#schlatt. step on me

[klintoris]

Keep going im close….

[sinnlos-star]

@dixidin

i just know she runs that cabinet like the fucking navy

[ohbabydollie]

flashing schlatt mid argument.

omg that’s crazy

you and schlatt had been bickering for a few minutes now, over something probably stupid, but with all the stress you two had been dealing with lately, it just seemed to be the breaking point.

you had started to feel bad about arguing in the first place, now feeling dumb about doing so, that’s when you decided to bring the argument to a halt.

you had suddenly thought of something so fool proof, it had to work.

you just had to move quick with it, taking a quick second to step back as schlatt is scolding you, feeling a small grin tug at your lips.

“what the fuck are ya so smiley for?” he asks angrily

you don’t respond, instead quickly lifting your shirt up, giving him a few moments to stand there frozen as he takes in what happened before making a run for the opened door.

“wait!” he calls out running after you, “I’ll stop arguin’ jus’ give me another view”

who tf wrote that???

[kkentobox]

I’m not sure if you take requests but would love to see your take on some schlatt smut. Maybe in the vibe of the way you’ve been writing him - just super sweet and loving and reassuring, love your writing 💜

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀i was made to love you! w/ jschlatt.

description: jonathan schlatt found a new reason to live when you stepped into his life, allow him to show you how much you truly mean to him.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀tags: afab!reader, smut, established relationship, praising, munch schlatt! munch schlatt! breeding, no mention of condom use (always use protection pookies), soft passionate sex with schlatt.

author’s note: my first schlatt smut post! remember my inbox are open for ideas/requests, always feel free to send me something ^_^ mwah! do not steal or plagiarize any work belonging to kkentobox !

⠀⠀the bedroom walls echoed with the moans falling from your lips, the sounds only the man between your legs could make you do. schlatt had been eating you out for what felt like hours now, his hunger for you never ending. with both arms tucked underneath your thighs to stop you from running, his tongue continued to lick every drop of the juices your cunt was spilling.

⠀⠀“c’mon baby, you can give me one more, right?” he mumbled against your lips.

⠀⠀having been the chasing your third orgasm, he refused to stop until he was satisfied. the entire time schlatt had been rutting his hips into the mattress trying to relieve the ache in his boxers, having shot his cum in them when you came around his tongue the first time.

⠀⠀“fuck jay, i can’t— please, please, please” growing louder by the second with your climax arising, your hands were tangled deep into his hair as you began to move your hips against his lips. your entire body felt like it was floating as you came, your eyes having rolled back into your skull with his name sounding like a mantra.

⠀⠀with heavy pants coming from the both of you, jay gently kissed your inner thighs. rubbing your hips, trying to bring you back down from the rush you were currently feeling. “you did so good for me, doll. deep breaths, you’re okay.”

⠀⠀when he felt your shaky hands grab his and squeeze his palms, he took that as a green light to come up. his soft smile easing you into relaxing once more, leaning down to pepper your face with sweet kisses. “my pretty girl,” you knew he wasn’t done with you yet, feeling his hips slowly begin to buck into yours as he comfortably positioned himself in between your legs, “can’t get enough of you.”

⠀⠀“you take such good care of me, jay.” your hands reaching down to palm his erection through his boxers, feeling the girth of it in your palm making you hum in excitement. before you could get up to go further, “don’t worry about that, baby.” the man above you intertwined your fingers together before kissing the back of your hand.

⠀⠀schlatt was in those moods where all he wanted to do was please you, he wanted everything to be about you.

⠀⠀freeing himself from his boxers, his cock immediately slapping against his tummy. he didn’t hesitate to get you in the position he loves; missionary. his big hands wrapping your legs around his waist before he began to pump his cock, not being able to resist slapping the tip on your clit to watch you grow impatient. “don’t be a tease, jay.” you whined, craving the stretch he gives you.

⠀⠀“so impatient, toots.” he tsk’d softly, a teasing grin on his lips. “i need you, please?” pouting up at him as you leaned to wrapped your arms around his shoulders, bringing him in close to whisper against his lips, “please? pretty please?” pecking kisses to his mouth to sweeten up your pleas.

⠀⠀“how could i say no to you?” he whispered, his eyes flickering between yours as he inserted himself into your slippery cunt.

⠀⠀the two of you moaning in unison into each other’s mouths at the feeling, you couldn’t help but dig your nails slightly into his bare skin causing him to groan. staying still inside you, his hands holding your body close to him; so close your chests were bound to become one. “jay, pl— please move.”

⠀⠀given the green light, schlatt thrusted his cock deeper into you, keeping a slow yet hard pace. your eyebrows furrowing as your lips fell into an ‘o’ shape, you couldn’t help the noises you were making when his hips were moving so sensually. “look at me baby— fuck, keep your eyes on me, sweetheart” his cock sliding out so slowly, just for his harsh thrust making your body slide up against the bedsheets.

⠀⠀his mouth leaving open mouthed kisses along your jaw and neck, stopping in between to quietly groan against the skin. with your moans spilling directly into his ear, the audible noise of how good he’s making you feel, he feels his cock twitch inside you. “you feel so good, jay — can feel you in my stomach” you panted. he swore everything about you made him more addicted, more sensitive to pleasure.

⠀⠀“i can keep you like this all day, i need to keep you like this all day.” jay always became more vocal whenever he was close. “you’d let me, right?” kissing his way back up to your lips, his passionate kiss making you dizzy. “only you, jay. you could do whatever you wanted to me.”

⠀⠀“you’re trouble, baby. fuck, i love you— love you so much.” his hands gripped your hips, your cunt squeezing him and sucking him back in for more.

⠀⠀your hands running across his shoulder blades, reaching to pull the hairs on the nape of his neck. “want you to cum inside me, jay, i need it.” your pussy fluttering at the thought. “i’ll give you all of it, don’t worry, doll.” he could feel the slick pooling underneath the two of you, your pussy leaving white rings around the base of his cock. “you’ll be a good girl and come with me, yeah?”

⠀⠀whimpering in agreement, your hips began to move against his to meet his thrusts making his forehead to meet yours, his eyes screwed shut as a low groan left him. “jesus, i’m gonna cum.” “give it to me, baby, come on.” your sweet words making him melt. your orgasms building up so quickly together, the two of you gripping onto each other. his dick painting your womb white as your pussy spasmed around him, your back arching into his chest causing him to hold you there tightly.

⠀⠀his face was buried in your chest, panting as he recovered from his climax. he didn’t want to remove himself from you, so he gently laid his all his weight on you. your frame being encased by his larger one, his weight comforting you from the aftershocks. his hand came up to brush the hair out of your face, before resting on your jaw. your limbs felt like jello, but you continued to run your fingers across his back.

⠀⠀the two of you remained in that position, comforting the other silently before he spoke, “let me get you some water, baby.” though you needed it, you softly whined as your grasp on him tightened. “stay like this with me . . just a couple more minutes?” his eyes finding yours and seeing how you truly didn’t want him to leave, “. . okay, baby. just five more minutes.”

