#seeing as i have written three excerpts already

[hannie-dul-set]

six quick and easy hacks to 🆙 the quality of your fanfiction!

as promised, here it is! i’m not here to tell you how to plot out your story, or how to write your characters’ personalities. the tips i’m sharing are more on formatting and structure, secret (not really) cheat codes to instantaneously make your already written work even better! 

my qualifications? being a tumblr hag for over five years (my even more embarrassing pre k-pop writeblr included!) so i’ve unlocked quite a bit of secrets and discovered some eurekas throughout my time here HAHAHAH. anyway, let’s start!

#1 VARIETY IN PARAGRAPH LENGTHS, SENTENCE LENGTHS, AND SENTENCE STARTERS.

nothing turns me off more than seeing paragraph blocks after paragraph blocks when looking for some new fics to read, especially when you’re reading from a cramped up device such as your phone.

when i write a lengthy paragraph, i try to follow it up with a one-liner, or a mid-sized one. but it’s something i consciously keep track of— when i noticed that, “oh, this gdoc is getting a little too wordy, a little too chunky,” i make sure that my next paragraph is significantly shorter than the current one because it keeps the entire page interesting. one to two sentences of lines of paragraphs after another and another doesn’t look pretty. chunks of paragraphs after paragraphs is boring.

make your pages visually dynamic by ensuring variety.

like this, for example.

→ fic: home for the bitchless.

seeing a large chunk of text and a singular line immediately after also sort of forces your reader to stick around and read an otherwise intimidating lengthy paragraph because— oh! what could have possibly led to that singular like of dialogue or thought! #subtlemanipulation you get me? 😔🤙

this rule of mine applies to sentences and phrases within the paragraph as well!

→ fic: love vomit.

and as a bonus, you can use paragraph breaks and cuts to your advantage! manipulating the way a sentence or paragraph ends in a certain way makes your works more rhythmic! and, when you play it around the right way, abrupt cuts and breaks also add the right mood and drama to your work!

→ drabble: the boy who cried wolf.

part three of tip number one (one…we’re still at number one…) is on sentence and paragraph starters. i keep it as a rule of thumb that if i start a paragraph with “you,” or with someones name, i don’t use it again in the next one to avoid monotony. it’s a very miniscule thing really, and i doubt that people notice this HAHAHA but this is something i religiously swear by because repetitions like this are visually boring.

→ wip: sunwater.

of course, this can’t be avoided all the time, and repeating the sentence starter “You” or any other pronoun, word, or phrase can be intentionally utilized to strongly drive a point. just don’t overdo it!

→ drabble: patience, patience.

→ blurb: monsters don’t hide under the bed.

→ fic: the psychology of strawberries.

there are other good and strategic uses for repetitions as well! we’ll get to that later.

lastly, variety in sentence and paragraph starters doesn’t simply mean changing up the first word. things can still get really boring even if you use “you” or a character’s name interchangeably if your sentence structure remains the same.

this, for example, is monotonous.

the structure (and length) of all three sentences are the same. A does this. B does this. A does this. and even if you switch things up but still use the same sentence structure, it still falls flat. case in point, below, a structure i often see in a lot of fics i stumble across.

those are flat. those are boring. they don’t…you know…make you feel something, even when you follow the rule of not using the same starter twice. let me try improving it by adding more variety in the sentences (+ adding a tip that i’ll be discussing right after!)

the word “He” here is used twice to create a rhythm and draw emphasis, but the rest of the excerpt maintains a sense of variety to make the narrative more interesting and compelling to read.

*

#2 PICK A POV AND STICK WITH IT.

before i start a scene, a drabble, or blurb, the first question i ask myself is, “whose point of view do i want it to be in?”

one, it’s a lot neater, more organized, than omniscient point of views in my opinion (unless you’re like a super fucking skilled writer of course HAHAHHA). two, it allows for a bit of mystery, suspense, and engagement because you don’t have access to what other people are thinking about, and three— in line with the first tip— when you know whose brain you’re in when writing, it allows for more dynamic narrations, gives you an excuse to be messy because our internal thoughts are messy as well, and makes the writing a hell of a lot easier when you’re focused on monologuing one person alone!

when writing shorter fics, drabbles, or blurbs, i swear by this rule, no excuses HAHAHAH but when writing longer fics, sometimes i switch around the point of views per scene, just to make a more well rounded story.

sometimes, the point of view doesn’t even have to be any of the main character’s! writing from an external POV is also really fun and adds another layer of interest. see example below, a Jeonghan breakup fic written exclusively from the perspective of the outsiders. very fun idea! 

breakup scene written in Seungcheol’s POV.

another squabble written in Seungkwan’s POV.

→ wip: the breakup soup.

*

#3 REPETITIONS AND THEMES = COHESIVENESS.

this section contains tricks on how to wrap up your fics into one cohesive little present with a pretty ribbon on top! 

first is the use of repetition. use a cool funky line at the beginning of your story, and reuse/rehash/revise it at the end for a neat finish, especially when you have trouble figuring out a way to end your story (lifesaving hack! trust me!) 

i use this mostly in my shorter works—

→ drabble: you’re my bucket list.

→ blurb: louder.

—but it works just as well with longer fics, especially when the repetition is all throughout, and not just at the start and finish.

→ fic: mogi.

sometimes, it doesn’t even have to be a repeated phrase or line! it can be a little gimmick and it’d still work to make your fic cohesive! for example, in the fic below, i use the giving of strawberry candy/strawberry kisses to tie all the different scenes together because this was initially a set of separate drabble ideas wrapped into one long fic.

→ fic: the psychology of strawberries.

and for this one (another ricky fic….yes…..) i use the whole cat metaphor to do the same. 

→ drabble: yours to keep.

the next tip to make your work cohesive is to grab a singular theme, object, whatever, and take advantage of it for your narration HAHAHAHHA this can be better explained by looking at the examples below.

theme: citrus.

→ drabble: citrus in the morning.

theme: storm.

→ blurb: blizzard.

the above examples are my shorter works, but it can work for longer fics as well! just check out this 36k word monster HAHAHAHHA.

theme: seasons.

→ fic: love vomit.

these are very simple ways to make your fic more put together! even if it’s just a simply blurb about a confession, adding a theme to aid the imagery bumps your fic quality to a +++++

*

#4 THROW AWAY THE Y/N’S!

now this one is quite honestly just a personal nitpick HAHAHHAHA but seeing the word Y/N when i’m reading something really pulls me out of my immersion. (and i only stopped using Y/N’s in my fics at the start of my 2023 comeback….so if you see my older works still using it…hahahha please don’t prosecute me).

anyway, you can do this either by embedding it in the narration—

→ fic: star studded baggage.

—or by using nicknames and titles instead!

→ wip: the breakup soup.

→ fic: can’t handle this.

*

#5 GET INTO THE (UN)NECESSARY SPECIFICS.

instead of just saying “Your professor called you,” grab a random last name and say “Prof Yoon asked to see you in his office.” instead of saying you went to the cafe, the mall, the store, grab an actual place or make one up because no one in the world says “they’re going to the cafe to grab a frappe,” (unless the store’s name is actually The Cafe). people say they’re going to Dunkin Donuts or Coffeebreak or wherever.

sure it’s not plot relevant, sure it’s not integral, but little things like this make your narrative and dialogue a lot more realistic and less awkward. it makes it seem like your characters are actually living inside a world of their own.

*

#6 GRAMMAR AND FORMATTING.

these are given HAHA but when i talk about grammar, i mean making sure that the commas and periods are consistently inside the quotation marks when writing dialogue. i mean minimizing the use of italics because overusing it can ruin the reading experience of a good piece (i was guilty of this too!) and i mean making sure that the use of tenses are consistent all throughout (unless if it’s a creative and plot choice), because all these things really matter if you want your fic, drabble, or blurb to be of overall high quality.

and that’s basically it! hope these tips help somehow...hope i’m not revealing my secrets for naught and someone can actually put them to good use HHAHAHHA what’s most important obviously is that you’re having fun with what you’re writing…etc. etc. insert inspirational you can do it speech here.

anyway, happy new year! and happy reading and writing<33

[onceuponapuffin]

I've spent the week...processing. I was in the middle of writing Newt and Adam when The News broke, and I had to take a break. And I've spent a while thinking carefully about if I should say anything, and what I would say if I did.

The thing that made up my mind was seeing how many people are angry and hurting right now. I love this community, and I want to give my heart to all of you in the best way I can, which I think, is actually something I've already written.

So here, for you, is an excerpt from Part 9. My letter of love and compassion to you all. Please do your best to be kind to each other and yourselves.

************************

You pound your way to the nearest bar, where everyone had agreed to meet. The three of them are standing around, talking over glasses of wine. Your hands are in fists, your nails digging into your palms as you approach. They acknowledge you as you enter their field of vision, but you say nothing. Instead, you beeline for Aziraphale, put your arms around him, and hang on for dear life. Sometimes you just need to hug an angel.

There’s a pause where Anathema says something about your aura, and then Aziraphale hugs you back.

Dear Reader, I’m not sure if it ever happened in your life, but for this Puffin there came a time when it was made very clear that wanting to be held or wanting to lean on another person in public was unacceptable (and, in fact, embarrassing) once you reached a certain age. And yet, we as humans are social creatures. The need to be held is a very normal response, especially after something particularly upsetting happens (like having the sanctity of washroom privacy violated, for example). Perhaps you’re not the kind of person who, out of nowhere, feels the desire to be held, but perhaps you know someone who is. And so, I would like to impress upon you the incredible difference it makes, the immeasurable relief it brings, to know that you have someone with you who will hold you back without question or comment. Just hold you, and wait.

Aziraphale makes it clear he intends to do just that.

“Take your time, dear,” he says gently. And so you do.

[bluejayblueskies]

the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the ambition of the world | phynoma

[ID: Two pictures of two hand-bound books, the first of which shows their front covers and the second of which shows their spines and part of their front covers at an angle. The leftmost book is bound in yellow bookcloth and has a hand-embroidered smiling mouth with bloody teeth on the bottom portion of the front and back cover. The title, "the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the ambition of the world" is in the top right corner in black as well as the words "volume one" in maroon. The rightmost book is bound in red bookcloth and has a hand-embroidered ribcage on the lefthand side of the front cover and the righthand side of the back cover. The title, "the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the ambition of the world" is in the top right corner in black as well as the words "volume two" in white. Both volumes have stitching across the spine that joins the embroidery on the front and back covers so that the design stretches across the spine. /End ID]

It's finally time to share the books I made for the 2023 Rusty Quill Big Bang, hosted by @pilesofnonsense! This year, I was paired with the wonderful @phynoma, who wrote a post-circus AU entitled the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the ambition of the world where Jon is marked by an entity known as the Consuming that feeds off hunger and desire and focuses, in Jon's case, around sexual hunger and desire. It's a truly spectacular fic with excellent worldbuilding, spot-on characterization, and a wide variety of sexual encounters of all flavors, and I highly recommend it!

As this fic is written in transcript format, I wanted to go with an open-spine binding style that would have the advantage of both lying extremely flat when opened and giving the fic a more screenplay-like appearance. Also as a consequence of the transcript format, the final page count ended up being large enough that I split the fic into two volumes, the first of which covers season three and the second of which covers seasons four and five.

[ID: Two pictures of the same hand-bound books, the first of which shows volume one and the second of which shows volume two. Both books are fully open to display their front and back covers touching. We can see that the embroidered design, half of which is on the front cover and half of which is on the back, forms a complete picture when the book is fully open. /End ID]

Each volume has hand-embroidered front and back covers, with titles done in black, white, and maroon gel pen. The covers were designed so that when the book is fully open, the front and back cover designs come together to form one single cohesive image. Additionally, when the book is closed, the spine stitching was done so that the design stretches across the spine, thus making the full design complete whether the book is fully open or fully closed. I'm really proud of how these covers turned out, and even though the embroidery took much longer than I anticipated it taking, it's definitely something I would do again!

More description and pictures of the interior of the books are below the cut:

I went with a visually simple yet technically complex design for the typeset of this fic. Microsoft Word's styles were very much my friend, as well as its advanced find-and-replace feature, to automate a lot of the formatting for this fic. The most complex bits were the group chat excerpts and making sure all the profile pictures were positioned correctly, as well as the email chain excerpts in volume one. The text messages were done separately in an HTML workspace and then included via screenshots, and because I had an HTML/CSS text message code already sitting around from a previous project, those were relatively simple to format!

[ID: Eight pictures of the interior of the hand-bound books from previous photos. The first picture shows the title page of volume one, which has the title and author name in black and "volume one" in red, as well as a picture of a ginko tree. The second picture shows the title page of volume two, which has the title and author name in black and "volume two" in red, as well as a picture of a cherry blossom tree. The third picture shows the colophon and table of contents for volume two, highlighting the binder logos--a bluejay and a bookpress--and the faux-label table of contents title. The fourth picture shows the chapter header page for the chapter "voyeurism" in volume one, featuring brackets around the notes, content warnings, and pairings for the chapter as well as a quote from the confessions of augustine, which is separated from the warnings with an open eye graphic. The fifth picture shows the beginning of the chapter "hunger in the garden" in volume two, displaying the transcript formatting of the text as well as the faux-label chapter name on the top left. The sixth picture shows text messages in volume two, which are formatted the same as text messages on an iOS system with blue and gray bubbles and a name header that says "Jonathan Sims." The seventh picture shows some chapter text as well as a faux-office memo, done in a sans serif font, written from Elias Bouchard to the Archives team. The eighth picture shows on the left page faux emails, done in an iOS style with profile pictures for each email, and on the right page a faux-group message with profile pictures for each member and a header that labels the groupchat as the Snarkivists. /End ID]

The fonts used for this typeset were chosen based on those used for the unofficial Magnus Archives transcripts--DejaVu Sans Mono for the chapter intro pages and Libre Baskerville for the body text. I'm not 100% sure that those are the actual fonts used for the unofficial transcripts, but based on the reverse font search I did, those seem to be a close match for it.

