#see how the story ends though the chapter started kinda weird but maybe it gets better. maybe it's a turning point or smthn

[schizononagesimus]

so clearly i arrived fine and the start to my "trip" is going great! now it's 2am and im feeling the gravity of my situation 😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄

[hwaslayer]

love you in slow motion (psh) | four.

♡ spotify playlist | series masterlist ♡

—summary: seonghwa will go through hell and back for you, as long as he can continue to see that smile on your face. because to him, that smile feels like a rainbow after the rain, thewarmth of the sun on a winter day. because to him, you’re more than just his bestfriend—you’re love. even though everyone seems to see that except you.

—pairing: park seonghwa x f!reader

—genre: (18+ - minors dni) bestfriends to lovers | fluff, angst, eventual smut

—word count: 10k

—chapter warning: cussing/mature language, alcohol consumption, intoxication, club scene!, twerkin buns at the clurrrb 🤪, kissing/making out, quick rundown of oc's history with mingi, physical altercation, mention of small injuries/wounds (lip cut), arguments, crying, the silent treatment 💀, hints of a hookup, oc x seonghwa just being a mess per usual sorry 😫 lol

"Are you still riding with me and Joong to the club?" Seonghwa puts your call on speaker while he sits in the passenger's seat of Hongjoong's car.

"Yeah, if I can."

"Can we head over then?"

"Sure. I'm still getting ready."

"We figured." Hongjoong chuckles in the driver's seat, turning into a lot. "What do you want from Egg House?" Seonghwa inches the phone away from his face when you squeal loudly and clap.

"Double egg toast, please!"

"Okay. We'll be there in about 30 minutes or so."

"Thank you!" You hang up the call first and Seonghwa lets out a breath, slouching further in the seat.

"It's so easy to please Y/N." Hongjoong laughs, finding a spot in the opposite end the lot closest to the shop.

"Sometimes."

"San ever tell you about their dinner?"

"Not really. Y/N did. A bit. She was being kinda weird about it, actually."

"Hm." He hums, figuring if it was gonna come from someone, it would be him. "That's probably because they talked about you."

"Me?" Seonghwa furrows his brows in confusion. "What about me?" No wonder you were being so weird about the topic at the aquarium. You couldn't tell him the full story, even though Seonghwa wished you would've. It'd make things way easier.

"What do you mean 'what about you?'" Hongjoong laughs as he heads to the self-checkout area to order. "These unspoken feelings, that's what."

"What did San say?"

"He asked if you two had anything going on with each other."

"Why is that a question when there clearly isn't?"

"Mm, well.." Hongjoong's response has a drip of sarcasm that has Seonghwa

"He didn't have to do that."

"He just didn't wanna get in between anything, of course he had to." Seonghwa is silent and he's biting his tongue because even though he has a rebuttal ready to slip— he's not entirely sure why he'd be defensive and fight back about it.

Hongjoong and San were right. It's not like everyone wasn't aware. The only person who seemed to be was you.

"I don't know what Y/N said. But whatever it was.. was enough for San to just back off." 

"He shouldn't give up on her."

"Him or you?" Joong laughs. "I mean they're still going to be the same. Good friends. I don't think anything was lost. They're probably both comfortable this way, too. Maybe that's just how it's supposed to play out." Joong shrugs. Which, it isn't much of a surprise to Seonghwa when he hears this, especially when you started talking about the potential of ruining things—

♡ FLASHBACK

"As friends. Like we always were." You tug on his wrist. "Hypothetically speaking, if we were to date, would that ruin things between us?" Seonghwa swallows the lump in his throat before shaking his head.

"Why would it ruin things between us?"

"I don't know, because we've always known each other like this. As bestfriends. It could be a dangerous thing, right? Cause we'd know too much about each other or whatever." You look up at him, and he locks his eyes with yours. He wishes he could say everything and nothing at once— but he sticks with the latter, his own example of keeping everything at bay. 

"I truthfully don't think it'd ruin anything."

"B-because I feel like it would and that's why I'm just letting things be with San."

"You sure that's it? Cause I feel like you're asking for a different reason, and not for San in particular."

♡ END

"Hate when you do that." 

"Hate when I'm right and you're wrong.. again?" Seongwa finishes plugging in his order and yours before checking out.

"I got it since you're driving today." Is all he responds before snatching the receipt.

"More gas money for me." Hongjoong snickers, plopping onto a high stool off to the side of the restaurant to wait for the food. 

"Did San say anything else to you?" Joong shrugs and shakes his head.

"Nah. But, he seems to be the same."

"Gotta talk to him." Seonghwa mainly mutters to himself. He just wants San to be okay because he didn't want this idea of you and him getting in the way [despite his feelings]. That was never his intention. But before he can fall into a rabbit hole with his thoughts, his name is being called and a bag full of food is being pushed his way. Joong is already on his way to the car, unlocking the doors to hop in and drive off to your place with a quickness— especially because he was hungry.

When they arrive at your place, they pass through the house to say their hello's to Yaya with Seonghwa handing off the extra sandwich he remembered to buy for her. She happily thanks them before waving them off, telling them that you're probably still getting ready in your suite.

"Hey!" Seonghwa knocks and yells. "Are you decent or whatever?"

"Yeah! Come in!" He hears from the other side just as he tugs on the doorknob. Walking in, he notices a few pieces of clothing scattered along your bed and couch, with you head deep into your closet.

"The hell are you doing?"

"Finding an outfit, what does it look like?" Your response is mumbled as you dig deep into the depths of your closet to find that black cotton mini skirt and a few tops. "Got it!" You hold up a bodysuit and a regular tank in the same color. "Body suit or tank?"

"How the hell are you gonna pee?" Hongjoong asks mid-chew. "Unbuttoning that coochie holder while drunk is crazy."

"You're sick, Kim Hongjoong."

"Nah, tell me. How is that gonna work?" Seonghwa silently takes out your sandwich and plops next to him on the couch.

"He's got a point. I'm not going into that bathroom to save you."

"Ugh." You groan, tossing the bodysuit aside and settling for the tank. "I'll figure out the rest later." You plop next to Hongjoong's free side. "Thank you for the food." You smile over at them.

"Hwa bought it." Hongjoong's eyes are glued to the TV. 

"Thank you, pichu."

"Mhm." Seonghwa responds from his end. 

"Why are San and Woo going separately?"

"San has to help his uncle with something and it might run a bit long. Woo offered to go with him so he wouldn't be alone."

"Mm." You hum. "Hope it doesn't go long."

"Aw. You miss Sannie?" Hongjoong playfully pouts and you hit him on the bicep.

"You're so fucking mean to me." Joong laughs loudly when you continue to whine, Seonghwa contently eating away while watching the show.

"You guys good or what?"

"Yeah, I just want all of us together."

"We will be, don't worry." Seonghwa chimes in and passes you your food. "Eat. I know you'll need like 500 hours to get your makeup and hair done." You glare at him before picking up the sandwich and digging in. You, Joong and Hwa continue to talk amongst each other while watching the TV before you gather the strength to finally get ready for the night. You turn on your bluetooth speaker, blasting your playlist while you get dressed and get your makeup going. Seonghwa has taken a few pregame shots with you in between, now sipping on a canned cocktail to keep him going while you finish up your makeup and hair. You take one more look at yourself in the mirror, satisfied with the oversized black denim jacket, mini skirt, tank and knee high heeled boots you threw on. Your makeup was simple, but enough to pop.

"Damn." Hongjoong teases, playfully checking you out and flattening his brows with two fingers while Seonghwa rolls his eyes. But, he has to say— he's fucking dying inside because of how fine you look tonight.

So fucking beautiful, and Seonghwa wishes he could have you all to himself.

"Go away." You laugh, walking through a cloud of perfume. "I'm ready!"

"About time." Seonghwa teases. "You look good." He breaks contact as he shuts off your bluetooth speaker and is the first to head out the door.

"Thanks, pichu." You shut off the lights and lock your door. "Do you have the bottle?"

"Make sure to hide that shit in the car, I'm not getting pulled over." Hongjoong says, unlocking his car. You hop into the backseat and tuck the unopened soju bottle aside— keeping it safe until you get to the club.

It's a 20 minute drive before Joong is circling the streets to find a good spot. When he finally gets lucky and finds one just a block down, he reverses into the spot flawlessly before shutting off the car and giving off a deep sigh.

"Have at it." He says, texting San to find out his whereabouts while you and Seonghwa continue to pregame some more and finish the bottle. The alcohol is hitting you quickly tonight, the soju being the cherry on top. Joong tells you San and Wooyoung have parked nearby, giving you all the greenlight to meet them halfway and walk together to the club.

You [drunkly] scream loudly when you see the two; running into their arms and letting them swing you around. You feel happier when you're all together, excited for what the night has to bring. You cling onto Seonghwa without realizing, the group behind you two as you walk side by side while engaging in conversation.

"Seonghwa! Why would you say that!" You and Seonghwa laugh loudly while walking down the street to the club. San can't help but divert his attention to you two ahead; watching as you naturally joke around, laugh and playfully bicker. You cling onto Seonghwa and continue to attach yourself to his hip, and the reality settles for San even more.

He is sad, but it's clear this is where you're supposed to be.

Seonghwa continues to tell you his story, leaning in to tell you delicate details even as you fall in line for the club. San realizes things surely haven't changed, because for you and Hwa, all you see is each other. You both don't ever purposefully make anyone feel left out, but at the end of the day, Hwa was always going to prioritize you and vice versa.

This is your own world and San only plays a little part in it. And that's okay. That's completely okay. You deserved to be happy and that's all he wants for you. All he wants for Hwa.

When security finally checks your IDs and lets your group in, the club is packed from wall to wall and you're having to hold Seonghwa's hand while navigating through the crowd. Hongjoong is behind you, gripping at the belt loop of your skirt to help lead the other two trailing him.

"Aye, over there!" Hongjoong tugs on your belt loop and points at the free bartender towards the other end of the club nodding with his lips while nodding. You take the hint and get Seonghwa to navigate to the free area. Once you're there, you feel like you're able to breathe, being able to spread your arms and move around freely.

"Let's go get some drinks from the bartender over there, it isn't busy." Seonghwa points to the small bar area towards the back end. Your group follows, instantly asking the bartender for a few shots of tequila, whiskey, whatever each chose as their own poison. 

The shots are taken to the neck, and before you know it, you're dancing away on the dance floor with your friends. Wooyoung manages to grab a few dances from cuties nearby, dragging San along to cheer him up and find someone he could possibly have fun with. But, amidst all that and all the numbers he manages to grab, he still finds himself looking for you so he can at least have a dance. 

"Y/N?" San comes to you, cheeks tinted red as his hand  caresses at his jaw. 

"What's wrong, Sannie? Are you okay?" You look up at him with those eyes, your hand on his bicep. You're both clearly drunk out of your minds but jesus, is he having trouble containing himself. 

"Y-yeah." He hiccups. "I just wanted to ask if you'd dance with me?" You giggle and nod.

"Let's go!" You grab his hand and take the initiative. At some point the crowd builds and you're separated from your group— Wooyoung floating somewhere out in the chaos, while Hongjoong and Seonghwa are pulling further and further away. You continue to dance with San though, enjoying every moment and having fun while with him. He keeps up with your rhythm, holding you close but making sure you still have enough freedom to move however you want, have space however you want. But, you continue to work on him and dance along to the music, forgetting any worries for the night.

You dance with San for a good chunk of time before you start searching for Seonghwa, who is no longer nearby. You catch wind of him, but your body decides this is the perfect time to break the seal.

"I need to go to the bathroom." You turn to San and tippy-toe to his ear.

"You okay? Want me to come and wait?"

"No, I'm okay. I'll be back." You give him a small reassuring smile before rushing off to the bathroom and waiting in the tiny line that had formed outside the door. You're in and out within 5 minutes, washing your hands and patting your face down with how stuffy the club had gotten. After handling your business in peace, you realize that Seonghwa and Hongjoong are even more separated than you thought when you exit the bathroom— no longer being able to spot them on the main dance floor, especially due to being inebriated. You finally find Wooyoung and San together, tugging on Wooyoung's sleeve to grab his attention.

"Where's Hwa?"

"Iono!" Wooyoung shrugs. "Last time I checked he was somewhere over there with Joongie." He nods in the far back corner behind you. You give Wooyoung's arm a squeeze to thank him before pushing your way through the crowd towards the potential Hongjoong and Seonghwa spot. When you get there, Hongjoong is definitely nowhere to be found, but Seonghwa is talking to some girl. He's leaning in towards her ear in order for her to hear him, and she laughs at whatever the fuck he's saying. It lowkey kinda irks you, even though you have no reason to be feeling that way. You should be happy Seonghwa is putting himself out there and flirting away at the club. 

Not feeling jealous or envious in the least bit that she is occupying his time and space.

"Hey." You come up to him just as she giggles and playfully flips her hair, turning on her heels to walk away. She gives him one last look before she sways her hips and continues walking towards her friends, all of them squealing over the encounter in the middle of the club. "I see you've been busy." He shrugs.

"That's the girl I met. Makayla." You subtly roll your eyes and tap his chest.

"Okay, well I've been looking for you." You kinda pout.

"What's wrong?" He tilts his head.

"Nothing, I just wanted to hang out with you and I couldn't find you for the longest time." He laughs.

"You were dancing with Sannie, weren't you?" He taps your nose. He says it like it's a light, teasing joke, but deep down, Seonghwa had to step away and get outta that spot. He's not gonna lie, he is relieved you're finally looking for him and finding him. 

"So?" He laughs.

"Well, you found me? Stop pouting. We came here to have fun and you're gonna be with me all night." He gently runs a finger down your bottom lip that is still poking out in a pout. 

"Where'd Joong go?"

"Bathroom." 

"Let me grab San and Woo—" Seonghwa tugs at your hand just as you're about to turn, a small frown on his face. As you look at him, not only do you realize how drunk you still are, but you can also pick up on how drunk Seonghwa is, too. His eyes are red and glazed over, cheeks also tinted with a rosey hue. 

Which, with the way he's looking at you, can't be a good thing. 

This won't end well.

And you truly do not care right now.

"Uh-uh, I thought you wanted to hang out for a bit. Dance with me." He says, pulling you flush against him while his teeth subtly nibble on his bottom lip.

"Hwa." You get all shy and unlike yourself, most definitely from the alcohol and the way he's looking at you up and down. You let him keep you close, beginning to dance against him and go with the beat of the current song blasting through the club. 

To set the record straight first and foremost— it's not like you haven't danced with him before. You have, and those times have been careless, free and fun. You didn't have a care in the world, Seonghwa didn't. It wouldn't last because it was harmless fun before you were onto the next and brushing it off like it was any ordinary thing between you two.

Because it was.

Tonight, it isn't. The air is different, and the energy between you two is supercharged; strong, an incredible pull to each other. The air is extra thick and like no other you've experienced with him. You can't really explain it right now, but with recent events, you just know you want Seonghwa.

Just like he wants you.

So you dance, and you dance. The two of you have pushed to the farthest corner of the club that Hongjoong never seems to return to Seonghwa [or maybe he did and didn't wanna bother] and the two of you are left in your own little world. He's still keeping you close, a tight grip on your hips as he feels every inch, every move against him, doing his best to keep up with the rhythm, you.

And god, is it turning you on.

You turn to face him when the song transitions into the next, finding that Seonghwa can't take his eyes off of you. He stares through his hooded lids while he rests against the metal railing, hands still at your hips while your face is only inches away. You watch as his eyes shoot down to your lips, back up to your eyes as if he's begging, pleading, you to make the first move. Because that will be the confirmation he needs— that will open up a whole new box that Seonghwa had been waiting to open, break the lock to a door he had been waiting to walk through. But also, he's too scared to make the first move. Too scared he'd be overthinking, that you're just drunk and you wouldn't mean it—

Suddenly, the impact of your lips crashing into his quickly pulls him out of his thoughts. Instead of breaking away at that moment, the kiss instantly becomes heated, deep. And Seonghwa has to forcibly pull himself off of you because even though he wants this so, so badly, it'll ruin everything if you truly didn't mean anything by it.

"What're you doing, Y/N?" He breaks away and leans towards your ear. His voice is husky and deep, loud enough to barely be heard over the music.

"I can't kiss you?"

"Not if you don't mean it." He bites onto his bottom lip when he pulls back to look at you, hands still resting on your waist.

"Who said I didn't mean it, Hwa?" You say in his ear, shivers running down his spine when he feels your lips graze your jaw. He probably should think about this, really think about this, but he can't. He's just as fucked up as you are, and he's feeling a bit selfish, a tad bit horny. You're positioned in between his legs looking beautiful as ever even under the dim club lights.

He can't help himself.

He cups your cheek as he pulls you back in, kissing you with so much more fervor. He hears you let out a content sigh in between kisses, pressing your body up against him as you grip the sides of his shirt.

"Driving me crazy." He says, pulling back and letting his nose lightly glide over yours. The both of you are slightly panting, lips swollen from all the intense kisses just shared. You'd do it over and over again, though. And if it were up to you, you'd take this home to explore a little further.

You want Seonghwa.

"Am I?" You continue to tease.

"Y/N." He gives you a look. "You have no idea what you do to me." His voice is still husky, deep; vibrating through your ears and sending tingles down your spine. He leans in for another deep, last kiss; biting onto your bottom lip and tugging back before letting it go. He dips to your jaw, to your neck— painting the surface with feathery kisses and tiny, subtle bites.

"Hwa, we're still out." You giggle and gently tap his chest. 

"Right." He sheepishly smiles and continues to hold you.

"I'm gonna grab some water real quick. We should try and find everyone when I come back."

"Let me just come with you." He grabs at your hand.

"I'll be fine, pichu." You smile toothlessly at him. "I'll be back before you know it. Try to text one of the boys! Save our space!"

"Fine." Seonghwa slightly whines as he lets go of your hand and watches you walk off. At this point, San, Wooyoung and Hongjoong find him without Seonghwa having to lift a finger— both San and Wooyoung carrying two glasses in their hands.

"Aye! Finally fucking found your ass. Where's baby girl? Got more shots." Wooyoung looks around for your familiar figure.

"She went to get water."

"I got it right here. Tequila water." Wooyoung snorts at his failed attempt of a joke.

"You're an idiot." Seonghwa shakes his head and takes the glass, holding onto it while looking around the room. It hasn't been long, but he's hoping you haven't been swallowed by the crowd and are at least at the bar requesting for water.

"Let's wait for Y/N." San adds.

"Sounds good with me." Wooyoung shrugs.

5 minutes quickly turns into 10 and you're still not back from your water run. Seonghwa can't help but be worried, eyes now frantically scanning every inch of the room to catch any glimpse of you.

"Damn, that's a long water break. Should we just go to the bar and find her?" Whatever Wooyoung's saying is completely drowned out by Seonghwa because he finally spots you, and he's fuming. Everything in the club seems to drown out, and it almost feels like white noise. Hwa finds you at the opposite corner of the bar, and of course, Song Mingi would be the person you're occupied with. That's why you haven't returned, of fucking course. He continues to watch from his spot, feeling unsettled from the entire situation. It starts off pretty normal, until Mingi starts whispering near your ear; doing his best to pull you close, keep you close. He sees you gently rejecting Mingi's touches, shoving off his hand and pushing his arm away— clearly making you uncomfortable. Seonghwa finds his free hand balled into a fist, already boiling with anger at how Mingi doesn't read any of your signs.

Instead, continues to put you through it because he's your ex. He thinks he can get away with it. He knows he can.

"I'll be back." Seonghwa says taking the shot in one swift motion, setting his empty glass aside on the high table nearby. San furrows his brows as he watches him leave, following his trail over to the opposite end of the club.

"Oh shit." San says under his breath, and Hongjoong is confused.

"What?"

"Mingi." He points over to the other side of the club and Joong lets out a sigh, followed by a heavy—

"Fuck."

As Seonghwa comes from behind, Mingi is the first to spot him and smirks. You don't really notice until Mingi has stopped trying to get close to you, turning over your shoulder to see your own bestfriend shooting daggers his way.

"What's up, Seonghwa?" The way Mingi says his name is so fucking annoying, Hwa can't help but roll his eyes. Mingi leaves out his hand in hopes of Hwa taking it in a friendly dap. All Seonghwa does is look at it before returning his attention back up to him, then back to you.

"Come on. Let's go." Hwa mutters as tries to gently drag you away by the wrist, but Mingi stops him.

"Woah. We were just having a conversation."

"Back up." Seonghwa steps in front of you and tries to get Mingi to back up, creating some distance between you two.

"Kinda rude for someone to intervene when they have no business to."

"Didn't know that required you to put your hands on her."

"Seonghwa." You warn, but he doesn't listen.

"Of course." Mingi laughs and licks his lips before closing in on the distance, clearly drunk and trying to be belligerent by provoking Seonghwa. His face is only a couple of inches away from Seonghwa's, but he isn't doing anything to back down from whatever the fuck Mingi is trying to start. Because yeah, he's drunk too, and this is you they were talking about. "Wanna be all high and mighty now? Be the knight in shining armor you always tried to be?" Mingi snickers.

"Back away from me, Mingi." Seonghwa warns lowly. "Step the fuck away."

