#sasha the archivist nothing bad happens

[sarcasticscribbles]

Okay, follow up, so give me your take on TimSasha and ‘three spinoff aus, that live in your head?”

tim has a crush on sasha

[aspenlovesmedia]

Au where the Web got to Jonathan first and made him an avatar, but he still works at the Archives and because of this Sasha is head Archivist instead and becomes an Eye avatar.

Meanwhile instead of the Lonely, Martin becomes an avatar of the Buried. Tim would slowly become an avatar of the Desolation.

This version of Jon would still be a huge nerd, but he wouldn’t talk much. He worked in research and his whole thing was being really good at figuring out the links between things, you know, like a web. Martin would be largely the same, but far more pushy when it comes to helping others. In this au, he becomes buried under his expectations of himself. Him and Jon would actually become a good duo though, as they would often work together as Martin was a much better people person than Jon was, and they were moved down into the Archives together essentially for the same reasons.

Sasha would also be pretty much the same at first. Gertrude expected her to be the next Archivist, and for good reason. While Sasha has no idea about the turth of it all, she knows her way around the Archives well, and her background in Artifact Storage is helpful. She picks up on patterns well, and when she realises many statements have common names, she asks Jon (and Martin by extension) to help her figure things out. The thing is, the more she learns, the more she experiences, the more desperate to solve the mystery she becomes.

Tim in this au actually does start out the same. He cares a lot for Sasha, and when he sees how the Archives are beginning to effect her, he notices quickly. The thing is, when he tries to tell her, she tells him once they’ve solved it, she’ll be fine, but while Tim wants to believe her, deep down he knows there will always be another mystery.

I haven’t quite figured out how other characters fit in yet. I have some very loose ideas for this au, and I have a huge soft spot for the Buried because I think it’s actually really interesting and I will forever wish we had a proper Buried representative which is why I chose the Buried for Martin. Basically I’m taking my own experiences with my past crippling people pleasing tendencies and giving them to Martin. Like if you think he was bad in s1 originally you’ve seen nothing lol. Jon in this au is both pretty different but not at the same time. He’s basically a less pretentious version of his s1 self? Like he isn’t friendly and is very sarcastic, but nobody really hears it because he’s just by himself in a corner.

I was tempted to do Web Martin, but then I had the idea of Buried Martin and I had to go with it. Also I just wanted to have some fun with this. Also I wanted a reason to have Jmart in this, and I just think it would be funny.

Sasha in this would be the most fun. Essentially she becomes fully obsessed with how connected the statements are, and is also determined to solve Gertrude’s murder. When she realises they’re connected, well, there’s no turning back for her. She doesn’t become paranoid like Jon does, but she will do anything if it means solving what the hell is happening in the Archives, no matter the consequences.

This au is just a bit of fun for me. I don’t have any current plans for it, but maybe I’ll write it one day. I jsut wanted to talk about it a bit.

[autisticsupervillain]

The Magnus Archives AU: The Magnus HR Department

Because the Distortion is kinda sorta Michael, it's still under the contract for Elias that Michael signed. Distortion Michael finds its plans derailed by having to still work at the Institute. With nothing else for the Spiral agent to really do, Elias makes him head of HR, tasking him with feeding anyone who complains too much to the hallways. Archive staff is exempt because Elias still needs them so Michael has to settle for being an unbearable coworker to Jon instead of killing him as planned.

Jon only discovers this when he takes Not-Sasha to the HR office to help fix her computer for the fiftieth time and sees Michael sitting there with bags under his eyes and a cup of glowing coffee. Not-Sasha has an existential crisis when Michael explains the situation, realizing that they might be stuck under Elias's contract too. This being Season 2 Jon, this breakdown only further convinces him that Sasha is trustworthy and everyone else isn't. How else would you react to finding out the eldritch abomination stalking you was now your co-worker?

Not-Sasha tries to quit, but Elias makes it clear he knows exactly what they are and reassigns them to HR to keep them from trying to kill his employees. Elias is hoping this'll provoke the Stranger cult to attack the Institute so Jon can get marked by them, but Nikola thinks this situation is hilarious and leaves them be so she can hear about all the juicy Magnus office drama instead.

The Archive Staff try to be sympathetic to "Sasha" being stuck working with her stalker and Tim even threatens Michael not to lay a hand on her. Jon stops by to offer his support to Sasha and Michael is flabbergasted to see a Head Archivist who actually cares about his employees. Not-Sasha is just annoyed.

Everyone outside the Archive staff thinks that Michael is just a myth, until one day he walks out into the break room, nabs some random guy, and drags him back to the HR Office so Michael can "hear his complaint". After three minutes of screaming, the guy is never heard from again. Everyone tries to resign in mass after that, but Elias tells them to take it up with HR. No one does.

Martin thinks he's protecting the staff by satiating Michael with tea. Michael plays into this because he thinks its funny. And the tea is really good.

Not-Them uses Michael's hallways as an uber to report back to the Circus about their ritual plans. And to gossip with Nikola about the burgeoning Jon Martin love drama.

Not Sasha's new responsibilities keeps them from trying to kill anyone and Sasha's absence keeps Jon from investigating her and discovering the truth, so they survive undercover past Season Two. Instead, Jon happens across Jurgen while investigating the tunnels and the rest plays out as in canon from there.

When the Unknowing is foiled, Not Sasha gets their revenge by being maliciously compliant, become a very helpful HR Rep who improves the workplace in ways that help employees but inconvenience Elias/Peter. Michael helps because Peter keeps sending bad employees to the Lonely instead of letting him eat them, so he's pissed too.

While annoying Jon in his office one day, Michael notices Jon about to burn Gerry's page and swipes it from him. When Michael reads Gerry's page, he explains that if the contract can keeo Michael on staff now that he's the Distortion, then Gerry probably still works here too now that he's a book. The HR Department now spends all of Season 4 complaining about Gertrude and passive aggressively annoying Peter, with Gerry as an unofficial member (no one can find Peter to ask him what Gerry's job should be now).

Finally, the Season ends with the HR Team preventing the apocalypse by realizing that Elias technically isn't protected by the contracts while in prison, so Michael just stops by jail and yeets him into the hallways. Jon kills Peter to save Martin and Martin is now head of the Institute, working to undo the damage Elias and Peter did while trying to keep the HR Team in line. They can't hurt anyone else while working for him, after all.... mostly.

