#screenshotting is my worst enemy sob

[puppy-phum]

Did I read it correctly you would like some crack edit? Well how about Oh (Nanon Character from My dear loser) and Bank (Ohm character from Club Sapan Fine 2) with the twilight quote „And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…" he murmured. I looked away, hiding my eyes as I thrilled to the word. "What a stupid lamb," I sighed. "What a sick, masochistic lion.“ (doesn’t have to be the whole quote only the first bit is fine as well!! I hope you find it is funny as I do other wise I am sorry!!!)

I love your edits and I am looking forward to all your new edits 💗💞

hello anon! and thank you so much for this wonderful, wonderful crack prompt :'D i had a blast with it!

if you happen to see this, here's your gift!

i cackled so loudly once i saw this prompt so yes, i found it very funny! am very fond of oh and getting to use him in this was so nice ♥ bank, on the other hand, is very new to me as i've never watched the silliness of club sapan fine 2, but i can see the connection! very fitting. i hope this is anything you imagined getting!

have a wonderful day and once again, thank you for letting me do this!

[neuxue]

So it’s possible that when I said I was absolutely not going to liveblog The Untamed, I lied. As denial is no longer plausible (this post has screenshots! And a complete absence of dignity!), blacklist ‘neuxue liveblogs the untamed’ if you would like to spare yourself.

Episode 16: slaughter as a family bonding activity

This episode is just lighthearted fun things like Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian witnessing the end of the massacre of their clan and okay that's a lot in and of itself but what gets me, what really gets me, is the contrast in their reactions because that, my friend, is where the true Suffering comes in.

Sticking this under a readmore because hi I’m Lia and I don’t exactly do concise.

Anyway where was I. Ah yes, contrasts. Jiang Cheng just... Falls apart. He breaks, and how could he not, seeing the ruin of his family, hearing the casual insults and gossip about his parents, whose bodies have hardly even cooled on the floor. And you see in his face this awful, horrified, all-consuming grief that leaves no room for anything else, let alone coherent thought.

(The face of a man who has just lost everything) And then there's Wei Wuxian whose face, by contrast both to Jiang Cheng as well as his own habitual expressiveness, seems almost frozen. Oh, there are tears, but beyond that there is this terrible stillness, as if he is willing himself with everything he has to focus, to hold himself together, to protect Jiang Cheng, that's all that matters, what is your grief, Wei Wuxian, next to his? And he does focus, and for a second we do get an expression from him beyond stillness and raw willpower, but it's not sadness or grief or even horror. No, Wei Wuxian cannot let himself fall apart and any of those might break him and so instead they are hardened, honed, redirected into something sharper, something razor-edged and furious. No longer mischief or defiance or even those flashes of 'do not mess with me', but something closer to vengeance, something he can focus on and hold to, channel all those other emotions into.

(the face of a blood enemy you don't yet realise you've made)

Then there's that utterly heartbreaking sequence running through the woods and the meadow, Jiang Cheng not thinking but running as if by running he can escape the enormity of the grief trying to swallow him, his face contorted in grief. And Wei Wuxian following, his own expression still just focused, because his entire existence has become a single imperative: protect them. 

And the best worst part is when Jiang Cheng finally collapses, sobbing, utterly lost and bereft, Wei Wuxian just... stands there. Wei Wuxian, who always has a laugh or a jibe or a comforting word of unconventional wisdom, and an arm to throw over his brother's shoulder, stands there silent, watching, not knowing what to say, with his brother's raw grief before him and his (not-quite-adoptive, remember that; they were never yours) parents' last words to him ringing in his ears, and for once Wei Wuxian is lost for words.

(Unspoken: What right do I, not even bearing the name Jiang, have to intrude on my brother’s grief?)

And of course Jiang Cheng lashes out at him: he has just lost everything and it's too immense to grasp and so it has to go somewhere, and Wei Wuxian is the only one there. Wei Wuxian knows this (and is, after all, used to making a target of himself). So he doesn't fight back. Doesn't say anything when Jiang Cheng throws at him what he himself must already believe (but also his greatest fear): it's all your fault. 

(If you're strangling me then at least you're not trying to strangle Wen Zhuliu, so it's fine)

But like. The worst part. The part that just twists the knife exactly right. Is when Jiang Cheng's anger fades and is replaced by just utter despair and loss as he falls back, wishing aloud for his parents and his clan, and we cut to Wei Wuxian. And finally we see Wei Wuxian showing something of what he's been holding back, now that he is hidden by the long grass, now that his pain won't hurt anyone else. But only if he is silent, and so we see the physical effort he's putting into keeping his sobs silent, his grief unheard, his pleas to himself. 

(Remember all those silencing spells Lan Wangji cast on you, Wei Wuxian; they were preparing you for this moment)

They're both in so much pain and yet they cannot share it. And so we see it taking almost opposite forms: Jiang Cheng's grief is too much to contain and so it spills out onto the nearest target, whereas Wei Wuxian is forced to contain his and so instead of spilling outwards it turns inwards, hardening into an anchor, a focus, a driving force, and that can only end well I'm sure.

I'm just. Having a feeling or two about both of them but especially Wei Wuxian almost literally strangling his own grief in order to let Jiang Cheng have his (and, of course, above all else, in order to stay focused on protecting Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli, whatever the cost to himself). And how even that doesn't actually help either of them. 

(And how, the next morning, when Wei Wuxian offers his hand, Jiang Cheng doesn't take it).

But, see, here's the thing: the episode keeps going.

So we get Wei Wuxian steering the boat back to Lotus Pier, to give his brother and sister (your charges, Wei Ying, do not forget; they are your responsibility and your priority and your superiors) space to grieve. And perhaps as yet another way to hide his own pain, as well as... flashes, again, of something more focused than pain, something wrapping itself around that pain he has folded up inside, something almost like determination but a little more like vengeance.

And we just get these glimpses of what he must be feeling, half-expressions and stolen moments when no one else is watching. A breath only, here and there, when he doesn't have to be strong for them, before he has to turn around and once more be their protector. But only moments. (Good thing he is also practised at pretending he feels no pain. So practised those around him might even believe it, though that, too, will likely do him no favours in the end. 'You're happy aren't you?' Jiang Cheng asked in that meadow).

