#scully <3 scully with a gun threatening violence <33

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s6 episode 5 thoughts

we are BACK tonight to see how scully can save the day, as mulder is still stuck in another guy’s body!!! which is deeply stressful for everyone involved, myself included.

i hope that whatever it is you have to do to fix this problem, it isn’t too painful.

if anyone can figure out how to solve a time warp, it’s gonna be scully, so he should be in good hands. idgaf about morris though. after he gets back into his own body, perhaps we should consider tarring and feathering him.

post-episode thoughts: the ending of this episode raises a great question- if my forgiveness of mulder was based on him atoning for his crimes, where does that leave us now? much to ponder...

and will how will his apartment look the next time we see it?!

back to the recap of last episode. we begin with the scene of him yelling and screaming that morris isn’t him!!

ooo! we get to see mulder’s info in the x files!!!

he was born in chilmark, and his mother’s name is “teena kuipers”. huh; when his mother’s name was mentioned in kitsunegari, the subtitles had it spelled as “tina”. this is interesting, but probably means nothing. quick question: which way do the fans spell it? i need to not make a fool of myself

he lives in virginia!!! in alexandria!! i don’t know where that is, so that doesn’t really mean anything anyway. 

he was born on october 13th, which i find a very appropriately spooky day.

oh, we also see that kersh’s first name is alvin. that is interesting. and he’s on general assignment. 

morris is narrating: “once upon a time, there was a man with the improbable name of fox mulder” yeah <3

NOOO, you leave samantha out of this you morris son of a bitch!!

is this actually supposed to be canon home video footage of mulder playing with samantha, pretending to be spock as a kid??? oh. that’s… adorable. aww. oh. baby mulder... my heart.

morris is talking about mulder's hard work that doesn’t make up for his sister, and we see all these awards in his apartment!! an award for public service from the justice department, and another one for outstanding service with the FBI.

but morris plans to turn mulder’s life around…….

i need to spray this man with a water bottle AT BEST. pepper spray more realistically, though.

wait, it looked like morris was lurking about the basement office. but i thought the basement office was spender’s now!!! all of the papers and newspaper clippings had been taken down! we saw the office in episode 3, and it had spender’s stuff in there instead- definitely not any of mulder’s awards or his diploma or anything! unless he moved all the stuff into his apartment? but how could he have moved it into his apartment if all that stuff was in his office when it was set on fire and presumably went down with the x files?!

hmm. well. anyway.

intro time 

maybe they just permanently trimmed down the intro. still feels wrong.

mulder-as-morris is still screaming as he is being taken away. i’ve always loved how he screams “scully” with reckless abandon, like some sort of coyote. it’s good stuff.

scully is deeply suspicious. and morris-as-mulder calls her “dana” again, which remains diabolical. 

mulder-as-morris is being brought to a jail cell! who is in here with him?! ohhh, it’s captain mcdonough in the body of mrs. chee! mulder obviously doesn’t know what is going on, and pisses the captain off by calling him “ma’am”. poor guy. can’t catch a break. he just wanted to make sure his prison partner who outwardly LOOKS like an elderly woman was okay :(

morris-as-mulder is back to playing virtual golf on the clock. DISGUSTING! i actually support playing video games on the computer, just not on the taxpayer's dime when there are alien crimes that need to be solved.

kersh told scully that she was "willful" and "not a team player", and now she is being suspended for two weeks without pay!! nooo!! well, at least she can get away from this morris freak. she packs up all her stuff to get out of there.

