#sara watches bridgerton

[buckleydiazmp4]

ariana grande on violin still does not beat pitbull though. carriage scene remains on top

[actuallysara]

my friends asking me to wait one. whole. week. to finish Bridgerton so that we can watch it together: if that isn't delusional behaviour at its finest I don't know what is

[cocoabeloved]

❛ ♡ WELCOME !! ☕ ୧

↳ જ⁀➴ 🏹 ｡˚ “i want to do something splendid before i go into my castle--something heroic, or wonderful--that won't be forgotten after i'm dead. i don't know what, but i'm on the watch for it, and mean to astonish you all, some day. i think i shall write books, and get rich and famous; that would suit me, so that is my favorite dream.” — JO MARCH, LITTLE WOMEN <33 (my absolute beloved!!)

❝ 𝐈'𝐋𝐋 𝐒𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐌𝐘 𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐈𝐒𝐌 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐌𝐘 𝐈𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐑 𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄 ❞

││↳ 🖇️ [FATMATA] -> fourteen • 🇸🇱/🇬🇧 • student • INFJ, 4w5 • november scorpio • slytherclaw • casual swiftie • major coffee addict (me 🤝 lorelai & rory over being insane over coffee) • PROUD FEMINIST • sacred moonchild • avid reader • CAT LOVER • pacey witter lovergirl • sunset & sunrise enjoyer • i hate it here by taylor swift as a person!! • philosopher at heart • major english & history lover • middle child • okokok girlie <33 (methinks) • sylvia plath & oscar wilde enthusiast • relate to 'chosen last' by sara kays more than i should • big brown doe-eyed cinephile • self-diagnosed pinterest whore • legally married to spotify • fashionista & red nails enthusiast • stationary shops adorer ♡ • forever a lover of the sea • total perfectionist, overthinker & teenage girl-er 25/8

╰┈➤ [MAJOR INTERESTS/HOBBIES] -> true crime ➝ music ➝ reading ➝ playlist-making ➝ philosophy➝ media/character analysis ➝ video essays ➝ english literature ➝ greek mythology ➝ dancing ➝ reading ➝ poetic cinema ➝ defending my beloved characters ➝ deep intellectual conversations ➝ greta gerwig films ➝ arts & crafts ➝ FASHION ➝ sleeping ALL day ➝ online shopping but never actually buying anything? ➝ researching random shit on the internet ➝ photography ➝ skincare ➝ crocheting ➝ cooking & baking ➝ studying ➝ writing in planners/organising journals ➝ going to stationary stores ➝ board games ➝ girlblogging ➝ maladaptive daydreaming ➝ scrolling on pinterest/tumblr for unhealthy amounts of time ➝ making moodboards ➝ etc. (but i also DESPERATELY want to learn the electric guitar because it's def the best instrument to ever exist?!)

╰┈➤ 🎧 [ARTISTS] -> taylor swift, lana del rey, olivia rodrigo, gracie abrams, conan gray, sabrina carpenter, beabadoobee, maisie peters, mitski, cigarettes after sex, sza, beyonce, reneé rapp, ABBA, melanie martinez, tv girl, marina, doja cat, the smiths, fleetwood mac, nirvana, rihanna, ariana grande, adele, lorde, mac demarco, phoebe bridgers, avril lavinge, boygenius, the cranberries, suki waterhouse, fiona apple, clairo, billie eilish, kali uchis, girl in red, arctic monkeys, pastel ghost, mazzy star, harry styles, the neighborhood, roar, alex g, pinkpantheress & more!!

╰┈➤ 🎬 [TV + FILM] -> dawson's creek. skins (uk). dead poets society. the virgin suicides. black swan. gilmore girls. bridgerton. derry girls. little women (2019). anne with an e. the breakfast club (1985). the perks of being a wallflower. the edge of seventeen. thirteen. heartbreak high. ten things i hate about you. girl interrupted. gossip girl. heartstopper. miraculous ladybug. uptown girls. legally blonde. [2000s chic rom-com teen girlie movies have me in a lethal chokehold, send help] etc. and MANY MORE 🫶🏾🫶🏾

❝ 𝐒𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃 𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐁𝐄𝐄𝐍 𝐀 𝐏𝐎𝐄𝐓 𝐎𝐑, 𝐒𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃 𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐁𝐄𝐄𝐍 𝐀 𝐅𝐎𝐎𝐋 ❞

╰┈➤ MY ABSOLUTE BELOVED!! - @catastrxblues, @sparksssflytv, @youronlymagnolia, @svnflowermoon, @i-miss-you-im-sorry, @stvrlighhttt, @halucynator, @nqds, @alltheliars, @tooinlovetothinkstraight14, @diorgirl444, @stvrlighhttt, @urgirlnextdoorr, @girlfailing, @shefollowedthestars, @wntrrdoll, @weeping-in-the-willows, @skeelly, @reminiscentreader, @isitoversnowtvs, @jewelledmoths, @moonanditstars, @french-toadt, @dandelions-fly-in-summer-skies, @christmasslights, @urapocolypticcrush, @cottoncandywhispers, @lost-in-reveriie, @folklore-girl, @betteroffnowthatwedonttalk, @theladyinwhite13, @iwanttomarrynoahshaw, @emailsicntsend, @someones-name-insterted-here, @astraeasparrow, @evermore-4-life - ILY TO THE MOON AND TO SATURN 🪐 (let's all get married and live in the forest together fr)

