#see the reason this is so small is because I actually started it in ms paint

[dawnthefluffyduck]

Happy (very late) Halloween 👻👻 Made this one too smol, spare me by not zooming in haha

[dovveri]

ordinarily

synopsis: you’re having a few issues with your sex life so you decide to start seeing a sex therapist with your boyfriend

warnings: reader receiving, cheating, lots of sex talk bcs this entire fic is literally set around sex, fingering, clitoral stimulus, vibrators, dildos + strap on, sana watches reader masturbate

w/c: 7.8k

a/n: if u didn't know im a psych student and this idea came to me at 3am while cramming sexual dysfunctions for my finals and i ltr wrote this in a few hours bcs i was OBSESSED - that being said this is all still fictional bcs... let's be honest i js wanted to have sex with dr sana but some of the facts are still real! the treatment however... not so real LMAO

❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

“ms. l/n?”

“yes!” you scramble upwards at the sound of your name, pulling your boyfriend up with you and walking briskly towards the woman who’s called you. she offers a kind smile, gesturing for you to follow her.

“is it alright if i bring my boyfriend along?”

she nods, “yes that’s fine. it’s actually customary that both partners are here for appointments like these.”

she leads you towards her office, a clean, organised room with a small couch next to the doctor’s table and chair, and what looks like an upgraded version of a classic examination table.

she seats you both and rolls her chair forward so she’s facing the both of you when she talks. “so how can i help you today ms. l/n?” her eyes are kind, a hint of a smile on her lips.

“u-um just y/n is fine dr. …” you glance to her badge, “minatozaki.”

“alright y/n. sana is fine for me too then.” she smiles.

“r-right sana. so we’ve just been having some trouble with our- um- sex life recently and i think it’s mainly my fault.”

she frowns a little, picking up a notepad on her table to jot down some things, “why would you think that?”

“um well- i- i haven’t um- i’ve never had a penis in me before. my previous male partners would only ever use their hands or mouth but because we were getting a little more serious than that, i wanted to let ben-“ you glance at your boyfriend who looks a little uncomfortable, shifting around in his seat a little, “be the first and we’ve tried for a while now but it’s always just too painful? and i know everyone says the pain passes and whatever but it never seems to pass for me…” you blush, getting progressively embarrassed as you go on.

"i see. do you mind if i ask you a few questions about your sex life?"

you nod, feeling intimidated by the things she's jotting down into her notepad.

"how long has this been going on?"

"umm- i'd say we've tried to have penetrative sex for about 2 months now?"

"have you ever experienced anything like this before?"

"no."

"do you have any history of previous mental health problems?"

"not really, no."

"when you attempt to have sex, do you engage in foreplay?"

"u-um... yes."

"and are you able to secrete natural lubricant from that?"

ben lets out an undignifed snort. you elbow him, face burning red when sana looks up from her notepad, narrowing her eyes at ben who shrinks in his seat, covering his mouth.

"u-um yes i think so."

"ben? is this true?" sana's eyes are locked on ben.

"sorry doc are you asking me if my girlfriend gets wet?"

"for lack of better words yes."

"well yes she gets plenty wet. i always make sure she's turned on before i go in. if you’re asking about if i'm good at sex then yes. i am. plenty of girls in the past have cum because of me."

"i didn't ask that but thank you for your contribution." sana says a little sarcastically, looking back towards you and then down to her notepad. you elbow ben again in response who glances at you slightly annoyed, the tips of his ears red.

"what sorts of foreplay activity do you engage in, does it arouse you, and on average how long would you say your foreplay would go on for?"

"i- um- i-"

"this is a safe space. everything i'm asking is purely for diagnosis reasons, there's nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about, i deal with lots of clients everyday who come in and have talked about much more bizarre things and none of them are nearly as attractive as you are which makes it a lot worse when someone comes in here claiming they have sexual proclivities towards aliens or otherworldly beings."

you blush, the throwaway compliment in there didn't fly past you. "do people really ask about that?"

sana chuckles a little, "oh you'd be surprised the things people come in here about."

you laugh a little in response as well, feeling more comfortable around the doctor, "um well i guess we do all the normal stuff. kissing, whatever, um it usually lasts about... 10 minutes?" you turn to ben who shakes his head a little so you correct yourself, "20 minutes maybe. and um yeah i guess it does arouse me."

sana hums, making a few more notes, "are your nipples sensitive? your breasts? does he play with them? what about your clitoris?"

"i- um- yes... to all of those."

"have you ever orgasmed before?"

"i- yes."

she senses the hesitation in your voice, looking up curiously, "have you orgasmed during sexual relations with ben?"

you shuffle in your seat a little uncomfortably. ben looks at you expectedly, but you can't bring yourself to meet his eyes.

"yes. yes she has." ben replies for you instead when he realises you're not responding.

sana's eyes cut to his with a scowl forming on her face, "did you know only 64.4% of women are able to reach their orgasm during sex? and that number is even lower when the sex is just penetrative? in comparison, 91.3% of men reach their orgasm, in fact, sexual dysfunction in men is actually more common when men orgasm too fast."

ben raises an eyebrow defiantly, "your point doc?"

"that it's normal for women not to reach orgasm. and normal for them to fake it when their boyfriends are pretentious assholes that think they have the best game in the world but in reality, have inflated egos that would easily be shattered if he found out he wasn't as good as he thought he was. most of these women care too much about hurting their partner's feelings than to tell the truth."

ben leans forward aggressively, ignoring your protests for him to sit back down, "i don't know what kinda whack patients you got in here doc but i'm not one of them. i don't need anyone to worry about my feelings like you women do."

sana rolls her eyes, not backing down from his intimidation, "do you have any problems with sexual activity? come too fast? not able to get it up? not able to come?"

ben sputters, "w-what?! who do you think i am?!"

"it's a yes or no question."

"no! i don't have any of those problems! i told you i'm not one of your weird patients!"

"alright that's all we'll be needing from you today. i think this session will be much more productive for y/n if you leave the room. so if you'd please-" she stands up and opens the door, indicating for him to leave.

"what? you can't just kick me out! this is my girlfriend! i'm just as involved in this as she is!"

"actually, since you haven't admitted to having any problems with sex, and you've both said that foreplay and arousal is adequate, there's nothing more that involves you. so yes, i can kick you out."

ben looks back at you, his face red, but you push him forward, "just go ben don't make a scene. i'll see you outside." he frowns, sending a final glare to sana before stomping out the room.

sana closes the door softly after him, settling back down with a sigh.

"i'm so sorry about him i didn't know he would react like that i-"

"it's okay y/n. this is actually quite common. sexual dysfunction is often severely underreported in men, because of the masculine standards they put themselves up to, lots of them won't seek treatment. that's why most of the clients we get are women who come in here with their boyfriends, and a lot of the time these boyfriends don't think they have anything to do with the women's sexual dysfunction, and a lot of them can't accept that they do."

"but you just said-"

"i know what i said. and it's true that if your foreplay is indeed enough and arousing for you, and that this isn't because of any sexual dysfunction he may have, then it no longer directly regards him. however, just because it doesn't directly involve him, doesn't mean it's got absolutely nothing to do with him. i do think i have an idea of what you're going through, but to confirm i'd like to ask a couple more questions if that's okay with you? and hopefully you can be fully honest with me now that ben isn't here."

you shuffle in your seat a little. "yeah of course."

she smiles, going back to her notepad, "so backtracking a bit, i'm assuming ben hasn't been able to make you orgasm?"

you blush, shaking your head.

"how about with previous partners? is there anything they've done that's helped you reach that orgasm or are there any similarities you can think about between them?"

"mm well for one, i've only ever been able to come when i'm with women."

"oh?" sana looks up again over her specs, a twinkle in her eye.

"u-um yeah and with them it's mostly um, using their hands or oral, and even then i normally need at least some clitoral stimulation to come. i have tried using dildos before but i also find it a little too painful, but i'm at least able to bear it when it's with a woman, with ben i kinda just push him off because it's all too much."

"i see. that's quite normal. most women do require clitoral stimulation to be able to orgasm. a very small proportion of women are actually able to come from penetration alone. do you masturbate?"

you blush again, fiddling with your fingers, but her friendly smile reassures you, "yes. well- less since i've been with ben because he doesn't really like it when he finds out i've touched myself. he gets a little offended and always says i don't need to masturbate when i have him. he takes offense because he thinks i'm doing it since he's not doing a good enough job or something."

"hmm." she hums, jotting something else down, "is he doing a good enough job? i know you said foreplay was fine but i just wanted to check in on that again."

"he's alright i guess. like most men i've been with in the past he does kinda rush things a little, and he does do foreplay it's just a little rougher than i like sometimes. i also think um-" you blush, eyes flickering around the room.

"mm?" sana smiles gently again, encouraging you.

"i think he has trouble finding my clit? or i don't know he always kinda fumbles around when he fingers me so his hands always brush against my clit a little too rough and then he presses down on parts where he thinks it is and asks me if it feels good."

sana hums again, writing down some more notes before the next question. "so back to masturbation, before ben, how often would you say you masturbated?"

"oh u-um, maybe like once a month?"

"and you're able to make yourself come?"

"sometimes. sometimes it just gets too tiring and i end up just falling asleep."

"i see." sana writes a few finishing notes and then places her notepad on the table. "so from what you've told me today, it would seem like you have something called genito-pelvic pain or penetration disorder. normally this sort of behaviour has to go on for at least 6 months before it is diagnosable, but even though it’s only been two months for you, we can still work on ways to improve your symptoms. so there's nothing physically wrong with you or your body, this is more of a cognitive response to a fear of pain from penetration. what happens is because of this fear, you're vaginal muscles tighten when you're about to have sex, they're trying to protect you from this invasive thing that's going to enter your body and that it thinks will cause you a lot of pain. this is why it's so much more painful when someone does penetrate you, because you're muscles are already working actively to try and push it out, they only get tighter and tighter making sex more painful for you. this kinda creates this cycle of fear because it does hurt when you have sex, so the next time it happens, your muscles learn to anticipate this pain and try to close you off from this external invasion. does that kinda make sense?"

you nod a little hazily, the words floating around in your head.

"it's a good thing that you're still able to take penetration though. in some extreme cases women's vaginas have been sealed so tight penis penetration is impossible. now there aren't any medications for this unfortunately, but the main treatment is to unlearn this fear that's maintaining the disorder, and eventually you'll be able to engage in sex that is enjoyable for you again."

"how would i unlearn that?"

"well first of all, masturbation helps. a lot. you say you were only really doing it once a month in the past but actually, masturbating weekly or even twice a week is perfectly normal. and i know you said your boyfriend doesn't really like it but... well it's your body right? if he can't make you feel good then you need to start learning how to make yourself feel good. you need to start turning sex into a positive experience again. later down the line, that also means a lot more foreplay than what you're currently doing. i'm talking like an hour at least. using lube as well will be extremely useful, even if you are wet, it always helps to be fully prepared for that first penetration. i know this all sounds like a lot right now so we'll start slow. would you mind getting up on the examination table and taking off your pants and underwear. i'd like to examine your pelvic muscles a little more closely."

you nod, shuffling onto your feet and beginning to strip out of your clothes. sana pays you no mind, grabbing a new pair of gloves and slipping them on. you figure sana has done this plenty of times in the past, there was nothing to be embarrassed about. well... aside from the fact that sana was really pretty and her really pretty hands were about to be touching you and-

she's turning back around when you lay on the examination table, hands crossed on your stomach, fiddling with your fingers. you avoid her gaze but catch the way her eyes linger a little on your legs. she moves closer towards you, you keep your gaze fixed on the ceiling, feeling the tips of your ears go red at the attention.

she giggles a little and you're confused, "y/n you have to open your legs for me to be able to see anything."

"oh right i- um-" you shyly spread your legs apart, revealing your cleanly shaven lips.

sana squeezes something into her hand, "this is just lube. to see your pelvic muscles in action means i'll have to part your walls so i'm just lubricating them to make it a little more comfortable for you." she looks up at you, waiting for your consent, and when you nod, she gets straight to work.

you gasp at the cold feeling of the lubricant running down your folds, wiggling a little. then, sana's hands come in and start massaging the lube along your folds, spreading it so it covers the entire surface area of your core, fingers gentle as she spreads the liquid. your breath catches a little when she bypasses your clit, squeezing your hands together, and trying your best to not make any inappropriate sounds while in your doctor's office.

you sneak a glance down at her, watching the way she has her lip caught between her teeth while she focuses, eyes glued to your folds. she spreads your lips and starts applying the lube on your inner folds as well, meticulous with her work, making sure no slice of skin was missed.

"i'm going to start prodding around your entrance now alright?"

you can only choke out a hum in response, not trusting your voice to give away the fact that this was turning you on very much.

one of her fingers glides down to your entrance, her other hand still holding your lips open, and she starts to poke gently at your entrance, you can feel when a short fingernail dips in just slightly, wiggling around a little to try and loosen you up. at this point you're kinda glad sana went with the lube because it meant she couldn't tell she was actually getting you spectacularly wet on her own, your own slick mixing with the lube she's spread all over.

she starts pushing a finger in very slowly, but you cringe a little and shuffle your hips when she's about a knuckle in. she pulls out gently, "hurts?"

you nod, "a little."

she starts pressing gently against your folds again, "i'm just going to try massage your folds from the outside, hopefully it'll get your muscles to relax a little with some stimulation."

it is relaxing, the way she's gently pressing into you, it’s certainly never like anything you’ve felt before, it turns you on, but also eases you, it’s a combination you’ve never experienced.

when she gently runs a finger over the hood of your clit your hips jerk and you gasp.

“sorry! too much?” sana backs away quickly, hands raised so you can see she’s no longer touching you.

you inhale, forcing yourself to look at her, your gaze a little blurry, eyes lidded, “n-no. that was- g-good actually.” your voice is a lot scratchier than it was, you can’t believe how turned on you are from just minutes of being with her. “a-actually would it- um- are you allowed to take your gloves off? like if you want to! you don’t have to if you think it’s gross or anything i just think it could help a little so you can feel exactly where your skin and nails touch me.”

sana raises an eyebrow, seeming to consider you, and you want to crawl back into your pants, run away and never see be seen in public again the longer she takes to regard you.

but then wordlessly, she takes her gloves off, flicking them into the bin and reaching for the bottle of lube.

“oh um- you don’t have to. i’m wet enough i think.”

sana smirks then, squeezing some into her palm, “oh sweetie i know. remember what i said about lubing up anyway though? there can never be too much lube.”

you blush at the pet name, gritting your teeth when you feel the cool liquid and the soft touch of her fingers again. except this time it’s so much more real, you can feel every single brush, every stroke, every movement of her fingers against you. when she brushes against your clit again, you can’t help the faint moan you let out. your cheeks burn in embarrassment when you feel her still her movements against you. “s-sorry i-“

“it’s okay. you can make as many sounds as you want. just relax. stop thinking sweetie.” she brushes over your clit again, with a little more purpose this time, and you let out another whimper, trying to stop your hips from grinding against her hand.

the next few minutes are torturous. you're biting back moans every 2 seconds, focusing on keeping your hips solidly on the examination table, hands clenched tight together, you’re so wet you can hear the way she's sliding through your folds much more easily now, able to insert the entire length of her fingernail in with each stroke downwards. your breathing has gotten observably heavier, each inhale and exhale is strained, and you certainly couldn’t look at sana anymore, eyes glazed, just trying to focus on not giving yourself away.

"i’m gonna try go in again now okay?"

you nod, a little desperately, closing your eyes to block out the sight of her between your legs.

she gently prods at your entrance, now able to slide a knuckle in fairly easily, you feel like jelly around her, unable to control your own movements when you jolt downwards, sucking in more of her finger and moaning at the feeling.

“alright?”

“mhm just- just do it.”

“do what sweetie?”

“just- you know-“

“hmm?” she slips a little further in, and you clench around her, your muscles trying to trap her inside of you.

“f-fuck- i- yeah- fuck-“

she giggles a little and you flush, you realise again that she’s very attractive and very good with her hands and those hands are now inching even deeper into you, and before you know it, she’s got her entire finger buried inside of you.

you’re breathless at the feeling.

