#screaming and jumping up and down with an Italian flag he sneaked into the green room every time Stefano gets 12 points

[corrodedbisexual]

@steviesbicrisis your Steddie Eurovision brainrot never left my brain, so now I'm thinking about Eddie going for the ultimate love confession by learning Stefano's song (Duolingo lessons paid off somewhat, he's got the pronunciation down at least and the lyrics can be memorized). He rearranges it into a beautiful metal power ballad, rents a studio, and they record the cover overnight (bless his bandmades for indulging his insanity when they could be out partying like the rest of the Eurovision crowd, but they end up having fun with it, too). Eddie uploads the song to their Spotify before he can chicken out and goes to bed to scream into his pillow.

Steve wakes up to about a hundred notifications of people texting him and tagging him in posts about Corroded Coffin's new cover track. He listens to it several times making sounds absolutely unbecoming of a grown man that he is, and kicking his feet, and texting Robin in all caps and heart emojis because he's absolutely GONE for that low gravelly voice singing HIS song. (Robin, who's currently in the US, texts him back a picture of her bedside clock showing 4AM, with a deadpan emoji. But then also "go get your man dingus" and an eggplant emoji.)

Later that day Eddie attends Steve's concert at a club, hoping to blend in with the crowd, but Steve notices him just as he's about to close with his Eurovision number, grins wide and says, "I think there's someone in the audience who might help me put a twist on this one. Hey Australia, get your ass on stage."

Before Eddie's brain even catches up with what's happening, there are lights on him, the crowd recognize him and all cheer and whoop and whistle; news travels lightning fast in the village, so all the Eurovision fans present have heard his cover already and are thrilled about what they're about to witness. Eddie's being pushed forward, his feet helplessly dragging him towards the stage, and there's an electric guitar shoved into his arms by someone.

It's only thanks to years of experience and muscle memory that Eddie manages to tune the guitar while his brain short circuits about being right next to this gorgeous man, hair a mess, neck all sweaty and shiny from the stage lights. And then he's playing, Steve's band follow his lead, and Steve sings the verses himself but pulls Eddie in for the choruses. They are both singing into the same mic, pressed together back to back, Steve's face and LIPS so fucking close the entire time, their cheeks almost touching, making Eddie buzz from more than just stage adrenaline.

The whole audience joins in on what was supposed to be the final chorus, Steve and Eddie turned around now to almost face each other; Steve throws an arm around his shoulders and grins so wide and dazzling as he sings, eyes moving between the crowd and Eddie, and Eddie can't stop grinning back at him; holy fuck, the man is so beautiful like this, Eddie never wants this to end. He repeats the chorus tune on the guitar over and over, changing up the rhythm to go faster and faster on what was initially a slow ballad, matching his own accelerating heartbeat. Steve's grin is absolutely brilliant as he matches Eddie's pace perfectly in this little improv, despite the lyrics going so fast now Eddie would never be able to do that, but Steve practically breaks into a rap by the end of it and he's ON FIRE. The crowd is going wild, everyone jumping up and down and just high pitch screaming when the lyrics get too fast for them to follow, too.

Eddie ends it with a quick improv guitar solo, Steve's eyes on him the entire time, wide and shining as he not quite headbangs, but keeps nodding to the rhythm. Then, with the final chord still ringing out, Steve leans into the mic to sing the chorus one last time a capella, slow and soft. The club immediately goes quiet as everyone listens, mesmerized, and so does Eddie. God, this man has a beautiful voice.

Steve's eyes are closed for the most of it, but they open on the final line and land on Eddie as he sings it, and Eddie remembers the translation of it. "Would you let me love you like it's our last night on this planet?" He is so gone, gone, GONE. When the set ends, and they both bow to the audience whose cheers are near deafening, it's only the fact that every single person has their phones out to record the performance that stops Eddie from kissing the guy right there on that stage.

Steve drags him backstage and slams him into a wall the moment they're out of sight, and it's kinda funny how they are making out like horny teenagers before they even had a single conversation, but after all, music speaks louder than any words.

[jojo-reader-hell]

Bucci Gang x Reader: Adheridos Separados

A story about coming home from a foreign country. Focuses on Hispanic!Reader because I need representation. So if you’re not Hispanic congrats, you are now.

You’re filthy.

You smell like a mixture of crotch, urine, and death breath. Didn’t even brush your teeth the morning you left Helsinki nor did you bother at the various terminals you visited.Just jumped out of bed and took off, didn’t even change out of your pajamas.

Hair in knots, beat up leather jacket around your shoulders, you sneak glances here and there as the plane descends. Thank God, she gave you enough money for two tickets, so you were able to avoid tormenting an unfortunate seatmate for five and a half hours. Instead by your side sat your black guitar case, the sole piece of luggage you carried with you wherever you went.

Please… Fucking shit… Please let them be there…

Thank God Finland was only one hour ahead. At first you were worried you wouldn’t make it in time, they didn’t linger during lunch. Not when there were other things to take care of, if the boys got into a fight they left early, or if one of them got a wild hair and decided to eat somewhere else, Libeccio might very well be empty by the time you found a taxi and this makes you sweat even more.

Hurry the fuck up!!

Your boot makes a pattering sound as you bounce your leg in anticipation. You keep muttering under your breath for the pendejo flying the plane to hurry his lazy ass up, hand wrapped around the handle of your guitar case as though you’re going to swing it out at the first person who tries to line up before you in the skinny aisle of the plane. Around you, the world moves on. Some people speak in Finnish, occasionally there’s the obnoxious American tourist gushing and you understand simple words like “ocean” and the ever annoying “oh my gawwwwwwwd”, even some Italians are on this flight, complaining about the lows of negative seven Celsius and how they’re looking forward to the warmth back home.

“Apurate cabron!” you nearly scream it out but it catches hoarsely in your throat.

No one seems to notice your distress. It’s probably for the best. You don’t want to talk to anyone else right now. You’re itching to go, bouncing in your seat when the wheels touch down and barely hearing the roar of the brakes through the pounding of your heart in your ears. You stand even before the seat belt lights turn off, conventional airline etiquette can suck your clit if any of these fuckers think for a minute you’re going to wait for them to get off first.

Rude as ever, you push your way to the front, earning a lot of complaints from the passengers but silencing them with a red hot glance of murder when you bullied your way to the front of the plane.

