#sarcasm or jokes in here!

[evadingreallife]

I will not get into fights with random users who cannot understand jokes or tones or mock-fights i will not get into fights with random users who cannot understand jokes or tones or mock-fights i will not-

[hotvintagepoll]

quick everyone what does marilyn monroe like i need to put together a gift basket for her :3c

the daily mail is as always a beacon of auteur journalism

[notachair]

Since atla is again having an extra surge of popularity, I'm shooting my shot:

[ID: (Rest of image description in alt). At the bottom of the image sits the text: "Zuko: Okay. Well, I can't remember how it starts, but the punchline is "leaf me alone, I'm bushed."" ID end].

Did we ever find out what the setup for this joke was? I feel kinda haunted by it. If not- anyone wanna make their best or worst guesses?

edit: I now know what "I'm bushed" mean, but go ahead anyway 👍

haunted thoughts in tags ↓

[coolnonsenseworld]

Every Calendar pre-order gets the HEX sticker as well, so I'm posting it along with the introduction to the Universe to preface it. I've decided to put writing HEX as my priority for September/October, with the goal to publish the first chapter on AO3 exactly on Halloween - so here it is! Whatever happens it's gonna be there.

It has been stuck in my head like an earworm, so I can't wait.

[genericpuff]

Can’t wait for someone to make a copy of RS’s coveted “signature” stamp and just buy a few dozen books, stamp them, and sell them as “autographed” at a huge markup, and goofballs will buy them all.

I mean seriously, that stamp will be incredibly easy to copy if it’s not already been copied, it’s the polar opposite of exclusive or personal. Why anyone would pay $20 for that is beyond me but it proves that RS is a shrewd business person by any means necessary and will be richer than I ever will be. No wonder Hades is her idol.

No joke, there are pictures of Rachel using the stamp at SDCC and-

That stamp is literally just a standard one that you could order through any custom manufacturer. It's not a roller in any way, there's no unique cut they're working off of, it's just a round press stamp.

And it shows because this is the quality of the actual ink when it's on the paper-

Basically low grade printer ink on glossy paper. It's not gonna last at all, and it turned out exactly how I was expecting - there's too much solid color with too thin empty areas so the ink is bleeding into what's supposed to be 'white' (we deal with the same concepts in tattooing so I knew this was gonna happen as soon as I saw the stamp design).

Anyways so that's my long-winded way of saying that I took the stamp that was on Rachel's IG from her promotional posts, desaturated it, added a tone curve layer to adjust the sharpness/clarity, and threw it into VistaPrint. Just for science, and because I'm an asshole trying to prove a point.

Would literally only cost me $20-$30 for the stamp after shipping.

Now for obvious reasons I'm not saying anyone SHOULD do this, like... I'm showing you this for science but really, don't go making counterfeits because of this LOL This is really just to demonstrate how easy it would be for anyone to make a convincing replica, which is the unfortunate drawback to using stamps as your "signature" - and with a very low quality printer shop stamp to boot - because it makes it pretty easy to copy. Not to mention showing off the stamp design beforehand through social media means that people (like me, oop-) can rip it out of your image posts and reverse engineer it into something that can be uploaded and purchased. I get she wanted to make sure that people knew what they were getting, it would have been a HUGE piss off to go see her for a signature just to find out she was doing a stamp, but like... these are the risks that come with stamps.

Don't get me wrong, you can just as easily forge a signature, but it's a little harder to nail someone's personal signature vs. a stamp and you can usually find ways to make it more unique (like what Junji Ito did by giving out little doodles on each signature). It also doesn't help that that stamp is made so cheaply that a poorly done replica would probably be on the same level of quality as the authentic one. And of course she added insult to injury by deciding to sell ACTUAL HAND-SIGNED BOOKS WITH ONLY ONE BOOK THAT HAS ONE CRAPPY DOODLE INSIDE AT ONLY ONE SPECIFIC BOOKSTORE A WEEK AFTER SDCC WAS OVER THAT YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR EVEN IF IT MEANS YOU'RE GONNA HAVE AN EXTRA COPY OF A BOOK YOU ALREADY OWN-

sigh This isn't an uncommon thing to do, it's not unique to Rachel, but it gives me grifting gacha vibes and it feels like such a fuck you to the people who travelled all the way out to SDCC and paid for the ticket prices just to get a shitty printer ink stamp and then find out a week later after they've undoubtedly gone home that one bookstore in San Diego actually has hand-signed copies. I've seen Youtubers pull this kind of shit with vinyl printings and Youtooz figures and it's equally tacky.