⠀⠀he never had the heart to leave after five minutes, not after you fell asleep against him with the cutest pout. doing his best to clean you up without waking you up, he quickly found himself dozing off with you. the two of you entangled with each other, just as your hearts were.

[sofavoritepuppy]

secrets out- schlatt

fluff, references to smut, mostly just pure fluff tho :)

You blink your eyes slowly as you wake up. You hear the soft chirping of birds outside, and the sun casts your bedroom in an almost angelic glow. You stretch a little bit, but come to find there’s no resistance. You realize that, unlike most mornings when you wake, Schlatt’s arms aren’t around your waist. You groan, coming to the conclusion you should probably go and look for him. You decided he’s most likely in the kitchen making coffee, probably on his second pot as well. A small grin spreads across your face as you think fondly of him and his crippling caffeine addiction. You’ve had to hide the grounds from him multiple times, tough love as you say.

You swing your legs over the edge of the bed as you try to sit up. “Fuck!” You mutter under your breath, soreness seeping into your entire lower body. 

Speaking of tough love, last night was a lot of fun. You slide out from under the comforter and steal one of Schlatt’s shirts. You grab a pair of panties too, but it hardly matters due to the length of the shirt. “Jay?” You call out meekly, wincing with every step to the door. You sneak out of the bedroom and out into the hall. Voices float from the kitchen and you smile. You imagined your boyfriend listening to a podcast, or watching COD videos like he usually does when making the two of you food. You run your fingers through your hair as you slowly make your way to his kitchen. “Jay,” you call out again. 

“I am genuinely struggling to walk right now, thank you for that. If you aren’t making me breakfast right now after last night, I might actually kill you.” You complain as you step into the kitchen. 

However, as soon as you lay eyes on the scene in front of you, you feel your heart drop.

Ted, Eddie, and Charlie are all sitting at your kitchen table with Schlatt, a look of pure shock on their face. Hand still in your hair and eyes wide, you survey everyone whose eyes are currently on you. Eddie is staring at you wide eyed, brows furrowed together. Charlie is blinking, mouth agape, and rubbing his eyes every few seconds like he expects you to disappear. You snap your eyes up to Schlatt, giving him a panicked look as you tug on the hem of your shirt, attempting to cover yourself further.  “So…” You mumble, red flushing your cheeks. “I didn’t know that you guys were coming today.”

“We thought uh, we thought we’d surprise Schlatt for his birthday, but it looks like he surprised us.” Ted says. “We were going to invite you to this, but you said you’d be busy this week with that secret boyfriend of yours- oh. Oh.”

“Yeah…” You mumble as you look at Schlatt helplessly. 

“So.” Schlatt says and pushes up from his seat. “It appears the secret’s out.”  

He walks over to you and slings an arm over your shoulder. The group’s eye’s follow him do this usually platonic action, something Schlatt has done to them many times, but it has an awfully intimate sort of feel to it this time around. “I cannot believe you two are fucking.” Charlie says.

“We aren’t fucking dude, we’re dating.” You say, punctuating the sentence with an eye roll. 

“For how long?” Ted asks.

You look up at Schlatt and he lets out a chuckle. “Uh, for about a year and a half now.” He says.

The shock on everyone's face returns, and Ted looks aghast.  “A year?” He says, astounded. “She's been on Chuckle Sandwich since then! You guys have visited me in LA since then! You- you- you probably fucked after seeing me!” 

You and Schlatt share a look. “Well yes, but also-” Schlatt starts to say before you smack your hand over his mouth.

“Nope. We are not sharing this fun fact right now, big guy.” You say, knowing exactly what story he was about to share. 

“Why? What did you do?” Ted exclaims. 

Schlatt muffles against your hand but it stays firmly pressed against his mouth. “Ted, I really don’t think this is the time to share.” You say, sickly false sweetness dripping from your voice.

Ted opens his mouth to say something but is quickly stopped when you yelp. Schlatt bit you. You yank your hand away immediately. “Jesus Jay!”

“Had to have you bring your arm back down. Your shirt was too far up, you were flashing everyone.”

You turn a deep red yet again and say, “I’m going to go change.”

You look up at Schlatt pointedly. “Be good.”

He holds up his hands in mock-surrender. “What have I ever done? You’re the one who gave me the world's most graphic good morning!”

You roll your eyes as you walk out. You rush back to Schlatt’s room and pull on a pair of his sweatpants. They were massively oversized on you, you had to roll the waistband at least four times. “WHEN I WAS IN THE SHOWER? ON THE COUCH?” You hear Ted yell through the wall. Schlatt apparently could not listen to simple instructions. You rush back to the kitchen to see Charlie and Eddie cackling at Ted and Schlatt are arguing. “No dude!” Schlatt yells. “Do you remember what she was wearing that day? You wouldn’t be able to resist either dumbass!” 

He points at you like you were an example. “Schlatt.” You said, voice hard.

He knew what you meant immediately. He knows thats your you-need-to-shut-the-fuck-up-before-I beat-your-ass voice. “Sorry doll.” He mumbles, looking at the floor.

Charlie’s jaw falls back open. “Did- did I just hear JSchlatt use- use a- use a pet name? And apologize?”

Schlatt scowls at Charlie as he wraps his arms around your waist. “The fuck about it you fucking bimbo? Do you only call your girlfriend by her name?”

“No but like, I’m not you. I’m not a big ass tough guy.” 

“Aw Schlatt’s not that tough, are you love?” You say, and boop Schlatt on the nose for added emphasis.

“Dude you’re fucking embaressing me,” He replies and buries his face into your neck.

Ted, Eddie and Charlie look aghast. This is not the man they know. Eddie opens his mouth to say something, but is shut down by a loud ringing from Schlatt’s phone. He pulls it out, looks at it and sighs. “I have to take this,” He says, annoyed. 

He then shoots a pointed look at you. “Be good.” He says, copying you.

You dramatically nod and bat your eyelashes at him as he walks out. You turn back the group, and all of them open their mouths at once to start asking questions.

“So you woke up here?”

“Yup.”

“How often do you sleepover here?”

“Never.”

“The fuck you mean by that?”

“I live here.”

“EXCUSE ME?”

“Mhm.”

You point at a door across the living room. “That's where I stream from. Schlatt streams in the other spare bedroom upstairs.”

“You two live together?”

“Yup. Coming up on four months of living here.”

“You’re kidding right? There’s no way Schlatt can’t be heard screaming in the back of your streams?”

“He’s actually super quiet domestically.”

“Domestically?!? Sorry, are you guys like, in love?”

“Nope. Hate that guy.”

---

first schlatt fic ever yayy (i didn't want to post this to ao3 lol) tell if u guys like it and any requests or anything!!

