#secretsongdeer

[zephyrcove]

Lol no, It isn't on you cause I should have just read it later, but I couldn't keep myself from it. Anyways the next prompt: "I'm sorry- will you just listen to me, please" I'm in the mood for angst lol. Ily 😘😁

One serving of angst for you K, freshly beta’d by the phenomenal @theroomofreq

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Trust

Lily tore down the corridor after him, first years jumping aside as she went forward, tunnel-vision in high gear. Following the tail of his cloak as he whipped around a corner, she just barely caught him slipping behind a Gryffindor tapestry on the left side of the hall, the heavy fabric hitting the stone walls with a thwap as he disappeared. Steeling herself, her brow creasing in determination, she sidestepped a Ravenclaw and glanced behind her before grabbing the embroidered Godric by the ankle and stepping into the secret passage.

Her hurried footsteps fell heavily in the echo of the tunnel until she paused, realizing hers were the only set she could hear. Closing her eyes tightly and letting out a sharp, frustrated exhale, she turned back towards the soft glow peeking through the edges of the tapestry and walked slowly back down the passage, trailing her fingers along the cobbled walls as she went. Halfway back, her right hand met the resistance of invisible fabric and her fingers grasped at it as James pulled out from under it, his pace frenzied as he stormed toward the exit.

“James!” The invisibility cloak limp in her hand, she chased after him, desperate to catch up before he made it back into the traffic of the main corridor. 

“I’m sorry––will you just listen to me, please.” Something in her tone must have struck a chord in him because his heavy footsteps halted about two feet from the opening. Lily looked on as James kept his back to her, hands in his hair, and heard the shaky sigh he let out before turning back toward her.

Lily’s eyes shone with a hint of tears as she stepped toward him gently, reaching a hand out to brush his shoulder. He kept his eyes on the floor but let her hand rest there.

“James, I’m–I’m so sorry love. I know we talked about… about not engaging with them when we’re alone––and you’ve been so good about it...” She shifted the cloak in her grasp and took a shuffling step closer before she went on. “I just––couldn’t let them get away with it. Again. I didn’t mean to keep it from you, I wasn’t hiding that it happened, I just knew that it would hurt and I didn’t want you to feel that way.”

He lifted his eyes to meet hers, glinting in the low light of the hallway. “Well I am feeling that way, so what good did keeping it from me do? What good did getting Remus to keep it from me do?” The hurt in his voice was clear and Lily held back the tears that were threatening to spill over her lashes as she listened. “I know it hurts to hear them say that shit, I respect you for protecting him and standing up for yourself but–– God, Lily, every time I think about you facing them alone––the things they could do to you on the off chance you’re too outnumbered to have a chance––it makes my heart stop. When Sirius told me today that they’d come after you again––that I wasn’t there to protect two of the most important people in my life––it wasn’t anger that crossed my mind first, it was fear. Fear for what could have been and for what could have happened to you.”

“I know,” Lily’s voice was quiet as she spoke, her exhale trembling as she met his eyes again.

“And then there was anger, anger at them for fucking thinking about laying a spell on you and Re, anger at Remus for keeping it from me, and anger at you for breaking one of the most important rules of trust that we have with each other. No matter what.” He paused to look right at her, his hand coming up to caress her hair and his forearm resting on her shoulder. “No matter what, we don’t engage with them without each other. Without backup. I know Remus was there and I know you can hold your own, but we promised Lily. And every day we get closer and closer to a world where we can’t just hide out in secret passages and wait for each other, where we’ll have to stand and fight and kill and die without each other and I––” His breath was shaky as he too had tears in his eyes. The burning behind his stare pierced her heart, all the feelings he had for her splayed out before her in one overwhelming look like light through a prism. 

“I’m scared of that world Lily. I’m not ready for it. I know I walk around like I can’t wait to get out there and take a stand, which of course I’m going to do but, I’m not really ready. To let go of you or Sirius, to not be with Remus when he needs me, to not be there for Pete? To put the Order and the war above my family? That scares the shit out of me. So while we’re here, relatively safe in the walls of school and childhood, I can’t risk anything happening. I can’t.”

