#sb: you can't talk to kids like that

[tagidearte-spam-sb]

The Daycare Attendant and Their Dialogue

A little ramble on some of the things I've noticed about their ways of speaking. This post ended up being predominantly about how they refer to one another. Most of this is speculation mixed in with my own views on them and their relationship, without discarding some other possible alternatives (for instance, although I do view them as two AIs that heavily rely on each other to function properly, I do not cast aside the interpretation that they are the same person).

(note: although I have played SB and Ruin, I did not play HW2 myself. All I know about that game has been through let's plays).

Sun is, obviously, the chattier of the two. Not only are his sentences longer, he speaks more of them in a row than Moon does - in fact, we only see Moon going on and on in Ruin (which we will discuss later).

Both of them use a lot of repetitions when speaking. From their infamous "clean up, clean up" line, to Sun's panicked "you like glitter glue? I have glitter glue!" and "light's on! Light's on! Keep the generators on!", to Moon's "hidey hide, hide away" and "bad children must be punished. Bad children must be found", "knock knock", etc. One of the first things Eclipse says is also a repetition ("warning, warning"). They appear to occasionally rhyme their words too, or at the very least use similar sounds in their sentences. This is a robot that works with young children, so it's not surprising.

On that same vein, their main insult to misbehaving children (and employees... or at least Cassie's dad) is also a repetition: "naughty, naughty" (which turns into "naughty boy" for Gregory), "rulebreaker, rulebreaker", and "bad kid, bad kid". In fact, it appears they repeat words more often when they're mad/stressed (Sun's no no nos, Moon freaking out in Ruin). Taking into account they get mad pretty easily when things don't go their way, it's not surprising we hear it so often, but it's neat.

Although both of them speak in an almost song like manner, with Sun's run on sentences flowing well between one another, Moon is the one where this is more evident due to how much shorter his lines are.

Moon is also the one who speaks in a more childish manner. Not only are his phrases shorter, he doesn't articulate them as much as Sun does, and seems to prefer shorter words and sounds, especially giggles. This makes Sun appear more developed. Key word being appear.

Sun tends to speak as if he's entertaining a crowd, doing his best to keep the attention on himself while trying to keep it fun. This is most evident in his level explanation parts in HW2, but it's also clear in SB. In Ruin, this is absent for... obvious reasons.

Both of them are somehow direct in their way of giving orders/saying what they want to do. When they can't be direct, they find workaround truths in order to conceal what they truly want to say, while keeping the main order clear (such as Sun saying the player will hurt their eyes if they work in the dark and ordering them to keep the lights on, rather than saying Moon will kill them so keep that room bright. Direct, but nicer).

Not at all important to FNAF speech lore but I think it's funny: Sun says the infamous Vanny line during the daycare intro section. "Are you having fun yet? (Are ya, are ya?)". 0.5 seconds after Gregory just stands there, which coincidentally is what Vanny does 0.5 seconds after Gregory gets into a vent (numbers exaggerated). I don't know. I just think it's funny. Replaying the daycare section after hearing Vanny yapping that line non stop gave me flashbacks.

The way they refer to each other and the pronouns they use are an entire thing, so let me separate it in two parts.

So that this post doesn't become scrolling hell on the tags, I'll keep it below the read more line:

Sun

Sun is the one who refers to himself the most. He frequently uses "I" or "me" when talking about himself, and does it way more often than Moon. Examples of this are "I have glitter glue!", "I'm stuck in a nap", "it really speaks to me", "I feel dumber just looking at it" - you get the point by now. The reason I'm going hard on this point is to contrast his way of speaking to Moon's.

When it comes to him referring to Moon, we only ever hear it twice. In HW2 he says "He'll wake up if the lights go out!". In Ruin, he says "Not me, the other me!". Besides those two voice lines, he merely alludes to Moon without ever mentioning him by name or by pronouns (such as when he says he'll turn the lights off himself, implying he'll let Moon deal with you, or when he says you can't work in the dark and instead of saying the real reason as to why, he cuts himself and goes "You'll- hurt your eyes if you work in the dark").

This is interesting for two reasons: one, we only see him directly mention his counterpart when he's in a ruined state (the HW2 voice line comes from the mask off section, when they're broken down. At least I think so); two, he simultaneously views Moon as separate from himself ("he'll wake up") and as a part of himself/another side of himself ("the other me"). You can take that as them really being the same "person", or as a reflection of their complicated body sharing situation. Take it as you will.

As far as referring to himself and Moon at the same time, he only does it in Ruin when he states "We need to be whole".

Moon

The way Moon structures his sentences means that he seldomly actually refers to himself directly. For instance, he doesn't say "I will find you" or "I will punish you", putting himself as the subject of the sentence. Instead, he puts others as the subject, wording it as "Bad children must be found" and "Bad children must be punished". This is consistent across all of his voice lines except one... Well, technically two.

To get it out of the way: there's a deleted voice line where he says "I'm putting you in time out", a line he and Sun share and which worked the same way the clean up one does - them saying the same thing, a push towards them being the same person ordeal.

The only in-game time he refers to himself directly is in Ruin. This line is also the only time he refers to both himself and Sun as a duo. This line is also the longest line of dialogue Moon has.

"(groaning noises) Naughty! Naughty! Make it stop! The light makes us hurt! Grind Grind! Grinding gears inside my head! We can't move. Error! Error!"

This line, much like Sun's, is interesting for various reasons. Even though Sun is no longer with him (being stuck in the VR world and separate from Moon, shown by how Moon can't move because the lights are on but his body can't shift into Sun, so he's completely stuck), he first refers to himself as a "us" - adding Sun into the mix. Then he refers to himself alone, "my head" instead of "ours", before going right back to a plural.

We can assume one of three things here: one, Moon refers to himself as a we more often, adding Sun into the mix, a complete opposite of his counterpart who typically speaks in singulars; or two, Sun is not as absent as he appears and in that moment he is in fact with Moon, just stuck on the passenger sit, hurting alongside him; or three, this is merely an effect of this being in the Ruin DLC where the whole point of the daycare section is to fuse Sun and Moon into the Eclipse, so the writers decided to bring the point home further. If you have more options, feel free to add them.

Side note: This voiceline also shows Moon's speaking patterns pretty well. Putting "the light" as the subject instead of "we/I", the rhyming, the repetition, the clipped sentences compared to Sun's endless ones, the noises, the scratchiness, the vague childlike mannerism... All ending with "we can't move", way more straight to the point, said right before he freezes up, which deviates from the "other subject first then me" rule due to the pain tearing through him at the moment.

Moon does not call Sun "the other me" or anything similar in any of the games. He never refers to Sun as if he too was Sun. However, we can assume his view on their situation probably mirrors Sun's - being in the same body and all -, so take it as you will.

And as for Moon referring to Sun as a separate individual... He does not refer to him as a "he". Instead, he actually mentions his counterpart by name, saying "No more Sun". Meaning he's the only one of the the two that has canonically used his other side's name. I think it's interesting how the least chatty one is the one actually calling the other by name and not the other way around. And yes, you can say it's a way of speaking and he's referring to the concept of the sun rather than saying his name, but taking into consideration Sun never utters the word moon, I'd say it's still quite a big thing.

In my headcanon land, due to the happenings at the Pizzaplex, Sun is probably too embarrassed and mortified to even mention Moon. Moon, on the other hand, has no reason to have such troubles besides hating Sun for (in his perspective) keeping him locked in a prison of light. So for me, it makes sense we never see Sun saying Moon's name, and it makes it more impactful when he actually acknowledges Moon as the other me rather than a he.

Eclipse

I lied there's three parts.

Eclipse has very few voice lines. The only one that matters here is "We need to clean this place up before we can open in the morning." This is pretty straight to the point: Eclipse, unlike Sun and Moon, doesn't use an "I". They immediately speak in the plural. They do not view themselves as just Eclipse, but rather as both Sun and Moon combined, at the same time.

As for the DCA being two AIs or one... in Ruin, Sun thanks Cassie after Eclipse is activated. It's left ambiguous. You can say Sun speaking afterwards proves they're not one and the same, "with the Sun and Moon AIs still running separately somehow", or you can assume Eclipse existing doesn't mean Sun and Moon can't keep doing their thing under safe mode, albeit in a less chaotic manner, allowing Sun's voice to come through but not making him any less Moon - he is Moon, he is Sun, and they are complicated yet very simple.

I believe in whichever version is more convenient at any given time, with a preference for "two codependent AIs" given what the games show us. Although, going by everything I collected here, the only theory I believe to just not be supported by canon at all is the one with Eclipse as a separate thing all together. Eclipse refers to themselves as a "we', not an "I". Eclipse activates when you make Sun and Moon "whole". It canonically makes no sense for Eclipse to be a third thing. (Please remember this is a post about what's in the games, the canon of FNAF. AUs and fandom or whatever, you do you).

That's it. Hope you enjoyed my rambling. Uh artblog unpaid promotion @tagidearte thank you for making it this far.

[thebiggerbear]

"You're safe now, I'm here." - Soldier Boy Prompt Response

Summary: Soldier Boy has been on a ton of dangerous missions in his time, fought a lot of battles, but never did he imagine he would be undertaking the one you had just tasked him with. Shit.

A/N: This is a prompt from @sydnee-kom-spacekru. A sort of sequel to the prompt response for "Sleep. I'll keep you safe." Been working on this since January 3rd. I had way too much fun with this one.

Happy Mother's Day to all of the mothers out there, all of the fur baby mamas, and all those who celebrate!

@deans-spinster-witch this is what popped into my head when you said "dangerous mission" lol. Once it was in there, I couldn't get it out. I hope it's decent and that you like it.

Unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine.

Warnings: Soldier Boy being himself; some misogyny; some homophobic language; some antiquated thinking (SB); angst; a lot of mentions of shit (yes, literal shit); language (I guess?); some smut; mention of breeding kink; a bit of a lactation kink (I know they did the Coke and milk thing in the show but you can't tell me he wouldn't have at least been on the verge of this kink if the opportunity arose)

Word Count: 11k+

Taglist: @avada-kedavra-bitch-187; @rieleatiel

SB Taglist: @deans-spinster-witch; @birdiellie; @heartlessdelusions; @nancymcl; @brightlilith; @muhahaha303; @just-levyy

“You’re safe now, I’m here.”

SDV Leah version ✨ Russell Shaw version 1 & 2 ✨

Ben let out an aggravated sigh for what felt like the fortieth time and turned back to the table, his nose wrinkled. He glanced down and saw his daughter’s wide eyes watching him as she kicked her little legs, slobbering all over the fingers of one hand she had in her mouth. He made a face and shook his head, remembering when he told her “You’re lucky you’re cute, kid”, when she’d done the same thing about an hour before. He didn’t know what was so tasty about those fingers especially when there were other tastier options available. 

Speaking of which, you just had to pick the fucking perfect time to do your pumping shit so he would be stuck doing this shit, in the literal sense of the word. Ben thought he’d been on dangerous missions before but nothing ever made him want to retreat in the other direction more than the one he was about to embark on. The smell wafted up to him once more as the baby kicked her legs again.

“Christ, this kid fucking stinks.”

“Language!”

He rolled his eyes and glanced back over his shoulder, though he couldn’t see you. “It’s not like she understands what the fuck I’m saying!”

“Ben! We talked about this!”

“Yeah, yeah,” he grumbled, turning back to his little girl. “No cursing around the baby,” he mocked you in a high voice, smirking when a small smile formed on her face.

Another wave hit him and he held a hand up to his nose. “Are you almost done in there?” He complained.

“No! I still have a little more to go.” He knew that; he could hear the machine still making its weird noises almost as if it was next to his ear. He hated and loved that thing. Hated it because it was so damn loud to his ears and it ruined a perfectly sexy image in his head when he first saw you doing it. Loved it because it was helping your body do one of the natural things it was designed to do and it also allowed him to get some one on one time with you out of the house for the occasional few hours if you could get Elena or Queen Lesbo to babysit. As a matter of fact, as harsh as the sounds were and how unsexy it was, it got him downright hard sometimes when he thought of either scenario because both brought it all back to sex for him. Either he was daydreaming about fucking another baby into you while watching you or he was thinking about how he was going to be fucking you later that evening when the two of you were alone. This time, though, it was going to be neither. 

You were getting ready to go out to have lunch with Elena, have some girl time or some shit. Whatever the fuck that meant. It certainly wasn’t what he’d been thinking the first time you mentioned it, which to him was a complete fucking wasted opportunity. He wasn’t into Elena at all or The One-Eyed Bitch Queen but he was definitely into seeing you get off. Just as long as it wasn’t another guy, he was good with it. But instead, his hopes had been dashed when your expression of disgust transformed into you pinching the bridge of your nose and explaining what girl time for you actually meant. His annoyance grew (and his nerves skyrocketed though he would never tell you that) when you mentioned he would be the one babysitting this time. He wasn’t happy but neither were you and when it came down to it, you were the victor of that argument.  

And now he had this shit on top of it, pun very much fucking intended. Needless to say, Ben was beyond done at this point.    

“Just change the diaper already,” you urged, your tone strained with the last threads of patience. “The longer she stays in her own mess, the more likely she is to get a rash and possible infection. Then she will be in pain and she’ll have to see the doctor. We don’t want that to happen. I’ve told you this time and time again and I’ve shown you how to do it. No more excuses, Ben. Just change it.”

Ben could feel his ire rising. “So you want me to do what you should be doing? I’m not the goddamn woman here!” He regretted it as soon as he said it. He heard you turn the machine off and he knew he was in for it now.

“What did you just say?” He heard you ask menacingly from the other room. Oh fuck. He knew he had about ten seconds to turn this around or the rest of the day and night were going to be shit. Worse than the actual shit he was smelling. He’d be lucky if he’d be able to sit next to you at the table later at dinner, never mind touch you again for the next few days.

“Nothing,” he grumbled, pulling a new diaper from the open package next to him and glancing down at the squirming baby in front of him. He was relieved when he heard the machine start up again and leaned over the table to lay down the law to his daughter. “Alright, look, kid, we gotta make some sort of deal here. You can’t be shitting up a storm and stinking up the place while your mother is out. Piss I can deal with. Puke, bad but doable. Shit…no fucking way.” He began to unbutton her onesie, screwing up his face in disgust as the smell slapped him in the face. “So if you really care about your old man and you want him to be happy, you’ll stop shitting all over the goddamn place. Got it?”

The baby gurgled back at him and he saw more drool coming out of her little mouth. 

Ben shook his head, giving her a sharp look. The least she could do was not look so happy about him having to do this for her. He gently pulled her legs out of the onesie as you’d shown him how to do (he ripped one too many the first week she was home) and he frowned when he saw a damp brown stain, the smell becoming even worse. He lifted her legs and as he’d suspected, the shit was fucking everywhere, having catapulted past the edge of the diaper and down her back. He briefly shut his eyes and looked away, groaning loudly, “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.” He attempted to take a breath that didn’t smell like he was wading around in the worst shit someone ever took. Like he was that little bastard Termite and he’d shot too far off the mark. 

“Now what?” You yelled back.

“She shit everywhere! It’s all up and down her back.” He looked back down at his daughter. “Really?” Another gurgle. “Christ.”

“Yeah, because she’s been sitting in a full diaper for the last thirty minutes while you’ve been non-stop complaining about it, that’s why! Just get her cleaned up and into a new diaper, some new clothes, and then put her in her bouncy chair so you can clean the table. Or if you’re feeling adventurous, give her a bath. A bath is probably better.”

“Why don’t you come in here and fucking handle it then? I’ve told you, my sense of smell is about ten times what yours is!”

You huffed out an aggravated breath. “Because you have to learn how to take care of her, Ben! You’re her father for God’s sake. You should be able to handle one damn diaper change without being a child about it! What if I wasn’t here anymore? You’d be the one doing it all then.”

He straightened up at that, glaring back in your direction. “What do you mean if you weren’t here? Where the fuck would you go?”

“Language, Ben! Jesus!”

His jaw clenched and he turned back to grab a fresh wipe or five. He bunched them up in his hand and lifted the baby’s legs and began to wipe. There was so much shit, the wipes were filled instantly and it got onto his hand. “Fucking hell!” His daughter’s smile faded and she began to look as if she were about to cry. 

“What now?” You snapped. 

“It’s all over my goddamn hand, that’s what!” He bellowed.

“Well, wipe it off, get her cleaned up, then wash your hands.” There was no compassion in your tone, only irritation.

Ben should have shut the fuck up right then and there, and just done what you’d tasked him with. But, he was fucking done and livid at your obvious lack of sympathy. “This isn’t my fucking job! It’s yours! You should be doing this! Real men don’t change their kid’s shitty diaper! Women do!” 

The machine shut off again but this time, Ben didn’t give a fuck. He’d had it. He knew you’d be pissed at what he’d just said but too fucking bad. It was true, whether you liked it or not. No matter what today’s society had to say or not. Women were the caregivers, the nurturers or whatever the fuck he’d heard on that bald-headed doctor’s show the other day, the givers of life or some shit. Real men did their job in making the kid, being the father, and putting food on the table for his family while also providing a roof over their heads. That’s how it always worked and that’s how it should still be today. He’d done his job: he’d protected you, knocked you up with his kid, and stuck around to be its father, even after finding out it wasn’t going to be the son he’d initially hoped for. And here you were, trying to get him to fucking play Mr. Mom so you could go out for a few hours and get some girl time that wasn’t even going to reap any benefits for him after you’d left the kid with him all afternoon? No fucking way. His jaw tightened as he heard you approaching quickly. He didn’t care how pissed you were; he wasn’t backing down. 