"Or what? The fuck are you gonna do about it, Seonghwa?" Mingi mutters. "Think she'll finally give into you?" He chuckles pathetically. "Finally give you what you've been wanting for years? I know you've always been mad because you couldn't bag her when I did. Couldn't touch her, fuck her like—" Seonghwa pushes him with so much power that Mingi stumbles and fall back on a high table nearby, knocking over a glass as his arm hits the table. Mingi recovers quickly though, glaring at him as he pushes Seonghwa back and tries to land a punch on him. Mingi successfully lands it when Hwa fails to dodge, cutting the corner of his lip after the impact. They continue to go at it, causing people to step back and watch the chaos ensue from around.

"Hwa! Get off! Stop!" You scream, trying to pry him off. San, Hongjoong and Wooyoung rush over, both San and Joong having to separate the two until the bouncers come and kick your group and Mingi's group out of the club.

"Jesus fucking christ." Wooyoung glares at the bouncer and throws his hands up. "Okay, okay, we're going!"

"Let me catch you, fucking punk!" You hear Mingi yell as him and his group walk down the opposite block, the bouncers still keeping an eye on your groups to make sure nothing occurs outside of the club and requires police activity. You walk a few steps before you push Seonghwa by the shoulder, forcing him to look at you as he tends to his lip.

"What the fuck did you do that for?!" You look at him and Seonghwa's almost taken aback by your reaction. 

What do you even mean?

He did this to protect you and keep you away from that asshole, but you don't even seem the least bit concerned about him.

At all.

"W-what?" Seonghwa looks at you, his chest rising as he tries to calm himself from all the adrenaline and anger. 

"You didn't have to do that!" You yell, on the verge of tears. You're angry at Seonghwa, but you're angry because you hate seeing him hurt. You hate that he intervened, you hate that he's hurt because of the fight. You're angry, you're hurt, and everything is coming out all wrong. "I was fine, you didn't have to get in between, Seonghwa!"

"The hell you mean I didn't?!"

"Hwa." Hongjoong calls for him, eyeing the bouncers nearby.

"He wasn't doing anything!"

"Here you go again! Be serious for once, Y/N. He's a fucking asshole! When are you going to realize that?!"

♡ FLASHBACK

"Yeah, whatever. Fuck you, Song Mingi." You walk out of his room, aggressively wiping the tears streaming down your cheeks.

"Fucking crazy. Get the hell outta here!" He yells from his room, causing you to flip him off as you walk down the hallway and out of his front door. 

Song Mingi was a certified asshole.

Time and time again, your ex-boyfriend of 2 years proves to you that you just aren't shit to him. Two years, then an on-and-off again situation where Mingi just couldn't commit to you again — but he needed you to feel wanted, to feel like he had a safety blanket to fall on, to feel like he could string you along until that very last moment he couldn't. He'd whisper sweet nothings whenever he saw you late nights; no longer leaving his home to go on dates, but to stay wrapped up in his sheets. Telling you things he knows will make you weak, thing he knows will make you stay a little longer. All these years of this back and forth game you played with your ex, you had no idea why you couldn't just learn and do better for yourself instead of letting him reel you in, making you think he genuinely wanted and needed you.

There was no one like you.

You, so perfect.

You, made just for him. 

You should've known better.

This was no one else's fault but your own. You let him in, you let him in, you let him in. And you fall for it every single time, knowing you were never going to be his one and only again, knowing you weren't the only one he was keeping around. But for whatever sick reason, you wanted to believe you could get him to change again. You wanted to believe you meant more to him, that your history meant more to him. But that's all it was— wishful thinking.

Empty words built on shaky foundation.

So here you are, after he had called you saying he had missed you and wished you were near him. Here you are, crying everything you have left in you after giving him what he wanted. Here you are, after hearing that this wasn't anything to Mingi, that you weren't anything to Mingi. Here you are, broken to pieces, empty, soulless.

Again and again.

"Fucking asshole." You groan to yourself, tears streaming steadily as you head down the street from his building to a random corner. You sit on the sidewalk, kicking aggressively at the rocks beneath your feet. You give one last good grunt out of frustration before you rest your arms on your knees, head hanging low to let all your tears fall freely.

You had been crying so hard that you hadn't realized a car had pulled up in the empty spot near the curb you sat on, car being turned off before someone steps out and shut their door. You suddenly feel a hand on your back and you instantly ease up, knowing exactly who that touch belongs to.

"Hwa." You look at him, watery eyes blood shot red. He can't help but feel sorry for you, you're aware. You can tell by the way his brows soften when he sees how torn up you are, you can tell by the way his lips poke out because he isn't really sure what else he can say at this point. He shouldn't have to say anything anymore. He shouldn't be here—

You shouldn't be here.

"I told you to stay put." He teasingly scolds you, but you continue to look at him with that sad, pathetic look. "Let's get home, hm?" He follows up, free hand coming to wipe your tears away. You nod, allowing Seonghwa to help you up and into the car. He doesn't really say anything when he gets in and buckles his seatbelt, but he glances over at you, watches as you sink in the passenger's seat and look out the window.

He hates it, and he wishes he could do more to take this away from you. To keep you away from Mingi, to take away your pain completely.

It's not the first time Seonghwa's had to come get you. He's almost losing track of how many times you've called him crying because you wanted to leave a party after seeing Mingi flirting around [even though he'd deny it time and time again]. The times you've called because he left you at parties to hang out with other people, other girls. The times Mingi has disrespectfully called you out your name mid-argument, gaslighting you into thinking you were in the wrong.

Seonghwa's only hope is that one day, you'll finally get tired of your ex and move on. Leaving Mingi where he belongs, especially when he couldn't even give you the proper respect. Mingi's only reasoning for breaking up with you was that he couldn't do this anymore, he couldn't do the relationship anymore. He just couldn't, and you knew what he truly meant— it just wasn't you anymore. 

And for months and months, you sat there wondering what you could've done differently, or if there was a sign that you had missed. Every time he called, it had you thinking he must've realized he couldn't do this without you, that he was wrong and that he did want this after all.

Nope.

He made you believe it for a night, yes. Then, he'd go back to reminding you what you actually meant to you— that you were delusional, that you kept forcing things between him. That you knew what this was.

You should've known what this was.

♡ END

"He wasn't even doing anything! Not shit you needed to step in between for! He was literally—"

"Oh my fucking god." Seonghwa groans. "And you're still defending him!" He yells, his brows furrowed when he turns to look at you. He feels like he can barely breathe due to the anger surging through his veins, plus the betrayal he's feeling with the way you're delivering your responses. The way you look at him. The way you're keeping your distance.

After everything, it still seems like you're taking Mingi's side. You always find a way to defend him one way or another, even if you don't realize it.

Seonghwa does, and it hurts.

"I'm not!" Your tone is louder. "I could've taken care of it myself, he wasn't doing anything!" You repeat.

"He was making you uncomfortable, Y/N! All up in your space, trying to force you to do shit when you didn't want it. Yet, you wanna tell me he wasn't doing anything?"

"I'm just saying it wasn't that big of a deal, Hwa! I could've handled it!"

"Really? I doubt that." 

"Wow, are you serious?" You say, hurt. But, he scoffs and continues because you need to hear this. 

"I am. You always let him push you around and walk all over you. I thought by now you'd be smart enough to realize that you're worth much more than that." His tone rises again. "Why do you always let him do this to you? You're so used to the way Mingi treats you and you do nothing to change that. You always let him in. You're so brainwashed and you literally have no respect for yourself, it's fucking sad."

"You know nothing about our relationship." You're crying and angrily wiping away at your tears, unsure of how else to act, what else to say. Sure, you and Seonghwa have gotten into petty fights and arguments. Mostly over dumb shit, but nothing ever this serious. You know he cares, and he means well. But this anger, this seemingly pent up frustration— you aren't entirely sure where it was stemming from. You have never seen him act this way and quite frankly, this part of Seonghwa is very difficult to navigate. 

You've never had to.

"Yeah, because I wasn't the one rescuing you in the middle of the night every time he decided to throw your ass out, right? Because I wasn't the one having to calm you down when you were crying? Because I wasn't the one whose had to pick up the pieces every time he broke your heart to try and chase after somebody else? When he says all those shitty things about you that get to your head? When he'd fucking leave you stranded?" He shakes his head. "I'm sure I know nothing about your relationship." The two of you are staring at each other, both at a loss for words after everything has been laid out on the table. Seonghwa is the first to break, having enough of this bullshit and not wanting to say anything else. Mostly because he still cares about you and your feelings, and it's breaking his heart to see you crying over him this time. "I'm done here. I'm sure San will take you home."

"Whatever, fuck you." You respond before turning on your heel to walk away. As soon as you've created enough distance between you and Seonghwa, you find yourself stopping in your path to sob into your hands. It isn't until a few minutes later that you feel hands on your arms, a familiar touch that belongs to somebody else dear to you—

"Hey, let's get you home." San says, with Wooyoung behind him. You can't see much due to the tears in your eyes, but you can tell it's Hongjoong walking alongside of Seonghwa, making sure he's okay and pushing him along towards the car.

"He'll be okay. Just needs some time to breathe." Wooyoung adds, holding out his arm so that you can slip yourself right underneath while walking to San's car. "You alright?" Wooyoung pouts, wiping some of the straggling tears escaping your bottom lids.

"Mhm." You lie, just to keep the walk quiet and peaceful. And it is for a bit, even as you sit in the backseat of San's car. The only thing filling the space is the music playing through bluetooth— Wooyoung's playlist, actually. San peeks over at you through the rearview mirror, feeling bad for how everything went down. But, he gets it. He gets Seonghwa. You do deserve better. Mingi should never get an ounce of your attention after how he's treated you— esp with Seonghwa being here all along.

"You know he just really cares about you, right?" San breaks the silence. 

"I know." You mumble, head leaning back against the seat while you look out the window. "I've just never seen him act that way."

"It's Mingi." Wooyoung adds. "Can I be honest?" He turns to look at you with doe eyes. "I'm not trying to attack you, I promise. We see both sides." You nod quietly. "It's hard when you have history with someone, and it's hard to undo bad habits you've learned in the relationship. We know Mingi was someone special to you, but he hasn't been good for you for a long time. And there's no changing that man at this point. If it's anybody, Seonghwa knows all of that very well, especially when he's been by your side throughout everything." Wooyoung lets out a small sigh. "I'm certain he's hurt because even after everything he's done to be there, Mingi's actions seem to be dismissible. And his actions get overlooked."

"Woo, I'm not even dismissing Mingi's actions."

"Okay, baby girl. You're not. But, I think Seonghwa would have appreciated if you were there for him tonight instead of getting upset. He just wants to keep you safe."

"His goal has always been to keep you safe." San adds softly, driving towards your place.

"I didn't want Hwa to get hurt, h-he didn't have to do that." You sniffle, leaning your head against the window.

"You know he's not gonna sit back and let that shit happen." Woo adds, also leaning his head back against the headrest— a small headache forming after tonight's events. When you finally get home, San and Wooyoung offer to stay the night to keep you company, but you politely decline. They walk you to the door and give you big hugs, asking you a million times if you're sure about being alone tonight.

And you quietly nod.

Because there's nothing else you'd rather be than alone tonight. You want to be alone in your own space, crying alone in your bed; head against the pillow, tucked underneath your sheets.

You want to be alone.

Meanwhile, Seonghwa is struggling. He isn't sure what to do, hates not having you by his side. He doesn't know what's gonna happen from here on out, what will be left of you two after all this.

From the kiss, to Mingi, to the argument.

It's so fucked up.

Seonghwa hadn't even realized how much of his life was dedicated to you— how much of his life was just you. Even when he tried so hard for it to not be you.

"Fuck!" Seonghwa groans and slams his hand against a brick wall in passing. 

"Aye, come on now." Hongjoong clicks his teeth and pushes him away from the wall, urging him to continue down the car. "Don't hurt yourself."

"I swear to God if I ever see Mingi—"

"You won't. He should know better, and hopefully Y/N does, too." Hwa lets out a hefty sigh as he swings Joong's door open and plops into the passenger's seat. Not much is said between the two, even as Hongjoong drives off to his place. Seonghwa rests his head back and shuts his eyes, equally angry, yet dizzy from the alcohol still running through him. 

"I don't know what to do, Joong. I can't keep doing this just for it to get me nowhere."

"You two really need to fucking talk." Hongjoong does a slight head tilt as he continues to drive to Seonghwa's place. "I don't mean to make this worse, but I saw you two." Seonghwa looks at him before resting his head back against the headrest again. "I didn't come so I could give you guys some space."

"Fuck." Hwa repeats again with a heavy sigh. "Yeah, I don't know where this leaves us."

"Give it a few days or whatever, but you need to figure this out with her." Seonghwa doesn't speak anymore, mainly because he's starting to feel nauseous after the adrenaline, the alcohol. He's doing his best to keep it together. But, on top of that, he has a ton of thoughts swirling in his mind— he doesn't really know how to tackle them or where to even start. In the end, he's afraid of what this will do to your relationship.

You and him.

In the end, he just doesn't know anymore.

This is the longest Seonghwa hasn't talked to you. It's been a little over two weeks— usually, the two of you would break in a few hours, not wanting to be without the other for long.

But this, this was different.

Of course, everything felt awful. You both felt awkward about having to be the first person to break the silence, both remembering that night and how heated it had gotten.

The kiss.

The argument.

Everything about the situation felt like doom, chaos. A whole whirlwind of emotions and feelings overpowering each other, threatening to burst at the seams.

Seonghwa had thought long and hard about this, though. For him, he decided he just needed to step back and give himself a breather. Let him do things for himself, carry on with the mentality that he'd finally put himself first. So, that's what he's been trying to do. It doesn't mean it doesn't suck, though. It does. It's terrible. He's gotten so used to having you by his side, so used to running to you first about anything and everything.

He's had to bite his tongue when he finally nailed that fucking uni pasta recipe he had been experimenting for years. Because he wanted to tell you he did so, wanted to invite you over so you could be the first to taste it;

Oh well.

His heart sinks when the realization hits him again, and he's having to give himself a 'lil pep talk to push through. He can't be the person to say sorry first, he can't be the first to break— not when he didn't do anything wrong. He needs to stop apologizing when he's not in the wrong or when he feels bad. He's given you way too much of that, and this time around, he wasn't going to.

He needs you to be the first to break. Needs you to be the one to say sorry. Needs you to show him you understand and that you would never intentionally hurt him, especially over Song Mingi.

He's still counting the days. Maybe he'll have to keep doing so. Gives him time to himself, some peace. Let's him know how much you'd truly work to salvage your relationship with him.

Your own bestfriend before anything.

Because he knows he'd do anything to keep you by his side. He would. It just sucks that he doesn't know if you would do the same. He can't confidently say the same.

But, you absolutely would.  Days and nights have passed and you could barely sleep, always questioning what Seonghwa was doing and if he was even thinking about you. This was on you, though. You knew it. You just didn't know how to say it to him and it's definitely a learning lesson for you— all in all, you wanna be better and you wanna be better for him. You miss Seonghwa a lot. You truly didn't know what it meant to be missing your other half until now;

Empty, alone.

Cold.

You sigh as you toss the pillow aside and sit up in bed, checking the time on the clock. 

3am.

You couldn't sleep, and you freeze. You freeze because you have no one to call anymore. So you turn, and turn. No longer able to find sleep for the rest of the night.

When the sun finally rises, you force yourself to get up to go for a run and grab a good cup of coffee and breakfast. It was your day off, but you thought you could at least take advantage of being up early; take advantage of soaking in the morning sun.

You were tired of sulking and being in bed. Being cooped up at home when you weren't at work.

You throw on your leggings and matching sports bra, grabbing an oversized zip-up to shield you from the morning cold. Yaya is already working in the kitchen, so you quickly let her know you'll be out for a run— rushing over to your car to avoid any questioning this early in the day. You drive over to a lake near town that has a 4.5 mile trail around its perimeter. Since it's still early, the trail isn't crowded with people; perfect enough for you to get a good 3 mile run in. You hadn't ran in a minute, but 3 miles seemed to be a breeze when there was a lot of pent up frustration and anger you needed to release. Of course, you were beyond tired at the end, but it wasn't anything coffee and a good pastry couldn't fix.

At the cafe, you grab a seat right outside of the entrance to enjoy your breakfast, scrolling through social media per usual. You click into your messages for god knows why, knowing Seonghwa hadn't messaged you.

He hasn't.

Why would he?

You sigh, the sadness now returning. You quickly clean up and toss your trash into the bin inside the restaurant before grabbing your cup of iced coffee and heading home. Once you get home, you throw your clothes into the laundry and take a hot, steamy shower, letting your worries go momentarily.

And then, you nap. Exhaustion finally hitting you from the lack of sleep.

Post-nap, you take time to clean around your suite and hang out with Yaya, watching a few episodes of her current favorite show. You help Yaya with a few things around the house, taking the time to bring her to the grocery store just right before the sun sets. Even though Yaya can tell something is wrong, she doesn't bother you or question you like you'd expect— probably leaving it for Soyeon to do the heavy lifting. You do appreciate that you don't have to dwell on it while spending time with her, though. 

Soyeon, Charli and Junseo had visited the past days, and although Charli was able to make you smile and laugh, Soyeon could also easily tell something was wrong without you having to say anything at all. Your demeanor had changed, you seemed to be snapping quicker than usual. Attitude wasn't so bright and happy. Seonghwa hadn't been around, but the other boys had quickly stopped by just to hang out.

You dimmed it down to a 'little fight between you and Hwa,' but Soyeon knew better than that, and she was hoping she'd be able to get it out of you soon. This wasn't like you, and it wasn't like Seonghwa to not come around for days on end.

This wasn't just a little fight.

"Hey." She calls you when you're settled back in your humble abode, and although you don't mind hearing from your boss-slash-cousin, you could do without any work-related conversations right now.

"What's up? Everything okay?"

"Yeah, I'm leaving the restaurant soon. Yoongi and Junseo are going to close up. It's gotten quiet. Can I stop by? I have some food for you."

"Sure. Where's Chacha?"

"With Junseo's parents."

"Mm." You hum. "Okay."

"Okay, I'll be there in about 30 minutes or so. I'm just gonna wrap a few things up here."

"Sounds good." You hang up the call, a bit relieved that your cousin [not your cousin on boss-mode] is coming over. 

When she arrives, it's about 7:45pm. She quietly knocks before announcing her presence— stepping out of her shoes before joining you on your living room floor in front of the coffee table and TV. For a good part of the conversation, you indulge in some of the chicken she brought over, listening to her update you about the restaurant and some drama on his side of the family. She asks if there's anything new going on with you or the boys, and you simply shrug.

This is definitely her way of poking at you, and you're very close to cracking because who else can you open up to about this?

No one, and at this point, you need to. You need the reassurance.

"Are you sure nothing's up? To be honest, I know something's bothering you, and I know this wasn't just a 'little fight' between you and Hwa." She forms air quotes. That's the moment you do crack, tears welling in your eyes when you revisit that night. You tell Soyeon everything and confide in her, giving her more details about your dinner with San, to dancing with Seonghwa and kissing him, to Mingi and their fight. You tell her it's been about two weeks since you've spoken and you know Seonghwa is waiting for you to make the first move. 

You tell her how you've started to realize your feelings for Seonghwa after everything and how incredibly terrified you are of them.

"I don't know what to do, Soyeon. He probably hates me."

"Just go over there and talk to him, Y/N. What are you waiting for? You know he's waiting for you to take initiative, and you should this time. This is all you." You sigh, bottom lip trembling as you begin to cry. 

"I know."

"You know Seonghwa the best. It's so obvious how much he likes you and adores you after all this time. Why are you so afraid?"

"I know, I know." You sniffle. "I just am, Soyeon. I'm afraid of getting hurt, I'm afraid of Seonghwa realizing this isn't what he expected. I'm afraid of Seonghwa." You cry a bit harder and Soyeon is holding you close, rubbing your back as you lean against her shoulder. "I'm scared of this ruining us completely. What if we do get together and things don't pan out the way we expected? I'm so scared of losing him completely that I just don't know where I lie in all of this despite my feelings for him."

"You can't be afraid about every little thing, Y/N. I know it's scary, and life hasn't been entirely nice to you. But, this is your bestfriend. You can't just sit around and brush it under the rug when you know this is something you two need to discuss. Regardless of what happens, Seonghwa will never let you go. You two have been through so much together, he would never wanna do life without you by his side. Never." She continues to reassure you, giving you the push you need to get yourself together and just face it.

You loved Seonghwa, and it was time you looked beneath the surface.

Soyeon didn't stay too long after the two of you finish eating last night— turning the conversation into something more lighthearted after you cried and thanked her for being there for her. Her reassurance worked so much that you're ready to tackle the morning bright and early, throwing on some clothes to head over to Seonghwa's place. After Soyeon left, you called Wooyoung and asked what time Seonghwa's shift was for tomorrow. He snorted and told you it was 10am and asked what you were up to. You let Wooyoung know about your talk with Soyeon and that you missed him, finally throwing the stupid shit aside to just try and talk to him about that night.

To apologize, to make things right.

To tell him that you love him.

You keep it casual and comfy, throwing on some black and white wide-leg track pants, a crop tank and a baggy grey zip-up hoodie. You throw on your shoes, swiftly grab your keys and crossbody bag, jogging out to your car with a quick 'good morning' yell to Yaya from the side of the house. As you drive over to Seonghwa's apartment, you are equally filled with anxiety, nervousness and adrenaline. You're ready to put this behind you, but you're especially ready to talk to Seonghwa again. See him. Hug him. 

Keep him close, never let him stray far again.

You pull into a guest lot, shutting off your car and wondering if you should've brought over some coffee, breakfast, anything, to make this a bit less awkward.