[ao3feed-jonmartin]

it's just us left

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/Bpfcze9 by lilybii “We can’t be done, we haven’t all kissed everyone,” Jon blurted out. There was a beat, before Tim laughed loudly. “Are you suggesting we be completionist about spin the bottle?” - Or, the S1 Archives crew + Melanie and Georgie play spin the bottle, and Jon is determined to kiss Martin. Words: 3857, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Fandoms: The Magnus Archives (Podcast) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: F/F, M/M, Multi Characters: Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Martin Blackwood, Melanie King, Georgie Barker, Sasha James, Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives) Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Georgie Barker/Melanie King Additional Tags: Spin the Bottle, Alternate Universe - Happy, NOTHING BAD EVER HAPPENED, the archives is a normal job, Engagement, Engagement Party, Drunkenness, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Everyone Is Gay, Pining, jon realizes he's been pining this whole time, jon is oblivious to martins feelings, Fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, My First Fanfic, be so nice to me, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, no beta readers we die like archival assistants, Established Georgie Barker/Melanie King read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/Bpfcze9

[rubykgrant]

I had this one funny concept for a Magnus Archives AU that basically had Jon just constantly being pulled out of the main-character role, so stuff always STARTS to happen, but then it never actually WORKS, and I just thought of a very funny addition to it, so I'm sharing it again-

-At some point, Jon has a bit of a stress-induced breakdown at university and just drops out. Even though they aren't dating anymore, Georgie offers him a place to stay while he kind of tries to sort himself out, and he just. Stays. It's fine

-As a result, Jon is much less pretentious, but a LOT more blunt. He just doesn't keep any of his weird thoughts to himself, and has no inclination to keep up a "professional" appearance. Thus, Georgie gets gremlin-Jon as her roommate. It's fine

-Georgie eventually meets Melanie, and they collaborate on a few projects regarding various supernatural topics. Because Jon is just THERE, he always winds up heckling Melanie about her "spooky show". While it is annoying to hear them argue, Georgie notices that Jon and Melanie ironically motivate each other when it comes to research

-Melanie invites/dares Jon to come with her on a few investigation trips. Spooky stuff keeps trying to kill Jon, he's like a magnet for this stuff, but also nothing ever manages to kill him. He and Melanie work together more, having this weird antagonistic-rivalry thing going on as they explore creepy areas, and film monsters trying to bite off Jon's head. Then they both go back to Georgie's apartment, where Jon cooks everybody dinner. This is actually sort of nice???

-Georgie and Jon eventually visit the Magnus Institute, for spooky reasons, and learn about the recently missing Archivist, while meeting the "temporary research team"; Martin, Tim, and Sasha. They're all a little unorganized, but willing to help answer questions if they can. Jon has ZERO hesitation or humility, just flat-out telling Elias he's weird, and also telling Martin "You look like the human personification of a classical painting of a sky full of clouds in soft morning light. Where's the bathroom?"

-Elias is silently losing his mind, because this rude little man is practically RADIOACTIVE with fear-marks, but Jon has no interest working here, and even if he did, Jon doesn't have the "qualifications" for being an Archivist (not that it really matters, but for the farce of legality, it would help). Martin is perpetually flustered, because he truly can't tell is Jon is flirting with him or not (to be fair, Jon isn't sure either. he's not gonna stop, though)

-Georgie comes along at some point to see the library, and Elias is BAFFLED by her; she has almost as many marks as Jon, but somehow feels "blank" when he tries to SEE what caused any of these fears (he doesn't understand she is incapable of feeling fear like that). Well, Georgie sure has the qualifications for the Archivist position! Elias offers her enough money for her to take the job, and as a bonus (for Elias... or so he thinks), Jon helps her record/catalogue various statements

-Georgie keeps being a wrench in the works. Nothing bad happens to Sasha. The very first day Martin doesn't come in for work, Georgie asks Jon to go check on him, he sees the worms, tells Georgie, who makes up a more believable lie to get some rescue people over there, and Jane Prentiss is dealt with right away. Martin doesn't get trapped in his apartment for days and days. Georgie saves everybody from the Circus shenanigans. It goes on like that. Occasionally, Elias will call somebody like Peter to try and scare people, but Georgie keeps fixing it, and Jon keeps being a fear-magnet who also won't die (Elias is most sincerely pissed-off)

-Also, because Martin's apartment still got all gross, Georgie and Jon invite him over to stay until he finds a new space. Martin still isn't sure if Jon is flirting with him, but he kinda likes being doted on... (at this point, yes, Jon approaching him with romantic intent. He doesn't change anything about his behavior, so to Martin, there is no difference. It might not be clear until Jon asks what Martin wants to do for their 6 month anniversary)

[itsclydebitches]

I haven’t read a whole lot of TMA fic, so I’m sure this already exists somewhere, but I really want a time travel fic where Jon goes back to Gertrude’s era.

So it’s 2007-ish, before his younger counterpart has started working at the Institute, but years into Elias and Gertrude’s tenure. They’re having a normal day serving the semi-omniscient fear god when a fucking full-fledged avatar of the Beholding - complete with a small mountain of tapes - falls through a rift in space-time and crash lands on Gertrude’s desk.

(Season 5 Jon might have decided not to kill Helen and instead used her to get here. If he ever sees her again they’re going to have A Talk™ about her choice of transportation.)

For the record, a hot mess of a man falling from the sky indoors is only like... the eighth most interesting thing to happen to Gertrude this week. Still, it’s clear he’s not entirely human - one gets a sense for these things, even without a giant eyeball’s help - and she’s got a knife on him faster than you can say “Statement.” This doesn’t seem to faze the man.

That annoys the fuck out of Gertrude.

Meanwhile, Elias has nearly passed out from the supernatural alarm bells going off in his head because the Ceaseless Watcher’s special little boy is here!!! What does that mean? Hell if he knows, but this man is ALIGHT with the Entities’ marks, just dripping with the power of the Eye, and Elias finds he has the sudden urge to drop to his knees before this stranger, something he’s only ever done post-Watcher’s Crown.

(This might be a Jonlias fic, whoops.)

Elias, seeing The Archivist for the first time: 😍😍😍😍😍

Gertrude, seeing The Archivist for the first time: 🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪

So after introductions Jon is all, “Yes, I’m an eldritch monster that’s forced to feed off the trauma of others, but I’m your eldritch monster. Please, Gertrude, I’d like nothing more than to carve out Magnus’ heart with you so he can’t destroy the whole fucking world.”

Elias, suddenly experiencing true fear for the first time in decades, feeding the Eye and being fed in turn and basically entering a feedback loop where this powerful stranger threatening to murder him is the hottest thing he’s ever Seen: !!!!! 💖💞😱!!!!!🤩😊💚!!!!!

And at first Gertrude’s like hell no, not having any more goddamn avatars in my archives thank you, but then the trio passes young intern Sasha James (shhh don’t worry if that fits the timeline) and Jon looses it. The hold that the Stranger had on him in his original timeline has broken and he’s able to recognize this as the real Sasha - her face, her voice, her very panicked looks towards her bosses as this random man sobs into her shoulder. And Gertrude’s like dammit, clearly The Archivist still has some of his humanity left. No true Fear monster would ever willingly be that embarrassing.

