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Special Sauce: Tommy Tomlinson on Untangling Food, Love, and Loving Food

[Photograph: Jeff Cravotta. Burger photograph: Emily and Matt Clifton.]

It's pretty rare for a Special Sauce interview to speak so directly to me that it feels like I've been hit in the gut. But that's exactly what happened when I talked with Pulitzer Prize-nominated author Tommy Tomlinson, whose book The Elephant in the Room: One Fat Man's Quest to Get Smaller in a Growing America is a moving memoir about struggling with eating and weight issues.

As someone who has grappled with a weight problem my whole life, I identified with every word Tomlinson wrote and every bite he took, and I often felt during our conversation that he was speaking about my own experiences with food.

For example, here is Tomlinson on how food makes him feel: "I've never done hard drugs, but the feeling that I've heard people describe when they shoot heroin, for example that incredible rush and that warm feeling that goes over their body, is very similar to what I believe I feel when I have like a double cheeseburger from Wendy's. It's just this burst of pleasure and good feeling."

Tomlinson is similarly eloquent about how he started to make the connection between obesity and food: "I didn't really connect being overweight with eating because I was eating what everybody else in my family was eating. I just wasn't working the way they were working to burn off calories. And as I got older, I started to realize even more deeply that I had these two lives. I had this one life where I was successful and doing well, had good friends, had people who loved and cared about me. And had this second life where I had this addiction that I could not control. And...up until basically this book and me trying to figure it out, I never could reconcile those two things. And so, sure, I knew from early on that I had some fundamental issue, I just never could figure out what it was."

And here he is on the fraught relationship between food and love: "And then there's stuff that's very common in food which is it's about love and affection. Your family has made this gift for you often still to this day it's your mom or your grandmother or somebody like that has made this thing. And they've sacrificed and they've sweated over it. And they've worked on this recipe for years. And it's a family tradition. And they always have it. And so for you just to not indulge in it carries a whole lot of symbolic weight. It's like rejecting the people who love you."

This episode of Special Sauce made me laugh, made me cry, and made me think, and any podcast that can make you do all three of those things is worth listening to, whether you struggle with your weight or not.

Special Sauce is available on iTunes, Google Play Music, Soundcloud, Player FM, and Stitcher. You can also find the archive of all our episodes here on Serious Eats and on this RSS feed.

Want to chat with me and our unbelievably talented recipe developers? We're accepting questions for Special Sauce call-in episodes now. Do you have a recurring argument with your spouse over the best way to maintain a cast iron skillet? Have you been working on your mac and cheese recipe for the past five years, but can't quite get it right? Does your brother-in-law make the worst lasagna, and you want to figure out how to give him tips? We want to get to know you and solve all your food-related problems. Send us the whole story at [email protected].

Ed Levine: Welcome to Special Sauce, Serious Eats' podcast about food and life. Every week on Special Sauce we talk to some of the leading lights of American culture, food folks, and non-food folks alike.

Tommy Tomlinson: I'm never done hard drugs, but the feeling that I've heard people describe when they shoot heroin, for example that incredible rush and that warm feeling that goes over their body, is very similar to what I believe I feel when I have like a double cheeseburger from Wendy's. It's just this burst of pleasure and good feeling.

EL: Today I'm thrilled to be talking with the terrific writer, Pulitzer Prize finalist, podcaster... What else can I say about you, Tommy? Freelance writer extraordinaire.

TT: Man about town.

EL: Tommy Tomlinson. Tommy is the host of the podcast SouthBound in partnership with WFAI. But we're here because he's the author of the remarkably brave and candid, The Elephant in the Room: One Man's Fat Quest to Get Smaller in a Growing America. And I have to say, Tommy, I couldn't improve upon the press release copy, so pardon me for plagiarizing. "This moving memoir is at once a meditation on weight and identity and a candid and sometimes brutal look at the everyday experience of being constantly aware of your size, obsessing over where you're going to sit at basketball games and restaurants or dreading the lurch of a packed subway and the fear and guilt that result." Wow. Man, did you write that?

TT: I did not. But whoever did deserves a raise.

EL: Exactly. So welcome to Special Sauce, Tommy Tomlinson. It's so good to have you here.

TT: Thank you so much, Ed. I appreciate you having me on.

EL: I literally read your book twice. I'm a little embarrassed to say that. Some people will read like A Tale of Two Cities twice or Middlemarch. I read The Elephant in the Room twice.

TT: That's good company. I'll stay in that company all day.

EL: But weight is something I too have struggled with my whole life. So The Elephant in the Room speaks to me on so many levels. I once chronicled on Serious Eats my lifelong struggle with weight in a series of posts that were weekly for more than two years called Ed Levine's Serious Diet. And I would literally get on the scale every week and tell people how I was doing.

TT: That's brave.

EL: So let's talk about life at the Tomlinson family table which you obviously go into in the book. So it's a particularly relevant question for you.

TT: Well, back in my growing up years, I grew up in the Deep South on the coast of Georgia. And my family was a very Deep Southern country family. My mom and dad picked cotton when they were young. They were sharecroppers. And so they lived in a world where you could eat whatever you wanted because they would burn it off at work during the day.

TT: And so by the time I came around I was leading a softer life but we still had these big Southern meals, especially things like family reunions where there would be five or six meats. There would always be a huge platter of fried chicken in the middle of the table. And they would always, called the white food group, which is like mashed potatoes, potato salad, deviled eggs, rice, that sort of thing. Biscuits and cornbread. And then all these vegetables which were fresh out of the garden but also cooked with ham or bacon or fatback for seasoning. And then the deserts which were pecan pie, peach cobbler, pound cake, and all these incredible desserts that we had. Those were meals that up through my generation of my family. They could eat that and they'd just go off and work it off the next day.

TT: Well, I had a different life and that's part of the reason I got so big.

EL: Yeah, that's interesting. And it was your mom. Your mom was a good old fashioned country cook, right?

TT: Oh, absolutely. I mean everything. We had usually a coffee can on the back of the stove where she kept the bacon grease. So when she made bacon in the morning, she would save that leftover grease and put it in that little pot, that little can, and then would use that for later meals. So something that was very common is we fished a lot. And so we would catch catfish let's say. And she would use that bacon grease to fry the catfish in. And so the catfish would have that not only its own flavor but that bacon flavor too which was just incredibly intoxicating.

EL: I want that right now.

TT: I know. I know.

EL: Can I say that?

TT: Me too.

EL: So were you hyper-aware? Were you always aware? Like for me when I was a kid, I couldn't escape it because I shopped at the husky section at Meijer's department store.

TT: I was too big for the husky section of the department store. When I was a little kid, we tried to shop at Sears and JCPenney's and places like that. But eventually by my teenage years I'd even grown out of those stores. And so in the town where I grew up, Brunswick, Georgia, there was one big and tall store. It was called PS Menswear. And the clothes there are always out of style, often by 10 or 20 years. Nothing ever fit quite right. There was never any of the cool things that the other kids were wearing were never in that store.

EL: Right. There was no Ralph Lauren for big guys.

TT: Right. When I was a kid, it was Izod shirts. When I was a teenager, that was the cool thing. I'd never once saw an Izod shirt in that store. And so I would go in there with all these other overweight men usually and often teenagers with their moms. And we were all just incredibly ashamed and embarrassed to be there. And we would grab whatever came even close to fitting and go in the little dressing room to try it. And the worst days are when even those things wouldn't fit. And I remember a couple of those days when even the stuff in the big and tall store wouldn't fit. And I remember just going away incredibly frustrated. Like, "How am I going to dress myself for the rest of my life?"

TT: My mom managed to patch up a lot of the old things I had, let out some stuff, and sort of keep me in clothes for a while. But that was always a problem for me.

EL: And you talk in the book about being teased. And I remember when I was in junior high school they used to say, "Hey, it's fast Eddy without the S." Did you have that stuff too?

TT: That's among the more clever ones, actually. I mean, yeah, you always hear like, "Fatty, fatty, two-by-four can't get through the bathroom door." And all that stuff. But what I remember more than verbal stuff are just kind of insults was just the way people looked at you differently or laughed. I have a scene in the book where I talk about the relay races that we used to run when I was in elementary school. So they get like the whole grade into two big lines where it'd be a race grade against grade. And there'd be maybe 30 people in each line. And people would shift around because they wanted to be matched up against somebody who was sort of their equal. And I always got matched up against this one girl named Pamela who was as big as I was. And we were about the same speed. Some days I was faster than her. And that made me really happy. Some days she was faster than me and I was just devastated. What I always remember about those races is we would run from the line to this big pine tree in our school yard, touch the tree and turn around and run back. Every time Pamela and I went to that tree and touched it and turned back, I could see the other kids laughing at us. And I'm never going to forget that.

EL: Yeah, it's weird. We all have those childhood moments. And yet you were... From reading the book like me you were eating unconsciously. You had no idea why you were eating as compulsively as you were, right?

TT: Yeah, a lot of the books I've read on this subject start with some incredible trauma. Like somebody was abused as a child or something like that. That wasn't true in my case. I had an incredibly happy childhood. I had two parents who loved me. Very stable. We didn't have much money. But it was a very stable childhood. I had friends, good friends. I did well academically and all those sorts of things. This was just the one thing that I always had in me that sort of constant craving for more and more and more. And that has led all the way through my life basically.

EL: I want to talk about what food meant to you then and what food means to you now. But there's this amazing section in the book where you talk about that by any reasonable standard I won life's lottery. Then you say, "Except in those mornings and I take a long naked look in the mirror. My body is a car wreck. Skin tags. Long mole-like growths caused by chaffing dangle under my arms and down on my crotch. I have breasts where my chest ought to be." And then you say, "Some days when I see that disaster staring back, I get so mad that I pound my gut with my fists as if I could beat the fat out of me." Then you end that section with, "What the hell is wrong with me?" So when you just couldn't figure out what to do about it.

TT: As you said, it didn't really dawn on me at first. I didn't really connect being overweight with eating because I was eating what everybody else in my family was eating. I just wasn't working the way they were working to burn off calories. And as I got older, I started to realize even more deeply that I had these two lives. I had this one life where I was successful and doing well, had good friends, had people who loved and cared about me. And had this second life where I had this addiction that I could not control. And I never... up until basically this book and me trying to figure it out, I never could reconcile those two things. And so sure I knew from early on that I had some fundamental issue I just never could figure out what it was.

EL: So your dad had various jobs according to the book. And your mom worked as well, right?

TT: Yeah, they both worked. So when I came around they'd met at a seafood packing plant down in Georgia. So basically factory jobs. But my dad later on was a carpenter. He could fix anything. And my mom later on was a waitress for a long time. They always worked these blue-collar jobs. When they were young, they were sharecroppers. They picked cotton in other people's fields down in south Georgia. And so they always had the type of jobs where they could burn off big meals all the time. And this is a big shift not just in my family but in many American families where the culture goes from blue-collar work to white-collar work. But the food doesn't change. So we were eating those same big meals that they ate all their lives because they had needed that fuel to cover them for being in the cotton field for 14 hours a day. Well, they worked really, really hard in their lives so I wouldn't have to. And so I grew up sort of this bookish kid who was destined for a desk job. But I was eating those same meals. And so that's why I got big, and they didn't because we were eating the same meals but with different lifestyles.

EL: And when you were growing up, I mean in the book you go back and forth between the micro issues you're confronting and the macro issues that the country is facing with the obesity epidemic. And you say that fat America runs on the fuel of easy and cheap junk food motivated by constant adds for burgers and beers soothed and sated by oversized portions. And you also say, "As every fat person knows, there's no such thing as a cheap buffet. You always pay later one way or another. Fat America comes with a devastating bill. According to government estimates, Americans pay $147 billion a year in medical costs related to obesity." But back when you were growing up, and I think you're a little younger than me, but back... People didn't talk about the obesity epidemic, right? There wasn't a lot of macro chatter about it.