"Fuck." You mutter to yourself as you shake the thoughts from your head; no time for overthinking while you're running on limited time. You jog up the steps and up to Seonghwa's apartment, hesitating when you get to the front door before you finally bring your knuckles to the surface to give a couple of loud knocks. It takes a second before you hear rustling behind the door, Seonghwa clearing his throat before he swings the door open in a white tank and sweats. Your eyes immediately meet his, but he looks surprised, caught off guard even.

But, caught off guard in a sense that he's been caught doing something he shouldn't be doing.

You don't understand it until you see someone in the back try to slip by unnoticed, but she's wearing Seonghwa's shirt. Your heart immediately sinks to your gut and it makes you feel queasy. It shouldn't, but you hate to say it does.

It's probably Makayla.

It's too fucking late.

"Oh." Is all you say, and Seonghwa feels his heart break to a million pieces when he sees the look on your face. You're trying your hardest not to show how much it hurts you, but he knows you. He knows you well, that's for damn sure.

"Y/N—"

"It's good, I didn't meant to interrupt, I'm sorry— I'll catch you later." You ramble and rush down the steps, hurrying away from the apartment to prevent Seonghwa from seeing the tears streaming down your cheeks. 

This was your fault anyway, who else was there to blame?

"Y/N!" Seonghwa calls out one last time, but you're already running to your car. Very obvious that you're wiping away at your face as you sink into the driver's seat and pull out of the spot without turning back. "Fuck." Seonghwa groans to himself, and Makayla kinda just watches everything unfold right in front of her eyes. He runs a hand through his long, black locks, shutting the door quietly behind him as he turns to her and gives her a sympathetic smile. 

"I'm sorry."

"That was Y/N?"

"Uh, yeah. My bestfriend." He looks at her, and she can already tell. She can already tell that it's you, and there is more to it than that. He loves you, and it's very, very obvious.

"You love her, don't you?" He lets out a breath and shrugs. He doesn't say anything for a bit, rather looks at her with those big doe-eyes before she catches him subtly nodding and diverting his attention to the floor.

"I'm so, so sorry, Makayla. I really am." What the fuck else can he say? He must look so fucked up right now; having taken her out the night before and let her spend the night after fumbling in the sheets. He was curious to see if Makayla would be the door to a new path, something that'll help him move forward. He had hope. After this morning's events, that clearly wasn't going to be the case and he wasn't going to lie about it.

"Don't be." She gives him a small, toothless smile. Because although it does suck, she's been there before and she'd hate for Seonghwa to miss out on the person he truly wants to be with. "You should really talk to her before it's too late."

♡ FLASHBACK | EARLY COLLEGE

You're on Seonghwa's back as he trails behind the group, walking up the path to the view of the city behind campus. Hongjoong, San, Wooyoung and a few other heads had wanted to go on a late night walk— the goal being the view at the end for everyone to just sit and admire. At first, you didn't feel like going with a bunch of obnoxious boys. But, you had been cooped up in your room doing nothing but studying all day. It sounded better knowing Seonghwa would be around and being in the crisp, night air. 

Seonghwa continues to walk up the slightly steep hill before spotting the view just down the street, you jumping off his back as soon as it becomes clear in sight.

"Hwa! Look at it!" You squeal, running to one of the free areas near the fence to get a good picture of the view. "It's so pretty! Look!" 

"Yeah, it is." He catches his breath as he walks over next to you. Trekking that hill is not for the weak.

"Oh my god, look at all those lights. It's so beautiful. I didn't realize how flat the town is." You're mainly thinking out loud, saying it to yourself, but Seonghwa chuckles next to you and quietly nods. "I think I can see our favorite convenient store from here, and our favorite spot to get jajangmyeon."

"How would you know, they're little blobs right now."

"How would you not know, Seonghwa? Are you a fraud? Do you even like those places like you say you do?" He snorts.

"Relax, Nancy Drew. It was just a question."

"I just know." You say so matter-of-fact-ly that Seonghwa smiles to himself while you continue to look out at the view. "The stars are so pretty tonight, weather is so perfect. Ugh. We should do this more often." You continue to go on and Seonghwa just likes listening to you talk. He always has, always will.

Everything about you was his favorite.

"I— what?" You look up and see Seonghwa still staring at you before he lets out a deep chuckle.

"Nothing."

"Pichu, what is it?" He looks at you again, and it's obvious he wants to tell you something but is preventing himself from spilling it out onto the table for whatever reason. You turn towards him and cross your arms, tapping your foot to wait for his response.

"Nothing! I'm just— nothing."

"Park Seonghwa."

"I-I—" He sighs. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm glad you ended up going on the walk with us. I wanted you here."

"Aw, you little sap." You pinch his bicep and he yelps. "Are you sure that's all?" He nods.

"Thank you, Y/N. For everything." He ruffles your hair and you can't help but pout at. "You know? For being a pain in the ass bestfriend."

"I beg to differ, but you're welcome." You chuckle. "Always us, right pichu?" You playfully punch him on the bicep before returning your attention back to the view.

And he'll forever remember this as the first time he tried to confess his feelings for you.

♡ END

♡ taglist: @hwasbabygirl @fairyofhueningkai @chngbnwf @tinyteezer @everyonewooeverywhere @pearbunny @mxnsxngie @starhwahwa @woosmaid @yeosangsbbg @jycas @lyracarvahall @huachengsbestie01 @asjkdk @bintificreads @interweab @svintsandghosts @cheolliehugs

[butterflydm]

restructuring the wheel of time into ten books

So a little while ago, there was a poll about people's favored choice for how many books should have been in WoT -- I voted for 'ten' and this is, I guess, my argument for a ten book series.

Books 1-5, I don’t really have any notes on when it comes to structure. Every book is complete in and of itself. While books 2 & 3 do have something of a repetitive structure, I think that works better in a book series than in a tv series.

The only suggestions that I would have structurally would be minor things like “tweak Rand’s power levels in the early books to keep him more in line with what he does later” (aka what the show is doing, lol) and maybe not having Ishamael present during the Battle of Falme and having that purely against the Seanchan, so that we don’t have super similar climaxes for Rand two books in a row (Rand could get his wound in Tear instead). And those are the sorts of things that I think it might be likely that Jordan would have done if he’d known exactly how long the series would end up being -- ex. he clearly backed down on Rand’s power jump when he realized that the series would be going for longer than he’d originally planned.

One minor plot change that I would do is put Perrin feeling Rand tug at him as the epilogue of TFOH or thereabouts. Just a little hint of Perrin in there, showing that he'll have a bigger role in the next book.

Book 6, though... I have some thoughts there.

Lord of Chaos/A Crown of Swords: this is the first book where the beginning really takes some time getting off the ground -- there are several Salidar chapters that could have been combined. This is really the first place in the books where characters hang around doing nothing (we're told more than once in Elayne & Nynaeve's PoV that they're barely being taught anything and that being there feels pointless), waiting for it to be time to actually Do Some Plot (the big Healing of severing) and it's just the beginning of a bad trend.

The other structural change that I would suggest is not doing the weird feint with Mat's character where he starts off doing a "Rand's general" storyline and then creakily transitions over to Salidar instead. Since Mat isn't actually going to Illian, he doesn't need to be marching south. He could just still be in Cairhien/Caemlyn and have Rand take him to Salidar from there. As it is, we end up spending several chapters on a storyline that gets abruptly terminated part of the way through the book so that Mat can do a completely different storyline instead and that really pads out the pages unnecessarily (this was a really bad trend that happened with Mat's character in particular more than once in the books; his storylines would just stop in their tracks and get shifted to something else entirely and never go back to his original storyline; ex. we literally never find out why/what the murdered caravan of Tuatha'an had to do with anything, because Mat never bothers to tell Rand their message because he spends the entire rest of the book series doing completely unrelated things and only ever sees Rand again for a brief conversation that is dominated by everyone catering to his slaver wife -- we never get payoff for the vast majority of Mat's storylines, even the minor threads). It really does feel like Jordan started writing the book, then went "oh shit, Mat needs to meet & marry the DotNM" and just abruptly changed Mat's story to yeet him to Ebou Dar without actually rewriting the earlier bits in the book.

Outside of that, the main change I would suggest being made in these books is improving Min’s characterization and Min and Rand’s relationship by NOT having Min change herself for Rand. Let Rand fall in love with Min as she is, not the dolled-up version of Min that she invents for Rand’s benefit (there are other characterization tweaks I would recommend as well, but Min is kinda the biggest issue imo).

The main ‘story arc’ for Rand that's set up in LoC is ‘defeating Sammael’ and it should take place over the course of a single book, not two separate books. Parts of ACoS would be saved for the next book but the Illian climax should happen in the same book that the story starts. I would title this book “A Crown of Swords” so that the focus is on Rand’s story, not the Forsakens' (and part of the oddness here is definitely due to Jordan changing his mind about doing the Taim-Demandred combo, so he sets up something that ends up going nowhere).

Inciting incidents:

Egwene is summoned to Salidar leading to Rand sending Mat there as well

Min arrives in Caemlyn, leading to The Box Incident

Turning point:

After the Box incident, Perrin and Rand stage a fight so that Perrin can go find Masema

Egwene sends Elayne, Nynaeve, Mat & co to Ebou Dar to look for the Bowl of the Winds and they actually take advantage of Mat being ta’veren right away instead of waiting around for a month (all the delays in Mat's various storylines had a knock-on effect in delaying everyone else's storylines, imo -- the Slog happens because everyone is waiting on Mat, whether they know it or not)

Climax:

Rand defeats Sammael

The attack of the Seanchan on Ebou Dar begins

A Crown of Swords/The Path of Daggers/Winter’s Heart: The Path of Daggers only needs some of trimming imo. Once that trimming is done, I think Elayne’s section of the prologue of WH could slid into it fairly neatly as a bit of an ‘upbeat’ epilogue, which would be a contrast to the darkness of Rand’s ending in the previous book and his defeat here when he tries to repel the Seanchan from Ebou Dar.

Also have Mat interact with Tuon throughout this book, essentially like he did in WH (Mat's interactions with Tuon in WH make sense with his previous characterization; it's in CoT & KoD when Jordan had him completely reverse on his moral outlook on slavery so that he would be willing to make out with a slaver - genuinely, how Mat goes from sympathizing with slaves in WH to sympathizing with slavers in CoT remains one of the most baffling writing choices that I've ever run across; especially with how limp and one-sided it made everything about Mat & Tuon feel in those books for me, because Jordan drained all the potential interesting conflict out of the pairing so that he could focus on Mat navel-gazing about his self-inflicted prophecy woes, making him just Min 2.0. *sigh*). This book I would choose to be named “The Path of Daggers” out of the available options.

Inciting incidents:

Elayne & Nynaeve use the Bowl of the Winds as Ebou Dar is invaded by the Seanchan and Mat gets left behind during the escape

Perrin & co find Masema, etc.

Egwene uses the rule of law to take control of the Salidar Aes Sedai

Turning point:

Mat first meets Tuon -- maybe give Mat & Tylin’s first meeting to Mat & Tuon instead, where he accidentally greets her using the Old Tongue, thus sparking her interest (cut out Mat & Tylin’s ‘relationship’ entirely, it was zero percent needed and is needed even less if Tuon arrives in the first wave of the attack, as I'm suggesting here)

Rand learns about the invasion by the Seanchan and goes campaigning

Egwene & the Aes Sedai jump to Tar Valon and begin their siege (since they no longer need to kill time to let Mat's plotline happen)

Climax:

Rand fails to defeat the Seanchan & gets attacked in the Sun Palace but kills the attackers here instead of us needing the Far Madding detour (which just felt like a less emotionally-impactful version of The Box to me and Jordan giving in to his desire to write a travelogue)

Faile learns Masema is dealing with the Seanchan and kills him, cutting off that entire path of slog by not getting kidnapped (we really only need one kidnapped wife imo)

Mat escapes Ebou Dar, kidnapping Tuon along the way (there's our allotted Kidnapped Wife)

Egwene is captured by the White Tower Aes Sedai when the rebels block off the harbors to Tar Valon

Winter’s Heart/Crossroads of Twilight/Knife of Dreams: All three of these books would have greatly benefited from being massively cut down to a single volume. This one also has a touch of TGS in it, mostly because Egwene had a lot more story left after KoD than pretty much any other character except maybe Mat.

Specific items to change or cut:

Cut out Far Madding entirely (Rand killed the attackers in Cairhien). Since Tuon arrived with the initial Seanchan invasion fleet in Ebou Dar, Nynaeve can be honest with Rand about Mat being left behind but Rand can see (in his color swirl vision) that Mat is no longer in Ebou Dar and has already escaped, filling that plot hole (the list of contrivances to keep Rand from knowing what happened to Mat frustrated and annoyed me so much when I was reading books WH-KoD).

Have the love confessions and Rand sleeping with Elayne, but don’t do the bonding yet. Have Rand leave Min behind in Caemlyn when he takes Nynaeve off to do the cleansing, so she can (emotionally) bond with Elayne & Aviendha. Since Min was just at ground zero for a terrible attack that was focused on Rand (which should, to Rand, prove his fears about being a danger to the people he loves to be correct!), it really is so bizarre that he keeps backpacking her around to dangerous place (Far Madding) after dangerous place (the Cleansing) after dangerous place (parlay with the Seanchan) and mostly shows that Jordan a) just had no more plot beats for Min until she played pregnancy test for Tuon in the epilogue and b) primarily saw Min as Rand’s Hero Reward rather than a character in her own right. But the whole affair mostly just undermined Rand’s character journey for me (he's so isolated! ...except for his live-in girlfriend).

Don’t do the Shaido plotline at all (have the Shaido scatter back to the Waste post-Dumai’s Wells); instead this should be where Perrin starts his wolf boot camp, so that he actually has a more appropriate amount of time for training before the Last Battle (and his emotional storyline would be a conflict with Faile over her killing Masema). I guess you can do the Whitecloaks storyline here.

Have Mat be the one to make a treaty with the Seanchan, and have Semirhage order the ‘airfleet’ against the White Tower instead of Tuon doing it. Instead of Mat accidentally giving himself away for nothing, have the Mat-Tuon marriage as part of the deal to seal the treaty, since Mat has figured out that she believes that he needs to be her husband, per prophecy, so he uses that to actually get concessions out of her. Because we aren’t trying to convince the readers that Mat is the sort of person who is capable of falling in love with a slaver in the space of a single month, we don’t need to spend two whole books wandering the Altaran countryside doing random shit and instead can get to the politics of it all. Let Mat actually continue to be smart and empathetic in this section of the storyline, rather than lopping off those parts of him and turning him into a zombie bootlicker yes-man. You can still layer in elements of Mat seeing potential in Tuon to be more than just a slaver, just don't have him toss his entire brain & morals away in order to kiss her ass.

Out of the available titles here, I think “Knife of Dreams” is the best one.

Inciting incidents:

Egwene undermines Elaida from within the Tower

Perrin starts Wolf Boot Camp

Rand & Nynaeve cleanse saidin

Turning Point:

Rand faces off against Semirhage and captures her

Egwene finds out from Verin about the extent of the Black Ajah in the White Tower

Aviendha leaves to go to Rhuidean to become a WO

Mat finds out that sul'dam (and thus Tuon) can channel and actually uses it as a negotiation tactic against her, please let this man use his brain during literally any of his conversations with Tuon, I am begging you. The way he reacts in the books to finding out that Tuon is a sul'dam and then that Tuon can channel is SO FUCKING BIZARRE. He just Does Not Care about slavery at all in CoT & KoD and is all Me Me Me about all of the Tuon revelations. In the previous books, Mat claims to be selfish even while constantly doing heroic/selfless things, but in CoT & KoD, he really does just come across as a genuine selfish bastard, someone who only thinks about himself and who doesn't give a shit about anyone else.

Climax:

Tuon and Mat agree on the terms of their marriage alliance and Say The Words

Elayne defeats her fellow claimants to the throne; maybe Min helps root out that Darkfriend captain in her guards, which would lend weight to her being able to do the same later for Tuon and also make it so that Min is at least as helpful to Team Light as she was to the Seanchan

The Seanchan (sent by Semirhage before she went to face Rand) attack the White Tower.

The Gathering Storm/Towers of Midnight: ToM has never made any sense as a title, so I would call this combined book “The Gathering Storm”. This section is more about putting things in a somewhat different order than they happened in the books, with a few tweaks.

Inciting Incidents:

Egwene defeats the Seanchan at the White Tower

Semirhage is freed by Elza and captures Rand, and (stealing @markantonys's excellent suggestion) Nynaeve is the one targeted when Semirhage forces Rand to her will, making Rand push Nynaeve away 'for her protection'

Rand and Egwene have a tense encounter that makes her doubt his sanity.

Turning point:

After taking the test to become full Aes Sedai, Nynaeve gets Lan's bond from Myrelle and then, since Myrelle was literally right outside the Black Tower at the time, Nynaeve and Logain deal with the Black Tower

Egwene deals with the assassins in the Tower (Gawyn subplot)

Perrin deals with the dreamspike and kills Slayer | Egwene deals with Mesaana

Aviendha returns from Rhuidean and reunites with Elayne & Min

Climax:

Rand attacks his father, leading to the moment on Dragonmount

post-epiphany, Rand actually goes to check in on his friends and loved ones, thus making his epiphany have an impact on the storyline -- he Travels to where Mat is and is the one who helps Mat get from Point A (Altara) to Point B (Caemlyn) and letting them actually have a real reunion, delivering Aludra to Elayne, where she is ready to make weapons. In Caemlyn, he talks to Elayne, Aviendha, & Min, leading into the bonding moment.

Mat saves Moiraine from the Tower of Ghenjei.

(epilogue) Tuon arrives back in Ebou Dar and takes control of the Seanchan forces, letting everyone know that there is now a treaty with the Westlands. Her going back with a treaty already tentatively in place would actually make the triumphant tone that the books try to take her with her return make a lot more sense than... readers apparently supposed to be happy??? that one slaver is taking over from another slaver, even though Tuon is just as willing to do awful shit to our protagonists as Suroth was, so it feels like a distinction without a difference to me. Technically, is Tuon marginally better than Suroth? Eh, maybe, but not by much.

A Memory of Light: Most of my changes here either follow from earlier ones (we already have a treaty with the Seanchan, so Mat can just go to Merrilor to start General’ing right away), but apart from that:

Let the Emond’s Field Five (plus Elayne) have a group reunion! (easier to do in this version where Mat's storyline isn't all about sucking up to Tuon, I admit)

Let Perrin and Mat be at Rand’s funeral! (genuinely so bizarre that Sanderson didn't do a one-sentence fix of this tbh; that would have been the easiest thing in the world to fix. One sentence is all you would have needed.)

Let Moiraine be the person who realizes that Rand is still alive, not Cadsuane.

The battle itself could have been cut down somewhat in order to leave more room for character interactions (we probably don't need three separate sword duels for Demandred; kinda excessive). This is a goodbye to people some of us spent over a decade loving; we should be given proper goodbyes to them.

I also feel like there's no need to have everyone and their brother know that Rand is in a relationship with three women? And it felt pointless to have people know that Rand is the father of Elayne's kids too. Have Rand tell his dad (and then have Tam actually act like he has that knowledge during his scenes with Elayne; it is genuinely bizarre how formal Tam and Elayne's interactions were in AMoL; she knows that he's Rand's dad! That's the grandfather of her kids!) but there's no need for a continent-wide memo about Rand's love life. I know this was likely all because of the epilogue where the whole world knows about ~the three~ grieving widows but this is all about a theoretical world of only ten books total, so some tweaking of the epilogue is happening regardless.

Inciting incidents:

Moiraine arrives (with Mat) to help heal the rift between Egwene and Rand

Darkfriends attack Caemlyn through the Ways

Climax:

Rand vs The Dark One

Everyone else vs the Shadow’s forces

So, that would leave us with ten books total (plus the New Spring prequel):

The Eye of the World: the journey begins

The Great Hunt: more important plot elements are introduced, like the Seanchan; Rand begins to learn leadership

The Dragon Reborn: Rand accepts being the Dragon Reborn & takes on a full-time leadership role; Mat now has his luck & Perrin has met Faile

The Shadow Rising: Perrin takes on a leadership role when he leads the defense of the Two Rivers

The Fires of Heaven: Mat takes on a leadership role during the Battle of Cairhien, creating the Band of the Red Hand

A Crown of Swords: Egwene takes on a leadership role by becoming Amyrlin Seat of the rebel Aes Sedai

The Path of Daggers: Elayne takes on a leadership role by putting in her claim to become Queen of Andor

Knife of Dreams: Rand & Nynaeve reverse the Dark One’s counterstroke and then Rand tries and fails to make an alliance with the Seanchan (fake!Tuon); Perrin goes to wolf boot camp; Mat makes a treaty with the Seanchan via marriage alliance to the DotNM; Elayne gets all ten Houses she needs to secure the throne; Egwene has all-but won over the White Tower as well.

The Gathering Storm: we all prepare for the Last Battle; Rand has his epiphany, in whatever form it takes; Mat saves Moiraine; Perrin defeats Slayer; Egwene and Elayne prepare their respective areas for TLB.

A Memory of Light: the journey ends (for this age)

I feel like this gives us a more consistent build-up to the ending, with each piece building upon the ones before, and not taking an excessive amount of time with subplots in the endgame. Each character also has a more consistent progression as well.