“painful at all?”

“n-no. not at all. feels- um- g-good.”

you can hear the smirk in her voice when she teases, “you feel good.”

you clench around her at the praise, unaware that sana’s trying her very best to stay as professional as possible, despite wanting so badly to rid you of all your clothes and fuck you until you were moulded to only be able to take her.

“relax baby. i’m going to slide back out now okay?”

you whine when you feel her retreating slowly, your walls gripping her finger, urging her to stay inside. but she comes out until just the tip of her finger is in you, and then pushes in again, filling you up deliciously.

you exhale deeply, back arching at the feeling.

“good?”

“fuck- so fucking good oh god-“

she’s pulling out and pushing in again, slow and careful, watching your body for any signs of pain and fixed on the way your face contorts in pleasure at the feeling of being sexually satisfied for the first time in months.

“think you can take another?” you peek open your eyes to find that sana looks slightly more dishevelled than before, her breathing also a little irregular now, her voice low with lust. you gulp at the sight.

“y-yeah.”

now that you've caught a glimpse of her, you can't look away, your eyes tracing the way her gaze is a little clouded, her tongue peaking out to wet her lips. then she's pushing in again with a second finger, rubbing your clit lightly with her other hand and pressing down onto the external parts of your folds to get you to loosen up.

you suck her in easily, whimpering a little when she stops and looks up at you in concern.

"k-keep going p-please- i can take it- fuck-"

so she continues her journey, pressing in deeper, and deeper, until she's able to fit two fingers snugly inside of you. you moan when she fills you up, pulsing around her, muttering curses and hands moving to hold onto the sides of the examination table.

but then, sana's pulling out again, and this time she doesn't come back. she clears her throat, moving towards the sink in her office to wash herself up.

you clamber onto your elbows hazily, completely soaked and watch in confusion as she dries her hands, her cheeks flushed.

"i think that's enough for today y/n. you can use the sink and this towel here to clean yourself up and get dressed. i'll wait for you outside." she doesn't spare you another glance and slips outside the room, closing it behind her to give you some privacy.

you take a second to recover because what the fuck just happened? you can only follow her instructions dumbly, picking up the towel she's left for you and cleaning yourself up, still incredibly sensitive when you twitch with each swipe along your folds. you put your clothes back on and rearrange your hair so that it doesn't look like you were just about to come mere minutes ago.

once you're tidied up and you've cleared your mind, or at least pushed all the lustful thoughts about being fucked into the table aside, you step outside the office, looking around to find that sana's with ben at the front desk, talking to the receptionist.

you clear your throat to announce your presence when you walk up to them. ben seems to have calmed down and he kisses your cheek sweetly when you sidle up next to him. you take note of the way sana eyes the action, her grip on the pen getting just a little tighter.

"alright y/n. i talked with ben to get an idea of your availability so i hope it's okay that i've booked you in for another session in about 2 weeks."

"yes that's fine!" your voice comes out unintentionally higher than you meant it to. the nerves and confusion hitting you at once.

"and i'll also set you a little homework. like we talked about, masturbation is key to getting better. so here's a self-care kit, it's got a clitoral vibrator and a few different dildo sizes as well as a couple of bottles of lube. i want you to try using the vibrator first, get used to the feeling of orgasming, and then start to bring in the smallest dildo. ben can watch if you want him to or help, but just remember what i said about making sex a positive experience. that's the main purpose of all of this, just relearning that sex is good and that it’s meant to be fun and enjoyable. i'll check with you in 2 weeks how the progress is going and we'll go from there. any questions?"

the entire time she talks to you, she barely looks into your eyes, it's clear she's already discussed all of this with ben who looks more than happy to be a bystander to your sexual pleasure if it meant he would be able to have sex with you later on. you find yourself a little disappointed that she won't acknowledge you. you shake your head no, and she slides you a few forms and the self-care package she mentioned, discreetly wrapped and in a cute little takeaway bag.

"great i'll see you in two weeks y/n. if you'll excuse me now." she sidesteps you and walks briskly back into her office, your eyes trail after her, but you shake the feelings from your head, refocusing on the present and the way ben has his arm wrapped around you.

❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

it's a fortnight later and you're sitting in a familiar waiting room, this time without ben because you convinced him to stay behind after his retaliatory actions the last time he was here. maybe you also just wanted to see sana alone but you weren't going to tell him that.

if you were being honest, sana hasn't left your mind once since you left the clinic two weeks ago. even when you were completing her assigned homework tasks, it wasn't broad muscles and rugged facial hair that you were thinking of, no matter how hard you tried, your thoughts always drifted back to the way sana had handled you so carefully, the way her fingers felt inside you, how she paid attention to every single reaction you made, every small sound, twitch, how attentive she was. and sometimes your thoughts drifted into territory that was a little more imaginative. those usually consisted of sana using the various toys she'd given you to bring you to heights you weren't able to bring yourself to.

"y/n?"

your head snaps up at the voice. you beam seeing her, she has her hair up today, pretty earrings and perfect features accentuated. she smiles in response at you, gesturing you to follow her to her office.

you settle into the familiar office again, much more relaxed and excited than the last time you were here.

"i see you're looking a lot more chipper than 2 weeks ago." sana comments with a smile, grabbing her notepad that you recognise from last week.

"just happy to see you again."

her smile fades a little at that, but you don't let that discourage you.

"right... so tell me how your fortnight has been. have you attempted to have sex with your boyfriend again? uh... bryson was it? or brendan?"

"ben. and no we haven't had sex again. i also took your advice and let masturbation be just a personal experience. he asked to watch and help but i told him it would be better if he didn't."

"that's good to hear. how has the masturbation been?"

"great! you were right! i've forgotten what having sex just for the sake of doing it for myself felt like. i've spent so long thinking i enjoyed it when i was really just an item for my partner's satisfaction. in a sense that brought me joy as well, being able to provide a source of happiness for them, but i realised that that's not a healthy thing to keep doing."

sana smiles genuinely, "very good y/n. i'm glad that masturbation has helped you realised that. how about your vaginal muscles? did you try using the dildos in the self care package?"

"um- yes i did but- i was actually hoping- uh-"

"hmm? what is it?"

"well i still haven't really been able to cum from using the dildos, only from the vibrator. it's not as painful anymore to put them in, and i'm still working up the sizes, but it still doesn't really feel good? like it just feels like there's something in me, it doesn't really derive pleasure or anything like that."

sana hums, thinking a little, writing down a few notes before closing her notepad. "would you show me?"

"i- um- sorry what?"

"how you've been masturbating. it may be something with the technique, but if it's something else more serious, i'd need to know about it."

"oh! yeah of course." you stumble upwards, repeating your movements from 2 weeks ago, stripping of your clothes, except this time, you take your top off as well.

sana yelps and turns around at your abrupt show of skin.

"something wrong sana?"

"oh- um- no nothing i just thought- um- i didn't think there was reason for your top to be off as well-"

"you wanted to see how i touched myself right? i generally try and stimulate my tits as well since my nipples are quite sensitive."

"right... yes of course." she turns around again, avoiding your gaze and looking to the floor, waiting for you to get on the examination table.

your lips quirk a little at how shy she's being, "is something the matter sana? you see naked bodies all the time in this line of work don't you? and you pretty much saw me naked last time as well..."

sana blushes even brighter, "um- well- yes but- most of my patients tend to be middle aged and they certainly aren't as attractive as you are."

"you think i'm attractive?" you're laid on the examination table now, head turned to the side so you can watch as the doctor fumbles where she's seated, still not looking at you.

"i- um- well- forgive me- i'm trying really hard to be professional right now and-"

"is that why you left in such a hurry during our last session?" you start trailing your hands over yourself, finding yourself easily aroused in the presence of the other woman.

"oh- um- well- yes i- i didn't want to make you uncomfortable-"

you moan gently when a practiced hand glides up to squeeze softly at a tit, the other sliding down slowly towards your centre. "you could never make me uncomfortable sana. well actually... i was only really uncomfortable when you left me so empty last time. i couldn't wait to go home and try out the toys you gave me, i haven't felt so turned on in so long and i needed to get that out of my system as soon as i could." you're trying to get a rise out of her, but everything you're saying is the truth anyway.

sana's eyes are on you now, wide and a little shocked at the words coming out of your mouth, and you revel in the way that meant her eyes now travelled your body. you try and angle yourself so she can see the way you squeeze at your breast, brushing over a nipple lightly with your palm and watching it pebble in reaction, your other hand dipping down to trace along your folds, finding that you're already dripping, the fact that the object of your sexual desires for the last 2 weeks is now only inches away from you, watching you touch yourself, driving you further off the edge of sanity.

"y/n..." sana's voice comes out almost 2 octaves lower than her usual register. you catch the way she wets her lips and crosses her legs.

"i'm so wet already i don't even need lube. and i know you kept saying to use it no matter what and trust me i did when i got myself off at home, but right now, just look-" you bring your hand up from between your legs, making an obscene display of licking your fingers and sucking on them, making sure she could see the arousal that coated your fingers.

sana's jaw tightens at the sight, she shuffles a little in her seat, unconsciously moving closer towards you.

"you don't have to worry about being unprofessional sana. i promise i want this just as much as you do right now." you slide your hand back down yourself, finding your clit easily after the practice you've gotten over the last fortnight, and rubbing circles around it.

"bold of you to assume i want this. this is my job after all." you leak at the register in her voice, it's something you've only been able to imagine in your fantasies.

"you don't want me?" you pout a little, turning onto your side so your entire body is facing her, your arm pushing your breasts together while a finger tugs gently on a nipple, your other hand still rubbing fast little circles into your clit.

sana chuckles darkly, her eyes closing, she seems to be trying to force herself to keep still.

"because just to be clear... i've thought about how you touched me every single time i came these past two weeks." your breath hitches when you recall the way you'd vigorously rub one out to her, sometimes multiple times a day ever since you started masturbating again. "i- oh fuck- no one has gotten me that turned on in such a short amount of time ever- nng- and i'd think about the way you felt inside me, and how careful and gentle you were- fuck- and then i'd think about how rough you could get as well- oh- and how i'd try and be so good for you- can you- can you pass me the dildo? i think i can slide the smallest one in now-"

she gets up from her seat wordlessly, exuding a dark aura that makes you clench your thighs in anticipation. she moves towards your bag, digging for the package and pulling it out, taking the smallest dildo and then moving back towards you. her pupils are blown, hungrily drinking you in, your fingers speed up just a little at the attention.

you reach out a hand mid-moan, asking for her to pass you the toy.

but she clicks her tongue, pushing your hand away gently and lubing up the toy herself.

you gulp, turning so you're laid flat on your back again, spreading your legs so she can see just how wet you were.

her eyes meet yours briefly, and you adore the way she checks in and makes sure you're okay with this, and you nod, giving her permission before she's sliding the dildo into you.

"oh shit-"

sana hums, pushing the little gold dildo in further, transfixed on the way your fingers move just a little rougher around your clit with every centimetre.

when she's completely inside you moan, clenching around the dildo, it was a comfortable size inside you.

"any pain?" her voice is rough, laced with barely concealed lust.

you whine, "n-no- you can move."

she starts pulling out, and it is almost painful the threat of being empty leaving you desperate, grinding down to try and keep her inside you, but she pushes back in, just a second faster this time and you moan unabashedly.

"f-fuck-" she starts up a rhythm, pulling out of you, then pushing back in, each time a second faster than the last.

you rub your clit, faster, harder, pulling on your nipple, switching to the other one to make sure both were attended to, you've never been built up this quickly. even when you were masturbating you had taken her advice and teased yourself for at least an hour before you got anywhere close to cumming.

you crave her, eyes lidded watching the way the veins in her arms become a little more visible when she thrusts in a little harder. you can hear the examination table shaking under you, you can't keep still at all, trying to meet her on each thrust, the tools and materials clattering about loudly. the possibility that someone could hear you outside flies across your mind but you can barely give it a second thought, in fact, it turns you on even more knowing that you were getting fucked by the most gorgeous doctor that you've been obsessed with the last fortnight, and on the other side of the door everyone was just going about their regular days, having no idea the heights of pleasure she was bringing you to.

"o-oh s-sana oh my god- holy fuck-"

"hmm? good?"

"yes yes so good- oh my god you feel so good inside me i'm gonna- oh fuck-"

"do you mind if i..."

you look down at her, vision a little blurry but you can tell she's asking to do something, "yes yes oh god- whatever- you can do whatever you want to me- oh fuck-"

you feel a soft hand come to rest on your stomach, sliding down to just a little below your belly button, and then it presses down just gently, "oh fuck!" your hips jolt upwards, pleasure running up your spine.

sana stops the pressure but keeps her hand on your lower stomach, "was that okay?"

"god yes- oh sana you're gonna make me cum please-"

so she presses down again, a little harder this time, and you feel the coil in you snap, white enroaching your vision, your thighs shaking, head tilted back, a high-pitched gasp leaving your mouth, feeling completely breathless.

sana waits for you to come down patiently, helping you through your orgasm, continuing her thrusts into your cunt but slower and much gentler.

eventually, you feel your back and hips meet the surface of the examination table under you again, breathing heavily and opening your eyes slowly.

sana's moved next to you, brushing strands of hair out of your face, you preen into her touch. but the next thing she does has you clenching tightly around the dildo that's still inside you. she brings her fingers to her mouth, sucking them in and making a show of wrapping her tongue around them. "exquisite."

you blush, clenching your thighs together at the sight.

she gives you a slow once-over again, before exhaling shakily and turning away, moving to the sink to clean up a little. you struggle a little to sit up, still recovering from your mind-shaking orgasm, and you're about to pull the dildo out of you when she speaks up again, still with her back turned to you.

"keep it inside you. that'll be your homework task for the next fortnight until our next session." she turns around, seeming to have collected herself a little better, her eyes fixed only on your face, purposely avoiding the rest of your body.

you sluggishly start to clean yourself up, wincing a little each time you accidentally move the dildo inside you.

"so you are able to come from penetration, you don't have to worry about that. and it's normal that you need some clitoral or other stimulation to be able to orgasm, often just penetration isn't enough. for the next fortnight i want you to continue masturbating, but i want you to practice leaving a dildo inside yourself afterwards, so your vaginal muscles get used to the feeling of something being inside. you can slowly work your way up the sizes, just don't push yourself and make sure you stop if it starts becoming too painful."

you nod, trying to bring your breathing back to a normal pace while you slip your clothes back on.

"alright. were there any other concerns you wanted to talk about?"

you shake your head, coming to a stand.

"okay. you can make the next appointment with the receptionist out front. i'll see you in 2 weeks y/n."

you nod, again, walking out the door when she opens it for you, but turning back before she can close it catching her a little by surprise, "thank you sana. i look forward to seeing you again soon." your voice is still a little scratchy but sana blushes, pursing her lips and nodding, closing the door after you.

you sigh a little dreamily, feeling more blissed out than you've been in a long time.

❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

this continues between the two of you for a few months.

you loved teasing sana and getting her out of her professional state. once you had worn lingerie under your coat to see her. you laugh remembering the way her eyes widened and her jaw dropped as soon as you took off your coat when you were in the privacy of her office. you'd let her fuck you however she wanted, and then you'd use each new experience to get you off during the fortnight that she'd give you new exercises, all increasing in intensity to help build you up to being able to take an average sized penis.

your favourite one to think about was that week that ben started complaining about how you'd been seeing sana for so long that surely you'd be able to take him by now. he insisted on coming to your next appointment but he was forced to sit outside and wait for you. little did he know you were on the other side of the door, a hand clamped over your mouth, the other holding you up against the door with your breasts pressed against it while sana railed into you from behind. of course she kept harnesses in her office. she had said they were mainly there for educational purposes, to show people how to put one on properly so it was safe and wasn't hurting anyone, it was just an added benefit that she also used them to pound into you with increasing dildo sizes each fortnight.

you lean onto your elbows while you watch her wash off the dildo she had just used on you. it was the biggest one yet and you're still fluttering a little remembering the way it filled you up while you rode her.

"what?" she turns around, drying off the dildo and slipping it back into your bag, pulling her shirt back on.

