#sara loves dogs so she hates that she's allergic to them

[never-goingtopostanything]

what I think the just dancers allergies are

Wanderlust is allergic to capsaicin (the chemical that makes things spicy) he loves spicy food so he is dependent on antihistamines.

Wanderlust is also allergic to lavender, his mum loves lavender so she was heartbroken when they found out cause she needed to throw all her lavender plants and scented things out because when Wanderlust was told not to do something he went and did it.

Sara has hay fever, she can't breathe if the pollen levels are medium or higher, she needs to get an injection during the spring and summer so she can go outside and even then she is constantly affected by the pollen.

Sara is also allergic to dogs, that doesn't stop her from having one. She is also allergic to peanuts.

Brezziana is the only one who doesn't have any allergies. The others are constantly giving her dirty looks when she is eating or doing something they can't. She claims to have skipped that part on the character creation menu, and the others didn't realise they could do that.

Jack is allergic to summer fruits flavouring, but not the actual fruits, he doesn't know why or how.

He's also allergic to pineapples, oranges, anesthesia and aloe vera. He is in constant annoyance because he can't use aloe Vera to help deal with skin irritation like most people would. He finds surgeries annoying because there will without a doubt be a joke about knocking him out with chair for it and he started to hate that joke after the third time.

Mihaly is allergic to tinsel, they learned about this when they put tinsel on their head as a child and ended up with an awful rash and swelling, (this actually happened to me when I was in primary school.), now they refuse to go anywhere near tinsel. Brezziana found this hilarious when she found out about this, she was also the first person to believe them about being allergic to tinsel without seeing them breakout after touching it.

They also have a chlorine allergy (not really an allergy but I'm counting it since you see an allergy expert for treatment and take antihistamines to stop the reaction).

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #403

“ashes to ashes, watch me disappear”

If given the opportunity, would you like to star in a musical? Definitely not. I don't like musicals. Name one person you’d take a bullet for: There's honestly a lot, but Mom immediately came to mind. Any posters of a band on your bedroom wall? Yeah: Metallica and Marilyn Manson currently. I want lots more, especially an Ozzy one. Do you think you’ve already met your soulmate? I don't believe in soulmates. Do you share your bedroom with anyone? No, unless you include my cat and snake. Is your favorite color yellow? No, it's actually one of my least favorites. Were you born in a hospital? I was. Do you know the name of the person that delivered you? No, but Mom does. I think he delivered me and my two sisters, and I know Mom has seen him since for other reasons. Was your birth recorded? God no. Good call, Mom. Did you eat a peach this week? Would you believe me if I told you I had a small bit of peach pie for my sister's birthday? For some reason, I just really wanted to try some. It was okay, but the aftertaste sucked. Are you leaving the house tomorrow? Yes, for TMS therapy. Every weekday. Do you enjoy romantic movies, even when they’re cliche? I honestly do. If you could get free vocal lessons would you take them? Probably not. I don't like singing in front of anyone, and it's not like I wanna get anywhere with my singing, so. Is your mother diabetic? She is. Are you? No. Ever sang someone to sleep? No. Who do you stalk the most through Facebook? Nobody. Have you ever deleted your Facebook, then brought it back? No. What is your main responsibility each day? Be sure to take my medications. Do you feel like you fulfill those responsibilities? Yeah. There are rare mornings where I forget, but I almost always remember. I don't fw skipping out on meds that keep my mental health stable. When was the last time you used spray paint? Good question. Do you know the middle name of the last person you kissed? Yep. Who is the friendliest person you know? My mom, probably. Something that annoys you about summer: THE HEAT. THE HUMIDITY. UGH. Something that annoys you about winter: Hm. That's hard to say, given I love winter. I guess the fact it doesn't snow enough here. Are the doors of your fridge side by side or on top of one another? Side-by-side. If you’ve moved out of the house you were born in, do you know the people who live in that house now? Nope. Have you ever cried in a movie theater? Not sobbed or anything, but I've definitely teared up and gotten the sniffles because of multiple movies. Do you read comic books? No. Do you force your way into conversations in which you are not involved? No. Have you ever seriously pretended to be clinically insane? I didn't need to pretend; I'm pretty damn sure I was for a while. Might I add that it's EXTREMELY inconsiderate to pretend you're insane, btw. Insanity is not "cool." It's not "funny." It's not "edgy." It's a serious, confusing, heart-wrenching issue that can ruin lives. Do you know anyone with a stutter? Yes, myself included when I'm even mildly nervous. And sometimes just randomly. With a lisp? I don't believe so. What was the last board game you played? The Disney version of "Pretty Pretty Princess" w/ my niece and even my nephew, even though his sexist-ass dad didn't want him to. Like let your kid have some fun with his sister and aunt, goddamn. They had a blast. It was Aubree's birthday present from me, so I am SO glad she loved it. Did you win? Ha ha, no, I always let Aubree or Ryder win. I came super close once, but I let the kids bend the rules a bit. They don't like losing, and even though they definitely need to understand that just happens and is totally fine for it to, I wasn't about to be the one to make them sad about it. When was the last time you tried to speak with an accent? OH MY LAAAAAWWWWWWD. Also at Aubree's b-day party, at one point, I spoke in a snobbish British accent while I was winning at the aforementioned game. Ryder asked, "Why are you speaking Spanish?", and I fuckin DIED. Have you ever made up a word before? Yeah, I know at least a few instances for fantasy animals in writing. When was the last time you went to a museum? A couple summers ago when my brother and his son visited, we went to a science museum. My nephew was sooooo into it. Do you have a nice yard? If so, do you spend a lot of time outside in it? If not, where do you go when you want to relax outdoors on nice days? Our front and back yards are both small and honestly very boring. The grass is a pretty green, but that's the only nice thing about it. I don't go to sit outside here on any day. Do your parents enjoy any of the things that you enjoy? Do you bond over these things? My parents and I have very similar music tastes, so there's that. I also didn't know for the longest time that Mom likes to write, which I sure as hell do, too! She doesn't really write anymore though, and she's self-conscious of it anyway, like I am. She and I also love a lot of the same shows. What is the movie that you have waited the longest for/which film do you remember anticipating the most/are still anticipating? I think The Incredibles 2. I aaaalways wanted to know what happened after the end of the first film. Do you have any ideas for a story or movie you’re planning to write or you’d write if you had the time/had the talent? Please share a synopsis! I genuinely think some RP I've written is series-worthy, but I don't feel like re-writing the YEARS of RP into a book format, and I sincerely worry that the ridiculously dark parts could inspire people like serial killers and cause A LOT of controversy, crime-blaming, and just general hate. I don't want to be involved in that. What is something that an interested guy/girl could comment about you, that would make you instantly open to them (e.g., “That book you’re reading is from my favorite author”)? Compliment my Markiplier tattoo, obviously knowing it's a tribute to him, and we're essentially besties. Is there a person in your life (maybe barely) that you feel in constant competition with (even just in your imagination)? Maybe you feel they are consistently outshining you? Ugh... there's a local photographer that's much more successful than I am that I admittedly am very envious of. I swear to whatever god you may believe in that I mean it from a modest perspective, I really, really do, but I genuinely think my skills surpasses hers, and she's only more prevalent because photography REALLY is about who you know. She's talented, yes, but like... come on. If you are single, even if you are normally happily single, are there certain specific things you witness that make you wish you were in a relationship (e.g., people getting engaged)? I mean yeah. I miss cuddling, holding hands, kissing, just being cute together, and especially people getting engaged or having kids. It's such a trigger to me. Once upon a time, that's all I wanted with Jason. I wanted to be that beautiful couple that got married and had two or three loved-beyond-words children, but then he left so abruptly, and I feel like it was so brutally robbed from me. I don't want kids anymore like at all, but the point still stands that I felt like my dreams were just ripped away. Out of all your usernames for websites, which one is your favorite? Do you use it for more than one site? I use "Ozzkat" just about everywhere. Have you ever spent the whole day (or multiple days) just looking up one thing on the internet (e.g., videos of your favorite band, how-to videos, quizzes, etc.)? OHHHHHHHHHH YEAH. There have been a couple days or so where I was totally glued to looking up various tattoo designs, bingeing let's plays or conspiracy theory videos, etc. etc. If you ever think about getting married, what are some aspects of the wedding that you would like to see in a non-traditional manner (e.g., a different color dress or “partners” over “husband” and “wife”)? I WILL NOT get married in a church, first of all. I'm also not having the traditional vows, and I probably won't wear a white dress, but instead black. Salt & vinegar, barbecue, sour cream & onion, or cheddar? Ohhhh, I like all those options but barbecue. I think I've gotta go with sour cream & onion, though. Bow ties on guys, dorky or adorable? A D O R A B L E ! ! ! I think they're ordinarily geeky, but I mean, geeky is cute in my world. :^) Do you believe in demonic possession? How about ghosts? Angels? Angels, no. Spirits/ghosts, 100%. I don't exactly believe in demons, per se, but I do question if evil spirits can possess someone. What is one romantic movie that you enjoy enough to watch more than once? I've seen The Notebook numerous times. Name three countries you want to visit; why those three? South Africa to interact with meerkats at the KMP, somewhere up in Canada to see the Northern Lights, and Germany just because, really. I took German for four semesters, and the culture and all just interests me. Do you have a good luck charm? No, considering I don't believe they do jack. Do you use Skype to talk to your friends? Only Sara. Now that I have Discord semi-figured out now though, we'll probably use that for voice chatting. Are you allergic to any animals? I might be allergic to dogs. Do you usually spend your weekends out, or at home? I'm like... always at home. Do you think it’s wrong for people to say "retard/retarded" as an insult? Absofuckinglutely. Don't pull that shit when I'm around. Have you ever had to go to the police department? No. Have you ever lived through a hurricane? Plenty. Have you ever had a home-grown tomato? Yes, from my old friend's garden. We'd have delicious tomato, mayo, and bacon sandwiches. The only instance where I've enjoyed tomatoes. Have you ever held a real gun? The former friend I mentioned just before, her husband always carried a gun, and he just needed me to hold it for a sec for some reason I don't recall. I hated the feeling. Would you rather wear Converse or Vans? I like both, but I think I prefer Converse. Have you ever been called bipolar? Yes, because I clinically am. Have you ever made fun of a handicapped person? FUCK no. And like the "retarded" thing, don't you fucking DARE to do this in front of me. I WILL deck the shit out of you. Do you think it’s okay to have sex before marriage? Sure, as long as you're being safe and are very thorough in communication. Do you like to watch old sitcoms? I don't really watch TV as I say in like every survey it seems, but I do enjoy some old sitcoms I grew up watching with my mom, like The Nanny, The Golden Girls, The Munsters, etc. If asked, could you run a mile nonstop right now? Being completely serious, I don't even know if I CAN physically run right now. My legs are so incredibly weak, and I'm humiliatingly close to what my heaviest weight was back in 2016, so I can almost guarantee my knees would crumple if I tried. Do you wear those rubber wristbands? I used to. I don't really like bracelets nowadays. If a necklace/ring gives you green marks, do you still wear it? Nope. Have you ever driven an electric car? No. When was the last time you saw someone you went to high school with? Uhhhh idk. What breed was the last dog you saw? A fucking GOLIATH of a lab. I shit you not when I say my sister's roommate's dog Hudson is the size of a goddamn bear. How long have your parents been together (or how long were they together, if they no longer are): I wanna say they were together at the very least 20 years. What has been your most epic cooking failure? I once accidentally put something (I don't remember what) in the microwave for around 45 minutes I believe, and I walked away and completely forgot about it. I remembered a long while later, and safe to say, it wasn't edible, whatever it was, lmao. Have you ever been to Mexico? No. Have you ever had a parrot sit on your shoulder? No, but that'd be cool. Has anyone in your life ever treated you abusively? No. How long has it been since your last breakup? Somewhere around two years ago? My memory is so garbage nowadays. Can you concentrate well while listening to music, or do you find it distracting? It's distracting, usually. What’s something you’ve been struggling with lately? I've been pretty bad about drinking too much soda lately. :/

[nancywheelxr]

Zari and Charlie deciding to raise a pet together? (except they have trouble figuring out which one- with the exception of cats. Cats are off-limits)

Oh my god, can you imagine the chaos it would cause on the Waverider though? 

“Good morning, my name’s Annie,” a tiny blonde girl behind the counter chirps cheerfully, smiling up at them, “how can I help you?”

“Hi,” Zari says, aware how dim her own smile must look in comparison. In her defense, it’s eight thirty in the morning on a Monday. Probably. Metaphorically, at the very least. “We’re adopting a pet today.”

Annie, impossibly, smiles brighter. “That’s so great! Do you have anything in mind yet?”

Do they ever?

Before Zari can answer that not really, no, this was more of a spur of the moment kind of thing, Charlie, in all her hangover glory, leans heavily against the counter, sunglasses sliding low, and drawls, “yeah, do you have any dragons?”

