daidoruyume

[daidoruyume]

Chapter 13 Rival and Mikami-san

We had just finished recording our debut song, and everyone seemed so hyped and happy. A bad feeling kept striking me that day, and I didn’t know why I felt like that. It seemed to be a curse, something that didn’t allow me to be happy. Everyone was so busy and excited that they didn’t even pay attention to me. That, except her. She pushed me to the side, and asked with those shiny eyes.

“Yumecchi, you ok?”

 I lied, but she didn’t believe me. After our session ended, everyone went their way and we went together. We walked by a bridge, and the flowers hadn’t bloomed yet. I felt like my heart was also not in season… until she came. 

“You can be honest with me. I’ll listen to your worries.” That kindness, which I had never felt before, made something burst inside me. Something happened. Something big happened that day. I spoke my feelings for the first time, and I cried in her arms. I let it all free. It hurt… but I felt comforted by her lovely touch and kind words. It had happened so long ago, but I still remembered how youthful it was. I felt like I was born again… to be held in such arms. 

 We slowly built this relationship where I could confide things to her, and she would listen to my words very carefully. Sometimes I would ask for advice, sometimes I would put my fingers between her lips and ask her to not comment on it. It worked. It was a good relationship. It was all I had, she was the only person I could trust. Now, it seemed, I had lost it. 

 That girl… Miyuu had talked about her ever since the concert. I remembered her, from past events. And whenever I searched about Miyuu online, she was the one talking about her. I hated it… she was getting all of the attention, and I was left with nothing. She shouldn’t be allowed to have it. That’s why there’s fans and there’s idols. It’s business. We’re not supposed to be making friends… and of course Miyuu would choose someone who openly declares their love over someone who’s too afraid of the word to say it. 

 I didn’t regret what I had said to Mikami-san, because those hurtful words were all I had for her. I decided I would do something about it, and fight her if I needed to. I became Mikami-san’s rival for the sake of the future with Miyuu I dreamed so fondly of. I don’t care what she or others think… I need Miyuu, and I deserve her more than anyone else.

 ☆☆☆

 “I need to talk to you.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Please.” I heard her through the door. “Meko, let me in.” If she were to use that nickname with me… then maybe… maybe I could let her in.

“Ugh, fine.”

“Listen, what you did today…” She looked at me, as if she was trying to find her words. “You really shouldn’t have done it.”

“I’m worried, Miyuu. Like… what if she’s a stalker? O-or if she releases your secrets? People do everything for money!”

“She’s not like that… I trust her.” She looked at me with those eyes… that way that cut right through my heart. “Really… you made everyone sad.”

“As always. I always disappoint them, don’t I…”

“Don’t say that. It’s just that… you should really try to be kinder. It’ll feel good.”

“It’s easy for you to say, Miyuu… it’s easy for you to be kind. To me, it’s scary. Whenever I was kind, I was hurt.”

“Well, me too! You know about me.” She lifted up my face from my chin. “Look at me in the eyes, Meko. No one else is here but me.” That way only Miyuu had, it made me feel 2% softer every minute. “It’s not a bad thing to be good. It’s so rewarding… you have so many people that love you…”

“Because it’s a trade. I’m giving them a lot of things, and so they give me love.”

“Well, all relationships, at least the fair ones, are trades, equal trades. It’s not a bad thing.” I was slowly giving in, as always. “I want you to apologize to her.”

“I can’t promise you that… but I’ll try to not be mean to her.” 

“Uh…” Miyuu looked a little conflicted. “I suppose that’s good enough for you…”

“I don’t get it… why her? What’s so special about that girl anyways?”

“Well, she’s really sweet… I love her laugh, a-and it’s really good to have someone who supports you a lot… besides… n-no, wait, I can’t tell you that. Forget about it.” Miyuu looked away, blushing. I wondered… Was there more to it than friendship?

“Do you like her?”

“What?”

“Do you like Mikami-san, Miyuu?”

“I… I… N-no… we-we’re friends.” I knew it. She was clearly lying. I was mad before, but now I am furious. If anyone was to take Miyuu’s heart, it would be me.

“Well… do I have to remember you, Miyuu? A relationship like that would never be permissible. You’re different people… you’re both girls… and she’s not even fit. Can you imagine the scandal it would be? Your parents might not be against it, but all of the other fans will… maybe not even the members would understand it. Well, I would, but I would also be very disappointed in you, Miyuu, for picking someone so… I don’t know… try to imagine something less mean than what I’m thinking of.” She looked quite hopeless, I guess, but that meant we were even. Miyuu had broken my heart, so destroying her little fantasy didn’t hurt. Maybe that Mikami-san even thought that girls couldn’t be in love. There’s that possibility, right? Maybe she would despise the idea of Miyuu being in love with her. And when Miyuu felt the worst, I would be the only one there for her. It was a matter of time for things to turn bright for me. 

“I guess you’re right, Meko, but that’s still unkind.” Miyuu still aspired to be right, I guess… I saw tears forming in her eyes, and she turned around to leave. I hurriedly hugged her from the back. “When all goes wrong, I’ll be here for you.” My words were quite muffled by her back.

“I… I don’t get you, really, I don’t.” She cried. “I don’t know if you hate me or if you don’t… G-good night, Yumeko…” She closed the door and I kept paying attention to her footsteps until the sound was gone. Maybe that had hurt her… but couldn’t she think about how much she was hurting me? Stupid Miyuu…

[daidoruyume]

Chapter 12 Meeting the not so idol-like idols

I'd say I'm quite lucky. I study in a nice university, I have a good job, I live in a pretty good apartment and, oh, don't envy me, but the idol I've been stanning for years, my absolute favorite one, is my girlfriend. Try beating that! I woke up to her voice, since it was my ringtone. Once I checked my phone, I saw there were messages waiting for me.

good morning 🌞

did you sleep well? 😴 

let's have a nice day today too

i can't wait to spend some time with you

and to introduce you to the girls

good morning!!

i did… and you?

im very excited for today…

i still can't believe this

i was a little anxious but i did sleep well eventually 

well, you better believe it

because i will make you the happiest girl in the world

❤️

you're very flirty aren't you

i like that though

hehe

i hope we get the opportunity to flirt a lot

i have practice now 😞 

i'll send you some pictures later

exclusive content you can't have even in the fanclub

when are you free today?

i'll be looking forward to that!!!

i don't have work today so right after lunch

again im very excited

kay

i will have someone pick you up so dw

im excited too 

i have to introduce you as a friend though 

if you dont mind that

it's okay

it's better to be careful

so tge don't know you're gay?

not yet but I'll tell them soon

and then i will introduce you properly

i promise

sure♡

i'll be your #1 supporter

you're the sweetest girl ever

that's why i love you so much

uhhh

gtg :(((((

will be back soon tho

plz never hesitate to send me a message 

i'll be waiting for it

♡♡♡

i won't ♡

i have classes soon 😩 

enjoy your work day♡dont push yourself too hard

you're really good at this support thing

you too

 I went back to my routine and did everything I had to do… with a lot of happiness in my heart.

☆☆☆

  My classmates didn't know, but I was the luckiest girl on Earth. I guess my happiness couldn’t be helped. I tried my best to pay attention to classes, but I Kept thinking about how my day would go. After a few hours, that same car from yesterday brought me to the place Miyuu chose. I was thinking about what to tell that complex-looking woman when she started speaking.

 "You know... Miyuu is a very special girl. I haven't been the best mom ever, but she is the best daughter out there. She is quite annoying at times, and she stands by her youthful and somewhat foolish world peace ideals, but she is extremely sincere. She cries like a baby so often that it just bothers everyone around her, but she can make even a person like me smile. She loves you dearly. I know she would never fall in love with someone that didn't click with her, and with whom she couldn't have a reciprocal relationship, but I have to warn you, Mikami-san." She spoke so beautifully, So I waited for the next pretty words. "If you break her heart, I will find you and break both of your legs." She seemed serious, but washed it off with a laugh. This woman… We arrived, with me being unable to reply. 

 I was sent to the same room as yesterday, and had to wait for a few minutes. Soon, Miyuu entered the room quite softly.  

"Sorry to leave you waiting."

"I-it's okay! H-how have you been?" I was still anxious, it seemed.

"Fine. Practice was tough, though. And you?"

"Also f-fine… I've been waiting for this moment the whole day." I wished Miyuu came closer to me, then I realized I could take those steps myself. So one, two, three steps later, I was closer to her. 

"S-so, c-can I hug you?" For someone that had kissed me twice, that was too cute. I opened my arms, inviting her.

☆☆☆

 We talked for a while, and soon the girls arrived. I had met them before, but only as their idol-selves. And Miyuu warned me, saying they could be a little... too much? The story Miyuu told me she would go by is that we became friends in the infirmary that day, because if she said we just met out of nowhere, they could remember I was a fan. 

 "Miyuukiii~. So, you're introducing her?"

"Y-yeah…" She gave me a sign to introduce myself.

"I'm Mikami Yuuka. You can call me Yuu-chan. I have been a fan for a long time, but Miyuu-san and I were able to become friends…"

"Please be nice to her, she's a really good girl." That made me blush a little…

"Well, Miyuu-kun has friends outside of the group? That's a miracle." Rin said, laughing. "God, you're gonna hate idols after meeting the real me." That scared me a little.

"I'm really happy my sister has a friend! She can be hard to understand sometimes, so be patient." Said Anna.

 They talked to me one by one as if it was my personal MC session. But, when it came to Yume…

"Yumecchi, you're not gonna say anything?"

"Huh! That's a new low for you, she has absolutely no class. The way she dresses, that hairstyle… and going on a diet would be good for you, Mi-something-san." Wait, what…?

"Ugh, d-don't mind her, she's just joking." Miyuu had a troubled face, and Yume had left. 