"just think you're nice to look at."

she rolls her eyes playfully, "shut up y/n."

you wiggle your eyebrows, "make me."

she glances at you, narrowing her eyes a little but making no effort to move closer, "as if you could go another round. you came so hard just then."

you giggle and sigh in satisfaction, resting your cheek on a hand, "i did. you're so good at what you do."

sana hums, finishing getting dressed and looking semi-presentable, settling back into her seat, but her expression changes a little while she studies you.

"what's up?"

"... have you tried having sex again with your boyfriend?"

"i told you i haven't."

she hums again, mind drifting elsewhere and you shrug, sitting up and starting to clean yourself up. "you can try now y'know? you were able to take that dildo and that's pretty much the average size of a penis already. unless he's bigger than that...?"

you scoff, shuffling into your pants, "no. he's actually smaller than the one you just used on me."

"then you should try having sex again."

you pull your shirt over your head, thinking over what she's saying. instead of sitting down in your own seat you climb into her lap, her arms wrapping around you automatically, hands gripping your waist while you make yourself comfortable. "doesn't that mean i won't be able to see you anymore?"

sana chuckles a little emptily, "i'm your sex therapist y/n. you knew this was going to end eventually."

"yeah but you don't fuck your other clients do you?"

sana laughs then, you feast in the sound. "no, no i don't."

"good. i was actually thinking..."

"hm?" she brings a hand up to your cheek, brushing slightly.

"would you... i don't know... like... i think about you when i get off yeah but i also think about you like... all the time..."

"mhm."

"so i was wondering if... i don't know if you felt the same if you wanted to like hang out outside of here? and like i don't mean to have sex i mean like go on a date maybe...?" you're shy, bringing this question up, blushing and avoiding her eyes.

"you have a boyfriend y/n." she deadpans.

"well yeah but i was thinking of breaking up with him anyway. now that you're bringing up having sex with him again i don't want that, and i don't want to stop seeing you. i guess just- just the threat that this all might be over soon- well i don't want it to be over. i like you sana." you say a little more firmly this time, meeting her eyes with decisiveness.

sana smiles then, all eyes, leaning in to peck you gently, "come back in a fortnight and we'll see. if you're no longer with him then... maaaybe i'll let you take me out."

your eyes brighten at her response, jumping out of her lap with excitement, "really?! oh my god i'll call him right now and do it-" you're reaching for your phone in your bag when she laughs, pulling you back into her

"don't do it over the phone silly. not even he deserves that."

you pout a little but it’s quickly wiped away when sana kisses you, lips slotting perfectly against yours with practiced ease. you sigh into her, addicted to the feeling, the taste, the smell of her. it was probably the easiest decision of your life, choosing your sex therapist over your boyfriend.

[pbnbucks]

Nika x Reader!

The Storm

word count : 636

warnings : cussing, injury.

summary : your at Nika’s Seattle storm game and while shes try’s to show off she accidentally hurts you in the process.

it was everything you could imagine, your sister supprised you with side line tickets for you and her to the seattle storm game against the indiana fever.

your sister new how much you adored Nika and how she was the reason you even fell in love with basketball.

the game started off with Nika on the bench. 10 minutes before half time she got put in. she was playing amazing but there was one play that caught your eye.

she was guarding caitlin and her defense was amazing making it a tough game for caitlin. she had the ball dribbling it down the court and passing it behind her back to Victoria Vivians and Victoria makes a three as the crowd goes wild you scream and clap your hands at the storms teamwork effort returning with eye contact from Nika.

She blushes at your praise for the way she played getting cocky and shy she hides her face from you and makes her way to the other side of the court.

a few minutes later you notice Nika is trying to make the similar play she made a while ago that you and the crowd went crazy for.

except this time Victoria misses the ball and it flys over her hand hitting you in your lower abdomen making the game stop.

you don’t even realize you’ve been hit until the players look at you in shock and you sister asks if you are okay as you hear the crowd and players all say ‘oh shit’ to themselves.

you feel the sharp pain and put your hand on it as the teams athletic trainer tells you to come with her to the health office.

you go with her leaving your sister court side as Nika try’s to hide from you, you could tell she felt bad. you sit down on the nursing bed as she pulls your shirt up looking at your stomach noticing it was red and already forming a bruise.

she talks you through the healing process and hands you a bag of ice. it is now halftime and she leaves to go the team to see if they needed her help.

shortly after she leaves you see Nika out of all people enter. “hi.” “hey?” “im sorry for hitting you with the ball out there. its funny actually i was trying to impress you but instead i got cocky and messed up.” your in total shock because no way ms Nika Mühl just said that to you.

“you where trying to impress me out of all people?” she puts her hand on the back of her neck looking down getting shy “yea i saw you celebrating when i did it earlier and i wanted a reaction from you again..” you laugh and start making small talk and after 10 minutes she decides that she has to go but before she leaves she repeats how sorry she id and pulls you in for a hug and forgets that you in pain.

you wince at the hug and grab your lower abdomen trying to protect it from hurting more. “oh my gosh i forgot im sorry i should go now” you feel bad for the poor girl shes so clearly flustered by you “its okay ill be fine” she walks towards the door and stops only to look back at you.

“you want me to kiss it to make it feel better?” you smile at the girls intent to be sweet. “yeah i would like that a lot actually” she walks towards you lifting your shirt up barely to place kisses on your lower right abdomen. “will i see you after the game?” “i hope so.” and after that she walks away to play the rest of the game leaving with a win and your number.

[lordsukunas]

daycare worker? attendant?! nanami headcanons sorry this has actually been nibbling away at my brain... i'll shut up abt this au at some point. anyway, enjoy!

daycare attendant! nanami whose fingers always smell like citrus after lunch because kugisaki has randomly deemed him her orange peeler.

daycare attendant! nanami who roleplays with the kids as a chivalrous knight during tea time. he sneaks glances at you from his cramped spot in the tiny chair, a foam sword resting on his thighs. when your gaze meets his and he sees the small, amused smirk on your lips, he swears his heart skips a beat or two.

daycare attendant! nanami who packs extra snacks for the kids. he has an entire list in his notes app of their preferences and allergies.

daycare attendant! nanami who, during nap time, listens to r&b (sade, micheal jackson, beyonce, h.e.r., ms. lauryn hill) while attempting to finish up a book he started weeks ago.

daycare attendant! nanami who walks you to your car every evening once all the kids are gone, even if his car is parked on the other side of the parking lot.

daycare attendant! nanami who notices you eyeing one of the pastries he brought from a small bakery. that same pastry is on your desk when you unlock your classroom the next morning.

daycare attendant! nanami who genuinely enjoys doing word searches with the kids, even if they're so easy it takes him less than five minutes.

daycare attendant! nanami who looks up whenever one of the kids calls your name. you don't even have to be in the room, and he'll still do it, hazel eyes searching for your radiant presence.

daycare attendant! nanami whose desktop wallpaper is a picture of kuantan, malaysia. when you ask him about it, he explains the reason calmly as always, but you can see the twinkle in his eyes and the smile threatening to spread across his features.

daycare attendant! nanami who is picky as hell about candles. if it stinks or is overly strong, he won't spare it a second glance. that's not to say he doesn't enjoy unconventional smells, though.

daycare attendant! nanami who only enjoys talking to you. he's cordial enough to his other coworkers, but something about how you smile at him or gesture animatedly with your hands while you speak or visit him during lunch, ready to tell him a story about something silly the kids did... it makes him a little more excited to come to work every day.

divider creds: hitobaby hai!! i'm back again lolsies. i can't tell if attendant or worker is a better word, but i think imma just call it attendant instead. also, ik i said that he wouldnt go back to jujutsu sorcery but like imagine him spending a lil extra time before work to exorcise any curses that get too close to the daycare... its not realistic bc its against the silly rules of jujutsu society or wtv but idgaf!!! nanamin loves them kids (and maybe u idk)<3

[vinnsley]

omg.. so ummm i was thinking.. have u seen norton in the new story? :3 and yk how he kinda like.. didn’t say a word to Alice.. I was wondering if u can write a fic.. where norton has a s/o.. :3 in the game and only talks to them.. and everyone is just like “wtf”.. :3

ORIGINAL: chuckles evilly. LOOK NO FURTHER DEAR ANON!!! (i deleted idv awhile ago. Youtube, my friend... :3)

UPDATED: Yes. I redownloaded IDV a while ago and finished the new story quests and unfortunatly by the time i am writing this, i don't remember everything clearly, so if this has any information wrong, i apologize 😭 (lately i haven't been playing either (by lately i mean months))

Edit 2: i realized that the most popular thing ive written is exactly abt norton.. and its smut. ermmmm😓

[----------]

-At first, you had 0 idea what to expect. Your boyfriend got sent a letter inviting them to a mysterious manor and he had to go alone. You were worried for him, considering the events of his past, but you let him on his way.

-It only took a few weeks for you to recieve a letter similar to what Norton recieved — from the same manor. It mostly contained that you are invited to the manor for reasons the writer rather not disclose trough a letter.

-Considering this was the same letter that made Norton leave, you immedieatly grabbed your suitcase and started to pack a few clothing items you deemed fit.

-The ride towards the manner was long —making you nervous by every second that passed. Would you see Norton again? Did something happen to him? What is it that this mysterious person wanted to talk with you about? Aswell as with a few others who would be present?

-When you finally arrived infront of the manor, you took a deep breath. Not too sure if you were ready to hear or see what was going on inside said manor. You walked up to the door and knocked, waiting for a few seconds (Which felt like hours in your point of view) and the door opened.

-A butler opened the door. Not saying anything aside your name as a question. Wanting to confirm it was actually you.

-You nod and give the old-looking man your invite, to which he nodded and let you inside. A maid bowing infront of you slightly as a greeting, before saying that she'll be your guide, and that you were free to ask questions whenever you wanted.

-You felt like you wanted to burst into words, you had so many questions. But anxiety has sewn your mouth shut, unable to mutter a single word besides an affirmation to the maid and following her to your temporary residence.

-The tour tooj atleast 1,5 hours in your opinion. The whole manor was... giant, in your words. You asked questions here and there to the maid, to which she either responded... or not. Which made your gut feel weird, but you shrugged it off.

-You already met a few people already. Like Mr. Kreiburg...But you wouldn't actually call it a meeting. As you reached out your hand and tried to introduce yourself, he only picked up his cane and moved your hand away from him before walking past you, his face only being... sour. Quite the asshole, you thought.

-Ms. Plinius, the entomologist you saw outside the small garden of the manor. For being such a big house, the garden was for sure small to your standards. But Ms. Plinius atleast didn't... shrug you off first chance she got. She simply introduced her and went back to examining... or atleast that's what you thought she was doing with the bees.

-You also met Orpheus. He was nice. He actually conversed with you for a bit. You found out that he was a writer of some kind, and that he's mostly at the manor because of this.

-You also met Ms. DeRoss. Or how she preferred — Alice. She was also nice. She conversed with you for a bit aswell. She was a journalist, that's what you found out about her.

-As you continued to walk around the manor, trying to see if there was anyone else, you had no luck. When you peeked inside the last room and you didn’t see anyone, you sighed.

-Wasn't Norton invited here? Why isn't he here then? You were confused. And mostly scared for your lover.

-You decided to shrug it off. You were already tired from all that travelling you did during the day, the meetings —Good or bad—, the tour.

-You ate dinner with the invited people who... participated in the dinner, because Mr. Kreiburg... was missing. As it seemed like it was a common occurance for him to not attend, he usually asked his food to be brough to his room appearently.

-After you were done, you said your good night's to everyone and went to your room. Your luggage being next to the small space next to the bed, as you picked it up and placed it on the table, rummaging trough it for your nightly wear.

-When you found it, you tried to change as quickly as possible to be able to get more rest that your body and consciousness craved at this point.

-Tomorrow morning, you were woken up by a sharp knock on your door. The person on the other side for sure knew how to wake someone up... You called out a 'come in' in a sleepy tone stretching as your body popped here and there from the movement.

-The butler from before came in. He informed you that breakfast would be starting soon, and that you should probably gather yourself together for the day. You yawned and nodded in response. The butler soon walked out when he saw your nod — giving you your privacy.

-You stood up, going to the bathroom to wash your face. After that, you went to your luggage still on the table, opened, and picked out your next outfit for the day.

-You opened the door and walked out, closing it behind you as you saw someone with black hair and a... hat of some kind walk down the stairs? It was... a green or grey. You couldn't really tell from how fast they rushed down the stairs.

-You shrugged it off, walking downstairs in your own pace and walking to the dining table.

-When you arrived, you looked around. Alice, Ms. Plinius, Orpheus... and Norton?

-So he was actually here! Your heart felt like it could burst open from happiness any second now. You wanted to scream in happiness, but no. You couldn't. You were with people who were technically still strangers.

-Norton did notice and recognize you too. His reaction simply being his eyes widening than narrowing to his usual look. He always had a better poker face than you — that you both knew.

-But for some reason, there was no space set in the table next to Norton... So you simply put your fingers on the satin that was under the plate, and pulled it infront of the chair next to Norton, sitting down beside him.

-You took your food and while you did, everyone besides Norton stared at you weirdly for a bit. Why did you... sit next to Norton? They barely managed to get his name out of him (which was actually given by the butler) but you sit next to him? The most anti-social person besides Kreiburg?

-They were confused to say the least. But... hey. You do you. They guess.

-While everyone was eating, talking, Alice noticed that Norton was... actually talking to you? Sure, she couldn't hear what you two were conversing about, but Norton was definitely going on and on about something.

-Did you two know eachother? Probably. No. Most definitely. Norton hasn't spoken a single word to anyone, yet he is actively talking to you. You two definitely knew eachother from somewhere.

-Alice looked over to Orpheus as he was talking to Ms. Plinius, slightly nudging him with her elbow and she signalled to the pair of you with her eyes.

-Orpheus kept talking to Ms. Plinius, making an act of as if they weren't watching the two of you, while he glanced at the both of you from time to time. Nobody could tell, but Ms. Plinius took the hint aswell and noticed the same thing as Orpheus and Alice.

-It was as if the two of you were friendly with eachother. Maybe even more.

-But they couldn't do much at the moment... they might ask you two... or more specifically you of your relationship with him later.

[----------]

ACK. im sorry if i messed up anything... and im so uncertain if melly was actually referred to as Ms. Or Mrs. google didnt give me any solid answers either so... excuse that if its wrong pls🤕🙏

[cbsxreader]

Rating the mercs based on how much you could trust them to walk you home at night (Platonic)

I guess you can also see which ones I would trust the most, so if someone disagrees with this that’s okay! :)

Scout

7/10

Takes his bat with him

Wouldn’t be the best, but would somehow, eventually get you home

Tries to calm you down by talking to you about baseball, videogames or something like that

During an actual encounter however, he may struggle just a tad bit, but leaves with only a few bruises

Soldier

9/10

Acts like your personal bodyguard and convinces himself it’s like defending the president

Goes ahead of you, stopping at every corner and path, and gives quick responses depending on the situation

If you do get approached, he will just snap their neck and continue further 

Insists on staying at your place and ‘’scans the perimeter’’, making sure you’re safe

Pyro

7/10

Holds your hand in theirs and their fire axe in the other

Good chance they scare everyone who might want to hurt you, so the majority of the walk is calm

When someone does approach you, you can depend on Pyro to decapitate them with their axe and then continue walking like nothing happened

You get home safely but Pyro might get too worried and asks if they can stay to make sure you’re okay

Demoman

8/10

If you tell him earlier that you want him to walk you home, he is going to stay sober just for you

He makes sure you don’t feel anxious and looks out for any threats

If you get into a tough situation, he would know what to do because he has gotten in bar fights and could defend you

You get home safely and he says goodbye

Engineer

10/10

He’s got the Gunslinger and wrench ready and would be ready to whack someone if his polite reasoning doesn’t work

He would also be understanding why you ask him to walk you home because his parents raised him right

Maybe he’d give you one of his inventions or wrenches to make sure you’re safe for the rest of the night and future nights when you’re walking home

Heavy

10/10

This man’s intimidating frame and strength would straight up scare anyone within a 5 mile radius

If something does happen, it will be over quickly

Also he’d be understanding of your fear and maybe let you hold his hand

And then you could invite him over at your house and you could drink tea and eat honey cake together

Medic

4/10

His behavior would be the thing that scares everyone away...