Rand

tEotW: worries about being a male channeler

TGH: told he is the Dragon Reborn but assumes the White Tower wants to use him as a false Dragon

TDR: goes on a journey to prove whether or not he’s TDR and proves that he is; taking control of Tear

TSR: becomes the Car’a’carn

TFoH: takes control of Cairhien

ACoS: takes control of Illian

TPoD: has his first major failure when he is unable to repel the Seanchan from Ebou Dar

KoD: succeeds in cleansing saidin but fails to make peace with the Seanchan

TGS: has rock-bottom moment and then his epiphany; he learns he doesn’t have to do it All On His Own

AMoL: re-seals TDO

Egwene

tEotW: sets off an adventure

TGH: experiences great trauma at the hands of the Seanchan

TDR: Black Ajah Hunter

TSR: Goes to the Aiel Waste to begin her training

TFoH: One of her mentors (Moiraine) dies

ACoS: is called to take on a leadership position

TPoD: takes control of the rebel Aes Sedai

KoD: besieges Tar Valon and is captured

TGS: become Amrylin of a united White Tower

AMoL: leads in the Last Battle and becomes an inspirational figure

Perrin

tEotW: discovers that he’s a wolfbrother

TGH: is first placed in a leadership position when Rand disappears

TDR: meets Faile

TSR: defends the Two Rivers (Slayer introduced)

TFoH: feels the tug of ta’veren and leaves the Two Rivers again

ACoS: saves Rand

TPoD: finds Masema; Faile kills Masema

KoD: Wolf Boot Camp

TGS: deals with Slayer in the Wolf Dream

AMoL: leads the wolves at the Last Battle (instead of it being Elyas)

Nynaeve

tEotW: sets out to protect the four kiddos

TGH: adopts Elayne as a fifth kiddo

TDR: Black Ajah Hunter

TSR: Tanchico & the SAD bracelets; Egeanin

TFoH: defeating Rahvin & capturing Moghedien

ACoS: Salidar & Ebou Dar

TPoD: using the Bowl of the Winds

KoD: cleansing saidin

TGS: the Black Tower plotline

AMoL: with Rand at the climax of TLB; being the Ultimate Protector

Mat

tEotW: finds the dagger

TGH: blows the Horn of Valere

TDR: discovers his luck

TSR: Rhuidean & prophecy

TFoH: the Battle of Cairhien & the Band of the Red Hand

ACoS: Salidar & Seanchan invasion in Ebou Dar

TPoD: meets & kidnaps the Daughter of the Nine Moons

KoD: forms a marriage alliance with the Daughter of the Nine Moons

TGS: saving Moiraine

AMoL: General of the forces of Light at the Last Battle

Elayne

tEotW: meets Rand, heads off to Tar Valon

TGH: gets a found family in Egwene, Nynaeve, & Min

TDR: Black Ajah Hunter (meets Aviendha)

TSR: Tanchico & the SAD bracelets; Egeanin

TFoH: bonding Birgitte; Circus storyline

ACoS: Salidar & Ebou Dar

TPoD: using the Bowl of the Winds & heading to Andor

KoD: becoming Queen (plot climax)

TGS: bonds Rand (emotional climax)

AMoL: powerful leader during the Last Battle

[dummie-writes]

the party walkers

self insert ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* school bus graveyard

words: 4.08k

previous part: a demon inside of my skin

next part: over the horizon, somewhere

note: woah hey I'm back so soon whattt, anyway. sorry that chapter was kinda more scene setting, we only got to interact with the group at the very end 😭 also, I'd like to say this is gonna be pretty self indulgent for the time being bc idk where I want the story to go 🧍‍♀️keep in mind that while I'm trying to keep it gender neutral, at times y/n may lean more feminine,and this is because I am more feminine. please enjoy :3

ii. a rescue mission

again, there's a tension. there has been for the past minute you've been sitting here. after telling them your name and settling down cross legged on the classroom floor, you kinda expected some questions or something. that blonde kid and ashlyn are still having that weird little staring contest. it's as if everyone wants to start, but no one knows how. like you've passed a test, but they aren't sure if you'll actually pass their little assignment or whatever. you were having nightmares, and eerily, the blonde knew to ask you about them even when you hadn't said you'd been having them. so, they were also having nightmares. at least, from what you could infer. 

“um, okay,” a sandy brunette boy with glasses begins. he's not looking directly at you, but instead at your bag beside you in a spaced out manner, his thumbs tapping the wooden pencil in his hand. “nightmares, monsters, right? what kind of monsters?”

     “like, gray ones? they're kinda big? sharp hands?” you say, still somewhat confused. a robotic voice comes from next to you, and as you turn your head, the tallest of the group has his phone held up, the screen facing you. on it, in black lettering, it asks “humanish?”. you blink, and then nod at it. not much of a talker, apparently. the girl who originally spoke to you, sitting next to Tyler and who you've quickly remembered is his twin sister, though you don't remember her name from the beginning of the year, opens her mouth to speak, but then ashlyn cuts her off. 

     “well, that's weird. what notes do you have on savannah?”

     a second of slight whiplash from the subject change, everyone (except for tyler) gives the freckled girl a weird look. they hadn't expected it either, but they aren't going to interfere. she has a colder tone - not entirely mean, but like she knows how to stick to decisions that she makes. actually, you'd seen her before - this town wasn't where you grew up, but you'd been here since middle school. ashlyn always kept to herself, for what rare times you did see her. the only words that you'd really ever heard from her were “excuse me” “thanks” or just glowering. you didn't know when she got all these friends. 

     you also had friends - unfortunately, they weren't really happy with you at the moment. with the whole “several hours or so in hell” situation, you hadn't really been the greatest companion. one too many times had you had to stay home from a group putting, or just slept straight through. they had a right to be upset with you, especially when you wouldn't communicate and were crabby. 

     “again, not really my fault! what am I supposed to tell them? that I'm bleeding out in the bathroom all night?” but, you know, whatever. 

     you pulled out your notebook, reading through the few notes you had written down since the start of the group project. you wouldn't argue right now. maybe they were just weird, maybe they were all in the same boiling pot you were. either way, the six of them didn't seem open to talking about it, which means another lonely night in the bathroom for you. 

     not for them, though. as you tried to be as quiet as possible on the cold, tiled floor, and then moving to the shower so the blood from your back would trickle down the drain instead, they would have a rather rambunctious evening. 

     “tyler, seriously. if they're here too, we need to get them!”

     “that isn't a risk we should be taking!”

     ash cringed just slightly at the volume of tyler's voice, and picked at the peeling fabric of the bus seat she was in. this argument had been going on for about an hour, stopping them from any sort of progress in terms of supplies, information, or anything, really. aiden was seated in the seat across from herself, foot dangling as he rhythmically tapped the seat, smiling as he usually did. his red eyes swung back and forth between the aggressors, not saying much except for the offhand comment or joke. 

     “guys, what if it was one of us? what if it was taylor?”

     “fields, don't even think about using that kind of an argument. it's cheap, and that's my sister. not a random classmate - who, by the way, might not actually even be here! they could just be having bad dreams! but, no, i’m the crazy one, right?”

    ben shifted uncomfortably, tensing and releasing his fists. tyler was defensive, that much was for sure. truth be told, he in fact did not actually like the idea of possibility leaving you stranded somewhere. it wasn't moral. but he was right, he knew he was right. they didn't have the actual information needed, the possibile required resources, and he wouldn't put taylor in any sort of unnecessary danger like that. not when you lived almost four blocks away from where they already were. despite not saying so, ashlyn agreed almost entirely. she wouldn't lose her entire team saving one person. at the very least, not until they were positive you were actually I'm this other dimension. 

     “remind me again why we didn't just ask them if they were here?” aiden questions, his cheeks rising a little as he stared at tyler in an almost dare to reply. 

     “we won't even tell our parents what's going on. if they're just having nightmares, they'll think we're crazy or on drugs. and in that case, who knows what they'll tell the school, or the police,” ash replies in an even tone, raising an eyebrow as her eyes meet aiden's, and then to taylor as she speaks again. 

     “but it isn't right. you know it's not right. and there was that unexplained scream you heard at the hotel, ash,” taylor points out, throwing her arms out as she paces back and forth. her hair was starting to tangle from all the moment, and a stern look in her eyes told everyone this isn't something she would let go of. at least not thus far. 

     ashlyn sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose and looking down. a quiet pooled in the bus as the ginger thought through the possibilities and risks. taylor was right. they couldn't just leave you wherever you were to rot, possibly die. even if she wasn't a people person, she wasn't a monster. she couldn't let any phantoms hurt you or anyone else in good spirits, that would just be horrible and wrong. she knew tyler wouldn't mind getting you either, if it wasn't such a huge risk, and a major liability if you actually weren't there. 

 

   a small glow emitted from a couple feet away from her, looking up to Ben's phone screen as her hand slid to hold up her head. “we need more info”.

     logan tapped his foot tentatively, his face soft but unagreeable. he had been making a more logical argument, but was emotion driven nonetheless in his words. having another person would be an advantage. it would come with its own challenges, yes - explaining why they had another person hanging out with them to ashlyn's already suspicious parents, keeping track of an entire other human being, the extra general supplies - but having another person who wasn't a phantom on their side was also a benefit. another pair of eyes, hands, ears. more supplies could be carried. 

     not to mention, you are not just a video game character. you're an actual human being, with a life, with sentience. in the end, that's the defining factor. they can't abandon you. but they won't come looking for you without being sure you'll be there when they search. 

     “this is a stupid argument because we aren't actually arguing about saving them, but about when.” 

     taylor looks up to ash, lightening from how upset she was previously, and her shoulders beginning to drop. an unspoken understanding passes through them as everyone else mumbles something of agreement. 

     “and how the hell are we supposed to pull that off? do any of you even have their phone number? we didn't add them to any group chats because we were still in our own world when class ended,” tyler huffed, crossing his arms and leaning back into his chair, a sour expression in the creases of his face and eyebrows. 

     “I could run over there,” 

     everyone stared at Aiden for a second as he smiles in excitement before tyler thwacks him in the back of the head. not hard, but audibly. aiden’s mouth opens slightly, his smile unwavering but now wider as he scoffs in hubris.. “that's not happening, you moron.”

     that next morning is a hard one for you. for one, trying to clean that horrible slash with isopropyl alcohol isn't working. it's making things worse, in fact; the flesh around it is red and dry, it throbs when you move too much, and every so often, it'll crack further down your back because you moved too quickly. not to mention, it hurts like a bitch when you do so. not cleaning it runs the risk of infection, but honestly, you're too exhausted to care anymore. your mind is messed up, clearly. talking to a psychologist isn't an option, you'd get put in an asylum before you could finish your sentence. this was just your life now. and you would properly clean it later. 

     walking into class, you felt the jab of a finger at your back. jumping, you turn around to give a dirty look at whoever was giving you a difficult time, before realizing that it was aiden, from your group project. you take a breath and smile. “hey, how are you?”

     despite it being a very normal question that usually results in a “im fine”, aiden clark is not a normal person (to be fair, you aren't at this point either), and answers with a much more winded explanation. 

     “oh! I'm doing pretty great, haha. last night's homework wasn't all too difficult or anything, and since you're having trouble with your work, you can copy off mine if you'd like. speaking of last night, how'd you sleep? you know, with sleeping issues and everything? sorry about my friends yesterday, they can be a bit argumentative. it think it's funny lol.”

     at this point, ben, who you remember now as being introduced as aiden's cousin and is walking behind, looks at you, nodding and giving a small wave. you, in return, smile widely at him. 

     “well, aren't you just a ray of fucking sunshine or something,” you hear an irritated, grumpy voice from next to you, and then a yelp, followed by “ow! don't pinch me!” and a “then be nice!”

     turning to taylor and tyler, the long haired of the two smiles in a nervous apology. “sorry, he's always kinda cranky in the morning. he didn't mean that, I swear.” as taylor tucks a piece of hair behind her ear and chuckles softly, you notice she has a soft sparkle in her eye. that, and the fact that she has been nothing but kind to you in the entirety of the while you've interacted with th pushes her to be your favorite for the time being. 

     “it's okay, i'm not all too great for the first couple hours too. coffee helps, would you like some? do you have a cup or something?” you're being a little over-nice on purpose, mainly to make him feel bad for being a bit of an ass- but it's a genuine offer. he wasn't downright cruel, just a little mean. and the eye bags on top of his cheeks tell you that taylor wasn't lying about him not being a morning person. 

     tyler scowls, wrinkling his nose and glancing at the thermos you have on your desk. it's your favorite color, and the metal is warm with the creamy, light brown coffee inside. for a second, his face drops a little, and he looks like he's genuinely considering your offer, before rolling his eyes scoffing. “I'm good.”

     rough start for a group that hasn't entirely accepted you as part of their project, but he didn't cuss you out a throw a shoe at you, so you'll count it as a win! you don't have much time to process, because you turn your head again and jump at the bright write paper, half an inch from your face. holding it is a pale hand, and connected to that hand is aiden, wide eyed. actually, that might just be his face. you're starting to think he looks like that more than he doesn't. oh, yeah, actually, that's the homework he was talking about. you had only gotten a couple questions done last night before giving up, and trying to comfort yourself with hot chocolate before midnight arrived. 

     aiden was still looking at you expectantly, so you gingerly pinched the paper, smiling at him again as you took out your own unfinished work, and compared them side by side so you could at least not down most of them before mr. thomas got to class. as you did so, a bright yellow post-it note caught your attention, and in messy handwriting, it reads:

     “what are your nightmares about????”

     your eyebrows knit themselves, and glancing up at aiden, he's already looking at you. he turned away to talk to ben about something almost immediately, but it makes you wonder if he knows something you don't. you peel it off, filling out a few of the questions before glancing at the note again, and flipping it over to scrawl down your response of “why do you want to know so badly”. instead of a blank back, you find a phone number, which you can only theorize belongs to aiden. snatching up your phone, you pat the number in, and then hurry to finish what of the homework you can. after filling out what you think will get you a passing grade, you roll up the work and tap the blond on the shoulder with it. 

     he stops mid sentence to turn toward you, smile widely, take his homework back, and then continues talking to ben. all just as mr. thomas walks through the classroom door.

     actually, the fact that he gave you that post it note makes you giggle a little. it looks like an ad for a psychic. you nonchalantly doodle and scribble on your paper during the lecture, nearly falling asleep a couple times before you're all dismissed to sit in groups. you pause for a moment, glancing to your old group. brandy looks in your direction, smiling and standing up to walk over. oh wait what no don't -

     “hey! listen, so, about yesterday,” she whispered speedily, a note book in her right hand, tapping her pen on the cover with her left. you purse your mouth, nodding. awkward. “I'm sorry if I was being mean. I failed this class last year, and I can't repeat it again. I know that's harsh, but I'm not taking any chances.”

     a silent, uncomfortable nod and pause later, she continues. “I copied down a bunch of my notes for you, because I hope you can still pass. I'm sorry if I made you mad. I'll just, go, um, yeah.”

     a second later, you're holding a few pieces of lined paper to your chest and watching her run off and back to her group. a sinkhole opens in your chest, and you bite the inside of your cheek. would ashlyn's group be expecting you? would they talk to the teacher about getting you removed too, since they might not have wanted to fail as terribly as they already were? your eyes find their circle, where three pairs of eyes are looking to yourself, and there's a large enough gap by taylor's seat for your own. 

a soft grin presses onto your cheeks, relief emanating from you when you sigh, grabbing your chair to haul it over. at least you had a solid group for your project now, even if it was going to fall apart. and, even if your group members were a tad, let's say, bold in how long they stared at you for. not in an entirely creepy way, but in a puzzled way, like you were something to be figured out. 

     “um, he gave you his phone number, right?” logan confirmed, pushing his glasses up his nose with his index finger while he spoke. after the glint from the ceiling light left his glasses, you realized his eyes weren't entirely blue, but had a twinge of turquoise to them. or aqua. something like that, either way, they weren't a strict blue. you acknowledge his question by pulling your phone from out of your jean pocket, shaking it a little. “yep, it's all right here.”

     “good! be-”

     “we have something we should really talk about with you. a few questions.”

     “oh my fucking - you're making it sound like we're a cult.”

     “aren't we kinda?? at this point lmao??”

     “aiden, you're not helping.”

     “excuse me?” your features are slightly scrunched in both confusion and amusement - you're assuming this has something to do with the whole weird “what's in your nightmares” note, and on its own this exchange might actually kinda freak you out. but the way tyler looks like he's about to pop a vein has you beaming and nearly laughing. not to mention, aiden is just kinda, weird. a bit creepy too, but mostly weird. 

     “hey idiots, shut up! it was your guys’ decision to do it this way, and now you won't even talk with them about it properly!” tyler gives everyone a dirty look, noticeably glancing at ben and then not glaring at him. ben has a flat expression, and just glances at aiden, who is already chuckling to himself and looking back at him. 

     “ahem,” ashlyn clears her throat, pointing her eyes at you. as you turn to face her back, tyler huffs, crossing his arms and sitting back in his seat, glaring daggers at you even though you. haven't actually done anything. “so, these nightmares.”

     it's interesting that she's the one to bring this all to a head, after specifically dodging the subject yesterday in class. 

     “tell me about them.”

     when she puts it like that, it feels a lot more individual. you haven't really talked a whole bunch to ashlyn banner, even when you guys have been paired together. she was sorta… floaty. 

     “well, uh, what do you want to know?” you feel stupid for asking, but they were the ones who put you on the spot. and who are also glaring down at you, mostly in a friendly way. you think, at least. it's starting to get a bit stuffy. 

     “what color are the skies?” 

     “kinda, red. typically. but I feel like that's sort of normal. for nightmares.”

     this was weird. this was so entirely strange, actually. maybe you were too sleep deprived to actually notice, but the fact that they're dissecting you like a bug isn't normal. especially when they keep sharing glances like that! 

     “okay, hold on. what's going on? I think I should get to know why you guys are trying to scoop my soul apart with your eyes or something,” you stab a dirty look at tyler, who rolls his eyes and looks away. the rest kinda lose their gaze, sights now wandering the classroom- of course, this is excepting aiden, who's still staring at you. oh well. you kinda expected that at this point. 

     ashlyn gives a low sigh, clenching her teeth together and crossing her arms. her fingers tap on her jacket, and aiden leans over to smoosh himself into her shoulder- which she seems irritated by, but doesn't do anything to push him off because he starts speaking. 

     “I don't think we're getting anywhere with guessing games guys.” his eyelids are low, and he puts his hands behind his head, crossing his legs to put them on ben's lap like he's relaxing. that's when ash gives him a hard shove with her other arm, and he lands swiftly on the floor, drawing a giggle out of taylor. “hey! I'm right! don't push me :(.”

     “I hate to say it, but we might need to be just straightforward here,” tyler interjected, glancing at ash. “that's not a good idea, wh-”

     “hello! hi! I'm still here!” you interrupt, your palms facing upward out you wave your arms around. disbelief crosses your face, and you're about to laugh because, what the fuck? what do they know, and what are they not telling you - and why are they being so rude about it! “I would appreciate someone being straightforward with me! actually! if my opinion matters at all here!”

     “of course it matters!” taylor responds almost immediately, her shoulders dropping and her eyes becoming soft. ben stops for a second, signing “yes” in consensus. for the first time, logan speaks up, his words muddled together too quickly for you to understand for a second. 

     “yeah okay so theresthislike alternative dimensions thingandwedontactuallyknow what'sgoingonbutwould youhappentoknowhatwe're talkingabou-”

     “dude, breathe, what the fuck,” you answer, eyebrows tilted in more concern than anything else. while logan wasn't the type to talk so quickly he didn't enunciate his sentences, he didn't want to be stopped by any of the group - specifically tyler, who, surprise, you'll never guess, was glaring at him. 

    

     “... did you say alternate dimension?”

     “yeah lol.”

     “and what exactly does he mean by that?”

     “exactly what i, um, said. there's a shift, it starts at midnight, and we're there for seven hours. only seven minutes actually pass, but, uh, no one actually gets any sleep at that point.”

     that is… exactly what your little nightmare issue sounds like. 

     “the red skies, the phantoms-” who you're assuming are those demon things. “-they all match with our little, uh, nightly problem. the only thing that doesn't match up is how on earth you're there too. we know what caused us falling through - but why are you there?” logan asks, and the more he talks, especially about something he knows, the more he seems less shy. tentative, sure, but more confident in his words. it makes your heart drop into the pit of your stomach. 

     if he's serious about this, maybe they aren't playing some joke on you- which was already unlikely, but you've gotta cope somehow. if there are who knows how many other people in that little hell hole of an evening, then it isn't only you that you need to worry about, and you can't just hole up in the bathroom if there are others too. 

     “when did you start going?” aiden asks, poking you in the back again so you turn to him. 

     “that night at the hotel after the field trip.”

     “hmmm. anything weird happen?”

     “i mean, I went with my group. and I was kinda lagging behind and got tossed up with another group who was touring some haunted house because the lady thought I was with them.”

     “... what house?”

     “ummmm, seed house? something weird like that? ‘s’ somethi-”

     “the sorrel weed house. “

     that time, ashlyn didn't ask, but stated. it was a ghost of her usual, stronger tone. 