Only then he can't even protect them (his only task, his only purpose, his only use) because in trying to protect Jiang Yanli by going to get medicine, he lets Jiang Cheng leave, by not being there to prevent it. (I think, maybe, I could be wrong here but I think some of the point of this might be: Wei Wuxian, you cannot protect everyone from everything. I also think he absolutely will not see it that way).

(The face of a man who is not going to let a little thing like being pushed beyond the limits of his own endurance stop him)

And then! As if that weren't enough! We get the rescue sequence!

(ruthless and desperate is A Good Look on you)

Also like. When the camera zooms out and it's Wen Ning. And Wei Wuxian.... doesn't immediately let go. So that's a lot. That's a whole lot. He's running on vapours here -- or perhaps more accurately on willpower and desperation and an undercurrent of absolute fury -- and that doesn't...lend itself well to trust.

Seems like that absurdly charismatic personality is paying off now though, because Wen Ning is a good friend to have in a tight spot, as it turns out. (And how Wei Wuxian must hate himself for thinking of using him as a hostage or otherwise, when Wen Ning then offers his help so freely).

Anyway to finish on a lighter and only somewhat related note I kind of love Wen Zhuliu, hypercompetent and badass and dealing death left, right, and centre, but the whole time with this expression of 'really? Do we have to do this now? I was having a nap.'

(Next: Ep. 17) (Previous: Ep. 15)

[infinitestarsintheskye]

One last game of Tag? Agents of Shield #PartingShot

I was tagged by amazing @besidemethewholedamntime, thank sooooo much lovely!

With this tag game, I want to know the answers to these five (5) questions and then tag 5 or more mutuals. Wasn’t tagged but want to join? Join in ! Everyone is an essential part of this fandom! Name from @ agent.of.shield_ on Instagram ( @agents-of-fangirling ) who had a great idea to post a picture of yourself with a drink (or just a drink) and tag it #partingshot as a finale goodbye to the show (which I also am going to post tomorrow on IG).

Where were you in life when you first started to watching AoS?

Thanks to some screenshots that have SOMEHOW survived through my icloud through my ipod touch and god knows how many other phones, I can give you the answer to the MINUTE which is actually really quite creepy. I started watching AoS at 8:05pm on the 27th of September 2013 about five minutes into the UK premiere of the pilot. That’s right boys I’ve been here since the VERY BEGINNING. I have my own personal love letter going up on Thursday where I go into it all a bit more, but I was 15 years old when I watched that and I don’t think it’s being overdramatic to say that it has changed my life. I was just about to sit my first round of high school exams (Nat 5′s if you’re nasty) and I just fell head over heels for these characters, completely and utterly. 7 years later and I still feel the same way about them. I was excitable and naive about life at 15 and I literally grew up with this show. 

Where are you now?

Now I am 22 years old, I just finished my degree (!!!!!) in English Literature this past May/June, and am in the process of applying for my masters. AoS is honestly a comfort blanket for me now, I know these characters so well, they’ve been with me through the most awful times, through experiences that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemies, through my absolute rollercoaster of my mental health.

What character development arc (or storyline in general) did you love the most?

Fitz. From the second that boy opened his mouth and I heard the Scottish accent come out he was planted firmly and securely in my heart. His entire arc over this show is insane and incredible and truly a testament to IDC and his acting chops. If you look at Fitz now from where he started the change in him is incredible, but also the core, the goodness of him, is still there. I could go on for hours about how much I love him, honestly. Watching him die was honestly one of the worst things I have ever watched. I still cannot watch it, it hurts too much. I have been rooting for FitzSimmons practically since day one, and just I cannot even put into words how much I love them and how much I HOPE THEY FINALLY GET SOME BLOODY PEACE!!!! They are both so deserving of it. I’m so excited for their future and I’m sure I’ll edit this after the finale and put some edits in about the information gleamed from certain leaked promo photos, but all I’ll say is, those scenes will fully and utterly be the end of me. 

What will you miss the most?

Everything. I will miss every tiny aspect of this show. It has been a constant in my life for 7 years and I’m going to find it very hard to not have that constant presence, the constant cycle of new seasons and comic con and theories and spec fics and all that wonderful stuff around me anymore. I have loved participating more than I really ever have this last season and it makes me sad that I didn’t do it for all 7 (life happened). I will miss the sleepless nights before I can watch an ep, I will miss watching new eps, I will miss coming onto tumblr and just screaming into the abyss right as all of you lovely US viewers are either in your beds or are about to go to bed. I will miss being fuming EVERY SINGLE YEAR that I’m not at ComicCon, and just scrambling around for the absolute deluge of press that happens then. Just all of it. Everything that comes with witnessing the live release of this show. It’s honestly all a part of me now, of who I am as a person. 

Favourite quote?

Oh I’m gonna cheat and put two because I cannot chose. Simmons’s law of thermodynamics speech hit me RIGHT IN THE FEELIES, it still does. 

I like to think about the first law of thermodynamics, that no energy in the universe is created and... none is destroyed. That means that every bit of energy inside us, every particle will go on to be a part of something else. Maybe live as a dragonfish, a microbe, maybe burn in a supernova ten billion years from now. And every part of us now was once a part of some other thing - a moon, a storm cloud, a mammoth. A monkey. Thousands and thousands of other beautiful things that were just as terrified to die as we are. We gave them new life. Good one, I hope.

As someone who is scared of death (we’re getting real this evening) this speech is the MOST WONDERFUL BALM. It is just so unspeakably beautiful and comforting and oh my god what a wonderful thought to have right when you think you’re about to go. I will forever hold it very dear in my heart. Also,Fitz’s little addition of ‘a monkey’ makes me smile and cry in equal measures.

Secondly, it’s another Simmons quote:

The steps you take don’t need to be big, they just need to take you in the right direction.