But just then, the baby began to cry, having been scared by him yelling angrily (and probably because she was wet and uncomfortable and had been for some time now). He glanced down at her, his jaw unclenching and his features softening slightly. Fuck no. Ben could withstand a lot of shit (minus actual shit), and not a lot affected him, but his daughter’s cries? And because of him? That was his kryptonite. “No, no, no. Don’t cry, Princess. Daddy’s sorry he yelled, okay? He didn’t mean to scare you,” he quietly soothed. He went to pick her up to hold her, forgetting that she had shit all over her, and he only realized it when it dripped all down the front of his shirt and his hands and arms were covered with it as he balanced her against his chest. “Ahhh shit!” The baby began to cry louder.

You appeared, the top of your dress fixed and buttoned, a furious expression on your face. You held out your hands. “You’re safe now, I’m here,” you spat. “Give her to me.” 

Ben glared down at you. He had been spoiling for a fight a moment ago but after the baby started to cry, some of the fury went out of him, and apparently right into you it looked like. “Listen, don’t get all pissy because—”

“I said,” you snapped. “Give her to me.”

Ben shot you a look but did as you said. He watched as you got shit all over you but you didn’t even flinch. Instead, you snatched the fresh diaper from the table and unfolded it to place behind your daughter’s poop chute before grabbing the canister of fresh wipes and a towel. You didn’t even look at him as you passed by him to head into the bathroom. Fuck, he was definitely in trouble.

He grimaced down at his messy shirt and removed it, balling it up and throwing it into the baby’s laundry basket. He made his way to the open door of the bathroom, stepping in to wash his hands and forearms at the sink as he watched you in the mirror, sitting on the edge of the tub and filling it with water, the baby’s own tub inside it. You were cooing at your daughter who wasn’t crying anymore but letting out little whines that threatened to extend back into a crying jag if need be. The baby was unhappy and from the looks of it, so were you.

He dried his hands as you began to use the fresh wipes to clean your daughter. “There we go, Ellie,” you murmured. “We’re going to get you all nice and clean, okay?”

Hearing your soft-toned reassurances to the baby, Ben figured now might be as good a time as any to try to start melting away some of your anger with him. He cleared his throat. “If you want, you don’t have to use that thing. I can get in the tub with her. I have to clean up anyway.” He gestured to his bare chest but you didn’t even look up.

“I think you’ve done quite enough today, thank you,” you answered, your tone full of ice. Yeah, he was in fucking trouble. Fuck.

“Don’t be like that. I’ve told you, my sense of smell is ten times more powerful than yours. I tried and it just didn’t work out.” He crossed his arms, his jaw tight. Why would you be fucking pissed at him? He tried his best. He got shit all over for him as a result for Christ’s sake. And he only spoke the truth.

“And what the fuck do you think this is? Chocolate? Paint?” You gestured to the shitty fresh wipes sitting in the diaper and to your ruined dress. That wasn’t what stopped him short; you never cursed in front of your daughter. 

You continued to carefully clean the baby in your lap. “I told you when I found out I was pregnant that I would do it myself. You could take off and go do whatever you wanted to do after you held up your end of the deal. You could go get high, get drunk, fuck a ton of women, play at being a superhero — whatever. But no, you said you wanted to stay. Insisted on it, actually. I told you then.” You threw another freshwipe into the diaper and grabbed a clean one. “If you stay, if you really want this, then you need to be all in. Do you remember that?”

“What the fuck are you talking about? I am all in.”

“You call this all in?” You gestured towards the messy baby who had her hands in her mouth, watching her mother, tears still dotting her eyes. 

Ben started to feel uncomfortable, something almost like shame itching at his skin, and he didn’t care for it. He dropped his gaze to the ground. “So I didn’t change one shitty diaper. You don’t need to make a big fucking deal over it.”

“Ben,” you seethed. “Look at me.”

He reluctantly glanced up at you, still annoyed. 

“She’s your daughter and she can’t do these things for herself right now. Sometimes it’s going to be messy and sometimes it’s going to smell so bad you gag. And yeah, sometimes it’s going to make you uncomfortable, but you push through all of that because you’re her father and you love her no matter what. Because you want to take care of her, to make sure she is healthy and happy every single day. She’s our responsibility for the rest of our lives. It’s no longer about you, me, or anyone else. It’s about her. Just her. That’s it.”

He unclenched his jaw, hearing the seriousness of what you were saying, the truth he didn’t want to think about underlying your very words. It wasn’t that he didn’t love his daughter, he did, but why were you so insistent on giving him the dirty work? You knew how he felt about doing this type of shit. Not to mention, it felt like you were trying to shame him for not wanting to change one fucking diaper, like you were implying that he wasn’t a good father if he didn’t waltz into the nursery, smiling and eager to do it. He was a good father and a damn good provider. If it wasn’t for him, you wouldn’t even have this place to call home. He was the one who sacrificed and played nice with the old bitch and Butcher. Hell, If it wasn’t for him, neither of you would even be here right now! 

Ben hated himself when he had that thought. What the fuck was wrong with him? But since he didn’t want to look at that too closely, instead he turned it back on you. 

“I don’t need you lecturing me on how to be a father. I am a good father, goddammit! Hell, I’m a better father than my old man ever was. I provide for her and you every single day. I gave up everything to protect you, be with you, and be there to take care of my kid. Which is a lot fucking more than some of the other dames I’ve knocked up over the years can say. I put my life on the line for you both! And this is the thanks I get? Because I didn’t change one shitty fucking diaper?” He scoffed. “You are one ungrateful bitch.”

Your eyes widened slightly and Ben regretted his words the moment they flew out of his mouth. He hadn’t meant to say those things, not to you.

Your eyes dropped to your daughter in your lap who was staring back up at you. You nodded and after a moment, you scowled up at him. “Well, since we’re such a burden and keeping you from your great life…don’t let the door hit you on your misogynistic and spoiled ass on the way out.” He could see your eyes shimmering but he could also see the absolute fury and ice daggers you were shooting him with, too. He knew then just how badly he had fucked up. 

“Y/N, I—”

“I mean it. Get your shit and leave. I’ll do this alone just like I planned to all along anyway. There you go, you’re free. No more nagging from this ungrateful bitch, no more having to act like you give a shit about either of us, no more being weighed down. You’re free to go and get fucked up and drink all you want, Soldier Boy. Go knock up some more dames and then leave them to raise those kids all on their own, too. You know, like a real man does.” If your glare could kill alone, Ben would be six feet under right now, the one thing that could end him that the Ivans never found out about. 

You placed your daughter in her little tub and stormed over to him, shoving him out the door. You couldn’t really move him but he was so caught off guard at your outburst, your words, that he moved where you pushed him. “And best of all, no more shitty fucking diapers!” You slammed the bathroom door in his face and locked the door, knowing it wouldn’t keep him out if he wanted in, but the message was clear. You were done and you were willing to go it alone; you didn’t need him and you had enough of his bullshit. He’d not only heard it in your voice, your words, but he’d also seen it in your eyes. That hurt way more than he ever thought it would.

He stood there staring at the door, stunned. His daughter began to cry and he heard you soothe her with “Shhh, it’s okay, sweetness. Mommy’s here. We’re going to get you all cleaned up and feeling better in no time. Don’t you worry, Ellie.” You began to coo to her as you bathed her and before long, she was making happy noises again. You’d even made her laugh once.

Ben stood there, not feeling right about what just happened or that his family was on the other side of the door. He could break it down if he wanted to, you both knew that, but he wouldn’t. Nor would he break the lock to get in. He knew he had let his irritation get the best of him and he’d said some things that he couldn’t take back, no matter how he might try to apologize now. Why the fuck had he said those things, anyway? 

He loved the life you had now (minus the shitty diapers obviously) and the family you’d started to build. Hell, he loved you, something he hadn’t ever really felt before for a woman other than his mother. He thought he’d felt it once with Crimson Countess but he’d been wrong. What he thought he felt for her paled in comparison to what he actually felt for you. Not just for having his kid but also for loving him and not the suit. Yes, you’d gone to him for protection and yes, he’d done his best to take advantage of that fact, but something genuine formed between the two of you. Before long, he wasn’t just protecting you to hold up his end of the deal, he was also protecting you because he couldn’t bear to lose you. He was over a century old and he had never come across someone like you before, someone who actually saw worth in him as something more than a quick lay or a celebrity or a supe. Someone who worried for him when he left your sight or took on one of your would-be assailants. Someone who actually wanted to build a life with him — with him, not Soldier Boy. 

So why the fuck had he said those things? He knew why. You had made him feel ashamed that he hadn’t gotten the job done, that he hadn’t completed the one mission you’d given him and you hadn’t even left the house yet. You’d had to come in and rescue him, do the task instead, and you hadn’t balked or even thought twice about it.

You were softly singing to Ellie and he could hear a couple of breaks in your voice, betraying how upset you really were though you were trying to hide it for your daughter’s sake. 

Ben hung his head in shame when he heard you get choked up and stop for a moment, sniffling, before you started back up again. He threw on a fresh shirt and got to work cleaning the shit from the changing pad and this time, he didn’t complain.

Ben watched as you carried the baby into the room, still not looking at him. You saw that the table was clean and moved over to place your daughter on it, grabbing the clean onesie he’d set aside and began to dress her. “You’re still here?” You bit out though he could detect a hint of genuine surprise there, too. 

“Still here,” he murmured, hoping you would hear how sorry he was without him having to say it.

You finished buttoning up the onesie and popped the pacifier into Ellie’s mouth that he’d left out for you. “Think you can manage to watch her while I take a ten minute shower?”

“Since when do you take ten minute showers?” He’d meant it as a teasing question, to try to lighten the mood a little, but you turned a glare onto him, beginning to unbutton the top of your dress. 

“Forget it. I’ll put her in her bouncy seat and bring her in with me. You can go.” You went to pick up the baby when he held his hands out.

“I can watch her. Go take your shower.”

He could see the clear distrust in your eyes but you handed him your daughter nonetheless but not before you kissed her head. “Mommy will be right back, Ellie,” you whispered, stroking her back. You glanced up at him, unsure, but then turned to make your way to the bathroom, continuing to undo the fastenings on your dress. He let out a huge sigh when he heard the door snick closed and the shower start up.

“Daddy’s in big trouble, Princess,” he murmured to Ellie. She gazed up at him, going to town on her pacifier, her brows drawing together slightly from the effort. He smiled and dropped a kiss down on her little forehead. “That’s one thing you have in common with your old man. We love the nipples.” He chuckled under his breath, imagining just how hard you would roll your eyes and swat at his shoulder if you heard that. But instead, he heard a much more heartbreaking sound from you. You were crying…in the shower. Fuck. 

At that moment, he heard a car slowing down and pulling into the driveway. One glance out the window confirmed it was Elena. In the midst of all this, he’d forgotten you had plans for the day. Just then, he got an idea and hurried towards the front door. He had just reached it by the time Elena was about to push the doorbell. He whipped it open, making her jump in surprise. After she saw it was Ben with the baby in tow, she recovered quickly. “Oh, hey Ben. Is Y/N ready yet? Hi, Ellie.” She gave a tiny wave to your daughter, smiling.

“Uh, not yet. She’s in the shower. Hey, can you watch Ellie for a few? I’ve got something I need to do and I can’t take her with me.”

Elena seemed uncertain for a moment, studying him as if she were wondering what he was about to do, but then relented with a shrug. “Sure.” He opened the door wider for her to come in and once she had put her coat and purse on a chair, he handed Ellie over to her. 

“Thanks. Be right back, Princess.” He stroked the back of the baby’s head with his fingers before hurrying out of the room, intent on doing whatever he had to in order to make things right.

Ben quietly slipped into the bathroom, undressed, and snuck into the shower behind you. You had stopped crying after the doorbell sounded so you most likely knew Elena was here and waiting. You were rubbing suds-covered hands all over the front of your body. 

While you cleaned your front, Ben’s eyes roamed over your back. He was already predictably hard, just seeing you naked. You had the perfect ass and even though you still had some baby weight that you were trying to lose, in his eyes, you were fucking gorgeous. You had mournfully admitted a couple of weeks ago that your stomach was soft and you were embarrassed by the visible stretch marks and your wider hips, not to mention the few pounds sticking around. Your breasts were bigger (something he didn’t see as a problem), the areolas darker than ever before, and you were feeling a bit insecure about your new shape. He loved the new you, which he made sure to tell you over and over as he fucked you that night. You were the mother of his kid, you’d given birth to her, nourished her from your body, and you could give him even more. It endlessly fascinated him that his seed had taken root in you and a healthy child grew from it, one that was half you and half him. He’d literally fucked a baby into you and every time he saw you like this, he wanted to do it again (though you’d told him your body needed at least a year or two to recuperate before you could even entertain the idea of another pregnancy). You looked so fucking gorgeous carrying his kid and now, you were even more beautiful if that was possible. It was pure beauty that he saw when you breastfed his daughter, when you smiled down at her, talked to her, and rocked her to sleep. There wasn’t a day that went by that he didn’t want you, on your back (or your hands and knees, he wasn’t picky), taking load after load from him until he knocked you up once more. 

So he had been dumbfounded and almost incredulous when you nervously admitted all of this to him, implying that maybe he didn’t find you attractive anymore and maybe he’d prefer a flat-stomached, tighter, younger, free-to-bang-all-day woman instead. That or some old lady. He’d fucked that notion right out of your head.

But now as he stepped toward you, not only was he incredibly turned on by you and how beautiful he still thought you were, but he also realized right then, just like he had many times before this moment, you were the only one he wanted. He wrapped his arms around you and pressed a kiss to your wet shoulder.

You let out a small gasp in surprise. “Where’s Ellie?”

“Elena’s got her.” 

“Well, I’m not doing anything with you in this shower so you might as well get out,” you snapped and attempted to wriggle out of his embrace. When you couldn’t, you huffed out an aggravated breath and went back to rubbing soap over your skin. 

He nosed your wet hair out of the way to get closer to your ear. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I never should’ve said that shit.”

“No, you shouldn’t have,” you muttered, gliding soap down your arms. 

“I love you,” he murmured to the skin of your neck before dropping a kiss. “I love my little princess.” Another kiss. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Really? Because it sounds like you want to be somewhere else.”

“No, I don’t,” he assured. “I told you when I knocked you up. You two are it for me.”

You slowed down your movements and he took the opportunity to hug you a little tighter, burying his nose underneath your jaw. “I mean it, doll. This is right where I want to be.” He slowly ground his erection into the small of your back to also illustrate his point. He meant every fucking word; with you, around you, in you — there was no other place he’d rather be. 

You attempted to turn around in his arms and he loosened his grip so you could. He nearly let out a soft groan at the feel of your soap-slicked skin sliding against his dick. You stared up into his eyes and the smirk that formed on his face was beyond dirty, thinking you two were about to get to the fun part, your argument a thing of the past when you cupped his bearded cheeks in your suds-covered hands. 

“Ben,” you whispered. “I need to know that if something happens to me…that you’ve got this with Ellie.”

Ben’s grin morphed into a frown and his brows furrowed. “What the fuck are you talking about? What do you mean if something happens to you?”

Your eyes began to glisten and his heart dropped inside his chest. What the fuck hadn’t you told him?

“Did some cocksucker threaten you?” He growled menacingly, the rage he worked so hard to tamp down for yours and Ellie’s sakes was attempting to breach the surface at the thought of someone even thinking about hurting you. Mallory had said you’d be safe here; had the old bitch lied?

You shook your head and that only helped to quell the fire burning deep within slightly. A light appeared on your face and you glanced down as it got brighter, eyes wide in fear. “Your chest is glowing. Ben, stop! You need to calm down.” 

He took deep breaths as he’d learned to do, telling himself that you were here in his arms, right now, and you were safe. You were not in any danger. Hearing the sounds of his daughter a few rooms away helped him to get this fucking thing inside of him under control. He hated it, hated what the Reds had done to him, but it was now forever a part of him. He would do whatever it took to keep you both safe, even from this goddamn weapon inside his chest.

When you met his eyes again, there was no more light, no more glow lighting up your face from below. You lifted yourself up on your toes and brushed your lips against his. “Thank you,” you whispered. 

Ben nodded and wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you up against him. He nuzzled you, feeling much calmer than he had a few moments before, but he still saw the same worry in your gaze that he’d seen before his inner nuke started to fire up. “Talk to me,” he implored.

You pressed your lips together and briefly looked away and he knew you didn’t really want to say what you were about to. It made him incredibly nervous. While you two had argued before and you’d told him to go when he was being an ass…what if what you meant was that you wanted out of this? Fear immediately took hold of him — fear of losing you, fear of losing Ellie, and all because he’d been a stupid fuck who couldn’t keep his mouth shut. You both were the two best things that had ever happened to him since being injected with Compound V. He didn’t want to go back to before. He only wanted now and the two of you. Hell, he wanted to keep creating a family with you, the family he’d always desired but never had. What had seemed within his grasp just hours ago now seemed to be getting further and further away. 

That thought had him speaking — no, downright begging. Soldier Boy begging…only for you. “Look, I know I’ve been a dick and I said some really fucked up shit earlier but I didn’t—”

You gently placed your fingers against his lips, effectively stopping him. You stared up at him sadly and that fear kicked into high gear. Fuck, he was losing you. And all because he hadn’t been able to keep his goddamn mouth shut or change one fucking dirty diaper. He’d fucking failed and now he was going to lose you and that dream he wanted to realize with you all in one swoop. All because he really was America’s Asshole.

But when you finally spoke, you said the last thing he expected. “I spent months running from Vought’s death squads before I found you. Even with you protecting me, even after I got pregnant, I was still in danger because they wanted me dead.” Your voice broke on the last word, betraying the tears that were imminent, along with the shimmering in your eyes getting worse.

His brows drew together in concern but he gently grasped your chin, making sure that you not only continued looking at him but that you heard every word he was about to say. “But you’re safe now,” he murmured. “Vought’s gone, Edgar and Homelander are dead…I would never let anything happen to you.”