    

     “you must have gotten tossed up with our group.”

     the cold bathroom tile that you sat on was uncomfortable when you awoke that night, but the air was chilled with excitement. you were getting busted out. you'd have to do the more difficult part of maneuvering out of the house with what ashlyn and her group called “phantoms”, as well as trying to grab some stuff on your way out. blankets, first aid supplies, food, bags- anything you could really get your hands on. but escape was everyone's first priority. which is why your ear is pressed so hard to the cheap wooden door, and your breathing is as quiet as you can force it to be. you're listening for footsteps. or tapping. or whatever other noises might hint to otherworldly existence. 

     you hadn't been out of this bathroom in your entire time here. had you been hungry? yeah. but… what else were you supposed to do? you didn't exactly have a group to watch your back while you grabbed a lunchable from the kitchen. 

     nothing. nothing for the past ten minutes. the others should be here in about twenty. that's how long you have. so, with that in mind, you focus on your first location: your bedroom, where your phone, backpack, and blankets were. 

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

that's right, get part 1'd. hope you enjoyed

next part: over the horizon, somewhere

[dynamightmite]

What are your thoughts on Izuku lately. Is he alright? I have read other people being unsatisfied with how he has been in this last arc about his relationship with All Might and Katsuki.

I got this ask a few days ago and I wanted to spend a little time thinking about it, because, well, there's a lot of moving parts to my opinions regarding Izuku/Katsuki/All Might and I needed to try an sort them out. This will still probably be kinda long and rambly, though, sorry lol.

To start with, I understand why a lot of people were frustrated by the jump from chapter 423 to 424, and a lot of it has to do with this chapter confirming that Shigaraki's dead, which, understandably, pissed off a lotta readers. It's also pretty jarring to go from THE CLIMAX to... a week later in a hospital. And for people who are not super attached to the Katuski-Izuku dynamic, the emotional, wholesome childhood friend scene is just not what they wanted to see anyway.

On the other hand, from a purely utilitarian perspective as a writer, I totally get why Horikoshi felt he needed to show the audience, that, hey guys! The main character is still alive, here's the state of his quirk! Because based on the reactions of some people, if we don't immediately see a character after they get wounded, they are super dead. No other option, time to riot! Like no offense to the everyone who's been panicking about the League, but Dabi is not dead. That man is a fucking COCKROACH, he's literally fine. And Toga just got, like, a little exsanguinated. That's nothin' in shounen terms.

HOWEVER, I do agree with some of the complaints about the overall timing. I think there maybe needed to be more of a buffer between this chapter and the last, to help pad out Izuku's reactions to just, y'know, kinda killing a guy. Possibly also showing other parts of the cast/story, although I don't necessarily know that jumping to, for example, focus on the League immediately after would have been the right move either. And, like I said, it's not especially weird for a narrative to jump from the end fight to pay attention to the main character. That is... such an inoffensive choice to make with the plot to the point that it's almost expected. But yeah, with a little more time to emotionally process before showing it, I think people would not be upset about the contents of this chapter nearly as much.

Because the scene with Katsuki and Izuku was like... super predictable. None of the things they said to each other were surprising or out of character, and this moment has been built up to for-fucking-ever. Katsuki, needy bastard that he is, running to yell and cry at Izuku about being rivals forever? Izuku wailing KACCHAN while also crying and insisting that he's fine etc, etc? I have no complaints about any of that in terms of content.

I have seen a few complaints about the Izuku-Katsuki dynamic stifling Katsuki's personal arc, which. I mean, I can't tell anybody how to feel, but I don't really feel like the criticisms I've personally seen were something to take seriously. Because Katsuki, singularly, was an inspiration. To his class (who lead the search for Izuku and brought the class together?), to the previous generation of heroes (All Might, Best Jeanist, FUCKING EDGESHOT???? WHO GAVE YEARS OFF HIS LIFE BECAUSE HE BELIEVED IN KATSUKI'S HEROISM AND SACRIFICE AND WAS INSPIRED BY HIM????), and to the general public (Horikoshi did put in those shots of all the random bg characters and characters we met from other arcs for a reason). He protected Izuku, he fought with him side-by-side, he acknowledged the help other characters gave him (Shoto and his ice ramp sob). His arc has followed the path that Horikoshi has been laying out for years and years. And it's fine if you don't like the arc that Horikoshi chose for him! But it is internally consistent. Even I have some superficial complaints about some of the specifics, but broad strokes? I'm quite happy.

In regards to Izuku and his personal arc... some of it's hard to comment on because the story's still not over. Like. IF my assumptions about the overall intentions behind Shigaraki's death are correct, the narrative will clarify as such through Izuku's actions and emotional state.

And, based on chapter 424, there's already some seeds of Shigaraki's death really affecting Izuku long-term.

Idk man, does this really look like Izuku isn't struggling with what's happened? That he is totally cool with Shigaraki dying? Do you really think he isn't conflicted at all?

Frankly, Izuku being conflicted is quite possibly the most normal, reasonable response for him to have. I've always loved the idea of future Izuku and Shigaraki reaching out and bonding after the war, so some of this is directed at myself, but... there's no real basis for the idea that Izuku has any extremely personal, loving connection to Shigaraki. It isn't like with Touya and Shoto, who have a wildly personal, intimate connection. The only times Izuku and Shigaraki interacted, Shigaraki was either actively attacking Izuku or threatening to kill him T_T it isn't weird that Izuku isn't especially fond of Shigaraki as a person. He kidnapped Kacchan! He tried to kill Izuku! He tried to kill basically everyone Izuku knows and loves! HE BLEW UP HALF OF JAPAN?! It is absolutely normal for Izuku to not, y'know, be especially fond of the guy as an individual.

But also... he did kill Shigaraki. The person he was so dedicated to saving, he was willing to give up his hands, his life. And yet, those were his hands that ultimately (with Shigaraki's spirit help) killed Shigaraki's body, even if it was being possessed by AFO at the time. And I don't think he wanted to kill Shigaraki. I don't think he wanted to kill anybody! And if I'm right, the epilogue arc is going to uphold that pain, and use it to fuel Izuku and his desire to change the future of society.

IF Horikoshi is going for Shigaraki as a martyr who died and it was a tragedy that we, the audience, are supposed to be heartbroken about, then I expect him to continue the story with the idea that, just like it's a tragedy that Shigaraki died, it is a goddamn tragedy that Izuku was put in a position where he had to choose between saving the life of someone he wanted to save and stopping AFO from killing everyone. He is sixteen years old! He shouldn't be making a choice like that, and it is a travesty that he was forced to! That he was the only person capable of making that choice. He is a kind, caring, scared kid who just killed somebody. I want him to feel betrayed, even if he doesn't quite know how to express it. I want him to grieve. I want him to actively work towards a tomorrow where nobody gets put in Shigaraki's position OR HIS ever again. Because it isn't fair! It isn't fair to him, to Shigaraki, or the readers that love them both! And I want Izuku to be hurt about it and I want the other characters to care.

Which leads me to All Might.

I have a lot of complicated feelings about All Might. Because I simultaneously DO think that the narrative has actually spent a lot of time seriously criticizing him directly, and also feel like it's hard to balance the fact that he is a good person/hero who tried his best but ultimately failed (and was deeply, personally influential for basically all of the major characters) with the fact that he is super wrong about a lot of things and probably didn't need the amount/type of screen time he got. Like, I got the vision behind the Iron Might suit thing and Izuku inspiring him to be a quirkless hero, but also I think it took away from other characters who needed acknowledgement more. The torch should have been passed, and All Might could have been brought in a different way.

If you're asking about just this chapter? Honestly, I find it hard to criticize All Might for being proud of and kind to his proteges for doing the thing he couldn't: defeating AFO and stopping the destruction of Japan. They're wounded to the point of potentially life-long disability and emotionally wrecked. There was exactly zero chance that Izuku was going to wake up in his hospital bed to All Might saying "wow, it took you that long to stop AFO and both him and Shigaraki are dead now? You really do suck, kid. I never should have given you my quirk".

In terms of framing, I do see some people's concern over the fact that All Might's words (and the surrounding imagery) seem to be positive and hopeful and could be read as him (and therefore the narrative) brushing off the horror of Shigaraki having to die for the rest of the world to know peace. All Might has always symbolized the Old Guard, and the outdated heroic ideals that caused the current tumult and state of society. So to have him say "good job, you did it!" does sound worryingly like the story saying that everything is good and right with the world now. Which... if we want to be thematically consistent, it isn't "all good".

But ultimately, a lot of this is in wait-and-see territory. Until the manga is over, I'm not ready to be married to any particular opinion about the end, because we just don't know for sure where Hori's gonna take this. And while I do genuinely think that we have enough to be excited/optimistic over, I'm also not blind to the potential disaster that the ending could make the story. So. We'll find out in the next few weeks/months!

Sorry for talking so much, lmao. Thanks for asking!

[basedkikuenjoyer]

Aftermath

This chapter, 1124...it really didn't feel that different than the last two. It starts here with our opener. Morgans here takes on a very similar role as Buggy did in 1122, and we're still unpacking the immediate worldwide reaction to the transmission. Importantly, Luffy's gonna end this chapter with a good reminder none of it was very important to him, but Morgans starts it with a good lesson in why it should to a degree.

It's cool seeing Vivi roast him over lying, but this right here is the essence of why shaping your story matters. Buggy could take the moment and make it work for him, Vegapunk was so disconnected he realized his message might stir panic but didn't do anything to ameliorate that. Morgans is setting up Luffy the same way Sabo was. This story should rattle worldwide faith in the government. As is though, it could just end up being a tale about Luffy massacring a beloved figure worldwide. This time I don't really think the opener casts as long a shadow over the rest of the chapter, but it's now something becoming a pattern with these past few chapters. But let's get to the real meat of this one:

Talking with IRL blorbo from my blog Fallensnowfan really helped with this one but it's so stark when you see it in the actual chapter. There's this very interesting juxtaposition in the fallout of Vegapunk's death. Lilith picks up on the conversation we saw with the VegaBoys last time, a theme we've explored throughout with them. What does death mean when you've split yourself into seven parts and have a giant brain floating in a vat?

Well, here we have some interesting answers to this question. Lilith pops up and makes this big show of trying to cheer up Luffy. Get him past these feelings of failure. It was a very sudden shift but it does feel earnest, even if it reminds me a little of Carrot in WCI's End Roll. As earnest as Sentomaru and of course Kizaru. For one, we've talked about how these spotlight moments remind us of Wano's bigger ones. "Have you ever had to kill your best friend?" Well, the Akazaya Nine know that feeling. Especially Kin'emon & Kiku who had to take on the dirty work with Kanjuro.

But man...what a moment. Even Akainu cracked a little and realized he stepped over the line. Seeing Kizaru actually shaken for once too. The little flashback helped cement it as does this amazing shot of him watching all that work go up in flames. Simply put though, Kizaru/Sentomaru clearly don't feel the same way as Lilith here. Which is why part of me has to wonder if Lilith's just putting up a brave front. It's interesting Usopp raises the question of what exactly makes her the "evil" one, which is an idea we never really answered.

And of course, we do end off on what certainly seems to be a final note for Egghead Arc as a part of this story. I do have to say, I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that. Lilith feels well primed to pick up that New World thread we've talked about going forward, I could certainly see this shaking out in a way where we maybe have a chapter or two away from the Straw Hats to finish off this story and give some people like Drake a moment in the intermission. Then head right into a perfectly straightforward Elbaf arc. We could even do that interspersed with clearing up some of Egghead's lingering mysteries...

But there's still enough weirdness to make me wonder. One thing I've thought for a while is that if the Giants are already here, they can tag along for a bit of island hopping. On some level it's kinda weird to keep them and Bonney and Kuma and Lilith floating around but we of course don't know what Elbaf's story is so it could easily have a place for all that. What it really comes down to for me is that, as it stands, Elbaf really has no apparent conflict set up. Which could work if it's a Zou-type arc where we reset our course or something. But if say...something happens and this group gets blown off course I could see that too. Use an intermediate arc to set up something to do on Elbaf.

Of course, this final panel gives us something to think about too. Who is the mystery silhouette? Sadly we'll have to wait for a break week to really know the next steps. Which means I have a decision to make too. I get the feeling enough people like these writeups for their own sake, but the original intent was to maybe do a little bit about the next arc reflecting on where it ties up Wano themes. Hence "Post-Wano Musings" and I could never keep that hyphen consistent in the tags. Didn't expect Egghead to keep giving me a lot to talk about there. I also just kinda thought it was funny to call an entire arc as long as Alabasta "Post-Wano."

We still have a lot of oddities and through lines though, and those could easily be left hanging as we get to Elbaf. I think my plan is to switch it up and just make normal chapter reviews when we reach a new island, Elbaf or otherwise, with a new tag. I'm leaning towards "Massive Musings" for now, but maybe something better will come up before we get there.

[rainbowsparklecur]

that one character post…. with fae …,-,,2?3))3

WOOOOOOOOOO YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

First impression

ok so FUN FACT when i first started playing i was fully gearing myself up for gilman to be my absolute number 1 favorite blorbo of all time. uhhh when i first met fae i was like "oh shes cute :]" and then didnt think much about her after that iirc..........like i thought she was very sweet and all but she didnt really grab me(little did i know)

Impression now

um. i like her a normal amount.

Favorite moment

ALL FAE MOMENTS ARE GOOD MOMENTS (except yknow. That Scene. i mean it was also a good scene but also just. hhrrggnh :[ ) however gotta say favorite was the scene with her and tizo after tizo ate the weird mushroom and got sick..........they are so precious i love them so much...friend ship..........

Idea for a story

well obviousdly theres The Dogdeer Fic but uhhh in terms of fae-centric stuff i do have uh. a few ideas. main 1 is a multi-chapter(maybe) fic based on part of faes topside ending (something about her getting taken in by some family in the commonwealth?) except i dont actually know much of what actually happened bc im avoiding spoilers so all of this could be horrifically inaccurate! so uh take it with a grain of salt lol ill probably edit it when i actually liberate her. also heres some snippets if youre inchrested lol

even if the idea doesnt work uhh just take this as practice for writing fae ok i had fun writing this and im proud of it lol

Unpopular opinion

thinks. ummm not a fan of moonheart/fae x almer romantically. also have some feelings about her not being As cuddly/social/happy-go-lucky as the fandom sometimes portrays her as but thats more like personal interpretation i guess *hides behind furniture*

Favorite relationship

UMMM......dog.......deer... they have potential.............honestly i love their relationship in game not just the potential they have i just hate how sgg was like "ummm yea almer is actually IN LOVE with fae theyre both so STRAIGHT AND IN LOVE and theyre gonna GET MARRIED AND HAVE BABIES"

however i also adore fae and tizos friendship.........theyre so precious cmon

like CMON how could you not love them. look at them

Favorite headcanon

UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH sifts through all my headcanons. i like the idea of her not remembering a lot of her past due to trauma and stuff(dissociative amnesia???is that the word) though i still wanna like research that kinda thing more so i dont portray it inaccurately or anything. also maybe the idea of her kinda having memory problems present day.....maybe......... uhh in terms of more light/fluffy headcanons uhhh......she likes bugs :] she loves bugs she very good with them even more "creepy" crawlys like spiders and wasps shes very gentle with them and in turn theyve rarely if ever bite/sting her. also shes maybe kinda nearsighted (if you ever see my draw her with glasses thats why lol) uh this is not projection at all. also one time i got an anon that said something about transmasc fae. i thought that was neat but uh maybe thats just me maybe im weird haha

OH WAIT ANOTHER ONE I JUST REMEMBERED when she was little she had a stray cat friend .she named him bread :]

uhhhh i think thats all THANK YOU FOR THE ASK!!!!!!!!!!

[espinosaurusrexex]

𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠'𝐬 𝐁𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐧 𝐖𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰

two - suburban magic

BuckyBarnes x Female!Reader

summary: Bucky and Y/N get to Westview, but things are not exactly as they imagined. How will they work now that everyone thinks they're married?

a/n: I know the first two chapter are a little slow and establish the story, so I'm thinking of posting ch. 3 tomorrow. That's where things really start off - let me know what you think!

!Divider is mine. Please give credit when using!

word count: 4k

chapter warnings: fake dating, settling in, so much angst, kinda fluffy, also this is not proofread - all mistakes are my own

✶ 𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒎𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 | 𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒚𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 | 𝒎𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 ☾

“So this is it?” Y/N peered up at the red static wall. Her head was leaned back all the way to try and catch the end of it. 

“This is it.” Bucky stood behind her, his hands buried in his pants pockets. 

It was unbelievable. Yes, Wanda was powerful, but this? This was so wide and big and... kind of intimidating. Just not the Wanda Y/N thought to have known. She let her eyes wander to either side and watched as the wall extended into the distance. There was a faint whirring sound from the red. It seemed almost nostalgic, in an indescribable way.

Y/N turned around to Bucky, her eyes hesitant and drilling into his with nervousness. But Bucky seemed determined. He stepped further toward the wall until he came to a stop right next to Y/N.

When she had called him two days ago in the middle of the night, Y/N was set on this obscene idea to get here and start a totally unbothered life. Right now, it was rather scary. She hadn’t thought about how intimidating change was in a long time. She was too busy dealing with all her grief and the aftermath of the last major change. And now that she was confronted with this feeling of uncertainty again, she wished herself back into her boring New York City apartment with the same view and the aggravated neighbor, and the constant street noise. That was where everything seemed calculated. There she could control the next couple of hours without fear of major outside influence. It was safe and it was habitual, without heart racing or sweaty hands.

Maybe she should have never called him. Because right now, all of these things were happening. Racing heart: check. Sweaty hands: check. Uncertainty: check, check, check. Y/N didn't know what would wait behind that wall. That was if they were even able to break through. She didn’t know what would happen after they had made it. Back in her apartment, the thought of suburbia and its idyllic atmosphere had brought comfort and longing to her chest. But seeing it so close in front of her really made her question her sanity. She couldn’t just run away and live a life as a housewife. That was not how life worked. 

So yeah, if she would not have Bucky by her side right now, she would have probably bailed the second she felt her doubts bubble up. But with Bucky, it was different. There was someone else sharing the dream of escaping with her and it brought a weird comfort to her. She wouldn’t be alone in there. She would have Bucky and Bucky would have her. She felt safe with him.

“We’re really gonna do this,” she whispered to herself, but Bucky’s ears picked up on it anyway. Without a response, he took her hand in his. 

They locked eyes for a moment and Bucky look this time to nod intently in her direction. His hand twitched, reassuring Y/N of his presence and it felt as though this small gesture conveyed a bigger message only he could decode. 

“Are you ready?” His stare was hopeful but concerned. He looked like he was ready to bail just as much as she was. But she wouldn’t pass on a chance like this, not because she chickened out.

“No.” She smiled. “But that’s okay.” She probably never would, but Y/N had decided then and there that that was nothing that should stop her anymore.

Bucky’s vibranium arm reached forward, hesitant to touch the magic wall, but not really stopping in its movement. When his fingers grazed the static, a faint shock hushed in the air, traveling through his body to hers and making her feel the force behind it. This was real. As unbelievable as it looked, this was real. Bucky retracted his hand in surprise, looking back to Y/N with a questing glare. But she just nodded forward in a ‘try again’ motion, her eyes desperate and nosy at the same time. 

His flesh hand tightened around Y/N’s when he laid the whole of his vibranium palm against the red wall. Noise, light, power. All at once flooded Y/N’s senses as she watched Bucky lean forward to break through. Every part of her body was tingling with electricity shooting tiny white specks of pain in every part of her skin. Tears were brimming in her eyes with determination. This might have been a bad idea, but before she could even comprehend that thought, Bucky turned his head in her direction. There was something in his eyes that made her want to withstand so much more pain than the one she already felt. Like an urge to uphold anything for him in trade for the sacrifice, he made for her. A silent message was passed between the two and only a heartbeat later, Bucky pushed further into the flickering scarlet. His foot stepped forward, digging into the ground as he bent his knees to bring up more strength. Y/N took a deep breath and then she lifted her free hadn’t to the barrier as well. 

Together they drove their entire weight up against the wall, but it was like leaning on cement. Nothing would move this mysterious piece of magic. It was painful, too. Like touching fire with bare hands. As if the lights were slicing through her skin, pulling on her nerve endings with unbelievable force. 

Bucky took another step, releasing a forceful scream as his hand began to dent the wall. His fingers were halfway hidden by the rest of the structure. And all of a sudden, there was a shock washing right through Y/N’s body. As if she was walking through a painful waterfall that could tear right through her. There was no more pushing against the wall because it felt as though the wall was actually reaching forward, hugging them in its ear-shattering static noise. Y/N screamed as well. Her body was on fire, her head felt like exploding and if it weren’t for Bucky’s hand anchoring her to something tangible, she would have probably fallen unconscious from the pain. 

And then, as fast as it started, the pain was gone. Y/N fell forward with a thud, as did Bucky, their faces touching the soft grass and an overwhelming warmth consumed the pair. 

Y/N’s heart beat faster than ever, her thoughts running a mile per minute but not producing anything remotely sufficient for her situation. Her fingers were tingling, her head heavy - almost dizzy. She sat up slowly, looking around and taking in her new environment. The noise of the wall was faint from this side. The grass seemed greener and the air warmer. Not unbearable, but definitely summery. Y/N took a deep breath as she listened to the birds chirping in the distant trees. It was paradise, peaceful and calm - totally secluded from everything else, maybe even reason. There were houses in the distance and if she really listened closely, Y/N could make out the sound of children playing in their front yards.

A groan emerged from her left, and her eyes wandered to the man beside her, slowly pushing himself upright.

“That was...”

“Weird,” Y/N completed as she watched him taking in his surroundings as well.