So, this quote came into my life right when I needed to hear it most. My mental health was not what I would call great, and it just helped. I sobbed when I heard it for the first time. Fully sobbed. How wonderful is that sentiment? It quickly became something I would just tell myself and it was my phone background for like 3 years. The comfort and solitude that quote has brought me is truly immeasurable.

Thank you so much for tagging me Rebecca, even though I am now an emotional wreck, but I kind of expected that haha.

I’m going to tag a couple of lovelies @rathxritter @valentinaonthemoon and @daisylincs

[jhindraven]

okay now that issue 6 is out and ive read the thing like 3 times, im gonna do my full review/breakdown of the zed comic and allll my thoughts on it.

no screenshots bc i dont want this to be longer than it is already, and also im not gonna talk about the art itself either. this is simply about the characters, the story, and how that relates to the lore of league itself.

all of this is my opinion, you can agree or disagree with me whatever, yadda yadda lets begin

ISSUE ONE

Probably the best one? In my opinion. The lack of expectations really helped this one not suck. Also the most consistent when it comes to characters personalities, comparing them to the in-game voice lines from league and the card game.

There are scenes in issue 1 that almost foreshadow, or at least reference, the events of Issue 6, specifically Zed looking up to the statue of Kusho, and how Zed kills Althon vs how Zed kills Kusho later on.

The dialogue between Shen and Akali is.. a little clunky? Shen’s dialogue is just a little. formal. but to the point that he sounds like he’s lecturing a stranger, not talking to a former student.

Jhin giving Zed his scalpel from 19 years ago is a neat detail that I wish they used more in the story. Sure, we can assume now that Jhin probably only got it because Kusho gave it to him at some point after releasing him- which means that the scalpel is one of the many wasted plot opportunities I’ll bring up here. Part of the appeal of that scene, if only just for me, was the idea that Jhin stole it from Zed while he wasn’t looking. I remember people pointing out background characters and being like “but what if that’s Jhin there! what if he was there all along!!”  But that has now been thrown out the window.

A thing I wish they did was shown more of Jhin’s ‘performances’, even if only in a montage. To show more of the impact this had on Zed and Shen, the strain it put on them mentally and emotionally, and how it affected their relationship. But I understand time and probably page restraints. So whatever about that.

Again, I think this was the best one. Set up the story well, showed why everything happening is important for the character. Neat, cool. Let’s move on

ISSUE 2

Seeing the bodies was pretty fucked up, but tbh? That shit vibed. It’s one of those things I hoped they were gonna do and they did. The bodies looking like porcelain with gold blood?? And the peacock feathers???? Thats fuckin cool as hell.  Then they never did it again.

In the flashback comes one of the worst fucking things in this comic. Yevnai.

Listen I adore Yevnai as a character, one of my favourites to come from the comic. You know, in the ONE ISSUE SHE ACTUALLY SHOWS UP IN????? She shows up as simply conflict between Shen and Zed (which never actually comes up mind you), as bait for Jhin, and for? Zed to show that he can sense magic from her kids to show that she’s been cheating on her husband with Quno the vastayan servant (bc we know Zed hates vastaya i guess?). oh and Guess What? the sensing magic thing also doesn’t show up again. 

Oh and Jhin follows Zed to Yevnai’s place. But nothing happens from that.

Issue 2 was good, but just a total waste imo. A lot of plot points set up only to never happen again. Best things about it were dead bodies, Jhin’s tiny Zed and Shen puppets, and the knowledge that Shen still writes letters to Yevnai :’(

ISSUE 3

I got so fucking pissed when this issue came out, no shit. They took the events of The Man With The Steel Cane and just. Threw it out the window. I did a whole other post about my issues with it so I won’t just rewrite the same shit twice. But I had to actually stop reading and pace angrily for a bit. I HATE issue 3 bro.

The scene with Kusho :) . Good to know that was now a waste of misdirection because EVERYONE seemed to call that Kusho was still alive. What bullshit. But I’ll get to that.

The inconsistencies in character really show in this one. And that connects to it being a shitty rewrite of The Man With The Steel Cane. They probably wanted a fight between Shen and Zed by this point, being halfway through the comic, and just shoved it in there. Doesn’t mean I’m not mad about it.

Akali and Kayn’s dialogue was probably the best thing in the entire issue. I don’t vibe with Akali/Kayn as a ship personally, but it got a giggle out of me im ngl.

Akali attacking Zed. I guess yeah sure she would. Fits her whole “fuck you i wont do what you tell me shen” vibe. But SHEN? calling off the armistice between the yánléi and kinkou due to the actions of one of HIS ex-students?? Shen would never. Let’s add another point to the ‘This Is Really Out Of Character’ board!

The sworn and witnessed scene was nice, it’s what Kayn deserves. Finally knowing the Kashuri Faction was nice, too bad they never get fucking mentioned ever again I guess.

There’s so many references to The Man With The Steel Cane that they could’ve implimented so much better, especially dialogue. I can’t read the original story without feeling cheated out of what it was before Issue 3. So more wasted potential I guess.

Issue 4

This was a big step up from Issues 2-3. My personal favourite, but not the best (if that makes sense). But there isn’t too much to talk about here? Jhin sets off his bombs from the last issue, it looks cool, but there’s no real story to talk about here. There is a lot of character stuff to talk about though.

Zed choosing to save Shen over getting Jhin is fucking HUGE for Zed as a character. For a character so hellbent on vengence throughout the entire thing choosing instead to save his "hated enemy and closest friend” ?? im sobbing.

This whole comic was emotional as hell, and the most character development we ever fucking saw in this thing. From Zed’s daddy issues to the realisation that Zed’s shadows are shades of Jhin and Kusho (which is now fucking hilarious and makes no sense after Issue 6).

There was a lot of setup for plotpoints that actually did show up later for once, like Kayn being the temporary leader and all that jazz. What it had in emotion, it seemed to lack in real story progression until the end. 

Issue 5

This issue was weird for me. Like there was a lot of plot and a lot of character shit that seemed so condensed that it felt like nothing. Zed’s confession in the cell-wagon and the information that Shen was out fighting Noxians too? Alright, sure okay. 