TT: Well, I think that's because there probably wasn't that much of an obesity epidemic because so many people still worked really blue-collar industrial-type jobs. And so it's really hard to get fat when you're sweating in a mill for 8 or 10 hours a day. And so I remember there being certainly overweight people walking around that I saw and encountered in my life. I went back for this book and went back and looked at some of my old school pictures like the class photos and stuff. And I was always the biggest kid in the class but there were other kids who were overweight too, but not nearly to the extent that people are now. If you just sit on a bench in the park and you watch 20 people walk by, 8 or 10 of them are going to be pretty seriously overweight. And that is I think part of this shift in the culture of work. And the vast amount of money that's to be made in selling high calorie, high fat food to people. As I said in the book, the movie theater closest to our house, a small coke is now 32 ounces. That's a quart of coke. In no world should a small anything be 32 ounces.

EL: That's true.

TT: But portion sizes have grown and grown and grown over the years as these food providers, restaurants, and theaters and places like that are competing for the audience. The audience reacts to having bigger and bigger portions. Everything's bigger.

EL: Yeah, you live in the South where Hardee's has been marketing two-pound hamburgers or whatever for so long now. It's like you can't have a big enough Hardee's burger in their universe.

TT: Yeah, and each one has like, "Here we've got the burger and we're putting on half a pound of barbecue," or, "We're slapping a couple of fried eggs on there," or whatever it is to make it even worse. And so yeah, I mean it's astonishing now if you go look at the calorie counts for some of those Hardy's burgers or some of those other places, the one that always, the place that always freaks me out is the Cheesecake Factory. If you ate a regular meal at the Cheesecake Factory, you'd have to run halfway across the country to burn off that meal.

EL: It's true.

TT: It's just an astonishing amount of butter and sugar and grease that goes into making something like that. We're all vulnerable to that kind of stuff.

EL: Yeah. You say in the book what food is about to you and you say that food is connection. Food is friendship. Food is a certain kind of love. But you also then later in the book talk about pleasure and even in the beginning of the book you say, "Bless me father for I have sinned. I lust after greasy double cheeseburgers and fried chicken legs and Ruffles straight out of the bag. I covet hot Krispy Kreme donuts that melt on my tongue. I worship bowls full of peanut M&Ms, first savoring them one-by-one then stuffing my mouth with handfuls, then wetting my fingers to pick up those last bits of chocolate dust and candy shell." For all of us that deal with weight problems food represents so many things to us.

TT: Well, first of all as you just described, it's a great pleasure. I've never done hard drugs. But the feeling that I've heard people describe when they shoot heroin for example that incredible rush and that warm feeling that goes over their body is very similar to what I believe I feel when I have a double cheeseburger from Wendy's. It's just a powerful... It's just this burst of pleasure and good feeling. But yes, beyond that in my family growing up we didn't have much money and so food represented in some ways the only real wealth we had. Our table at dinner time was as good or better than anybody in town's. We knew that we were wealthy at the table. And then there's stuff that's very common in food which is it's about love and affection. Your family has made this gift for you often still to this day it's your mom or your grandmother or somebody like that has made this thing. And they've sacrificed and they've sweated over it. And they've worked on this recipe for years. And it's a family tradition. And they always have it. And so for you just to not indulge in it carries a whole lot of symbolic weight. It's like rejecting the people who love you.

EL: It's true. In my family my grandmother, everyone has these stories in their family. And my grandmother was the good cook, an old Eastern European Jewish cook. And there's the story of when my oldest brother brought home three friends from college and there were seven of us at the table. And we consumed a hundred blintzes. But everyone has that. Your book is full of those moments.

TT: I had a very similar experience in college. I brought several of my roommates home. We were going to see a football game the next day. And so they slept over at our house. And my mom made what for us was a pretty typical meal. And I could see one of the guys in particular who didn't grow up in sort of a traditional Southern household with every bowl and platter and basket my mom brought to the table, his eyes got bigger and bigger and bigger. He was thinking like, "How many people are you feeding here? Are you feeding 30 people? There's just 5 of us here."

EL: That's awesome.

TT: And so the level of, first of all, the goodness of it. And then the abundance of it, is something that's really hard to push yourself away from.

EL: And you went to college at the University of Georgia.

TT: I did.

EL: And as you lay out in the book, college also lends itself to terrible eating habits.

TT: Well, yeah. I mean it was the first time I was out on my own. So I was unsupervised. I certainly ate a lot when I was home but my mom and dad were watching over me so I couldn't totally indulge. But you get to college and at most places, most colleges and universities they have all- you-can-eat dining halls which I had. And then we had the little sub shop across the street which I often indulged in. I had a friend who worked for Domino's at the time and he would often come back at 1:00 in the morning with pizzas that they hadn't sold for one reason or another. We would split up those pizzas. And then that was also a time when I started to drink fairly heavily as many college students do. And so I'm eating unlimited buffets. I'm eating sub shop's right across the street. Free pizza at night and lots of beer. That's a recipe for disaster.

EL: Yeah, for sure.

TT: Trying to keep in any kind of shape. I probably was more physically active those first couple years of college than I ever was. I played basketball hours a day almost every day. Took long walks from one class to another across a very hilly campus. But I still gained like 50 pounds because I was just inhaling so much food and so much alcohol.

EL: I assume without, like me, like without even thinking about it. And it wasn't just when you're anxious or nervous about something. It was just your default mode.

TT: Well, it's both. It's a catch-22. It's a thing that you're supposed to indulge in when you're happy. When everybody's happy and celebrating, what do you do? You have food or you have beer or whatever. But it's also the thing that's soothes you when you're feeling bad. The whole going to the fridge at night, eating the pint of ice cream. It's linked with both the euphoria and the downside too.

EL: So how much did you weigh in college?

TT: I was probably, I didn't step on a scale very often at college. But when I went to college I was probably in the 250-260 range. By the time I got out of college, I probably gained another 75 or 80 pounds.

EL: Wow. So that's really like, yes, 250 is heavy, but if you came out of 330 that's when you go into morbidly obese mode, right?

TT: Exactly. Which is I didn't even really know that phrase until I was in my late 20's and I ended up having throat cancer which is why I have this weird voice. And as I was in the doctor's office one day, he turned to talk to his nurse and I could see the note he was writing. And the two words ‘morbidly obese’ jumped off the page at me. And he was just... It was just a clinical description of what I was. And that meant I was obese to the point where my weight was likely to kill me. And so even though I knew that at that moment it took me a long time to get better. But yeah, certainly for the time I was in my mid-20's and on I was morbidly obese.

EL: And when you started the book, it's New Year's Eve 2014, right? So there were many years and by the time you started the book, you weighed 460.

TT: Yeah, and I was 50-years-old at that moment.

EL: You were 50-years-old and you weighed 460?

TT: Yep.

EL: And that must have been just beyond terrifying.

TT: It was. And the thing that had happened just prior to that was my sister had died. My sister Brenda who was a light in our family. She was a good bit older than me. She was in her mid-60's. But she had struggled with her weight most of her life as well. And that year and the holidays she'd had some swelling in her legs that was weight related, developed an infection, and it was one of those MRSA-type infections that by the time really anybody knew what was going on she was really, really sick. And my wife and I were in Tennessee with my wife's family. And my brother called and said, "Brenda's really sick. You need to get down here." So we made our way down and we hadn't even gotten halfway there. And my brother sent a text that said, "She's gone."

EL: Wow.

TT: And it blew a hole in our family. And at her funeral service as I was sitting there watching everyone grieve for somebody who was gone too soon I could see my future. As I wrote in the book, I was 50-years-old at the time and guys like us don't make it to 60. I realize that if I kept going down that path I wasn't going to make it much further. I had this old black suit. It was the only suit I owned at the time, this pinstripe suit. And I remember looking down and looking at that suit and thinking, "That's the suit I'm going to be buried in."

EL: Wow.

TT: And so that was the big impetus for me to change.

EL: My late brother, who was the first investor in Serious Eats and who adopted me after my parents died, had radical and early bariatric surgery where they removed part of his small intestine. And even though it had lots of anticipated and unanticipated side effects, he does say that it gave him a bonus. He probably had it when he was 50 or 55 and he made it to 75. And I think for him it was the same thought process for you. It's like, "I'm not going to make it if I don't do something and he didn't think that he had the self-discipline to do it on his own." So he went for the major, major surgery when they didn't know very much about this stuff, right? But you decided you weren't going to do that even though bariatric surgery had come a long way by the time you started 2014.

TT: Two things there. One is I know lots of people who've had bariatric surgery. And even though as you say they've improved it vastly over the years there's still a wide range of outcomes. There are people who have it and it totally transforms them for the better. They would do it a hundred times out of a hundred. I know some other people who've had real problems with the side effects, the lifestyle changes they've had to make, all those sorts of things. And they might not do it again if given the chance. And then all kinds of outcomes in the middle. So for me if the way I'm doing things now if I'm not able to sustainably lose weight for the next 5 to 10 years or so, then that's certainly on the table for me. But I wanted to try losing weight in a way I never tried before. And I wanted to give it a sustained effort one more time to see if I could do it on my own.

EL: And you describe the diet you put yourself on very succinctly, right?

TT: Well, yeah. It's a three-step diet. It's what a lot of people disdainfully describe as calories in and calories out. So I have a Fitbit that measures my steps and exercise every day that tells me how many calories I've burned. It also has an app where I can type in everything I eat during the day and it tells me how many calories I've brought in. If I burn more than I bring in every day, I consider that a win. And with my doctor's supervision I have set out on this plan to lose weight very slowly and sustainably.

TT: The reason for that is the vast majority of crash diets, not only the ones that I've tried, but the ones I've read studies about, the vast majority of commercial diets don't work for people like me. As the way I describe it, if you have 10 pounds to lose, you could probably go pull just about any book off the diet book shelf at your local bookstore and you can make something work for you. If you have 200 pounds to lose or more, you have to find something that's not just going to work for 30 days. It's got to work for 300 days or 3,000 days. And that requires a different approach.

EL: And to make it to 3,000 days that's also the only way to do it. You talk about in the book that the body has very strong defenses against crash diets.

TT: Absolutely. What happens inside your body when you lose a lot of weight, your body is still... part of your body is still stuck in Neanderthal days. And when you start to lose weight, it thinks you're starving. And so your metabolism slows down. And it tries to basically push you back to the weight that you once were because that was what they thought was normal. What at the cellular level your body thinks is normal. There was a study a few years ago of a group of contestants who were on The Biggest Loser, the TV show. And they found many of those people lost a lot of weight on the show and then gained it back. And what they found was that even for the ones who gained it back, their bodies were still slowing down their metabolism because it still wanted to push them even further to make them basically harder and harder for them to lose weight because your body sees losing weight as a flaw. Because you're suppose to fatten up for the big winter. And so your body fights against you in many ways, especially when you're trying to lose a significant amount of weight.

EL: I've always found that true. I once went on the Atkins diet in college. Remember the Atkins diet?

TT: I do.

EL: And I ate so little fruit I actually got scurvy.

TT: That's dedication. I have to tell you.

EL: I mean it's crazy, dude.

TT: You were the last person who wasn't a pirate to get scurvy.

EL: I was the last person who wasn't a pirate that got scurvy. So what's interesting to me is you say you're a journalist so you're into deadlines and here is my deadline. "By the end of 2015, one year from now, I'm going to lose weight and get in shape. I'm not going to set a number because every time I've done that I've fallen short. My goal is to prove that I can head down the right path and stay on it. I have to show that I won't quit even when it's hard because it's going to be hard. And if I get to the end of the year and I've failed every option goes back on the table. Bootcamp, pills, surgery, everything. I have a long history of doing this the wrong way. I've thought about the few simple things that might help me do it right. But it will take more than just a meal plan and a walk every morning. I have to dig deep." Again, that really spoke to me because there have been various times in my life where it's like, "Okay. Enough with the bullshit. You're just going to have to do this the only right way to do it. You eat less." And you know when you're eating less. And my body at least, and I'm sure your body does too, it tells you when you haven't. You get on the scale. Like I had a... Can I admit this to you, Tommy? I've got to admit this to you. I had a Popeyes' feast for Superbowl.

TT: Oh, wow.

EL: I love Popeyes.

TT: Popeyes is fantastic.

