#saskusa

[dokifluffs]

Sit Close | Sakusa Kiyoomi

Pairing: Sakusa X Reader (gender neutral) 

Genre: fluff? but with angsty vibes??

Author’s Note: I deadass don’t know where I was going with this. I just wanted to write something “deep” 

gif from @rivaillerose​

The sound of electricity were raw in his ears. He had been here for so long, it was all he could hear despite all the busy bodies that buzzed all around him, past the room. At this point, it just sounded like flies in his ears, making his skin crawl the longer he sat and sat but he stayed put. Only you could make him move but until otherwise, he stayed.

Storm clouds brewed darker and thicker in the sky, not letting a single ray of sunshine peek through the clouds, only Mother Nature smothering the world with her frigid rain, each sending a spark of electricity down your spine whenever one landed on your body. He hated how gloomy it was, especially where the two of you were but there was nothing in his power he could do. There was nothing he could do.

The only thing he could do was sit close. Until otherwise.

His body was stiff and still like a statue, only feeling a slight creak whenever he moved just a little. He trained his eyes on you, not letting anyone or anything else take his attention away.

Today was too precious. You were too precious.

You breathed short, shallow breaths, eyes closed as you rested peacefully. You laid fast asleep, a fact that kept the ocean inside him calm and steady but he knew there was a storm in the distance. A storm that was inevitable to evade or to suppress.

He held your hand with all his might yet never hurting you once, never holding you tighter than he would a delicate flower. His thumbs grazed over your nails, your fingertips, the pads of his fingers danced across your palm, taking in, imprinting the feel of how warm you were into his body, into his soul.

His eyes burned with every minute, every hour that passed, never leaving you once, never leaving your side. Sitting close until otherwise. But you were too precious, you were his flower. Something, someone he never thought he would care to admire in the summer sun, in the whole wide field of the world. Never thought he would care to take a close look, to see how you would grow and bloom. To notice the little aspects of you as a flower. How you ate, how you lived, how you would love. He never thought he would feel so comfortable as your roots and stems looped around him, burying deep into his heart and soul until he was mesmerized. He never thought about how he could so easily cut you out of his life, to rip every stem and root out of him. You had grown and bloomed right inside of him and he never wanted to pull you out or see you wither away.

You were too precious.

How did something so fragile, so vulnerable become such a necessity in his life when he lived just fine before, walking over other plants and flowers, not paying them any mind. How did you get through?

Your chest rose as you took a deep breath, your eyes opening, adjusting to the light. The warmth in your hand squeezed as you blinked away your sleep, the image of kiyoomi becoming clearer and clearer.

“Omi~” you chimed, pushing your voice through your dry throat. “What’s got you so down?” You leaned your head onto the edge of the pillow, trying to be closer to him. Closer to the warmth.

“Don’t move, I’ll move to you, germ,” he spoke bluntly though there was a fond softness when he called the name he had given you. “How do you feel?” He leaned closer as you turned onto your side slowly, though it felt like your muscles whining and your bones creaking before you found the right position.

“Tired… I wanna go home, Omi… I don’t like,” you paused to cough, turning away the best you could, Kiyoomi leaning back faster though but standing to his feet. With one of his hands firmly spread on your back, holding you up just the slightest, he brought the cool glass to your lips, helping you drink the even cooler water. You could feel it go down your throat, the further it went, the more the liquid spread into your dehydrated body. “Thank you,” you cleared your throat.

He laid you back down, his hand lingering before he had to move it away. But before he could take it back completely, your hands had latched on. You nuzzled yourself close, rubbing your cheek into his, resting your face on his hand.

“What were you saying, germ?” He leaned close, his head resting on the edge of the mattress too, just a few inches away from yours.

“I wanna go home.. I don’t like this bed, Omi.. It’s uncomfy and I’m always cold.”

He breathed in, and out shakily. “I know, but it’ll just be a little bit more until I get you checked out, okay?”

“You should get some rest.. I’ll be here.” He whispered, sitting himself back up in his seat but still leaned forward and close.

“Will you stay here?” You yawned, your breaths beginning to shorten.

“I’ll stay this close,” he rubbed his thumb slowly along your cheek, letting his touch graze your soft, warm skin lull you as he kept his word.

