#see this would work better if it were a fanfic and not a cheap tumblr post about this vague idea

[triglycercule]

ok so there's murder time trio where theyre best buddies and get along and sometimes even having more than just platonic interactions. and then there's also the murder time trio where they genuinely just don't like each other and avoid each other and do NOT get along and to me there's just a VERY clear timeline of events that could connect these two group dynamics. like these 2 could coexist,,,,,,

nightmare's fresh outta his little corruption sequence and he needs his henchmen. goes out and gathers the obvious three killer horror and dust (does it really matter how he got them??? kidnapping or not the trio will warm up to him). its his first time having to deal with mentally unstable grown up mortal men and he really has no idea how to manage the team so he lets them have some slack. spoils em a bit yk yk stops fights allows them to hang out allows em to screw around the castle even COMFORTS them,,,, shocking i know (a slightly nice nightmare interpretation from triglycercule? UNFATHOMABLE!!!!)

this killer's fresh outta something new so he's still kinda curious and nosy. he hasnt seen the multiverse and especially not interacted with nightmare/horrordust so he's kinda more outgoing and friendly (ish. to get to know better everyone and satisfy the curiosity of seeing what reactions and feelings these fellas could give him.) bc killer's not that much of a prick and horror and dust would naturally SLIGHTLY get along (and if in the right environment be good buddies. which is nm's lenience and killer's not shittiness) the mtt actually get along pretty well and are good buds!! like the first group dynamic i mentioned where the bad sanses are just kinda like a friend group except they have some weird work relations

and then a fight breaks out and nightmare kills either dust or horror (what about??? anything!) likely dust first because he's more likely to be wary of nm (if kidnapped) and also because he's just kinda more actively righteous compared to horror (who likely wouldn't do much against nm) or killer (does not give a shit.) dust dies, horror likely dies defending dust and that just leaves the og killer and nightmare

nightmare is like "oh shit i just killed my workers". he'll take like a week to ponder what he did and then completely move on (because hes an ass like that.) nightmare gets another horror and dust to replace the ones he killed. and killer is just like wtf how do i deal with this. the guys i were kinda friends were are dead but their copies are right here. like he knew copies existed in the utmv but he didn't think nightmare was so willing to replace them so fast???

this killer's still adapting to the multiverse and stuff (it probably hasn't even been a year since he got snatched up!!!) and yeah hes aware that copies exist and he could get replaced by one but he didn't think that it would LITERALLY HAPPEN RIGHT BEFORE HIS EYES. so he decides to stick more around nm and avoid getting replaced like the og dust and horror because it really just hammers in the point that he's kinda useless if he speaks out like those 2. hes avoidant of the new replacements as well bc hes still new to this experience and is getting used to the whole implications of two guys that were once him and he was friends with died and got replaced by basically the same person

but they still have to work together for obvious reasons. and even if killer's avoiding horror and dust they probably aren't avoiding each other and probably are like wary friends/acquaintances. and naturally killer HAS to become okay worker buddy pals with them because hes stuck living with them. nightmare's a lot stricter and cold to avoid something like dust's rebellion against him happening again. mtt are wary of each other (mostly towards killer. horrordust are pals and killer's kinda growing more apathetic to the duo because he's already experienced a lot of the stuff before with the og two that died.) but theyre still "friends" you could say

and then perchance maybe horror and dust decide to let killer in on a lil secret theyve been cooking up. theyre planning to escape (kidnapped DUH. and nm isn't as nice as he was to og horrordust to warrent them to wanna stay) and even though they don't really trust killer theyre still letting him in on the plan and offer for him to come with them because they lowkey feel bad for him and he's really not all that bad under all the bullshit

but killer saw what happened to the og dust and horror so he says no. and the night that the duo are planning to escape he just has this overwhelming sense of dread. the next morning he wakes up to nightmare standing over his bed with a cold glare telling him of horror and dust's attempted escape and death and killer just kinda. sighs. his dread was right (he was lowkey hoping that they could escape so they didn't die like the original 2)

and then the cycle repeats. previous dust or horror or both die to nightmare or some random outside force or escape (because it has to happen eventually right??) and the pair keep getting replaced. killer keeps witnessing their deaths and replacements and at this point he's just so used to it that he doesn't even TRY to interact with the new horrors and dusts. theyre not even like real people that are getting killed and replaced like robots to him anymore they're just distant coworkers that get fired and then a new one comes to take up the position

each new dust or horror is icked out by nightmare and killer. nightmare is incredibly cold and intimidating and dictatorial and just sucks in general. and killer gives them this distant look. like he knows something they dont. he's already proven to them that he knows that they should obey nightmare and how to deal with the king and they know he's been here longer than them but even when he's not with nightmare or not talking about him they get the blank stare

sometimes when a nicer replacement of horror decides to do something nice for killer like make him a meal he just gives him that look and declines (there's already been countless different horrors that tried doing nice stuff for him. it's not new and nice in his eyes anymore.) maybe when a dust replacement gets irked by killer's apathy and decides to try and say something that'll bother him or snoop through his personal stuff killer will just walk away or kick him out of his room with that creepy ass blank stare again (it's not the first time a dust has tried to rile him up. it's not new or interesting and just predictable)

killer just doesn't CARE about the new horrors and dusts. they're all pretty much the same two guy except maybe a bit nicer or meaner or quieter or even taller or something?? all he really cares about is is serving nightmares atp, no other outside relationships. and ngl he doesn't even care that much about nightmare either. he's already figured out his thinking he's already figured out all of his likes and dislikes and what not to do to piss him off. the only reason he's still dealing with him is because he doesn't have anything else better to do and he doesn't wanna be useless to the one guy that he's served all this time

he's just kinda stuck in an empty boring limbo that killer's only maintaining due to a lack of motivation and any other priorities. and personally i just think this bad sans dynamic is lowkey tragic because like killer keeps witnessing all these guys that he used to be friends or enemies or rivals or whatever with and they just keep dying or leaving him behind. not one ever stays for THAT long (because no wayyyy a dust or horror would take being under a cruel nightmare well) and it's given him this idea that none of these people matter (aside from the important one which is nm) because they're just gonna leave me and the connections ill have formed with them will be for nothing so why even try being vulnerable and friendly and interacting with these cheap copies of the guys i USED to be friends with

[jillsdoll]

--Summary-- You meet your Professor at a bar and it goes better than you expected.

NSFW Content, Oral Sex (F recieving), Vaginal Sex, Age difference! (I imagined Death Island Leon for this), Teacher!Leon x Student!Reader, dilfs with big boobies, Bad wording (English isn't my first language), and cringe. like big cringe. Also, this is my first fanfic, and I'm just transferring it from AO3 to Tumblr. I didn't do a rework sadly, but I hope it's not too bad-

You had always been a good student. You got along with everyone, even your teachers. Nobody could hate you, you were always cheerful, happy and nice to everyone.

But there was one single person that somehow hated your guts, and you never knew why.

Your history professor, Mr. Kennedy.

You didn't know why, but he liked everyone else in his classroom, except you.

Snarky remarks about your work were a daily occurrence by now, and to be fair, it did make you feel very upset. He just seemed so unbelievably mad at you, and for what?

Leon was a grumpy guy in his 40’s, and you were just a college student. You always paid attention in his classes, and you would always raise your hand at any given opportunity to solve a problem he had given, but everyone else got A’s and B’s while you got a D-.

It really sucked since it managed to lower your grade average by a lot. This guy really made you mad. You were a good student, and you had never done anything remotely wrong to him! So why was he being such an asshole towards you?

———————————♡———————————

Even if you were popular, you barely had any friends. And that was what brought you to this bar, all alone in a pretty dress, dolled up and wearing heels with a bit of makeup highlighting your features. To be honest, you were really lonely, and it had been a while since you had had the time to go out due to the stress of your exams.

But now? You had all the time in the world, and you could treat yourself for once. Well, the cheap bar down the street wasn’t exactly the best place to celebrate, but at least nobody you knew could see you get drunk with a few middle aged men, probably in their 40’s trying to get in your pants by buying you drinks.

Of course, you had always been a good girl, never believing in one-night stands and being a mere cocktease for those men, but hey! At least you get free drinks out of it!

Whenever you entered the bar in your short, beautiful cocktail dress, everyone’s eyes were immediately focused on you. You felt so… validated receiving this kind of attention from men (Even if they were just drunkards trying to fuck a young college girl ‘cause she’s got nice tits).

Most of them watched from a distance, including someone you would rather not have watching you right now. A few of them approached you at the bar, subtly stealing glances at your body, which was hugged tightly by the short dress. They’d buy you a drink, laugh with you, and stare as you danced the night away. You were having so much fun, and nothing could spoil that for you right now.

Well, that was until he approached you.

While you were dancing around with your strawberry mojito in hand, you could feel two rough hands slide up your waist. It made you flinch a bit as you could feel the person’s fingers squeeze your waist before sliding further down to your hips. You could hear a low chuckle from behind you.

„And I thought that little miss A+ Student would be at home studying with her parents. You do this all the time?“ You could hear a deep baritone voice rumbling behind you, arms wrapping around your waist. You knew exactly who this voice belonged to.

Leon fucking Kennedy, your history teacher.

Out of all people it just had to be him.

„Mister Kennedy, Sir- I can explain all this, I swear.“ You spoke, voice wavering a bit. This man could ruin your reputation alright. The worst thing was, you hadn’t even slept with anyone, but knowing the size of the stick up his ass, he would probably tell everyone you fuck middle aged men for drinks and money at a bar no one knew.

Fuck, you had to think. Fast.

„Mhm, you know I could ruin that reputation of yours within days now, darling. All it takes is a single rumor to ruin your entire reputation and future career.“ He whispered into your ear. You could hear the smugness on his face right now. Oh, how much you wanted to wipe that smirk off his face. But this man had power over you. He could ruin your reputation and make you fail your class, or even worse, get you expelled. Fuck, what were you going to do?

„What do you want from me?“ You asked softly, voice shaky and hesitant as you did not dare to look at him. You bit your lower lip anxiously, your teeth stained by your dark pink lipstick. But that was the least thing you had to worry about right now.

„Who said I wanted something from you, Miss?“ He replied, a low chuckle following once more. He was pissing you off. Man, this guy didn’t have a stick up his ass, it was a whole tree trunk.

You looked down at yourself, noticing the way his hands were caressing your waist. And Jesus fucking Christ, why did it feel so good? It wasn't supposed to. You repeated yourself once more, „What the fuck do you want from me?“

Your voice was shaky and you were at the verge of tears, thinking your hard-earned respect would go down the drain because of this asshole of a man. You were just having fun, dancing the night away and partying like every other college girl your age. But you had expectations to uphold.

„Just please, don’t tell anyone.. Please, sir.“ You begged your professor, voice at the verge of cracking as tears welled up in your eyes. You were desperate. Really desperate. And to be honest, Leon thought you sounded crazy hot begging him like that. How would you sound like begging for something else instead- Was he really just getting turned on by his student begging him not to tell on her?

He needs to get his mind out of the gutter. This was his student, for fuck’s sake. Plus, she was barely 18, not even allowed to drink alcohol. He should be telling on her instead of letting his hands slide across her body.

…fuck.

He was getting hard.

Just like that, he removed his hands from your body, and to you it felt so.. weird somehow. Like you wanted him to touch you more-

Stop right there. This man could be your father judging from his age.

Weeeell, he actually doesn’t even look that old. And goddamn, that shirt- it hugged his rather fit physique perfectly.

Wait, what were you thinking? There’s no way you would ever bang your professor (Even if he was very attractive and looked like he worked out a lot).

Silence filled the room after he removed his hands from your body, desperately trying to hide the obvious tent in his pants. His cheeks were tinted pink as he avoided your gaze, trying to stare at anything except you. Well, you were shamelessly checking him out.

A shame that he was your professor. One with a huge stick up his ass, too.

You have so tried to get in his pants.

Clearing your throat, you finally spoke up, breaking the long, awkward silence. „Look- Just please don’t say anything- I like coming here, and I don’t want you to ruin it for me just because you hate my fucking guts okay?“

Leon stared at you in silence, before gesturing at a table. Just then you realized.

Everybody was staring at you both. The music was suddenly really quiet. And that is when you took his hand as quickly as possible and led him to the table, sitting him down before taking your seat across the table.

„F’me, man.. never thought I’d come to see the day. You? Sitting in a bar, dancing the night away with some ugly guys in their 40’s just cause they buy you drinks? And I thought you were one of those good girls that always study so hard for every single test and exam... If I knew about all of this beforehand, I would've given you a better grade than a D-. That would’ve been if you had let me take you out on a date first, that is.“ He flirted, like it was second nature. You looked down, hands balling into fists at his statement.

„Listen, I’m not just some cheap whore- I don’t do one night stands, okay? In fact, I’ve never even had sex before and-“ you started yapping like a mad Chihuahua, before realizing what you just said.

Oh fuck.

You did not just tell him that, did you?

Leon’s eyebrows were raised in surprise before that smug smirk crept back on his lips.

„Oh? So you’re a virgin, I see.“ He chuckled to himself, causing you extreme embarrassment. To be fair, you were getting pissed. He was laughing at you just because you hadn’t had sex yet? How pathetic was that?

„Yeah, you probably can’t relate though. Have you ever seen yourself in that shirt? It screams 'Take me home with you‘! You– you probably have sex like 5 times a week!“ You continued yapping, making him laugh even more.

„Listen here - my sex life is none of your business, little girl. Why do you care so much about what I’m wearing? Were you checking me out, perhaps?“ He flirted effortlessly, not really helping with the redness of your face. You wanted to say something- a snarky remark, but you just couldn’t speak. You stuttered a bit, frantically trying to form a sentence inside your head, but nothing worked.

Leon, being the smug bastard he is, simply laughed at your inability to speak. „Fuck, you actually did? I never pegged you to be into older men, you know. So like, did your dad leave to get some milk and cigs?“

He clearly thought you had daddy issues or some shit like that.

„My dad is at home! I don’t fucking have daddy issues- why do you care so much, anyway? My family issues are none of your concern!“ you bit back at him, your eyes shooting daggers.

„...So I was right, you have some family issues.“ He replied, clicking his tongue as he shook his head at you.

„Hah, bet you even secretly have a daddy kink or something like that. Hey, I’m not kink shaming though, I like that.“ He spoke so casually, like he was talking about the weather.

You groaned, holding your head. „Your bullshit is giving me headaches. You’re so fucking nosy- and I would never call anyone that! Gosh, that would be so weird-“

Your remark didn’t faze him in the slightest, and you could soon feel a hand on your lower thigh. Your posture quickly straightened as you sucked in a breath, clearly surprised at the older man’s touch. But the thing was…

You didn’t hate it. Fuck, you’d go as far as to say you liked the way his warm hands felt on your body.

„You know you can confide in me, Sweetheart. C’mon, I won’t judge. You like being daddy’s good girl, right?“ He teased you, that same fucking smirk still on his lips. You hated that you actually got off on how he was talking to you. It didn’t help that his hands slowly crept up higher and higher and higher…

„A shame. You got a nice body, and a bright little head. And you’re putting all of it to waste. Fuck, if I was your age, I probably would’ve fucked you so hard, you wouldn’t even be able to sit, or even stand anymore-“ he remarked, as if he had no shame at all. Yeah, he probably just had too much to drink, right? He wasn’t being serious about what he said.

Then again, alcohol made you more honest. Did he really feel that way about you?

You had to try.

„If I offered you to do so, would you… take my virginity?“ You asked hesitantly, lips pursed together as you leaned over, giving him a heavenly view of your tits.

And that was apparently the only thing needed for him to finally snap.

He leaned forward, staring at you with his blue, piercing eyes as he scanned your body.

„You want me to fuck you?“ he whispered, and you could smell the bourbon on his breath. It wasn’t too unpleasant, if you were being honest.

You merely nodded when Leon scoffed and spoke in a lower voice, „You don’t know what you’re asking me to do, right? Yeah, I’m too old for you, even if you got daddy issues, I couldn’t just- you know, have sex with my student. How desperate even are you, offering yourself to a guy that could easily be your dad judging from the age?“ Leon spoke firmly, and you could see the way his cheeks went red.

„No you couldn’t, my dad is three years older than you.“ You remarked, the smug smirk on your face for a change. You were enjoying teasing him like this.

„Even so, I’m too old for you, sweetheart. And plus, you don’t mean that. You’re just a bit tipsy, and you don’t mean what you're saying. I’m sorry, darling.“ He laughed gently, his hand on your thigh squeezing lightly. You saw him bite his lip with a guilty look in his eyes, before you finally leaned in, your lips hovering over his.

„...Fuck, you’re such a Minx, you know that?“ He whispered against your lips, before closing the space between the both of you.

Damn, that actually felt kind of nice.

His free hand cupped your cheek affectionately while the other continued it’s dangerous shenanigans under the table, rubbing and squeezing the fat of your thighs.

„You really, really want me to take you home with me?“ He whispered into the kiss, messily licking into your mouth as soon as you opened it for him. You had seen enough romance movies to know that that was probably the best way to set the mood.

For a few minutes, you actually completely forgot that the both of you were actually still in the bar, having multiple men staring at the both of you.

But of course, you knew you two couldn’t do this here.

So you quickly pushed Leon away, effectively stopping him .

„Not in public. That’s weird, I don’t wanna have old men jerking off to me later.“ You started, frowning at Leon who simply laughed.

„Well, I’ll have you know that I will definitely be doing that later, you know.“ Leon shamelessly admitted, before his hand left your cheek to sit on top of yours.

„Are you really sure about this? There’s no backing out once we get out of here, y’know. I can't hold back after that.“ He whispered to you, and you could swear you saw a dangerous glint in his eyes.

„‘M really really sure, Sir, don’t worry about that, yeah?“ You flirted, a smile forming on your lips.

„Oh you naughty little-“ he rasped, before removing his hand from your thigh and taking out his wallet to slam money on the table for his drinks.

He gripped your hand tightly right after, dragging you outside of the bar really quickly, before taking you to his car. A BMW E36. He had good taste, you gave him that.

His hand was placed on your thigh for most of the ride, until you pulled into the parking lot of one of the most expensive hotels you had seen. Your jaw dropped in shock as you stared at him in genuine disbelief.

„What? First time? Oh yeah, forgot you’re a virgin.“ He teased you, before getting out of the car to open your door for you and pull you out of the seat. Just how fucking rich was Leon?

„Didn’t know you make that much money to be able to afford.. this.“ You muttered, utterly shocked as he led you inside. He quickly got the both of you checked in, and mere minutes later, you found yourself in the bathroom of the hotel room, looking into the mirror to see if your makeup was still intact. Well, luckily it was.

Well, that wasn't gonna last though.

As soon as you opened the door of the bathroom, you saw Leon sitting on the bed, in his slutty compression shirt which didn’t do a good job at hiding any of his muscles or his tits. You could swear they were bigger than yours.

„Okay, I’ll ask one more time. Do you really, really, really want this?“ Leon rasped at you, his gaze lingering over your body. You sighed softly, letting yourself fall back onto the bed as you looked at the ceiling.

„I wouldn’t be here if I was a pussy. Plus- maybe this could help me with my grade in history?“ You laughed softly, a genuine laugh. Leon's heart skipped a beat. Hearing you laugh was the most heartwarming thing he heard in a while.

He quickly turned before crawling on top of you fairly quickly, taking your hands in his. Fuck, you felt so small under him. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t soaked already. He placed a gentle kiss on your lips, before traveling down, trailing kisses along your jaw, down to your collarbone, until he reached your dress.

Right, that was supposed to come off.

„Take it off.“ Leon commanded, before going back to lazily kissing your neck, maybe biting down once in a while and sucking a bit too much, maybe creating a hickey or two (or 7).

Your hands reached for the zipper of your dress, and it wasn’t easy due to the fact you were literally on your back and Leon wasn’t making it better, covering the soft flesh of your neck in countless hickeys and love bites. As soon as you managed to pull the zipper down, you felt Leon’s rough hands trying to gently slip the tight dress off you, without breaking it on accident. You arched your back awkwardly as he removed the dress from your body.

Today was a great day to be wearing black lingerie.

„Funny how you say you haven’t banged anyone and you’re wearing that. Were you expecting to get laid today or what?“ Leon asked, his kisses traveling downwards until they reached your bra. His hands easily cupped your tits, before disappearing behind you, unclasping your bra with ease.

The poor article of clothing was quickly tossed away without a care in the world, before Leon’s thumbs slowly grazed over the hard peaks. He chuckled to himself, one of his hands sliding down further to explore your southern regions. He quickly followed after his hand, his face now directly infront of your pussy.

This was embarrassing, but you were rather surprised when you felt his finger poking at your underwear.

„You’re fucking soaked, baby. I could just slip my dick right in, and you’d probably be able to take it without much of a struggle.“ Leon commented, chuckling in between your legs. You merely gulped as soon as you felt his fingers hook around the edges of your panties, pulling them down and discarding them just like the rest of your clothes.

„Jesus fucking Christ, your pussy’s glistening. Are you really that desperate to get fucked by an old man like me?“ He mocked, before gripping your thighs tightly. You were about to say something when you felt him lick a stripe up your slit. You choked on a moan as you looked at him, eyes widened. He looked so relaxed, lazily licking another stripe up your cunt, making you let out noises you didn’t even know you could make. You covered your mouth rather quickly, embarrassment burning on your face as you apologized.

„Fuck, 'm so sorry-“ You apologized, noticing the way he looked at you in confusion. „The fuck are you apologizing for? Jesus, you sound so fucking divine.“ Leon stated, before getting back between your legs, but this time his tongue dipped straight into your poor, glistening pussy, his nose gently bumping against your clit. His tongue was inside you, and you could feel it. Your eyes were wet with tears and your head was thrown back, a loud, involuntary moan leaving your mouth.

Your hands were instinctively placed on his head, gripping his hair tightly as he ate you out on the expensive white sheets of this bed. Leon's hips desperately rutted against the bed, trying his best to get a bit of friction as his dick was painfully hard. The way you gripped his hair didn’t help either, or the fact that you were squeezing his head in between your thighs.

And fuck, your moans were so perfect. You sounded like a fucking porn star, moaning for him like that.