Shen still seems wildly out of character for me, since we mostly know him as this beacon of peace and calm- he’s so violent towards Zed all the time it’s strange. Like he points a sword at Zed while saying that he isn’t allowed to kill Jhin, wtf

The callback to Awaken is fucking superb. Really solidifies that video into the lore of the game. Camille being mentioned had me like :hearteyes: This is a nitpick- but I wish we knew what happened at the end of Awaken. Is Camille okay? Did Jhin get injured? It was a week ago, if he did get injured- where and how did he recover so fast? Little details  that I wanna know, not really for any real story purposes.

Rhaast finally showing up :hearteyes:, nothing else to add bc nothing else happened with him.

Jhin making the most of Piltoven technology is really cool, and its a scene that made me go “OH YEAH he was a stagehand for a good period of time!!”  That’s what we call Tying In Pre-Existing Lore fellas.

Jhin just really shined in this issue. Really set him up to be The Big Bad of the comic, like he had a monologue and everything! Once again, though, that gets absolutely wasted by Issue 6.

Issue 6

Where do I fucking start?

Let’s start with Jhin. I don’t know about yall, but since we spent a solid 5 issues chasing after him I expected more of a dramatic fight. More like the explosions in Issue 4. But uh we got. Some fancy prop work before he got punched in the face twice and thrown on the ground. It’s What He Deserves but like you know, he deserved worse.

As much as I didn’t want it to happen, I’m disappointed they didn’t unmask him at all. His mask was still fucking pristine by the end of the fight!! Not a scratch, not a chip!! But to be fair I think we got maybe 2 pages worth of a physical fight with Jhin so,, sure. Whatever. Out goes 5 issues of setting up? Not to downplay the conflict in that scene of course, I think it was pretty cool. It was just so anticlimactic at the end like wh-

Kusho! Haha they got us good!! The dead dude is actually still alive oooo~ [heavy sarcasm]. Why. It wasn’t a good twist! It was a “oh. okay yeah sure” twist. This might be my heat of the moment response but I have no words for how cheap and absolutely horseshit that twist is. Good thing we only have to think about it for 10 pages because HE FUCKING DIES AGAIN. WHAT A WASTE!!

Whatever, whatever, thinking about it makes me so mad because they set it up barely in Issue 5? I’m just tired this actually drained me irl.

At least we have baby Kayn and good dad Zed at the end to cleanse us of that.

HEY actually did you know that they thought that Good Dad Zed was considered contoversial by Marvel’s editors?? HUH????

whatever, whatever. i’m pissed. 

BONUS SHIT

So Jhin’s lore has now had an update to connect with the comic. And it’s fucking weird. Now suddenly Kusho didn’t care about catching Jhin after he found out it was just a human person murdering people? And that it was essentially Not Their Job anymore??? excuse me??

CONCLUSION?

This comic started with a good beginning and a lot of potential. It brought up so many new theories and so many new headcanons. But all that potential and all that interesting story got washed away with unconnected plot points, ‘important’ characters that show up once, and a cheap twist ending that simultaneously came out of nowhere and was easily predicted (in the bad way). It was a fun read for a while, but the ending has soured the experience I had reading it.

Some issues may come from time + page constraints, and the limitations of the medium. But those were mostly minor issues. I wanna give the artists and the writers the benefit of the doubt, maybe blame Marvel as I like to do. But...

6 months worth of waiting for an ending like this? I’m just disappointed.

[ciathyzareposts]

Challenge of the Five Realms: Sins of the Father

A jester outlines three rumored fates of my father, any of which he would have deserved.

           I spent a very long session with Challenge on Tuesday, in the midst of a snowstorm back home. I had hoped to win it, but I still have a few areas left and a number of open side quests. I quit when I started to get a bit impatient with the game, but for most of the session I was having a lot of fun. Challenge definitely feels like a new era in the complexity of the story and the density of the plot. It’s one of only a couple of games so far in my chronology that I find it difficult to blog about because I have to elide so much of the NPC dialogue. I also have to take a lot of screenshots to help me remember what happened. I might finish the typical 40-hour game with 250 screen shots, but for Challenge, I already have more than 1,000.

Throughout this session, I continued my pattern of visiting new locations in east-west strips, working northward, away from the creeping darkness. I used “Teleport” to move between areas whenever possible, saving actual time for healing and rest instead of traveling.            

The final location I visited this session.

      When I began, I was still in the gnome kingdom of Alveola, trying to figure out who murdered the local brewmaster, and how to convince the gnome king to join my cause and give me his crown. This was a king whose own people described him as a miser who rejected any suggestion of charity, who refused to acknowledge poverty and inequity in his own kingdom. Back when we had arrived in the kingdom, Cagliostra had said that, “We need to teach the Alveolans the power of charity, of giving, and we need a symbol of that change of heart.”

Eventually, I did what I often do in adventure games, and I simply went through all of my equipment to see if I already had anything that qualified. I paused on the “spirit lamp” I had purchased from a beggar in Farinor, gave it a try, and was pleased to find that it worked.            

Well, that sounds like a downer.

            The lamp made everyone viewing it see the world from the perspective of its last owner. When the gnome king realized what it was like to be a neglected, ostracized beggar, his whole demeanor changed. He gave me a coin to give to a human beggar. While he insisted that I’d have to “cut him open” to get his crown, he did offer to join my party–at which point I simply plucked his crown from his inventory and put it in my own.

Unfortunately, I had to kick someone out to accept him. I ultimately chose Barilla Beggarlove, who had been with me since Greenberry. This became a theme throughout this session. Although the game is very generous with the number of party members (10), it is extremely generous with the number of NPCs who will join the party, and I spent most of this session agonizing about who I should take and who I should leave. More on that as we go on.            

Booting one NPC to accept another.

             As we searched various houses, we discovered that the root that had poisoned Kito Pona had come from Shika, one of his nurses. Shika was a former lover of Danzo, Kito’s son, and her plan was to get Kito to will everything to Danzo, then murder Danzo’s wife and take her place. She killed herself when I exposed her. The whole enterprise got me a whole 20 gold pieces from Kito’s family, a paltry sum that the Prince complained about but to no avail.           