If she had done it either with handwritten signatures or at the VERY least a better quality stamp design and higher quality ink, then yeah, it would be harder to make it seem legit for anyone who's not privy to creating things like lino cuts or using roller ink and thus make it a much more valuable collector's item. But the books at SDCC were literally made with a stamp that anyone can replicate for $20 and then the hand-signed ones were offered at only one bookstore after Rachel had already flown home. It feels so impersonal and cold to the audience that has supported her through all the bullshit she's pulled in the last year.

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

Current update-

Said I need to talk to a therapist. Get told I cant because I don't make enough to afford one.

The therapist who is unable to help me with what I need (because she is legally unable to due to what she would have to charge me) is pulling a list together of others who can, but has to call them all to see if any are able to take a patient with my situation.

And what's sad is she sat with me on the phone for an hour just making me talk, cause she could tell I so needed to be reached out to. And apologizing over and over how she can't help me technically but she hears me and is gonna do everything she can.

What a fucking system we have here. Jfc

[kafus]

HOLY FUCK NO WAY??!??!??!!?? WOAHH SHINY GYARADOS FIRST ENCOUNTER THAT’S INSANEEEEEE

[euclydya]

i see the fucking House got destroyed. aewseoekme 👍

[bbcphile]

TWF you think you have a great bit of symbolism in your fic, and then you realize it is something that doesn't happen with normal bodies, just in people with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome.

Lol. Welp, time to find a work around.

(And also, from now on, any time I write a passage that is particularly embodied, I am going to have to look up how normal bodies respond to things to make sure that the thing in question is in fact an ordinary aspect of having a corporeal form and not only normal to people with collagen defects. I will be laughing forever about this.)

[cliveguy]

well maybe ebenezer scrooge was autistic and his special interest was money . Did we ever consider that

[simgerale]

WIFE (One Shot for Regal)

The stars were out, and she could finally rest.

Magdalena let out a breath as she clicked the door shut, closing her eyes in relief. She did not foresee that the celebrations would last all day, but once her people found out about the marriage, many who were close by traveled to the castle. Not only did Volais gain an Emperor, but a peace without limits and the benefits that come with it. Trade will be bountiful, magic can finally find its way back into the lands, and war… War will slumber once more.

“Magdalena?” A gravely voice interrupts her thoughts, making her skin prickle at the sound of her name.

Right. These are not solely my chambers anymore.

Turning her body around to lean against the door, Magdalena spots the culprit sitting in soapy waters with a tired smile on his face.

“Who said that you could use my bath, your majesty?”

“My own conscious, once I realized that you had not escaped nearly as quickly as I did. You would not want your new husband to reek of politicians, would you?”

The empress quirks a brow, only for it to immediately lower in response to her eyes finding his bare… everything. With burning cheeks, she grasps her hands in front of her middle and makes a beeline for the vanity. She was exhausted when she entered the room, but now her heart cannot seem to stop hammering her ribcage.

It is just Luca. This is not your nightmares. He will be kind.

With shaky hands, Magdalena starts to take off her jewelry. She is almost regretful that she dismissed her handmaids, even if it is supposed to be her wedding night. This will take her an eternity.

The sounds of splashing water fill the room as her husband leaves his bath, causing her throat to tighten. He dresses painfully slow, the anticipation rising in Magdalena’s stomach until she cannot take it anymore and drops an earring.

Suddenly there is a hand to her left, offering her the pearl. When she looks back to the mirror, she finds Luca’s handsome face wearing a caring expression. “Need assistance?”

“…If you do not mind.”

“I will never mind,” he mutters, smiling as he starts to unclasp her necklace. “It gives me an excuse to be close to you, after all.”