..but he would probably get the police called on him

Or after he defends you he gets too carried away with organ harvesting or something and almost forgets he’s supposed to get you home

Would get you home, but not without a nice dose of traumatizing memories

Sniper

8/10

Takes his kukri along with him, just in case

He might look not too threatening but once he has a weapon and a chance to speak in a low voice, the person bothering you will be gone

Sniper might not be the best in close combat, so he might end up with some small injuries, but he won’t let you get hurt

Gets you home safely, just tend to him and his injuries and only then let him go his way

Spy

5/10

He would probably walk along with you, but when you start feeling anxious you look around only to not find him

When you get in a tough situation only then he appears and defends you

Once you do get home, he suggests he should stay for the night to ‘’protect you if needed’’, but it’s up to you if you let him in or not.

Ms. Pauling

7/10

Can’t come along with you because she’s always so busy, so she gives you a handgun and a contractor instead

Talks to you in a calm and collected voice through the contractor, soothing you

Everyone is pretty much scared off when they see your weapon, but if the situation escalates it can go either way:

You shoot the person who is bothering you or you don’t

But in both situations Pauling, without warning, would just show up on her moped and rescue you, getting you home safely, before getting back to work

Saxton Hale (bc why not)

6/10

His build would probably scare anyone off and he looks like a man who others wouldn’t want to mess with

He might get too carried away fighting off whoever bothers you and you might have to remind him that you have to get home

If the police gets called on him, he would pick you up and sprint to your home, dropping you off, and then would run away from the cops

[gremoria411]

*The following contains spoilers for Mobile Suit Gundam: Requiem for Vengeance*

This is a follow-up post to my earlier one covering the first two episodes of Mobile Suit Gundam: Requiem for Vengeance. I’ll link it here but I’ll probably be covering a lot of the same points

I’m also going to completely give the game away right now: I don’t find Requiem for Vengeance to be a good show. Probably the nicest thing I could say is that that the designs are nice. It has some good ideas, it just really mangles the execution.

A lot of these are notes I made as I was watching the episodes, and I specifically rewatched episodes 4 and 6, because I’ve got a lot to say about them relative to everything else.

Characters

Is the only reason they made Iria a mother so they could justify her empathy towards the enemy pilot!? Like motherhood isn’t a necessary component of caring about other humans. You can just do that.

Follow-up: Iria doesn’t really express much affection towards her actual flesh-and-blood child during the show. He’s presumably in Zeon somewhere, but he never appears except in photograph. But her actions at the end of the show….. really don’t help.

Major Ronnay’s odd. Because he kinda feels like the only sensible character/the only character who’s aware of the wider situation - the war’s starting to turn against Zeon, and shifting to shepherding his resources to compensate for disrupted supply lines feels like a good decision at this point, not picking fights with the Earth federation’s newest prototype. Ronnay also marshalls the group’s evacuation from Earth. Yeah, he’s mean to the protagonists, but he’s under a lot of stress and he’s in charge of a worsening was situation. It’s just quite odd to see the only character who indicates a wider understanding of the conflict presented so negatively. That said, it’s not like he’s really immune to the bad acting and dialogue. When talking about dead civilians in episode 4, he sounds more bothered that they died for something so measly, as opposed to the fact that they were innocent people caught up in a war that had nothing to do with them.

I really don’t like Captain Zydoss. He kinda just exists to verbally explain other characters backstories, or to tell other characters that they’re in the right. There’s no real character here. Man straight-up says: “Those soldiers? They were just doing their jobs.” That is not a line I’m really enthused about hearing in a show like this, because it makes me question what the fuck the writers were trying to say here.

I kinda already made a post about this, but I really don’t like Yuri Kellerne in this. The design’s awful, he only shows up to say to the viewers “Yeah, Iria was right, also she’s a cool dude who doesn’t afraid of anything”. He doesn’t really do anything, and it just feels like a “see 08th MS team fans, it’s that character you like!”.

To be honest, I didn’t really have strong opinions on the other characters. There just isn’t a lot there to care about honestly.

Story

Okay, so “War is Hell” just isn’t a theme here. That’s kinda the main problem. There’s no real attempt to humanise the Earth Federation or present them as anything other than largely faceless. I’ve noted before that “War is Hell” is kinda the main thing that makes Gundam work in my opinion, because it’s really noticeable if it isn’t there. It’s just a very by-the-numbers military series. There’s no real “hook” or idea that it’s putting forward. It might’ve helped if Iria’s squad mates had been better characterised, so there’d be a sense of them having actual plans beyond the war. But, ultimately, they die because of the federation’s new mobile suit - not because war is an ultimately horrifying and tragic thing. The presentation just doesn’t line up for me at all.

I do think the emphasis on the watch is good, because it emphasises that time is running out for Zeon. But it never really comes up again after the first two episodes.

The voice work really brings it down, because there’s just no way for the scenes to have any real gravitas or impact when the voices are this poor.

I think another problem is that the opening episode(s) with the Gundam sell it as a threat too well - it effortlessly wiped out Iria’s entire team, as well as numerous other Zaku’s that challenge it while Iria’s scrambling around in recovery. It shrugs off machineguns, bazooka’s, a fuel tanker…… so any attempts by Iria to bring the fight to it just feels utterly stupid, because there’s no real reason it shouldn’t just wipe out another two Zaku’s. The fight in episode 4 is particularly obvious - the Gundam just slowly approaches, it’s doesn’t exhibit any of its trademark speed and never presses the advantage. There’s never a sense that any damage dealt to it is “earned”, it just takes a hit because the plot demands it.

Okay, the dress turning to blood thing was ambitious, and if it had worked would’ve been really cool. But fabric and liquid are hard to animate at the best of times, so one to the other in a show like this was never going to pan out.

You can really tell this was made by former transformers alumni. Not that that’s necessarily a bad thing, just some of the shots are very transformers-esque.

Wait, doesn’t Iria’s comment about not shooting disembarking pilots directly contradict the actions of the federation forces earlier in the show? Also didn’t she just tell her squadmate to kill him? Oh, getting out of his mobile suit and trying to escape in order to come back in a fresh suit? Oh well, it just wouldn’t be sporting to kill him now, better let him go.

“I wasn’t aiming to take out the pilot! This is our best chance to take out the Gundam!” “At what price, lieutenant?” I dunno, two enemy combatants that were just trying to kill you? And have killed your allies? In a warzone? Seems like an odd time to develop a conscience, Iria. It’s not necessarily off-brand for Gundam, but it’s just so hackneyed. Iria recognises the Gm pilot and later the Gundam pilot as human exclusively, but the infantry and tank gunners were apparently fair game.

Follow-up: Iria also randomly spares a Guntank in episode 6. A Guntank that could very easily shoot down Zeon HLV’s that Iria is currently defending. I feel like that was unwise.

To be clear here, I’m not criticising the decision to have Iria spare characters, I’m criticising the decision to present it in this way - it causes Iria to come off as hypocritical and careless to ignore active threats, and the rationale of why she’s sparing them never comes up.

The URMC guy helps the cast attack the enemy (such as in episode 4). Doesn’t that kinda spit in the face of his neutrality?

Oh hey, I was so busy talking about the poor character writing that I almost forgot to mention the false flag operation. Y’know, that thing that is illegal under wartime law? That the characters commit when they dress up as Federation forces in order to steal the GMs? Yeah, that. Like, I know it’s par for the course in shows like this (like 0080), but it still feels odd to see it presented in such a heroic fashion. It just would’ve felt better if the characters had acknowledged that it was a sketchy/desperate thing to do (like 0080), rather than playing it completely straight.

It kinda feels like they came up with the title first, and then introduced elements to fit with it - Iria being a violinist just feels very vestigial, and vengeance…… either isn’t a theme or it’s badly executed enough that I didn’t notice it (characters talk about it a lot, but not to any real purpose).

Okay, the combination of character animation, voice work dialogue and the fact that Iria probably has a concussion makes the fact that Iria decides to pilot her Zaku in episode 6 (unintentionally) really funny. Because she’s giving this big dramatic speech with swelling music, but it genuinely just feels like this is the shock and concussion talking, so I just expect her to step on to the truck and fall flat on her face.

We can swear now, great, good for us. That isn’t an excuse for the dialogue to be as bad as it is.

Alright, I fully fell off on episode 6. I’m sorry, it crosses the line from plain old regular bad to hilariously bad for me. It’s like the hyper-realistic faces coupled with the absolutely terrible animation and voice acting just blends together into something completely farcical.

“Machineguns are not effective, aim for the treads” *continues firing*. Also, did they just forget that guntanks have missile launchers?

There’s kind of no real sense of flow to the fights either. Everything moves as fast as it needs to. Stopping stock-still in the middle of a combat zone is a death sentence, so it’s really noticeable how frequently Requiem for Vengeance stops fights so its characters can have dramatic conversations. This is very, very noticeable in episode 6.

Wait hang on. Iria: “The Earth Federation’s Won, We’re just trying to retreat, please let us go” Gundam Pilot: “Then surrender, if we let you terrorists go you’ll just attack us again later” Iria then proceeds to not surrender. Furthermore, Zeon is withdrawing military personnel and war material like mobile suits, which they will use against the Earth Federation in the last months of the war. Isn’t the Gundam pilot completely in the right here? But the presentation of the scene seems to be trying to put Iria in the right. But what the Gundam pilot’s saying is correct. Zeon did start the war, and will continue attacking the Earth. So it feels like the narrative is presenting the Gundam pilot as being in the wrong simply by their nature as a child soldier thrust into this war. They didn’t have a choice, they need Iria (who’s a mother, by the way) to tell them they have a choice. The narrative places the fact that they’re a mother and child over the fact that they share a common humanity. It’s such a stupid choice.

“Zeon forces were driven completely out of Europe and Asia” that’s a funny way of saying “we were driven off the entire Earth”.

Other stuff (mostly Setting and Visuals)

I do like the little Zaku ears, they’re nice.

So why is the character covered in highly identifiable Zeon tattoos considered for an infiltration? Just a note.

The mobile suits are pretty dang gorgeous.

The Gundam pilot has a Nintendo switch.

Sooooo…… no mention of why they’re going to Odessa? No reason that might be relevant to anything?

I will probably do a small post on Loum. Because this is gonna annoy me.

Can the Gouf’s fly in this? It’s really throwing me. Because they shouldn’t be able to, but it looks really cool? Maybe they just didn’t want to model Gouf flight types.

Yes, Requiem for Vengeance, I enjoyed the Gouf Custom in 08th MS team as well. Can I please have literally any other mobile suit. (Yeah, it’s cool, but it’s not cool enough to carry your entire show).

Follow-up: it feels like the writers wanted to emphasise that the Gouf Custom in 08th ms team could totally have beaten the Gundam if it had needed to. Like yeah, but that’s not important. The point of that scene (in 08th Ms Team) isn’t some kind of dick-measuring of mobile suits, it’s to emphasise Norris Packard’s character and skill, that he made those decisions in service to the wider objective (and to iterate on Ramba Ral and Amuro’s relationship from 0079). It’s not there to demonstrate how strong the Gouf is. I mean, yeah they want you to buy the models, but come on.

In case the ratio of criticism-to-praise above didn’t give it away, I really didn’t like Requiem for Vengeance. It just fails to engage with the theme I consider central to Gundam: “War is hell”. It also doesn’t really humanise any of the opposing side, which while not a deal-breaker, certainly doesn’t help its position. There just really isn’t a lot of character on display here, so there’s little to distract from the bad dialogue, stiff animation and near-comedically poor line deliveries. The human animation and writing really kill the series for me, since they just cripple the shows ability to deliver any kind of impact on its points. Then again, when its points are “The Earth Federation is just SO MEAN you guys”, it’s probably best the delivery’s as poor as it is. I don’t really know what the shows trying to say but it certainly doesn’t seem to be “War is bad”.

It feels like the writers were able to grasp gundam’s thesis of “child soldiers are bad”, but took that to be “people who use child soldiers are bad”, not “the circumstances that war creates will eventually cause children to take up arms for a cause they don’t fully understand, leaving them to have short miserable live of perpetuating the harm they have suffered upon others, as just one part of the horror that war visits upon its victims”. This is emphasised by the ending, which is pretty shit. Despite the opportunity to return home and retire, like multiple other Zeon aces did. Iria instead fucks off and joins the Zeon remnant in Africa, while stating that many of the other soldiers there “don’t have a home to return to, are consumed by hatred or yearning only for a glorious death on the battlefeild”. THEN WHY ARE YOU THERE. Why are you perpetuating the conflict by throwing in with remnant groups? How the hell is this supposed to prevent child soldiers from happening? Go home.

Plus, the way Zeon’s presented here seems kind of…… dishonest. Like it’s not incorrect or canon-breaking, it just seems to skirt around a lot of details in order to paint Zeon as, for want of a better term, “less evil”. So, we have characters mention The Battle of Loum, without mentioning what Loum was. We have characters note the worsening war situation, without engaging with why Zeon’s on the back foot. The characters retreat back up into space, but it isn’t stated what they’re retreating from. You’d expect someone to mention the actual wider war situation. I know they’re soldiers, and they’re likely fed a steady diet of Zeon propaganda - but then why not let us see that propaganda, note how the characters engage with it. Do they agree, disagree? Do they take it as gospel, accept that the principality is covering up some things or rage that it’s blatant lies? How does Zeon, the nation, its leaders and its governance affect these characters? The choice to completely ignore it seems wrongheaded and, as above, dishonest. There’s no hint of Zeon’s fractious command structure here, that the upper brass are too consumed by infighting to heed the wider war situation. There’s no mention of Garma Zabi, late commander of the Earth Attack Force, who presumably the characters would have a lot of opinions on. Requiem for Vengeance doesn’t exactly paper over Zeon’s failings, it just doesn’t mention them. I find it interesting that of the “big three” Zeon Earth Commanders (Garma Zabi, Yuri Kellerne, and M’Quve) we only see Yuri, who’s arguably the softest of the three. Like, M’Quve is right there, you guys. There’s even a Tony Takezaki illustration that could be used as a basis to adapt his design to the new style:

And M’Quve would have been the perfect opportunity to showcase Zeon’s fractious upper command. So his omission just feels glaring (much like the illustration). Major Ronnay’s perhaps the closest to being a member of Zeon High Command, but he’s essentially the stock “Commander whose orders the protagonist disregards” archetype. I *could* describe him as the most humanised out of the cast, but that feels like I’m reaching. There is Joshua Stein (the commander in the first episode, who originally calls the Red Wolves in), but he feels more genuinely incompetent, rather than saying anything meaningful about Zeon as a whole - his failings are more personal, rather than symptoms of a wider problem with Zeon Command (and in any case he’s only got around three scenes, so it’s difficult to glean anything from him).

Slight follow-up, but we’re also not told anything about the Battle of Odessa. I noted in my posts in the run-up to the release of Requiem for Vengeance that it takes place shortly before the Battle of Odessa, which was the big turnaround for Zeon’s fortunes on Earth, leading to a mass retreat back up into space. This is a *big thing* in the wider war, because it is where the Federation finally gets its momentum (and mobile suits) going and essentially forces Zeon into the back foot, a position they never really recover from. For all the series loves to bang on about Loum, it never mentions Odessa. Part of this is excusable - Zeon would likely downplay its loss as Odessa to keep morale high, and the characters may not have received accurate reports yet, but I’d just like someone to mention it - “seems Odessa didn’t go to plan” or just something like that. Because it’s the whole reason they’re retreating in the last few episodes and no-one says anything.