"She's always like that… Seriously, that girl gets on my nerves. Yuu-chan, you're very welcome to the family and we're so happy you're in her life. Miyuu talked about you ever since the concert, nonstop. Please don't mind Yumeko-san." Keiko said wisely. Her words did hurt me, but I remained strong. I was able to talk freely to the other girls afterwards, and the pain eased.

 Those words, I’ve heard countless times before, from people who claimed to love me and for people who explicitly hated me. But I still had this more pure image of Yume, that was destroyed in a few seconds. I got to learn that their relationship isn’t really good, and that her “chara” of being sometimes curt or mean to the other girls isn’t actually a chara, but she being herself. Again, I felt bad, but the other girls’ kindness compensated for my pain. 

 They are a little different than the idols I knew. Rin is… she is very sincere and straightforward, but half of her vocabulary is swear words or… filthy, indecent stuff. Like, she says it all so fluently. Ayumi is just as shy, but also shines so much when she has the opportunity to talk about her academic life. Keiko really does act like the mom of the group, and is really cute to see. But she also doesn’t restrain herself so much when compared to how she’s onstage. Satomi is more playful, I think they let themselves be more free… Anna is pretty much the same, I’ll admit. Yuzu is a little like Rin, and I swear to God she was hitting on me…? Maybe my confidence skyrocketed because of Miyuu, but she was really flirty and Miyuu got all defensive. It was kind of cute. 

 We had a lot of fun talking, and then we went to the kitchen where Keiko started cooking for us. She said she wanted me to taste her food, and that she was really excited for that. I was really happy. They brought in a guitar and Satomi started playing it, while they sang acoustic versions of their songs. It felt really good to have people I have been following one-sidedly to finally perceive me as a person. The Yume incident aside, I felt very blessed. Happily, we ate the great meal she had cooked us and it felt overall very warm and comforting. 

 One by one they left, only Anna remained there and I assumed they lived with their family. She went to her room and Miyuu took me to hers. It was… very Miyuu-like, I guess. Many anime posters, lots of photos of the girls, very yellow (her favorite color). Her wardrobe, despite being an idol, was very simple, and she told me there were some fabrics she simply couldn’t wear, and that she liked the combo of pants and rock T-shirts. It suited her, I guess. That photo we took remained in a special place, in great view, as soon as you entered the room. The chekis we took in events were also placed in special places in my own home, but I felt like I was too crazy of a fan for her to see, at least for now. I didn’t know if she would be happy or not with how otaku I was when it came to midnight. 

 “So… sorry for that, earlier, she… she has it tough, okay?” Miyuu sat on her bed, and signed me to sit with her.

“S-sorry… I don’t feel really comfortable… sitting down on your bed.” Miyuu blushed, and I did too, so I explained it to her. “I have OCD… I don’t really like sitting on my bed with clothes I went out with, and I would feel bad if I were to sit in yours, even if you don’t mind it.” I felt a little silly…

“T-that’s okay! Uhh, can you sit in this chair here? It’s not that comfortable, though.” 

“I-it’s fine! Thanks… for understanding…” 

“It’s okay… I’ll always understand your don’ts and won’ts. Don’t worry, ‘kay?” She reassured me. “B-but I really want to tell you to not hold a grudge… Yumecchi is hard to understand… I think I came to understand her pretty well, but she’s very uneasy. Time will make you two friends, I promise.” 

“That’s okay… like, it made me upset and all, but… I’ve been through it before. Many people have been like this to me. I’m not new to that.” I replied quite sadly.

“M-me too… and I’ll scold her, and talk her through it… but… I shouldn’t tell anyone this, but she grew up with a very abusive mother… so much so that she blames her for all of the bad things that have happened with her, so it’s not a surprise she would turn out like this. She doesn’t really know kind words and love.” Miyuu was a very empathic person…

“I will do my best to not think bad things about her. But I want you to tell her she crossed the line, those aren’t things you tell people. Especially if this person has always wished for your best.”

“O-of course.” Miyuu held my hands and gave me a little smile. “I’ll… I’ll always protect you, Yuu-chan…” That made me really, really happy. “T-there’s something I want to give you.”

“S-sure… what is it?”

“Close your eyes?” I did, and in a matter of seconds, I felt Miyuu’s soft lips melt into mine. “S-sorry, it’s not the kiss… you just looked so cute, I couldn’t contain myself.” Oh, Miyuu… I giggled and waited for what she had for me. “S-see, I’m an artist, right? I have this… please don’t find it creepy or anything like that.” She placed something in my hands, and then I opened my eyes. It was a purple wooden box, very decorated. I opened it, and there were many drawings of me. 

“Oh…”

“I-it’s okay if you don't like it… I just have been drawing you over the years, and I kept it here, a-and… wait, don’t cry!” I didn’t realize I was crying until she said that… it was really, so pretty… I felt so loved… I hurried up and gave her a hug. 

“It’s the cutest thing anyone has ever done to me… and you’re so skilled, Micchan…” 

“You think so?”

“Yeah…” She hugged me back. “Can we stay like this for a while?”

“I was going to ask you that, actually…” I could smell her sweet, delicate scent… she was also a great hugger, I was so happy. I wondered what she thought of me. Seemed to be only good things, from how tight she kept me into her arms. “Yuu-chan…” She called for me, her voice muffled by my shoulder. 

“Y-yes?”

“Can I kiss you?”

“You don’t… you don’t have to ask for it. You can just kiss me anytime.” I tried to be more assertive.

“R-right.” Her face grew closer to mine, and I closed my eyes, anticipating the kiss. It felt like I was in the embrace of an angel… w-well, not that you should be kissing angels anyways, but Miyuu had this… aura, something I couldn’t come up with words for. Something only she had… For the first time, her tongue entered my mouth. I was caught by surprise, but I understood Miyuu was a very passionate person, not just when it came to performing. I let her have her way with me, like it felt it would be a waste to do otherwise. She slowly but quite boldly pinned me to the wall, and her kiss was even more intense than before. I felt like I was melting into her, and I was surely running out of breath. She stopped for a moment and that gave me the opportunity to breathe, but when I thought it was over, our lips met again... It felt magical, and maybe I was a little scared too, but it was a good experience overall. 

 Miyuu had a strong grip on my body, as if she was claiming me. I couldn’t help but feel like my soul was about to be separated from my body… I loved her so much, I had wished for this to come true for so long… and I had her, right there… she was a little rough, although gentle at the same time, if… if that made any sense. I felt like my brain cells were giving in. She parted our lips again, and looked at me with an expression I have never seen before.

“S-sorry for being so… impulsive…”

“I-it’s okay.” I didn’t mind my own words, still quite numb from the sensations of our kissing, so I said: “I’ve fantasized about this for so long anyways”, without realizing those words had actually left my mouth. Instant regret. Miyuu opened her eyes and stared at me for a few seconds.

“You have?”

“W-well, I…” Would I ever have the courage to tell her I even wrote fanfictions of us two? Wasn’t that, like, too much? I felt like a loser and this time my soul had definitely left my body! “P-please forget that…” 

“I don’t want to rush… but whenever I’m with you, my brain doesn’t really work!” She confessed. “I wish I could be with you 24/7.” So that’s the effects of being separated for so long, huh?

“Me too… but I don’t think that kissing me like this is rushing… I think it’s okay.” Maybe I was wrong, maybe I was too in love to think straight. But we both wanted it, right?

“R-really?” 

“Y-yeah!” Before I could say anything else, Miyuu kissed me again… it was quite late when I got home, but I guess it was worth it… Miyuu was very talented, after all, so her being a great kisser wasn’t a surprise at all. She was just perfect in every way. And she was my girlfriend… I squirmed in bed, thinking of that, before I could fall asleep. Needless to say, we met in our dreams again…

 End of Part I.

[daidoruyume]

Chapter 11 We can always meet in our dreams… but I anxiously want more!

 I was there. In the same festival we once met. 

"You're here!" She was so happy to see me. I ran to her arms, and she hugged me. I guess I couldn't contain myself. I'm pretty sure tears were falling.

"If only these dreams were real…" I cried against her chest. "Then maybe you would know how tight I want you to hold me." It was a rather quiet dream, and we just stayed there, in each other's embrace. I was wrapped in her arms and she was wrapped in mine, and we both shed tears of love and some misery we felt. Wishing my words reached her somehow, I didn't let go until I woke up for that Tuesday.

☆☆☆

 I had left work early that day, since my last class was dismissed. I did my usual route, it was so quick and close, but suddenly, a black car stopped in front of me.

 It was pretty uncommon to have cars in that area, and I was a little scared. The window opened and I could see a woman that had… foreign… looks? She had blonde hair and tattoos all over her, and a huge pair of sunglasses.

 "Is that her?" She asked someone who was on her side. That woman… I knew her! The staff from that day. 

"Y-yes!" She replied quite shyly. Really, that woman looked like an 80's high school delinquent! She was scary.

"You." She pointed (without hesitating) at me. "Get in the car!"

 That scared me for life, so I started running. Now, I wasn't a runner. Really. My body wasn't made for that. I was a little overweight, so it definitely felt hard. She was… following me? What the hell?! Also, the streets looked EMPTY. No one could save me. Suddenly, I felt her hands grab my arm. 

"Please let go of me!" I cried. Was I too lucky and now I was going to die?

"Stop that! I want to talk to you!"

"I-I'm not the one you're looking for! I swear, I didn't do anything wrong."

"Shut up! Listen!" I turned around to see her face, and she took off her sunglasses. "I'm Hiyo." I looked at her a little troubled. "I'm Miyuu's mom." She pulled me by my wrist to the car, opened the door and made me enter it. 

 It took me a while to realize what was happening, but soon she was driving, taking me to an unknown location.

☆☆☆

 "Mom, for the love of God, you didn't have to kidnap her!" That was Miyuu's voice, I was certain. Well… it did indeed feel like I was kidnapped.

