#save me lunchen lunchen save me

[haifoct]

You know! Zhu Yan has always felt like Zhuo Yichen’s brother, Zhuo Yixuan’s parallel to me, more than anything. He’s Yichen’s teacher and friend, sharing his knowledge and wisdom. But we see so many instances where Xiao Zhuo straight up doesn’t listen to him.

Like, for example, Zhu Yan’s advice to Yichen to give Bai Jiu fruits and headpats. Yichen tries it at first but quickly learns it’s not his preferred approach.

Or the time when Zhuo Yichen turned into a demon.

I really enjoyed their conversations in that moment; Zhu Yan’s self-centeredness was absolutely delicious to me. It’s almost a mirror to Li Lun who always wanted Zhuo Yichen to understand him too.

And I think this is where Zhuo Yichen’s words don’t align with his actions.

When he loses control and lashes out at Wen Xiao, Xiao Zhuo doesn’t pity himself the way Zhu Yan does. Zhu Yan often wallows in self-pity actually, this pathetic little one. Zhuo Yichen does feel genuine guilt for hurting Wen Xiao, rightfully so. What sets him apart is how he confronts this guilt. He apologizes directly, even though Wen Xiao reassures him, "It’s not your fault; you had no control."

(Zhu Yan never apologised to any of them, btw. Hilarious dude. I think it comes from him "othering" that demon part of himself consumed by Ever Burning Wood. If it’s not him, there’s no need to feel sorry. He is a poor little baby meow meow! He has paws!)

Zhu Yan keeps telling our righteous Xiao Zhuo: "It’s not you; it’s the demon in you. It’s alright. I know how you feel, I feel the same way." He craves Yichen’s understanding.

But I think Yichen can’t fully offer that understanding. Or rather, he doesn’t entirely agree with it?

When faced with his own lack of control, Zhuo Yichen immediately tries to make amends.

He apologises to very person he hurt, agrees to be locked up, agrees to go out and investigate Ao Yin’s antics, accepts that anger people felt for him, because people hate "sinners who kill other people left and right" (meanwhile literally dying, lol)

Xiao Zhuo is inherently about choosing his own destiny, indeed.

The mould, so familiar and comfortable, Zhu Yan tries to fit him into, pity him into, doesn’t seem to sit quite right with Zhuo Yichen, if his actions are anything to go by? Yes, Yichen understands what Zhu Yan felt in those moments, but he doesn’t share Zhu Yan’s approach to handling the aftermath.

Instead, Yichen does the opposite of what Zhu Yan encourages. He makes amends.

This is why I think our precious Yichen has less trouble making peace with his new self.

Zhu Yan simply can’t make peace with himself, with everything he has to burden, with his quite literal inner demons. He can’t defeat the stars, is the only peace he makes.

I loved the moment after the Blood Moon in Kunlun when Zhu Yan and Yichen talked. Zhu Yan’s sadness, his desire to die, can’t bring back the people he killed. He must make amends, be accountable for what he’s done. And it’s quite interesting that he makes amends by succumbing to his fate: dies to save everyone.

Li Lun and Yichen, on the other hand, they might never defeat the stars, but they sure as hell will try. Li Lun quite literally fights goddesses about it, Zhuo Yichen quite literally kills his friend about it.

Your wording about these two made me so emotional. It reminded me of this quote:

"No, we're not soulmates. This is not divine intervention. And this is most certainly not chance. I willed this. I knit the threads of fate myself until they spelled your name. I love you intentionally. I love you with every bit of conscience I was born with."

They’re so different from Zhu Yan. They will fight hell and heaven, if needed. They will fight an ancestor’s curse, they will fight against 100 years of cultivation, they will fight each other, they will fight alongside each other.

Li Lun has willed everything he has with Zhuo Yichen.

Starting from extensive research he did about him and his clan, its treasure and secrets ending with choosing to protect Zhuo Yichen with his life. His meet cute gift for this one. This is where we see Yichen siding with Li Lun in the most unexpected ways, I will even include screenshots

While Zhu Yan saw no problem with Yichen having no ability to dream, Li Lun felt it was crucial for Zhuo Yichen to regain control over his nightmares, stop being cowardly, improve. Fight whatever force robs him of his autonomy!

Once, Zhu Yan said to Yichen: "Despite always wanting to kill you, he accidentally saved your life." But I think it was no accident.

Li Lun proved time and again that he didn’t want Yichen dead; he wanted him alive and well. Remember episode 23? “See with your last look who killed you,” he said, then walked away the second Yichen lost consciousness.

Li Lun and Yichen are everything Zhu Yan isn’t. Zhu Yan can’t comprehend them being on good terms, or being the same person in different fonts. By the end of it all, he still believes Li Lun always wanted to kill Yichen, even though Li Lun broke his cultivation to help him.

Btw, I think the only time evil-Zhu Yan-on-steroids fights “Li Lun” is when Yichen confronts him at his home — or more like comes to kill him. In that scene, when Li Lun covers Yichen’s face, I interpret it as Zhu Yan’s powers recognizing Yichen as Li Lun and lashing out.

My ramblings turned out to be even more incoherent, sorry about that! Thank you for enjoying my one-braincell-trio post and for giving me the chance to ramble more about another trio I love thinking about! Although, tbf, I ended up rambling about Zhuo Yichen the same way you rambled about Zhu Yan instead of Li Lun, lmfao!

let me kiss your brain, because, seriously, EVERY WORD in that post about LI Lun IS ON POINT!!!

Was Li Lun behaving like a murderous toddler throwing a temper tantrum? Yes! But he had some good reasons to do so!

Regardless of their "romantic" relationship, ZYZ and LL were first and foremost, friends, who spent 30k years together. Even though they disagreed and even though ZYZ always felt like being a demon wasn't good enough, he wanted to be human, LL still accepted that.