I’d ordinarily be pretty easy on the whole “Zeon’s War for Independence” thing, since it’s an example of how the populace of Zeon was motivated to fight, but it’s a lie. It’s a lie told to justify the One Year War (and subsequent acts of spacenoid aggression). Like, there’s no problem with the characters believing the lie, but presenting it completely straight feels off. Like, if there was just one instance where it was acknowledged that maybe we shouldn’t trust the motivation of the guys who declared war and dress like space nazi’s, then cool, but the series doubles down on this impression by Iria’s statement at the end that the war didn’t really end as far as she’s concerned. Again, no problem with Iria believing that, by all accounts that’s how a lot of Zeon Remnant Groups saw the situation but it just reads oddly when talking about the One Year War. It kinda makes the series feel like in-universe propaganda or revisionist history, because at no point does it acknowledge that maybe Iria isn’t that reliable of a narrator.

Iria: “and so, to prevent more children from becoming child soldiers, I became a deadbeat mom.”

So yeah, Mobile Suit Gundam: Requiem for Vengeance - the mechanical design and opening’s pretty nice, but they really can’t carry the rest of the show and over time the dull plot, uninteresting characters and awful voice acting really just sap away any initial goodwill I possessed. The fact that it seems utterly unwilling to engage with *why* the war happened and *why* Zeon lost is particularly irritating, since (by its nature as a Zeon-focused show) it’s in the perfect position to talk about those questions.

[stranger-fanfiction-n-things]

CHAPTER 5: THE FLEA AND THE ACROBAT

This is an Original Character fanfiction. All Stranger Things characters and content are owned by Netflix and The Duffer Brothers.

a/n: This is a long one and based off certain scenes in Lucas on the Line. As a black person, I never realized I was other until it was pointed out to me and once I internalized it, I had questions I couldn't ask my parent(s) because it's not something discussed at length in the black community because trying to survive is hard enough. I honestly urge y'all to read Lucas on the Line because it's such a well written story about the Black Experience and how nuanced and difficult it is to navigate especially black kids who grew up in white neighbourhoods.

I hope y'all enjoy. Let me know what you guys think and if you'd like to be added to the tag list, let me know too! 🤎

Warnings: Swearing.

Word Count: 4587

Masterlist

PART I || PART II || PART III || PART IV

THE WOODS 

I squeal dropping the mallet on the ground at the sound of a gunshot. Nancy giggles waiting for me as I pick up my weapon in the shrubbery. I never thought I would be on my way to meet up with Jonathan Byers on the opposite side of town to learn how to shoot a gun. But then again, a lot more bizarre things have happened this week so I shouldn’t be surprised. Nancy and I trek up the small hill as Jonathan shoots repeatedly at the target of empty tin cans or at least attempts to. 

“You’re supposed to hit the cans, right?” 

Jonathan looks over his shoulder smiling sheepishly. “No, actually you see the spaces in between the cans? I’m aiming for those.”  

“Sure.” Nancy answers, titling her head in amusement. She drops her backpack and baseball bat on the ground ready for practice. 

I don’t take off my backpack right away, taking in my surroundings. The wide-open space of dry leaves, weeds and shrubs. The tall pine trees encircling the space. The winter chill started to come in and I wish I wore a hat today to cover my ears, maybe even a heavier coat instead of a denim jacket. Jonathan opens the revolver to check how many bullets are in the cylinder before reaching in his pockets for more. 

“You ever shot a gun before?” 

“Absolutely not.” I answer. 

“Didn’t your dad fight in the Vietnam War?” I nod my head, shifting from side to side on my feet. My Dad would never let any of us touch a gun. There was no reason for us to. Jonathan shrugs.  “I’m surprised he hasn’t taught you how to shoot a gun,” he commented, directing his gaze to Nancy. “You?” 

Nancy scoffs. “Have you met my parents?” 

“Yeah, I haven’t shot one since I was nine. My dad took me hunting on my birthday.” I see the spark in his eyes dwindle to a low flame. “He made me kill a rabbit.” 

“A rabbit?” Nancy and I say at the same time.

“Yeah. I guess he thought it would make me into more of a man or something.” 

“Yes, because the world needs more men shooting guns.” I deadpan. 

Jonathan smirks, adding bullets to the cylinder. “I cried for a week.” 

“Jesus.” Nancy whispers. 

“I’m sorry.” I say to him. 

Jonathan didn’t say anything as he tried to drag emotion back under where he didn’t need to feel it. He snaps the revolver in place, the corners of his lips rise to a smirk again. “What? I’m a fan of Thumper.” 

“I meant your dad.” Nancy says. 

The detachment in his tone makes me uncomfortable. In seeing Jonathan’s dad for the first time today, the way he dressed and carried himself. There was something arrogant and insincere about him. When Will first went missing, I never heard Jonathan mention his dad, when Nancy and I found Jonathan at the funeral home, he was by himself picking caskets. Ms. Byers was at home grieving, but the whole town knew how adamant she was on finding Will, but where was his dad? The audacity to show up to the funeral of his youngest son, he did nothing to plan, to shake hands with the people who did care to find Will. Now with this story, it completed the picture. He was never in Jonathan and Will’s life and didn’t care to be. Only wanted to insert his toxic male dominance and masculinity onto the boys. 

“I guess he and my mother loved each other at some point...but I wasn’t around for that part.” 

Nancy gestures for the gun and Jonathan hands it to her. “Just point and shoot.” 

I walk behind Nancy to stand beside Jonathan, refusing to be anywhere near that sound. Nancy takes a deep breath aiming the gun at the can a few yards in front of her. 

“I don’t think my parents ever loved each other.” 

My eyebrows raise at the bold statement. “Nancy, you shouldn’t say that.” 

“I mean it.” she answers. 

“They must’ve married for some reason.” Jonathan states. 

“My mom was young. My dad was older but he had a cushy job, money, came from a good family. So, they bought a nice house at the end of the cul-de-sac and started their nuclear family.” 

“Screw that.” Jonathan says. 

“Yeah. Screw that.” 

Nancy closes one eye aiming for the beer can. I put my fingers in in ears just as Nancy pulls the trigger hitting the beer can. I chuckle in disbelief. From shot gunning to shooting them, anything involving beer cans, Nancy is a natural. I shrug off my backpack, placing the mallet on top. Despite the awe, I am uncomfortable with what Nancy said about her parents. Sure, Mr. Wheeler was a bit…impartial. I was around the family many times to know that, but to say her parents never loved each other? I don’t know. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to try, Diana?” Jonathan asks, offering me the gun. I don’t move contemplating. “It’s not gonna bite.” He jokes. I make a face at Jonathan and he laughs as I cautiously take it from him with my gloved hand. 

“Just point and shoot?” 

“Just point and shoot.” 

I standing in front of a can, widening my stance so I don’t fall over. “There’s nothing wrong with starting a nuclear family.”  

“That’s easy for you to say,” Nancy voices. “Your family is perfect.” 

I narrow my eyes at her, shaking my head. The contempt in her tone is shocking. “That’s not true.” 

“Diana,” Nancy chides, shoving her hands in her pockets. “You never argue with your parents and your parents never argue with each other. You are perfect. Your siblings are perfect. Everyone in your family is perfect.” 

I don’t miss Jonathan’s eyes darting back and forth between us. Having never seen us go back and forth with each other, I can tell he is surprised by this. What he doesn’t know is this topic of conversation isn’t new. Throughout our years of friendship, Nancy and Barb always made fun of me for being “perfect”; how I never make mistakes; I am always put together. I need at least eight-hours of “beauty” sleep. From the nickname “Lady Diana”, to my mom making me lunches because I refuse to each cafeteria food. At first it used to bother me, but I moved passed it until Tommy H and Carol picked up on it and started calling me “Anal Princess”. 

This may not be a new conversation, but the undertone certainly is and it’s why I am thrown off by it. It doesn’t sound like a joke anymore and there’s something deeper going on. I never thought Nancy envied me. I know I certainly envied Nancy for being strong enough to stand up for herself and say no. For being able to be defiant without feeling like its wrong. I lift my head high lifting the gun eye level. 

“I’m not perfect and my parents do argue, just not in front of us and there’s nothing wrong with that.” I begin. “You want to know why my dad never taught me how to fire a gun?” I refer to Jonathan’s comment earlier. “Because he never talks about the War unless it’s to teach us a lesson. I don’t know any stories of his time there. My family is seemingly perfect because we don’t talk about things, we don’t have difficult conversations. We just keep our heads down and try to live without feeling more of an outsider than we already are.”  I pull the trigger and the bullet hits the can knocking it off the tree stub. 

None of us react. The heaviness of what I said laying on thick. My family isn’t perfect. We are far from it. We are compliant and conforming because it’s the only way to not be seen as more of an outsider than we already are. I understand it to a certain extent, but sometimes I wish my parents would talk more about it. About being black in an all-white religious town. About their past and how they came to Hawkins. I know nothing and it’s something I push down to be the “perfect” daughter when deep down it bothers me. This is not something I can discuss with Lucas and Erica because they are happy in their bubble and I want to keep it that way for them. 

“What do you mean?” Nancy asks with a frown. “You’re not an outsider, Di.” 

“Never mind.” I say, handing Jonathan the gun, feeling more uncomfortable than before.

Nancy didn’t question me again and after shooting practice we decided to head through the forest looking for the mysterious animal. Dried leaves crunch under my boots as we all walked in silence. Jonathan and Nancy walked together giving me space to be alone for a while which I am grateful for because I didn’t feel like talking. My mind feels like it’s been jostled back and forth, buzzing with many thoughts. I can’t believe I said that out loud. I’ve never talked about it because who do I talk about this with? Uncle Jack only comes to Hawkins once a year and when he does the environment is uncomfortable and stuffy because Dad doesn’t like Uncle Jack and doesn’t hide it. Long distance calls are expensive and I have no money to pay for it and if Dad finds out I’ve been talking to Uncle Jack he’d be furious. Maybe I should start journaling or writing letters I’ll never send. 

“You never said what I was saying?” Nancy speaks after a long period of silence. 

“What?” Jonathan says. 

The conversation about the photos began in the darkroom yesterday, but I interrupted when I saw the final development of the photo of the thing that took Will and Barb. It’s definitely been the great elephant in the room between the three of us and though the conversation in the darkroom was light in nature, it is a serious situation. 

“Yesterday, you said, I was saying something and that’s why you took my picture.” I glance around not focusing on anything, while keeping my ears perked. 

“Oh, I don’t know. My guess…I saw this girl; you know trying to be someone else. But for that moment…it was like you were alone or you thought you were,” I cautiously peer at Nancy. She looks like she’s about to explode. “And, you know you could just be yourself.” 

I ground my teeth. Jonathan just opened up a huge can of worms. A few days ago, I would’ve agreed but after talking to Nancy, I don’t think she is trying to be someone else. She’s a young woman exploring and there’s nothing wrong with that. Also, Jonathan isn’t close to Nancy to know who she is and who she isn’t. Nancy doesn’t respond right away, processing the soft insult. She stops clenching her hands into fists. 

“That is such bullshit.” Nancy fumes, glaring at Jonathan. “I am not trying to be someone else. Just because I’m dating Steve and you don’t like him—” 

“You know what? Forget it. I just thought it was a good picture.” 

My head retracts back. “So, you were intentional in taking those photos.” 

Jonathan’s head whips back. His brows shoot up in disbelief. “What?” 

“You said you thought it was a good picture which means you were intentional about taking it.” My voice hardens. “Taking all of it.” 

“Don’t put words in my mouth, Diana.” Jonathan mutters furiously under his breath, walking away. I march behind him trying to keep up with his long legs and quick strides.

“I’m not putting words in your mouth! Nancy asked you a question and your answer quite frankly, was bullshit. Because really? That’s what you were thinking when she was taking off her shirt?” It’s a cop out. A poor excuse to deflect from what he did. Jonathan scoffs. “Unbelievable.” I hiss, catching myself before I trip over a branch. “What about how Steve feels?” 

“Oh my god!” Jonathan throws his hands up in exasperation and I am filled with so much adrenaline I’m starting to shake. 

“I told you his privacy was violated too!” I snap. “As was mine, Tommy, Carol, and Barb!” 

Jonathan spins around, eyes bulging out of his sockets. “And I said I was sorry for taking the photos!” He shouts. I blink repeatedly taken aback by this attitude. No one has ever yelled at me like that and Jonathan was the last person I thought would. Nancy steps in scowling at him. 

“Don’t yell at her!” she shouts, pointing at him. Jonathan glares at her and keeps his mouth shut. I look down at my boots, done with the conversation. “Steve is actually a good guy. The whole camera situation. He’s not like that at all. He was just being protective.” 

“Yeah.” Jonathan scoffs, walking away. “That’s one word for it.” 

“And what you did was okay?” Nancy barks, following after him. I stalk behind her keeping my distance. 

“I never said that.” 

“He had every right to be pissed—”

“Okay, all right.” Jonathan says, rolling his eyes, coming to a halt. “Does that mean I have to like him?” 

“No.” 

“Listen, don’t take it so personally, okay? I don’t like most people. He’s in the vast majority.” 

This is why he’s being like this. Because he doesn’t like Steve and has some sort of animosity towards him. I never thought I would stick up for Steve, but after my encounter with him in my garage, I think he’s a good person and deserves a chance to be seen and heard outside his bubble. 

“You know, I was actually starting to think that you were okay.” Nancy rages. 

“Yeah?” Jonathan challenges, eyes glowing with savage fire. 

“Yeah, I was thinking, ‘Jonathan Byers, maybe he’s not the pretentious creep everyone says he is.’” 

“Well, I was just starting to think you were okay. I was thinking, ‘Nancy Wheeler, she’s not just another suburban girl who thinks she’s rebelling by doing exactly what every other suburban girl does, until that phase passes and they marry some boring one-time jock who now works sales, and they live out a perfectly boring little life at the end of a cul-de-sac.’” His voice was stern with no vestige of sympathy in its hardness. “’Exactly like their parents, who they thought were so depressing, but now, hey, they get it.’” 

Nancy and I watch Jonathan march away. We look at each other absolutely gobsmacked at what just happened. Nancy’s face is so red, the veins in her neck pulsates with pent-up fury as she clenches her fists. I wrap my arm around her shoulders guiding her along the path. 

I admire the colours of the sky as we trek through the forest. Shades of pink, orange, and yellow blending and oozing together. The sun was setting and we would soon need to use our flashlights to navigate through the forest. My back aches from carrying my backpack for so long and I want to tell Jonathan to stop so we can take a break but he was far ahead keeping his distance. All of us have been quiet since the argument though Nancy walked beside me, we haven’t spoken focusing on our surroundings, deep in thought. 

A lot of truth has been said today and it felt like it was shoved down all our throats. I’m not mad at Jonathan for yelling at me and I hope he’s not mad at me for calling him out. What he did was stupid and I know he knows that, but picking a fight with Nancy was something completely different. It felt more personal and I can’t quite put my finger on why it would be since Jonathan and Nancy aren’t close. If anything, they may be farther apart now after what he said to her. I doubt Jonathan wants that especially because of how far we’ve come. 

“Are you okay?” Nancy asks quietly enough so Jonathan doesn’t hear. 

“Yes.” I respond automatically. Nancy looks at me and I drop the act. “No.” 

“Me neither.” she agrees, glaring at the back of Jonathan’s head. “I’m so sick of him and his holier than thou attitude.” 

“I can’t believe he yelled at me.” 

“I can’t believe that either!” she whispers hastily. “I didn’t like that.” 

“I know. Thank you for sticking up for me.”

“Thank you for sticking up for me and Steve.” 

“You’re welcome.” 

I debate on whether I should tell her he came to my house today, but decide it doesn’t matter and she probably already knew about it since he was in his way to see her anyways. 

“I can’t believe Princess Diana swore.” she teases, touching her chest in shock. 

“Oh, shut up.” I giggle, pushing her away. 

“Ou, again!” I roll my eyes. 

“I was just trying to understand why he took the photos.” 

“I honestly don’t even think he knows.” she says, looking at Jonathan again. There was no anger in her eyes, just curiosity.

“After that conversation, I think so too.” 

Nancy hums in response, tucking a stray wisp of hair behind her ears. “I was going to bring it up later but, what you did earlier today about being an outsider. What did you mean?” 

A ripple of anxiety went up my back while my stomach fell to my feet. I shrug my shoulders shaking me head. “I don’t know.” I deflect. 