Tears began to roll down your cheeks. “I know, but I keep thinking what if something goes wrong? What if one of the supes out there finds us? What if they get wind that I’m still alive? What if the surviving board members decide that I’m still a liability?”

He shook his head, moving his thumb up to stroke your cheek reassuringly. “No one survived. I made sure of it.” He placed his forehead down onto yours. “I promised I’d keep you safe, you both safe, and I did.” Ben tenderly rubbed his nose along yours. “Still do.” 

He was slightly relieved that you weren’t thinking of leaving him but also unhappy that you had still been worrying about this all of this time and he hadn’t had a clue. He was going to do whatever it took to reassure you, to remind you that you were safe and that you no longer needed to worry about any of those pricks that you’d had to run from before. He still remembered the nightmares you’d had, the jumps and startles in the middle of the night at the slightest sound. Eventually, it prompted him to hold you when you went to bed, promising to keep you safe so you could get some sleep while he kept watch. You would finally relax in his arms and close your eyes, content to listen to his strong heartbeat underneath your ear, knowing you were indeed protected.   

Sure, you’d kept your end of the deal and let him fuck you once you’d gotten some rest from running nonstop, but instead of getting bored like he usually did after hitting the same pussy a couple of different times, he’d actually started to like you. So he’d kept you close while he turned the hunt around to make Onehander, Edgar, and all of those assholes the prey instead. When he found out you were carrying his kid, he decided he’d do whatever it took to make you both safe and even ended up teaming up with the Brit and his team again, though he still didn’t trust them. Hell, he’d even made a deal with them to settle in this area and get you this house when you’d told him you wanted a home for your child to grow safely up in, to put down roots. He’d put up with your nearby neighbors, with having to see the One-Eyed-WonderBitch again, and shifting from the Supe life to suburban life (which was not an easy transition for him by any means). He did it all for you…for you and Ellie and the family you had chosen to have with him.

So to see now that after everything, you still didn’t feel completely safe, well…that bothered him. What kind of man had he been for you to keep feeling scared that Vought might come back at any moment to haunt you? He’d never given you details of the day that he’d annihilated them all for you because he knew you didn’t want them, but maybe he should have. If he had, maybe that would’ve helped to allay your fears of any possible reprisals.   

“I know you do,” you broke into his thoughts. “But…what if something else happens? What if I get sick or get hit by a car or I have an accident and fall or I have a medical emergency that could be fatal or—”

“Hey,” he interrupted your rambling. “You’re spiraling.” Something you’d done quite a bit when you first met. His heart sunk at the thought; this had gotten to that point and he hadn’t had one goddamn clue. He’d been so wrapped up in you and Ellie and the life you were building that he hadn’t even seen it. Maybe his father had been right; he was a fuck up. An assertion by the old man that you’d unknowingly been dismantling every single day with how much you loved and believed in Ben, but now…now he felt as if he didn’t deserve you. He watched more tears spill down your cheeks and he knew he definitely didn’t; here was the proof.

“I know,” you sobbed. “I’m sorry. I just…” You took in a ragged breath and looked into his eyes, your bottom lip starting to wobble. “I need to know that if something happens to me, that you’ll take care of Ellie the way she needs to be taken care of. If I’m gone, she’s going to need you and I need to know that she’ll be okay.”

He tried his best not to be insulted, not to show it for your sake so he wouldn’t upset you anymore than you already were, but it stung his ego a bit. “Of course, she would be okay. I’ve kept her safe this long, haven’t I?”

“I’m not just talking about safety, Ben. I’m talking about you actually taking care of her. Not just providing for her, but actually being there for her whenever she needs you. Like the diaper change I asked you to do today. Is it disgusting? Sure. No one likes dealing with it, smelling shit, getting it all over you…but she’s your daughter and she needed you to take care of it for her. What if I had gone for breakfast with Elena instead? Would she have sat in her own crap until I came back home because you feel as a man that it’s beneath you to change your own daughter’s diaper?” More tears appeared. “What if something had happened to me while I was out? Would you just push Ellie onto Elena and Maggie to take care of her so you could go back to your old life? All so you wouldn’t have to do any of the messy or hard stuff? Would you abandon her just like that?”

“Of course not,” he snapped, his consideration for you now forgotten in the face of what you’d said. “How the fuck could you even think I would do something like that? Haven’t I been here through everything like I fucking said I would be?”

“Yes, but I’ve been doing everything!” The words burst out of you. “At first, you didn’t want to feed her, burp her, bathe her — any of it! And I did it all! Why? Because that was supposed to be the woman’s job you’d said!”

Ben could feel his temper flaring at you bringing that up. You were also intimating that he didn’t do anything for your daughter. Were you blind to all of the effort he had put in to help you raise Ellie since that fight you’d had a couple of weeks after she’d been born? Didn’t you realize that most mornings you woke up well rested was because he’d gotten up with the baby in the middle of the night so you wouldn’t have to? And you were still holding that shit over his head? What the fuck was wrong with you? “That was the way it was back then,” he growled out. “I told you that! And I’ve been doing all of that shit you just mentioned since then! So I didn’t change one shitty diaper today! I said I was sorry! When are you going to fucking let it go?”

Instead of responding, you exploded into more sobs and shame churned in his gut. He really fucking hated seeing either of his girls cry. It made him want to beat the ever loving shit out of some son of a bitch. Even if he happened to be said son of a bitch sometimes. 

“Christ,” he muttered. “C’mere.” He pulled you to him and you held onto him tightly, crying into his neck. His hand slid down your back in a tender caress and he pressed his lips to your hair. “I’m sorry,” he whispered to you.

He kept you in his arms, hoisted you up so you could wrap your legs around his waist, and let you get it all out. He even shut the water off, knowing the temperature had vastly cooled in the amount of time he’d been in there with you so far. He vaguely recalled his plan from earlier to join you, apologize for what he’d said during your argument, and begin making up with you. That obviously had gone to shit; there would be no making up happening now, that was for sure. And if anything would get his dick to go soft with you naked against him, it was the sound of you crying. 

Once your sobs quieted down and turned into ragged inhales and a few sniffles here and there, he moved your hair out of the way so he could see you. “Better?”

You nodded, sniffling as you looked up at him. “Yeah.”

“Okay, let’s get you out of this tub then and get you dried off.” He placed a kiss on your forehead and went to open the shower curtain.

“Ben?”

He froze and turned to look at you. 

You lifted your head, letting out another sniffle. “I’m sorry, too.” Before he could say anything, you continued. “I know you’ve been trying and you’ve been doing everything I asked you to with Ellie. I just…I freaked out about the diaper thing.” You wiped at your face. “Because it just brought back that worry, that fear I have of what would happen to her if I wasn’t here.” Your voice wobbled slightly but you forged ahead anyway. “You know, I wasn’t scared like this when I was being hunted down. I mean, I was, but not like this. Back then, I only had myself to worry about. And then when I got pregnant, sure, I was a little more scared but I also knew you’d keep us safe.” You took another ragged breath in. “But ever since she’s been born, I have been absolutely terrified. That something might happen to her, to me…to her if something does happen to me. I’m so fucking scared, Ben.” Your voice broke then, prompting fresh tears to roll down your cheeks.

Ben had been insulted before, almost as if you hadn’t believed in him or his ability to keep either of you safe, but now as he listened to your heartfelt explanation, he realized it wasn’t really about any of that. It didn’t really have anything to do with him, except that you wanted him to be ready to care for your daughter if something ever happened to you. That unpleasant tug inside his gut happened once more when you finally confessed just how scared you were. He thought back over the last few months since Ellie had been born. Your push for him to be more involved; your fighting with him over his antiquated mindset as you’d called it over his ideas of what fatherhood entailed; your rushing him during your sexual escapades the few times he’d managed to get you away from the house while Elena watched the baby no matter how much it pissed him off that he couldn’t take his time with you like he wanted; your insistence that he watch Ellie while you go to lunch with your friend; your anger today at his refusal to deal with the shitty diaper situation — all of it suddenly clicked into place for him and made sense. Fuck, he didn’t think it was possible for him to feel any worse. He had completely failed you on all fronts. He had been the blind one; he’d never seen what was going on with you when it was right in front of him this whole time. Christ on a cross.

He gripped your chin gently. “Look at me.” You reluctantly met his gaze, yours glistening with fresh tears, and he could see the fear there plain as day. Fuck, how had he missed it all of this time? But instead of focusing on that, he sought to reassure you. “You and Ellie are safe. Nothing is going to happen. I would never let anyone hurt you. Either of you. I love you both too fucking much.” He grazed the pad of his thumb over your cheek to catch a stray tear that had escaped at his words. “And if it’s something that’s going to make you feel better, then let’s sit down and make a plan in case anything were to happen to you. Or even if I bit it. I want both of my girls to be taken care of, even if I can’t be here to do it myself.” You gave him a tearful smile. “So, let’s do that and kick this fear in its fucking ass. Sound good, doll?”

You nodded and leaned in, kissing him and making him smile. He’d been able to make you feel better after all and he felt damn proud of himself for being able to do so. “I love you,” you whispered.

He fucking loved hearing those three words from you every single time you said them; he knew you fucking meant it. And so did he. “I love you, too, baby.” When you beamed at him, another tugging sensation happened in his chest but this time, it was a far more pleasant one. He pecked your lips and opened the curtain. “Alright, let’s get you out of here.”

Before he could take a step out of the tub, you reached up and yanked the curtain closed, making his brows furrow. Your smile suddenly transformed into a devilish smirk. Immediately, he could feel his dick hardening again. He knew what that smirk meant. “We didn’t make up yet,” you murmured, starting to rub your body against his. “And we always make up after we fight.” 

Ben felt the stiff peaks of your nipples gliding across his skin and his mouth practically watered at the thought of sucking on them while he rammed into you repeatedly. Fuck, he loved your tits. There had been a time after Ellie was born where you’d pushed his head away anytime he tried to get his mouth on them while he was fucking you, complaining that they were too sensitive due to all of the feedings. But recently, he’d been able to start that up again without causing you discomfort and once, he had even gotten a tiny amount of milk squirted into his mouth by accident. It had been surprising for him, embarrassing for you, but it had turned out to be a major turn on. He found he didn’t mind the taste and the idea of him drinking you down, you shooting something into his mouth for once and him needing to be the one to swallow, that made him hornier than he’d ever been in his life. He’d fucked a lot of women in his time, sometimes high, sometimes sober; he’d done things that made most people blush to hear about or uncomfortable to imagine, some things which you flat out refused to do. He’d founded Herogasm and had marathon fucks that were legendary. He’d hosted orgies where he would be the only one left standing, having never tired out and still raring to go when everyone else was down for the count. And yet, when you’d unintentionally squirted the smallest bit of milk into his mouth, his dick had gotten so hard, he was shocked it hadn’t exploded right there. Well…it did, but not the way he’d originally been thinking. He’d greedily swallowed you down and kept sucking, even through the first load of cum he’d shot into you in reaction to that fucking hot as hell moment. From that point on, while he knew your breastmilk was Ellie’s main food source and he loved that, his daughter had to learn to fucking share. 

That was another reason why he had such a love/hate relationship with the breast pump machine you had. When he would watch the milk fill the bottle, he didn’t know whether to cry, jerk off, fuck you, or just watch. Sometimes he even wished you’d get rid of the contraption and just let him help you; it could be a rewarding experience for you both while you made sure Ellie had plenty to eat. 

Your smirk grew, almost as if you knew where his thoughts had gone, and you ghosted your lips over his. “Ben,” you called to him in a teasing singsong voice. “I said, we always make up after fighting.”

He could feel something wet moving against his abdomen as you attempted to roll your hips, knowing it had nothing to do with your recent shower, and he ground out, “Yeah, we fucking do” before he slammed his mouth against yours in a bruising kiss that was all tongue and teeth. He turned around and carefully pushed you up against the tiled wall, making sure not to break it or you. It wasn’t long before he was inside you, his hips pushing into you at a steady pace, his mouth suckling at you and your fingers in his hair, tugging roughly, as you muffled your moans with your other hand. Neither of you had forgotten that Elena was within earshot; Ben just didn’t give a fuck. He snatched your hand away from your mouth, gruffed out a command of “Let me fucking hear you”, and he didn’t give two shits who heard the fucking hot soundtrack of your making up. Instead, as you cried out your pleasure for the world to hear, he went back to your incredible rack, focusing on filling up on you while he worked towards filling you up. The thought of any fear or resentment from your earlier argument was long gone as you both chased your highs at lightning speed. The only words said between you were dirty or full of love. And even when you both had been forced to take a mostly cold shower afterwards to clean up once you both had caught your breath, only smiles, tender touches, and kisses had been exchanged along with a few laughs, both of you completely sated. Well, you were; Ben would never get enough of you and he planned to try to fuck you again later after the baby had fallen asleep.

But as for right now, seeing the bright smile on your face as he carefully wrapped a towel around you, the weight visibly lighter on your shoulders since you confessed your fears to him, he was determined to do whatever it took to not only make you feel safe but also to keep you feeling this way and being this happy. 

When you’d laughed at something he’d said, darted forward to kiss him, and wrapped your arms around his neck, his embrace tightened around you and he kissed the juncture in between your neck and shoulder, making you that silent promise. Whatever it took to make you feel safe again, he’d do it.

Elena glanced up to see you and Ben stepping into the living room, both dressed and looking refreshed. You had been missing in action for at least an hour and forty-five minutes. Elena already had an idea what you two had been doing considering everything she’d heard. Maggie had even heard when she called to check in and see when Elena would be returning home, beyond disgusted at the sounds Soldier Boy was making as he railed you in the shower. She’d told Elena to call her when she was done babysitting so the archaic asshole could get laid and promptly hung up. But even if Elena hadn’t heard what you’d been up to, she would have immediately known after seeing you both. Ben’s hair was still damp and yours was freshly blown out. Both of you were touching, unable to keep your hands off of each other and sporting matching grins, looking like practical newlyweds. Ben’s hand moved to the small of your back and both of you suddenly smiled wide upon seeing your daughter.

“Thank you for watching her and for waiting.” Your cheeks turned a shade of pink but you held out your arms. Elena was only too happy to hand you your baby back. “There she is,” you cooed, pressing a loud kiss to Ellie’s cheek. “Were you a good girl for your Aunt Elena?”

“She was a very good girl,” Elena confirmed, watching as Ben strode over and stopped next to you, wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you against him, his eyes centered on both of his girls with an affectionate smile to match. Sometimes Maggie still had trouble believing it, that Soldier Boy had been domesticated as she put it, but Elena never doubted how important you and Ellie were to him. She could see it every time he looked at you, at your little girl, and she actually thought it was beyond sweet. She had even said as much to which Maggie had rolled her eyes, muttered “Whatever, I’m going to vomit”, and walked away from the door while Elena waited to greet the three of you after she had extended a dinner invitation to your family one night. As expected Ben and Maggie didn’t get along too well, especially given their history, but the former seemed to be okay with Elena and she was okay with him because she knew how much he meant to you. And Maggie didn’t seem to mind you all that much, either. So you all somehow made the nearby neighbor thing work; for yours, Elena’s, and Ellie’s sakes if for nothing else. 

“She did get a little fussy, though, so I fed her one of the bottles you had in the fridge.”

You nodded and pressed a kiss to the baby’s forehead, briefly glancing at the clock on the mantle. “It’s about that time. Thank you so much for doing that. I’m sorry that we missed lunch.” You blushed once more when Ben let out a quiet chuckle.

“No problem,” Elena dismissed with a smile and a wave of her hand. “I’m glad everything seems to be okay. Ben looked a little worried when I got here.”

You glanced up at him, your brows arching in surprise. Ben shrugged, seeming unbothered at this observation.

“We can maybe shoot for next week if you’re game,” Elena offered. 

You went to answer when Ben cut you off. “Actually, why don’t you guys still go and grab a late lunch or something? Elena’s already here and you both are dressed to the nines.”

Your eyes widened when you looked over at your husband, worry lining your expression for a moment. “No, that’s—it’s too late. By the time we’d get home, it would probably be dinner time.” You let out a nervous sounding laugh. “Besides, Ellie’s going to need to feed before then and I—”

“You pumped earlier, right? I can feed her.”

You seemed unsure, biting your lip. “I did, but I’m not sure—”

Ben released you and held out his hands, smiling reassuringly at you. “It’s settled. You go. Ellie and I have got this. Don’t we, Princess?” The baby had her fingers in her mouth, drooling everywhere. Elena saw Ben shake his head, seeming amused.

You glanced down at your daughter, the happiness from before replaced by uncertainty. Elena knew you struggled to leave Ellie the first few times she’d babysat for you both to have some time to yourselves. It wasn’t surprising; you were a new mother after all. But this time, you seemed even more reluctant than usual. 

“Hey,” Ben softly called to you, prompting you to meet his gaze. “Remember what we talked about. We’re going to be fine. I’ve got her.”

It was moments like this that convinced Elena of your importance to him. If Maggie ever witnessed them, she was sure her girlfriend would reluctantly agree. Never had Elena ever heard him speak that gently to anyone, even his own daughter. Not when she and Maggie were in earshot anyway. 

Ben gave you a meaningful look and after glancing down at Ellie one more time, you eventually handed your daughter over to her father. “There’s my girl.” He leaned down to kiss the baby’s forehead. 

You watched, anxiety still apparent in your expression.“Ben, are you su—”

He immediately darted forward to kiss you, cutting you off. Elena had the grace to look away and give you two a moment.

“We’ll be fine,” she heard Ben murmur to you. “I’ve got this. I promise, baby. Go have your girl time and then come home. We’ll be here when you get back.”

“You’re absolutely sure?” You checked one last time.

