#screenshot from yesterday but i saw it again earlier

[comrademango]

tumblr ads keep telling me that robin padilla is dead

[bogleech]

Guess I have to make a main thread about this. Someone decided to fight with me in the notes on this post just yesterday about Gaza and made select responses of mine into a callout thread here, where they say my anger towards the IDF is all a cover for antisemitism. This didn't make any sense, because they said they were also against the IDF killing civilians, and I repeatedly said that Jewish people aren't to blame for the IDF or represented by the IDF in any way, putting us supposedly both on the exact same page. What gerry leaves out of their own screenshots, and I'd actually forgotten, is that at first they came at me from an angle that I was disrespecting the victims in Gaza.

So this implies they feel gaza is being subjected to a genocide, and a pretty big one, since they're upset my language made it sound "smaller and tamer." When it becomes obvious that I do in fact consider it a serious genocide, that's when they switch over to saying that my criticism of Netanyahu or the IDF is inherently an attack on Jewish people.

Notice I never actually said "zionists" in this screenshot, even, but that I defined "regular humans" as humans who don't want to kill innocent families. That would automatically include Jewish people since they overall do not wish to kill anyone, but have in fact spent quite a lot more time trying not to get killed. I believe there may be entire books about this fact! I think there's even whole museums about it, if I'm not mistaken?!

So then they pivot to saying I'm an antisemite because I said the IDF and its supporters can "burn in hell," and they say "invoking hell" is an antisemitic dogwhistle, which is definitely news to me?!

So I tried to clarify, again, that I'm only angry at the people who are themselves killing civilians and the "pro-genocide maniacs" who defend the killing of civilians, which they responded to as if I had "lumped them in" with those. You can just see right there that I didn't make any assumption that they were a part of that at all. Thanks to their earlier comments I still thought I was speaking to someone 100% against the IDF's actions, but every time I said that the killers and their advocates alone are bad, they've framed it in some new way as me just not liking anyone Jewish. So now that you have that context:

...In a response to an ask, they finally just say they hated me to begin with and set out with the intention to "bait and sealion" me (their own words!!) into saying something they hoped would be antisemitic, which they believe was successful despite me never saying anything about Jews other than "this isn't their fault." They saw what they admittedly wanted to, so strongly, that they show me saying "this isn't the fault of Jews" as evidence that I blame Jews. But speaking of people "going mask off"

In multiple more recent posts and asks, this person appears to say that they simply do not believe the IDF is really targeting children or ambulances or relief aid, that "none of those are true," and the deliberate targeting of any children is supposedly just a conspiracy theory??? So I guess they did successfully troll me and I feel like a real gullible dumbass, because the only reason I continued responding to this person in the first place was that they said they were in fact against the ongoing massacre. Instead, these comments sound like they think the IDF is being unfairly vilified by dishonest propagandists, and that's why they hated me enough to try and fish for callout fuel. That's the nastiest fucking thing anyone's yet pulled on me about this and it's not one that I'm just going to ignore. I should have smelled a troll early on and just blocked them, but it's SO hard for me to suspect ulterior motives. I always go in thinking people mean well, and that there's just a miscommunication we can work out. I almost feel like this individual noticed that and tried to exploit it?!? Unfortunately I'm sure this kind of thing will happen again simply because I don't intend to obediently shut up about what's being done to Gaza. It's not logistically possible for the death and destruction to all just be accidental collateral damage. Don't let anybody ever fool you into thinking the IDF is the face of the Jewish community or vice-versa, just as you can't let anyone fool you into thinking Hamas represents all Palestinians. Especially don't engage this person, stop doing so if you have been, and block them.

[accio-victuuri]

ONE NIGHT IN BEIJING & other sweets 🌃

when i first saw this song being discussed earlier, i was confused cause i don’t know what’s happening. lol. what’s with the song. i cannot trace where the screenshot is from but it says one of WYB’s favorite song is this, one night in beijing.

then a fan commented that XZ sang this in our song before ( not main performance ) and someone found a recording. did he discover the song because of that? was it on zz’s playlist at some point in the past and became his fave?

the song itself tho. very 👀👀👀

Don’t wish to ask where you have been

Don’t wish to wonder if you are ever returning

I’m thinking of your heart, I’m thinking of your face

I’m thinking of your embrace – I won’t let go, I just won’t

that’s just the first few lines and i’m here nodding my head that this fits his style of bittersweet song.

but this not even the interesting part….

Fans are thinking about how this relates to what’s been happening in the past few ways. The way we have speculated about 11/19 and WYB acting as the mystery driver again. Then him sharing a post on his weibo. One night in Beijing? Does he love that particular title cause it sometimes describes their meetings? They are often busy and one night is all they can get.

People are also pointing out the change in ZZ’s work schedule today. His LOCH sched starts early and ends in the evening or very late but the 5:30-6:00 AM call time for him is almost fixed. Yesterday, 11/22, WYB posts and we think they are together. What happens today? ZZ comes in “late” to work at 11:30 AM. So why the change? Was he spending time with Bobo? This reminds me of that time he was out of his schedule too when Bobo was sick.

A common argument from haters is how is a relationship between them possible. They are busy! Well.. this is how. since 2020, they have been meeting (allegedly) and even going to each other’s workplace ( allegedly lol repeating this to be safe ) It doesn’t matter how long, they make it work. You will always find time for the important people in your life.

Next, let’s move on to XZS post. On a Thursday. Also it perfectly coincides with their WB account reaching 10 million followers. The photos shared are behind the scenes content from ad shoots but the contrast of the photos stands out. Day & Night. The kadian they use, 14:23 loving zhan forever. Which goes to show that they do use it!

The caption gives us more insight on the choice of photos. Sun & Moon. Another symbolism that is popular with CPFs Sun/Sunshine & Moon.

“It is the perfect moment, just like when the gentle light meets the rising moon.”

I think the english translation doesn’t give that much deeper meaning that we clowns love. so we gotta take it to the next level 🙃🙃🙃

"Fuguang" and "Wangshu" are both important elements in Chinese culture. "Fuguang" comes from the works of Song poets in the Southern Dynasties, which means sunlight or sunlight."Wangshu" is a god in Chinese mythology and legend, representing the moon and can be used to describe moonlight'. The two can be combined to show that lovers support each other and move towards a bright future together.

This caption aligns to WYB posting a photo yesterday that shows the 🌙. So does this mean WYB is the Moon & ZZ is the Sun/light? I have to say that it fits with their personality ( tho Bobo is warm and ZZ has his moments of being cold too but you know what I mean, for symbolic purposes only ok. ) I am loving this imagery between them! I hope we can have more reference in the future.

I’m cackling at this tho. The progression of posts, WYB’s caption was a reminder that it’s getting colder > YBO reposts and says to wear warmer clothes > XZS posts and GG is wearing a cozy sweater 😂 As if saying that yep, he has worn warmer clothes. LOL.

and xzs and ybo are at it again, the photo ybo shared yesterday was showing wyb’s back and xzs shared something similar today as the last photo in the grid. i’m sure they have lots of photos that show his face or close ups of his body like his hand but they had to choose this as the finale.

i mean thank you, this will make it easier for us to edit them together 😂😂😂

Bonus, the “light” photos appear to form an 8 = bo. (p1) is a himalaya episode about the 8 of diamonds card forming an 8. What a coincidence!

-END.

[lestappenforever]

So, pre-season testing over, let’s talk numbers. Specifically, comparing the numbers of the past 3 days. (This is just by looking at the time sheets, and some stuff I found on twitter these past couple of days, and I will be doing a full analysis as much as I could after subscribing to F1 TV as I want to be able to look at all the data, the telemetry, tyre deg, etc)

Day 1 saw Max topping the board with 1:31:344, followed by Lando with 1:32:484 and Carlos 1:32:584, on that day, Charles was 1:33:247. To look at this, Max was the best during day 1. And let’s not forget the fact that Max was in C3, kind of used, they were not fresh tyres when he went on this run, and he was on a considerably high fuel load, almost as much fuel as a full race. In addition to the fact that this was day 1, on a track that is known for its high temps, and its improvements as time pass. Charles was not able to pull times as Max or Lando or Carlos because he was in the morning run, aka the worst run of the track, as the weather was very war (track temp being around 38) and the track was literally being used for the first time in a while.

Day 2 saw Carlos topping the timesheet with a 1:29:921, while Checo was on 1:30:679 followed by Lewis who pulled a 1:31:066, while Charles pulled a 1:31:750. Again, Charles went in the AM session, temps are high, track is only getting better. And let’s bot overlook the fact that Carlos pulled the 1:29 on C5 tyres, Charles didn’t use any softs yesterday.

Finally day 3, which saw Charles at the top if the time sheet with 1:30:322, followed by George who managed a 1:30:368, followed by Zhou, who got a 1:30:647 and then Max with a 1:30:755. This was in the best track conditions, but the times by Charles, George and Zhou are not indicators for next week, and we can’t consider them for the first race next Saturday. The reason is that Charles, George and Zhou were on C4 tyres, softs in testing, but nit Bahrain’s softs. The tyre compounds used in Bahrain are C1, C2 and C3. Which means that Max only used the tyres to be used on a GP weekend, and he topped the timesheet today with these tyres, pulling the fastest time with them, and only being 4th while the top 3 are using softer, faster, newer and grippier tyres.

Now from these, we can conclude a couple of things: 1. Red Bull are apparently very very very tyre friendly. I mean, from that Twitter screenshots earlier were showing the tyre deg and the fact Max improved his time as he used the tyres (or could just be he’s insane, which he is) 2. The Ferrari is good, better than last year that is for sure, and the fact that they were among the top in most sessions, impressive work from the Scuderia who hopefully are able to do good this year, and don’t fuck up in other areas if the car is as good as it looks. 3. Mercedes are worrying, not being able to top the timesheet at any session, and the drivers from other teams are able to pull better times on same tyre compounds, and Lewis even went on C5 today, yet Checo and Carlos beat him by quiet a bit?! 4. McLaren were very omnious, like the car looks good and is pulling good timings, but Idk, the fact that they only topped one timesheet, despite lando and oscar being two very good drivers, Idk. 5. ZAK BROWN YOU SHOULD BE SCARED, RB ARE COMING FOR YOU (no more context the RB looks good and Yuki and Daniel were extremely impressive) and 6. Adrian Newey is the GOAT nothing to add your honor.