This was a big project for me, and I'm so happy to finally see it to completion! Once again, a big thanks to Phynoma for being such a wonderful partner to work with--I'm excited to send you these books so you can see them in person 💜

[cheeseplants]

Chapter one: The Apple Doesn't Fall Far

I'm so excited to share my new WIP. It's already pre-written at 58k!

Tags: Sad Wet Cat Crowley, Flirting over planning permits, Parish Councils, Bickerflickering forever

---

Down-and-out Crowley moves to the sticks to save his late aunt's cottage from demolition, but when he finds out that Councillor Aziraphale Fell isn't quite so keen on the demolition he is supposed to be in charge of - the two of them scheme to save the cottage as they uncover that sometimes the key to the future lies in preserving the past.

However, when feelings bubble up, can their relationship survive if on the surface they have to pretend to be working against each other?

--- Excerpt

“Your aunt left you something in her Will.”

“Left me something? Money?” Crowley’s eyes lingered on the bills before he downed the expresso, and set about making another. 

“Something like that. There is a bit of a problem.”

And all he thought was of course, there always was. 

That was his life. He could see the Book of his Life: Anthony J. Crowley, gold-embossed and tied with a red ribbon. Inside, every page, the word: "but..."

He could have his flat in London, but he couldn’t afford it. He could find his dream job, but he’d get fired. He could fall in love—or at least think he had—but... A sharp pain shot through his chest, nausea rising before he pushed it back down.

"But" had been seared onto him since the day he was born.

Crowley stared at the strips of daylight peeking through the window, and the jeans crumpled on the floor. He had planned another carefully curated day of misery: reality TV, wine, sleep, repeat. This routine dulled the pain that sat in his chest like a fire that would never be extinguished.

Inside, the four walls held him close and safe, keeping the blaze at bay. But even he knew his ability to keep the flat was dwindling, what with the extortionate bills and sky-high rent in one of London’s most expensive neighbourhoods. It had seemed such a good idea to buy here when he was at the top of his game. He hadn’t anticipated the fall.

Yesterday he’d sloped back to the cornershop under the judgemental eyes of the shopkeeper who must have noticed the uptick in Shiraz sales over the past few weeks. Crowley bought two bottles, and a tub of ice-cream.

Two bottles of wine, he decided, seemed like the kind of thing someone with a partner or a friend might buy. Three is too much, and one is suspicious. One screams: 'I am home alone and filling my days with alcohol and sleeping'. Two gave the air of someone who might be sharing their life with someone; not that he wanted to do that again. 

Those bottles were riding around in his stomach this morning like a waltzer he wished he could get off.

Crowley pushed the receiver back up to his ear. “Wot something? Wot problem?” His head was too foggy for this today.

“I suggest you come in, Mr. Crowley.”

Read chap one here.

Thanks to the amazing @happynachohologram & @kneelbeforeyourdogbabylon for their incredible beta!

@goodomensafterdark

[hooked-on-elvis]

Insatiable young Elvis 🚫🍟

Elvis was still dating Dixie at that time and they often "double dated" with Scotty and Bobbie. One of the places they went was a drive-in on Park Avenue where they could sit outside and eat watermelon. "Elvis and Scotty would start spitting seeds to see who could spit them furthest," says Bobbie. After shows, they often went out together to eat. Usually Bobbie was the only one who had any money. Her 9-to-5 at Sears wasn't glamorous, but it did pay on a regular basis. "When they played at the Eagle's Nest, they didn't get paid until they went to the union," she says. "Elvis never had any money. We'd go out to eat and we had to buy his burger and milshake. One night he wanted another milshake. He asked Scotty if he could have one. Scotty said he would have to ask me. I was the only one who got paid." Once Elvis had cleaned his plate, he hand a tendency to munch off the plates of those around him. It was Evelyn Black [Bill Black's wife] who discovered, quite by accident, the secret to protecting her meal from Elvis' wandering fingers. "We stopped once to get a sandwich and some french fries, and I put ketchup on my potatoes - you know so I could dip them," says Evelyn. "Elvis would get a potato off my place, and I noticed he always got one that didn't have ketchup on it. From then on, I learned to put ketchup on my fries or else Elvis would eat them all."

Excerpt: "That's Alright, Elvis: The Untold Story of Elvis' First Guitarist and Manager, Scotty Moore" by Scotty as told to James Dickerson (1997). Chapter 4 - July 1954: Three Days That Shook the World.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Note: Friends, I have two lengthy articles I've written myself on all the things about Elvis' eating habits that I could find so far. I haven't published them yet because I'm a somewhat recent Elvis fan and I know that's much more to find out there in books yet but let me know if you're interested in reading those pieces of information I already have.

Anyway, this ketchup thing made me laugh. Those facts are dated from circa 1954.

[iwriteasfotini]

Regulus ‘I am out of everyone’s league’ Black

In which Evan tries to tell Regulus everyone has a crush on him and Regulus doesn’t care or believe him (hmmm... wonder why that might be?). Subtextual Rosekiller in that Regulus is trying to help Evan and Barty become a thing.

Regulus POV, Regulus is in year three, as is Barty. Evan is in year five. 

…

As he rode the train back to Hogwarts, he and Evan talked about the speech they had heard the Dark Lord give. They had a compartment to themselves, the train being significantly emptier than it was at the beginning and end of the year. Then Regulus came clean with Evan regarding everything he was undertaking in the month of January. 

“I don’t want you to think I am being flakey or half-arsing things, but -”

Evan held up his hand, “I trust you. As long as you turn up for the Ravenclaw match and play your arse off, we are good.”

“And if you want me to hang out with you and Barty, it’s going to have to wait.”

Evan nodded, “I understand. Let me see what I feel comfortable with on my own. Maybe I won’t need you.” Evan gave him a playful nudge. 

“Rosier, you are a catch, own it. You really don’t need a wingman.”

Laughing heartily now, Evan said, “if Regulus ‘I am out of everyone’s league’ Black thinks I am a catch, it has to be a good sign.”

Regulus scoffed, “what! I do not think I am out of everyone else’s league. I just haven’t found anyone I feel that way about yet.”

“Hence, you are way, way out of our league mate.”

“Ok, but in fairness, this ‘league’ has three people in it I am aware of, one of them being myself.”

“You can deny it until your last breath Regulus, you are fucking fit. Your brother owns it. You should too.”

“My demeanor is more subtle.”

“Obviously, but you want some sway in the house, turn up the sex appeal. Even the straight kids will be drooling over you. I bet they secretly already are.”

Regulus’ eyebrows shot up into his long fringe. 

“Don’t look so surprised, you’ve had me and Barty both crushing on you, and we made out with each other in the meantime.”

“What! Barty doesn’t, he hasn’t had a crush on me. He hated me.”

“I thought we went over this already,” sighed Evan. “And don’t worry, neither of us are going to make a move again, at least I won’t. And Barty knows you are untouchable, pureblood royalty. Just another reason he never queued you in on his mess of feelings in the past.”

“No wonder he’s so surly all the time.” 

“That and about fifty other reasons. I’m glad you encouraged me to get to know him. We don’t really understand each other until we see things from another’s point of view. But back to you, Regulus, I’m not kidding. Bring the goods and you will have everyone eating out of your hand.”

“Evan, I’m not… That’s not…”

“Hmmmm, I wasn’t under the impression you had a confidence problem.”

“I don’t! I mean,” Regulus ran his hands over his face in exasperation. “Merlin Evan, I’m not great at this stuff.”

“Well, I won’t pretend to be an expert, but if you ever want some advice, my door is always open.”

Regulus rolled his eyes and turned towards the window where the snowy countryside was speeding past. 

…

This excerpt was taken from The Heir and The Spare, which is part of the Our Love is Written in the Stars series which will FINALLY begin posting on Oct 31!

[imagineitdearies]

Two things~ A comment and question!

I was out on a first date with someone yesterday and we were fangirling over bg3 and our love for Astarion. She's a big fan of drow, and knows all the Drizzt books. So I suggested Perfect Slaughter to her. Gave her the rundown and she seemed to be onboard. Hopefully a new fan for you~

But also, I'm super curious about Circle of Sixths and if there's been any updates~ No rush at all! From the plot basis on your profile, it looks definitely intriguing!

Just looking forward to more writing! Love the PS drabbles and learning about the boys after everything. They're too sweet~

Hey ramenhokage 🥰

First off, my goodness, you're out spreading the good (bad) word of Perfect Slaughter, and on a first date no less?? This has to be one of the coolest, most niche compliments a fanfic author can get 🤣🩵 Thank you, I hope she enjoys!

And on top of that, another thank you for asking about Circle of Sixths!! It's super exciting (and encouraging!) to me that some readers from Perfect Slaughter want to hear about my original fiction. This project definitely is moving slower than fanfic, simply for the fact I can't go to a wiki for lore, I have to make the wiki to some extent lolol. Also last month was a whirlwind with a vacation, big things happening at work, and starting a new relationship. But I have made progress!!

Right now my goal is to finish 10 out of the 15ish chapters I have planned for Part I: Mellifluous, hopefully by the end of the month, before I send the first three chapters to a few beta readers. Currently I have 8 chapters fully written, so I'm getting close to that milestone! I've shared a bit on my author discord already (join if you haven't, lots of fun discussions!!), but here's another rough, unedited excerpt for you all:

At the moment, I'm thinking I might go the route of posting on Patreon--subscribers would get early access to each chapter (amongst other things), but it'd be free to followers a week later too! And then once Part I is fully out, offering it as an ebook and possibly print-on-demand, if I can get enough income to pay for a cover/formatting help. We'll see, honestly. If people have opinions or advice on this, I'm willing to listen at the least!!

Thanks again, hope you're keeping well friend 🩵

[dcficrecs]

I'm A Good Pretender - Chapter 2: I Got Lots Of Problems

By shipNslash on AO3

My last post was an excerpt from the first chapter of this fic. I've finished it now and I like most of it, but there's something in Chapter 2 that I just have to talk about. This whole fic is a Robin origin story. It has seven chapters, so it drawfs in comparison to the 'Firework' fic by paganpunk2 on fanfiction.net (I posted about that too, maybe my favorite fanfic ever). Still, I really like it. It's written with excerpts from days. It starts with day zero, where Dick's parents are killed and Bruce comforts him. Day one is him meeting Alfred at the orphanage, and it goes all the way to day 262, where Commissioner Gordon meets Robin.

Anyway, in this particular excerpt, Dick is scheming to sneak out of Wayne Manor and kill Tony Zucco himself, and has to guilt trip Bruce in order to be alone long enough to escape even though he feels bad about it. He likes Bruce, but he isn't quite a father figure to him, yet. Dick has inherited Bruce's old bedroom, something very sentimental to Bruce. The excerpt starts with Bruce giving a tour of his old room. Bruce also gave Dick a note, saying to ring the service bell when he wakes up. He does, and it calls Bruce to his room. Dick keeps the note in his pocket. Also, a slight trigger warning for mentions of sexual abuse against a child.

So Bruce awkwardly shows Dick around the cavernous bedroom. The dresser is full of generic clothes in his size and Bruce promises they can get his stuff from their trailer later today and go shopping soon for anything he's missing. He shows him how to work the computer at the desk and the TV on the wall, and even points towards the staff lift at the end of the hallway that will take him directly to the kitchen. The bathroom is in the bedroom and almost as huge, with a sink and toilet and a big shower/bathtub combo already filled with a bunch of different soaps.

"I wasn't sure what you'd need," Bruce mumbles when Dick comments on the variety. "We have different hair types."

That's…surprisingly thoughtful, Dick thinks, and Bruce's folded note feels like it's burning a hole in his pocket.

He ignores the guilt and smiles. "Thanks, Bruce. I appreciate it."

"I want you to be comfortable here," Bruce whispers back, even quieter than normal.

Dick pushes the guilt down, down, down. Now is as good a time as any and Bruce is already uncomfortable. Now if Dick can just get him to leave…

(Never talk about sex, Mama always says, grown ups hate when kids even mention sex.)

"What about rules?" Dick asks, pitching his voice a little higher and widening his already big eyes just a little bit bigger. "One of the older boys at the detention center said rich people only foster kids to warm their beds. I don't know what that means, but I'll try, if you teach me."

And bingo.

Bruce's pale skin goes practically gray and he flinches back until he's outside of the bathroom. "That- No, I- You won't ever-"

"Did I say something wrong?" Dick asks, adding in a small sniffle and not letting up on the eye contact. (He's already learned that Bruce Wayne hates eye contact.)