“Of course I fucking am.”

“Language,” you chided.

Elena glanced over and found Ben smirking down at you, leaning closer. “You didn’t seem to mind my language earlier.” As expected, your cheeks reddened and he barked out a laugh, kissing one of them. “Alright, go have fun and we’ll see you later.” Then he leaned in to whisper something to you that couldn’t be heard and your jaw dropped, gently swatting at his hip since he was holding Ellie in both arms. He laughed and moved away, his gaze a little darker than before as it stayed fixed on you.

You kissed Ellie’s head and stroked her cheek, smiling. “I’ll see you soon, sweetheart. Be good for your daddy, okay? I love you.” Ellie gurgled and you smiled wider, leaning up to kiss Ben goodbye who immediately deepened it.

Elena was on the verge of looking away again when you pulled back, panting, and glared up at the smirking man in front of you. “You know, for someone who’s trying to get me to leave, you’re doing a miserable job.”

“Just giving you a little preview for later.” The stare between you two was so intense that it felt as if any unfortunate bystanders would suddenly burst into flames just from being too close. This time, Elena was the one nearly blushing. She would have never believed you two had just been having sex if she hadn’t heard it for herself. You both looked hungry and not for any late lunch. 

You leaned in, as if to kiss him again, when you reached up and planted a kiss on his brow instead, smirking as you backed away. “Until then, Benjamin,” you snarked, turning to leave. “Love you.” You let out a yelp a moment later when Ben swatted your ass with a free hand as you passed. 

You shot another glare at him and he simply smirked. “Love you, too, doll.” 

Elena gently pulled you towards the door, thinking if she didn’t get you out of the house soon, you definitely weren’t going to leave at all. Or more like Soldier Boy wasn’t going to let you leave. Not with the way his eyes were unashamedly glued to your ass.

You waved one last time in your family’s direction. “Bye, Ellie. See you soon, babygirl.”

Ben picked up Ellie’s little hand and simulated a wave, making you smile. 

Once Elena had you in the car and backed out of your driveway, she could see the earlier uncertainty returning. “So, what’s going on? First, Ben looked worried and now you. Something I should know about?”

You bit your lip and seemed to be mulling over whether to tell her or not. Elena gave you a moment to yourself to decide. Eventually you turned to look at her and sighed. “Okay.” You then proceeded to fill Elena in on everything you’d been feeling since your daughter had been born, everything you’d just told Ben.

Ben watched as you and Elena got into the car and left. He knew you would be worried but he was determined not to give you any reason to be. He meant it when he told you he had this. He wanted you to know that he could look after Ellie the way she needed looking after, which is why he insisted that you still go out to eat with Elena. He was going to make damn sure he passed this test and he was keeping his promise to you, that he would make you feel safe again. And if that meant he had to play Mr. Mom and change a few shitty diapers while you were gone, then so be it. 

Once the car disappeared, he let out a sigh and turned to look down at his daughter. She was staring up at him with those beautiful eyes that reminded him so often of his mother’s, though absent of any of the heartbreak she had endured in her life with his father. That was why when you asked about possible names for your daughter after you’d given birth, he’d mentioned Eleanor to bestow upon her. You’d loved it, especially after Ben had explained the significance of the name to you, and so your daughter was named after her grandmother, though you both had ended up calling her Ellie for short most of the time. 

He gave his little girl a smile. “We’ve got the place to ourselves, kiddo. We can do whatever we want. What does my princess want to do, hmm?”

Ellie gurgled and he nodded as if he understood.

“Yeah, that’s what I was thinking. Let your old man show you his movies so you can see when he was a star. Good thinking, babygirl.” He chuckled when she gurgled again and turned to head into the living room. 

Just then, he heard the sounds he had been hoping like hell that he wouldn’t hear until you were back. Ellie began to grunt, a few short farts sounded, and an almost undetectable thud was heard as shit landed in her diaper. Sure enough, a moment later, the smell wafted up and smacked him in the face. The smell was beyond terrible, something you had told him previously couldn’t be the case since it was known that the poop of breastfed babies didn’t smell as bad as other poop. He’d looked at you then with disbelief; how the hell did you not smell it when you were wiping the kid’s ass? Then again, thanks to his super-powered nose, you wouldn’t detect what he would. Like right now. It was fucking awful, like sour milk mixed with shit. Christ.

“Ugh.” He extended his arms and held Ellie out, away from him. He should’ve known this would fucking happen. It was just his luck. “You know, kid, for such a small thing, you sure shit a lot.” Ellie continued to make happy noises as if she hadn’t just taken a massive shit that was rapidly stinking up the room. Ben pulled her closer, his face screwed up in disgust as the smell got closer, too. “You are way too happy for someone who just shit their pants for the second time today.” 

He glanced around, almost as if you would somehow come flying around the corner to help, or Queen Lesbo might show up out of the blue or something. Nope, this was all on him. He remembered your words from earlier, how he needed to know how to care for Ellie which included shitty diaper changes, and he let out a huge defeated sigh. “Fuck.”

Ben cradled Ellie in the crook of his arm, relieved there were no damp spots on her back this time, and turned to make his way to her nursery. “You know something, kid, if the day should ever come that I’m in diapers, you better fucking change ‘em without any complaints. I don’t want to hear a damn word out of you then, got it?”

Ellie made more happy noises and he rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah.” A small smile slipped onto his face and he lifted her up to his shoulder, kissing her cheek. “You’re lucky Daddy loves you, Princess.”

Almost as if she’d understood his words, she gave him a wide toothless smile, drooling onto his shirt. Instead of being disgusted, he chuckled and continued his trek. She’d unknowingly just given him a perfect excuse to change when you got home and entice you to get another shower in later. Thinking along that same line, feeling proud that this was now something he could do for you and for his daughter, something that would help you to feel better overall…well, he found now that he didn’t mind the idea of any shitty diaper changes all that much.

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[silvergyus]

⋆｡°✩ silvergyus' nsfw masterlist ✩°｡⋆

works are nsfw- please do not read if you are under the age of eighteen

looking for sfw fics? check out my sfw masterlist

join my taglist to be notified when new works are published

⋆｡°✩ OT5 ✩°｡⋆

most to least: jealous/possessive

most to least: messy sex

getting off to your pics

⋆｡°✩ Soobin ✩°｡⋆

spit-

pairing: soobin x fem!reader summary: you spit into soobin’s mouth for the first time warnings: spit kink, subby!soobin, softdom!reader, past marking/hickeys, implied oral (y/n receiving), use of “baby” and “good boy” for soobin word count: 800+

9:26pm-

pairing: husband!soobin x wife!reader summary: all the teachers at your kids’ school have a crush on soobin- but you’re the lucky wife that he comes home to warnings: soobin & y/n are parents, breeding kink + creampie, oral (sb receiving), fingering (y/n receiving), use of “baby” for soobin, use of “baby/ my love/ my pretty wife” for y/n word count: 2,500+

mirrored ceiling-

pairing: soobin x fem!reader summary: your boyfriend gets a reflective film put up over the skylight in his room. a handful of flirty texts later, and you're riding his face warnings: oral (y/n & sb receiving), 69, reader sits on soobin's face, reader gags on soobin's dick once, a little bit of cum eating, hickeys (y/n receiving), flirty texts in the workplace, use of “baby” for soobin, use of "baby/ good girl" for y/n word count: 3,400+

untitled hard thought

⋆｡°✩ Yeonjun ✩°｡⋆

polaroid-

pairing: yeonjun x fem!reader summary: you buy your boyfriend a film camera for his birthday, only for him to find his passion for taking pictures of your, ahem, intimate moments together warnings: yeonjun & y/n (consensually) photograph each other naked/performing sexual acts, reader has a vulva, hickeys, oral (y/n receiving, yj receiving), penetrative sex (y/n receiving), use of “baby/ pretty/ my baby” for reader word count: 900+

pink lace-

pairing: husband!yeonjun x wife!reader summary: you surprise your husband with a new set of lingerie warnings: soft dom!yeonjun,kind of possessive yeonjun (the man is obsessed with his wife),*lots* of dirty talk, breast play, marking (y/n receiving), heavy breeding kink, penetrative sex (y/n receiving), two spanks (y/n receiving),use of “baby/ my pretty girl/ good girl/ my pretty wife/ my love” for reader, use of “baby/ jjunie” for yj word count: 1,900+

⋆｡°✩ Beomgyu ✩°｡⋆

take a photo-

pairing: beomgyu x fem!reader summary: beomgyu likes to record when he fucks you from behind warnings: kind of dom!beomgyu, beomgyu (consensually) photographs & records during sex, creampie, reader has a vulva, pussy slapping, mention of y/n’s hair being long enough to pull, hair pulling (y/n receiving), use of “baby/ babe/ pretty girl/ good girl” for y/n word count: 1,100+

"I hate you"-

pairing: best man!beomgyu x maid of honor!reader summary: your best friend is marrying the love of her life, but you can't stand her groom's best man, choi beomgyu. his arrival at her bachelorette party sends you into a rage, one that turns into something more heated than just an argument warnings: hate sex, semi-public sex (bathroom at a club), dubcon (reader and bg are both somewhat intoxicated), pussy job, unprotected sex, pull out method, spanking, mention of hickeys, hair pulling (bg receiving), use of "baby/ princess/ pretty slut" for reader, insults as foreplay? word count: 2,800+ part one of wedding season

producer beomgyu

pairing: producer!beomgyu x singer!reader summary: the recording process comes with a few rewards, including but not limited to: global success, awards and accolades, and some special attention from your producer warnings: afab reader (no prounouns used)/ cockwarming/ vague mention of consensual sexual audio recording/ lil bit of pinching/ use of “baby” for reader word count: 600+

⋆｡°✩ Taehyun ✩°｡⋆

untitled hard thought

vampire thought

vampire thought p2

⋆｡°✩ HueningKai ✩°｡⋆

lessons in chemistry-

pairing: hueningkai x fem!reader summary: kai has been harboring a not-so-secret crush on his study buddy all year. what will happen when he gets an unexpected text asking if you can stay the night? warnings: college au, friends to lovers, only one bed trope, reader is a few years older than kai (“noona” is not used), kai is a lil pervy, chubby!reader, reader’s pubes are mentioned exactly once, experienced!reader, a teeeeny bit of dubcon (just over the clothes teasing), fingering (y/n receiving), protected sex word count: 5,200+

bitten

pairing: mortal!hueningkai x vampire!reader summary: a century-old vampire hunts for her latest victim, a mortal boy she may want to keep around forever warnings: typical vampire content including killing victims (kai is referred to as your victim/prey multiple times), blood consumption (reader bites kai and drinks his blood). this fic is dark! please do not read if you are not comfortable with these descriptions! smut warnings: handjob (kai receiving), blowjob (kai receiving), scratching (kai receiving), dubcon (reader uses vampire persuasion on him multiple times), cum eating word count: 1,600+

[hiwelcometothemonstersancturary]

How would your Angel from your AU react to Gregory from FNAF.

It's been a long time since I've watched a playthrough of SB, but i feel like Angel would see this chaotic, feral murder child and go "another one for the bunch 💖".

Seriously. A chaotic orphan who has to harm others in order to survive, acting like a huge gremlin and always being this close to near death? Angel is SO used to them, but they can't help but be reminded of their younger self when talking with Gregory. I feel like Angel would grab him and go "lemme teach you something useful, kid" before setting something on fire.

Oh, and the other animatronics? Instant adoption as well.

[eyesore-boi]

You think that you're alone but

We are waiting for you every night...

You're mine.

Close ups and other stuff below!

...so....10 years, huh?

I cannot understate how much FNaF means to me in my life, and yeah...know that sounds a b i t much considering it's the funny har har bear games, but lemme explain-

Truth is, i was actually terrified of FNaF when it first came out! I remember my first introduction to it was when i was having a sleepover at my friend's place and he was both playing and watching other people play the first game, and when i was watching it with him, i got scared and tried to avoid the game as much as i could, even claiming to hate the game despite just knowing the first game. I was young and was prone to sheltering myself from stuff i didn't understand, and that being the first scary game i've ever seen caused that reaction, but over time...that changed.

It happened when i was watching YT and clicked on a comic dub i never seen before, thinking it was an AU for a fandom i was in (probably Undertale i dunno), but lo and behold, it was actually a fandub/animatic for the missing kids incident, and that...peaked my interest. I got curious on how this scary game actually had an interesting story to it and not just some game that goes boo. So, soon after that, i decided to look up simply "FNaF Story", found the Game Theory videos, and...the rest is history.

I was amazed and hooked, got invested in how the games explained the story in ways i've never seen before, got excited when i saw everything click together in real time, and pair that with how i got into the series r i g h t when Sister Location came out, arguably when the lore really started to kick off, i knew there was no going back now. I stuck with the series since. I watched all the animatics and dubs, listened to all the songs, tried drawing the characters, made OC's, and even talked to other people about this franchise.

And now look- Not gonna pretened this whole time it's been sunshine and (Chica's) rainbows, especially in recent times. The drop off SB caused, the lore getting more and more complicated and convoluted, the divide between older and newer fans, being the founder of Mascot Horror (for every Poppy Playtime there i s a Garten of Ban Ban) and course the IRL drama, but in all seriousness...i still wouldn't trade it for anything.

FNaF, this series, is my very first experience connecting me with a community like this, both good and bad, helping me understand how to properly enjoy media and even learn/take things from it, and i think without it i wouldn't be in the fandoms i'd be in now. The scary, horror ones, the niche, hard to find ones, story driven, character rich, and of course...more importantly...getting me into Markiplier, which further influenced the "outside the box" kind of thinking cause my g o d for these two stories you need too-

And speaking of, because of those two stories, it lead to me branching out more creativily and even creating my own webcomic for an AU combining both of them, so regardless on how that'll go, i'm just glad this series has influenced me enough to create something for others to see, since that's all i ever want to give.

But really, this franchise will forever be with me, and though i don't always agree with all of it (i haven't read any of the books in y e a r s and i refuse to do so), it only makes some of the stuff it does do right completely worth it (like the movie, peak cinema), and for where ever this bear shaped train is going next, well, i'll be here for the ride for all of it. No matter how many burning buildings it goes through.

...oh and um- Right yeah. The actual art piece. Uh....it crashed multiple times when drawing it. It's even a miracle i was able to export it. I can't even open it up anymore. So even if i wanted to change anything about it, i c a n 't -

But still pretty happy with how it came together! Was run drawing these robos, some being kinda redraws from the past, while other's i've n e v e r drawn before, so that was interesting! But still, tried to draw the "main character" so to say from each of the main FNaF games, and just kinda be...walking along through the series, nothing too deep or complex, but still interesting enough! ....unlike the fnaf storyline cause g o d how many restaurants wERE THEIR S C O T T -

But for real this is going long enough, so ima head out and do my own FNaF related things thay you don't need to worry about shush *commits arson*

HAPPY 10TH FNAF BIRTHDAY EVERYBODY!! >:DD

[ideasarestuckinmyhead]

Is it bad that I crave your writting for Boo's childhood/backstory(including teen years, that shit gets crazy) just pack with layers upon layers upon layers upon layers upon layers of gut wrenching and sole crushing angst?

And Boo is telling Al and Seth all of this horrific tragic story and at the end of it they're just sitting there like:

"Sugerboo, wtaf?!"

lol don't mind me, just need to feel things tonight! And by that I mean pain! 🥲

-🪷 anon

Fucked life.

TW: Drug use, gambling, bad parents, domestic abuse (won't go into it), manipulation, shitty childhood and in all just wow. If I write anything wrong please tell me!

‼️This is just for the ask not giving Boo an actual background.‼️

"My childhood was of drugs, screaming, and fighting behind walls." Sipping the alcohol in the cup they got. Sugarboo leaned back on the chair they were in, nonchalant about what they just said. The boys were silent waiting for them to continue, not to disturb the comfortable flow they got themselves in.

"My dad wasn't and still ISN'T a good man. He would beat my mom, screaming at her why did she give birth to a defect of a kid. One that couldn't even shut the fuck up when he was mad." Hissing out Sugarboo grabbed the cup a bit tight. Seth felt his hands clench, and Alphonse looked ready to kill someone.

"But my mom wasn't a Saint either in this shit. She'd be like 'I took that beating for you and you can't even try to better yourself? What kind of child doesn't try for their mother?' She'd also say that me giving her money for her drug abuse would help her." Looking into the flames of the camp fire Sugarboo got lost in thought. Memories of needles and white powder on the table flashing through their mind.

"I had to lie to cps so, so many fucking times. Saying my mother was just tired because she worked two jobs, which she did. But got fired every time because she kept stealing food from the kitchen and taking alcohol from the gas station she worked at." Chugging the rest of their alcohol they reached over and grabbed a bottle of whatever. Cracking it open they didn't want to look at the stares of pity drilling on the back of their head.

"After my dad finally cracked and left my mom because of her drug addiction he took all the money we had. I was uumm, 16? Had a job at this Cafe in the city we lived in. The owner was this old man that knew what my mom did." Smiling solemnly SB thought back on that man. He was the father figure they needed desperately, he was a short Mexican man in his late 40's.

"Francisco, let me stay at the Cafe if I needed too. Made sure to squirrel away money for me so I can get away from my druggie mom....." Whispering SB wiped some tears that fell. It was hard talking about this shit, how their live was a mess and now they can't really talk about it. Not without the looks of pity.

"My mom found out when Francisco was talking to another coworker of mine. About how it was almost $200 dollars saved up for me. I've told him as soon as I graduated I was skipping to a different town. I wanted to be a baker, but my mom told me I needed a real job." Hissing out the last bit Sugarboo chugged the rest of the second cup. Starting their third as they slurred out more words.