Of course this is just by watching some of the testing (I watched all day 1, about 3/4 of day 3 and none of day 2) and this is just by timesheets and twitter. I’ll still try to analyse the data further (trying to work in F1 as an engineer and I’m hoping to convince the teams with any of that) and of course, race week is just around the corner, so We Shall See……

(Again, so sorry for the rant. But you’ve literally become my comfort person who I could rant to and geek out to in F1)

I love your brain so, so much. Can I live there? ❤️

As someone who hasn’t had time to watch much of the testing at all due to work, this is incredibly well summed up and really gives an insight into all the things I've missed. Thank you so, so much for sharing this, you seriously have no idea how happy it makes me to see you in my ask box.

I'm so excited for next weekend, and I'm so excited for your full analysis, like damn. I will be seated.

(Never apologize for ranting in my inbox — I love every single word you write and you are welcome at any time. And it makes me so happy to know I'm your comfort person, are you kidding? That is such an honor. ❤️)

[butch-reidentified]

*NOTE* This reply is admittedly more just my thoughts and meant to share said thoughts with my own community on here rather than being intended as a direct response specifically to anon. I just think a lot of this can be applicable in a lot of situations, and so it's maybe worth saying. A lot of it comes down to a certain mentality that seeks drama constantly, especially on social media, which I frankly believe to be the most typical explanation for the reaction to my post yesterday; I suspect that the people who have been sending those anons are likely reading through the lens of a social schema wherein that sort of constant, petty drama is normalized. I'll elaborate a bit on this below.

I feel very strongly that I didn't make "wild accusations" when I referenced previous (documented) incidents. And as I alluded to in the post, I didn't make it to call her out/incite negativity against her; I made it with the intention of interacting with my followers/mutuals about my frustration at dealing with yet another instance in a pattern of behavior - especially when I had JUST logged on for practically the first time all week and that screenshot was the first thing I saw despite having no knowledge of any drama (idek what happened still lmao). I made it to get shit off my chest & engage with my tumblr pals about my experience with it, bc it was a whole shock, esp given I didn't even know there was any drama.

It seems like yall are not able to read and understand the purpose of the post. It wasn't for you, it wasn't intended to have some kind of #[url]isOverParty vibe, and wasn't even primarily about the specific things she's said and/or spread but rather a discussion of the type of behavior in general. I don't have any need to demonize her or convince ppl to "side" w me bc I don't have a side in this besides the I've Been Busy Touching Grass WTF Leave Me Alone side. Which, again, is why I don't care if yall believe me or don't, if yall search my blog or not, if yall are her best friend on earth or not.

Plus, I have a thing about not being super psyched to go to extra unnecessary effort to do a task for people who are actively doing me wrong or just engaging in behavior I find morally reprehensible regardless of context - and I especially don't feel particularly obligated to anyone who's been obnoxious/harassed me, especially on anon which I am extremely vocal about never ever using (except for like, deeply personal advice request type shit and the like) bc I think it's inherently devoid of integrity to rely on anonymity to engage in any negative social interaction. I have zero desire to put even the smallest amount of time and effort into doing a task I don't enjoy (as opposed to writing these, which I do enjoy in a sort of diary type of way) that the previously described sort of person is demanding of me but could do themselves, particularly when I did not at any point have any intention or desire to interact with said person or associates.

One of the earlier anons was rly focused on the fact that H "only" posted a side eyes emoji (this one: 👀) (anon wrote it "EYES" in all caps) in response to an anon containing fucked up lies ab me, and said I was "acting like H had been the one to make it all up." While she very much has done so in the past, you'll find that I have been using the term "spreading" rumors/lies, which does not mean inventing them yourself. She is doing that. If I got that anon ab any woman on here, never in a trillion years would I react that way. I find it gross to be seemingly jumping at any chance to start drama with someone, honesty and integrity (and often feminism, lbr) be damned. I'm far from the only one who feels this way about her behavior.

*Final Notes*

[1] I have never had sex with a man and have made this clear more than once before & never said otherwise. So the only reasons I can think of rn that any gyn on radblr could possibly have to accuse me of being into men (assuming it's not purely to instigate drama or try to upset me or something) would either be bc of a belief that real lesbians all agree with 100% of her takes OR bc of my trafficking history/porn of me existing online. I included this one for a couple reasons, one of which is that I've straight up seen it done here on radblr, I've seen a self-proclaimed radfem tell a lesbian trafficking survivor that she was "ruined" & other horrific shit; it was quite some time ago, but certainly stuck with me.

[gentyjack]

not to actually have faith in atlus of all companies but I feel like people REALLY heel face turned immediately at p3r yesterday unnecessarily

1) I’m actually pro re-casting. As much as I love (most of) the original cast, the game DID come out nearly 20 years ago. Some of the original actors have also had a lot of controversy attached to them as well. It’s really great to see new faces, especially such a diverse group. These guys deserve your faith in them, because they are probably already aware that they have big shoes to fill and y’all saying “not my Akihko” or w/e is not helpful. I totally understand if people are wary if the original cast was not asked at all to come back, because that’s shitty. But seeing as how I’ve heard that some of them retweeted the new actor’s announcement tweets it makes it feel like there’s no bad blood there.

2) I may be wrong, but I (like Faz) interpreted “No FES content” as there wouldn’t be The Answer as opposed to No Aigis/Elizabeth social link and other in-base game FES content. Apparently someone saw weapon fusion in the minimap in a screenshot, which IS something that was introduced in FES. We’ll see if I’m just engaging in wishful thinking there….

3) I am also sad about no FemC. But even in P3P the devs made it clear that the game was written with the male protagonist in mind. They outright state to NOT play as FemC unless you’ve played with the male protagonist first and that she was meant for more “experienced players.” Considering they’re rebuilding this entire game from the ground up as well, it unfortunately makes sense for them to want to focus on one for now. I’m not a game developer, so I don’t know how difficult and time consuming this is, but it seems to me that it would be very much so. Now if they DO eventually release her as paid DLC that would be a mega dick move, I will say.

4) guys there’s no way in hell with a remade game that they’re going to keep forced romance in social links, you all are jumping to conclusions lmao

5) while this is a fun surprise for older fans of p3, I can’t help but think this remake is intended for folks newer to the series. OR (god forbid) folks that started with p5 and are intimidated by the more SMT grindy style of the earlier games. like it or not, those people exist. and they should get to experience the game too.

idk. again, atlus has hurt me before. MANY TIMES. but I feel like everyone is freaking out over ONE article that doesn’t have a lot of context. the game has had ONE trailer. Let It Cook.

[leseigneurdufeu]

finding it funny and ironic that you said you block people for any reason of any kind in your info page but when you get blocked for something an user doesn’t like to interact w/ / feels uncomfortable w/, you get annoyed and mad at it

ok so as I said earlier and as anyone who saw the ask i sent should know, I didn't get annoyed and mad them for blocking me. I wanted to know if I was blocked because 1) could have been a bug on my part 2) since I block people for no reason it might have been the same here, I myself unblocked someone yesterday because they appeared as "based on your likes" repeatedly and didn't want to see them (blocked) but also didn't have anything against them (unblocked, but i generally forget).

I didn't ask them to unblock me or anything, just wanted to be sure it was on purpose.

I made them uncomfortable? Well I'm sorry about that. It's totally fair that they would block me. What I'm annoyed at or "mad" about as you say, is going to great length (investigating a side blog of mine looking for screenshots) to prove i'm an awful person or whatever, calling me names and telling me to go fuck myself completely unprovoked. Lemme remind you that I was polite in my ask and didn't strike back (not only because I was blocked, I truly don't believe in being aggressive on the internet).

Now what makes me uncomfortable is the number of people I don't know and who don't know me who've been sending me anon messages to either blame me or call me names ever since it happened. I've been blocking those in the askbox but I felt like this one was at least neither aggressive nor full of swears and might come from a genuine place of finding funny the situation and wanting to share.

Again, I might have made them uncomfortable by the past, which I didn't realize at the time, and if so I'm sorry. But I didn't strike first with my ask and I didn't strike back after. So if the people who saw the ask and are now coming into my askbox to insult me (and you anon who are not among them because you were civil) could stop wasting both their time and mine on whatever they think they're doing for social justice or something, I'd appreciate.

[yumenosakiacademy]

if any1 wants context 4 the ask from earlier bc it was Out Of Left Field, its tht yesterday i saw some1 rbing my gifs whose, like, whole Thing was jus like being "anti-white ppl" n "white ppl, dont follow" (it was in their pinned And their url- talk abt overkill mayb lol is tht their whole personality) n i was like "i dont like the kinds of ppl who act like tht n i say as muchz so," so i blocked them bc i kinda didnt want some1 like tht interacting w me n they noticed they were blocked n got pissy n assumed me 2 b a white person n apparently screenshotted my dni n posted it n were like [paraphrased] "turns out im blocked but i checked their dni n now i dont feel so bad abt it, ugh why do white ppl act like this shit online; some of us dont wanna b around pur Oppressors bc of irl shit" or w/e (how r random tumblr users who haven't slighted u comparable n responsible 4 irl Bigots fuckery n also, again, im mixed (so who's this Ppl theyre speaking of lol), n if they bothered 2 look like 1 cm Down on my pinned dni, the literal Next Line/Sentence, it says so lmao) n they decided, w the intelligence of a 12 yr old gamer, 2 immediately go "im gonna call them a whitey slur tht'll teach this white fuck 4 blocking ME!" i guess jghnsd lol

[daidoruyume]

Chapter 10 New song release

 Kaho had left early, at 6AM, and I was alone with my thoughts once again. I could still feel Miyuu's lips in mine, not to mention I had another dream where it was just us two. I started feeling like I was even deeper in love with her. Whenever she liked my comments, or when we talked during the meet and greets, I considered myself lucky. But being kissed…? That was bigger than luck, right? It was something else. Something bigger. Destiny, maybe.

 I happily skipped my first class in the morning. I looked so, but so silly… but that happiness I was feeling, oh, no one could take it from me. The day passed so quickly, and everything seemed so bright. During my lunch break I got to open Twitter and see what Miyuu had posted.