The man is still backpedaling, now well to the hallway. "No! No. I'll… see you at breakfast." When he steps out of the room, his shoulders sag. "Kitchen. Eight." And then he's gone, latching the door shut behind him.

Dick sighs and flops against the bed. That was almost too easy. He feels… kinda bad.

Still. Eight o’clock. That's just over three hours, according to the clock on the wall.

"Alright," he mumbles to himself and carefully rocks to his feet. "Like Mama says, make a list."

So, he does.

Stretch my poor, atrophying muscles

Shower off the scent of the detention center

Find out where Haly's went

Sneak out

Catch and murder Tony Zucco

Run away to (re)join the circus 

There, that doesn't seem hard now that he's made a list- Mama's always right.

Something about "I don't know what that means, but I'll try if you teach me," is literally so well written. Obviously, gross, but Dick using something that makes Bruce obviously uncomfortable to his advantage against Bruce is so Dick coded. Dick absolutely knew what it meant and purposefully used it to horrify Bruce. Guilt tripping Bruce Wayne is so easy, as long as you're Dick Grayson. He's a little gremlin and I love it. Also, the list he makes is adorable, literally went from zero to a hundred real quick.

[burntheedges-updates]

Preview: Over Again

pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader

This is my updates-only blog! Follow me at @burntheedges

summary: you fell in love with Joel Miller in Austin, Texas, in 2001, but you thought you lost him in 2003 when the world turned upside down. now it's 2024, and you find the surprise of your life waiting for you in Jackson, Wyoming.

or, 5 times you and Joel fell deeper in love, on both sides of the apocalypse

a/n: this is an excerpt from a longer fic that is almost finished! check back soon (or follow) for the full fic. I haven't written anything in like 15 years, and Joel Miller dragged me back in. sharing this as part of the Pedro Pascal cinematic universe discord server event! join us!

warnings: 18+, minors DNI in this excerpt - banter, a little bit of pining, but mostly fluff. reader is 26, Joel is 33 (at this time - picture him just like he looks in that gif ^^). for the full fic - a teensy bit of angst (plus the angst of thinking the other person is dead for 20 years (apocalypse)), cursing, wall sex, will add the full list once I have it... I’m trying to have a reader with as little description as possible (in this excerpt they’re a person with hair) but please let me know if you see anything I should change.

wordcount: 2300 (for this preview)

Main post & chapter list | chapter 1 | ao3

Austin, TX, Spring 2001

On Sunday, you changed your outfit 5 times before telling yourself to get a grip and putting back on the first thing you had pulled out of your closet, 45 minutes before. Joel had seen literally all of these clothes before, he’d lived next door to you for 6 months. Get it together. You looked at yourself in the mirror, messed with your hair one last time, and then forced yourself to leave the bathroom and head downstairs. 

In the kitchen, you glanced at the clock – 5:54pm – and picked up the cookies you baked that morning, heading next door to the Millers’. 

You knocked on the door, and after a few moments with no response you knocked again. Odd. You put your ear to the door and heard music, and Sarah laughing. You tried the door and realized it was unlocked. 

As you crossed the threshold you called out, “Millers? Anyone home?” Inside you could more clearly hear the music coming from the backyard, so you left the cookies in the kitchen and headed towards the back door.

You found the backdoor open, and you could hear Sarah laugh again as you moved closer. “Dad come on, you stepped on my toes!”

“Sarah Miller, I raised you not to tell lies.” Joel sounded out of breath, but he was laughing as he said it.

“Well, that’s definitely a lie if I ever heard one.” Tommy jumped out of the way as Joel steered Sarah right into him in retaliation. You leaned in the doorway, smiling as you watched Joel lead Sarah around the yard to Rie y Llora. They hadn’t noticed you yet. 

“Celia Cruz, huh?”

All three Millers turned at your question, all three smiling at you. It was a little overwhelming, as always, to have the attention of all three at once. Sarah elbowed her dad lightly and laughed, saying, “She’s Abuela's favorite.” Joel rolled his eyes. “It’s good music to learn to,” he muttered, clearly not for the first time. 

“It looks to me like Sarah already knows what she’s doing.” You smiled at the look he shot your way.

“Ha! See, dad?”

“Sure, baby girl. Why don’t you go take Uncle Tommy for a spin, since you know what you’re doing.” With that, Joel spun Sarah towards Tommy, who caught her easily and started leading her around the yard. You laughed, and then looked back towards Joel. He was watching you with that half smile that always gave you goosebumps. 

“Do you know how to dance, darlin’?”

“In a club? Sure. Like that? No way.” 

He grinned at your answer. “Want to learn?” He held his hand out, guiding you towards him once you placed your hand in his. 

“I’ve never danced like this before. I’ll probably stomp all over your feet.” Joel placed your right hand on his shoulder, and took your left hand in his right.

“You let me worry about where our feet go. I’ll show you the basics and then you just follow me.” And over the next 15 minutes, that’s exactly what he did. 

Soon you found yourself slowly moving around the yard to Lambada, definitely slower than the music called for. At some point Tommy and Sarah went inside to work on finishing dinner, but you barely noticed. You were focusing on keeping up with Joel. 

Just as you started to feel a little bit confident, a slow song that you didn’t know started to play. Joel slowed the two of you as well, starting to sway in place instead of moving around so much. He pulled you a little closer with his left hand around your waist.

Catching your breath, and taking your focus off of your feet, you asked, “what brought this on? I don’t think I’ve ever come over to find y’all mid-dance-lesson before.”

“Sarah’s got that school dance coming up and she’s a bit nervous.” He laughed, shaking his head. “I tried to tell her I only know how to do this and a few of those line dances they do in the clubs Tommy goes to. Not whatever dancing they’ll be doing — probably closer to your club dancing.” He winked at you, and you held on a little tighter to his shoulder. “But then she reminded me that her cousin’s party is coming up, anyway, and they will definitely be dancing just like this. So, we were practicing.”

“Cousin?” You asked, confused. Tommy didn’t have kids, and you were pretty sure there were no other Miller siblings.

“Ah, technically it’s my cousin’s kid, on my mom’s side. Easier to just say cousin.” He shrugged. You nodded. 

“Well, you did a good job teaching me. Bet that’ll be a fun party.”

You realized at that point that you had slowly swayed in the direction of the trees along the back of the yard. You were under the shade of one of the trees, partially out of view from the house. You'd moved closer together as the dance slowed and you found yourself with your right hand on his neck, fingertips almost touching his hairline. Your eyes darted from his arms, holding you securely, to his shoulders, flexing under his shirt, up to his face. 

You looked up to find Joel was looking right back at you. “See something you like, darlin’?” He smirked. You felt a rush of warmth towards your face, but you weren’t really embarrassed. You felt like your whole body was tingling, like you were heading towards something you’d been hoping for for months. Like you were racing forward and up ahead there was a cliff you might fall off of, but you’d fall together. Like the fall was the point, the destination. Your breath caught in your throat. “Maybe I do, neighbor.” He grinned in response, tugging you just a bit closer. Any closer and you’d feel him pressed against you everywhere. 

“I know I do.”

“What?” You’d lost track of the conversation. His proximity was going to your head. 

“See something I like.” As he responded, he let go of your hand and brought his right hand up to cup your face. You saw him glance from your eyes to your mouth and in response, you pressed closer, winding your right hand into his hair. Joel leaned in, and you barely felt the touch of his lips to yours, when the back door opened and Tommy shouted, “dinner’s ready, love birds! Get in here!”

Joel groaned as he stepped away from you, resting his hands on your shoulders. “I guess we should head inside.” As he said it, he lifted one hand to trace his fingertips along your cheekbone before running his hand lightly over your hair. “Stick around after dinner? I’d like another dance.” You smile as he reaches down to take your hand and lead you toward the house, walking backwards and keeping his eyes trained on yours. 

“Smooth moves, Miller. Save some for later.”

He’s still smiling, but suddenly you feel the intent in his gaze, more focused than even a moment ago. “Oh darlin’, don’t worry. For you, I got plenty more.”

—-

Dinner with the Millers was always fun, and this occasion was no different. Tommy and Sarah teased Joel mercilessly, and he got them right back, though he was always a little softer with Sarah. 

You talked and joked over dinner, noting Joel had made one of your favorites - pepper chicken - and he winked at you when you thanked him for it. After dinner Sarah rushed upstairs to talk to a friend on the phone as Tommy headed out the door (“to do some real dancing, y'all should come out sometime”). You were left with Joel in the kitchen, clearing the table together and starting in on the dishes. 

“You don’t have to help with that, I can get it.” You bumped your hip against his as he slid in next to you at the sink.

“It’s no bother, Joel. Let me help.” He smiled at you, softly, and nodded, picking up the towel to dry the dishes. 

You worked quietly together, sometimes recalling a joke from dinner, but you were mostly just enjoying the quiet moment. As soon as you handed him the last dish he set it aside, still wet, to take your hand and lead you back outside. He switched the music back on, low, as you passed the boombox.

As he stepped into the yard, Joel turned and pulled you back into his arms, into the slow dance stance you had only just left before dinner. But this time he pulled you close from the start, tucking you up against him and smoothing his hand across your lower back. “Well hello there, darlin’. Fancy meeting you here.”

You smiled, and rolled your eyes a little. “Hey, cowboy.” You let your fingertips play with his hair along his neck. You noticed a light shiver in his shoulders as you did. “Joel, are you ticklish?” 

“No, and you better not let on to Sarah that you wondered anything of the sort.” He glared at you playfully as he said it, spinning you a little into a new spot in the yard. You laugh, winded, even though you'd barely moved. 

“Hmm, seems like information that would be worth quite a bit to some people around here.” You brushed your fingers lightly across his hairline again, and he squirmed again in response. 

He hid a smile, pulling you in so he could whisper directly into your left ear. “But darlin’, if you keep my secret, I’ll make it worth your while.” It was your turn to shiver. “Oh? How so?” You’d never heard your own voice so breathless. 

He chuckled, and raised his left hand from your hip to your jaw, tilting your head to the right as he tucked his face into the left side of your neck. He ran his lips lightly from your shoulder to your jaw, sending prickles down your spine as you inhaled sharply. He kissed you, lightly, right at the hinge of your jaw, and then on your cheek, and then his mouth met yours, softly, barely there and then with gentle pressure. He pulled away after only a moment, and you met his eyes in a daze. His gaze was dark, and you felt like you were moving through molasses. Everything was slow, and soft, and heady. You felt like you were floating and Joel’s hands on you – your cheek, your left hand – were the only things keeping you tethered.

Joel murmured your name. “Let me take you out.”

“When?” Your reply fell from your lips so quickly it made him smile, and you smiled back, unashamed. 

“Friday? Sarah’s got a sleepover.” He smoothed his thumb over your cheekbone. “We can go dancing, show off these moves.” You laughed. 

“Joel, I’ve barely got 1, maybe 2 moves. You sure we don’t need another dance lesson before we take this show on the road?”

He huffed a laugh, and spun you a little. “Just follow along with me, darlin’, I won’t let you stumble.”

You bit your lip, and nodded. “Friday.”

“Friday,” he agreed, pulling you in again. As his lips met yours again, you wondered how you were going to wait 5 days for this. Joel pulled himself away with a small groan, resting his forehead against yours. “We should stop before we get too carried away, with Sarah home.” You nodded. 

You danced a bit more, finishing out the last couple of tracks on the CD. Joel kept his forehead against yours at first, and then tucked your head into his chest, resting his cheek on top of your head, slowly swaying as the last song trailed off into quiet.

You didn’t want to let go quite yet, and it seemed Joel didn’t either, as neither of you moved. You could feel your happiness at finally taking the leap together glowing in your chest – from dancing around each other to an actual dance, the months of flirting had finally gotten you somewhere. But you couldn’t help but wonder.

“Joel? Why now?” You asked it softly, face still tucked into his chest. He hummed lowly in response before pulling back to meet your eyes. He regarded you silently for a moment before seeming to come to a decision. 

“I think we both felt it, from that first day. You were — you are — the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, and I knew I wanted you, but I wanted something real. I haven’t dated anyone in a long, long time. I wanted to take it slow, and get to know you first. But darlin’, I realized the other day, when you were here with Sarah, that maybe there’s a line between taking it slow and just being afraid, and I was flirting with it. And I’d rather be flirting with you.” He grinned as you rolled your eyes a little bit at his joke. “I’ve been afraid, for a long time, of letting someone in when it’s not just me I have to worry about. But Sarah loves you.”

“And I love her, Joel. That girl is special.” He smiled, and nodded. “I know you do. And she’s been teasing me about asking you out for months.”

“Oh yeah? Well you should know better than to ignore her advice, Joel.” 

He sighed, long-suffering, and nodded. “I know it.”

Joel started to head towards the house, right hand reaching for your left. You felt a little shaky, like you really had been floating for the last half hour. As you approached the front door, he squeezed your hand and pulled you into another hug. “I’ll see you Friday, darlin’.”

“You sure will, cowboy.” He smiled and pulled you in for another kiss. 

“Now get, before we get any bad ideas.” You laughed, and headed out the door he opened for you. “Night, darlin’.”

“See you Friday, Joel.”

—

a/n: follow for the whole fic! coming soon :)

[callmearcturus]

1, 2, 7 and/or 8, 13

1. Describe your comfort zone—a typical you-fic.

2 and 8 and 13

Already answered.