 From the car, I was brought inside a house and asked to wait in a room. They gave me a glass of water and even offered me tea, but I just politely declined. I overheard their conversation and soon, two slight knocks on the door. It opened and then closed. I saw Miyuu in front of me once again.

 "Hi… first of all, I'm sorry for scaring you. My mom isn't the best at doing things in a human way."

"T-that's okay."

"So, you listened to the song?"

"Y-yes!" Whenever I was with her, I felt like a little girl who could barely use words. 

"And did that make you remember anything?" She didn't wait for my answer. "If that didn't make you remember it, then this will." She handed me a picture. It was the picture we took that day… I've been wanting to see this picture for years!

 Miyuu was assertive, but still had some shyness to her.

"Again, I'm really sorry for the way I decided to deal with things, but… I've been searching for you for a long time. I… I didn't even know your name before… it hurt so much." I looked at her while she said all of those things. "I've read your countless posts and letters, I've listened to you confess me your love in all of those times we met, but you don't know how much I love you." I was speechless. "N-not only that, but, please… remember me, and love me! Not just my idol self, but all of me." She begged me with shiny eyes.

 I always thought that "being loved" wouldn't happen easily for me. First of all, I wasn't like most girls. I looked different, being  overweight. Second of all, I liked girls. It wouldn't be easy to be in a relationship, but there are so many obstacles. And now… my favorite idol, who turns out to be the girl I once met and was certainly my first love, is confessing her love to me…? WHAT IS HAPPENING???

 I couldn't believe my eyes and my ears, to be honest. I had so many vivid dreams, couldn't this also be one? I pondered for a few seconds, and realized it was true. Miyuu wanted an answer, right? I took a deep breath and looked into her eyes. Once again, I look deeply into her eyes.

  "All I know is that I love you. And I want nothing but your happiness. I can't think of a world where I don't exist solely to love you with all my heart and soul. I think of you so much that I dream of you everyday… so even when I'm not awake, you're in my mind." I could have done better, but that's what I managed to say. I was waiting for anything, but the words she had told me.

"So, will you go out with me?" I felt like I had reached Nirvana or some other thing like that. I didn't know why the hell Miyuu was choosing me, but I obviously said a Ioud and clear "Yes". 

 Miyuu had taken me by surprise, but I would never deny that. Like… it would be so stupid to do that. There was a catch, though. 

 Rule number 1: It is prohibited to tell anyone we are dating. 

 Rule number 2: No outdoor dates.

 Rule number 3: Dating can't obfuscate her career. 

"Are you okay with that?" She looked like a puppy. A very small one.

"It's tough… But I'd do anything for you, Miyuu." 

"I'm glad, then." So, with that, we were officially dating. Miyuu and I! I really wanted to tell Kaho, but I promised I wouldn't. God…

"We can't really go out on a date, but we can hang out here. And I have your phone number, so I'll message you everyday. I don't have to tell you to not disclose my personal information, number and messages, right?” 

"O-of course. Wait, how do you have my number?"

"You wrote it in a letter you sent."

"God, now that is embarrassing." Miyuu laughed kindly. 

"Also, as promised… Here is your copy of our photo." She handed me the small item. 

"Thank you. I will cherish it."

 We talked about our lives. All that has happened since the first time we met. We asked and answered questions. We spent hours talking, and then Miyuu was called. She had to leave. It saddened me, but she promised me we would meet the next day, and that she would introduce me to the girls. Before I left, though, she asked if she could kiss me. How could I ever say no to that?

 Miyuu came closer, and wrapped her arms around my waist. I raised my hands, and wrapped them around her neck. I was tip-toeing since she was considerably taller, but it all felt so magical. Pure, pure happiness was what I felt when her lips touched mine. We said "goodbye", and soon, I was home once again. With the feeling I had completely won in life.

 I had eaten and showered, kinda forgotten about life, when I received a message.

did you arrive home safely? ☺️

I miss you already

my dear Yuu-chan 

 Oh. That was right… My favorite idol, who appeared in my dreams nonstop, was now my girlfriend! 

[daidoruyume]

Chapter 10 New song release

 Kaho had left early, at 6AM, and I was alone with my thoughts once again. I could still feel Miyuu's lips in mine, not to mention I had another dream where it was just us two. I started feeling like I was even deeper in love with her. Whenever she liked my comments, or when we talked during the meet and greets, I considered myself lucky. But being kissed…? That was bigger than luck, right? It was something else. Something bigger. Destiny, maybe.

 I happily skipped my first class in the morning. I looked so, but so silly… but that happiness I was feeling, oh, no one could take it from me. The day passed so quickly, and everything seemed so bright. During my lunch break I got to open Twitter and see what Miyuu had posted.

There were backstage and after-party pictures of the girls, and lots of "Thank you". But, I finally knew, amongst all the fans, I was very special. 

 There was, though, an announcement. Because of the great reception they had, they would start releasing the solos earlier as Digital Singles, and the album and the title and b-side would be released on the assigned date. Miyuu was going to release Hanabi at midnight. As usual, I commented on it, saying I was excited and that the concert was great. Only Miyuu and I would ever know what actually had made me truly happy.

 It wasn't uncommon for her to like my comments, but she didn't reply often. This time, though, she did.

@miyuukiway

 It was great to see such a memorable face once again. I hope you have recovered well from what happened yesterday. Let's do our best today, too! 

 I had to show it off. For obvious reasons, no matter how great it was, I couldn't just tell everyone Miyuu had kissed me. But I could tell everyone she had remembered I passed out (and it was quite a known topic from that day) and wished me a good recovery. Of course, I screenshot it and Tweeted it. Miyuu was so kind… I couldn't wait to see her again… I couldn't wait to be wrapped in her arms.

 The rest of the day went by quite slowly, now that I was excited for her new song. When I arrived home I was quite tired, but I kept thinking of Miyuu and it gave me a lot of strength. I ate, showered, did my little chores and enjoyed my time leisurely until the clock hit midnight. The PV appeared in the front of their YouTube page and I was finally able to watch it. I was so excited!

 It opened with Miyuu dressed in a Yukata, in some kind of festival. She sang about star-crossed lovers, but that had to be apart. Still, whenever they saw fireworks, they would remind of their love and their hearts found peace. I soon recognized that scenery, from years ago. I knew it from my childhood, when I had met a girl there. A weird feeling started taking over my body, and I was surrounded by "what if?s". But… that couldn't be, right? The MV ended with a photo of Miyuu as a child, in that festival. And with that, I had no doubts. It was Miyuu that I met years ago. 

 I wanted to go on Twitter to talk about the PV and the song, that were absolutely amazing, but that realization… it froze me. I couldn't do anything. It was… it was so crazy how I wasn't simply a fan, or someone delusional, but rather someone she had been looking for. Someone she promised she would go back to. But, now… how was I going to tell her that? There was literally no way to privately message her, and I was afraid that if I, for example, sent her a letter, the staff would read it. I could only wait for Miyuu to reach out for me. Somewhat troubled, I fell asleep.

[daidoruyume]

Chapter 9 A certain ☆light

 I might have been too impulsive, but after what she had said, I couldn’t restrain myself anymore. She looked so cute, and I guess we connected strongly once again. It’s like I knew she needed that. And, well, being a little selfish… that’s all I wanted. I was able to enjoy the rest of the night with the girls. I went home, feeling like I had done well.

 I wondered if what I was feeling would grant me the wish of seeing her that night. What if I couldn’t fall asleep, though? As tired as I was, my heart kept beating faster and faster, and it didn’t look like I would be able to sleep. Still, I tried to remain patient and I closed my eyes, took deep breaths… it took me a while, but I managed to do it.

 There were so many things I wanted to tell her… there were so many things I wanted to hear… I prayed for the dahlia that we could meet again. After a couple minutes of navigating on what seemed like a never ending sea, I could see the shore. She was lying on the sand, when I came close to her. It was a beautiful night, the stars and the moon shone brightly above us. 

 “So you’ll keep doing this, right?” She asked me. “You’ll keep appearing in my dreams forever?” She didn’t mean it in a bad way, though, I could feel it. “That’s fine… well, I guess I can’t escape you.” I remained silent, still unsure of what words to use. “Not that I want to. My mind is so silly… I only think of you, so I only dream of you.” So she didn’t know…

“Well, I only think of you, too.” I held her hand. “I wish I could spend more time with you.” 

“We have the whole night, don’t we?” She looked at me, and I could see the ocean in her eyes. “You could sing a song for me.” 

“S-sure… which one?”

“Whatever’s in your heart… I’m sure I’ll love anything that comes from you.” So I started singing my solo song, “Angel”. She looked at me so sweetly, like she was absolutely enjoying every note. She found a stick next to her and drew a heart in the sand. “That’s mine. It’s all yours.” I wish that didn’t end. 

 We kept flirting and playing until we could see the sunrise. It meant we had to be apart, though, and that broke our hearts… but we had indeed kissed, and we were closer than ever. I guess I was growing stronger each day, and I guess, soon, she would remember who I was. So I understand we had to be far from each other for a while, if that meant soon we would be closer. 

[daidoruyume]

Chapter 8 Back to reality

 “Mikami-san, right?” The little woman asked me. 

“Huh? How do you know my name?” 

“Your friend told me. She’s waiting for you.” Ah… 

“What happened?”

“You suddenly passed out right after the concert, so we brought you to this provisional infirmary. I’m sorry to inform you the meet and greet ended. We can give you a refund for your ticket, though.” How kind… wait, does that mean I missed my chance to talk to Miyuu? Shit. I hit my own head, worrying the supposed staff. She adjusted me in the stretcher I was lying in.

“I’ll go find your friend. Please rest well, okay?” I got so, but so sad. It made me really mad that I had passed out during such a situation. 

“Mari-san!” I heard a voice call for this person. My vision was kind of blurry, but I remembered reading “Mari” in the name tag of that staff. When my head turned to where that sound came, I was so, but so shocked, that instead of a normal reaction I let out a loud noise. That wasn’t even a scream, it was just… something I didn’t know humans could make. Very, very embarrassing.