Zari sighs. Annie, ever cheerful, looks at Charlie, then at Zari, then back. Her smile freezes and her brows furrow, “like Komodo dragons?” She doesn’t wait for a reply, soldiering on, “because those are very dangerous– it’s actually the bacteria in their teeth, did you know? And anyway, even if they weren’t endangered as they are, the government would never allow it, much less within city limits. I��m sorry,” Annie smiles sorrowfully, “but maybe I could interest you in a cat instead?”

A shudder racks through her body, and Zari shakes her head vehemently. “Nope, no, no cats. At all.”

“Oh,” Annie brings at hand to her heart, sighing heartbrokenly. “Oh dear, are you allergic?”

Charlie barks out a laugh, “the opposite, actually. But I’m with her on that,” she shrugs, “had enough of cats, I think. How is your stock on lizards, then? Got any iguanas?”

Valiantly, Annie’s smile doesn’t waver, but her eyes dart around to Zari, wide-eyed. “I’m sorry?”

“She means,” Zary sighs, kicking Charlie’s shin with her boot. Goddamnit, is it too much to ask to do this one tiny thing without freaking out poor, unsuspecting, annoying volunteers? “Is we’d like to see the puppies, please.”

The exhale of relief from the increasingly more nervous young woman is audible, but Charlie whirls around with a deeply wounded, deeply betrayed face, dramatically wrenching the sunglasses off her face, “Zee,” she breathes, “how can you say that? You know dogs hate me!”

“What?”

“All canines hate shapeshifters,” she shrugs, “it’s a thing, darling, trust me. Everybody knows that, just ask Constantine.”

Zari, who is a sane, level-headed person that would very much not like to hear the complete history of a magical feud that would most likely devolve mid-story into a dirty, sad tale, is not going to ask, thank you very much. Instead, she eyes her girlfriend critically, deciding if calling her out on her bullshit would be worth it. “Fine,” she gives up, “what do you suggest, then? And no lizards, Ray would never let us hear the end of it.”

Charlie drums her fingers on the counter, tapping the sunglasses against her lips thoughtfully. “How do you feel about horses?”

“In a time ship? No way– I’m the one on repairs duty, man.”

“Even the small ones? You know, the tiny, kid-friendly kind?”

“Still a no.”

“How about a cow, then?”

“How about we leave the farm animals out of this? Let’s think smaller. A bunny?”

“Do you honestly think we can keep a bunny alive? With our jobs?”

“You do have a point there. A spider?”

“You’re killing me here, love,” Charlie says, sighing, “it would escape first thing as soon as we got back to the ship!”

“That’s true,” Zari concedes, slumping against the counter, “I don’t really feel like explaining to Sara why there’s a spider loose on the next time period we hit.”

“See? And I’d suggest a hamster, but I think Mick wouldn’t appreciate it after Axl, right?”

Yeah, Zari doesn’t think that would go over well either. She’s almost giving up on the whole thing– maybe it’s too soon, maybe the whole pet thing is just not a good idea with how crazy their lives are, maybe–

“Well, it sounds like both of you already have your hands full with your… jobs,” Annie interrupts, setting a small vase on the counter and pushing it towards them. “And while it’s great for you, it’s not really great for a pet– they need time and attention, you know? So why not go for something a little less high-maintenance?”

Peering inside, Charlie coos, face lighting up with a grin, “would you look at this– Zee, am I crazy or is this plant actually cute?”

“Absolutely bonkers,” Zari replies softly, with a smile of her own, “but yeah, it’s kinda cute. Look at those chubby leaves and it’s so small!”

“It’s a succulent,” Annie explains, pleased, “and you’ll find it low-maintenance enough for your strangely busy lives! Just remember to water it around three or four days a week, and to place it in the sun. A windowsill will work just fine.”

There are no windows in a time ship, but Zari is sure she can whip some UV lamps in no time. She exchanges a look with Charlie, takes her hand, threading their fingers together, then turns back to the counter, “sounds perfect to us. We’ll take it.”

“That’s great!” Annie squeals, “and if you guys ever decide on a puppy or a kitten– strictly one of those options– we’d be more than happy to help you!”

“Thanks, blondie,” Charlie waves her off distractedly, already hugging the potted plant to her chest like a baby and turning around to leave. “Come on, Courtney,” she tells the succulent, “let’s go finds ourselves a runaway harpy, shall we?

“Thank you, we’ll keep that in mind,” Zari calls back, before rushing after her girlfriend, the bell above the door chiming in time with the girl’s have a lovely day!

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

Not So Happy

Summary: Dean and the reader have to pretend to be married to work a case. The only thing is they aren’t getting along...

Square: Fake Married

Pairing: Dean x reader

Word Count: 2,300ish

Rating: teen (some language)

A/N: Written/created for @spnaubingo

“Sam,” you said, standing outside your car, hand on your hip. “Don’t get me wrong, Dean’s great. But you want me to pretend to be married to him?”

“It’s a couples only resort, Y/N. Dean and I can’t exactly work this one ourselves. Not without killing each other ten seconds in,” said Sam. “You guys work together great. What’s the problem?”

“Well that makes two of us that don’t want to kiss your brother,” you said, cocking your head. Sam rolled his eyes, putting on puppy dog ones when they returned to look at you. “No!”

“Please? I know you guys can figure this thing out,” he said.

“I’m not his type, remember? I’m too much of a ‘tomboy’ in his opinion,” you said, Sam sighing.

An after hunt celebration out had quickly turned sour when Dean let loose that it made perfect sense you were single. No one wanted a hunter. No one really wanted a hunter that dressed like a guy all the time.

“He said that as a joke, Y/N,” he said.

“Well guess who’s still single as ever Sam,” you said.

“We’re all single!” said Sam.

“But you would never date me,” you said.

“You’re not my type! You’re like my sister I didn’t ask for,” said Sam.

“Told you!” you said. “If I was walking around in a skin tight tank and boots with heels or a push up bra, things would be different.”

“Why would you want a pushup bra? Aren’t bras annoying enough? Or so I’ve been told,” he said.

“That’s not the point Sam. It’s that a guy who can’t find one positive thing to say about me while drunk, isn’t going to be able to act like we’re some in love couple that can’t keep their hands off of each other. You need to go find a prettier hunter,” you said, opening up your car door.

“Y/N, please-”

“I can’t do this Sam. I’m sorry.”

“Alright,” said Dean, bursting into your motel room a few hours later. “Cut the whiny crap. You’re the best chick hunter we know. You’re doing this whether you like it or not, Y/L/N. Pack up your bag, get your shit together and you’re gonna follow us to the resort or so be it I’ll drag you out of here myself.”

“Sure you will,” you said, laying on your bed, turning your attention to the TV.

“You asked for it,” he said. You scrunched up your face as he walked over with a scowl. “Last chance.”

“Get out of here before I kick your- PUT ME DOWN!” you shouted, find yourself face first with Dean’s backside, your body thrown over his shoulder.

“Nope,” he said, grabbing hold of your hips with his free hand when you squirmed, already moving for the door.

“Winchester I swear I’ll-”

“It’s a five hour drive. Plenty of time for you to change your mind,” he said, moving you outside, tossing you in the backseat and locking it shut behind you. 

“Huh,” said Sam from the front seat. “He wasn’t kidding when he said you were coming on this hunt no matter what.”

“Like hell I’m pretending to be married to him,” you said, climbing over the bench and out the drivers side, just in time for Dean to walk out the door with your bag.

“Get in the car,” said Dean. “Now.”

“Or what? I don’t want to work this hunt. Find someone else,” you said, walking to your car, Dean tossing your bag in Baby’s trunk by the time you’d ripped under the front dash to hotwire it.

“You’re really acting like more of a brat than usual, Y/N,” said Dean, pulling you out of the seat, putting you in the back of Baby like you were nothing. “Weaker than I remember too.”

“Sam, I told you I don’t-”

“Y/N. We need you. We’ll owe you one. A big one. Just one little hunt, please?” asked Sam.

“Fine. But I want Sam to be working this with me,” you said.

“Best news I’ve heard all day.”

“Sam,” you groaned in the motel room not too far from the resort you were supposed to be checking into in thirty minutes. “You can’t call and say you gave them the wrong name?”

“I told them Dean and Y/N Jones. Besides, Dean wants a free massage,” said Sam.

“Dean fucking Winchester wants a massage?” you said. “Do I look stupid to you?”

“Y/N. Just work with Dean on this one. I’ll make it up to you. I promise,” said Sam.

“You better.”

“You look weird,” you said, Dean wearing a polo and sneakers as he stepped out of Baby.

“You’re telling me. You’re wearing a fucking dress,” he said, glancing around. “Grab your bag and let’s get this done with.”

“Maybe my ever so loving husband can get it for me?” you said, cocking your head with a grin.

“I believe in equality. Get your own shit,” he said, grabbing his bag, leaving yours behind. You grumbled and pulled it out, tugging it behind you as he spun around. “And by the way, what the fuck did I do to piss you off? You’ve wanted nothing to do with me for months. I thought we were friends.”

“Nothing. Just got tired of running with you guys,” you said.

“Funny. Sammy doesn’t get the cold shoulder,” said Dean.

“Sam’s not a dick,” you said.

“Whatever. Try not to look like you hate me in there,” said Dean, holding out his hand with a groan. “You gonna hold it or what?”

“Yes, sweetie,” you said, grabbing hold of it, his hand warmer than expected and enveloping yours easily.

“Just make it to the room and then we can start investigating.”

“I got nothing,” you said hours later, flipping shut your computer. You heard Dean’s close as well, neither one of you coming up with any ideas on what was killing the couples here. “It’s getting late. We should grab a bite and hit the sack.”

“Last time I was at a resort and ate something, I got drugged,” said Dean.

“So we’re supposed to starve?” you said.

“PB&J,” said Dean, going to his bag and  pulling out a sandwich for himself, tossing another over to you.

“Dean,” you said, holding out your sandwich. “I can’t eat this. I’m allergic.”

“I thought that was shrimp you couldn’t have,” he said.

“Shrimp and peanuts,” you said, tossing the sandwich back. “It’s fine. I can not eat for a few days. I can stand to lose a few anyways.”

“From where? You’re skinny,” he said. “You need to eat something, Y/N.”

“I’ll be fine,” you said, walking past him for the bathroom. “I’m going to use that soaking tub as long as we got it. I’ll shout if something tries to kill me.”

Your bath was relaxing and you decided you needed to spend more time in hotels with nice rooms from now on to give yourself this luxury. Your stomach growled as you pulled on your pajamas though, a heavy sigh leaving you.

Back in the room Dean was in the lone, King size bed. It was big enough to share but your gaze falling on a fast food bag by your side of it was currently drawing your attention.

“How did you...” you asked.

“I told them when I came back you’ve been dying for a burger since you cut them out to fit in your wedding dress,” he said, tugging the covers up. “I ran to a minimart quick too and hid some snacks in the bag. It’s buried under my clothes in the suitcase when you get hungry. Figured you could handle anything if it burst into the bathroom.

“Thank you,” you said, opening up the bag, unwrapping the burger.

“Yeah, whatever.”

Two Days Later

“Y/N!” you heard Dean hissing in your ear, something grabbing your arm. You blinked open your eyes, no longer in your room. “Wake up! I gotta get you out of here.”

“What?” you asked, as he pulled you to your feet, your head swimming as he caught you.

“Blood suckers. Not vamps. Some sort of leech people. You’ve lost too much blood. I have to get you away before they come back,” said Dean, wrapping his arms around your torso, half-dragging you out of the room.

“I can help,” you said, resting your head against his arm.

“You’re gonna go hide in Baby while I barbeque these bottom dewlers,” said Dean. “I got this, Y/N.”

“How’s she doing?” asked Dean a few hours later, your body groggy as you laid in Sam’s motel bed.

“Sleeping it off. I made her chug some sugary drink to get her blood sugar back up. She’ll be off a day or so I’d guess. We’ll keep an eye on her but let her sleep and make sure she eats and she’ll be fine,” said Sam.

“You know it’s my fault she got caught,” said Dean, sitting down on the other side of the bed. “We got in a fight because I told her to stay put when we knew it was better to not get separated. I should have let her come.”

“Y/N’s a big girl, Dean. If she really wanted, she-”

“She’s different now. She either hates me or won’t look at me. I don’t even know what I did and she won’t tell me so I can’t try to fix it,” said Dean.

“Fix it?” asked Sam.

“Come on Sam. You know I’m not one for attachments. Y/N was my friend and I fucked something up. I’m not used to losing friends because they didn’t die. I thought being fake married might sort of help show I’m not the dick she thinks I am but that went horribly wrong. All we did was argue,” said Dean.

“You honestly don’t remember that night in Montana? At the dive bar?” said Sam.

“Not a clue,” said Dean.

“You...hit her self-esteem or confidence or that sort of thing. You said it as a joke but you kind of told her she wasn’t pretty...and would forever be single because no one wants that kind of girl,” said Sam.

“Sammy! That’s bull and you know it!” said Dean, running his hands over his face. “Did I really fucking do that? I had to go and get all shy?”

“Shy? What are you talking about?” asked Sam.

“You remember when I was in tenth grade and that girl, Sara, the one with the super long hair came up to me when I was grabbing you from the junior high? She asked me on a date? I said no because I froze up since I liked her and got real shy about it and your twelve year old ass gave me shit about it for three weeks straight?” asked Dean. “History repeated itself.”