Maybe wait for your attorney to arrive.

            We left Alveola and warped back to the island of Monteplai, where as I surmised last time, the door to the prison was waiting for me in the back of the front office. In exploring the prison, it became clear that my father was not just arrogant and negligent, but actively evil. In contrast to the prison’s reputation for housing the worst murderers and most nefarious criminals, I found that it was mostly stocked with my late father’s political enemies and people who couldn’t afford to pay their taxes.            

This is not the worst thing that Chesotor will find out about his father.

          Inmates included an actor who dared make fun of Clesodor in a play; Felron the Cooper from Ragmar, who interfered with some knights who were hassling young maidens; a brewer whose yellow beer was unlucky enough to fall under the Beer Tax and the All Yellow Tax; a sea trader who had protested a new tax on trade; and a tutor who had unknowingly violated the king’s edict against anyone mentioning his late wife’s name. The only true criminal seemed to be Kendric the Terrible, leader of the Connington Forest thieves, who admitted his crimes but protested that his sentence of life imprisonment was unjust.           

Did you make any particular jokes about the prince?

          The last cell held a prisoner named Kothstul. During conversation, he revealed that he was actually the warden and that he would earn Duke Gormond’s favor by killing me.              

Regrettably, he was not a madman.

            I had a lot of trouble with the subsequent battle. Once the battle map is established, enemies can appear anywhere, even in walled-off areas inaccessible from the rest of the map. Yet in an engine oversight, enemies can shoot missile weapons and cast spells over walls. I had under-prioritized missile weapons in my own party and didn’t have much to shoot back at them (you run out of spell points fast). I had to try to station knights in all sections of the map and then provide enough support to keep them from dying.           

Some of Kothstul’s men start on the left side, some on the right side, and Kothstul himself is in a cell in the middle.

         In my best combat, I managed to kill Kothstul with “Explode” spells while taking out his half dozen guards with melee attacks, but I lost Glenwin Ironbelt. Since I needed space for new party members, that turned out to be not such a bad thing.

A very annoying sequence followed. I found the cell keys on Kothstul’s body, but the game’s normal mechanism for unlocking doors (“Use” the key, then click on the door) didn’t work in the prison. The only way I could free any prisoners was through dialogue, and that only worked on a couple of them. I had hoped to free all of them. Both Felron and Kendric would join the party, the latter promising to help me out when I got to Connington Forest. I took them both, dismissing the relatively useless Peppercorn.          

Perhaps the gnome king hasn’t undergone as much character growth as we thought.

        Castle Thiris was next in my exploration pattern, but all I found was a large, empty building with nothing to do. A portal appeared as I explored the building, but I wasn’t able to activate it without all five crowns. The endgame happens here.           

I’m here a little too early.

        We moved on to Connington Forest, where I soon encountered a bug. It became clear that some outlaw leader named Ogdoth was supposed to pilfer my belongings, and I was supposed to kill him to get them back. But all I got were a lot of NPC messages congratulating me for having already killed Ogdoth. His various thieves were all planning to leave the band and start their lives over elsewhere.            

I have no idea what this guy is talking about.

            The map had several people who had been hired by my father to raze the forest in preparation for a new castle. But most important was a clearing guarded by a group of living trees–knights who had served my grandfather but who had become disgusted with his indolent ways. For their opposition, my grandfather’s sorcerer, Clitax Malocchius, had turned them into their current states. They begged me to find a Ring of Transformation and return their forms. Apparently, Malocchius’s descendants live in Thornkeep.           

A tree is blunt.

         Onward to the town of Silvermoor, a community of actors and artists, or at least people who fancied themselves such. There were also beggars in the town, and the first house that I wandered into was occupied by a rich jackass who bragged about leading a secret society responsible for killing the beggars at nighttime. He offered me 500 gold pieces to finish the job by killing the last five. I declined the mission and killed the man in combat instead. Later, we were attacked by other members of his society.          

A large combat in the middle of an artisans’ village.

          As for the beggars . . . I’m not sure. Each told a sob story and had a reason why 25 or 75 or 125 gold pieces was all he needed for a fresh start in the world. I was generous, but I couldn’t help but notice the beggars were still hanging around their old posts even after I’d given them the money they said they needed. I don’t know if this is an engine limitation or an attempt to model the behavior of actual beggars. I’ve noticed that lots of them who only need “$10 for the bus,” upon acquiring the $10, curiously do not get on the bus.       

I’m sounding a bit like this woman, aren’t I?

         One of them gave me a Ring of Translation, though, which turned out to be important. Another sold me a painting and a third a mermaid statue after I quickly warped back to Monteplai to get a block of marble for him. I got a set of musical instruments from a craftsman. A novelist hanging out in a tavern wanted me to bring him a muse if I ever found one.           

Only in an RPG would I believe this story.

         Chesotor got to meet his favorite author, Shanna Nobokov (I’m pretty sure that should be “Nobokova”), author of Lost Labor of Love, who’s now working on a book about “corruption in the royal family.” A librarian didn’t want to speak to me unless I had “something new” for him, but he wouldn’t accept a copy of Nobokov’s book nor a new book of philosophy that I got from another NPC, so I’m not sure what he was looking for.          

Chesotor needs to work on his pickup lines.

         An old knight named Sir Balthazaar was guarding a theater, where a director and several actors were staging a play called The Forest Tale; more on that below. Chesotor knew Balthazaar from his childhood and wondered why the knight had left his post at Castle Duras. Balthazaar said he’d been scared off by a ghost, but he offered to join us. I didn’t have any room, so I declined, which Balthazaar interpreted as calling him a coward. He was sad.            

That’s quite a career change.

         In the end, I’m not sure I got anything absolutely necessary out of Silvermoor, but it was an interesting stop nonetheless.

We continued west to Castle Duras, once my family’s summer castle. Upon arrival, we were immediately attacked by the garrison commander, Sir Osborne, another flunky of Duke Gormond’s. We killed him without much trouble. The castle cook had heard a rumor that Clesodor died choking on a chicken bone. I made a jester happy by letting him keep his job. On the upper floor of the castle, we found Clesodor’s “knighting sword.”           