He sat close. Watching over the flower of his life.

~~~~~ Thanks for reading! Masterlist for more! Please do not repost anywhere else!

[dira333]

Fall - Sakusa Kiyoomi

Sakusa Kiyoomi x reader - Season Series

By the time he’s twenty-four, he thinks he’s heard it all.

He’s been named arrogant, stuck up, selfish. Other students have called him difficult to work with, and the girls he tried dating told him he was too complicated to be around.

But no comment ever struck him as hard as yours.

“You remind me of the Fall.” You tell him over a cup of tea, amidst the chaos of a whole volleyball team devouring Onigiri.

He’s left speechless and unsure.

All he knows at the end of the night is that you don’t mind seeing him again, your number saved in your phone, the color of your eyes burned into his mind.

.

He doesn’t dare ask what you meant. 

But he dares to ask for a date, dares to step out of his apartment after worrying for two hours that over half of his clothing could remind you of a season he’s not sure he wants to be compared with. 

Fall is the season people say they like but they only like certain aspects of it.

They like the pumpkin spice and the colors but don’t want the rain.

People claim they like fall but complain when it arrives and celebrate when it leaves.

.

Sakusa huffs impatiently when he arrives, realizing that he’s twenty minutes early to a date he’s no longer sure he wants.

What if you’re just like the others?

Claiming you like him like others claim the like fall? 

He knows his worth, his strengths, and is familiar with the beauty and the ugly parts of himself.

Not once has he compromised his self for others, has gone through life true to himself.

He can deal with having no partner but he cannot take another false claim.

.

You’re fifteen minutes early to their date, your face partially hidden by a thick scarf in bright autumn colors.

“Hey!” Your smile is infectious, he can feel a similar one tugging on his own lips. “You’re early too?” You ask and there’s a soft giddiness in your voice that he’s starting to crave.

“What do you want to do?”

Your eyes go big at his question.

“Oh? There’s a park down the corner from here, I passed it via train and the trees are turning yellow already. Do you want to take a walk first? Do we have the time?”

“Sure.” 

His hand finds yours, no gloves separating the warmth of his hands from the coldness of yours, or the softness of your skin from his roughness.

He blushes red like the trees around him.

-🍂-

If anyone would ask you, you’d call fall your favorite season.

Spring is loud and attention-seeking, bursting at the seams with colors.

Both Summer and Winter are dominant in their respective temperatures to the point where you need a completely different set of clothing for each of them. 

But Autumn is different. 

Autumn shows its beauty quietly, undisturbed by attention. 

The leaves will turn their colors if you watch them or not, satisfied with themselves and themselves alone. 

Autumn is a time of movement, but it’s not the rush of spring or the slow trickle of summer. 

Autumn is its very own thing, uncompromising in itself.

You like that about fall and you like that about Sakusa.

.

Sakusa, who does not apologize for what he wants. 

He wants to be left alone in a crowded room. 

He wants things to be clean and words to have meaning.

Don’t tell him you love him if you don’t love him completely.

But if he’s sure of your sincerity, he’ll lay down his life for you.

-🍂-

By the time he’s thirty, Saskusa thinks he’s heard it all.

He’s been named exceptional, talented, a genius on the court. He’s won matches and prizes, the respect of his Coaches.

But no compliment ever strikes him as hard as yours do.

“You remind me of the Fall.” You tell him in front of all your family and friends.

“You love me with the calm passion of autumn, with the dedication of a season that changes the lands.”

Sakusa did not have to change his ways to be loved, just like autumn never changed.

All he needed to do was to be himself patiently, trusting you’d come along.

My Kofi if you want to tip me

[satendou]

i just realized bokuto, atsumu, and hinata are basically the animaniacs.

[frogtanii]

Um so what exactly does akaashi saskusa daichi and yn stream about???? Meiko does beauty tutorials or something ig??

I love pf btw like so much I couldn't possibly express it in words?? Tysm for existing :")

out of everyone you just named, yn is the only one who streams! sakusa makes asmr videos, akaashi does book reviews n daichi does handyman-type videos — meiko does do beauty tutorials!

[minteagalaxea]

aeipathy | s.k

sakusa and izumi

genre: fluffy, kinda character study/relationship study.

word count: 3k

inspiration: water girl things, “loveeeeeee song” by rihanna ft. future.

note: a foray into haikyuu, since i’ve been binging it in quarantine. for @ferxaniiiiii​

“have you ever considered the fact that sakusa is a little nicer to you than everybody else that helps out, sato?” a girl asked another as they made their way to their next class, receiving a shrug from the girl.

“i really haven’t thought of it that way, hoshi, i thought that was how he always was,” she responded.

“he really wasn’t.”

“hey, are you from australia, because you pass all my koalafications,” a boy called out, izumi craning her head with a raised eyebrow upon hearing the remark.

“nope, i’m a kangaroo, because i hop away every time i see you,” she deadpanned, face impassive as she returned her gaze back to the linemen practicing, allowing the boys to receive their water and gatorade and receiving a nod or verbal note of thanks before they were called back into lining up to practice their plays. making her way to hoshi, who was deep-squatting on the grass, izumi exchanged bottles with her, the girls exchanging smiles as they watched the boys play.

as the girl went to refill the water bottles, she noticed one that rested on the table, different from the squeeze bottles with its black body and gold boot and metal finishings; his lid strap had an embroidered keychain with his name written vertically along the fabric: “sakusa” on the front and “kiyoomi” on the back. the body of his bottle had thin gold decals of constellations, leaves, a lightbulb, and his jersey number, making it appear almost as if it was engraved onto his bottle rather than plastered on. swirling the bottle, the girl noted that there was very little water remaining, and she filled it up with some of the purple gatorade from the container, traipsing her way back to the field.

as some of the players rotated out, the girls distributed bottles to the players, up until one boy, tall with pale, unblemished skin approached her, his eyes flickering down to the water bottle dangling on her other hand. “oh, are you sakusa? i hope you don’t mind, but i filled up your water bottle, it was looking empty.”