After prying Jon away from Sasha and promising her a raise to avoid any HR reports, they get the whole long, traumatic story out of him, but any plans to just permanently kill Elias kinda... sputter out. It’s a little bit of a Web thing, a little bit of a time travel thing, and a little bit of Jon just feeling... wrong when he considers it, no matter what he’s told Gertrude. It’s similar to when he let Annabelle live, though Elias has done absolutely fuck-all to earn his mercy. This confuses Jon, though it’s pretty far down on his list of worries.

The good news is that Jon’s mere presence puts a permanent wrench in Elias’ plans. He’s never going to repeat the ritual to open the door, obviously, and good fucking luck marking another archivist while he’s Watching. Given Jon’s suspicions that he became semi-immortal after waking from his coma, he’ll be Watching a damn long time, you megalomaniacal bastard.

The bad news is that since Elias can no longer plot an intricate manipulation, he’s decided that the next best thing is to just convince Jon to bring about the end of the world willingly.

By wooing him.

Elias: “We can be Kings of a ruined world together, Jon~”

Gertrude: “I am not paid enough for this.”

So begins the office romance comedy of Jon’s nightmares, where instead of hating him for ruining his world domination plans, Elias is smitten - in a suave, very creepy kinda way - and has decided that he’ll simply wait Jon out, wearing him down until the inevitable day when he realizes that they were meant to be. A full-fledged Archivist was dropped into his lap, ranting about how he out-foxed a future version of Elias, tormented by his own monstrosity, and people expected his narcissistic ass to not fall head over heels with his own creation?? As if.

Jon is Not Having A Good Time.

Originally when he landed here he was all, “Where is my Martin whom I love so dearly? Where is the support and companionship that I crave?” But after ‘bumping into’ him a few times outside the Institute, Jon comes to the bitter conclusion that whatever connection they had is gone. He recalls Martin’s firm belief that they never would have become a couple without all the trauma they’d been through and though this time around Jon definitely doesn’t hate him... he doesn’t love him either. Oh, he loves that he exists, seeing Martin whole and blissfully ignorant of the Fears helps heal something in Jon, but it takes him a very long time to admit that he’s too nice. Too caring. Too tentative in his insecurity. Jon grinds his teeth and admits in the privacy of his own thoughts that he was attracted to a bastard version of Martin, one who showed off a little bit of his own monstrosity, was connected to his own domain, could cut just as cruelly with his words as Jon could with his powers... Meeting with him now over coffee, inches away, Jon has never felt farther from him. This Martin simply isn’t a part of the world that created Jon.

Good, he decides and firmly steers Martin away from the Institute. Thanks to some blackmail and Peter Lukas’s money, Martin finds himself with a caretaker for his mom and the promise of a full ride through whatever creative writing program he can get into.

Meanwhile, Elias is of course stalking and spying on Jon whenever he can, doing the metaphorical equivalent of doodling hearts in his notebook whenever he catches a glimpse of why Jon no longer connects with Martin. He’s a bastard avatar with shitty morals and, frankly, far better taste in poetry. Open your third eyes, Jon!!

Gertrude, who avoided sacrificing Michael after a stern talking to from Jon: “You sure you don’t want the Spiral to eat you, kid? Anything’s better than watching this clusterfuck.”

Michael: 🙃🙃🙃

After a while the Institute settles into a new kind of normal. Jon, Gertrude, and Michael defend the archives from the slew of enemies they’ve both amassed, stopping the occasional ritual in their free time. Jon has long come to the conclusion that the Fears couldn’t have originated here - not with the Eye being unable to see its own creation - so starving them in this reality at the expense of their world wouldn’t serve the greater good. The best they can do is continually contain them - which they’ve gotten real good at. Elias continues to bother Jon with a fervor that’s almost admirable (he can see how this guy managed plans for upwards of 200 years) and waffles between playing the Mysterious Boss archetype that he’d used on Jon the first time around, and just giving in to the utter adoration he feels whenever Jon is in the room. It’s clear he’s long since started worshiping Jon rather than the Eye and the Eye is... totally fine with that?

Gertrude: “How did you get the Ceaseless Watcher to treat you like a favored child?”

Jon: Trauma?? 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

After seeing how much happier Martin is, Jon guides the rest of his former assistants away from the Institute, Sasha included. It helps, a little, but it also makes him even more isolated than he was the first time around.

Gertrude realizes this, so when Elias’ flirting - “I’ve found a fresh statement for you, Jon. Oh do stop glaring, it’s just a bit of chloroform. She’ll wake up soon. You can’t be satisfied with stale writings for forever” - starts inducing more fond annoyance than fear or horror, she becomes #Concerned.

Gertrude: “You realize that desensitizing you to his actions was the point all along, right?”

Jon: “Mmhm. But is it still manipulation if I know it’s manipulation?”

Gertrude: “You cannot possibly be considering this.”

Jon: “Would it help if I admitted that dating Elias wouldn’t be the worst decision I’ve ever made?”

Gertrude: “NO.”

The thing is, Jon liked Elias before he revealed himself to be an immortal body-snatcher hell-bent on creating... well, hell on Earth. He liked the soft academic exterior, his careful words, love of organization and attention to detail, the dry humor, cutting intellect, those suits that likely cost more than three months of his salary combined... In fact, Jon is now in a place to vividly remember the embarrassment he felt while interviewing for the archivist’s position, too busy avoiding looking at Elias’ lips to catch the hungry glint in his eye.

Of course, that Elias only exists as a veneer... though what was Jon’s “I’m just a normal man going grocery shopping, please ignore my scars and aborted grab as I resist demanding a statement from you” if not a veneer of its own? Where did their ‘real’ selves begin and their conscious choices end? The most awful thing about all this is that Elias is right. Oh, not about them being Kings of a ruined world, but about how no one but another avatar can truly understand an avatar. By this point Jon is years past his coma, fully at peace - or at least, as at peace as he’ll ever get - with the fact that he chose to live as a monster rather than die as a human. That means Knowing things at his leisure... though he tries not to catch anything private. It means Compelling others to provide him with more knowledge... though he’s careful with his questions around friends. It means Feeding off of others’ worst moments in life... though Jon restricts himself to statements that Gertrude has collected first, so that he never haunts anyone’s dreams. And it means spending the majority of his time with other monsters and monster-aligned allies... though Jon plants his feet firmly in his human morals and refuses to budge.

If he can navigate all that, why not this too?

Elias has said more than once that he would make Jon the worst version of himself - said with such glee and promise as to almost, almost sound like something Jon wants. Jon figures that the worst version of Elias, from his perspective, would be to look a bit more human.

“We can bring out the worst in each other,” he agrees one day, followed by a shark-like grin.

Elias hasn’t the faintest idea what he’s just gotten himself into.