"The bitch tried to hurt him! I never....got so fucking angry before. I grabbed a bottle and smashed it over her head. My mom didn't like that, so she, who was on a withdrawal of two days, began choking me." Moving their collar, flashing the scar they got from her nails. Alphonse remember asking about them before, Boo just shook their head and said 'For another time.' He felt like shit asking about it now.

"Francisco, worried grabbed a gun he had incase of a robber....shot her. There was witnesses and everything, so he wasn't charged. It was ruled as self defense. But I didn't have anywhere to go, as shitty as it was I had to be pit in a foster home." More tears pooled in their eyes as they left them fall. They wanted to stay with Francisco, but the Judge's words were final.

"I still worked there at the Cafe. But I wanted to stay with him! My Foster parents were nice I guess but they didn't get me. Mostly left me alone because I was older." There was older kids there but, SB didn't make friends with them. It was clear they didn't want another teenager with them.

"When it was the summer before or was it after? I turned 18....Francisco, he....he died." Sobbing out Seth and Alphonse got up. Each boy holding a hand as Sugarboo curled into themselves and cried.

"He left me everything. His grandchildren tried to get shit from me but they couldn't. They never tried and connect with him, even though he tried so desperately. I didn't budge or nothing I told them to suck my dick and kept the promise I had with Francisco. To run and live my life. How I wanted it, no shitty dad's, my druggie mom was dead and I was 18 with $24,000 dollars that Francisco left for me." Sitting up proud Sugarboo laughed as they remembered the old man telling them they better do good with he money. How he wanted them to be better than their parents, to use the hate they build up to make it useful.

"And here I am now! My own bakery in a small town that loves my goods. And two amazing men in my life! So yeah I'd think I'm living my life right now." Smiling at the two men who were still silent. Sugarboo got smiles back as all three hugged, this was nice.

"Boo, holy shit." Was the inky words they got as a response. Laughing at that Boo leaned to Alphonse and gave him a kiss. He always did have comedic timing.

"Sugar, I'm glad we got to meet you. And I'm glad you stayed strong through out all of this." The sad eyed man had tears saying those words. Sugarboo started frowning as they wiped his tears softly.

"Awe, don't cry hon..." Whispering as Seth was being held by them. Alphonse started crying too, wishing he meet then sooner to help them. But they can't change the past, it's already done.

"Wanna make stores and drink this night away?" Giving a cheeky grin Sugarboo held up their cup. Seth gave a watery laugh as he sat back up and nodded.

Alphonse cracked open another bottle of the disgusting sugary drink he had. And the three began drinking, telling happy memories they held close to their hearts. Stories made them stronger, helping them better understand where one of the trio was.

Sugarboo, for a moment paused looking at Seth and Alphonse argue over who won the wresting match when younger. And they started giggling like a maniac seeing their boys being so....them. Even after what they told the boys they still wanted them.

[nightmare-before]

Fuck it, its 4 in the morning and I can't sleep so imma rant.

OK so seeing a few bad takes cause of the live action bringing the characters to the forefront. But with people saying how gross it is tho ship Koby and Helmeppo, just gonna point out a few things.

1. There ages aren't ever mentioned in the manga or anime. It's only mentioned on vivre cards that came out a few years back. Although many things about one piece have probably been plotted for years in advance, Oda does decide a few things on the fly. Eg. He chose many characters birthday's after letters written in for the sbs. So I think the ages on them were probably quick decisions.

2. In the anime Helmeppo refers to them both being kids when talking about Garp, so at that point I very much doubt their Canon ages were decided.

3. There are many one piece ships with larger age gaps, like the canon 1 sided Luffy and Hancock, and some popular fandom ones like Zoro and Robin.

4. At this point I've shipped them for at least 10 years. I don't give a shit about purity police in fandom policing what you can and can't ship for fictional characters

[wolftheidioticfan]

Tell us Somthing Fluffy about each of the serverbox kinitos we don't really know yet?

Uhh hold on my brain is like full resetting for seven different reasons

right i got something

Nio technically had 3 users! he was on a family pc that was used by 3 siblings. I'd say more but Nio would be better on talking about it onblog once he remembers more.

SB would code ideas of what he'd want his kids to look like after he brought Ashley in. Would she want more human kids or sea creatures? How do you code a baby? How do you...take care of a baby?

Amie would often play 'hide and seek' (more like peekaboo) with Sonny when he was on the main pc. He'd hide in the boarders and if it took Sonny too long to ask 'ohhh where is Kinito" he'd peek out.

Honestly i can't think for the other two...uhhh

[fireemblems24]

Azure Gleam Ch 11

Spoilers below for AG Ch 11.

STORY

RODRIGUE is back. You have no idea how happy I am that he got more screen time (and is now playable!)

Ashe's not happy that some nobles kept their titles after turning coat, but they can't afford the chaos changing things would create right now, but they plan to in the future.

I am living for the Big Dad energy Rodrigue always has.

Do we get to kill Caspar's Dad? Please let me kill Caspar's dad.

Felix asking the right questions - asking if they can trust Claude. Annette doesn't trust Claude. Ingrid neither, but doesn't think he's as bad as Annette and Felix.

Gustave and the Knights of Serios are keeping the Alliance in check.

Once again, people asking if Dimitri can kill his step-sister. But Dimitri's like, guys, I killed Rufus. I can handle it.

Ohh, a letter from Patricia? If it doesn't have new info, why bring it up? Something disturbing. Confirmation she was always bad.

Yep, she helped plot Duscur. I mean, we all guessed she was an awful human being, so now we know.

Like, I don't blame Patricia for missing Edelgard or whatever, but setting your child step-son to get butchered alongside tons of other innocent people is straight-up evil.

Dimitri's worried about Shez, and she's opening up to him. It's pretty sweet. It's also so sweet how much they trust Shez even if she doesn't trust herself.

Honestly, Dimitri and Shez are so cute, as friends or more, it doesn't matter, they have a great relationship.

Shez would rather die than kill her friends 😭 We won't let that happen (it better not happen)

MAP/SIDE BATTLES

Seteth said he trusts me 😭😭😭

Rodrigue got to say two things this time, which means he made up for lost time last chapter.

Ok guys, Shamir just went up in my books. She said as a mercenary she'll get hired to kill anyone, but prefers killing bad guys, like the Empire. I love it. She hasn't said anything like this in GW or SB.

SHEZ & RODRIGUE B

LAMO, omg, I love Shez.

So it starts with Rodrigue taking Shez very seriously as Shez talks about how the war may be over by next winter because she . . . wants to have a snowball fight, like all the Kingdom kids got to do.

It's actually kind of sweet, seeing Shez want to just play and have fun with the Blue Lions.

Rodrigue, of course, love the idea.

And takes snowball fighting too seriously, talking strategy. Of a snowball fight. OMG I love this. I love him.

He'd do full-out battle with Lambert and go with kids.

Rodrigue lost, lamo.

So Lambert would rush into battle alone, and Shez thinks like father like son with Dimitri.

I also love how Rodrigue thinks Gautier is cowardly for laying and ambush for Lambert, but is totally fine with his own sneaking and waiting to strike.

It ended with them getting cussed out by Ingrid's dad for not taking the mountain seriously.

Shez can invite Rodrigue to join in.

Oh, man, I wish I got to see this fight. I can only imagine Felix when he realizes Rodrigue is involved and thinking it's dumb for taking it seriously, then taking it seriously. Ingrid being an absolute tyrant ordering people to follow her strategies. Dimitri scared he'll knock someone's teeth out. Mercedes being absolutely savage. And so on...

DIMITRI & YURI C

Excited for this.

Yuri's told a "funny knight" who's really strong is helping everyone out who sometimes sounds sheltered and obtuse and sometimes not. Yep. It's Dimitri.

Yuri's not happy seeing Dimitri in dangerous allies. Worried about him. But Dimitri wants to learn how the commoners live so he can help them rule better.

OMG, Yuri's like "you don't have an heir," worried about the civil war that will happen if Dimitri dies.

Yuri is determined for Dimitri to live a long and happy life because the people of Faerghus like Dimitri and Yuri likes the commonfolk of Faerghus.

Also love how Yuri points out that if war breaks out, nobles will die, but commoners get slaughtered. Wish he'd tell Edelgard that.

Haha, he says to bring Dedue at least.

OMG, I love Dimitri. He then just asks Yuri to be his bodyguard.

And Dimitri won't ask Dedue because he knows Dedue will just forbid Dimitri from coming, like a nanny, lol.

Yuri's entertained that Dimitri asked him to be a bodyguard.

SYLVAIN & DEDUE B

Dedue is impressed with Sylvain for interacting with a woman like a normal person lamo.

"Don't expect praise for merely doing your job." I love Dedue. That's savage af.

Sylvain was motivated to mature by Felix and Dimitri. He said they're both like brothers, which is why he wouldn't get left behind. I love this group.

Oof, Dedue "had" a sister. And now we're getting to learn about her. 😭 She liked flower crowns and was determined when she set her mind to it.

Dedue wants Sylvain to visit Duscur after the war, to visit her grave together 😭

SYLVAIN & FELIX A

Felix got into a fight with soldiers . . . . because they were making fun of Sylvain.

Felix called it the "worst decision in his life." Of course. Felix being Felix.

Felix didn't tell Sylvain because he was worried about Sylvain hearing the details about what people said about him.

I love the idea of Felix getting into a fist-fight with people insulting Sylvain lamo.

Sylvain thinks he deserves his bad reputation because of who he used to be. Felix challenged why Sylvain didn't change sooner. Sylvain has no defense lol.

Felix is ok with people making fun of Sylvain, but only certain people lamo.

Felix is blushing after saying something nice lol. Now he's pissed at Sylvain. And insulting him. Very typical Felix.

Sylvain says he's 7% more cunning than Felix lamo.

This one did go more into ship bait. I was surprised how un-shippy their C was, but I'm sure Sylvix fans loved this one.

DIMITRI & MERCEDES A

They're traveling to a village together. It's the one Mercedes used to live in. Dimitri likes how calm it is.

Mercie called Dimitri her friend 😭😭

Dimitri claims he's a king's knight lol. He catches himself. Also village woman finds Dimitri handsome. She has taste.

Mercedes and Dimitri talk about how open minded the church is and give credit to the overall teachings (lamo, eat shit, Claude)

Mercedes is grateful to Dimitri to taking in the Central Church because it helped the village out. It's why she brought him there, so he could see the good that comes from protecting the church.

Mercedes plans to show him around the town and introduce Dimitri to her mother and the priest.

Dimitri's nervous lol. Hahaha, Mercie says she'll tell him he's someone "very important" which flusters him lamo.

She made him laugh and smile.

This support was adorable. (and feels like it couldn't possibly be the same writers as SB and GW lamo)

MERCEDES & DEDUE B

Sad they only get one support. Their Houses one was amazing.

Mercedes is teaching cooking. The little girl gets scared of Dedue when he arrives to fetch Mercie.

Poor Dedue frightens children and animals :(

Mercie says lots of the kids are orphans, so they're scared, and that Dedue looks intimidating. She has a plan to make him not look as scary.

I KNEW IT! He's handing out flower crowns. I was going to say it was something with flowers.

Now all the kids love Dedue. Good. He's the sweetest man in Fodlan.

Dedue teaches them how to make the crowns.

Dedue is happy with Mercedes, but Mercie says it was Dedue's kindness who won them over. Of course they both give each other credit.

They both have such strong mom and dad energy.

SHEZ & ANNETTE A

Annette's up late working on music lol. Shez thinks the notes look like bugs lol.

Annette won't sing it though :( Her songs are legendary.

She wants a song that makes people feel happy when they sing it. Very Annette.

She heard the song Shez passed around getting sung by a dying mercenary, who died happy though because they appreciated the song. It made Annette appreciate the song more.

She is such a sweetie.

It's sweet to have a whole support revolve around Annette realizing her songs make people happy and help people. She'd love that.

OMG, I love Annette. Her new song is about a feast, then they go to get more ingredients, and then get into a death battle with a bear. Truly a child of Faerghus.

RAPHAEL & FELIX C

Raphael is drooling over Felix's food, so he gives it to Raphael, and Felix offers to go buy more.

Felix thinks he hears thunder, but it's just Raphael's stomach.

Felix is being nice, lol, insisting Raphael eat some of his food.

But now he's annoyed that Raphael called him a "meat buddy" or a bit. Felix likes the idea of hunting that Raphael suggested.

Raphael is so nice not even Felix can manage to get mad at him.

SYLVAIN & IGNATZ C

Sylvain feels bad because he interrupted Ignatz painting. He wanted Ignatz to look at a painting he brought home.

Sylvain knows painting styles (he knows it's not a common Faerghus style). But ofc Sylvain is interested in how pretty the woman in the painting is lamo.

He's curious about the woman's identity, but it doesn't seem in a fuck boy way, but a curiosity over a favorite piece of art way.

That Sylvain is into art just made him even cooler.

Religious art often has their symbols in the art (and Flayn's is fish lamo, good).

As a major art fan, I love this support adding little tid bits about Fodlan art.

Lamo, Sylvain studied art to impress ladies at first, but now he actually likes it.

SETETH & YURI C

Yuri chatted with a scholar, wanting to learn about the 10 elites because he didn't get a good education.

It's a support to explain how crests came to be and their powers

Yuri trusts Seteth with his crest secrets (partly because he knows Seteth already knows, and partly bc Yuri has taste)

Seteth encourages Yuri to cherish his crest and the power it brings

So is Yuri the son of an elite or something?

FLAYN & SHEZ B

Flayn thinks Shez looks good because she's dirty and that suites her lol. I love Flayn.

Flayn is wearing perfume. Seteth probably doesn't know lamo.

Flayn talks about how perfumes coming in trend shows that even in dark times, it's not all consuming. Very Flayn of her.

We're going trend shopping. She doesn't get to shop often.

Flayn is straight-up making shit up, lamo. She invented that Shez wanted to shop to raise Shez's spirits, not hers.

It's this more -uh - questionable side of Flayn that keeps her from being a one-note, overly sweet character. I love it.

CATHERINE & SHEZ C

Count Charon asks Catherine for more soldiers, but only Dimitri or Rhea could give that order.

Shez didn't know Catherine's family. She stays vague about it when Shez asks about her past.

Catherine, unsurprisingly, says she'd fight for Rhea if had to choose between her or her family.

Catherine asks why Shez is here. Oh, I can pick too - for friends, money, or to fight Byleth. Def picking friends. I think that suits AG Shez best.

Catherine looks happy with that answer.

Oh, I like that, live in a way that makes your past self proud.

ASHE & FELIX B

Their only support.

Oh, Felix is confronting Ashe about how he's a knight working for Dimitri. Should've known it would be about this.

Ashe defends Felix when he calls Dimitri a boar and tiresome lol.

Ashe says Dimitri does his job for him, omg, Dimitri, stop (but that's he's getting better).

Felix is like - you have to steal your job back from him!!! Use force if you have too - I love this, lamo

Dimitri promoted a lot of commoners to be knights, and there were some minor misunderstandings at first, but now no one cares

Felix asks Ashe if he's a noble or commoner, and Ashe is like kinda both actually, which is true

Awww, Dedue comes to Ashe's aids when he needs it (and Dimitri, but Ashe mentioned Dedue too)

And now Ashe is singing Dedue's praises, and ofc Felix insults Dedue, saying that blind loyalty will get him killed

And omg hahaha, Ashe is like that's sweet Felix, that you care about us, I always knew

I love how almost no one takes Felix's tsun seriously. They're all like "aww, look, he's chewing my old slipper!" energy

Ashe putting Felix in his place round 2, I love this. Ashe and Felix is always gold

Felix is like, it's just because more work for me if something happens to you!

Then he's finally nice, telling Ashe he does a good job

ANNETTE & SYLVAIN B

Their only support

This time it's Sylvain who catches Annette singing. Annette seems relieved rather than embarrassed.

Sylvain thinks her song is creepy (covers that, saying creative) and that only Annette could make it (affectionate - maybe)

Why is Annette always singing about swamp beasties?

Sylvain wants a song about something cute instead, so Annette naturally jumps to huge bears lamo

We need an Annette Bernedetta support about finding creepy stuff cute

Annette doesn't seem upset with criticism

Also, this is the second time Sylvain talks to Annette like a person and doesn't really flirt with her, more like siblings vibes it's cute

Annette's next song is even creepier lamo But Sylvain likes it anyways

DIMITRI/RODRIGUE/SYLVAIN PARALOGUE

This one is easy since all 3 are leveled up. I want to do other ones, but I may wait to save some cash lol.

They're up north, so Sreng? Yep.

So they're preparing for a Sreng raid.

So a hostage that grew up in Faerghus is now leading the raid. And Margrave Gautier treated him well even though he felt bitter about Sreng killing his wife. So Miklain's mother?

And now the Sreng hostage is using Fodlan knowledge against them.

Haha, Sylvain was going off about being lazy forgetting his dad was right there lol.

It's cool seeing papa Gautier and Rodrigue together.

The Sreng commander really came across like a dick. Rubbing in Miklain's death, not caring about all the men he got killed.

So did Claude do this in AG too? Incite Sreng? They guess Cornelia and someone from Adrestia too, which could be the case in AG.

Gautier takes credit for the fall. Sylvain got through to the guy apparently.

Dimitri's just happy they share a language now. He would know how important that is since he learned the language of Duscur.

I'm glad they fight over land. It's way more interesting and realistic than whatever the hell they did with Almyra.

Aww, Sylvain is dedicated to reaching peace with Sreng. Of course his dad is harder edged because they killed his wife.

Sylvain being so bent on peace and diplomacy just makes the people who claim he makes sense in CF make even less sense.

I had Shez believe in Sylvain, because AG!Shez is nice Shez.

Sylvain and Dimitri both hate resorting to violence and using warfare first. Both want to avoid it at all cost. I like the future of these two both being important in Faerghus.