EL: I mean but then I got on the scale and I've been pretty good at keeping my weight down to around 230, 228 sometimes. And I got on the scale. Two days later and I was at 235. It's like, "Yeah, see. Scale doesn't lie." The ball doesn't lie. A lot of things don't lie.

TT: That's right. And there are direct consequences to all those terrible meals I ate over the years. But a big part of, for me, and I think for most people who are significantly overweight if you just have a few pounds to lose, you could probably just figure out how to do it. But if you have a significant amount of weight to lose, the how is never enough. You have to start talking about the why.

TT: And in fact the majority of this book is about me trying to figure out why I got so big in the first place.

EL: Yeah, exactly.

TT: And then understanding myself better helped me sort of unlock the ways to turn it around.

EL: Which is what we're going to get into in your next episode of Special Sauce. So we're going to have to leave it right here for now. Thank you very much, Tommy Tomlinson. It's really been a pleasure. Serious Eaters we'll be back next week so we can find out what is going on with Tommy and what he did discover when he went on this incredible journey. And we'll see you next time, Serious Eaters.

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Source: https://www.seriouseats.com/2019/03/special-sauce-tommy-tomlinson-1-2.html

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lexpistachio · 8 years ago

Text

just jackparse - a ficrec

for my sister who requested this rec 82 years ago. special thanks for those who painstakingly linked me new fics in my askbox. you’re the real mvp!

some things first:

divided into AU, pre-canon, canon/canon divergence, and future

word length categorized as

short fic = less than 10,000 words medium = 10,000 - 20,000 words long = 20,000 - 60,000 words novel length = 60,000 - 100,000 words

format as follows:

title - author | rating | length | various tags | gratutious commentary by me

summary

just ctrl+f if you wanna find by rating (e.g search for: long) or other tags (eg. smut, humor, au)

★ are personal faves

some liberty was taken in rating fics that are not rated

might update in the future; if i missed something, i’ll be happy to read your rec!

Kent pressed his fingers into his eyes until his vision swam for reasons other than the salty tears welling up in them. “Are you seriously asking me to fly across the goddamn country to hold your hand while you cut me out of your life?” me: you know what this fandom needs? me: an eternal sunshine au me: only without the happy ending

I’ve Been Closing My Eyes by perfectpro ★ - teen | long | inception au | angst | you don't understand how much love i have for this fic. SO MUCH LVOE

Jack Zimmermann? You worked with him and Kent Parson together? What happened?” Bitty asks before he can help himself.

Everyone’s heard the stories. Parse and Zimms, taking the world of dream share by storm, trained by Dominic Cobb himself. Ten years later, no one’s heard from either in two years.

Shrugging his shoulders, Shitty tries to think of how to phrase it. “No one comes out of Limbo the same.”

Kent knew about superstitions before he made it to hockey. He knew about black cats and broken mirrors. About stepping on cracks and throwing pinches of salt over his shoulder. Kent knew about magic before he found hockey.

Jack hums and smiles, but otherwise doesn’t respond. They sit in silence, and he bites his tongue to keep from saying anything. There is no sense disrupting this fragile peace that they have.

Here is the deal he has made with himself: Jack is forbidden, until after the curse of the seventeenth summer. Kent does not want to do anything to let the gods know how they could hurt him the worst.

why do we fall? by sparklyslug - teen | short | touch telepath! jack au | epikegster | angst

“Didja miss me?” Kent had asked / looking strong/ look good/ looking happy/I could stand here all night and all day and just look at you/ and Jack’s control had crumbled, jerked him out of step with time and out into the swirling minds of the college kids filling their house, his consciousness sent running by the brightness in his own chest.

Corporal Kenny,” Jack huffed into Kent’s ear. The arms around his waist tightened.

“Captain Jack,” Kent teased right back. “You outrank me, Zimms.”

The Daily Grind by JaneJHills - mature | long | abandoned wip | the coffeeshop au that was foretold

It’s not that Jack wasn’t into relationships; it’s just that Jack wasn’t a relationships kind of guy.

maybe i’m falling for you by madameofmusic - teen | short | coffeeshop au | this is really cute <3 i too lament the lack of more cutesy coffeeshop aus from this ship. this one’s great tho

Jack’s normal coffee shop relocates, and he’s forced to start buying from the cat-themed coffee shop down the street, Catppuccino. It’s cheesy as hell, but the coffee’s good, and the "purrista” better. Jack doesn’t miss the old shop.

“Shush,” Kent says. “What have you got that says, like, thanks for not judging me when I get wasted on Moscato and pass out on your couch, and also sorry about that? Hypothetically.”

“Hypothetically,” says the florist, lips quirking, “I’d recommend either white tulips or blue hyacinths.”

Even the plainest of the plain shall deign to reign (and boy, you're reigning over me) by exbex - gen | short | high school au | chubby!jack | kent pining over shy jack is cute, yes

Lardo looks at Kent with the most knowing look he’s ever seen aside from his own mother’s. “Kent,” she finally replies, “I like you Bro. So I’m going to give you the following information. Information, which, I assure you, is publicly available. Jack, who transferred in weeks ago, Oh Unobservant One, knows me through GSA. Jack is not straight. Jack likes hockey, among other things. And that is all the emotional labor that I am doing for free.”

Shitty found Kent on the porch. “Saw your girl here,” he said. “Can’t believe you actually got her to come to a party.”

“She’s not my girl,” said Kent, trying not to blush.

“She should be,” Shitty said, smiling and leaning against the railing. “Blind man could see the way you look at her, and you’re the only person she likes at school.”

Twenty Feet Back by floatingstark - mature | short | wip | daddy!jack au as in literally-a-dad-jack

Kent is aware this is a little odd; he’s standing behind some trees on the other side of the park, pretending to stretch but actually just high-key spying on a hot dad and his kid.

i'll be your platinum by achilleees ★ - explicit | medium | sugar daddy!jack au | daddy kink | angst and fluff | this is the one daddy kink fic that made me swoon, it's the banter and the way they fall for each other slowly that takes my breath away | sorta sequels here and here | better yet, read all the entire unrelated daddykink series she wrote

Wicks took a deep breath, then let out in a rush, “So I’ve been catfishing this dude online with your pictures so he’ll buy me free stuff, only now he wants to meet in person to hand off the suit jacket I need for Ginger’s wedding tomorrow, so I need you to meet him outside the Burberry at the Copley mall tonight to pick it up for me.”

Kent couldn’t speak for a minute, because he was laughing too hard.

here in the present tense by achilleees ★ - teen | short | soulmate au | bodyswap |

Jack isn’t really sure what he was expecting when he went to sleep on August 2.

Kind of. Or maybe he just doesn’t want to admit that he genuinely thought he’d wake up in Georgia, in those checker-patterned, sunlight-limned sheets. That he’d go downstairs and hear Suzanne Bittle bustling around in the kitchen, and greet her wearing her son’s socks and his pajamas and his sweet, bashful blush.

Dynamite Boy by TomatoBird - gen | short | wreck it ralph au | glitch!jack | the concept is genius, i’d gladly read 50k more words of this

In which Jack is simultaneously a glitch, a child of champions, and an aspiring player in Hero’s Duty, and Kent is just someone he happens to meet along the way.

“You don’t have to trust me,” Kent said, “you just have to let me do this.”

Jack has spent many years away from his father's court. Now he must return to wed Kent Parson at last, with all those years and hurts between them. It's not pretty.

the light of all lights by decinq - mature | short | vampires au | look, it's not endgame and has open-ended j/b ugh but i feel like every ficrec should have at least one vampire au

Jack says, “Would you rather be able to fly or have super speed.”

The corners of Kent’s mouth tug into a small smile, and he says, “Compared to you, I do have super speed.”

Jack elbows him, hard. Jack asks, “What about being able to see the future?”

Kent thinks, they’ll end the movie here.

The story, of course, goes on.

rentboy jack and his nhl star boyfriend series by achilleees - rentboy!jack | prostitution au |

so put it on me - explicit | short | pining | smut

It will be a cold day in hell before Kent has the fortitude to say no to that pout.

“Ugh,” he says. “It’s just a dumb fantasy, man, it doesn’t matter.”

Jack cocks his head at him. “I am in the business of fulfilling fantasies,” he says. or, eloquently summed up by a friend: "Ugh poor Kent is so in love"

all the hearts they're messing with - teen | short | angst and fluff | trade |

As soon as Kent gets home, he pulls out a pad of paper and a pen and makes a list of his options.

1. Tell Jack you got traded. Get dumped. Cry in your cheerios.2. Hide from Jack that you were traded. Buy out (?) the Vegas media so they don’t cover the story. Bribe NHL.com Break Jack’s laptop so he can’t read NHL.com anymore. Fly back on off-days (?). Have plan fall through because plan is dumb. Get dumped. Cry in cheerios.

“Are you mad at me?” Kent says.

Jack meets his eyes in the mirror, gaze stormy.

“I’m just trying to get along with your parents,” says Kent. “I thought that’s why you brought me here.”

Second Chance by bittlebunny - mature | short | blind date au

“I know, I’m sorry.” Jack repeats. “It was wrong. I just didn’t know what to do, I don’t usually do that type of thing.”

“You should more often. You know you could probably get laid every night if you wanted to?”

Jack blushes and looks down into his black coffee, not quite agreeing with that sentiment.

This is a 16-fic series that centers around Jack and Kent and their history and their future. It follows canon, with one major difference; Bitty decided not to go to Samwell. Each fic is named after and based around a song on the Deluxe version of Troye Sivan’s album Blue Neighborhood. The first two fics are chronological, because they’re in the fic’s current time (2018) in the frame of the story. Most of the fics in the series are told through flashbacks and time jumps, though, and the stories switch back and forth between Jack and Kent’s perspectives.

pre-canon

meet you in the middle by madameofmusic - teen | short | pre-slash

Kent meets Jack Zimmermann for the first time.

A lot of things can happen if a cat is set loose in an ice rink; Kent never thought this would be one of them.

Or: “I may have brought my pet to the rink by accident and it may have escaped you have to help me.” AU

it’s too close for comfort by achilleees - teen | short | pre-slash | cats

“Go suck your own dick,” Parse grumbled. “I’ma find the cat.” Both pairs of shoes wandered away, and Jack was almost relieved until suddenly, without warning, the high tops came back and light flooded his sanctuary as someone crouched and lifted the hem of the tablecloth.

“Hey, you,” Parse said to either Jack or the cat, he couldn’t tell.

the bluest things on earth by blazeofglory - gen | short | drabble | pre-slash

Kent Parson isn't gay, he isn't, but there's... There's something about Jack Zimmermann.

Even though they're linemates, Jack doesn't know Kent all that well. He certainly doesn't expect the American to come look after him when he's unwell on their first roadie.

Count on It by bienenalster - gen | short | pre-slash | codependency | world juniors

Specifically, in which Jack and Kent fail at playing against each other.

Generally, in which Jack and Kent fail at being reasonable human beings. Or, the lighter side of codependency.

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes by bienenalster, Pax - teen | short | pre-slash maybe | mutual enabling

Jack can appreciate a good game of beer pong in someone's basement, especially when Parse is on his team, one arm around his shoulder as he tries to get Jack to miss his shot.

(Jack never really understood how Parse can just turn it off like that. If you want to win on the ice, then you should want to win all the time. Even at stupid things, like beer pong.)

(Jack has never considered the possibility that beer pong might not be the only game Parse is playing.)

but then his hands roamed by defcontwo - teen | short | first kiss

Jack’s hand pressed into the small of Parse’s back during team meetings, where no one else can see, and Parse toppling into Jack’s lap whenever he gets drunk enough that no one will blink twice at it.

A game of chicken, or a game of chance. Jack doesn’t know which one it’s going to be just yet.

you're neck and neck or cheek to cheek by punkpadfoot - teen | short | first kiss | i'm in love with the author's style of writing, and i love the tentativeness in this fic--they're shy and hesitant; their dilemma feels true

Kent’s always been fairly affectionate, but this thing with Jack is something else entirely.

the spark in your eyes, the look on your face by oscarmild - teen | short | drabble

Jack knows that Kent is his friend- his best friend, even. But lately, it’s been starting to feel like more than just friends.