And that feels wonderful. Manipulating him into being a marginally better person who doesn’t bring about the apocalypse might actually be more satisfying than stabbing him. The Elias of Jon's original timeline would have HATED this and that makes Jon do a happy little wiggle whenever he thinks about it.

Gertrude: “You’re leashing a fucking dragon, Sims.”

Jon: “Better than letting it roam free.”

Gertrude: “Just so long as he doesn’t chew through the reins.”

Jon: “Yeah well, I’ll be the first one burned if that happens” and he holds up his charred hand with a shrug.

So begins the most messed up courting ritual the world has ever seen. Do they work as a couple? Oddly enough, yes. Amazingly well, in fact. Is it a healthy relationship? LOL yeah right. But then that’s rather the point. Jon gave up on that the day he acknowledged that, yes, a part of him liked being the most powerful being roaming a hellish landscape - liked not being vulnerable for once. Back when he’d first joined the Institute, post-breakup with Georgie, Jon couldn’t even imagine someone liking him enough to grab a drink after work. He’s past pretending that having the cult-like devotion of a lover, the favor of a Fear god, and the grudging respect of everything else that goes bump in the night isn’t really fucking nice.

Sometimes Elias plays the part of a compassionate human for Jon, as a treat. Sometimes Jon let’s Elias bask in another’s terror, as a treat. Sometimes Jon is Jonathan Sims and sometimes he’s The Archivist. “Let’s rule a burned-out world together” becomes a staple request in their relationship, with Jon always giving Elias the equivalent of a pat on the head and a, “Sure, honey. Maybe next week.” They find something like balance that way.

Plus there’s Gertrude, perpetually in the shadows with an arsenal of weaponry and the promise to obliterate them both if they ever go too far. She reminds Jon of his grandmother when she threatens to fuck them up in the afterlife if they ever make her kill them.

Something, something, dysfunctional eldritch found families are beautiful?

Jon and Elias have achieved something akin to an uncanny, domestic bliss when Elias points out that this body won’t last forever...

Jon Does Not Like the idea of Elias kidnapping another innocent.

However...

Jon: “You know Jurgen Leitner is living in the Institute’s tunnels, right?”

And they lived ever after. The “happily” is highly subjective.

Bonus:

Post-apocalypse!Jon meeting with Original!Jon to warn him away from the Institute, painfully thin ever since his coma, hip-length hair streaked unnaturally white, a slew of scars covering every available bit of skin, the slightest green glow behind his eyes, somehow looking supremely confident and powerful while also embodying the most Awkward Academic you’ve ever seen: Hey.

Og!Jon: G-good lord!

Jon: It’s okay. You can say ‘fuck.’ Please say ‘fuck,’ Jon. We deserve it.

[rotruff]

For the f/o ask game, Sasha James from The Magnus Archives

(being a podcast, she has no official appearance, but i chose some fanart, she is described as being tall with long hair and glasses.) Sasha is an archivist at the magnus institute. She's very clever and loves joking around. She was meant to take over as head archivist, but due to plot circumstances did not. Her best friends are two dudes named tim n martin and they collectively get on the nerves of the main character, jon :3 and nothing bad ever happens to them despite the fact it's a horror podcast (lying) (via @alwaysyaoi )

hmming and hawing and pacing back and forth in front of a big corkboard with a bunch of Polaroids and red string all over it. i can see the vision i can see it happening .... her silly whimsy could win me over i could appreciate some silliness. unfortunately i am short with long hair and glasses so i think we have to fight to the death

[rowanraven08]

<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/57116713"><strong>Would I do what you have done</strong></a> (1734 words) by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/DerpyCheeseSandwich"><strong>DerpyCheeseSandwich</strong></a><br />Chapters: 1/?<br />Fandom: <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/tags/The%20Magnus%20Protocol%20(Podcast)">The Magnus Protocol (Podcast)</a><br />Rating: General Audiences<br />Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply<br />Relationships: Sasha James/Tim Stoker, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist<br />Characters: Sasha James, Alice Dyer, Samama "Sam" Khalid, Gwendolyn "Gwen" Bouchard, Colin Becher, Lena Kelley, Chester (The Magnus Protocol), Norris (The Magnus Protocol), Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives)<br />Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Sasha’s an IT woman and stepping in for Colin rn, Trans Sasha James, Trans Alice Dyer, trying to save the computer men from the horrors, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, as well as warnings tbh, if I have violence or anything later on I’ll make sure to warn before hand, Canon Typical Suffering, full discloser im not fully sure where this is going yet, but we’ll get there hopefully, No beta we die like Colin’s going to<br />Summary: <p>Colin’s mental health leave has unfortunately left the spot of IT manager open for now… and so Sasha James takes the place to fill it, and now things are getting weird….</p><p>OR: Sasha joins the OIAR and Chester is trying to get her to help him</p>

Hey folks, you want a protocol fic that has Sasha? And Tim? Feast up, I swear nothing bad will ever happen to them

[cult-of-the-eye]

streets????? It's not the worst poem I've ever heard

OMG MARTIN K BLACKWOOD

God I can't get over his fake little middle name

OMG TIM

ha help him Vs stop him

I love how their view of Jon differs so much and they're both sort of right because they both only have a certain amount of information about what's going on

He's never gonna speak to us again

My poor boy is so stressed about Jon I don't think that's the most pressing matter here

Jesus Christ Martin doesn't believe the institute is supernatural?

I guess he would have no reason to cause he'd probably think they were protecting him against Prentiss not anything bad

Omg tims on the money for all of it

OH WHAT THE FUCK

That's so unsettling oh my god

NOT SASHA???

Oh my god Martin he goes down into the tunnels my dude

WHY DID HE TAKE MICHAELS DOOR

He sounds like he's about to cry

My bro really can't think of a stronger expletive than damn

LET HIM SAY FUCK

yeah you are a fucking idiot

Although it makes sense that he couldn't see it cause none of it makes sense, he's trying to piece together shit and half the pieces are missing and there's someone with a knife to his throat of course he's gonna mess it up

Here comes the guilt wahoo

OH SHIT FUCK

"oh christ" my bro is so Oxford posh even when threatened by the prospect of death

What does Martin want? I never actually thought about that

OMG HES SO ANGRY

I love angry Martin!!!

YES KING SPIT THE TRUTH

IT IS FAIR TO WANT EVERYTHING TO BE OK!!! TIM HAS BEEN PUSHING EVERYONE AWAY!!!

MICHAEL????

Sport??? Oh god that's terrifying

Hang on?? Martin my dude what do you think you're gonna do

"Martin look at his hands!!!"

