy to type up all what a pallbearer does rn but you get it im sure- anyways, Samael actually built him a casket as well which at first... he won't ever deny, it DID unnerve him but it turns out, Samael told him its a bed, and then showed him the inside which was pearl white cushion-y material, much like his own except for the inside color and outside color (outside color is black), Phobos of course did feel honored that Samael would even do such a thing for him ((listen, ok- I know he only tolerates Phobos but he's not going to let his Pallbearer fucking sleep on the ground or some shit)), they practically live in their little funeral parlor or whatever you wanna call it and the graveyards, like Samael- he does also actually hate people who snoop around, he just wants these pesky people to leave him and his mortician alone, he knows how mad Samael gets at them and he really can't blame them, after all- nobody likes a person sneaking around their property... Phobos is, again, he is usually the one doing the talking both for business and if he lures someone to Samael himself n all that jazz, he's also the one who mainly goes out into town to get supplies or things they both may need, he has only heard Sam speak a few times, maybe even only once or twice in his life and every time he hears that voice, even HE can't help but shudder, its so... unnatural sounding for a human voice, so deep and even raspy at times...

[trendyelle]

What To Eat For Clear Skin& What Foods Will Wreak Havoc On Your Face

If youre anything like me, someone who is a full-grown adult treats their body like a trashcan, then you recognize the daily strive that is doing whatever the fuck off crave although we are wanting to have a great person and enormous surface. Lifes hard whether it wishes to get fucked up at Governors Ball but also examine 100 years old in your Instagram story. Not that I would know. I did not go to Gov Ball, though I did expend the weekend “re going through” mimosas like water and ingesting enough food to get me my own TLC reality show. That being said, I want to change. I want to be a brand-new me. A better me. A me who applies actual vitamins and minerals into her structure so her surface doesnt resemble the entire slice of pizza she chewed last-place night. So heres a schedule of nutrients you should shun like an ex-boyfriend slithering into your DMs and foods you should hug because theyll sterilize your fucking face. Damn, Ive went bars. DONT: Chew Canned Food/ Meats Gross. As if. Like, who even devours canned meat anymore? Other than my ex from college who had this weird obsession with eating vienna sausages( which, in hindsight, should have been a red-faced fucking pennant that this minor was a sociopath. That and his Belk credit card that he was always bragging about ). Canned and/ or highly processed foods have a shit ton of sodium in them and makes your form to hold on to sea, which is why your appearance is always puffy or you have bags under your eyes that can be seen from space, and your acne is at World War III proportions. DO: Eat Salmon Aside from giving you a reason to pretend to be a foodie and also be hateful on Instagram, feeing salmon is a sure route to get better ogling skin. Salmon is rich with omega-3 fatty battery-acids and healthy flabs. These fats fortify cell layers and nourish the scalp to stop you searching fresh AF. DONT: Drink Green Juice Lol simply because you routinely tell shit like #FitLife and #CleanEating on your IG does not mean you know wtf is good for you, because SURPRISE all those juices youre drinking to cleanse your figure are actually really fucking bad for you. Juices are sugary as blaze, specially the light-green juices which can have up to 50 grams of carbohydrate in them, which is actual sabotage when it is necessary to having clear skin. ^ I envisage every fitstagrammer when the find out they’ve been gushing liquid sugar into their tabernacles bodies DO: Booze A Protein Smoothie Aside from having something to talk about with the hot manager at your gym, protein smoothies can really be beneficial for your scalp. The more you are familiar with. Remain away from the juicer smoothies and opt for one with some protein in it. These types of smoothies are high in healthy fatties and wont leave your scalp looking more ratchet than your Snap story last weekend. DONT: Eat Ice Cream Okay, this one I encountered coming. Nothing that tastes this good can be anything but destruction on your organization. And since Im not on my stage rn in control of my figure I predict Im open to suggestions here. Ice cream is chock-full of sugar who are capable of form this fun situation called advanced glycation end products which fucks up the protein in your form. Why is that important you may ask? Because the proteins it fucks with “the worlds largest” are the ones that keep your skin plump and springy searching. So basically gobbling ice cream is age you.