Tears were starting to spill from your eyes as you were clearly not used to any of this stuff.

But Leon was gonna teach you everything you needed to know.

That being said, it didn’t take that long for you to tighten around his tongue and cum all over his face and the expensive silk sheets of the bed.

You were panting really hard as you looked down at Leon, seeing his face covered in your juices.

Fuck, it was like a scene right out of a porno. The way the slick glistened on his lower lip and jaw-

You were too overwhelmed to realize that he came closer, before kissing you messily. You could taste yourself on his tongue.

„‘Kay- fuck I need to be inside you so bad.“ He whined, quickly unbuckling his belt and removing his pants while you tried your best at removing his shirt. You took a bit longer than you hoped, eventually giving up and tearing the shirt off him anyway.

To your surprise, Leon didn’t give a single shit and proceeded to remove his boxers.

…Oh, you were in for a wild night.

„Jesus fuck- That’s never gonna fit-“ You exclaimed, clearly more than just intimidated by his size. Leon just chuckled darkly, staring at you with that dark, malicious glint in his eyes.

„I’ll make it fit.“ He rasped, aligning his tip with your glistening entrance. Leon held onto your hips with one hand, the other trying to help you take him inside.

„Fuck, you’re slippery, can barely slide inside.“ Leon groaned softly, before finally managing to get the head of his dick inside. He bit his lip, already feeling how your walls hugged him tightly.

He gradually pushed more of himself inside, slowly, his ears focused on the noises you were making. You squirmed around a bit before he sighed and handed you one of the fancy pillows on the bed.

„Bite down on it if it hurts.“ He ordered, pulling out just a bit to slide himself deeper inside you, making your eyes roll back. He wasn’t even fully inside yet. Leon could soon feel the small wall of resistance, which he quickly surpassed with a single, hard thrust.

Your eyes rolled to the back of your skull as you let out a loud moan. He was now fully buried inside you. Leon was panting against your collarbone while waiting for you to adjust to his size, which was easier said than done.

„O-okay- fuck… you might bleed a little after this, but don’t be scared love, that’s normal-“ Leon whispered into your neck before looking up at you. You looked so fucked out. It took everything and more for him to not just finish inside your tight little pussy right away.

He waited for a few more seconds before gently pulling out and thrusting back inside you, watching the way your mouth stood agape and how your nails dug into the pillow you were holding. It normally took Leon a while to finish, but with you? He could fucking cum on the spot with the way you looked at him.

Tears welled up in your eyes once he starts with a slow yet hard pace. Fuck, he was so big- how was anyone supposed to be able to take him like that? His tip repeatedly hit your cervix, making you bite down onto the pillow in both pain and pleasure. It hurt, but at the same time, shivers ran down your spine.

Leon was so focused on watching his dick disappear inside your hole, biting his lower lip while he thought about recording this. You’d be fine with it, right? Fuck, what was he thinking? He couldn’t just touch himself to a video of one of his students getting dicked down by him.

But goddamn, if this would’ve been more than just a one-night stand, who knows? Maybe you’d allow him to film himself cumming deep inside you, too- Why was he even thinking about that now?

„Oh fuck- you’re so nice and tight, 's like you were made for my cock-“ He panted on top of you, beads of sweat running down his forehead. You on the other hand could barely think straight due to the aggressive fucking you had to endure.

„Kiss me please, daddy-“ You whined softly as tears ran down your face, your mouth standing agape while you tried your best at not being too loud. Leon quickly leaned in, combining both of your lips in a messy and desperate kiss. He messily began licking into your mouth while you gave him access, still not stopping his thrusts inside you.

You moaned into his mouth, feeling his chest pressing against yours, like he wanted your bodies to melt into one. He was hot and sweaty, but you didn’t mind it at all since you probably were, too.

Leon’s right hand quickly slid down, gently rubbing your clit to feel your walls tighten around him even more. He was trying to make you cum.

„Fuck, you feel that? You’re getting so fucking tight- You’re gonna cum, right?“ He groaned into your mouth, before continuing to make out with you. His thrusts got a bit sloppy as soon as he could feel his own orgasm building up.

„S-shit- wrap your hands around my throat, daddy-“ You whimpered beneath him, feeling his left hand gently choke you and make you feel lightheaded. Leon pounded you just a bit harder upon hearing that nickname again.

Your back arched a bit and you choked on a moan as you finally reached your climax. Your walls tightened around Leon, triggering his own orgasm and milking him dry. Leon humped against you for a bit longer, before eventually pulling out and leaving you feeling warm, yet empty inside.

He let himself lie down next to you, hair messy and sticking to his forehead due to the sweat on his body. You quickly got under the sheets, the cold air now feeling a bit too cold for your liking.

Neither of you said anything until Leon finally decided to speak up, „You’re not gonna tell anyone about any of this. Understood?“

You weakly nodded, nuzzling your face into his neck as your arms wrapped around him. Maybe he was actually less of an asshole than you thought.

„Also, don’t you even dare think that I will change your grade just because you’re the teacher’s little whore.“ He remarked with a faint chuckle following. His arms snaked around your upper body before he could feel your lips on his collarbone, placing a hickey there. He let out a low groan at the feeling, his hands gripping your hair tightly.

As soon as you were done, you admired the purple bruise on his collarbone, which would probably be easier to hide than the ones he had placed on your neck. Fuck, what were you gonna tell your parents?

Wait.

Oh fuck.

Your parents were still waiting for you at home. And it was already past midnight.

You quickly got up from the bed, still fully naked as you ran to the wardrobe to get your phone.

19 missed calls.

Oh, you were so fucked.

You quickly called your parents back, making up some lame excuse about how one of your older friends got drunk, and you helped him by booking a hotel room and taking him there.

Leon watched you, trying his best not to laugh as you stood there, making up some story while being completely naked after he fucked the shit out of you.

The call lasted about 5 minutes, and ended with you telling your dearest mother that you had your own hotel room and would be staying there. As soon as you hung up, you could hear Leon laugh his ass off.

You walked over to the bed before lying down next to him once again, getting under the covers before playfully hitting his upper arm while you pretended to be mad.

He teased you a bit more, before you yawned and rubbed your eyes, clearly exhausted. Leon played with your hair before placing a kiss on your cheek as you drifted off to sleep.

——————————♡————————————

The following morning, you woke up with Leon lying on your chest, sleeping like a baby. You smirked, taking your phone from the nightstand you had placed it on and took a photo of him.

Now it was your turn to laugh your ass off. Your grumpy history professor was lying on your chest, sleeping like a baby after you had sex.

You heard a low groan coming from his throat, and you shot a few more pictures, before he could open his eyes to look at the camera in front of his face.

„The fuck are you doing?“ He asked groggily, seeing you snap another photo of him. Just then, he realized you were snapping pictures of him.

He quickly snatched your phone away and deleted the pictures, before groaning a bit more about how his back hurt. Just then, you actually realized the way the both of you smelled. Like sweat and sex.

Yeah, it was definitely time for a shower.

As soon as Leon got up, you dragged him into the shower, placing him in there before getting in yourself. It was easy, considering the fact that the shower was huge. Like, it was twice the size of your shower at home.

Showering took a bit longer than usual, though, maybe because of the fact that Leon had to punish you for taking pictures of him while he slept. He fingered two more orgasms out of you, effectively overstimulating you until you swore you would never take pictures of him sleeping again.

Exiting the shower, you felt fresh, but at the same time, you could barely walk straight, your legs feeling like jelly.

The two of you finally got dressed and left the hotel together. He even drove you home like a true gentleman (as an excuse for taking your ability to walk normally). You thanked him as you got out of the car, and he quickly drove away, well not without winking at you and telling you to stay safe.

——————————♡————————————

The next Monday was your last day of school. You got your reports back, and you easily passed. Even though, you were really surprised to see a B+ as your grade in history. Just then, you checked your phone. You had gotten a text from Leon. Wait, since when did you have his number?

Leon ♥︎ Be happy I saved your ass by changing your grade. You owe me now. Today, 10:30 A.M.

Leon ♥︎ So… since this is your last day, can you drop by the teacher’s office after you get out? I got something for you. Today, 10:31 A.M.

A smile tugged at your lips as you looked at your phone before typing a reply.

You Does this ‘something‘ involve having sex at the teacher’s office, Sir? Today, 10:35 A.M.

You quickly put your phone away while giggling to yourself. The bell began ringing shortly after, and you got up with all your stuff. Taking out your phone, you read his reply.

Leon ♥︎ Maybe. Today, 10:35 A.M.

You sighed and chuckled as you made your way to the teacher’s office.

He was going to be the death of you.

(Credit for the dividers goes to @cafekitsune btw!) AAAAA thank you for reading this piece of brainrot I cooked up at 3am lol. Please let me know if you liked (or hated) this little fic in the comments aaaa (I also take commissions, plspls commission me I have 0 motivation to write anything on my own)

Tags:

[chocochococoffee]

I saw your post asking for cumplane prompts and I couldn't resist giving one:

Fusion au (ala steven universe) where SQQ and SQH can only fuse with one another because fusing with anyone else would reveal them as transmigrators

yayyy thanks for the ask! i did a fanfic for you. its short tho. iis doneeeee but i cant really link it since android tumblr is shit and aint letting me hyperlink. i hate it

https://archiveofourown.org/works/57639514

here

-----

Sometimes Shen Yuan felt that he was thrown inside a nightmare. Airplane called it a fanfic, but didn't call his bro out for being wrong. Gemstones here, alien attacks there, the world the System had for them wasn't Proud Immortal Demon Way anymore. 

Where to start, though? Oh, from the Very Start.

PIDW was meant to be a stallion xianxia. Cheap, easily sellable, you could add whatever bullshit and people would eat it with gusto because Magic Chinese Bullshit solved all problems, no matter what Cucumber would say against it. Now... whatever this world had instead was a mix of intergalactic/sci-fi with some touches of modified xianxia for whatever meaning cultivating could have in their now very touchable, colourful cores. What was this, Land of the Lustrous? Cang Qiong sect itself felt like a direct ripoff outta it. There was no buddhist father of the sects in their mountain though, just a lot of rowdy humanized stones polishing themselves to perfection. Sometimes they polished each other with dual cultivation. Airplane cackled madly when Shen Qingqiu had furiously mentioned it to him, skin dark green in embarrassment. No matter how edited, the core (haha, geddit?) was still the same.

For being a modified xianxia, now that their cores had become actual gems a lot of their training had become a lot more literal. Tangible, even. Airplane decided that it was easier than all the soul and aura bullshit he had written eons ago.

So yeah. Gems. Literal aliens running the whole mountain, training humans (it wasn't the case for every sect, though) and other gems for polishing into immortality. Of course the head figures of every house would have to be gem people, most of them coming from pure lineages. According to some history books, gems had colonized their plane centuries ago. Something about the quality of the soil and the nice fauna.

Airplane had called bullshit on that, he knew it was because of the specialized porn.

Fusion they had called it, the process of becoming one with another gem, the act of purest feelings that would result in a better, stronger core. 

Fusion could also be done within humans, for some reason. He had guessed that the trace minerals inside the alien gems were very accepting of the chelating qualities of the organic complements in humans.

As a result, everyone wanted to fuse. Forget dual cultivation, it was the actual Goal of the gems. It was part of all sects training, it was a required step for perfection.

And everyone could fuse and de-fuse. They could do multiple fusions too! Fusion threesomes, foursomes, maybe more! 

"Do you really believe in that bullshit?" Shen Qingqiu had asked Airplane, now Shang Qinghua, while drinking, while lazing and acting unmannerly outside of every eye put on him. While relaxing in front of the only one who could see him really relax. "Is fusing really a step to happiness?? Today even my own students are asking me why I don't do fusions with anyone in Cang Qiong. They are asking me if I am broken."

Shang Qinghua knew from where those words came from. He had been the one who warned Shen Qingqiu of what fusing really meant.

He had done it once when younger, and he had broken his partner's mind.

They couldn't take all the information inside Airplane's mind and soul. Two lives were too much for a person, even more if they had the information of the world itself.

And yet...

"Not gonna lie to you bro, I do like the idea of fusing. Even Qingge has benefited of it - I believe that it can work miracles sometimes. Just... not with us. Fucking system doomed us sexless." He took a sip of his own baijiu. Tasty shit. 

"Fusionless."

"Whatever, it feels like sex."

Shen Qingqiu had known of his only experience. It had broken him to see that he was unable to participate on one of the best features that the PIDW fanfic they lived in had to offer.

"Your Only sex experience, you mean." 

"Whuh? You come here to call me out while drinking my wine? Pfwuh, you ungrateful child. At least I Have fused once, you are still a Green Sapling compared to Me"

"Well I AM green! And this is bullshit."

To follow the design, Cucumber was also a gem. It was an implicit requirement to be the head of a sect in Cang Qiong. He, though, was not what Shen Jiu had been. 

Everyone knew of the new Shen Qingqiu proud stone, a malachite that had grown from his chest in needles towards his shoulders and neck, a problem not only made his skin get greener shades whenever his emotions ran too strongly but also that required lots of tailoring attempts thus ending with sluttier clothes, making him shine through the hallways of the sects quite literally. He didn't really know how his core had evolved from an olivine to a malachite, their compositions were different, no? And Shang Qinghua had been the only one who knew of the peridot on Shen Jiu's chest, the knew he had guarded and hid all his life, a secret that not even Yue Qingyuan knew at all.

Bullshit world. Bullshit System restrictions also.

"But no, I didn't come here to 'call you out', you swine. I came here with a proposition"

"Whoa, this is new. Are you feeling too alone without Binghe, now?"

"Binghe has nothing to do with this! It... it is more about my. Our. Uh. Our mental health. I was thinking that maybe we could try fusing? We are two people in the same conditions and I thought that maybe the restrictions that affect others shouldn't affect us... wait, what is with that face??"

Qinghua sweated, the astonishment making him acquire an orange tone. "How many cups of baijiu did you drink?? I am not trying anything unless you are sober -- I am sure sober Cucumber wouldn't even try to touch me unless to hit me with your fa-- ouch!" He was hit with Qingqiu's fan.

"I am Not Drunk, Qinghua, I have just started my second cup. My opinion will not change, also, I am telling you -- agh, you are right, this may have something to do with Binghe after all. Today Mu Qingfan even tried to recommend me some fusing to Take my mind out of my Binghe's 'demise' and... you know, it has been one year since I had to thrown him into Jue Di Gorge... Medicines aren't making any effect right now and you heard me, I may be kind of desperate, though, If I am asking this to you so... can you try to listen to me once without being an ironic piece of shit??" 

And sure thing, all that sentence had been acidic as fuck but the pain clad under that was veridic.

For mental health huh... 

"Cucumber bro, you know how this means much more than just treatment, right?"

"I know"

"This also means you will have to understand me, within the fusing bonds and outside of them. You will have to treat me well if we are agreeing to it, even if its just to Try."

"Yeah I will... I am willing to try."

Airplane cackled. "Try?? God, you really are unromantic, you little shit. Go drink some water, let the alcohol flush away first. If I am going to try fusion sexing with you I will not do it with baijiu on the body."

"Hey, I am taller than you!!" But he obeyed his instruction without retaliation, and Airplane thought that may be a start.

When Airplane fused for the first and last time it had been with his roommate, a promising An Ding prospect which meant he was also a tired and hopeless kid with great abilities in math. He had been funny and ridiculous, and also a human. 

He was now six feet under and Airplane excelled in math as a memento of their last dance.

Now they had written their own goodbye letters to their peers and friends, if anything went wrong.

"The best way to start a fusion is by dancing."

"I know, there are many types of courtship dances and Qing Jing teaches more than twenty of them. In my last life I had two left feet and now look at me, master of dances I will never use."

"Oh, not even on me, bro?"

"If you are like me we wouldn't even sync if it isn't something from the modern world, our world."

True that, plus Airplane still had maintained his two left feet from his other life. An Ding never cared to teach them things as frivolous as that, confident on the innate abilities of their own students to learn on their own. Something that Qinghua had planned to change in a near future, of course all depending on how the Binghe domination trope went.

"Got any plans, Cucumber bro? I may have stayed in this world for too long, my mind is already a bit hazy..."

"Hmm. What about Caramelldansen?"

"HELL, NO"

"Gangnam Style?"

"You want us to fuck or to laugh until a heart attack!?"

"Language!"

"Meanie. Hmm, what about Let it Go?"

"Are you kidding me?"

"You know the choreography? I do."

"... of course you would"

It took them a few tries, and they didn't know the choreography as well as they had memed in their own original lives, but they, in time, learnt that the best way to fuse was when in sync with the other, and if it had meant them to be embraced to each other while laughing, it was enough.

"Shizun, what does this mean??"

If the whole of Cang Qiong had taken their reckless union and odd choice of partner with dismayed eyes and mean suspicion, Binghe had been on top if that mountain. Three years training in the underworld had felt like a millennia, and it may as well have been that amount of years considering that coming back may have meant that An Ding and Qing Jing had fused as their leaders had not only become an extremely stable gem, but also decided to keep fused longer and longer. Chrysocolla may have been an invention born two years ago, and may the citrine sparkles shine oddly on their black and green eyes, but the happiness they radiated may have been depicted in books as the bright blue-green colour that made their own robes and hair.

Even when separated they had changed each other, Shen Qingqiu's core turning into what looked more like Azurite, and Qinghua's secret Citrine core changing into various forms of Agate.

"Shizun, are you really happy this way?" Binghe had asked Shen Qingqiu while suddenly missing his green spikes. His new blue robes may not mix well with Qing Jing altogether but it couldn't that it was a beautiful colour.

"Mm, I may be? Now I know many things that I didn't before." He had smiled, finally satisfied. He now had all the information that even Qinghua had reprived to himself and the rest of the world in his mind, thing that became even more ckearer when together, and Qinghua had now someone who loved him and his inventions near. Qingqiu himself had learnt to love his real life inventions too, he could even pass Mobei-jun and see what Qinhua adored in him, too. That was a funny thought, but he had two years of unlearning and relearning new things, enough to be more accepting of what their future could be.

"You think you can convince Shang Qinghua if I can join you?"

If he had fused with Qinghua for that reunion he would've surely not sputtered his tea. That was a certainty.

[sukifinn]

A/N: Eek my first tumblr post ever? Random Eddie thoughts I had in my notes :) Most of them I imagine pre-dating because I live for ✨tension✨ but they’ll work either way hehe. Mostly fluff, a couple nsfw scenarios. If you have anymore please suggest! I’d love to add new scenarios :) Also the paper ring idea is from another user! I can’t remember their tag but they wrote the most wonderful fanfic. I’d love to credit them if anyone knows!

• Helping eddie clean his new tattoo on the back of his shoulder because he can’t reach it himself

• Eddie giving you random things that make him think of you (cool rocks, paperclips in your favorite color, a cool sticker he found on the ground at the hideout)

• One day while Eddie is in your room he discovers a box in your closet. He opens it to find all of the little gifts he’s given you over the years

• “You kept them?” “Of course I did.”

•All he can do his bury his face in your shoulder and hold you tighter than ever while he tries to blink away the tears forming in his big brown eyes

• Eddie didn’t like you at first. You were popular and he’d written you off from the start. Unbeknownst to him, you were friendly with the hellfire freshman and they dragged you along to a campaign one night as a stand in. Eddie thought it was a joke at first, but you knew your way around a dnd match and that’s when Eddie knew he was in trouble

• Eddie always had a crush on you, but it was your giant smile and even bigger heart that had him head over heels in a matter of days

• One day Eddie agrees to let you paint his nails. You guide his hand up your thigh for a better angle. You wince a bit at the chill of his rings against your skin. He giggles innocently, only to let his thoughts wonder to how you’d react if you let him touch you with them in other places. Less innocently

• Eddie has a box full of guitar picks he’s collected over the years. You were rummaging through and picked out one you really liked. You set it on his dresser forgetting to put it back, but Eddie never put it back either. It sat there for weeks. Every time it would catch his eye he couldn’t help but blush and grin

• You also have a favorite ring of his

•One day Eddie gives you a cheap chain necklace. Attached to it your favorite ring and the guitar pick you’d set out months ago

• Eddie’s nervously rubbing the back of his head looking down at the ground. “I know it’s not much, but…”

• “Oh Eddie. It’s everything.”

• Every time the rest of the gang cancels leaving the two of you alone, Eddie will frantically clean up around the trailer. He’ll light some candles and set out snacks and blankets. He’ll like to pretend it was a casual act, even though he never does it for the rest of the gang ;)

• He’ll fantasize about you like crazy. Not necessarily sexual, but about the ways he’d love you. He thinks about cooking dinner with you and dancing around the kitchen. He thinks about surprising you with the perfect picnic as the sun sets in the sky. He thinks about the way he’d hold you in bed at night and never ever let you go

• He definitely thinks about you sexually though

• Absolutely worships the ground you walk on. You are literally an angel to him

•SIIIIIIIMP

• Makes fun of your music taste, but secretly learns all of your favorite songs on guitar

• Cooly inviting you to all of his gigs, but his heart literally feels like it’s exploding every time he sees you in the crowd

• Eddie getting the wonderful idea to pierce his ear with a sewing needle one night. He knows he’s fucked up and calls you for help. You sit on the couch and lay his head across your lap to better examine the wound. Of course, he’s being a smart ass the entire time and you flick his ear in retaliation. He turns around and flicks the inside of your leg

• “Ow, Eddie!”

• “Aww, sorry princess.”