There's two of us and one of you - my bro canonically thinks he can take on someone in a fight (strong Martin K Blackwood supremacy)

SHIT THE DOOR

THE LAUGHTER OH MY GOD

THE PIPEEE THE INFAMOUS PIPEE

oh god he's getting louder

I'm gonna cry

HE DOESNT REMEMBER WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE OH GOD IM GONNA CRY

Fucking hell this is terrifying

"Reliable old Sasha" NO THATS SO DEVASTATING

THEY KNEW HER BUT NOT ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG BUT THAT WASNT THEIR FAULT EITHER OH GOD

THE VOICES THE FUCKING VOICES

I'm going to wear you?? I'm going to wear everything you are?? Like you never existed?? And it will hurt?? IT HURT SASHA

FUCK IM GOING TO CRY

"SHUT UP"

JON I LOVE YOU BUT YOURE SO STUPID BUT ALSO UNDERSTANDABLE PLEASE GET OUT OF THERE

FUCK FUCK FUCK

Oh god the noise is making my ears hurt

The fucking panting

"You like stories"

A nasty man tricked the monster and wrapped it into table

Who??? Jurgen leitner???

Friends?? (Breekon and hope?)

Biggest eyes enemies (stranger hates eyes? Or web hates eyes? What??)

Steal it's secrets

"Stupid arrogant little man"

Nah bro my man is insecure as fuck

Oh shit that laughter

You're nothing...even I could make a better archivist than you??

Fuck off not sasha

I'm sorry Martin, and Tim and Sasha

God I love him I love that in his last moments he's apologising

Will I really become the archivist?? (What's so special about the archivist?? Why do I feel like it's capitalised??)

Please don't kill me

MY POOR BOY

IM LITERALLY SOBBING

What the fuck just happened

WHO THE FUCK IS THAT

EHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK

Gonna listen to mag 79 tonight and tell you guys my reactions wish me luck

[pandorem]

As you have probably guessed by now, the current hyperfixation IS the Magnus Archives and my brain keeps on being bombarded with Thoughts and AU ideas. Anyways Jon and Gerry as Lietner hunters AU, where Jon starts showing up along side Gerry in statements (probably around college time?). Jon isn’t spooky or mysterious monster jon though, he’s closer to season 1 flavoured Jon. Kinder and happier, but prim and snooty and persnickety and all of those other adjectives that you would not associate with a professional book burner and rescuer of victims of the supernatural.

People coming in to the Magnus Institute and sharing their harrowing story, and talk about this mysterious goth they met, and then part way through this utterly unintimidating nerd shows up. He looks like a strong wind could have knocked him over. The mysterious goth gets this soft, fond look on his face that doesn’t match the horror of the situation. The nerd may or may not at some point do something stupidly reckless, or mention having done something stupidly reckless, or get into an argument with the goth over NOT doing something stupidly reckless. They find a book. Goth asks the posh bastard nerd if he’d like to do the honours this time around, and the nerd takes a little too much glee in burning it. The goth watches him in amusement that still manages to be a bit too sappy to be comfortable. What started as a horrific and traumatic event in the statement giver’s life has started to feel like they are awkwardly third-wheeling on a date.

Sasha is probably the archivist in this AU, and she is absolutely keeping track of people who show up in statements more than once. They start trying to put together a timeline of Gerry’s appearances and when Jon started showing up. Tim gets way too invested in how their relationship evolves over the statements.

In case it isn’t clear, this is absolutely a Gerry Lives AU and possibly a Jon Remains Human and nothing bad ever happens to him au. There may be some angst, perhaps a smidge of peril, but as the universe does it’s best to be an inevitable horror/tragedy, Jon and Gerry are out there living their best book burning rom com life.

[sarcasticscribbles]

MAG 022 Sasha the Archivist AU

(Statement of Timothy Stoker, archival assistant at the Magnus Institute, London, regarding a close encounter with something he believes to have once been Jane Prentiss). Context (role switching)

[CLICK]

ARCHIVIST Tim, are you sure?

TIM I want to make a statement, something happened, and I don’t know- I mean, it’s what we do, right? 

ARCHIVIST Not really, we research statements. Then we archive them. We don’t make them. 

TIM Fine, fine, but I need to tell someone what happened and you- or this, is the best I got. 

ARCHIVIST Tim. 

TIM Just, hear me out, okay? And then, you can either toss it aside or dismiss it, like you usually do with everything I say.

ARCHIVIST I don’t do that. 

TIM It doesn’t need to be an official statement, I just need it off my chest, please, Sasha. 

ARCHIVIST  …  Are you okay?

TIM I don’t know. 

ARCHIVIST … Tell me what happened. Statement of Timothy Stoker, archival assistant at the Magnus Institute, London, regarding…

TIM A real encounter with what I believe to have once been Jane Prentiss.

ARCHIVIST Recorded direct from subject, 12th March, 2016.

Statement begins.

TIM Well, a while ago, a few weeks, you were looking into that statement about the spider that wouldn’t go away. Carlos Vittery, the haunted spider statement. Something about it didn’t sit right with me, the whole web death, that doesn’t happen. No other recorded cases of spiders spinning their web around human corpses in England. I asked Martin about it, he loved Spider’s- a little too much if you ask me. Remember the lecture he gave when you smashed that big one in the library –

ARCHIVIST Stick to the statement, Tim.

TIM Right.  Right, yes. You asked me to find anything I could about Mr. Vittery, and when my usual methods ended up empty-handed, I.. I decided to check out his flat in Boothby Road. It wasn’t too far of a trip, I know the Institute won’t cover it. That’s not why I’m doing it, I’m not looking for Institute funds any more. I found the building, early morning, and it looks just like Mr. Vittery described in his statement. It’s locked, obviously, I can’t get in and no one answered the buzzers. I had already got this far and I didn’t want to come back with nothing to you – because I know what that entails, so I started looking around. I found a basement window that slightly ajar. It isn’t much, but I’m pretty sure I can get through if I can open it. 

[...]

ARCHIVIST

Statement ends. And you’re sure, about this, Tim?

TIM I wouldn’t lie to you. Not about something like this.  I know you take your job seriously, I wouldn’t want to waste your time. 

ARCHIVIST I didn’t say you did. 

TIM No but… I would only do this if it happened.

ARCHIVIST I suppose. Tim, I- 

There’s a room in the Archives, I’ve used it before when I’ve worked late. You can stay there for now, if you want, it’s not too bad. I’ll talk to Geuturde and maybe have her look into some extra security. The Archives have enough lock to make you feel safe, and the windows should be properly sealed.

TIM [Confused & flustered]  Oh. Okay… Yeah, thanks. I honestly didn’t expect you to… Believe me.

ARCHIVIST I thought you said you lost your phone two weeks ago?

TIM Yeah, something like that, when I went back to the basement. 

ARCHIVIST Yeah. I have received several text messages from your phone, claiming you’re still ill with a stomach bug… Last one said you thought it “might be a parasite”. I tried calling you and you never picked up. So, if this does involve Jane Prentiss, then I take it very seri–

[PHONE BUZZES] Wait

TIM What?