You don’t even bother to take in the sight of the white walls of Napoli Airport like the tourists do. You book it out of the gate, guitar case swinging haphazardly as you break into a sprint out of the terminal. This time, you didn’t bother to waste another minute with a letter. If you had, they’d be waiting for you with a car, and this would have taken seconds to quell the heartache you felt in your chest.

But to hell with wasting time that could get you home quicker. You didn’t even wait for the snow to melt in the country you were staying in. As soon as she gave you the money to leave you left, not even pausing once to say goodbye to the two old women that had shown you what was in your heart.

Scanning the front of the airport for a familiar yellow color, you manage finally to flag someone down. Quickly you enter, slamming the door once you’re seated next to your guitar case. You don’t let the man get a word in edgewise. Waving a stack of bills in the driver’s face, you tell in lispy Italian where you need to go, not caring that his smile is really a cruel mockery and turning it into a frown when you open your mouth again.

“Did you hear a word I said? Hurry up and drive me there! I know my Italian is not so very bad. ¡Ya me tienes harto! ¡Vete a la chingada!”

The effect is instantaneous. Both languages are not so different that the Italians cannot understand what you’re saying. Often you talk a lot of shit in your native language, earning mean looks from the person that hears it, and the driver swears at you before peeling out of the front of Napoli Airport. There’s something in your eyes that makes him afraid to do more than call you a dirty whore, he didn’t even kick you out when you started back at him in Castiliano. The both of you argue the whole way, bitching at one another until you throw the stack of bills on his lap before you exit, leaving your new best friend with a nice piece of advice:

“¡Tómate tu dinero y mételo en el culo!” you scream.

“Vai a cagare brutta stronza!”

You laugh. You start fucking howling when you slam the door of the taxi, leaning on your guitar as he peels off. Of course the entire street is staring, but you could really give a fuck less.

God dammit… You’re HOME!

“Bahahahaahahaha! D-did you see that?” you’re too choked up, shaking even as it appears you’re talking to thin air. “He… he called me a bitch! HAHAHAHAHA!”

A throaty metallic laugh sounds off next to you, a rather tall figure in black puts a hand up to the only part of her face that’s not covered by her helmet. A filthy word in Spanish blinks across her helmet, and you laugh harder, clutching your stomach and not even bothering with the looks or the mutterings of what a freak you are. You must look like some smelly nut job, but you could care less.

“Come on,” you tell your Stand, gesturing with the guitar case towards the restaurant. “Let’s go!”

The Brainwasher’s coo sounds almost like a chirp. She follows eagerly behind you as you walk the few blocks towards the restaurant. Stubborn asshole didn’t even drop you at the front like they usually did, probably shouldn’t have said you fucked his mother, but whatever. It wasn’t like you were ever going to need to take a taxi again in your life anyways. Finally you look up at the streets you couldn’t stop seeing in your dreams. Everything is clean, just how you left it before the beginning of autumn. Everything stays, but there are some subtle differences in how you perceive the facades, the green awnings and black telephone wires with birds, the red brick buildings and the smell of freshly cooked Napoli fare. It hits you how hungry you were, not just for a meal, but for the comfort you had here in this town.

They have to be here, you think to yourself as you slow your pace and your racing heart, I made it just in time… They probably just sat down to eat and I’m going to walk in on them drinking, probably starting on torte alle frogole or perhaps I’ll catch them in the middle of a bite of veal… And when I get my kisses, they’re going to taste so sweet no matter what they’ve been eating…

Your Stand chirrups in delight, the word “Papi” blinking across her helmet in pink along with a series of hearts all in the different colors of the rainbow. You smile at The Brainwasher, and she gives you a toothy grin in return as the both of you take your time to savor the streets of Naples. You want to take it in slowly, it’s been too long already… But on the opposite side of the coin you feel as though you’re merely trying to hold back the full body vibrating you feel at the prospect of seeing the loves of your life for the first time in what feels like forever.

Strange, you think as you enter the restaurant and see the host’s eyes light up, It never used to feel like I was away very long before. It felt like I’d never left, and I’d actually start feeling an anxiety… now… I feel like I’ve been away too long…

“Singorina Esposito!”

You laugh.

“I told you to call me by my first name.” you grin. “Please, is he… are they all…?”

The words can’t come to you, but he knows what you want and wordlessly ushers you through the tables to the back.

“Of course Singorina Espo- I… apologies! Yes, they’re all here today!”

The fake name you’ve been given never ceases to amuse you. With a bit of morbid curiosity, you’ve come to find the identity one of your boyfriends has given you in order for you to stay long periods of time actually is a throw away name for Italian orphans. But it’s more amusing than insulting, because it can also be a cute way of calling someone “husband” in your native language, and you waste no time informing your boyfriend.

“What? You miss me that much you want to marry me?” you’d asked coyly, laughing at his red face. “Uh? Am I your husband, and you’re the wife? Pining for me every time I have to leave for work? Then come here and give your esposo a kiss~.”

“SHOW HIM SOME RESPECT!”

You stop short of the archway and peer into the reserved area. There’s tea all over the table, the remains of a shattered cup staining the floors with dark liquid and you catch a whiff of Darjeeling. One boyfriend screams at the others, a stranger next to him with gold hair as both have their backs to you. Your breath catches in your throat… There’s an air of uncertainty. You want to call out to them, to say something, but all the things you intended to say to them clog in your vocal cords and you can’t even gurgle out one word in Italian.

The Brainwasher flickers to life next to you.

“Ya llegué.” She whispers softly.

Time stops. Six pairs of eyes fall on you, one unfamiliar, the other five with some sort of confusion. You see the emotions mix, tumble over one another, until warm recognition makes you smile in delight.

“H-…”

A scream, a yelp of your name is all you hear as you’re suddenly pinned to the floor by an overly exuberant mass of orange, leather and messy black hair. The case in your hand is pulled out of your grasp last minute by The Brainwasher, and she has only moments to react before you are completely taken over by bodies.

“MIA RAGAZZA!”

All of them are screaming your name, kisses are planted on every bit of exposed skin. Someone bites your earlobe and you exclaim out in pain, the one who tackled you takes advantage of this and you taste the sweetness of his tongue against yours, hearing him moaning loudly into the kiss. Your tangles are yanked back and you’re separated from your attacker, mouth taken up into another kiss that tastes of strawberries and cream while your lips are smeared with purple lipstick.