skeptically, he grabbed the water bottle from her clutches, removing his gloves and tucking them into the waistband of his pants before removing his helmet, revealing his curled, inky locks and two moles on the right of his forehead as he opened the water bottle to examine its contents, finally taking a sip from the bottle.

“thank you,” he said after several, deliberate sips, his voice pleasantly baritone, though dry and hesitant, as if asking her to fill the silent void.

“sato izumi,” she answered, a small smile on her face as he handed her his water bottle again.

“thank you, sato-san,” he concluded, slipping on his gloves, then his helmet and mouth guard before he returned out to the field, leaving her stunned at his actions and her heart irregularly beating.

“adachi-senpai, how can you be so sure about this?” izumi wondered, hopping onto the adjacent taping table; the other girl sounded confident and assured, like she did most things.

“most of the time, he doesn’t speak, and if he does, it’s only about football or his studies; he only seems to talk to you.”

“how do you know that, adachi-senpai?”

“because i observe, sato, and because some of the players aren’t the best at keeping their mouth shut when it comes to their star receiver, which you and i are both aware of.”

“sato-san!” the girl heard a boy call, approaching her with a bright smile and friendly eyes in between switching players, “i’ve heard so much about you from sakusa-kun!”

“i beg your pardon?” she questioned, an eyebrow raised as she passed him a bottle of water from the basket in her clutches.

“sakusa-kun’s my cousin, and he really likes you; he’s always talking about how pretty and polite you are!” he continued, izumi’s expression inquisitive glimmer flickering into panic as he chatted away.

“komori, knock it off, you’re scaring the poor girl,” hoshi called from the other end of the field, her tone exasperated as she passed a water bottle to kuroo tetsurou, giving him a glare to counteract the smirk on his feline-like features; izumi looked back at the players, before passing sakusa his own water bottle.

“gatorade flavor, sato-san?” sakusa inquired as he removed his helmet to take a drink from his water bottle.

“blue, sakusa-san,” she answered, a smile on her face as she accepted his water bottle, “are you ready for the game tomorrow night?”

“i am,” he answered succinctly, wiping his plush lips with the back of his hand before putting his helmet back on.

“would you like some hand sanitizer, sakusa-san?” she offered, rummaging through the pockets of her windbreaker to pull out a small bottle of hand sanitizer, one scented with vanilla sugar as she uncapped it; wordlessly, extended his hand, allowing her to squirt some of the liquid onto his hand, followed by her own, spreading the substance thoroughly on her hands.

“thank you, sato-san,” he acknowledged as he slipped his gloves back onto his hands, flashing her a brief smile, and izumi attempted to ignore the way her heart beat in a peculiar staccato rhythm the rest of the practice, along with komori’s words.

“sato is just fine,” she murmured, her cheeks dusted with pink as she pocketed her hand sanitizer, and while he didn’t respond to her, the nod he gave her before running back to his position was sufficient indication that he heard her.

“but, komori-san said it once, and besides, we’re not allowed to flirt with the players, and they aren’t allowed to flirt with us,” izumi rationalized.

“well, he’s not,” hoshi pointed out, “at least, not in the traditional sense; but, you do realize that sakusa doesn’t like it when he has to take pictures, right?”

“he doesn’t like what?”

the stadium lights shined down onto the grass as the players began to move, and izumi moved along the field, passing water to the players standing along, waiting for their turn to play, or waiting for the switch between offense and defense. she watched in amazement at the players: atsumu’s steady hands throwing the ball, bokuto’s impeccable rushes for more first downs, nishinoya’s speedy interceptions to get the ball back, ushijima’s brute force as he tackled multiple linemen, kuroo’s clever plays as he outwitted the linemen.

yet, izumi’s line of vision focused onto the boy with the number 15 on his black jersey, and his surname is gold lettering, his runs clean and efficient, every step intentional and no move wasted as he bolted towards the end zone, his height proving to be an advantage as he made his fourth touchdown of the evening; the girl cheered loudly as the got the additional point.

as sakusa returned, izumi passed him his bottle, a jovial grin on her face as she cheered, “you’re doing great, sakusa-san, keep up the work!”

“thank you, sato,” he returned, taking a sip of water before sighing, “and you can drop the formalities with me, you know—i don’t view it as fair.”

“it’s alright, sakusa-san,” izumi reassured earnestly, stepping closer to him, though remaining an arm’s length away, “you’re almost there, don’t give up!”

despite his impassive expression, he nodded an affirmative, slipping his helmet and mouth guard back in as he ran back to the field, striding past her with a confident gait and predatory eyes as he stared down the linemen—it was a look she hadn’t seen on him before, though she was desperate to see it again, and she wasn’t sure why.

they had won, as expected of them given the large upset, though it didn’t diminish the victory: izumi saw as soon as they finished their post-game ritual, kuroo rushed over to hoshi, tackling her into a hug, though she found herself averting her attention to the boy in the no. 15 jersey as he approached her with a tentative smile. “good job, saskusa-san!” she cheered, staring in awe as he removed his helmet and gloves, showing off the somewhat exhilarated grin on his face.

spraying some of her hand sanitizer on their hands, he took a hold of her hand, inquiring with a gentle intonation, “would you like to take a picture with me?”

“i’d love to,” the girl replied, lightly tugging him towards hoshi, handing the older girl her phone—despite anticipating a remark from the older girl, izumi received none, merely a raise of the eyebrow before she told them to smile. moving his hand to her waist, he tucked her into his side, the girl smiling in surprise at his actions as the shutter went off.

upon inspecting the photo, izumi saved it as her phone wallpaper, sakusa’s smile enchanting underneath the stadium lights, and leaving her heart racing every glance she took at the photo.

“i didn’t know that,” izumi pouted towards the older girl, who fondly ruffled her hair, “but, adachi-senpai, what flavor is the gatorade today?”

“purple,” hoshi answered after peering at her phone, “why do you ask?”

“sakusa-san only likes the purple and blue ones,” the younger blurted without entirely thinking about it, “he says the red one tastes nasty, and the yellow one’s weird.”

the older girl turned, her mint eyes knowing as she raised an eyebrow, “did you guess that, or did he tell you, izumi?”

“he told me a few practices ago, maybe two weeks when i passed him water—wait a second, you didn’t know?”