• Without thinking, he innocently kisses your inner thigh like you’d do to a child with a hurt thumb. The tiniest moan escapes your lips and Eddie is launched over the edge. He excuses himself to the bathroom to “examine his wounds”

• Eddie secretly wearing a hair tie of yours around his wrist that you forgot at his trailer one time

• Eddie always has your favorite snacks and drinks at his trailer, but he’d never let you find out that he gets them just for you

• Eddie has a secret cassette tape with all of your favorite songs. He’s titled it with your name and a sloppy sharpied heart (which he tried his very best to draw)

• Hates his hair being touched, but craves the feeling of having your fingers wrapped up in his curls

• Eddie absentmindedly talking about not having enough money to buy a new album from his favorite band. He acted like it was no big deal but deep down he was bummed. He knew it’d be sold out for weeks. You got up at 6:30 to be at the music store as soon as they opened to nab Eddie’s album. You surprised him at his trailer, and that’s when he knew he was done for

• After finally confessing his love for you, he’d put so much thought and time into planning every single date making sure every last detail was absolutely perfect

• The first time he got you in bed, he was literally in shock. He burned the image of every freckle and curve into his mind, never wanting to forget. Your beauty to him was otherworldly. He’d listen to the sound of your moans over his favorite song any day

• He’d always let you doodle on him when you got bored. He secretly turned a couple of your drawings into stick and pokes. He’d put all of his focus into it wanting it to be absolutely perfect. He’d be in a trance, his tongue hanging slightly out of his mouth as he traced every line. When he was done, he’d lean back with the goofiest smile plastered across his face as he admired the masterpiece you had created together

• Actually cried the first time you said you loved him

• Gets emotional over the little things you do for him. He never thought he’d have or deserve a love like yours

• JEALOUSSSS

• Always grabbing your thigh in public

• Likes to jokingly have casual conversations with your boobs, referring to them as “his girls”

• Eddie like to take Polaroid pictures of the gang when everyone gets together, but he has a couple of secret ones he’s taken just of you (in a non Jonathan way)

• “Princess” “Sweet heart” “My girl”

• He loves assurance. Craves it actually

• That being said. Praise kink

• Eddie likes to make you ride with him to the gas station when he needs cigarettes. He buys you your favorite drink every time

• Eddie never really wanted to get married or have kids. Everything changed when he met you

• He always provides the best after care. He’ll hold you tight and ask you a million times if you’re okay. He’ll lift your chin with his fingers so your eyes meet his and just gush about how he’s so in love with you

• He’s super forgetful, but remembers every little detail about you

• Obsessed with pleasing you. Literally lives for it. Will eat you like his last meal

• He acts like a jerk, but has the biggest soft spot for. You literally opened his heart

• Soooo clingy

• If you get him something he literally treasures it like a priceless artifact

• Eddie liked to bring home random hookups after his gigs. He didn’t even realize he’d stopped after meeting you. He was so devoted to you and he didn’t even know it yet

• Always at your every beck and call, but especially on your period. He’s always making sure you’re comfortable and stocked up on everything you need

• He’s always had so much love to give but no one to give it to so he absolutely showers you with it

• Eddie has anxiety, so he can tell when you’re anxious. He’ll always try his best to calm you down. It makes him so happy when it works and he knows he can be your safe place

• When you get bored in class you make Eddie little origami animals. He has them all sitting on his dresser

• You make him origami rings too. Every time he breaks one he asks you for another because “he likes the style”

• He definitely keeps all of the broken rings in a secret box

[blackcherrykiss]

BLOOD BOUNDARIES - Enhypen OT7 Fanfic (ch.9)

[CH.1] [CH.2] [CH.3] [CH.4] [CH.5] [CH.6] [CH.7][CH.8] previous chapters

[CH.10] next chapter (unavailable on tumblr but avaliable on wattpad!)

You wait outside the nurse's office beside Jay in complete silence. You were both waiting for someone to burst out the door in front of you to rest assure Jungwon's condition.

"You can go to class, I'll stay and wait for Jungwon." Jay broke the noiseless lounge as his eyes laid flat on the grim grey floor. You were willing to stick around but realized  it would be better if you were to just leave. Jungwon probably wouldn't want to see you after the minor argument. You simply nodded your head and left without another word.

When you had arrived in your astronomy class you carefully explained yourself, explaining Jay would be gone for most of the afternoon. Your teacher listened intently and understood every word well. Sitting in your usual spot, a wave of frustration washes over you once you remember Sunghoon had stolen your book for the class. You could only hope the new interesting concept of the class would jog your mind off of things to which it did. However, as the class came to a close you couldn't help birdwatch Jay's desk. Jay's absence for the entire class continued to make you worry about Jungwon and his condition.

Sending yourself out of the class in a daze, you began to join the trail of the halls. You met Nana and Dahee walking out of their class at the same time to your surprise, "Oh! Y/N!" With an abrupt slide to slow down you let the two girls catch up to you, "Sorry we couldn't eat lunch with you and Hyesun, we went to track tryouts." Nana gleefully explained.

"It's fine, I had detention for half of lunch and then got caught up in something..." Your head going straight back to Jungwon, "We should all be apologizing to Hyesun right now..." Immediately you got reminded about what Hyesun had mentioned to you earlier, "Hey, Dahee... I actually really need to speak to you about something in private." You asked shamelessly.

Nana looked at you both suspiciously but ultimately respected the privacy you desired, "I'll get going to my last class then, girls." She tapped both of your shoulders before joining the flowing current of the hallway.

You went with Dahee to a more private space, under one of the stairwells of the school. "Dahee, Hyesun told me about you and Sunghoon..." You trailed off, hoping you didn't have to say much more as to what you were about to say.

"So you do like him?" Dahee gasped happily to your surprise, "Don't worry I'm not that into him yet... But you should've told us a long time ago!" She nudged you gently in the elbow.

"Yeah! Sorry about that..." You lied with deep despise. You now had to act like you liked Sunghoon and that was the worst feeling ever, "I'll tell you about it later then, you should get going!" You cut the conversation very short so Dahee could both get to her class in time.

"I will! See you!" She waved in a much brighter mood now that you told her you supposedly liked someone for the first time forever.

"Dear Lord, what am I getting myself into?" You muttered furiously. Were you really going the extra mile to protect your friends over some gut feelings? You were literally praying to God that you would receive some sort of reserved spot in heaven for the shadow work you were doing. That is until you were interrupted by a somberly slow clap and a couple of shoes that clacked against the stairs above you.

"Wasn't expecting such a plot twist..." Sunoo came into clear view after reaching the final step at the bottom of the staircase. This was now the second time you were caught being heard by people separate from your plan. "So you didn't like Jungwon, but Sunghoon?!" He giggled in interest and cheap pity. He seemed rather thrilled to overhear your bullshit.

"I..." You could not come up with a reply in fear of both outcomes. By telling the truth or carrying out the lie to people, you were putting yourself in a very sticky situation.

"Dahee and Sunghoon were hitting it off so well the other day, it's a shame you're in the way..." Sunoo made an overly exaggerated glum face to piss you off, "You don't actually like him now, do you?" Sunoo caught on to your intentions, circling around you, "You're just doing it to save her, yes?"

You remained silent, causing Sunoo to stop right behind you where you felt the heat of his body getting closer.

"You're a lot smarter than some girls... It's enticing really... Perhaps that's why the boys are so fond of you?" Sunoo snaked around his arm to have the dull edge of his nail touch the flesh of between your jaw and neck. Slowly he etched a line down until it was right against your throbbing pulse.

You pulled away in shock as to how scandalous the act was, "I need to go... I'm supposed to check on Jungwon." You stepped away to face Sunoo in an abrupt manner.

"I heard about Jungwon's situation from Jay," He held the sharpest part of his chin between his index and middle finger, "Jungwon will just continue to get sick. He's so malnourished."

"Malnourished?" You echoed Sunoo.

"He chose to end up like that." Sunoo walked toward you again but this time passing you, with his shoulder slightly bumping yours, "Don't pity him, darling."

You shuddered. Sunoo was the most mysterious with his hints. He was the hardest to read between the lines with. For some reason, only he out of the boys influenced your thinking pattern.

...

After school and a mediocre meal at dinner, you regretted not at least peeping your head by the nurse's office just once that afternoon. Jungwon had probably been released from health watch but you thought you could've come to terms with him that evening. It was unsatisfying as you didn't feel any closure between the war of words you had with him. What wasn't helping was the stress you also had from Sunghoon.

The daylight vanished rather quick in the colder season of the year and dusk approached rather faster than a candle blowout. Since Sunghoon didn't set a specific time, you just headed out with not a glance at the clock. Your guess was to sneak out as soon as the sun came falling down. Due to the hallway monitors of your school during the late evening, it suddenly became an obstacle you had not planned for. You were confused yourself as to how Sunghoon could sneak out at this time of day, surely sneaking out super late at night was possible but not in the evening. Eventually, you took a trip out of a window on the bottom floor of the dormitory to bypass one of the school monitors.

You were well aware of how idiotic you looked running down the concrete steps and toward the very back of your school where the shadows of the forest shined brightly. You didn't see Sunghoon at all insight which was making your heart thump in fear and anger. There was no way this guy was going to set you up like this? You bit around random parts on the inside parts of your mouth as the sky grew darker every few seconds. With no one around and nothing around to do as you waited for Sunghoon, you approached the line between the woods and open grass field. You began to get deja vu of Jungwon which made you nervous as you felt the same wispy grass tickle at your calves.

"You actually came?" Sunghoon's voice rang in the open air from behind you,  scaring the literal hell out of you.

"Y-yes I did." You sighed as to how close you were to exploring that forest, "Let's just get to the point." You turned your head back just for him to be in your personal space, you almost lost your balance trying to add some room.  

"Walk with me." He ignored your jump into things while crossing the boundary between the skylight of dusk and the darkness of the woods.  With hesitation and no clue as to what was about to go down, you followed him. "What did you want to hear from me again?" He asked carelessly with hands in his pockets as he guided you over a pile of soil and dead leaves.

"Kyungeun." You answered bluntly. "Why is she tied down to you?"

"That son of a bitch. She told you, huh?" He rolled his eyes in dear annoyance, "I guess you could say I have some information about her that would totally diminish her image." He kicked and crunched around a couple of leaves as he dragged his feet. You remembered Jaeyun had told you Kyungeun had secrets, perhaps that was it? Were you allowed to ask him about it?

Making a mental note to ask Kyungeun about it later you brisked forward to the next question, "Okay? But you said she'd be of no use to you when you get your hands on Dahee... What exactly did you mean?" Your heart thumped in loud eagerness as you move behind Sunghoon.

"She doesn't taste as good." Sunghoon paused to have you hear him clearly, "Her blood."

Your face heated up, a vibrant blush sparkling your face before the sickening realization hit you, "D-don't tell me..." The horror spreading like wildfire in your body from your head downwards. You were frozen to the very core as all the puzzle pieces came together. All the times including the gash on Kyungeun's neck, the warnings Sunoo gave, and Heeseung licking your hand... It wasn't just Sunghoon who was a vampire, it was all of the boys...

What Sunghoon faced you with a gentle eyes he withdrew the small book from inside his blazer, making your ankles shake. "I suppose you'll know why I took this now." He shook the book before throwing it in front of you with pity. You simply watched the book plop on the bed of dead leaves before your shoes in no ability to process or produce words. You didn't even feel like picking up the book as you were afraid of reading it's horrific contents.

"W-well you won't be getting your hands on Dahee any time soon." You tremble with a paralyzing fear as you tried to speak. You were regretting the bold comment, for fuck sakes the boy standing before you could kill you right then and there.

He stepped closer and closer to which you stepped further and further. "Well, then I guess I'll keep Kyungeun under my power until the day she dies." His scornful laugh made you shudder painfully. In full defeat, you were sincerely helpless. You felt you couldn't run nor report the boys, who would ever believe you? You began questioning how you even got in this position.

"Wh-why does it have to be them? Can't you just live without blood?!" You cried pathetically as you backed into a hard tree.

"And end up like Jungwon?" Delight crept onto Sunghoon's white face as yours grew in confusion, "He hasn't drunk blood in months, he's so weak to the point where he can't even stand sometimes..." Sunghoon went on to speak his mind, "Heeseung and I were convinced he was messing around you for your blood."

Your eyes shot wide open in disbelief, "Well he's clearly not like you if he's abstaining from blood."

"It's true... Something changed in him recently after he started talking to you. Perhaps he has fallen for a mortal?"

"Go to fucking hell." You muttered at a volume that wasn't loud enough for Sunghoon to hear.

"As soon as I sensed your presence that day in the library, I knew you would fall down this rabbit hole." He hummed while bending to have your eyes both at the same level. "Curiosity killed the cat."

You held your tongue with no desire to respond to Sunghoon as the closeness was now more than dangerous. But your muted self only gave Sunghoon the opportunity to proceeded to taunt you. He began caging you against the tree, causing you to press up against the rough wood where you couple feel every detail of the bark on your back.

"I remember Heeseung telling Jaeyun and I about just how good the blood from finger tasted... How about a deal?" He caught your attention as you met eyes with him. A full set of upper teeth being exposed between his rosy lips. If there was one thing you had been taught by the caregivers of your school, it was to never make deals with the devil. You knew exactly what kind of bargin Sunghoon had in store for you "I'll leave your friends in peace if you promise me this," He said with a small lean forward so that his chin rested on your collarbone earning a gasp from you,

"You'll give me your blood in exchange for theirs."

[myblueeyedbuggers]

My Boys

Chapter 1

Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5  Chapter 6  Chapter 7  Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10  Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13  Chapter 14

Pairings: Reader x Steve Rogers (best friend) Reader x Bucky Barnes

Word Count:1563

Warnings: Slow Start, Language.

Summary: After being abandoned by her parents in Brooklyn in 1929, y/n makes a living for herself by working for the Црни лабуд gang until she meets two boys in a back alley and her life slowing begins to change.

Side Note: Црни лабуд, according to google translate, means Black Lotus in Serbian.

So erm. Hi guys, first time sharing something on Tumblr, normally I’m the one reading all the fanfics but after reading so many talented people’s work I thought I’d try my hand at it :) hopefully it doesn’t completely suck, any writing tips and feedback is welcome and feel free to give some constructive criticism. I’m rambling, aren’t I? Okay I’ll shut up, Enjoy :)  

It’s the same routine day after day, wake up, shower, get dressed and go out to recruit for Damien. The streets of Brooklyn aren’t exactly safe for a girl of 13, but hey this is what happens when a pair of inconsiderate asses sell their only child to one of the most infamous and dangerous gang of criminals for the cheap thrill of getting high. One way or another a girls gotta make a living and the way I do it could land me in jail for the rest of my life, I mean I didn’t exactly picture myself blackmailing and manipulating the poor souls targeted by Црни лабуд, but that’s the shit that happens when you find yourself being shunned by the society that’s supposed to help the weak.

Anyways I was getting close to my target, just two more blocks, through the back alley and up the stairs to the apartment owned by Greg Sampson. That clever son of a gun managed to bypass the security systems of the cities bank and make off with $5,000 and get away with it, and as expected the Црни лабуд want him to be our new “financial adviser” considering our last one double crossed the boss and died cause if it. Turning to corner to enter the alley was a moment, as cheesy as it sounds, I won’t ever forget, a big group of boys were surrounding a lanky and frail lad who by the looks of it had seen better days. His blonde hair was all over the shop and his face looked like it had been ploughed into the front of a bus, blood was coming out his nose and both his top and bottom lip were split open but despite all of that he was laughing and taunting the group. 

“What’s the matter guys? Upset that you can’t keep me down?”, okay it’s official this kid has a death wish and I’m pretty sure that if I don’t do something I’m gonna be a witness to a murder, so of course my dumbass walks right into the middle of this “fight”. “So, what the hell is going off here? You boys decided to compensate for your small penises by acting like giant dicks or something?”, I could hear the lad behind me let out a laugh and a small smirk spread across my face as I looked at who I was up against, all the lads were red in the face and looked ready to put me into an early grave but I’d of liked to see them try.

 Thanks to the boss I knew basic self-defence and apparently could pack one “hell of a punch” when pissed off, the tallest of the bunch stepped towards me and picked me up by my collar at an attempt to scare me “Who the hell do ya think ya are little girl?! Don’t ya know when to stay outta other people business? Now I gotta mess up that pretty lil face of yours”. It was safe to say whatever he said and did was about as intimidating as a wet kitten and honestly quite funny, hence why I laughed before I punched the prick in his face, not my smartest move cause then I was dropped straight on to my ass. One of the tall pricks mates decided to take advantage of my situation, yelling and cursing at me as he prepared to kick me right in the face ,which wouldn’t of been too pleasant let’s be honest, but right when his foot was about to make contact the blonde lad behind me pulled himself in front of me and took the blow for me, he went flying across the floor and hit the back wall.  

Now I was pissed. As the group started to walk past me and advance on the blonde boy, I grabbed the ankle of the closest guy and pulled him down, climbing on top of him and really going in on his stupid face to try and get their attention back on me and off the guy struggling to stand.  It’s safe to say it worked, a sudden force to my ribs knocked me off the boy and back onto the floor, and then the fun began…for them at least I wasn’t having as much fun as the collection of shitheads, pain erupted from all over body, one jackass was constant kicking me in the head as the others hit whatever part of me they could reach. It felt like it went on for forever, but, in reality it was only for 30 seconds, before the boys stopped, I could hear the sounds of punches and the whimpers of pain as multiple sets of steps started to run away from me.

 I tried to sit up, but those bastards really did a number on my ribs and midsection, the pain making me cry out before crumpling to the floor, faint mummers and a moan of pain could be heard but I didn’t really care about that. Summoning my last bit of strength I pulled myself up, ignoring my bodies screams of protest, the wall becoming my new best friend as I started to limp towards my objective, I managed to get about 10 centimetres away from the alley before a arm wrapped around my waist and held me up.

“Just so you know that was fucking stupid move on your part, next time let me save the punk” ,okay hold the frigging phone who the hell is this and why haven’t I pushed his stupid ass to the floor? quickly I shoved him and “walked” away from him, royally pissed off.  “By the time you’d of got here to save him he’d of been 6 feet under by now, so go screw yourself” Perhaps I could have been nicer, but he did start it.

Miraculously I made it to the stairs and began to make my way up them, when once again a hand stopped me and I gotta be honest it’s really starting to piss me off, turning around to give this little bugger a piece of my mind, the words died in my throat as I came face to face with the blonde boy. Bruises littered his face and somehow his face was even bloodier then before, the mark from the kick was printed on his face and guilt immediately flooded my veins, “Ignore my friend, he doesn’t know when to keep his mouth shut sometimes, anyway I wanted to thank you for stepping in there not a lotta people would be so quick to rush in and have my back. My names Steve, Steve Rodgers and the grumpy old man over there is James Barnes” Steve stuck his hand out as a greeting and offered me what I can assume he meant as a friendly smile, though the split lips did ruin the image. Slowly a smile spread across my face and I shook his hand in greeting, “It was no problem, honestly, besides you had em on the ropes, my names y/n and it’s nice to meet you, though I can’t say the same about your friend over there.”. The boy behind Steve or Bucky scoffed at me and walked off in a huff, not that I cared, simply raising my eyebrows at Steve, mocking his friends attitude he let out a sigh and gave me an apologetic smile in response, “Well I better go after him or he’ll kick up a storm, I’ll see ya around y/n” and with that he smiled a final time and ran off after his friend. 

Returning to the task at hand, I let out a small smile at the thought of Steve before frowning, he was a good kid and didn’t need the trouble I brought, it’ll be best if I never see him again. I sighed before climbing up the rest of the stairs and prepared for the next few hours of hell I have to bring to this man, with those final thoughts I brought out my “tools” and got to work.

Okay honestly, I didn’t mean to make the first chapter so long, I wanted to provide the best in sight as to how this series will go, also the character development will be miles better in up-coming chapters. Thanks for reading :)

Rose xx

[lilydalexf]

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Sheryl Martin

Sheryl Martin (aka Sheryl Nantus) joined the online X-Files community very early on in the run of the series. She has 229 stories at Gossamer, some of which are also at fanfiction.net, where her X-Files story Little Helper is the first story ever at the site! She's well known for her Dragon series (at Gossamer) posted from 1995 to 2000. I've recced her story Family Matters here before and have other favorites too, like The Game. Big thanks to Sheryl for doing this interview.

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

Well... I met my husband through it, so I'll never say a bad word about it! For those who don't know - when I originally started posting fanfiction, it was on the Usenet group alt.tv.x-files.creative newsgroup - and you could only post small segments at a time. I got a few emails back, fan mail from readers who enjoyed my writing.

One of them was from a lovely young man who really enjoyed my stories, and Jackie St. George - an original character I made up. (Yes, classic Mary Sue, but different in that she did NOT want to hook up with anyone!) I answered him back, as a good author should, and he wrote back and... We've been together since 1993 and married for over 20 years, so I'd say I'm pretty happy with the fandom experience. ;)

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

I practically lived on ATXC and Usenet - I was running on a cheap Mac, using the Toronto Freenet to zip in, grab email and post, then duck out. I was dirt poor - no AOL for me, no university email or web page! It's hard to imagine, but back then it was hard to get online if you didn't have money. The Toronto Freenet gave a free, easy way to pick up email and get online - but only for a short amount of time. When a generous fan asked if they could put up a Geocities page for my fanfic, I was thrilled - there was NO way I could have done that.

What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

A husband! And a chance to cut my writing chops on creating stories and characters without fear. The fandom was fantastic in giving feedback on what they liked and didn't like, letting me improve my writing skill with each story.

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

Dana Scully. A tough, inspirational woman who took no guff. She stood her ground when many people, I think, would have broken and either sold Mulder out or abandoned him. Damned inspirational.

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

I wanted more than what I saw on the show - I imagined what would happen after the episode ended, what they'd be doing or saying. Or filing paperwork... ;)

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

I still get fan letters every now and then from readers - I'm still enjoying the show in various ways, the videos and the recent "revival".

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

I wrote fanfiction for Stargate SG-1 among others - my most recent being for The Orville and Agents of SHIELD - but XF has always been my first love. I've never engaged with fandom as much, I think, as with XF - which is odd, considering we were at the start of the social media craze.

Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

I've got so many... The Widow from Into the Badlands, Rita Farr from Doom Patrol (the new series), Sara Lance from Legends of Tomorrow... I love seeing strong women on the screen, doing what women do without throwing it all away for a man's approval.

Yeah, I'm like that.

;)

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

We've got so much XF in the house that I can't! Books, action figures... *laughs* And I follow GA online, so they're never too far from my mind. We still make references back to shows when we see something on the television. ;)

Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

Not really - I'm too busy doing original fiction and reading original fiction, sorry. But I do dip over to AO3 every now and then to get inspired with some random fanfic from the shows I'm enjoying.

Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

Jeepers... it's been years... I loved Cincoflex's stories, but can't bring a title to mind. And Paula Graves, may she rest in peace. We chatted a bit not long before her passing. [Lilydale note: Paula Graves is Anne Haynes.] Heartbreaking to lose her at such a young age. :(

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

I do still love, despite all the bad writing, the Dragon series. They're part of what let me become a better writer, with all the practice.

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

I doubt it. But never say never...

Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

The occasional one, as I said above - The Orville, AoS. But I put my energy into original fiction, as you can see - over twenty books published online, from various publishers.

Where do you get ideas for stories?

Anywhere and nowhere. Usually just sitting and staring into space until something tweats at me, begins to whisper in my ear...

What's the story behind your pen name?

Don't have one.

Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

Positive - more so from my mother, who noted I found a husband through it. *laughs* Some of them still don't "get" fanfiction, and that's okay. All they know is that I write. :)

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

AO3 has my more recent works, and of course I've got one of the oldest stories on ff.net! My website is www.sherylnantus.com where you can find my original works.

Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

Glad to see people are still reading and enjoying it, twenty-plus years after the fact! Keep on boosting the signal, and keep believing! :)

Take care and stay safe!

(Posted by Lilydale on October 20, 2020)

[starwarsmeninhelmets]

You Must Stop Thanking Me...

Jango Fett x Reader

Jango spoils reader with dinner and a new gown, but the real reward is how Jango makes you feel. 😌✨

Warnings: ~Steamy~ but not smut. Being alone with a stranger.

A/N: I’m new to tumblr, and this is my second time trying to write fanfic! Any criticism is welcome because I’d love to (and need to) improve. My account is pretty bare but I’m always open for Star Wars requests and friends!

Jango Fett’s refresher. You were standing in the the one and only Jango Fett’s refresher. The realization of your situation was finally hitting you.

That morning you had been sitting alone in a nearly empty bar. The inhabitants were you and some middle aged mechanics, busy drinking away their days.

You enjoyed the atmosphere of a pub in broad daylight, after finishing work it gave you a place to relax and get cheap food. You certainly hadn’t expected your little routine to be disrupted, or at least not by the most famed bounty hunter in the galaxy. 

Yet here Jango was, striding into the pub, his shining armor an eyesore compared to the gloomy decor around him. You watched as he began surveying the bar, quickly darting your eyes down to avoid drawing attention to yourself.

“Ma’am” your eyes widened and you looked up to find the bartender with a drink. “S’from him” he continued, signaling to Jango at the counter. “Oh.. thank you” you smiled and analyzed the drink in your hand, thoughts racing through your mind.

It’s certainly a bit early to drink...but this looks so expensive and it would be rude to ignore Jango Fett... oh my gods... Jango fett sent this drink... wait the bar is empty... that’s so tacky... why not just bring it to me...oh my gods...he sent it for me...

You looked up, shocked to find Jango, visor staring directly back at you, leaned up against the counter, a tilt to his helmet and a hand nonchalantly tapping the stool beside him. You raised the glass to your lips, maintaining your focus on him and trying not to look phased by his presence. As the first taste of sweet alcohol hit your tongue, he began an amble stride towards you.

And there you were in his refresher. He had asked you to come back to his hotel room with him, you quickly accepted, open to whatever his intentions were. You were surprised by his generosity, he asked you to get cleaned up for however long you needed, and that he’d have a change of clothes waiting for you.

You turned off the water, grabbing a towel and stepping out into the brisk air, and peeked into the room outside. A gorgeous dress was laid out on the bed, it was a flowing material and had beading that looked like it was made for royalty. You quickly slid into it, feeling the fabric hug your body, and zipped the back up effortlessly. Admiring your reflection, you had never felt this incredible.

You stepped towards the balcony, where Jango stood, now in more casual attire, thoroughly cleaning a blaster. His bronze skin caught the last of the sun’s rays. He turned at the sound of the door sliding open, his mouth upturning at the corner and eyes shimmering, his expression pleased.

“I hope you like it, I had one of my contacts pick it out.” You glowed with affection, “Oh I love it, it’s absolutely perfect” you looked down, taking a deep breath, in disbelief of the garment.

His tongue passed over his teeth and into a smirk. “I’m glad, told them if it did anything to dim your beauty, I would not be happy” he let out a soft chuckle. He grabbed your hand and eyed you up and down, basking in your radiance.

He pulled you towards him with a grasp of your waist, you leaned into his inviting arms giggling. “You can come closer” he breathed into your neck, “I don’t bite”. His words sending chills down your spine and a warmth in your stomach.

You let his worn hands travel your neck, thumb brushing over your lips, and let out a sigh as his mouth reached your own, his lips roaming yours. Pulling away an inch, his warm breath washed over you, “I want the rest of this planet to see your beauty” and he guided you towards the door.

He kept a strong hand on your side, weaving you through the crowded sidewalk, your head pressed to his shoulder. “Thank you again for dinner, it was a dream come true” you looked up at him, smiling. “Cy’are, you must stop thanking me, it was no trouble at all.”

He hugged you closer and kissed your forehead as you abruptly pushed him into a gap between shops, lights and sounds of the city blocked by the tall buildings surrounding you. He pushed you up into the alley wall, hooking your legs around his abdomen.

You pulled him in for a rough and sloppy kiss, his eyes widening and pulling away. “What did I do?” your face dropped and searched his face for answers. He laughed and grabbed your hand, tugging you back to the sidewalk. You playfully hit his arm, “why the sudden rush, what did I do wrong?!”

He kept his eyes forward and his mouth morphed into a satisfied grin, “you did nothing wrong darling”. He leaned his head down to your neck and lowered his voice into your ear, “I simply realized how urgently I want to be back in our room.” He flexed his jaw and pulled away, your teeth biting down your lip, blushing into his arm. One of his hands travelled past your back, resting on your ass, making you squeal. Your pace quickened until you ran through the night, hands linked together.

Making your way down the long corridor of rooms, his thumb circled over the top of your hand, he slowed as you made your way to the door. He stepped behind you, closing the gap between your bodies, letting his hands slide down your arms and grip on each of your hips.

He leaned down, mouth to your neck. “I’m hoping you like this outfit even better” he breathed, as the door swung in, revealing a lace-tainted set sprawled out on the bed.

[owl-with-a-pen]

Hi! I just read the fanfic about Brainy and Nia going to the future and meeting their daughter, I know you posted it a long time ago, I'm just new to tumblr, so if you can I want you to do a fic about the future, where Brainy's daughter and Nia is 5 years old. And it would be cool to see the antics that her daughter does.XD

- Sorry this took so long to fulfil, but yes! I’m sure she’d get into all sorts and this story probably only scrapes the surface! Thank you for the prompt x

Nia had always preferred the night over the day; maybe it was just her Naltorian side talking, but she’d always felt there was a certain peacefulness about the night-time that just couldn’t be replicated in daylight.

That definitely hadn’t changed since Nova had come into the picture.

The daytime had always been busy for a number of reasons. Balancing work and family life, balancing family and hero life - balancing work, family and hero life. But, now that Nova had reached an age where she was starting to explore her natural curiosities, Nia and Brainy hadn’t had the luxury of focusing on anything else. At five years old, they couldn’t let their daughter out of their sight for one second of the day.

The second the sun went down, though?

Nova’s sleeping pattern had always been pretty steady, and once she was out - she was out. She’d definitely gotten that from Nia’s side of the family. After all, Brainy didn’t really need all that much sleep, although he had admitted to her on more than one occasion that he enjoyed resting at her side, retreating to his inner network at hours Nia would otherwise be sleeping, working on small tasks and calculations reminiscent of an actual dream-state. In that way, he could still be close with her during the night, and Nia valued that time together immensely.

Of course, the fact Brainy didn’t actually need those extra hours had made him the best dad ever when it came to late-night wake-up calls courtesy of one baby Nova.

She still wasn’t old enough for them to know for certain the extent of her abilities; Brainy had predicted they wouldn’t fully develop fully until her teen years. Honestly, though? Nia didn’t care what powers Nova had; she was perfect no matter what.

Nia watched from the doorway that evening as Nova cuddled against Brainy on the bed. Her blonde hair was getting so long now, falling in relaxed waves down to her elbows, and the light green tone of her skin was almost washed out entirely by the soft purple of her nightlight on the bedside table. She was curled into Brainy’s chest, chewing idly on her thumbnail, her dark eyes scanning along inquisitively to the passages he was reading aloud to her. Nia smiled privately to herself; Brainy really got into character when reading Nova to sleep, making a big show with grand gesticulations and silly voices, even when the book of choice for tonight was an account on quantum mechanics from Carlo Rovelli’s collection.

Nova had a unique taste in literature, that was for sure and, while she was definitely getting a taste for mathematics and physics, she also still enjoyed simpler story telling. Nia and Brainy had decided to switch up who read to her each night. Sometimes, they’d choose something on Brainy’s bookshelf, and other times they would go for stories catered for a younger – human - mind, like The Far Away Tree, or even folk stories like Little Red Riding Hood or Goldilocks.

Nova really liked Goldilocks; Nia must have read it to her at least twelve times this month alone.

As Nova let out a big yawn, relaxing further into her dad’s side, Nia caught Brainy’s eye, jerking her chin towards the door.

He nodded his understanding, continuing his narration as Nia ducked out of the room, heading towards the living room where Alex was waiting for her, already working open a bottle of red.

“How is she?” Alex asked, sizing up her wine glass as she began to fill it up generously.  

“She should be asleep soon,” Nia said. “But, uh, Brainy sometimes runs Q and A sessions with her if she stays awake through a whole chapter.”

Alex snorted. “Only for Nova would I find that concept adorable.”

Nia collapsed onto the sofa, snatching her wine glass immediately. She reached out expectantly to Alex, grinning when she rolled her eyes, ditching her own wine glass to fill up Nia’s.

“Why, thank you,” Nia said, tucking her legs up beneath her.

Alex tipped her own glass with a wry smile. “It’s my pleasure, really.”

Nia took a long sip, savouring the rich taste. They couldn’t exactly go off the walls with a toddler sleeping next door, but right now, anything that could offer her a brief period of relaxation, Nia was more than eager to accept. She swirled her glass thoughtfully. “You know,” she murmured, “Brainy’ll probably need something a little stronger to take the edge off.”

“Oh, way ahead of you,” Alex said, shifting to the edge of her respective sofa to grab a bottle she had stowed away inside her backpack. She placed it on the coffee table with a flourish, giving Nia the opportunity to try and decipher the alien script scrawled across the label. “Kara recommended this,” Alex said, raising a finger. “Please do not ask me what it’s called, because I will not be able to pronounce it.”

Nia snorted, taking another sip of her own regular alcohol. “I’m sure he’ll appreciate it.”

“He better, this stuff wasn’t cheap.” Alex smirked, leaning back into the sofa. “How have you guys been, anyway? I feel like this is the first time we’ve seen each other in months.”

Nia opened her mouth, only to frown. Had it really been that long? All the days had been blurring together recently, and yet each one seemed to be separated by something inexplicably unique in its own right – courtesy of one overly curious toddler.

Nia wasn’t even sure she could remember the last time she’d visited the Tower, and going out for patrol or even something as simple as date night was so far off the table right now, it might as well have been in another galaxy. There wasn’t a sitter in the city willing to take on a genius, alien five-year-old with a penchant for mischief.

To Alex, Nia only shrugged. “Nova’s just been needing a lot of our attention lately. Well, all of it, actually. Or else she’ll burn the apartment down.”

Alex’s eyes widened. “Wait, like seriously burn the apartment down?” When Nia pursed her lips, Alex’s mouth fell open. “Is that normal?”

Nia rolled her eyes, leaning back into the cushions. “According to Brainy, yeah. Coluans express themselves through their intellect, and Nova’s been flexing that muscle a lot lately. Brainy thinks it’s a good sign, that she’ll probably rise to the twelfth-level, but we don’t exactly have much for a frame of reference, y’know?”

“Well, you have Brainy,” Alex considered. “How was he raised?”

Nia shifted uncomfortably, averting her gaze. She took a long sip of her wine to fill the silence. “Uh,” she said softly. “That’s sort of a… sore topic, actually.” She bit her lip, running her thumb along her glass’s neck. “He had robot caregivers for the most part.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

By the subdued look on Alex’s face, Nia knew she didn’t want to butt in with any more questions on the subject of Brainy’s upbringing. Brainy had certainly shared a portion of his childhood with his friends, at least enough for them to know that his parents were not a topic up for discussion if he could help it.

Even with Brainy occupied with Nova in the other room, Alex didn’t appear comfortable to continue the direction of their conversation.

Nia chuckled softly, trying to clear the air. “Anyway,” she said quickly, steering them back on topic, “there isn’t an earth-equivalent to a robot nanny here; well… except for…” She stopped herself suddenly, resisting the urge to grin.  

Alex narrowed her eyes suspiciously. “Except for what?”

Nia shook her head, pressing a finger to her lips to keep from laughing outright. The wine was definitely starting to do its job - not thirty minutes ago, thinking about this would have only stressed her out. She reached for the wine bottle, eager to keep this high going for as long as humanly possible, topping up her glass. As soon as it was full, Nia took another long swig, breathing deeply as the wine warmed her chest. “Kelex,” she said on her next exhale, unable to keep the smile from her voice.

Alex laughed incredulously. “Wait, what? Kel- Kelex? From the Fortress?” She shuffled to the edge of her seat, almost conspiratorially. “Doesn’t Brainy hate that thing?”

Nia shrugged half-heartedly.

Alex’s eyes widened. “Why does he hate that thing?”

That question seemed to ground her, at least. Nia winced. She was pretty sure they were skirting back along unsavoury territory. “He was never totally clear with me,” she admitted, staring down into her glass, “but I’m pretty sure Kelex reminds him of his own caregivers. They – uh – didn’t exactly get along.” She rolled her eyes. “Anyway, it doesn’t even matter. Brainy was happy to entertain the idea, but the second Kara brought Kelex over, Nova was obsessed with the thing. She rewired it in like… twenty minutes.”

Alex stared. “She’s five, right?”

“She’s also half Coluan,” Nia reminded her, toasting her glass in Alex’s direction. “Dismantling machinery is better than any toy I could buy her.” She closed her eyes at that, pulling a face. “I left her in the bathroom for ten minutes today to shower and by the time I got out, she’d turned my hairdryer into a blowtorch.”

Alex winced into her wine glass. “Oof.”

“She’s just curious,” Nia said quickly, rubbing idly at her forehead. Was she really getting a wine headache already? God, she was really out of practice. “She’s exploring her intellect,” Nia said eventually. “It’s healthy for her and I wanna encourage that, I do—” She sighed heavily. “It’s just…”

“Exhausting?”

Nia smiled bleakly. “That obvious, huh?”

“Then, take a break,” Alex insisted.

Nia stared at her levelly. “You’re kidding, right?”

“Hey,” Alex said with a smirk, pushing the wine bottle over to Nia’s side of the table. “Start with this. Finish the whole thing. Trust me, I have more.”

When Nia laughed, Alex glanced up at her, eyes flashing with a smile. “And, if you guys need a real break, you know that Kelly and I would be happy to help out.”

“You sure about that?” Nia asked warily. “Remember what I just said about the blowtorch?”

“You think a bit of fire’s going to scare me off?” Alex challenged. She leant back, gesturing to herself with relaxed emphasis. “Don’t forget, I shared a bathroom with an incredibly overpowered alien for years. Hell, I used to work for a super-secret government organisation that kept alien prisoners.” She placed her glass back onto the coffee table, folding her arms with a confident nod. “I’m pretty sure Kelly and I can handle a five-year-old super genius.” She winked. “And, if we can’t, we can always rely on Auntie Kara.”

Nia nearly snorted into her glass. She remembered a few choice stories from Auntie Kara revolving her valiant attempt at babysitting for Cat Grant’s son when she’d still been a PA. Something about him ending up on a train that had had a bomb strapped to it? Considering Nova already knew her Auntie Kara was Supergirl, the novelty of being saved from a near death experience would probably still hinge on traumatic, rather than invigorating.

Although, Nia had to admit, the idea of a break – however small – sounded pretty great right about now. She loved Nova with all of her heart, but having even just a few hours with Brainy to herself where she was actually conscious enough to enjoy them would have been amazing.

Still, she couldn’t help but picture Alex and Kelly struggling to figure out how to appease Nova’s more unique interests.

She smirked to herself, pressing her lips against the rim of her glass. “It’s your funeral,” she murmured.

Alex’s cheeks were already a little rosy from the wine and Nia knew she probably wasn’t faring much better. Still, before Alex could promise away any more of her free time, Nova’s door opened and, a moment later, out crept one very dishevelled looking Coluan.

Nia beamed from ear-to-ear. She stood, pausing when the world pitched a little around her. Wine drunk. There was no denying it, she was definitely wine drunk.

After carefully placing her glass on the coffee table, Nia made her way over to the bedroom door. She ran her hand down Brainy’s arm, squeezing gently. “Is she asleep?” she whispered.

Brainy’s expression was warm. He smiled softly, bowing his head. “I believe her excitement today tired her out more than she anticipated.”

Nia chuckled. That was the least surprising statement she’d heard all day. She turned towards the door, peeking inside. Nova’s nightlight was still on, enough to illuminate the profile of her round face snuggled against her pillow where she’d half cocooned herself in blankets only seconds after Brainy had no doubt tucked her in.

Her little mouth hung open slightly, silent breaths escaping her lips. Nia could spy the ears of her own childhood teddy bear poking out from beneath the blankets, hugged tightly to Nova’s chest.

Nia squeezed Brainy’s arm once more before sneaking into the room, summoning a swell of dream energy in her fist to keep from tripping over any mislaid toys or, more likely now she thought about it, machine parts.

Nia smiled; Brainy had promised to fix Kelex for Kara tomorrow. Despite his grievances towards the robot, he still felt guilty over the extent to which Nova had indulged her curiosities. They’d already sat her down to explain to her why what she had done wasn’t appropriate behaviour, and Nova had seemed to understand. Enough that she’d pouted when they’d told her she wouldn’t be able to go with Brainy to the Fortress to help fix Kelex in the morning. The last thing Nia wanted was for Nova to get her hands on the kinds of weapons Kara and Clark had hidden there. Nia had nearly blasted a hole through the wall on accident in controlled conditions when Brainy had been training her, she could only imagine what kind of destruction Nova could cause if she was set loose in there.

It was strange to think all of that had only been a few hours ago. Now, Nova slept peacefully, odd ends of blonde hair strewn across her face. 

Nia reached out, tucking those strands behind Nova’s ears. She perched herself on the edge of the bed, pressing a kiss against her daughter’s forehead. Nova scrunched her nose slightly before relaxing again, and Nia had to bite her lip hard to keep from making any sound.

She was perfect. Even with the chaos today had brought, Nia wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

“Sleep tight, Firestarter,” she murmured fondly.

When Nia returned to the doorway, she found Brainy waiting for her. She grinned, linking her hand with his. “Come with me,” she said, tugging him along towards the living room. “We have alien wine.” She raised her voice enough for Alex to hear. “And guess who just offered to babysit?” 

[sometimesrosy]

I haven’t come to your blog in quite some time... after t100 ended, I lost interest in tumblr for a while. But I was active here once, and we had many a discussion. I came to see if you enjoyed bridgerton, despite the not so accurate clothing and such. I think it’s super cheesy and really fun to watch, and I know you enjoy period dramas

Yeah, I’m still here-- mainly because I work online, so when I break from work I make the rounds of my social media, and tumblr is one of them. It’s less active here because the fandom has mostly disappeared, not that I blame people. I also have a hard time posting about the positive aspects of The 100 because it just imploded so spectacularly. Still a big disappointment.

BUT

I have moved on. I was honestly ready to be done with intense fandom, because it’s just not good for my mental health and I was tired of the negativity. I don’t understand why people get angry when other people enjoy a thing, and think they have to come in and ruin it for them. Like, buzz off, we’re working on coping skills to get through our dumpster fire lives. 

AND YES I love Bridgerton.

Actually, I love the book series Bridgerton and it was one of my favorites in the last couple of years.

And this is related to my The 100 fandom experience, because for a while, I wasn’t reading books, I was only reading bellarke fanfic, but then, due to a shift in the fanfic community and my discomfort with the fandom (knowing that a lot of them didn’t like me) I began to feel weird about reading and writing fanfic. Like when I liked someone’s story, was I giving kudos to someone who bullied me on anon? I didn’t know.  And at the same time I’d begun ghostwriting romances, so to do research, I started reading published romances.

The first one I read was a secret baby trope, because that was what I was writing, and I fell into historical fiction. I read Kleypas and Dare and Milan and Maclean and yes, Quinn.  That took the place of my fanfic reading. To be honest, I wouldn’t have been able to be a ghostwriter if I hadn’t been a fanfic writer first, because, even though I have writing education and training and experience, fanfic taught me to write for audience, to do it fast without that certain...anxiety about perfectionism, and immersed me in romantic tropes, which it turns out, I really love. 

This is a lot of chit chat to say that yes, I saw Bridgerton and I love Bridgerton. 

I would suppose that historical romances have taken the place of my the 100 obsession. I read probably one a day. I should keep track on goodreads or something, but I do a lot of rereading. Like I’ll reread a beloved book or series five or six times. And when I forget the details of ones I liked, I’ll reread those too. Also I’m probably dealing with my internalized snobbery about the romance genre. Let me tell you, getting an education in creative writing in college installs some “issues” with genre. Everything is supposed to be lit fic, or it’s lesser. I’ve been kind of pugnacious about the sff genre and haven’t let the snobbery interfere with my love of it, but I haven’t gotten over the romance snobbery, which is not JUST snobbery but also internalized misogyny.

But I mean, fuck it. I am so sick of grimdark and tragedies and “cool edgy” dudes thinking women should be destroyed and tortured and betrayed in movies and sff and fiction in general. 

I don’t WRITE historical romances. I write contemporary romances for my ghostwriting gigs (I have one client and I’ve written like 18 novels and novellas for her in the last two years. It’s fun, but it doesn’t make very much money and the deadlines are VERY tight.) However I don’t READ contemporary romances, I read historicals. I like the level of fantasy involved and the distance from reality when I read it, but I am bothered too much buy the imperial colonialism and classism of regency or victorian british settings to write it. Also, that would take so much research to write to my liking. I am involved in romancelandia (romance writing twitter,) but not very active. Mostly I just listen and learn and sometimes comment. 