┕ » • » i’d love to make more friends, feel free to ask or message me!! inbox is always open - PLEASE come say hi, i literally don’t mind at all! ꒱ྀི « ━━━┙

NOW PLAYING: PEOPLE WATCHING - CONAN GRAY‎ — ♬

01:23 ━━━━●───── 02:38

↺ ◁ㅤ ❚❚ ㅤ▷ ㅤ↻ ☆

ִ ࣪ ⟡ ִ ۫ ִ 🕯️ ── ꒱ ◠ 🎹 ۫ ִ ۫⊹

#THIS BLOG FULLY SUPPORTS PALESTINE 🇵🇸 !!

[visionaxry]

TOP 10 TV SHOWS I WATCHED IN 2023

1. GREASE: RISE OF THE PINK LADIES

this prequel to grease tells the story of how the “pink ladies” gang was created. it follows new original characters, although the younger versions of some movie characters are also shown/mentioned. it is a beautiful musical about feminism, love, friendship, racial relationships and queerness in the 50s. the songs stuck in my head & my heart. and it quickly became one of my favorite shows ever. incredibly devastating that it only got one season, because it was very unique and important.

2. FREERIDGE

on my block’s spin-off. it’s just as unhinged, dripped in magic and ridiculousness. less violent than its predecessor, it follows a group of four friends who come into possession of a “cursed” box, and as they try to get rid of it, shenanigans ensue. you’ll see a few familiar faces from omb and fall in love with the new ones. experience this block’s craziness again or for the first time. be gnomes ahead.

3. EVERYTHING NOW

tells the story of mia as she returns from rehab for ed, and tries to catch up on her teenage experiences. secret hookups, betrayals, love triangles, lying and pretty people. similar in tone to heartbreak high & genera+ion.

4. VAMPIRE ACADEMY

it’s about a royal vampire and her half-vampire protector, as they navigate their duties after a tragic event changes their lives.

rose and demitri’s love story certainly carries the show. the cast is great and it’s a fun watch. definitely a step up from the movie.

5. SHRINKING

jason segel plays a therapist who starts telling his patients what he really thinks, while trying to maintain a relationship with his daughter (lukita maxwell) and estranged friends.

it just felt very fun and warm to watch.

6. CITY ON FIRE

a girl is shot in the central park. and it intertwines lives of a boy who’s in love with her, a rock band and a rich powerful family. in trying to figure out what happened to sam, charlie realizes the girl of his dreams had more secrets than he suspected.

the cast is perfect and billy is the best character, that’s all i have to say. this show’s exciting, dramatic, in parts reminded me of gossip girl, succession, 13rw and grand army.

7. HIGH SCHOOL

twin sisters in the 90s grow closer as they learn how to write music. they experience first love, make new friends and deal with family issues.

the true story of how tegan&sara became the musical duo that they are.

8. HARLAN COBEN’S SHELTER

after a traumatic accident mickey moves to his dad’s childhood home, where he uncovers mysteries connected to his parents’ work.

reminded me of teen wolf, because the storyline is dark but the friendship and humor of the main characters shine through.

9. YEAR OF

a group of classmates try to overcome the loss of their friend. heartbreak high made me interested in aussie shows. and this had similar energy.

10. QUEEN CHARLOTTE

a fictional story of a young queen’s marriage to the king of england. bridgerton’s spin off which imo was better made than the original show.

[maxanor]

Watched ep 3 and 4 and I'm back with more thoughts (mainly on ep 4)🫡

The scenes in episode 4 contrasting Rhaenyra and Alicent's stories, oh that's that excellent content. They're actually the heart of the show, I don't care about the rest just them.

Anyways the parallel of the rats though: when we see them for Rhaenyra's side as she is sneaking out of the Red Keep near the Dragon skull, representing her fleeing to freedom from her duty; while then seeing the rats on the bedframe in Alicent's story after she was forced to do her "marital duty" (that's rape :/ when he touched her face and she was forced to smile during that, I was raging, like oh Viserys count your days!)

Anyways after 4 episodes my thoughts can mostly be narrowed down to that meme "get a job. stay away from her" about both Rhaenyra and Alicent. (Ps let me know if you don't need to know my thoughts and I'll shut up, I yap too much haha)

OMG im so sorry this took so long to answer i've been on vacation and bridgerton part 1 is taking over my life 🙈 but YES oh episode 4 is absolutely heartbreaking like rhaenyra and alicent are both children being taken advantage of by these crusty old men when all they want is each other </3 they're the heart of the show and it will stay that way everyone say thank you ryan condal and sara hess!!!!!!

trust me your thoughts are not annoying i love hearing them 🤗

[deepbutdazzlingdarkness]

I think @kennyomegasweave tagged me in this OTP meme like...months ago? And I just found it half-finished in my drafts and decided to actually get it done.