There were backstage and after-party pictures of the girls, and lots of "Thank you". But, I finally knew, amongst all the fans, I was very special. 

 There was, though, an announcement. Because of the great reception they had, they would start releasing the solos earlier as Digital Singles, and the album and the title and b-side would be released on the assigned date. Miyuu was going to release Hanabi at midnight. As usual, I commented on it, saying I was excited and that the concert was great. Only Miyuu and I would ever know what actually had made me truly happy.

 It wasn't uncommon for her to like my comments, but she didn't reply often. This time, though, she did.

@miyuukiway

 It was great to see such a memorable face once again. I hope you have recovered well from what happened yesterday. Let's do our best today, too! 

 I had to show it off. For obvious reasons, no matter how great it was, I couldn't just tell everyone Miyuu had kissed me. But I could tell everyone she had remembered I passed out (and it was quite a known topic from that day) and wished me a good recovery. Of course, I screenshot it and Tweeted it. Miyuu was so kind… I couldn't wait to see her again… I couldn't wait to be wrapped in her arms.

 The rest of the day went by quite slowly, now that I was excited for her new song. When I arrived home I was quite tired, but I kept thinking of Miyuu and it gave me a lot of strength. I ate, showered, did my little chores and enjoyed my time leisurely until the clock hit midnight. The PV appeared in the front of their YouTube page and I was finally able to watch it. I was so excited!

 It opened with Miyuu dressed in a Yukata, in some kind of festival. She sang about star-crossed lovers, but that had to be apart. Still, whenever they saw fireworks, they would remind of their love and their hearts found peace. I soon recognized that scenery, from years ago. I knew it from my childhood, when I had met a girl there. A weird feeling started taking over my body, and I was surrounded by "what if?s". But… that couldn't be, right? The MV ended with a photo of Miyuu as a child, in that festival. And with that, I had no doubts. It was Miyuu that I met years ago. 

 I wanted to go on Twitter to talk about the PV and the song, that were absolutely amazing, but that realization… it froze me. I couldn't do anything. It was… it was so crazy how I wasn't simply a fan, or someone delusional, but rather someone she had been looking for. Someone she promised she would go back to. But, now… how was I going to tell her that? There was literally no way to privately message her, and I was afraid that if I, for example, sent her a letter, the staff would read it. I could only wait for Miyuu to reach out for me. Somewhat troubled, I fell asleep.

[cleetus42]

woke up today. had eggs and sheer chai w/ some white bread. decided to play roblox w my little sister bc she was begging me. we played meep city n then my other sister got into an argument w one of the baristas. left the game. looked on amazon for some cute beads but couldnt find the ones i wanted. oh

i got these page flags yesterday, loads of colours and stuff but i only picked out the few that match my desktop wallpaper. gave some to my sister. my mood has been stable for a few days now. i tried making notes for organic chem but i got bored. i just idk. whenever i feel myself lose focus i just give up. before i was told i was nd i kinda pushed through the boredom. i dont know if ive become complacent or something. it feels that way.

stalked some social media profiles. but like. i didnt feel an overwhelming sense of anxiety. didnt over think . nothing. people at school are just people at school. they dont exist outside those walls.

i confessed something to my sisters yesterday. i really thought it was a big deal but when i told them they started laughing, telling me that it was ok. it was the only thing i was worried about. im glad its not that important.

also woke up earlier today ! a new record ! 9am ? i dont know. im better today than i was last week. i dont want to relapse though.

i cut a peach into lil pieces and added whipped cream. it tasted good. might have some kiwis later.

M messaged me a screenshot of B complaining about the shit from 2020. dont trust men she says. thats what i told her back then. but she didnt listen.

had popcorn. ordered my sister those stickers she was begging me to buy. life is. better.

my sister ran into him yesterday at school. as in she bumped into him. said sorry and he said it back. i asked her about his hair and she says its growing back. i asked her about S and she says she saw him rummaging through a bin with his friend.

i want a friend. maybe i just want a tamagotchi. i dont know.

im waiting on that appointment. im waiting on those pills. im not going to let myself ever feel that low again.

[a-god-in-ruins-rises]

You mentioned yesterday that the most Hamiltonian 19th century presidents were the ones who got killed, firstly, do you think the British were behind those assassinations, or something else? And secondly, why do you think the three were Hamiltonian? Lincoln yes, but as far as I'm aware Garfield was a free trader and McKinley was opposed to a national bank, neither of which are Hamiltonian policies

yeah i was speaking pretty loosely with that post. i posted it in between a bunch of longwinded responses to other anons about other stuff. i saw that quote and just kinda screenshotted it and threw it out there with the half-baked comment in the tags and didn't think about it again until now.

so let me clarify.

do i think they were all assassinated by the british? lincoln i'm pretty confident about the british being at least indirectly responsible. as for the other two? i'm not really sure. i'm honestly not typically a very conspiracy-minded person (this is a lie: i am and i just try hard to fight it) so i tend to err on the side of the simplest explanation; garfield was just killed by a madman and mckinley was killed by a radical. so when i made that post i was half-joking but also half-musing to myself. because i had never really investigated the assassinations or the contexts of the latter two. and when i saw that passage it got me thinking. because i /do/ know that garfield was concerned about the presence of the british in the new world (i'll get to that in a minute). so remembering that and reading that passage just made some constellations connect in my mind. but again, i was half-joking and not making a serious implication.

but yeah about the hamiltonian thing. yeah i use the term "hamiltonian" pretty loosely. because it's rare to find people that /exactly/ match hamilton's vision. but i just use it to refer to people that are hamiltonian-esque. /generally/ approximating something like hamilton envisioned, even if it's not a 1:1 comparison. but i would say that lincoln, garfield, and mckinley come pretty close to this ideal. to varying degrees obviously. and just to be clear by hamiltonian i am referring to the american system/school: protectionism, nationalism, federalism (strong central government), internal improvements and subsidies, regulations, supporting scientific research and development, education, etc. things along those lines. i would even include fiat currency in that list even though hamilton didn't advocate for it. but that's part of my point. gonna be rare to find people that perfectly match my vision; not even hamilton. but some are approximately closer than others.

so garfield. yeah. i'm not sure where you're getting the idea that he was a free trader? i would have to find my notes but i have seen quotes from him being pretty clear about how he thinks tariffs are a good thing. i think you're maybe referring to him wanting to lower /some/ tariffs? specifically here in latin america. i don't think that's really contrary to hamiltonianism. hamiltonianism isn't about high tariffs in principle. it's about strategically placed tariffs. a hamiltonian can support lowering tariffs on certain goods and still be a hamiltonian. like there's no point in us placing super high tariffs on coffee beans. ain't no major coffee industry gonna pop up in america.

but going back to my earlier point about garfield. he wanted to lower tariffs with american countries to drive british trade out of the new world and replace it with american trade. this is valid i think. it's strategic. i'd have to look up what specific goods he wanted to lower tariffs for (or precisely by how much and whether they were export or import tariffs or both?) but i've not seen any info about it being anything concerning. america's tariffs at the time were generally pretty high anyway so he could probably afford to lower them a bit. and, depending, it might even be good. but yeah if the british needed a motive to kill him that could have been one. again, not saying that /seriously/. just something interesting to note.

as for mckinley, is that true? i don't think i've ever heard his opinion on banks. where can i find it? but even if it is true, like i said earlier, he may not have been perfectly hamiltonian (by my definition) but he is approximately close. enough that i would have voted for him, even if i don't agree with his /every/ policy (*cough* gold standard *cough*).

[thesoulspulse]

Danny Phantom (Wesified Characters ~ Richard & Angela)

I’m not sure if anyone else has done this with these two background characters in particular before, but while going through some gifs looking for duplicate files and such I remembered talking about something like this once after seeing the two characters in the image above from the first episode of Danny Phantom.

It’s about the idea of going through a process I personally like to call “Wesify/Wesified or Wesifying” a background character, occasionally even more than one. Oh, and I made sure these weren’t a real words so we should be ok using them! And since I haven’t seen anyone else trademark this as a term in the phandom I decided I’m going to do it myself! Especially since I felt bad about getting so emotional yesterday after a bad day so I’m trying to focus on the positive again.

On a side note, can I just say how impressive it is that Danny timed this so well and managed to catch that cup upside down so the water would stay inside? That’s some mad skill right there!

Now, I’ve talked about this on my discord server before too, but just to clarify what the idea entails I think by now almost all of us in the phandom know who Wes Weston is. He’s a background character from the episode “Shades of Gray” we only see for two seconds that the community adopted and turned into a full blown character that’s always being compared to Danny Phantom and tries to expose him being Danny Fenton too since he’s the only one who can tell they’re the same person.

Sometimes he even has parents and siblings who are also background characters like Kyle (Right) and Easton (Left)!

Of course, I’m sure plenty of you guys have also adopted background characters and gone more in depth with them because you thought had an interesting design and wanted to give more personality, character backstories, and so on. The best part is, this idea applies to ghosts too!

Anyways, hopefully now that I’ve given you a general idea of this term I use means, lets talk about a few ideas I had about how to Wesify the two characters above who are on a plane that Danny phases through while fighting the Lunch Lady for the first time. I re-watched just that part of the episode to confirm this, but those five people in the screenshot are the first people besides Sam and Tucker to EVER see Danny in his ghost form.

I double-checked and all of Danny’s earlier encounters with the Lunch Lady in the first episode and from what I could tell they seemed to be pretty isolated instances with no one else around to see him fighting. There’s always the chance someone at the protests saw him too, but it seems unlikely since most of the bystanders were too busy fleeing for their lives at the time so I’m just going to assume no one was paying attention.

And since these are the first people we see that may or may not actually LIVE in Amity Park since they’re on a plane that actually saw Danny in ghost form, it made me wonder what their reaction was after he phased back through to rejoin the fight.

Sir: You...you saw that too right? I’m not crazy? *asks flight attendant next to him with a nervous chuckle*

Flight Attendant: *nods slowly, still looking bewildered* Yes sir, I did. So unless I’m crazy too we both saw a...ghost I think?

Sir: A ghost!? *grips the sides of his chair*

Flight Attendant: *flustered* Well, he did just pass through solid steel and titanium somehow so how else do you explain that?