In fact. I follow a woman who judges regency and victorian costuming in film productions. https://twitter.com/BillAndTedTest She has not gotten around to doing Bridgerton yet. 

How do I feel about the costuming??? Well, I’m divided. I am bothered by the fact that Daphne never wears a pelisse and always has half up hair. I am bothered by the fact that Simon almost never has his cravat tied properly and has a shockingly bare neck. And the fabrics and stitching are visibly cheap.

But I also feel that except for the cheap fabrication which was an element of budget and time, a lot of the design choices were stylistic in nature. Like, if you look at the background characters, I feel that their costumes were more accurate, but with the main characters, they really went for character over accuracy. They didn’t want Daphne in any of the buttoned up outfits because they wanted her to be a girlish, romantic ingenue. They wanted Simon to show as a dashing sexy rake, so the buttoned up thing wouldn’t work for him, and they gave him the open neck that would be more appealing to a contemporary audience. (although while Simon is very handsome I actually find Anthony more sexy. He’s buttoned up...but it’s holding back all passion inside. BUT THAT’S a story for season 2. I can’t wait. I liked book 2 better than 1 mostly because of the rape, tbh. But I also love books 4,6 and 7 and I don’t know if we’ll get there.)

They wanted Lady Featherington to be crass and pushy so they gave her a nonsensical victorian silhouette. I mean. ???? It was SO different from anyone else’s. Weird choice, but for the character it kind of makes her appear to be a more aggressive character type from LATER in time? IDK. Of course Penelope is canonically dressed in awful gowns that are not flattering and I’m looking forward to how they end up dressing her for her book. And praying that we get a season 4. But I mean, the costume choices for the Featheringtons are BASED on Lady F’s bad taste, so there’s some leeway with her not being in style.

So. That is A LOT when you asked a little question. I guess I wanted to talk about it. I’m not allowed to talk about my ghostwriting or the stories I’m writing because I signed a hushhush contract. I’m not accustomed to being in a fandom for reading books-- remember I only joined fandom in the last 5 years for The 100, and then had some bad experiences so didn’t get into other fandoms. I don’t really even know how it would work especially not MULTIPLE books and authors instead of one series, so I haven’t really had conversations about the historical romances, except for a bit of twitter discussion. 

[aceandart]

Hey! I read your recent post and it read differently to a lot of posts under the destiel tag as of now. Personally, I’ve seen the first 5 seasons (watched it about 5 yrs ago), but haven’t been caught up to date on any of the recent stuff other than the Destiel apocalypse that’s happening right now. Could you explain the following?

“...mostly being this show is a misogynistic racist homophobic consent issue-ridden pile of bad writing “.

I was contemplating returning to the show and tuning in for the missing seasons, but what you said about it has now placed me on the fence. Could you elaborate and advise?

Thank you so much! I appreciate seeing an honest post that doesn’t sugar-coat or overlook bad writing/negative characteristics of a show!! :)

[re this]

Hi!

Well, I feel like the finale probably took care of any fence-sitting you were doing (and sorry I couldn't reply sooner), but actually my answer wasn't going to change even if the finale was okay (good, imo, was always a stretch): No, I personally would not recommend watching this show. and while my answer is mostly because of the things I am going to list to answer the rest of this question, I was also going to say - you dropped the show in s5 and that was five years ago? Whatever caused you to drop it in the first place, it probably got a lot worse. (It literally doesn't even matter what your major grievance was, they have since doubled, tripled down in terms of how bad it was.) Trying to marathon through ten seasons (20-23 episodes long each) is hard; trying to marathon through all of that to get something without a satisfactory ending is a lot of emotional labor for no payout. It's not just that this is a bad show (though it really, really is, on every level); it's that you have already tried it, you tried arguably the better seasons of it, and you still didn't want to stick to it. By the nature of how tumblr works, it can make anything look so much better than it is, just because in general the people you see hyping it up *like* the product, have decided to devote their fandom time to it, are highlighting the choicest parts of it. spn was always about the potential around the edges, the story fans made of it; the actual product was always secondary to the could have, should have beens, and this gets truer the later into the show you get. I'm not saying there weren't some great episodes, some great scenes, and even some great mini-arcs, but it was a drop in the bucket to everything else. and I'm positing this answer on the idea that you are asking because you want to watch the show, and not because you want to use the show as a supplemental for your fandom experience, but if it is the latter, I'll just say I'm currently heavily involved in reading fanfic for a fandom I've never actually watched a whole episode for, and while I'm probably missing some context I'm still highly enjoying it. fandom, honestly, so often becomes so much more than the bones we build it on. and if you want a little more, catch some "greatest hits" videos or catch up on just some of the “must-see” episodes and save yourself from having to watch all the moments in-between, because there are a lot more of them than the good parts. very few shows improve as they age out, and before the nov 5th resurgence if you weren't already following spn blogs, likely the main spn meme you were coming across was the annual 'salt and burn this dead horse' that went out after each season renewal. the tl;dr answer is really, it's not worth it. (to be honest, at the end of the day, despite the sheer amount of time, energy, and words I've put into this fandom over the years, and I put in a lot, I didn't actually like the majority of the show. so, you know, grain of salt on my opinion. then again, you left it seasons before I did.) That said, buckle up, cause now I'm gonna tell you why:

Literally, The Shitty Writing

I feel like the finale speaks for this point by itself, but before I get into all the "problematic" bad writing spn does, I want to talk about the fact that the writers are also just fundamentally bad at the craft of writing.

continuity errors. they’d change their lore/creature ability to fit their plot. (the reapers esp got the end of that bad stick.)  the characters will often forget (monster-slaying) solutions that worked before (holy wood, yarrow, christo, creative approaches like exorcisms on recording, spells to remove angels from their vessels, bullet with a devil’s trap, etc).  the writers forgot their own timeline more than once. the random retcons they'd do. sometimes it would also lead to plot holes.

which, speaking of, they had plenty of

there's also things that don't count as plot holes but are very large missed opportunities (ex: Dean spends a year in Purgatory and no one recognizes him? he doesn't bring up his daughter?)

I don't even know what this one would fall under, but if a character wasn't right in front of them, they would forget that character's existence. not just Adam (though that was a big one), but there were so many secondary characters that even in places it would make sense to mention them, much less bring them around, they didn't. or because they would not expand their main character list, characters who should have been around a lot more than they were (*cough* Cas, but that's an easy one, I'm also talking about characters like Kevin) would have these huge gaps between episodes that didn't make sense

they don't really have character development. this isn't to say the brothers don't change, they do, but at the same time the characters face the exact same (internal) arguments over and over again, never resolving or growing from them; they just have more examples when they think about them and it gets worse and more unhealthy because of the new weight added to it. the problem with their brothers only format, and the problem with their biphobia but more on that later, is that Dean wasn't actually allowed to grow out of his John Winchester's son role, to let himself be comfortable (and dare to be happy) with himself because that meant changing the story into something they didn't like and/or didn't know how to do. at the same time, allowing Sam to grow meant breaking the Brothers Only format, because as the show stated multiple times, Sam's happy ending did not involve hunting.

and with that, they sometimes flattened the characters so badly they became caricatures more than anything else.  hell there's a whole season where Dean goes evil, and people had a hard time realizing it, which was not because it was a subtle slow descent but because shitty pacing, uneven (and contradictory) episodes, previous actions that weren't written as being evil but were the the exact same thing as when he was evil that were supposed to be "signs", and how they chose to represent that evil meant it was really hard to figure out that was what they were doing and not just writing Dean as more of an asshole than they previously were.  (he's not evil, he's just a prick.) and I don't mean I had trouble telling, I mean fandom as a whole had major arguments about it, much less the general viewing public.

the series finale put a definite end to the idea they would follow through on even one of their main series themes (family don't end in blood, free will vs destiny, always keep fighting, etc), but this was something they would build up to addressing and then just anti-climatically let fizzle out in multiple seasons. character and relationship themes (not just destiel but the brothers co/counter-dependency, the importance of found family, Dean's growth from Daddy's Blunt Little Instrument and Sam's acceptance that he deserves better/agency in his own life, etc) would be built and broken down in an effort to drag the question out into another season. it wasn't two steps forward, one step back, it was a reboot.

their filler vs arc episode ratios: there's nothing wrong with the Monster of the Week format as a stylistic choice, but this show

a) would kill its own plot momentum to focus on MotW episodes. [part of this is the general spn problem they created of constantly trying to one-up their season's Big Bad, which I understand but also means one episode they are going against The Most Powerful Being in Existence (for the Fifth Time) and then rather than focus on that world-ending threat, they hunt vampires for like six episodes straight. they had a very bad balance where rather than continuously weave the larger arc into the season, or at least build characters and relationships, they'd jam it all around the season premiere, finale, and mid-season finale/premiere episodes, and then all the rest was just, bullshit cases where nothing got resolved or had a lesson stick around for the next episode, making them very skippable. also more on this under the homophobia section]

b) the filler episodes contradicted themselves and the main plot all the time.

c) sometimes they focused so much on making the b-plot a mirror they forgot to write a coherent a-plot. also: sometimes they focused so much on making the b-plot a mirror they forgot to write a coherent b-plot. 

I cringed my way through more than one episode of dialogue

the recycled plots

more on this in the next sections, but either they didn't notice, actively didn't care, or purposefully chose to overtly and subtly imply or state a bunch of really fucked up things, and then never address them at all

speaking of never addressing anything, I realize this is a fandom vs canon battle in general, but so many things get swept under the rug as they move on to the next issue (ex: Dean put an angel in Sam's body to "heal him", violating his consent and exasperating his issue with telling what reality is - a huge issue from previous season - and once the Mark of Cain story really took over the subject gets dropped.) 

death is so cheap on this show. and I don't just mean that the revolving doorway of resurrections means it's hard to get worked up about a death because (as long as the character was a white man and especially the brothers) there was a high chance they'd be back, and I don't just mean that their Murder Is the First, Last, and Best Solution to Any Issue, Ever means the faceless and not so faceless hoards of villains, monsters, and humans who get caught up in it are just hand waved as one of those things (they have ways of saving vessels and the later into the show the less likely they are to even try), but that there was no point in investing in (esp non-white, male) secondary characters because chances were they'd be dead pretty fast.  I'm honestly shocked characters like Jody (who actually at one point was in the middle of being killed off on-screen and then we didn't see her for eight episodes, so we assumed she was dead) made it until the end.

(speaking of dead characters though, what was with the habit of bringing them back constantly? just don't kill them in the first place! create new ones and let those ones stick around instead!)

when they can't use death as their solution, the other answer the writers fall back on is Deus Ex Machina

buckleming were a writing duo who had their own bingo cards that included things like shitty pacing, OOC-ness, flat one-liners, etc, and the question wasn't if you'd get bingo, it was a question of how often you got it during their episodes. at some point throughout the show, it became hard to tell what was a buckleming episode and what was just another episode in the season.  aka the writing quality went WAY DOWN as a whole

you know the tv trope Idiot Ball? or Idiot Plot?  spn should have it's own page for both. 

they constantly break viewer's trust, which is the basic tenet of what not to do when it comes to telling a story. (again, not just destiel, though the queerbaiting is a major part of it because it happened all the time to avoid actually answering that question.) when a writer violates their character's or story's core identity for a 'twist', it needs to have been carefully built so that it's a surprise to the viewer, not a betrayal. (you may not have seen it coming, but when you look back you can see the groundwork.) these writers, every time, chose the "shocking" choice regardless of how much they need to break canon or character to do so. their twists are either obvious, and/or they don't make sense with the rest of their story/lore of the show, and the viewer is left feeling stupid for believing they have more respect for the audience/characters than they do.

I realize this is pretty subjective, but huge swaths of it are just boring. fandom made the experience of watching it interesting, not the show itself.

and yet, for all of that, the quality of writing (while painful to have to sit through) was not the worst thing about it.

(note for the following: I stopped watching after s11, but I'm sure some if not all of these are still relevant until the very end)

Misogyny and Consent Issues: Is There a Limit? Signs Point to No

there is honestly so much under this topic I don't even know where to start. i'm going to focus on patterns rather than specific incidences, because otherwise I'll be writing this for a week, but just know I can easily provide examples of all of these because this is literally what I spent years writing meta on.

female characters were more likely to die quicker/earlier (esp vs other other male characters with similar reoccurring roles/characterizations), stay dead, and die often at the hands of their loved ones and/or in Stranger Danger situations. they died for man!pain. they died for fodder. they died as a sacrifice. they were turned into love interests (whether that was their original role or not) and then killed. they were put in mortal danger and then not given resolution for several episodes (Schrödinger's death.) they died in ways we've seen male characters survive. their deaths - the violence enacted on them - was constantly, consistently sexualized, and the camera lingered.

when it came to villains the show would go out of its way to kill the female one first, or act like she's the more pressing issue so that the male character could hang around longer (and honestly by male character I often mean specifically Crowley and the season's female villain. not only that but they'd often break canon to kill off a female character, and break canon to save Crowley/a male character)

when you compare the treatment of reoccurring female characters vs male characters who occupied either similar roles or characterizations, female characters were often punished and/or treated poorly for the same attitude and/or actions of their compared male character, who often got not just a (free) pass, but more screen time, dialogue, and development

they have more than once used the story line of underage girl seducing a grown man. (it was a whole season arc even.) this is esp galling when you find out about crew member Jim Michaels, who sexually harassed and assaulted (minor) fans

(btw, not the only crew/cast member to do so! and still be invited to cons!)

Dean Winchester (who is narratively treated as the moral judgement for the show) has blamed more than one rape victim for their assault/trauma. they often get abused (or outright killed) for stopping their abuser. 

Dean is ok with flirting with/leering at barely legal teenage girls. already sketchy when he's 26, really gross when he's in his mid/late thirties 

speaking of Dean. based on past personal experience I'm going to say up front people do not like me saying this, but that doesn't mean what I'm saying is wrong or even based on interpretations: Dean has more than one relationship that if it isn't rape, falls under extreme dubious consent.

there's actually a lot of rape (or "extreme dubious consent") and assault/molestation, both shown and mentioned: Cas and April, the cases were men take away free will and then have sex with the women (Ben Edlund was one of the better writers of series and even he did this a couple of times), Crowley orgy (and demon sex in general), random women in some episodes, Sam and meta!Gen, Becky and Sam, Sam and Lucifer, Dean and Alastair, several monsters (like the siren) and their victims, male characters secretly watching female characters undress/be naked, and so on. Dean was often attacked sexually by men, Sam by women. most of this is never addressed, never treated like what it is, and/or is made into a joke

and there's even more rape jokes beyond that, sub-sections: prison, vessels/demons, angel possession, sex work, childhood abuse, monster of the week, sexuality, etc.  huge chunks if not whole episodes were devoted to making what amounted to a rape joke. 

often ignored non-sexual consent (esp Dean’s actions, including a lot of mind-wiping and violations of body autonomy)

everything about Sam and body autonomy - he is frequently violated (multiple characters have possessed him; he is fed demon blood); how he feels unclean, how he feels disconnected from his own body, how he often is forced to act outside of his control and then blamed for those decisions

actually, Cas goes through that a lot too; he is trained, brainwashed, and forced to do things without his consent, and goes through major depressive episodes because of it

this show has a pattern of girls who are kidnapped, (sexually abused), raised in isolation, and expected to develop some perfect moral compass of acceptable behavior and were then killed off when they didn't. meanwhile, male characters get fourth, fifth chances.

female characters (and I'm talking about ones with speaking roles, who play an actual part in the plot, who are sometimes in multiple episodes) are more likely to be unnamed or given no last name

are you a Mother on spn (as in, that's your role)? you're either fridged for man!pain or abusive or both

it rarely could pass the bechdel test (including in s9 don't believe those fandom lies), and that's including episodes that focused on female characters. if the test included that the characters have to be named, that (small) number probably gets cut in half. if that test included both women are alive at the end...  

female monsters prove they deserve to live by killing off their family to prove they're the "good kind"  (this is not necessary for male monster characters)

female characters are not allowed to get vengeance

they took the Virgin vs Whore dynamic (and that that's all women are), and devoted a whole episode to it, but in general it underlines of ton of interactions, esp with regards to Dean and women.  {I actually never got around to writing it, but women tended to fall into four main classifications on this show, though overlap definitely allowed: Victim [sub-categories: Fodder, (Dean) Mirror, Mother], Love Interest, Sex Object, and Villain/Obstacle. very few female characters were either allowed to outgrow their category or didn't start in one.} 

we see the male characters assault female characters but it's okay because [insert supernatural reason here], ignoring that whatever explanations for why it's being allowed, we are still visually being shown this violence against women, and often from our "heroes"  (the women are then tossed away from the narrative after the violence and again, their aftermath gets regulated to off-screen who cares)

female characters were only allowed to be "so badass"; female hunters often fought female monsters or they lost/got regulated to the sidelines in battles. this gets even more contrasted as a male character/hunter will often do a nod about how "badass" she is, even as she is very easily beaten.

 the whorepobia of this show

had a tendency to strip female characters down to their underwear/make them nude before torturing them, and then adding sexualized torture on top of that

outside of actor injuries affecting this (like one of them broke his arm so he had a sling for a few episodes), female characters are often more likely to visually carry the bruises/violence of violent incidences much longer than male characters

gratuitous filming shots of breasts, asses

the use of the words: bitch, skank, whore, slut; the play on words they do so they can say "pussy"  

taking female myths/figures and reducing them to a cheap, sexist storyline (Amazons, Artemis, Lilith, Eve, witches - who are only allowed to live/be "good" if they're men, and are otherwise in league with demons/are evil and lose)

they often kept a character but switched out her actress; helps with the disposable feeling

how they treat women's ages (ex: Jody is not allowed to be a love interest to Sam because she's older than him/calling Dean 'kiddo'. ex: Rowena is played by a woman fifteen years younger than Crowley's actor. ex: Amara being one of the oldest things in existence but still having to age her way up.)

their treatment of teenage girls, ranging from how they sexualized them to expecting them to save themselves to treating them like they are grown adults and not children to the way they kept killing the ones who posted selfies to the fact the pr more than once used the tag "teenage girls - the scariest thing ever" for Claire's episodes 

actions and lasting legacies by female characters often got erased or passed on to male characters instead

it's a time honored tradition to treat certain monsters as metaphors for things. specifically for spn, they often use werewolves and vampires for sexual assault. (not the first to do so, not the last to do so.) however, that part of it gets textually glossed over, or treated as a joke, more often than not

and for all the patterns I talk about above, there's plenty of other one-off examples of misogyny/sexism or consent issues/rape culture this show did. like that time a grown man sniffed the bra of a dead teenage girl. not for any reason, just because it was there and that's what dudes do, apparently.

Racism: All the Flavors(+ Bonus Sexism)

when you compare the treatment of reoccurring white characters vs characters of color who occupied either similar roles or characterizations, characters of color were often punished and/or treated poorly for the same attitude and/or actions of their compared white character, who often got not just a (free) pass, but more screen time, dialogue, and development. 

usually Black men but in general men of color: 

a) got humiliated (often using feminization or infantilization) before their death  

b) had a more violent death; had a death that visually echoed racism (lynching, shot in the back, etc)

c) often used (racialized) rhetoric that in the real world is used against them

d) often filmed in ways to highlight their physicality, to portray them animalistically, to dehumanize them

e) even when victims, will add context to make them partially responsible for their death

characters of color were the villains or antagonists, very rarely "good guys"

this was a very white show, and while I'm speaking about speaking roles, reoccurring characters, and characters who get their own arcs, I'm also talking about background characters

using lore from groups they should not have and/or turned creatures into racist caricatures

having white actors play characters they shouldn't have

heavily depended on stereotypes for their characters of color

the treatment (esp narrative empathy level) of white angels vs angels of color.  again, screen time and character development differences between the two

a summary of (East) Asian woman on this show: fetishized porn/sexualized, “tiger mom”, Yoko Ono/The Girlfriend, monster. they were often silent or had no dialogue. microaggressions (usually spoken by Dean) were leveled at them.

antisemitism (styne issue, erasure of the Judah Initiative, Lilith, the golem)

like the sexism, just had random racist lines or visuals throughout the show (and sometimes those came in the absence of who should be there); some groups literally did not have enough characters to make a pattern, which is why this section looks a lot shorter than it really is

like for ex, I'm trying to stick with patterns but seriously, they put a Black woman in a dog collar and said her white boyfriend was her master/that she belonged to him

the ignorance of how white privilege worked to make them palatable

the replacement and/or elevation of a white character over a character of color (Lisa over Cassie, Bobby over Missouri, Charlie over Kevin in terms of how they were treated under Found Family, etc) 

how they treated non-Christian Gods: easily killed, evil, weak. they often repackaged them into a Christian framework and made them lesser than.