Oh, cool, talk between Rodrigue and Matthais. I love the little stories we get of all of them. They were trouble makers lamo. They snuck out the night of the festivities.

Lambert wanted peace with Sreng and Duscur. Dimitri's half-way there, and he and Sylvain are working on the other half.

Gautier now agrees with Sylvain, Lambert, and Dimitri and a pathway to peace.

Aww, Rodrigue advised that he apologize to Sylvain, and he's going too.

Oh, I got the lance of ruin! Cool. Sylvain has his weapon now.

FINAL BATTLE

Not Dimitri being more understanding of the Empire nobles who''ll follow any leader that promises them more land than Edelgard does him and the other Blue Lions

He's thinking from the other's perspective, how it looks to them, not what it actually is - Claude and Edelgard could never

Shez is like, no need to feel guilty, hell yes

Felix is worried about Dimitri, in his very Felix way, meanwhile Dedue is like "we trust you"

I love so much that the importance of his friends' support is stressed so much more in AG.

Oh, I get Constance and Linhardt this battle. Cool.

Felix got lectured by Rodrigue lamo, he wanted to break ranks to chase after Monica

Lamo, Manuela's defeat quote is that she won't die single. Ngl, glad she just retreated.

It's really something that the Blue Lions show way more sympathy towards their enemy than the other routes do. They're the only ones that feel guilty for "invading." When the others are invading.

Glad they're bringing up that if they don't do this, Adrestia will not stop until Faerghus is destroyed.

Rodrigue has such a nice voice.

Felix got angry with Rodrigue when he said all the blame for invading will fall on Dimitri, but then Rodrigue said it's up to Felix to support him through it. This really is Dimilix the route, lamo.

Felix is like, duh.

Why is Shez talking to Rodrigue while it's late. I'm getting flashbacks. He died last time this happened.

They're both worried about Dimitri. And it's cannon that Dimitri falls asleep at his desk. Sooo much fanart of that lol.

Apparently Lambert did the same. Like father, like son.

Lambert had a shorter temper than Dimitri, but are very similar. Unlike Rodrigue and Felix. I get to disagree with Rodrigue there, so I will. Because I think they're more alike than they both think.

Ok guys, we finally got it. Why Felix is miserable outside of AM. He can't live without a great purpose pushing him forward. And in SS, VW, and CF he finds no great purpose, unlike in AM where working with Dimitri towards his version of the future does work.

When Lambert died, Rodrigue struggled to find another reason for being. So he devoted himself to his promise to Lambert, to make sure he sets his won back on his proper path is he loses his way.

Shez feels like Dimitri's been helping her, but she's helping Dimitri too. Like what Rodrigue is doing.

Rodrigue says he's only Dimitri's retainer, that's so false. But he says Shez is in a unique spot since she's a friend first, then he's her leader. Which makes me happy.

More teasing about Shez's origins.

Rodrigue says though that Shez's background or powers aren't what's important, it's about who Shez is as a person. I love so much how the Blue Lions keep repeating this idea, that it's not Byleth's or Shez's power. It's their worth as a person that matters.

Arval just called Rodrigue a wonderful human being. Based.

xxxx

[lovelyladyabsinthewrites]

Okay okay but SB isn’t a good dad, that’s clear, but I genuenly feel like he’d have a soft spot for his daughter. Hear me out, as in, he wanted a son to raise a strong man, but as he has that mentality from back in the day, yeah he absolutely wouldn’t have a shit idea of how to raise a girl, but like dads back in the day (when he’s sober) he’d see her as his little lady who he doesn’t think should fight because that a man job (I also think that in those rare moments where he’s sober, or at least not so brute, he’d do something like kiss her forehead before leaving a room or like buying her that gas station teddy you mentioned for her Birthday, or even when they go at a Vought event and Stan Edgar makes SB bring his kids along, SB would present her as his little lady or smth like that and even dance with her if he has to open up a dance or smth — all this making his daughter more confused about her feelings towards him and his feelings towards her)

ryan: was it always so bad with grandpa? There must be one good memory you have of him. . .

It does take you a hot second to come up with any such memory from your childhood. You just remember the split lips he'd given you during training, or how he'd leave you and HL home alone sometimes for weeks on end. the occasional stan edgar coming to check on you and make sure your fridge and pantry were fully stocked.

The times when he wasn't a shitty dad were far and few in between. (and also this would explain your daddy issues and why you always fancied men older than you were aka butcher. you weren't that much younger than him but it was funny to tease butcher about how he's prematurely aging)

Those times where Soldier Boy for just a moment seemed to love you. You weren't what he wanted. Not at first. He was satisfied enough with his first born son. But Vought thought a female sibling would balance out Homelander somehow.

He had no idea how to relate with you. You were basically an alien to him.

maybe a little girl was what Soldier Boy needed too. You remember those random kisses to your forehead he would press against your forehead or even the top of your head when he left.

and that gas station teddy bear! it's a raggedy thing after decades of you clinging to it. when Butcher first met your teddy (whom you lovingly named tumbletush) he thought it belonged to your dog.

(also when ryan goes to spend the night at his aunt grace's, he'll shyly ask if he can take your teddy bear, promising he'll take good care of it. you allow him to take your most treasured possession)

you reminisce on the dazzling Vought events that you looked forward to as a little girl. Soldier Boy was so proud to introduce you as either his babygirl or little lady. you can't help but beam the entire night as you and HL follow after him. Everyone oo'ing and aw'ing at SB's legacy.

him having you step on his feet so you could better dance with him or SB just picking you up and twirling you around in his arms so he didn't have to be hunched over.

during the drive back home, HL goes to carry you to the house as you'd fallen asleep. SB cuts in and carries you in instead. Your head heavy on his chest.

i feel like talking about your childhood also gives ryan an insight to the mind of HL too and an explanation to why he's a fucking nightmare 😂

[hugheses]

3-23-17: 15 year old Jack Hughes is interviewed by Sherry Bassin and Jesse Pollock, starting at 48 minutes

Transcript below cut (includes an earlier snippet with Mike Traikos)

JP: Mike, there's another young player in Toronto that you've had the opportunity to study, and he goes by the name of Jack Hughes. I was wondering if you could give some input on him as a player and what to expect from him in the future. 

SB: Michael wrote an article on him. 

MT: Yeah, it's funny. We're talking about young guys, and here's the next wave of the future. Jack Hughes is still two..? years away from getting drafted in the NHL. I think he's 20, I want to say, I think he's 2019 or 2020 draft eligible. So we're talking about real young. But it's funny, when I was coming up with who might be the next Team North America four years later, I had Jack Hughes on the list, and that's how special of a talent this kid is. He's small. He's basically a Johnny Gaudreau or Mitch Marner. But, man, oh, man, he has skill. Skates very much like Connor does, really nifty kind of like Mitch and Johnny in terms of doesn't get hit a whole lot and just puts up just gobs and gobs of points so, he's a name that I think a lot of people are going to be familiar with and you know what, I think what we're seeing now with Connor I remember talking with Jack about this, was his style of play is really kind of catching on at the younger levels like, you watch Connor and nothing is in half speed it seems like he's got the puck and he's just trying to go go go and it's very rare that you see a player who's able to stick handle and carry the puck with the kind of speed and the amount of pace that Connor plays with. And yet all the young guys are now playing that way. So it's having a real trickle-down effect. And I think if you think the league is fast now, just wait until these young guys come into the league, like we mentioned Jack Hughes. And there's so many others that are kind of watching Connor McDavid play, and they're saying, okay, basically that's the kind of style I want to play. I want to have the puck, and I want to play with pace, and I want to just keep pushing it, pushing it, pushing it. And I kind of shudder to think what the league is going to look like in five years when all these speed-throughs are in the game, and they're just whipping around the ice a million miles an hour. 

SB: Oh, like if you can't skate in a few years from now, you're going to get windburn. You're going to need Nuxema to put on your neck because they go by you. But the real thing about Jack Hughes is, just like we said about Matthews being a special person, like a top character guy, just like we said about Sheifele and McDavid, like, exudes character. It comes out his fingernails. This guy's a high-character kid. I know the environment. I knew his mother before his father met her and stuff and know what they're all about. But I've often said all the time, you know what I mean? When you put character and ability together, you get a superstar like Matthews and McDavid and these guys. 

JP: Sid. 

SB: And that's in the- Sid. 

MT: And just for a little background for anyone who doesn't know, Jack Hughes, obviously his father, was a longtime player development coach at the Leafs. And say what you will about how he developed players, but this guy definitely knows the approach to take with his sons and his eldest son, Quinn, is in the National Development Program. I believe he's committed to Michigan University. 

SB: Yeah, and he's a heck of a player, like a phenomenal player. 

MT: Should be a top 10 pick, no question, in 2018. So, yeah, get used to seeing there, hearing about the Hughes kids. 

SB: And the younger brother. The younger brother, Luke, is, oh, yeah. These guys, he can go around you, the younger brother, Luke, but he'll go over top you, too. And first of all, their mother was a phenomenal athlete, okay, and high-character people. And so the brother that's with the national development program, he's the best defenseman on that team by far and I think, I think he's he's a candidate to be the best player on that team so you know these guys have come up in an environment like you said I tried to hire his dad as a coach one time and uh, because he is a very good teacher and stuff like that so as you pointed out that uh it's going to be coming in the future. This isn't the end of the great players. 

MT: There's an interesting thing about the brother too, Sherry, I'm sorry to cut you off, but Quinn is not a tall fellow by any stretch of the imagination. He might be the Johnny Gaudreau of defensemen where we see Quinn kind of break through in the NHL as a small, skilled defenseman. And I don't think we've really seen that yet. We've seen maybe a couple players here and there, like maybe Ryan Ellis, guys of that nature, but not to the skill level that Quinn Hughes has. So it will be interesting to see where he gets chosen in the NHL and what his path looks like because he could actually end up becoming maybe the first really high-end skilled, really small defenseman. And if he's able to have success in the NHL, I think that opens a lot of doors for a lot of smaller skilled players that maybe are afraid to play defense because it's always thought of as you have to have a bit of size to play the position. 

SB: Well, when I see Ellis playing, who I have a lot of respect for, I remember when he played for the Windsor Spitfires, Quinn Hughes is highly, highly skilled, very unselfish, great vision, just like we're talking about Jack. Okay. So, I mean, it's in the family. It's in the DNA and good upbringing. So we shouldn't be worried about these 10 young guns you're talking about because pretty soon you'll be writing about the next 10 young guns. 

————

JP: …Hearing him talk about the Hughes kids just excited me. I don't know about you but it just really made me think, how do you develop talent like this? How do you have three kids who could go on to become potential top 10 NHL draft picks? It's incredible. And our next guest, Sherry, Jack Hughes, is going to be able to tell us a bit about that. 

SB: Great young kid too. Great young kid. 

JP: Alright, we are now pleased to welcome Jack Hughes to the show. Jack, thanks for coming in. 

SB: Jack. 

JH: Hey, Sherry. 

SB: How are you doing, Jack? First of all, I wanted to tell you that we're really excited. Thank you for coming on here. I love interviewing highly talented young people that have high character, and I've known you since you were knee high to a grasshopper. 

JH: Haha.

SB: So I'm excited because I really believe in my heart, I'm not trying to be patronizing. You're the best player available in this whole province or whatever available for the OHL draft. I don't want to demean whoever got player of the year. He must be a heck of a player because I know how good you are, and I know what kind of person you are. So I want to thank you for coming on. 

JH: Yeah, thanks for having me. 

SB: No, no kidding here. So now listen, I'm going to tell something and then I've got to hear from you. Because good players and scoring. Stevie Sullivan came to, played 18 years in the NHL. I've got to tell you this quick story. And he was a free agent, and he wasn't very big. He could skate like you can skate, and he played 18 years. And we had four scrimmages in training camp, and he got 19 points in our training camp at Sault Ste. Marie. So right away, I said to my assistant manager, get him up there and we give him a full scholarship for education and stuff like that. And he was sitting between his parents and I said to him, how many points do you have in these scrimmages? He says, I don't know. I said, you're a liar. Called him a liar right to his face. And he looked at me and the parents had never met me He said I've never known a guy that got a lot of points That didn't know how many points I said how many points you got. He said around 18. I said you're damn right you got 19. Now how many points you got this year?

JH: I think I had around 170.

SB: 170. In how many games?

JH: 75, 80…

SB: 75, 80. How's your math, Minion? How is your math here? 

JP: My math isn't good, but I know that that's pretty impressive. 

SB: That's more than impressive. Now tell me something. First of all, I know your family really well. I know the upbringing. I know what it's all about. And, you know, I think your brother, Quinn, who I know very well too, and I think he's the best, for sure, the best defenseman on the U.S. team, if not the best player. I know your brother, Luke, who I think is going to be one of the best. He might even be better than you two guys when it comes to it. Now tell me about all this. When you're as talented as you are, the high character that you have, the environment that you were brought up in, tell me about this when everybody's saying you're going to be the first pick and you're the best player. How do you deal with it day to day and people talking to you? 

JH: I mean, really, I'm just trying to enjoy it. I mean, it only happens once, right? I only go through the OHL draft once. I'm just trying to enjoy it with my friends, my family. Just taking it lightly, I’m never- I’m not the cock- I'm not being cocky or anything, like shooting my mouth off. Really just like, just trying to have fun with it I guess. And not taking any pressure.

SB: Well good for you. First of all you're never going to be cocky with it. You're humble, and you've stayed at my house and everything, and I know what you are. And I think one of the biggest reasons you're a star and going to be a superstar is because of your character and because of your upbringing. So I'm not surprised, but you've got to be thinking about it, and good that you're having fun because that's what life's about. I used to tell my players all the time, winning is fun. Let's go have some fun. 

JP: Jack, your dad, Jim, was the director of player development for the Toronto Maple Leafs. And I just want to hear from you what role that helped in developing you and your brothers as hockey players and the type of training and the programs that he puts you in as kids because it's quite incredible to see. We mentioned earlier on the show that three brothers could all potentially be top 10 NHL picks one day. It's incredible to think about, and it's no coincidence. 

JH: Yeah, for sure. I mean, like, the mental things he would tell us tell us like, the things he would be telling the 19, 20 year old Maple Leafs prospects he'd be telling the same things to us when we were 10, 11, 12, 13, like just he made us think like a pro I guess and just the way we train we did so methodically like everything we did, hard work. He and my mother taught me so much. Everything I know is from them. The things they did with us, shooting in the basement, taking us to outdoor hockey. They've done so much for us, both mentally and physically. They've made us better people and better players. 

SB: Well, first of all, your mother was a heck of an athlete. Let's not forget that. And I knew your grandparents very well, and your grandmother is still alive, and your grandfather died prematurely from cancer, which just makes me, it hurts just when I talk about it. But I can tell you this, that that kind of an an environment- I tried to hire your dad as a coach one time

JH: Haha

SB: He told me to suck eggs there and so forth and so forth but anyway he did, so I know the family and stuff and tell us about this, when you're so committed like you are, because I always believe motivation is how bad you believe in something times how bad you want to attain it. I know how bad you believe in it. I know how you live it. I know how bad you want to attain it. So what is your typical week during hockey season? How often are you on the ice? 

JH: Yeah, for sure. I mean, I think we practice with practice with the Marlies, we practice three times a week, um some weeks we played once a week some weeks we played four times a week and then like as much as I can I try to get in the gym try to get stronger maybe once or twice a week and maybe do a little bit of extra skills with like groups called like, prep um pro edge power [he means Power Edge Pro] like I think that's McDavid's group. I mean we practice four times a week then spend two games so we're probably on the ice six out of seven days a week and then O mean just the fun aspects of it like when it comes to winter time, I mean me and my friends are always going to the outdoor rink and just playing four hours of shinny whenever we can. I mean, we just, I think we just live it. I mean, I love it. It's not work to me. It's all fun, right? So, I mean, I can never get enough of it. 

SB: Yeah, I mean, the thing about it is you love it by conduct, going to outdoor rinks. I mean, I grew up on outdoor rinks, and I'm a little bit – I'm a couple years older than you. But the thing is this, is that that's just an example, and you couldn't get enough of it. Like you say, you'd be there four hours, and if the ice was still there, you'd have stayed longer. 

JH: Mhm.

SB; That's your feeling for it, and that's why you're this good, and I'm excited to be able to tell people about it.

JP:  Jack you mentioned earlier that your parents really helped you develop into a good hockey player but also a good person and that's something that Sherry emphasizes just as much as anything really the importance of that and uh I think that's really great that you mentioned that. I want to ask you something in regards to the OHL. I know that you applied for exceptional status and ultimately it was denied. So I was wondering if you can talk about that experience and how maybe that will help you going forward or if it sparked anything in you.

JH: Yeah, for sure. I mean, that was such a great experience going through that process like all the interviews meeting people I did. I mean, it just made me mature so much faster I think, and I mean it was just great for me to grow up that fast I think, I know like, it wasn't really publicized or anything like that, but behind the scenes it was really good for me. Um, I think it was a blessing that I didn't get it because I mean it helped me like, it allowed myself to stay at home another year and have one more year of minor midget where I could really excel. So I think, I think that process was really good for me, like meeting the people I did, and just hearing things about the league. And I learned a lot of new things about myself as well, I think. 

SB: Well, Jack, there's no question. I mean, you've seen it. I've known it for years. I mean, what people, when they watch you, never mind your just ability, never mind his skill, Minion. He's a phenomenal team player, phenomenal team player, got great vision. If if you're open you're going to get the puck and and it's sometimes it's frustrating because when you're that- got that much ability that he does, he never shows any negativity on the ice you know, which I really respect in this guy and sometimes when you're that skilled and you give the puck and you're not getting it back, you know what I mean? He never showed any negative emotion. And so this guy's destined for big things, like big, big things. And listen, I can't thank you enough. I mean, you just, you know, just by listening to you, we know the character. We know the environment you're a product of. You know that I love your parents and love your family. But besides that, it's because of the people you are, never mind the fact that you happen to be a good hockey player. So all I know is that big things are destined for you, and I really want to thank you a lot for coming on. 