7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

/laughs. Jake's POV chapter in KTOWL. I'll grab some excerpts. MASSIVE SPOILERS FOR ACT THREE OF KTOWL.

Ah, Striders. He was becoming uncommonly fond of them. And how could he not? In Abraxas, every vice and temptation flowed like water from a well, and Jake rarely considered any of them. All the designer drugs their apothecaries cooked up, and Jake stuck to good old dextroamphetamine and calmag.

But now that he'd gotten one Strider and glimpsed the other two? Jake wanted in a way he rarely wanted anything. His hands curled when he thought about the Umbral Executor. Oh, he carried a torch for him. Or, a knife, really. The very same Dirk had flung into Jake's shoulder was always on Jake's person, always in a tidy little sheath Jake had put together for it. He'd wear it over his heart if it wouldn't break the line of his shirts.

Not that the lovely accountant was forgotten. Truly, the manner in which he assumed he was forgotten was enough to keep him vivid in Jake's mind. Sorrow hung around him and clung to Jake in his wake, like a bruise he couldn't stop touching, like a sticky remnant that clung to his fingers no matter how much he washed. Sweet and sad, and Jake wanted to drive a knife through Caliborn's skull for the chance to see him smile.

Jake's POV chapter was all about showing off what an absolutely unhinged motherfucker he is, the specificity of him. And the specificity of Jake Abraxas English is so goddamn important for a lot of reasons, but mainly to make him feel as inhuman as possible. He's the head of a drug empire and sticks to his prescriptions. He got stabbed by Dirk and keeps the knife in a handmade sheaf as a sign of devotion. He thinks killing Caliborn would make Dave smile.

Jake hated losing, and picked his battles accordingly. That one, he kept folded up in his pocket, waiting for such a time when he might win. If only she'd realize his winning was to everyone's benefit.

But that was a matter for another night. For now, Jake mixed some of the botanical gin she always had on hand, cucumber, mint, and a splash of St Germain.

A little of this, a little of that, all captured in glass. Jake never drank, but there wasn't much difference between neon and cocktails. There wasn't much difference between neon and anything.

Jake never loses not just because he's a formidable foe and powerful presence Under the Table, but because he selects his fights like he's counting cards against the universe.

And "There wasn't much difference between neon and anything." Not only does Jake have a batshit way of looking at the world, but he applies the same ruleset to everything, from mixology to gunfights to corporate warfare.

"Isn't that rule one? Never put yourself in a position to lose." She came into view with proximity, melting out of the shadows. Her cane tapped very quietly against the dubiously-colored carpet.

"That is what I say, isn't it," Jake murmured, picking up the ball and starting it up again.

Again, specificity with how Jake phrases everything is-- I put TREMENDOUS effort into every word in every sentence. I wanted to foster this idea that Jake was Crafted. He was created by his grandmother to be this exact monster. So he mentions how he manipulates circumstances to always win earlier, then the same thing is said by the woman who created him, trying to imbue this... discomfort to his making.

Once, Rose had snippily asked if Jake had been grown in a vat for just this purpose, his purpose. He had smiled but had not laughed.

(CACKLES)

It was a special kind of fool who cheated his way into Jake's territory and then didn't even have the decency to have arms ready when Jake stepped into the trap.

The knife Dirk had gifted him just a few miles away in an alleyway in this very city seemed a fitting end for this absolute idiot. Drawing it silently, Jake quick-stepped across the plush (silent) rug that ran from the door to the desk.

There was no hesitation; if the troll looked up, he was done for. Jake kicked the back of the fellow's leg hard, buckling it. The troll let out one of those panicked trills, his hand slapping against the desk.

The muscle in that arm corded as he prepared to shove himself back up. Jake grabbed a fistful of hair— his horns were too short to be of any use here— and yanked him back.

The posture pole pressed firmly against Jake's thigh as he shoved the knife against the troll's throat. "Clementine, what a surprise! Have you done something to your hair? New cologne?"

Up to this point, the audience has mostly experienced Jake through Dirk's eyes, and there's always been an unspoken understanding that Jake would not kill Dirk. So when an intruder shows up and annoys Jake, I wanted his response to feel smart and certain and natural to him. I wanted the audience to understand that Jake is fucking dangerous.

"How much do you love him? Because some things you won't get back."

Jake watched Karkat realize his meaning, dark and bitter chocolate melting across Jake's tongue as comprehension dawned on Karkat's face.

Jake is a freak. He tells a guy he likes, who he's taken an immediate shine to, tells the guy "I'm gonna cut off your arm" and Karkat's dawning understanding does for Jake what any Abraxas designer drug does for the masses. He's a monster, and I love him.

[yunessa]

Owlcatober 25: 'Smooth'

Spoiler free Kenabres excerpts of Ramien and Yunessa.

“I was starting to wonder if you were all part of my imagination Ramien. If you had kept your hood up I wouldn’t have been able to find you.” The Aasimar priest sat in the forges, his metallic hair gleaming in the warm light of the smithy. In his hands was a cup of coffee still steaming. 

Ramien gave Yunessa a smile. “You should see when I tried to dye it a year ago. It was a disaster.” He started to rise. 

“Stay seated Ramien. You look tired.” The smithy was small- one the inn used to rent out to adventurers- but was well kept. The glowing embers in the forge kept the space comfortably warm. “I wanted to see how you were doing.”

“I’ve been doing whatever I can. Comforting people, healing them…” He smiled sadly. “... but unfortunately Desna has not allowed me the power to return the dead. With the demon attack repelled and your victories in the city, it seems to have calmed it a little.”

“And how are you doing yourself?” Yunessa asked. Ramien’s sad smile faded with the look he gave Yunessa, one of wry humour.

“You know me already. As for myself- I’m here and doing what I can to help. There have been a few problems- cultists sneaking in, an attempted murder in the Inn’s basement- but nothing Commander Tirabade hasn’t handled.” He took a drink from his cup. “She’s handled it so well I only heard of it after the fact.” 

Ramien’s eyes were as unusual as Daeran’s. But his eyes looked like jewels. The purple shined and gleamed in a way that only jewels only caught the light, the colour rich.  Daeran’s were pale, like the greenish-topaz stones in the ring he gave Yunessa as payment. If violets could be jewels…

“You’re staring.” Ramien wagged a finger at Yunessa. There was amusement written on his face.

Yunessa felt their face heat up, but not from the forge. They coughed. “Sorry, I was studying you-”

“Staring intently at my eyes while you studied?” Ramien asked, his smile sly. “How studious.”

“Alright Daeran.” Yunessa rubbed at their jaw as Ramien chuckled. “But to answer you right- I haven’t met many aasimar. You and Daeran are one of the only three I’ve seen and talked to so I was studying you.”

“Am I that handsome?” He asked coyly and Yunessa pretended to stare at him more intently.

“Wellll…” Yunessa drawled out. “I guess, since you caught me staring I have to say yes.”

“And if I hadn’t?” His eyes gleamed with humour.

“I’d have to say it was close but.” Yunessa made a show of running their hands through their hair and giving Ramien a wink. “You’re not me, so you’ll have to take second place.”

Ramian chuckled, a rich sound that seemed to brighten the forge. “My parents were both elves, I might end up coming out ahead of you.” His smile remained when Yunessa pretended to gasp but continued: “If you haven’t met many of us before then it’s natural you’d stare. We don’t share similar characteristics but we all stand out in our own ways.” Ramien took a long drink from his cup before setting it aside. “Speaking of standing out, how has Daeran been? I was surprised to see him with you.”

“He’s been fine. He’s upset Lann a few times with his words but they seem to be fine- at least the last time we came back they were amicable.” Yunessa answered honestly and Ramien blinked at them. “He has a sharp tongue. But honestly,I haven’t found it bothering me. His knowledge of the city and current events has been very helpful.” -

Yunessa just felt nauseated and tired. Standing in the outdoor air of the courtyard helped as a cold breeze caressed their face. The Eagle Watch and Crusaders were making their final preparations and Yunessa was gathering their thoughts.

“Are you going to the Grey Garrison?” Ramien’s voice came from their right.  The aasimar priest moved to stand next to Yunessa. “It’s a ridiculous question to ask now that I realise it.” 

“It’s allright Ramien.” Yunessa bit back a yawn as a bum of sunlight broke through the clouds. “I am going with them. My companions should be joining soon- I came here early to see the fall weather before we grouped up.”

“I saw you talking to Klaem. Is he going with you as well?” Ramien’s gold hair shined in the daylight.

“He wants to cast a ritual before we start when all of my companions are with me. He says he can manage a haste spell that will last hours instead of minutes.” Multicoloured autumn leaves fell down, dancing when the wind blew. “Irabeth already discussed the plans and right now I think she’s checking the defences. If we don’t come back this place will need to hold on its own until the army arrives.”

“I actually came to offer my help as well.” Ramien smiled. “If I may?”

“What kind of help?” Ramien’s smile turned cryptic at Yunessa’s question, gesturing for them to turn around. 

“Turn around and I’ll fix your hair for you.” His smile remained as Yunessa turned around, moving closer. 

“I didn’t sleep well, I forgot.” Yunessa admitted.

“You know,” Ramien murmured, lowering his voice. “Desna is an unpredictable goddess.” Yunessa almost started when Ramien’s hands touched their hair. “Who knows how she will come to the aide of her faithful children?” His hands were warm as he pulled back Yunessa’s hair. “I had a dream where she sang the demons a little lullaby and they fell into a deep sleep just like innocent babes.”

“Did she?”  Ramien tying their hair for them brought back fragments of a memory. A woman with blond hair over an Inn's kitchen sink. Wet hair. Brush in her hand. Clothes befitting a mage's apprentice. She was angry her braid was crooked when I  braided her hair. Told me to go ahead to- where?  Vague blurry faces, a feeling of sorrow strong enough that it made Yunessa grimace before they shoved the memory away.

“Yes. I’m going to use one of my hairsticks Yunessa, this string won’t hold in a fight.” Reamien reached for the bag at his belt, searching through it.

“Hair like yours and you’d pin it up? You’re doing the rest of us a disservice Ramien.” Ramien’s chuckle seemed to make the space around them brighter. “If my hair looked like gold I’d show it off often.” 

“Your hair reminds me of clouds.” He finished the bun he’d made with the hairstick and string . “But far softer.” Turning their head back Yunessa wasn’t certain if Ramien was joking with them but something in his gaze made them pause.

“You’re-”

“You should go find your companions.” He urged Yunessa on. “I will be here when you return to tend to your wounds- and prepare for the celebration when the Worldstone is saved.” He was smiling warmly at Yunessa as they left, his hands clasped in front of him witha smile on his face.

[lavenderpanic]

NEW FIC

Okay I've been messing around with this idea for like months and i only have like 3k words written and I wanted to test the waters to see if this is something you guys are interested in reading.

Brief synopsis: Bucky, a 23 year old college dropout, lives with his fiancé Brock Rumlow by the small New England college Brock is a professor at. Between his OCD and his anxiety and the gender dysphoria his fiancé assures him is all in his head, he struggles to find purpose and happiness. That is, until his fiancé's graduate student, Steve Rogers, moves into town and disrupts everything Bucky thought he knew.

Excerpt below cut, TW: OCD, DV, intentional midgendering/deadnaming, SH behaviors, coercion

Bucky peeks his head into the living room. There are only three men besides his fiancé, but the conversation is already too loud. Brock always says Bucky is just especially sensitive, that he has a naturally nervous predisposition, that’s why he’s best suited to staying home most of the time. He’s right, Bucky is sensitive, to noises and lights and crowds. Brock is so kind to not force him to go out. When he was a kid, his parents always thought he was faking it for attention, so they’d make him go to church and school and the grocery store even when he was overwhelmed. Brock never makes him leave if he doesn’t want to. And sometimes, even if he does want to, Brock knows it’s better for him to stay inside.

“Jamie, why don’t you bring out the drinks?” Brock calls.

Bucky’s back stiffens and he takes a slow breath. The men probably won’t even want to talk to him, they rarely do, beyond simple pleasantries. He just needs to smile and look nice. He grabs the silver tray of gin and tonics and walks into the living room with a timid little smile. He recognizes two of the men, other professors from the university, Rollins and Sitwell, he actually took a course with Rollins before he dropped out, but he doesn’t recognize the third. He looks barely older than Bucky himself, with his sandy hair and round, blue eyes, like perfectly ripe blueberries.

He doesn’t dress like the other men, either. During their classes, sure, they may dress nicely, in suits or button-ups with pressed slacks, but when they get together outside of that, they nearly always wear jeans, maybe a nice shirt or a sweater if they care enough that night. But the younger man, the blond, he’s dressed up like a vaguely homosexual humanities major from a nineties movie about a college in New England. Sweater vest, pants in a cinnamon-y kind of brown, a cream-white shirt rolled up to his elbows.

Brock pecks Bucky’s cheek as he places the tray down on the coffee table, next to the platters of carefully-selected crackers and nuts and cheeses that Bucky has spent the last two years learning how to curate. Brock’s real particular about shit like that. “Thanks, babe,” Brock says gently.

“Dinner should be ready soon,” Bucky whispers, sidling up close to him and glancing at the other men. “Like… half an hour more, I think? The potatoes just need a bit longer.”

“Of course, babydoll,” Brock murmurs, then kisses Bucky’s cheek again. “Go on, you don’t have to stay in here.”