Bi/Homophobia, Queerbaiting, and Using Fans

they butchered Charlie.  they killed her, they killed her in a way that involved leaving behind plot, characters, and logic to do so, they killed her and used the violence of it for "shock," they butchered her and stuck her in a bathtub.  the guy who wrote Charlie in every other episode (Robbie Thompson, one of the better writers of the show) didn't write her last episode (assumption: because he wouldn't) and then he arguably left the show over her death. at one of the cons (comic-con?) the cast literally turned their backs when a fan questioned Carver (the showrunner) about what he did because they wanted no part of it. there was a mass exodus of fandom after they killed her (and another portion actually hung around because they got destiel queerbaited to stick out the rest of the season, and then they left.) she was un-apologetically queer, she was found family, she was widely popular, and they killed her for no reason at all. they didn't just Bury The Gay (their only reoccurring one), they salted and burnt the ground

they spent over a decade queerbaiting Destiel. they built queerbaiting destiel into the structure of the show: season opening/first couple of episodes whetted the appetite, which they then backed away from (usually removing Cas from Dean's physical area) and around this time they'd usually have some kind of heterosexual love interest, then mid-season they'd have some room to be together and share feelings, Cas would again disappear but this time they'd have some bi!Dean thrown in to keep you going, a few episodes before the end they'd have a major connection moment (I need you, I love you), and then the season would end with something to keep destiel fans occupied with during summer. it was never a trajectory, it was a cycle; just enough for plausible deniability but more than enough for fans to believe in. they had whole seasons where the b-plot were mirrors for destiel. they tried to sell DVDs by promising destiel cut scenes. they'd remove Cas from huge chunks of episodes just because they didn't want destiel interacting in the same physical space. they filmed them (I'm talking camera angles, physical positioning, etc) romantically.  (and sometimes, someone on crew/the network would accidentally reveal how not-fucking-happening destiel would be, and then backtrack when they realized fandom’s uproar.) 

a) Dean was only allowed to care so much for Cas, the narrative would only give him so much room to mourn/miss him. (Sam too.) it's beyond my general complaint that the writers/bros lose all interest in a character if they are not right in front of them (if they even cared when they were), but specifically they will spend episodes talking about how Cas is family, how much they care, and then because Dean and Cas cannot share the screen they come up with asinine reasons to remove Cas, which means Dean/the bros do not help him on his issues, and he is cast adrift until they need him, a push/pull of show vs tell with contradictory answers but made a lot of Cas/Destiel fans argue Cas deserved better.  

b) they also devoted seasons to the (subtextual) love triangle of Dean/Cas/Crowley. (I wish I was fucking kidding)

c) "you construct intricate rituals which allow you to touch the skin of other men": the way they use violence to supplement affection (which is actually a larger pattern with Dean and his loved ones in general, but specifically the show is willing to show - multiple times - Dean and Cas being violent (often with an arguably sexualized filming to it) in conjunction with or as replacement for expressing their care.)  other side of this: hugging/physical affection outside of the shoulder/hand thing is reserved for escaping or coming back from death, if then (and it took seasons and a few deaths to even get that.) 

d) "buddy"  

that time Dean was allowed to be textually attracted to his mother and a literal dog (who was visually made to be very clearly a girl dog), but his attraction to men always stays subtextual and/or treated as a joke

they spent the whole show queerbaiting bi!Dean. aside comments, checking out other guys, getting flustered by men he finds attractive, metaphors, mirror characters, the heterosexual overcompensation [which is different from but comes from a similar place of the macho compensation to counteract how he gets sexualized/feminized], everything with Cas and how they play that relationship romantically and with sexual attraction, the character development that led to his relaxation of his macho compensation coinciding with increasing subtextual readings of his bisexuality (and domesticity), the inspiration for his name/character is bi, his relationship to Charlie and the pattern of fictive kinship, etc etc.  

why are angels straight???? why do they have gender???? (why are they interested in sex???)  minus the queerbaiting of destiel, they spent a lot of seasons pushing Cas into a heterosexual box. other angels were often pushed into heterosexual boxes too. (or left in subtext and then killed.) closest we got to playing with gender was Raphael and maybe Hannah, and at least with Raphael it was not without its issues. (also: both dead.)

random transphobic lines

homosexuality was often treated like a joke/punchline. queer characters/scenes were often treated like a joke/punchline.

outside of Charlie, queer characters were small, two-bit roles, extremely rare, and often killed

how they treated and showcased fandom space and esp queer fans in-show (much less how they treated them in real life), comes from a deeply sexist and homophobic place 

The Show Was 328 Episodes Long And the thing is, these are the four big categories, but it's not like this is it. The show flip-flops on calling John an abusive parent/that the bros are childhood abuse survivors. The show doesn't even really call out when Dean is being abusive to Sam, and the way they always, always go back to the Brothers Only format means they are often ignoring or straight-up forgetting the unhealthy aspects of their relationship. The show ignores how their trauma builds (and all the things that happen because of it), disconnecting the current issues with the ones that came before. The way they flip flop on monster morality and never address what the winchester bros do to people who happen to be monsters but aren't evil (or definitely aren't as evil as they are).  How violence is always the answer. How the "saving people'' part of hunting got dropped the later the show goes on, and red shirt vessels/hosts die in droves. Depending on how you view it, the way they treat alcoholism and addiction. The ableism. The line between the narrative's opinion on acceptable violence and not is inconsistent and dependent on how much they like the character doing the violence vs who the violence is being done to. Etc.

(The above lists are definitely missing stuff. I haven't done anything in this fandom in like four years, I've forgotten a lot.) I'm not saying people didn't enjoy this show. I'm not saying I didn't enjoy (parts of) this show. I'm saying whether you are basing it on things like writing craft or things like 'social justice issues', this show is bad. It is of poor quality. I really don't know how to explain the hold it has on people, how a show can be charismatic, how fandom was able to squeeze so much out of so little, but that's probably what's got you attracted into the idea of watching it again. If you're thinking of watching it because you want a coherent, well done story, look elsewhere. The finale was the literal last straw, not the only one. 

[banjodanger]

The Wolverine(2013)-Afterthoughts.

How do you forget about a movie with a giant samurai robot that doubles as cancer treatment? How is this not considered a highlight of the whole series?

Ok, I’ll be honest with you. That is a pretty ridiculous end for a movie that has spent it’s previous two hours being more or less grounded in reality. Yes, this is a comic book movie, but it’s still one that spends close to a third of its running time on a slow-blossoming romance between two of its main characters. Said slow-blossoming romance also takes place while Wolverine is...well, not Wolverine. Almost all of this movie features Logan without one of his defining powers, going in and out of consciousness and hallucinating his OTHER dead romantic interest. Before the big Silver Samurai fight, all the other battles are Logan against regular humans. Sure, the train fight plays with reality and physics but compared to Wolverine jumping a motorcycle into a helicopter this might as well be based on a true story.

This grounded approach means the movie depends more on the script and story than previous X-Men movies. It leads to what is the most introspective X-Men movie we’ve seen from Fox, and while there’s been absolutely no competition for that title, at least up to this point, it’s still nice to see. Watching this movie makes it plainly obvious why Mangold was brought back for Logan. This movie is about as stunning a reversal from Origins without having Jodorowsky direct. Which would be phenomenal, but this world isn’t beautiful enough to have a ten-hour movie involving Wolverine nude and on various psychedelics screaming at religious iconography.

That would be awesome...

Look, Marvel, hire Jodorowsky to direct something. But hurry up, because dude is pushing ninety. Unless psychedelics are somehow the secret to eternal life, which looking at the guy’s work ethic might be the case.

Moving on...

Let’s all gush about Yukio for a second, because she’s just goddamn great. Yukio steals almost every scene she’s in. Her character is reminiscent of the mentor relationship Logan shared with Kitty Pryde and later Jubilee. It’s the type of relationship the very first X-Men movie tried to set up with Rogue and never bothered to follow through on, to the detriment of both characters (but mostly, almost entirely Rogue). Better still, Yukio is set up as the type of character that actually exists before and after the movie. You could easily write an entire movie about the complex dynamics hinted at between Yukio and Mariko. I can think of no better proof of how good a character she is then that Fox clearly had no idea what to do with her.

I’ve talked about Origins a lot, but I have yet to mention the other movie this follows up. Well, I’m not going to do it by name because, frankly, the hurt is still there. But as far as a sequel to that dumpster fire of toxic masculinity and studio incompetence, plus the choking miasma of however much Aqua Velva Brett Ratner must splash on daily...Forgot where I was going with that.

How much of X3′s budget was spent on cheap cologne? I don’t need an exact number, just a general estimate.

Oh yea, The Wolverine as a follow-up to X3. It’s great. Famke Jannsen’s last turn as Jean Grey is fucking great. It’s shocking what an actor can do when you give them actual lines. She’s there as a figment of Logan’ subconscious guilt and makes more of an impression than she ever did as the Phoenix. Honestly wouldn’t be surprised if the screentime was more or less equal.

This movie has a lot going for it. As the first X-Men movie to take place entirely in another country, I was expecting it to step in it culturally. Surprisingly, it doesn’t. They kinda gloss over the war crimes committed by Japan, but at least Wolverine doesn’t get all mopey over a dead nazi in this one. Other than that, this movie is overall pretty respectful. I’m not going to call it entirely accurate, but this is also a movie that hinges on tiny robots destroying how you heal so maybe don’t consult it before a big trip to Japan, but as an action movie it’s fine. No, this movie is two pretty trouble free hours.

*checks runtime* 2:18.

Huh.

Oh, Viper just said being a lesbian makes her a better villain.

...Goddamnit. You guys got so close.

The actual line is “Immune to the poison of Man,” and this is problematic for two reasons, so let’s discuss the more obvious one first. Being something other than white, cis, and straight doesn’t make you evil! This was a gross trope in the eighties, and in 2013 it’s deliberately ignorant. It adds nothing to her or the larger story. Up until this point, she wasn’t the most three-dimensional villain, but that was fine. We didn’t need a detailed backstory, she poisoned people and was against Wolverine. That’s plenty in this movie.

That brings me to the second reason. It’s a cheap way to claim LGBT representation without actually bothering to put in any work. Look, everyone here has watched multiple episodes of Law & Order when they were sick right?

Just, follow me for a second.

There was a character called Serena Sotherlyn, and on her very last episode, as she’s fired, she asks “Is this because I’m a lesbian?” It’s one of her last lines before she leaves the show, and she’s given absolutely no indication before this point in regards to her sexuality. If you look it up, people will point out lines or actions they say are clues to her sexuality but it’s a lot of hindsight. There was never a statement until her very last scene.

Ok, enough talking about Law & Order. Somewhere in there is the point I’m trying to make, and the point is none of this is representation, it’s just lazy pandering. And as far as I can tell, it didn’t pay off for them. I had to watch the movie twice before I even picked up on the line. But it’s like a mislaid tile or a stray hair you missed while shaving; once you see it it’s all you see.

And that’s a shame, because one line shouldn’t detract from a whole movie. I’m not saying it does, but it sticks out so much because of the utter lack of necessity in the line. We don’t gain any insight into the character and the movie doesn’t gain anything from the line. Hell, she’s dead five minutes later, she could be telling us her weekend plans for all it affects the plot. She might as well tell Wolverine she forgot to get pickles from the grocery store, then Yukio breaks her neck as she’s heading to the A&P(still open in 2013), but Yukio would’ve had some super badass line because she’s the best.

Rila Fukushima deserves another shot, Hollywood. Please listen to this amateur tumblr blogger. Maybe you’re lost on your way to some sonic fanfics or something, I don’t know.

Apart from that one line, I don’t have a reason not to recommend this movie. There’s great action, romance, the friends we made along the way. This one deserves to be remembered.

P.S. I’ll discuss that midcredits scene during my premovie thoughts for Days of Future Past. It wasn’t directed by or planned for by Mangold, so I’m going to consider it part of the next one. So there.

Up Next: Time to reset the X-Men, so Fox can make new, even worse mistakes.

[eclectic-aussie]

Post ‘S7 the 100′ Trailer Reveal

Wow, that was a doozey! So many questions, so many questions. And also, so many worries since the worst thing about the final season of a show you adore (besides saying good-bye to characters you love) is the fact that they don’t have a chance to fix any F-ups they make in the next season. I’m not try to jinx it, it’s just that I got a little worried about how they’ll finish up everyone’s journey and whether or not they’ll actually properly fix the relationships and people they’ve broken or just put a band-aid on it and expect us to overlook it (Princess Mechanic (and pretty much all of Clarke’s relationships tbh) I’m looking at you) Or worse just send them back to Earth in the Dropship days for a ‘re-do’ which would kind of feel like a cop-out of everything they’ve gone through and their growth as characters ala ‘it was all a dream’.

I’m happy that Clarke is given an opportunity to say good-bye to her mum like she hasn’t really ever been given much time to grieve before, and I’m glad that she seems to be given a possible start to a friendship outside Spacekru with her talk with Gaia. And a new leather jacket and outfit! She must be happy for the wardrobe change after wearing the same thing for 2 or 3 months now?

I am also glad we see Jordan being more himself that the last time, because our cinnamon roll jr needs protecting and his survival (and sanity) is paramount!

The limited amount of Bellamy in the trailer is a little worrying, especially with Octavia saying not to sacrifice his life for hers and her, Clarke and...Hope? running into the locked door and it looking like Hope calls out ‘Bellamy’ while they all look scared, which makes me scared for him because he and Clarke have not gone through hell for 132 YEARS as leaders just to be killed off in the last season. Also the only Bellarke in the trailer is from when he was trying to convince her not to go back to Sanctum as Josephine which sucked, but doesn’t really mean anything off hand.

I wonder who the ‘key to the last war that mankind will ever wage’ is? I mean they’re heavily implying it’s Clarke, but it could honestly be anyone at this point with so many Nightbloods traipsing around. Or if they wanted to get tricky they could mean she’s the key because she could be used as leverage to get one side to stand down or a leader to stop (if say, she was important enough to stop fighting to protect like Diyoza was important enough to Hope to ‘kill’ Octavia) or her death could stop them, if she was the mother of someone key they needed to win or lose? Like if Padme hadn’t have had Luke and Leia the Rebellion wouldn’t have gotten nearly as far. Just a thought. Or her death triggers something, like it did with Sheidheda and Madi? Honestly, it could be anything.

What confused me though, was when Clarke was meeting the visitors near the edge of the protective dome around Sanctum, why were Gaia and Niyla the ones covering her? Where were Miller, or Bellamy (probably in the Anomaly) or Indra or Murphy or pretty much anyone who’d actually trained to use guns instead of the Grounders who were afraid to pick one up until the Mountain Men died? I’m not saying Clarke needs anyone to back her up, she’s a force all her own, but it just seemed odd.

And the creepy dude with the knife smearing blood on Madi’s chin is also worrying. What is it with this show and constantly threatening the little ones?

I really hope they give everyone the chance to work out their issues and their grievances and actually get some closure (Finn and Aurora Blake turning up later on suggests they might) but not as a cop out of ‘finding peace only right before death’ trope they forced out last season with Abby and a few others in previous seasons. Finding peace within yourself or ‘redemption’ being found by sacrificing yourself for a dramatic death scene (not Octavia hopefully, that would be cheap) gets done too often to have real impact.

So I’m guessing it’s going to be: Party 1: Bellamy, Echo, Hope, possibly Octavia. Gabriel might be in there too, though he could have stayed in Sanctum.

Party 2: Clarke, Raven, Miller, Jordan, Gaia and Niylah (for some reason, sure it’s explained)

Party 3: Murphy, Emori...? who stay in Sanctum maybe to keep the peace...?

And Indra probably being one of the above, probably Clarke’s group, because why would you ever leave her behind?

So yeah, really looking forward to this final season, but also more than a little worried that we’ll be left with an unsatisfying ending to one of my favourite shows. Yes I know, I know that’s why fanfics exist, but I’m still worried that they’ll just gloss over a lot of serious stuff that needs addressing on the basis of: ‘there isn’t really time or we just can’t find a place to put it, even if it’s something that’s fundamental to get towards organically patching the relationships between these characters...ahh well we’ll just have Clarke give everyone instant forgiveness per usual and no-one but her and Bellamy need question the borderline evil things they did (tied down and drugged a child to take a nearly lethal amount of her bone-marrow, which was also treason and led to Abby’s death) and have it swept under the ‘we did it for our survival and we’re not Clarke so it’s ok’ rug that’s almost to the roof by now.’ crap they’ve been peddling since season...actually it’s been happening a while, they’re just a lot more blatant about it the last 2 seasons.

After I watched the trailer, I didn’t over-do the analyzing since I thought I’d give it a few hours and Tumblr would have blown-up with a break-down of the trailer frame-by-frame. So I went onto IMDB, mainly because I wanted to see a better pic of a character from one of the snippets shown, and I had a look through at the cast listings for the season which aren’t really reliably filled out until after the episode has aired so it can’t be trusted that much...but I would like to point out there is an August (Leo Howard) in episode 11 which is hmmm worthy given why Bellamy named his sister Octavia, as a lot of people (including myself) have used August or Augustus as a very probable name for a Bellarke kid. I know, I am very much reaching about the ‘suspiciously named’ (how often do character names change before airing?!) characters with brown hair and hazel eyes, with a dimpled chin and jawline and height similar to Bellamy, even if his colouring is closer to...Finn, if I’m honest. Just saying. Also, there was a young woman (I don’t think it was Hope but possibly wrong) in the trailer with long curly blonde hair with purple highlights like Clarke in season 5. Also just saying.

I’ll just keep being equal parts hopeful and terrified for the premiere on the 20th.

[verai-marcel]

Can I request a fic where low honor Arthur is exceptionally touchy with the reader all day and eventually takes her, hard, in a public or semi-public place? I loveeee your neighbor AU

Mail For You (RDR2 Fanfic, Arthur x Fem!Reader, 18+ ONLY)

Summary: You work at a small town post office, and when you’re not stuck in the office sorting mail, you’re a mail carrier, a job you take great pride in. Lately, a man has been coming by every day to pick up mail for Tacitus Kilgore. You’ve tried to ignore him, but his efforts at small talk are charming. Then he offers to accompany you on one of your routes, claiming to want to protect you from thieves. Will you accept?

Author’s Notes: OF COURSE YOU’LL ACCEPT, YOU HORNY READER. (To be fair, I would too. *waggles eyebrows*) This was a lovely request from tumblr user @brightredheart77!

Tags: seduction, touchy Arthur, low honor Arthur, smut, semi-public sex

AO3 Link is here!

——————–

“Good morning!” you said cheerfully as the door opened. But your bright smile faltered slightly when you saw the tall, well-armed man walk inside. For the past couple of weeks, he had been coming by to pick up mail for a Tacitus Kilgore; you highly doubted that the mail was for him, as it came from a variety of places and clearly from all different kinds of people. But you didn’t question it; they were all clearly addressed to the same person and the same place, and asking more questions would probably bring you more trouble than it was worth. You went towards the shelves to look for his mail, pulled out a small pile, and turned back to hand it to the man. But then you heard your name being called from the back office.

“Yeah?” you hollered back.

Your boss came out from around the back, taking the pile of letters from you and handing you a large shoulder pack.

“Could you take the buggy to deliver a couple packages and get these delivered today? Our usual boy couldn’t make it.”

“Sure,” you said, taking the heavy pack and slinging it over your shoulders.

“Yer just gonna let the lady go out on her own like that?”

Both you and your boss looked at the man, this ‘Tacitus’, in surprise.

“Why, yes,” your boss answered matter-of-factly. “She’s done it before, she’s perfectly capable, and it’s only a few hours of travel. She’ll be back before sundown.” He handed the man his mail. “Those are for you, sir.”

‘Tacitus’ took his mail and nodded, but then he followed you out the door.

“Hey, why don’t I follow you out there, make sure you don’t get robbed. Or worse.”

You turned to look at him. You took in his outfit, covered with the dust of the open road: a worn gambler’s hat, black ranch pants, a black collared shirt with suspenders, and dirty boots. He had a couple day’s worth of beard and glancing at all of the guns on his person, he looked rather unsavory. He looked like the kind of man who would rob you.

“I can handle myself,” you said, though you really wanted to ask him why should you trust him.

He stepped closer to you, invading your personal space. You looked up at him, intending to tell him to step off, but then you were caught by his eyes; they were the color of a gemstone you had seen a few months ago that had caught your attention when you were browsing the street market in St. Denis. The seller had called it an apatite gemstone, and because of its softness, most jewelers didn’t value it. You bought it and had him make a pendant for you, partially because it was cheap, partially because you loved the color.

“I’m not sayin’ you ain’t capable, but goin’ alone ain’t safe for anyone, man or woman.” 

His voice brought you out of your reverie. You blinked and glared back at him. If he was trying to intimidate you with his size, it wasn’t working, because you were, as your boss liked to tease, an amazon of a woman.

“Surely you’re not doing this out of the kindness of your heart,” you retorted.

“Maybe I’ve got a bit of kindness just for you,” he replied smoothly. 

Stumbling for a reply, you were caught off guard by his charming answer. You clearly weren’t going to get rid of him easily. And he had a point. It was easier to focus on either driving or shooting if one didn’t have to do both at the same time. 

“Fine,” you relented. “But I’m shotgun. You drive.”

***

You had thought that having him drive would mean his hands would be occupied. But he was a seasoned driver, managing the horse with just one hand. Which meant his other hand was constantly on you in some fashion.

���Just makin’ sure I can pull you to safety if I need to,” he would say.

But you couldn’t deny the heat that suffused your body wherever he touched. At first he had not-so-subtly put his arm on the back of the seat, his fingers grazing your side ever so lightly. You didn’t pull away; you couldn’t even move, really. If you moved away from him, you’d be leaning into his touch. If you moved away from his hand, you’d be closer to his body. 

With each stop you made to drop off the mail, he’d quietly take a little more of the seat, forcing you to either sit closer to him, or perch at the edge of the seat. There was nowhere to go.

He must have known you were trapped; after all, he put you there. So his fingers traced circles on your shoulder blade, slid down the gentle curve of your body until he could grip your hips and slowly pull you towards him. Like being pulled down into quicksand, you were being drawn closer to him as his legs shifted closer to yours, as he slid his hand over your shoulder and leaned you against his.

At the next stop, you walked over to the other side of the buggy. He raised an eyebrow at you, but held his hand out to help you up. Ignoring it, you climbed into the driver’s seat and took the reins from him. 

“You hold a weapon for a bit,” you said tersely.

So of course, he pulled out a revolver, so he could keep one hand on you.

“Get your rifle out,” you ordered.

He smiled. “Of course, whatever you say.” He swapped weapons, but his leg was still right up against yours as you continued your route.

***

“That’s the last one,” you said as you walked back to the buggy after delivering the last two letters. You climbed into shotgun and your temporary partner started driving the buggy towards the office.

“I thought you wanted me to shoot.”

“I’m probably a better shot than you,” you replied simply. Of all the post office workers, you were the best shot, proven after a contest when a former mail worker had questioned your abilities.

“Oh?”

You looked at the man. He was looking at you, intrigued. And there was something in his eyes that made your body burn. You had to look away from him, gripping your rifle and pretending to scan the horizon instead.

But then you saw something.

“We got company,” you mumbled as you got your rifle up. ‘Tacitus’ looked around you and saw the three men of horseback, guns out, clearly making a beeline for your buggy filled with mail and packages to bring back to the post office.