“M-Mi-Mi-Mi… MIYUU!!!!” I pointed at her as if she was a zoo animal. Really, when did I become that awkward? I was a lot better than that, wasn’t I? Miyuu took a glance, as if she had something to say. She wasn’t in idol’s clothes, and yet she looked a little… charming, I guess. 

“You!” She pointed back at me. “Why didn’t you attend the meet and greet?” Huuuh? It felt like a crime to talk to her without paying. 

“I… I passed out.” It was so embarrassing to admit that. “I kept overthinking about you, a-and…” I did this 👉👈 with my hands in the most pitiful look ever. “... and then I woke up here, like I don’t even get what happened!” I screamed. 

“Oh… that’s it, then?” Miyuu started laughing. “I… I kinda thought you didn’t like me anymore.”

“That would never happen. Never. Not in a million years.”

“Is that so?” She gave me the cutest smile… I guess I looked kinda dumb, but I tried to smile back, although awkwardly. “Did you enjoy the live today?”

“It was really good. I had a lot of fun… I’ll cherish this day forever, although something so silly had to happen.”

“Don’t worry. I… I also enjoyed today a lot. It was really fun to perform for you guys.”

“You did really well… you’re always shining so bright, and… it’s always so beautiful to see.” We looked at each other again and again, although it felt like another dream, I felt a little bad for a specific reason. I mustered up my courage, and said. “You know… sometimes I wish you weren’t an idol, Miyuu. Don’t get me wrong… I love your songs, I love your voice, and you’re such a skilled dancer… but I’ve never,” And I felt tears running down my face “I’ve never felt happier than now, talking to you as if you were a friend of mine.” I guess she didn’t know what to say. Instead, she came closer and patted my head, then she softly brought her hands to my face, and wiped my tears. I felt her gentle fingers, and I swore our breath had the same rhythm. I felt like she wanted to say something, but that she couldn’t. At that time, I also… I also wanted to say so many things, but nothing seemed to make sense. 

 All of the worries about my dreams made me pass out so stupidly and made me miss that precious meet and greet session; and yet it had brought me to this, where our eyes were interlocked again and her face grew closer each second. She raised her right eyebrow, as if she was asking me a question, or maybe even asking herself. I heard her take a deep breath, and I saw some sweat run down her face, when, unexpectedly, I felt her lips touch mine.

 I froze for a second, but I welcomed the kiss. It didn’t last too long, but I felt it. Definitely. I looked at her again, and she looked back at me… I didn’t have any words for her, and she didn’t have any words for me. We had told each other everything. She caressed my face once again and left, leaving me with my lips feeling quite… feverish. I kept asking myself, over and over, if it had been a dream or not. I realized it had happened, in real life… maybe nothing could ever top that feeling.

 Kaho came a few minutes later, and she apologized for leaving me alone, saying she didn’t want to miss her own meet and greet. I got a little upset for half a second, but then, who cares? Miyuu had kissed me. Nothing in this world mattered more than that. I pondered if I should tell her, but, even if Kaho was my cherished best friend… she didn’t have to know. That was a secret only Miyuu and I could share.  

[daidoruyume]

Chapter 7 Backstage

I was particularly excited for tonight’s concert. Important announcements! I needed to deliver it well for the fans. The girls were in the finishing touches with their make-ups, hairs and clothes, while I was ready. Kind of rushed it, but I was too excited. The last few days have been a little… tough. My sentimentality taking over my reasoning. All of those past adventures were too risky, I felt. It was like I was pushing it too hard… or, maybe, that I wasn’t pushing it enough. I still didn’t know. What a dilemma. 

 It was soon time to appear on stage, and although I was pretty confident, I still wondered… would she be there? Would I be able to concentrate? My mind felt blank for a few seconds, but it eased soon. I couldn’t do it just for her, there were many people who wanted me to perform well tonight. Myself included. I needed to do it for Miyuu, too.

 The first three songs went well, I was calmer than expected. Then, it was the MC. Something drew me to her, who I had spotted as soon as I entered the stage. I couldn’t help it, I wanted to know more about her. I kept looking at her, as if there was nowhere else to look at. I even forgot for a minute who I was. I felt like I wasn’t anything but hers. 

 My sister came next to me and gave me a hug, which took me out of that seemingly hopeless state. I was able to continue my work, but every once in a while, I’d look at her. I’d think of her every second. No matter how I tried to fool myself, she was the reason I was doing that. I needed to do it for her. I needed her to notice me. Why was I still so hesitant.. Why couldn’t I come clean and tell her I wanted to talk? Why couldn’t I go after her? I was afraid of so many things… I wanted her to love the real me… I wanted her to remember me. Being an idol was what brought us close, and yet… I didn’t want her to see me as only that.

 The concert ended sooner than I expected, and I felt my blood boiling from within. I was excited to hold her hands, and talk to her… my own secret wishes kept bothering me. I wished I could take her, run away with her… would she follow me? Maybe her idol, but… but what about this silly, small part of me? Would she do anything for that, too? I waited for her, though, but she never came. 

 The meet and greet ended, and I felt really sad. Did she forget to buy the tickets? Did she not want to see me? Was she struggling with money? I didn’t know what it was, and it saddened me so much. No one knew about this, so I tried to remain calm and just told them I was tired. The girls were going to celebrate the success of our concert, but I just felt like crying until my worries eased.

 I had changed and was about to leave, when I accidentally hit my hand and I saw a little blood. I searched for band-aids in my purse, but I had none, so I went after the staff to help me. They told me to enter a specific room, and so I did. 

[daidoruyume]

Chapter 6  “Celebrate! Party for ☆light" concert in Tokyo

We arrived at the venue with a lot of time to spare. There were many fans already waiting, and we even found some known faces. We catched up with them and soon the doors were open. We got the merch we bought, and it all looked so pretty, with their logo and their pictures. I started feeling those thrills… soon we would be together, and all of my hard work this year would be compensated. I was so excited!

 “Yuu-chan, Yuu-chan!! Kei-chan looks the cutest in this clothes, doesn’t she?” Kaho kept bothering me about Keiko. Obviously, I did the same with Miyuu. We kept talking about our oshis nonstop… otakus can be annoying sometimes. Like, most of the time, but whatever. The huge screens started showing clips from their PVs, then started announcing their names. My heart was beating so fast… I was already waving my penlight like crazy, and yelling with all my might. 

 “Are you ready?” Miyuu spoke from afar. Oh. My God! They finally appeared on stage, and their clothes were so pretty. Without hesitation, the girls initiated their first song, 二人きりのタイム (Futari kiri no taimu/Time for only the two of us). The center was Keiko, and when Ilooked at Kaho for a second, she was literally crying. They were so pretty, so energetic! The fans were also at their prime, it seemed to be. Soon they started the second song, one step forward ☆ 進め! (One step forward susume/One step forward, keep going). The Rin oshis were so hyped (she was the center this time), and I particularly liked this song a lot, too.

 But it wasn’t until the third song that I felt in Heaven. They performed PEACE! PEACE! PEACE!, which had Miyuu as the center. She shined so bright. Her dress, her blonde hair, her earrings and necklace, her shoes… everything sparkled. I was in a pretty good location (alongside Kaho), and we could see the stage really, really well. I was mesmerized, flabbergasted, even, and she was all I could see. I sang along with the chorus, repeating “PEACE! PEACE! PEACE!” whenever I got the chance to do so. 

 The song ended to initiate a MC.

“Are you guys having fun?” Miyuu began speaking. “Because we are. It’s so good, actually, to finally be here. We really, really thank you all so much for coming. For anyone who’s new, let’s introduce ourselves! Starting from oldest to youngest, ‘kay?” She said, then taking a sip of water. I kind of liked how sweat dripped from their cute little faces, and how they took longer breaths when they were MCing.

 “Hello everyone. I’m Nishijima Keiko, the mom of the group, or so that’s how I’m referred to as… let’s enjoy this beautiful day!” Her oshis cheered delightfully, and she smiled, bowed and then looked for the next one in line.

“Hi guys! It’s been a while since the last concert. I’m Satomi. We worked really hard just for you, I hope you enjoy the songs we picked for tonight!” The same happened with her, and a little spoiler: the cheerings, bows and smiles did repeat for everyone else, so don’t make me mention it everytime.

 “I already had some chat with you, right?” This time it was Miyuu speaking. “I’m the leader, Miyuu! I can’t wait to have even more fun with you guys. I hope you remember this day forever.” I was so glad to be there, not just that, but simply being alive at the same time as her… it made me feel so great. Everything made sense when I was with her.

 Anna started talking, introducing herself as Miyuu’s little sister, but I was soon in some kind of trance. I had my eyes locked with Miyuu’s. Amongst the crowd, she had found me? Well, of course I was wearing her colors and merch, but… but she had found me. She had chosen to look at me. She was smiling, and waving her hand, and… just, staring, deeply into my soul. Just like in my dreams, she was looking at me. I felt somewhat blessed. If I ever disliked the feeling of being alive, or brought into this world, I couldn’t relate to it anymore. 

 When I regained consciousness of my surroundings, it was already Ayumi talking. She was still a little shy, and you could hear everyone saying “awn”. The MC ended soon after, with them announcing the next song, 笑顔とsunRISE (Egao to sunRISE/Smile and Sunrise). I kept finding myself in this weird position where I tried to be excited for the songs, but nothing could top the feeling I had when Miyuu was looking at me. It was something else. Some other kind of happiness. Maybe it was love. I hadn’t found it anywhere else before, so I was still a little unsure. 

 It was finally the time for Moonlight Monogatari and I was hyped once again. Just as I wished, I shouted the “Da-i-su-ki!” I wanted to shout so badly, and I jumped as high as I could. I guess I did stand out between the fans. Just a little bit. I was very, very excited. In the next MC they announced the new album again, and talked about the songs and the meanings behind them. They were all written by MiNA, but had co-writings of the girls themselves. I loved seeing that!