[foundbybullet]

not to butt in with my twitter experiences but it was infamously known that if you supported what was previously the sleepybois, schlatt, connor, niki, eret, fundy, and definitely a few others that im forgetting dteam/dreams stans would harass you so bad that it was highly advised within the subtwt that you shouldnt have a ccat public

it got so bad at one point that it was basically no one who didnt like dteam wasnt allowed to interact

one time i made a tweet defending eret for their storyline and poking fun at gnf and sapnap (?) during a stream for making fun of eret and all of their stans came in calling me names and basically stupid for not getting their favs harsh jokes about the unserious lore

dream you literally made a thread comparing your autistic co-worker to a dog and sent an essay to tommyinnit's mother because he made a satire video that made fun of you for 5 seconds

[hufflepuffsthunderdome]

Acrylics

Schlatt x girly!Reader Summary: If Schlatt's gonna get the benefits of your acrylics he might as well pay for them Warnings: none :)! Just fluff! Based on this request Pt2 here

"Can you stop that?" Schlatt asks you from across the table with a gruff breath of a laugh as he glances up at you from his laptop, raising an eyebrow as he shoots you a smirk. It's only when he points it out that you realise the rhythmic sound you'd been hearing wasn't just in your head, but was your acrylics, tapping aimlessly at the wooden table as you chewed on your pen.

You mumble an apology as you sit on your hands, feeling the heat rise your cheeks as you giggle softly when he laughs and stands up, walking over to you. He tucks a strand of hair behind your ear and plants a kiss on your forehead as he goes over to the fridge, coming back moments later with two cans of soft drink. He puts one down for you and goes to sit back down at his laptop, popping it open and taking a loud slurp.

"Jay?" you mumble sweetly as you catch his attention away from his computer, smiling sheepishly as you tap the rim of the metal can with your nails, "can you open this for me?"

He lets out a mix between a laugh and a scoff as he reaches over and takes your can, popping it open with ease, "you're so needy."

You gasp dramatically as you take your can back, shooting him a glare, "I can't break a nail."

"Are you gonna be alright if I go to the bank while you're here?" he asks you when he stops with you outside of the nail salon, slipping your purse off your shoulder to fish out the things he dumped in there when you left the house.

You nod as you adjust the collar on his jacket and hum, "it won't take too long."

"Take as long as you need, I may be a while at the bank," he says as he places a kiss to your temple, slipping the bag back up your arm, "I'll meet you back here when I'm done," he motions to the seats in the walkway of the shops, outside the nail salon.

You part ways as he goes off to run his errands, and you head into the salon, greeting your usual nail tech at the counter as you show her your growth and ask for some infills. She makes small talk with you as she rings up your deposit amount on the cash register, catching up on the happenings in your lives since the last time you came in.

You dig through your bag, hunting for your wallet, only to find Schlatt's black wallet instead, in the pocket you usually put yours in. You step away from the counter with an apology and fish out your phone, texting your boyfriend.

"Come bacccckkk you took my wallet :("

He replies almost instantly, as if he was waiting for your message, "yeah I know, treat yourself darling."

"come baaaaaccccccccck I put aside money for these"

"Don't be stubborn, my shout"

You huff as you message back a, ">:(", which he simply hearts.

You head back over to the register and, reluctantly, tap your boyfriend's card. As you make your way over to the chair your nail tech has set up for you you feel your phone buzz again.

"good girl"

You just tuck your phone away as you look through the colour swatches, digging your tongue into the side of your cheek as you bite back a smile, until your phone dings again.

"do me a favour?"

"what? <3"

"do them red"

"I got red last time ;_;"

"they looked so hot against my cock last time"

He lies down to go to sleep before you do, for the first time in months. He turns the lamp off the second he lays down and curls up under the blanket as you mindlessly scroll on your phone.

You mumble your sleepy 'love you's' to each other, kissing goodnight as his side of the bed shifts as he gets comfy, back turned to you as he splays himself out on the bed.

After a while of silence, you feel the bed shift next to you, the soft huff leaving Schlatt's lips as he shuffles back towards your side of the bed ever so slightly. You pay him no mind, continuing to scroll through your feed.

He does it again, after another long stretch of silence, backing up so he's fully pressed against you, his back to your side as he squirms into the mattress. You assume he's trying to get comfortable, reaching around to lazily wrap an arm around his shoulder, so you can lay more comfortably as you scroll with him pressed against you.

He huffs again, now not even trying to hide it, turning towards you and nudging you lightly with his shoulder as he faces you fully. "What's wrong?" you whisper softly into the night as you feel his warm breath through your thin pj shirt.

He takes your hand in his large, heavy one, and unceremoniously puts it on your head, meeting your confused look with raised eyebrows and a tiny pout as he looks up at you expectantly. You can feel your heart melt as the audible awe leaves your lips, dropping your phone beside you to lay down and cradle his head in your chest.

You smother soft kisses to his head as you scratch your nails gently through his hair, the smile forming on your lips when you hear his content sigh as he sinks into your touch, "is this what you wanted my love?"

He nods into your chest as he lets his eyes droop shut, hand pressed gently into your skin and your lower back as the two of you sink further into the mattress together, "this is perfect darlin'."

[schlattslambo]

drunk words, sober thoughts || schlatt 18+

a/n: im really sorry for the delay 😭 please enjoy

warnings: female!reader, rough sex, choking, hair pulling, unprotected sex, belt used to tie hands together, the word cunt used a few times

——————

“say that shit again and we’re breaking this bed,” jay’s words send heat directly between your legs.

“make me scream,” you smile, sinking your teeth into your bottom lip.

jay growls low in his throat, his hand wrapping around yours. your smile grows as he puts pressure on your neck, leaning down and pressing his forehead to yours. his breath fans out over your lips.

“you drive me absolutely fuckin’ crazy toots,” jay saya before crashing his lips down to yours in a heated kiss.

jay’s teeth sink into your bottom lip as he tugs on it ever so slightly, eliciting a mewl from you. his fingers comb into your hair, tugging at your scalp so your head goes back. you let out a moan as he nips along your neck. his nips and kisses trail down to your collar bone.

“this is in the way,” jay mumbles, ripping your dress down the middle.

you gasp loudly as you go to yell at jay for ruining your favorite dress, but he does the same with your bra, instantly bringing one nipple into your mouth.

“j-jay!” you yelp.

“i’ll buy you another one,” jay mumbles against your skin. “i’ll buy you anything you want.”

his sweet words continue to warm you up from the inside as his tongue and mouth warm you up from the outside. he licks up the center of your chest to yours collarbone before nipping and sucking at your skin. he blows over the now growing mark making you shiver.

“get on with it,” you whine, pushing his head toward your crotch.

in response, jay whips his belt off.

“hands,” he orders.

you stick your hands out and he binds them with the belt.

“hold them above your head,” jay continues. “if you move them, you’ll get punished.”

you nod, licking your lips. “yes sir,” you respond.

jay continues to kiss down your body. by the time he gets to your waist, you’re squirming. despite the growing need that you have, you keep your arms above your head. you love being worshipped like this, even if it drives you absolutely insane. jay’s cheeks are still flushed from the alcohol, and his eyes are glazed over. not from drunkenness, but from carnal desire. he’s never looked so hot.

your thoughts are halted by your panties getting yanked down your legs. you glance down and jay licks his lips as he spreads your legs. you feel shy for a moment, not even sure why. jay’s seen you at all possible angles and loves every bit of you. he loves you from your head straight down to your toes.

jay smiles at your wetness. your eagerness for him. he spreads you open gently, watching as your cheeks flush, just like they always do when he gets a good look at you like this.