“So you’re saying you like Y/N so you insulted her?” asked Sam.

“I didn’t say I was smart! Fuck. Sam, literally every woman we’ve ever had relationships with has ended up dead. How am I gonna apologize without telling her the truth?” asked Dean.

“You could do the easy thing you know and just tell her the truth,” said Sam.

“No,” said Dean. “It’s easier to just let her think I’m a dick. I swear if you bring this up to her Sam-”

“Still as scared as a sixteen year old, Dean. Don’t blame me when she doesn’t answer one of our calls ever again.”

Dean kept his word and didn’t say anything to you, neither of them knowing you’d heard their late night conversation. You thought about bringing it up but Sam had a point. Dean needed to decide for himself if he wanted to own this.

Not that you really forgave him for his reasons behind saying what he did anyways. Not until he could truly come to you on his own.

You didn’t hear a word from them for months after that, not until a text from Sam saying he was in the area and asking if he could stop by for a drink came your way.

“Hi,” said Dean, wearing one of his fed suits when you pulled open your front door, Sam nowhere in sight.

“Is Sam alright?” you asked. Dean nodded, a few flakes of snow outside landing in his hair. “Come in before you freeze.”

“I was wondering if you’d like to go out actually,” said Dean, glancing quickly at his feet, pursing his lips. “We had a hunt last week that...that made me think of some stuff and how I’m terrified of being alone when it comes down to it. People like us go through enough as it is and I’m sorry for ever making you feel like there was something wrong about you because you’re all right. I’m the one that’s wrong and can’t grow up to save my life. I’m sorry.”

“Dean, come inside,” you said. He stepped into the small older home you used on occasion when you were taking a break from hunting, glancing around at the space, shaking his head. 

“Can we try being friends again?” he asked. “I promise I won’t screw it up this time.”

“Yeah, Dean. We can definitely try that.”

@baconlover001 @emilymorgan1994 @jensenackesl @captainemwinchester @imissyoualittlemoreeveryday @xfanqirlinq @anokhi07 @akshi8278 @fandom--shipper @xxwinchester-22xx

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[enthusiasticclouds-sally]

Mun Questionnaire!!!! 

PERSONAL DETAILS

Nicknames? Kiki, Ki, Little One, my co-workers mainly call me little one and it’s to the point where they legit have forgotten my actual name

Where do you live? Waterbury, Connecticuttt but I was born in Manhattan, NYC didn’t move to CT till I was ten

What’s your age? Freaking oldd: 25

Hair color? Right now it’s dark brown with like dirty blonde highlights, probably going to dye it all straight black pretty soon. I constantly change between the two tbh

Eye color? Dark Brown

Height? Jusssstttttt make it to exactly five feet

Date of Birth? August 23rd, 1992 :D

What’s your star sign? Virgo, legit on the day Virgo actually starts!! :DD

Element? Earth  

How many siblings? Two half-brothers: Carlos and Alexander from my dad’s side in where I’m the oldest and the only girl :DD and only child from my mom’s side

How many pets? Noneee, they legit all die on me so I do all animals a favor and just don’t get them as pets. They’d have a longer life without me xD

Obsessions? Skullssss, Disney, my hair because it drives me up the wall if it doesn’t look okay!! It’s bad I know, oh oh and SLEEPING!!! I adore sleeping it is my favorite hobby I can sleep my entire day away and be at bliss

Bad habits? Bite the nails, talk too fast, buying books that I never end up reading, buying clothes that still have their tags on it, procrastinationnnn, picky af eater, impatient. 

Phobias? MICE!!!!!!! I can’t even look at a mouse!!!! I promise you I will stay on top of whatever the freak I climbed on for the ENTIRE day if a mouse ran by I will NOT touch the ground. I will cry, scream, and enter a panic attack!!! No no no no no no no no!!!!

ABOUT YOU

What makes you happy? SLEEPING!!!! Skulls, Disney…. should really just direct you to the obsessions question… but also my laptop, my carrr!!!! Make-up!!! Hoodies, lots and lots of hoodies drown me in hoodiesss. Sunny days but also rainy days, Pokemon haha, my job on some dayss, MY BED, the dark, all of my hundreds of Disney pins, and gosh a lot of things make me happy tbh

What really irritates you? Headaches, being nauseas, stomach aches, snoring I really can’t deal with snoring and have no rational reason as to why… and this is awful but cuddling hahaha I’m just not a cuddling person… I kinda push you off after like a minute xD Residents I really can’t fucking stand our residents. I hate them. Oh!! Can’t forget waiting!! I’m impatient it’s bad, working on it though xD

What makes you sad? Tear-jerkers haha I hate those shits. Ummmmm I’m really not much of a sad person?? I mean I can add mice in here because they make me cry, but like they scare the shit outta me sooooo

What makes you angry? Drivers. Cranky rude-ass ungrateful patients!!! Like I don’t want to have to be dealing with that shit for twelve hours. Talking about patients, my job xD. I have a love/hate relationship with my job. People tbh haha xD I sound mean I swear I’m not!!! The cold, I really do not like being cold at all!! 

What makes you scared? MICE!!!!! I don’t even want to hear about them!! Any of my patients starting to crash even my babies. It’s really not a fun feeling!! Bugs, fuck bugs.

Who is your best friend? That would be Marie I have been friends with her since the end of fifth grade!!! She is also my complete opposite and is perfect at fucking annoying me, but I love herrrr. Sara is my bff tooo!! She’s my cousin though, but that’s my little buttercup and she’s like my sister, since I have none of those <3 

Ever broken a bone? Nope.

What was the last CD you bought? Oh damn an actual one??? Uhhh I think it was an Aventura one… their Last Project album I believe. They’re a Spanish band. Downloaded album was Pink’s new album I’m in LOVE with it.

What was the last book you read? The Only Astrology Book You’ll Ever Need by Joanna Martine Woolfolk

Who was the last person you spoke to? The mother

What was the last thing you ate? Soup :(( My stomach has been a little shit the past two days. I think I caught the stomach bug fml. 

What was the last thing you drank? Ginger ale because I can actually keep that down

What’s the best thing you’ve ever bought? Oh goshhh I buy SO MANY THINGGSSS!! Uhhhh MY CAR!!! She’s a beautiful 2016 Honda HR-V, I love her :DD My Kat Von D Shade and Light palette!!! I can’t live without that palette!!! Oh oh and my laptop!! She’s been a bit of a shit lately, but I do adore herrr.

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever bought? Ughh I tend to like everything I buyy

What’s the best thing you’ve ever been given? My Uggs!!! My mom got me them and I LOVE them

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever been given? I don’t think I haven’t liked anything that’s been given to me so far??

What are your future goals? Well it was to become a nurse and I ammmm so there it is and I’m even where I wanted to be :DD Maternity nurse with the babieesss :DD 

Describe your bedroom? A black bed. A big black dresser. Two closets…. I have a lot of clothes. Two mirrors, well three if you count my make-up mirror. I have a make-up dresser that’s black too with like a shit ton of make-up!!! Black curtains. White walls and the wall that my bed is attached too has pictures completely covering it in a checkerboard pattern. I’m pretty proud of it, it’s my favorite thing about my room! Oh and another wall has my car tax bill taped to it so that I remember that I have the next half of that shit to pay in January xD

Who do you consider the most beautiful woman in the world? I think Jessica Lowndes if GORGEOUSS

Who do you consider the most handsome man in the world? Ian Somerhalder is GORGEOUSSSS so is William Levy!!!!!!

Favorite thing to do on a hot summers day? Go to the pool, and lay out under the hot summer sunnn. I absolutely LOVE the heattt 

Favorite thing to do on a snowy winters day? Keep my ass in!!!! Curl under warm blankets and drink yummy hot chocolate

If you were granted 3 wishes, what would they be? Have all my bills/loans paid off for the rest of my liiiffeee, anything my mom would want, and idk probably a nice gorgeous house in the future

If you could go back in time to see or change something, when would it be and what would you do? I’d go back to my high school years and not date the douchebag of my ex

What’s the first thing you think about when you wake up? Can I go back to sleep for another hour?? haha

Do you believe in the after-life? I dooo

Where do you see yourself in 10 years time? I have no fucking cluee. I still see myself in the same profession though because I do love it deep down haha. Hopefully, though I’ll be out of CT and just somewhere different. 

What’s the funniest joke you’ve ever been told? I don’t really tell jokes I don’t think I’m funny at all :((

Any hidden talents? None that I’m aware of??? I mean I can sing?? Does that count??

Dream job? Currently doing it!!! Being a nurse :DD Even though I do have a love/hate relationship with it xD

Who is your hero? My mommmm

Describe yourself in 3 words: Introvert, sweet, sarcastic

FAVORITES

Favorite color? Blackkk I love pink too, but black way moree

Favorite number? 14

Favorite animal? Snow Tiger

Favorite sport (to play)? Umm I only ever cheer leaded soo cheerleading by default

Favorite sport (to watch)? Baseball and Football

Favorite Show(s)? Criminal Minds, Law & Order SVU, NCIS, Grey’s Anatomy and my guilty pleasure issss Keeping up with the Kardashians haha yes I hate myself for loving that show xD

Favorite movies? Titanic, Cinderella, Nightmare Before Christmas, The Corpse Bride, andd The Princess Bride 

Favorite band? Evanescence 

Favorite song? It’s constantly switching 

Favorite room in the house? My bedroom!!!!

Favorite food? Pizza!!!!! 

Favorite drink? Pepsi :DD Should I be drinking any kind of soda? Nope because I get kidney stones pretty often. Do I still drink my Pepsi like all the time?? YEASS

Favorite place? Disney World <3

Favorite cartoon character? That would be between Cinderella and Sally

Favorite day of the week? Monday and Thursday because I neverrrr work on those days!! 

Favorite day of the year? August 23rd!! :DD

Favorite season? Summerr

Favorite Holiday? Christmass 

Favorite girls name? Emily, Aria and I have to say I do love my name too!! Kiara is pretty 

Favorite boys name? Declan and Aiden

Favorite country? Italy

Favorite smell? OoOo I’m a very fruity person but cucumber melon is my absolute favorite!! 

Favorite sound? Rain falling, tapping of the keyboard, tapping of acrylic nails, a heart beat especially baby heart beats because they go really fast!!

Favorite accent? British

Favorite Ships (in or our of BDRP)? I love all the ships hereee!!!! I love all of my ships tooo ngl xD 

Favorite Fandoms? I don’t think I really have any???

PREFERENCES

Coke or Pepsi? Pepsi!

Pen or Pencil? Pen. I really don’t like pencils at all and won’t use one unless it’s a lead pencil 

Day or Night? Night all the way

Cat or Dog? Dog but I’m sadly very allergic to both :((

Summer or Winter? Summer!

T.V. or Radio? Radio

Brains or Beauty? Brains

Cup or Mug? Mug

Tea or Coffee? Coffeeee, but I’m not a huge fan or either tbh

Gold or Silver? Silver

Brush or Comb? Comb

City or Country? City

Early or Late riser? Late!!!! Look I get up at like 1pm the earliest. 

Blond or Brunette? Brunette

Scary or Romantic movies? Romantic haha Scary movies are too predictable to me I mean so are romantic but whateverr

Board or Computer games? Board gamess

Half full or Half empty? Half full

Happy and poor or Sad and rich? Happy and poor

Glasses or Contacts? Glasses

Flowers or Chocolates? Chocolate!! Please no flowers those die on me tooo

Love or Money? Love

Hugs or Kisses? Tbh hugss I love hugging!!! Just not cuddling though haha

[some1foundme]

Fic: Lost in the Memory ch. 6

Title: Lost in the Memory

Author: Some1FoundMe

Summary: Oliver Queen returns to his home in Star City after a five year tour overseas, much to the delight of his friends and family. There’s just one small problem. The injury that effectively ended his military career also erased a part of his memory.  As he struggles to put together the missing pieces of his past, his connection to his best friend’s little sister becomes something he can’t avoid. Who is Felicity Merlyn and why can’t he seem to stay away from her?  Olicity AU, no Arrow, no island.

A/N: The next installment is here!  I like this whole being on a schedule thing… and actually being able to stick to that schedule… anyhow, I have to say again, the response to this fic has been incredible.  You guys are awesome.  Every single one of you.  Thank you so much!  Also, to the best beta around, westernbeauty, you’re wonderful!

Read on AO3 or ff.net.

Chapter Six

Felicity stood in the doorway and watched Oliver take in their living room.  His hand trailed along the back of the sofa as he made his way around.  She wondered if any of it felt familiar, if he recognized the furniture or the rugs or the view from the picture window.  He’d clearly remembered something about the house because he had described it to her perfectly and when they’d turned into the driveway a few minutes earlier, she had noticed the relief in his eyes.  His memories had been real and that realization had allowed some of the tension to drain from his shoulders.

He stopped at the fireplace mantel – as everyone who visited her home seemed to do – and she couldn’t take her eyes off of him.  He examined the photos on display as if they were evidence of some kind, taking long moments to study each of them thoroughly.  To him, she thought, they were evidence.  Evidence of the life that he couldn’t remember.