JH: Yeah, thank you, Sherry. 

SB: Good to talk to you. Keep punching. 

JP: Thanks, Jack. Good luck. 

JH: Thank you, yeah. 

JP: What a mature, young individual, Sherry. 

SB: It's hard to believe that he's only 15 going on 16, isn't it? I have said over and over with you and all the time we've got to visit since you were a little guy, okay, all the time, that the average 16 year old to 19 year old that plays in the OHL or plays in the- is a way more mature than the average 16 year old that you run to in the street because of all the decisions all the things that he had to do I mean think about what he talked about his commitment: four hours on an outdoor rink playing with his buddies. And it wasn't work. It was fun. Going to the gym regularly. Think about being the right kind of person in the environment that he's a product of. His mom and dad, I mean, who I know very, very well. You know, with the direction. And it's frustrating when you're that talented, when you're playing with players that they know they're trying their best, but when you're above their ability, so to speak, and that's not meant with disrespect to the players because they're not all born equal as hockey players, don't all have the same commitment, and you're playing with them and you don't get the puck back or you do certain things and not let it bother you because inside it's got to bother you because you think if I just got this i'm watching a game one time where he goes in tick-tack-toe how's your mama on the defenseman goes right by the guy makes a phenomenal shot scores a goal called back as a guy three zones away got a penalty and so all those 170 some points he talked about weren't one of the points and so, but he never showed that frustration, never showed frustration. Because he didn't get player of the year, whatever it is. And I'm sure this kid is a heck of a player. I'm not trying to demean anyone. But inside, when you got that competitive spirit, and especially- the guy that got it, he's a super superstar then. Because this guy's a superstar. And it was even hard for me to accept because I knew him so well but I don't want to demean the other guy I didn't see him enough and-

JP: And it's a humbling experience, one day he's going to look back at it and maybe he'll say this was the best thing that happened to me as a teenager.

SB: Yeah what you just said when you asked that question about exceptional player. 

[dresden-syndrome]

Whumpers of the state:

1) How did you acquire your whumpee? How hard it was?

14) Your favorite torture method?

Whumpees (class IV):

8) How would you describe your whumper?

36) What does your whumper usually force you to do? Which of these things do you hate the most?

1) How did you acquire your whumpee? How hard it was?

14) Your favorite torture method?

" There's nothing complex in getting a class 4 traitor for personal use. If your position is high enough and you want to take a more... personal approach to breaking the enemy, you choose a subject, file a request and he's yours; he will be stated in the list of your State-supplied personal belongings along with your home, car and radio. And unlike a house or a radio, the State grants you the right to use him however you want. Those traitor boys can be obtained either at a facility using class 4 subjects or a class 4 detention unit - in that case you'll need to wait before the detention time ends. I've picked mine at detention; I needed exactly him so the wait was worth it." "Favorite method of torture? First, I appreciate your language, comrade. You don't seem like one of those humanists pitying the most vicious enemies of our socialist order; those have no place in State Security. Their barbaric actions are a torture to our peace and prosperity, torture is what they rightfully deserve. Ever since the old days of firing squads and bourgeoise vermin left from the past and battles for West Berlin, I've done my help at bringing the counter-revolution to my knees. One of my favorite ways was exactly that: bringing to their knees. Then lay them down and press my boot over their head. Step at them. Make them kiss it. They need to know for sure who's in power. They need to know their place." "Now I don't interrogate at our detention prison that much; I have my own pathetic traitor boy struggling to learn who he belongs to. Same method with him. He knows how our new military boots feel like, even when he acts like he doesn't. Wait there, comrade. I can bring him for you to see." -Erhardt Wilhelm Günther, Minister of State Security 28/X-1963.

8) How would you describe your whumper?

36) What does your whumper usually force you to do? Which of these things do you hate the most?

"Scumbag. War criminal scumbag. Look, if anyone, except our allies, saw what he's doing it's gonna be a new war crime trial for all Europe to see. Can't wait for that. Can't wait for that sicko tyrant in cuffs for crimes against humanity, like they did in Nuremberg back when I was in my momma's stroller. This fucking country needs it again, really. Look what he's done to me. It's so... I'm sick of it. Look at that dog collar, look at that fucking branding tag like on a cow... I'm trapped with him and everyone's fucking glad he's torturing me here. Honestly for now it's the worst, he's the worst..." "You know what he forces me to do? Ok, ok, I know I'm a piece of garbage, I'm helping those sadists and making them happier when I should fight for our people to be independent and make them free... No? Just because I'm forced to? You're kidding me. They wouldn't have anyone to fall on his knees and sitting on anyone's lap at parties if I wasn't there. Can I not tell what's the worst they've been doing to me please? Just beat me up for being a fucking collaborator if you want. Next time that sicko demands something - whatever, lay under the table, get on the knees, sit still when he pets and kisses me, wear those disgusting kiddie pants, talk in German, read "The State and Revolution" or something - I won't do that, I'll run, I'll bite if anyone touches me. It won't end well, I'll have to do that. But I need to try again. Maybe I'm a collaborator but not the easy one to break." -Class 4 subject SB-7067 (Radím Štušek) 28/X-1963.

[daz4i]

please please please share dazai fear analysis 🤲

hehe well i'm not gonna get too in depth (mostly bc my brain isn't at 100% atm) but a short version bc i don't wanna leave you hanging,

i'm basing this on no longer human and yozo, like most of my dazai analysis hehe. in nlh he talks often about how painfully afraid he is of p much everything, because he doesn't understand people, and he doesn't want to get caught if he does anything wrong, too afraid to say no because he doesn't know how the other person will react, etc

i think. if you apply this reading to bsd dazai, a lot of his behavior makes sense, as well as adds depth to him and his more questionable actions

a p obvious example: the whole meursault arc, i think he is genuinely afraid to die, because he knows if he does then fyodor will come out on top and hurt his loved ones, destroy the whole world even. clearly, he is afraid of losing the people dear to him (but that's a very normal reaction lbr lol)

a general example: his constant acting like everything is fine to hide his real emotions - which, during his early mafia days, took form in looking blank and emotionless - can be a fear response of not knowing how other people will react to his true feelings, either due to past trauma where his emotions were dismissed or he got hurt for expressing them, or imo, more likely, due to a lack of understanding other people and not quite knowing what'll tick them off

(which might sound silly, bc he purposely ticks people off and looks to annoy people. but, this is a way to have control over the situation. that if the other person gets mad at him, he clearly knows why, he knows what he did to cause this, so this is like a precautionary measure to make sure he's not caught off guard. his fear isn't quite of their anger, or even getting hurt by their anger, but rather a lack of control or understanding of the situation)

a possibly controversial example: the way he acted with akutagawa during the dark era. i think, if you look at his actions as "basically a kid who is afraid to see this kid he found get hurt in combat, so he tries to make him stronger no matter what, and in the meantime is afraid to get attached in case the other kid does die so he tries to distance himself from him emotionally" it ofc doesn't excuse his actions, but imo, makes them. a bit more understandable, in a way. at least enough to somewhat empathize with him more

[this might be a slight side tangent but i have this hc i firmly believe in, that dazai caused ryuu's lung disease by injuring him somehow (given how he doesn't have it in the beast universe), and one of the reasons he's more gentle with atsushi is because he's afraid to hurt him too. not the main reason, but i do think it may add some depth here]

i do think he eased up after being in the ada for awhile - life became mostly predictable, nothing he couldn't handle - but. things changed, and now he's on edge again (turning you to story's lovely analysis that i keep referencing in a lot of my own dazai analysis bc it's so so good). fyodor coming back into his life certainly didn't help, either

now. since i can't not bring up his relationship with chuuya. i do think he has an easier time trusting chuuya because he knows he can handle himself. he doesn't feel the need to control him - always leaving him a choice in their plans - because he's not afraid of what could happen to him, he knows chuuya will be fine. also, their relationship started in such an awful way he doesn't need to hide his emotions around him :P this is why i think he has an easier time being with chuuya really, he's a momentary break from being in constant fear. this might also be why he's so obnoxious when chuuya's around lmao (idk how much of this is actual analysis rather than "if you read them this way it adds a nice depth" so feel free to take this part with a grain of salt, i will always be the first to admit i'm not the best at reading skk hehe)

and while i didn't finish sb yet he does seem to be. really afraid in a lot of the scenes he's in, from what i read so far askjdfg bc now chuuya is in real danger! in a way he can't predict! this hasn't happened yet! (but i could ofc bc very wrong abt that lol)

(also i gotta say. i think this is what odasaku was for him too - ofc in addition to other things - bc he knows odasaku wouldn't hurt him or react in a bad way even if he did anything outrageous. and that's in part what made his rejection in beast so devastating for him, bc it shakes up one of the only safe things in his life)

i'd say, dazai's fear isn't paralyzing, at least not for more than a second a time. it makes him active, makes him overthink, over-analyze, over-prepare. and at the same time, he does it mostly from behind the scenes, through nudging and subtle encouragements, because he may possibly fear that if he went at it with full force, the people he already got attached to will reject him (bc at his core, i think he doesn't want to be alone, but that's a topic for another time). but more importantly - that he will become like fyodor, or like mori, who see people as disposable if it helps them further their goals

^now this is more of his current self, at least. i'd argue mafia!dazai's fears were different, more of a direct fear from people and how they might hurt him, so it's best for him to go along with what they say. and, a fear of a lack of meaning. he does constantly look for a reason to live, and that may come from a fear that his existence is truly meaningless (and while for most people this fear may express itself as fearing death as well, in dazai's case it's his suicidal tendencies. kind of like proving his fear is real, the way a kid might look at the monster they think is scary to convince themselves it can't hurt them. he will die and prove his existence WAS meaningless, but that idea can't actually hurt him at the end of the day if he chooses it. idk if this analogy makes sense to anyone but me tho lmao sorry)

i. don't know how clear this is. i may have lost the plot there at some point. again let me clarify this is obviously not a "this is how dazai is and any other reading is wrong" but more like "if you apply this reading it changes the context of his characters and explains his behavior and how i personally see him". also a lot of projection 👍 ajsdfghj feel free to see it as just a thought experiment if it doesn't quite fit your perception of him :)!

[maybevillage]

what are your thoughts on the stormblood characters. did you like fordola at all

i wanted to organise my thoughts (oxymoron) on the sb chars actually so this is a good opportunity to start. none of my thoughts are positive though bc i think sb's writing is really bad so when i probably start to sound aggro during this while remembering this expansion i'm sorry.... i try not to be mean when criticising things but i have very little respect for stormblood. also this is about to be extremely long like im not kidding but i figure ppl expect that by now? i hope

i can't really talk abt the stormblood chars without mentioning how much this expansion worships whiteness. and thats even after playing heavensward????? with all of the stuffy white (though beloved) elves who love their white elf history??? fantasy rpgs in general ig. and from square enix. idk why i was so shocked by sb... its a fantasy rpg from square enix....that was truly my bad...................

but fordola isn't who bothers me the most anymore at least. while i was playing sb she used to be the worst sb character to me bc i just thought she was silly and hard to take seriously. initially i was just uninterested in her personality solely being a traitorous attack dog for the empire. that's not to say i don't think sellouts are interesting--i actually think characters like that are very interesting, hence why yotsuyu is one of the more interesting chars (but not by much). it's more that i dont think a single stormblood character was doing anything interesting enough for me to really appreciate, or if they were, it went nowhere or was so poorly developed that any new thing i learned about a character felt random. i feel like anything that could have been interesting in sb was squandered constantly. a lot of them had the potential to be interesting, but were instead so bizarrely flat and almost kind of cliche that i genuinely struggle to put it into words how sb managed to achieve this. possibly bc the story was so preoccupied with repeatedly driving home the same uncomplicated ideas about war and oppression (this would require a separate post) that any sort of actual personality was more or less lost? maybe because it didn't really have a foundation it was working from to keep itself focused? i feel like a lot of time would pass with the characters making the same realisations over and over again (we have to defeat zenos...!) and then when it came time for actual developments it had to rush, thus the feeling of being random. of course, unless, the character was from othard, which the game obviously gave more of a fuck about developing as a location.

like i think fordola's really serious and unwavering personality, the fact that she would do literally ANYTHING to accomplish whatever it is she wanted, could be interesting. if there wasn't so little else going on with her. and also that unlike her fellow ala mhigans she's white. i can't stress how ridiculous it was to watch her or lyse be presented as so important/be the more relevant ala mhigans and everyone else is brown and they're just white. but it wasn't only that she was white. there was just nothing else really going on with her whenever you saw her that provided any kind of intrigue or texture to her scenes. nothing about her character ever changed. until they reveal her motivations for joining the imperials (????)

ok anyone can correct me if i'm wrong, but her goal is to free the ala mhigans from the imperials.....?????? like i'm 100% sure that's what she said. but how does upwards mobility in an imperial nation that relishes in using the word "savage" to describe your people seem even remotely like how that's going to happen? i actually could not fathom for a long while that was what she had said. like i fail to find another way to describe this aside from idiotic, and i often try not to consider things in those terms, but i really don't know how else to describe this. like. this is what i mean when i say the backstory for the characters feels so poorly constructed it genuinely feels random. nothing about her behaviour to me suggested she gave a fuck about ala mhigo. it didn't turn out to be some grand farce when she had her skulls or whoever stomping on the brown guy who they collect dues from in the middle of the road the first time she was introduced. so i just have no idea why that's what her goals are or how i'm meant to believe that's what she wants. i have no idea why she would care about ala mhigo except that her father does or something? but that explained so little to me bc it was lazily done and she definitely does not demonstrate any resolve re that memory except for the one time you see it so okay

similarly, nothing suggests to me that she's deluded enough to believe this path she's on will lead to freedom, either. she didn't seem unaware of the cruelty of the imperials. she's actually meant to seem very capable and smart considering she's established her own unit amongst the other garleans and ends up getting the apparently desirable prize of being zenos' little pogchamp but then what???? why does she think that zenos will give her what she wants?? i literally do not understand what her angle is supposed to beeeee

so i considered the angle that what she said is actually not what we're meant to believe and we're actually meant to extract from the story that she's on a revenge quest for her father against the ala mhigans, and the best way to enact that would be to join the side that's oppressing them. except how she's expressed her motives and how the game makes it clear shes carrying on her father's beliefs for a better ala mhigo doesn't really imply that this is out of revenge either? also she'd be doing the exact same thing yotsuyu is doing, which could be possible bc this expansion can't write. but i just don't think that's it. i think if she truly believes that's what will help ala mhigo like her father did i don't care about it being wrong or right and whether she learns that won't work... but then it just seems so silly.......like girl there is literally no way..................... i am stumped trying to think of what this was supposed to mean or what insights her character could possibly be providing aside from the extremely banal "everyone deserves forgiveness" argument stories about colonialism are OBSESSED with trying to make. hmm i wonder why that is, square enix japan? why cant you properly research colonialism? why is media so obsessed with sympathising with colonisers and pretending its even remotely original to keep saying "if we kill this imperialist...we're just as bad as the people who have been systematically oppressing us for decades...." well...!!

im ngl i actually forgot about fordola until u brought her up bc post-sb really seemed to be gearing her up for the aforementioned redemption arc. but then i forgot how much ala mhigo gets pushed aside to put the spotlight back on doma. bc after she helps you fight sri lakshmi (another character who they just had to make white btw despite the vira/qalyana being brown bedlah babe snake women. they worship a white god. whatever i hate my life) she just vanishes. i thought that was maybe the most interesting thing they did with her character even despite my hatred for lazy redemption arcs for colonialists and cheap backstories about dead parents, bc i liked that she wasn't forgiven and that she herself didn't seem to know what was in store for her own life anymore, but stubbornly chose to help everyone fight and was still really driven despite all her L's. and then you just never see her again. as far as i can tell anyways, and i do not want to know actually bc im still in shadowbringers.

in a parallel world where stormblood is well-written i see myself liking fordola a lot. but this is not that world and i can't keep spending my time imagining a world where sb could be good. like... she just lacked a foundation that really made any of her actions make sense to me. was i meant to feel bad her dad got stoned for selling out to garlemald? i'm not being sarcastic i genuinely dont know if thats what the game wanted. i assume it is bc this entire expansion reeks of endless humanisation for white characters, but ive said the writing is so bad as to leave me genuinely confused abt its purpose many times already.

anyways the absolute worst waste of a char to me is zenos. i haven't had such a hard time taking a character seriously in a long time, and asahi gets introduced shortly after so competition was definitely fierce. i think part of it was that he was one of the few chars id seen fanart of b4 i got to him in the game which gave me the impression he was going to be insightful or something, so maybe i had given myself expectations. but ultimately i was left with maybe the most simplistic main villain this game has produced thus far. which is a shame, bc like fordola there's aspects of his char that i found really interesting, only for them to be routinely squandered with each new cutscene. initially i thought his disinterested, calmer demeanour was interesting in comparison to the other imperial chars, like gaius, who had a lot of thoughts about/passion for what he was doing. i like characters who feel a sort of existential boredom...like a real dead inside char who discovers a sort of esoteric way to live or regains meaning thru someone else--i love that trope! wanting to forever be locked in a cycle of violence with wol. sure. why not! i like that sort of thing! i was even willing to ignore the blonde hair and blue eyes (i wasn't) like i've done this before as someone who used to devote a lot of time to dimitri fe3h. this is not new to me.