“you’re so beautiful,” he rasps. “so, so wet for me.”

with that, he lies on his stomach and kisses your thighs. he holds your legs open as they tremble. one swipe of his tongue through your wetness makes your back arch as you gasp loudly.

“j-jay!” you gasp. “fuck!”

jay chuckles against you, tongue circling your clit. the nub quickly swells from the stimulation and he sucks on it. your hips buck up into his face as you cry out. jay looks up at you from between your legs and you feel him smile against you.

your eyes are screwed shut and you’re biting your hand. it’s cute, how much you’re trying not to cum already. a finger teases your hole, gently pushing in. with one adjustment, jay grazes along the spot that makes your vision blur at the edges. he pumps his finger a few times before entering another finger. this step is necessary because no matter how wet you are, you have to prep for his thick cock.

“j-jay,” you breathe. “another one. please.”

“such a good girl, using your manners.” jay smiles, taking his mouth away from your clit just long enough to speak before adding a third finger.

your back arches at the stretch, pussy fluttering over the three fingers that are buried inside of you. you reach back and grip the pillow behind your head in an attempt to keep your hands from gripping jay’s hair.

“s’close jay!” you cry out.

in an instant, jay’s fingers are out of you. your pussy pulses over nothing as you whimper.

“so mean to me,” you pout.

jay chuckles as he takes his pants down.

“i’m gonna be rough with you tonight, toots,” he says. “okay?”

his grin falls as he asks. he doesn’t want to hurt you, as rough as he wants to be. he wants to ravage you, but he doesn’t want to really hurt you in the process. as his brown eyes bore into yours, you smile.

“tell me its okay to fuck you as hard as i can,” jay pleads. “i need to fuck you into the mattress.”

at your nod, jay is on you. his cock is lined up at your entrance instantly and he kisses you with such passion that it takes your breath away. he pulls away, cock sliding into you. he doesn’t just have a long cock, but it’s thick too. when you first had sex, you were sure it would rip you in half. now, you love being literally impaled by it.

“fuuuck,” jay moans, forehead resting on yours. “your pussy feels so good baby.”

you moan and bring your lips to his as he bottoms out. you lift your arms around his neck, the belt binding them at the back. jay starts thrusting as the two of you kiss, growling as his thrusts get sloppier and harder.

“hands above your head.” jay orders.

you comply and he holds them there while fucking into you. his hips snap to yours as his balls slap against your ass. his cock is hitting every single spot in your pussy, making you see stars.

“fuck, i need you over the bed.” jay says as he takes the belt off of your wrists.

you do as you’re told, getting up and bending over the bed. jay slaps your ass, forcing you to yelp. he’s quick to smirk at the pink now blossoming on your cheek in the shape of his hand. he rubs the spot before his hand comes down on the other cheek.

“j-jay, please fuck me!” you plead, gripping the sheets. “fuck me as hard as you can!”

without a word, jay slams into you again as your toes curl. his hand goes to your hair, yanking your head back. you arch into him as he fucks you. jay leans down and growls in your ear.

“my beautiful slut,” he smiles. “you love when daddy fucks you like this huh? with his cock buried deep in this pretty cunt of yours?”

the way you clench around him says everything you cant. pleasure shoots through you at the angle you’re at, and you fist the sheets as you’re fucked.

“y-yes!” you manage. “love it daddy!”

“yeah?” jay growls against your ear. “you love being treated like my personal fucktoy?”

you nod against his grip. “yes daddy!”

when jay is rough like this, it’s easy for him to get caught up in the moment. he never, ever talks to you like this outside of rough sex. and rough sex is a rare occurrence.

“god, you’re gonna make me cum,” jay grits through his teeth as his grip on your waist turns bruising.

“cum in me,” you breathe. “fill me up.”

jay takes your head and shoves it into the mattress as his thrusts get sloppier. he’s chasing his high and you’re not too far behind.

“g’na cum!” your words are slightly muffled due to your cheek being smushed against the bed.

“cum for me,” jay says. “cum all over my cock.”

as you begin to unravel underneath him, you feel jay’s cock pulse inside of you, painting your pretty insides white. you scream in pleasure, toes curling and a grip on the mattress is nearly ripping it.

jay lays on top of you after the two of you are spent, breathing heavily into your ear.

“god, i love you so much.” he whispers, pressing a kiss to the shell of your ear. “you mean the absolute world to me and i am so happy that i get to wake up next to you every day.”

you smile with your eyes closed, heart still thrumming against your ribcage. “love you so much baby,” you mumble.

jay gets off of you and helps you up, ignoring the fact that his cum is literally dripping from you currently. the two of you are sticky from sweat and flushed. you’re pretty sure the sex sobered the two of you up, but you aren’t sure.

“c’mon,” you say as you extend your hand out. “lets shower together.”

so you do. you take the time to wash each other’s hair, kissing and softly touching each other. this results in jay literally kneeling with his back to the water as you writhe against his mouth against the tile.

once all is said and done, the two of you snuggle in bed. jambo and the other one snuggle together at the foot of the bed while the two of you wind down. jay’s arm is around you as you listen to his heartbeat. you’re both sober, having had ordered chinese and taken some pain killers just to be on the safe side.

“hey babe?” jay’s voice comes out softly.

“yeah?” you ask, looking up at him from his chest.

“when i said that i cant wait to marry you?” he asks. “I really meant it. do you think you’d wanna get married one day?”

you sit up and kiss jay on the lips.

“of course, jay.” you smile. “i can’t wait to be your wife one day.”

that night, you slept in jay’s arms just like you did every night, but there was a deeper meaning this time. he’d said that he wanted to marry you. images of your wedding flashed in your mind as you drifted off to sleep, even with your future husband needing to take a whole boob in his hand just to fall asleep.

[squinch-depraved]

PLEASE PLEASE cnc lc!schlatt

nothing like going through lunch club vids and sobbing :3

this takes place during this video, reader ate a nerds rope after seeing ted have one and schlatt takes advantage

not sure if this was your vision but it was mine so

CW: cnc, dubcon, intox, degrading, breeding kink, afab!reader

the realization of how much weed you had just ingested hit you like a ton of bricks. you turned your head to look at ted, who was staring back at you, his wide eyes a mirror of yours. he would probably be somewhat okay, you decided. he was a big guy, 400 mg would be rough, sure, but he'd survive. but you, smaller than him by far, were supremely fucked. beyond fucked, actually. you had eaten a whole nerds rope on an empty stomach and were frantically looking around someone you could trust to help you stay grounded.

it's not that you didn't trust your friends; they were (mostly) good guys, you thought. but not all of them were the type of guy you wanted around to guard you in the state you were destined to be in. eventually your eyes settled on schlatt, leaning against a wall across the room and watching you with an intrigued look in his dark eyes.

you stood up after finishing your conversation with ted about how screwed the two of you were and walked over to schlatt. he didn't say anything, just kept his eyes on you, even when you got close enough to him that he was looking directly down at you.

"i need help," you asked quietly, voice trembling.

he snorted, and the hot air from his nose that hit your face made your legs weak. "i'll fuckin' say," he taunted.