“Where the fuck were you all this time?!” screams the one that bit you.

“You didn’t even call or write!” whines the tackler.

Another body just as ripe as yours heaves you all up off the floor.

“Yuck! You stink!” he cries, and you feel tears dribble onto your face as he clutches you tightly to his smelly chest. “You’re so gross… You… You…!”

This whole time you haven’t made a sound. You’re far too caught up in the lips and the tongues that pull you in several directions at a time to notice that you’ve drawn the attention of everyone in the entire restaurant. You don’t even care that The Brainwasher has disappeared and dropped your case to the floor, not when your heart is bursting and you’re being showered in all the love you’ve craved over the last few months. What a difference it made, now that your eyes were wide open and you could see clearly without the other emotions bogging you down.

Remember what I told you. Hold them close. Be thankful for the freedom they’ve given you…

You look up when you hear your name murmured.

There he is… He’s still as handsome as ever. Looking you over with those ocean eyes as his face contorts like he’s going to cry at any moment. The others let you out of their grasp reluctantly, you still feel fingers on your back as you step closer, but you don’t have to move any further.

Olive toned hands take your face up, your skin is covered in lipstick and tears and snot bubbles and you still smell like a toilet but he doesn’t care a whit. He merely swipes a thumb across your cheek, his eyes squinting into a smile, lower lip quivering as though he’s afraid to kiss you.

“I’m home.” You tell him simply. Like you went to the grocery store for some milk.

He says nothing. Takes you up in his grasp and kisses you like his life depends on it, the clean taste of his mouth against yours as you wrap your arms around his neck. As Bruno Buccellati kisses you fervently, you feel the bodies of your other lovers engulf you. Leone Abbacchio’s large hands caress your waist, Narancia Ghirga pulls on the hem of your pants, Pannacotta Fugo and Guido Mista can’t help but take each arm and pepper kisses on every inch they can get a hold of. You’re ensconced in this feeling. Well loved. Steaming hot and relieved from the cold of loneliness you’d been feeling the entire winter.

As you’re being showered in affection, you don’t notice the last pair of eyes viewing this display with a strange, mounting envy. You don’t notice him cock his head as the boys kiss and complement you. Wanting to know who this stranger is, and why it seems that the gangsters before him are so desperate to shower you with affection.

Much to his displeasure, he wants to know why he suddenly wants to take the time to greet you with a kiss as well, to see you squirm and giggle and moan beneath his touch…

[wakabond-blog]

PyeongChang Men’s SP Reaction

FOREWARNING: someone remind me to never do this again I literally sweat through my shorts going through this emotional earthquake

I had reservations about doing this reaction post but I’m watching the NBC mini-promos for everyone (cue lil’ kid saying that Javi is his ONLY hero <3) competing tonight and all the feels flooding in.

Also gonna put my dream podium out there in advance so I can lay claim to my fantasies before they possibly flop: Yuzu, Nathan, Javi (in that order for Gold, Silver, and Bronze), but ofc the best scenario is that everyone skates well and leaves the ice happy and the gremlin judges can do whatever. I haven’t watched a lot of the earlier-group men this season, but looking at their music choices I’m pretty excited for Julian Zhi Jie Yee’s Build a Home program (P/C’s 2016 FS from Euros that year still sticks with me) and hopefully Yaroslav hits his 4F. Just writing out everyone’s name is getting me hella nervous

THIRTY ONE GUYS UP 4 HOURS FML LET’S GIT TO IT, first group up on warmup ice: ayyy Vincent hitting a nice 4Lz-3T

AHHH NBC dropping me randomly into Felipe Montoya’s program right into a botched 3F-2T; c’mon man AISH U TOOK AWAY JAVIER RAYA’S SPOT FOR THIS uwu I kinda dig the all white costume tho but must be a binch to find from the audience viewpoint

Chafik Besseghier actually into taximan more than during the Team SP like yeah sure NBC say it’s part of “French creativity” but that taxi look is wonky...points for commitment though, right? 77.01 with all those lil’ green boxes gouda job Chafik; also a note on that French quirky creativity comment anyone else remember Brian Joubert trying to “disprove” people calling him gay by doing a nude photoshoot

MY BOI Vincent Zhou HITS DAT 4Lz-3T first at the Olympics with that 4Lz-3T combo!!! gah other two jumps off-axis but damn he has the hardest technical content but man you gotta deliver all of it including rotations and GOE; also *pushes glasses up* Vincent ~almost~ got a perfect ACT score wat u doing get that 36 (LOL AT THE COMMENTATORS SAYING HIS SIS GOT A PERFECT SCORE); BANG 84.53 with some stubby GOEs I can live with that new season’s best YAAAS u chase those cars

Okay so the announcement for Denis Ten is in English over the loudspeakers but there’s like a little interruption when they just repeat the word “Kazakhstan” but in Korean phonetics; REIGNING BRONZE MEDALIST LET’S GO nope there goes the 4S-->2S, NICE triple axel though!, also loving the royal blue shirt, triple lutz triple NO (sorry had to say that), but the music is great kinda operatic but not like a loud Bocelli; considering his injuries and other hurdles this is alright, his entire season had a rough start ALSO the flower girls have dresses that match the rink so QUTE also Frank Carroll is still not retired mkay

Matteo Rizzo NICE 3A also considering that this is choreo’d by his mom this is great, strong Italian vibes, really good lines, straight camel with the leg position above the hip, good rotation; love the arms out of the 3Lz this would be a program I would want to do OKAY NBC WE GET THAT U NEED A QUAD TO GET ON THE PODIUM but friggin Matteo’s job is to make his mom choreo proud also considering how this is by far the biggest stage he’s been on after dethroning Ivan Righini, dis is gr8

Michael Christian Martinez honestly still love his taking YOI in stride basically Phichit IRL, not a great performance by any means, really low score in the 50s sheesh but hey that signature Biellmann though! this first group was alright still looking ahead

Yaroslav Paniot that was rough :/// also he took out the 4F and fell on all 3 passes (I mean he landed on his knee on the axel but like...what do you even call that?) damn Tammy Gambill coaches him too, into last place :(( it’s okay Yaroslav