Lily inhaled softly, letting the cloak fall to the floor as she brought her hands to cup his face, the warmth of his cheeks seeping into her chilled fingers as she prompted him to meet her eye. “I know love. I’m scared too. We all are. We’re just children, no matter what Dumbledore says, or the climate of the Wizarding World demands. No matter how brave you are J, you shouldn’t have to be a soldier this young.” She rested her forehead against his and breathed along with him, allowing them to feel each other’s presence, there and alive. 

“And I never meant to hurt you by fighting back. I know I could have walked away, let Remus whisk me into one of you lots’ secret holes in the wall. But the things they said cut me, and I was tired and mad and I looked up at him and his snivelling face and I––I couldn’t back down. I couldn’t let them have this one. So I swore and I hexed them and then I whisked Remus away and we ran back to the tower––and I knew I had broken our promise and I begged him not to say, begged him to give me some time to figure out how to tell you.” Lily’s hands trailed down his sides, ghosting over his shoulders and down his arms until their hands gripped each other desperately. “I love you and I trust you and I know today I broke your trust but believe me, I understand the fear. In more ways than you’ll ever know. And I love you and your exploding hero complex for wanting to save me now and after school, but this is something… something that we both have to work through. Something I want to work through.” 

James dropped their hands and pulled her into him, tucking Lily into his chest with as much gentle force as he could. She felt the wetness that had been lurking in her eyes stain his shirt as she hugged him back, but she didn’t care. Her arms tucked under his, gripping his shoulders like a lifeline, and his strong arms held her there, safe and protected. He tucked her head under his chin, and she felt his cheek press into the crown of her head as she held on.

They stayed like this for a moment before Lily pulled back just slightly, tilting her head to look up at him with her chin on his chest. “James it’s something we’ll have to work through, but it doesn’t have to be now.” Her voice carried softly up to him and his eyes shone. “I’m sorry I broke your trust. It won’t happen again.” 

His eyes fluttered shut as he pressed a gentle but passionate kiss to her lips. “I love you, you know that, Evans?”

Lily allowed a smile to tug at the corner of her mouth. “I know, love.”

“And I trust you. I do. I just can’t bear the thought of losing you.” He brushed hair back off her face with both hands as her hands clasped around his waist. 

“You won’t James. Not while I have any say in the matter.”

-

[clare-with-no-i]

HELLOOOO you changed your the picture (the profile picture???) !!!!!

hello!!!!!!! And yes I did!! So did you I believe? 👀👀👀👀

[thejilyship]

🌻💫💛✨This is the Amazing Person Award! Once you are given this award you are supposed to paste it in the ask of eight different people, who, in your opinion, deserve it. If you break the chain nothing will happen, but it is sweet to know someone thinks you’re amazing inside and out ✨💛💫🌻💜

Thank you Katie! 

[atalienart]

Hey! I really love your art soo much and just wanted to tell that 💕💛💛. Hope you are safe!!

Thank you! I have an art crisis these days so it’s nice to hear that ❤️

[theroomofreq]

Hello!!! How're you???

Hi!! I’m doing good! On break from classes and spending lots of time outside, reading, and writing! Thanks for checking in on me :’)

How are you ??

[incorrecthpjo]

hey!!! We didn't ever talk, but your beautiful and i love you :)

Thank you and love you too!!!

[chierafied]

🌻💫💛✨This is the Amazing Person Award! Once you are given this award you are supposed to paste it in the ask of eight different people, who, in your opinion, deserve it. If you break the chain nothing will happen, but it is sweet to know someone thinks you’re amazing inside and out ✨💛💫🌻💜

Awww, thank you so much, Katie! You are such a sweetheart! 💕

[emptysatellite]

YOU JUST SAW ME!!!! (i unfollowed you while i was trying to ask ugh) !!!!!! back to the point YOU JUST SAW MEEEEEEEEEEEE @katiee836 (ABSOLUTELY CANNOT BELIEVE THIS ASDFGHJKL)

AHHHHH YOURE SO PRETTY!! ALTHOUGH IM NOT SURE IF YOU HAD MEANT TO REBLOG OFF THE OTHER ACCOUNT, LIKE IS IT OK THAT I SAW IT LOL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS YOU AT FIRST

[tiffanytoms]

I swear you made me cry with the last chapter. I mean I probably cried during the entire fic. But then I expected it, kind of. But this time, nope wasn't expecting it at all. Like at all!!! But I live you, and fingers crossed for Avery Senior's death in a cave full of horses

Oh wow, cave full of horses? I’ve never heard that before!