"schlatt, please. can you just help me through this? i'm genuinely scared and it's already starting to kick in."

he inspected your expression carefully, and, finding that the fear was, in fact, authentic, softened his gaze. "you know i'm the worst person here to ask that of." he sounded bitter.

"i promise you, you aren't," you sighed wearily.

schlatt was quiet for a moment, contemplating the situation. finally, he let out a long breath, shaking his head and looking around before turning back to peer down at you. "only if you let me hit," he said quietly.

you were stunned. "wh... what?" you leaned in a bit, unsure of if you heard him correctly.

"you heard me. only if you let me fuck you," he bargained. "whenever i want, wherever i want, let me hit and i'll be your fuckin' guard dog for the night or whatever it is you want." he couldn't fathom why you would ask him to be responsible for your well-being, but he'd be damned if he didn't take advantage of the situation while he could. he'd been waiting so long to fuck you, and if this was how it had to be, then fine.

you agreed a lot quicker and more eagerly than he thought you would. "y-yeah!! sure, whenever, wherever, as many times as you want, whatever, schlatt," you replied nervously. "please can we just go sit down and watch a movie?"

as many times as i want? was the only thing running through his mind as you grabbed his hand and led him to a room with a tv, putting on some film you enjoyed before curling up on the couch. he stood behind you for a bit but soon you reached up and tugged at his sweater.

"c'mere, please," you asked sweetly. he rolled his eyes and stepped around to sit next to you. the way he sat was stiff, as if he was trying not to get too close to you. unfortunately, you didn't notice the way he jumped when you shifted so that you could lay your head on his lap. you also had grabbed his arm and brought it around to hold you. this is not guard dog duty, he thought to himself. he tried to ignore how much he enjoyed having you on him like this.

eventually, ted found his way to the couch with you guys, and the two of you interacted in your own little language, high out of your minds, until the third movie in a row had ended and you were both passed out. schlatt decided that you looked uncomfortable, and picked you up over his shoulder to carry you to his bedroom.

the rough grab and toss over his collarbone woke you up, but you were so far gone that you just let out an, "urnnngh," and stayed limp. he smirked slightly at the prospect of you being this helpless and threw you roughly onto the middle of the bed. this time, you were roused from your haze, and you began to complain before schlatt interrupted you.

"shh, shh, y/n, it's okay. it's me. it's schlatt, remember?" he climbed onto the bed, hovering over you. looking down at how pathetic you were, pupils blown out, face flushed, unable to hide how bad you wanted him... he almost felt bad for how he was about to treat you. "'whenever, wherever, as many times as i want,' wasn't that it?" he chuckled.

you swallowed hard, finding it a lot harder to breathe with him positioned over you like this. he wasn't even putting any pressure on your chest; he just made you that nervous. "i trust you," you whispered dreamily. the way you looked at him made him feel sick. pure adoration in your eyes and he was going to ruin you, he really should treat you to a nice dinner sometime. maybe afterward he could love you right, but tonight was about taking advantage where he could.

he started by unzipping your jacket, carefully peeling it off you as he spoke. "i think, that's the problem, though, isn't it? you really, really shouldn't." you just continued to stare at him, processing what was happening eons after things were occurring. "i've had my eye on you for months, and now, here you are, stupid enough to get so high you can't think straight, and you come to me to protect you? god, i don't know what i did to deserve this, but it musta been good."

you whimpered as he sat you up just enough to take off your top, quickly throwing your bra somewhere before immediately diving to take one of your breasts in his mouth. his eyes fell closed as he let out a small groan in pleasure, and you tangled your fingers in his hair while staring up at the ceiling through lidded eyes.

"fuck, of course your tits are perfect," he grumbled, moving to suck on the other one and kneading the one that was just in his mouth. "y'know, you'd be so hot pregnant? tits all fuckin' fat 'n full of milk, my kids in your belly... maybe i should cum in you tonight, huh?" he glanced at your face to watch as you worked through what he said and smirked when you realized. "yeah.. maybe i should breed you over and over until there's no chance of you not poppin' me out a babe in nine months. ya want that?"

you nodded as aggressively as you could in your stupor, earning a soft snort from him. "you are fuckin' pathetic, you know that?" he spat down onto your face, flecking your admiring expression with his saliva.

"only for you," you giggled. schlatt groaned and rubbed himself through his pants for a moment before peeling off your bottoms and spreading you open, smacking your pussy when you started to mewl complaints of "why am i naked and you still have all your clothes on?" you yelped and brought your hands up to cup your breasts, taking one nipple in between your fingers and playing with it. he tried not to watch you for too long, not wanting to be distracted from your pussy, which he finally had the opportunity to bury his face in, but the sight of you playing with yourself like that as you stared at him was something he couldn't tear his eyes from.

after a bit, he took a deep breath and blinked a few times, zoning back in before pressing kisses to the inside of your thighs. when he finally made his way to your core, he moaned louder than you did. the taste of you on his tongue, the way you pulled on his hair, and the feeling of your legs locking around his head were enough to have him cumming in his pants before he could even get you close. you felt his face heat up as he began eating you more passionately, most likely from embarrassment.

it took a bit, but he figured it out, and soon you were squirting all over his face, ruining the bedspread. he pulled away and looked at you like he had just solved a puzzle. you would guess later, thinking back on this moment whenever you were sober, that it was his first time giving oral. it was impressive, most guys don't get it that fast.

once he caught his breath, he wiped his mouth, shiny with your slick, on his sweater sleeve. "goddamn, you stupid fuckin' slut," he panted. "i'm supposed to sleep here tonight."

mumbling apologies, you reached out your hands and made grabbing motions, trying to signal that you needed affection from him. but he just laughed cruelly at your pitiful gesture.

"this isn't like that, doll. i'm doing my part, i'm keeping you safe from the other guys, but that doesn't mean i'm gonna kiss you or whatever the fuck it is you want," he said as he undid his pants. "you're safe from them, but not from me." his eyes tore right through you as he said it, and for the first time that night since hearing how much weed you ingested, you felt fear. he slid the dark jeans down his thighs, taking them off and dropping them onto the floor beside the bed. he was left in his sweater and his grey boxers, which you had just noticed a wet stain on the front of. the thought of him finishing just from eating you out elicited a moan from you, and he chuckled lowly as he pulled the shorts off.

you actually felt the air leave your lungs at the sight of his cock. the tip was messy, cum sticking to it and just begging to be licked off. it was big enough to scare you; you were unsure of if it would all fit without hurting too bad. schlatt watched you take in the full image of him with hungry eyes, letting you have a moment to freak out before moving to sit between your thighs.

he lined himself up with your hole easily, and positioned himself over you so he could look down at you as he slid in. he thought the expressions you made as you sucked in every last inch of him were incredibly hot, savoring the small noises before instructing, "if you're too loud, everyone's gonna hear you. and they're gonna know what i'm doing to you. so i need you to shut the fuck up, do you understand me?" he stared you down, waiting for your answer.

you hesitated a moment before nodding. schlatt just reached up and smacked you.

"use your fucking words," he growled through gritted teeth.

"yes! schlatt, yes, i'll be quiet for you," you whispered frantically.