NOOOO... morris-as-mulder calls her “dana” again, and asks if a home-cooked meal at his place would ease the pain of suspension… she smiles, and hopefully this is not an agreement. we all know mulder cannot cook! at least, i don’t THINK he can. maybe he learned some relevant life skills in between seasons or when the camera wasn't rolling.

back at the jail cell, captain mcdonough is trying to explain what happened to land him in this new body, which leads to this amazing mulder line: “hey, grandma top gun, will you shut the hell up?!”

mulder-as-morris is then summoned before general wegman. they want to know why he gave the FBI false info. ohhh, he is improv-ing!!! and doing quite a good job at it!!!! he convinces them he has the real flight data recorder and will bring it back, and he approached scully to try and figure out who the snitch from inside area 51 was. you can achieve so much by saying things confidently.

oooooo, the other guy got in biiiiig trouble!

morris-as-mulder is arriving at mulder’s apartment with groceries and “mood lighting for the bedroom” (GAG!) i hope scully has him at gunpoint in there…

LMAO, he is surprised to learn that there is, in fact, no bedroom. you know what? in this situation, that is probably a good thing.

he finds a closet with lots of magazines shoved in it, at least some of them pornographic, and a singular bowling pin?? wow. morris-as-mulder proclaims that mulder hasn’t been laid in 10 years. ace icon.

(the bowling pin is still sending me)

oh no, mulder-as-morris is returning to his “wife” with all of his stuff still tossed on the curb!! she still thinks he was cheating on her with scully!!!

outside, someone is sneaking up on him in some generic-looking car…

he tries to compliment his “daughter’s” nose ring, for SOME REASON thinking it is a good idea to poke her fresh new piercing, and she hits him with the “as if!” <- LMAOOO oh god. he is truly being tested.

and the son says mom is taking out a restraining order on him. well. i guess that solves the problem of dealing with his "children". 

NOOOO, HIS NOT-REALLY-WIFE CALLS HER “SPECIAL TRAMP DANA SCULLY” <- THAT IS EVIL!!!!! do not bully her 😟 but yes i did laugh <3

he’s trying to explain that he is actually a guy named mulder and he has no idea who she is, but she writes it off as a midlife crisis.

and when he points out that people outside the window are watching him, she says he needs to accept who he is, however repulsive that may be. well. this does not help.

oh no, scully is rolling up to mulder’s place!!! but of course, it is truly morris in there!! and she’s getting shown around the brand new space. oh, he is far too touchy with her. BUT he did get mulder a bed. which could be seen as an improvement. 

he leads her to the bed. and she’s laying on it…. and it’s vibrating?? or something??? hey guys. is this the magic fingers from bad blood all over again.

he comes back with champagne… oh god, he’s singing about getting it on…. we need to put this man DOWN.

“you know what would really be fun?” (she pulls out handcuffs) “oh yeah” <- oh lord. i know she’s cooking up a scheme. 

LMAOOO SHE GETS HIM TO HANDCUFF HIMSELF RIGHT TO THE BED AND PULLS OUT HER GUN I’M HOWLINGGGG

and he does it fully clothed, too. i wonder what his plan was...

“you’re not mulder” “what? baby-“ “baby me and you’ll be peeing from a catheter” <- LMAOOOOOOOOOO i’ve seen that line in screenshots before and now i know the context 

god, he really fell for that. terrible! no brains on this fellow!!

okay, but now i want to know what REAL mulder is going to do with this huge, fancy bed in his apartment. 

i love when scully pulls out her gun!! it makes me clap my hands with glee!

morris-as-mulder says that he considers this a gift from god. he doesn’t want to go back to his wife and kids and job. and scully says she’ll shoot him, “baby”. which is a level of pettiness i admire.

GOD, he changed the message on mulder's phone to say he’s entertaining a very special guess… we need to spray this man with pesticides. but the mysterious area 51 source called!!

mulder-as-morris is sitting by the window, watching the people outside watch him. LMAO, he convinces his "wife" to take him somewhere. oooo, where will they go....?

scully has driven morris-as-mulder down to nevada to meet with the source!! she threatens to shoot him again. and just know that her aim is GOOD, bitch.

mulder-as-morris is here, too!! but morris is meeting with the source (who happens to be general wegman, but i was mostly too distracted by his buffalo bills hat to realize it was a character we had seen before). obviously, due to being morris, he is being an idiot and loudly saying “you’re the guy that took down a UFO?” yeah. wow. how has he made it this far in life? good lord. stop acting so ridiculous with another guy's face on.