*Both of them look at the other passengers who are clearly pretending they saw nothing.*

Sir: Should we tell someone?

Flight Attendant: And get sent off to a crazy farm as soon as we land? No thanks! *she says, finally dropping her professionalism a bit* Honestly, if he hadn’t taken the glass of water out of your hand I would have thought we were both hallucinating.

Sir: You don’t think I’m cursed now do you? Since it touched me?

Flight Attendant: *laughs and smiles to lighten the mood a bit* No, as far as I know ghosts don’t curse people, they just haunt them and go Boo. Um...anyway, would you like a replacement, Sir?

Sir: *blinks then leans back in his seat again, resting a hand over his eyes* For the water? Honestly, after what I just saw I’d much rather have a glass of wine.

Ok, so that’s the basic premise of how I’d like to start off their backstory. Now they just need names! I’m thinking...Richard for the guy as a partial pun since he’s clearly well off financially and Angela (Angie) just because it’s a pretty name, not to mention she’s a flight attendant and her hair reminds me of bird or angel wings. Since they shared the same experience, I think it would be interesting if she gave the guy her number and they started getting close, although the last thing on that guy’s mind is flirting with her again after he saw a ghost kid appear and disappear directly in front of him and it makes him want to avoid flying the next time he goes on a business trip.

Moving onto Richard’s character, personally I think it would be ironic/funny if the guy worked for one of Vlad’s companies as a bit of foreshadowing since his CEO is half-ghost too. As for the flight attendant, hmm, she’s probably seen a lot of interesting things in her career but never ghosts so I’ll bet she decided to take a vacation after that to rethink her life and has to resist the urge to tell her friends about the ghost kid since they would definitely call her crazy and laugh at her. That’s pretty much all I have so far but I’d like to make this a thing so I’d love to see what characters you guys have or want to Wesify too!

[lilahisntsadanymore]

While Y/n decides to take a break from her celebrity life and spend some time in Outer Banks, her boyfriend decides to surprise her.

The quality of the screenshots might be ugly but click on them and it should get better.

The reader pronouns: she/her

Pairings: JJ Maybank x singer!reader

Words count: 1.3k

Warnings: not proofread (and written at 12am) as usual but none other than that

I do not own any of the pics used in this fanfiction. If I used your pic and you want it removed, I will.

♪°•°∞°•°♪°•°∞°•°♪°•°∞°•°♪°•°∞°•°♪

A surprise on vacation

Y/n loved her job, she loved singing and performing. It was such a blessing to be that successful at such young age. But even the greatest artists need a break sometimes. Y/n needed to catch a breath, let her voice rest.

The picture was taken a day before on a date Y/n and JJ went on and today they were going to have a hang out session with the rest of Pogues. No matter how famous Y/n got, she would always find time for those people. They and Y/n's family were her biggest supporters.

Lying in her bed in her family house, Y/n felt so good, so cozy. This place was much better than hotel rooms. Even the most expensive hotel couldn't compare to how amazing the real home felt.

Y/n got a notification about someone commenting on the post. It were Kiara and JJ replying to Sarah's comment.

What surprise?, Y/n thought. The girl decided to call her boyfriend.

"Hi, baby, what's up?" JJ picked up.

"Hey, I was just wondering what you're doing."

"Like, right now?"

"Like right now."

"Nothing much, you know, just...nothing much."

"Sounds like fun," Y/n chuckled, but she felt there's something off, "what is the surprise you and Kie are talking about in the comments?"

"What do you mean? What comments?"

"Don't be silly, I'm talking about the comment you posted a few minutes ago."

"You know, I can't, can't uhh hear you well," as he said that, Y/n heard a sound similar to someone crumpling a sheet of paper, "see you later today, right?"

"Yeah, right. See you later, JJ."

Y/n ended the call, feeling a bit sad. JJ didn't sound like himself and he was trying to hide something.

However, the girl didn't get much time to think about what her boyfriend might be up to, because she heard the doorbell.

"Y/n, could you open the door?" Y/m/n asked, shouting from the 'office-ish' room of the house. "I'm a little busy here."

"Sure, I got it."

When Y/n got closer to the door, someone rang the doorbell once again.

"Coming!" Y/n shouted, maybe a bit too much aggressively. She immediately apologized when she saw her best friend on the other side of the door. "Sorry, I'm just a little...angry with JJ, I guess."

"Oh, what did he do?" Sarah asked, walking inside.

Y/n sighed. "What is the surprise he and Kie talked about?"

"It's a surprise. I can't just tell you, it would be the opposite of a surprise."

"Keep your secrets then," Y/n chuckled, "why did you come so early anyway? We were supposed to meet up in a few hours."

"I'm on a special mission. I was told to dress you up. C'mon."

The girls walked to Y/n's bedroom. All her clothes were still in the suitcases and she didn't really plan on unpacking.

Now the fact that Y/n didn't felt like unpacking didn't matter, because all the clothes from the suitcases were now thrown around the room.

"This is really nice!" Sarah decided after a long time of searching for a perfect outfit. She tossed a light blue, short dress to Y/n.

♪°•°∞°•°♪°•°∞°•°♪°•°∞°•°♪°•°∞°•°♪

A while later, the rest of the Pogues picked up Y/n and Sarah. As the girls entered the Twinkie, they noticed an intense smell of weed.

"Damn it, JJ, do you gotta smoke so much?" Y/n asked in a not-so-nice tone. She was still irritated at how JJ avoided talking to her earlier that day.

"What has gotten into you?" JJ snapped. "We were good yesterday and today you're all...this!"

"I don't know, maybe it's because my boyfriend avoided talking to me and then wouldn't pick up the phone. I tried to call you meanwhile getting ready like ten times."

"Okay, but I'm here now. We're going to go to the beach and have fun with our friends and we're not gonna argue."

"Whatever."

"Chill out. You've been working so hard, give your brain a rest."

JJ offered Y/n his spliff. The girl hesitated at first, but then took it. She didn't usually smoke, because it could damage her voice.

"That's my girl." JJ praised, watching Y/n blow the smoke out of her mouth. "But you didn't do it right."

"What do you mean?" She chuckled. "How can you not do it right?"

"You didn't inhale how I taught you. The smoke has to go there," JJ put his hand on Y/n's chest.

"JJ, don't!" Kiara scolded him. "Y/n shouldn't be smoking."

"It's mostly weed, just a bit of-"

"Every kind of smoke can damage her voice."

"There's plenty of people who smoke and sing though."

"Just leave it," Pope chimed in. "Don't have to corrupt her more than you already did."

"Me?" JJ pretended to feel offended. "We all did it. Together like the team we are. Go Pogues!"

Y/n smiled. "But mostly you."

"But mostly me." He grabbed her hand and squeezed it gently.

♪°•°∞°•°♪°•°∞°•°♪°•°∞°•°♪°•°∞°•°♪

The sun had begun to set when the Pogues started to light up a fire. Nothing too big, just a small fire on the beach just for them, because the beach was pretty empty that day.

The cracking sound of fire made Y/n felt peaceful and the feeling of her head going slightly up and down on JJ's chest as he breathed made Y/n feel very safe.

"I'm so glad to be back here." The girl said. "Such a shame I'll have to leave in two weeks."

"It's whole fourteen days, we can do anything!" Kiara exclaimed. "You name it and we'll do it, we'll make memories to think of while you're working again."

"Or just stay." JJ added. "What's the worst that could happen?"

"The industry I signed a contract with would probably sue me." Y/n laughed. "But it doesn't matter for now. Right now I'm here, with the people I love the most."

"Talking about love...uh, could you stand up?"

"Weird enough, but alright."

Y/n stood up and so did JJ. The girl was visibly confused. Maybe she would be less confused if she didn't forget that just a few hours earlier she was angry about not being told what the surprise was.

As JJ was trying to find something in the pockets of his pants, the rest of the Pogues stood up as well. Sarah secretly took out her phone and started filming the scene, trying to not be caught by Y/n's eyes.

Finally, when JJ took out a little box out of his pocket, he got down on one knee and opened the box. Y/n covered her mouth in surprise, she didn't see that coming.

The ring inside the box was silver with a baby blue gem. Sarah knew exactly what she was doing when she helped Y/n pick out the outfit.

"Will you marry me?"

When the question left JJ's mouth, tears ran down Y/n's eyes, the happy kind.

"Yes. Yes, JJ."

Y/n's hand was so shaky when JJ was putting the ring on one of her fingers. When he stood up, they kissed but it was different than any of their kisses before. It truly felt more 'adult', because it was who they were now. They weren't just two kids in love with only a word as a promise. Now they were engaged. Promised to each other.

"I'm glad you said yes," JJ said, "it would be pretty awkward otherwise."

"Sarah got it on the video," John B spoke.

Pope added, "if you said no, we would at least have something to blackmail JJ with." He joked, making the other Pogues laugh.

"Who will be your bridesmaid?" Kiara asked.

"You and Sarah can be!" Y/n exclaimed. "The real question is, who will be JJ's bestman?"

"Hey, why go with stereotypes?" JJ laughed, putting an arm around Y/n. "You could have bridesmen and I could have bestwomen!"

"You're onto something here!"

The couple had much time to decide. Maybe Y/n could stay a little longer than just two weeks. Her career wasn't as important as the future she was going to build with her fiancé.

[cr0wbonezz-wr1ting-inc]

One more time

Summary: Alex regrets ever saying yes. All he wants is a second chance.

Trigger warning: Mentions of cheating, mentions of sex, swearing, angst

Author's note: my first piece off hiatus !! - you're a twitch streamer in this fic but it won't come up too much :) hope u like it <3

Based on: Break My Heart Again - FINNEAS

you sigh. your ex-boyfriend called again. you've been ignoring your phone for 5 minutes now. was he really this desperate?

you pick up your phone and slide the green button.

"what do you want, alex?"

"___, you picked up!"

he sounded extremely relieved, like he needs you to breathe.

"i did, now what do you want?"

alex sighed and leaned on a wall in his bedroom.

"can i come over? there's some stuff i still need to pick up."

you suck in a breath sharply. the air is thick and tense.

"no."

you clench the phone you were holding and bit your lip.

"i don't want to see you right now."

alex closed his eyes and pushed himself off the wall.