When the entire known world is one unified kingdom, why do we need castle walls?

          On the lower floor, we found the ghost of my mother. She had a long speech in which she said the “chains of her worry” had bound her to the earthly realm. “I could not move on to what lies beyond without seeing you again, without making sure that you were safe from your father.” She related what I’d already suspected–that Clesodor had overlooked poverty and suffering, her persecuted innocents, had banished magic for no reason except that he couldn’t cast it. “Your father killed for pleasure and gain,” she said. “He was an evil man.”           

My mother was apparently Veronica Lake.

         She went on to say that she had not accidentally fallen from the Cliffs of Mahor. Instead, King Clesodor had told her to meet him at Castle Duras to discuss the issue with Sir Valakor, and when she arrived, she was attacked and strangled to death by a hooded executioner while Clesodor “watched with a cruel eye.” Clesodor had been driven to the act by the queen’s friendship with Sir Valakor, which admittedly sounds like an emotional affair even if it was never physically consummated.            

Yeah, sounds like dad was jealous for nothing.

         She asked me to bring Valakor to her so she could say goodbye before departing the worldly realm. Since Valakor was already in my party, she immediately made her farewell. “I will await you, my love. We will have our day.” (Valakor, oddly, had nothing to say.) But before she left, she dropped one other bombshell: Cagliostra was not just her friend, but her older sister. Cagliostra immediately confirmed this. As my mother ascended to heaven, her chains appeared in my inventory as a spell component.            

Chesotor immediately regrets certain evenings spent with that magic mirror.

           Off the northwest coast of the city lay the Sea of Belgror. I couldn’t “Teleport” there, but fortunately a ship was still available in the port city of Pendar. When I arrived, the game told me that we immediately found a portal and went through it to the underwater realm of Thalassy. I think I needed the “Swim” and “Breathe Water” spells, but the game didn’t force me to cast them. It seems that having them in my inventory was enough.              

Thalassy had its own “world map” with three areas.

          The warlike Thalassians turned out to be blue fish-men who lived in the skeleton of a giant sea-creature, with small buildings made from shells, sponges, and arrangements of bones. I found that they were a segregated society, with women living in a separate city. (The region had an entirely separate “outdoor” map with two cities and a shipwreck.) The men were in an uproar because a giant whale had recently appeared and started patrolling the perimeter of the city, repelling all attacks against him by the Thalassians.             

The local spell shop was in a giant skull.

          I soon met the Thalassian emperor, Claret III, whose father (like mine and the gnome king’s) had recently been slain by Grimnoth. He agreed to help me if I could get rid of the whale. I swam up to the beast and looked through my inventory and spells for anything promising. I decided to try the “Friends” spell. To my surprise, it worked immediately, establishing a telepathic connection that allowed me to speak with Voolz, the whale.           

This was an original plot twist.

          Voolz related that he wasn’t there to threaten the Thalassians but rather to help them evolve. By patrolling their borders, he will protect the city from all external threats, allowing the Thalassians to concentrate on arts and skills other than martial ones.

Ironically, that wasn’t quite enough for Claret III. He made me explore the shipwreck to find a prototype spear gun before he’d come with us and thus allow access to his crown. I also got the leader of the females, Neika, to join us by stealing the two Great Seals for the male-dominated town. I had to dump John Oldcastle to fit her in, but in many hours, he hadn’t said anything except to insult me by calling me a girl’s name. I think the Thalassians could only leave their kingdom because I had “Breathe Air” and “Walk” in my spell inventory.          

Fortunately, Claret has “Sword” and “Shield” skills to rival Oldcastle’s.

         Miscellaneous notes:          

There were two amusing references to previous RPGs. In Alveola, a gnome objected to my bursting into her home uninvited. She noted that “someone named Avatar was through here not so long ago,” and had looted the home of its valuables. This would be funnier if the Ultima wasn’t the one series that defies this common trope and actually punishes the Avatar for stealing from random houses. In the other, the play The Forest Tale in Silvermoor was about a wizard named Temeres, which is also the name of Paragon’s Wizard Wars (1988).

I’m having an ongoing interface issue with haling and speaking. I can’t seem to figure out exactly how the system works. Usually the two commands do the same thing. Sometimes, I’ll be sitting next to an NPC pounding the (S)peak key and nothing happens. Other times, I’ll hit the key at the edge of a screen when no one is around, and then suddenly an NPC will automatically pipe up when I walk into range. Sometimes I have to click and target the NPC I want to speak with, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes the NPC’s portrait remains on the side of the screen long after I’ve stopped talking to him and wandered away.

          Shika’s face remains to the left even though I last spoke to her 15 minutes ago in another building.

         The food and armor stores in Thalassy refused to sell me anything because I was a human and thus had an incompatible physiology. I guess that made sense.

I’m pretty sure something is bugged in the economy. My money doesn’t seem to decrease as I spend it. 

Multiple transitions show Grimnoth observing my progress.

           You told me to bring you the five crowns! How do you know that I’m not just doing your bidding?!

        As I mentioned earlier, I think Challenge has more words–at least, more NPC words–than any prior game. Unlike with, say, Crusaders of the Dark Savant, I have no complaints about its wordiness because the words are well-written and serious. The characters have unique and realistic personalities. The game also probably sets the record for unique, joinable NPCs and manages to continue to have them comment on the action on a regular basis. Finally, it’s one of the few games of the era to really understand the concept of “side quests.”           

Inside a Thalassian sponge-house.