mulder-as-morris sneaks out to find scully!!! a reunion!!! i want tears.

but oh nooooo…. his "wife" finds him in the car with her!!!!

morris-as-mulder walks out with the thing he came for from the source, but not before seeing his crying wife. and he dips.

damn. i genuinely thought he was going to feel bad and comfort her there. i guess not.

and poor mulder gets a drink thrown on him by her. they are both suffering in unique ways.

oh shit!!! mulder-as-morris runs into morris-as-him in the bathroom. and they’re both hiding!!!

scully came inside looking for them…. oh shit, the source was general wegman?? OHHH, they did a bait and switch!!! scully took the flight data recorder from the big bag, and mulder is simply holding lots of beer!!!!

OH MY GOD, jump to the lone gunmen??? frohike is cooking for them!!! and he has an apron and a bandana, LMAOOOOO. but domestic bliss is over, because scully is here to interrupt!!! with morris-as-mulder. he’s wandering around their studio as scully asks them to figure out wtf the flight data recorder says.

scully tries and explains that this is not mulder in the room with them. 

MORRIS KNOWS WHO THE LONE GUNMEN ARE???? he says that they believe all the stuff his people make up!! “there is no saddam hussein” <- LMAO??? he’s just some random guy?? wow. wildest in-universe reveal yet.

(fascinating implications for the lone gunmen's journalistic abilities after morris claimed that the stories they pick up are the ones men like him spread. makes you wonder how much of what they are publishing is legit, how much is propaganda, and how much are weird tabloid and internet stories of bat boys and the like. or perhaps that was just a silly throwaway line from morris, and there is no real meaning behind it at all. hmm....)

frohike nearly throws hands, but scully pulls him back. i would have supported violence, but we must not injure mulder's body so that when his spirit is returned to it, it will be a smooth transition.

back in nevada, mulder-as-morris is here with general wegman. and he knows that he is really mulder!!! but sadly, real morris also knows that wegman is the snitch who reached out to him. he sabotaged the craft so that mulder could see it and so he could ask if aliens are real. ohhh…. this makes me sad. they could have queened out together in another lifetime. hopefully wegman can flee to somewhere safe.

the gunmen crack the code in the flight data recorder!! it’s regular flight data with some extra stuff. morris-as-mulder is once again picking a fight with frohike, but how do we get their bodies back?!

abrupt jump. why are these people kissing out in area 51? i don’t want to see all that. oh no. are they going to get body swapped, too???

NO!!! they got melted together!!!!!

well. um. okay.

mulder-as-morris is waiting somewhere. scully is here!!! and so is real morris!!!! 

oh no... another mulder and scully reunion, but this time it seems sad: “you don’t look too happy. don’t tell me i’m going to have to put two kids through school” “that is you in there mulder, isn’t it?” <- OHHH NOOO…. how are they going to fix this???? just stand out in the desert for a bit until the thing comes back!!!

she can barely look at him as she tells him she doesn’t know what to do, because the schedule of the time warp is so random. 

and back in DC, morris-as-mulder has become kersh’s new golden boy; “that son of a bitch confesses to kersh even more than i do to my priest” 

a little gallows humor. because scully is out of the bureau!!! she was relieved from her position!! WHAT!!!

“no. you can explain it to them like you explained it to me. you have the data. you can make them understand. you can get your job back” <- OHHH, he is so convinced that they’ll believe her….. even if it seems ludicrous…. he has that Hope to him. that kind with claws.

“i’d kiss you if you weren’t so damn ugly” OHHHH MY HEART……..

“if i shoot him, is that murder, or...?” “neither, if i do it first” <-AWWWW, this is so sad…. imagine losing your best friend to someone else forever and ever, and then knowing he would have to live a random guy's life... oh. it would make me cry!!!

she grabs his arm and walks away before they both cry, and then he presents her with sunflower seeds to remember him by.