Insults for Your Lovers by SummerFrost - teen | short | inter-class | social class difference | friends to lovers

Things Jack has: Brand new yellow sneakers, an expensive truck, Kent Parson.

Things Kent has: Converse with holes in them, riding shotgun, Jack Zimmermann.

Count on It by bienenalster - gen | short | preslash | codependency | world juniors

Specifically, in which Jack and Kent fail at playing against each other.

Generally, in which Jack and Kent fail at being reasonable human beings. Or, the lighter side of codependency.

What's Better Than This? Just Guys Bein' Dudes by Bittyybee (sunlight) - mature | short | massages | first kiss | ust

Kent's shoulders hurt. Jack gives good massages.

Kent spends the beginning of his summer with hockey prodigy/best friend Jack Zimmermann because they're young and they can and Kent likes getting free things.

"I know how you get all psycho near a game, don't worry. Just uh- maybe find a healthy way to release that frustration." Kate suggested as she turned and winked at Jacq. "Y'know what I mean?"

"Not hockey?" Jacq asked confused.

"Not hockey." Kate repeated, meeting Jacqs eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

its pimms cis swap smut!! enjoy!!

A Quiet Kind of Intimacy by alpha_exodus - explicit | short | first time | smut | photography

Jack doesn't really care about having a roommate on this roadie - that is, until he heads to his room and finds out his roommate is Kent Parson.

touches my foolish heart by foxfireflamequeen - explicit | short | first time | pwp

“That,” says Kent. “Was the most uncool moment of my life.”

Jack’s still laughing, the fucker.

First by omgericzimmermann - gen | short | first times | drabble | fluff and angst

They were just kids.

They were so young that everything was a first.

tear at the seams by defcontwo - mature | short | drabble | angsty smut

This is what Jack lives for: The second he touches down on the ice, his mind clears. For sixty minutes, he is nothing but a blank slate, a white board that fills itself up with plays and tactics, a steady hand on the stick and a heart that beats for nothing else.

So he sits next to Jack on roadies, bumping their shoulders together amicably as Jack chews on his lip and stares out the window at the passing scenery. He leans into every casual touch - Jack’s gloved hand on his back, their skates knocking together on the bench. Seeks him out on the ice, feeling a thrill when their passes connect effortlessly; slams him into the boards after game-winning goals, their teammates piling up around them but it’s Kent’s fist clutching the back of Jack’s jersey, Kent’s voice yelling in Jack’s ear.

If Jack notices, he doesn’t say anything.

Kent still hopes.

Good Things Ahead by perfectpro - teen | short | fwb

Jack doesn't want to go to a party, but Kent's pretty sure that he can be convinced.

Mutually Assured by Verbyna - teen | short | codependency | has kent/ofc | angst

The smile on Kent’s face is all wrong. He fixes it.

we gaze up at the stars above our heads by alyssakate - teen | short | fluff (mostly)

I don’t know if we’ll ever see each other again, or when we meet our ends, but please just let me hold your hand.

There's thirty-four days of what feels like an endless summer stretched between the Memorial Cup and the NHL draft. Thirty-four days days of each other. Thirty-four days left.

four strong winds by defcontwo - teen | short | fluff with an angsty ending? (a tag that could be patented to this ship that's for sure) | i just love my teenage boys on dates and living in the moment ok

The sales pitch is irrelevant: this moment right here, sitting in the front of Kent’s piece of shit pickup truck, listening to “Party in the USA” on the radio at top volume – that’s all the convincing Jack ever needed.

Or: Kent and Jack, a carnival, and the last gasp of the 34 days.

follow my lead by mardia - explicit | short | the seduction of jack zimmermann | kent here is wily but his conviction is compelling | podfic available

Kent likes to have his fun, likes to mess with people, but there's something about messing with Jack that's just so deeply satisfying for him. He can poke and poke and he'll get a reaction every single time. No matter what, no matter how blatant Kent gets or how he pushes it, he'll get that same wide-eyed disbelieving stare, that same red blush staining Jack's cheeks.

New things by robokittens - explicit | short | smut | pwp

"Jack," Kent mumbles into Jack's neck. "I wanna try something."

wax/wane - explicit | short | angst | smut

Things will come full circle for Kent – he's sure of it.

party pieces by familiar - explicit | short | smut | pwp | painplay

From the early 2008 so-bad-it's-good sex idea vault: "It’s just him and Kent and the really stupid idea that was beating his ass raw with a hockey stick." Gotta hit it with something, you know?

search the world for something else by somehowunbroken - mature | short | second person POV | angst | au

Your name is Jack Zimmermann, and you were born into hockey.

Ode to Joy by coyotesuspect - mature | short | drunk sex

December 31st, 2008. Parse has a good feeling about the new year.

mess you made by schwule - mature | short | angst

Jack’s life hasn’t been very exciting, despite what people may think. Kent might just be the most thrilling thing that’s ever happened to him.

only time is ours by thistidalwave - mature | short | angst

Jack always feels like he’s running. Running to catch up. Running to get ahead. Lungs burning. Legs about to give out. Falling behind, behind, behind. Coming in dead last, even when he hits the finish line before anyone else.

Leaving Me Stranded by mardia - explicit | short

Jack’s dad and Kent really get along great. Which isn’t a surprise, they’re basically the same sort of person--outgoing, funny, always ready with a story or joke--so when Kent comes out to dinner with Jack and his family, it’s basically those two monopolizing the conversation for the entire meal.

an empty room by quietest_one - explicit | short | smut | established relationship

The Combine is a mad rush of a long weekend, painfully sober, gloriously exhausting. Kent is on the road to reaching his dreams, and he's taking Jack along for the ride. (Or, two boys exchange handjobs around the back of a gym. Whichever you prefer.)

the heart is a risky fuel to burn by idrilka - mature | fluff and angst | established relationship

Montreal in summer is hot as hell, the heat sticky and clinging to the skin. (There were the thirty-four days in the summer of 2009, between winning the Memorial Cup and the NHL Entry Draft in Montreal, where things were perfect. This is one of those days.)

let me feel i'm falling safely to the ground by natscribbles - mature | short

Kent doesn't know which what ifs are more dangerous, can't tell which ones hurt the most.

I Love You, He Thinks by blithelybonny - teen | short

It's the night before the draft, and Kent knows that this is probably the end.

my versailles at night by thistidalwave - teen | short | au | first kiss

But now—now it’s the quiet of the early morning, they just won the Memorial Cup, and Jack doesn’t want to let this moment pass him by.

where we went by speedboat - mature | short | dysfunctional relationship

Once in the car, Kent does three things: he googles "valium+vodka"; he shakes Jack awake; and he takes a napkin and wipes the tears away from Jack's face.

or: Parse was the one who found Jack during his overdose.

or: In Defense of Kent Parson.

34 days by thistidalwave - explicit | short | fluff and angst

There were the 34 days in the summer of 2009, between winning the Memorial Cup and the NHL Entry Draft in Montreal, where things were perfect. Who wouldn’t want that back?

it's the stars that score by perfectpro - mature | medium | angst

It’s a week until the NHL draft. A week until he stops competing with Kent and starts competing against him. A week until he finds out if his dad’s name carries more weight than Kent’s skill does, and Jack sometimes has a hard time breathing when he starts thinking about it.

It’s why he tries not to think about it.

Three Words, Repeated by Freudianity - explicit | short | fluff with an angsty ending

5+1 Five times Jack told Kent he loved him, and one time he didn't.

to you he is a room by punkpadfoot - teen | short | angst | kent pov to the story followed by the next in this list

He’s happy now—the weather is warm and the grass is soft and there’s still a pleasant buzz in his head. Jack is close enough to touch. Right now, summer’s end feels distant, less of a looming presence and more of an exit they’ve yet to reach.

to them he is a mirror by misandrywitch - teen | short | angst | jack pov to the story which precedes this in this list

All Jack knows is that after this summer, everything is going to be different.

larger than life by Verbyna - teen | short | also helpfully tagged as: the making of Kent "Victory" Parson“

Everything feels like the end of the world when it happens. No one can see the future, so it’s hard to believe it exists.”

Kent’s dad wasn’t always right, but he was right about that.

if you are looking for the demons that play well with your own by storiesfromtheden - gen | short | angst

Kent spent years counting the things that were not right.

Like A Missing Limb series by thatallone - teen | short | angst | suicide attempt

Without You

Prompt: "You need to wake up because I can’t do this without you.”

[delete]

Kent typed out a lot of texts to Jack in the summer of 2009. He never worked up the nerve to send any of them.

physical or otherwise by jedusaur (podfic - audio only) - explicit | audio length: 3:33 mins | this is short and packs quite a punch; please give it a listen!

"Listen to me, Jack. I am not going first in the draft because of your shitty impulse control."

city without seasons by thepalebluedot - teen | short | angst

It’s hard to measure time in a city you don’t believe in.

Kent after the draft.

Countdown by SummerFrost - mature | short | drabble | angst

Kent Parson spends three years of birthdays asking for Jack Zimmermann. Jack gives what he can; sometimes it's enough.

what might have been lost - mature | short | angst | ransom and holster reads fic au | 5+ 1

five times jack and kent loved each other (and one time they couldn't)

So if you don't mind, I'll walk that line by alyssakate - teen | short | au |

Kent and Jack play each other at World Juniors in 2008 and then again in 2009.

A story about winning, losing and coming to terms with what really matters.

no sign of land by perichareia - gen | short | unrequited love | angst | 2nd Person POV

i love him.

you’re seventeen years old and the words echo in your head like the aftershock of a heavy check into the glass. for a long moment, your world stops.

dodging bullets with your broken heart by perfectpro - gen | short | angst | mostly jack-centric, but i feel like it's in-character with how jack compartmentalizes his life, which explains a lot about the tension with Kent refusing to be boxed and be forgotten

Kent belongs back in Juniors. Kent belongs at Rimouski, and on the bus traveling to roadies, and on the ice with Oceanic. Kent does not belong on the front porch of the Haus.

Five scenes between Ashley Parson and her brilliant, miserable, wonderful big brother. Or: Kent Parson, growing up.

Role Models by MisconductandMimosas - gen | medium | au | read the rest of the series here

Jack and Kent both missed the draft, albeit for completely different reasons

-or-

“For your ThrowBack Thursday of the week, we sat down with two of the NHL’s finest, Trotsy of the Aces and McLeed of the Rangers to talk their record-breaking Memorial Cup win as well as former juniors star and Zimmermann liney- Kent-“ Holster looked at the magazine article and blinked- “Parson,” he said at a lower volume. “Kent Parson? I forgot about that guy. How did they even find him?”

history begins to be blue and brown eyes by decinq - teen | short | angsty ending, with j/b

There are articles upon articles about their on-ice chemistry, the way they move around each other like the well-oiled grooves of an impeccable machine.

welcome to the second reel by idrilka - teen | short | angst

They win at home. It goes all the way to game six, and then they win in their own home arena after it goes to double overtime, and Kent gets to lift thirty-four pounds of silver into the air.

(In the aftermath of the Aces' first Stanley Cup Championship title, Kent goes to Samwell on his Cup day.)

This is What Happy Looks Like by VerityR ★ - teen | short | angst | i just like the author’s writing of it

It’s been years. Six of them. Kent Parson is not still in love with Jack Zimmermann. But it’s not like he’s in love with anybody else. So when, in his dreams, he stumbles upon something approaching happiness, maybe the figure is vaguely Jack-shaped. Jack-adjacent. But that’s not the same thing as love.

canon/canon divergent

past the last exit by misandrywitch ★ - teen | medium | the prose on this one blows me away

Jack wonders when Kent started asking so many questions that he doesn't have the answers to. It felt so much easier when neither of them asked any at all.

Shut the God Damn Door by jedusaur - mature | short | au | angst maybe? short but poignant

What if Jack went first overall, as planned, and took his addiction with him to Vegas?

"Leave, Parse," Jack says. Again.

Or: Kent finds himself stuck in a time loop.

i thought of you and where you'd gone by runphoebe - mature | short | angst with a hopeful ending | has k/omc | love the fics like this that don't view jack with rose colored glasses

When Kent’s name gets called first, he smiles, and when he slips the jersey over his head, he smiles, and when he realizes he’s going to be in Vegas, Las fucking Vegas, he smiles so hard his cheeks ache. Just because Jack’s a huge fucking fuck up who can’t handle being number one doesn’t mean Kent’s going to cry about it.