          Aside from a few interface issues and bugs, the only place that it really fails–and this is keenly felt–is in character development. It has the same problem is the team’s MegaTraveller games, in which skill development is erratic and inconsistent, and by the end of the game the team isn’t notably stronger than at the beginning. In the entire game so far, none of Chesotor’s attributes or physical skills have increased. I guess they simply don’t. His “Sword” skill has gone up 7 points. His “Large Blade” skill never increased despite the fact that I equipped him with an axe for half the game, nor has his “Shield” skill gone up at all. “Morality” hasn’t budged despite the many role-playing choices, nor have “Reading,” “Observation,” “Persuasion,” “Charisma,” or “Courage” gone up despite the many uses of those skills. Then, on the other extreme, “Leadership” has gone up 29 points, “Spell Casting” 20 points, “Bargaining” a whopping 30 points despite the fact that someone else almost always steps in to do it, and “Learn Spell” about 80 points. Why does that last skill increase almost every time you learn a new spell, but “Sword” doesn’t go up with the same rapidity?

There also isn’t much of an improvement in terms of equipment. The game seems to feature no unique or magic weapons or armor. You can buy everything in its inventory in shops, and you have plenty of money to do so. Altogether, this means that Challenge–much like Paragon’s previous games–feels more like an adventure game than an RPG. It’s a better adventure game, I would add, but it’s still hard to get excited about side quests when the game has no experience points and such a paltry approach to improving skills.

Time so far: 22 hours

source http://reposts.ciathyza.com/challenge-of-the-five-realms-sins-of-the-father/

[letterstochristopher]

Letters to Chris. May 5th. Day 27

Hey Buddy,

I survived my first week back in my “normal” life. It was a long, difficult week and I’m glad it’s over. I did okay for the most part. I only cried at work once. My poor boss. I felt it coming on and didn’t want to leave the front desk unattended, so instead of running to the bathroom I ran to his office and told him I needed a minute. Poor dude wasn’t quite sure what to do. He told me to take all the time I needed, said he’d get me some water if we had any, ran out and sent my sweet coworker in to console me. I’m sure as a man nothing is worse than getting cornered in a tiny office by a sobbing woman. But I’m doing the best I can. And while I did get in a bit of trouble because I was late two days, I actually was pretty productive. I was able to laugh, to joke around with patients and get shit done. I’m honestly amazed. And I had very few ditzy moments. My brain isn’t working like it should so I figured I’d be in a nonstop fog. I always joke about being in a constant state of confusion (you know this…you’ve been known to tease me about it), so I’m relieved it hasn’t gotten worse (or maybe I’m in denial and people are too nice to point it out). I’m beyond thankful for my coworkers. They have been rocks through it all. One of them had a close friend who committed suicide a few years back, so she’s been here. And one of our patients just lost her sister so we shared about you two. The similarities were odd. Her sister was 25 as well, and passed only four days before you. It felt good to talk to someone else who has just lost a sibling. I would never wish this suffering on my worst enemy, but a huge part of me is so grateful that I’m not alone. 

Nights are the hardest now. I think because I try to keep my shit together during the entire day, I’m emotionally and mentally exhausted by the time I get home. And I miss you so much while at work. I’ve been used to spending all day with you in my thoughts, and obviously I just can’t do that while working. So during lunch break I’ll look at your pictures, or talk to you when we have quiet moments (in my head..I can’t let people think I’m losing it by talking to myself). Surprisingly, yesterday was my best day yet. I still cried, but it wasn’t until I went to bed. I had to get up and go to the kitchen so I wouldn’t wake Clay (not that he would have cared, but I haven’t been the most awesome bed buddy lately and didn’t want to keep him awake another night. He’s been so tired all week). I honestly wasn’t sure how I felt about not crying until so late. I felt guilty, like I was a bad sister for holding it together so well. It wasn’t that it hurt any less. I guess maybe I’m starting to get used to this constant ache..feeling this hole in my chest. It’s not like it goes away. No matter what I’m doing, even when I’m joking around and laughing, it’s still there lurking. Almost like it’s waiting to pounce. I read somewhere how at first the waves that hit you are 100 feet tall and back to back while you cling to this wreckage that was once a beautiful ship. Over time, the waves, while still 100 feet tall, become more spaced apart. And in those spaces is life. I think maybe that’s where I am right now. I’m still clinging to this wreckage like my life depends on it. I’m still fighting the urge to allow myself to drown whenever the waves hit. But in between, I can laugh. I can look at your pictures and not cry. I can almost see my old self coming out. I think this is the way the rest of my life will be. I’ll be okay one minute, but something will be a trigger and I’ll lose it. Something as simple as smelling your cologne somewhere, or someone talking about the National Guard or firefighting. Right now it’s anything. Or nothing. I’ll just be standing there not doing anything and it will hit.

The night before last, I went through all your pictures you uploaded on Facebook, taking screenshots of them so they are all on my phone. I had no idea you had a goatee at one point in time. I wish I had…I would have given you so much grief :) Like, dude, what’s that on your chin?? I love the facial hair you had the last few months. I’d never really seen you with any. I remember when you were 14-15 and you had that patchy scruff you were so proud to shave (must be a right of passage as a young man). I couldn’t believe you were having to shave. But now you have a full fledged beard. Or did. You know what I mean. But it suited you. 

My handsome boy.

Something new I’m noticing is my anger. Not just at you, but at anyone who irritates me. I noticed it a bit in Missouri, but it’s gotten worse. I raised my voice at an employee at Costco today when asking if they were out of coconut milk. He didn’t believe me when I said they usually carried it, saying he had never seen it and he always stocked the dairy aisle. I tried to explain it isn’t ever with the dairy and I literally buy it every week, but he kept trying to run away before I could explain. Finally I just snapped and yelled that he was acting like I was crazy but I knew what I was talking about. Something like that wouldn’t have bothered me to that extent a month ago. People around probably thought I was simply super passionate about coconut milk. It’s not like you can explain to everyone why you’re having a minor meltdown. The guy WAS being a dick, but I should have let it go. I just feel like the general public sucks right now. People are so self involved, worrying about all their petty little problems. I desperately want to yell at everyone, “Oh yeah? Your mother-in-law is visiting? You have to work late? You’re worried about bills? Boohoo. My brother just killed himself. Go f*ck yourself.“ 

Obviously this isn’t the best attitude to have. But it’s so hard not to resent people at the moment. And I know that everyone’s issues are valid. And I know that anger is normal right now. But this isn’t me in the slightest, and I hate feeling this way. So one of my goals tonight is to find a therapist who specializes in bereavement counseling. Before I make an even bigger scene over another unstocked grocery item. Or Clay locks me out of our apartment.