“sakusa doesn’t tell water girls information,” hoshi explained, “actually, correction, i don’t think he tells anybody anything, not even komori, though he tells you these things; although, humor me for a second. why exactly do you interact with sakusa so much?”

“because i like…him…” izumi trailed off, before watching hoshi’s smirk, one present when she seemed to know something that the other didn’t.

“what’s stopping you then—the game is tonight, and you’re helping, so it’s the perfect opportunity for you to finally do something about it,” the elder explained plaintively.

“what about our teacher, then?” the other girl asked, brushing a strand of her brown and blonde-highlighted hair away from her face, curiosity glimmering in her eyes as she properly eyed her senior, izumi’s eyes only widening at the impish smirk on the latter’s visage as she indicated.

“i said you should confess—i never said you had to confess during the game.”

“are you alright, sakusa-san?” izumi asked the tall boy, passing him his water as he stretched in the locker room away from the others, agitation consuming his face.

“i’m alright, i suppose,” he answered after a while. “i feel very unprepared, even though i don’t necessarily have a reason to be—you shouldn’t worry about it, sato.”

“of course, i’ll worry,” izumi interjected calmly, eyes flitting around the room before taking a seat on the bench in front of him, extending her hands out for him to hold, feeling his fingers, long and smooth despite the strenuous training and practices, intertwine with hers. slowly and experimentally, she applied some pressure, noticing his sigh and hums as she squeezed up his arms, to his shoulders, then cupping his face delicately, stroking his cheek and the moles on his forehead, “play well for yourself, alright?”

as their teacher called for her and hoshi to leave the locker room, izumi brushed his cheek, before feeling his nimble fingers wrap around her wrist loosely, an imperceptible smile on his face, before murmuring, “thank you, izumi.”

“good luck out there,” she answered, clutching onto his water bottle as they rushed out of the locker room to the field, the ghost of his fingers lingering on her wrist as she refilled the water bottles, attempting to ignore the way her heart raced at his physical touch and the way he called her name.

as sakusa rushed out of the locker room with the other players, izumi noted that his posture was confident, any semblance of nerves gone with his helmet on, his eyes narrowed into predatory slits, hungry for a victory.

the boys played aggressively, taking as many points as they could get their gloved hands onto, with nishinoya, komori, and kuroo intercepting plenty of the opponent’s plays, and atsumu capitalized on it as he threw it to sakusa and bokuto, both of them bolting to the endzones faster than their opponents could catch them. izumi cheered loudly for them, passing them all encouraging smiles as they hollered for every point they scored, all of them seeming relentless in their energy in spite of them running hundreds of yards and tackling players heavier than them.

“congratulations, sakusa-san!” izumi called jovially as he strode over, shucking his gloves off for some of her hand sanitizer, then tugging her into a tight embrace, hunching his back down to her to allow her to rest her chin on his shoulder, “you played so well!”

“i’m glad you thought so,” he mumbled, ignoring the snaps of the camera and his teammates’ teases, before he pulled away, a light pink on his cheeks as he peered down at her, “bokuto was planning on having a party at his house, but, would you mind if i took you with me to get some frozen yogurt?”

izumi peered down at her phone, reading a message that hoshi had sent her, explaining that she was driving bokuto, kuroo, atsumu and komori to the party, and to ask sakusa to take her home. “i’d love to go get some frozen yogurt with you,” she responded with a smile, squeezing his hands before following the boy towards the locker room, taking a seat on the bench and scrolling through the various social media posts regarding the best game moments and the pictures the players’ friends—and admirers—posted of them.

“are you ready?” sakusa’s slightly muffled voice called, snapping izumi from her reverie as she quickly pocketed her phone, blushing slightly as she shivered slightly from the chill, before hearing an audible click of the tongue, “here, put this on—it’s quite chilly.”

the girl hadn’t registered what he draped around her, until she slipped her hands through its arms and felt its weight that she realized it was his letterman jacket, still somewhat vacant in comparison to some of his upperclassmen, though he neatly organized the patches he did have along the quilted fabric, with one sleeve representing his academic achievements, and the other his athletics. “thank you, sakusa-san,” she answered after a moment of silence, the flush on her cheeks reddening profusely as he casually slipped his pinky into hers as he led them to his car, a mercedes amg-gt that stood out among the other students’ trucks and suvs in the parking lot.

“my parents gave it to me for being good and getting high marks,” he explained succinctly, opening the door for her to enter, before starting the ignition after he buckled in, passing her the auxiliary cord, letting them enjoy their ride with some lofi jazz.

“are you close with your parents?” she asked after a period of silence, earning a hum from the older boy, “you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

“not really,” he answered, “they’re busy at work, and my siblings have jobs, so really, it’s just me at home; i don’t mind it, though.”

“but does it ever consume you?” she inquired, earning a hum of curiosity as she continued, “i mean, i know you probably have komori-san, but i’m sure it gets suffocating being alone.” before he could comment, he pulled into the parking lot of the frozen yogurt shop; both of them remained in silence as they each got their dessert: izumi’s with french vanilla and oreo yogurt with sprinkles, sakusa’s green tea and peach yogurt with a litany of bursting pearls and gummy bears.

despite her insistence, the boy payed for both of their treats, and they ate in his car, the music acting as ambient noise for them to softly converse together, their topics less heady as sakusa’s home life, though personal regardless, learning more and more from each other in a way that had the boy grateful that the darkness—excluding the glow of the moon and the touchscreen display of his vehicle—to conceal the redness on his face as he learned more about her home life and her passion for sports therapy, in turn divulging information about his dreams to play football professionally.

“people misunderstand me,” sakusa stated candidly as his car stopped in front of izumi’s house, earning a look from the girl as her head quirked to the side out of wonder, allowing him to elaborate, “people think i don’t want love, or that i’m too busy for it.”