ARCHIVIST Another text from you. “Keep him. We have had our fun. He will want to see it when the Archivist’s crimson fate arrives.”

TIM Excuse me? 

ARCHIVIST It means I’ll ask Gertrude to hire some extra security. I’ll tell Jon and Martin too. I’ll check through the Archives, as I think we have a statement from Ms. Prentiss herself in here somewhere.

Recording ends.

[CLICK]

[a-mag-a-day]

MAG 61 - apple cutting

HA! Another ambiguous episode title! Hard Shoulder as in Breekon & Hope being like solid wood when Daisy hit them (like them having a hard shoulder) and the hard shoulder of the road. Or possibly Daisy' shoulder was meant as well? Jarring her arm when hitting Breekon & Hope and then being hold with a firm grip by her shoulder so she wouldn't follow Zack into the coffin.

I love Fay's voice btw. I could listen to zir for hours.

JON "…Right. Um, so, you came to deliver one of the tapes. From Basira? The uh, the, the audio tapes. … So… can I have it? Please?" DAISY "I’m thinking." - Is it already happening here? Does Daisy already feel Jon's compulsion and tries to parse what it is? Because next time, she's already prepared:

JON "…If you don’t mind me asking, hhhow long have you been sectioned, now –" DAISY "[angrily] I do mind – … 14 years." - Here it definitely happened.

DAISY "Not as long as you understand my policy: if it gets out, I’ll break every bone in your body." JON "[sigh, muttering] There are worse things that could happen to them…" - It makes me sad, that he is already expecting all sorts of horrible fates that could (and will) happen to him.

(Cont.) DAISY "[confused, possibly offended] What?" JON "Uh, nothing. Uh, statement of Detective Alice “Daisy” Tonner of the London Metropolitan Police. What’s the subject?" - Peak office comedy again.

It's the 1st December. Jordan Kennedy's statement was on 3rd November, exactly 4 weeks ago. Including Jordan's and this statement, that means Jon recorded 7 real statements in a span of 4 weeks.

"A Wednesday afternoon doesn’t see a lot of traffic" - Is it also tradition in the UK that public services are closed on Wednesday afternoons? In the village I'm living in, even all the non-supermarket-chain shops have closed on Wednesday afternoon.

"Part of me wanted to spot some idiot who I could take my bad mood out on" - First time around I immediately decided that this character is an absolute asshole and that I hated her. (Wow, that would drastically change in S4…)

Seriously, delivery vans driving reaaaally slow I find justified to check out. That's very suspicious for not having their load secured correctly and that being the reason for them to drive so slow.

"The man who got out looked normal – so normal that these days I can’t really picture his face. Said his name was “Tom.”" - High probability that this is Not!Sasha's Tom.

"From the back of the van, there was a sound of moaning." - While on my first listen I was lucky to recently already have relistened to MAG 2, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to connect things (because I couldn't remember anything from that episode). But heavy rain and moaning I immediately thought that it's gotta be the coffin!

"I yelled at them to explain what the hell was going on, but they just stood there, staring at it. So I hit one of them with my baton." - Oh yeah, that Daisy definitely is an awful person…

"I shouted for him, started to run but I felt a huge hand grip my shoulder. I grabbed it with my good arm, tried to escape it, but the grip was too strong. The texture of the flesh was like hard rubber. All I could do was watch as my partner kept walking into the earth, on stairs that couldn’t be there." Isn't it ironic? Here they saved her, but the next time Daisy would see Breekon & Hope and the coffin again, Breekon will make her go into the Buried herself.

JON "Uh, there is one other thing – I’ve been meaning to ask Basira, but you might know better –" DAISY "I’m done." - He's doing it again…

(Cont.) JON "Oh – yes, it’s just, j– [quickly] do you know anything about vampires?" - Now here's why he makes the perfect Archivist. Just can't shut up, asking more and more questions even when facing possible violet people (and later monsters)… tbh I'd probably also totally abuse a power like this.

DAISY "[anxious, drawn] Don’t tell Basira. She doesn’t know about that procedure. I, I’m not sure how much she’d understand" - Daisy worrying about what Basira might think of her? Even if it's actually straight up killing monsters in this instance, but Daisy really don't want Basia to know what she's capable of.

It's interesting that the coffin is connecting Jon and Daisy that much. When they met for the first time Daisy tells her statement about the coffin. Next time both of them will be dealing with the coffin, they actually start bonding, which slowly turns into a genuine friendship.

JON "Well, that’s a matter for later. I need to go home. Try to get some sleep." - Good! Keep up that attitude!… I'm also going to sleep now XD

Fay's voice is indeed great,

The Archivist, The Wolf and the Coffin... sounds like a Narnia book

[picture-of-grace]

au where nothing bad happens and Jon never becomes the Archivist and he and Martin meet when Jon is in research and Martin is in the library and Martin is a little more comfortable in himself (not totally bc hes still doing that thing where people dont notice him much) but hes obv not being put down by a stressed and projecting jon and they like talk about a case or something and instead of Martin head over heels (like he still is but it's more put together bc hes not scared of jon) its jon that's just. completely destroyed. hes just absolutely in love with Martin after the first interaction he cannot handle it and its adorable. fellow researchers and besties forever tim and sasha tease him so much about it bc they love him. just fluff.has it been done. please. please has it been done

[bananonbinary]

Time for a Salty Meta Post about Martin!

people who’ve followed this blog for a bit know that spending six hours combing through text for some goddamn sources is my specialty, so i compiled every time jon ever talked about martin’s work in season 1. which for the record, he stopped complaining about all the way back in episode 26, where he was angry that martin of all people got hurt.

things jon gets mad at martin for:

not being able to find records that don’t exist

not being able to find someone based only on a first name

the Dog

not wearing trousers in his off-hours

being the one that got caught up in the jane prentiss thing

mag 004 and mag 012 both have jon taking potshots at martin over research that was proven accurate by outside sources

things jon has never once complained about:

martin not understanding the filing system and just putting stuff away at random

martin being clumsy, constantly ruining things, spilling tea everywhere everyday, etc

martin turning in incompetent, poorly-edited, or badly formatted reports

martin not understanding the terminology used, skills expected, etc., and generally being extremely new to the field

please for the love of god stop making martin the silly bumbling idiot who can’t do anything right just because he doesn’t have a formal education. there’s zero evidence for it in the text, and it’s really weird to act like a 4 year degree would outweigh the *10 years* of job experience he has, not just in academia, but in the institute itself by season one. my boy has worked there longer than ANY of the rest of the main cast. screw you guys.

tl;dr: martin is never once shown to be bad at his job, jon pretty much only ever gets mad at him for the really stupid first impression and also not finding stuff that no one else was able to find either. after martin got hurt, jon talks about his research basically the same way he talks about tim’s or sasha’s work.

fucking proof under the cut:

(i didnt include the s1 finale or martin’s statement bc that’s just...two entire episodes of them talking to each other, but there isn’t really any notable Martin Complaints in either of them imo)

I swear, if he’s brought another dog in here, I’m going to peel him.