“Shit,” he muttered as he drove the carriage faster and pulled out a revolver.

“Just drive,” you ordered, and you lined up your sights.

You let out a breath as you pulled the trigger.

A man fell from his horse.

Then the bullets started whizzing past you as you lined up another shot, breathed out, and fired.

Another man fell. Just one more.

He was getting closer.

You winced as a bullet grazed your arm, but kept your aim steady and true.

Breathe out. Pull the trigger.

Last man down.

You sat back down, taking a few deep breaths as the adrenaline left your body.

“That was some mighty fine shootin’.”

You glanced over at him; his eyes were shining with true admiration. You very rarely saw that in a man, especially from one his age.

“Thank you,” you said, feeling shy all of a sudden.

His free hand touched your arm. “You got bandages?”

You reached in the back of the carriage and pulled out a small box. It had some gauze and a bottle of iodine.

“First aid kit, made it after the first run in with bandits,” you said with a bit of pride.

‘Tacitus’ eyed you while you took off your autumn jacket and tossed it in the back. You rolled up your sleeve, and despite the blood staining the fabric, the wound itself was minor. It was just a light graze; you were grateful that your jacket and shirt took most of the damage, although that meant you’d have to sew it up later.

He handed the reins to you as he took care of your arm. Expertly bandaged, you admired his handiwork. 

“Not bad,” you mused.

“Let me check ya for other injuries,” he rumbled, suddenly leaning in close. He dipped his head down and lay a soft kiss on your neck.

“H-how is that checking?” you stammered out, unprepared for his very forward advances.

“You want me to stop?” You felt his breath as he spoke, felt his lips move against your ear.

Oh lord. It felt too good; all your could do was lean your head back and give him access to your skin. He took that as consent, and kept moving his lips ever closer to yours.

“T-Tacitus…”

“Call me Arthur,” he uttered just as he captured your lips. It was a heated kiss, full of carnal promises, and you opened your mouth to him, wanting more.

“Not here,” he said as he took the reins from you, forgotten in your grasp. He urged the horse faster down the road.

Looking at his profile, he looked like a man on a desperate mission. The hunger in his eyes when he glanced back at you both scared you and sent a thrill through your body, straight to your lower regions.

You couldn’t wait to get back.

***

He parked the carriage it its proper spot and hopped out, holding his arm out to you. This time you took it, and he helped you down, reluctantly letting go of your hand as the two of you took all the packages and letters inside.

You called out to your boss, but he wasn’t around. After dropping off the parcels & letters in the delivery area, you peeked in the back office. Seeing a note on your desk, you walked inside and read it.

Close up when you get back. Thank you for your hard work.

You smiled. Your boss was always direct, but kind.

“So, no one else is here?”

You turned to look at Arthur, leaning against the door frame, a dark look in his eyes.

You swallowed. “N-no…”

“Good.” He took two swift steps towards you and pulled you into his arms. He kissed you, this time invading your mouth the second you opened for him, one hand digging into your hair, the other wrapped around you, grabbing your rear.

“Arthur!” you gasped once he let you breathe. “Someone could come in and see!”

“Then let’s make this quick,” he said, picking you up and sitting you on your desk. Pushing you down, he pulled your skirt up and tore your drawers open.

“Wait-”

“No time,” he growled, unbuttoning his fly, releasing his hard cock to your view. “Been wantin’ you for so long, can’t wait no more.”

“I-I need…” you trailed off as you eyed his shaft. What did you need, again?

Arthur grinned as he gripped your hips and slid you to the edge of your desk. He pushed your legs open and started moving his hips back and forth, teasing your opening with the head of his cock, sliding it around, rubbing your clit.

“You need me, darlin?”

You bit your lip and looked up at him. 

“You gonna beg me?”

“You’re an ass,” you finally said.

Arthur’s hand shot out and grabbed your neck. “I thought you’d be sweeter than that. After all we’ve been through.” He leaned forward, putting a little more pressure against your clit as he rubbed against you.

“Yes, yes, more, please,” you said faintly.

“Good girl,” he growled, and reached down to thumb your sensitive bud, giving you the pleasure you craved. He watched, his other hand gently caressing your neck as he stroked you, all the while nudging your opening with his thick shaft. An insistent pressure pushing at you, slowly spreading you open as he leaned forward, putting his weight to use as he entered you.

“A-Arthur…”

“That’s it, look at me darlin’.”

You lost yourself in his beautiful eyes as he took you, inch by heated inch.

He released your neck and grabbed the hair at the back of your head. 

Then he thrust all the way in.

You let out a strangled noise at the sudden force, the intense feeling of being so thoroughly filled by a man making your heart race.

“Eyes on me, sweetheart.”

Your eyes never left his as he stared at you with a deep hunger, and then he started to move his hips.

“Yer alright, just breathe… that’s it… Good, feel me.”

He talked you through the initial shock, coaxing you into a pleasurable trance as he took you with languid but powerful strokes. 

“Yer doin’ good, darlin’.” He nuzzled your neck as he began to unbutton your shirt. Revealing just enough to let him kiss the top of your breasts, he kept pumping into you, his pace gradually speeding up as he wanted more.

“You are just the finest,” he mumbled, burying his head in your bosom as he started to fuck you wildly, his restraint quickly disappearing as he buried himself inside of you over and over again. His rough treatment of you was, to your surprise, making you incredibly wet and hot; you wrapped your legs around him, mewling in pleasure. You dug your nails into his back, gripping his shirt and tugging as he continued to pound without a care, mindlessly taking you like an animal.

His heavy breaths and grunts grew louder, and so did your cries of bliss. He was taking you so good, so deep, that when he stood up straight, grabbed your hips, and lifted you up slightly to enter you from a different angle, going even deeper, you came hard around him, your fingernails digging into his forearms as you released, the bliss shooting throughout your body like fireworks.

Watching you writhe under him was too perfect, as Arthur quickly pulled out of you with a moan, rubbing himself against your nether lips as he came, his spend spilling onto your belly and your torn drawers.

“Darlin’, darlin’,” he mumbled as he leaned in close. “Yer so damn pretty when you let go.”

You smiled up at him, the afterglow permeating your entire being. 

The sunset coming through the window hit your pendant, resting on the table next to your shoulder. You put the gemstone closer to his face, next to his eyes.

“It does match.”

Arthur turned his head slightly to look at the gemstone you were holding. “Never seen a gem like that before. What is it?”

“Apatite.”

He chuckled. “An appropriate name.” He got up and held his hand out to you. “Lemme help you clean up, then I’ll be on my way.”

“You sated, now that you’ve had me?” you asked.

“Never, darlin’.” He leaned in and kissed you deeply. “That just whet my appetite for ya.”

Laughing, you shook your head at his silly joke. You got the distinct feeling he’d be coming by again tomorrow.

——————–

End Notes: Of COURSE I did some research. What did I find? That by 1899, there were 11 known female mail carriers. And they were badass, risking thieves and the elements, devoted to their duty to deliver mail to rural parts of the country. So of course, I made Reader an unknown mail carrier, badass with a heart of gold.

Also the title is a PUN. Mail for you? MALE FOR YOU?! HAH. *dodges rotten fruit*

[toffee-pops-are-great]

A Post-DR2 KuzuPeko One-shot(ish)

Hey there! This is an edited version of chapter 15 from my main fanfic. It’s written in such a way that it can stand on its own as a one-shot (I hope so at least). A couple places are edited that reference the outside narrative but it’s otherwise the same. Unfortunately, the formatting is pretty messed up on Tumblr but  ╮(︶▽︶)╭ what are you gonna do? If you liked this I have also written another Kuzupeko one-shot called ‘Acceptance’ (which you can find on my blog) which is better if I’m being honest.

Anywho, hope you enjoy this for what it is! If you have any feedback please let me know - I’m new to writing so any constructive criticism can really help! WARNING: Contains swearing, references to violence and deals with a dark subject matter - please read with discretion. Read on AO3

“She is a tool, nothing more.” This was drilled into me from an early age. I can’t even recall the first time it was said to me… probably before I could even speak.

"She is a weapon," I remember on the rainy days of spring, seeing the garden in full bloom as I watched her train in the dojo. It was brutal, she would often come back inside with bruises and on occasion, a broken bone… but still. She would always get back up and keep going.

"She is your slave." Sometimes servant. I don't believe they cared much for the rhetoric. Either way, they wanted me to treat her beneath me. So… I did.

“She is not your family.” No, she had silver hair. She was different. She didn’t look like us. She didn’t act like us. She was different. That made me better.

“You can do WHATEVER you want with her.” They would always follow their provocative provoking with a sly wink or nudge. They would say this to a growing boy, I could never understand what they were alluding to.

She is a tool

She is a weapon

She is a slave

She is different

She is whatever I want her to be

She is a tool

She is my tool

How long did it take?

I was what?

11?

No… 12.

It took 12 years until I finally saw you as anything else.

Evidently, it was on this day when I realised… what an incredible person you are and what a piece of shit I am.

+++

+++

My fuckup started when I noticed some kids at school, playing with some dumb playing cards. They had some colourful animal-monster type… thingies… illustrated on them. I'd always see 'em in the back of class laughing and yelling as they traded and played with them.

I didn't get it… what was so exciting about some drawings? Well, one day, my curiosity got the best of me, and I asked to join them. To my surprise, the moment I showed interest they all leapt at the opportunity. They talked me through this whole game you play and currency associated with each card. Shit was a whole 'nother world.

We even skipped our last class to continue a match, it was… fun. The first time I had done anything like that. I can be pretty abrasive and confrontational, yet they invited me back the next day. I was… excited. Normal kid stuff. It was better than I thought.

So, on the way home that day, I bought a pack of those cards. They were cheap, and my allowance was more than generous, so I didn't see the harm. At least that’s what I told myself, I knew if my father or mother found out there would be hell to pay for owning such a childish thing. But I didn't care, it was my first time having something like this and I was excited.

When I got home - Peko had arrived there before me. Like usual; she was under the shade the cherry blossom tree in our backyard, striking the air over and over with her bokken. An apple lodged between her teeth. She would occasionally pause to take a bite before continuing. She was never one to waste time.

Seeing her occupied and no sign of my mother or father, I seized the opportunity to take a better look at my new collection. I laid out each one in a symmetrical pattern on my bedroom floor. The bright and energetic colours that radiated off the cards were so foreign between the bleak walls of our home.

I remember feeling so strange looking at those cards.

It felt like two worlds colliding.

Ones that would never be associated with one another.

It was like… fuck, I don’t know. Seeing what my life could have been like if I had been a normal kid.

“Fuyuhiko…” I heard my father utter through a friendly façade – trying his best to hide his contempt. “What are those?”

I didn't hear him arrive. I was utterly enamoured by my new toy. "Sir… I uh…"

He picked one up. He examined it front and back, an evident disgust cemented on his face. Staring me in the eyes, he then threw it at me. "Do you want to explain to me why you have these?"

I was caught. I could feel his disappointment and anger crawling up my spine. There were no excuses, no compromises it was just a matter of time until I would be punished, and I hated his punishments. They hurt real bad, and up to that point, I don't think I had ever pissed him off so much.

I tried thinking up scenarios to lessen the blow.

'Oh, these? I stole them off some nerd for pissing me off.' That wouldn't work. He would ask why there sprawled out on the floor then.

'Got these as a present from some kid in class.' That wouldn't help any.

In the end, I realised it would be best to come clean. No point getting caught in a lie as well.

“Sir… the thing is-“

“They are mine.”

Clear, confident, not showing a lick of fear you stood in front of my father and lied to his face.

“Excuse me?” My father’s tone had even more anger contained behind it than before.

“The cards on the ground. I bought them.”

My father huffed air through his nostrils while he rubbed the palm of his hand over his mouth. He often adopted such a pose as he held back anger.

“Why?” He huffed.

I could see the small amount of panic cross your face as he asked you. You hadn't thought that far ahead. I was of no help, you looked at me briefly to see if I had anything to offer, but I just sat there dumbstruck. Finally, you thought of a plausible scenario, and while it would make things even worse for you, it would remove all suspicion placed on me.

“Fuyuhiko asked me to buy him a drink from the market down the road. Seeing that this was a special occasion, I saw no harm in indulging him this once. While there I saw these cards advertised towards his demographic and decided to buy them for him."

It wasn’t the story that did it. It was the way you told it. So convincingly that even I wondered if I had forgotten what happened.  

My father was a smart man, but it seemed he couldn't see through your lies. After all, you never had before.

With a threatening gaze, he peered back to me. "Is this true, Fuyuhiko?”

I was still dumbstruck; I wasn’t sure what to do. I was about to go through with your plan when suddenly… you smiled. Behind his back, where he couldn’t see, you gave me a small and thoughtful smile. A friendly one that I had never seen before.

I didn’t want to see you get hurt for something I did.

But I was scared.

I was so scared.

I didn’t want to get hurt.

So, I let you instead.

“Yes.” I solemnly replied.

He quickly stormed off. I was left there with you for a small period before he returned.

Making sure he wouldn’t hear I mouthed the word; “why?’

You smiled once again and took one last bite of your apple. Most likely knowing you wouldn’t get to eat for some time for a fuckup this big.

“Happy birthday.” You whispered through a wistful expression.

'You're not a tool. You're a better person. A better one than me.'

It was odd.

I heard all these awful things about you.

I learned the way that you should be treated.

I saw how they acted around you.

And now I knew…

It was all bullshit.

You are different.

Because you’re better than us.

With that departing thought, I watched as my father's hand coiled around one of your braids as he began yanking you down the hallway. It was also the last time I would see you for that week. Yet… I could still hear you.

When you were punished, you wouldn't usually make so much noise.

It must have been even worse this time.

I found it so difficult to get to sleep.

The sound of the fridge buzzing, the occasional passing car, the crickets chirping, and you crying.

I still don’t know what he did to you… but it must have hurt… it must have hurt real bad.

I’m sorry.

I’m so so sorry Peko.

I should have stood up for you.

I should have said something and been a man.

But… I’m not.

I was a stupid, selfish, fucking kid, and I still am.

How many times now have you sacrificed yourself for me?

I don’t deserve you.

I put you through so much…

Back then, while despair, in the killing game and even now.

I’m still selfish.

I’m thinking about me while you’re here, asleep. I hate myself. You deserve better. Yet still…

I just want you.

+++

+++

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

No…

That isn’t right.

I’m here.

I’m something.

I don’t know what though.

Who are you?

Me…?

Peko recognised this voice. It was her own.

I’m… Peko, Peko Pekoyama.

What are you?

More memories came crashing into her mind. There was only one answer to that question.

I’m a tool.

No, you’re not.

Yes, I am. My sole purpose is to serve the Young master.

What do you want?

I want nothing but to be by his side.

A cacophony of colours splashed together in front of Peko's being. It was of incorporeal form, one that she could not comprehend but one she still recognised as herself.

“You want?” The being adopted a condescending tone. “A tool does not want.”

No… I… I must be useful to him.

More colours appeared one to her right. This void, this nothing, Peko was starting to realise that was not the case if she could comprehend direction.

A tool does not care if it is useful. A tool is just as happy to be useless. It is just as happy to be discarded. Do you want to be discarded?

I… I don’t care.

Now to her left, more colours. Black, red, white and silver. Wait… she now recognised it was her body.

You’re lying.

No…

Why do you lie?

Stop.

Do you want to be discarded?

I… I just… I want to stay by his side.

Why?

I… I don’t know.

Blackness surrounded her once again - the colours disappearing.

Nothing.

Nothing, again?

No…

No, this is different.

What is this?

There is something, but I can’t see it.

It’s dark.

It’s so dark I can’t even see my hands.

Wait…

My hands!?

Peko had being once again, and with that realisation, a single bright spotlight appeared in the darkness before her. She watched as a little girl approached the light, her hair in braids. Her body beaten, bruised and bloody. It was herself.

I want to protect him.

The girl's voice was meek and scared. She remembered how terrified she was back in those days. Crying herself to sleep each night.

Another spotlight fabricated, she appeared again. Now a little older.

I want to play with him.

No… I… I’m his tool. Nothing more.

Why are you lying?

Tens of spotlights now surrounded Peko. Versions of herself appearing beneath each light. All various ages and appearances.

I want to laugh with him.

No…

I want to have fun with him.

No.

I want to know him.

NO!

I want to be his equal.

SHUT UP!

I don’t want to be a tool.

NO! I’M A TOOL! I AM A TOOL!

I want to be happy.

I’LL BE HAPPY AS LONG AS I AM BY HIS SIDE!

I want to be my own person.

NO! THAT DOESN’T MATTER! IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT I WANT! I DON’T WANT!

The voices were beginning to get louder. Peko curled herself into a ball in a futile attempt to muffle the sound.

I want to know his touch.

NO! NO! NO! NO!

I want to love him.

NO! STOP! I’M BEGGING YOU TO STOP!

More and more lights appeared. More and more versions of herself that she wanted to deny emerging beneath each one. The room became brighter and brighter.

And I want him to love me.

Peko broke down into tears - unable to reply. Her sobbing being of little comfort to the contradiction inside herself, tearing her apart. Her other versions vanished with a sudden gust of wind, but the light remained. Peko thought she may have been free of herself when she heard the voice speak again.

Who are you?

Peko was unable to answer.

Who are you?

…

Who are you?

Stop talking!

Who are you?

…

Who are you?

… I'm Peko.

What are you?

I don’t know anymore.

Why are you crying?

I don’t know.

A tool does not cry.

…

What do you want?

I don’t know.

You’re lying.

…

Jeez… why don’t you get it yet?

This voice. It was no longer her own. It was… it was…

Young master?

You stayed by my side… all this time… why don’t you get it…?

M-m-m-master?

I never needed… a sword… or a shield…

The light grew brighter and brighter, engulfing the darkness around her.

I never needed a tool.

You never needed me?

S-So… You didn’t need to become a tool.

I… I didn’t?

You just… you just needed to be yourself…

What…?

I… I never wanted a tool! I just wanted you! Only you!

You wanted… me?

Wh-why!? Why couldn’t you understand!? We’ve always been together, ever since we were kids!

But I… I thought… I didn't know!

His voice grew fainter as it grew further away into the light.

P-Please Peko! Don’t go…!

No! Young master! I don’t want to… I don’t want to go!

I need you! Don’t leave me!

NO!

Peko called out to him. She yelled and screamed and clawed her way towards this overwhelming light. She could… she could see him. Crying. Bawling his eyes out as he mourned… her.

I… I didn’t know.

Suddenly a vision appeared before her, an answer to why she was in this void. The first thing she noticed was the desperate pleading in his eyes as he rounded the samurai looking for an opening.

W-wait…

He found it. She watched him as he began to shove past the robots.

N-NO! YOUNG MASTER! YOU WILL GET HURT! YOU CAN’T! NOT FOR ME! DON’T DIE FOR ME!

She went to strike them but felt her blade not against hard-mechanical gears but the easily malleable nature of human flesh. To her horror, she watched as her blade sliced up his torso and face.

NO! NO! NO! NO! PLEASE! NO!

Peko clutched him in her arms. Burying him beneath her body as she felt the stabbing of tens of blades pierce her back.

NO! YOU HAVE TO SURVIVE! I’LL PROTECT YOU! PLEASE! YOU HAVE TO SURVIVE!

SURVIVE!

SURVIVE!

PLEASE!

YOU MUST SURVIVE!

The scene vanished, leaving Peko once again in this isolating darkness.

I KNOW WHAT I WANT!

PLEASE!

I KNOW WHAT I WANT!

ASK ME AGAIN!

PLEASE!

PLEASE ASK ME AGAIN!

She got no response from the voice.

PLEASE!

I WANT!

I WANT YOU TO ASK ME AGAIN!

You want?

Yes!

Who are you?

I am Peko Pekoyama!

What are you?

I… I… I AM A PERSON!

What do you want?

I want him to survive! I don’t want him to die! Not for me! Not ever! I… I don’t want to see him cry like that! Please!

I DON’T WANT HIM TO DIE!

The light overwhelmed her overtaking her whole body. She felt as a gust of wind whisked her away.

+++

+++

An aching in her throat. The steady beating of a heart monitor. A green hue of glass. The ocean scent. A metallic taste in her mouth.

These are the first sensations that Peko experienced as she regained consciousness. Questions of how she was here and what was going on were put aside for the only problem that mattered to her.

“Is Young master Fuyuhiko okay?”

Peko tried to move her body but couldn't. Her muscles feeling paralysed. With hard-fought determination, she managed to move her left elbow to her relief. Now knowing it was possible – with gritted teeth, she screamed at every muscle in her body to get their shit together and start working.

With slight movements across her whole body now - the pod opened. The warm, soothing embrace of fresh air greeted her now porcelain-like skin. With incredible effort and pain, she managed to sit up. Clutching at her forehead as she did so, feeling like her brains would spill out if she didn't. With multiple pained blinks, Peko's eyes adjusted to the bright fluorescent light shining from above her.

And finally…

She saw the blurry outline of the person she was looking for.

“Y-young… master?” Peko furiously coughed having forced the words from her throat.

“P-Peko?” He frightenedly asked.

Peko’s throat was on fire, she had never felt this kind of sensation before. Furthermore, it was completely dry, and she was incredibly thirsty, but she didn’t let that stop her.

“I-Is it… really you?”

Peko held at her hand, and in turn, Fuyuhiko placed his in hers.

The moment was utterly unreal for them both.

This person who he had watched die, this person who he watched blankly sleep for so long. A person who he had thought he would never get to see again was now alive.

This person who she fought to protect, that she had sacrificed herself for. A person who she had thought she would never get to see again was still alive.

With neither particularly initiating it they found themselves hugging each other.

And with the warm touch of each other’s body heat. Truly feeling each other’s presence. Peko found her eyes began to moisten without her consent. She wasn't exactly sure why she was crying, but all she did know was how happy she was to be in his arms.

Somehow, whether through fate, luck, or a mix of both. They had survived their insane ordeal and had finally been reunited.

Peko Pekoyama (the person) is awake.

+++

+++

With their engagement finished Fuyuhiko draped a hospital gown over Peko to cover her nakedness. He sat back down in the rickety chair as an air of silence filled the room. He watched as Peko went through various facial expressions as she recalled how she got here.