When his fingers ghosted across the largest frame, her breath caught in her throat.  He lifted it from its place among the others and gazed down at it in wonder.

“Where are we here?” he asked, his voice gentle and slightly mystified, “This – this isn’t in Star City, is it?”

Felicity shook her head and stepped into the room.  She resisted the urge to join him, choosing instead to stop at the opposite end of the couch.

“No.  We – we got married in Central City.  That’s the planetarium at Star Labs.  We got married under the stars.”

He gave her a sad smile.

“You’re stunning.  We look… happy.  Were we happy?”

She swallowed hard.

“Yeah, Oliver, we were.”

He clutched the photo with a ferocity that surprised her.  She knew that he wanted to remember and she could read the desperation in his expression.  She watched as it was replaced with disappointment when nothing came back to him.

Oliver set the photo down and kept his back to her as he picked up another.  Felicity recognized the frame right away.  The photo he was examining was of the two of them with Laurel and Tommy, the four of them gathered together around a bonfire on the beach, the moon bright behind them.  It had been taken the summer after she’d graduated from high school.

“This is Tommy’s wife?”

She nodded, “Yeah, that’s Laurel.  Laurel Lance. Sara, Laurel’s younger sister and my best friend, she took that.  We were down by the bay one night, the group of us.  You and Tommy, you – you wanted to throw a graduation party for me. Wasn’t much of a party, of course, it was just us.  But it was … it was pretty amazing anyway.  We had a lot of fun that night.”

When he stepped away from the fireplace, it was to stand in the middle of the room and look around. She waited for him to say something.

“Did we have a dog?”

Felicity chuckled, the question completely unexpected, and she nodded.

“We did.  Well, Tommy did.  A black lab named Cisco.  But when Thea was about six, we found out she was allergic.  Friends of mine, Caitlyn and Ronnie, they adopted him.  Ronnie walks him around the neighborhood like clockwork.”

Oliver nodded.  He went to the large, built-in bookshelves that lined one wall of their living room.  He touched several of the books crammed on the shelf at eyelevel.  

“Have you read all of these?”

She shrugged, “They’re mostly textbooks.  I – I studied information and cyber security in college but I… I like to read.  Some of those are yours though, some were Tommy’s. I’m sure this is going to sound kind of odd but… but I used to read your books when I missed you.  You liked – still like, I guess – Kurt Vonnegut.”

“Yeah, Hocus Pocus.  It’s one of my favorites.”

“God, I’ve read that book ten times in the last few years and it’s never gotten any better.  I don’t understand why you like it so much. But sometimes just doing something that you liked to do helped me get through being here without you.”

She watched his shoulders sag as he scrubbed a hand over his face.  He turned to her.

“I – I’m sorry I was gone for so long.”

Felicity sighed, “It’s okay.  Really.”

He took a step toward her.

“It’s not, though. None of this makes sense.  Why would I – why would I choose to stay in that hell hole rather than come home to you?  Who does that?  What kind of … what kind of man am I that I stayed away from my wife, my family for so long?”

She swallowed hard and shoved her trembling hands into the pocket of her sweatshirt.

“You were doing your job, Oliver.  I knew when I married you that this would be our life.  You left for your first deployment less than a week after the wedding. Six months.  You were only gone six months for that one.  But the second time … the second time was a lot longer. I’m not going to lie and tell you that it’s been easy but you were doing your job and I knew what I’d signed up for.”

“I wouldn’t blame you if you hated me.”

She snorted, “That is not possible, Oliver Queen.  Come on, let me show you the rest of the house.”

She led him up the stairs and into the wide hallway, with walls the color of warm caramel and the hardwood floors a rich, deep mahogany.  She stopped at the first door on the right.

“She really loves baseball,” Oliver mused, his eyes traveling around Thea’s room.

Interspersed amongst the various shades of purple that littered the room, evidence of her love for the sport lingered.  From the posters of her favorite players to the baseball shaped rug on her floor to the white beanbag chair with the red stitching that sat in one corner.  It was impossible to walk into her niece’s bedroom and not recognize her passion for America’s favorite pastime.

“Honestly, I think she got it from Tommy.  One of her few memories of him was watching a Red Sox – Yankees game at my parents’ house.  She was young, really young, but she remembers it clear as day.  He promised her he’d take her to her first major league game but… but that was before.  As long as she keeps her grades, I’ll take her this summer.”

Oliver nodded, touching the soft chenille throw at the foot of Thea’s bed absently.

“She seems like a good kid.  I don’t… I don’t have a lot of memories of her.  Just little things.  And some of it I think I only remember because of Tommy.  I – I have these moments in my head that feel like memories but a part of me thinks that I only remember them because Tommy told me about them.  Does that even make sense?”

She shrugged, “In a way.  What do you – what do you remember?”

“I have this… I rocked her to sleep once on the front porch swing.  She’d been crying for hours and I couldn’t get her to calm down.  I think she might’ve been sick?”

Felicity shook her head and leaned against the doorframe.  She grinned.

“It was the first time you’d ever offered to babysit.  Thea was eighteen months old and Tommy and Laurel were heading upstate to a friend’s wedding.  She had a pretty bad cold and she was really fussy.  You didn’t even make it a full two hours before calling in reinforcements.”

Oliver’s eyes flashed to hers.

“You were here?”

“Yeah.  I’ve got a picture of the two of you on the swing.  Thea’s in nothing but a diaper, sprawled across your chest.  You – you zipped her into your hoodie with you.  It’s kind of adorable.  I still have it, in our room.  My, I – I mean my room.”

Heat rushed to her cheeks and she ducked her head quickly.  Oliver moved around her and into the hall.  He crossed to the door opposite Thea’s, pausing with his hand on the doorknob.  She considered stopping him, considered asking him to wait, but in the end she bit her lip and stayed quiet. 

Taking her silence as acquiescence, Oliver opened the door to their bedroom and stepped inside.

She followed slowly, keeping her distance, and stopped just over the threshold.  Oliver stood at the foot of the bed and looked around, taking in the details of the space with a critical eye.  She saw his breath hitch when he caught sight of the photo hanging above their bed.  Her eyes remained on his face as she watched him take it in.  He couldn’t seem to look away.

It had been taken on their wedding night, Oliver had been the one behind the camera, and Felicity couldn’t deny the intimacy that had been captured in the image.  It was a photo of her, her back exposed to the camera, to Oliver, where he had undone several of the buttons on her gown.  She’d held the material up with her arms crossed beneath her breasts and turned her head to watch him over her shoulder.

Now, as he took in every inch of the photo beneath the glass, his eyes flickered back and forth between her and it.  His jaw was tense, his teeth locked, and she watched his throat work to swallow.  His voice was strained when he spoke again.

“God…I wish I could remember this.”

“Felicity.”

She glanced at her husband, a shy smile on her lips, as his fingers danced along the flesh he’d revealed.  His normally bright eyes were dark with arousal, with desire, and Felicity felt heat unfurl in her belly.  She bit her lip and clutched the fabric of her dress against her chest.

“You are absolutely breathtaking, baby.”

Aware of the blush staining her cheeks, Felicity shook her head.

“It’s not like you’ve never seen me like this, Oliver,” she whispered, “You’ve seen me naked.”

He grinned, leaning in to press a warm kiss to the top of her spine.

“I’m well aware.  But you were Felicity Merlyn then,” he reminded her, “You’re Felicity Queen now.  You’re all mine.”

She giggled and rolled her eyes.

“I’m the same person that I was the first time you made love to me.”

He stopped teasing her, his expression suddenly serious, and her heart swelled with love for him.

“You weren’t my wife then.  You are now.”

Felicity closed her eyes, shivering, and reveled in the effect that his words had on her.  She blinked them open again when the heat from his body left her.  He’d stepped over to where he’d discarded his suit jacket earlier, digging around in the pockets and producing her digital camera.  He turned back to her, brandishing the camera with a smirk, and her eyes traveled the length of his body.  He looked delectable in a pair of black slacks, his white button down, and a pair of suspenders.  Her mouth went dry at the sight of him.

The smirk slipped from his face as he came back to her and she saw of flash of nervousness in his eyes.

“Can I – can I take your picture like this?  Just your back, this beautiful skin.  I promise I won’t show anyone.  It’ll be just for me.”

His anxious expression made her melt just a little and she nodded, angling away from him so that her naked back was on display.  She turned her head and smiled shyly at him over her shoulder.  His answering smile brought tears to her eyes.

“Felicity.”

The soft, sometimes reverent way in which Oliver said her name never failed to make her feel special.  Loved and cherished, wanted and needed, and in that moment – alone with him for the first time since saying I do - she felt all of those things.

He held up the camera.

“Smile baby, please.”

A spike of heat pierced her as the memory washed through her and Felicity shook her head sharply.  Oliver had dropped his gaze from the photo and was fingering the material of the worn sweatshirt she’d tossed on the end of the bed.

“Was this… is this mine?”

She nodded, not trusting her voice in that moment.

“Do you have a lot of my things here?” he asked, “My clothes, I mean?  I don’t have much at my parents’, a couple pairs of sweats and a lot of t-shirts.  My uniforms… apparently I didn’t take much with me when I left the last time because I came home with hardly anything.”

An ache settled unwelcome in her chest as she thought of him taking his belongings from their home.  They were his things, his clothes and shoes and personal items, but they belonged in their home.  In their bedroom.  He belonged there with her and letting any part of him leave felt like some form of betrayal.

She cleared her throat, “Of course.  Everything’s – everything’s exactly where you left it.  There are clothes in the dresser and in the closet.  Take whatever you need.”

The furniture that they’d had forever, all secondhand because they had both refused to take money from their parents’, fit tightly in the room.  There was space to walk around everything but not much and all he had to do was pivot in order to face the dresser.  He pulled open the top left drawer before she could stop him.  He stared down at its contents, color rushing to his cheeks.

“That one’s mine.  Other side,” she instructed.

It took far longer than necessary for Oliver to shut her drawer and move on to his own but she couldn’t find it in her to comment on it.  Instead, she started backing out of the room.

“I’ll get you a duffle bag or a suitcase or something.”

Her legs carried her to the end of the hall, to the last door on the right, without her consent and she froze before she could push it open. 

She hadn’t stepped foot into Tommy’s old room since the week after his funeral.  Everything inside would be just as he’d left it.  Like with Oliver’s things, she’d expected him to come home.  She hadn’t let herself believe that either of them would come back in a coffin.  When Tommy had died, she hadn’t had the heart to let go of anything that belonged to him.  Now, as she stood at the door with her heart in her throat, Felicity couldn’t decide what would be worse, seeing her dead brother’s room for the first time in three years or going back to her own room only to watch her husband pack up his clothes.

Taking a deep breath, she pushed open the door and braced herself for the wave of grief she knew would come.  Her eyes swept the room, taking in the still-made bed, the photos scattered atop the dresser and the footlocker situated beneath the window.  She crossed the room quickly, making a beeline for the closet, and threw the door open with unnecessary force.  Tommy’s clothes hung there, his military uniforms mixed in with a handful of suits and his high school baseball jersey, all of them mocking her, and she fought the tears that pooled in her eyes.

“Felicity?”

She started at the sound of Oliver’s voice behind her, whirling around as he stepped into the room.  He hesitated at the sight of her tears.

“This was Tommy’s room… did he – he lived here with us?” he asked.

She nodded, sending moisture rolling down her cheeks, “When the two of you were home on leave.  It didn’t make sense to shuttle Thea around when he was home and … and he hated living in their house after Laurel died.  So the four of us lived here.  Together.”

Oliver crossed the floor slowly, coming to a stop beside her, his eyes scanning the row of Tommy’s clothes hanging in the closet.  He lifted a hand to her brother’s baseball jersey, a sad smile on his face.

“He was a terrible ball player.”

She laughed, the sound somewhere between a snort and a sob.

“Oh god, yes.  He was so bad.”

Felicity knew he was trying to make her feel better.  It wouldn’t work, she knew that too, but she appreciated that he was trying. 

“The two of you were really close.”

She nodded again, “We were.  Tommy was… he was more than just my big brother.  He was my best friend.  I couldn’t have asked for anyone better.”

“For your sake, I wish he’d been the one of us to make it home.  I wish that he’d been able to come home to Thea, to you.”

A strangled sob left her then, the sound surprising both of them, and she covered her face with her hands.  Her shoulders shook as she cried, and she turned and threw her arms around him without giving it a second thought.  He was frozen for a long moment before his arms banded around her, pulling her close.  Her tears soaked into his shirt.

She wasn’t even sure who she was crying over, Tommy or Oliver.  It was all too much.  There were too many things she hadn’t allowed herself to deal with, too much grief that she’d kept bottled inside.

She shoved Oliver away, only managing to move him half a step, and glared up at him.

“Don’t say that!  Don’t you dare say that to me!  You can’t take Tommy’s place, Oliver.  It’s too late for that!  He’s dead and you’re here and – and how do you think I would’ve dealt with losing you?  Do you really think that it would’ve been better in the end if he’d come home and you hadn’t?”