Did LL overreact by killing those people in the clinic? Yes. But, if I saw my people- including children- in cages, tortured, I'd probably snap too. Plus, it irked me to no end that ZYZ was too preoccupied with being outraged at Li Lun for killing guards instead of actually helping his fellow demons. "I will protect the Wilderness"- proceeds to do absolutely nothing crying over two killed torturers while LL does all the protecting.

Then ZYZ proceeded to touch the unknown burning thing and ended up mortally wounding Li Lun. And then sealed him in and deprived him of any choice. And did he go to talk to him after? Nope. No explanation, no "get well" card, nothing. Heck, I think even a shouting match would've been better.

Even if he never went to LL because he was spiraling into depression, that doesn't explain the whole "holier than thou" attitude he displayed throughout the show. Did LL kill humans? Yes, but so did ZYZ (example- that bureau guy whose heart he exploded to prove his point). And then had the audacity to taunt LL and call him names when in reality LL was right in most of his accusations- of ZYZ being a hypocrite, liar, traitor, etc. I'm sorry, but while LL is absolutely NOT free of fault, ZYZ has no right to pretend he is any better.

But the worst of all is that when he got a chance to make up with LL, he let his pettiness and anger get the best of him. He failed to say ONE SENTENCE (we will put your soul into a piece of wood and you will recultivate again in 100 years) that would've made a whole lot of difference, and in the end, he indirectly caused Ying Lei's, Li Lun's, and likely Bai Ju's deaths.

Literally, all they had to do to get LL to stop his antics and even become THEIR ally was for ZYZ to say "sorry I set you on perpetual fire, bro. I missed you". But the "hero demon" couldn't even do that...

If anything, Zhuo Yichen was the one who showed more compassion and kindness to Li Lun than his supposed friend ever did. No wonder Li Lun shifted his focus to him in the end.

It seems that ZYZ was inherently biased against being a demon and valued humans more than demons. Perhaps, it was because of him being the vessel of malicious energy, so he juxtaposed that unfair twist of fate onto all demons (as in, he would not be in that situation if he were a human). Perhaps, he also realized at some point that he could not have the same range of emotions as humans, so he perceived himself and other demons as less. And Li Lun was the personification of demon-ness and all that ZYZ hated about himself, and he couldn't overcome it. Plus, it seems that all demons have a problem with dealing with complex emotions like grief and rage; this is why, in the end, among all of them, ZYC is the most mature one even though he is only 24. If only ZYZ had one tenth of ZYC's maturity and compassion to his fellow demons, the whole story would've played out very, very differently.

And this is why I want to write fix it fics now

Thank you SO MUCH for your addition, especially for bringing up their very last chess match. It’s probably the only moment that makes me genuinely, fucking angry at Zhu Yan. I can even understand his reaction in the clinic—but this? He wanted to be human so badly that he put his pride above everything else, lmfao. How pathetic, how frustrating it was to see him so desperately refuse to call Li Lun his friend, refuse to say that he cared for him, that he didn’t want him dead, that he had a solution. It’s so sad that Li Lun was always open and clear about his grievances, he always used his words to explain why he’s angry.

I guess if Zhu Yan admitted that he cared for this unhinged one, it would show him in the bad light.

I don’t care; I don’t even think he "indirectly" caused Ying Lei’s death. He literally killed him, period. Xiao Zhuo and the rest of the gang were the ones who told Li Lun about the root thing, and the fact that we see Li Lun IMMEDIATELY stop struggling? He went, Oh… sure, I’ll go into the root, we can draw. (Also, if Zhu Yan cared for Li Lun, he would’ve put him in Cheng Huang’s sundial and grown him for 100 years as an apology for the pain. What is 100 years to a 30K-year-old demon? A mere blink.)

And YES, Xiao Zhuo was incredibly kind to Li Lun. Despite saying he never understood him and never would, we know damn well that’s not the case. Baby Zhuo Yichen spiraled into loneliness, bitterness, isolation, and hatred toward Zhu Yan and demons—until Wen Xiao’s words about snow eventually melting brought him back (the same way Xiao Zhuo’s words sobered Li Lun and left a mark on his soul). I’m forever grateful to our precious Zhuo Yichen for forming his own opinion about Li Lun. (Isn’t it fun that he never told the gang about his encounter with Li Lun by that river?) 

Zhu Yan’s hatred, his harsh words, never affected him. Zhuo Yichen understood Li Lun. His journey with Li Lun is one of the most fascinating and interesting. No wonder our director grabbed the two actors and put them in another series together — he’s one of us, a shipper.

I absolutely adore you pointing out Li Lun being everything Zhu Yan hated about himself. His harshness with his former friend comes from his self-pity and self-hatred.

His words, "Li Lun, you’re bitter I have everything, and you have nothing." Despite it being awfully annoying in the moment due to Zhu Yan literally not hearing what Li Lun was telling him, it made me think it’s Zhu Yan trying to convince himself.

And even worse, Li Lun is proud of being a demon. He loves the Wilderness, he loves his home, he loves his people. There’s nothing he loves more than being a demon. He even turned the human he liked the most into one as well.

Zhu Yan is not as broad minded as Wen Xiao claims him to be. He very clearly has his biases. Always thinking about Zhu Yan murdering Xiao Pagoda Ghost that played with them in Li Lun’s illusion. That was awfully cold blooded! 

They’re tragic, indeed, and my heart breaks for them both. However, it makes me incredibly happy that Zhu Yan learned from his experience with Li Lun and stood firmly by his new friends’ sides. And I’m happy Li Lun found one Zhuo Yichen and one little Ying Lei who cried for him and were kind to his pain.