"i understand, you need time."

there was silence for a moment. neither of you wanted to say anything.

"if you want to come over that bad you can get your things tomorrow morning."

"sounds good. i'll be there around 11, okay?"

"fine."

"good-"

you ended the call.

"-bye..."

alex let his arm drop beside him. his eyes were watering, but he wiped it away with the sleeve of his hoodie.

it's his fault, he knew. but why is he still so upset? he shouldn't feel like this - it's is his own doing, after all.

~

you open the door to your home. alex was standing on the porch with a few empty bags in hand. the morning sun blinded you slightly, making you squint at the man in front of you.

"hi ___."

"hello, alex. all your belongings are on the couch.

"great, thank you."

~

he looks over as he's folding a shirt.

"what are you looking at?"

you say without looking away from your laptop.

his face was getting red slightly from embarrassment.

"nothing, you seem busy."

alex directed his eyes back to the clothes in front of him.

"otherwise you would've said something about me."

alex snickered slightly, trying to lighten the mood.

you sigh, holding your face in one of your hands.

don't say it. ___, keep it in. there's no point in fighting him. ___-

"if i wanted to make a comment it'd be about the fact you can't keep your dick in your pants."

god damn it, why did you do that?

he fell quiet. you hated his guts, but even you felt kind of bad for being so blunt with it.

a part of you still loved him. his loud, yet charming laugh. his sweet kisses. his adorable clinginess. his blushing face when you teased him.

you shake your head, trying to physically get rid of your pity for him. he doesn't love you anymore. he shouldn't, and neither should you.

~

after filling the bags with alex's belongings he stood up and wiped his forehead. you waver from your work and look him up and down.

"you done?"

you asked him. he turned around and gave you a weak smile.

"yeah, i think so."

"good, you know the way out."

you turn back to your computer.

"___, wait. can i ask you something?"

you make eye contact with him, fully aware it makes him nervous.

"what do you want?"

alex took a quick breath.

"can we talk sometime?"

you look at him like he spoke an alien tongue.

"why the hell would i?"

"i want to talk about what happened between us. i hate that our relationship is so sour."

he set a step forward.

"i just want this to end peaceful - or at least neutral."

"why the fuck would i want to be peaceful with you of all people?"

"i hate ending things on the wrong foot, you know that."

alex stands his ground, making you livid.

"then we make up, and then what? you'll just break my heart again!"

you stand up, simultaneously pushing the chair away with your legs.

"then i can lay awake and think about why i even let you inside my house again in the first place?!"

if looks could kill, alex would be on the floor.

"fine. if you don't want to, then i guess everything will just stay the way it is."

alex turned around and grabbed his bags. there's no way he's getting through to you right now.

"oh, so now it's my fault?"

you slam your laptop and walk away from the table.

"well, i'm so sorry for being angry at you for cheating on me!"

you don't hold your anger in anymore, he crossed the line.

"i never said that, ___!"

alex yelled to match your energy.

you took a step back. the audacity to yell at you in your house.

"out. now."

alex grabbed the second bag of clothes and without a word walked to the front door.

"goodbye, ___."

alex pushes the door open and steps outside. you go after him but stop at the doorstep.

"fuck you!" you sob out. you grab the doorknob and slam the door shut.

your knees slowly got weaker and you sit against the front door, shutting your eyes.

~

it's been a month since you've seen alex. you've blocked him on everything since then.

you were doing a q&a on your twitch channel and everything was going well. chat was filled with questions and you answered the one's you could.

your thoughts were somewhere else, though.

you still miss him, you really did. alex used to watch your streams all the time. he sent you donations with cheesy pick-up lines, he called you during streams to make fun of you for dying in a game or just to chat while he's bored.

but that didn't happen anymore.

you realize you haven't said anything in a while and you apologize. your chat was spamming purple hearts and 'are you okay?'

"ah, sorry everyone, i'm still tired from yesterday. i think i'm going to end the stream for today, thank you all for coming!"

after saying goodbye you turn off your computer.

why are you still so obsessed over him?! he cheated on you! he even tried to cover it up with a bullshit story about "not being the first to kiss her," and "she forced me to," like someone would believe a lie like that.

yet, you still love him. something inside you wants to believe him, like he really was telling the truth.

~

the next morning you open twitter and scroll for a bit. you made a tweet earlier in which you stated you weren't going to stream today.

you looked at the trending topics and saw your name in bold letters. you clicked on it and read the first tweet that popped up.

'i really hope ___ is doing better, they looked so sad on stream :('

an image was attached to it - a screenshot from the stream you did yesterday where you were mindlessly staring at your computer screen.

you sighed. at least they're not thinking too deep about this.

you scroll further down, replying and liking a couple tweets saying you were alright, thanking them or cracking a joke. this should keep them off your back for a while.

after scrolling for a bit one tweet catches your eye. you clutch your phone as you read the comment.

'kinda obvious they miss quackity :/ it's a good cover-up story tho '

~

alex was staring at his ceiling. he'd seen the tweets about you - about him.

he hates this feeling. he hates the fact that he knows what you're thinking. he hates that he knows it's his fault. he didn't mean to. he didn't.

"come on, alex. you know you want it." the woman said.

"i told you, no! i have a partner!" alex pushed her away for the second time, trying to find a way past the girl and out of this small alleyway. he should've never gone to this stupid bar.

"tch, whatever. but know you'll regret rejecting someone like me!" the girl pushed him to the brick wall and fixed her dress as she walked away.

alex fixed himself for a minute and walked past the bar and into his car. he pulled out his phone and shot you a quick text.

'hey bb i'll be over in a few :)'

'don't come back.'

you responded almost immediately. alex froze as he looked at the screen.

'wdym?'

'you know damn well why'

you sent him a photo of him next to the bar in the alley. the girl was all over him while her lips connected lustfully to his.

'it isn't what it looks like, i didn't start any of this!'

you don't respond. alex tries to send you another text when an error pops up.

'unable to send message. user has blocked you.'

~

you hover your hand over your phone's keyboard. you thought anbout alex's offer to talk, and decided that maybe it was a good idea after all. you couldn't get your mind off him, you thought that hopefully getting some closure could help.

but how were you going to ask him? 'hey, i know i blocked number like a month ago but can you to meet me at some random park? see you there!'

after typing and deleting multiple texts you eventually landed on a message.

'hey alex, i've been thinking about your offer to talk it out, and i wanted to ask if you're still up for it?'

you send it and immediately turn off your phone and place it on the coffeetable in front of you. you did it, finally. you fall back on your couch and pull your knees up to your face, waiting for a notification.

after a nailbiting five minutes a light emits from your phone. you pick it up and read the name calling you. 'alex'. you take a deep breath and answer the phone.

"hi alex."

"hey ___, it's been a while."

you sit up straight, preparing yourself for the conversation you're about to have.

'yeah, you can say that."

the atmosphere was a lot less tense than you expected. it was weirdly... comforting? you can hear alex's raspy voice through the phone. has he been crying?

"i saw your text, you wanted to meet?"

"yes, i did. i wanted to get some closure, at least."

alex chuckled, his laugh making you a little flustered. trying to brush it off, you laugh with him.

"what's so funny?" alex asked.

you rolled your eyes and smile.

"you, dumbass."

he gasps cartoonishly loud. his goofy personality is something you could never get enough of. maybe you were wrong after all.

"ok, but seriously, when do you want to meet?"

he gets back on topic. you snap out of your smile and remember why he called in the first place.

"right, right. i'm free this whole week, you can choose when."

after some planning and back and forth, you decide to meet at a small family-run café in the afternoon. coincidentally, it's the same place you two had your first date.

~

you settle down at a table on the terrace of the café, the sunday sun greeting you warmly. you were a little early, so you decided to think of some questions. it didn't take you long to come to a few, though. your main question was the photo. what was that all about?

as you were handed a menu you saw alex walking on the pavement fidgeting with his fingers.

"hey! sorry if i'm late, i took the bus instead of my car."

he took the seat parallel to yours and exhaled.

"oh no, you're right on time. i was just a little early."

the waitress gave alex a menu and disappeared into the establishment. you both decided to stay quiet before getting on topic. neither of you want to start the conversation.

after both ordering and having surface level conversation for a while silence fell. you both know why you're here, it feels off to talk like nothing ever happened.

"okay-"

"so-"

you both start at the same time. alex awkwardly chuckles while covering his mouth.

"you first."

alex proposes. you nod and like magic lose the somewhat content mood you had prior. you steadily breathe in and pull out your phone.

"so, first things first; my main goal is to get closure and an explanation - there's no point in lying to me."

alex hums in agreement. you could tell he was nervous, you knew him better than anyone. you tap on your screen a few times until you reach the photo that was sent to you.

"now, i want a clear answer. what happened that night?"

you ask him firmly as you put your phone on the table to reveal the image.

"that's my ex-girlfriend."

alex said. you raise an eyebrow - his ex? you've heard some wild things about her and her antics, which is exactly why alex broke up with her in the first place.

"she said she wanted to ask me something in private. my dumbass said yes, because i can't pick up on context clues, apparently."

you cross your arms and lean back on the chair.

"you got that right."

alex looks up from the photo and makes eye contact with you.

"long story short, she pushed me to the wall and kissed me. i tried to push her off but she didn't let me go. after shoving her, like, twice she finally got the hint and left."

~

"so she set you up?"

"she hasn't changed a bit since all those years."

you say with a hint of condescension. his explanation made sense, and from what you heard he wasn't lying. your gut told you to believe him, yet your mind had an itching feeling that there was something else.

"are you sure that's all?"

alex flinched slightly.

"y-yes, ___. i don't know what else to tell you."

you mess with your hair a bit, clearly conflicted. there was nothing else, you knew that. but your brain wouldn't let it go. you decided it's better if you just sleep on it.

"alright, then.-"

you grab your bag and stand up.

"-i think we're done here."

alex stays seated and looks up at you.

"yeah, i think so."

you pick the phone up that's laying on the table. you pull out your wallet and put a $5 bill under your teacup.

"goodbye, alex."

"wait!"

alex stands up and grabs your wrist, the gesture scaring you little bit.

"are you still mad at me?"

those eyes. they're so pretty, almost sparlking. you snap out of it when he lets go, just realizing how weird it is to grab someone's arm out of nowhere.