(GOD. THIS KILLED ME)

he watches them drive away…..

but the guy whose friends who got melted together stops the guys from area 51 who work for morris!!!

the couple who were formerly melted into one are fine now, though?? somehow?? it seems they were just hooking up?? area 51 guy says he believes him. 

poor scully is driving home with morris. he calls her “DANES”??? EVIL!!!! 10,000 years in jail.

he offers to put a word in with kersh to get her job back… does he truly have this power?? i suppose it is a somewhat kind gesture, but it would mean working with morris for a living, and i think she would rather just go be a doctor somewhere.

WHAT THE HELL? the gas station that was burned down last episode is back??? and the attendant who was shot doesn’t remember anything??? 

back in area 51, they’re bringing captain mcdonough to mrs. chee… is there a solution to this whole situation???

morris' wife is screaming at scully as mulder-as-morris is being stopped by her!!! SCREAMING "HOMEWRECKER" AT SCULLY IS CRAAAAZY

morris approaches! is he going to be able to convince his wife that he is actually the one who is married to her???? even though he has some other dude's face??

he’s reciting facts about their wedding!!! and then their relationship!!! and he does convince her!!!!

she still deserves better than him, but i am glad she at least has accepted the truth and that mulder did not split their family apart forever

but- they have to get back to the highway where this went down right NOW!!!

the area 51 guys come to get mulder-as-morris because they think he is a traitor???? WE DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS!!!

the other guy stops them in the road, though!!! he figured out how to get captain mcdonough and mrs. chee in the right bodies!! he didn't want to get in trouble- LMAO, that is such a real motivation. i understand.

so time will snap back?? and no one will remember this??

DID MORRIS SLAP SCULLY'S ASS AGAIN???? AND HE SAID "IT'S BEEN REAL?" oh, if i were mulder, i would have MAULED the guy. but maybe there isn't time for violence as the time warp is imminent.

and they go back to where we started last episode!!!! going to drive off after being stopped by morris and told to leave!!!

AND WHEN THEY GET BACK, KERSH DIDN’T EVEN NOTICE THEY WERE GONE!!! HOORAY!!!! 

she tells him she's sad his source didn’t work out… oh :(

“hey, scully? i, uh, know it’s not your normal life, but… thanks for coming out there with me” <- OHHH STOP??? I’M GOING TO MELT

she says "you're welcome with a smile" and then hangs up. ohh... my heart <3

he’s entering his apartment… is there going to be a massive bed in there somehow that escaped the time loop…?

oh my gosh!!! she finds the weird coin from the gas station, and he finds his apartment totally redecorated!!!

AWW!!! we got the best ending: none of it happened!!!!!! oh, things brings me so much joy.

his apartment though, LMAOOO! i know he was losing his MIND!!!!! he checked outside to make sure it was the right room, and it was!!!

ah, so they have no memories from those horrible few days. this is for the best. because none of them were enjoyable!!! and morris can go back to his life with no interruptions!! 

you know, i’m usually not into a story ending with a variation of “and it was all a dream”, but in this case, it was the best thing that could have happened. 

oh, how lucky they are to be in the timeline that they are in… wow.

and this way, scully will never have to remember anything more than a roadtrip!!! no evil morris!!! thank god!!! i rejoice!!!

and mulder said thank you for coming with him :,) and she said you’re welcome. even though it’s not the normal life she wants. ohhh… i am having Feelings about this.

man. well. i am glad all things ended this way. although, i am sure mulder is not going to be pleased about all his stuff being gone!!!! 

ah. i can relax now. at least for a few minutes. it's more enjoyable in retrospect when you know everyone makes it out alright.

so, despite my uncomfortability with morris as a whole and being at the edge of my seat because i thought there might be no escaping this sticky situation, it was an enjoyable set of episodes! shoutout to frohike for being a chef also

i see the next one is a christmas episode!!! oh, i wish i could have timed this whole thing a little better; i’m a month off from christmas. but i shall have to put myself in a jolly mood somehow. i look forward to it!