“but you need love and affection, just like most humans do?” izumi concluded, a sweet smile on her visage as her hand reached out to hold onto his, leaning closer and daring her other hand to cup his cheek.

“does that make me sound desperate?” he murmured, eyes flitting down to her lips as she detected his actions, parting to exhale lightly.

“it makes you human, sakusa,” the girl replied, allowing the athlete to close the gap, laying his lips onto hers and leading with a slow cadence, uncertain, though reciprocated with the same, calm passion. izumi tasted the lingering green tea on his lips, pleasantly surprised from occasional places of strawberry from the pearls; he tasted the vanilla on her tongue.

pulling away, both students breathed heavily, their foreheads leaning against each other as the nimble fingers tucked away brown and blonde tresses, and daintier ones stroking the moles on his forehead. “i’ll see you tomorrow, sakusa?” izumi whispered, receiving another peck from the boy, “sleep well.”

as she entered her house, and watched the mercedes leave, izumi found herself consumed with the taste of his lips, and the tenderness of his kiss.

in his car, sakusa found himself reminded of the vanilla on her lips, enduring and warm as he touched his lips.

[prettyboykatsuki]

saskusa had a woman very aggressively hit on him one time in his life and hasn’t stopped thinking about it since in this essay i will -

[iwachans-beefyarms]

Hey everyone! Ok so first off, I’m really sorry for being hella inactive, it’s been a rough few months with exams and stress and seasonal depression HAHA but i’m better now! Unfortunately tumblr decided to delete a lot of my requests so I’m opening requests up again, so please feel free to drop by!!! This was a fun story to write, and I personally really love Sakusa’s character. I was heavily motivated by @sachiwrites‘s take on his character so hope I did u proud >.< I was also gong through a really stressful time while writing this so I thought it would be interesting to see how the reader’s own stress and depression would affect her relationship with Sakusa, someone who already had his own setoff problems. Anyway, hope y’all enjoy!

Original request: Hiiii ! lately, sakusa stole my heart >< so iy would be nice of you to write something about him !! Like something angtsy but with a fluffy end please, love me some emotional rollercoaster ride ^^

Truthfully, Sakusa Kiyoomi was indebted to you. He was acutely aware of how difficult he could be to handle. In fact, he had fully prepared himself for a life of solitude by the time he graduated from middle school. Who would want to spend the rest of their life with a person as complicated and fastidious as him? More so than that, Sakusa could not fathom having to care for another person so intimately. While he would like to pretend that his reasons for never taking interest in the pursuit for a lover were entirely born out of his insecurities about himself, the truth was that he was honestly just entirely too selfish to bother with a committed, loving relationship. He was not prepared to nurse any potential lover if they ever fell sick, or to have to go on spontaneous and wild dates just to please them. There were too many compromises that made a healthy relationship and Sakusa was not interested in making any of them. Life was too much of a burden as it already was; there was no need to worsen the weight of it.

Which is why he was so surprised when you whisked into his life, dancing up a storm in his heart. When he had first met you, he was utterly and completely blown away. He had been alone at the back of his school’s building trying distressingly hard to slow his breathing. He was panting-- no, hyperventilating. It was a panic attack of course, something he had gone through many times in his life, and something he thought he should be used to. However, the frequent occurrences of this attack on his lungs did not prevent him from feeling like he was on the edge of death everytime they came. This is it, this is really it. He heard himself think, his inner voice booming against the walls of his skull. In his crouched position, he saw the movement of feet through his peripheral vision. Too preoccupied to care, he ignored the actions of this unknown person and continued to focus on getting his breathing back on track. He noticed them, a girl maybe, reaching into her bag and pulling out a small bottle. It looked like… sanitiser maybe?

“Hey, eyes on me okay?” She spoke, her voice coming out muffled and soft against the loudness of his own heartbeat. Stressed and confused, he looked up at her as she carefully applied the liquid on her hands. Her thorough and smooth movements somehow helped him as he realised his vision had started becoming a lot less blurry. She came down to his level, and gently took his hands into hers.

“Breathe, 1, 2, 3. Exhale, 1, 2, 3. Come on, I’ll do it with you,” She spoke again, her voice confident and commanding, as she rubbed small and firm circles around his hands with the bud of her thumb. They stayed that way for nearly twenty minutes before Sakusa’s breathing finally came down from being erratic to somewhat normal. He was still panting, but he could think clearly now and he no longer heard his own heart beating in his head. She had stopped holding him by then, thank God. When he finally mustered up the effort to speak, all he could say was, “Who?”

With a small smile you replied, “Y/n! I’m in the class next to yours and we’ve never really met but I remember seeing you around quite often, Saskusa.” He was quite surprised when he realised you remembered his name. In all honesty, he had never seen you before. Maybe he had but he normally couldn't care less about other people. He didn’t even remember the names of some of his own classmates so why would he bother with a stranger next door? Still, she had been kind enough to help him. Not only that, she seemed to be aware of his phobia and had accommodated to it, which was incredibly moving for him. In that moment he felt the rare feeling of gratitude grow in his chest.

“Thank you, you must be really attentive to have known to be so careful,” he whispered, voice still raspy.

“Not really, it’s kind of obvious,” she laughed nervously, as if she was trying not to offend. He wasn’t offended.

“Anyway, see you around!” She said cheerfully, after a couple of awkward minutes. “Don’t be a stranger,” she added while walking away. He didn’t bother gracing that with a response.

Your persistent personality was a catalyst for your friendship. The daily greetings and small-talk had forced him to get to know you better and, interestingly enough, he was not repulsed. He found out about that new book you were reading, and actually enjoyed it when he decided to give it a read. Also, it was a pleasant surprise when you told him that you used to play volleyball. So, your conversations grew longer and meetings became more frequent. Soon, he was meeting you after school on days he didn’t have practice and even spending his lunch breaks with you. You started to inch closer to him and began leaving soft, subtle touches on his skin. You were obviously trying to be discreet, but he was a person who was so painfully aware of everyone around him that of course he noticed. The surprising thing was that he didn’t mind. He knew you were hygienic enough for him to be comfortable so he began to let himself enjoy your affections.