He opened his mouth and closed it again when she continued.

“When Tommy died, when you called to tell me that he’d been killed, I begged you – I begged you, Oliver ­­- to come home!  I was terrified of losing you.  I – I was so afraid that the next time I answered the phone, it would be someone calling to tell me that you were gone, that I’d lost my husband too!”

By the time she was finished, she was panting, big heaving breaths that made her chest ache and left her feeling lightheaded.  She must’ve swayed slightly because Oliver’s hand was suddenly wrapped around her arm, holding her steady.  He looked as if he was going to apologize – for his comment, for not remembering her, for being away so long, none of it mattered – but she cut him off with a shake of her head.

“Don’t, Oliver.  Please.”

For some immeasurable amount of time, they stood across from one another, neither of them speaking.  Oliver’s hand remained on her arm, his fingers flexing occasionally, digging into her flesh.  She didn’t try to move.

“I wasn’t here, was I?  For his funeral?”

She shook her head, “No.  They wouldn’t give you leave.  You called me the day of the funeral.  You promised me – you promised you’d come home when your contract was up.  You’d come home and we’d … we’d –“

“We’d what, Felicity?”

She sighed, more tears welling in her already tired eyes, and told him, “You promised that you’d come home and we’d try to start a family of our own.  We were going to have a family, Oliver.”

He couldn’t have been surprised by what she’d said.  It wasn’t unheard of for two people who were obviously so in love, two people who clearly loved each other and the family that they already had, to want to expand that family with children of their own.  It shouldn’t have surprised him but when Felicity looked up at him, she knew that it had.

“Maybe you should go now,” she said quietly, taking a step away from him.

Oliver’s surprise gave way to helplessness as he moved to follow her.  She held up her hand to stop him.

“Felicity, I –“

She shook her head, “Please, I – I just need some time.  Please.”

He relented, his shoulders dropping slightly, his posture slowly giving way to defeat.  He watched her carefully as he back his way to the door.  He stopped before stepping into the hall again.

“I’ll see you around, okay?”

She swallowed hard, “Yeah, okay.”

Oliver closed the door gently behind him and the moment that she was alone, Felicity collapsed onto Tommy’s bed and cried.

[melimata613]

Relationship 2016-2018

So, I am going to get a little personal. I am going to describe my last relationship. Something that I hadn’t been super vocal about.

First, we going to backtrack to the year 2015. This was the year that I graduated from Columbia and at that point, I had been single already for 3 years and was getting depressed and feeling hopeless that I wasn’t ever going to find someone. I moved out when I was working 2 part-time jobs and adopted a cat, Galaxy whose 6 now. I wasn’t meeting people I had like in person and someone told me I should try online dating which I was hesitant about. For the first couple of days I was online I realized I was in for a ride. Many of the guys that had shown interest were not the kind I want. They were looking for hookups and quick fucks they didn’t care about me as a person. They didn’t even try to figure out who I was just very aggressive and crude and perverted. I got fed up and I deleted those accounts. I think they were Ok Cupid and Coffee Meets Bagel. Fast forward a year later my life took a bad turn and I was unemployed and depressed because I wasn’t having any luck finding a job, and I pick up my stuff and the cats (at that point I had 2) and slept on the couch at my mom's. This was a really low point. One of my friends, Ariana would come over trying to get me to come up and go to places to meet men cuz we both wanted to be dating. We got ourselves into some silly things but still no luck. So, she and some other people suggested I tried online dating again, just so I wouldn’t be stuck at home hating everything. During this time, I had a few jobs but they all failed. One they were closing down and the other they just never put me on the schedule after the first week. It was bad. The longest-lasting job I had was at a bar which allowed me to go back to my apartment because I had an income again.   This is where I downloaded Happn. When I downloaded that app, I was happy to see they ran the app differently than the other dating sites. These were people you had passed doing daily activities and maybe not noticed or had an opportunity to speak to. When I had downloaded it, I had more luck there where I was getting more attention, and guys were having conversations here and there but still, no one was trying to “date me” just wanted a lay. Right when I was about to delete the app, I got notified Bobby had “charmed” me. What that had meant was he saw my profile and liked me and wanted to make sure I had noticed him. Originally, I wasn’t interested. When I saw his profile, I found him quite funny looking and not my type but I had hearted him aka said I was interested back to give him a chance. We started messaging quickly after and he seemed nice and refreshing compared to the others. He asked questions about me personally and seemed to care for me as a person. One thing about me is that I really love cats and always have and sometimes it’s a turn off to men. I was hesitant to tell him I had 2 of them but he started to tell me about his dog and how much that dog meant to him so I figured he was an animal lover and I told him. Almost as quickly as I was getting excited about a possible new chapter in my life it seemed to flash before me when he utters the words “oh I’m deadly allergic to cats”. I remember not knowing what to say or how to feel because I figured that was it. I wasn’t going to hear from him and call it quits but he still persisted and wanted to meet me in person. The following week we agreed to meet at Blaze. I was nervous but hopeful for what was to come but in the back of mind from the moment he told me he was allergic, there was a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. Our first date was nice. We talked and learned a little about each other and we decided to walk to Belmont Harbor and just hang outside to talk more where there wasn’t loud music from the restaurant and other people having conversations. At the end of the date, I agreed to let him drive me home even though my cousin always told me never to let your date know where you live until a couple of dates later cuz you don’t know if they are crazy. 😂 funny but it’s true, but I didn’t feel worried I thought Bobby was great and I ride home would be nice cuz it was late. After that date things started to pick up for me cuz I was offered a job and was to start soon. A few months into our relationship I started to see things and feel things that I didn’t vocalize that bother me. For one Bobby who told me he used to live with an ex and had broken up months before we started but still had her things in his apartment. It was strange to me because of the way he described their breakup he wouldn’t gotten rid of it. There was also a time where he has shortened our date for the thing he had “planned with his friend before we started dating “. It was his birthday and we had been together only a few weeks so I didn’t fuss. But the way he said “friend” bothered me and the way he acted when he told me that day before he left to where he was going. Turns out (found out later) his “friend” was his ex but we will get back to that later. For a while, I was happy dating him. I didn’t have any concerns or worries per se but my friends and my mom had questions. For one, I only saw Bobby once a week. He claimed he was a busy person. He had 3 jobs all part-time mind you. One of them was working with his parents with the window company that they owned and ran. He worked 3 days there helping with orders and calls and whatever. His second job was working at a call center in an electronics store Friday and Saturday. And his last job was a once a week gig being a blackjack dealer. In all honesty, he had time to make to see more often but he didn’t. I didn’t realize it until later because I defended him. One thing to know about Bobby is that he’s a huge fucking mama's boy. Like huge. His mom knew everything I had told him and she would often call him when he was with me to have him come over. They saw each other almost daily because Bobby only lives 10 minutes away by car. At first, I found his mama's boy tendencies to be sweet until they weren’t anymore. Our first fight didn’t happen until a year after we started dating which was strange but I didn’t think too much of it. We had gone to Lollapalooza and were sitting outside enjoying the music when I had saw a text he received. It was someone asking him if Sara came back yet. Sara being his ex that he lived with. I was confused at what that text meant. Sara back from where? Why was this person asking Bobby? Does Sara still live at that apartment and Bobby’s been fooling me this whole time? All these questions rattled me but I stayed as calm as could and waited until the festival had ended to address it. A day after the festival Bobby began calling me like he normally did daily but I didn’t answer. I was too riled up. He called multiple times trying to get ahold of me until I finally was like I don’t want to talk to you right now give me time to compose myself to articulate what I wanted to say but he didn’t let me he persisted. We end up having a long conversation over the phone about that text and all the concerns I had regarding Sara who up until that point I wasn’t worried about. She was his past and I thought Bobby cared about me. But Bobby went to explain that Sara’s stuff was at his apartment because “she didn’t have space and was living a trailer park”. That answer didn’t seem right but I didn’t question it further cuz I was thinking maybe Bobby just a nice guy and didn’t want to throw away her stuff or whatever. Again, making excuses for him, I don’t know why. At the end of the conversation, I told him to get rid of her shit because I bothered me it made me think he still had feelings and was holding onto things. He agreed it seemingly felt like her things were gone the next time I went to his apartment. So, before people started to interject... Bobby always came to my apartment. He lived in the suburbs and I lived in the city with no car. I never really question why he was always coming over and me never really going over there. So, like I said when I went over sometime after that fight, I didn’t see anything that was there before that I figured belong to her. So I thought that was finally over until right around the time I was starting to question our relationship I saw items appear that didn’t make sense but we’ll get back to it. After Lolla and our fight, we seemed to be doing well. We were seeing each other every week sometimes more than once which was an improvement but not huge. But again, talking to my friends I realized I didn’t know much about Bobby. Lots of things were not explained or clear to me why he was the way he was. Bobby had told me before when we first started dating that he had some issues. I was thinking maybe he was just a little dramatic until I have seen for myself what he meant. Bobby was very insecure. He’d always fidget with his hair because he hated his receding hairline and his nose. He’d always talked about his teeth even though when I met him, he was already wearing Invisalign. He told me about how much Sara used to make him feel terrible and basically how bad the relationship was. Not so much when we first started but way more after right towards the end. He compared situations we were having and myself to his ex which riled me up. I understood they had a bad relationship and that they had history being that was together for some years but I figured that was the past. But he was still communicating with Sara. I was never clarified how often but Sara knew of me and they still saw each sometimes “because of the dog they shared” the dog peanut that Bobby now owns. Mind you I have my own little issues. I never claimed I was perfect. There are certain things I don’t like about my body or how I look but I didn’t talk about it too much. I tried to understand his medical issues and his personal. I knew he suffered from anxiety and that he didn’t like confrontation. I’m not a huge fan of confrontation myself. But I understand that talking is needed. I tried so many times to talk to Bobby to have him try to explain himself to me. Why he’d spent so much time with his mom and not me? Why he didn’t invite me to family events? Why he didn’t introduce me to more of his friends? Why after 2 years he still hadn’t said he loved me? Did he even love me? Now let’s get to when everything turned to shit. It’s April 2018, and I’m unhappy. I was working 5 days a week and barely making enough to pay rent. I was stressed. I hated my job. I hated my apartment but it mainly cuz I hated my roommates. The two girls I lived with were bitchy and rude. I didn’t feel comfortable leaving my room. My things would be thrown out without warning and my roommates were super passive-aggressive and I confided in him my struggles. He’d told me I was being whiny and that I should suck it up because I wasn’t going to find an apartment, I could afford by myself. That upset me beside the fact I had so many people in my ear asking why he didn’t offer me to move in with him. We had been dating for almost 2 years at this point. He knew I was struggling and we seemed to get along. I defended him and said it was probably because of Sara that he was hesitant to have a woman move in again even though he never said anything. He would change the subject when it was brought up. Even some of his friends asked him to and he didn’t answer. That honestly should have been a big sign that I ignored. May 2018, I had found an apartment with a coworker of mine who knew I was struggling. The apartment was tiny and not ideal but I was desperate to leave were I was. And at this time, I had gotten a 2nd job and had a little more money. This apartment was cheaper so I wouldn’t be as stressed. Bobby was upset that now I had less free time but I didn’t understand why he would mention that since he never made a huge effort to see me more anyways. Bobby helped me move, which was appreciated. I was trying to hopeful and positive but deep down I felt something was off. I knew we needed to break up. I’ve been feeling it since April when he was harsh about my situation. But my birthday was coming and our anniversary maybe things could take a turn for the better. I had spoken to Bobby and told him I needed more effort. I needed him to be more assertive and open. We had another fight right before he helped me move where I almost told him it was over but I held it in cuz I kind of needed his help to move. June 2018....Right before my birthday, we had another fight. We had gone to a concert by my favorite artist and he was being a Debby downer. He criticized everything and was on his phone the whole time. He acted like such an ass. And at the end of the night, I somehow lost my wallet and when I freaked out and was looking for it, he was an ass then too. He was annoyed and so was I and I even told him to leave. He ended up spending the night but it was awkward. Bobby showed some innovative when he had birthday plans set up for me. We were to go on a Segway tour and do a plant craft later on in the day. It was nice. I had fun but again a gut-wrenching feeling never left. The night ended with a quick but sucky lay and he left shortly after. I felt disgusting. He told me he couldn’t stay because he worked the next day 🙄. Our anniversary was just a few days after my birthday, June 16. When that day came around, I had planned to stop by his job to surprise him with a DIY gift I made. And we had planned way back to go for a weekend getaway the weekend following because that was Father’s Day weekend our anniversary fell on. Earlier that day Bobby had told me he was feeling sick. And that he was probably not going to be at work the whole time and I had told him he ruined my plan sadly of surprising him. He told me not to worry and that it was a sweet gesture. But something didn’t sit right with me. I didn’t believe him that he was “sick”. From what it sounded like to was a common cold. He said his nose was running and he was coughing nothing too serious that he couldn’t make time to see me on our special day. I didn’t understand how his “sickness” would stop us from celebrating another anniversary. Why I say that was because we didn’t celebrate our first anniversary the day of either. The reason for that one was because he went to an event with his parents in Palatine. Again, nothing huge that would make it excusable to me. He knew that was our anniversary and that I wanted to celebrate. We did celebrate our first one but it was the weekend after. So, I'm getting back to Bobby’s tendencies of being “sick.” He had been “sick” twice before in the two years of us dating. Around the same time too. Coinciding with June and July. The first time he did it was for a couple of weeks. He told me again flu-like symptoms and he was going to spend time at his mom's house in his old bedroom until he felt better. When he was at his mom's house, she would cater to him like he was a young child. Make him sandwiches and cut the crust and all of that. He liked being doted on. Something I am not comfortable doing to a 30 something-year-old grown man who was just my boyfriend. I was very vocal about that. We did communicate while he was there. I even heard that he went out with some friends even though he was supposedly dying from being ill. It bothered me but I thought maybe Bobby just wanted time alone. Why? I don’t know but that was what I had thought. My friends told me to snoop but I didn’t want to. I didn’t believe at the time he was hiding anything or feel I needed to worry. One of many things that bothered me was I felt like Bobby always used crutches. Like he used his anxiety to cover for odd behavior. He’d mention his parents as a form of comfort and often hide there like a child. He would always say we’d talk about things later but we never did. He never told me what his plans were ever. I felt like I wasn’t much of an importance to him honestly looking back. Sooooo.... here I where I am going to break down the last couple events that ultimately what had killed this relationship. Rewind to April/May when I was looking for apartments, and Bobby absent offer for me to move in with him, he did tell me he had a potential apartment. He said Sara’s apartment was going to vacant soon since she was planning to leave Chicago and go to the west coast. He told me he knew it wouldn’t be ideal to live with his ex but it wouldn’t be for long and how my option was low at the point and I was running out of time. I agreed to go. Turns out Sara lived about 0.8 miles away. Just down the street and I didn’t know. I was livid. How long has she been there? How long did he know? How much of my situation does she know? I thought she lived in some trailer park somewhere. Was that a lie?   I sat down and spoke to the landlord a strange woman. She told me there were a few options I had. Each one ran a different price, and she told me Sara wanted to meet me. In the middle of our conversation about the apartment, Sara came in. She smiled and looked at me up and down with a smirk and exclaimed she heard so much about me. I was uncomfortable and tried to finish up the encounter as soon as I could. I said I'd get back to the landlord about my decision but I knew I wasn’t going to take it. I was under a time crunch but I knew that it wouldn’t be beneficial for me to be there. I called Bobby when I got back and told him I met his ex. He didn’t really react. He just asked if she was nice. I told him I felt her judgmental stares. I know it only natural to be a little curious about who your ex is dating after you and some thoughts may run through your head but I didn’t like that experience. I was expecting to see her nor did I want to. The weekend before I did move to the apartment, I did choose I spent it at Bobby’s. We hung out so I wouldn’t be in the toxic environment more than I needed. I quickly looked around the apartment to see if anything was odd. There was a shower cap in the bathroom. Which I found odd. I didn’t say anything. And I did still see some of Sara in the apartment. Again, I didn’t say anything but I took a mental note. Flash forward to the time right before he helped me move and I was contemplating ended it. In my head I had all these things stored. His odd behavior. His contact with Sara still. Feminine shit still in his apartment. Lie about where Sara lived. The issues with us in general. But like I said I didn’t end it there. I was going to but I chickened out. I stayed hoping it would get better. I was looking forward to our anniversary even though things were bleak. I went to Michael's to get some craft supplies to work on his gift. I made a mason jar filled with a cutesy thing for each day we were together and I got a GPS print of where we meet framed. And I was planning to surprise him at work with those gifts. But that plan fell through. At first, I was trying to be understanding of him not feeling well but to me, it was too convenient. And the way he responded to my suspicion only made it worse. Now we at the last fight. We were texted each other or calling. I was upset. He then posted on Facebook that he had checked into a hospital. I then asked him how he was and he got all pissy saying I didn’t care he was sick. I asked him after he “gotten better” if we were going to still celebrate our anniversary and he said he didn’t know. I then out of anger removed my name from his “in relationship with” status on Facebook already breaking up with him in my head. I even blocked him on there too planning to not speak with him again but we did. We met up a week later because he still had a part of my birthday gift for me, and he wanted to talk. We went to Evanston. We ironically went to Blaze. We had spoken about how things got out of hand and how he didn’t want us to end that way. He said we could be friends and work our way back to what we were. I was upset and expressed how I didn’t see that it was possible. At this point, we were outside on a patio and I was crying. Embarrassed that I was in a public setting I tried to disguise it as much as I could. After a certain point of us going back and forth I got up at walked away to the train to go home. He didn’t follow but he did half-ass offer to take me home. I didn’t want to be around him anymore. I had reached my limit. He wasn’t showing any emotions and I was and no matter how many times I tried we were having the same arguments and issues. So, a wrap up this is just some closure for me. Enough time has passed and I am currently in a way better relationship and I am happier. But so, some people who read this can learn from my mistakes and my situation. Follow your gut. Don’t let your head tell you something your gut knows better. Don’t be in a half-ass relationship, you deserve the best. Let me know your opinion. Or if you have any questions I could answer.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #236