Yan Han going for that hard nose blow and tissue grab looks intense LOVE THAT HARD SLAP ON THE BARRIER you got this my man, AHHH yas more Twilight, NICE TRIPLE AXEL BEST SO FAR man was that rotation fast, crap that 4T still looking for a clean toe in this comp; also these SPs are passing really quickly, Vincent still in the lead after Han’s 80.63

Julian Zhi Jie Yee OMGOMGOMG okay excited for this, awww love the shot back to the opening ceremony; love his shirt with the slight slit V not intrusive but modern and sleek LOVE LOVE LOOOOOVE it; AHHH THE BEATS OF BUILD A HOME ready for this show off for Malaysia, NICE TRIPLE AXEL he had so much space coming down, maintaining composure, come on GREAT LUTZ halfway mark here come the lyrics and ahhh slipping on the 3F-3T, I think that content should be enough for him to make the FS, lines could be a bit better but his spin levels seem there good for him! Man he really floated on the 3A I’m hoping this’ll go into the low 70s yep 73.58 good score for him

And cue more ice-less places Brendan Kerry kinda attractive in that down-under way, used to be really smol but then hit that caucasian puberty WHOOO first clean 4T of the comp, like the shimmery dark blue shirt, nice 3Lz-3T who needs a quad sal if there’s anything the pairs comp taught us it’s that going clean leaves a greater impression than hard tricks, saved that 3A, this cut of Everybody Wants to Rule the World is so #inspirational someone get me my book of self-affirmations also getting all these coach-skater revelations Nikolai Morozov coaches Kerry?? dang, whoa slots right in behind Vincent with an 83 and change

Moris Kvitelashvili okay who tf put his name as Morisi on the official docs they actually announced his names as that ETERI U ONLY HAVE ONE BOY, bring on the Buble, smooth 3A that flow, def on feelin good on that 4S, after Boyangman’s Spiderman program I’ve grown to have a deeper appreciation for Michael Buble, he’s really tall but one of those lanky awkward guys but eh I give him props for having the gumption to compete for Georgia and getting to compete on Olympic ice

Keegan Messing LOL his intro “actually born in Alaska, proficient Yo-Yo master” aww singin in the rain WOW nice 4T-3T I’m laughin at clouds too Keegan, oof that 3A fall though, very fast spinner no travelling either...okay but seriously can we get RIka Kihira here to give these guys a 3A clinic or something, for a second this really feels like a Javi program, nice 3Lz to finish out the jumps my god I thought his coach was either Eteri/Shawn White c.2010 hair wow 85 taking away the lead from Vincent; 12 men done, 18 left!

This next warmup group Danny wit dat fresh haircut, NBC hyping up the final group omg chill ur horses, Michal with those sleeve ribbons!

Michal Brezina those bedazzled dragons, WOW QUAD sal (okay I thought it was a flip at first), good 3A nothing under review, not to compare but to compare this is like Seimei beta ver., beautiful delayed 3F, also I feel like I hear people clapping along to the drums but I don’t see anyone...it’s prolly the NK cheer squad, this skate should just sneak into 1st, damn his profile sideshot looks like a dinosaur, AWWW RAF lol still surprised by these coaching situations OH BOI lol just into 1st by 0.04 over Keegan

Cha Junhwan c’mon get that gypsy dance on bring the soul of Wakaba to the games (I expect shoulder shimmies), TAKE A DEEEEP breath Brian, wow dicey moment with the 3F-3T but landed flawlessly, even better 3A crowd goes WILDDDD, quick interjection these scores that are starting to pile into the mid-80s are seriously reminding me of the bronze-medal battle in Sochi I mean yeah now there’s a pretty solid list of 5/6 guys for the podium but still..chills..., might have urs but really bringing the energy otherwisein the stsq arms flairs right on the beat of the music (I’ll count those as shimmies) wow first standing O very well deserved all the korean flags!!

Other sidenote you know who’s gonna get more cool team jackets than Marina Zueva? Brian friggin Orser: Canada, Korea, Japan, Spain, Kazakhstan! all those colors!! gotta catch ‘em all and with a score of 83+ Junhwan goes into that pack of mid-80s

Paul Fentz jacksepticeye doppleganger back on the ice, honestly great 3T-3T screw the squad his air position is really good, wow wild like on the 3A but again great air position (honestly this plus straight legs on camel spins are like the must-haves), also loving this jazzy music it works for him, Wonderwall was WUNDERFUL

Interjection of hockey testosterone jeez being a referee in that would be terrifying you’re wearing no padding sheesh

Misha Ge okay srsly what is the point of saying “Uzbekistan” in English and then again in Korean phonetics? not into the brown ombre, good 3A, getting gypsy pirate vibes gawd that spin extension though ta die fo

Cutaway to Yuzu absolutely DESTROYIN that EZ applesauce pouch (okay it’s not applesauce but man is he twistin every last drop out)

And since I’m already doing this huge ass shitpost I might as well comment on some of the commercials, the 23andme thing where Warren Buffett narrates “ill let u choose any car but u only get one you’d take care of it so well right WELL THAT’s UR BODY”...kinda hypocritical coming from a dude who only eats McDs, See’s Candies, Coke and steak...

Jorik Hendrickx awww I actually had no idea his sis Loena made it too, gosh Je Suis Malade reminds me of Adelina’s failed comeback...anyway good 3A to start; I remember how emotional his qualifying through Nebelhorn was enjoy this bb, wow he’s gonna join the mid-80s pack too judges panicking how tf do we separate them AWW Loena clapping so cute and Jorik smiling!! love this

Also screaming about how I can see the final group on my shitpost list getting closer to my cursor *bites nails*

Literally the biggest actual fuqboi of this comp Daniel Samohin is up with a new ‘do that fresh fade also doesn’t he have that company/group thing black wolf white wolf WELL DAMN BLACK WOLF JUST HIT HIS 4T-3T god remember when he destroyed his shoulder at Skate America, whoa first two clean quads of the comp so far who knew flopchild would it get together at the Olympics also classic Daniel guitar solo ay fuq down on the 3A gdi this is why we can’t have nice things LOL also the first skater to finish in the wrong direction, cute lil’ smile at the end though! Also gonna hit the low-80s aww happy tears!!! omg is that Nikolai Morozov yup 80 points and change jeez top 6 all separated by less than 2 points lol