When you confessed your feelings for him, he was not surprised. He knew from the beginning that you had a little crush on him and he even found it quite adorable. Had you asked him out a few weeks earlier, his answer would have been a hard no. However, getting to know you over the past few weeks had really changed his entire mindset about relationships. For the first time in his life, Sakusa felt like he could open himself up to someone. You had been kind enough to cater to his obsessive and exhausting personality. You were also completely comfortable with taking things slow. Above all that, you had an absolutely endearing personality. It was as if fate had intentionally sent you his way after torturing him for the past years, and he wasn’t one to let blessings like this slip away. So, when you confessed your feelings for him, he was not surprised. But you were, when he said yes.

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Dating Sakusa was going to be hard and you knew that from the very start. You weren’t naive, despite what your boyfriend might have thought. You paid him a lot of attention during the earlier stages of your friendship. You knew what he liked, what ticked him off, his pet peeves and at that point you could even tell his emotional state just by looking at the way his eyebrows moved when the rest of his face was covered by a mask. You also knew that the effort Sakusa put into your relationship was unparalleled to everything you had done for him. But, that was what you had signed up for. He had enough problems on his own trying to deal with the world with his own personal struggles so you strived to make life just a little bit easier for him.

However, after a certain point, you had to come to terms with the fact that you were your own person too. You were human too. It was easy to forget about yourself when you had been so invested in another person. The most difficult part of it all was being unable to see the fruition of all your efforts. You knew deep in your heart that Sakusa loved you. He let you kiss him, touch him and even let you sleep in the same bed as him at times. Despite that, you felt incredibly lonely in your relationship. Interacting with Sakusa started feeling almost burdensome. While your relationship had been quite a ride, built by reckless passions with bursts of feelings like joy, anger and love, you couldn’t help but feel a sense of staleness develop after a while.

It started very slowly. School had been getting ridiculously hard and Sakusa’s practices had been getting more frequent. Engulfed by the stresses of school, the two of you had gone nearly two weeks without properly speaking to each other. While Sakusa had seemingly remained unbothered, the realisation of that had completely shocked you. How could you go two weeks without any interaction with the person you loved, and not even notice it? The thing you felt most guilty about was actually the sense of peace you had experienced over those two weeks. Blindsided by your adoration for Sakusa, you hadn’t realised how draining it was being around him. When the two of you would spend time, you rarely ever took care of yourself. You’d clean the table for him when eating lunch at school because he absolutely refused to eat at those disgusting cafeteria tables, and would rather die than clean it himself. Hell, you’d even do a thorough cleaning of your own house just so Sakusa could come over and spend time with you. That, coupled with the natural angst that grows in you as a hormonal teenager, had caused you to grow more and more irritated with him.

Things you had previously found endearing about Sakusa now made your skin crawl. Even as your interactions grew less, you found yourself wanting to cry out in anger everytime he asked you to wash your hands before touching him. It was incredibly frustrating because all you wanted was some affection, and your boyfriend, of all people, couldn’t give that to you. It hurt because you had foolishly believed that if you could convince him that he was capable of being loved, he’d grow to be able to reciprocate those affections. But you were starting to feel scammed.

“Sakusa, do you want to go to that cafe I’ve been talking about?” You had asked one day, hoping to salvage your sinking relationship. He had to have noticed the drift, right? He’d want to fix it too, right?

“Huh? I don’t really feel like it…” He shuts you down just like that. Your hands are intertwined, as they usually were when you went home together, but for the first time, you untangle your fingers from his.

In hindsight, you realised that not all your feelings had been caused by your dysfunctional relationship. You had suspected that you were depressed months ago, but the problem had never been serious enough to warrant any major action so you ignored it. At least, that was what you told yourself. As time went by, it became nearly impossible to ignore. You couldn’t do your homework, you couldn’t sleep and eventually your appetite began to vanish. The rejection you felt from Sakusa had further sent you down a spiral of self-doubt. You hated yourself for being so selfish and you figured that maybe the reason Sakusa was drifting away from you was because it was you who wasn’t enough, not him.

It didn’t take long for your guilt to morph into anger once again. You had made no mention of your fractured state of mind to Sakusa, but it would not have taken a genius to figure out that you were not okay. Friends and teachers had approached you to check on you but the man you loved with every fibre of your being had never once mentioned anything to you. The two of you went about your days as you normally would. Little kisses hello and goodbye had become almost mechanical, and you cried yourself to sleep every night. You knew you should seek help soon, before it became even worse but you couldn’t bring yourself to overlook Sakusa’s indifference towards you.

You couldn’t brush your teeth. You stood in front of your bathroom mirror and furrowed your eyebrows at your reflection, toothbrush in hand. Why…? It’s just… move your hand…? It had been two days since you last showered. It physically hurt you to move and all you wanted to do was go back to bed. Still, being the responsible student you were, you went to school. You were late, none of your homework had been done but hey, at least you showed up. You knew your boyfriend was disgusted by your appearance because he had been avoiding you like a plague. You didn’t blame him, you looked as hideous as you felt. It felt like the end of your relationship was nearing and you shocked yourself with how relieving that felt. Maybe if you stopped seeing each other you could start feeling at least a little less miserable. Again, at least that was what you told yourself when you messaged him about wanting to talk.