“so i asked you once, and i ask you again: where do your roots start, and where do your roots end?”

Do you wear a ring on your finger? Yeah, a Supernatural reference best friend one. Do you listen to your friends’ advice when they give it to you? I mean, it depends on the kind of advice and the seriousness of the issue. I'd say in most cases, yes. What’re you listening to right now? "Angel Eyes" by New Years Day ft. Chris Motionless. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? It has been, twice. I don't think I'll do it again because my glasses are just in the way and they come out and get lost too easily. Is your last ex still someone you care about and do you still have romantic feelings for your ex? Yes to both. My feelings towards her haven't changed at all, we just made a heavily-discussed, hard, but wise decision for the time being. Are you someone’s best friend? Sara. What’s the biggest annoyance in your life right now? Annoyance, ummm... oh, easy. Being poor as dirt. That's only slightly under my skin, y'know? Have you spoken to your mother today? Yeah, I live with her. When was the last time you cried and why? PTSD. It's started to become relevant again, jOY to THe WOrlD!!!!!1!!!1!!!!! Is there someone who makes you instantly smile when you receive a message from them? I mean I don't always smile, but I consistently do get excited. If someone loved you right now, would you want them to tell you? *confused screaming* Do you like to cuddle? If I'm seriously romantically into you, yes. Is any part of you sad at all? I think that's always going to be a thing for me, somewhere down in there. Do you like seafood? Only shrimp, and even that I don't like in some forms. Do you have any of your exes as friends on Facebook? Yeah. Does more than one person like you? Idk. Do you ever worry that people might be talking about you behind your back? Always. Fuck, I think Sara's the only person I can count on to never. Do you call your partner ‘baby’? I hated it and never used it 'til Sara. I eventually did, and somehow, it felt okay and not disrespectful??? Idk if I'll use it again. What's the most boring guy’s name out there? Like, "Bob" or something. Do you know how to play Mahjong? Nope. Ever had a promise ring? No. What’s the biggest turn off in the opposite sex? Send me a dick pic and I will actually KICK you in the dick. Fun fact, even though I'm still bi, visually, penises gross me the fuck out and so I'd rather see someone's as little as possible, m'kay? Doing that is like a surefire way for me to decide "oh no bye boy." How often do you catch yourself daydreaming? A whole lot. This time last year, were you single? No. Who is someone you’ll always hate? The doctor that put me on a medication that put around 100 pounds on me and blamed it aaaaaall on me. :^) Do you know anyone with the same name as you? Yeah, just spelled differently. Who knows your biggest secret(s)? Sara. Do you ever read the threads on r/AskReddit? No. Are you currently stressed out about anything? You have no fucking idea. What’s your Instagram @? brittanymphotography or eldritch_obscura, depending on what kind of photography you're into. Don't have a personal one. Have you ever smoked a cigarette? No. Are you in love with anyone at the moment? It's so complicated. I think, but I also question the "in" love part. That and just "loving" are different to me. I want her, I want Jason, and here I am strictly monogamous. I barely understand what I feel romantically rn. If a friend called you to help hide a body, would you help or turn them in? UM fuck that I'm calling the cops. Have you ever had a crush on someone that, now as you look back, is completely embarrassing? Not really. How would you react if a friend started dating your ex? When "ex" is used singularly, I always assume you want The Ex. So, regardless of friend, that'd feel weird, but with certain people/levels of friendship, less so than others. If you were in an emergency, which friend would you call first? So not family? Uhhh, I don't know. It depends on the kind of emergency. Ever kissed someone who wasn’t single? No. Other than that "someone who wasn't single" being my partner. Are you single? if no who are you dating and for how long? Not right now, no. What kind of music do you listen to? Tons of different forms of metal, rock, indie, and I'm even into some electro stuff now. Do you have any YouTube videos of yourself? Thank the merciful lord, not anymore. What’s your fave YouTube video? BIIIIIIIIIHHHHHHHHHH the one featuring Dark in A Heist With Markiplier. I am not exaggerating my love of White Suit Dark. Use three words that best describe your best friend: Passionate, loyal, and resilient as a motherfucker. Now use three that best describe you: Also passionate, empathetic, and caring. List three things that describe your crush/love: Look I love someone but am also preoccupied with the idea of Jason coming back to me. It's not a "crush," it's being in love with a memory. I don't have a clue how to answer this rn. Is there someone in the family that no one really talks to? As far as extended family goes, yeah. Have you ever been romantically interested in a coworker? N/A What is the game you’re currently playing most often on your phone? None; I have no games on it because my phone has incredibly small memory. Same. Are you close to someone who is mentally unwell? Well, define "unwell." I have a load of friends and family with mental disorders, but calling them "mentally unwell" seems too severe. Do you have an opinion on adopting/purchasing a pet? Adopt, dude. There are so, SO many cats and dogs and I'm sure more that need a home, but you'd rather pay hundreds for a dog with likely some sort of health problem from extreme breeding than adopt an animal for a far cheaper price that ALREADY needs a family? Come on, now. Have you ever read any of your idols’ books/autobiographies? I read Ozzy's autobiography. Do you know anyone who is freaked out by cats? ???????????? no????????????? What name would you pick for yourself? Probably "Zoey." Do you enjoy going to live shows? Do concerts count? 'Cuz yeah. Who do you spend the most time with? My mom, I guess? She's the only one I live with, but she's like, never home because she works more than she breathes. What color do you wish your hair was? Natural hair, blonde. So much easier to dye, jc. Does any of the jewelry you wear have sentimental significance? The ring mentioned earlier, as well as the bracelet Sara also gave me. Who is your favorite drummer? Eh, no op Do you find musicians attractive? This is a dumb question... It depends on the musician??? If you could get any piercing, what would it be? I want a microdermal below/near the outer corner of my eye NOW. But I have glasses so it would totally ruin the purpose, ugh. Do you scream, yell, jump around and dance at shows or do you stand still? Just cheer, really. I wouldn't call it "screaming." I guess I can yell, too? Have you ever lost your voice from screaming so much? "No. I’ve had a sore throat." <<<< This. What’s your favorite color on the person you have feelings for? Both Sara and Jason, as well as like anyone, I love wearing black. Actually, Sara is super cute in light colors, like baby pink. Ugh talking about them at the same time feels fuckin weird. Who’s your favorite horror monster/killer? Alright, let's just say like, the "traditional" guys. I suppose Jason? His silence, totally casual pursuit, and mask creep me out, man. What kind of music do you prefer to listen to when driving? When I myself am driving, I don't want music on. I can't concentrate. Are you willing to board airplanes? I've gone up to see Sara like... three times within two years, I think? They don't scare me too much. I don't like takeoff, though. Too rocky and dizzying. Do looks really matter to you when it comes to friendship? ??????????? what?????????? the fuck??????????????? Do you accept friend requests from people you don’t know? Nope. I have to not only know you, but care more about you than like the average acquaintance of whatever. What is one of your best talents? Writing, I guess? Are/were you a rebellious youth or angsty teen? ha ha oh BOY Do you put your change in a jar for savings? No. How do you feel about transvestites? BITCH y'all great. I love you. Fuckin ROCK YA SHIT. Do you know anyone with a land line at their house? Yes, actually. Do you have any guilty pleasures? Certain kinds of daydreams. Have you been in a fist fight with someone you didn’t want to fight? I've never had a physical fight. Has anyone ever convinced you to do something you didn’t want to? Sure. Usually for my own benefit/growth, though. Are you a sensitive person? Yeah, quite a bit. Do you enjoy writing? Yep. Are you a germ-o-phobe? YEAH. Would you ever own a hairless rat, cat or dog? I would TOTALLY have a sphynx. There's this one breed of dog too and is furless on most places but does have some furry areas and are so ugly they're cute, and I once almost did adopt a hairless rat. So there's your answer. Do you prefer big, fluffy towels or normal sized/smaller towels? BIG FLUFF What is the image on your beach towel? Don't have one of those. Are you good with making eye contact? NO. I never know how long to maintain it and overthink it HEAVILY. I avoid it most of the time. What is your favorite book that was turned into a movie? Probably The Outsiders. I thought it did the book great justice. Do you like the movie or the book better? I don't remember either well enough. Do you watch porn? No. I don't want to watch some strangers bang each other. It's in no way arousing to me. What’s your favorite flavor of applesauce, if any? I guess just normal? Do you go to a firework show every 4th of July? Nah. Are you diabetic? No. Are you allergic to gluten? No. I don't think I'd survive. Are you lactose intolerant? No. Do you live with your parents? Just my mom. Parents are divorced and Mom had full custody, and my two sisters are proper adults that can survive without their mommy. :^) How much experience do you have written down on your resume, approximately? NOT A LOT!!!!!!!! I only count like, one damn job that was valid/lasted a couple months, but only because I very rarely worked. I also only include my previous online college, and should I create a resume now, obviously the one I currently attend. What’s your favorite song to dance to? I do not dance, my friend. What do you think of your parents? Both of them are great. Mom is the reason I'm (in the big picture) healthy, even alive. I WOULD be dead, died a long time ago, if it was not for that woman. Saved my life again and again and again, been there for me through both the same old shit and new madness. I'mma stop here before I actually cry just thinking about how thankful I am for her. Dad, too, I love, and I aspire to be as positive as he seems nowadays. His loyalty to my sisters and me, especially after the shit I've said, is incredible. He doesn't take a lot too seriously, and that's nice, especially when you're having a hard time. He's an optimistic guy now that always makes an effort to cheer you up. He's a total goof, too. He's just fun to be around. What do you think makes you attractive to other people? HA, fuck if I know. I guess my vertical lip labret stands out? Everyone I've dated since having it has at some point pointed out that that's like, my trademark that makes me recognizable right off the bat and that it looks good on me. One of the few things I even like on myself. Would more money make you happier? Look me right in the fucking eye and answer "no" to this. What is one of your favorite memories as a child? Watching my older sister play demo discs' video games after waking up. It's something so simple, but idk, I love remembering that. What’s your favorite kind of cake? Probably red velvet, like gd that shit good. Who is your favorite sports team? Idc. Like I have a natural fondness towards the Carolina Hurricanes 'cuz they're Dad's favorite and we've gone to some games together, but I really don't care. Who would you like to get to know better? I have this high school acquaintance named Courtlynn on my Facebook that seems so cool and relatable. She seems to like me too (not romantically, but she's really supportive, hearts like everything, comments the sweetest stuff sometimes, all that), I just think both of us are shy to reach out. What is the strangest food you ever ate? "I don’t eat anything I consider strange. I’m so picky and basic." <<<< Big 'ole fat same. What’s your favorite thing to order at a Chinese food restaurant? I exclusively only eat pork fried rice and/or egg rolls. Are you an organ donor? YES!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE BE ONE!!!!!!!!!! YOU DON'T NEED THEM ONCE UR DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!! THE LIVING DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SAVE SOME LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What’s your favorite candle scent? FRESH BAKED BREAD MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM What would you do if you found an abandoned animal? Check for identification and call if a number is given, offer it food and water, put a notification up on Facebook about a lost pet... all that stuff. We'd try to avoid a shelter, probably, because yeah. Euthanization is a thing. Have you ever kissed someone who had a tongue piercing? I am the one with the tongue piercing lmao. No. Is it easy for someone to make you cry? OH YES, QUITE. How many children can you see yourself having? IF I had kids, IF, I could not possibly imagine myself with more than two. What is your favorite PlayStation 1 game? SILENT HILL FUCK MAN I LOVE THAT SHIT. Are you competitive? Not really. Depends. Black and white or colored photos? It very much depends. Composition, lighting, content, all that contributes to what I find more aesthetically pleasing. Do you prefer to date younger, older, or the same age as you? Preferably around my age. What’s something from the past that you don’t miss at all? Being a depressed mess every waking moment of my life. Do you like ice cream cake? Not really. Do you wash your hair every day? No, every day is bad for your hair. Do you have trouble sticking to promises? Definitely not. I'm good at that. Have you ever made out with someone of the same sex? Very briefly. She thought she was ready, but not quite. What kind of headphones do you have? Right now they're literally just flimsy hot pink earplugs from a dollar store lmao. How often do you go to parties? Never. Do you sleep in awkward positions? I don't think so. Do you experiment a lot with new looks on yourself? Not really. Where is your favorite place to be kissed? Don't touch my tits with, like, anything. Do you ever quote your favorite movie in normal conversations? No? Do people ever tell you that you look stoned when you’re not? No. Do you suffer from anxiety or depression? *shrugs* why not both? Do hospitals freak you out? To a degree. Been there enough times to both get semi-used to it, but it also agitates old wounds and makes me antsy to get out. What about cemeteries at night? I've never experienced this, so I can't say. But the idea doesn't really creep me out, no. What is your favorite Nintendo 64 game? I never had one. Were you mean as a little kid? Nah, I was a good kid actually.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #192