1. What ship were you completely obsessed with when you were a teenager, but now you don't care anymore? 20s, not my teens, but I used to be utterly obsessed with Jack/Kent from Check Please and now, IDEK what happened. I still love them, but I have old fic I saved and never read and can't bring myself to care anymore. IDK it makes me sad.

2. Which ship would you consider your first one? Hmm probably Betsy/Joe from the Betsy Tacy series or Anne/Gilbert from Anne of Green Gables? My first ships when I actually got into fandom were Sawyer/Kate and Sara/Grissom from CSI.

3. Your first fanfic belonged to which couple? Magnus/Alec!!! I never thought I would write fic and then I watched season 1 of Shadowhunters and banged out (lol) 7 fics and almost 30k of porn in less than 2 months in 2016. They all have an insane number of hits (like. the highest has 54,878 hits and the lowest has 15,836 hits.........) and I still get kudos on them almost every day, it's wild.

4. Do you remember the first couple you saw a fanart over? Genuinely no idea, but the first one in my fan art tag is Katniss/Peeta from 2012 <3

5. Did you ever get into ship discourse? My first instinct whenever I see someone talk about something I don't like is to mute/block, so perhaps not actively, but I'm sure I have at some point.

6. Did you used to have any no-otp or have it currently? LOL. Yes. I still fucking HATE Jack/Kate from Lost and always will. Also Dan/Blair from Gossip Girl. Lately...I'm such a multi-shipper but I gotta say Kate/Anthony from Bridgerton bc I've genuinely had to restrain myself from bitching about how much I hate them SO many times since s3 came out lol.

7. Who were the couple in the last fanfic you read? I finished a rewatch of Beyond Evil last night so I've been rereading some of my old bookmarks bc I've read almost everything that's out there 😔. Shout out to the masterpiece simple & clean by whir.

8. Currently, do you have any OTPs? So many!!! Taemin/Kai is still my #1, but also Juwon/Dongsik from Beyond Evil, PatPran from Bad Buddy (it took me several episodes to actually get into the show but once I did I cried...so much over them and how much they love each other LOL), KunTen from WayV, Louis/Lestat...I feel kinda bad that I don't have a major current f/f OTP but I'm literally checking my kpop tags multiple times a week for rule 63 fic and most of my current WIPs are rule 63 f/f so there's that. (Two KunTen including what hopefully is gonna be a long one, plus a Jigyu I started yesterday for a fest that I'm hoping I'll be able to get done - not because of the length, but because I've never written Seventeen before)

9. Is there any couple that, to this day, you are extremely mad about not getting together? So many??? I feel like I have to say Dean/Cas.......Lee/Kara never really got together so them for sure. Sawyer/Kate from Lost even though I 100% choose to believe they got together post-canon pre-flash-sideways. Oh my god I'm looking through my "forever bitter" tag and it's a lot of Cooper/Audrey from Twin Peaks as I expected, but I forgot about Mini/Franky from Skins. and ABSOLUTELY THEM. Everything about series 5 was terrible but that especially.

10. Is there any ship you used to dislike but now you think they are kind of interesting? IDK I feel like I don't usually change my mind like that. I wouldn't go as far as saying "kind of interesting" but I guess I don't hate Bree/Roger from Outlander AS much on the show as I did in the books lol.

11. Do you have any ship that, in the past, was considered normal but now you would be cancelled over? Hmm...Cesare/Lucrezia maybe? If not them almost definitely Norma/Dylan from Bates Motel LOL.

12. What was your favorite crack ship? I was gonna say I couldn't remember any that truly fit this definition, but then I remembered the Kent Parson/Claude Giroux series #dirtbags and that was great. Actually no my real answer is Syd/Richie from The Bear. Now *I* don't think it's a crackship but they have that vibe.

13. Who is the couple you read more fanfics of? Here's a side by side view of my most bookmarked ships vs the tags I have saved rn on my front page. Unfortunately you can only have 20 but I think it's a pretty good representation. (Other than the ENHA ship, where I legit don't know anything about them or frankly even what they look like, but that tag produces so much incredible unhinged porn that I read canon-blind.)

14. What most of your ships usually have in common? I feel like I have several different ~types, but: friends to lovers, I LOVE bicker-y couples, age gap relationships, especially when one of them is a mentor-ish figure, and power dynamics in general.

15. What do you absolutely hate in a ship? Nice Guy characters, whether they're a guy or a girl. The OG example is Xander (duh) and Chloe from Smallville but you also see it with characters like Sol on My Stand In...there's def more things I hate but that's one of most major ones for me.