Fuyuhiko twiddled with his thumbs as he waited for a good time to approach what he wanted to say but quickly realised there was never going to be one.

“Peko, do you hate me?”

Peko was derailed from her train of thought by the curiously out of place question. She gave him a whimsical look and angled her head. “Why would I hate you?”

Fuyuhiko was taken back as if offended by her. “How could you not after what I put you through… how selfish I am. You deserve better than me.”

While Peko was not one to anger, she felt a rage begin to build at the idea of entertaining this ludicrous narrative Fuyuhiko was spinning.

“You are not one to demean yourself. Why are you starting to now?” A cold thought pricked the hairs up on the back of Peko’s neck. Had he changed so much in this time without her?

“Listen… the things we did while we were brainwashed. The things I did to you, you have to hate me for that, right?”

Peko sighed as she leaned back against the headboard of the bed. She had recalled enough information to have a working hypothesis of what was going on. While Fuyuhiko had not told her anything, yet she took this to mean that he considered this matter of priority. So, putting her curiosity aside, she contemplated the best course of action going forward. What was the best way to help him?

Peko was beginning to formulate ideas of the most efficient way to improve his mental stability. The cause of the imbalance seeming to be his relationship with her.

'Simple affirmation should do the trick.' Peko concluded.

She was about to speak when she saw Fuyuhiko begin to cry again. A fresh memory rose to her conscious as his tears began to fall.

I want him to survive! I don’t want him to die! Not for me! Not ever! I… I don’t want to see him cry like that! Please! Please!! I’m begging you!

'That was…'

I… I never wanted a tool! I just wanted you! Only you!

'You did… didn't you…'

She had realised she was going about this all wrong. She was still treating him like a master and herself a tool. Peko caressed the lines of her palm with her thumb and realised she no longer had calluses from wielding a blade. She couldn't recall the last time she had hands this soft.

Soft.

She was soft. Weak, emotional, scared - she could no longer be a tool to him in this state.

Peko felt her emotions begin to boil over as a sincere and visceral question began to bubble forth.

It was a selfish question.

One she would not have dared ask if she still saw herself as only a tool.

It was time to know.

A tool or a person.

What did he really want?

“Young master, what you said before I was killed. Did you mean it?”

"Did I…" Fuyuhiko unburied his face from his hands and stared back teary-eyed. "Of course. I… I only want you Peko. I never needed you to be a tool."

“You want me?” Peko felt the words fly out of her mouth. This was one of the few times her emotions dictated her words. “I do not understand… why?”

“Why!?” Fuyuhiko snapped. “Cause you’re goddamn amazing! I’ve never had such respect for a person! That’s why!”

“A person…” Peko muttered beneath her breath. “Is that how you have always seen me?”

Fuyuhiko slouched back into the grooves of the chair. "Not always… Peko, do you remember when we were kids, and I brought those stupid cards home?"

Peko nodded thoughtfully in reply.

“You protected me… even though I brought it upon myself. I knew from then on how amazing you are.”

Peko felt a rush of blood redden the pigments of her cheeks.

“You have thought of me like that for all these years?”

Fuyuhiko forced a puff of air through his nostrils and shook his head. “I’m so sorry. I should have seen it sooner. I should have… protected you.”

“I see…” Peko felt an enormous – all-encompassing heat inside her. Unbridled joy at his incredible praise and confirmation of what he truly wanted. Not a tool. For some reason he wanted her, she still didn’t fully understand why.

Peko covered her mouth with her fingertips and began to giggle. A very girlish and improper giggle. One completely unfitting of her characterisation as a Yakuza's bodyguard.

“You truly are selfish Young master; it seems you did not even fulfil my final request.”

“Your final request?” He thought back to that tragic moment. One that he had done his best to hide in the dark recesses of his subconscious. But now that the meaning of such a terrible event had been reversed he felt confident enough to bring it back into the forefront.

“Young master Fuyuhiko... Please permit me to make one final selfish request... I want you to remember... the tool, Peko Pekoyama, who used to stand beside you... I would like it if you remembered that.”

Fuyuhiko caught the air in this throat as he realised what he was being accused of. "What!? NO! I never forgot you for a second!”

Peko continued to giggle at his expense. “Yes, but you see… you remembered me as a person, not a tool.”

Instinctively he went to argue back until realising what she actually said - Fuyuhiko couldn't help letting out an exasperated cackle. "Damnit… I couldn't even do that right…"

"Absent-minded, as usual, I see…” To Peko's relief, she realised he was the same young master she had grown up with.

“I’m sorry… I really am selfish.”

"Yes," Peko replied with a warm smile. "You can be."

Fuyuhiko’s face contorted into a pained expression - it seemed he only heard Peko’s words and not the intention behind them.

"But I can be too," Peko admitted her smile fading ever so slightly.

Fuyuhiko recoiled in horror – his expression was as if someone just called his mother a whore and kicked a puppy in the same breath. “No, NO! You are incredible and beautiful and…”

Peko calmly listened as he rattled off various qualities that were supposedly about her. It was a curious experience hearing someone think so highly of you, yet not believing a word of it.

“Do you really think that way about me?” Peko asked with a wistful scepticism.

“I-I do.”

An enormous smile carved its way onto Peko’s usually desolate face but as her smile grew wider, so too did her tears become more frequent.

“Thank you… thank you so much. But I am none of those things you describe me as.”

“What? No!” Fuyuhiko slammed the palm of his hands on the metal of the pod, making it rattle. "You're incredible, and I won't let you think of yourself as anything less! I know I can’t compare to you but-“

"Stop it!" Peko shouted in frustration. The powerful words scratching her throat as she did so, warning her not to cry again. "I… I do not wish for this. I do not want you praising me like some goddess."

Any more words Fuyuhiko was going to spout were stopped by his gritted teeth. With a hefty heave, he collapsed back into his chair.

“I don’t understand… why are you saying all these things now?”

Fuyuhiko pinched his fingers. “I’ve treated you so awfully I want you to know how amazing I think you are.”

“I see.”

A long silence followed as the two considered what to say next. Both had so many things to talk about yet verbalising them seemed impossible. Eventually, Peko found the words she was looking for.

“You asked me if I hate you. I never gave you a proper answer. Would you like one?”

Fuyuhiko was lost in Peko's crimson eyes as he nodded without thinking. Her answer would dictate so much of his life from this point on, and it was all her decision.

"Never say such foolish things to me again. Of course, I don't hate you."

Fuyuhiko felt guilty. Not happy or relieved. Guilty, so guilty.

“How? I made you do things… I did things to you that I could never…” The tears dropped from Fuyuhiko’s eyes like faucets.

“Brainwashed… that is what you said, isn't it?" Peko asked rhetorically. She just needed confirmation that she was correct. Since he didn't outright deny it, she presumed it to be true. “Then why would I blame you for those things?”

“You… you don’t feel guilty?”

“Of course not. We were forced to do those things, why would I?” Peko asked so calmly and casually that it seemed that she was merely stating a fact. The sky is blue. The grass is green. Why would I feel guilty? They were each as valid as the last in the mind of Pekoyama.

While Fuyuhiko felt in awe of her inner strength, he could still feel a chill crawl up his spine at her callousness.

“I see…” Fuyuhiko struggled to utter the words. “That’s… good to hear.”

“If that is so, why do you seem so upset?”

Fuyuhiko wore a small smile as he took Peko's hand in his. His posture straightened, and his face stiffened.

“Peko listen… It means the world to me that you don’t hate me, it really does. But… you really are a better person than me. I think it would be best if we split ways, you’d be better off without me around.  I know you don’t see yourself that way, but I’m sure you’ll soon come to discover for yourself, just how amazing you are.”

“You really think I’ll be better off without you?”

Fuyuhiko closed his eyes and nodded.

Peko squeezed his hand in hers and put her other hand on top of his.

"You are lying to me," Peko stated in a low monotone. "What you really mean to say is: You feel guilty when you're around me, don't you?"

Fuyuhiko went pale and lost any kind of response he had at Peko’s spot-on deduction.

Peko clicked her tongue and looked away, “you truly are selfish.”

“Y-yes…” Fuyuhiko shyly muttered. “But that’s the reason why you should-“

"HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED HOW I FEEL!" Peko yelled once again, ignoring the pain in her throat. “I WANT TO BE WITH YOU TOO!”

Peko slammed a fist onto her hip in frustration and yanked Fuyuhiko closer so he couldn’t look away.

“I am selfish! I am uptight! I am serious and can be boring! I have many flaws! In my opinion, you have always deserved better than me!” Peko began to feel tears careen down the sides of her cheeks as she began to tell the truth behind their childhood.

"Bright, charismatic, funny and quick-witted. You were the ideal Yakuza. Sometimes I would find it hard to believe how perfectly you fit the role and how ill-suited I was to be your tool… yet. I still wanted to be. So, I trained, and I suffered. I worked so hard so I could be worthy of being by your side. Yet I never felt good enough… never… even now. I could have told your parents I wasn't worthy that I wasn't skilled enough… but I didn't! Why… because I'm selfish. I wanted to stay by your side no matter what… no matter how much it hurt or how hard it was. I felt at home right there beside you.”

Fuyuhiko had never seen Peko so honest with her feelings before. He watched as her posture slumped, and she covered her face with her hands.

"That's why I protected you when we were children. Not because I'm selfless. It was an apology. A small token of gratitude for the debt I felt I owed you. That I'm sorry, you have to put up with someone as awful and selfish as me.”

Fuyuhiko had lost her once before. He genuinely thought he would never see this amazing woman again. Yet somehow the fates or god deemed it to be that they were reunited. He was scared, though, scared that he wouldn't be a healthy influence in her life. That she might despise him. With these concerns now gone, nothing was holding Fuyuhiko back from what he truly wanted.

He was scared and insanely nervous.

But he was not going to let her slip through his fingers again. No matter what happened from here on out, he wanted to be honest with Peko with how he truly felt.

Noticing Peko’s grip around his hand loosening - Fuyuhiko tightened it, this time bringing her in closer. With their face’s mere inches away from each other, Fuyuhiko admitted the truth.

A truth that he still felt was selfish of him.

That would end badly.

That might hurt them both more than it would do good.

But he no longer cared.

'I'm a selfish bastard, but for some fucking reason, she still wants to be with me. So be it. I'll teach her just how selfish I can really be.'

Fuyuhiko closed his eyes and began to do what he had always dreamed of doing.

“I love you.”

22 years.

It had been 22 years, and finally, Fuyuhiko knew the taste of Peko's lips. A secret he would take to his grave as he wanted this sensation to be exclusively for himself. As he moved his face away and opened his eyes, he could see Peko bright red and wide-eyed.

"Peko, if you truly think of yourself as selfish, then let's be selfish together. Please, stay by my side."

Peko could feel the heat in her cheeks and her heart beating out of her chest. For a split second, she wondered if she ended up in heaven. With an obnoxiously wide smile one quite ill-suited for a bodyguard she agreed with a frantic nod.

With a cheeky, childlike grin completely ill-fitting of a Yakuza, Fuyuhiko giggled in reply.

They both hugged each other for a long time. Enjoying the presence of each other's true selves, not misguided by what they should be. Finally showing each other who they really are.

For that brief moment. In a world of pain and suffering, they had found true happiness.

+++

+++

“Y-young master?” Peko whispered in his ear as she felt the moment had come to its natural conclusion.

“Hey, come on now. You should really call me Fuyuhiko.” He chuckled.

"F…F…F-Fuyuhiko." It was tangled mess in her mouth, but she felt relieved when she saw his face light up. "R-right well… I… I still don't exactly understand what's going on. I remember a few things, but… where are we… when are we… and is there anyone else? Those questions allude me."

Fuyuhiko nodded earnestly as he turned his chair around so he could lean on the back of it.

“Right!” He nodded with a beaming grin. “I guess I’ll start with the important stuff first yeah?”

Peko diligently nodded back.

"Well, the most important thing you should know. The first thing I tell anyone when they wake up from the simulation."

Peko nodded again. Indeed, this was vital information that would be incredibly useful.

“Is that…”

A variety of scenarios ran through Peko’s head as she tried to predict what he was going to say.

“Well, see this one time... Hajime… snorted… soup.”

The sound of Peko slapping her forehead could be heard across the entire building.

[daily-rayless]

20 Years of Art

2000

(OC / Celes from Final Fantasy 6 / OC / OC)

The influence of Final Fantasy 6, off of the Anthology collection, and Yoshitaka Amano caused a significant shift in my art, leading my human figures to be very slender, graceful, and frequently pale. Most of it was of women, some of it was of horses, and by then I was very self-consciously starting to draw men. I mostly worked in pencils and colored pencils. Faces were oval with high hairlines and long, sharp, narrow noses. Also note my evident fear of mouth-seams and lower eyelids. I was pretty terrible at coloring, often feeling that coloring one of my sketches ruined all the nice linework.

2001

(Quistis from Final Fantasy 8 / Rosa from Final Fantasy 4? / Schala from Chrono Trigger / Dark Knight OC from Final Fantasy 4)

This is where more anime influences came in, and I consciously took on a semi-anime, semi-realistic (in my own mind) style. My ideal of beauty was overbig eyes, overlong nose, and oversmall mouth, and I stuck to it pretty relentlessly. Trying to figure out shadows and face structure. Still bad at coloring. I was incredibly proud of that charcoal picture. Was also going through my mandatory Dark 'n Edgy phase, with a big helping of Phantom of the Opera, Sarah Brightman, and my attempts at designing supercool clothes, many of which I wouldn't have actually worn, even given the opportunity.

2002

(Me trying to recreate “Flaming June” / OC, who incidentally looks almost exactly like Sarah Brightman and whose diadem was bodily lifted from a Jodi Lee painting / angsty symbolic wet chain lady / OC)

Deep in the Dark 'n Edgy. Faces are still very heavily made-up, with big lashes, defined upper eyelids, and dark lips. Trying very hard to be a good artist though, have high expectations for the future. I was so proud of that final pose and worked so hard on it. Lined paper? So not a problem. Besides, how else am I supposed to draw during class? A sketchbook would've been even more obvious than the incredibly obvious I already was. I'm able to listen while drawing pretty reliably, and I did manage to take detailed notes while doodling, so at least I had that going for me.

2003

(Celes / OC / OC / Hermes-inspired wing lady)

I was focusing (at least some of the time) on backgrounds and trying to make my work detailed and polished. Coloring is still hopeless. Often when I colored, I would go super light, even when I was using dark or intense colors. It would give my pictures a sort of faint, half-assed hazy look. I remember an art teacher urging me to use more color, but I probably resisted because I knew that way lay total destruction. I'm sorry, well-meaning art teacher. You are unversed in the ways of my pencils. I have killed too many sketches to take those kinds of risks.

2004

(Rosa? / Meliara from Crown Duel / willow-dress lady / Geddoe and Queen from Suikoden 3)

See the Meliara picture? That's supposed to be a night scene in a forest. Front-lit by blazing firelight. I was too afraid to make the colors darker. This is dark enough, okay? Anyway, this year, along with being utterly obsessed with Suikoden 3 and Crown Duel, I was letting my art head in a more realistic direction...

2005

(OC / Queen / Queen / part of Zetta and Salome from Makai Kingdom; I remember deliberately copying those swoopy Ss from one of my friends’ handwriting. Wishes ended up being the first longform fanfic I posted online.)

...that really flourished this year. It's not actually realism, but I made a point to give my characters, especially the women, more realistic bodies. Faces are very round in this period, often with soft features. Noses are prominent. I'm also, finally, using more vibrant colors. I probably got my first Prismacolor pencils around this time. I also got some really cheap markers, but had no idea how to use them so mostly stuck to pencils.

2006

(All OCs)

I look back on this as a good year. I was learning better coloring techniques. (Bold colors! Press that pencil down! Okay, I still had much to learn.) I got an Elfwood gallery while the site was doing its slow mosey into oblivion. But that was an important step, not just looking at other people's art online, but putting my own up as well. There were downsides though. I began to feel more insecure – or maybe more realistic? – about my art, on this site with so many highly talented artists. Still, 2006 is a good year. It was a lot of fun, and I learned a lot.

2007

(vampire and hunter / Fleur from Harry Potter / OC / Avril from Wild Arms 5)

The year of Fleur Delacour. This is when I was writing Kindred. I think it was because I was trying to depict Fleur as distinctly non-human that my art shifted away from that more realistic style. Fleur, and my other figures, became very tall and slender. The anime DNA is still there though. For a long time, I felt the lying-down picture of Fleur was my best work.

2008

(Revya and Gig from Soul Nomad / my attempts at being “abstract” / OC / OC)

This was the year of Soul Nomad and, towards the end, Tales of the Abyss. Unsurprisingly, the anime influences start moving back to the fore. The eyes are becoming larger again, the features a bit more angular and stylized, mouths are shrinking. I'm still desperately trying to figure out markers and wondering why it's so darn hard (I don't try to educate myself, I just flail), but I was proud of that blue OC picture. It made me feel like I was getting somewhere. 2008 is when I started my deviantART gallery, right when everyone else was moving on to Tumblr.

2009

(teacup lady / Persona 4 noir-style comic / Revya / OC)

Then Persona 4 hit. Shigenori Soejima was a huge influence in this period, especially in eyes and faces. Pupils, chins, and jawlines shrink, eyelashes are sparse and stylized, noses are simplified. 2008 and 2009 are about as pure anime as I've ever gotten. Meanwhile, I'm really exited about my dA gallery and trying lots of different combinations of media. I'm super active on dA and FFN at this point, writing Elysion and then a slew of shorter Persona fics.

2010

(Minako from Persona 3: Portable / concept-art-version Minako / lady with dragon ferret thing / other lady with dragon ferret thing)

I'm still drawing with a lot of Soejima influences. Additionally, bodies are becoming even longer, taller, thinner, and bendier. Some of them look absurd to me now. On the other hand, a lot of pictures from this period have a nice elegance to them. I was still using colored pencils a fair bit, but more clumsy markers are showing up. Persona 3: Portable came out, and this is when I was writing Death and Ker.

2011

(mask lady / hat lady / Archaya, Duphaston, and Iryth from Eternal Poison / symbolic autumn lady and her winter baby)

Midway through this year, I hit a breakthrough when I got my first set of Copics – and skin tones, no less. Even though I was still flailing, I was so thrilled with my results. That Eternal Poison picture left me enormously proud, as did the mother and child one. My style hasn't changed all that much, but it's starting to feel less extreme. The focus on big eyes and tiny little mouths remains.

2012

(Elza from Suikoden 2 / Daryl and Setzer from Final Fantasy 6 / Killey and Lorelai from Suikoden 2 / Lyssa, Greek goddess of madness)

This is the year of Elza. Lots of delicate sketches of this lovely scarred lady, and lots of colored pictures too. I've definitely shifted away from pencils towards markers. The Daryl and Setzer one was an attempt to use both, and I was very happy with it. These pictures show their age, but there's still a lot here I like. Mouths are larger too. However, my online activity was starting to lag.

2013

(Rydia from Final Fantasy 4 / Nia from Infinite Space / the prophet and Schala / Argos and Io from Greek mythology)

The mid-2010s weren't entirely great for me, marked with a lot of frustration and discontent. And that definitely carried over to my art, making me feel very disappointed with myself. There was lots of marker work this year. Probably the standout picture is Argos and Io. This is also when I played through all three routes of Fate/Extra, and my art was suddenly full of Hakuno and Emiya.

2014

(Minako / butterfly lady / Marta and Tenebrae from Tales of Symphonia 2 / Elza)

Looking at it now, this was a good year. Lots of nice marker art. The butterfly one was a big step up for me in terms of coloring. The Marta and Tenebrae has a really cool stylized look to it. But I was becoming less enthusiastic about sharing my art with others. I started to post less and less.

2015

(evil Hakuno and Emiya from the Fate series / Mitsuru from Persona 3 / half moon cookie lady / Hakuno)

I barely posted anything this year, though I was still drawing a ton. As far as making strides, this is one of my better years. Coloring will never be my strong suit, but it's a lot more fun, and it looks a lot better. It's almost entirely marker-work at this point. Despite my, er, angst, a lot of people are smiling this year.

2016

(OC / doodle lady / Luna from Roman mythology / hair bow lady)

At this point, it's feeling too recent for me to really see what's changed. I did a fair bit of eraserless work. One problem I still have – and, yes, it involves coloring my pictures – is losing some of the image's personality after I've inked it and erased the initial pencil work. The picture's still there, but not as nuanced as it originally was. The results often feel stiff to me. Doing the first linework in ink, or not inking at all, allows me to keep that sensitive, spontaneous quality. Luna and the bow and doodle ladies were done without erasers. Another thing I did a lot this year was fill backgrounds with busy shapes and colors, which is a trend I’m still following today.

2017

(flapper and dog / Alcyone and Ceyx from Greek mythology / flower hair lady / Kida from Atlantis)

Not a good year. Not that the art is bad, there just isn't a lot of it, and what there is often isn't very finished. I was still mostly dark online, wondering if I should take down my dA gallery. Drawing and knowing I wasn't going to post something took off some of the pressure of my own expectations, but I was still unhappy.

2018

(Altera from the Fate series / Elizabeth Bathory from the Fate series / OC / Aranea from Final Fantasy 15)

This was a really important year for me. I wrote a novel I'm really proud of, and it's done a lot to give me confidence and a sense of creative direction. I also decided that after New Years, I was going to start a Tumblr gallery...just as everyone who was still on the site was jumping off of it. Much of my 2018 work is still sketchy and unfinished, but I also think it's loosening up some. It feels less stiff than the stuff from the middle of the decade.

2019

(Aloy from Horizon Zero Dawn / medievaly lady / Red from Transistor / Red)

The year of Supergiant Games, which led me to focus more on bright saturated colors. It's really hard for me to analyze these objectively. Coloring is better? I worked more on details? I used my metallic gel pens a ton and did shape-cluttered backgrounds? These aren't new things, but I think they paid off okay. I'm more at peace with my level of ability, I've finished more complicated works, and I crawled out of my den and started posting regularly online again. So that's all good. Curious to see what the art looks like in twenty more years.