"sorry, my bad. i wasn't thinking."

alex scratches the back of his neck.

"i'm still deciding if i can trust you, but i appreciate you showing up, at least."

"that's enough for me."

alex smile at you, not trying to pry.

"goodbye, ___."

"goodbye, alex."

~

you heard the chirping of the birds outside your window and groan. why is it already morning? you sit up and grab your phone from the nightstand next to your bed, the phone reading 11:23 - tuesday - xx-xx-xxxx.

you sigh and fall back onto your bed. you've been thinking about alex for a few days now, still not getting him out of your head.

after going downstairs and eating some toast you pull out your phone again, the clock now reading 12:44. you look through your contacts and eventually land on his name.

you hover your hand over the green pixels while sitting down at the dining table. you swallow audibly and click the call button.

it goes once.

it goes twice.

"___?"

'Hey alex, i wanted to ask you if you wanted to meet up again?"

ty for reading <3

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[dkniade]

“I’ve no words for my feelings anymore.

So art, please take over and let me seek shelter in you…”

Nocturne Sans Words

July 24-25. 1:00 AM+

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—thought process and influences utc

(All this was copied and pasted from my art analysis document, so they’re past feelings in that moment. I’ve moved beyond that point now.)

Time of Thoughts Record: July 25, 2022. 11:47 AM.

Time of Drawing: July 25, 2022. 1:00 PM+

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Song that kept playing in my head: “Farewell Wanderlust” by The Amazing Devil

Character: poet-swordsman Nocturne (he/him)

Subconscious Influence: Litarnes’ work, “Burnout”

Conscious Influence: IG @/froggylodyte’s swordsman character’s golden sword Olive Branch, IG @/amefurin_’s “Knave sitting beside her bloodied sword on the ground in the snow, with Lumine giving flowers beneath the full moon” KnaveLumi art, my concept design of Stanza’s silver rapier Polaris

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Layers:

Emotions:

Since this is mostly done on one layer, it felt liberating. Earlier yesterday I talked to my neighbour [who’s an artist] and had a really nice conversation about art and creation with her. This is the closest I’ve felt with art in a long time. I was surprised that Nocturne turned out to be muscular like this.

He had longer hair for most of the painting but I realized he looked like another character, so I changed it to shorter hair instead.

Handwriting:

I didn’t realize, but I subconsciously took inspiration from Litarnes’ Sad Lad works… And the first ever art I saw from them too — “Burnout”. The palette, at least most of [it], ended up similar. I was surprised I shifted the hue to green…

This swordsman… His name is Nocturne. (Well, poet/swordsman)

It’s my first time bringing him into a canvas.

I was miserable and kneeling on the floor alone like him [when] I started painting this… At around midnight. I cried a few times that night…

I write as him constantly in my poetry. The swordsman whose poetry is his sword. He’s usually very confident in his craft and always wins his battles.

But here, seeing him kneeling low [“temporarily forfeit” is crossed out beneath this] before his sword— Things are burning (added afterwards), he seems to be kneeling in snow—

It’s all consistent with imageries I use in my poetry. The medium changed but the message didn’t.

I’m writing this now, as I’m finding my words again in the morning of the next day.

—Dusk

———

“It’s all consistent with imageries I use in my poetry. The medium changed but the message didn’t.”

Man, didn’t Blue Period have a quote like this when Yatora visited Mori’s studio and saw her large piece… “I pray when I draw,” she says…

———

As the layer screenshot shows, this piece is just called “Nocturne Sans Words”, which in terms of definition makes sense since a nocturne is a short romantic music composition or a picture of a night scene, neither of which are literature. But he represents my poetry (sharp and quick like a sword) so he does have a lot of words, usually.

Even though his image looks pretty rough here, the way my poetry is makes him seem more like he’d wear a flowy poet shirt (with a sword still, of course). AFTER ALL I’ve got poems [on Instagram] about him that are called “Loneliness of the night, do not kiss me”, “Be Not Undone By Thine Own Hand”, “The Immature Liege and the Heartless Joker”, “Nocturne of the Scarlet Soirée Beneath a Moonless Sky”, and of course his debut in “Snowstorm Nocturne —Act III: Into the Storm, My Love!”.

——

“Now, knowing that I’m a poet with the style that I’ve got, to say ‘I’ve no words for my feelings anymore. So art, please take over and let me seek shelter in you…’”

——

October 7, 2022. 09:24 PM.

Looking back on this record, it’s all so analytical. The time of record and time of drawing are separately noted, the song that played, the character’s name, and even the conscious and subconscious influences are written down. There’s a— I wrote a transcript of my reflective scribbles on the canvas itself, not even erasing the words but instead crossing it out so even the “wrong” words’ presence is known. It even— I even wrote that part of the passage was written in the moment and part was written the morning after.

[yutahoes]

Devil Inside

pairing : childhood friends! Yuta x Y/N

genre : fluff, horror au, smut but not detailed

word count: 5.6k words

warnings: fuckboy Yuta, calling someone a 'goth girl', horror movies, Yuta becomes an incubus, too much blood, raw meat eating, flesh eating, human organ eating, slut shaming a minor character, calling Yuta a whore, killing, mention of male molestation, mentioned teacher-student intercourse, shirtless Yuta, mentions of breeding, mentioned kitchen sex, mentioned shower sex, mentioned rough sex, Y/N getting wounded, skipping classes, Yuta as a murderer, a cambion. In other words, this is disturbing and problematic.

a/n: Inspired by this set of pictures and the movie Jennifer's Body. This is my first time writing a horror themed AU and this is badly written. I just can't stop thinking about this so for me to do something productive today, I had to post this. 😂 This has uncomfortable theme so please read in moderation. I went crazy over this, sorry. Feedback is highly appreciated. 😘

You and Yuta had been friends since forever, stemming from the history of your parents being friends and all since college. Your home is his home and you have your own room in his house. Staying together inside one room isn't a problem, your parents trusted you both but growing up is different. 

You had to admit that you grew up leading a boring life, too bookish, and didn't even interact with your classmates. Yuta, on the other hand, has always been the life of the party, the school superstar, the popular guy. And that huge difference created a wall between your friendship. 

You didn't know when it started, it just did. He started hanging out with the cool kids while you were left in the shadows. You can't really get mad at him, that's growing up. And he didn't change when it was just the two of you. 

When your parents would go abroad for their business trips, Yuta would check on you every night. If you have eaten dinner, if you've locked all the windows, or if you knew the number for the police station or the fire station in case something happens. He's still the same Yuta. Your childhood friend, Yuta. 

"Did you do your assignments?" He asked, not removing his eyes from the TV where he's watching a horror film. This is something that he can't do at their home or his mom would freak out. 

You rolled your eyes, answering a 'Yes, abeoji' while opening the fridge to see what to have for breakfast tomorrow then whining since there's more raw food in there than easy-to-eat foods. "I'll probably skip breakfast tomorrow." You said more to yourself, already thinking to wake up early and just get some waffles from the shop near the bus stop.

"Just leave the back door unlocked, I'll cook breakfast for you tomorrow." Yuta claimed that made you look at him. 

You raised your eyebrow at that. "Weird that you're here." You started then sat next to him on the couch, "No date?" He showed a screenshot of her photo, a different girl than yesterday. She was wearing black, with black eyeliner, and a pierced eyebrow. "She looks like a goth. Is that your type now?" 

"She's hot!" He exclaimed and you just nodded at him. "And she wants to meet at 11 pm so yeah." That was a weird time to meet up. But you didn't react and just focused on the TV just as the jump scare happened. You quickly hid your face on the throw pillow, blowing heavy breaths that made the guy next to you laugh. You hated horror, hated blood, and you're convinced that Yuta is doing this to scare you. "I'll get going." He said, standing up. 

"Can you close the TV first? Or stop the movie, at least?" You said, face still behind the pillow. He laughed then closed the TV, engulfing you in darkness that made you more scared. The bloody face from the TV earlier flashing on your mind. 

"Sorry Y/N. I promised not to scare you like that again." You heard him say then felt something warm on the top of your head followed by a smooching sound. He patted your head, "I really have to go. I'll see you in the morning." 

You waited for the sound of the door closing before you removed the throw pillow from your burning face. He kissed your head, right? You felt that. Why would he do that? Does he know that you have a crush on him? Or is it just his manwhore ways? But why you? You screamed at the throw pillow, cursing at Yuta for being the charming guy he is. 

You cannot deny the fact that each day, your feelings for Yuta had to grow. Who are you to blame when he's getting more handsome each day? And you're just a girl who has a weak heart for him. The image was still vivid in your mind, the first time you watched a horror movie and you were already crying in fright ten minutes into the movie. "I will protect you, Y/N." And you believed that. Yuta is always there to protect you. 

A loud bang can be heard that made you wake up in your sleep. You listened for other noises and heard footsteps, someone is inside your home. The first instinct is to call Yuta but what if he's in another place, you cannot trouble him. So you just took the baseball bat he lent you for this circumstance, repeating in your mind the number of the police station. 

You quietly tiptoed down the stairs and saw the light of the refrigerator open. Is it a food thief? And how did he come inside your house? You can see a trail of blood on the kitchen floor that startled you. The bat was dropped on the floor when you saw someone seated in front of the refrigerator. "Yuta?" 

He was covered in blood, eating the raw beef as if starving. His eyes were blood cold and you stepped back in fright. He looks like a monster. What kind of a crazy dream is this? You have to do something to wake up. Anything to wake yourself up. 

And as stupid as you sound, you hit your head with the bat that was on the ground. 

You opened your eyes, the sunlight hitting your eyes and your head aching real bad as if something hit you. You groaned while stretching then remembered your dream. Yuta. Your kitchen. Quickly, you ran to the kitchen to see Yuta’s mom cooking something. “I’m glad you’re up. You’ll be late for class.” 

“Auntie, where is Yuta?” She shrugged, saying that he didn’t even go home last night. It was a normal occurrence, that’s part of Yuta’s social life. “I’ll just prepare for school.” When you glanced at the couch, Yuta’s baseball bat was there. Weird, isn’t it supposed to be in your room? 