Miyuu started talking about her song, and I paid a lot of attention.

 “My new solo, uh, Hanabi, is a love song. I guess you might not think I’m really suited for a love song, but I actually” She laughed,  “I actually like them a lot. This is a song about lovers who were separated and have only memories to live on, unable to be together. When I read the lyrics MiNA-San wrote, I got really excited to sing this song. Please,” She held the microphone tightly. “pay a lot of attention to the lyrics that were written with all her heart.” And I was going to, obviously…<3 “I also have another announcement I’d like to make… it’s something for the future, though, but I’d like if you guys could start getting hyped by it. Our members aren’t just singers and dancers, some of us can also play instruments, so we decided to form a band! It’s me, Rin-tan, Yumecchi and Ayu-chan! I won’t reveal anything else yet, but we’re preparing really good music for you! It’s going to be really, really cool!” I knew Miyuu was a skilled guitarist, but I didn’t think the company would actually appreciate that. I was glad, happy, and even more excited. My heart was full of good feelings.

 The concert continued, and we sang, cried and laughed a lot. I felt sudden sadness when it ended, although I was glad. But there was still the meet and greet session. I remembered my dream and… I felt a little… nervous… If Miyuu and I were able to look at each other that way, just like what I saw in my dreams… couldn’t.. Couldn’t she actually try to kiss me? Or is that too crazy? Am I too delusional…? But… there’s a possibility… right?

 I woke up in a small room, with a woman staring at me.

[daidoruyume]

Chapter 5 Busy mind

Kaho was coming tonight, since the concert was tomorrow. I couldn’ let her stay in a hotel, and I had a pretty comfortable sofa that turned into a even more comfortable bed! Knowing about my sexuality, my parents often asked me if there was something going on between us, but I couldn’t see her that way. It just didn’t make sense. 

 I organized my little apartment so it would be a less messy experience for her, but I needed to organize my head too. From a young age, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, so I went to see a psychologist and a psychiatrist frequently. That time, though, I needed to talk about those dreams… I had a lot of different dreams, nightmares, and things in between, and I had dreamed with Miyuu before, but never something that seemed so deep. I felt like there was more to it. But I couldn’t get any answers from simply pondering. The response I got was how to deal with my emotions after those dreams. What to do if I cried. My psychologist, Hanae-san, knew me pretty well. Simply stopping to stan midnight or Miyuu was NOT an option. I needed to be brave. And I was going to be. 

 The day went by pretty fast, and I stopped to read something while I waited for Kaho in the train station. I don’t know why, but I needed some melancholy, so I read ‘Maihime’, only to feel bad for Elise, it was, like, something I read so, but so many times, being one of my dad’s favorite pieces. It didn’t take longer for my friend to show up, and we headed to have some dinner. She had brought only a backpack with changes of clothes and some midnight merch. 

 “So, I’ve been dreaming a lot with Miyuu recently…” I said with what I suppose was a pitiful tone.

“Isn’t that good?” 

“Well… the dreams are all sappy… we’re having fun, but something bad breaks us apart. Or it’s so happy that I wake up sad because it’s not real.”

“Gee… like, I’ve always thought, Yuu-chan, that dreams are like this other reality you go to… that you actually live these things. It’s something I have believed in since I was a child. Like… you know when you feel those thrills? It’s not impossible that something like this happens, you know?”

“I never thought about it that way… I always thought of dreams as more… organic thing. Like a response your brain gives you about your wants, needs, hopes… and fears.” 

“Couldn’t it be both?” That really made me think. I said she was right, and took a sip of my soft drink. I decided to scrap the idea of that conversation and talk about our expectations over the concert… I was so, but so excited. Kaho felt the same. I was really happy I could relate to someone that bad. We barely slept that night, sharing sweets and watching midnight’s music videos. We had so much fun that I didn’t even recall the dream I had. 

 ☆☆☆

 We woke up kind of late, but we still decided on having breakfast, which we cooked together. It was really fun and delicious. We ignored my neighbors and started playing midnight’s discography. It made me get more and more excited for the concert. We left for lunch, but came back later to get ready. Of course, we used their official merch! We decided to go twinning, with black, pleated skirts, but we each wore T-shirts of our oshis. We grabbed our penlights, our IDs, some cash, water bottles and photocards (to put in our special keychains that had decorated pc holders). I could barely contain myself, and it wasn’t the first time we went to a concert! I should be a pro already… but my heart was beating fast. I wanted to see Miyuu, I wanted to yell “Da-i-su-ki!” during the chorus of my favorite song of theirs “Moonlight Monogatari”, and then I wanted to hold hands with her during our meet and greet session… I wanted to scream from the top of my lungs and from the bottom of my heart, I wanted to jump, laugh during their MCs, and cry during their most emotional songs. I wanted to enjoy it to the fullest, alongside my best friend.

[daidoruyume]

Chapter 4 Beloved photograph and fireworks

 I considered it quite unfair how little I understood things, but how easily I understood pain. I always thought I was too young to be broken that way. I felt hopeless, amongst the many things that were destroying me. But I heard once that there’s light. That there’s something that shines bright, and that is so worth it that everything else has a meaning when you remember it. To me, it was this girl. 

 My mom had a terrible relationship with my dad’s mother, but me and my siblings didn’t understand it well at the time. I remember the fights, and I remember, as the oldest, being the one who would say “it’s nothing”. My dad seemed impotent, and so were we. On that day, there was this huge discussion over how my grandma didn’t want my mom hanging out with us. She had her hair dyed blonde that time, and a few tattoos. She thought she standed out too much and that it ruined our harmony. I heard that a couple times, for how “weird” I was. That I should restrain myself, and be better, so I wouldn’t end up like my mother.

 But I am her daughter regardless, so I’ve always been a pain to my grandma. We went out anyway, and at that time I had my hair cut really short against my own will. It happened that I was quite stupid and glued gum to it, and my grandma did it without asking my parents. I cried a lot, and I was so mad, because I liked having long hair. It was the only thing that made me feel like a girl, and she had taken it from me. I wasn’t delicate and cute like my sister… I felt so bad, so wrong, so worthless. And I was about eight at the time. I dressed in the yukata she had picked for me, and it matched my sister’s. But it didn’t feel like it. I was too different from her. We were almost like different species. At least that’s what I heard once, as mean as it sounds.

 We arrived there, and I didn’t like the crowd too much. They had to go eat the food I didn’t like, the texture seeming unbearable. I don’t eat meat nowadays, but at that time I didn’t make these kinds of choices, so we had to get some Takoyaki. I remember vividly how weird that octopus felt in my mouth… I hated being disrespectful towards food, but it made me want to throw up. It was so, but so weird! I didn’t finish one single ball and they were so disappointed at me. But I saw they were setting off fireworks, and that felt interesting. I asked if I could go, and my grandma said yes. Maybe she wanted to get rid of me for a bit. I felt glad. 

 Amongst the many people, I saw a girl. She was quite chubby, but I didn’t see it as a bad thing, and I still don’t. I thought she was really cute, and the little piece she had on her hair made her even cuter. She had short black hair, just like Snow White’s. She smiled at me, and I guess I gave her a dumb look. I heard the sound of those fireworks while I stared at her, unable to talk.

 “Do you want to play with me?” She asked, in the friendliest voice. I just nodded, still with the words stuck in my mouth. But, slowly, that feeling eased, while we played with those fireworks, and we talked about our lives. She said she didn’t have any friends, and I told her it was the same with me. It felt so, but so unfair. That girl was so fun and so gentle to me, how could anyone be so mean to her? 

 Time went by, and we were enjoying it to the fullest. Not once we told each other our names, but the connection we had… that was destiny. Suddenly, her dad came, saying she had to leave. There was a stand taking photos of us, and I asked if I could take one. I had some coins and it was thankfully enough to pay for the photo. Her dad said it was okay, and we took the photo. I told her I would keep it, but one day I’d find her and give her a copy. I promised, from the bottom of my heart, we would enjoy the fireworks again. We would have fun again, and we would be each other’s best friend forever. She left, and soon my sister found me and we left too. My days felt empty without her, with the soon realization that I wouldn’t be able to find her easily.

 That summer was about to end, when I fell very ill. I spent a long time at the hospital, and it was uneasy. I didn’t go to school, which made me quite happy, but I couldn’t do anything I liked. I had nightmares every night, and I wasn’t getting any better. One day I got worse, really worse, and my heart stopped. I was technically dead for a few seconds. They did reanimate me, but something happened that day. Something big.

 I was in a huge garden, walking around, when I saw a dahlia. I remembered it being my mom’s favorite flower. She talked to me, asked me what I wanted. I said: “I want a world that’s fair. I want a world where I can play with her when I want to.” The flower looked at me, with pitiful eyes. She granted my wish, and told me I had to want it purely and intensely, then, whenever I fell asleep, I would be able to go to this world and meet her. She asked me if I wanted anything else, and I said that, not for me, but for my poor, worrying mother, it would be good if I got better. She stared at me pitifully again, and said “I’ll give you that, and something else you’ll have later. Don’t you want to be seen? Don’t you want to be understood? Don’t you want to be loved? Don’t you want to shine? I’ll give you that, that and much more.” I wondered if the dahlia wanted anything from me, or if it was deserven. I wondered if that was real, or if I just hallucinated or had a vivid dream. I wondered and pondered for a long time, but in a week I was back at home. 

 Whenever I looked at that photo and wished from the bottom of my heart for us to meet, whenever I wanted it more than anything else, I met her. I guess… I guess she didn’t recognize me, since I appeared in many different forms, somewhat scared of myself. Then I grew up, changed how I looked, screamed my name to the world, and somehow, destiny linked us again. But she, no matter how many times looked at me, couldn’t remember who I was. I had that wish that the dahlia granted me, I had some fame and everyone had heard my voice. But the most special thing for me, those fireworks in the night sky, the comfort I felt… I couldn’t bring her to remember it was me. My dreams were some kind of safe place, but I started getting sad… the hints I gave her were useless. So I did what had to be done… I made it more obvious. I wrote a love song. 