[bisexual-yuri]

“Speaking in Tongues” 

The key is taking bubble baths

Speaking in tongues, gold lungs

Available to fuck you, butts two

Guess who’s stalking Ali’s IG lives 

Cat tails, nine tails, Vixen’s nine finds

Rhymes, sing a solo, sing a little, chime 

It’s fine, gaslit & alone on the ides of March

Parched, parchment paper, carry dark 

Nessie’s under the loch, ness monster arc

Fear of bright sparks, fantasy dreams

Scene, she screams, circles on the globe 

Lover of all who goes on the poem 

Who could ever love me at home 

Humans in space at spot in the zone

Pullin’ the door at the race, bar goes

Bills mafia, magic, singing out loud is for his 

Justin’s cello secrets inspired my dreams

I been told how to feel at home

I been told how to kill your own

I been told how to fuck off and roam 

Wanderlust kid, Metallica samples

Napster scandal, wanted to see Randall’s island in the uber after choir 

Go get her, Allison’s writing a letter

Singer, go-getter, fabulous writer

Eva-Jean Calixto never born

Babies killed before they can even form, 

Look at my baby, bro, honey NO

I can’t lose no argument, I’m angry with YOU

Provoked two, big as hell shit

Demons from hell, psychosis drill

Psychology major, pain & savior 

Kendrick, why’d you wait to say it?

You can’t be a warrior if you quit on it

If he that depraved man, it ain’t talkin’ shit

Nothin’s stopping me, I’m a nobody 

Fyre club girl, white bitch called Ali 

This life I lead independently

Auditions for JC, superstar, really 

Joan likes how I do my makeup 

But won’t fucking call me 

Mexican motherfucker, it’s all racy 

Kevin Spacey, we out here naming rapists 

Baby I got some new ones for you 

Mam Deng, MD, fucker raped who?

Beat the shit, she’s legit, Sara’s no liar 

You don’t want to incur her ire

Bridgerton girl, perfect breasts and bars 

Watch the hoes blur and go far

She’s got battle scars, Sheila’s class 

World star, Jersey stars, Dion’s whiskey Jar

Metallica again, Hatfield’s cover of Mars

Red planet shit, she’s a science teacher

Don’t tar & feather her, history major 

ESL teacher, call her to reach her

Miss H is everyone’s favorite non-preacher

Leecher of blood and lover of loafs 

Larger than life in her big stupid coat 

[ferretrade]

nine people i'd like to know better!

@knifepadme i love this bc i absolutely always want to know these things about you but also lmao we've know each other since 2007

Last Song I Listened To: boyfriend - tegan & sara (i borrowed a cd from the library and i love it, bwu is my favorite song on the album i think)

Currently Watching: bridgerton s2 rewatch! god kate and anthony are so hot i can't

Sweet/Savory/Spicy?: SWEET give me chocolate

Relationship Status: spinster aunt

Current Obsession: the star wars never end. also i'm obsessed with making myself little drinks aka an iced chai latte (the secret is get the "say when" brand chai and then it's so easy to do)

tagging! @anxiousotters @dontbelasagnax @lttrsfrmlnrrgby @goddammitjim @happybean17 @anaclastic-azurite @foreverchangingfandomsao3 @tired-bshocked @meebles @merlyn-bane

[the-dalseum-duet]

what would have saved each of my characters

charlie: a weighted blanket

noeul: any form of community service 

sara: a pair of noise canceling headphones

gale: watching bridgerton

sonnet: watching a live performance of the 1968 musical “hair”

adam: a good relationship with his mother 

crow: being a cis white able bodied teenager in the 80s

marie: some friends 

[abcnewspr]

ROY WOOD JR., ELLIE KEMPER, DEBORAH ROBERTS, MINKA KELLY, RICHARD DREYFUSS, CHARLIE DAY, GOLDA ROSHEUVEL AND ARSEMA THOMAS, AND KAREN GILLAN JOIN THE CONVERSATION ON AMERICA’S MOST-WATCHED DAYTIME TALK SHOW, ‘THE VIEW,’ MAY 1-5

ABC/Jeff Lipsky*

Called “the most important political TV show in America” by The New York Times, “The View” is a priority destination for our guests and must-see viewing for our loyal fans with up-to-the-minute Hot Topics and invaluable conversations with live broadcasts five days a week. The Daytime Emmy® Award-winning talk show concluded season 25 as the most-watched daytime talk show, ranking No. 1 in Households and Total Viewers among the daytime network and syndicated talk shows and news programs for the second consecutive year. “The View” is executive produced by Brian Teta and is directed by Sarah de la O. For breaking news and updated videos, follow “The View” (@theview) and Whoopi Goldberg (@whoopigoldberg), Joy Behar (@joyvbehar), Sunny Hostin (@sunny), Sara Haines (@sarahaines), Alyssa Farah Griffin (@alyssafarah) and Ana Navarro (@ananavarro) on Twitter.