Group 4 on the ice jeez those short sleeves SLAY BOI LOL THESE ADAM PROMOS literally all of the vernacular “fierce, I’m a full prone monster” *smizes* okay I’m going for a walk and hope to be back by Deniss see ya’ll in a quick sec and good luck to the first five in this group...but srsly I gotta get up or else risk carpal tunnel at this point </3

Adam Rippon, Dmitri Aliev

Okay jk I made it back for Patrick Chan midway through his performacne looks like his first couple jump elements were good supposedly missed his 3A he looks really tense damn PChiddy it’s alright (sidenote his chest looks bigger than I remember), also ofc Dimi is in the lead now with a tech score over 50

Keiji Tanaka, Alexei Bychenko both happened but I took a shower to be clean for some clean skates

Also isn’t it crazy how Deniss is literally skating right before Yuzu man those world standings were a bit of a surprise at first Deniss Vasiljevs (jk my shower also overran his performance so I’m looking at the protocols rn but hey, good thing is my energy’s now conserved for GROUP 6!)

YESS NBC showing (at least part of) the warmup; Javi hits a BOSS 4S so smooth; Nathan’s smiling, Yuzu looks healthy! my god seeing all the faves on ice together warming up at the OLYMPIC stage is just *clutches chest* a lil’ too much for a casual Thursday evening; okay one more set of commercials and we are off to the RACES!!!

Yuzuru Hanyu TAKES THE ICE the first bars of Ballade a personal fave piece, breatheee, head roll, sway,ohmigod you could hear the sound of a pin dropping, come one quad sal to open...YES OH MY GOD NICE 13 POINTS!!! for that one element, great donut spin, 1 2 3 1 2 3 getting all of his levels ofc great character in spins timed to music, love the sound of his blades BLIND MOHAWK INTO 3A TRADEMARK HIT IT’S HAPPENING ONLY THE COMBO LEFT IS HE GONNA DO THE RIPPON ON THE END YES NICE HE HIT IT OH MY FUQQIN GOD THE POOHS THE OBAACHANS IN THE AUDIENCE THIS IS SERIOUSLY MAGICAL BEAT THAT WOWOWOW THE POOH BEARS RAIN DOWN AGAIN I have never seen so many thrown down at once at him DAMN; this is a true champion, my god yes yes YES!!!! my god I don’t know how get got that 3T WITH RIPPON out at the end lol Ghislain Briand and B Orser jumping; WORLD RECORD GIVE IT TO HIM NEVER DOUBT YU.ZU.RU. HAN.YU; BAM 111 triple ONES BEAT THAT YESS AND HE’S SMILING

OKay okay I gotta calm down for Nathan Chen the Poohs are cleared, yes this is a POTO costume but he looks good; GOD DAMN IT CAMERAMAN YOU MISSED THE FUQQIN DIP YOU HAD ONE JOB ARGHHHH, blade sounds are louder than YUZUS BUT HERE COMES THE 4LZ...OH SHIT MY GOD AND THE QUAD TOE JESUS FUCKING HELL IT WASN’T A COMBO either wow...I’m speechless..come one Nate finish it out finish it out OH FUCKING...33 TECHSCoRE?!?!?!?!?!? He’s still breathing though, looks alright, okay he’s still honestly so young and I understand he exudes this chill outlook which is great but all the pressure had to have gotten him (or he just got unlucky with this bad day :///) nerves?? I know there’s still the free skate left but I want him to walk away from all this feeling okay, not hating skating or anything and making a comeback (hopefully??) in Beijing and maybe having a Chloe Kim kind of moment OH FUQ 13th place 82+...my god

Mikhail Kolyada actually shaking his head after seeing Nathan’s scores we’re all shocked buddy; but skate well hit that sky-high lutz loving your mozart, come on come one; okay triple honestly I just don’t want to see any more thuds on the ice that’s good oh fuck...4T a goner out of the four disciplines this is the one that has the least assured gold medalist and maybe that’s contributing to the nerves? It’s okay Mikhail, your 3A was pretty, and YAY GOT A SMILEY SPASIBO y’know at the Olympics all I can hope for as a spectator is that everyone skates happy and goes as big and clean as possible and leaves happy or at least not too hard on themselves and I know that’s easy to say but so much of sports/life in general is psychological and it just pains me to think of how these guys might react to this under-delivered performances

Shoma Uno smolma please whisk us away with Winter, literally gonna bounce the fuq off of Shrooma if he lands everything please save this; NICE 4F, lines ofc can’t compete with Hanyu but you know...World Silver...he’s got the goods, get those clean edges, skating skills, stsq levels, okay 4T YES YES YES 3T great my god SHOMA SAVES THE TRIPLE AXEL PRAISE AWWWW THE SMILE!!!!! FUCKING MELTING FOR THIS DARK HORSE WHO BTW IS WORLD SILVER REIGNING, MY GOD THIS IS CLUTCH; AND HE HAS HIGHLIGHTS TAKE THAT BINCH, ugh I’m so conflicted right now with all of these flops and clean skates and my head is muddled guessing 106 okay okay lowballed the components gets a 104 also had to save a couple landings I get it but THOSE THUNDERTHIGHS SAVING THE DAY

Javier Fernandez oh please please please all I want is for you to bring home a medal GIVE US CHAPLIN GIVE US 4S AND 4T3T THIS IS YOUR CHANCE GO FOR IT, NICE ON THE COMBO, NICE 4S HOLY HELL ALSO SHOUTOUT TO MY MOM FOR RECOGNIZING THIS AS CHAPLIN U KNOW HE’S DOING HIS JOB and that AMAZING TRIPLE AXEL; so lovely oh my god this is beautiful, tbh I think my mom is actually falling in love with him “his costume looks so good on him O.O” she’s predicting he’ll win and my mom is like...never wrong so...okay tech score just exactly 60, I’m hoping 109 range oh my god GIVE HIM THE PCS IF NOT FOR HIM FOR MY MOM OH MY GOD