"good." and with that, he started moving. his hips worked at a steady rhythm, and he bent your legs back after a bit. soon, he decided he wanted them over his shoulders, and once he did that, he hit a spot so deep inside you that you couldn't hold in your wails.

"fuck!!! schlatt, oh my god, please..." you babbled. you were cut off by his hand reaching and seizing your throat.

"i told you to shut the fuck up!" he said, choking you tightly.

your eyes began to flutter and roll back in your head, and he finally let go. when your vision focused again, you swore the sight of him leaning over you as he rolled his hips against yours was the most attractive thing you had ever seen.

you started to moan again, causing him to scoff and cover your mouth with his hand. apparently, the visual of that did something to him, because soon he was rutting his hips faster and faster, screwing his eyes shut and tilting his head back before slamming into you with an immense amount of force and moving to bite down on your shoulder as he spilled inside of you for the first time. he had you bent nearly in half like this, but it felt so damn good.

after a bit of him breathing heavily on top of you, he sat up and moved your legs so you wouldn't be in as much pain. you noticed he was careful not to pull out, though, keeping you plugged with his cock so his seed wouldn't leak out.

the two of you looked at each other, studying the other's face and trying to puzzle through what this was until he was hard again. and then, he was going at you once more.

this time he quickly spun you around and slammed back into you, perching you on your hands and knees for him. once you were positioned right, he was thrusting, grabbing a handful of your hair and smacking your ass every few seconds.

schlatt had given up trying to keep you quiet, and now was warming up to the idea of everyone in this area of the house hearing the abuse coming from his room. he made a game out of it, trying to see how loud he could get you to scream.

the answer was really loud. you were audible across the entire building, and it didn't help when you started repeating his name over and over. or maybe it did, because it spurred him to go even rougher, which ended up making you squirt again. he groaned animalistically at being soaked in your juices and brought his hand down onto your rear end even harder.

"'m gonna cum again," he said breathlessly, in disbelief that you were milking him like this. "three fuckin' orgasms, god, you don't know what you do to me," his raspy voice spoke.

"gimme, please, i need your load inside me," you begged, cheek flush against the mattress.

schatt groaned, a long, deep noise, and shot his hips forward one last time before cumming inside you again. he collapsed on top of you again, pinning you face down underneath him with his dick still in you.

when he got up, he immediately grabbed his phone to take a video of his cum spilling out of your hole before helping you.

he ended up taking care of you, he helped you shower and got you to sleep in his bed. it was just so that nobody would mess with you, that's what he told himself. not because he wanted you around. not because the thought of being apart from you now made him feel ill. nah, you just asked him to guard you, that's all it was. right?

[steadiedcoffeekitten]

The expression on schlatts face makes me think that if he were a short king. He'd be so fuckin mad about it. He would be LIVID.

This man loves being a powerful, tall, intimidating, absolutely unapproachable being y'all cannot convince me otherwise.

spooky monsters!

[kaiaotic]

"just do your makeup here"

description: you were going to do your makeup in another room since schlatt was streaming but he didn't want you to leave just yet.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀tags: fluff! sappy & soft schlatt, female reader!

authors note: been having a schlatt hyperfixation again its been so long since ive had this phase but im SO back..also first post!! lolzz

you walked out of the bathroom after washing your face and pass by schlatt's desk, not caring too much about the camera that had you in frame.

"you guys-..what is wrong with qoobo? that's qoobo you fuckers!" schlatt talked to the camera and turned around to the fuzzy robot that wagged its tail. you laughed as you sat on the bed and grabbed your makeup bag and started to head out to the door.

"toots, where'ya goin'?" schlatt turned to you and looked at you with pleading eyes that read "don't leave please."

"i was just gonna do my makeup, why?"

"just do your makeup here," he pats his lap and fully turns his body, spinning the chair around.

you tilted your head in confusion but shrugged, "okay.." you sat on his lap and got comfy, his arms naturally wrapping around you, his chin resting on your shoulder, kissing behind your ear, you can feel him smiling against your skin.

"show the camera what you're doing doll, all the femboys on here can take notes"

you snorted a laugh and sighed, "okay, sure..you know you have a lot of women in here too right?"

schlatt looked at the camera with a deathstare and back to you, "what's that?" he said, pointing to your concealer,

"that's my concealer..let me do my makeup first and then i'll explain."

you go step by step, showing the camera your products as you do your makeup. schlatt just admires you in the monitor, watching the stream playback and how you just do your makeup, his left elbow resting on the armrest as his hand rests under his chin watching you. his right hand snakes down and just rests on your thigh, tracing small circles on your skin.

"okay for my lip combo--where is it..." you looked around for your lip gloss and schlatt sat up and turned to his other desk, grabbing the lip gloss he loved so much and handed it to you.

you thanked him and applied your lipliner and lipgloss, clapping as you finished, "anddddd that's what i do, okay bye"

you giggled and grabbed your makeup bag and got up, feeling the cold air as schlatt's hand left your thigh. schlatt laughed as you quickly left, knowing you aren't the most comfortable in front of the camera. he reached out and grabbed your arm and pulled you closer to him.

"i'll finish up soon, okay princess?" schlatt looked up at you and smiled. you nodded and smiled back, leaning in and kissing him before walking out of his room.

he turned to the computer, rubbing and smacking his lips as your lip combo was now on him.

"chat, you guys wish you could taste this shit. it's addicting for real."

bunnybun1343x: LMAOOO okay schlames scharles ninjaxx242: can her boyfriend fight?

he read the chat and laughed, "SCHLAMES SCHARLES?" he shook his head, laughing. "and yes i can fuckin' fight, i'd fuckin' kill you if it meant y/n was on the line...

and this lip gloss too, it tastes so good."

[writingduhh]

Schlatt rq!!! Noticing someone is following u at some event and running up to him (not knowing who he is) and begging him to pretend he’s ur friend/bf/what have u and the chaos that ensues

OMHHH YESS YESS I LOVE THIS!! Hope this is alright! 💙

Unexpected Savior || Jschlatt

It started as a feeling. A prickling unease at the back of your neck. You glanced over your shoulder, he was still there. Too close. Your stomach tightened.

You turned the corner. Stopped at a booth. Pretended to check your phone. He didn’t leave.

Panic clawed its way up your chest. Your breaths came shorter, quicker. You needed to do something—now.

That’s when you saw him. Tall. Broad-shouldered. Hands stuffed in his pockets like he had all the time in the world. He looked… steady. Safe.

You didn’t think. You just moved.

Your hand gripped his arm, your fingers curling into the fabric of his sleeve. His body tensed, and his head turned, brows knitting together.

“Hey,” you rushed out, voice unsteady. “I don’t know you, but there’s a guy following me. Can you—” You swallowed. “Can you just pretend we’re together? Just for a second.”

Schlatt’s confusion flickered to understanding in an instant. His eyes cut behind you scanning the crowd. Then, without hesitation, his arm moved.

It was easy. Natural. One moment, you were standing beside him, and the next, his arm draped securely around your shoulders. He pulled you in close, his body angled between you and the man trailing behind.

You barely had time to react before his voice cut through the air.

“The hell are you looking at?”