“Yeah.”

Then he redirected his gaze to her body, scanning up and down for injuries. “Are you okay?” His hands rested on his thighs, his head leaning forward, urging her to talk.

“I’m okay.” Y/N smiled and watched as Bucky’s brows softened. He looked around again, probably taking everything in properly. “Are you okay?” She asked carefully.

“I’m okay.” His eyes stayed on hers for a little longer and Y/N could feel her chest warming again. 

Bucky stood up, cleaning off his jeans, and then he held his hand out to Y/N. She looked up at him, her eyes wandering back to his extended offer and finally placing her hand in his. 

“I really didn't think we’d make it halfway through,” she said as she too cleaned off her clothes.

Bucky chuckled. “Yeah, it hurt like a bitch.” 

That it did.

Bucky stopped in front of a beautiful house. Painted in light blue and with white shutters accompanying the windows, the house stood proud over the suburban street with an unmatched significance. He must have felt it too, the pull this home had on everyone’s stare, inviting one's gaze beyond the white picket fence and longing for a peak within its bright walls. How Y/N would have wished to live in it as a child, how her inner desire longed for the ocean blue to engulf her and marry calmness to her soul. It was truly perfect. 

The lawn stretched from the porch to the mailbox that stood right next to a real estate sign. It showed two heavily photoshopped agents with bright smiles and a bold number beneath, indicating that it was, in fact, for sale. Unbelievable, in Y/N’s opinion. This home was too nice to ever lay empty in an area like this: suburbia. Filled with people desperate to live a perfect life with their perfect families and their perfect happy, smiley faces that would hang above the fireplace.

Y/N’s heart ached at the thought. A family - the whole that had been ripped in by fate twice by now, which was definitely two times too many. And simultaneously exact the reason why she stood on this street, with that beautiful home mocking her misery in bright blue hues.

“It’s like out of these movies.“ Bucky muttered with a frown that didn’t match his doughy eyes at all, and a smile snuck on Y/N’s face as he said what she had been thinking out loud. 

“Oh my, you must be the new neighbors!” Y/N whipped around and watched a brunette exclaim with the brightest smile. “I am so thrilled to have a new couple in the neighborhood,” she leaned towards Y/N and brought her hand up to her mouth; “Let me tell ya, Berta from down the street is becoming a little old and she always kills the mood when she starts talking about her dead husband.” The woman laughed loudly and then she waved her arms. 

Y/N was glued to the ground, her expression unintelligible as all her concentration shifted to the sudden encounter with one of Westview’s occupants. The woman must have noticed how shocked and confused Bucky and Y/N looked because a second later she extended her hand.

“How rude of me. I am Agnes, it's so nice to meet you!”

“Bucky,” Bucky said while shaking her hand. “And this is Y/N.” He smiled as he hid his left arm behind her back.

Y/N just smiled. It was all she could do with the sudden realization that this woman had assumed them to be together. Moving into a house in the suburbs together - Oh, God. She thought they were married! Y/N’s heartbeat was pounding in her chest as Bucky played it cool, trying to get the neighbor away.

“So nice to meet you both! You seem like you’ll fit right into our lovely neighborhood.” She clapped her hands before her chest once. “And you chose the most beautiful home of them all, too!”

“We- what?” Y/N’s voice faltered as she turned her head back to the house. The sign with the two agents had a bold red sticker on it now: ‘SOLD’ 

She felt Bucky’s hand twitch on her side and was met with an equally confusing stare once her eyes traveled from the magical sign back to him. A silent monologue passed between the pair, though Y/N wasn’t entirely sure what she wanted to convey. Another squeeze of her waist and Bucky’s face turned back to the brunette woman with a bright smile.

“We really don’t want to be rude but why don’t you let us get settled, Agnes? It's been a long day already and we would appreciate some rest before the movers get here.” His smile didn’t falter and Y/N tried the same, but she couldn’t shake the uneasiness spreading in her stomach like a wildfire. Something had changed already and Y/N couldn’t place her finger on it. 

“Oh, of course. I’ll leave you two lovebirds alone.” And then she turned around and walked towards a house with deep purple flowers in the front yard. “Welcome to Westview!” That was all she said with raised arms before she disappeared behind the door.

Welcome to Westview. That was the plan, right? But for some reason, it didn’t feel like it was going according to it.

That night was horrible. Y/N tossed and turned in the sheets of her indefinite home, and even though it was the most beautiful place she had ever laid eyes on, it was intimidating. As if she had no control over her future, nor the slightest possibility of knowing what could happen. To her, to Bucky, and really everyone else.

The time the neighbor had left felt like a blur. Up until the moment, Y/N’s exhausted body hit the soft sheets of her new bed, time had seemed like a concoction of colors that stretched and faded in long lines as if the moments had rushed by her and she could watch them from the window of a speeding car.

A lot of weird things had happened today. The first and undoubtedly the most scarring of them all was the wall moving through her to engulf her into Westview. She had never felt such a phenomenon but it was comforting that she could share it with Bucky. 

That Agnes lady was a weird component, too, but Y/N figured every town needed a nosy neighbor and she just happened to have met her on the very first day. That was something both of them probably had to get used to still. In the city, people minded their own businesses. They went about their life with as little contact with strangers as possible and Y/N kind of liked it that way. Bucky probably did, too. And neighbors? Well, neighbors basically ran to their doors when another opened. The casual small talk Americans were so well known for was avoided like the plague. The only encounter people had with neighbors was in the case of complaints. And those were, again, nagging about their privacy being disturbed. Y/N had felt it the second she entered Westview: a shift in demeanor. Unlike New York City, people actually cared for their fellow occupants. In Agnes’ case maybe a little too much. People knew about the person at the end of the street. They cared about their well-being and they dug up gossip about their dog sitters if the occasion called for it. Suburbia’s inmates were well aware of the community they lived in, and that thought alone scared her.

When Agnes had left, Bucky had found a key in his pants pockets that actually unlocked the pretty blue house. And before the both of them were even able to step one foot in their new estate, a moving truck halted on the street with scratching tires. Four men, all dressed in blue overalls, carried box after box past Bucky and Y/N, who just shared another look of confusion. Whatever had been in those boxes apparently belonged to them, and once the men left the property the house looked like someone actually lived in it. 

Beautiful wallpaper lined the walls of the foyer that lead directly to a staircase painted in white. A mirror hung above a small table that was decorated with flowers. There were jackets and umbrellas hanging in the closet by the staircase and just a step to the left opened a wide arch the view into a stunning open kitchen with an island of marble. The cupboards were the same blue as that of the house’s exterior. Further back beyond the open kitchen and the adjacent dining area opened another arch to a broad seating area. A glass door by the living room lead out to the patio, where a green lawn unfolded in the distance. A sizable pool covered part of the area and the rest was framed by flowers in all shapes and colors.

It was just as Bucky had mentioned earlier ‘like out of these movies’ and Y/N could have sworn that she had seen a house comparable to this in one of Wanda’s TV shows before. 

When Bucky had reached to open the door to the backyard, Y/N had felt a shiver run down her spine. That was what had felt so off out on the street before. Bucky had looked at her with a questioning glare and as Y/N’s stare traveled from his hand back to his eyes, the expression on his face had fallen and been replaced by one of utter helplessness. His arm, Bucky’s vibranium arm was gone. Well, it wasn’t gone, It was normal. It was a flesh arm, one like the other he had. And just as it did Y/N, Bucky looked like it scared the living shit out of him. That had been the first thing that had actually been terrifying. The nosy neighbor and the changing signs, she could deal with, but this? This felt like an intrusion. Like a bad magic trick that secretly pulled the ground from under your feet.

He had ripped his hand from the handle and held it away from his body as if it didn’t belong to him, and that’s when Y/N had noticed the silver wedding ring shining on his finger. She had checked, and sure enough on the fourth finger of her left hand sat a thinner, more delicate version of Bucky’s ring. She Didn’t mention it, thinking it would just destabilize him further after the discovery they had just made. So after another beat of silence, Bucky had excused himself and left to the upstairs, where Y/N only guessed the bedrooms to be.

She had been right. Because after another hour of rummaging around the house, and getting to know the place to distract herself from thinking about Bucky, who probably just wanted to be alone, she went upstairs herself. Bucky had left her the master bedroom and chosen, what she could only assume the guest bedroom to be, for himself. She had gotten ready for bed reluctantly, her eyes regularly pulling to the door that led to a corridor that led to Bucky. He was just two doors away. Five feet and two doors, and yet, Y/N didn’t feel ready to take on this kind of comfort for him. Because it wasn’t. 

So ever since she had gotten to bed, her thoughts had been spinning around the same topic. It was two in the morning, now and there was no sleep in sight for her. Y/N turned to her side again, staring at the clock on her nightstand in frustration. She was about to close her eyes when she heard a hesitant knock on her door. 

She looked up when a muffled voice traveled through the wood. “Hey, Y/N?” Her heartbeat quickened.

“Yeah?” Bucky stepped into the room silently, his gaze low as his hand clutched the doorknob.

“I-“ His eyes met hers in the dim moonlight shining through the window. His were sparking with secrecy, an indecisiveness settled deep within. Y/N didn’t dare to move. He looked like a deer in headlights with his shoulders slumped and she could see his mind working on his features. Anything could scare him away now, and really, Y/N completely understood. “Never mind. I’m sorry. Go back to sleep.“ And then the door closed again and Bucky was gone.

But she hadn’t been sleeping. Y/N sat up in her bed as she heard his footsteps decent the stairs and after about ten seconds, she could hear him rummaging through the kitchen. Yeah, she would definitely not go back to sleep now.

The patting of bare feet sounded through the cool hallway before traveling down the stairs as well. Bucky stood by the refrigerator, retrieving a box of milk and pouring himself a glass. His bare back was exposed to the air-conditioned room, his muscles moving under his skin as his hands worked in front of him. He seemed to have settled with his new arm, as weird as that sounded. Of course, Y/N couldn’t possibly comprehend what that would feel like, but she imagined it must be hard to have it taken from him, after years of accepting it as part of him. 

She remembered faint conversations in the compound with Bucky. She’d never asked him about his arm, but she had listened in on Peter’s curious questioning. Bucky had answered a bunch of questions about what features his arm had, and how he dealt with some issues, but he couldn’t really answer the stuff Peter was actually interested in. What she had picked up from it, however, was that the arm from Wakanda had grown on him and that he actually liked it, especially because it was from his friends.

Y/N slowly approached the brunette in the kitchen, and when she could clearly see the absence of scars on his arm shining in the refrigerator light, he turned around, his eyes tired and low on her frame.

“What’s the matter?”

He just stood there, holding eye contact as his mind fought with something Y/N couldn’t place. His mouth opened as if he wanted to say something, but then he closed it again. Time passed teasingly slow as he repeated the action. 

“It’s just-” He turned around again, leaning on the counter and looking out the window. There was Agnes, walking along the street. What was she doing out so late? Y/N stepped next to Bucky.

“You don’t have to tell me,” she said, though she really wanted to know. She wanted to see if Bucky would confide in her, now that she was all he had in proximity. There had been an aching pain settling in her chest ever since he had given her that helpless look. A desperate cry about not being able to help the way she wanted, because she didn’t know where the boundaries were placed.

“No, I know.” There was a long pause, and Y/N thought that was where the conversation would end. She didn’t move though, her hand so close to his on the counter that she could feel him twitching on the stone. His breaths were steady and deep, the only thing sounding through the dark kitchen beside the constant whirring of the refrigerator. Agnes had gone further, she wasn’t within the frame of the window anymore, and Y/N quite frankly didn’t care, but Bucky’s eyes stayed focused on the dark. 

“Can I ask you something?” 

Bucky just hummed absently, the distance in the sound far more tangible than him at the moment. Y/N moved her hand closer to his left, her pinky fingers grazing his on the countertop. Bucky didn’t react.

“Do you feel with it now?”

His head slowly turned to her hand where her fingers met his. And for a second, Y/N thought she could see a grieving twitch in his eyes.

“No.” He shook his head. “It’s the same as before. Just looks... different.” Reluctance laced his tone as his eyes shifted back to the window after stealing a quick glance at her face.

Y/N just nodded and slowly retreated her hand from his, a sudden cold replacing the warmth that had been beating through her body just moments prior.

“A little late for a walk don’t ya think?” His voice sounded distant again as he nodded towards the window through which the pair had watched their neighbor.

“Maybe she’s looking for something.” Really, Y/N wanted to go back to the intimate conversation they just had. But Bucky’s demeanor had already switched. 

He looked at her with raised eyebrows and then he stepped backward, walked to the door, and took his jacket. And with a final ‘I’ll be back’ he left the house. And Y/N? Well, she just stood there wishing for a little more Bucky. Just something that told her, that maybe, everything she wished for wasn’t just a distant dream.

𝒏𝒆𝒙𝒕 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓

Wanna be added to the Taglist? (make sure to tell me if you want to be added for this series)

@not-another-fangirl @this--is--music @pinkpunkdynamite @wintermischief @njyhjtjb @4buckyb @almosttoopizza @sociallyimpairedme @royalwritersoftheuniverses @circe143 @valkyrie418 @mirikusashes @noideawhyimdoingthislol @nikkitc0703 @lethallyprotected

[secretelia]

HOFAS REVIEW (SPOILERRRRS)

I wanted to do a HOFAS Review bc i've seen so many opinions of this book... Beware spoilers!

Okey, first of all, my rating for this book: 4.5 ⭐️ I LOVED IT!

Sorry to everyone who hated it, i just couldn't. I loved it! Even tho i do have some things to say. Let's start on the story itself (plot, writing style...):

The plot to me was good, even tho at some points a lil bit too dense. But I really enjoyed seeing how the whole story that started in book one ended. I really liked how everything was tied up and how all those things that appeared in book one actually made sense now in book three. Again, at some points it became difficult to follow, but in the end everything made sense.

Bryce and Hunt's romantic story. I love them! Bryce was a little annoying at some point, but i totally get what she was trying to say/do. It's unfair to say that she doesn't care for Hunt bc she looked past his trauma. She didn't! She was dealing with a lot of stuff and maybe her first reaction wasn't good, but she realized her mistake and just asked him to finish what he started! Plus, all of you saying they don't have a connection... Be fucking for real. Their love is so pure and so mature! They're adults navigating difficult times and it SHOWS.

Ruhn and Lidia uggggggh absolutely love them! To me, Lidia was THE character on this book. Love her development, her relationship with Ruhn and overall her character. I wished we would have had a lil bit more of Ruhn pov, tho.

Tharion i love u idc what everyone says you're my fav fish<3

I really liked that it wasn't a different pov each chapter and that it was mostly bryce's and hunt's pov. But sometimes it got weird the pov changing in the middle of the chapter, it was like "wait what?" kinda situation. But overall I enjoyed it.

The ACOTAR crossover!!!! Loved it! Love to see that Nesta and Azriel became good friends and I looooooooove to see Nesta as a warrior. So powerful! She's my baby and I'm so excited bc it looks like we're getting another acotar book for her, can't fucking wait. I would have liked a little bit more of Feyre and also I was expecting for them to go help Bryce and have an epic final battle scene with the ACOTAR characters, but i'm not mad that didn't happen.

Now, for the things i didn't like:

Ithan's pov. Sorry, it was just boring! Let it go already omg... So annoying. Plus i didn't get the whole sigrid situation. It just felt like Sarah didn't remeber she existed in CC2 and didn't know what to do with her in CC3. All that "new fendyr heir" talk over and over again just to have her killed? Don' get it! It seemed like she would be Ithan's love interest and suddenly we have another character out of the blue named perry that's being set up with him... Weird.

Ariadne? What happened to her? She left the vyper queen and poof, gone. She appears at the end to tell tharion that going back to the meat market is a stupid decision and then disappears again... Ok. It was weird.

Sathia! What happened to her? Again, it seemed like the character was bothering Sarah and she didn't know what to do with her... So she set up the whole ex situation and byebye. And Flynn didn't even think to ask where the fuck his sister was? It was just so random.

This is just a curiosity, but i realized that Bryce said Rhys looked exactly like Ruhn, but then Ember didn't say anything about it when she first met Rhys... Sarah just probs forgot but i found it weird.

That bonus chapter with nesta and ember... OMG a lot of thoughts on that. I love Nesta, but I'm mad about Rhys tearing her apart, like he just knows that feyre would have done exactly the same thing as nesta, cmon😭 Also i love Cas, even though i'm a lil mad that he always sides with rhys so boldly and i would love for nesta to address that on the next acotar book.

Overall, it was a good book and i really enjoyed it!

[loriahlikeswriting]

Hi! I recently started writing fanfic again. With Hazbin Hotel finally getting a season I was really inspired to dabble into writing something pertaining to Angel Dust, and so I really got hooked on the idea of a human alternate universe taking place in modern times following not only Angel’s struggles but Alastor’s as well! It’s really just a character analysis and me trying to write different characters (one being kinda loony) but regardless I put a lot of effort into each chapter and would love to get feedback! ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

I’ve also drawn some pictures of all the characters here and will post some art I have made pertaining to this fic.

I’ll attach a link to ao3 story after the summary and snippet of the first chapter <3 thank you so much for taking your time to read this post and I hope you enjoy!

Am I Making You Feel Sick?

TW: abuse and violence, disordered eating, death, abuse of a minor, SA

Summary:

Anthony Di'Angelo wasn't always like this, he had dreams like any other kid. Yet here he was at the ripe age of twenty, a crack whore with a shitty ass pimp and an even shittier means of living. As far as anyone was concerned this life would consume him and leave him to rot on the streets like many of those before him. His decline is ever apparent, especially to his next door neighbor who just happens to be a novelist from New Orleans who after many successes has begun to lose his spark. A wannabe lyricist who is damned to live life as a whore stuck in poverty and a twisted writer aren't quite a match made in Heaven but maybe the heavens weren't meant for them anyway.

Chapter 1 Snippet 🫶

Anthony’s life wasn’t really one worth living if he was being honest. He had a lousy apartment, lousy job, lousy friends, lousy attitude- he himself was simply lousy. Recognizing just how miserable he was did little to change anything, though, so he kept going with some weird faith that things may somehow, some way get better. Between being disowned by his family only to be taken in by a pimp disguised as a lover he wasn’t sure what else could possibly go astray.

He’d lost another ten pounds, which meant another size or two down, and another shopping spree which would soon enough result in spending funds he really didn't have right now. Maybe he shoulda picked up sewing like Molly- that perfect little angel- just so he wouldn’t have to waste time getting shit retailored. Staring at what became of himself in the mirror was fucking trippy. What stared back at him were large muted blue eyes smudged by smeared eyeliner and mascara, sunken in freckled cheeks, pale skin which was once sunkissed now tainted by bruises, a thin frame no longer toned and instead starved. Mobster to crack whore- what kinda transformation was that? A laughable one. Damn, if only Pa could see him now. Naw, Anthony didn’t wanna imagine it if he was being real honest.

Pulling off the slightly loose sticky latex one piece, the blonde reached over into his dresser for a tattered old tee he managed to convince Val to let him keep. He had to let Valentino know if he could wipe his ass for fuck's sake, God forbid he had a shirt the man didn't fuck with. Sliding on the shirt and some boxers which loosely fit his frame, Anthony quickly flung himself into bed. His mattress was stiff and his blankets were thin, but at least he managed to get a place to call his own. Moving out of Valentino’s was such a step forward- no more nightly beatings, no more degrading insults outside of work, no more being used and abused whenever wherever. Sure, he dealt with allat on the clock but the minute his shift ended he had somewhere to return to that was his own. He hadn’t had something to call his own in a long fucking time.

Staring up at his ceiling, Anthony couldn’t help but toss and turn, his head pounding and begging for attention. The boy was a mouthy one, and mouthy ones get put in their place real quick. Today was extra humbling for the blonde, his eye was puffed up and colored purple, a testament to his treatment. It wasn’t just his eye, he’d gotten a full body beat down today, but that meant he could stay out of work for a day or two til they gradually lost their color. Two days of lazing about? Fuck yes. He could really use the break.

Huffing, the thin blonde shoved his blanket aside as he stumbled onto his feet. Grabbing his lighter and a pack he kept ready at his night stand, Anthony made his way to his small balcony. The crisp air burned the blonde’s nostrils, a sensation he'd learned to adore as time went on. Shivering, he made his way over to the iron rails. He was hardly dressed, but that was something he was used to. Shutting his eyes, the blonde let himself feel the night’s frigidity, wanting to succumb to the numbness which would eventually overtake his limbs.

Lighting his cig, the boy scanned the night sky for some type of reassurance when the cold hadn’t done its job. Disappointed, the blonde knew the stars couldn’t give him any answers no matter how much he bothered them. So he pressed his lit cigarette to his lips, breathing in a burn which would warm his rotting core. The first huff wasn’t satisfying, nor was the second. Anthony was used to more nasty shit, nic did little to ease his mind. Well, it did help with the headaches, but the dancer was itching for something stronger tonight. Flashes of his last client wormed its way into his skull and Anthony could feel his shoulders tighten in anger and resentment. Clenching his jaw, the blonde rubbed at his eyes aggressively wincing in pain once he was reminded of the bruise that bitch left behind. That motherfucker was extra sleazy on the floor and in private, and he was a recurring patron. Lucky him, huh?