HYPING UP Jin Boyang for my mom okay come on GIVE US THAT CROUCHING TIGER MAGIC, LORI CHOREO DO UR FUQQIN $10K MAGIC, AMAZING 4LZ-3T, ONE OF THE BEST 4T, OG QUAD KING TARA MENTION THAT YES YES *DOES MERYL MEME POINTING FINGERS*, BEAT DRUM DROP, ERHU  YES THAT 3A OH MY GOD YES YES YES JIN GO GO GO YES THE KARATE HANDS IN THE SIT SPIN, WORD THE STSQ YOU’RE GETTING ALL OF THE LEVELS GO GO GO THIS IS YOUR LAST ELEMENT HIT THE POSES GET THE EDGES GET THE TURNS KICK TWIZZLES BUTTERFLY KICK YES FIST PUMP YES YES YES YES YESSSSSS MY GOD YES GIVE HIM A SCORE TO COMPETE WITH SHOMA 104+, okay okay I can work with 103.32

Okay wow so heading into the FS tomorrow:

-Nathan, get that redemption skate, go big, go clean, love it, love yourself

-Yuzuru: bring that Seimei power, work your natural magic, be yourself, keep the intensity, and just let it flow

-Javi: VAMOS VAMOS VAMOS BE QUIXOTE, get your own redemption from Sochi (also lol I don’t think it matters what happens in the end but you’ve already won in my mother’s heart)

-Shoma: SHOOM SHOOM INTO OUR HEARTS EVEN MORE, channel your 2017 Worlds Diva moment, do it do it DO IT

-Boyang: BRING THE STAR WARS HIT US WITH THAT ANGELIC SAUCE

[wakabond-blog]

I had reservations about doing this reaction post but I’m watching the NBC mini-promos for everyone (cue lil’ kid saying that Javi is his ONLY hero <3) competing tonight and all the feels flooding in.

Also gonna put my dream podium out there in advance so I can lay claim to my fantasies before they possibly flop: Yuzu, Nathan, Javi (in that order for Gold, Silver, and Bronze), but ofc the best scenario is that everyone skates well and leaves the ice happy and the gremlin judges can do whatever. I haven’t watched a lot of the earlier-group men this season, but looking at their music choices I’m pretty excited for Julian Zhi Jie Yee’s Build a Home program (P/C’s 2016 FS from Euros that year still sticks with me) and hopefully Yaroslav hits his 4F. Just writing out everyone’s name is getting me hella nervous

THIRTY ONE GUYS UP 4 HOURS FML LET’S GIT TO IT, first group up on warmup ice: ayyy Vincent hitting a nice 4Lz-3T

AHHH NBC dropping me randomly into Felipe Montoya’s program right into a botched 3F-2T; c’mon man AISH U TOOK AWAY JAVIER RAYA’S SPOT FOR THIS uwu I kinda dig the all white costume tho but must be a binch to find from the audience viewpoint

Chafik Besseghier actually into taximan more than during the Team SP like yeah sure NBC say it’s part of “French creativity” but that taxi look is wonky...points for commitment though, right? 77.01 with all those lil’ green boxes gouda job Chafik; also a note on that French quirky creativity comment anyone else remember Brian Joubert trying to “disprove” people calling him gay by doing a nude photoshoot

MY BOI Vincent Zhou HITS DAT 4Lz-3T first at the Olympics with that 4Lz-3T combo!!! gah other two jumps off-axis but damn he has the hardest technical content but man you gotta deliver all of it including rotations and GOE; also *pushes glasses up* Vincent ~almost~ got a perfect ACT score wat u doing get that 36 (LOL AT THE COMMENTATORS SAYING HIS SIS GOT A PERFECT SCORE); BANG 84.53 with some stubby GOEs I can live with that new season’s best YAAAS u chase those cars

Okay so the announcement for Denis Ten is in English over the loudspeakers but there’s like a little interruption when they just repeat the word “Kazakhstan” but in Korean phonetics; REIGNING BRONZE MEDALIST LET’S GO nope there goes the 4S-->2S, NICE triple axel though!, also loving the royal blue shirt, triple lutz triple NO (sorry had to say that), but the music is great kinda operatic but not like a loud Bocelli; considering his injuries and other hurdles this is alright, his entire season had a rough start ALSO the flower girls have dresses that match the rink so QUTE also Frank Carroll is still not retired mkay

Matteo Rizzo NICE 3A also considering that this is choreo’d by his mom this is great, strong Italian vibes, really good lines, straight camel with the leg position above the hip, good rotation; love the arms out of the 3Lz this would be a program I would want to do OKAY NBC WE GET THAT U NEED A QUAD TO GET ON THE PODIUM but friggin Matteo’s job is to make his mom choreo proud also considering how this is by far the biggest stage he’s been on after dethroning Ivan Righini, dis is gr8

Michael Christian Martinez honestly still love his taking YOI in stride basically Phichit IRL, not a great performance by any means, really low score in the 50s sheesh but hey that signature Biellmann though! this first group was alright still looking ahead

Yaroslav Paniot that was rough :/// also he took out the 4F and fell on all 3 passes (I mean he landed on his knee on the axel but like...what do you even call that?) damn Tammy Gambill coaches him too, into last place :(( it’s okay Yaroslav

Yan Han going for that hard nose blow and tissue grab looks intense LOVE THAT HARD SLAP ON THE BARRIER you got this my man, AHHH yas more Twilight, NICE TRIPLE AXEL BEST SO FAR man was that rotation fast, crap that 4T still looking for a clean toe in this comp; also these SPs are passing really quickly, Vincent still in the lead after Han’s 80.63

Julian Zhi Jie Yee OMGOMGOMG okay excited for this, awww love the shot back to the opening ceremony; love his shirt with the slight slit V not intrusive but modern and sleek LOVE LOVE LOOOOOVE it; AHHH THE BEATS OF BUILD A HOME ready for this show off for Malaysia, NICE TRIPLE AXEL he had so much space coming down, maintaining composure, come on GREAT LUTZ halfway mark here come the lyrics and ahhh slipping on the 3F-3T, I think that content should be enough for him to make the FS, lines could be a bit better but his spin levels seem there good for him! Man he really floated on the 3A I’m hoping this’ll go into the low 70s yep 73.58 good score for him

And cue more ice-less places Brendan Kerry kinda attractive in that down-under way, used to be really smol but then hit that caucasian puberty WHOOO first clean 4T of the comp, like the shimmery dark blue shirt, nice 3Lz-3T who needs a quad sal if there’s anything the pairs comp taught us it’s that going clean leaves a greater impression than hard tricks, saved that 3A, this cut of Everybody Wants to Rule the World is so #inspirational someone get me my book of self-affirmations also getting all these coach-skater revelations Nikolai Morozov coaches Kerry?? dang, whoa slots right in behind Vincent with an 83 and change