Her whole body seems to retract into itself as his fingers brush the nape of her neck. Goosebumps form on her skin.

“We do not have to do anything tonight. In fact, I am fully prepared to not do anything for quite a long time,” Luca reassures his wife, placing a gentle kiss on her hair before moving away.

What? Magdalena asks herself. He… does not want to? She was surprisingly disappointed, regardless of her previous anxiety.

“Are you certain?”

Her husband chuckles, crossing his legs in the arm chair he found himself in. “Yes…? I thought you did not wish for us to advance so quickly.”

She purses her lips, turning away from the mirror so that she can look at her husband face-on. “I-It is not that I did not wish for us to advance… but it is expected of us. I am expected to bear a child now that I am married.”

Luca stares at Magdalena with his mouth slightly ajar, brows furrowing as if he is trying to decipher a code written on her face. “Surely you do not believe that we always have to do what is expected of us, Magdalena. Especially when it concerns our private affairs.” He stands slowly, his tunic shifting to reveal a chest his new wife is trying her hardest not to focus on. “Especially when we have already determined that this marriage was for us and not for them.”

“I understand, but—“

“No, you apparently do not,” Luca cuts her off, walking towards her with waves of concern radiating off of him. Taking both hands in his, he says, “We had our first kiss yesterday, Magdalena. And your nerves were unhinged the moment you saw me bathing. Did you think I would not notice?”

The empress gulps. She is unused to someone knowing her this well. Even her sister is not this good at picking her apart.

“I may be bold, but I am not that bold to assume you would want to lay with me after one day of being mine,” he jokes, a wet curl falling onto his forehead. “I will even sleep in my old room if you are not ready for my hairy legs in your bed.”

A laugh bubbles out of Magdalena, the tension releasing from her body as suddenly as it appeared. He is the only one that has gotten her to relax so easily in years, and she is sure that no one else will ever be able to achieve the same feat.

A few nights later, after days full of meeting with important people and drawing up official documents, after constant moments of catching the other staring across the room, after a vulnerable minute in the stairwell when they finally got alone and kissed like they had been deprived of air… Magdalena no longer had any fears left.

That is why Luca retired that night to find his new wife, clad in her nightgown, standing by their bed with a certain glint in her eye.

“Was my Empress waiting for me all this time?”

“No,” she said quietly. “Your wife was.”

[freakwiththeknifecollection]

Years of reading and writing disapproving parent fic have come back to haunt me, as I'M now the one committing faux pas in front of my partner's uptight parents 🫠✌️

[llycaons]

okay I thought about the similarities between jfm and jc's unrequited crushes who prefer their 'servant's' company to their own and it looped around from being tragic to being really funny again. jc pined after wq so clumsily and unsuccessfully with the stupid fucking comb she didn't care about because SHE AND HER FAMILY WERE POLITICAL TARGETS AT THE TIME and HE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HER AT ALL and she 100% always preferred the company of wwx, who was genuinely fun to be around, as intelligent and selfless as she was, understood and respected the delicate political position she was in, treated her like an individual, knew what was important to her, helped her family, and sacrificed everything for her safety. wq literally would rather have lived a doomed life in a starving refugee camp with wwx and her family than accept a marriage proposal from jc, jc wq shippers how does it feel to be fucking clowns

[jackshiccup]

finally finished watching riders of berk a very fun 10/10 experience i fear

[wraithsoutlaws]

feeling insane bc i was actually considering making 'no coincidence' karla in game fdsklafjkalfjkafa

[moe-broey]

SORRY I HAVE TO SHARE. IDK how I even would describe it it's just one of the weirdo Takumi moments ever

LIKE. Maybe it's my own autism showing LMFAO BUT I GENUINELY CAN'T TELL IF HE'S JOKING OR BEING SARCASTIC?? And added to this I feel like there are MULTIPLE INSTANCES where Takumi will literally just say anything. My man does NOT know how to socialize.

Funniest option is he just failed the Autism Sarcasm/Joke Gambit himself where You (autistic) say something sarcastic or as a joke and it just falls completely flat. Some flat affect bullshit. Can somebody fucking help him