Scheduled guests for the week of May 1-5 are as follows (subject to change):

Monday, May 1 — Roy Wood Jr. (host, 2023 White House Correspondents’ Association dinner)

Tuesday, May 2 — Ellie Kemper (host, “The Great American Baking Show”); Deborah Roberts (author, “Lessons Learned and Cherished: The Teacher Who Changed My Life”)

Wednesday, May 3 — Minka Kelly (author, “Tell Me Everything: A Memoir”); Richard Dreyfuss (“Sweetwater”)

Thursday, May 4 — Charlie Day (“Fool’s Paradise”); Mother’s Day Favorite Things

Friday, May 5 — Golda Rosheuvel and Arsema Thomas (“Queen Charlotte: A Bridgerton Story”); Karen Gillan (“Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3”)

COPYRIGHT ©2023 American Broadcasting Companies, Inc. All photography is copyrighted material and is for editorial use only. Images are not to be archived, altered, duplicated, resold, retransmitted or used for any other purposes without written permission of ABC. Images are distributed to the press in order to publicize current programming. Any other usage must be licensed. 

Follow “The View” (#theview) on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook.

“The View” is now available on a podcast. Listen to the full show for free on Apple Podcasts or on your favorite podcast app every weekday afternoon. 

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[eskamtrash]

"when you touch yourself" SIMON STOP

[buckleydiazmp4]

kate interacting with benedict is my favorite thing ever

[leossmoonn]

Wait is edwina is wanting Anthony to marry Kate?? Confused

[1016anon]

Title: Used to Be Mine Author: 55anon Fandom: Bridgerton Pairing: Anthony Bridgerton/Kate Sharma, Thomas Dorset/Kate Sharma Summary: It's not simple to say, but most days, I don't recognize me.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: SPOUSAL ABUSE, IMPLIED SEXUAL ASSAULT, ALCOHOLISM

A/N -- I keep seeing "Kate is in an abusive relationship and Anthony rescues her" fics and I just. This is my response. Also, I have nothing against Dorset. He's just a convenient name here. Title from Sara Bareilles song, fic plot (such as it is) vaguely inspired by The Waitress.

He doesn't recognize her.

Kate is thankful, because she doesn't recognize herself. If he had seen her, if he'd looked at her twice and said her name, she doesn't know what she would have done. Maybe say something sarcastic. Maybe pretend she doesn't know him.

Most likely, she wouldn't have energy to do anything other than dredge up the same smile she uses for all the other customers who come through this diner.

Kate is thankful, that he's passing through. She's never seen him in this part of the city before, though even if she had, what difference would it make? They no longer share any connection-- only faded dreams of what could have been.

You see, Tom was a good man.

They had been happy.

Then the economy took a bad turn and he lost his job; they found themselves in a mountain of debt between the student loans, the second mortgage they took out on a fixer-upper Tom was convinced he could flip on the housing market, then Mary's medical bills. It turns out that filing for bankruptcy doesn't erase medical debt.

They got through by the skin of their teeth. They'd loved each other, despite the difficulties and the stress of the finances. They got through it-- Kate juggled three jobs, Tom found a job when the economy began to improve. They slowly began to pay the remaining debts, rebuild their credit score.

But sometimes people break. And Tom, who'd grown up in a lovely white middle class family, only child, parents who had already passed away and the little they left, she and Tom had used as downpayment for their house; Tom, who was perfectly lovely when the going got tough, and tougher, and rock bottom, couldn't pick the pieces of himself back up.

This is what people don't tell you: it's not the breaking that's devastating. It's the rebuilding.

The rebuilding is all the more devastating because you thought the breaking was the worst of it. You survived the breaking-- surely the pieces would fall back into place on their own.

It turns out, that's not true. And Tom, who grew up on a diet of self help books and believed in the power of mindfulness and therapy, self medicated with alcohol, disguised as unwinding after a stressful day at work.

Kate watched with growing apprehension as the number of beer bottles on the table increased, the wine became cheaper and cheaper swill, their kitchen was littered with brown paper bags crushed in the same of bottlenecks.

She tried to talk to him and he brushed her off. Tried, and tried, and tried, until it finally became untenable and their friends stopped coming over for dinner because Tom drank a bit too much, he wasn't the fun kind of tipsy. He said things he shouldn't, he yelled and found new friends-- friends who understood he just needed a fucking beer to relax after his boss breathed down his neck.

Kate is a strong woman. But the thing about abuse is-- it starts slowly. No one means to fall into an abusive relationship and stay there. No one thinks it's fun to stay in that fucked up situation, no one would sign up for that shit, if they knew the cost and the loss.

They fought, but all couples fought. They said terrible things to each other, but they were stressed out about his unemployment, her three jobs, their debt, Mary's medical bills, the bankruptcy, his depression, her exhaustion. They didn't have sex because they were too tired and if they did, he cared less and less about what she got out of it and more and more about his own gratification and Kate faked it once. Twice.

Fake it enough, and it become habit.