* steps into oncoming commerce* DO: Eat Dark Chocolate Dark chocolate aka the DUD of chocolates has a fuck ton of antioxidants in it, which is v good for your skin. So although it is penchants healthy and the whole time youll be wishing you two are chewing real chocolate with real flavor at the least your surface will search good AF and be protected against wrinkles and other bad shit. DONT: Drink Coffee HA HA HA HA this has to be some sort of sick prank. You want me to give up my will to live caffeine? Do you likewise want me to commit homicide the next time someone responds everyone to ministries and departments email series? DO YOU? This one is tough for me to wrap my brain around because coffee is literally one of the only grounds I get out of bed in the morning, and therefore, the reason you get to experience this gleaming temperament. That tell me anything, coffee is a diuretic( bogus bulletin Im sure !) which causes your torso to lose sea and your skin to get v dehydrated. Stay away from this shit if you crave glowy AF skin. DO: Drink Hot Lemon Water This replacement sounds about as good as the Republican plan for health care but thats neither here nor there. Even though the prospect of drinking hot lemon water sounds about as enticing as sleeping with Jonathan The Tickle Monster, its actually super good for you. Its hydrating, full of antioxidants, and hands some much needed support to your liver. Apparently, the liver is the principal organ that detoxifies the body and if youre full of toxins boozing on periods that purpose in Y, youre more likely to break out. Sighs. And this is why we cant have neat things. DONT: Eat Bagels Okay, Im starting to feel personally was well received by this list. Like, is person looking at my bank word and be careful to ensure that I waste a large amount of my down time in coffee shops and/ or bagel browses? Because Im seeming truly assaulted rn. Apparently, bagels are the worst for your scalp and can lead to a cascade of hormones aka acne breakouts for daytimes.* prays this is fake news* DO: Eat Non-Processed Carbs or Oats Tbh Id instead starved than eat something that resembles animal feed but I guess thats the rate we pay to look like the “after” girl in an acne commercial. Oats are the right various kinds of carbs probs because it searches miserable to eat and also because its high in antioxidants which weve established will not only give you clear/ glowy scalp but likewise combats against anti-aging. DONT: Drink Soda To perfectly no ones amaze except my own because I refuse to read descriptions written by health professionals people who are out to destroy my happiness, soda is bad for you. And exactly because you drink diet soda doesnt mean youre safe. Because diet soda especially interrupts the necessary and healthy bacteria found in your intestine. Also boozing any kind of soda are actually fuck with your skin. Like, make rosacea, eczema, and acne fucking with your scalp. K. Just fuck me up rn then. Also, wtf am I supposed to order at the bar to go along with my vodka then? I cant only suck vodka straight. I want to have clearer scalp , not expire. DO: Drink Kombucha Finally something that ogles good on my Instagram story and isnt going to fuck up my scalp. About damn day. Basically Kombucha is good for you because its fermented, and therefore full of probiotics, which will solve all your life troubles. Im paraphrasing, but still. If you want clear skin by the time this weekend’s brunch buns around then chug some of this and feign like its alcohol something you experience drinking. So, in conclusion, anything that brings you delight is maybe fucking up your skin and you should cut it from your diet ASAP. I am feeling #blessed rn that alcohol did not shape the roster, but thats largely because I refused to do any actual study that would substantiate otherwise. Who says you cant manufacture your own predestination? Listen, if all else neglects and you have no self limit dont want to sacrifice your delight theres ever Facetune. Read more: www.betches.com http://selfhelpantiagingtips.com/what-to-eat-for-clear-skin-what-foods-will-wreak-havoc-on-your-face-27/