In which Kent doesn't even bother trying to get over Jack because he knows it's a huge waste of his time.

you're writing your tragedy by forochel - teen | short | angst | podfic available Year 2, Comic 9, Parse - Part III, from Kent's perspective. | epikegster

I basically took 'Kent "Baby One More Time" Parson' and ran with it.

you're familiar like my mirror years ago by nighimpossible - explicit | short | accidental voyeurism | epikegster

Kent and Jack get reacquainted at the Epikegster.

Alternatively: Bitty hears something he shouldn't have.

New Start by SalazarTipton - teen | short | morning after | fluff | post-epikegster

The morning after falling into bed together during Epikegster, Jack wakes up in Kent’s arms.

To Hell With Why by angelsaves - explicit | short | j/p/omc threesome | smut | my alternative excerpt/summary: id have a 3some w/u, Parse texts him after a while. Thanks, Jack replies

Jack has been over Parse for ages. (At least, that's what he tells himself.) In which there is bad-idea sex, accidental voyeurism, an invitation (or two) to a threesome, an actual threesome, and 0% "being over each other" by volume.

the epikegster remix series by defcontwo

you can take this heart - teen | short | epikegster | reconciliation

"So, what the hell was that, then?"

Or: a way that Epikegster could have gone differently.

and don't let go - teen | short | post-epikegster | fluff

"Did you miss me at all?"

Or: what happens when a pair of dumbasses use their words a little better.

down the backs of tabletops by defcontwo - teen | short | has mentions of k/omc and past j/b

Breakups are a kind of private war, Jack guesses.

varied my velocities by punkpadfoot ★ - teen | short | tentative friendship | tears were shed in the reading of this fic

This should feel like a victory. This shouldn't feel like tiptoeing around broken glass.

This Time (I'm Telling You, I'm Telling You) by sparklyslug - mature | short | angst | established relationship

He and Zimms, they’re pretty good at breakups, historically. They’re pretty good at what comes after the breakup, anyway.

fated to pretend by nighimpossible - teen | short | humor | only j/p if you squint but it's goddamn hilarious with a side of ransom and holster

5 Jack/Kent fics that Ransom and Holster dramatically reenact for the Haus + the truth.

Not Quite Too Late by loveandallthat - explicit | short | au | reconciliation | ahhhh this is nice

Jack accidentally confesses on live television that he had a young love that ended badly. It’s possible that this isn’t quite as bad as he thinks it is.

Seven-Year Itch by Idday ★ - teen | medium | fake/pretend relationship | married au | angst with a happy ending

“I’m sorry,” Georgia says slowly, like she thinks she misheard him. “You said you’re… married?”

Amanda raises her eyebrows and taps something onto her keyboard. “That’s good to know, Mr. Zimmermann, but I’m sure you know that many of our players are married.”

“Right, but this is… different.” Jack says.

“Jack,” Georgia says, “Why did you never mention this before? Do I know your wife?”

“I’m sure you do,” Jack says carefully, “Only… it’s not a wife. It’s Kent Parson.” ... (So what if they’re not pretending to be married. They’re still pretending to be happily married.)

the nearer your destination by achilleees - teen | short | angst | open-ended

“Parse fought Averin because he was talking shit about you,” Max said bluntly. “And you being here is not going to put him in a better emotional state.”

neutral zone stickhandling by achilleees - explicit | short | injury recovery | humor (hallelujiah)

The splint around Kent’s leg is a feat of engineering, a hulking behemoth of black plastic and Velcro, but the crutches are sleek and slim. an alternate take on the March of Jack’s senior year.

Push/Pull by thistidalwave, Verbyna - teen | short | soul bond au | break up | I’m gonna miss him for the rest of my life" stayed with me | why do all the soulbond fics in this pairing all end tragically? Who holds the stars up in the sky? Is true love just once in a lifetime?

He looks at Kent and feels nothing, if nothing feels like a shattered rib cage, all the protection around his heart gone. Kent is right in front of him, his hair falling into his face and his hands clenched in the sheets, but if Jack closes his eyes, Kent could be anywhere.

(or, Jack and Kent can’t keep their bond if they both want to play in the NHL.)

bang the doldrums by Verbyna - explicit | short | has j/b | au but almost canon in my head how jack aggressively minimizes kent's importance in his pre-samwell years lol

Kent Parson is not Jack's friend. He’s a fucking fever.

Maybe Jack's not the only one who's scared.

Kent and Jack come out together. Not together together, though, no matter how much Kent wishes that were true.

Alternately titled: "the jackparse get back together fic."

Kent Parson has well over ninety-nine problems. He has a chronic potty mouth, a sneaking suspicion he may be an actual idiot, a narcissistically-named cat with gas issues, too many sisters... the list goes on.

Kent Parson has more than ninety-nine problems and Jack Zimmermann — freshly, resentfully and recently traded to the Las Vegas Aces — is definitely one of them.

you know i held on too much by unveils - explicit | short | fluff | smut | yay all the way for happy smut

It takes a minute for the pieces to work together in Jack’s brain, but when he catches Kent’s Britney phone case out of the corner of his eye, heat blooms in his chest to match the spread of red across his cheeks, embarrassment and something else entirely. He doesn’t duck his head, but it’s a near thing, under Kent’s crooked grin. “Really? You think now is a good time to be taking pictures?”

Two swipes and a press of Kent’s thumb has his camera app sliding open to the picture he took. Jack cranes his neck to see, but Kent presses the phone into his hand, slides his hands around Jack’s neck. “Dude, yeah. You make me look good, Zimms.” -- or: the one where jack and kent have fun with camera phones!

my honey i know by achilleees - teen | short | possessiveness | jealousy | reconciliation

After that, it happened more often than he would ever have wanted to admit. It was almost too easy; girls were always after Kent, but Kent spent too much of his time looking at Jack to notice.

For example, Kent texted him from chemistry one day. Hey lara and aly wanted 2 know if we wanted 2 go thrifting w them after school 2day. No, was all Jack texted back.

Kk, Kent replied, and they didn’t go thrifting with Lara and Aly after school that day.

we could be made for this by stereosymbiosis - explicit | short | pwp

Kent lifts his head and peers up at Jack. “Hey, Zimms, what kind of soap do you use?”

“I’m not sure this is entirely relevant, Parse,” Jack breathes out. Kent looks at the expanse of skin stretched before him, Jack’s muscles taut and twitching, the fucking perfect rise of Jack’s ass, Jack’s legs spread just so and his knees pressed into the mattress for leverage, and yeah. That can probably wait.

Jersey Memories by SalazarTipton - teen | short | reminiscing | hopeful ending

When Jack goes home to Montreal for break and just wants to get his assignments finished, but his parents keep giving him chores. When his mom sends him to look through his old jerseys, he gets lost in some old memories.

take me back to when we started by madameofmusic - teen | short | reminiscing | reconciliation

Kent gets a package in the mail from Jack six months after Jack signs with the Falconers.

They’re never going to be the same carefree best friends that they once were, and Kent’s getting around to accepting that. Things are good, now, but they’re not the same, and that’s okay. He’s getting used to it.

They’re better than they’ve been in years, and that’s really all that he can hope for, but sometimes Kent remembers all the texts he sent at 2 am and all the responses he never got.

Better the Second Time by loveandallthat - teen | short | au | reconciliation

He gets Jack’s text, “you don’t have to,” thirty seconds before he gets a direct email from Jack’s agent.

Of course he has to.

Or, Jack has a public event before he goes into the NHL, and Jack’s agent insists that it won’t be good publicity unless Kent is also there.

the heaviest of burdens by thekissofbees - mature | short | angsty pining

Kent sleeps with his phone resting on his pillow, the volume cranked up as high as it will go and the vibrate on. He’s stretched the cord of the charger out so that it will reach his bed, and the coating of the wire is beginning to fray and peel off at the top.

(Or: Kent waits for Jack to call.)

Like Slow Motion by apatientwolf - teen | short | reminiscing | angsty pining

//There in the bathroom I try not to fall apart and the sinking feeling starts as I say hopelessly "he said he'd be here"// OR Taylor Swift's discography is the soundtrack of Kent Parson's life.

The one where it's July 4th 2015 in upstate New York.

Getting Some Rest by SalazarTipton - gen | short | established relationship | fluff

There’s a box under Jack’s desk. When he works on a paper, he’ll kick his feet up on it. Everybody that comes in doesn’t notice it. If they did, it just looks like some miscellaneous box of whatever. Nothing special. They wouldn’t think anything of it. No one knows that battered, footprint covered cardboard box is Jack’s lifeline. On his hardest days and in the surreal, dark hours when his insomnia hits, he opens it up and is able to breathe.

Kent likes the difference between their bodies. He likes being shorter than Jack because he can curl comfortably under the weight of Jack’s arm across his shoulders when they stand next to each other, and he likes that Jack’s body on top of his is enough to hold him down and keep him there if Jack doesn’t want him to move. He likes that Jack has big, strong hands and big, thick fingers.

The Aces get knocked out of the playoffs and Kent Parson is having feelings about it. Jack Zimmermann is having feelings about him.

keep your lights on by ladyalysv - explicit | short | rebound sex | au | unapologetically elf-centric jack

At least with Parse, it's hard to fuck things up more. (2016)

when you were there by defcontwo - mature | short | angsty angst

Jack plays the Aces for the first time, and two things happen at once: Jack, nervous and fumbling all the way through the warm up, right down to puck drop when he catches sight of that familiar blonde hair and something in him just settles, winds up playing the most beautiful hockey of his season to date.

And Kent ignores him completely.

Redux series by Idday ★ - established relationship | domesticity | fluff | au | the thing with future-ish jackparse fluff aus is that their issues (e.g. kent's insecurities, or jack's daddy issues) remain to be dealt with and don't vanish by the virtue of love ipso facto, and that's why they're so goddamn satisfying

Like We Were - teen | short | first times (again) | getting back together | friends to lovers

Jack thinks there should be a word for this, for when you fall in love with the same person a second time.

no one has me (like you do) - teen | short | summers and holidays

“Kenny,” Jack says again. “You went golfing for me. That’s how I know it’s real.”

my heart, it came to life - mature | short | family planning??

“Kenny,” Jack says, and falls into the deck chair where Kent is laying out, absorbed in whatever’s on his phone screen. It could be an email from his agent, or it could be a cat video. It’s hard to tell.

The chair is much too small for two fully grown hockey players, but they make it work. Kent drops his phone, but he’s wearing sunglasses, his face hard to read. Jack pulls them down gently until Kent’s squinting up at him, eyes adjusting to the bright afternoon.

“Do you want kids?” Jack asks him.

something about the way you love me (finally feels like home) - teen | short | pseudo-proposal

He loves Jack likes this and loves that he can make him like this—warm and open and laughing with their friends. It makes him stupidly proud, like he has his own personal Jack Zimmermann. He has to share his boyfriend with the rest of the world, sure, but they only get the hockey robot version. Kent gets this Jack, the real Jack, all to himself.

future

“For one player on the Aces, this game represents the return of youth in another, special way. In just three weeks, Kent Parson, captain of the Las Vegas Aces, will not only be returning to the east coast winter of his childhood, but he will have the rare opportunity of being out on the same pond as his former friend and rival, Jack Zimmermann. The opportunity to play a game outdoors may remind them of their childhood, but from sharing a special bond as young teammates to struggling against each other for victory, this game also shows how much has changed with time.“

Kent texted Jack: “fucking epix”.

Dad Hugs by MisconductandMimosas - gen | short | more kent & bad bob tbh but i’ll take more of this rn | fluff

In the summer of 2019, Kent attends Bob Zimmermann’s private Hockey Hall of Fame Induction party

Because Jack is an addict, and some addicts relapse.

Endgame Jack/Kent. I cannot stress this enough.

In Due Time by loveandallthat - teen | short | reconciliation

Jack’s been in the NHL for several years now. The Falconers rose to glory and fell again, just like the Aces. Jack gets on a plane to Vegas.