When the two of you met at the rooftop where you had so often shared meals, the atmosphere was tense. It didn’t help that the afternoon sun was unforgiving and the air was humid. Your disheveled state in the heat made you want to claw your own skin out but you settled for subtly digging your nails into the palms of your hands. You had planned the conversation out thoroughly; first ask him how his day was, then let him down easy. The last thing you wanted to do was hurt him. You knew how difficult getting into a relationship was for him and you didn’t want to completely turn him off from ever dating again.

Yet, when you saw the unreadable expression on his face with his fingers impatiently tapping the sides of his legs, your anger triumphed any semblance of civility you had planned.

“Where the fuck have you been?” Your words come out much softer than you anticipated but your voice shook. You could tell he was surprised by the way his eyebrows shot up.

“What do you mean I --”

“Shut up and listen, where have you been? I needed you, do you even care?” You were obviously crying at this point but Sakusa remained stunned to silence. “Screw you, Sakusa. Seriously, screw you,” you interrupt, your emotions clearly messing with your vocabulary.

“I’m your girlfriend, not your maid. I’m not just there to clean up shit for you! I have a life, I have feelings and I have been so miserable and you haven’t said anything,” You’re rambling but it was hard to stop once it started. You felt your vision blut from the tears and felt the snot running down your chin but you didn’t care. If Sakusa couldn't handle you at your worst then he sure as hell didn’t deserve you at your best. You continued your rant and poured your heart out to him. Unwittingly, you express your grievances about your own state of mind to him. You had wanted to keep your condition to him a secret for so long but there was no turning back now. He deserved to feel guilty, to hate himself for being such a terrible friend.

“I warned you about setting expectations. I told you that I’m not that guy. Why are you surprised now?”

His words seemed sarcastic but the genuinity in his voice as he responded triggered you. He wasn’t even trying to be hurtful, you knew that much. It was the fact that he hadn’t even tried to change for you that really broke your heart. Even though you had told yourself that you didn’t feel anything anymore, that the break up would be a relief, nothing in your nearly two decades of living could have ever prepared you for the heartbreak you felt in that moment. Seriously, it felt like your heart was about to fall from your chest, and you had to physically clench your fist against your chest to keep yourself from falling apart. You weren’t crying anymore, and there was nothing left to say. So, you walked away, and Sakusa didn’t bother stopping you.

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Sakusa Kiyoomi was indebted to you, this he knew for a fact. You had forced him out of his shell and had inspired him to be better. He never knew he was capable of doing something even as trivial as kissing, but with you he had been able to open himself up to so much more. Hell, he had had sex for the first time with you, something he had previously been unable to even fathom. It wasn’t just his comfort zone that you had expanded, you changed him for better. He was less cold towards others and he learned to appreciate the little things.

He remembered going to the beach once while you were on a date. He hated the sand in his shoes and he didn’t even want to think about stepping into the ocean. But, you had begged and begged for weeks and he eventually had to give in to you because, although he would never admit to it, seeing you smile made his heart flutter. You had forced him to take his shoes off and stand in the sand with you. With your eyes closed and hands raised, he watched you smile radiantly at the sky. He was transfixed, staring at you because how could someone be so beautiful and full of life?

“I love the feeling of the sun on my skin, it’s like being kissed by the sky don’t you think?” You had turned to face him, hands still in the air. Your words took him by surprise because Sakusa had never really seen the sun as anything but a source of humidity and a catalyst for disease. But the way you looked at him, the way your eyes sparkled; he couldn’t help but love the sun a little more from that day.

He really did love you, even if he wasn’t the best at showing it. So when you started getting dull, he noticed it immediately. He probably noticed it even before you had. The problem lay in the fact that he had no idea what to do. He figured, if you really needed help you would ask. But he knew that was just a pathetic excuse to avoid any kind of confrontation. Sakusa, for all his self-confidence, was incredibly insecure about his relationship with you. He never expected to cultivate such intense devotion towards you, but he did. And his biggest fear was that one day, you’d realise you were worth so much more than Sakusa could have ever hoped to offer.  You were perfect and ethereal. Everybody loved you and it was almost like the sky became brighter when you were around. As the days went by, he found himself becoming more and more blinded by you. You had inspired him to get help, but he held himself back because of the fear that if you ever did grow wiser and left him, all his efforts would have been for naught. Truly, Sakusa believed that he would never love anyone the way he loved you, ever. The fear of losing you frightened him more than anything and he was too afraid to change any aspect of your relationship in case it ever disrupted the balance the two of you had created.

Things had started to change when you grew darker over time. He saw you deteriorate with his own eyes, but he couldn’t do anything. He didn’t want to do anything. He told himself it was because he was afraid of hurting you even more, but Sakusa felt deep down that it was his selfishness once again preventing him from ever going out of his way to care for someone. He reasoned that you were smart enough to have no expectation for him, that you knew he was a self-centred prick. But seeing you cry in front of him had really sobered him up. He hadn’t expected it to hurt so much when he saw you clutch your shirt as you fought back tears. When you walked away, he tried so hard to move towards you, to stop you, touch you-- anything, really. But his feet were grounded and all he could do was watch. Sakusa was nothing if not proactive, and he knew he had to do something quick, before the damage done was irreversible. With a quiet sigh muffled by his mask, he leaned his head back, face tilted toward the sky and let himself get lost in his thoughts.