You had a nice breakfast, thanks to Yuta’s mom, and enough time to go to school. The first thing was to get your books in your locker and walk to class, avoiding some of your schoolmates who block the way. Before you can get inside the room, you see Yuta passing by opposite your way with a new girl in his arms. You knew her, the cheerleader, the basketball team’s girlfriend. Wow, she reached the soccer team now. When your eyes met with Yuta, you were reminded of him seated on your kitchen floor. Filled with blood and with dead cold eyes. You shake your head. That was a dream. You shivered. A very vivid dream. 

It was a normal boring school day, a typical day that it surprised you when Yuta wrapped his arms around you then leaned closer. “I need your help.” A curious look was etched on your face. “Math. Help me study for the exam tomorrow.” You nodded, removing his hand from your shoulder. “Why?” He asked before putting back his hand on you. 

“I just don’t want your girlfriends to misunderstand.” Yuta chuckled then pinched your cheek. “Yuta, stop it. It hurts.” 

He smiled. That breathtaking smile which makes you weak for him. “Sorry.” He whispered then leaned to place a kiss on your reddening cheek, startling you. Your eyes widened at his actions. What is wrong with Yuta? “You do know that I like you more than I like those girls, right?” What? Your heart kept on beating wildly against your chest that you’re scared he might hear it. “I’ll see you later, Y/N.” 

Once you breathe in, without realizing that you’re holding your breath, you saw everyone’s eyes were on you. Oh no! This is trouble. 

You went home early, trying to stay away from your schoolmates. You don’t want to talk to them and explain that you’re friends with Yuta, that will cause some damage to him. But why did he do that? You tried raking your brains for an answer but you can’t seem to find the right one. So you just shrugged it and maybe ask Yuta when he gets to your house. 

It’s late at night. You finished reviewing the whole chapter for your exam tomorrow yet Yuta is a no show. You lightly glanced at the house next door, seeing that the living room lights were on. Their car isn’t in the garage, meaning his parents are not at home. Then you saw the silhouette of someone making out on the couch. Oh, his ditching makes sense now. You closed the door and made sure to close the light, ready to get a good night’s sleep. 

You opened your eyes in darkness, the clock reading that it’s almost 4 am. You felt thirsty that you decided to go downstairs to get a cup of water, halfway through the stairs you can see someone on the other door’s yard digging up something. Curious, you put on a coat and exited the backdoor to check on it. The same Yuta, covered in blood, and this time you knew you weren’t dreaming. 

“Yuta?” You called but he kept digging. Blood mixed with the soil and the most horrible thing you can see, limbs. “Yuta.” You called once again, even holding his shoulder to make him look at you. He kept covering the body with the soil, even covering it up with a large pot. What has he done? This isn’t the Yuta you know and it scared you. 

“Y/N.” He called that made you look at him. The warmth of his voice is still there. “Help me, please.” He sounded broken. “I’m really scared.” The first time you saw this reaction on Yuta. He looks so fragile, so vulnerable. 

There’s a part of you that’s still wary of him. You have questions in your head that you wanted to ask him and you waited for him to finish his shower, while you make coffee for both of you, as you collect your thoughts. When he sat in front of you at the kitchen table, he looked like the Yuta you knew except there’s pain in his eyes. “Yuta.” You called, rubbing the side of your cup. “What…?” But you don’t know what to ask him. 

“I killed Miss Jang.” Your eyes widened in surprise. The assistant PE teacher? “We had amazing sex and then…” You shook your head. He had sex with a teacher? Wow, his man whoring is of another level. “You don’t understand, she’s been touching me appropriately for the past couple of months so I just gave her what she wanted.” 

A gasp escaped your throat. “She’s what?” He just stared at you. “Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

“Do you think someone would believe me?” 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

He shook his head. “Because it’s embarrassing.” You scoffed then rolled your eyes at him. “So you killed her?” 

“I ate her.” 

“Yuta, I don’t need the details of your sexcapades…”

“I ate her organs.” Your eyes widened in surprise. What? “It’s a craving after having sex with someone. I just want to eat something raw and her flesh can’t even satisfy me.” That explains why he’s covered with blood. 

The memory of that night came to you, when he was eating that raw meat from the fridge. “When did it start?” He answered last night and you were more surprised that it is true and not a dream. “How?” He shrugged. “What do you plan to do now?” 

“I don’t know.” He held your hand that was on the table, looking at you with pleading eyes. “Help me, please. I don’t want to kill another woman again.” You sighed. This was Yuta. Your childhood friend. The guy you like. You nodded before thinking how stupid it is to do this. 

The news of Miss Jang being missing is the talk in your class the next day but what’s more surprising is some testimony of the guys who were molested by her, like Yuta. You watched as your friend fiddled with his thumbs, obviously listening to your classmates. He actually did them a favor but something isn’t right. Why is this happening to Yuta? 

A sexual thirst, a thirst for flesh. Your phone showed a result called an incubus, a demon that pursues sexual relations with women. But why does Yuta keep on eating flesh to satisfy his craving? You stood up and decided to ditch class just to have the answers to your questions, finding yourself in the back of the library. The collection of forbidden books.  

“What are you doing here?” You immediately hushed Yuta as you got hold of a black book, opening it to reveal different pentagrams and illustrations of spooky creatures. “What is that?” 

“An incubus.” You said then sat on the library floor, Yuta following you. “Demons who attract women for sexual pleasure.” Before he could say anything else, “I think that was what is happening to you.” 

You visibly saw him gulp. “You think I’m a demon?” No, you don’t. 

“Possessed by a demon, Yuta.” You flipped the pages of the book to see about the different rituals on how to summon a demon. “Did you join a cult? Or even got drugged and was offered as a human sacrifice?” You stopped. That night. That girl. “The goth girl, you saw her that night. Do you remember what happened?” 

“We had sex.” You rolled your eyes at that, of course. “I told her I’m a virgin because she likes guys like that. We had amazing sex, mind-blowing sex.” You sighed. “Then I woke up on your kitchen floor.” That’s all he remembers? Finally, your thoughts are confirmed, it isn’t a dream. You really saw Yuta that night. “You were lying on the ground as well and I had to remove my shirt before carrying you to your room.” 

The thought of the shirtless Yuta carrying you made the blood rose up your cheeks. “You were covered in blood that time and the trail…”

“I had to clean that up before you wake up because you’re scared of blood.” You stared at him warmly. He had to think about that? “You saw me?” You nodded, sharing that he was eating that raw meat when you saw him. “Did I scare you?” If there was one person you cannot lie to, that would be Yuta. He can easily see through you. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I won’t hurt you, I promise that.”

You held his hand, giving it a light squeeze. “I’ll help you, Yuta. We can remove that demon inside you.”

The only conclusion you can come up with is to meet with the same goth girl he met before. Yuta remembered having sex with her and he was eating that raw meat as if really hungry so she might be alive, Yuta didn’t kill her. And you have to hurry because each night that passes, Yuta has someone to bury in the backyard. It's a female prostitute one night, then a drug pusher, followed by the girl in class who bullied you. 

It's becoming a huge issue in town, the disappearance of young girls, that your parents had to come home quickly worried about your safety. "From now on, go home early." Your dad ordered. "I'll ask Yuta to walk you home every day." How would they feel if Yuta was the one doing all these? 

He was worried about you joining him in meeting up with the girl, even repeating to you that he'll kill himself if something bad happens to you but you assured him that you'll be fine. It's not you who needed help now, it was him. You need to put a stop to this before another one gets hurt. 

The girl was laughing cynically when you asked her what to do to remove the demon inside your friend. "A cambion." She answered and you curiously gave her a look. "That's the goal of an incubus. Once there's a cambion, he will leave the body he's possessing." 

A cambion? All you need is to have a cambion so the demon can leave Yuta. You searched what it was and just facepalmed yourself. Fuck this! Will he be saved? 

----

"You want me to breed someone?" You shiver at his choice of words but nod, nonetheless. "How can I do that when eating them becomes part of the sexual process?" 

You shook your head then ruffled your hair. This is getting you crazy. "You know, this is your fault for whoring around. If you just had a fixed girlfriend then this wouldn't happen…" 

"Then why did you reject my confession?" You blinked twice as if it can clear what you heard. Did you hear him correctly? "I told you I'll marry you in senior year and what is your answer? I'm not marrying you, Yuta." He said while copying your voice, leaving you dumbfounded. "I was heartbroken that time so I started dating other girls then maybe you can finally notice me." 

"I thought you were teasing me that time." Your voice got louder that your mom knocked on the door asking if you two were fighting. He shook his head, smiling at your mom. When she closed the door, you just stared at him awkwardly. Once again, you had to ruffle your hair. This is so frustrating! "Just, make a baby with someone." 

You waited, biting your thumb as the clock struck 3 am. You haven't had the right sleep thinking of what might happen to Yuta then you saw movement in the yard. Quietly, you went out of the backdoor of your house and saw him outside, blood on his clothes. "What happened?" 

He shook his head. "Same." 

"Where is her body?" You removed your cardigan to wipe away the blood from his face and his neck. 

He looks tired, hopeless. "I left her body on a roadside." You gasped at that. "I can't save myself. I'll be like this forever." He can't, he needed to fight himself. Fight his urges. But even you knew that it was impossible. 

There was a flicker of light coming from their kitchen, someone was going to see you. They're going to see Yuta with a bloody shirt like this. "Remove your shirt." You ordered and he looked confused so you just ripped it from him. Shit, you just realized how this looked like when two booming voices can be heard calling both your names. Both your dads. 

"Where is your shirt?" Your dad asked, arms crossed. You're inside your house, both your fathers and mothers staring at the two of you. "And you're wearing only that outside?" You glanced at the thin nightgown you were wearing and Yuta handed you a throw pillow. "Please wear your shirt, Yuta." 

"I ripped his shirt, dad." You heard both your moms giggle. "Can we please not make a big deal of this? This isn't what you think it is." 

Yuta's dad sighed. "Our only concern is why bother doing it outside? We let you sleep in each other's room." What? 

"Are you exhibitionists?" Your mom asked and you gasped. Is that what they're thinking now? Your head aches, you didn't have any decent sleep yet and this ordeal with Yuta is making you lose your mind. Can't you just all talk tomorrow, not at 4 in the morning? 