“Diana, we’ve been friends for so long, you can talk to me about anything. You know that right?” 

I do know that, but this conversation was not about a boy or anything menial like that. It was much deeper and something I’ve been pushing down for years. I didn’t mean to say it out loud, but when Nancy went on about my perfect day family, I snapped. This past week I feel like I’ve gone through the most significant changes which in turn has brought up subconscious thoughts, emotions and insecurities. I feel like I’m being pulled in every direction, perfect daughter, perfect friend, Juilliard, Blackness, otherness. But who am I? Where do I want to go? Who do I want to be? 

“Diana.” Worry etched Nancy’s features. My silence makes her more anxious. I sigh, stepping over a branch. 

“Have you ever noticed there is no one who looks like me in our neighbourhood?” I mumble, uncomfortably. 

“No? What do you mean?” An expected answer. I close my eyes counting down from five. How do I go about this? 

“I mean, black.” I say, pushing down the lump forming in my throat. “My family…” I clear my throat. “My family is the only black family in the neighbourhood.” When Nancy doesn’t say anything, I continue. “I don’t remember when I noticed, but once I did, it’s hard not to. Even at school, I can count how many black people are there and majority are on the basketball team. Did you know that?” Nancy shakes her head. “I am the only black person in our classes, at dance. No matter where I go or what I do, who I am. I will always be the black one. Even in our friendship. That’s what I mean by outsider.” 

“My mom and dad don’t talk about our blackness and I’m left to figure it out on my own. I don’t have anyone to talk to about it. That’s what I mean when I said we don’t have difficult conversations. We just keep our heads down and conform, but sometimes I don’t want to conform. Sometimes…” I sigh feeling exhausted. Mentally. “Sometimes, I want to ask those questions but then I’ll feel like I’m not…” 

“The perfect daughter.” Nancy finishes. 

“Yeah.” I twirl the mallet in my hand. There’s so much to say but this conversation is exhausting enough. Nancy looks at the ground, kicking a rock. 

“I-I don’t know what to say…” she says lowly. “I’m sorry for not paying attention.” 

“You know now and that’s the first step.” 

“Of course, but please don’t be afraid to tell me these things. You’re my best friend and I don’t want you to feel like an outsider when you’re with me. What you said is something I need to know in order to change.” 

I nod my head and Nancy visibly relaxes, reaching to squeeze my hand. I rest my head on her shoulder feeling more relaxed than I did before the beginning of the conversation. It’s a conversation that could’ve easily gone south and I wouldn’t be prepared to handle it, especially after what happened hours before. Darkness quickly engulfs the sky and I am instantly aware of all the sounds in the forest. The wind slipping through leaves, the cracking undergrowth with each step Nancy and I make, the bugs crawling on trees. We all take out our flashlights to see and I notice Jonathan slows down to remain close, though still keeping his distance. I jerk at every unfamiliar sound making Nancy laugh again. 

“Do you remember Mei Wong?” I mutter, swatting away a fly.

“Yes. She auditioned for Juilliard!” 

“Well on Sunday at rehearsals, she told me…” I swallow to soothe the dryness in my throat. “She told me I should think about auditioning for Juilliard.” 

“Really? Wow!” 

I scrunch my nose. “I know.” 

“You definitely should. I meant what I said at Steve’s house. You’re such a beautiful dancer and you’re gonna go pro. I feel it.” I shake my head. Somehow Nancy sees it. 

“You are. I need you to be more confident in yourself.”

“I know, I know. It’s just…what if I audition and I don’t get in—”

“We’re only in 10th grade, you have time to worry about the auditions.” Nancy assures me.  “Maybe Juilliard has a summer intensive you can take beforehand to give you an extra boost.” 

“My dad will never allow that.” 

“Have you talked to your mom about it?” 

I shake my head. “Not yet.” 

“I say after all this is done and we find Barb, we will both help you research and come up with a plan for you to go to Juilliard. Because you’re going to Juilliard.” 

We find Barb. That’s the most important thing. It’s why we’re here now. The sound of her laughter echoed through my mind. The last time I saw her; felt her at Steve’s house. I don’t want to believe that was the last time I saw her. I shiver, crossing my arms above my chest. It’s so cold I can barely feel my ears and nose. Jonathan keeps pace with Nancy and I. There is still tension between the three of us, but now is not the time to dwell on it, not when we were outside in the forest on our own looking for God knows what. At random, Nancy slows down looking back and forth, her expression tight with strain. I keep myself composed despite the fact my heart is racing. Did she see something? Hear anything? Was it here? I tighten my grip on the mallet, my eyes darting from tree to tree. 

“What are you tired?” Jonathan asks. 

“Shut up.” Nancy hisses, looking around. “I heard something.” 

I follow closely beside Jonathan as we follow Nancy through the forest. I don’t know what we’re looking for or what she’s heard until I hear something faint…a whining sound. I gasp at the sight of a deer whimpering in front of underbrush. We all rush to the deer dropping to our knees. My stomach is in knots at the blood dampening its fawn-coloured coat. It looked like it’s been punctured multiple times. It’s ragged breathing and slow movements indicated it was in pain and about to die. I’ve never seen a deer this close before and I’m sad it has to be like this. Images of Bambi flash through my mind and I cover my mouth muffling my sobs.   

“Oh, God. It’s been hit by a car.” Nancy whimpers, tears brimming her eyes. She looks at the gun in her hand and holds it up. “We can’t just leave it.” 

“Wait!” I exclaim, grabbing her arm. “There must be something else we can do!” 

“It’s in too much pain. We have to.” 

“I’ll do it.” Jonathan says, taking the gun. Nancy and I look at him with wide eyes. “I’m not nine anymore.” Jonathan assures us. 

I stagger up on my feet grabbing Nancy’s hand. Jonathan points the gun at the deer. Time slows down and I feel like the forest is closing in on me. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up just as Jonathan is about to pull the trigger when suddenly, the deer disappears into the underbrush. I jump back startled, mouth opening in a silent scream. 

“What was that? What was that?” Nancy shouts. 

I wring my hands jumping up and down. “Oh, my god. Oh my, god. I can’t. I can’t.” Panic shoots up my spine and I hold my chest struggling to catch my breath.

“There’s so much blood.” 

“Where did it go?” 

“I don’t know.” 

I quickly pick up the flashlight and mallet I dropped in my state of panic. My skin tingles and I shake my head trying to focus, aiming the light on the ground. Blood smears all over leaves and twigs. I proceed around with caution, shining my light on anything and everything in the forest, being cautious of not stepping on any gore. From the far distance I notice something dripping from a hollow tree stump. It looked like…sap. No, it’s too thick for it to be sap. I am vigilant taking calculated steps and kneel in front of the tree inspecting the foliage. It looked like the tree was creating mucus. Thick, slimy, runny mucus. There was no smell to it, but it was weird. I paid attention in biology last semester to know that this wasn’t right.

“Nancy.” I whisper. “This tree…there’s weird stuff falling.” 

Nancy joins me on my knees shining her light. She touches the tree stump, looking up. “Jonathan?” she shouts, looking around. I search as well thinking he was with us, but he’s nowhere to be seen. It would be unwise to leave Nancy here alone to look for him. We were better sticking together. When I turn back however, Nancy is taking off her backpack placing it beside her bat. My eyes widen. “You’re not seriously going in there!” 

“Watch my stuff.” 

“Are you crazy?” I snap. 

That mucus could be toxic or worse. There was no need to go inside the clearly rotting tree. Nancy ignores me crawling inside. I am lost for words because not only can she fit inside; her body completely disappears as if there was an opening on the other side. I blink, shaking my head, feeling disembodied. 

“Nancy?”

Adrenaline bursts through my veins to prepare myself to fight or flee. I feel like I am back in Steve’s backyard keeping watch while Nancy does something completely foolish like walk into the forest on her own or like now, crawling into a slime coated hollow stump. I curse colourful words under my breath that would shock my Dad. I can’t leave her alone. So, I take off my backpack and put the mallet on top; count down from five in my head and crawl through the hole holding my breath hopefully awaiting Nancy on the other side. 

CHAPTER 6: THE MONSTER

Taglist 🤍: @tinydramatist

[kissorkill16]

If Bubba Had Lived In WWWOH: AHNF

By JJ

Summary: The title says it all.

Bubba walked up the stairs to Nicky's room and gently pushed the door open, she sighed in relief when she saw him on his bed.

But she was worried once again when she saw that he was curled up into a ball, hugging his knees.

"Nicholas."

Nicky's head snapped up when he heard his grandmother's voice. "Bubba, hi."

The elderly lady stepped into the room, "I just wanted to make sure you were home.", she said. Nicky sat up and made room for his grandmother to sit down.

"I'm fine, Bubba. I'm just...tired."

Bubba looked down at her lap.

"Nicholas...", she started, "I worry about you every single day now, more than I have before. You were taken from our family, and the demon man turned you into this...doll."

Nicky looked down at his bed, still hugging his knees. "Bubba, it was my fault. I was the one who left -"

Bubba gently took Nicky's hand and squeezed it, "Then I need you to swear, Nicholas.", she said. "Swear you'll never, ever leave me again."

The boy didn't answer, so the elderly lady squeezed his hand a little harder.

"Swear."

Nicky nodded, gently squeezing his grandmother's hand back. "I swear, Bubba.", he said. "I'll never leave you again."

Bubba smiled at Nicky, then she moved closer to him and wrapped her arms around him. Nicky waited a minute, then he wrapped his arms around his grandmother.

"By the way, Bubba...", said Nicky, "I was offered therapy today."

"Hm?"

Nicky pulled away from Bubba and rubbed the back of his head. "Well,...my science teacher, Mr. Murtaugh offered to be my personal counselor.", he pulled out a small piece of paper from his pocket and gave it to Bubba. "He told me to give this to you."

Bubba took the small piece of paper and took a close look at it.

It was a phone number.

About an hour or two later, Bubba was talking on the phone with Nicky's science teacher, Mr. Murtaugh. They were discussing the therapy offer.

"No. Absolutely not.", she said.

Mr. Murtaugh tried reasoning with the elderly lady, "Ma'am, please consider it. Nicholas needs help -"

"I can help him myself!", yelled Bubba on the phone. "You think I don't know how to talk to my own grandson?!"

"Ma'am, that's not what I said.", said the science teacher, and it actually sounded like he was pleading with the elderly lady. He took a deep breath and tried again.

"Ms. Fein, I don't want to make you feel like you can't talk to your grandson about his problems, I just want to make sure he has extra help.", he said, "Nicky is a great boy, and it pains me to see him like this. I want to help him, just like you."

Bubba looked down at the floor, she felt herself starting to agree with him. "I do see your point, mister. I want to help my grandson, and it is a nice sight to see that someone else cares about him too. I never saw much of that around here."

"I understand, Ms. Fein."

The elderly lady nodded, "I'll consider it. Nicholas will be attending weekly therapy sessions with you, and I'll be taking him and picking him up."

"Brilliant!", said the science teacher, "I can't wait to see you two then."

And he hung up.

Just then, just as Bubba sat down, she heard Nicky yelling upstairs in his room.

"You're gonna die, all of you!"

Worried, she immediately stood up, but just as she was about to leave the living room, Luanne stood in front of her and raised a hand to her. "Me and Jay will deal with this, because I care about my own son.", she said sternly, then she ran up the stairs, Jay following close behind her.

Bubba hugged herself, pacing around the room. Then she heard glass breaking, more of Nicky yelling "YOU'RE GOING TO DIE, ALL OF YOU!", then more glass breaking.

The elderly lady clutched at the sides of her head, her mind going in all different types of directions of worry. Just then, she saw five silhouettes through the window.

She pushed the window open, and her eyes widened to see five children standing there.

One of the children she recognized, Trinity Bales. The other kids, she didn't recognize. One of the boys had on a red sweater and glasses, another had ginger hair and blue overalls, another boy had a yellow jacket and an orange backpack, and a girl had a pink baseball hat and blue overalls.

All of the children stilled in shock when they saw the elderly lady.

Immediately, Bubba ran out the door and to the side of the house. "Why are you all here?", she sternly asked.

"Uh...we uh...we were - uh...", the boy in the red sweater stuttered, but the girl in the pink baseball hat cut him off. "We were trying to talk to Nicky, but he freaked out."

Bubba's eyes widened, then they were filled with anger. "Does his outburst have something to do with you, children?", she asked.

The kids all looked down at their feet.

"I can't believe this! I can't believe any of you!", Bubba looked down at Trinity and pointed her cane at her, "Especially you. You brought my grandson back to me, and now you're driving him to a weak mental state?"

"Ma'am, please. We were just trying to -"

Just then, so unexpectedly, a loud boom came from across the street. All of the children and the elderly lady looked across the street to see a house burning, black smoke coming out of the windows.

The children ran to the front of the house, and Bubba stood in place, watching the house burn in utter shock.

Then two people came out of the house, a man and a woman. She recognized the woman, the same one who accused Nicky of giving Trinity a hypoglycemic shock, and the man she assumed was her husband.

And she also assumed that these two were Trinity's parents.

"Mom! Dad! What happened?!", Trinity frantically asked her parents. Her mother coughed a few times before answering, "Thirteen outlets in my office!", she coughed once more. "Blew!"

Mrs. Bales head snapped up, and she looked angrily at the children. "Why are they here?!", she asked angrily.

All of the children looked at Mrs. Bales in fear as she ranted about how Trinity was grounded, and Bubba watched from across the street as she watched this woman get angry at her daughter and ground her when she did nothing wrong.

Then she said something that really made the elderly lady snap.

"Does this fire have something to do with them?!"

Bubba stomped across the street, hearing Trinity's nervous stammering, trying to defend herself. The elderly lady stepped in front of her.

"Unbelievable!", said the elderly lady, "You really are disgusting, woman! The children had nothing to do with this!"

Mrs. Bales angrily pushed the elderly lady, "Get the hell off of my property you old bitch! I didn't ask for you to step in!"

Bubba angrily pushed the woman back, "You touch me again and I'll make you regret it!"

"Bitch, you're old as fuck! What the fuck are you gonna do?!"

Mr. Bales tried to interfere, "Honey, please -"

But the woman pounced on the elderly lady, and the two were suddenly fighting on the lawn.

The children stepped back and watched in shock. Except the girl in the pink baseball hat and the boy in the yellow jacket, they took their phones out and started recording the two ladies fight.

Mr. Bales went to his daughter, "Honey, get inside the car and call 911.", then he turned his attention to the children, "The rest of you can go home, I'm calling all of your parents."

Trinity absentmindedly went to the car and got in, her phone in one hand...

And a burnt Golden Apple coin in the other hand.

Next part:

[redplayer42-blog]

On Dale's grandpa

There are a lot of missinformation in the community about the identity of Dale's grandpa in Birthday, and I feel like we need to apply some scrutiny if we want to find anything useful.

First of all, the grandpa is undeniably Aldous Vanderboom. It's very clear that it's the exact same character model, we just need to compare him to other representations of Aldous.

Here's the superposition of grandpa and Case 23's Aldous :

It's almost exactly 1 to 1.

And no, it's not just a model reuse, it literally never happens for any character in the series.

Now in order to continue, let's start by asserting one thing : Birthday is officially classified as a memory. What does that mean ? It means that no matter how you see time flowing within the cubes (that's gonna be a can of worms I'm not opening today) there are two elements to the memory:

The actual events that the memory record

Some modification that can be either internal or external

In the case of Birthday, we have a lot of elements that are explicitly external modifications made by Mr. Owl (Jacob) and Mr. Crow (Aldous), such as the message in the snow globe, the birthday present, and everything that happens with the blue cube.

Now the question is : where does grandpa Aldous fit into this ? Is he part of the original memory ? Or was he added later ?

Let's start keeping a tally of what we know for sure :

What else do we know for sure ? Well we know the shooting actually took place, as it's been confirmed in other games such as Paradox and very recently, Underground Blossom.

We also know thanks to Paradox that Mr. Rabbit (David Eilander) is actually responsible for the murder.

Rabbit also tells us the reason for the murder : he needed to get back a token of his past life. The only thing that's missing when he leaves is the content of the small box, which happens to be a flintlock pistol.