His tone was sharp, loud enough to draw attention. The easygoing stance he’d had just moments before was gone. Now, he was a wall, solid and unmovable.

You felt it in the way he held you, the way his grip tightened just slightly, just enough to let you know he wasn’t going anywhere.

The man hesitated. His eyes flicked between you and Schlatt, suddenly weighing his options.

Schlatt shifted his stance, his grip around you firm but careful. His voice dropped, low and warning.

“Not so fun when someone’s actually watching you, huh?” His jaw tightened. “Walk away. Now.”

A beat of tense silence. Then, finally, the man muttered something under his breath and turned, vanishing into the crowd.

Schlatt didn’t move right away. His hold around you stayed firm, protective, as his eyes lingered on the space where the guy had disappeared.

Only after a long pause did he exhale, his shoulders relaxing slightly. His arm around you loosened, but he didn’t drop it just yet.

“You okay?” His voice had lost its edge, now softer, steadier.

You nodded, though your hands were still shaking. The adrenaline was fading, leaving behind exhaustion. Schlatt felt it.

He let his arm slip from your shoulders, but before you could fully process the loss of warmth, his hand settled gently on your back, grounding.

“Hey,” he murmured, tilting his head toward the café nearby. “Why don’t we sit for a bit? Just breathe.”

You swallowed hard, still trying to collect yourself. Then you nodded. “…Yeah. That’d be nice.”

Without another word, he guided you toward the café, his touch light, reassuring.

The moment you stepped inside, the world outside seemed to quiet. The hum of conversation, the smell of coffee—it felt safe.

Schlatt caught your eye, offering the smallest smile. “Better already, huh?”

You let out a breath, tension easing from your shoulders. “Yeah.”

He nodded toward a table, waiting for you to sit before heading to the counter. When he returned, he set a cup in front of you.

“Here,” he said simply.

You wrapped your hands around the mug, letting the warmth seep into your fingers. “…Thanks.”

He sat across from you, resting his forearms on the table. The sharpness from before had faded, replaced by something quieter.

“I’m Schlatt, by the way.” He extended his hand.

You smiled, shaking it. “Y/N. Nice to meet you… in a really weird way.”

A chuckle rumbled from him, low and amused. “Yeah. Life’s weird like that.”

The conversation started slow, hesitant, but the heaviness faded with time. Laughter replaced lingering nerves. The café, once just an escape, became something else entirely.

After a while, Schlatt checked his phone and sighed. “I should probably get going.”

You hesitated. You didn’t want the moment to end.

Without thinking, you pulled out your phone and held it out to him. “Before you go… don’t forget to text me, okay?”

Schlatt blinked, caught off guard. Then, to your absolute delight, a flush crept up his neck. He scratched the back of his head, muttering something under his breath before grabbing your phone.

“Yeah, yeah. Of course.” His usual confidence wavered just a little.

You grinned. “Good.”

As he handed your phone back, his fingers brushed against yours. He froze. For a second, neither of you moved.

Then he cleared his throat, looking away with a cough. “…Y’know, if you ever need someone to walk you home. Or just wanna grab a coffee without the whole ‘life-or-death’ part…” He hesitated, then glanced back at you. “I wouldn’t mind.”

Your heart did something strange in your chest.

“I’d like that,” you admitted.

A slow, lopsided smile tugged at his lips.

“Good.”

Before he left, he shot you one last look—soft, warm. “See you around, Y/N.”

[rencantstopfalling]

can you do roommates who are secretly hooking up (you have other roommates too) and schlatt decides to join you in the shower?

Sorry this took me a few days, been feeling a bit sick but I wanted to pump this out

Afab!reader

CW: Smut MDNI, FWB

New York City rent was atrocious. The only way you could keep going to school was by getting roommates. Good thing one of your friends had a spare room in her 4 bedroom apartment. You eventually became really good friends with all your other roommates. Especially one, Schlatt. It started off as stolen glances, then flirting, and after a drunk night alone, friends with benefits. It was really nice, you would hang out during breaks between classes, getting lunch or watching movies, but then at night Schlatt would sneak into your room and fuck you all night.

You guys decided to keep your little situationship private, because your other roommates liked to talk, and would definitely blow your whole arrangement out of proportions.

You and schlatt would only ever have sex when your roommates were gone, usually at classes or work. So it was definitely a surprise when you felt a pair of hands grip your waist in the shower. You turned to see a naked schaltt curling into your back, his hard on squished between is belly and your lower back.

"What are you doing? People are here!" You whisper yell

"Need you so bad" He then begins to hump your back. He grabs hold of his cock and starts to rub it on your slit. You let out a little moan, melting into the tile in front of you.

Without much warning, he slams into you, groaning at how smooth it went it. You gasped, schlatt took his left and covered your mouth while holding onto your waist with his right. He started to set a steady, hard pace, and if it weren't for the hand around your mouth, your moans would be filling up the apartment.

"Sshhh, keep quiet baby, let me take care of this pussy." He whispered in your ears, nibbling it afterwards. It was so hot, doing it, knowing your roommates could probably hear. His hand left your waist and started to rub your slit. You convulsing, knowing you were gonna cum soon. Schlatts thrusts became more sporadic, he then let go of you entirely, pulling out his cock, jerking it, and cumming on your wet back. He kissed you on the forehead and stepped out the shower, leaning you like jelly, and a whimpering mess.

"But Jay, I didn't cum." You said between whines

"Oh but baby, people are home." He teased back, leaving you to finish your shower all hot and bothered

[ohbabydollie]

prank and schlatt can be a dangerous combination.

yeah, he would double it

let’s say the both of you were just friends at the time of the ted prank, so he knows what he has to do.

step one: plant a seed into your head

“you’re so tiny” schlatt says laughing causing you to flick him

“shut up schlatt” you say angrily

“how tall are ya? 3’7?” he asks bursting out laughing “you couldn’t even take an incha dick if ya wanted”

step two: make you really want it

“could too!” you say upset while schlatt just keeps on laughing

“you couldn’t even take an inch of my dick if you tried” he says holding his stomach from laughing, “probably would cry tryin’ to take it all and beg me to pull out”

step three: make you take the bait

“you really think i can’t? i’ll show you that i can asshole!” you say dragging him to the room

step four: play out the plan

“jus breathe, jus breathe” he mutters holding your hips, slowly pressing his cock into you as you let out a moan

“i-i can take it” you say digging your nails into his shoulders

“no ya can’t, jus admit it, ‘ts okay” he says teasingly. you shake your head no and take a deep breath in before forcing his cock all the way into you, letting out a loud moan. you relax, feeling his cock pulsing inside you while you rest.

“told ya, i could take it all” you say now leaning onto him, breathing heavily

“now let’s see how long you can last” he says before starting to thrust in and out of you as you let out a gasp

[frostedsugarcookiehearts]

₂ i swear, next time i see you i'll be funny

memphis, tennessee. the road sign just appeared out of schlatt's peripheral vision, though he wasn't paying much attention. his hands were gripped tight on the steering wheel as the radio blabbered on about how tomorrow, december fourteenth 2022, a lady named cheryl would be winning a lifetime supply of chuck-e cheese tickets.