That is the thing they don't tell you about abuse-- it doesn't punch you in the face one day out of nowhere. It's a slow slide. It's something you get used to, little by little, day by day.

You get used the screaming. You get used to the increasing number of beer bottles. You get used to the feeling of resignation that things won't change. You get used to making excuses-- because it's been a hard year, it's been a hard year for everyone, every marriage has its ups and downs and as long as they have each other, it's fine. They'll make it through because they love each other.

It's lies you tell yourself every day because at one point in time, they weren't lies at all.

But you can't tell where the line is, where the lies which weren't lies become lies in truth.

It's a painful erasure, it's an insidious process. To lower your standards, little by little because the reasons were good reasons at the time, legitimate reasons. Only, after the economy improves and life starts looking better for everyone else, life takes a stark downturn for you.

And the problem is, Tom still loves her. There are days when he's the man she fell in love with, when he treats her well, when it looks like maybe, just maybe, she could bring up the topic of therapy without him throwing empty beer bottles across the room.

The problem is, Tom apologizes.

The problem is, Tom apologizes, says he'll do better, and does better.

For a week. Two weeks. Sometimes even two and a half weeks.

Then, it shatters.

At first, she didn't know what would set him off, but now she knows what not to talk about. What words not to say. She doesn't bother because she's so, so, tired and while she's dying inside, Tom begins to look like he's on the up and up. Promotion at work, being careful with his drinking around their old friends. Mending fences, saying he's better. He's going to AA and he does. He never makes it past two weeks of sobriety.

Tom is a functioning alcoholic. Tom is smart. Tom loves her, apologizes to her, uses her body to the point she dissociates, says things he doesn't mean but also does mean when he's in a rage, when he's drunk.

And Kate, who never understood how women found themselves in abusive relationships, finds herself in an abusive relationship.

Tom doesn't hit her, or leave marks, or do anything people immediately identify as abuse. Kate doesn't have to cover her face with foundation and pretend she fell down the stairs.

Kate has to watch Tom be the man she used to love while they dine with their friends; Kate has to watch Tom grimace briefly when someone asks them about kids; Kate has to start hiding her birth control. Kate finds out one day that all of her friends are actually Tom's friends. Kate, stressed and close to breaking, confides once in Tom's friend's wife, who is a good woman, a concerned woman.

But a woman who talks to her husband, and a husband to talks to Tom, and Kate never tells anyone again, because it only takes 17 days to establish a habit and Kate has too many habits, too many lies, too many ways she's found to cope and get through, too many times she clings to the good days. The books, the movies, the tv shows all tell her that he won't change. He's an abuser, he won't change.

Tom wasn't always an abuser. Tom loves her-- or used to, or once did, or never had, or could, or might, if Kate could stop fucking up the curry and burning the naan.

Tom brings her flowers on their anniversary; all her girlfriends-- wives of Tom's friends-- tell her how lucky she is to be married to him, how romantic it is that he brought home cake and wine for their anniversary when they can hardly get their husbands to remember their birthday and the only thing Kate remembers about the cake and wine is all the wine she did not drink.

Their finances became irrevocably meshed together when they went through the bankruptcy. All her money was deposited into the joint account and it's still deposited in the joint account. Tom keeps track of how much she makes and he knows when she tries to keep some for herself.

He tracks her activity on her computer. He looks through her phone calls. He makes her life smaller and smaller until the only thing she has left are her coworkers at a diner which pays too little, but is as far from Tom as she can get; as far from his friends as she can get, and the two hour commute each way gives her time to cry, or simply sit blankly in the car, wondering what kind of mood he'll be in when she gets home.

She was only able to keep the job because it had been one of the three she'd picked up when the economy was bad.

Kate has a college degree. She used to make more than Tom does now. She was laid off first. When the economy got better, she thought she would go back into the workforce; she thought they were on the same page.

They weren't.

When the economy improved, no stopped meaning no.

Abuse is a series of slow breaks until you look in the mirror one day and don't recognize yourself.

Until your ex-boyfriend, who had been your fiance until he broke off the engagement because of issues with his family-- until your ex-boyfriend walks into a dingy diner and doesn't recognize you and the only thing you feel is relief that he's not seated in your section.

Until he comes back, a second time.

A third time.

And the other waitresses giggle and flirt with him, they jokingly fight over covering his section.

The only thing Kate feels is clawing anxiety, dread, fear-- because what if Tom comes by? Sometimes he comes by.

He never comes by.

But if he did come by, he would recognize Anthony and he would assume. He would ask Kate why she didn't tell him Anthony came to the restaurant. He would ask how many times Anthony has eaten at the restaurant. He would make her quit her job and cut her off from the only people she has left in the world, the only place she feels halfway safe.

Kate stays as far away from Anthony as possible.

Even though he tips ridiculously well.

Even though he's only grown more handsome over the years.