[daidoruyume]

Chapter 3 Being an idol can be tough sometimes!

 I supposed being an idol was my dream job. I was a born artist. All I wanted to do was convey messages to people through my lyrics, melody and dance. Still, it felt quite asphyxiating sometimes. It felt like I was stuck between the things I wanted to yell to the world, and the few words I actually could yell. Maybe I would still have supporters, maybe I would still have fans. But I was too scared to lose what I’ve built with so much effort, mine and the other girls’. 

 There was a way out, though… I had the option to vent through my lyrics, using a pseudonym. I felt like it was needed somehow. MiNA was the writer of almost every midnight☆RAINBOW song, and I’m pretty sure no one except for some staff, manager and members knew about it. I don’t think that even my craziest fans thought it to be me. Not to mention that whenever the song had a rap part, my legal name was credited, so there was no connection to make between MiNA and me. Although we were the same person. 

 For some reason, it was quite fun… it brought me freedom. I would also interact with ☆light way more often under the MiNA name. I would always give them sneak peeks and spoil something here and there. Yeah, thinking about it… this so-called “freedom” was what Miyuu needed. If I go back in my life, I think I’ve never actually had it. 

 I was a weird kid. It took me a while to even start talking, to the point my parents were worried… I didn’t really get people, and people didn’t really get me. I was completely different from my sister, who didn’t show this “weirdness”. At school, I did terribly. I didn’t want to do what the kids were doing, but I loved drawing. And I was pretty skilled! My mom was an artist, so I learned from her even advanced techniques and I was able to master them from a young age. But that wasn’t what society needed from me, so I was told I was wasting my time and that what I did was useless. I started being obsessed with music and I soon learned I was a skilled singer. My sister did ballet at that time, and although I didn’t fit in within the pink world of those ballerinas, I started to love dancing too.

 But I was still too weird. I didn’t grasp things with ease, and communication was really hard. I guess only my parents kind of understood me, but my way of expressing myself was through my drawings. Worried, they took me to a psychologist that then redirected me to other professionals, and within a long process they diagnosed me in the autism spectrum. 

 I didn’t understand it at first, and my mom didn’t want to make a big thing out of this. We had a little brother coming, and I guess she felt like taking me to appointments would only bore and sadden me. So she told me she would help me make my way through life, but that she didn’t want me to feel like I was different.

 I love my mom, and she did help me, but nowadays I think that being true about being different would have helped me. Little kids diagnosed me even earlier than professionals, and I can even come to tell how much I was bullied. Teachers didn’t understand I had special needs, and because my mother didn’t want to go further into the diagnosis, all they told me in my school years was that I needed to make some more effort, or that some situations couldn’t be helped. 

 I was very depressed by age 15, when all that brought me happiness was idols. But then, I realized… I could do that, too. I never felt like I was pretty enough, or that I even had the hang of it, but once I thought of it, I couldn’t take it off of my head. When I told my sister, she supported me instantly and she told me she wanted to do it with me. We weren’t that close, since she had her own friends and I guess I was too weird even for her, but as we started to practice and look for companies, auditions, etc. We grew a beautiful relationship. It felt, for the first time, like we were sisters and had something in common. My parents were very liberal and wanted to help us, so they supported us all the way to now. 

 We found this new company, Krystal Entertainment, that was looking for people like us. They had a different idea in mind, to be more human than other soul-eating companies. It’s not perfect, but way better than some others I know. Soon, other girls came and we were formed into this group. I was chosen as the leader because of how much passion they saw I exhaled. It was true… I wanted to do this more than anything else. The beginning was rough, but we slowly built a name and we’re pretty consolidated. Our schedule is always full, we’re selling high, we do concerts often and we’re on TV all the time… maybe we’re even getting our own show one day! 

 But, freedom… I had to give up on it. I don’t think that most people are free, either. Whether it is work or family, a relationship, social stigmas, prejudice, beauty standards, the internal battle between your giri¹ and your ninjō² ... I think that only very few people are free. I have the power of influencing so many people, and yet I can’t come clean and say “truly, I am…”. I have to keep a character, an image, be an idol… and yet, that’s the situation where I benefit the most from. Imagine me, in a boring office job… dealing with math or something like that. I think I’d die. 

 And, well, being an idol is exhausting by itself. Practicing daily, not being able to go out whenever you want to, everything you say is documented and regulated… It is tough. But whenever I see my fans, whenever they sing along with the lyrics I wrote, whenever they wave their towels and penlights, whenever they comment on my photos, whenever we talk during meet & greet sessions… It all makes sense. It all feels fair. It all feels beautiful. But a very small piece of me wonders if they would still love me if they knew the truth. If she would still love me. 

☆☆☆

 Setting my worries and monologue aside, I went to meet the girls. We were rehearsing for the upcoming concert. I was going to do something different, something bigger… announce that me, Rin-tan, Yume and Ayu were going to form a band. I was so happy when the manager heard our idea and said it was great. I was on the vocals and guitar, Rin-tan on the vocals and bass, Yume on the keyboard and Ayu on the drums. I felt really blessed to finally show the fans what we had been working on. We were planning on releasing a digital single after the next album, but if the reception is good, we might release a full on physical one. 

 The rehearsal went fine, everything seemed to be okay. We needed to improve in some parts, but that was time who would fix. Being done, we reunited for a selfie to post on Twitter for our fans. I wanted them to know we were working hard to make them smile. They spend so much time (and money) with us, and I think the least we can do is give them lots of good content. I was anxiously waiting for the replies to come up… it just felt good to be known and loved, coming from someone who had absolutely no friends as a child. Obviously, I was waiting for her, too. But, I guess something happened and she was busy, because I kept checking and checking, and there was no comment in those first minutes, which was pretty uncommon for her. 

 I decided to not be crazy today, so I went home. I shared an apartment with my sister, but she had other plans for that night, being the extremely social person she was. I wasn’t, so my only wish was to eat a good homemade meal, take a bath and go to sleep. I guess… I guess that was the most important thing for me. Maybe I was wrong… maybe it wasn’t a matter of being Miyuu or being MiNA, maybe it was a matter of who I was with. And, being with her, I guess I was free. I had a long night waiting for me. In a world where I could be the ruler. Where I could be with her. Where I could be free.

 After my desired meal and bath, I stared at that photo once again. I looked at it as if I wanted to burn it into my mind, as if I wanted to transfer it to my soul. Only with a deep, full of love, true and bright wish could I be able to do that. I looked at our youthful and lonely eyes, and how I wish we were still together. We would be. Soon. 

Notes:

¹Giri: social obligations.

²Ninjō: human feelings. 

[daidoruyume]

Chapter 2 Miyuu in my dreams

 I was waving my yellow (Miyuu’s color) penlight, and cheerfully singing along to the chorus. I was at the front row, when our eyes met. She was looking at me, deep in the eyes, as if she could see everything that’s inside of me. It felt a little weird, having my soul bare for her to read into it. But she kept looking at me, and I kept looking at her, I felt like we were intertwined in some way. It was seemingly the last song, and they said goodbye and the concert ended. It felt empty to not have her eyes directly into mine. But there was a meet and greet session afterwards, and I obviously had bought tickets to spend with Miyuu. I couldn’t find Kaho anywhere, and it felt like I was rather floating than walking, but I arrived in time for the meet and greet. I was ninth in line and I got quite jealous of the girls and boys that got to meet her first… I wanted Miyuu to be all mine. But I tried to remain calm as I made my way to her when my time came. 

 “It’s been a while since we last saw each other!” Miyuu opened. Did she remember me? I felt glad.

“Y-yes… the last time was last Winter!” I surely remembered it perfectly.

“You must have missed me. I missed you too, you know, Yuu-chan.” I haven’t told my name, was her memory that good? I felt relieved in a way… I was amongst everyone else and she remembered it. 

“I-I missed you more… I look at your pictures every day.” 

“I have the same habit, actually.” I didn’t get what she meant, but Miyuu was kind of playful so I let it slide and laugh alongside her. We held hands, in a very child-like way, but then, Miyuu intertwined her fingers with mine. I think… it was already someone else’s turn, but we kept looking at each other, smiling, and our hands remained sealed. 

“I really, really do miss you.” She said, and her eyes shined brighter than ever. “You don’t know how much I love you.” Isn’t that line supposed to be mine? I’m the one who loves her… how is it the other way around? We were separated by a table that was about the height of my waist, but Miyuu suddenly pulled me closer and… locked our lips together…? I closed my eyes, but I could feel the stares and hear the gasps around us. It didn’t matter, because Miyuu was kissing me just the way I imagined she would. To my surprise, I woke up, with a soft feeling in my lips.

 I turned on my night light and put on my glasses. I looked around my room so I could be sure it was a dream. It felt so real, though… I opened Twitter again, it was around 2AM. Miyuu would sometimes stay up late and post something. That particular day, she was probably fast asleep, while I was about to cry. Have I taken this too far? I think it’s quite normal to dream of someone that plays a huge part of your life, but so intensely like that? And the realization of it not being real… it made my heart beat sadly. I didn’t want to cry, but I felt salty tears reach my lips and soon my vision was fogged. It made no sense… I was pursuing my studies, I had a good job, I lived in a good place and I had friends… I could even easily have a girlfriend if I wanted to… and yet, I realized, sadly and weakly, that I was in love with someone untouchable, unreachable. I could look at her as much as I wanted, but she would never look at me the same way. I could yearn for her my whole life and she would never hear it. I started sobbing like a baby, because I felt like a loser. I felt like I had made a terrible mistake… and yet, Miyuu was all my happiness, all my serotonin… being away from her would be really hard to do.