Behind Closed Doors by loveandallthat - explicit | short | reconciliation | friends to lovers | getting together

It’s just a tabloid. Nobody’s going to believe it anyway; it’s fine. Don’t worry about it. Jack can tell himself any one of these things a thousand times and he’s never going to believe them.

Confirmed: Kent Parson Las Vegas Aces’ First Choice All Along It doesn’t even help that the last line is, “When asked for comment, Kent Parson said, ‘Who even cares anymore?’”

17 Again by daeguarchives - teen | short | friends to lovers | angst

“I can’t believe I actually thought I was in love with you, once.”

17 was a bad time for both of them, they both know that. Except now Kent's kidding himself into thinking he can move on and Jack's kidding himself into thinking he has moved on and for some reason, 17 seems a much better time than now.

new jersey is for lovers series by defcontwo, sparkyplugs ★ | it's soft and sweet and sometimes, that's enough

Ready to Walk a Path That's New - teen | short | curtainfic | fluff

They’ll always have things to apologize to each other for. But these days, they’re trying to focus on what they have to thank each other for.

These days, that’s a much longer list.

There's a place for you and me - mature | short | proposal | fluff

“I don’t know, I just, uh. It wasn’t there. He’s not the kind of guy I could see myself ending up with, I guess.”

Jack laughs, warm and close, the standard pre-chirp Zimmermann coming in at the edges. “And what kind of guy would that be?”

Kent swallows hard, and thinks, You. Fuck me, it’s always going to be you. Or: the slow and steady steps to a happily ever after.

“And my running observation is that Parse can’t take a compliment from you without blowing it off. Could be a coincidence, but no evidence to the contrary since I started paying attention,” Ransom said.

“What?” Jack said, right as Kent walked back in the room.

the river twice by Verbyna - teen | short | addiction relapse | angst | hopeful ending at least

Going to Vegas seemed like the only option.

player judged most valuable by achilleees - teen | short

prompt: future fic, jack’s been in the nhl a few years, ignoring parse when they play the aces. he can’t ignore him the night of the nhl awards, not when he looks this good, not when he fucking thanks jack in his hart acceptance speech.

i really really really really really really like you by achilleees ★ - teen | short | insecurity | established relationship | jack reassuring kent is my forever jam

“Hey,” Jack said. “My parents love you, alright? They have never not loved you. This is going to be fine.”

“Condescension negates cookie privileges,” Kent said, and shut the door in his face.

some nebulous universe called domesticity series by alwaysbuddy ★ - established relationship | fluff | humor

keep your hands on me - explicit | short | sex dream | feminization | dirty talk af

“Not a girl then?”

“It was, yeah,” Jack admits, throat feeling a little tight, “you were the girl.

”in search of our lost time - explicit | short | hurt/comfort | bathtub sex

Jack rests a hand lightly on the porcelain, skimming forward to catch one of Kent’s wrists, where it’s dangling off the edge of the tub. Kent immediately turns his hand over, and wraps two fingers around Jack’s own wrist loosely, tugging in a way that says, why aren’t you in here with me yet, huh?

Maybe I'm Not Too Young to be a Cowboy by bsmog - teen | medium | retirement | injury

Kent is 34 years old. He's won everything there is to win in the world of hockey (just not this year, let's not talk about it, okay?), but ever since an injury took Jack out of hockey altogether, there's something missing on the ice. What the hell is the offseason for if not to find out what that is?

If only anything was ever that easy where Jack Zimmermann was concerned.

Wait So Long by perfectpro - gen | short | fluff | wedding and marriage | domesticity

Let it never be said that Kent Parson doesn’t work for what he wants. Trembling, Kent gets off his knee, but he doesn’t close the ring box. “I don’t want to win another Cup alone. I don’t want to win another Cup without you,” he explains, and it’s a confession if it’s anything. He doesn’t know how to make it not true.

Gordie Meow by madameofmusic - teen | short | fluff | established relationship | humor

Kent’s cats are allergic to Jack. This isn’t even the most ridiculous thing Jack’s had to deal with.

Kent “No Chill” Parson by MisconductandMimosas - gen | short | humor | all-star weekend au | established relationship, if you read this first

“Be on my team for the All-Star game,” Kent said suddenly.

Jack chuckled, “They haven’t even announced next year’s format yet. It could be by division this year. Even if it’s not, they could make us opposing captains.”

#omgcheckplease #kent parson #parsepositive #jackparse #pimms #jack zimmermann #fic rec #omgcp

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mentaldisordercartooncharac-blog · 7 years ago

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The trickiest thing about tumblr is its level of anonymity, and the ability it gives a person to not be entirely truthful about who they are. You can be whoever you want to be! Nobody will know. You can roleplay anyone and no one can question you. In most cases, this is a good thing. Protecting one’s privacy is important, especially online. But in a lot of cases, it creates awkward situations where you might need to question the legitimacy of someone’s claim because they’re dropping red flags that they’re lying just to have an excuse to be abusive and avoid criticism, but in doing so you risk being labeled -phobic or -ist or a horrible person in general for daring to invalidate someone’s experience or abuse.

so when I see someone throwing a tantrum all over ship tags and equating shippers with pedophiles, while blatantly misusing that word in the same sentence as claiming to be CSA survivors themselves, that really makes me doubt that they’re being entirely truthful about their trauma, and that they’re likely just making up some story out of the mistaken assumption it will add some legitimacy to their false accusations. If you were really a victim of child sexual abuse, you wouldn’t belittle it so candidly just for a cheap attempt at policing strangers on the internet, you wouldn’t exploit it as a manipulation tactic, and you’d have a little more respect for the term (and actual survivors of it) and use it appropriately.

that goes for the transtrender thing too. Believe it or not, I dislike transphobes and terfs as much as the next guy, but when it seems like being a trans guy is the new iteration of last decade’s empty boast of “not like other girls”, and then seeing so many teenagers on here who have clearly never experienced dysphoria in their lives and are solely using that identity as a means to shit on girls for shipping the wrong ship and backing up their reasoning with “well AS A GAY MAN~~ I’M TELLING YOU HOW STUPID YOU ARE BECAUSE I’M TOTALLY A GAY MAN THEREFORE I’M THE ULTIMATE AUTHORITY ON GAY MEN,” you’ll see why I’m so doubtful of a lot of people about who they claim to be. I doubt actual trans men would dedicate such a large portion of their leisure time to yelling at strangers on the internet over inane trivia, because I’m assuming they’d have bigger fish to fry, and actual real life problems to worry about. And probably also a considerable level of empathy on the subject of bullying and harassment, so…needless to say, that sort of behavior would likely be, erm…beneath them. Also, maybe let’s not appropriate that identity, because I imagine it’s demeaning to actual trans guys and the shit they’ve had to go through when all you’ve done is tapped off a hasty afterthought of pronouns in your bio and then assume to speak for them.

There’s also the implication it carries that it’s apparently a lot more beneficial on this site to be othergendered than it is to be female, that we’re still stuck in this shitty online culture where being female is still considered unfashionable and the Absolute Worst Possible Thing a person can be and that claiming to be anything but female is ideal, but that’s a conversation for another time. It’s just, illuminating, I suppose.

Don’t think I don’t feel bad for pointing this out. I really don’t intend to invalidate anyone’s identity or past abuse, but when it seems like most of you are simply using those labels as weapons for the lone purpose of being huge steaming shitbags to people in fan spaces, you’ll understand why I can’t really take anyone seriously, and why my knee-jerk reaction on this site is to immediately disbelieve that anyone is really who they say they are and not just catfishing for catfishing’s sake. It’s a red flag that goes up whenever someone makes claims as to their identity or education or general worldly experience, when everything about their personality and claims suggest otherwise. Like CSA survivors misusing the word pedophilia, presumed law students making serious accusations of federal crimes with absolutely no evidence to corroborate it, trans people whose only motivation to be on this site is bullying and harassment.

Pardon if I’m way off base here, I don’t mean to assume what might be considered “normal” behavior for any of these groups of people, but these traits seem a little out of character for those identities, so you’ll forgive me for my skepticism. I think a lot of people here are exaggerating a little about who they say they are. I know it must have been unpleasant, but accidentally stumbling across your parents’ porn stash doesn’t make you a CSA survivor. Occasionally attending a paralegal night class at your local community college for burnouts and recent divorcees doesn’t make you a law student. If you really want to make a convincing case for any of these things that you kids are impersonating, you need to start…well, playing the part a little more convincingly. You’re too obvious in your lie.

So just a little litmus test the next time you find yourself arrogantly opening any rebuttal with “As a _______, I’m telling you with unassailable authority that you’re wrong/immoral/harmful for liking this thing”, perhaps delete that and try again with something a little more substantial. Because for any of you that haven’t yet made it to sophomore-level debate class, that is a fallacy called “Appeal to Authority,” and it fails from the start because it assumes an individual’s dubious claim on an identity/experience gives them justification to speak for all people in that group.

This is flawed because it doesn’t rule out the imperfections of personal bias or intersectionality. Instead of using your identity to condescendingly explain why you’re right, try using factual evidence or actual statistics from reliable sources and studies rather than anecdotal evidence. We’re in a post-truth world now (in case any of you haven’t peeked out from under the tumblr-echo-chamber-induced rock you all obviously like to hide under and haven’t noticed), and you’d do best to not contribute to it if you want anyone to take you even remotely seriously when you claim to represent the rights of all those innocents and Others that make up the downtrodden minority of society. Just remember, anecdotal evidence cannot be proven, and it’s useless because literally anyone can just make up some bullshit and apply it to a situation to make themselves look right.

You know who else does this? Donald Trump. Donald Trump and his lackeys. This little missive is directed mostly at fandom antis, but this can apply to anyone on here who claims to be of any left-leaning persuasion: maybe don’t do that, because you start looking like the very people you claim to oppose, and it weakens every argument you’ll ever make. And I have faith in all of you, that you’re better than that. That you’re smarter than that. Even if your anecdotal evidence is true, it’s inadmissible because it can’t be proven. And it shouldn’t be, for that matter, because you don’t owe that to anyone. All it’s going to do is result in some asshole at some point coming out with their own anecdotal data that’s made up or highly embellished for the sole purpose of belittling yours, and then you’re at an impasse because A) you just spilled your most painful, humiliating memories in vain and B) you either have to acknowledge both accounts or acknowledge neither, and everybody loses. You’ve achieved nothing.

So we’re not here to play oppression olympics or win edgiest blogger award. There’s this really gross thing about tumblr where people are pressured into exposing their traumatic histories and deeply personal information in order to validate enjoyment of their fucking hobbies, and in turn it inspires the children harassing them to “beat the score” or whatever, and that’s when you have them firing back with really dubious accounts of their own, more seriouser trauma that makes them totally righter than you!!! (and is in actuality just a regurgitation of a Law & Order episode they saw once, and very obviously never fucking happened). Fake Tumblr Stories are everywhere, we all know this, we’ve all encountered plenty, but you’re not allowed to question the veracity of any of them or you risk being labeled an abuse apologist or victim blamer or something.

That’s fucking psychotic. Someone shouldn’t have to bleed their darkest moments to some snot-nosed 16 year old brat just to keep from being harassed or falsely reported as a pedophile, and some asshole who arrogantly self-identifies as the fucking moral police shouldn’t be so obsessed with getting the last word on trivial nonsense that they feel obligated to play this woker-than-thou pissing contest with people who have experienced *actual* trauma. I mean, do you kids not see how completely unhinged this behavior is? You children need to be fucking sedated. You’re goddamn nuts. I fear for the day we have to rely on you assholes in the job market, because you’re just gunna fuck everything up. You’ll always be failures. You’ll make a trainwreck of everything.

For lack of a better word,

Yikes.

Anyway, the point is just a reminder that your identity shouldn’t be relevant when you’re trying to prove a logical point or have any of your arguments taken seriously, if you really are right or justified in your stance. If your argument has any basis in sustainable fact, then your gender/orientation/mental illness/personal history will have no impact whatsoever. So lying about them really isn’t worth it and gains nothing. Just be yourself! I know at the tender ages of ~14-20 you’re desperate to be recognized for how unique you are and you’re struggling to be celebrated as a special individual when you’ve done absolutely nothing, but realistically…that’s a pretty tall order, there are like 7 billion people on the planet, so nothing you can make up about yourself will ever really be that impressive. Stop trying so hard and enjoy your fucking childhood.