Even though each time he comes to the diner, a terrible, tender, horrific tendril of hope curls in her stomach that perhaps--

Perhaps he recognizes her

Perhaps he comes to the diner to see her

Perhaps he will approach her and say hello

And every drive back home, the hope shrivels, fades. Or does it hide under the dead leaves which carpet the forest floor?

When it happens-- when that thing she hoped and dreaded and feared and wanted happens--

"Hi, Kate."

She says, with her customer service smile,

"Hello, Anthony."

--

In truth, he doesn't recognize her the first time he sees her. It was raining, he was hungry and angry, he was on his way out of the city to attend some country club gathering Daphne put together, and he knew he would be a bear if he didn't get some calories-- any calories-- in him.

The diner looked like something a hurricane should have mowed over in 1970 and the interior was exactly what he expected. The food was nothing to write home about-- all those stories about gems of Americana tucked away in dilapidated diners were myths.

But the second time she walked past him, when he was about to ask for a coffee refill, he recognized her.

He was about to say something, almost certain she saw him too, but her eyes slid past him and she was gone in a moment.

Anthony got his coffee refill, paid his bill, wondered if he would come off as a creep if he asked whether Kate Sharma-- no, it was Kate Dorset now-- worked there, then decided against it. Let the past be. Better not to go down the path of what-ifs and could-have-beens.

Only he couldn't stop thinking about her.

Wondering how she was. Whether she had kids. How many. How old were they. He was recently divorced himself, two kids, both boys. Yes, he was still working for his family's company, but branched out to more eco-friendly endeavors. In fact he was inspired by something she'd said.

He'd thought she'd been working in microfinance, or a similar nonprofit. How did she find herself at the diner? Not that there was anything wrong with working at a diner, just. He'd thought she'd. Her career. She'd always talked about. Well, it was years ago, they were young, people changed, obviously. But she'd seemed passionate about.

But maybe with the kids. It wasn't uncommon, as unfair as it was. He was working on getting the company to implement a fair maternity leave policy. No, he didn't expect compliments for doing the right thing, he just wanted. To tell her.

He would have said she looked good but she didn't.

It didn't matter.

It was Kate, who would always be beautiful to him. No exaggeration. She had designer bags under her eyes, he'd joke. That was a joke women often used, right?

He couldn't stop thinking about her and found himself stalking her social media.

Social media which became more sparse over time. Though there seemed to be plenty of pictures of her-- not tagged-- in Dorset's photo albums, and his friends' albums.

No kids. Anthony felt vaguely guilty for feeling so relieved, well aware he had no right to feel relieved, well aware that it was honestly a bit disgusting he was relieved. She'd always wanted kids. A family of her own.

She looked happy in the photographs. That was good. He was glad she was happy. She deserved to be happy.

She deserved to be happy, and Anthony told himself this would be the last time he would go to the dinner; this was the last time; this was really the last time; and he finally gave up to admit to himself he was going to keep going to the diner until he had a chance to speak to Kate. Say hello. It wasn't possible that she was avoiding him, was it? It was coincidence she never worked in his section, no matter how many different places in the diner he managed to seat himself, right?

After a month of enduring mediocre coffee and middling diner food, Anthony finally just... stood up and walked over the Kate.

His heart shattered when she gave him her customer service smile.

It was a strange sensation. He hadn't been aware there was anything to shatter.

--

Anthony just... kept coming to the diner. And as polite as he was to the other waitresses, they decided he was Kate's responsibility-- he was clearly there for her, anyone with two eyes could see the way the man lit up.

Anyone but Kate, it seemed.

The women at the diner didn't know, but they knew something was going on with Kate. The way she sometimes froze when she saw her husband's name flash on the phone screen. The way she mentioned living in a rather affluent part of town, or once having a high paying job, or her college degree, her estranged stepmother and half sister.

Kate was strong. She was the one who kicked out customers who harassed the other waitresses; gave comfort to the girls when they were down on their luck; grimaced through serving rude customers who demanded too many things and didn't tip enough.

Many of the waitresses who came through were seasonal, or college students themselves. The two old ladies, married to each other, the owners of the crummy diner, the hunk of unimpressive junk which was still a labor of love and a shelter for them both-- they called themselves Edith and Edna to the customers but where actually Charlie and Agatha-- they'd been through enough to know something was going on.

Been through enough to know, sometimes the only thing you could do was offer safety and stability; sometimes it was the unspoken promise that if she ever found a way to leave one day, she could come to them, no questions asked, no payment needed, that was enough to tip the scales.

They watched with keen eyes, this young man (because everyone was young to them) who smiled just to see her face when she came on shift and decided to let him stay, pending review. Kate didn't say anything and she was usually quite vocal when it came to customers.

The places she was silent were just as loud, if you knew how to listen for them.

Charlie and Tabby (long story, involving a cat named Tabitha) were old hands, well versed in reading young women. Young women running away, running towards, exploring sexuality, fearing sexuality, needing shelter, hating pity, defensive, overwhelmed, disowned, disillusioned, there for a party, there to get paid, pulling themselves up by the bootstrings, made of grit and shoestring, crumpling like wet newspaper, falling apart at the seams.