Bucky smiles thankfully and disappears back into the kitchen. It’s a gorgeous kitchen, Brock wanted to gut it and rebuild it all marble and sleek, but Bucky begged him to keep it the way it is. It has beautiful hand painted tiles and dark-stained wooden cabinets and the most perfectly-worn brass fixtures. Brock finally agreed to keep it the way he bought it, if only because Bucky’s the one who spends so much time in the kitchen.

The kitchen smells glorious, the whole apartment does, really. Like thyme and garlic and the orange-cranberry cake he baked this afternoon. The potatoes in the oven are a soft golden-brown, encrusted with herbs, and the steak is resting on the counter. He did a good job. Brock will be happy with him. He didn’t mess up like last time.

He decides to start on the icing for the cake, a simple powdered sugar icing, perhaps with a squeeze or two of orange juice. He plucks the leftover orange from the ceramic fruit bowl and places it down on the counter before going to the cupboard and reaching for the paper bag of icing sugar. He has to stand on his tiptoes and lean against the counter and he’s still barely tall enough to brush his fingers against the bottom of the bag. He gets a loose grip on it when–

“Oh, hey, do you need help with that?”

Bucky whirls around in surprise, sending the bag tumbling to the ground. Nearly half of it flies out in a sugary cloud, painting the antique tiles an ashy grey. On the other side of the cloud stands the blond, the young man who Bucky still hasn’t been introduced to.

“Oh, shit, I’m sorry,” he says with wide eyes.

“No, no, my fault,” Bucky whispers. Brock is going to be so mad with him for making such a bad mess. He’ll need to really mop it, maybe twice or even three times, fine sugar is almost impossible to clean properly. “Sorry.”

“No, nonsense, do you have a broom or something, I could–”

Bucky shakes his head quickly and gestures for Steve to return to the men before he finds his voice. “‘S not your fault, I can clean it. Do you… you need something?”

“Yeah, I’m sorry, Rumlow just said there would be seltzer or soda or something in here. I’m not much of a drinker,” he laughs apologetically.

“Oh, yeah, of course,” Bucky nods. He opens the fridge to reveal shelves upon shelves of perfectly organized food, labeled tupperwares, straight lines of soda cans. “Any flavor you prefer?” Bucky asks quietly.

“Yeah, lemon would be great, thanks.” Bucky hands him a silvery can with a little lemon slice embossed into its front, careful not to slip into the mess of sugar. “Oh, I’m Steve, by the way. I’m a PhD candidate, I just moved here. I’m, um, TA-ing for one of Rumlow’s courses, and I’m teaching one myself.”

“Ooh, that sounds interesting,” Bucky hums. He struggles to think of an intelligent-sounding thing to say next. “What are you, like… getting your PhD in?”

Steve starts to say something, he nearly launches into what must be a very rehearsed recitation of his field of study, but Brock appears in the doorway next to him a moment later, places a hand on his far shoulder like they’re pals. Brock’s easy smile falls from his face when he sees the pile of sugar in the very center of the kitchen. Bucky instinctively takes a step back at the displeasure written into every line of his face. “What’s taking so long?” Brock chuckles, but there isn’t any humor in it.

“I’m really sorry, man,” Steve chuckles, ducking his head in faux-embarrassment. “I knocked over the sugar when I went to open the fridge, stupid mistake.”

Brock’s posture softens a bit, his shoulders drop and he stops glaring at Bucky quite so menacingly. “Yeah, she can clean it up, don’t worry about it.”

Bucky shoots Steve a little thankful grin as the two men walk out of the kitchen. He manages to salvage the sugar that didn’t fall out of the bag and does his best to brush as much of the mess on the floor into a trash bag as he can. He’ll clean the rest tonight, once everyone leaves and he can really scrub at the tile.

He doesn’t get the chance to make the icing before he has to plate up dinner, but that’s fine, the men usually like to drink and talk a bit in between dinner and dessert, so he should have plenty of time to ice the cake in between. He sets five plates full of potatoes and steak and grilled asparagus on the table and calls in for the men. He sits at Brock’s side. He doesn’t have steak, he doesn’t really like to eat meat, it feels weird against his teeth, but he does love potatoes and asparagus. He manages to finish off his plate, which earns him a small nod of approval from his fiancé.

“So, Jamie, what do you do?” Steve asks, once there’s a lull in conversation.

Bucky takes a shaky breath and glances to Brock before answering. “I really just take care of the home, I don’t… work or anything.”

The focus is quickly drawn away from him, and he doesn’t mind. He really doesn’t have anything interesting to add to any conversation. Not unless the topic is baked goods or bookshelves or something. He isn’t good at small talk, but it’s okay, because people don’t usually want to talk to him anyway.

He clears the table while the men chat in the living room. He notices Steve glancing at him through the doorway that connects the living room to the dining room, which makes him a bit uneasy, but people who meet him through Brock usually are a bit surprised to realize he’s so young. There’s only a seventeen year gap, but Bucky knows he’s still quite young. Most people don’t expect a forty-year-old professor to have a twenty-three-year-old fiancée at home. Bucky doesn’t mind. Brock doesn’t, so why should he?

He makes the icing once the table is re-set with clean dessert dishes, a simple icing, vanilla and powdered sugar and milk and a bit of orange juice. He drizzles it neatly onto the bundt cake and places it on the table proudly and waits in the kitchen until the men decide they’re hungry again. Steve sits next to Bucky this time. Brock on one side, Steve on the other.

“Shit, this is good,” Steve curses under his breath. The other men are too busy talking about something Bucky doesn’t understand to compliment him, but he doesn’t mind, he doesn’t need to be thanked for doing what’s expected of him. “Is this from, like, scratch?”

“Yeah,” Bucky whispers, grinning a bit. “It’s a recipe I developed. I have a lot of time. I made a lot of lemon blueberry cake this summer and I thought I could adapt it for autumn.”

“Are you gonna eat some? Seriously, this is like… better than bakery quality.”

“Oh, I’m not hungry,” Bucky lies. He’s on a diet. Not a strict one, but he absolutely couldn’t fit a whole slice of cake into his daily calorie allotment. Maybe if he doesn’t eat breakfast or lunch tomorrow, he could have a leftover slice after dinner.

He busies himself in the kitchen, packing up leftovers and wiping down the counters, while the men say their goodbyes. As expected, moments after the door shuts, Brock appears in the kitchen. “You need to clean the floor,” He says, as if that hasn’t been the only thing on Bucky’s mind all evening.

“I will,” Bucky promises earnestly. “Did I do good tonight?”

“Well, darling,” Brock corrects with a little chuckle. “Yes, you did very well. Such a lovely hostess,” he teases, which makes Bucky’s cheeks go a bit pink, he never does like when Brock makes such a point of calling him a woman, but he knows he meant it as a compliment so he doesn’t protest.

“Thank you,” Bucky grins.

“Come to the bedroom once this is all cleaned up, alright?”

“Alright,” Bucky parrots nervously. He’ll have to hurry up his cleaning, Brock gets mad when he thinks Bucky is procrastinating sex. Bucky doesn’t want to be punished tonight. Having to see so many people already exhausted him, and he narrowly escaped a punishment for dropping the sugar all over the kitchen floor.

But still, he presses a polite smile onto his face and nods and Brock leaves him alone to clean. After two passes with a mop, there are only a few sticky streaks left behind. He’ll really scrub it clean tomorrow, but Brock probably won’t notice in the interim.

Bucky reluctantly shuffles up the stairs to the bedroom. Brock is laying down on the bed, laptop balanced on his thighs. Bucky resists the urge to remind him not to wear outside clothes on the fresh comforter, just barely, Brock gets annoyed when he gets all obsessive about that kind of stuff. Bucky perches delicately on the end of the bed and waits for Brock to finish whatever he’s typing up. He rushes Brock, sometimes, because he’s selfish with Brock’s time. He’s trying to get better, though.

Finally, Brock closes his computer and places it on the side table. He looks at Bucky for several tense breaths. Bucky fidgets anxiously. Is something wrong? Is he doing something wrong? He glances down unsurely at what he’s wearing. “I noticed you were doing it again,” Brock finally states.

“Doing what?” Bucky whispers.

“Scratching your arms.”

“I haven’t been,” Bucky defends quickly. His hands immediately go to circle his forearms, he crosses them over his chest protectively.

“I saw you doing it tonight,” Brock says slowly. “Take off your sweater, Jamie. And roll up those sleeves, too.”

Bucky pulls his knit sweater over his head, then bunches up the long sleeves of his dress to his elbows so his forearms are visible. All along his arms, blanketed by a sheer layer of iridescent scars, soft violet bruises blossom alongside irritated-looking scratches, some newer than others. He looks away, embarrassed. He truly didn’t notice he was doing it, it’s been a habit for so long that he rarely registers it. Brock coos with mock-sympathy and sits up a bit, gesturing for Bucky to scoot closer. He does.

“Baby, you need to stop doing that, look how ugly they are. You’re just making it harder for the scars to heal.”

“‘M sorry,” Bucky mumbles. Brock takes him by the wrists, turns his mottled arms this way and that. After a few moments of inspection, Brock drops his arms again and reaches his hands for his belt. “No, please, I’m sorry,” Bucky whispers desperately, shrinking away from his fiancé as discreetly as he can manage.

“Hands out.”

Bucky lifts his hands up, facing the palms toward Brock. They’re trembling, but he knows better than to refuse. Brock carefully folds his belt in half and strikes Bucky’s palms, ten times, in close succession. Bucky flinches, but he never takes his hands away. Brock is right to discipline him. He’s right, he needs to break this habit. It is ugly. He’s ugly. Brock deserves better than that. “Thank you,” he says quickly, as Brock tosses the belt to the side and leans back against the headboard.

“I’m just trying to help you, darling, you know that.”

“I do,” Bucky nods, rubbing his hands up and down his arms. Brock always keeps the house so freezing. Bucky usually doesn’t mind, but he always feels so shaky when Brock makes him get undressed. His fingertips turn all blue.

Brock undoes his pants, spreads his legs to either side of Bucky so he can crawl forward and situate himself on his stomach. He takes Brock’s dick out of his pants and strokes at it a couple times, but it’s already erect. He takes it into his mouth and sucks gently at the head, he wants to prolong this part to hopefully avoid having Brock fuck into the back of his throat for too long. He hates that. One time he got sick, and Brock got so mad, even though Bucky kind of felt, deep down, like it was Brock’s fault. Since then, every time Brock starts gripping onto his hair and thrusting down his throat, he feels panic tugging at his lungs and nausea pooling low in his stomach.

Thankfully, he leaves Bucky in control for most of the blowjob, he lets him wrap his hands around the length left out of his mouth and stroke at it, which keeps him mollified, even if Bucky should try a bit harder to deepthroat him. Before he can come, he lifts Bucky off of his dick. Bucky blinks and sniffles unsurely as oxygen floods into his lungs. He didn’t–

Bucky flinches as a string of come lands over his eye. Another one, in his hair. He breathes shakily and retches shallowly and waits for Brock to be done. Thankfully, Brock isn’t very chatty after sex. He just throws a few tissues at him and starts scrolling through his phone, dick still hanging out of his undone fly. Bucky used to crave intimacy and conversation afterwards but nowadays he’s just so excited to run off to the shower and have a few minutes to himself.

He starts running the shower in the conjoined bathroom before he even starts undressing. He usually likes to let the mirror steam up so he doesn’t have to look at himself more than necessary. It’s not that the dresses and lipstick and frilly blouses don’t make him dysphoric, and he can still see the contours of his body, his chest, his waist, even through the thin layer of steam collected on the mirror, but it makes his evenings just a bit easier.

Sometimes he dares to use Brock’s body wash, the one that smells like, according to the bottle, a volcano, which makes Bucky giggle a bit. Brock rarely notices when he does, and Bucky can usually pass it off rather easily, oh, we’re almost out of mine, if he mentions it. But tonight he doesn’t. Tonight, he scrubs himself down with his apricot-sweet gel and lathers his hair until it’s sleek and shiny with coconut shampoo and conditioner. Sometimes, he tries to buy nice girly things, scents that make him happy, in some lame attempt to convince himself that he can be happy as a woman. That he can embrace it, embrace the delicate femininity Brock so desperately wants him to embody. So far, he hasn’t had much luck.

[polyacotarweek]

Creator showcase# 3: @thesistersarcheron!

Also know as miss_belivet on AO3.

We are featuring her multichapter Nessriel fic titled "viciousness & intelligence", part 1 of her "swords & shadow" series. This fic follows Nesta, Cassian, and Azriel as they realize Nesta and Cassian's lesser fae mating bond may follow different, more complex, rules than the typical high fae mating bond. Here's an excerpt from the fic description:

"After the ball in the Hewn City, Nesta and Cassian swore to each other that there would be no one else. Ever. They didn't account for Azriel."

This fic is beautifully written and explores the practical, emotional, and sexual aspects of a relationship between three canon characters. The dynamics intricately woven, and the story is an excellent new take on fated mates. Keep a weather eye on the horizon for new chapters!

We asked her a few questions so we could all get to know her better: 

Q: What’s your favorite CNM group to write about? 