And if you find you can’t make a stable argument without using a desperate appeal to authority like that, then maybe you should reassess your stance on things because chances are, it’s because you’re wrong.

#fandom wank #antis #sjw logic #purity politics #transtrenders #ship discourse #tumblr is not your safe space

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butaneplate02-blog · 6 years ago

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Special Sauce: Tommy Tomlinson on Untangling Food, Love, and Loving Food

[Photograph: Jeff Cravotta. Burger photograph: Emily and Matt Clifton.]

Special Sauce is available on iTunes, Google Play Music, Soundcloud, Player FM, and Stitcher. You can also find the archive of all our episodes here on Serious Eats and on this RSS feed.

EL: Today I'm thrilled to be talking with the terrific writer, Pulitzer Prize finalist, podcaster... What else can I say about you, Tommy? Freelance writer extraordinaire.

TT: Man about town.

TT: I did not. But whoever did deserves a raise.

EL: Exactly. So welcome to Special Sauce, Tommy Tomlinson. It's so good to have you here.

TT: Thank you so much, Ed. I appreciate you having me on.

EL: I literally read your book twice. I'm a little embarrassed to say that. Some people will read like A Tale of Two Cities twice or Middlemarch. I read The Elephant in the Room twice.

TT: That's good company. I'll stay in that company all day.

TT: That's brave.

EL: So let's talk about life at the Tomlinson family table which you obviously go into in the book. So it's a particularly relevant question for you.

TT: Well, I had a different life and that's part of the reason I got so big.

EL: Yeah, that's interesting. And it was your mom. Your mom was a good old fashioned country cook, right?

EL: I want that right now.

TT: I know. I know.

EL: Can I say that?

TT: Me too.

EL: So were you hyper-aware? Were you always aware? Like for me when I was a kid, I couldn't escape it because I shopped at the husky section at Meijer's department store.

EL: Right. There was no Ralph Lauren for big guys.

TT: My mom managed to patch up a lot of the old things I had, let out some stuff, and sort of keep me in clothes for a while. But that was always a problem for me.

EL: And you talk in the book about being teased. And I remember when I was in junior high school they used to say, "Hey, it's fast Eddy without the S." Did you have that stuff too?

EL: So your dad had various jobs according to the book. And your mom worked as well, right?

EL: That's true.

EL: Yeah, you live in the South where Hardee's has been marketing two-pound hamburgers or whatever for so long now. It's like you can't have a big enough Hardee's burger in their universe.

EL: It's true.

TT: It's just an astonishing amount of butter and sugar and grease that goes into making something like that. We're all vulnerable to that kind of stuff.

EL: That's awesome.

TT: And so the level of, first of all, the goodness of it. And then the abundance of it, is something that's really hard to push yourself away from.

EL: And you went to college at the University of Georgia.

TT: I did.

EL: And as you lay out in the book, college also lends itself to terrible eating habits.

EL: Yeah, for sure.

EL: I assume without, like me, like without even thinking about it. And it wasn't just when you're anxious or nervous about something. It was just your default mode.

EL: So how much did you weigh in college?

EL: Wow. So that's really like, yes, 250 is heavy, but if you came out of 330 that's when you go into morbidly obese mode, right?

EL: And when you started the book, it's New Year's Eve 2014, right? So there were many years and by the time you started the book, you weighed 460.

TT: Yeah, and I was 50-years-old at that moment.

EL: You were 50-years-old and you weighed 460?

TT: Yep.

EL: And that must have been just beyond terrifying.

EL: Wow.

TT: And so that was the big impetus for me to change.

EL: And you describe the diet you put yourself on very succinctly, right?

EL: And to make it to 3,000 days that's also the only way to do it. You talk about in the book that the body has very strong defenses against crash diets.

EL: I've always found that true. I once went on the Atkins diet in college. Remember the Atkins diet?

TT: I do.

EL: And I ate so little fruit I actually got scurvy.

TT: That's dedication. I have to tell you.

EL: I mean it's crazy, dude.

TT: You were the last person who wasn't a pirate to get scurvy.

TT: Oh, wow.

EL: I love Popeyes.

TT: Popeyes is fantastic.

TT: And in fact the majority of this book is about me trying to figure out why I got so big in the first place.

EL: Yeah, exactly.

TT: And then understanding myself better helped me sort of unlock the ways to turn it around.

This post may contain links to Amazon or other partners; your purchases via these links can benefit Serious Eats. Read more about our affiliate linking policy.

Source: https://www.seriouseats.com/2019/03/special-sauce-tommy-tomlinson-1-2.html

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foursprout-blog · 7 years ago

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How To Get Over The Guy Who You Never Really Had

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/how-to-get-over-the-guy-who-you-never-really-had-2/

How To Get Over The Guy Who You Never Really Had

Brandon Stanciell

I think getting over a guy you never actually had is harder than getting over a breakup. At least with someone you were in a relationship with, you were there. You lived it, you experienced the breakdown of the relationship, the disconnection, the fights, the pain, and whatever else went into you both calling it quits. When it’s a guy you never really had, well all you have are the thoughts of what could have been. And that vision can’t ever come to fruition because he doesn’t want it to.

And you don’t get it. You think he’s great, you like him, you enjoy spending time with him, how does he not feel the same way? You’re left mourning the loss of the potential of what could have been, and that is almost more painful than mourning a reality that has been.

I’ve lived through this sort of thing many a time, but the most shocking was a guy we’ll call Jack. We “met” through an online dating site and exchanged lengthy messages for about a month. He lived in LA, but like me, he works for himself and has a flexible schedule so the distance wasn’t such an issue.

We finally took it to the next level and spoke on the phone. And our first phone call was six hours! I absolutely despise talking on the phone, I’m that person who is annoyed when someone calls and it isn’t an emergency. I’m that person who is always plotting my escape from a conversation. But not in this case, I genuinely enjoyed talking to him and finding out all about him. He was cool and interesting and just seemed like an all-around awesome guy … now, how often do those come around?

We had another “date” set for a few days later and I was actually excited. I was already picturing a bi-coastal life, spending some time in LA with my new boyfriend and then back to NYC. I was so excited about the possibilities … it felt like something really special was brewing and I just couldn’t wait to see how it would all unfold.

Our next phone conversation also went well, but maybe wasn’t as electric. This time we spoke for about an hour and a half because some of his friends unexpectedly showed up and he had to cut it short. This time I felt like something was a little off, but I brushed it aside.

A few days later while on the phone with a Time Warner guy to fix some cable issues, I saw an email from him pop up on my phone. I immediately clicked it open and here is what it said (This is an actual copy-paste job!):

Hey Sabrina,

It’s been great getting to know you and talking the past few days but unfortunately, I don’t think I’m the best match for you, and I think you deserve to have the person who is best for you. You’re an awesome person who I definitely connect with but I think it’s more on a friendship level.

All the best and enjoy Italy!

What. The. Hell. I literally lose the ability to speak. The Time Warner man asks me if the connection finished reloading and I can’t answer, I’m in a fog, I’m in shock. I mean … what????

You like me as a friend?? You don’t think we’re a match?? You haven’t even met me yet! At least meet me and then dump me! This all just seemed so discourteous. Am I so bad that I can’t even get a guy to date me before dumping me? And how did I not see this coming? I was ready to pack my bags and head to the sunshine state … and he was just like nah? None of this makes sense.

Now had he said, “Look, I think the distance complicates things,” then I would have been fine because that makes sense. But what he said made no sense and I just felt devastated … and also really offended, to be honest!

I also felt kind of like an idiot for feeling that way. I didn’t even know this guy. We never met. For all I knew, I was being catfished and he doesn’t even exist. Why was I so upset about this? But I was, and that’s just something you need to admit when you lose a guy you never even had. It’s sad and it hurts and you have to deal with it almost like you would an actual breakup.

I have a theory that dating is much harder for people who never like anyone. I’m the kind of person who is either all in or all out. There is no, “Hmm, this guy is OK. I don’t really know how I feel so I’ll give it more time.” I always know how I feel. For people like us, when that rare gem comes along … that guy who we actually like, who we see potential with, we latch on and don’t let go, we need it to work. And when it doesn’t, it’s doubly depressing because we don’t know when the next worthy candidate will come along.

But enough storytelling. How do we get over these kinds of “relationships”? How do we move on with grace and dignity, rather than feeling insecure and full of self-loathing?

Here is how:

1. Realize potential always looks prettier than reality

Whatever visions you have in your mind are just fantasies. I’m not saying you can’t ever have that kind of relationship, I’m saying you can’t have it with him. Why? Because the kind of guy that can give you the loving relationship you want is not the same guy who will leave you before he even really gets to know you.

The right guy for you is a guy who wants to be with you. He will do whatever it takes. He won’t just give you some flimsy reason as to why he doesn’t want to see you anymore.

2. Not everyone is a match.

I know it feels personal. It feels like something must be wrong with you. And maybe you go on a mission to discover what that thing is and try to fix it so that Prince Charming will see the error in his ways and beg to have you back. In my case, my issue was maybe I’m not “sexy” enough on the phone. Maybe I’m a little too “friendly,” maybe I needed to hold back more. All of this is so ridiculous because none of it matters with the right guy. If you have to measure your words and affect so much, then he’s not for you!

I’m sure you’ve had experiences where you dated a guy who was crazy about you, but something just wasn’t clicking for you. Maybe he was lacking in a quality you really need in a partner, maybe he had too much of a quality that you don’t like. Whatever the case, you thought he was a good guy, he just wasn’t the right match for you.

Sometimes you’ll have the clarity, sometimes he will. And in an ideal world, both of you will see it and will part amicably. But unfortunately, love isn’t always so kind or fair. If he doesn’t like you, nothing you say will change his mind. That’s not how love and attraction work.

It sucks to be the one who thinks everything is great only to be blindsided when the guy is like, nah. But you need to trust that all it means is he isn’t right for you. And that’s a good thing! Now you’re free to find someone who is, to find a guy who does appreciate you and more importantly, really wants to be with you!

3. Get distance

It’s really hard to get distance from anyone in this day and age because privacy is dead and we’re all up in each other’s business and social media stories. How are you supposed to forget about anyone when the means of stalking are so endless?

But you must be strong. You need to get both physical and emotional distance. The more you think about him, the worse you’ll feel about yourself. That’s just how it goes. He’s a guy that you want and who doesn’t want you and hence, you are unworthy. Your mind will always go in that sad direction, so don’t let it!

Unfriend him, punish yourself for stalking him (a good one I like is making yourself run a mile every time you look at his profile. This way you discourage yourself, but also can get in shape if you do cave), or just go away for a long weekend, or a full week if you can swing it. Traveling can be incredibly therapeutic.

4. Look back objectively

I know you think he was so great and so sexy and so funny and so everything, but if he is a human being, then I guarantee there is also a lot wrong with him. So if you must think about him at all, think about that stuff.

Don’t look back with rose-colored glasses. Look back with objective lenses and look at all the reasons and all the ways this wouldn’t have worked out, there must be some because if he was the perfect guy for you then he would be with you!

5. You never know where this will lead…

As you saw in the copy-pasted email, I had a trip to Italy coming up a few weeks after I was blindsided. The trip couldn’t have been better timing (see step #3). I went to Italy for two weeks and had the time of my life. When I got back, my high school ex-boyfriend who I ran into earlier that summer reached out to me and we decided to meet up. And now we’re married!

The bad things in life usually set us on a path for the good, but only if we help steer ourselves in that direction. Wallowing and moping won’t serve you. I do think it’s important to embrace your negative emotions and also to not beat yourself up for feeling sad about this. But you also need to try and stay as positive as you can. Adopting an attitude of, “All men suck. Nothing ever works out for me, my life is hopeless,” will not get you the love you want. It will only make you miserable and suck all the joy out of your life.