[trendyelle]

What To Eat For Clear Skin& What Foods Will Wreak Havoc On Your Face

If youre anything like me, someone who is a grown-up adult treats their body like a trashcan, then you recognise the daily conflict that is doing whatever the fuck off miss while also wanting to have a great mas and enormous skin. Lifes hard whether it wishes to get fucked up at Heads Ball but too ogle 100 years old in your Instagram story. Not that I would know. I did not go to Gov Ball, though I did waste the weekend going through mimosas like water and snacking enough food to get me my own TLC reality show. That being said, I want to change. I want to be a brand-new me. A better me. A me who places actual vitamins and minerals into her plan so her surface doesnt resemble the entire slice of pizza she snacked last nighttime. So heres a roster of foods you are able to avoid like an ex-boyfriend sliding into your DMs and foods you are able to embrace because theyll fasten your fucking face. Damn, Ive got bars. DONT: Feed Canned Food/ Meats Gross. As if. Like, who even snacks canned meat anymore? Other than my ex from college who had this weird infatuation with eating vienna sausages( which, in hindsight, should have been a blood-red fucking pennant that this girl was a sociopath. That and his Belk credit card that he was always boasting about ). Canned and/ or highly processed foods have a shit ton of sodium in them and makes your organization to hold on to water, which is why your face is always puffy or you have pocketed under your eyes that can be seen from space, and your acne is at World War III proportions. DO: Eat Salmon Aside from giving you a reason to pretend to be a foodie and likewise be hateful on Instagram, gobbling salmon is a sure way to get better gazing skin. Salmon is rich with omega-3 fatty battery-acids and healthy fatties. These paunches fortify cadre membranes and nourish the skin to prevent you examining fresh AF. DONT: Drink Green Juice Lol only because you regularly say shit like #FitLife and #CleanEating on your IG does not mean you know wtf is good for you, because SURPRISE all those juices youre drinking to purge your mas are actually truly fucking bad for you. Juices are sugary as hell, specially the dark-green juices which can have up to 50 grams of carbohydrate in them, which is actual sabotage when it comes to having clear scalp. ^ I suppose every fitstagrammer when the catch out they’ve been shooting liquid carbohydrate into their tabernacles bodies DO: Drink A Protein Smoothie Aside from having something to talk about with the hot teach at your gym, protein smoothies was in fact be beneficial for your surface. The more you know. Abide away from the juicer smoothies and opt for one with some protein in it. These the different types of smoothies are high in healthy fattens and wont leave your skin seeming more ratchet than your Snap story last weekend. DONT: Eat Ice Cream Okay, this one I met coming. Good-for-nothing that savours this good can be anything but destruction on your mas. And since Im not on my period rn in control of my form I predict Im open to suggestions here. Ice cream is chock-full of sugar which can shape this fun concept called advanced glycation end products which fucks up the protein in your body. Why is that important you may ask? Because the proteins it fucks with the most are the ones that keep your skin plump and springy searching. So basically gobbling ice cream is aging you.* steps into oncoming traffic* DO: Eat Dark Chocolate Dark chocolate aka the DUD of chocolates has a fuck ton of antioxidants in it, which is v good for your skin. So even though it tastes healthy and the whole period youll be wishing you were dining real chocolate with real flavor at least your skin will look good AF and protection against wrinkles and other bad shit. DONT: Drink Coffee HA HA HA HA this has to be some sort of sick parody. You want me to give up my will to live caffeine? Do you also want me to commit homicide the next time someone replies all to ministries and departments email chain? DO YOU? This one is tough for me to wrap my brain around because coffee is literally one of the only reasonableness I get out of berthed in the morning, and therefore, the reason you get to experience this twinkling personality. That tell me anything, coffee is a diuretic( bogus news Im sure !) which causes your form to lose water and your surface to get v dehydrated. Stay away from this shit if you require glowy AF skin. DO: Drink Hot Lemon Water This replacement sounds about as good as the Republicans plan for health care but thats neither here nor there. Even though the prospect of booze hot lemon liquid know it sounds as enticing as sleeping with Jonathan The Tickle Monster, its actually super are you all right. Its hydrating, full of antioxidants, and renders some much needed support efforts to your liver. Apparently, the liver is the main organ that detoxifies their own bodies and if youre full of poisons boozing on days that resolve in Y, youre more likely to break out. Sighs. And this is why we cant have neat things. DONT: Eat Bagels Okay, Im starting to feel personally victimized by such lists. Like, is person looking at my bank affirmation and be careful to ensure that I invest a great amount of my down time in coffee shops and/ or bagel browses? Because Im detecting truly assaulted rn. Apparently, bagels are the worst for your skin and can lead to a cascade of hormones aka acne breakouts for epoches.* prays this is phony report* DO: Eat Non-Processed Carbs or Oats Tbh Id preferably starve than eat something that resembles animal feed but I guess thats the cost we pay to look like the “after” girl in an acne commercial. Oats are the right kind of carbs probs because it searches miserable to eat and likewise because its high in antioxidants which weve established will not only give you clear/ glowy scalp but too combats against anti-aging. DONT: Drink Soda To absolutely no ones bombshell except my own because I refuse to read descriptions written by health professionals people who are out to destroy my joy, soda are detrimental to you. And merely because you drink diet soda doesnt mean youre safe. Because diet soda especially disrupts the necessary and healthy bacteria found in your intestine. Also drinking any kind of soda can really fuck with your scalp. Like, stimulate rosacea, eczema, and acne fuck with your skin. K. Just fuck me up rn then. Too, wtf am I supposed to order at the bar to go along with my vodka then? I cant simply suck vodka straight-out. I want to have clearer surface , not die. DO: Drink Kombucha Finally something that appears good on my Instagram story and isnt going to fuck up my scalp. About damn occasion. Basically Kombucha is good for you because its fermented, and therefore full of probiotics, which will solve all your life problems. Im paraphrasing, but still. If you miss clear scalp by the time this weekend’s brunch buns around then chug some of this and simulated like its booze something you enjoy drinking. So, in conclusion, anything that brings you rapture is likely fucking up your skin and you are able to cut it from your diet ASAP. I am feeling #blessed rn that alcohol did not do the listing, but thats predominantly because I refused to do any actual study that would demonstrate otherwise. Who says you cant induce your own destiny? Listen, if all else neglects and you have no self restrain dont wishes to sacrifice your prosperity theres always Facetune. Read more: www.betches.com http://selfhelpantiagingtips.com/what-to-eat-for-clear-skin-what-foods-will-wreak-havoc-on-your-face-3/