Moris Kvitelashvili okay who tf put his name as Morisi on the official docs they actually announced his names as that ETERI U ONLY HAVE ONE BOY, bring on the Buble, smooth 3A that flow, def on feelin good on that 4S, after Boyangman’s Spiderman program I’ve grown to have a deeper appreciation for Michael Buble, he’s really tall but one of those lanky awkward guys but eh I give him props for having the gumption to compete for Georgia and getting to compete on Olympic ice

Keegan Messing LOL his intro “actually born in Alaska, proficient Yo-Yo master” aww singin in the rain WOW nice 4T-3T I’m laughin at clouds too Keegan, oof that 3A fall though, very fast spinner no travelling either...okay but seriously can we get RIka Kihira here to give these guys a 3A clinic or something, for a second this really feels like a Javi program, nice 3Lz to finish out the jumps my god I thought his coach was either Eteri/Shawn White c.2010 hair wow 85 taking away the lead from Vincent; 12 men done, 18 left!

This next warmup group Danny wit dat fresh haircut, NBC hyping up the final group omg chill ur horses, Michal with those sleeve ribbons!

Michal Brezina those bedazzled dragons, WOW QUAD sal (okay I thought it was a flip at first), good 3A nothing under review, not to compare but to compare this is like Seimei beta ver., beautiful delayed 3F, also I feel like I hear people clapping along to the drums but I don’t see anyone...it’s prolly the NK cheer squad, this skate should just sneak into 1st, damn his profile sideshot looks like a dinosaur, AWWW RAF lol still surprised by these coaching situations OH BOI lol just into 1st by 0.04 over Keegan

Cha Junhwan c’mon get that gypsy dance on bring the soul of Wakaba to the games (I expect shoulder shimmies), TAKE A DEEEEP breath Brian, wow dicey moment with the 3F-3T but landed flawlessly, even better 3A crowd goes WILDDDD, quick interjection these scores that are starting to pile into the mid-80s are seriously reminding me of the bronze-medal battle in Sochi I mean yeah now there’s a pretty solid list of 5/6 guys for the podium but still..chills..., might have urs but really bringing the energy otherwisein the stsq arms flairs right on the beat of the music (I’ll count those as shimmies) wow first standing O very well deserved all the korean flags!!

Other sidenote you know who’s gonna get more cool team jackets than Marina Zueva? Brian friggin Orser: Canada, Korea, Japan, Spain, Kazakhstan! all those colors!! gotta catch ‘em all and with a score of 83+ Junhwan goes into that pack of mid-80s

Paul Fentz jacksepticeye doppleganger back on the ice, honestly great 3T-3T screw the squad his air position is really good, wow wild like on the 3A but again great air position (honestly this plus straight legs on camel spins are like the must-haves), also loving this jazzy music it works for him, Wonderwall was WUNDERFUL

Interjection of hockey testosterone jeez being a referee in that would be terrifying you’re wearing no padding sheesh

Misha Ge okay srsly what is the point of saying “Uzbekistan” in English and then again in Korean phonetics? not into the brown ombre, good 3A, getting gypsy pirate vibes gawd that spin extension though ta die fo

Cutaway to Yuzu absolutely DESTROYIN that EZ applesauce pouch (okay it’s not applesauce but man is he twistin every last drop out)

And since I’m already doing this huge ass shitpost I might as well comment on some of the commercials, the 23andme thing where Warren Buffett narrates “ill let u choose any car but u only get one you’d take care of it so well right WELL THAT’s UR BODY”...kinda hypocritical coming from a dude who only eats McDs, See’s Candies, Coke and steak...

Jorik Hendrickx awww I actually had no idea his sis Loena made it too, gosh Je Suis Malade reminds me of Adelina’s failed comeback...anyway good 3A to start; I remember how emotional his qualifying through Nebelhorn was enjoy this bb, wow he’s gonna join the mid-80s pack too judges panicking how tf do we separate them AWW Loena clapping so cute and Jorik smiling!! love this

Also screaming about how I can see the final group on my shitpost list getting closer to my cursor *bites nails*

Literally the biggest actual fuqboi of this comp Daniel Samohin is up with a new ‘do that fresh fade also doesn’t he have that company/group thing black wolf white wolf WELL DAMN BLACK WOLF JUST HIT HIS 4T-3T god remember when he destroyed his shoulder at Skate America, whoa first two clean quads of the comp so far who knew flopchild would it get together at the Olympics also classic Daniel guitar solo ay fuq down on the 3A gdi this is why we can’t have nice things LOL also the first skater to finish in the wrong direction, cute lil’ smile at the end though! Also gonna hit the low-80s aww happy tears!!! omg is that Nikolai Morozov yup 80 points and change jeez top 6 all separated by less than 2 points lol

Group 4 on the ice jeez those short sleeves SLAY BOI LOL THESE ADAM PROMOS literally all of the vernacular “fierce, I’m a full prone monster” *smizes* okay I’m going for a walk and hope to be back by Deniss see ya’ll in a quick sec and good luck to the first five in this group...but srsly I gotta get up or else risk carpal tunnel at this point </3

Adam Rippon, Dmitri Aliev

Okay jk I made it back for Patrick Chan midway through his performacne looks like his first couple jump elements were good supposedly missed his 3A he looks really tense damn PChiddy it’s alright (sidenote his chest looks bigger than I remember), also ofc Dimi is in the lead now with a tech score over 50

Keiji Tanaka, Alexei Bychenko both happened but I took a shower to be clean for some clean skates

Also isn’t it crazy how Deniss is literally skating right before Yuzu man those world standings were a bit of a surprise at first Deniss Vasiljevs (jk my shower also overran his performance so I’m looking at the protocols rn but hey, good thing is my energy’s now conserved for GROUP 6!)

YESS NBC showing (at least part of) the warmup; Javi hits a BOSS 4S so smooth; Nathan’s smiling, Yuzu looks healthy! my god seeing all the faves on ice together warming up at the OLYMPIC stage is just *clutches chest* a lil’ too much for a casual Thursday evening; okay one more set of commercials and we are off to the RACES!!!