Don’t punish yourself for someone else’s decisions or mistakes or stupidity. All his rejection means is he’s not the right guy for you. Maybe it’s because you aren’t the type of women he imagines himself with, maybe it’s because he’s a damage case and is incapable of liking anyone past a certain point, the reasons don’t matter. The facts do. (See my article on Damage Cases for more on that!)

6. Feel good

Finally, the antidote for feeling bad is to do things that make you feel good — a genius concept, I know! So do what makes you happy. Exercise, spend time with friends, travel, take up a new hobby. Focus on being your best self, rather than wallowing, which will only make you your worst self.

#Happiness

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foursprouthappiness-blog · 7 years ago

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How To Get Over The Guy Who You Never Really Had

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/how-to-get-over-the-guy-who-you-never-really-had/

How To Get Over The Guy Who You Never Really Had

Brandon Stanciell

Hey Sabrina,

All the best and enjoy Italy!

What. The. Hell. I literally lose the ability to speak. The Time Warner man asks me if the connection finished reloading and I can’t answer, I’m in a fog, I’m in shock. I mean … what????

But enough storytelling. How do we get over these kinds of “relationships”? How do we move on with grace and dignity, rather than feeling insecure and full of self-loathing?

Here is how:

1. Realize potential always looks prettier than reality

The right guy for you is a guy who wants to be with you. He will do whatever it takes. He won’t just give you some flimsy reason as to why he doesn’t want to see you anymore.

2. Not everyone is a match.

3. Get distance

4. Look back objectively

5. You never know where this will lead…

6. Feel good

#Happiness

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erindatesla · 7 years ago

Text

Flasback Friday: Roach Guy, From Pests to Pal

January 09, 2014

If I'd had a blog in 2011, you would have heard a lot about "Roach Guy" in the last two years. (With some encouragement) I've decided to compile all the posts that would have been. At it's worst it's my greatest diary entry, at it's best it's the foundation for my first book. Either way, brace yourself for too many words.

Message Monday: The Roach Breeder November 2011

I messaged this guy on OKCupid because his profile said he had a collection of small pets and cared for his plants like children (or something). He only posted one picture on his profile and it was from a distance, so I don't even know what he looks like. I know, I'm so brave. His reply:

As it turns out, HE BREEDS ROACHES. It's important for you to know that one time when I saw a roach in the living room I locked myself in my bedroom to cry until my dad showed up to dispose of it. I was 20.

Yet for some reason, his roach breeding doesn't bother me that much. Granted, I will never enter his home so long as he willingly houses these pests, but I'm oddly intrigued by this guy. I've had a busy week so I've been slow to reply and got this message from him:

SHOULD I BE CONCERNED THAT I STILL WANT TO TALK TO HIM??

The good thing is that if I ever date him he already has a nickname among my friends: Roach Guy.

My Date With Roach Guy and His Toe Shoes December 2011

Against all odds (read: the fact that he breeds roaches), I ended up meeting Roach Guy (RG).

We met for dinner at Native Foods in Costa Mesa, since I'm a vegetarian and he is too! (pescetarian, technically). Not really knowing who to look for thanks to his lack of photos, when I first arrived and saw an old man, I feared I was being Catfished! Then I spotted him: bearded, nice smile, casual clothes and those shoes that have a slot for each toe. There's always a catch, right? If roaches weren't enough, he had to be wearing toe shoes??

I'm pretty shallow, so this should be a huge, waiving red flag for me. But I had the best time! His demeanor is calm and friendly, and we had so much to talk about. I found myself wanting to know everything about this human. Eventually we wondered why the restaurant employees were turning off the lights, only to realize it had been 4 hours and we'd shut the place down! Time had escaped us. I could maybe talk to him forever? But like, toe shoes.

"EXCUSE ME, MAY I LIVE ON YOUR DRESSER FOREVER?" - GERALD

Meet Gerald December 2011

I saw Roach Guy again -- we met at a cool spot of his choice in Santa Ana, and when I arrived he gave me an ORIGAMI DINOSAUR that was holding a bouquet of flowers.

Did you read that? An ORIGAMI DINOSAUR. That he made. With his hands. In his spare time. For me. it was holding flowers. HE SIGNED AND DATED THE BOTTOM. Internally I melted and swooned and died twice. Don't worry, externally I played it supes cool.

After dinner we caravanned to the beach to watch something magical take place in the sky or something. It was the night of winter solstice, so we found a spot amid the rocks to talk and gaze. A cop found us and told us the beach closed at 10 ("nature was closed," so to speak) so once he left we relocated to a grassy area nearby, only to be splashed suddenly by sprinklers. RG covered me with the blanket he'd brought and we found dry land. Eventually we made our way down to a lifeguard tower hidden away from the cops and sprinklers. To arrive there we had to go down a dark and quiet street, the kind in horror films where you scream at the girl "DON'T GO HE'S GOING TO MURDER YOU!" But thankfully I had politely asked him not to murder me earlier in the night, and he obliged. In retrospect, it could have been a scene from a rom-com: sitting on a lifeguard tower under the stars, talking, laughing ETC. ETC. ETC. In the moment it never seems as picturesque.

When my friends asked how the night went all I had to say was, "he gave me an origami dinosaur that was holding a bouquet of flowers" and they knew I was smitten.

Roaches Are Tenacious March 2012

They say roaches can live 10 days with their heads cut off. Who is out there testing this theory, I don't know. But apparently they're determined little suckers.

Just like Roach Guy.

Despite the fact that we had a great third date and that he's super sweet (he emailed me "e-soup" when I was sick!), I dropped him like hot potato. At first I told him I was busy, then I stopped replying to a majority of his texts and emails. I KNOW, I'm the worst! However, like a roach isn't phased by nuclear war, RG wasn't phased by my distance. He even asked me to get ice cream on Valentine's Day which provoked several feelings and thoughts: 1) how sweet 2) should I be insulted you think I'm free for Valentine's Day, on Valentine's Day 3) wow you're persistent it has been like six weeks, brah 4) that's really cute I love ice cream should I go.

I didn't go. Instead I continued to be vague and distant. Then he emailed me the most charming little letter you ever did see. I wish it was a love letter and not a "WTF happened, Erin" letter. My favorite sentence:

Although our times together were brief relative to linear time they were rich in substance, and there was a strange effect on the normal progression of time when you were around.

Isn't that the most poetic? I apologized and after some email banter we agreed to be friends in the future. I'm kind of into that idea but refuse to act interested because duh.

I Have A Crush On A Guy Who Once Bred Roaches January 2013

BLAPTICA DUBIA

After two hangouts that were pleasant but nothing to write home about, Roach Guy and I began talking on the phone more often. One day I said, "it's weird we still talk on the phone even though we've only met 5 times." What I meant was that we were essentially strangers, yet I felt really comfortable talking to him at length. He misinterpreted that as "let's hang out," and I didn't correct him.

We were supposed to watch a movie at my apartment, but while he was driving over my friend offered me two free tickets for a Muse concert. I "asked" Roach Guy if that was okay (read: I dictated that we were going to a concert) and he agreed to go. The concert was great, yeah yeah yeah, but what really stands out is how much we LAUGHED. After the concert he was laying stretched out on my living room floor and I was sitting on my couch when I realized I had a crush on him. Well, more than a crush, I like him. After all this time! I try and find all these reasons not to like him such as,

1. he is repulsed by butter, which is my favorite food 2. he sleeps on his floor instead of using his bed 3. he despises authority figures while I'm over here like #respect.

While I would normally mock a guy for the above and blame these differences for a reason to distance myself, in this case it's made me realize that you can't just like piece of a person. When you like someone you like someone, and I like Roach Guy.

One night this month we talked on the phone for four hours. We discovered we could be silent without feeling strange, and we could talk about being silent without feeling strange, without feeling strange. During this conversation we made plans for him to come up and see a movie with me, and he asked if we could call that a date. After an extremely long pause I said sure. He had JUST told me twenty minutes earlier that he didn't want a significant other so that he could explore his path to enlightenment. MEANWHILE I'LL EXPLORE MY PATH TO HEARTBREAK.

The night of our date he put his arm around me during the movie, and afterwards we got pizza and ate it in my living room . He put concerted effort into befriending my ferocious chihuahua, and in no time they were buds, melting my heart once and for all.

QUIZ: ARE YOU EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE March 2013

BOXER JOHN CONTEH DRINKING BEER IN THE SHOWER DECEMBER 1978 (PIC: DM) THEN SO CAN I OKAY??

Like his namesake, Roach Guy has vanished into the dark. When we did speak briefly he said he is seeking introspection. (Introspecting? Is that a word, I don't know.)

He's doing exactly what I did to him when we first met, so I can't get mad, technically, without being a hypocrite.

I'm kind of mad. More like, sad, if anything. Like drink-beer-in-the-shower-while-singing-Rilo-Kiley-at-the-top-of-my-lungs-until-my-friend-shows-up-with-pizza-sad. GURLZ YOU KNOW WHERE I'M AT WUT UP.

This is a totally normal female reaction to a male, and I feel comfortable sharing it on the Internet in light of the fact that it may sound like a diary entry.

As such, I'm creating a quiz that any future dating prospects must complete:

QUIZ: ARE YOU EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE **Graded: PASS or FAIL 1. Are you "emotionally available"? a) yes b) no 2. If you answered "a" above, are you sure? a) yes b) no 3) Do you like butter? a) I fucking love it give me all the butter b) ew Correct answers: 1. a; 2. a 3. a

If you answered "b" to any of the above questions you cannot put your mouth on my mouth even if you're the funniest.

I'm Grateful for the Internet* January 10, 2014

*This isn't really a post about the Internet, per say.

The next time someone asks me my favorite place in the world I'm just going to be honest and say the Internet -- I spend all of my time there these days! Who cares where I am when I can talk to anyone just about anywhere from any of my devices!! In this day and age and decade of my life (#twentysomething), it's hard to meet people, and the Internet makes it easier. #single #nerd #dateme

ROACH GUY LOVES NEW GIRL.

Thinking about my addictive relationship to the Internet and therefore Facebook/Twitter/Blogs/OKCUPID, my mind wanders to Roach Guy. I made a friend on the Internet you guys!! It almost makes filtering through aggressive 46 year old men worth it.

After his introspection, Roach Guy eventually resurfaced from the dark, and though we fizzled out "romantically" many moons ago, we've maintained a friendship that I really appreciate.

Recently he asked how I would write about "Roach Guy" on my blog (he's a big supporter, thanks brah), and I told him I didn't know what exactly I'd write about him. He said I had a good point: there weren't any crazy stories besides his nickname and, "Other than distancing ourselves, which we both did in the same way, it was all just nice casual dates where we laughed and had delicious pizza." My gut reply was "eff you" because old crushes and darkness and emotions, but I took the high road (kind of) because he is my friend and like, #dignity.

Instead I called him out on the vagueness around whether our hangouts were "dates," and eventually he admitted that he'd been too cowardly to tell me he just wanted to be friends (you know, because I didn't catch on when he disappeared for a couple months). He, like most guys, can be clueless. Most likely he doesn't realize (or care) that my crush on him didn't just disappear when he did. Though he admits it was "cowardly" to not tell me his (lack of) feelings sooner, he also said I could have asked.

Well, one time when he left my house after a night "where we laughed and had delicious pizza" I asked if it was a date. He said "let's leave it open to interpretation." I digress, and this recent conversation about his (lack of) feelings for me is certainly not the point of this #FlashbackFriday.

In fact, I'm very much at peace with my friendship with Roach Guy -- I enjoy our texts, SnapChats and quarterly IRL hangouts quite a bit. It has made me realize the importance of BRUTAL HONESTY, OPENING ONES' HEART and COMMUNICATION in relationships - romantic or otherwise. Plus, it taught me a lot about the snap judgements I so often make. What if I'd written him off when he mentioned roaches?? I'd have missed out on an awesome friendship.

On February 2, 2013, RG and I grabbed beers in Long Beach. I'm going to end this with a few quotes from Roach Guy, unattached to each other but all from the same conversation about relationships and the friend zone (god I'm so thankful past Erin kept a journal and wrote down quotes like a stalker):

One day someone will see how kind I am and love me back.

I have so much love to give.

I will always like you and be attracted to you.

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