So the pistol is also part of the original memory, otherwise Rabbit wouldn't have a motive.

We can actually trace back that pistol to Ms. Pheasant, as it is the exact same pistol she had in Hotel, that she killed herself with. Considering Pheasant is Elizabeth Eilander, David's sister, it fits the bill for a token of his past life.

And so now we sandwiched grandpa quite nicely, because we ended up in a situation where we know for a fact that the pistol from Hotel ended up in this random family's house. How did that happen, if not for Dale's grandpa actually being Aldous, who took the gun with him, which is then reinforced by him using the pistol ?

It's not completely impossible for Aldous to not be part of the original memory, but it usually comes at the price of finding a convoluted way to explain the gun's presence, or a different motive for Rabbit's attack.

If you have another theory, feel free to share.

[aloeverified]

death note — neurodivergent headcanons:

lawliet: autism (asd)

when he was little, he refused to wear socks because he hated the way they seams felt on his feet. eventually watari gave up on trying to make him wear them and just had him wear shoes that didn't require them — that was until lawliet realized the benefit to not wearing shoes and just started going barefoot.

along with that, he used to never wear jeans as a child because they were too tight and uncomfortable. the same thing goes for long sleeves. this meant he typically wore sweatpants and loose tanktops until he realized he can simply start wearing oversized clothing.

sweets are his safe foods. he typically goes for small candies like m&ms when he's feeling more picky, but he generally enjoys anything ranging from cake to pastries. he also really likes milkshakes and the occasional smoothie.

since he can't read tones, he doesn't always take people's sarcasm as a joke if he's unfamiliar with them. however, that doesn't stop him from having a very sarcastic and dry sense of humor himself. unfortunately, most people don't realize he's also joking due to his monotone voice and lack of facial expressions.

lawliet struggles with empathy. he often finds it hard to sympathize with people who he feels are making a bad decisions. he values logic over emotional reasoning and gets annoyed when people don't see things the same way as him. he’s willing to make extreme decisions and take an ends-justify-the-means approach. he also doesn't see the appeal in formalities and views them as a waste of time. this can lead to him being very brunt and straight to the point, not bothering to mince his words. it often comes across as rude, especially if it's to someone he sees as being less than him.

light: obsessive compulsive disorder (ocd)

he always has to have things a very specific way. not exactly tidy — although he hates messes and being unorganized — but simply "his way." otherwise, he constantly feels off and uncomfortable.

he prefers to work alone because of this. group projects were always a nightmare for him. not only did he want his work area to be organized a specific way, but any essay or project he worked on also had to follow a specific order. along with that, he has to began his work in calculated steps or he'd grow too irritated and frustrated.

his mother quickly learned when he was younger that none of his food could touch or he wouldn't eat dinner. that, and he had to eat each section in order or he didn't feel full.

he'd end up conveniencing himself that if he didn't fill out all the questions on a test in the correct order then he'd end up failing, as well as other thing such as, "if i don't turn off the stove in this specific way, the house is gonna burn down." these thoughts never came across or irrational to him. even when he didn't always fully believe them, he still had a voice in the back of his head telling him he was wrong. therefore, he always went along with his specific order.

he'd spiral with his thoughts a lot. if he shook someone's hand after meeting them, he'd tune out their introduction and think about what their hand has touched, when the last time they washed their hand was, when he'd be able to wash his hand. it go to the point where he'd eventually just stop touching people in general, and grew annoyed when they touched him.

matt: attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (adhd)

despite ranking at number three at the orphanage, there's actually a very big gap between near and mello's intelligence compared to matt's. he's smart, definitely, but he's not actually a genius like the other two. this caused matt to feel a great divide between himself and the other two, and he tried his best to hole up in his room and study to become like them, but it ultimately left him burnt out.

after that, matt stopped applying himself and his grades began tanking. watari realized this was a result of his unmotivation and not actual stupidity, though, so he allowed matt to keep his place as third.

matt began suffering from the pressure and anxiety he felt in trying to become one of L's successors, and during one of his walks outside the orphanage, he came across a group of people offering him a cigarette to help him chill out. matt was smart enough to know it was a bad decision, but he was also depressed and decided to take it up to help calm his nerves.

matt's hyperfixations revolve around technology. after becoming obsessed with video games, he eventually decided to learn about how people code them which lead him into being interested in coding and hacking.

he's mostly unmedicated for his adhd, though he does find a way to get adderall when he feels like it. because of his, he's extremely prone to boredom and is more than likely to give up on a specific tasks to play games instead.

he's overall very aimless due to his boredom and burnt out feelings towards bettering himself. he fills his time with exciting things like drag races and drugs, but other than that he's very shut and reclusive and unlikely to let someone pull him away from his games unless they're offering something more fun to do.

he constantly is seeking out stimulation. there's always music blasting from his headphones while he games or a radio playing while he drives.

mello: autism (asd)

his tone is typically very flat, which causes confusion when people are trying to tell his emotions. along with that, he's not very expressive physically unless mad or manic.

he gets irritated very easily when people fail to understand whether or not he's being serious or not, or if they misinterpret him. he knows deep down that it's not their fault, but he hates being reminded of how he's the problem.

he constantly feels alienated from others. he was never able to make friends in the orphanage. he always started off well, but was never able to maintain connection with others. because of this, he isolates himself from just about everyone — only really keeping in contact with lawliet, near, and matt when he's older.

he's very defensive and possessive of his interests. he doesn't like when other people dislike them, but he hates when they seem to like them a lot. he's like this with friends as well, mostly when he was younger. he also got jealous when matt hung out with other kids instead of him, especially since he already struggled to keep friends so he was worried about ruining their friendship and being abandoned.

he wished he wasn't autistic when he was younger. of course, he was nervous about what other people thought about him, but his issues typically went back to him hating how difficult everything was for him — communicating, making connections, feeling like he belonged. no matter what he did, it always felt like the wrong choice; no matter where he went, he didn't belong.

unlike many other autistic people, he doesn't hate loud noises. in fact, a majority of the music he enjoys revolves around loud sounds. however, he has to be in the right mood to listen to them. he doesn't just put music on whenever, he has to want to actively listen to it in order to stand it. similarly, he can't have anything on in the background if he's trying to get work done. his surroundings are either completely silent or shaking pictures off the wall loud.

misa: (adhd)

throughout school, misa struggled with the material more than others. she had a very short attention span and often got in trouble for daydreaming instead of focusing. this is what caused her to start becoming overly insecure about her smarts and try and make up for it by being pretty and funny.

most her hyperfixations fall into stereotypical feminine traits, such as makeup and fashion.

when her fans found out she had adhd, she played into the stereotypes and just used it to make herself seem overly bubbly and dumb as she knew it would help her as an idol. however, due to this many people started regarding her as a moron with no ideas of substance, which added to her insecurities regarding her intelligence. whenever she did try to showcase herself and her ideas, she was typically laughed at and most people thought she was joking.

since japan has very strict drug laws, she's unmedicated and her symptoms are very severe; specifically her forgetfulness, excitability, fidgeting, hyperactivity, impulsivity, irritability, lack of restraint, and persistent repetition of words or actions. she's also very prone to mood swings when provoked.

near: autism (asd) & dyspraxia

her special interests are toys. she's not very picky and likes things that range from puzzles to toy robots, but she does favor dolls. she especially likes ones that come with television shows such as ever after high, equestria girls, monster high, and my little pony. she's not ashamed of her more childlike interests either, as she grew up around solely autistic people and was never made to feel embarrassed.

near has always preferred to play by herself as a child as she often felt like other people couldn't understand how exactly her little storylines played out in her head and it would be too much work explaining them when she could just play alone. she also just generally prefers not to socialize with others unless it comes down to those she is extremely close with, such as lawliet, matt, and especially mello.

she struggles a lot when it comes to social cues. she doesn't adjust her demeanor accordingly when it comes to certain situations, which makes her come across as uncaring. pair that with her inability to make eyecontact or even bother to face someone when they're talking to her, and she appears to be very uncaring most of the time.

her main stim is twirling her hair.

she has an insistence on sameness, inflexible adherence to routines, and ritualized patterns. she usually only wears all white, and is very highly organized when it comes to her personal space and belongings. all her toys are organized by what type they are and then what color. she also prefers to stick to her comfort zone and doesn't typically leave the orphanage unless it's absolutely necessary.

near is very selective when it comes to which textures she's willing to deal with. she only wears soft clothing like pajamas, and doesn't bother wearing shoes with her socks. she also typically likes warm and soft foods, such as oatmeal or rice.

she needs to feel stimulated at all times, so she typically watches something while she eats and listens to music when she's going to bed. she'll also often have one of her shows on in the background while playing with her toys or will put on fitting music for whatever adventure she's making her toys go on.

she's not very good at taking care of herself on her own, as she'll prioritize her hobbies over things like eating and showing. she's also easily stressed and unmotivated when it comes to things she doesn't like doing, and needs someone else to help her with things such as arranging doctor appointments and flights.

she also prefers to sit on the floor and crawl between spaces rather than walking around due to her dyspraxia. when she's feeling particularly weak, she uses a wheelchair and has either gevanni, lawliet, or mello push her around depending on where she is or who she's with.

[chackyxyooj]

A Hand Held

Where he lets his feelings for you subside.

╭──────────.★..─╮

Description: Maybe the reason why Garroth never let himself get too close to you is because he never wanted to admit how much he truly cared. || Hurt/No Comfort, Angst.

Pairing: MS!Garroth X Reader

WC: ~1.8k

CW: Angst without a happy ending.

SMLS Masterlist

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Corn mazes aren’t usually a thing that Garroth partakes in for himself. That’s not to say that he won’t go into one, but if he’s given the choice of staying outside or going in he’ll usually pick the former option. Right now the boy walks through dimly lit rows of corn with his heart that practically beats out of his chest. While he’d be lying if he said it was purely due to the uneasy atmosphere, a part of the reason behind his racing heart is because of you.

For as long as Garroth can remember he’s always had the smallest hint of a crush on you. It wasn’t a ‘stay up for hours thinking about you’ kind of crush, but more of a ‘you’re the first person I hope walks through the door at my party’ kind of crush. Almost like a crush of convenience. He was there and so were you. It was only natural he’d take a liking to you.

If he was being completely honest, there have been times when Garroth’s ‘level of crush’ would surpass what he considered a small infatuation. There’s been a few too many nights where Garroth stays up on the phone with you while you pull another all nighter, and only Irene knows how often Garroth adjusts his plans if you ask him to hang out, but that kind of thing is only natural between friends - especially between friends as good as you and him.

Garroth’s crush on you is a small one. Even if it’s an ongoing crush that’s lasted for more than two years, it’s definitely just a small one. If it was a major crush Garroth would’ve confessed his feelings for you a long time ago. That’s just the kind of person he is. He’s perfectly comfortable with the way things are now so there’s no need for change.

The two of you have always been good friends, always keeping in touch and hanging out from time to time, but your friendship seemed to come in waves. It’s not a bad thing. Sometimes life has a tendency to swing you two closer together, and sometimes it doesn’t. The past few months would probably fall under the latter category. Today is actually the first in a while where the two of you are alone together.

You wanted to venture into the corn maze but everyone else wanted to trek through the 80’s themed horror house. Instead of forcing you to make the journey alone, Garroth happily stepped up to the challenge. What a mistake that was.

Everything was fine for a time. You and Garroth walked through the fields of corn making small talk - just the normal ‘catching up’ topics most people talk about - but the conversation was quickly running dry. It had never been this difficult to talk to you before. Why were things suddenly different now?

Garroth glances over at you, whose gaze is focused on where you’re going, and his heart does a little jump. You look so pretty beneath the moonlight.

“Garroth? Earth to Garroth! Hello?” You wave your hand in front of the boy’s face and snap him out of his daze. It seems you had perfect timing too, as the boy was about to walk right into a wall of corn stalks. “Don’t tell me you’re succumbing to corn maze madness already?!”

Garroth gives you a curious look. “C-corn maze madness?”

“Yes.” You nod your head with a straight expression. “They say that when you walk amongst the stalks for too long, you start to see things. Things that aren’t really there.”

A shiver shoots up Garroth’s spine at your flat tone of voice. “W-what? How come I’ve never heard of that before?”

You meet Garroth’s gaze slowly. For a moment it feels like Garroth’s heart might jump right out of his chest. This tension in the air - he can’t take it! He blinks down at you nervously, awaiting a reply that never seems to arrive. And then, you finally speak.

“The truth is… I made it up.”

“Huh?”

“I made it up!” Your facade of seriousness breaks alongside the sound of your laughter. “Oh my gosh, you didn’t really believe me, did you? Come on, corn maze madness? That sounds like some cheap thrill from a horror movie!”

Garroth pouts slightly. “Hey! I’ll remind you that you would be walking through this corn maze alone if it wasn’t for me.”

“So?”

“So you should be a little nicer to me!”

“Okay, I’m sorry. I won’t tease you so much. Thank you for putting up with my shenanigans, Garroth.” The grin on your face softens as you meet Garroth’s gaze, and once again it feels like his heart does a little flip.

Shoot.

Garroth knows exactly what’s happening, but why now? Why tonight? Why is it now that his feelings for you start to bubble up again? Garroth wants to, no, he needs to push them down. He needs to focus on something other than you, less he says something that you were never meant to hear.

“The uh… the moon is beautiful, isn’t it?”

“Garroth…” You turn to Garroth with a curious, almost mischievous look on your face. “You should be careful when you compliment the moon like that.”

“Why? Because it’s gonna cause me to develop ‘moon madness’ or something?” Garroth jokes with a slight laugh.

You shake your head. “Not quite that. It’s more like… you’re professing your love for me.”

“And the source is that you made it up?”

“No, actually… but I guess it makes sense that you don’t know about it. I mean, I’m pretty sure my confession to you wouldn’t have flown over your head if-”

You snap one of your hands over your mouth, your eyes going wide as if you’ve just seen a ghost. Garroth hardly has a chance to process what you’ve said before he’s reaching out to grab your wrist, preventing you from disappearing into the corn maze without him. You don’t pull away from the boy once he has you, not that you could, but you don’t turn around to face him either.

Garroth can feel his heart racing in his chest. “Wait, when did you…?”

“It was a long time ago.” Your reply is short as you peek over at the boy, a playful smile now masking the nervous expression you sported just moments ago. “Just a silly little friend crush. Nothing you need to feel weird about, I promise!”

Garroth can feel his grip around your wrist twitch. You liked him? Not only that, but you had confessed to him? To be fair your confession was in an off handed way that not many people would know, but that chance - the opportunity to tell you the truth - it had been right in front of him all along?

Eventually Garroth’s grip on you loosens. He expects you to pull away from him like you always do, but you don’t. In spite of everything that’s happening, you reach forward and take Garroth’s hand in yours.

“Come on, Garroth!” You laugh, the sound of your voice strained as it echoes through the air. “If we don’t get a move on we’re gonna be stuck in here forever!”

At first your grip felt foreign against his hand. He’s never had someone take his hand before. Of course you’d be the first one to do it though. It wasn’t long before Garroth found himself enjoying how your hand felt in his and subsequently chastising himself for feeling that way.

He doesn’t like you like that. No matter how harshly his heart beats in his chest, or how much he enjoys having you so close, it’s not because he has a crush on you.

Garroth refuses to acknowledge that he might have even the slightest bit of interest in you that surpasses a ‘friend crush.’ You’re just a friend. A really good friend who is helping him through the corn maze he roped himself into. An extremely good and reliable friend who brings out the side of himself he doesn’t usually show to anyone else.

You’re someone who liked him, and he’s someone who…

“I liked you too.”

You pause for a moment, your pace slowing ever so slightly as you turn around and steal a glance at Garroth from over your shoulder.

The charming edge to your smile softens and reveals what usually lies beneath your playful demeanour. It’s a quiet and thoughtful look, Garroth thinks, and it’s one that he’s seen on you a few times before. He can’t pinpoint the when and where of those times, but he remembers what it feels like to see it.

First he’ll feel surprised, then he’ll feel confused, and finally, Garroth is left feeling conflicted.