"can you shut the fuck up?" schlatt barked, slamming his hand into the console. not a great idea, he knew that— but there wasn't much else he could do. he was going as fast as he could without going 100mph, but that wasn't fast enough.

schlatt was a man with vices. whiskey, mostly, and snacking before bed. but his biggest vice was you, anything you asked— everything was thrown out the window. it'd come to bite him in the ass more than once, but anything for you. and he meant it when he said it.

so when you called, frantic and sobbing, all he had to say was:

"i'll be right there."

even though he was in the middle of a chuckle sandwich shoot, he had to run. ted even let him borrow his toyota tocoma (an honor which he rarely bestowed on anyone), but he knew it was an emergency. and notably, a sixteen hour drive. he drove all throughout the night, not even taking a second to breathe or blink as he made his way to tennessee.

eventually, the old truck made its way past the border of tennessee and into memphis. after a few illegal right turns, he made his way to your apartment. it was small. and it didn't take a genius to see it was also in an awful neighborhood, hell— he could hear police sirens echoing in the background.

which was fucking weird, because you had just shown the chuckle crew a photo of your new high rise you were going to purchase. it had looked nice as hell, eliciting an "ooh" from charlie, ted and even himself. and he was a man rarely impressed.

the whole apartment shook when schlatt knocked on the door, frantic. his huge, strong hands helped him out for once— besides opening jars of peanut butter and jelly or opening locks that were jammed. "hey, open the door!" no response, but he could hear little sobs and whines inside. he took a step back, bracing himself before jamming his elbow into the door, busting it wide open.

you were curled up in a blanket, sniffling and crying as you stared off into space.

in seconds, you were in his arms. your tears soaked his shirt, but he had hundreds of the same one— it didn't matter to him. his voice was hesitant, trying to soothe you. "hey, hey, sugar. nono, don't cry— don't—"

hysterical, you choked on your sobs and hugged him tight. "i'm sorry you came all this way, i didn't mean to bother you, i just—"

"no, fuck, baby. you're not botherin' me. i wanted to come, so i did. ya didn't ruin nothin', alright? cross my heart. pinky swear, whatever or whoever ya want me to swear it on, i do."

heavy, shaky breaths again. "but the drive here takes forever, a—and weren't you filiming a chuckle episode? gosh, don't tell me you left that early, jay..." you took a sharp inhale, voice wobbling. "my heart's beating real, really fast." you stammer.

"'kay toots, you're gonna listen to me now, alright? deep breaths. you can do it, know you can."

your eyes met his, and it felt like someone ripped his heart in half. "you can't just throw everything away to take care of me. what if one day you can't come save me?" you ask, voice quiet as a mouse.

schlatt shook his head, not even giving him a second to think about it. "i always will be," he insists.

"but, i—i am afraid i'll spend entire years— trying..." you stammer, getting all choked up again. "...trying not to need you."

"you don't need to worry about that." he assured you, his voice low and baritone.

and schlatt held you the whole way through. the entire night, coaxing you to stop crying, to at least have some water and have a bite to eat. he brought you hot cocoa with marshmallows and sat next to you on the couch in silence, until you drifted off to sleep.

the austin chronicle on november nineteenth, 2025, had their horoscope section on the second page, tucked into the bottom right corner. today, your horoscope said that old memories would come to light. you laughed and threw out the newspaper before glancing in your doorway to see a random stranger standing there, boxers low on his hips.

resisting the urge to rub your temples, you politely made conversation with the man (a hookup you'd already forgotten the name of, add him to the list.)

the door slammed.

you sighed, groaning and rubbing your eyes. another fucking morning. idly, you made yourself eggs and glanced over at the television. some person was crying to the reporter about a car crash that had happened. unfortunate, you mused. those kinds of stories used to make you cry just as hard as the person it had actually happened to, but now, you seemed impartial to it. just another thing in the walk of life, you supposed.

scrolling through your instagram feed, you got a message from one of your friends about going out tonight. why not, right? it's not like you had better shit to do. (you didn't.)

and in what felt like a blink to you, there were loud, flashing lights that felt like they were pounding in your head. but you didn't want to be the party pooper loser of the night and go home, you needed this, so you downed a few shots with your friends until you eventually loosened up.

your friends burst into loud, shrill shrieks. "ohmygosh!" one of them tugged on your arm, pointing across the club to—

fuck.

schlatt was standing right there, tall and broad as ever, dressed in a black turtleneck with a brown jacket thrown over it. he looked distinguished, and eerily out of place. in the same city as you. and partying in an outfit that looked like it belonged to a stuffy college professor more than your old friend jay who you hadn't spoken to in... jeez, it must've been three years now since you'd ran off from memphis, moved thousands of miles away, went no contact, and started anew. schlatt called so often, frantically worrying about your absence, that you had to change your number.

he met your gaze, and he immediately moved. it made your face blanch as he weaved his way through the crowd easily, not caring if he'd pushed someone or interrupted a makeout session.

"you." he breathed heavily, eyes wide.

a man of few words. your friends, perplexed at the fact he knew you (they had just seen one of his youtube videos once),

"big man!" you put on a big, fake smile like you were thrilled to see him. well, it's not like you weren't. just taken aback, you supposed. "guess one of us had to look better than before, and we all know it's not me." your friends burst into giggles at your self-depricating joke, your smile faltering a little. "you grew a little. how's new york, huh?"

"uh... good." schlatt's eyes were wide, and he opened his mouth to say something, but bit his lip. "good."

[phxntomsdusk]

chuckle sandwich!!! It can be romantic or platonic I don’t mind but just some fun with Chuckle Sandwich. Maybe ganging up on a guest for the show in a stupid bit or smth?

Playground insults - Chuckle Sandwich x GN!Reader

summary: just you throwing little kid insults at the boys

warnings: swearing, jschlatt threatening to kill you- (joke of course)

tags: @ax-y10 , @joviepog , @pheliiaa , @idontreallyexistyet , @rqvii , @haunted-headset , @average-vibe , @ivvees-blog , @vibestillaxxx (ask to be added!)

word count: 225

Being on the podcast always ended with chaos, especially today. You had been in a particular mood, dishing random and stupid insults at everyone whenever you got the chance.

“And then he-“ You quickly cut off Schlatt as he was talking, a small smile on your lips. “Who?” He looked at you with a confused expression, about to answer before you spoke again. “Asked.”

Charlie let out an annoyed sigh, sounding like a tired dad as he shook his head and placed it on the table. Ted held back a laugh. And Schlatt looked like he was about to kill you.

“Say that shit again, I’ll put a bullet through your head.” He held up a finger gun, pretending to shoot you. You knew he was only joking (or at least you hoped), but you still put up a scared act.

“Oh, no! Don’t kill me!” You covered your face, before peering through your fingers and laughed to yourself. “Maybe death would be nice.. wouldn’t have to see that thing you call a beard.”

Ted and Charlie looked at you as if you were insane, while Jschlatt got up with an offended expression, stepping off camera and shouted very loudly. “What the fuck?! Who invited them?!”

Ted looked over at him with a raised brow, before clicking his tongue. “You did, Schlatt. You invited them.”