“i’d love to give you wings, but babe, you’ve got to grow them.”

Where have you lived throughout your life? The same general area in North Carolina. Do you find your job rewarding? N/A What kind of cake did you have for your last birthday? I'm sure it was red velvet. To you, which is better: English muffins or bagels? I enjoy both, but bagels. Do you paint your nails? No. What’s the last website you signed up for? Good question... maybe a feral dog RP forum I was considering making a character on? Do you check your email everyday? I'm getting into the habit. Have you created any pages on Facebook? Yeah. Is there a subject that you absolutely suck at? Social studies/history, math. What’s your favorite song by Dave Matthews Band? I have no idea who that is. Are there people you have absolutely nothing in common with, but still enjoy talking to? Maybe? Have you ever wandered around drunk with your friend? No. Are you good at holding back your laughter if needed? Nooo, not at all. Have you ever been so unfortunate to suffer from a hangover? No. Have you ever had a panic attack? Plenty. Are you deathly allergic to anything? No. Have you ever had a mouse in your house? Yeah. In our old one, anyway. Do you know anyone who DOESN’T have an ex? Not personally, I think. Is anyone you know really religious? Welcome to the South. Yes. Are your eyebrows naturally thick? I'd say they're average. Has speaking in front of people ever made you sick? No. I haven't spoken in front of an actual audience since my senior project, though. It was hard, but I think I did well. What was the last movie that made you teary-eyed? I'm not sure. Moana may have gotten me a bit teary? But if no, Coco absolutely did. Have you had two friends that absolutely hated each other? I think "hate" is a strong word for it. Has a laptop ever burned your legs? Yes. I legitimately had dark spots on my right leg for a long while. Do you know anyone who has a scar through their eyebrow? Juan. Who was the last person to flip you off? Idk, but I'm sure it was playfully. Anyone’s birthday coming up soon? Miiiine! And my friend Alyssa's. Would you ever wear fake eyelashes? Sure, in rare circumstances. Are you good at following directions? No. I have zer-O sense of direction. Do you have someone that you can just act a fool with and not care? Sara. From where you’re sitting, can you touch a wall? Yeah, behind me. When at a restaurant, do you put your napkin on your lap? Not unless I'm with my grandmother. She's extremely "proper" about things. Do you prefer electric or manual pencil sharpeners? Electric. Are your biceps at all noticeable? No. Have you ever seen a walrus? Are there any at SeaWorld? Otherwise, no. When it comes to dropping food, do you believe in the 10 second rule? HELL NO. I'm a germaphobe with that stuff. If given the opportunity, would you ride on a camel? Sure? Do you believe that cellphones actually do cause cancer? I don't recall the science behind this theory, so idk. When people you know cry, does it make you feel like crying too? Oh yes, especially if it's someone I'm very close to. Particularly, I can't handle Mom, my sisters, or Sara crying. I've never seen Dad cry, but if he ever did, I know I would bawl. Do you tend to jump to conclusions? Was this written as a direct @me??????? Are you good at remembering your friends’ birthdays? NOPE. I only remember... Sara's, Connie's, Caleb's (just because it's on Halloween), Shaylee's, and that's literally it out of friends/acquaintances. Is there something you need to do, that you’re trying to avoid doing? Actually use WiiFit. I'm doing periodic exercises throughout the day, but I need to dedicate more and be able to see my center of balance. Ever pop someone else’s pimple? NONONONONO IT'S SO GROSS TO ME How long does it take you to fall asleep? No less than 15 minutes, I think usually more. Do you crack your neck often? I can't. Did you have a weird dream last night? OH MY GOD YES. I was awkwardly with one of my acquaintances at his house somehow????? and we both seemed very uncomfortable??????? and I think I was high or some shit???????????????? I don't even know this person well enough to like-like him?????????????? Who do you sometimes compare yourself to? My sisters and successful friends. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things? Doing the right things. But I aim for both. In what way are you your own worst enemy? I criticize. The. Hell out of everything I do. What activities make you lose track of time? Video games. When you help someone do you ever think, “What’s in it for me?” Full offense, you're an absolute dick if you do that. Who do you tell your secrets to? Nobody really unless there's reason to, and only ever Sara, Mom, or my therapist. Who do you live with? Mom and the pets. When did/will you graduate? '14 for high school. Idk when I will for college, gotta get there first... When are you moving next? Probably when Sara and I are ready for our own place. When is the last time you took a vitamin? I have to twice a week now, so Thursday, because I have an incredible vitamin D deficiency, and that's probably what's causing my knee problems. Why are you stressed? The everlasting weight loss struggle. Do you need to return anyone’s phone call? No. Where do you keep your birth certificate? It's in a safe. How many books are in your room? Uhhh like three? Then one coloring book. Have you ever been IN a wedding? I was the immensely triggered and ugly bridesmaid at my older sister's. Weddings were a very sensitive thing to me at the time, so while I was so happy for Ashley, I had a very difficult time and cried numerous times. What was the last thing you laughed out loud at? I think during a Mark video? Do you have a nickname? Why? "Britt" for obvious reasons, and Mom's called me "Twinkie" since I was a baby. She gave all her children sweets-based nicknames. Fuck out my face if you think that ain't the cutest damn thing. Have you ever had a bad concert experience? No. When was the last time someone told you that you were beautiful/good-looking? Do people often tell you this? I think the last time was when Sara said I looked really pretty with eyeliner on and I just eeeeeeeeeek. I'm not often told it. Are you missing someone of the opposite sex atm? Not romantically. I'd like to see Girt as a bud; I'm gonna invite him to my birthday dinner to hang out. Hopefully he doesn't have work. Want someone back in your life? Yes. Are you currently sad about anything? Weight. Unbelievable difficulty getting my fucking transcript and inability to find my ACT score so I can go back to school. Are you wearing anything shiny? My lip ring has gems on it, and they shine a bit in the right light. How important is a sense of humor in a significant other? I need it. I don't think I could really enjoy a constantly serious person as a partner. How many followers do you have on Twitter? Idk, don't care to check. I only ever use it to be able to like Mark's shit lmao. Do you sleep with the door open or closed? Open so Roman can go in and out. Have you ever been to the beach? Multiple times. Can you handle blood? Doesn't bother me a bit. Do you pay your bills or do your parents? My parents. I have no source of income to. What’s your best friend’s middle name? Jane. Has any place hired you underage for a job? No. Have you ever barely passed a grade/year in school? In college courses when my mental state was at its worst. Have you ever carried a concealed weapon? No. Have you ever tried to sell something overpriced to someone? No, I don't think so. Do you plan to become very wealthy some day? "Very" is unlikely, but I am dead serious about being at least perfectly financially stable one day. I refuse to live how I have my whole life so far, wondering if rent will be paid each month 'n things like that. Do you remember your first time going to the movies? No. Does eating breakfast make you sick? No. Are you dying to say something to someone right this minute? No. Well, not dying to, but after this whole revelation I had, I really want to apologize to Jason. I wasn't without evil in how I responded to and treated him after the breakup. Book series you enjoyed reading recently? I haven't read a series in years. Do you enjoy lying in the grass during the summer, and just existing? Nooo. Summer sucks and lying in grass is super uncomfortable. Do you have a passport? If so, how many stamps do you have in it? No. Are there any keys on your keyboard that have letters fading away? Not fading, but literally gone from the keyboard because this one is horrible, even after being "fixed" or replaced (idr). No joke, 21 are gone. Sooo I have to smash those buttons for the sensor or whatever to understand I'm pressing them, to the point my fingers, especially right pointer, are mildly callused. Do any of your close friends have children? No close ones, but one I'm hoping to reconnect more with it expecting. What do you plan on having for dinner? Probably a sandwich and nutrition shake to get enough calories to take my medicine and get the intended effect. Do you like Chinese food, or do you find it disgusting? The only things I enjoy now are fried rice and eggrolls, but I used to like sweet and sour chicken and bird on a stick or whatever its proper name is. Have the police ever come knocking on your door looking for someone? Once. Know anybody who works in a tattoo parlor? We're not like, "real" friends, but I know a good number of and get along great with the employees at the parlor I'm a regular customer at. I want to work there so badly. Small, environment I feel at home at, great people. Have you ever played flashlight tag? Don't even know what that is. Could you call yourself a movie buff? Not at all. Have you ever had a piercing get infected? A second hole in one of my earlobes, and the first time I got my tongue done, there was an abscess inside that indicated one was likely to form. Thank God that the rollercoaster of The Tongue Piercing Woes has ended. Do you check your fire alarms when you’re supposed to? Mom does occasionally. Are you a shorts wearing kind of person? NOOOOO MY LEGS ARE NOT OKAY. Plus I chafe. Is your grandparents’ house obsessively tidy? Ohhhh I'm sure. I haven't been to her house since I was a kid, but I remember it being like, pristine. Her rooms at her son's is neat as hell too. About how much can you bench press? I have no clue. Have you ever had your phone die on you in the middle of a conversation? Yeah. Is anybody in your family a carpenter? Not to my knowledge. Are you avoiding someone? No. Do you call your boyfriend “Monkey”? I have a gf, and I have never in the least understood how that's a term of endearment. What’s your favorite primary color? Red. What were you for Halloween? Nothing, ugh. I haaave to dress up this year. Do you have any clothes from Walmart? Yeah. When did you get a Facebook? I have no clue. What color are your eyes? Grayish-greenish blue. What motivates you? How far I've already come, wanting a better future than I have now, encouragement from friends, family, my therapist, and psychiatrist, the drive to thoroughly enjoy my one mortal existence. Can you walk in heels? Not well. When was the last time someone asked you your age? Ummm, last time I got something done at the parlor, I think? Do you keep a journal? No. Have you ever tried a weird flavor of vodka? No. Do you wear a ring on your finger? One, my friendship ring with Sara. What are you doing? This, listening to Asking Alexandria's "Closer" NIN cover (no shame), and waiting for Girt to reply on Facebook. What’s the last kind of soup you ate? A bit of vegetable. Do you currently have a sunburn? No. Who did you last text? Mom. Who’d you last call? About what? My old college to find out why I couldn't get my fucking transcript after weeks upon weeks of being directed to different people about it. I regret going there immensely. Complete waste of time and money. Are you currently frustrated with someone? I'm really frustrated at myself. Do you drink water or soda more often? I'm actually not sure... Do you straighten your hair? No. When did you last talk to your brother or sister? One, not since Christmas, and the younger, a few days ago. All my half-siblings have been forever, and one I've never spoken to. What is your least favorite vegetable? Probably asparagus. Or beans. Outside of family, name 3 people that make you smile/laugh often. Sara, Mark, Shane Dawson. In school, what subjects did you achieve your highest grades in? English or art, idr. Was there a subject that you enjoyed, but weren’t too good at? No. When was the last time something didn’t go to plan? What happened? Being into what's called "vulture culture" now (at least to a certain degree), I searched for quite a while for the bones of the very first opossum I photographed (I have a photography "series" focused on exposing the horror of roadkill to hopefully influence people to be more careful and vigilant), but despite thorough searching, I couldn't find it. Gruesome, but Mom speculated the remains were destroyed by whoever mows the grass there. Do you have any children? If not, at what age do you think you’ll feel ready to be a parent? No, and never. When was the last time you bought a new item of clothing? Describe it. Uhhh. I seriously have no clue. Maybe some underwear months ago. Was your last Facebook friend request from a male or female? Idk who the last person was. Do you have an item of clothing that makes you feel especially beautiful? Describe it. No. Think of the last person that betrayed you. If they said they were sorry, would you forgive them? I can literally almost guarantee Colleen shared our whole goddamn conversation and shit on Facebook after our last talk, as she did the first time too. Too many times our business became everyone's. I'd forgive her, but I refuse to ever be friends again. Nastiest thing you've ever done? I hate talking about this, but okay. When I was deep into my suicidal depression phase, I had a hard time brushing my teeth as needed. Like... I wouldn't for days. I avoided brushing my hair as long as I could too. Anyone who doesn't believe in how deeply depression is capable of chaining you down and making vital things almost impossible, go get fucking educated. Have you ever been in a lighthouse? No. What color is your shower? White. Where do you order your pizza from? Ideally Domino's, but sometimes Little Caesar's. When is the last time you had a serious talk with someone? Yesterday. Do you find that you have a certain meal you eat every time you go to certain restaurants? Oh yes. I rarely try something new. What color is your bike? N/A What word can you not stand to hear people say? The “n” word. What room of your house are you in? My bedroom. What is the temperature in your city right now? Apparently 38 F. When did you last use a post-it-note? No idea. Would you ever want to own your own restaurant? No. Do you have a fan in your bedroom? I have three lmao. My room is unbearable in the summer. Who is the last person that you took a picture with? Sara. When is the last time you were stuck in a fairly long traffic jam? A couple months or so back when there was an accident. Do you have certain friends that you hug every time you see them? All my friends. When was your most recent trip to an aquarium? 2016 visit to the beach. We went to the aquarium there and it absolutely sucked. What do you like in your salads and what dressing do you prefer? Just lettuce (but I can also handle cucumbers) and the Olive Garden dressing. If it has one, do you ever use the notepad function in your phone? Occasionally. Rn I have tattoo ideas written in it. Surprised? How good would you say your memory is? Absolutely horrible, lately worse than ever. I worry about it quite a bit. About how many times during the night do you wake up from your sleep? Once or twice. Are there any air fresheners in your house? What kinds? Not currently on or anything. What’s one thing you’re glad you’ve done recently? Improved on picking up the phone when I don't know the number. Have you ever done something sexual that you regret? Well, I've talked about flirting with my friend's bf as a pre-teen, and it wasn't always innocent, if you count that as "sexual." I regret the hell out of it. Do you like to sit in the sun and tan when it’s hot out? NO. Ever had a person who was obsessed with you so much that it scared you? Yes, Tyler. I wasn't like, terrified, but preeeetty uncomfortable. Can you drive, and if you can, do you like it? I can, but I'm not that great, and I absolutely hate it. Have you ever said anything to the last person you kissed that you regret? Yes. Do you like french fries? Hell yeah. Have you ever eaten so much you puked? No. Do you care about what others think of your physical appearance? People whose opinions I care about. Would you rather go to Greece or France? Probably Greece.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #153