Yuzuru Hanyu TAKES THE ICE the first bars of Ballade a personal fave piece, breatheee, head roll, sway,ohmigod you could hear the sound of a pin dropping, come one quad sal to open...YES OH MY GOD NICE 13 POINTS!!! for that one element, great donut spin, 1 2 3 1 2 3 getting all of his levels ofc great character in spins timed to music, love the sound of his blades BLIND MOHAWK INTO 3A TRADEMARK HIT IT’S HAPPENING ONLY THE COMBO LEFT IS HE GONNA DO THE RIPPON ON THE END YES NICE HE HIT IT OH MY FUQQIN GOD THE POOHS THE OBAACHANS IN THE AUDIENCE THIS IS SERIOUSLY MAGICAL BEAT THAT WOWOWOW THE POOH BEARS RAIN DOWN AGAIN I have never seen so many thrown down at once at him DAMN; this is a true champion, my god yes yes YES!!!! my god I don’t know how get got that 3T WITH RIPPON out at the end lol Ghislain Briand and B Orser jumping; WORLD RECORD GIVE IT TO HIM NEVER DOUBT YU.ZU.RU. HAN.YU; BAM 111 triple ONES BEAT THAT YESS AND HE’S SMILING

OKay okay I gotta calm down for Nathan Chen the Poohs are cleared, yes this is a POTO costume but he looks good; GOD DAMN IT CAMERAMAN YOU MISSED THE FUQQIN DIP YOU HAD ONE JOB ARGHHHH, blade sounds are louder than YUZUS BUT HERE COMES THE 4LZ...OH SHIT MY GOD AND THE QUAD TOE JESUS FUCKING HELL IT WASN’T A COMBO either wow...I’m speechless..come one Nate finish it out finish it out OH FUCKING...33 TECHSCoRE?!?!?!?!?!? He’s still breathing though, looks alright, okay he’s still honestly so young and I understand he exudes this chill outlook which is great but all the pressure had to have gotten him (or he just got unlucky with this bad day :///) nerves?? I know there’s still the free skate left but I want him to walk away from all this feeling okay, not hating skating or anything and making a comeback (hopefully??) in Beijing and maybe having a Chloe Kim kind of moment OH FUQ 13th place 82+...my god

Mikhail Kolyada actually shaking his head after seeing Nathan’s scores we’re all shocked buddy; but skate well hit that sky-high lutz loving your mozart, come on come one; okay triple honestly I just don’t want to see any more thuds on the ice that’s good oh fuck...4T a goner out of the four disciplines this is the one that has the least assured gold medalist and maybe that’s contributing to the nerves? It’s okay Mikhail, your 3A was pretty, and YAY GOT A SMILEY SPASIBO y’know at the Olympics all I can hope for as a spectator is that everyone skates happy and goes as big and clean as possible and leaves happy or at least not too hard on themselves and I know that’s easy to say but so much of sports/life in general is psychological and it just pains me to think of how these guys might react to this under-delivered performances

Shoma Uno smolma please whisk us away with Winter, literally gonna bounce the fuq off of Shrooma if he lands everything please save this; NICE 4F, lines ofc can’t compete with Hanyu but you know...World Silver...he’s got the goods, get those clean edges, skating skills, stsq levels, okay 4T YES YES YES 3T great my god SHOMA SAVES THE TRIPLE AXEL PRAISE AWWWW THE SMILE!!!!! FUCKING MELTING FOR THIS DARK HORSE WHO BTW IS WORLD SILVER REIGNING, MY GOD THIS IS CLUTCH; AND HE HAS HIGHLIGHTS TAKE THAT BINCH, ugh I’m so conflicted right now with all of these flops and clean skates and my head is muddled guessing 106 okay okay lowballed the components gets a 104 also had to save a couple landings I get it but THOSE THUNDERTHIGHS SAVING THE DAY

Javier Fernandez oh please please please all I want is for you to bring home a medal GIVE US CHAPLIN GIVE US 4S AND 4T3T THIS IS YOUR CHANCE GO FOR IT, NICE ON THE COMBO, NICE 4S HOLY HELL ALSO SHOUTOUT TO MY MOM FOR RECOGNIZING THIS AS CHAPLIN U KNOW HE’S DOING HIS JOB and that AMAZING TRIPLE AXEL; so lovely oh my god this is beautiful, tbh I think my mom is actually falling in love with him “his costume looks so good on him O.O” she’s predicting he’ll win and my mom is like...never wrong so...okay tech score just exactly 60, I’m hoping 109 range oh my god GIVE HIM THE PCS IF NOT FOR HIM FOR MY MOM OH MY GOD

HYPING UP Jin Boyang for my mom okay come on GIVE US THAT CROUCHING TIGER MAGIC, LORI CHOREO DO UR FUQQIN $10K MAGIC, AMAZING 4LZ-3T, ONE OF THE BEST 4T, OG QUAD KING TARA MENTION THAT YES YES *DOES MERYL MEME POINTING FINGERS*, BEAT DRUM DROP, ERHU  YES THAT 3A OH MY GOD YES YES YES JIN GO GO GO YES THE KARATE HANDS IN THE SIT SPIN, WORD THE STSQ YOU’RE GETTING ALL OF THE LEVELS GO GO GO THIS IS YOUR LAST ELEMENT HIT THE POSES GET THE EDGES GET THE TURNS KICK TWIZZLES BUTTERFLY KICK YES FIST PUMP YES YES YES YES YESSSSSS MY GOD YES GIVE HIM A SCORE TO COMPETE WITH SHOMA 104+, okay okay I can work with 103.32

Okay wow so heading into the FS tomorrow: 

-Nathan, get that redemption skate, go big, go clean, love it, love yourself

-Yuzuru: bring that Seimei power, work your natural magic, be yourself, keep the intensity, and just let it flow

-Javi: VAMOS VAMOS VAMOS BE QUIXOTE, get your own redemption from Sochi (also lol I don’t think it matters what happens in the end but you’ve already won in my mother’s heart)

-Shoma: SHOOM SHOOM INTO OUR HEARTS EVEN MORE, channel your 2017 Worlds Diva moment, do it do it DO IT

-Boyang: BRING THE STAR WARS HIT US WITH THAT ANGELIC SAUCE