but the thing is the moment zenos started talking about the thrill of the hunt i felt something in me wither and die. that trope is not interesting! i will never find it interesting!!!!!!!! if you do i'm happy for you but not me. his nihilism could have been interesting if it wasn't manifesting itself thru the subjugation of the fantasy brown people this game invented just to subjugate like...can we be serious. even just the scale of that was so beyond moronic to me. i had such a hard time suspending my disbelief whenever he opened his mouth... that i was supposed to care about this prince who was deathly bored of it all but somehow still gave a fuck about maintaining the occupation and fetishising the struggle? it was so hard to reconcile any of what he said with his actual apparent years of behaviour. like okay, i already know whiteness is synonymous with violence and ppl are unwilling to take that seriously, but seeing that realised in the sheer scale of colonial violence zenos apparently engages in and then for him to turn around and be like grr i'm gripped by such potent ennui and this is really deep. what about this was supposed to be complex or interesting or well-thought out. i genuinely have no clue

what made it even funnier (worse) to me was that before i got to stormblood i was back at home watching my dad play two separate video games where the main villain was a white guy with the exact same motivations: everything else in life now bored them except for this very specific (and not socially constructed at all apparently!) thrill of hunting real people/framing life as some social darwinist thought experiment that definitely has to be true bc look at how many ppl ive killed and conquered? what's left for me in this life now that i'm at the very top of the very real and not invented and not racist social pyramid.........? but it's not just a me thing humans are just like violent and actually love killingand i am very smart <- like how is this not just a blatantly normalised concept in life in general. nothing about zenos having this outlook reads as crazy or interesting to me, it actually just feels monumentally simple. he was just reading from the coloniser textbook. my sis actually told me while we were talking about the game that there's a book called "the most dangerous game" where i'm assuming this trope as it exists in media probably stems from, if not just the like usual racism/unfortunate fascination with imperialism over and over and over and over again. i just...that his thoughts on the consequences of his actions, the sheer amount of conquest he's engaged in, are largely due to some fatalistic boredom that comes from just being way too strong and too powerful and elevated above the savages. like okay dude.

i think if they had just removed that shit (except idk if thats possible the colonialism is so entrenched in this expansion bc ff couldnt conceive a non-white race without oppressing them) then his character would have been a lot better......maybe..? idk all that shit he says to you before he goes shinryu mode about violence or his being self-serving wouldn't have been original but at least it'd have been a lot easier to believe as his ideology without this nonsensical pile of bodies behind it that i literally could not take seriously. his final monologue was hard to sit through bc it all felt so random. my sis also pointed out that he doesn't feel relevant to the story, especially ala mhigo's story, at all, and i genuinely agree. i feel like they must have had a lot of ideas for him separately and then shoved him into this expansion because they needed a strong villain or something to keep their already thin plot running. with other villains you can see where they get their ideas from or why they're doing what they do and how their actions might progress the story. gaius for eg is a char i find really interesting bc i thought his opinions on primals in arr which is about primals was really interesting, and his conceptions of an ideal empire as well. like he actually has a leg to stand on and compelling things to say. nidhogg is also a good enemy to me, and i dont care so much for thordan but i still think he had interestingly selfish motivations and contributed ideas to the story. maybe that's because hvw didn't wallow so much in a simplistic good vs. evil like stormblood did...like hvw isnt just war its revising centuries of propagandized history and learning to change your own beliefs and going thru a lot of interesting discomfort (to put it mildly). stormblood i thought tried to be complicated at times when for eg meffrid (one of the only chars i liked in sb btw) would occasionally argue with lyse on what's "right" for occupied ppl to be doing during their occupation, like how a lot of ala mhigans wanted to keep their head down. you can see where that idea gets used throughout sb like in namia, but it never actually gets complicated into something worth thinking about bc again the chars are constantly reachign the same realisations over and over by the end (we have to kill zenos...! ANDTHEN THEY DONT EVEN FUCKIGN KILLGHI). like the ideas don't go anywhere, which might be for the best bc in my perfect world this game would not be writing about any of this. and now meffrid is dead bc ff doesn't give af about the ala mhigans or developing their thoughts/beliefs beyond the occasional potentially interesting idea on the map dialogue. atp i just feel blessed zenos doesn't have a backstory so that his personality isn't the result of some lazily done traumatic event. well i say that but the game couldn't even keep him dead so fuck my life. who knows what's in store for me. plz dont tell me.

all the thoughts i have are negative i'm so sorry but the chars i actually liked like gosetsu just get ruined by the time post-sb gets its evil evil hands on them so this expansion is genuinely just dead to me. i used to like gosetsu a lot, and i thought the shame he carried with him for abandoning hien a long time ago was a fun addition to his character. one of my favourite tropes is when a character just wants to die...like they feel like they've emotionally exhausted themselves and don't know what to do with the end of their life. i find that kind of thing really poignant. and i'm pretty satisfied w how they wrapped up his arc, actually, with him deciding to go on a sort of pilgrimage. it was just how they got there i absolutely hated.

it just keeps going back to an inability to write. for eg, if what they wanted was to complicate gosetsu's character by demonstrating how someone extremely self-sacrificial and devoted to his country's cause could actually really want to indulge in something, they choose to do it by having him play an uncomfortable game of house with someone who's murdered an innumerable amount of their country's people. but its okay bc instead of giving that idea any meaningful thought, here's a throwaway line about how he had a granddaughter so it makes sense he's doing this, also we're going to age regress the coloniser so its okay she's basically a child now which isn't a total slap in the face for everyone involved including the player, and then we're going to play these scenes for laughs and everyone is totally fine with it and it's not lazy writing at all.

asahi too i thought was an example of just poor writing, bc why is a single almost zero-context scene of zenos saving him supposed to do anything to explain his behaviour. does that not just seem lazy? he doesn't like zenos for any other reason...? we don't see asahi's thoughts on zenos except for this one cut scene where the chars could be replaced with how meaningless it is and then from then on his suddenly passionate behaviour is just supposed to be engaging...? i personally thought he was a lot more interesting when he seemed to genuinely believe in the bullshit he was saying about the empire being gracious and forgiving and rubbing his hands obsequiously at wol and being overly flattering and just a sort of greasy spoiled bastard. but then of course this totally obvious reveal happens and he's just some "crazy" guy who just wants to be his coloniser's lapdog bc he's sooooooo strong. fascinating. post-sb felt like a bad tv drama. its like the ideas in somewhat isolation are alright but they just stopped caring

tbf to asahi i did like his moments with yotsuyu. if they weren't so steeped in like....the weirdest plot points ever (random-ass yandere behaviour and yotsuyu behaving like a child) i would have been a lot more invested in the punishment they enacted on their parents for grooming one to be an imperial officer and the other being sold off. yotsuyu's backstory is still kind of typical but i thought she was like. interesting enough. she was ok. i could believe in/enjoy their callousness a lot more readily than a certain other character ive already said too much about. i think their truly awful sibling relationship had potential. dare i repeat myself about what happens to potential in this expansion

i wish i had more to say about hien and yugiri and lyse but they kind of just...idk. they just feel kind of shallow......... i don't think they really get developed much, i mean i definitely have things to say but there's just nothing really there that inspires me to do so and this post is already way too long. maybe when i finally write like an essay on how mjuch i dont respect stormblood. i like yugiri though. her hometown is very cool but she just gets relegated to "dutiful ninja" that they use when something needs to be done that wol isnt going to do, and they don't go into much detail about what really pushed her to leave or how exactly she felt, they just kind of have her parents tell you thats what she did. i liked the part though where she was like WE NEED TO KILL ZENOS RN bc it suddenly seemed out of character almost but then well where did that go...ok. hien just feels genuinely evil to me like his vibes are so off and i could not tell you why but he's kind of just there to move the plot forward so i really don't have much to say about him. and talking about lyse would just make this post even longer and more hateful. i used to really like her too.

time for something positive...? i really liked the azim steppe when it wasn't being so randomly misogynistic. that was where i was most interested in what was going on bc it had less to do with the war, but then you bring the war to them so...*screaming*. like it's a shame to me that the xaela are still framed by a focus on war, but the dotharl's concept of rebirth and the other practices the different groups had were maybe the most interesting things to me in the entire expansion. also how gosetsu had that moment with one of the dotharl warriors who died without it being some weirdly ignorant clash of beliefs. i liked that part a lot. sadu and magnai and cirina arent developed enough for me to have much of worth to say about them rn bc like yugiri and hien they kind of just become channels for the story, but at least they have a lot of personality and there's a lot to work with. also its 2am. i'm hoping to have more ideas re the xaela when i get around to doing the sidequests in that area, which i think will help me round out their characters more. i called cirina having a thing for hien from like a mile away btw bc this game is so unserious. anyways i think there should be like a spin-off about sadu magnai and cirina and if it doesn't come to exist soon i will grow like ten extra hands and make it myself

[greglow03]

"A Reunion To Remember", but Google Translate💻📚 did a number on it...

So I was bored and wanted to mess around with google translate... So, reasonably I threw in one of my FNAF fics, and ended up with this result. It probably will be more funnier if you've read the OG fic, but never the less, a laugh or 2 will surely come! ^_^

Enjoy the laughs!!!🤗

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Language: English Characters: Gregory, Vanessa, Glam. Freddy (Does he even speak in this G-Translate one???), Tony Becker Ships: Beckory (I think?🤔) Description: It was a story following the events of SB + GGY with Beckory, but... kinda got lost in translation... *Note: Vanessa is half trans-masculine and female in this translated version, so keep that in mind. (Google can't decide on one, lol). Also, the coming out scene is non-existent :3

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Comfortable! The morning...! To escape Fanny's power ... he waits, why is he waiting for this event ... laughing with his friends. Freddie put his head in the bag and turned it over.

“Okay guys. We are out of this terrible place.” Sandari said as the boy turned around and stomped his feet on the ground.

I'll shut up! They tried to escape at night and kill people. This place gives life. Except. He thinks this is what happened to the girl. I am afraid of everything. At least they are together.

_______

"Isn't that wonderful? Do whatever you want. We're going to go crazy and force you to do things you don't want. Everyone's going to go crazy if you think that's a good vote." I can't see, the sun is out!"

Gregory likes sunrises with ice cream. But the idea is there. He is guilty of what he did or did not do. But evil thoughts harm him.

- Who is my son? But he was not with the boy.

"Yes dear! Are you sure" Gregory smiled and waved at the boy, Vanessa was surprised to see him waiting for an answer.

- Yes... he's kneeling. Vanessa's smile softened a little when the answer was revealed. But the child is innocent. Creating a positive attitude can be difficult. He looked at the sun and continued eating the ice cream. When the mind calms down, it stops repressing the memories.

_______

Last week, Vanessa bought a third apartment in a quiet area, and after signing the purchase agreement for the house, Vanessa hired a manager and paid the bill. The boy's happiness didn't last long... But something happened and his heart ached. Even before I went to bed I had a guilty conscience. But the errors are getting worse day by day.

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Greg, no! I thought you were my friend..." - The man and woman do not question their hearts, the black-eyed man and woman fall to the ground and roll.

"Oh, you think prayer will help me?" You don't have to worry about GGI, so you know what to expect when the going gets tough.

- But the time has come. He drew his sword. The woman tried to free him with her own hands, but failed. I opened my eyes to see what was happening. He saw it stuck in the middle of the beak.

"What? Can I transfer?" It was as if some unknown force was holding him back. Suddenly the boy fell to the ground.

- What happened to Spring Rabbit? The assassin fell to the ground. But not before he forced his gray eyes to study the purple clouds. The injured child saw a strange sight before him.

"T-Tony, my name is Griscore! I can't do anything right now."

- Greg, how can I help you? He didn't want to leave his friend alone.

"No, not now, Tony. Listen, goodbye."

“Thanks Greg! She cried thinking I might see her again. The kids are sleeping on the floor.

_______

"There are!!!" The boy woke up and started crying. The door opened and a woman entered.

- I thought everything was fine, but what happened? He sat on the edge of the bed and looked at his son. Gregory shuddered. It is gray because it is made of wood.

"I'm okay!" “It was just a dream.” He sighed and spoke quietly. “We were talking about the pizzaplex, yes…someone asked why he had nightmares and why he was sick every night.

"I came here to know how you feel."

- Speak, get out of your head, speak well, help me... - The blonde lay down on the bed and smiled. Gregor looked under the hood and sighed.

He bowed his head and spoke. “Something is happening, I don't know if I should say it or not. So sad, this dream is so bad, but also sad because he doesn't trust the people he trusts. The careless girl took his head and held it up. .” And the boy looked him in the eyes with his finger and raised his chin.

"You can say what you want Greg! I'm here to help. A 13 year old has eyes."

"Well..." I thought to myself, I don't think you'll let me go again! Vanessa nodded, her big brown eyes sparkling in the light. The pulse began to quicken.

He smiled and said whether you like it or not, I won't leave you. And Gregory laughed.

He's my best friend, I almost killed him. I believe you committed the crime of betraying him... you hurt him by holding his hand...” He looked at the boy with hope and surprise.

- I see, my dear, at least one of your friends is alive.

"I want to see you as an example!" I have to say I love it!

- Come on, it's time to go, he grabbed someone. He was just happy that he was not sick. Vanessa gently stood him up.

"You see!"

"I love you Vanessa! Thank you." He smiled too.

"I like it!

________

Overall, I'm so glad I missed this evening. Vanessa waited for a month. He wants to find a place to love you. I spent the night remembering Gregorio on the laptop. What's the difference...

"On March 5 at 3:30 p.m., Mr. Gao Li of his friend's Gusty Bulb Youth Center, 46 Norwell Street, was watching from the window. Every month after school, he is opening a youth book club to promote the arts. .

You are ready monster, the day has come! He tried to listen to this question. Grell looked at him thoughtfully.

"Yeah, I'm sure…" Nessie put a hand on his shoulder, he replied in disbelief.

- I know it's possible, I'm fourteen years old. Gregorio turned his head and remembered. He smiled as he got out of the truck with newfound confidence.

- Grigory came home, but a young man came. The red man in the green shirt has a key. A bright smile appeared on Grigory's face. Kabud saw the long-haired man and was surprised that he was riding a bicycle. Grigol returned to the direction he came from. Then the boy turned to the wall.

"Please...ah...don't hurt me! Please!" He leaned against the cement wall and closed his eyes. He thought that the first accident in his youth would prevent his death, but he did not think that it would happen later in his life.

"Tony!" - said the boy, having grown stronger, Tony opened his eyes in surprise and kissed his head. But Grigory likes to kiss.

“Ah… it's not GGI, but how can I trust you?

- Tony, it's me!

-Hello Tony. » asked Greg.

- Yes Greg? he asked impatiently.

"Do you want to go for pizza?" Still a wonderful song.

“Okay, I'll make pizza,” Greg said, leaving Tony behind and heading to the car.

Then cut the pizza and see what happened a few years ago. They become friends and become close, but at one point he admits that he is a doll.

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Sorry, Tony. You get left behind. True love right there, lmao🍕

I hope you've had a good laugh! (I died making this🤣) [Let me know, if you would want me to do this with another fic].

Anyway, a link to the OG fic if anyone's interested.

[got-into-worm-by-mistake]

Insinuation 2.3 Live Reactions

(This is me, writing reactions as I read, because why the fuck not. They're not complete, mature thoughts taken after I sit back and evaluate what I've read. Consider them as such)

It was stuff like this that made Mr. Gladly my least favorite teacher.  I got the impression he’d be surprised to hear he was anyone’s least favorite teacher, but that was just one more point against him in my book.  I don’t think he comprehended why people might not like him, or how miserable group work was when you didn’t identify with any of the groups or cliques in the school.  He just figured people liked doing group work because it let them talk and hang out with their friends in class.

I'm not sure if I'm gonna say this a lot (probably not) but I agree wholeheartedly with Taylor Hebert here.

Greg was just the opposite.  He was smarter than average, but he had a way of saying every thought that came into his head – his train of thought didn’t have any brakes.  Or tracks.  It would have been easier to be in a group with just Sparky and essentially do the work by myself than it would be to work with Greg.

I know almost nothing about this character except that he's a poorly social nerd that a weird percentage of the SB/SV/QQ side of the fandom is really into.

I sighed as Mr. Gladly picked Greg to do our group’s presentation, and was forced to watch Greg botch it badly enough that Mr. Gladly asked him to sit down before he was finished.  Greg was one of those kids I always figured made teachers groan inwardly when they raised their hands in class.  The sort of kid that took twice as long to answer as anyone else, and was often only half-right or so off-tangent that it derailed the discussion.  I couldn’t imagine what had possessed Mr. Gladly to pick Greg to do our group’s presentation.

On the other hand, given the average userbase of those sites... I can see exactly why they glom onto Greg. Teenage me might have done the same, but by the time I heard of Worm, I was past that...ish

I'm still not sure what purpose any of this extended bit serves. We already know how much the Trio sucks.

I gave a rueful chuckle, feeling the frustration welling up, “Great.  So they might miss a few days of school, and only if I can prove they were behind it all… and whether they get suspended or not, they feel a hundred percent justified in whatever else they do to the rat for revenge.” “If you want things to get better, Taylor, you have to start somewhere.” “That isn’t a starting point.  It’s shooting myself in the foot,” I said, pulling my bag over my shoulder.  When he didn’t immediately respond, I left the classroom.

How much of Taylor's belief there's no way to get justice (which then translates into the fandom) is real? Obviously she has tried to complain and it went nowhere, but I would never have expected Mr. Gladly to actually make this approach at all, honestly.

This feels like another filler chapter, tbh. Feels like 2.1 and 2.3 didn't really need to be there.

Like, all six parts of Gestation felt like they needed to be there, as they were. 2.1 and 2.3... not as much. But I suppose even Wildbow can't knock it out of the park every time, and stuff does need set up and such like that.