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It had been two weeks since you spoke to Sakusa. You knew it was over but there had been a small part of you that had hoped he would approach you and you would both talk things out until everything went back to normal. Of course, that did not happen, and you were not surprised either. As much as you would like to believe in the romance of life that the media often tried to feed you, you were a realistic person who knew better than to have faith in some fantasy that only existed in your mind. At the same time, you were also, unfortunately, just a teenage girl whose heart refused to listen to her brain. Which was why, when your doorbell rang at 10pm that night, your heart skipped a beat in hopes that perhaps Sakusa had finally come to his senses and came to sweep you away.

What was more surprising than the fact that even after two weeks you still held some lingering hope that your ex-lover would come back to you was the fact that, indeed, it was him who stood at your front door. For a solid few seconds you could not move or say anything, as you took time to process the vision that was presented before you. Sakusa was wearing casual clothes and he sported his usual mask. However, it had been pushed down to collect at his neck, and you were gifted with the image of his whole face. His dark curls fell gracefully over his forehead and you noticed a slight sheen of sweat. Had he run here? What could he possibly want from you that was so urgent?

“Hello? Anyone home?” He asked. It took you a moment to realise he had just cracked a joke. Regaining your composure, you retort, “What the fuck do you want?” If he was hurt by your outburst, it certainly didn’t show.

“Look, before you say anything, please hear me out, okay?” He asked softly, taking a step towards you. Instinctively, you backed away. There was something different about him but you couldn’t place a finger on what it was exactly. His gaze on you felt stronger than ever, and he had a determined glint in his eyes that you had never seen before. You also noticed his posture. His shoulders were rolled back and he stood tall and proud, like he was so sure of himself. Whatever the source of his newfound confidence was, it made your heart hurt a little bit. You had been an absolute mess after the break up, while he had clearly been thriving.

“Sure. Whatever. Spit it out.”

“I love you, and I’m sorry for being such a jerk. I know I should have said this much earlier but I didn’t want you to think I was being insincere. I had to do something to prove to you how serious I was being,” He started, a small smile creeping on his face. You stared at him blankly, not understanding where this was going.

“Are you proposing…? Because I will say no!” You blurt out, panicking slightly. He blinked at you a couple times, obviously puzzled by your outburst. Then, he laughed. A full blown chortle. It was a rare Sakusa laugh that you had only witnessed a couple times before. With a big, bright smile, he shook his head and responded, “No, dumbass. I’ve been seeing a therapist.” The revelation was shocking, to say the least. But, before you could interrupt, he continued.

“When you left after our argument I realised how much I had been taking you for granted. I’m not good with expressing myself but I knew enough to realise that you’re the best damn thing that could have ever happened to me. You see, I knew this for a long time, I just don't know how to tell you. I don’t like people and I find relationships exhausting but with you, for the first time in my life, I want to try harder. I didn’t want to lose you. I spoke to my mother and she offered to take me to see a therapist. She had asked me before but I never felt the need to see one. But after our fight, I realised I had to grow up. I still generally hate people and I still don’t know how to say what I’m feeling. And I sure as hell still hate germs but, I’m willing to work towards getting better. For you. You deserve at least that. If you’re willing to take me back, I’d be lucky to have you with me while I do this.”

He ends his speech with his eyes still looking into yours, as if he was analysing your reaction. He had clearly rehearsed this, you could just tell. It was honestly quite cute and heartwarming because you couldn’t think of any other time Sakusa had tried this hard with you. Your chest swells with affection you had been repressing for the past couple of weeks as you grabbed his shirt and yanked him down to your lips. The kiss was sweet, and a little salty from the tears that escaped your eyes after his little speech. Sakusa wasted no time wrapping his arms around you as he pressed your body closer to him. You had become an expert at reading him since the start of your relationship and you could feel just how much he had missed you from the way he held you during that kiss. Pulling away, he let his hands slide up your arms and cup your face.

“Does this mean you forgive me?” He asks, breathless.

You weren’t an idiot. You knew things were going to be far from peachy. But for him, you were willing to risk the sun and the moon. You tell him this by taking his hands into yours and leaning up for another kiss.

[deerixiie]

i cant spell sakusa’s name for the life of me, i keep putting saskusa but ITS sakusa WTH

[tapi0ca-chan]

Sakusa, huh? - saskusa

isnt that your name?

[osamusbigtits]

sakusa joins because he wants to be a lawyer and he figures this will give him some idea of if he'll enjoy it or not. plus, it's an extracurricular activity that will make his parents happy. he goes into it giving it his all. atsumu, on the other, joins because he's bored and it looked interested. he also doesn't want to miss a chance to fuck with the kids who want to lawyers and also likes the idea of being able to act dramatically for fun.

them getting paired up was completely coincidental. it's fun for atsumu for the first few days, until atsumu gets bored of picking on saskusa and get invested in the case. they spend meetings arguing while the rest of their team tries to butt in. eventually the team makes it so sakuatsu has to meet outside of the meetings so the team can actually get some stuff done.

and hanging out outside of mock trial sparks something between them. and they both vehemently oppose it at first.

"you have a crush on me!?"

"what!? no I didn't fuckin' say that! yer puttin' words in my mouth!"

"you just fucking told me your brother was teasing you about it!"

"you just told me flat yer cousin says you have a crush on me! so fuck off!"

and then they both laugh at how ridiculous they're being.

and then they decide to date. just to try it out. just to see if osamu and komori were right.

(and they were. sakuatsu get married in the early twenties. gross)

sakuatsu mock trial au where sakusa is the attorney and atsumu is his witness. they fight the entire time while their team is like "you guys are literally on the same side atop arguing"