Frustrated, the man put forth all his weight onto the railing, letting his forehead rest against the cold metal, hoping some contact would relieve the pressure. Rubbing his forehead against the bar, Anthony felt his eyes burn familiarly. A pain settled in his throat, an achy pain that continued to increase in strength. His face burned in shame as he felt himself begin to sniffle. Ah God, he hated these types of nights. Everything was just too fucking much and he was just so tired and in so much pain. Whiny bitch he was, but at least he was a whiny bitch by his lonesome.

“God, I can't do this shit sober.” The blonde huffed, as he finished up his cigarette. Putting out the cigarette onto a used up ashtray, Anthony pushed himself off the railing. He just got through his last bottle of booze and he was aching for more. What? Cheap shit was all he could afford when he was away from Val. Matter of fact, Tony came to crave that shit simply because it signified he wasn't anywhere near that fucking cunt. He promised himself he wouldn’t spend any more pocket change on shit that was bad for him, but that obviously wasn’t going great. Nothing was ever going great, so drink til he got crunked was what he was gonna do. Slipping on some fuzzy light pink slippers and grabbing a coat, Anthony wrapped himself up real tight. Rummaging through his nightstand did he find his house key, some change, and his ID. Aw fuck, he had to get that shit updated. Staring back at him was his wide eyed seventeen year old self. If only he knew there wasn't anything in life to look that excited for. Smiling slightly at the picture of himself, Anthony shoved all that shit into his right pocket, shaking any longing that started to yank at his heart strings. He'd cry after he got fucked up.

Shutting his door and quickly locking up, the lithe dancer shoved his shaking hands into his pockets. His apartment complex was nice, not necessarily cozy but livable. Making his way down the stairs Anthony lost himself in thought. Nights like this he reminisced on back to when he didn’t rely on substances to feel warm, before he was labeled a deadman by his father, before his mother died. He thought back to sibling banter, Sundays post church, elementary school playgrounds. The blonde could feel himself getting choked up again, but he couldn’t stop himself from spiraling. If the man was being honest, dysthymia was such a comfort. Being sad was all Anthony knew how to do properly, and that in itself reassured him. The tightness of muscles when he was on the brink of a meltdown felt akin to the ghost of a hug, something the man was desperate for. Funny thing was, he got hugs all the time- none of them were fucking genuine though.

Making his way down the staircase, the boy felt a bit of his mind dwindle with every step. His mind was going numb, instead he focused on his breathing and the way his bones felt like they were being suffocated under his skin. He focused on the way his hips ached, and his eye burned, barely able to keep itself open because of how swollen it'd grown to be. He could feel every spot that man touched him, like his finger tips were pressed so deeply into his skin they left a mark not just on skin, nor fat, nor muscle, but on his fucking nerves. He could see the way the man looked at him in a disgusting lustful haze, and how he had to pretend he liked every second of getting his ass handed to him. He saw himself, and he saw himself drowning deeper into the pit he had created for himself the second he got disowned. He could feel just how much it hurt to breathe, so Anthony forced himself to gasp heavily like a fish out of water. The sting was nice, he wished that was all he could feel for forever. His body on autopilot, the dancer was met with a light which dimly lit up the corner store before he knew it. Cheap liquor? Not his favorite, but it did the trick. It made his brain fill with static. And static was all he wanted to hear and see for the rest of his shitty life.

[m1ckeyb3rry]

LMAOO im also chronically online this is a safe space for the chronically online dw (i also respond at chronically online speeds sooo) but FR THE UNHOLY TRINITY LMAOO if we add Raichi it’s the four horsemen of the apocalypse (bro has never played anything other than defense though and we like. NEVER see him touch the ball basically so uh sorry bro no sexy soccer time yet)

Honestly I don’t know why more people can’t just let people exist?? Like fr just leave them alone and live your life why make it so miserable for everyone sheesh…also please those twelve year olds on tiktok can’t even tie their shoe laces nor should they be on tiktok learning “potty mouth phrases” LMAO I think they need a reality check DESPERATELY

Never apologize for writing too much Karasu.

But LMAOO OK IM GLAD HAHA so real for that I can’t do what Reo or Barou do for him like I will not be the Anri to your Ego!!! Please put your socks in the laundry!!!! But this isn’t irl so he’ll still be a squishy bear to me

LMAO REALLL side character supremacy >>> Honestly I didn’t hate the animation either although I did notice some funky scenes it wasn’t nearly as bad as everyone made it seem…I’m glad to hear that they’re putting their eightbitussy into it though

He’s so captain it’s literally insane (quick we gotta talk more about this and manifest Karasu captain for u20 World Cup) Aiku honestly a good option too (I wanna see my man in action though) if it’s Isagi I’ll lowk riot

BESIDES AN EROTIC LEFT LEG GOODBYE that made me snort as I read this

I LOVE READING THE REFERENCES LMAOOO if they fit into the story keep them coming!!! (KARASU DROWNING SHDGSHSH IM NOT READY)

Ok yeah I also kinda ballparked that amount in my mind LMAO I forgot to mention this more in my last response but the ON SALE THING >>>> I laughed it was so goofy too like she caught him red handed THE NEXT DAY like bro those were NOT on sale…$50 for advice boy you’re not slick

Chefs kiss mc written wonderfully WITHOUT the typical overly used cliches as much as I love a stupid mc sometimes it’s quite an overused trope I feel where it’s the teehee dummy reader so again, this was refreshing LOL (I always love how you give your y/ns substance as characters and like humans..?? Like they all feel like actual people and aren’t your just your average w*ttp*d UwU MCs…I mean writers have to start somewhere so maybe I should stop bashing them like this but uh)

Honestly it’s such an interesting language which is why it takes me a bit to translate/transcribe sometimes because I can’t capture the underlying meanings or emotions as well in English LMAOO (the first time I tried was the hiori light novel and finding the correct phrasing was definitely a learning curve LOL) but omg slay you’re outperforming people living in the motherland!! That’s honestly really impressive, do you get to speak it frequently?

Snuffy’s backstory is actually so sad I can’t :(( also the SONG CHOICE??? Bye. But this is why I can’t even say “no one dies in soccer anymore” man

NO FR you know it’s bad when I’m impressed by a healthy family in bllk shdshhs HAHA FAIR TRADE INDEED o7 I have chapter 2 ready it was longer than I expected but I sped up the process using dictation as I read it LMAOAO so again if you catch any typos or weird punctuation lmk LOL (when I tell you I almost died dictating this I LAUGHED and reacted like omfg and it caught me saying that and wrote it down but ANGWAYS I’m not sure anything is beating this chapter) I know I said summary earlier but I don’t think I’m capable of doing that LMAOA so this is basically just the entire chapter I just reformatted it in a kinda summary like format because I don’t wanna keep pausing to type so many quotation marks HAHAHA anyways enjoy! I’ll come back to discuss after you read it so I don’t spoil anything yet hehe

Signing off early so it doesn’t weirdly attach to the end of the LN section LOL

-Karasu anon

2-Honor Student:

In elementary school, Kenyu was an honor student. Although he was a little cowardly, he was first and foremost, a kind, hard-working kid. he always did his homework and happily greeted everyone. Got along well with his peers and never fought. He was someone that both his classmates and teachers could rely on. When it was time to choose class president, Tomoda nominated him, and everyone joined in agreeing to nominating Kenyu. But after half a year, something shocking had occurred.

Little by little Kenyu had become better friends with his seatmate Tomoda, frequently going to his house after school. Tomoda had a kind sister three years their senior. She would often give them candy and play games with them. One day, Kenyu had gone over to play with Tomoda, to be told by his older sister that he hadn’t gotten home yet and was possibly taking a detour. She told Kenyu to go ahead and wait upstairs for him, but he wondered if maybe he was meeting with other friends in the park. He wondered if he too should go to the park, but it’d be troublesome if he had assumed incorrectly. While he was lost in his thoughts, Tomoda’s sister suddenly came up to him and brushed away his bangs. His hair had always been soft, and his mom had always helped him style it, so the Tomoda’s sister had always complemented him, saying his hair made him look so handsome like a model. It wasn’t unusual for her to touch his hair, but that wasn’t all that happened that day. In addition, she kissed his forehead. His eyes widened as his brain was left short-circuiting. “Huh?”

“My beloved Kenyu, let’s play together” she had said with sparkling eyes. Kenyu could feel his heart racing. “…I’ve gotta go to the park..!” His face turned bright red and he ran out. He didn’t end up, going to the park, but instead of ran back home to his room, waiting for his racing heart to still.

“My beloved Kenyu” He had repeated her words in his mind. he didn’t really understand it all, but he was happy that she said she liked him. He was a bit embarrassed, though that she had kissed him. He thought himself, “I’m never telling anyone about this.”

The handsome class president and honor student. By the time he became a second year, he had grown taller, adding to his versatility in giving him athletic potential. as he continued growing, he came to be one of the tallest in his grade. He was fast at running, and he was always the last one left in dodgeball. Then, of course, came Sports Day. After comparing all the times in their PE Class, Kenyu’s high ranking had gotten him chosen for the relay race. Everyone was in agreement. He was tall, fast and the perfect fit for the job. He was to be the anchor for the relay race. Was it really all right for him to play such an important role? he felt a bit uneasy, but he would give his best once again for the people relying on him. Until the day of the sports festival, Kenyu would run every day. He’d wake up early to run and practice dashes on the field after school. Every Sunday, he’d have his father time him. Finally, it was time for the class relay. Under the clear sky, the fastest runners would compete while the cheer squads cheered them on. Kenyu’s class, 2-1, however, would compete in vain. After each grouping, members of his team would slip down the ranks. By the time Kenyu got the baton he was in last place. There is a huge gap between him and the top, all the people running in front of him are the fastest in their class after all. But Kenyu had to try his best. Everyone had chosen him as anchor after all. He steadily started accelerating, passing by another player in just a quick moment. With his large physique moving vigorously and his feet firmly stomping against the ground, he gradually closed the gap between the other runners. His classmates all cheered for him, and as they continued supporting him, he continued gaining speed. Even the announcer from the broadcasting club got caught up in the excitement. With the loud cheers under the blue sky, Kenyu passed the final goal, bursting past the four other racers and finishing first. It’s the first time he’d ever run so fiercely. His chest heaved as he caught his breath. Kenyu had finished first for the sixth graders. His classmates had showered him with praise, wearing a big smiles on their faces as they crowded around him. Kenyu thanked them for their support, feeling that their cheers had powered him on. Kenyu was honest and sincere. He didn’t know he could run that fast. It’s because everyone had believed in him that he was able to discover a new part of him. To Kenyu, it was an incredibly joyous moment. A few days after that, when he got home, a shiny soccer ball was waiting for him in the doorway. Kenyu was surprised and had wondered what it was for. His parents had thought it would be good for him to give soccer a try, seeing how he was so fast. It would make him more popular too. After seeing that their child had such amazing speed they suggested that he try out a sport and bought him a soccer ball. Of course his mother also wanted to see him popular. Immediately, Kenyu went outside and tried kicking the ball. As he ran with the ball, he found that he couldn’t stop. He’d kick it forward and chase after it continuing on. “This is fun!”, he thought to himself. In all honesty, being able to dribble without losing speed is a technique that’s difficult for beginners, but Kenyu, blessed with incredible athletic ability, was able to do it from the start. That’s how Kenyu “met” soccer, his parents had blessed him with the opportunity. As if it was fate, Kenyu found himself absorbed in soccer.

i wonder what sexy soccer even is 😭 like what does it entail yk…HAHA chronically only gang rise 🤩 tumblr truly is the site for people of our kind i love it

the craziest to me is when they freak out about non-teenagers watching shows and writing fics meanwhile they are openly thirsting for old ass characters?? why are you at fourteen writing paragraphs abt every position you want to fuck toji and nanami in 😭😭😭 look i’m not going to judge too harshly because wtvr i get it but also like some of them need to realize that those in glass houses should not be throwing stones

the karasu tabito tag is basically mine atp DJSKDK i think every karasu fan has probably seen at LEAST one or two of my posts (whether it’s a fic or just one of my karasu shitposts)

EXACTLYYYY YOU WILL NEVER CATCH ME BEING AN ANRI there’s only room for one high maintenance person per relationship and that role is fulfilled by me 👆🏻 that’s why my other favs are karasu barou and reo…you know those kings are NOT letting their partners suffer 😫 however in fiction nagi is my squishy cuddly fluffy dog bf so he is still number one in my heart 😩

if it’s isagi i’ll be mad because he doesn’t even feel like he has any interest in being captain 😓 i think aiku could work but agreed we def have to see more of him plus i don’t think he’d be made captain as he’s not an og blue locker yk?? OMG but if the trend continues we should be able to manifest karasu as captain…holding a prayer circle now 🕯️🕯️🕯️ (lowkey it would be funny if ego made like kurona or niko captain just because they’re the only ones that aren’t batshit insane and typically keep their speeches and vocab relatively normal 😭)

the way eita didn’t think she’d check if they were actually on sale too is so funny like she’s been dying to go there did you think she wouldn’t go and ask if the sale was still going on?! SO not slick omg i love him though…but $50 FJKSKS idek where he got that type of money from

i do enjoy writing a good old dumb/oblivious reader every now and again but i do think they have to be done right to feel believable!! personally all of my y/ns and mcs are based off of aspects of my own personality — some closer to my actual self than others ofc — which i think makes it easier to flesh them out because it’s just like “okay what would i do in that situation” LMAOO most of my side character ocs are based off of people i know too which again makes it easier to make them feel complex because it’s like “right so how would ___ react to that happening to them”…sometimes they end up not even being that similar (tullia in pomegranate ink is NOTHING like my irl best friend that she’s “based off of”) but just thinking of them as real people helps me treat them as such in the narrative!!

haha yes everyone does start somewhere so i never try to hate to their faces but i think it’s okay to acknowledge a general trend/pattern!! like there’s a difference between saying “your specific fic sucks i hate how you wrote your main character” versus being like “i think a lot of fics in x fandom have this problem with characterization”!! to me it’s not hate because people can decide whether that applies to them or not yk?? and yeah the wattpad uwu mcs are truly smth…or the ones that are meant to be “badass” but are really just loud/rude/make overly sexual jokes and swear a lot 😭 a lot of the times at first it’s easy to make characters as stereotypes/caricatures of themselves or have them composed of cliches but i do think most people grow out of it i quickly!! just a phase we must all go through i suppose…i will be the first to say i was cringe when i started writing that’s why half of my old works are private now 😩

HAHA OUTPERFORMING INDEED it’s so funny whenever i visit india my relatives tell me it looks like my voice is being dubbed over because i speak such good hindi but i’m very pale by indian standards so i look like a foreigner 😭 which omg ik that’s such a stereotypical thing to be saying like “no i don’t look like my race” when you very obviously do but just this last january i visited india for the first time in six years and people IN INDIA (including literally people i’m related to) thought i was either irani, afghani, or from spain 😓 they’d get jumpscared when i’d speak to them in hindi KSDJKSAN their lives would flash before their eyes as they tried to remember if they had talked shit abt me 😩 i speak it a bit at home and with all of my extended family that’s kind of the only language they know so when i call them i speak it!! i also just have a really really good memory (hence the lack of studying) so i don’t forget things which helps me pick up languages rlly quickly

SNUFFY’S BACKSTORY KILLS ME it’s so sad yet also realistic??? like it really feels like smth that could’ve happened irl yk (idk if it’s based off of smth or not) but on the other hand yuki’s is so normal i love it 😍 the fact that he got into soccer in such an average and chill way too LMAOAOAO my unproblematic goat!! although the sister thing is so funny…i’m assuming this is a different friend’s older sister than the one he fell in love with at age 10 because according to egoist bible she was 16 😭 and this girl is only three years older than him so they must be diff?? lowkey crazy as hell omg even in elementary school yuki was pulling 😰 i always interpreted those two facts (his first love was his friend’s 16 year old sister and his first confession was when his friend’s sister kissed him on the forehead) as being abt the same person and it being like the 16 year old sister was just kissing him because he was a cute little kid and he misinterpreted it/got embarrassed because he had a crush on her if that makes sense?? but ig they’re different people entirely!!

[stargazingcarol]

Into the blue, out of the blue.

Part one: Into the blue.

CHAPTER 3

Pairing: Jake Lockley x reader, Marc Spector x reader, Steven Grant x reader

Summary: You meet your neighbor and you're pretty sure he's American. But why is it that the next times you see eachother he speaks in a British accent. As you keep meeting you start falling for Steven. And then he disappears for a while and he's back and he tells you about Marc. But he also tells you about Layla. You really like Steven but now he's kinda married? What now?

Trigger warnings for the series: mental health problems, angst with a happy ending, fluff, slowburn. (A/N: i may add more warnings as the fic procedes).

A/N: In this chapter we see a little bit more of readers...problems. the moon knight system is not the only one with mental health problems/trauma. If anyone has any questions about the story my askbox is always open! Thanks for reading and also i DON'T do taglists. Sorry about that!

Chapter 3

Was it normal for a pair of people to become friends so fast? You kept asking yourself that. Was it weird that you were neighbors? You tried to shake the feeling that being friends with your neighbor was weird. Dr Williams told you it was fine, that friendships start at the oddest of places. That had made you sigh and stop your overthinking most of the time, sometimes it started up again but her words came to the front of your mind like a lullaby and you nodded like she was there saying them to you in real time.

As much as Steven had wormed himself into your life in the past few weeks, you could also feel him distancing himself, unwillingly it seemed. Almost not even noticeable by him.

He was missing more and more friend dates and sometimes you could cover for him, as in, lying to him, but other times you couldn't.

And you had to witness Steven's face falling, turning sad, distressed, sour. You tried to cheer him up sometimes but most of the time you couldn't. You will talk and his mind will be elsewhere. And you knew by the distanced stare he had, away from you, sometimes behind you, or other times at your eyes but he wasn't there, he was somewhere else and it was a little weird. You had to snap your fingers to get his attention. He would smile awkwardly and you would bite your lip and before he could say he was sorry for zoning out you would go back to your story.

Maybe his bad sleeping habits were getting to him.

You loved talking to Steven. You seemed to have lots of stories throughout your life and Steven just seemed to have facts about random things. He was very smart but he didn't seem like he had lived a lot. Which was weird because he was older than you. But you didn't question it.

The rare times he talked about his life he would talk about his mum, how good she was, making him his favorite foods and helping him colour drawings. Those seemed to be stories mostly from his childhood, though. It wasn't much detail but you treasure it with your heart.

The last thing he told you about her was that she seemed to be traveling, she sent him postcards here and there, telling him about her travels and how much she loved him.

The things about friendships was that at some point you started doing domestic stuff.

When Steven didn't work on Saturdays he would wake you up, completely cheerful and tell you it was cleaning time.

And one thing about depression was that sometimes you couldn't make yourself do stuff. Anything.

You were better yes, in a better mental state than years ago but even now sometimes you just couldn't make yourself clean your apartment.

"At least make me breakfast first." You had said the first time. With a tiny smirk as you hid behind the bedsheets, you had taken the sheets off of you and when you got out of the bed and looked down you had let out a tiny scream.

"I didn't look i swear" Steven said and after taking the pants you left in the floor the night before and putting them on, you burst out laughing and Steven looked between his fingers and slowly chuckled.

You did notice he was red all over his face and your heart soared.

The both of you have also began to go grocery shopping and the both of you have learnt a few things here and there about vegan baking. You have never done that before but it's nothing out of this world, most of the time it tastes very similar to "normal" baking.

Steven has cooked for you a lot, and you're excited to try new things and he is glad when you give him a thumbs up, signaling that you liked it. He always has a separate dish just in case you don't like what he makes you since you're not vegan yourself.

But all of these nice moments are a reminder that Steven did try to kiss you. Right? He hasn't made a move on you again and you can't stop thinking about it. It's there in the back of your mind like an itch you can't scratch.

He didn't seem like himself after it. Like it was a totally different person. How could that be?

Just last week you had gone to visit Steven and you had let yourself in, since a month ago he had told you you can make yourself at home anytime, you had brought popcorn to make in his microwave and a movie to watch in his DVD player.

It was almost nighttime and you had enter talking loudly and when you notice some ruffling, he woke up with a gasp from his bed and you just stared at him with your mouth wide open.

Steven needed like a second to know where he was and when he noticed you were in his apartment with a bag of popcorn looking at him. No. You were looking at his ankle restraint. Your eyes going between that and the sand.

He stared at you in what looked like panic and you closed your mouth, left the popcorn and movie in his desk and went over to his bed. You sat down and looked at him intently.

"Steven, are you sure you're okay? What's with the uh--" you looked at his ankle restraint, then to him. "Sand"

You looked genuinely curious and not judgemental and he gulped.

"I still feel-- I feel like, like I'm falling apart. Like my life is not my own anymore. I don't remember a lot of what's going on and I'm sure you're lying to me about some missed dates." He watches as you flinch at his words. "I'm sorry I'm sorry. I know if you're lying to me you must be doing it for my own good but I'm not sure that's good either. And i want to be okay but I'm not--I'm not sure what to do at this point" His hands go to the sides of his head and he pulls on his curls and you shush him, he sobs and you grab both of his hands softly letting go of his curls. he lets out a few sobs here and there and you wrap your hands around his.

"I'm not sure what to say, but I'm guessing it's become worse? Your sleeping habits?" You tilt your head a little and he looks at you with tears in his eyes.

"Yeah" he looks at your hands and starts to move his fingers against yours, caressing them. "I think i started sleep walking..." He whispers.

"What if you slept with me tonight? Or are you not sleepy anymore. Sorry I woke you up by the way." You make a face and he chuckles, he brushes his tears away.