Sorry I made you cry 😢 but don’t worry, I have Lily’s revenge all planned out and I’m very excited about it.

[moonawrites]

Happy Birthday!!!!!

Thank you!

[siriuslychessi]

🌻💫💛✨This is the Amazing Person Award! Once you are given this award you are supposed to paste it in the ask of eight different people, who, in your opinion, deserve it. If you break the chain nothing will happen, but it is sweet to know someone thinks you’re amazing inside and out ✨💛💫🌻💜

[zephyrcove]

Hello!! Hope you didn't forget me and ily bye

I didn’t forget! Schools been picking up and I’ve been away from tumblr and writing for a bit :) I appreciate your asks and tags friend :)

[clare-with-no-i]

heyyy it's meee, i'm back for a while but forget that. WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?! I'M BLOWING HERE, WHYYYYYY DO I ALWAYS BE AN UNAVAILABLE IDIOT AGHNJHGFRTGYH I AM SO SORRY, IT'S BEEN AGES SINCE I EVEN READ FANFICTION AND EVEN MORE SINCE I COMMENTED (read: screamed) in your inbox I AM SO SORRY EDRTFGHGFCGHJHB I feel like such a little shit (ignore the excessive usage of colorful language please, thank you) OKAY SO, IGNORE THE IDIOT WHO COPIED(Continued in another ask because this has a limit wtf man)

RIGHT, i'm back SO, I'M TRYING TO SAY THAT I WANT TO LEAVE A GIANT SCREAMING COMMENT AND THEN WE CAN BOTH SCREAM TOGETHER BUT I LOVE YOU AND YOU ARE AMAZING LEND ME SOME TIME BYE (also i'm scared to open my inbox saaaaaaaave meeeeeeeeeeeee)

--

lol this made me chuckle. please don’t apologize!! you have absolutely nothing to apologize for, bb! you are all good and trust me I have had many people screaming in my inbox!! it’s great.

thank you for this VERY CAPS LOCK support - I am forever grateful for your consistent and long-suffering kindness with my works and blog. You’re such a gem! x

[all-things-jily]

🌻💫💛✨This is the Amazing Person Award! Once you are given this award you are supposed to paste it in the ask of eight different people, who, in your opinion, deserve it. If you break the chain nothing will happen, but it is sweet to know someone thinks you’re amazing inside and out ✨💛💫🌻💜

Aaaalkdhslfh!! You’re the best! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[babybirdling]

Scarf, Candles, Blankets, Fireworks, Bonfire, Pie 💜💕💕 eep

4. Scarf- do you like cold weather?

Only if it’s in the autumn season

5. Candles- do you have a bedtime routine?

Yes, and it’s pure chaos

6. Blankets- how tidy is your room?

Depends on how I’m feeling, but most of the time it’s tidy

7. Fireworks- what is your favourite colour?

Rose gold, midnight blue, obsidian black and crystalline green

10. Bonfire- what is the name of the last playlist you made?

13. Pie- if you could have any food right now, what would you have?

Carrots

[naireides]

This is the Love SLAP Raid Chain, send this to all of your favorite blogs that you think deserve to hear these encouraging words. In return we ask that those blogs send it to their favorite blogs as well. It's December, everybody deserves to hear a few words of encouragement no matter if you're a small or big account. So let's all fill your dash with positivity these last few weeks of 2020. You are amazing. You matter. You are loved. You deserve to have an amazing month 💚

you’re so sweet, thank you!!