A: My favorite poly ship is Nessriel, maybe for obvious reasons. Cassian and Azriel already have such a solid bond as brothers-in-arms when Nesta comes in to shake things up for Cassian. And then, the quiet, gentle friendship and respect that grew between Nesta and Azriel in ACOSF and HOFAS? That absolutely clinched it for me.

Q: What CNM group would you want to explore further? 

A:  Lately, I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about Feysandriel. Rhys is a giver (he does, after all, try to test the waters with Feyre about how she might feel about bringing Cassian and Azriel into their relationship), and Feyre is a lover through and through. I imagine it can be quite compelling for them to see something in Azriel—maybe the darkness all three of them share, maybe the longing for romantic connection or the desire to be seen—that they want to explore. The mating bond seems settled between Feysand, but with the tension currently simmering between Rhys and Azriel, it could just be so interesting to tease out whatever dynamic might emerge as they add a third partner.

Q: What’s your favorite trope? 

A: My favorite trope is pretty basic, but I love dramatic “that’s my wife!” or “that’s my mate!” reveals. Secret relationships and forbidden love rarely fall flat for me. It’s one reason I’ll rarely complain that SJM always has her couples elope.

Thank you so much to thesistersarcheron/miss_belivet for taking the time to speak with us. Your works are wonderful, and we are so excited to see what you write next!

Poly+ ACOTAR week is only TWO weeks away now! We can't wait to share new creations with you all!

[girlwonder-writes]

An excerpt of a fic I'm working on to be posted at a later date after I've written and posted the main trilogy of the Beyond the Legacy series. This is a flashback of Olivia with her old partner, Noah Bolton, who is referenced in both Though I Know My Heart Would Break & Chapter 7 of Running Just To Catch Herself

“But you don’t look nervous.” Noah Bolton, the man she’d been partnered with as Ground Support, seemed impressed at her poise and composure. Olivia was oozing with confidence, as she always was. She had three years of experience before being reassigned to Squad 1701. She was young and known to be fearless with her background as a stunt performer and a Ninja Warrior athlete. “It’s because I’m not. My father has always told me to trust in the process. So that’s what I’m doing.” “Young and feisty, I love that for me, even if you’re a brat.” “You’re not that much older than me, Bolton. You’re still young enough to get laid, that’s good enough for me,” Olivia teased her partner, who was 15 years her senior. “Speaking of which, how’s the wife?” “She’s still got three months to go before she pops,” Noah reported. “All right all right all right, let’s get moving. Wanna see what the new guy’s made of.” “He’s military bred, old man, I’m sure he’ll manage fine.” “Hey, watch who you’re calling old man!” Continuing with their usual playful banter, the Ground Support duo walked over to the helitanker they were using for high rise fire suppression. It was meant to be a straightforward call. “Listen, it’s gonna be so sick if we get rooftop access!” Olivia exclaimed excitedly as she and Noah approached. They walked up to the aircraft to find the twins, recent additions not only to the team but to the 217 in general, only having been around for about a year. They seemed to be deep in conversation with each other as the team’s new pilot was doing the last of the pre-flight checks. “Hey Fly Boy, we ready for takeoff?” Olivia playfully quipped, immediately headed for the shotgun position next to Tommy.  “Hell yeah!” Tommy matched her energy. “I’ll be transporting you and Bolton. This is strictly a transport run for me plus fire suppression from the sky.” The twins wore matching playful pouts before Tanner announced with a grin, “It’s fine, we’ve already been on half a dozen runs with the New Guy.” Tilting her head towards the station, Tessa tugged on Tanner’s arm and the pair took off.

No Pressure Tags

@werewolf44 @lavenderleahy @raethethey @bloombow

@keyweegirlie @v88sy @kitweewoos @nine-one-wanton @xofemeraldstars

@babyspacegay @herrmannhalsteadproduction

Anyone who wants to participate can say that I tagged them, can't wait to see your WIPs!

[seaofreverie]

I listened to a new Sparks album and it was all I could think about for two weeks straight afterwards, a.k.a. My Hello Young Lovers Review

Okay, so here's my fabled review (I mentioned having written it once about three months ago, so I guess there's a chance that someone still remembers that). It's hecking long (seriously, it's long.) and consists mostly of me pointing out specific sections of the songs and raving about which specific elements of the songs I particularly like. And also attempting to make some sort of general statement on the style / atmosphere / themes etc. of the whole thing. I wrote this back in november, after 5 full listens of the album, over the course of about a week, and I didn't update it with any new opinions that I have formed since, to keep it true to that original form, besides some side notes where I thought they'd be useful to add. I hope you enjoy my yapping, however unprofessional and all over the place this whole thing probably is.

How to start album reviews? Well, I could sum up the general vibe / thing / feel / theme with the album but that seems much more fitting for the conclusion of the whole thing.

So let's kick this off with the first thing we see instead!! The album cover, the sleeve! (note: I got this album on vinyl for that first listening experience, the 2022? reissue) Ohh so pretty and cute, isn't it? Even inside, so much pink, even over-the-toply-so (for real though, I didn't even really think about what to expect from the inner cover, besides some photos that I knew would be there, but it was certainly not THIS. level of pink and cute), it looks so pleasant and sweet, doesn't it? And the band photos too, fun times all around!

Oh wow, ok, let's get back to reality here, I knew what I was in for (knowing just one track and excerpts of other two + reading misc comments on the album before already, as it is inevitable, you know. And frankly, that was actually the exact right amount of info from that commentary for a peak enjoyment here. Not going in totally blind but still encountering many surprises). This is a prime and, imo, very well executed example of mood dissonance. In a way where, idk, maybe it comes from me still having this even small amount of info beforehand, but it's the kind of situation that you can actually tell that something is off.

So yeah, the visual aspect of the album does fit it and I'd even say it does so VERY well, but as to how and why, maybe I should start exploring the atmosphere and themes and elements of individual songs first so we can make more general conclusions from that! So yes, I think it's time to dive in!

1) Dick Around ▪︎

Shortly put, amazing, showstopping and life changing song. And one of the earliest ones for me too! As a part of the extremely important and memorable playlist (note: my first time hearing a bunch of random popular sparks songs), it appeared somewhere in the latter half on the mix and oooh boy, was hearing this song for the first time, on the road in the dark evening too, an experience. I certainly found it intriguing to say the least, maybe I wasn't yet completely SOLD you know, and let's not forget that the second time I heard it (july) it actually kind of freaked me out in a way, but still, it certainly made an impression immediately. There's a reason this is one of the more well known / popular / important songs of theirs overall. This song is truly a journey and it messes with you in so many ways, oooohhh so many ways. I was super looking forward to hearing it again properly after being teased with some parts of it in the more recent weeks, so ok, maybe this is where I get to the individual parts I want to talk about.

Actually wait, first let's maybe say something about the placement. Of course it's the first song as I was pretty much certain it would be (and maybe already had kind of possibly spoiled..?), and it does work incredibly well as a mood-setter for the rest of the album, so it truly couldn't work any other way in my view. So yes, speaking of parts, there are so many different ones! Hearing this again was extra fun also because I would remember the main "point" / mantra of the song ("all I do now... is dick around") but not much else, then be reminded of another notable but very different part, then listen after this whole time properly on pretty much repeat now and be aware of those other little touches and bits that bring it all together...

So, let's start with the pleasant vocals & piano break near the beginning, it's, well... I just really like it (I hope I'll be able to say more specific things about other elements in these songs that I think need to be mentioned as I go on LOL), and right after that we have some very nice strings, then, suspenseful strings!! Idk why but I really really like it when those come in, they really set the unnerving classical tone that follows and returns throughout the album, then the same "calm" / bouncy vocal melody and a more "all over the place" piano returns (at least from what I remember, the notes are sort of more expansive in range in this part I think...). And soon enough... we reach the real moment of the song when it gets, well, real. And very intense. And this is almost jumpscare-like, ohhhh it's so good, even when you know you can expect it it still hits the spot amazingly.

So this is the rocking part that's honestly pure distilled joy and amazement to hear for me each time, the repeated echoey "hey hey"s for a second there are just the icing on the cake, so so so good. And, in fact, it doesn't get more rocking than this for the rest of the album. Dissappointing? Maybe it WOULD be, if there weren't other things still going on later, which were also in their own ways showstopping, so I think that yeah, those can make up for all that follows not really coming close to this level of unhinged. And this is the right word here I think, unhinged!! Damn, this freaking song. Like for a second there I remembered that in one of my early-ish hearings I just found it almost uhhh, unbearably raw? Idk if it's the right word but yeah, it gets... ugly for a second (I need to stop cringing at every more unusual / to the point word I use or I won't be able to write any genuine reviews in my life). Before going back to the main mantra of course! And then it goes on in a circle a bit more again, with more changes and some progression of the story and all that. And end on the mantra again. I don't know if I'm leaving out any super important bits here, I might be... Well, it comes back to full on rocking near the end too, with some variation too, so that's awesome! And very suspenseful and unnerving strings too for a moment!

So, should I talk about the lyrics / the story just a bit now? Ok, I won't go super deep into these or any of the following ones, I'll try to focus more on specific bits and the feelings that come with them and a general "theme" if anything. So, I think this song and its story is very engaging and I like it a lot and it certainly provokes further thoughts and ponderings, those 6 and a half minutes fly by super fast (guess that's just the power with sparks and their long songs, it's kind of incredible how maybe this goes ESPECIALLY for songs that rely a LOT on repetition, because those might work this trend the best), lots of variation, while still keeping some prominently repetitive / reoccurring parts balances it very well. You're really just thrown from one part to the next with this song. Ok, I wrote a lot about just one song and I feel like there's still more I could say if I thought about it hard, but let's move on now, we don't have all day (night)...

2) Perfume ▪︎

This is a favourite. An instant favourite. Right away this song grabbed me with its subdued, brooding and honestly pretty dark tone and sound. Low vocals, kind of ragged but driving guitar sound, and the DRUMS. They do SO much for this track, something about this specific drum pattern / style is very pleasant to me, very atmospheric. It's like a specific pattern that works to deliver some kind of effect (ok, I think through that, in a way, I just described the whole thing with repetition in sparks' music, especially in this era, nice, I guess that's how I view it and why it works so well) there's still a lot of interesting stuff going on there, plus it just sounds nice, idk. Once again, maybe "driving" is a good word for it. But now I need to mention that there is this one odd-one-out part that sounds much more cheerful, or maybe hopeful (and it returns again near the end). Because it has this specific thing, the different intonation of the SAME lyrics than the rest of the song ("and that's why...") feels strangely emotional. It certainly hit ME in the feels once I noticed it, so, yeah!!

So I think this is one of the darkest songs in mood and sound, while it also has something extremely COOL about its sound that I can't really categorize, I think I'm gonna feel like repeating this for every other song on the album but it just feels so CLASSIC, it's that typical song that always existed type of feel, yeah. But here it's less so due the melody necessarily, and more due to the whole picture. With some others it's also the song as a whole of course but they don't necessarily feel as much as a representation of a whole THING / genre / type of song / feeling in music of sorts (I'm really bad at articulating my exact views on these, am I not...) rather than those specific special moments that just bring it all to the next level. But OHHH I can't believe I almost forgot this, but the piano lines (I mean the post-chorus ones specifically) in this song, oh my goddddd!!!!!!! They're truly THE thing that sold me on this song completely, they're just so... something. So I guess this song also has that special "it" moment after all, doesn't it? Well, still possibly not quite as prominently as the next one, because...

3) The Very Next Fight ▪︎

Well, this is the kind of song that's completely made up of those specific parts making a very special whole. Starting with, of course, that melody line during the chorus "it's always the same. It's always the same". But maybe, just to be fair, I should actually start with where the song actually starts so, well, hmmm, the beginning. The very solemn piano and overall kind of heavy atmopshere here kind of slows down the momentum after the first two songs, and it delivers something quite different instead. So yeah, well, that chorus melody!! Oh wow!!! Isn't it so simple though? But it works so well!! It's simply beautiful honestly. It absolutely is! And later the electric guitar comes in for more effect and oh wow, it feels so incredible, yeah. And then some more solemnity with the... I think harpsichord?

This track feels very empty (as in the atmosphere, I'm not actually calling it empty as a bad thing or something like that, no no no!!) in some parts, then it has those emotionally charged bits, and let's not forget that it has some more really amazing guitarwork near the end. That kind of guitar "wailing" sounds beautiful in its own right too, it also kind of reminds me of some other rock-adjacent genre(s), I can't tell what exactly though...

4) (Baby, Baby) Can I Invade Your Country ▪︎

In all honesty, after my first listen I decided that this was probably the song I was the least impressed by? Kinda strange, yeah, because I no longer think that, and yeah, it was another one that I was only slightly familiar with already. Very slightly. It's a very interesting song once again, I think it's really unique after some thought actually (as are most all of the songs on this record tbh, obviously). It's unique, but it once again has this special classic quality to it that just feels like it represents a very specific type of sound.