They didn't tell young Anthony, who would have swooped in the first chance he got if he knew the full story, about Kate's silences and the stiffness of her posture.

Because these young women-- because all young people-- because people-- don't always take kindly to being rescued. There's a timing to it. There a fear, or a desperation, which lends the kind of strength that allows people to risk their lives to leave. That the leaving has to happen before anything else, and that every person decides to leave for their own reasons, in their own way.

They didn't tell young, hopeful, recently divorced Anthony with two children and an acrimonious custody battle-- people who have been broken down for so long already know what most people do not:

It's not the breaking that breaks you.

It's the rebuilding.

And leaving--

Leaving is the decision to begin again,

Not knowing if there's anything left to begin again with.

But they let him stay because if the day comes when Kate makes that decision-- because people can tell when you've given up on them, people can tell if you think they're a lost cause, so you have to be quiet in your confidence, silent in your support, and believe in them even if they don't know you believe in them-- when the day comes Kate makes the decision, he'll be right with them:

The unspoken promise of safety, and enough care to help her start again.

[aspoonfuloffiction]

Seeing a lot of this:

(And this is before the Netflix tie in covers will be available mass market in the States when I can only assume Avon Books and Julia Quinn will profit even more off of POC bodies)

So if you find yourself in a situation where you’re looking for romance novels that feel Bridgerton-esq with actual South Asian representation after watching Bridgerton don’t reach for The Viscount Who Loved Me, try these:

The Marriage Game Series-Sara Desai. Contemporary Romance. Centers around a family in San Francisco. Very Julia Quinn tropey rom com vibes. My favorite is The Dating Plan, wherein the heroine enters a fake relationship with her brother’s best friend—if this sounds familiar it’s because it is.

Betting on a Duke’s Heart-Royaline Sing. Historical Romance. Set in Victorian England and follows an Indian British heroine with an affinity for horses and her enemies to lovers romance with a hero with a past that makes him hate love…listen no one has ever accused the romance genre of being original. The book also weaves in the Mahabarat story of Nala and Damayanti which I thought was really cool.

The Rajes-Sonali Dev. Contemporary Romance. A modern retelling of Jane Austen’s works but with an Indian American family at the center. Book one is called Pride Prejudice and other Flavors (gender swapped Darcy and Elizabeth archetypes! subverts a lot of P&P tropes actually) My favorite though is Recipe for Persuasion…however I also think Persuasion is my favorite Austen novels she’s adapted so your results may vary.

Two States- Chetan Bhagat. Contemporary Romance. This book was actually published in India. The author is pretty well known amongst Indian audiences. But book was written in English originally so definitely followable by non Indian audiences. The story is semi autobiographical and followed a relationship between a South Indian woman (Tamilian! Like both Simone and Charithra) and a North Indian man and the cultural differences that brings. There’s also a movie adaptation.

Those Pricey Thakur Girls-Anuja Chauhan. I actually don’t super recommend this series, especially to western audiences in the way I would recommend the ones above but in a funny Bridgerton connection that makes me laugh and thusly worth mentioning-this series follows a family of sisters that are also named in alphabetical order. Though I think they read more like the Bennets than Bridgertons.

There are other HRs with South Asian characters but literally all of them are written by white people and I really wanted to highlight South Asian authors but they do exist if you want to read them just know that they’re probably not the best representation of Desi culture

[puppetsoftomorrow]

Zari Tarazi for the ask :)

thanks for th ask!!

How I feel about this character:

i love her!! i think she's amazing. i think she's smart and capable and i think she hides her sadness with a lot of style. and i think through jhn she was opening up a bit more, and i'm sad that evolution got cut short,, i hope if we get a s8 zari gets to have an arc of self-actualisation. hell, maybe she becomes the captain of the waverider?

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character:

john!! i miss them together,, but also charlie? and astra would have been a Power Couple. oooh but also zava??

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character:

behrad, definitly, but i think i would like her to become closer to spooner, esp as we've seen spooner come out to her. and also gwyn. i think they shld just chat that wld be funny

My unpopular opinion about this character:

ummm idk if there is one? i guess it was more normal when she first arrived for ppl to derride her as just a silly influencer which i Strongly disagree with. but i dont rlly see those ppl anymore tbh

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

ooh i think i'd really love it if smth happened with sara and ava were off somewhere (maybe inprisoned or going for a scan) and she kind of takes over as captain, and realises she... kind of likes this. i think s7 left off on a cliffhanger with zari not really knowing what her true purpose is. maybe thats it yknow?

Favorite friendship for this character:

avaa. we need more of them on screen together tbh. i think theyre an opposites attract kind of friendship yknow

My crossover ship:

this is difficult. i watch no other media. however. i would like to see zari in bridgerton, i think she'd get the unspoken rules... maybe simon from s1. zari would be like. i want to be a duchess. i can do this.

fandom asks!