 I felt hopeless and understood nothing could actually be done, so I just took my glasses off, turned off the light, took a sip of water and went back to sleep. It couldn’t be helped. I just needed to rest and tomorrow I would be happy once again.

☆☆☆

 I still felt a little empty, but I decided to think of the dream in a more positive way. Dreaming of your oshi is always a good thing. Well… maybe I came to understand that I do love her romantically, and that will definitely be troublesome… but I decided to be happy, because that’s what Miyuu would want.

 I did my chores very diligently, but it was hard to eat lunch properly. I was just gulping it down like an ogre, and I'm sure people were watching, impatiently looking at my phone while I waited for the clock to hit noon. I was already on their Twitter page when it finally did.

@krystal_RAINBOW

New album "my LIGHT ☆ my LIFE".

Title track: "☆Light in the Night Sky☆"

B-side: "バラのバランス" 

Solos

Nishijima Keiko: 蘭 (Ran; Orchid)

Satou Satomi: 自己嫌悪 (Jiko Keno; Self-loathing)

Yamamoto Miyuu: 花火 (Hanabi; Fireworks)

Yamamoto Anna: Kiss me infinity 

Watanabe Kaori: 曇り雨晴れ虹のレフライン (Kumori, ame, hare, niji no refrain; cloudy, rainy, sunny, rainbow's refrain)

Kakizaki Yumeko: ワガママPerfect Symphony (Wagamama Perfect Symphony; Selfish Perfect Symphony)

Tachibana Yuzuna: My TURN!!

Kaneko Ayumi: ハッピーラッキー☆パラダイス (Happy Lucky ☆ Paradise)

 I was so happy I almost choked on my food! And, to make things merrier for me and Kaho, Miyuu was the center for the title track and Keiko for the b-side. Things like this make my heart burst into happiness! So, needless to say, I went on Twitter to post about my expectations for the album, and got a couple likes. Feeling recharged, I went back to my routine. Always thinking of Miyuu, obviously. I kept remembering the kiss, though, very vividly… it really felt like our lips had touched. It also felt a little strange, as if I had some kind of fever. I felt a little sick, but it had a bittersweet taste to it. I guess it’s love.

 In the Tweet it was also announced there would be a teaser at 6PM, so I was pretty excited to see what they would give us!

☆☆☆

 I wanted to go to sleep, but I also really wanted to watch the teaser! I kept waiting, and waiting, then I felt hungry and had to fix myself a snack, but then finally, the teaser was released! It was very short, but it had a medley of the songs, presenting the girls in different scenarios… Apparently, there’s going to be a PV for each song! Krystal Ent. must be making a lot of money these days, thanks to me, I guess… no joking now, the girls are becoming super popular, even overseas! Of course, I’m a spokesperson for them, so all of my family in Brazil knows about these girls, and I try to make sure every person I come across on Twitter gets to listen to at least one song. I’m too crazy for them, that’s the truth. Anyways… Miyuu was so pretty in the MV! She was dressed in this beautiful yukata, looking at the night sky… I’m so excited for her song!

 I actually have some memories myself of summer festivals and fireworks, which is the theme of her solo. Although I wanted something more hip-hop, a ballade is good, too. So, I don’t recall it perfectly, but I met this girl at a festival once. She had short black hair and was very boyish, we didn’t tell each other our names (I guess we were too dumb at the time), but we had a lot of fun and played the whole night. We took a photo, but she kept it because she told me one day she would find me and she would give me a copy. We didn’t exchange contacts, and I never met her again. Sometimes I think of her, although her image fades and I can’t picture her face. But the way she treated me was so… amazing… At that time, I was being bullied at school for being overweight, but she didn’t see me as weird or different. She saw the best of me, and I saw the best of her. I hoped to meet her again for a long time, and I even went to the festival for two more years only to realize it was foolish to try to find her with the little I knew. Wherever she is, I hope she’s okay. 

 I was getting drowsier and drowsier and I don’t even recall setting my phone away… soon, I was asleep. But I woke up to some kind of laughter and found myself in a car. 

“Finally awake?” What? It was… it was Miyuu talking to me. She was the one driving, and I was in the seat next to her. “You’re drooling, you know?”

“Haa… that’s… a little embarrassing.” 

“That’s fine, it’s just me, remember? I think it’s cute.” She gave me one hell of a smile. “We’re almost there. Quite a long drive, isn’t it…?” Suddenly, I remembered we were having a picnic, and that I had stayed up late finishing some work. She seemed to have slept well, unlike me.

 We arrived in a beautiful space. It was like a park, but completely empty, so it seemed like we had a reservation…? It didn’t make much sense for me, but I was really looking forward to that date. There was beautiful greenery around us, so many flowers… I was surrounded by love. She held my hand and gave me a little kiss, and then started to prepare everything for us to sit and enjoy the food we cooked together. I could even remember how much fun we had cooking it. 

 It felt perfect, and real. We sat down and enjoyed our sandwiches, cookies and cake, with some tea. It all tasted so good! We talked about our future, and the things we wanted to do together. Then, suddenly, she looked at me very seriously. She had a sad look, despite all the happiness we felt.

“What’s wrong?”

“You… you don’t remember, do you?” I didn’t know what she was talking about. “I can’t reach out to you… no matter how hard I try, our hands keep getting separated.” She was about to cry, I felt.

 That little perfect world that was just for us started to quickly form clouds that seemed really full. I felt stupid, hadn’t we checked the weather? It started to rain as tears ran down her face, and even when crying, she looked beautiful. 

“You’re leaving?” I didn’t want to, but I felt like we were being disconnected somehow. I couldn’t see her face anymore, she was gone. Or was it I who disappeared?  I woke up really sweaty and it certainly felt like I had caught rain. Once again, I cried. That time, because I felt like I had hurt her somehow. ‘This was supposed to be a fun hobby’, I thought, while I sobbed. Still, I was so tired from my day that I fell asleep once again. I had another dream, but this time it had nothing to do with her. Just a regular, boring dream. I couldn’t run away from Miyuu, though. My phone lock and home screen, my walls, my pajamas, even some of my dishes were merch. I ate the food she says she likes to eat, I watched the channel she says she watches in the morning, I brushed my teeth with the same toothbrush she once said she uses. Everything in my world was about Miyuu. I suddenly felt some anxiety, some fear, some feeling I didn’t understand where it came from. It eased within a few seconds, but I kept feeling sick. I had to skip classes and work, because I suddenly found myself not being able to get up properly. What was happening to me?

[daidoruyume]

About the Main Characters

[daidoruyume]

Chapter 1 Miyuu and midnight☆RAINBOW

I always made sure people saw me as a very normal person. I was quite gifted in some areas, but I liked the feeling of not standing out and being average. I felt like it was just perfect to be so “normal”. I had been living in Tokyo for college for two years, being at the ripe age of 20, and had even made some friends, who definitely didn’t know that side of me. If you know me a little better, you might think I’m talking about the fact that I’m a lesbian, but that’s not the case, since I was already out. It is a much more complex and passionate thing… it is something that lies deep within me, something I’d never dare to tell anyone about. It is about one person, so important to me I had to see her face in every inch of my room so I could feel inner peace. Someone I’ve spent tons and tons of money for someone I loved more than I loved my own reasoning and senses. It was about her, Yamamoto Miyuu, my favorite idol. 

 I was 15 years old when midnight☆RAINBOW had its major debut. Until then, my interests were merely literature and I didn’t care much about music, but one day, I found them on Twitter and it changed my life forever. Miyuu was 17 years old at that time, and she shined brighter than all of the other members combined (as much as I loved them). The group had some interesting additions, Yuzu, who was half african-american, half Japanese and Ayumi, who was transgender. I thought that was quite amazing! They received a lot of backlash at first, but they slowly built a fanbase and even made it to the budokan. I will explain about each member so I can make it more clear why I love Miyuu so much. 

 The oldest in the group, Nishijima Keiko, debuted at age 20. She’s very lady-like, but has a strong, deep voice. Unlike most idols, she has a larger figure and weighs around 70kg. But the group has this beautiful harmony, and she doesn’t stand out in a bad way. She even started her own brand of underwear for girls with a bigger body, since she always struggled to find bras and panties that felt comfortable. She’s also a great cook and even released a cookbook with recipes she learned from her father, who has a restaurant. She was born in Okinawa but moved to Tokyo when she was really young, only spending her summers there. Keiko, in the beginning of the group’s history, always kept her honey-colored wavy hair in a very tight, big red bow. She started wearing different types of bows lately, but that’s really “her thing.”

Next in line is Satou Satomi, who has always hated the combination of her last and first names. She’s the most boyish in the group, but she keeps a dark brown long hair. Her hobbies include photographing and watching movies, and she even has a YouTube channel where she posts reviews of her favorite ones. She’s really into some weird stuff, though, like foreign movies in black and white which I don’t get at all. She and Keiko are best friends in the group. 

 Miyuu is next, but I’ll like to talk about her later. Fourth is Anna, who is Miyuu’s younger twin sister. They’re fraternal, so they don’t really have the same face. She’s the “it girl” from the group, always dressing pretty and fancy. She knows a lot about hair and make up, so she usually comes up with the designs so the staff can replicate. She has long, straight bright-red dyed hair and she’s always very cute. She’s known for being very different from Miyuu and loooooving to party. Papparazzis always have so much luck with her, capturing her at night clubs. 

 Fifth is Rin, which is how Watanabe Kaori likes to be called. Kaori > Kaorin > Rin. See? She’s “the sexy one”, always liking to show off her moves and charming voice. Rin usually pairs with Miyuu to play pranks on the other girls, and she, in her own words, loves to annoy the youngest member, Ayumi. She gave nicknames for every one of the girls and makes jokes all the time. Actually, her backstory is very sad, since she grew up poor and had to raise her brother on her own, because her parents were very abusive and did drugs. She had her rise, though, after years of struggling, because of her amazing talent. A video of her singing “Blue light Yokohama” went viral some years ago, and it helped make the girls more famous. She also gave a presentation once telling which animal each of the members would be. While wearing a onesie. And then she did a weird dance. She’s… one of a kind. 