Yuta held your hand, lacing your fingers together. "I'm willing to take responsibility if something happens to Y/N." Surprised, you glanced at him. Nothing happened, he knew that. What the hell is he saying so suddenly? "But can I please stay with Y/N tonight, uncle?" 

It was a surprise when your dad allowed you both to go upstairs to your room but you had to wait until they're in their rooms before getting your cardigan and Yuta's blood-stained clothes from the yard. Yuta was still seated on your bed when you went back to your room, staring at you with his misty eyes. 

He pulled you close, arms wrapped around your waist while his head was on your chest. "I'm scared." His hold got tighter. "I don't want to hurt anyone anymore." If you're frustrated with this, you realized Yuta might be in bigger pain than you are. You held his hair, threading your fingers along its strand. You've been together for so long but this has been the most intimate thing that you two had ever done. "You were right, this is my fault for hurting those girls. I used them for my self pleasure, to boost my ego. This is me getting punished for all of that." 

You held his hands, kneeling in front of him to see his face. "But you don't deserve this, Yuta." You held his cheeks as tears started falling from his eyes. "We'll do something, I promise." 

He pulled you up, letting you sit on his lap. The warmth of his eyes makes your heart beat rapidly inside your chest. "I love you, Y/N." Your eyes widened at the sudden confession, "I'm sorry for getting you dragged into this but I'm thankful you haven't left me yet." He hugged you, head on your shoulder and you can feel his warm breath on your neck. "I love you. I don't want you to leave me." 

You wrapped your arms around his neck. He's scared, you can feel him shaking. "I won't leave you, Yuta." You let him sob in your chest like a little child just wanting some warmth. And you realized, this might be just what he needed. 

Both of you skipped school that morning since you slept at 5 am, just laying next to each other. Your head on his chest, hands held together. It was him who first got out of bed, prepared himself, then placed a small kiss on our head before leaving your room. If only you could stay like this. But he had to go and fuck another woman tonight to satisfy his thirst, making your heart ache. Can you live like this? 

Your parents and Yuta were seated around the dining table when you went down for breakfast. "We were just telling Yuta that we have a business trip in Brazil." You nodded, used to it by now. "And because of the news around, it would be better that he stay here with you." Your mom suggested that it made you surprised. After last night, they're letting you live in one roof with a guy, unsupervised? 

"Mom. I can stay at home alone." 

"I know. But just to be safe." You're not even safe with their suggestion. "I know what you're thinking honey. You're a female and a male with raging hormones, it's alright with us." Yuta choked on the food and you hissed at your parents. 

Your dad coughed lightly. "We stacked some condoms just in case." 

"Dad!" 

"Honey, we agreed to let them have their freedom." You glared at your mom. "We really wanted a grandchild." It's your turn to choke at your food. Then it made you stop. If he breeds a human, the incubus will go away. This might just be your answer. 

---

"No, Y/N!" Yuta stated firmly after explaining what your plan is. "What if I hurt you?" 

You shook your head. You're not scared of that now but you're frightened for Yuta and the things that might happen to him if this continues on. The police started investigating the missing dead girls, it's only a matter of time before they can chase down Yuta. You held his cheeks, distress can be seen in his expression. "I trust you, Yuta." 

It was a crazy plan. When your parents left that afternoon, you stacked up some raw meat that the butcher thought you were throwing a party. Yuta didn't kill the first girl, the goth girl, and you're holding to that belief that Yuta can have some control over himself. When the night struck, you locked all doors to your house that would forbid Yuta from going out. 

"I'm giving you the last chance to back out from this, Y/N." You shook your head. "I'm sorry." He whispered, carrying you to the countertop of the kitchen. "If something bad happens, I'll kill myself. I swear." 

You giggled then wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer. "Then we'll be like Romeo and Juliet." He laughed at your reference before moving closer to plant his lips on yours. Your first kiss with Yuta. His lips were so soft and he tasted so sweet that made your brain hazy. 

When he slipped his tongue inside you and his fingers dug on your waist, you knew there's no way you can get out of this. You can feel his warmth in every touch, in every part of your skin his lips touched. He slowly undressed you, making sure that he's still Yuta and whispering promises that he wouldn't hurt you. He didn't at first and you refused to believe that you made love with him at your kitchen counter. 

The grandfather clock signaled that it is midnight. Yuta just pulled you down from the kitchen counter, turning you around, and thrust into you that made you scream. No foreplay, no kissing. You turned to see his eyes, those dead eyes. His hand held your neck, the other digging in your waist. You prevent making a sound, not wanting to alert his parents next door. His teeth dig in your shoulder, an excruciating pain that makes you bite your lip to prevent a sound. This is how he kills them. 

You tried to reach for the raw meat nearby, desperately trying to move out of his hold. You pushed yourself away from the counter, causing him to fall to the ground. You watched as he took the meat and ate it as if starved, like the first night you saw him in this state. Every night, he's like this. An appetite for sex, an appetite for flesh. 

And it breaks your heart that you can't do anything to help him. 

He ate five portions of the raw meat and you mentally told yourself to get some tomorrow for what might happen at night. You covered him with a blanket as he lay down your kitchen floor, kissing his forehead. You wanted this to stop, wanted him to be normal again. You clean the wound on your shoulder as well as the scratch on your side, hissing in pain as you put medicine on the bleeding part. 

You woke up with his warm arms wrapped around you, a kiss on your wounded shoulder woke you up. "Did I do this? I really did hurt you." He grazed his finger on the spot that hurt as you shook your head. He nuzzled his nose on your shoulder and you felt his warmth. "I don't know what to do anymore." 

"But Yuta this is better. We know that you still have control over yourself." You sat on the bed and he traced the scratch on your side. "When the clock struck twelve, that's when you started having that hunger. We're slowly knowing things about you now. We can do this together, Yuta." 

He nodded, watching you stand up then head to the bathroom. You were supposed to close the door when you felt him enter the same room. The warm feeling is back when his hands touch your body, in contrast to the cold water cascading down your body. You skipped class again because of the pain in your shoulder and he went to school. 

If this continues, it's better to listen to both your parents and just get married. Live together in a far city where you can start a new life, maybe you can give birth to Yuta's child and it will end his suffering. As you put new meat inside the fridge, you heard a knock on the door. Yuta came in with a distressed look on his face. "The police are at school. They were starting to suspect a student at school." 

"Did you do anything?" He shook his head, hands clasped together. "Just lay low for a while." 

"What if they found out that it was me?" You shook your head, that's the worst-case scenario. And you promise not to let that happen. 

He stayed at your house, particularly your room that night. When the clock struck twelve, you were pushed on your bed with Yuta pounding on you real rough. The moment you felt his lips on your neck, you rolled to the bed and reached for the raw meat on the bedside table. You breathed hard, you can do this. 

The police were doing their best, you had to give them that. And it scares you that they'll narrow it down to you and Yuta doing these things. The disappearance of the women stopped but the deaths were a mystery that the police remained to look for clues. It's been a couple of nights since you've done this with Yuta and every day, a new wound would appear on your body. 

Your parents came back from their business trip when they noticed the amount of raw meat in your fridge and the wounds in your body. You tried to shrug it off, saying that it's just your clumsiness. Yet, they never bought it. You cannot ask Yuta to stay over so you keep your phone in your ear, watching his room for movements. The moment the clock struck midnight, nothing happened to your surprise. He kept saying that he's fine, that he doesn't need anything, that he's still Yuta. Maybe an off day.

You slept relieved but woke up with the sound of police sirens. You glanced at the window outside and saw the yard next door being dug out by your dad and some men in uniform, Yuta's dad watching nearby. How? You ran downstairs to check on Yuta but your mom quickly told you to stay inside. "We're sorry, we trusted you to a murderer." 

"He's not." You shouted trying to see from the window. Yuta was handcuffed, a large man holding him in place. He shook his head when your eyes met and the sight of rotten decaying bones caught your attention. 

Your stomach churned and you vomited on the kitchen sink, your mom helping you by rubbing your back. "He's such a sweet child. What happened to Yuta?" Your mom asked and you itched to tell her that it's not him. A devil inside him.

Your eyes widened at the realization. Nothing happened last night. Now, you're having this weird feeling in your body. A cambion. And you felt yourself fainting at that information.  

---

It's been years, seven years to be exact when that moment happened to your life. Yuta's parents moved to a different town but you still see them from time to time, as well as your parents. When they found out that you were pregnant with Yuta's child, they immediately sent you away to give birth abroad. Your son was three when you went back to the country and introduced him to his dad. 

"Daddy!" Your son cheered seeing his dad walking outside the huge gates of the visitor's area. The older was grinning wide, carrying his son to where you are. He kissed you on your forehead and your son giggled, "Daddy, mommy said I can go to a big school this year." He nodded, letting the young boy sat on his lap. "Grandma and grandpa are going to buy me my bag." 

Yuta giggled and you noticed how the two looked very much alike. It was the exact reason why your parents warmed up on Yuta and let you introduce your son to him. "I'm sorry. But when dad gets out of here, I'm going to pick you up from school every day." 

You can feel your eyes water at that. The younger boy wrapped his arms around his neck, "When are you getting out of here?" You both sighed. It's always his question. 

"Just another three years, then we can be together." There's a lot of pain in his words. "You and mommy can wait for me, right?" Your son nodded. 

He reached out to hold your hand that was above the table. You nodded at him. You waited this long, another three years wouldn't hurt. He engaged in another conversation with the younger boy and you gazed at him, he looks better than the first few years he's here. 

"Time to get back, Nakamoto." The police officer said and your son hugged his father's neck, refusing to let go of him. 

This has always been a problem every time you visit Yuta. "Honey, we have to go. Daddy has to get back." You said quietly, taking him from Yuta. Your son glared at the big man behind his dad and he just turned his head to look at the wall. "Honey, let's get ice cream." You said quickly and the younger smiled at you. The guard turned around, asking what happened that his head was hurting. 

Yuta gave you a worried look but you just shook your head, putting sunglasses on your son. "Say bye to daddy." You whispered and he obeyed you. "I'll come to visit you soon." 

He kissed you on the forehead, "I'm sorry." Again. you shook your head. No one warned you about having a cambion and the risk it takes to be its parents. "I love you." But right now, your son and Yuta are the most important people in your life. 

"I love you, too." And you're willing to throw everything in the past just to be happy with your small family.