I wanna say that the chord progression in the chorus might be some variation of one of the "usual" progressions although OF COURSE I might be very wrong here, it's just the feeling I get because maybe it's worth mentioning that 1) a while ago I started noticing this one type of progression in songs that made them sound very similar to Kiss Me, Son of God (They Might Be Giants song), so I figured it must mean that KMSOG is just in some kind of typical progression that is used a lot, especially in country-sounding songs from my experience 2) there was also an element of some classic rock / rock&roll (?) / punk (??) songs that also made them sound very alike after a while when I started listening to this one internet radio station recently, idk if it's the same progression or its variation or if all those songs use different variations mostly but are still based on a very similar thing at the end of the day, but yeah. I might still not understand chords or be able to catch them while listening, but there's now at least a little part of that whole section of music theory that I might be able to recognise in music just by myself, so that's some major music literacy development on my part I think... Anyway, maybe the progression in this song didn't even remind me of that usual pattern specifically, but it just made me think of that thing nevertheless, maybe it's similar, maybe it's not... So this was kind of an irrelevant tangent on my part, oops.

So ok, let's get to the jist of this... What exactly I like about this song and such, or just what I wanna mention. Well, I wanna mention that this is probably one of the more repetitive songs, also one of the longest I think, maybe the third longest, I wouldn't be surprised by that (the opener and closer are both pretty tough competition in the length department) but it doesn't feel monotonous, it flies by super fast, once again.

I think it's also possibly the brightest sounding song on the record, the word that immediately sprung to mind here is "triumphant". Certainly fitting with all those awesome horns!! They're truly what really sets this song apart. I'm especially a fan of the horns in the bridge part, I think it's the bridge. Sooo so cool sounding, kind of "descending". I also really like the layering of the different vocals and their melodies and such, the acoustic guitar also brings it all soooo nicely together, it's so pleasant sounding, especially in the quieter "baby, let's invade" part.

Idk what else to say, very awesome song though and I definitely don't mind listening to it twice (with the repeat as a bonus track, which I'll also get to briefly at the end) at all, in fact this might be the least "intrusive" song in a sense, so that makes the best choice for a repeat, if I had to choose, I could see myself going with this one, it's just very pleasant all around.

5) Rock, Rock, Rock ▪︎

So things get real once again, huh. This is one of the songs that I count in the category of kind of sick and twisted but in a way where I only respect them more for making it, so that puts it right next to, hmmmm, sherlock holmes for sure, maybe some others I can't think of right now. Big part of that factor is surely played by the repetition which just works, well, very well. Specifically the choruses.

One part of this song I was pleasantly reminded of on my first few listens were the short strings interludes, they really give it some of that pleasant classical feel (a separate thing from what i describe as classic feel here!) that I could say kind of contrast with the song and its atmosphere in general. Or maybe spruce it up, idk, we do have very dramatic strings during the verses too... The very deep drum sound is also pretty prominent in this track I think, pretty great.

As to some more notable parts in the vocals department... Let's just say that the way Russell says some words is very, uhhhhhh, effective (i think this sounds more cursed than it should, but i mean exactly that, the delivery just really hits you... and other times it's kind of silly instead). And also, with that repetition and it creating something great in mind, there's the repeated "and since you put-" part near the end that's also really great. The repeated "I"s in the bridge I think also need a mention. It's like they know exactly what word / phrase to repeat, what amount of times, and in which part of the song for it to work the best, like the perfect placement and number.

I think this song also has a bit of a fake ending, so that's also something of note, especially when it's supposed to sound as dramatic as possible (at least that's the idea I get from it). And actually, oh, so does the previous song! I forgot that part even though it's even more noticeable / memorable in that song than it is here imo.

6) Metaphor •

Second half of the album starts off with something that's very elegant and all the while very pleasant and melodic, all of which makes it a very nice track, even in a more usual pop song sense. Some very cool piano to start things off, and the electric guitar accompaniment, which also enters pretty early on. And then we have that slightly more strange part, kind of like an early bridge, that honestly has a bit of a comical effect imo (with no disrespect intended!!)? As in, I find it kind of funny and silly personally. Yeah, the "who's up for a metaphor" part, especially when we get the repeated "don't don't"s and "we we"s, and, well, what follows is what's definitely the greatest part(s) of the song, when Russell enters his falsetto mode and we get the "aaaaa-ªªªªª..." etc. backup vocals in choruses. Those are the moments of the song that are just, well, ONCE again that classic factor that makes the melody & everything else super special. But more specifically, I think those parts are just kind of beautiful. Yeah, I'd say this song is the prettiest in sound that this album gets overall. Truly wonderful and gets you excited for the remaining songs.

Meanwhile, the spellings of dig as d-i-g might feel kind of random I guess? But it works. Adds variety or whatever (note: it's also a very good moment of a rhythm change I believe, I think now that's what makes it sound as cool and satisfying as it does). So yeah, kind of a heavenly song I think, in a sense, also one of my top faves just for that factor (note: this song is now probably my favourite on HYL, and also among my top fav Sparks songs overall. It wasn't instant, but it grew on me quickly and oh man, I truly love this song so much now)

7) Waterproof •

I think this is kind of an odd-one-out actually? And why? I think it's probably the closest on the album to being sort of a fully, or at least MOSTLY, "normal" song. It doesn't have so many parts that are just downright weird and unexpected I'd say, it's just kind of friendly instead compared to the other ones (note: it took me perhaps too long to realize that this song just doesn't have quite as much repetition, which most other songs here rely on heavily, so that's definitely what makes it stand out the most). Not that it's an entirely bad thing! Sometimes you gotta slow down and relax a bit I guess...

I do appreciate the kind of sudden switch with the "the sky is starting to cloud up" part, and the little orchestral bit right after the first time the aforementioned switch happens (the second? or generally some later time it happens again there are also some very awesome horns! Really starts feeling like a quaint rainy street in some french town or something...) when, well, I was going to say that the vocals and the strings do the same melody, but they actually don't, at least not fully, still though, I did have that illusion before I made sure it wasn't the case with another relisten, either way, when it DOES happen, and Sparks do that a whole lot I feel like, it's always quite awesome, I mean, syncing the vocal melody with some other prominent intrument's melody...

The I think harpsichord also makes a return, yay! And then there's the guitar part, that does have some real surprise factor when it comes in, but this time for sort of the opposite reason - it sounds bright and nice this time around, and also it reminds me of Sparks' later style tbh, specifically in their following more rock-centric songs of course. And I think that's very nice, we see the always progressing evolution of their sound here I think. That guitar bit also has some album closer vibes, that kind of fake closer (or nearly-closer) situation kind of reminds me of a similar thing I experienced with Bon Voyage on Propaganda for example (note: I have since learned that Bon Voyage IS the closer on Propaganda, and the following two songs on streaming are just b-sides. So it makes sense that it would sound like an album closer because it IS one).

Annnddd the last thing that I just can't forget about here is Russell's another epic falsetto moment (waterwatereverywherebutnotadroponme!~) that part actually makes me smile. Yeah. Legit. I paid attention and I did smile on that part during my relisten today. ... Ok, let's go on.

8) Here Kitty •

When this song came on the first time during my vinyl listening I of course instantly knew exactly which song it was (bcs I've heard the title before, and a few words on it too) and had this little amused "oh no" moment. And, well, turns out this song is actually very awesome and veeeery interesting! It adds something really unique to the album. I saw someone call it quite impressive in the vocals / vocal lines layering department recently (in the last week, so already after hearing it myself I'm pretty sure) and I absolutely agree.

First off, let's settle that - this is a very strange song. But that's exactly what makes it so good of course. The strangeness keeps you so distracted from this fact, that when we reach the bridge of the song you suddenly realize that beneath all the "tatata"s, meows and unsettling rising piano notes we have the very much usual song structure with verses and choruses. Yeah, I think I actually sort of figured it out, what might be the verse, and what might be the chorus... Speaking of which, the parts that I identified as choruses have this, well, it's the same thing all over again (but each time the specialness comes from a different place and is totally different of course), but that very classic feel, indicative of maybe even some specific genre but idk what exactly...

Besides that, well, maybe let's go back to my oh no moment for a minute, and let me say that I either am very illiterate in that sense (and yeah I am tbh) or the lyrics aren't as overtly, let's say, innuendo-filled? as I expected. They actually have a semblance of a story you know... I mean, NO, not even a semblance, it IS a story! Let me also say that this is a very interesting song to have stuck in your head a lot over the course of pretty much an entire week. Yes, it got to the point where it could be annoying. One last bit of the song I really like is at the very end, when one vocal line starts to sound kind of echoey / distant, nice touch.

9) There's No Such Thing as Aliens •

The song that first cemented itself as being by far the shortest song on the album, sort of an interlude before the incoming epicness of the last one (that was quite literally my very first impression before I even heard either, looking at the vinyl this one was visibly much shorter than the last, and of course I expected the last one to be fittingly grand, and so it was obviously, but we'll get to that in a minute). The funny thing is, it's not even that short, as I figured even before eventually making sure how long it was in fact, and that's almost 3 minutes, which, well, of course that's still something around well over two times shorter than the last song.

But enough about its length, this song actually does kind of work as an interlude thematically too, which it is? it sort of even feels like it doesn't quite fit with the themes of the other ones, I mean, maybe not that it doesn't fit but just that it's defintely the furthest removed from the much more similar topics of the other ones (more about that also later!). Plus it's pretty sparse lyrically, once again, there's less you can fit in under 3 minutes anyway. Which supports the interlude argument also I believe.

Anyway, the music. First of all, waltz time!! Always a treat in sparksland to have that rare spooky 3/4 time track. The feeling I get from this track is: grand, very orchestral, anddd, hmmmm, elegant. But is it more elegant than the rest of the album... Idk, I wanted to use 3 different descriptors. I honestly don't think there's much more to say about this one, it's great, the melody is really great, the grandiosity of the choruses, the even more notable waltz time during verses. I think that yeah, I could pick this track as the most orchestral / classical inspired of the album. One cool moment I'll mention though would be the very ending, with the repeated "no"s going for longer than you'd expect them to maybe, and the deep drum accompanying all that. Very grand ending.

10) As I Sit Down to Play the Organ at the Notre Dame Cathedral •

Well, how do I even start on this one. I think I can say that with literally each single listen I become more and more in awe of this song. Could I even call it even more of a journey than the opener? In a sense, yeah. There's so much going on here. So much that I almost feel like breaking it down into individual parts and giving all of them their due because they all work for the amazingness of the whole. In fact, I might even already have this track roughly memorized (all... 7 minutes of this track) so it could be done. But ok, I'll just go with each part as I remember it, we'll see if I in fact do go over nearly all or all of them.

So. Echoey synth (?) intro, then the first melody part, with the individual words repeated, kind of "urgent" vocals part, very nice rhythm and something I just find very cool. As it progresses we get another part of just the synth / electric guitar-like synth / guitar or whatever this thing is, then a mix of both + this clicky instrument and / OR is it the harpsichord again? Giving it all more urgency and a nice constant rhythm. I also really like when the "byebyebye" vocal gets looped before the synth reenters. Overall, this part of the song has a very electronic, drony feel that I greatly enjoy and find very atmospheric and immersive already.

But, well, it doesn't end here. Because later, everything else stops and we hear a church organ. Even the melody it enters with is very much like something you'd hear in a cathedral, indeed! Good environmental storytelling, isn't it? But then... the organ transitions into this very very cool frantic melody (and by very very cool I mean that it's probably the #1 thing that stood out to me about this song right from the start) which returns consistently throughout the song and is just oh so very awesome.

So we enter the next part, what could probably be called the central part "as I sit down to play the organ...", tension is rising, the organ is doing its thing in the back, then some "hallelujah"s and BOOM! The chorus? The "I've got faith" part of course. And with it some epic strings, and I don't think I can really say what exactly it is about this part that makes it SO FREAKING GOOD & ABSOLUTELY SHOWSTOPPING but it's easily in my top 3 moments on the album at least. Then it's followed by the slightly considerably calmer "she's here..." section and we go mostly full circle for now, more variations on the same parts. Some grandiose "lalala"s & epic drum action too. And then, the "I believe" sections which I cannot let myself neglect, mostly just on the basis of them being kind of sickening to me. You know, in the "why did they do this (said respectfully)" way.

Ok, did I really just talk about all of the individual parts, I guess so. But before I move on I have to mention the moment when the very first major part, the "bye-bye-bye my baby" part, makes a sudden comeback. It's honestly just so good and satisfying, when completely different sections switch and make unexpected (or maybe you actually DO expect them on some subconscious level, and that's what makes them work so well??) returns like this, if a song has that it's very likely it will become a top top favourite or at least have a very big effect on me. Or even HUGE effect, like here.

So yeah, the song does eventually end (I mean technically unbelievable somewhat, since it's so long, but have I actually mentioned yet that this track goes by about just as fast as the first one, because it sure does, you do not notice the time passing WHATSOEVER) on some more "hallelujah"s. And the album's over. Wooo boy.

Bonus tracks

Well, it's not really over yet if it's not the vinyl but the streaming version. We still have just two more bonus tracks, technically just one? So I'll go over both quickly now for completion's sake.

First we have "We Are the Clash" which is a pleasant song for sure, can work as kind of a denouement after the crazy journey of the previous track, so you're left on a little less of a mood unresolution and can become a little less unsettled after all of this going down... Idk.

But yeah, I actually have this impression veering on pretty strong conviction that this song is a cover actually. It could even be a cover of the band whose name is mentioned in the song, which would put this version in a extremely funny area of how far stylistically it might be from the hypothetical original, if it exists (what's up with all these bands and their "we are the [band name]" songs, there's so many). Of course I could also be very wrong about this so all I just wrote could turn out to be absolutely hilariously off target, still, a fun little attempt at guessing things and connecting ideas on my part, whatever the truth turns out to be (I will learn the truth... in due time. My experience tells me that when I'm still fully in initial unwell mode over an album it's difficult for me to read and retain any outside information / commentary on it. So no need to rush it, heh) (note: yeah I was right for once. I meannnn I guess it was obvious anyway but still, let me have this, I've been fooled by assuming that a cover was someone's original song way too many times so I'm happy to not be fooled for once).