[pre-launch trailer]

.

Well, technically three, but I don’t count Martin as he’s unlikely to contribute anything but delays.

[...] Alongside this Tim, Sasha and, yes, I suppose, Martin will be doing some supplementary investigation to see what details may be missing from what we have.

[MAG001 Anglerfish]

.

Martin couldn’t find any records of Ex Altiora as a title in existent catalogues of esoteric or similar literature, so I assigned Sasha to double-check. Still nothing.

[MAG004 Pageturner]

.

I had Martin conduct a follow-up interview with Mr. Woodward last week, but it was unenlightening. Apparently there have been no further bags at number 93 and in the intervening years he has largely discounted many of the stranger aspects of his experience. I wasn’t expecting much, as time generally makes people inclined to forget what they would rather not believe, but at least it got Martin out of the Institute for an afternoon, which is always a welcome relief.

[MAG005 Thrown Away]

.

Martin was unable to find the exact date the original house was built but the earliest records he could find list it as being bought by Walter Fielding in 1891.

[...]

We cannot prove any connection, but Martin unearthed a report on an Agnes Montague, who was found dead in her Sheffield flat on the evening of November 23rd 2006, the same day Mr. Lensik claims to have uprooted the tree.

[MAG008 Burned Out]

.

According to Martin, who was here when they took this statement, it was at this point in writing that Mr. Herbert announced he needed some sleep before continuing. He was shown to the break room where he went to sleep on the couch. He did not awaken; unfortunately succumbing to the lung cancer right there. Martin says the staff had been aware of how serious Mr. Herbert’s condition was, and had advised him to seek medical aid prior to giving his statement, but were told rather bluntly by the old man that he would not wait another second to state his case. I can’t decide whether this lends more or less credibility to his tale.

[MAG010 Vampire Killer]

.

“Veepalach” might also be a mishearing of the Polish word “wypalać”, according to Martin, which means to cauterize or brand. Admittedly, if Martin speaks Polish in the same way he “speaks Latin,” then he might be talking nonsense again, but I’ve looked it up and it appears to check out.

[MAG012 First Aid]

.

I sent Martin to look into this ‘Angela’ character - not that I want him to get chopped up, of course, but someone had to. Apparently, he spent three days looking into every woman named Angela in Bexley over the age of 50. He could not find anyone that matches the admittedly vague description given here, though he informs me that he had some very pleasant chats about jigsaws. Useless ass.

[MAG014 Piecemeal]

.

Martin declined to help with this investigation as he’s “a bit claustrophobic”

[MAG015 Lost John’s Cave]

.

There simply aren’t enough details given in this statement to actually investigate, short of Martin confirming that Mr. Vittery did indeed live at the addresses he provided.

[MAG016 Arachnophobia]

.

Oh, he’s off sick this week. Stomach problems, I think.

Blessed relief if you ask me.

[...]

I asked Martin to try and hunt down Mr. Adekoya himself for a follow-up, but have been informed that he passed away in 2006. 

[MAG017 The Boneturner’s Tale]

.

MARTIN

Well, I need to tell someone what happened, and you can vouch for the soundness of my mind, can’t you?

ARCHIVIST

…

That is beside the point.

[MAG022 Colony]

.

Martin! Good lord man, if you’re going to be staying in the Archives, at least have the decency to put some trousers on!

[MAG023 Schwartzwald]

.

Martin found one other thing while combing through police reports for the Hither Green area. About a month after this statement was given, on May 15th, 2015, police were called out to once again investigate the chapel.

[MAG025 Growing Dark]

.

I know, but it would have to have been Martin, wouldn’t it? I mean, anything goes wrong around here, it always seems to happen to him. Anyway, we’re getting off topic. Why didn’t you report this?

[MAG026 A Distortion]

.

Martin made contact with the son, Marcus McKenzie, but he declined to talk to us, saying that he’d “already made his statement.”

[MAG027 A Sturdy Lock]

.

Tim and Martin had a bit more luck investigating Tom Haan, though only really enough to confirm that he seems to have completely vanished following his departure from Aver Meats on the 12th of July.

[MAG030 Killing Floor]

.

Martin’s research would seem to indicate the place employed a reasonable number of international staff they preferred to keep off the books

[...]

TIM

Ah well, that’s actually what he was asking, huh! Um, apparently Martin, uh, took delivery of a couple of items last week addressed to you. Did he not mention it?

ARCHIVIST

No, he… Oh, yes, actually. I completely forgot. He said he put it in my desk drawer, hold on.

[MAG036 Taken Ill]

[ao3feed-jonmartin]

it's just us left

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/NtSiD5b by lilybii “We can’t be done, we haven’t all kissed everyone,” Jon blurted out. There was a beat, before Tim laughed loudly. “Are you suggesting we be completionist about spin the bottle?” - Or, the S1 Archives crew + Melanie and Georgie play spin the bottle, and Jon is determined to kiss Martin. Words: 3857, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Fandoms: The Magnus Archives (Podcast) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: F/F, M/M, Multi Characters: Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Martin Blackwood, Melanie King, Georgie Barker, Sasha James, Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives) Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Georgie Barker/Melanie King Additional Tags: Spin the Bottle, Alternate Universe - Happy, NOTHING BAD EVER HAPPENED, the archives is a normal job, Engagement, Engagement Party, Drunkenness, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Everyone Is Gay, Pining, jon realizes he's been pining this whole time, jon is oblivious to martins feelings, Fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, My First Fanfic, be so nice to me, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, no beta readers we die like archival assistants, Established Georgie Barker/Melanie King read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/NtSiD5b

[insomnia-productions]

jonelias fake dating bullet fic

help

So Jon’s about a month into his new position as Head Archivist. it’s… fine. this is fine. gertrude was a mess, clearly, and elias is even more of a mess for allowing things to get this bad, but it’s fine. it’s fine. he’s fine.

yes, really, martin, stop asking,

And he’s - look, he’s always been a diligent person, always very committed to his work, so naturally he would spend every waking minute trying to organize the Archives, and naturally he would forget to sleep once or twice or five times a week, and honestly so what if he hasn’t actually touched his bed in nine days? It’s not like the lack of sleep is impeding his brain function. Much.

So it’s a bright and sunny morning in the Institute, and he’s up in one of the many libraries, looking up something about what may or may not have been a sentient kitchen sponge, and one of the researchers comes up to him looking oddly red and kind of stumbling over her words and oh lord no he’s being asked out

He quickly stutters through a rejection, but instead of just accepting it like a normal person (though, in fairness, what normal person would work at the Magnus Institute?), she asks him why not

like. what the fuck.