 Next is who we call Yume, Kakizaki Yumeko. She was born rich, but sooooo rich, and you can see it. She’s always dressed in very expensive clothes, and she keeps long, white hair that goes down to her knees. Her chara is to be quite mean to the other members, while in reality she’s very fond of them. She’s very smart and almost followed her dad’s career — he’s a doctor —, when she stopped everything and had the realization she needed to be an idol. She has a petite body, almost child-like, and seems to be very fragile, although she hates to be compared to a kid. She has pointy fangs and could probably kill anyone with only a stare. She’s also the one who does burikko sometimes. Who doesn’t like some fanservice?

 Then we have Yuzuna, or Yuzu, as we usually call her. She actually has two names she signs her posts with, either Stella Campbell or Tachibana Yuzuna. She’s way taller than the other members and oftenly made fun of her low intelligence. It seems that it’s most likely a case of laziness, since her family is very wealthy and both parents have graduated from prestigious universities in the USA and in Japan. She also speaks, alongside Japanese and English, fluent Mandarin and Spanish. She’s great at sports and will dress very boyish in these scenarios, but she also loves wigs and high heels and she will dress very femme-like when she wants to. She’s very complex, in my opinion, for being so… gifted, it seems, and yet, when you look into her eyes, you might have the feeling that her head is empty. She doesn’t care about being academically smart, though, and she confesses she didn’t try to do well at school and doesn’t intend to go to college. 

 Lastly, we have Kaneko Ayumi. She’s the youngest and lives up for it, always being made fun of because of how tiny she is. Despite her looks being very juvenile, she’s the smartest member and plans to have a long-lasting academic life. She was also born in a wealthy family, but she wasn’t very lucky since her dad was always opposed to her transition and she lost her mom at a young age. Her name comes from Ishida Ayumi, a singer her mom liked a lot. She’s also tech smart and really into games and energy drinks. It’s said she doesn’t have a good sleep schedule, either. Also, she’s the cutest thing in the universe. I love Miyuu, she’s my everything, but not even beauty can defy cuteness.

 Now, the moment you’ve been waiting for… Miyuu. She’s quite tall, 1,74m to be exact. She has long blonde hair and eyes so bright you can see your entire soul. She’s the passionate leader of the amazing midnight☆RAINBOW and she’s so, but so amazing. She’s a talented actress, having played in dramas and voice acted for animes, she’s an artist, who paints beautiful things and also a mangaka, and she even writes stories with the members! She’s just so… amazing at everything she does. She’s quite boyish sometimes and oh boy, if she’s not gay, then I’m not gay either. Miyuu has the prettiest smile and the prettiest tears. She’s always so dedicate to everything, and loves the girls so much… she’s so pure… and, of course, she has noticed me many times! She always likes and sometimes even answers my comments, and I’ve met her countless times during their promotions. She even once said “I love you to me!” Well, I mean… she’s an idol, her job is to love us fans, but… it felt so special. Still, she’s quite silly (her, Anna and Yuzu are “the dumb trio”), unless it’s about art, English or history, then she can answer anything. But that clueless side of her is so cute, oh gosh, I love every bit of Miyuu… I almost forgot to mention, but she’s one hell of a guitarist and a rapper! She’s seriously so amazing and idol-like. On stage, she can do anything!

 About me? Well, aside from my immeasurable love for midnight☆RAINBOW, I study Portuguese at an amazing university here in Tokyo, since I have family in Brazil and would like to be closer to them. I have a part-time job as an English teacher nearby and, for hobbies, let’s just say that I like to write fanfictions. I’m really excited because there’s going to be a concert in a week, and I’m quite known in the ☆light (starlight) fandom on Twitter, under the username of @miyuuhanabi. I don’t like using my full name online, but since you can read “hana” as “ka”, too, it could be read as “miyuuka”! See how our names combine? We even have the same “Yuu” kanji. It’s perfect, it’s destiny!

 ☆☆☆

 I have quite a few ☆light friends, but my best friend is Kaho. She’s from Osaka, so our friendship is mostly online. Which doesn’t make it hard at all, since I don’t have so much free time anyways. Her handle on Twitter is @nijikeistarlight because Keiko is her oshi. She’s coming to Tokyo next month so we can go to the concert together, which is only available for the fans who sign their fanclub, and, of course, as the hardcore fans we are, we do. I had barely finished my work day when I logged into my account on Twitter. Miyuu had posted! Her stuff always made me so happy. It was about 6 PM. 

@miyuukiway

Kei-chan is cooking dinner for all of us! ☆light, how was your day? Did you have fun? Please rest well ~ We’ll have a live at 9 PM, prepare for good news.

 What could it be? I soon commented. 

@miyuuhanabi

I’m so excited! I won’t miss this live for anything! 

 And, as Miyuu had just posted that, she was still online and liked my comment. It was quite common, but I got happy regardless. I soon messaged Kaho on LINE about Miyuu’s tweet.

Yuuka: Ka-chan! Did you see Miyuu’s latest post?

Kaho: Which one? You know if it’s not directly about Keiko-chan I won’t click desperately.

She seemed to have opened it and read it when she sent me the next message.

Kaho: I bet it’s comeback news! 

Yuuka: Oh my God that would be so awesome. Who do you think would be the center this time?

Kaho: Well, it was Kei-chan last time… so I think it will be someone else. Krystal Ent. is very fair. I hope it’s Ayu-chan. 

Yuuka: Yeah, she had only one center. The other girls had more…

Kaho: But you want it to be Miyuuki, right?

Yuuka: Of course!! So she will have more lines… a solo would be good, too.

Kaho: You still wait for that mixtape.

Yuuka: Don’t make fun of me! Someday she will release a mixtape and she will be a very popular rapper.

 Gee, Kaho can be quite mean sometimes! I picked up my stuff and headed to my apartment which was only a few blocks away from the school I taught at. Arriving there, I could finally feel some comfort. My walls were decorated with posters, bromides, photo cards and chekis from midnight☆RAINBOW, and it was mostly Miyuu themed, of course. I had all of their CDs and DVDs, many towels, shirts, penlights and plushies. They were my everything. And Miyuu was the center of that Universe. My sun, which I revolved around with so much dedication and love. 

I decided to take a bath and cook some quick dinner, anything that wouldn’t take me too much time, so I didn’t intend on using Keiko’s cookbook (yes, I owned a copy!) that time. I needed to be fully prepared for the 9PM live. And, well, I had some homework too. But that I could get done with very quickly.

 ☆☆☆

 It was 8:50PM and I was starting to feel the thrills. The app they used to go live was created by their own company, Krystal Entertainment, and the lives were recorded, but I usually would record them myself in case they ended up deleting it. I never knew why I was so cautious, but, you know, “what if?”. I kept talking to Kaho and sipping from my teacup until they went live.

 “Hello! Shining bright in the night sky with our ☆light, it’s midnight☆RAINBOW!” It was their catchphrase, and how they opened their live. They started with some chit chat, asking if we were getting hyped and if we were excited. The chat was going crazy and, of course, I was one of these fans typing my soul out. 

“It’s been quite a while since we had our last single, right?” Miyuu said. She was so pretty whenever she talked… I loved her so much.

“That’s true!” Anna replied. 

“Which means, it’s time for something new…” Rin started suggesting.

“But we had six singles in a row, that can get a little annoying.” It was Yume’s turn.

“So, we’re releasing something better than a single!” Yuzu said.

“Better than a single? Isn’t it as good as it gets?” Satomi joked.

“Well, our last album was released almost two years ago.” Keiko said. This time, I received a message from Kaho with a few screenshots. She was going crazy over Keiko like I went over Miyuu. And then she would make fun of me, as if I was the only crazy one.

“That’s why we’re releasing a new album!” Ayumi was the one who revealed it to us.

“But there’s a lot more than that! We wanted to do it a little differently this time.” Miyuu started explaining. “Tomorrow, at noon, we will release the tracklist. I wasn’t going to spoil it, but I really want to.” She looked behind the camera. “Staff said it’s ok! So, everybody’s getting a solo, each one far different from the other! We want to show our singularity with it.” That was so… amazing… like, a whole song with only Miyuu? I love the other members, but that was definitely special! And, of course, I wanted to listen to the other solos too. “I hope you guys love it as much as we do. It’s a very special project.” She finished.

 After the announcement, they started talking about random things, and I enjoyed each minute until they said goodbye. Then, I chatted with Kaho a little more and went to sleep, waiting for the next day’s noon. But then, I found myself… at their concert?

[daidoruyume]

Summary and Chapter Links

Hello! I'm Polaris and I'm writing a story called

大好きな☆アイドル☆が夢に出てくるのが止まらない

Daisuki na ☆ aidoru ☆ga yume ni detekuru no ga tomaranai

My favorite ☆ idol ☆ won't stop appearing in my dreams!

It will firstly be released in English and later will be translated to Japanese and to other languages.

Story summary

Mikami Yuuka is a ☆light (starlight), which is the fandom of a quite popular girl group called midnight☆RAINBOW, and her favorite member is the leader, Yamamoto Miyuu. She’s a very intense fan, and thinks of Miyuu 24/7. But, suddenly, the idol starts invading her dreams. Is it just because of how much content she consumes, or is there more to that than Yuuka knows?

Chapter links (will be updated when a new chapter is posted)

Chapter 1 Miyuu and midnight☆RAINBOW

Chapter 2 Miyuu in my dreams

Chapter 3 Being an idol can be tough sometimes!

Chapter 4 Beloved photograph and fireworks

Chapter 5  Busy mind

Guide to characters