So ok, the last last track. Baby baby can i invade your country is baaaaaack, not much to say but it's pretty much the same other than the lyrics, since well, it is the "alternate lyrics" version, not "alternate" version. I do think that it might be slightly longer than the final version though but it's also likely I'm misremembering.

Anyway, lyrics, all I can or feel the need to say is that they seem to be definitely way more to the point on what this song's actual topic is (not... invading... countries . I don't need to explain it here do I) so subtlety win for the final one I guess. Just so it is known, I have not read these two songs' lyrics unlike all the main album tracks'. But I think I caught enough to get the main idea from both, you know. I do think also that the final version's lyrics just kind of sound better, idk if it's the rhythm of the words or what but they do just have a nicer flow. So, improvement, probably, still very nice to know this version anyway of course. (note: yeah i have learned since that most of the final lyrics are the US national anthem. Makes sense that if any song were to have alternate lyrics it would be this one)

To round it all up...

I think there's still a lot that can be said about this album as a whole but how do I go about that. Well, I did mention earlier that I'd come back to a) the overall feel / atmosphere here b) the themes / stories and how they connect. So those shall work as a guide to my conclusions part of this whole review.

First off, I could even say a bit about the main vibe / sound here in reference to Lil' Beethoven! Since it really does work as a sequel, at least in sound, by all means. I described LB with stuff like... cold, distant, cathedral-like, what else was there.... Ok, I have more, lifted directly from my LB write-up. (note: finally listening to LB a month prior to this was enough of a big deal for me that I wrote down my live reactions to hearing the songs) Impersonal / detached. Alien. Spacious.

Do those apply here too? I think so, yeah! Pretty much all of these words also feel like pretty good descriptors here. But honestly, the more I think about it.... Maybe it's just that the distance / the detachedness and alienated feeling is a bit lower here? Or at least in some songs more than the others. It's hard to explain honestly.... That similar atmosphere continues here but it's just..... not as pronounced maybe. Idk, maybe it will become clearer with this next point I wanna make which is that LB actually is less, uhhh friendly in sound. Less accessible! Yeah, I do think that this album could be seen as: LB started the experiment, HYL perfected it by taking it in a slightly more accessible direction. Or is perfected a wrong word here, who can say which was, or should be considered the better outcome here.... I think I actually have a problem putting concepts into the right words today. But maybe at least some of my feelings about this can still come across here...

So yeah, I don't think it's possible to tell if HYL is better or LB, it also depends on how you look at it! As it kind of always does when judging stuff per good / better. One thing that I can say sort of for sure though is that LB certainly started ideas / techniques that HYL expanded on and toyed with further, so in that sense, it could be considered an improvement. And so it is clear, I don't think I can say 100% that I like one more than the other. It's not that simple. I guess you could however say that HYL was more of an instant hitter and LB really just grows and grows more in power overtime....

So yeah, they kind of did take the LB concept and all of the avant-garde, experimentation factors that come with it, and made it more accessible, which is a form of art and an achievement and a testament of skill in itself. I think the somewhat friendlier, more palatable approach of this album also lifts off the coldness aspect a bit, but it's still there, especially on tracks 1, 3, 5, 10, off the top of my head.....

But maybe I should talk more about the album and its sound as it stands on its own before I move on though. Maybe we could jump from the words I already used: classic, orchestral, brooding, dramatic, dark, aggressive (yes, I somehow see it as friendlier than its predecessor despite also being much more aggresive in all senses. Raw even. How does that work? I can't tell you today. And idk if I'll ever figure it out. And also personal, YES, that's the word, this album feels soooo very personal and emotive. Not in the sense that I'm trying to say that it must be personal to them, more like it just shows some very personal feelings and struggles), triumphant (but that goes only for that one song really), driving, ELEGANT. I think the word elegant is the key here. In all of its subtler or less subtle tone shifts it keeps that very elegant, kind of graceful feel, all throughout. Even when it seems to be touching subjects that wouldn't necessarily bring that kind of atmosphere to mind, it kind of elevates them and gives them, idk, a new meaning?

So is this a good segue into the topic of themes? I guess the album name sits well with what I think is going on here, because my main impression of the whole thing was something like.... stories of fucked-up guys with self-image problems / feelings of inadequacy, which they try to go around fully convinced that they're right (and their messy love-lives too ofc). Or are they just, normal, regular guys actually. Who can tell. It certainly gives you an idea / a whole concept to work with and ponder here and to connect and visualize kinda.

I think that yeah, out of what I've heard so far this has to be the most thematically-consistent sparks album there is. It comes to a point where all the songs give this little impression of a whole universe where all of this takes place, and while I've had these kind of impressions from albums that are way more all-over-the-place conceptually with their lyrics (I mean like.... pretty much every They Might Be Giants album. You can create this sort of illusion with more than words, the music and its atmosphere and often also its stylistic consistency might be even more important actually), this comes, in my mind, almost close to concept album levels in that regard.

The definition of a concept album probably calls for something more specific than all the tracks being in sort of a similar theme but you know.... I don't think it really happens most of the time in music in general, that the whole album has this sort of a familiar idea / spirit throughout that makes a unique whole. (note: apparently wikipedia calls this album a concept album. Another win for me in that case, lol). You could probably try to connect different songs' themes and work with that in some way.... Which is something I already did in all honesty, but actually it's a between albums thing here, because I do believe that the dick around guy could be the same guy that the narrator from ugly guys with beautiful girls talks about. Similar ideas you can connect! That's what I'm talking about. I love it when songs tell overarching stories.... Make me think about characters from songs or little universes and vibes created by even the vaguest of lyrics and the ideas those create and the imaginings they bring, any day.

Ok, what else can I say. I think I mostly covered everything I could actually. Should I say something more about the cover with the added context now. I already said that it gives off a "something's wrong" feeling, but I think it's also compelling in how it conveys that elegant, non-threatening and polished image, sterile kinda. Well, I think only one of those four words I just chose doesn't really apply to most of this album's songs. I mean non-threatening ofc. Hmmm, maybe sterile doesn't really work here either, besides those prominent examples of the coldness of sound on this album, it would actually go more with LB, which also has a fittingly minimalist, all-white cover. Collected and orderly to a distressing degree. Just like here, it also gives off some.... distressing vibe. As I already said with the "this isn't right" feel.

What else can I say. In reviews you usually give your opinions, which I very much did throughout this thing here, everything like this is always somewhat subjective I think, but even then, a final verdict could also be said here. I think it's pretty damn clear by now what my opinion on this album is. I wouldn't spend several days writing a review and analysing every little detail if I didn't have a very strong (positive) opinion on this album (I guess I technically can imagine writing a very throughout review of something that just annoys you so much that you simply have to go through everything wrong with it and have some relief and closure through that. I can't see myself doing that kinda thing however, I'm not that kind of hater (or really a hater at all lol, i hope), I'd rather devote my time to things that I find actually cool and awesome and stand-outs in a positive sense, and worthy of attention and that dedication).

So this comment I fittingly found on tumblr over the last few days feels pretty relevant towards my opinion of writing "reviews" of stuff (this was more of a, very detailed analysis I know, but review just kind of fits, especially with how people call their recaps / commentary / writeups of concerts "reviews" a lot of the time):

(note: yeah I think I should come clean here that despite my very recent start of actual social media participation I've already been a serial lurker in various places for years now, lol, I mean, that's probably a normal thing to do though, I hope. I mean, probably lots of people do or did that at some point, but still. And I don't know whose post this is anymore sadly. But I thought I'd keep it here because it's a good summary)

And also, just for the record, this is my opinion on HYL pretty much. Yaaaayyy i loved it i had so much fun!! For real. i'm glad they're creating something!!!! Absolutely. One of a kind album that I will cherish as yet another great and unforgettable entry on the list of albums that changed me (TM) and brought me lots of fun and great memories / associations, even in such a short time. And the actual FIRST on the new list of albums that I'm happy to have brough the utmost attention to and dissected like that. It's out of love.

Thank you for reading this far! Here's a little bunny as a prize!

Whoa whoops this gif was supposed to be small! Have a huge bunny in that case, you deserve it! 🐇

[ryin-silverfish]

Chapter 39: The Mystery of the Blue Feline

"Is it the same lion, or a different lion?"

Hmmm…a mystery for the ages.

Context: Manjusri/Wenshu's Azure Lion appears twice in JTTW, first here, then in the more well-known Lion Camel Ridge arc, both of which ended with Wenshu showing up and dragging his steed back to Mt. Wutai.

On the former occasion he was actually a good king, despite pushing the actual king into a well and taking his place, as stated by Wenshu himself—a stark contrast to his later apperance, where he had gone full demon-king and started eating people, and the Azure Lion of LCR shows no sign of having recognized SWK from before.

This naturally rise some questions. Are these two the same lion? If not, is Wenshu basically the Big Cat Dad of Bodhisattvas, who adopted a whole pride of lion cubs as his steeds /j

Well…the best theory I can come up with is that JTTW novel is a compilation of Journey tales over the years, and two stories happened to involve Manjusri's lion and the final author-compiler just put both in, without much thoughts about making them logically consistent.

Like, JTTW in folk storytelling and opera format had a lot of "episodes" that could be told in different places and time, out of sequence, with only the barest knowledge of context needed.

And unlike novel written by one author from the beginning and exists first and foremost in book format, if you are a Ming Precious Scroll preacher or opera play writer, you can tell Lion Story A in one place and Lion Story B in another place and the two group of audiences would never overlap.

Or, you could tell both to a single group of audiences, but bc so much time have passed between the two performances, they had already forgotten about the previous one.

The "Wuji Kingdom Lion" story certainly appears first in the evolution of the JTTW story cycle, though: in the folk opera collection 礼节传簿, there was an excerpt of a play's act names called "Tripitaka Seeks the Scripture in the West" (唐僧西天取经), which already included the "Wenshu Subdues the Lion at Wuji Kingdom" story.

Also, there was an entire Zaju play about Wenshu subduing the lion by the Ming prince Zhu Youdun that I could not find any digital version of, only summaries, and Nezha and his embroidered ball was somehow involved.

Sidenote, we also see how SWK's golden vision has limits here. When the lion transforms into Tripitaka, SWK had trouble telling them apart, and stated outright that it was because "his Qi and body are the same" (气体相同). This supports the theory that SWK's golden vision doesn't actually see through demonic glamor and perceive their true forms, but merely the aura they are radiating.

On a more annoying note: popular modern reading of JTTW tends to see Wenshu as this petty asshole in the Wuji Kingdom chapter. "Sure, the king might have dunked a disguised Bodhisattva into the palace canal for three days, but you insulted him first, and besides, that's no reason to make your pet murder him and leave his body at the bottom of a well for three years!"

Which…is a lot of presentism, and people just not getting the saying that "Each peck, each drink, is predetermined" (一饮一啄，莫非前定). It is very much going by the popular understanding of karmic retribution, where every consequences have a cause.

But I do have a HC about this. In the text, the King of Wuji was known as a generous and pious ruler, who greatly venerated Buddhism and priests, and it was because of this that the Buddha sent Wenshu to evaluate him for potential Arhat-hood.

Wenshu, in the disguise of a poor priest, met the king, got dunked into a canal for cheek, yadda yadda yadda. Fast-forward, a great drought had descended upon Wuji kingdom, and no amount of prayers seemed to help, until Azure Lion showed up in the disguise of a Daoist sage, summoned a much-needed storm, and became the king's sworn brother.

But what if Wenshu had come to the kingdom with another goal in mind?

As the wisest Bodhisattva, he knew a drought was imminent, and if the king was virtuous and faithful enough to be a potential candidate for Arhat-hood, he would certainly use this knowledge well. Yet, upon a closer observation, cracks began to show.

Sure, the king loved Buddhism, but his way of showing it was building all these lavish temples and golden statues and spoiling the clergy, with no regards for the burden placed on commoners and the corruption he fostered. As such, his kingdom would be woefully unprepared for a natural disaster.

Which was exactly what Wenshu told him; just like how Vows are but empty promises without Practice, Practice without Wisdom and Mercy, without the awareness of causes and consequences and what people truly need, is a receipt for disaster. If you spent half the money you used to construct these temples on irrigation projects and new granaries, you'd have done more good than all the prayers of your monks combined.

Annnd the king didn't take it well, bc how dare this lowly monk bit the hand that fed him, and, egged on by some equally pissed-off monks, ordered the fateful three-day-long dunking. If the monk was a regular monk he wouldn't have survived that, and in true karmatic fashion, the attempted murder was going to come back to him.

That tangent aside: when Wenshu defended his steed by saying it had not committed any crimes as a king after the murder-replace thing, SWK was like "But he sleeps with the queen while disguised, right, how's that for 'No crimes committed'?" And Wenshu responded with "Oh no worries, my pet is neutered", and Bajie actually checked by trying to grab its nonexistent balls…

Funny. As. Hell.

@journeythroughjourneytothewest