And Jon isn’t exactly the nicest or most tactful person, but even he isn’t about to look this woman in the eye and tell her that he just straight up does not like her. he’s not even sure he knows her name. there is a whole realm of possibility as to what reason he could give, like he’s too busy, or he isn’t looking to date anyone right now, but those would sound too much like excuses, wouldn’t they, rather than valid reasons to reject her.

He picks the worst option.

“I’m already seeing someone, actually.”

An eyebrow goes up. She looks him up and down. A second eyebrow goes up.

“Really? Who?”

Fuck. Now he has .2 seconds to make up a love story. He’s too tired for this, and he’s never been one for love stories. What makes for a believable romance? And in that panicked, sleep-deprived instant, his eyes fall on a portrait of Jonah Magnus nestled between two shelves, and somehow that prompts a spectacularly terrible response.

“Uh. Elias.”

Twenty minutes later he’s sitting at his desk in a spiral of anxiety. It’s fine, though, right? That woman will probably keep it to herself, and she’s just some random researcher, there’s no way anyone else will hear about his stupid comment. There’s no way Elias will hear about it - and even if he does, Elias has always been a pretty laid back boss, maybe he’ll even find it funny?

Oh lord he’s going to die  

The next day, everyone has heard about it. Jon can just feel it in the way people’s eyes follow him. Tim and Sasha give him twin funny looks, kind of half-disbelieving, half-amused. Jon slams his office door slightly harder than necessary. He puts it forcefully from his mind, and the day passes without incident. Until.

It’s the end of the day. Jon is walking towards the Institute’s main doors. Half the Institute seems to be there (fair enough, it is closing time), gathered in bunches, talking quietly, eyes flitting to him and away. Tim and Sasha are sitting on their Gossip Couch in the lobby, watching him. Elias is there, and waves him over, holding something that looks like a statement. Of course, today would be the day he decides to get involved in the archives.

Jon begrudgingly walks over. The second he reaches Elias’ side, Tim’s voice rings across the lobby. He’s walking towards them, saying something about hearing the most interesting thing from a woman in research, and how long have they been together?

Elias looks at him. Jon can see the instant when he realizes what’s happened, and, more importantly, he can see the precise moment when Elias decides to make things infinitely worse, because his eyes light up like he’s just been offered a second Christmas.

Elias turns back to Tim and, entirely matter-of-factly, says, “Two weeks.”

Tim, honestly, had not been expecting it to be true.

It’s bad. It’s bad, but… it could be worse. Two weeks isn’t a long time. It’s not like Elias has gone and made up an entire marriage or something. Jon will just put up with his coworker’s teasing for a couple of weeks, and then drop some vague comment about being too busy to date, and an amicable breakup, and that will be the end of the whole ordeal. This is fine.

Jon goes straight to Elias’ office the next morning to tell him just that, ignoring Tim and Sasha’s loud whistles as he reaches that particular set of stairs. He gets through a begrudging thank-you and a short explanation of his game plan, but once he’s done, Elias just folds his hands on his desk and smiles in a perfectly pleasant way that makes Jon feel like a minnow suspended between the open jaws of a shark.

Elias, as it turns out, has a party coming up next month, hosted by the Fairchilds, although Jon doesn’t know that name just yet. It’s an opportunity to garner more funds for the Institute, and he suspects one of the Lukases is going to ask him to it. Elias can’t afford to offend the Lukases, but he would also prefer to avoid getting roped into dating one of them again - (again??) - so why not stretch this fake dating thing out just a little longer.

Well, Jon thinks, there’s no harm in it, really. It’s just a month, just a party. And he does owe Elias for covering for him yesterday. So he agrees.

A week after the party, he’s preparing to drop his breakup comments over tea in the breakroom, when his cousin calls to invite him to her wedding. Bring a plus one! Oh god. He can already hear all the aunties, asking him when he’s going to settle down, why he hasn’t found someone yet. He bites his tongue on the breakup comment, puts his cup down, and walks up to Elias’ office.

It becomes a sort of unspoken agreement. Fake dating isn’t even hard; they’re adults with jobs, after all, not high schoolers spending every waking moment together. It’s an arrangement of convenience, more than anything, and the only thing that changes between them is that Elias visits the Archives more than he used to, and they talk more, and one time at one of Elias’ parties they danced, and it was nice, actually.

Meanwhile, for Jonah’s part, he’s having a baller time. Fake dating is such a small, petty thing, but the scheming that goes into laying out all the right little hints of domesticity, not to mention the fun of walking the line between performing for the others and legitimately flirting with Jon, always just short of anything that couldn’t be explained away - it’s like a fun, relaxing warm-up to his more important schemes.

Plus, he now has an excuse to spend more time with Jon, evaluating and pushing and molding the man who will become his Archive. It isn’t hard - and people like Jane Prentiss and Jurgen Leitner and the not-Them make it all the more easy.

On which note - Jane Prentiss happens. The Archives are in upheaval, someone definitely murdered Gertrude, and Jon is freaking out. Someone - Sasha, this person is Sasha - comes up to him to tell him that he shouldn’t be alone right now. Any good boyfriend would take him home, take care of him after something so traumatic. Elias is sitting next to him, and he gives Sasha a strange, sharp smile, and just as she’d suggested, he takes Jon home. Jon is too caught up in stress and exhaustion and who killed gertrude to remember that Elias is not, in fact, his actual boyfriend.

Maybe some part of him recalls, somewhere between the part where Elias so carefully tends to his wounds and the part where they fall asleep curled around each other, that this is not what fake-dating-at-parties-for-mutual-convenience is supposed to entail, but he’s so tired and there are so many bigger things to worry about than whether or not this is a boundary they shouldn’t cross.

He wakes up with Elias’ arms around him and Elias’ fingers combing gently through hair, and after that the line between fake dating and actually being in a relationship just gets blurrier and blurrier. But nothing really happens, not yet. Jon is in the midst of a murder investigation, after all - one even Elias is still a suspect in, warm mornings together or not. So they remain walking that line for months and months as Jon sinks further into paranoia, isolated from everyone - except Elias, who stays by his side like the supportive boyfriend he isn’t.

And then there’s the table. And the thing that is not Sasha. And Jurgen Leitner. And now he’s the one being suspected of murder. Jon does what has become his habit over the past two years when he is faced with a social situation he feels ill-equipped to deal with on his own. He goes to Elias.

And Jonah starts to rework his plans.

Maybe the fact that they now live together will make getting Jon marked by the fears harder, maybe it will take longer for him to be ready for the Watcher’s Crown. Maybe it will add years to his plans. But what good is a world without someone to rule it with? Maybe even, with time and patience, someone willing? Jonah’s waited 200 years to perform his ritual; for his Archive, he can wait a few more.