It’s also difficult to not get irritated with people who have things going awesome for them. I’m not talking about friends or family. I mean strangers. For whatever reason, strangers seem the safest people to hate right now. So I’ll overhear someone talking about their awesome vacation they just got back from (”OMG Paris was AMAZING!!) or how they are buying a new house, and I want to throw things at their face. And I hate that. Because, like I said, this is so not me. Clay reminded me that I have no idea what’s going on in people’s lives. Maybe they are going through the same thing as our family. He stepped on dangerous territory by asking if he just shouldn’t point out when I am being negative. Yeah, probably not. Definitely not the wisest thing at the moment. I know I can be an a**hole right now. I’m working on it. It’s a stage of grief and I know I need to get through it. I don’t want to be a ball of fury for the rest of my life.

Speaking of anger, after Costco I went out to my car and another wave hit, and I started yelling at you. I haven’t done that yet. Not like that. Anyone who walked by my car would have thought I was crazy. But it felt so good to yell at you. Because it’s you that I’m really angry at. I screamed at you for leaving us, that we f*cking told you things would get better, and that I’m absolutely devastated that you didn’t text me goodbye. Yes, I’m still stuck on that. I was always the one you listened to. Mom would ask me to talk to you about things because you actually listened to me. We always had that relationship our whole lives. But you didn’t tell me goodbye. I’m grateful you texted Mom, but why not your sisters?? I just can’t let that go. My phone had been right in front of me that night. Perhaps me begging you to live wouldn’t have changed anything. I know any therapist would say it wouldn’t have made a difference. But at least I could have told you how much I loved you. You would have died knowing I needed you and loved you and would have taken your place in a second. I would have told you I’d be flying out to see you that very night. Or beg you to come stay with us for a while. I would have told you that my life would be meaningless without you and that if you died I would die, too. That our family would be devastated, left picking up the pieces and never able to get closure. But you denied me that. So I’m angry. More than that. I’m p*ssed. And I hate how much our family hurts. Mom called a couple days ago and I could tell she'd been crying. She said she washed the rest of your laundry which took all day. And she cried and cried. Nikea has had a few difficult days this week. And while Dad is more the suffer in silence type, I know this is hell for him, too. We all know you never meant to hurt us, but it doesn't make it any easier. 

Yet I know you understand my anger, and love me regardless. You knew I needed to scream at you. And honestly, I’ll probably do it again. I apologized because I hate yelling at you, even though you probably deserve it right now. But I have this feeling you understand everything way better than any of us can on this side of Heaven. You’re way wiser than we are. You understand how we feel. You know what you put us through. I can’t explain how weird it is to realize you now know things that we cannot begin to comprehend. Nikea has always been the smartest of us four kids, but now you’re the wisest. If you were here now, I’m sure you’d gloat about how you know all the secrets of the universe.

Know what I miss most? Family dinners. Dad always making weird Dad jokes that still made us laugh, Bethany enjoying her food so much she’d look like she was falling asleep or in a trance. I know some kids don’t like being forced to eat dinner with their parents, but I’ve always loved it. It gave us a chance to connect, without our cell phones (which you were always on..ahem)…like really connect as a family. Then we’d always help clean the table afterwards while Dad rinsed the dishes. God I miss that. I always meant to record those conversations because you never quite knew what anyone was going to say. Nikea was saying how you teased her during dinner last time you were home because she was drinking Pepsi. Since you worked for Coke, you pretended it was a great betrayal. 

God, I’d give anything to have been at that table.

I’m so frustrated because I still can’t pull any specific memories from recent years. I understand this is caused by grief. You know I’m the one who remembers the most random stuff, so it’s beyond heartbreaking that I can’t get my brain to work. It’s like this stupid mental block that just refuses to lift. It’s funny how you don’t realize how you’re going to react to grief until it hits. I know it’ll pass and the memories will come flooding back…I just wish I knew when.

Of course I remember things from years ago. Your first car, a Ford Taurus that you loved to work on. The muffler was nonexistent so we always knew when you were pulling up to the house. You were so proud to show me the alterations you made in that car. And remember when you hit that curb and jacked it up? I felt so awful for you. Then I remember when you were super little and grabbed one of my many "Titanic” books and threw it at me laughing. You ripped Leo’s face in half and I yelled at you and made you cry (I’m sorry). I remember how you’d always eat Mom and Dad out of house and home but never gain any weight. I remember road trips to Grandma and Grandpa’s, yearly visits to TanTarA. Key West. I’m still not recalling as many memories as I normally would, but like I said, I know this will pass. I just don’t want the strongest memories to be of your last few months when you were so distraught. I still go back and read your texts, even though they break my heart, just because they are you. And Katrina sent me some voicemails you had left her. I wasn’t sure if I could bear to listen to them, but I was able to. I miss your voice so much, so it helps to hear it even if your words weren’t directed at me.

I took the dogs on a walk tonight. I was grateful for the weather. It was beautiful out. The sun was setting behind the mountains which were all these different shades of deep blue. I was walking on this path I hadn’t known existed before near our apartment. This field of white cattails caught the sun, glowing bright white. I stopped on this old bridge and watched the sun set. It looked like Heaven. Your Heaven. I know you loved the mountains (you were so excited to see them in Montana and when you visited Colorado a couple years back), so I feel so close to you when I look at them. I felt your presence. It was so strong I felt like I could touch you. I’ve felt it before, but it has been getting stronger the brief seconds I’m able to experience it. I’ve read of people experiencing the same thing with departed loved ones, and it’s so encouraging. Like I’ve said before, those brief moments when you reach out get me through.

Anywho, Buddy…I love you and miss you. Clay grilled some steaks for us (hey remember how you cooked me steak that one day when Carter was brand new? It was DELICIOUS. First time I’d ever had your cooking and I was so proud), so I better get going. He’s been waiting patiently for me. But again, I LOVE you and I MISS you so damn much. Talk to you soon.

Your big sis.