"It's okay. I think... I think a distraction will be good. What movie did you bring?" He gives you the tiniest of smiles and your heart hurts so much for him.

You don't want to bring seeing up a therapist, you know not everyone likes hearing those words said to them. And you don't know how he will react if they come out of your mouth.

You don't know what to do. You're on a tough spot but at least the best you can do right now is be a good friend. A good neighbor.

So you excitedly get out of his bed and grab the movie, showing it to him. "Ta-da. It's the most best horrible disaster movie ever. 2012. Critics hated it and people got anxiety attacks from it. But don't worry it's mostly because it's about the supposed end of the world predicted by the Mayans. And that didn't happen so it seems silly now. But if you don't wanna watch it it's okay maybe we can watch something else--"

"I wanna see it. It's one of your favorites right?" He looks at you so tenderly it makes you want to take a picture.

His curls are on his forehead and there's still a bit of red in his eyes. There's a bit of hair on his chin and jaw that you know he will want to shave later. You wished, oh so desired, he would leave his beard grow. You bet he looked really... nice. Just imagining him with a mustache is making your toes curl and your breathing go faster than normal.

The question comes back to the front of your mind: does he like you? Yes or no?

**

"I guess that's what has happened lately in my life" you clap your hands on your legs, you feel the fabric of your jeans and pick on it. You're not looking Dr. Williams in the eyes. You know what she's about to ask you.

Dr. Williams hums and leans back on her chair, she looks intently at you, you can feel her stare on you but you're looking at the plushie on your side of the sofa you're sitting on. A monkey with a little blue jacket.

"By the way you're avoiding my gaze, I'm guessing you know what I'm about to ask you." You finally look at her and she's smiling, not in a bad intent way or anything. She's just, smiling.

You sigh and look at your fingers, your chipped nail polish being a distraction for a second before you look at her.

"I don't like him. I don't. I swear." You say.

"Like that?"

"Yeah like that. He's my friend. Nothing more. I was just curious to if he was going to kiss me or not" you keep avoiding her eyes and she lets out a chuckle.

From the corner of your eye, you see her adjust her glasses.

"And if he kissed you, would you have kissed him back?" That question makes you flinch.

You had been open to friendship, with anyone. You liked making friends. You didn't have much of those here after moving to London a few years ago. And making friends in your twenties is hard no matter what anyone says. But you weren't too...keen on liking someone again. Not after so so so many years of not liking anyone. Not after so much sadness that was brought to you by your sad teenage years.

You didn't think you were ready to face this part yet. You didn't want another....unrequited love added to the long list of unrequited loves that trailed behind you like a tail.

"No-- Maybe? NO. Absolutely not. No. No" You furrow your eyebrows in thought and Dr. Williams hums again.

"I sense some hesitancy in you. Do you want my opinion?"

You stay silent, looking at her shoes, black loafers that shine under the white light of her office. "On if I like him?" You mumble.

"Yes."

"I don't think so." You decide. But even if she doesn't say it you know what she would've told you. You could hear it in her voice in your head and everything. 'In my opinion, i think you do like him. And that's nothing to be ashamed for. He seems like a nice fellow. He may even like you--' LIES. You did NOT like him. And he did not like you. End of story.

"Well. Maybe you should reevaluate your feelings for him." Dr. Williams says and you groan, glaring at her and she chuckles. "Just saying. I'm your doctor after all. I'm supposed to give you tips on how to deal with stuff but if you won't admit some things then we can't move forward."

She gets up and leaves her file about you on the desk next to her. She fixes her clothes and turns to look at you. You're looking at her with an unreadable look on your face. Eyes distant. She sighs and sits down next to you, she moves the monkey plushie and she's about to put it away but decides against it. She grabs your hands and places the monkey and instantly you hold tightly to it.

"Liking someone is not the end of the world. And who knows, maybe he will end up liking you. And if it doesn't work out we can work through it. Me and you, together." She lays a hand on your arm and you look up at her with tears in your eyes that you're trying really hard to not let fall.

"I just don't want to go back to being so... blue, that i can't think, i can't take care of myself, i don't want to be... Depressed." A tear falls from your eye and Dr. Williams hugs you tightly.

It's not the first time she has hugged you but it feels as equally as comforting as it does everytime she does. Which is rarely.

You sigh and silently pray it's going to be okay. That you're going to be fine. And if not that Dr. Williams will help you if needed.

**

Sighing, you stare at your door for a moment, deep in thought. Lots of things are going through your mind. Lots of what if's. Good and bad if's. You shake your head trying to get rid of it. You don't want to think, you don't want to do anything but you need a distraction.

Taking the keys out of your pocket, you turn the lock and step in.

Just as you step in you feel something crumble under your shoe. You look down and move your foot, to see a paper on the wooden floors. You pick it up.

I will be gone for a few. Don't wait up for me. I'll come back.

- Steven

You furrow your eyebrows. Few? Few days? Weeks? Months? What the fuck?

[anewp0tat0]

interest pole for possible event

due to biby's post, we ended up discussed something that I've wanted to do for quite some time, and that may be fun to do now for the 200th chapter of Black Butler. there may not be enough time for it though, so I wanted to start by explaining and seeing how people may respond to it.

the idea is basically this: a Finish The Story game, but in the form of writing, drawing, even cosplaying, any form of art that you would like to participate with. the goal is that everyone will be put in a random order, and each person would make atleast 1 page of the chapter. you would tell the person behind you in the order how you plan your page to end, and then that person would plan out their own page, and then so on, until we reach the last page. the result will hopefully be something fun and kinda weird!

it's a messy idea, but I already know some people that think it's fun, and that makes me glad!

please be sure before clicking, I would love to get an accurate assessment. it doesn't matter what you view your skill level as, I would love everyone to participate. as I've said, I know getting enough people(atleast 14, about the length of current chapters ;v;) and then finishing a page each would be very hard to do before the 18th, and maybe even the month. but if there's enough interest, then I atleast know I can shelve the idea for some other time!

[magicalgirlmindcrank]

Trying to process how we feel about the Boo saga still. So here's a buncha of unoriginal thoughts since it's dragon ball and every opinion imaginable has been voiced ad nauseum by now.

So Saiyaman at the start sees dragon ball returning to it's early roots as a gag comic and such but it lasts like all of what? Six chapters? There's an interesting bit of Gohan training Videl who's an outsider to all the Z fighter stuff and trying to live a 'normal' life besides being so fundamentally different. This is honestly maybe the highlight of the entire post Cell saga for us? It's just really charming and cute and we would have read another 20 chapters of this.

Then we just get some bad guys and tone shift by giving Videl a harsh shove out of any plot relevancy, and it's taking itself seriously again. The line about Vegeta saying he let himself be possessed so he can go back to the way he used to be feels odd as does that whole plot, but people have wanted a rematch between them since the Saiyan arc so whatever. It's fine that his character development gets completely binned for a little ig as his following exit makes up for it.

From there though, things just start really falling apart

Boo himself is this weird mix of gag comic early dragon ball, but trying to fill the shoes off a Frieza or Cell type. There's some moments where the terror he presents is genuine, like when he starts just eating entire cities and then wiping them off the map, but then they have that stuff with Gohan and all the Gotenks shenanigans and it's just like??? And the story feels like it wants to be about the old guard helping the new step up before stepping aside, even stating as much several times, only to bring Goku and Vegeta back anyways and then it's just letting Goku handle it. Being succeeded by the next generation is also just a plot line they already did excellently in the Cell saga and trying to reprise it here only to flinch makes them both weaker.

It was kinda nice to let Mr Satan get an actual hand on the ball and be responsible for saving the world/ universe, and to see the spirit bomb actually work. Seeing old faces then was good too, as well as most of the ending, even if 'Oob' feels a bit silly himself.

Also Super Saiyan 3 looks lame as hell

[dexare]

[COR: SHESHA CLEPSYDRA - CF/Local:1955] - Part 1 of 3

[Mythology Analysis - by Agent [99] of the DieWell Collective] [SEC/00.66.99 Taken Earth]

"....on the way it's spread throughout the system, we estimate....Across the endless cosmos, were stars align-🎶...hm!/hm!/hm!...

99: Kör, you've been taking your time with that. Is it done yet?

Kör: Defragmentation is at 60%. Would you like to see the available data?

🎶🎶🎶

99: What is this Kör?

Kör: According to the information contained in the document, this file contains a song sung by Minueta Jenkins herself alongside several images.

The song is a revision made by Minueta Jenkins of the Folk Song "Braker" witch itself is based on the mythology of the world serpent "SHESHA CLEPSYDRA"..

99: Hmm.. Why would a woman like Minueta ever make a song like this?..

@^#^&##.......&$#^.....

99: Ok, so here it is 98, we'll kinda.. long fulkimg~ story UL-right~~

98: Just hurry up and tell me.

99: Alright, so there's this dragon.. He/she who dafuck knows, it doesn't know how to fly, and obviously, feels pretty sad about it. He travels the world until one day, he straight-up meets a demon.

The demon, unlike 99% of the people, is actually a pretty cool dud, and because he has a few thousand years freed up, he decides hes going to help out the dragon and teach it how to fly.

Now there's a problem the dragon has been roaming around the planet too much. Not only are his bones too heavy, but girl is ripped to kingdom come. He's got mussels for days, way too heavy to ever actually fly.

There's this big ark after that about them meeting different people, and basically, this were this religion gets all it's moral and ideology from. As they search for a way to help the dragon fly, the Dragon meets different kinds of asssholes and obviously end up dying in the most gruesome way possible, basic holy book stuff.

During this ark, you would expect to see the Dragon and the Demon get closer, but you kinda get the vibe that there's a wall between them. On top of that, even though this religion centers around the Dragon, most of what you can call the good parts and lessons come from the Demon, with the dragon being the one that unintentionally starts the problem in the fish place, it not his fault but it almost like everything about the world hates him.

Eventually, though, the demon unlocks a hidden power within himself after having this big enlightenment moment where the Demon becomes an angel again and redeems himself in the eyes of ??? Who dafuck knows? another fucking mystery.

Anyway, thanks to this, he can use his deus machina, magic, bullshit to finally give the dragon the ability to fly.

There, this moment in the book, we're the demon try's to warn the dragon about something inside him, but since were reading the book from the perspective of the dragon, and the dragon doesn't give a fuck. We don't get to know more about this warning. Suffice it to say that the dragon is so hype up about fly that he instantaneously decides to Fly off not even bother to say farewell or thanks to the demon, in fact we never hear about the demon after the Dragon leaves him and we're left to wonder what happened to him.

The book gets pretty weird from this point on. Up until now, the book has been pretty on the level it's a fantasy world, so to us, it looks weird, but to the people of local 1955, all of this sounds as realistic as a history book. The only thing I can maybe compare it to is Revelations from Bible in The Taken Earth. It has that same level of weirdness and metaphoric meaning.

Here also, where the famous song comes in, it's the page before the final chapter of the book. Oh.. and there's something you need to keep in mind. These people are in the medival ages, so keep that in mind while I tell you this next bit.

..The Dragon rises to the sky and chooses to never stop, never wanting for her talons to feel dirt again. He flies hooping to embrace the deep eternal blue, uncaring of the cost to her heart.

The sky's true face is made known to it, and although her eyes flutter, the Dragon gaze could see past a blinding light. Black waters teaming with pearls, that his eye alone could see before him.

Stars that mear mortals could never see as the God's themselves danced around him bound to eternal circles, in the center of witch was heaven. In the far distance, pearls of all colors.

Dancing in paradise, the Dragon was blessed with the heaven's warm embrace as it took hold of him in Ernest...

Bunch of trash after that, then it pick back up back her..

... Leviathan grabbed a hold of the dragon as the heavens themselves casted him away. Rejeted by the heavens, the dragon fell into the tendrils of the great beast, who drug the dragon to the sea.

Dejected as he fell, his mind wondered to the past, rejecting the very concept of his fall. He rose with anger as he battered his body in Rebellion against the world around him.

The dragons mind fractured, having only his promise to hold him true.. piercing the sky, the dragon splinters all of the beasts tendrils as he looks from above, at the body of the great Leviathan. The word itself, as it stood before him, as he vaow to keep his promise, plugging to the ground with such a force that Leviathan body crumbles into dust...

98: I don't know it's kinda hard to fallow the way you're explaining things, man.

99: I know, i know, but we don't care about any of that. Just listen to this last bit, and you'll see what I'm getting at.

..The Dragon rebirth by the orb of Turin was given into the flames of the true heaven's light and grew to understand the lie of the sky. Making a new vaow of chaos, he burned with greater glory than the false heavens and slaughtered the gods as they danced around it.

Surrounded by jewels, the dragon heart was now empty, with her promise fulfilled the dragons fractured mind, was now laid bare to madness. The only hope of escaping to find her past. Traveling to the north, the Dragon found pure light, where nothing existed beyound vail turbulant water. Not the land, nor the jowels could pearce the light, and even as the dragon saw the ocean im rage fighting to get trought the edge of life itself, nothing it could escape the the turbulant waters.

Rebellion.. The Dragon stretched out his wing and, without a thought crossed towards the light.. To the north lays, three pyramids were the Dragon vaows to kill it own past.

98: The Dragon attack the Congregation??

99: Yep, and not just that, I figured out where he ends up. The Dragon ended up on Earth Prime of all places. If we can figure out when, then... you get what I'm saying..

98: Then we can sneak inside and get access to the speakers, private network, holy shit 99..."

[DELUSION] [REBELLION] [JEWELS]

[Personal Device recording of agent 98]

"99: Folk- me man.. he fucking broke again, Ahh..

98: What? Did he overheat again?

99: Yeah, fucker decided to process the the same.. what 12-13 images over 852 times in a row.. fucking idiot.

99: Fuck that like what.. 97 million Aberration tears just for a couples of images. Jesus, he is dumb. "

[FRESH AIR] [MEMORY] [HATRED]

99: I feel like the biggest question about this entire book is the promise the Dragon made. It is pretty obvious to us that the dragon made a promise or, I guess, vaow to Minueta, but I can never see Minute of all people asking the Dragon to destroy a planet.

98: I don't know, but I'd be careful about making assumptions about this. I feel like we don't actually know enough to read into it like this. I read a little yesterday, and I get the feeling the dragon isint as Holy as the book paints him out to be, plus during the ark where the dragon travels with the demon you see him constantly looking for loops holes in arguments. I wouldn't be surprised if Minueta made a totally normal request only for the dragon to twist it for its own needs."

"99: I feel like you're trusting the Contance Foundation and Minueta, too much.

98: Maybe, but like you said, I don't see Minueta of all people asking for the end of some randome planet. By the way, what's up with the wizard dud in the image?

99: Aw yeah, that guy.. the books dosent mention him, but apparently, there's a separate scroll that talks about him. He knows as the Turin of Sahsha as apparently he'd been hunting the dragon until a woman killed him. You can guess who that was.

It pretty gruesome the way she kills him too, reminds me of when the dragon flies back up after being cast down into the ocean, apparently he twisted and contorted his entire body as he flew back up creating a tornado that split appart the planets atmosphere along side its magnetic field. "

98: Jesus man that fucking brutal.. did all of that already happen or is local/1955 still around.

99: On the galactic calendar well.. no, not yet, for us at least. It's still what 2 years out, I think. That is enough time for us to get ready. Apparently, the thing that gets the Contance Foundation to show up on Local/1955 is the arrival of the Phoenix version of the Dragon, so it's one of those loops where time keeps repeating. Works out for us since it gives us the perfect chance to steal from them.

98: Depends.. I'm still looking into what happens during the attack."

CHRONICLES OF REBELLION | FRACTURE [SHESHA CLEPSYDRA PART 1 OF 3]

Chronicles of Rebellion Track 09 - Braker Dans l'ombre des montagnes, un dragon rêve, Des ailes de feu, il désire qu'elles s'élèvent, Un démon bienveillant, avec un sourire, Lui montre les cieux, lui enseigne à s'envoler. Flieg, oh Drache, in den Himmel so weit, Die Sterne rufen, gib deiner Seele das Geleit. Doch in deinem Herzen, ein Schatten so tief, Eine alte Versprechen, das niemand dir schrieb. Il lève son regard, les étoiles scintillent, Un appel mystérieux, une histoire qui brille. Cherchant un destin, illustre et grand, Dans l'infini, il s'élance, le cœur battant. Flieg, oh Drache, die Weite ist klar, Die Hoffnung zu finden, es ist alles so nah. Doch die Stimme der Erinnerung, sie murmure so sacht, Ein ewiges Versprechen, das ihn in sich bewacht. Mais à chaque battement, la promesse résonne, Une chaîne invisible, un poids qu'il frissonne. Il veut l'oublier, fuir cette contrainte, Mais en lui, une flamme, une lutte l’atteinte. Er kämpft gegen das Echo, will die Freiheit spüren, Die Sterne, sie rufen, doch die Fesseln regieren. Im Herzen ein Sturm, die Dunkelheit weicht, Doch die Stimme der Treue, die niemals vergeicht. Alors il se rappelle, de son serment ancien, Le voler est un art, mais le cœur a son chemin. Dans un geste de foi, il choisit d’obéir, Plongeant dans la terre, décidé à périr. Mit einem lauten Donnerschlag bricht er die Erde, Die Maßen zerfällt, und die Sterne vergerben. Sein Herz schlägt schnell, in der Dunkelheit weit, Er hatte gewählt, in der Stille der Zeit. Il a volé, même au prix de sa chute, Sa promesse le guide, sa peur l’influte. Le dragon renaît, de ses cendres, il s’élève, Un destin trouvé, comme un souffle en trêve. Flieg, oh Drache, zurück zu dir selbst, In der Dunkelheit strahlst du, wie ein Licht in der Welt. Sein Versprechen nun stark, führt ihn zur Ruh, Der Drache, der fliegt, ist endlich er selbst, im neuen Licht, im neuen Flug.

[basedkikuenjoyer]

If Only There Were a Word to Describe the Enormity

Big doesn't quite cut it. So things went a different route, but walking a line along what our less recent arrivals did. This is a big, huge (no that isn't it) chapter for the Nika mythos. Sets the stage for a divine presence to cap off the end of another's story. I definitely feel that vibe with Bonney's role in all this, what a turning point and one that definitely reminds me a lot of little Otama. We've been here before with trying to predict Egghead. Opting for repetition of core themes, doubling down on what we had and making it bigger in scope over moving towards resolution. Interesting crossroads. This could swiftly turn towards that surface-level resolution but honestly I wouldn't be surprised at this point if we spin our wheels for a little more then go into that third cutaway, ending up with an arc around WCI-length.

The hook is an idea we're familiar with. Keep your eye on Luffy. Never see his eyes, how he just kinda leaps back in leaving this little gap about being fed and ending up downstairs unresolved. Mostly though, he's full-blown teeheemaxxing in a dire moment. Which is on brand for Nika but our whole idea is there's an undertone based on the notion the drawback to G5 is losing control. It all goes back to that observation our finale could be constructed a little more like a YuYu Hakusho type series than other shonen; you've gotten your ultimate power a little early because our ending will be more about learning to control it.

Oh hey, these guys. Seriously...nice. The Giants are very important to my fandom. Y'all know how much I love Miss Goldenweek and by extension Little Garden. Oimo & Kashi are where I caught up the first time. I remember being about two weeks away from starting freshman year of high school at the tail end of a summer binging the hell out of so many anime thanks to this newfangled DSL high speed internet. The way that came up again blew my mind, and seeing Dorry & Brogy almost twenty years later is so damn cool it makes me forget all about the not being the Grand Fleet aspect.

I mean, that was always just a specific and early guess. They still have sprinkled into these cutaway segments though. This pair just saw the paper and hurried over. Maybe they were expecting Luffy to head to Elbaf next after his time in Wano? Which is a very interesting concept when we've talked about Egghead being a somewhat "lateral" move with no clear goal set to advance our main progress through the Grand Line.

It's also pretty interesting to blend two long-running threads through this Nika lore. How do Bonney/Kuma & the giants intersect? Does it reinforce the need to pop the mystique of the spectacle? Does Luffy jump from one legendary story to another? The Fleet was the way to end it here. The giants tease it out more. At least as long as Shanks isn't following. But there's one last little element that makes me interested in the undertone like always, as we started off pointing out how that's still very much an element if you watch for it:

Robonosuke! Interesting how he's finally coming back around. It does look like he's reacting to the heartbeat but I'd point out we did let most of the chapter roll before showing this when Luffy went G5 at the start. The idea was always asking if that's a potential blip of something weird. The kicker with the Giants to me is how Dorry and Brogy seem to both be coming for Luffy and for the Sun God. We'll talk a lot more about them tomorrow and especially a titanic (oooh, yeah that's the stuff) wrinkle all around our beloved Strawhat Sniper Usopp I feel silly for not thinking of already. It's justified through what we learn of Elbaf in the Big Mom flashback.

Oddly enough, gets me right back to where I felt about Bonney right around the time this arc started. Remember? We're puzzled about Kiku's odd ending to Wano and all of a sudden Bonney picks up those threads in a big way. Now moving into more of that alternate protag space a lot like Yamato. Never forget, we know there was a rewrite behind that hiatus for a reason. So now...even if it's not the Fleet I can't help but notice how Dorry and Brogy specifically amplify the same ideas.

Either way, Robonosuke is coming online. We still have a little weirdness in the gaps. I'm curious as hell were it's all leading so bring on the big bois.