You look so pretty, but you also look sad. It’s natural for Garroth to want to comfort his friends when they seem saddened or distraught, but that’s not a thing he usually comes across with you. You’re always so happy. Always so carefree. And yet, someone as happy as you can make an expression like this one.

When the sorrow in your eyes is because of him, how can Garroth do anything but pull away? How can he bear to endure the beating of his heart when he can feel you pulling away? You’re not his and he’s not yours. No matter what he might want, he needs to remember that.

Garroth loosens his grip on your hand. You probably think he’s a horrible friend for telling you something like that - especially after having confessed you used to like him.

With a quiet sigh Garroth looks away from you. “I’m sorry.”

“For liking me?”

“Yeah... Wait, no, not that! I just meant-”

“I get it.” You reply in your ever-playful tune, turning your eyes forward as you resume leading Garroth through the corn maze.

Garroth looks over at you in confusion, his heart racing in his chest. “You do?”

“Yeah…” You muse. “I probably shouldn’t say this, but knowing you liked me… it makes me happy. Even though nothing came from it, I’m glad someone like you chose to like someone like me. Even if it was for just a moment.”

Oh… so that’s how it is.

“Yeah.” Garroth nods, his grip on your hand tightening ever so slightly. “Me too.”

Garroth doesn’t understand it, he’s never understood it and maybe he’ll never get to understand it, but just for tonight he decides it doesn’t matter. Garroth likes you, and you liked him. Though he’s never dared to close the distance that exists between your friendship, Garroth is glad to share this moment together.

When all is said and done, Garroth knows that this is the last time he’ll get to hold you this way.

[raventhedracovis]

tell us about wordgirl bestie!

Will gladly use this as an opportunity to talk about a few headcanons that are canon in mine and @c0de-0f-the-clans reboot!

I'll stick with the characters we've done line ups for for now. Which would be: Becky/Wordgirl, Huggy, Tobey, Dr. Two-Brains, Chuck, The Butcher, Charlie, The Other Henchman, The Whammer, Invisi-Bill, Big Left Hand Guy, Ms. Question, and The Coach.

Becky/Wordgirl (or course we're starting with the girl herself):

Bi. She just is. I don't make the rules. Yes I do >:3

Non-binary but uses she/her pronouns. Comes from noticing in the show how casual she is with referring to herself as "mister". Even lampshaded in the Thanksgiving episode when she says "no more mister nice Becky! ... Or miss Becky. Either one :)".

She's got two birthdays, the day her parents adopted her and the approximate date she was actually born. Her birthday is always celebrated September 28th, but her actual birthday is closer to December 16th.

Part of the reason Becky sucks at art so much is because she sees way more colors than humans can perceive. A color combination that looks good to her just looks ugly or like the same shade of brown. Though even without the whole "painting with colors beyond human perception" thing she just generally sucks at art.

Becky is autistic and stims by pulling and messing with her hair. We also decided she has a bee necklace and she fidgets with it too.

Her full name is Rebecca but goes by Becky.

She's currently 4'5" and the shortest in her grade. When she's all grown up she's going to tower over her friends at around six feet (or more).

Bob/Captain Huggy Face:

Captain Huggy Face is not his real name (or title but I'll get to that in a later post). It's just the name Wordgirl came up with on the spot.

Just like Becky, Bob is only his nickname. Robert is his full name in the family.

Pan.

Non-binary as well. Just his vibes.

By Lexicon standards, he's considered colorblind. By Earth standards, he's not fhdh.

In his late 20's, but part of the reason is for a different post.

Chuck the Evil Sandwich-Making Guy

Trans man <3

Demi pan.

Chuck's full name is Charles Edward Guy.

Chuck is in his early 20's, a headcanon we pulled thanks to a flashback in the show where Tim and Sally are clearly around the same age they found and adopted Becky but Chuck is oh so small.

Dr. Two-Brains

He stands at 6'5" but slouches a lot and therefore looks more like 6'3".

Technically has three birthdays! One for Steven, one for Squeaky, and one for the day the two fused.

Pan. Can and will flirt with anyone and everything.

In his late 30's.

The Henchmen

The other henchman is Joey Meatball. We both had different ideas of what his name was and thought the combined name was funny.

The two are romantically involved <3

Charlie is 6'7", the other one is 5'2".

Both are in their 40's.

The Butcher

He's 6'9". Big man.

His full name is Jack Edison Shepherd Jr. He went by Butch for a while as a kid, and it kind of stuck.

Bi

The reason he struggles with words so much is because he has an expressive language disorder.

In his early 40's.

Tobey

While he was the tallest kid in 5th grade, he's only gonna be 5'4" all grown up, and it's going to make him so, so mad jhkdg.

We have also hit him with the autism beam.

He had braces at some point, as evidenced by a retainer that can be seen by his bed in most episodes. We have however, just given him braces in our reboot.

Tobey has anxious attachment style. Something I can literally talk about in paragraphs (and have. Twice.) and will probably share another day.

His birthday is reverse pi, 4/13.

The Whammer

The Whammer is half Greek, half Texan, and 100% professional wrestler. His father is a Greek immigrant who got into the professional wrestling career where he met The Whammer's mother, a professional wrestler from Texas.

His real name is Adam Minos.

Was supposed to follow in his parents' footprints and apprenticed under his dad. Unfortunately, his powers where deemed illegal for use in the ring.

In his early 20's.

He's 5'8".

Gay.

Invisi-Bill

He is romantically involved with Big Left Hand Guy. :]

In his early 30's.

He has ADHD.

Stands at about 5'11".

Gay.

Big Left Hand Guy

He is romantically involved with Invisi-Bill. :]

He's related to one of the reoccurring bank security guards.

Has anxiety.

In his late 30's.

He's 5'1".

Gay.

Ms. Question

Trans and non-binary. She's non-binary in the sense that she dodges any questions about her gender. No matter what, she will make you second guess yourself when you try to give her a label.

She's Afro-Latina.

Bicurious, because she's also dodge the question jdfkgh.

Her civilian name is Anne Neasia.

In her early 30's.

Very tall woman. Stands at 6'.

The Coach

The Coach has dwarfism. He stands at 4'8".

He's related to Timmy Tim-Bo. It's why he keeps him around.

In his late 40's.

[heartofbusan]

I saw this tweet and it speaks to me, it says it all

https://x.com/mainlykm/status/1828489606209081405

there is just so much love there, so much that they decided to travel together and then enlist together

I like what you said about the narrative, it’s what i thought from the start in regards to the car talk as it absolutely set the scene, of friends that have not spent a lot of time together and want to (they obvious can’t indulge the truth, or say they are lovers). So hey, let’s travel together for fun!

It makes sense, it gives as reason for the show, the why they are doing it. People thinking all sorts of stupid things, but that was always clear to me. I had wondered before the show aired how they were going to navigate that, the why, and so it made sense to me to lead with that, I think that’s why Jimin lead the conversation referencing they hadn’t been on a trip together in a while, acknowledging that they had been on a trip just them before.. one which is infamous. GCFT has always set them apart since its release, no other members have that sort of trip on record (obvs we know about Tae and Hobi’s trip). I mean why out of all the members, or out of all their friends, did they need or want to spend that travel time together? I mean that in the sense that it was also the case that as far as Army could see, Jimin and Tae hadn’t been spending much time together, so why not him? (Talking abkut NY/CT). The other thing that sets them apart to me is how we didn’t get any live content at the time of filming, in comparison to Jimin going to see Yoongi in NY and going live, we got nothing when he was with JK, why? It marks them as different in my opinion.

I do now wonder about the arc of the story in the rest of the episodes, I love your thought process there. I’m going to say I’m nervous for any in depth talk they may have, we’ve gotten nothing much so far about MS, but obviously in Japan they know they got in. I’m nervous because any information they give us about their reasons will be used against them, and sadly atp not just by tkkrs, but by insecure jkks too, and what a sad site to be in . However, I can’t imagine it won’t be mentioned, the bittersweet thing about Japan meaning they were just a mere couple of weeks away from enlistment day whilst there.

I have enjoyed this show immensely and agree with what you said wholeheartedly about the purpose of it all is to show us them, as they are. The small details of their relationship, the small but oh so significant details of their bond, how in sync they are and just move together. It’s truly beautiful and all I want from it is for people to respect them, and their really incredible bond. 💜

Hi there,

Do you remember this time last year when we were teased a possible Jikook live but it never came? JK did his very best, put on his poutiest face, fanned his lashes, showed us brawn and muscle and all sorts of things in order to get Jimin to join him during one of his many lives. Ah, what a thirsty time that was.

No, they didn't go live or tease the actual show when they were filming AYS, and I think that's probably due to them wanting to 1. Keep AYS a surprise, and 2. They still might have needed to 'sell' the show to a distributor.

Regarding the first I think we all know they love to give ARMY gifts. They know, THEY KNOW we love them together. The amount of times people have been asking them to go live together ect..they were probably giggling knowing what they were preparing. Their excitement during the NamVMinKook (help what is their name 😩) last live when Joon alluded to bedroom MMA..they were exited and wanted to keep it as surprise. On the second point I think, like someone mentioned (please, I forgot who it was, please come get your flowers 💐) they might not have sold an 8 episode show yet, so nothing was set in stone. They had a wild idea and a dream! but maybe not yet a clear idea of how they'd be promoting the show, they had no title ect. Like we say here, they might not have wanted to make us happy with a dead bird.

As to your point of them mentioning MS.. hmm..I dunno, I'm not as nervous for it, I guess. They mentioned it explicitly in episode one where they talked about deciding to do the show because thy would be going away for a while. They also said they wanted to keep doing it, to quote JK "until we're 50".

If they do mention it, I think it will be just as brief, not a whole explanation. It's as deep as they're willing to get, I suppose. Very Jimin-esque, mentioning it,but also keeping it close to the vest. They know about their haters, ofc they do, but if they're like me, they curate what they see and what they allow to permeate into their sphere. I block and report, but I suffer no fools. Not on any app. Why waste my time reading that drivel when there is this kind of love story to be celebrated.

If we were surprised by them enlisting as a duo, then I'm sure they talked about how it would be received, and they decided it was worth it.

Yes, their bond is what as breathed live into my veins these past weeks. Hell, the anticipation has been building for months! And I hope they know that. I hope they know that there are people like you and I, dear anon, who will support them, whatever may come.

Thank you so much for your lovely ask 💜

[maniculum]

All right, y'all. I'm instituting Scorpion Sundays. Every Sunday I'm going to make a post rating one of the scorpions from the original effortpost, until we get through the whole list. In the meantime, I'll keep posting any scorpions other people send me (or tag me in) on other days -- I'll just schedule any of those I get on the soonest day that doesn't already have a scorpion.

I'm trying to do this in an organized fashion -- I have a spreadsheet and everything. It looks like this:

Anyway, I want to start with this one. I know there are two scorpions in it, but I'm not splitting them up because they're friends. Plus they're getting the same rating.

This is from Harley MS 3244, which the British Library refers to as a "theological miscellany" and has fully digitized. (Link here.) The bestiary section is apparently titled "Liber de Natura Bestiarum" and begins on f.36r. These scorpions are on f.64r.

The reason I'm doing this one first is because I made an error in my initial post. I said, describing this image, "A scorpion is definitely either a mouse or a fish. Either way it has six legs." However, as keen-eyed readers may have noted, this description is inaccurate: the "fish" has seven visible legs. (I'm assuming the legs are the colored rectangles and that the artist didn't just draw a series of stick-legs then blob some color on top of them.) So either these two have different numbers of legs or this version of the scorpion actually has twelve legs -- since the drawing depicts it from the right side, the left legs are hidden behind the right legs, and the "fish" seems to have seven legs because it's stepping slightly forwards and we can see the front left leg.

I guess it's also possible, based on the illustration, that these have no legs and are just perched on top of some sort of rugose stalk like sea anemones. I'm going to give the artist the benefit of the doubt and go with the twelve-legs theory, since that gets them closest to correct.

Also, you have to respect an artist who draws two of the same animal visibly different from each other, right next to each other in the same little box. "Do scorpions have ears? Dunno, this one does and that one doesn't." Is it sexual dimorphism? Different stages in the life cycle? I'd try and work out the answer from the text, but the text looks like this:

Even if my Latin was decent, I don't have the paleographic skills to decipher that. Also, considering that this is the manuscript with four illustrations of scorpions (five if you count the two animals in this illustration separately), no two of which look like the same animal, I'm not willing to assume that the depictions have strong textual support.

So, points.

Small Scuttling Beaſtie? ✔

Pincers? ✘

Exoskeleton or Shell? ✘

Visible Stinger? ✘

Limbs? 12

Now. I think y'all can guess what I think of the vibes of these things. They're tiny and cute. I would pet one and feed it treats. 5/5.

They barely dodge the "identifiable real-world animal" penalty, though. If the one on the left had been drawn with four legs, it would get -1 for being just a regular mouse -- which would then incur a second -1 penalty for being a mammal. But the leg situation is what it is, so they keep their points.

Total points:

6.8 / 10

The leg and ear situations remain ambiguous.

[someonewhogotanaccount]

How I accidentally traumatized my therapist at the age of nine

A short and unfortunately true story from the time when I was still going to therapy. I was nine years old at that time and my mom had only told me that I was going to a "doctor for the soul". I usually went there, my therapist asked me if anything new had happened with my father, I replied no, and we played games until it was time for me to leave. It was quite chill and until a few years ago I didn't really understand the whole point. But now, looking back, I see things a bit… differently. If you don’t understand what I mean, maybe this example explains it:

Ms. Therapist: "Hello, KitCat (because of course I was already called KitCat back then ;). Today I have a very special game for you. Here's a stack of cards with questions and you and I are going to answer them together. Okay?" Nine y.o. me: "Sure, why not." Ms. Therapist: "All right, let's get started. *Takes a card* Ah, that’s a quite difficult one: What's the worst thing one could do to a child? Please think about it for a few minutes and then we'll discuss it." Nine yo me: Hah, that's easy. But I want to do the task properly. *Remembers every trauma that was ever heard of.* — A few minutes later — Ms. Therapist: "All right, what's your answer?" Nine y.o. me *grinning widely because I tried so hard and found the perfect answers*: "Lock them up somewhere deep down in the earth, never let them see the light of day, torture them, mutilate them, beat them, physically abuse them, and do everything I said before to their loved ones. *Small pause* Of course in front of their eyes, so that it has an effect on them." Ms. Therapist *visibly shocked, or at least startled by my answer*: "A-ha. Well. Uhm. Are you sure about that?" Nine y.o. me *disappointed because my answer wasn’t as good as I thought*: "But… why shouldn’t I? Is my answer wrong?" Ms. Therapist: "No no, of course not! It’s just, well, not exactly what I expected, that’s all. I thought we would go more in a… passive direction?" Nine y.o. me: "Well then, what's your answer?" Ms. Therapist: "The worst thing one could do to a child is to… ignore it." Nine y.o. me: "Ohhh, I understand. So you mean psychological abuse! I knew something was missing…" Ms. Therapist: "That’s not what I meant with that- you don’t need adding it to your, uh, list. It is already comprehensive enough. But imagine; wouldn’t it be hard to always be ignored? Children need a lot of attention." Nine y.o. me *tilts the head curious to the side*: "So you would rather be ignored than tortured? You’re a strange doctor."

For some reason, we’ve never played that game again. Sad, actually. I was having quite a lot fun. Looking back, it’s one of my most embarrassing and funniest memories. Like- I really wanted to win that game. Although you couldn’t win because it wasn't a competition. I even discussed the whole "You truly think being ignored is worse than being tortured?"-thing with her for at least ten more minutes. Eventually, my therapist said "I guess you can look at it either way. It's probably a draw", just so that I would finally shut the duck up about it. ...I don’t know why, but my old me was so embarrassing and clueless I’m cringing and laughing every time I think about this.

(PS: Please don’t do anything I mentioned above. And to all who worry about me now: No, of course I didn’t speak out of own experience, I just gathered a lot bad stuff from the TV and books. Also not even my dad ignored me (and my mom is da best), I don’t know why the therapist brought it up. Anyway, have a nice day!)