“i may be easy - easy to hate, but you’re so fucking easy, easy to break.”

Do you think age matters in friendship?  Nah.  One of my closest friends is in his 30s.  Now of course I believe a parent should monitor a friendship of a minor and adult, but, I still believe friendship is certainly possible. What was the last essay/assignment you wrote about?  It was only the rough draft, but I helped Colleen with her assessment of "Female" by Keith Urban. When do you usually put your Christmas decorations up?  Usually start in early December. Are you more likely to eat when you’re bored or depressed?  When I'm bored, I'd say.  When I'm depressed, I'm more keen on sleeping.  I've gotten better about not eating when I'm bored, thankfully. Do you have a case/cover for your phone? Describe it.  No, I want one tho. Do you take good care of your skin?  I've been making a decent effort lately.  I HATE the bumps I have on my arms from dry skin, so I've been moisturizing them as well as my face. What was your dream job when you were a kid?  Paleontologist.  I would still pursue it if I wasn't turned off by a career with loads of travel, nor do I think I have the patience to obtain a PhD. Is there any music you listen to that was influenced by your parents?  Oh yeah, Mom especially.  She's all about heavy metal, especially the classics.  Dad too, but I'd say he's more hard rock. Do you use tampons or pads? Or both?  Tampons, pads gross me out afsdjafjw.  I started with them though. Is your internet wireless or do you need a cable?  Wireless. What is something you’re behind the times on?  Ummm idk. Have you ever had a severe allergic reaction?  No. What color are your glasses, if applicable?  Black. List a great $1 store find:  Idk. List a great garage sale find:  *shrugs* Who is one YouTuber you would like to meet?  m a r k Do you have your own website?  I have my own photography one. Do you like candy corn?  Omg demons stay back. Were you happy as a kid?  Yep. What is your favorite Queen song?  If your answer isn't "Bohemian Rhapsody," I don't want you in my life. Who was the last person you blocked on social media? Why?  Colleen, 'cuz I was kicking her out of my life and know that woman too well that she would try sending me a novel of hate, and I wasn't having it.  Turns out she shared our drama over Facebook afterwards to make me the bad guy, and I still have trouble believing I forgave something that petty.  She apologized for it, eh. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?  The old woman my mom had watched.  I knew enough about her to know she was a super sweet woman, so I barely held it together in there.  She died the very next morning. Could you ever be friends with the person who hurt you most in life?  Ha, no.  He doesn't deserve my friendship. You never know what you have until you’ve lost it, true or false?  Nah. What’s the craziest thing you’ve done?  I dunno, possibly something sexual. When was the last time you spoke to someone in a different language?  Back in high school when I was doing a German test over the phone. Have you ever successfully broken a bad habit? How about conquered a fear of something?  Omg, so I had this habit of when I was thinking deeply or nervous, I would pull my eyebrows out.  It got to the point it would sometimes look like I almost had none.  Super embarrassing, especially because I did this a lot in school.  As for a fear, it was never a big one, but going to see Sara broke my mild fear of flying.  I like it now. Have you ever read a whole series of books?  Yes. Are you going to walk at your graduation or just pick your diploma up?   For when I finish college, I'm probably just picking up my diploma. Have you ever tried to break a Guinness World Record?  No. Do you know how to read music?  I recall some notes. Do you own any shirts that have a year on it?  Ha ha, I got that "I was there" shirt for the Back to the Future date. Do you have any scratches on your cell phone?  No. Is your skin tone lighter or darker than your mom’s?  Lighter. Have you ever done another person’s make-up?  I gave Jason a makeover. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  Honestly still hope I have that picture somewhere.  Regardless of what happened, that is damn good memory, he hated it so much. Is anyone saved in your phone under a nickname?  Sara, Ashley, Nicole, and Mom. When, where, and why did a needle last pierce your skin?  'Bout two weeks back to get my tongue pierced. Who is the youngest gay person you know?  Dunno. Have you ever watched an animal being eaten by another animal?  Yeah, our old cats with mice 'n such. Do you get along with people who are especially religious? Why/why not?  If you don't push it on me, certainly.  Respect my theism, I'll respect your whatever. Do you have any interesting pillow cases?  No. Are you more afraid of spiders or bees?  Well, there's too much variety in this question.  I'll fear a wolf spider more than a bumblebee, but a hornet more than daddy long leg. Has your best friend ever seen you naked?  No. Do you get mad when your current bf/gf talks about an ex?  Not at all. Do you know anybody who was abused?  Yes. Would you prefer a baby boy or girl?  If I was to have kids, y'know, I don't know.  Perhaps a girl, but I know boys are generally easier, and feeling the bond between a mother and her son would be amazing.  I'unno. When did you last feel like your privacy was invaded?  I'm not sure. Do your parents volunteer anywhere?  No. If you were a different religion from your current one, what would it be? Why?  Wiccan, because their beliefs (that I know of) are interesting. Have you ever had your phone taken away at school?  No. How old were you the first time you dyed your hair?  Idk.  I think first year of high school; I don't believe dyed hair was allowed in middle. Do you talk the same way you do in person as you do online?  For the most part. How would you react if a doctor told you that you were infertile?  I'd be like, irrationally happy.  I don't want kids, and I have a considerably large fear of being raped and thus get pregnant, so. Do you get along with your best friend’s parents?  Her mom's a bitch, and her dad's... different. Have you ever been in a relationship where you didn’t get along with the person’s parents?  No. How many people of the opposite sex have you said ‘I love you’ to?  One, romantically. Do you put marshmallows in your hot chocolate?  No. What is the best thing you can draw?  Meerkats are like the only thing I can draw decently without a reference. What band did you see for your first concert?  Alice Cooper. Do you think people with legitimate addictions are pathetic, or do you understand them?  Oh fuck off.  I obviously can't "understand" because I've never endured one, but addictions are serious.  Addiction is not a choice, and from meeting so many druggies during my psych hospital visits as well as having a friend who got clean, it's fucking hard. Has anyone you know ever had serious surgery before?  Yeah, Mom had kidney cancer.  The tumor was bigger than the kidney itself. When was the last time you had butterflies?  When Sara was here, we had these few moments where we were just staring at each other smiling and asjdfawjij. Do you think Gatorade tastes refreshing or just gross?  I don't like it. Do you own a pet fish? What kind of fish are they?  No. Do you have a porch swing?  No. How many area codes would you recognize?  My own and childhood town's. Who has the best taste in music in your family?  Besides myself obviously, Mom. What animal did you last pet or hold?  My cat. If you were a different gender, what name would you want to have?  Maybe like.  Dakota.  Probs my favorite unisex name. If you had to have one feature on your body changed to a canine version of said feature, what would you choose?  Gimme dem teefs. What product or service do you find ridiculously overpriced?  Some fast food, QUALITY MAKEUP, gas, uhhhh. How many people, outside of your immediate family, do you know the birthdays of by heart?  Six, or seven if you count my dog.  Maybe forgetting some. Shot of whiskey, or a bottle of Smirnoff?  The latter, I love Smirnoff's. Have you ever been afraid of being underwater?  No. Would you ever scuba dive in shark infested waters if you had the chance? In a cage, sure.  Otherwise, no.  Sharks are very much villainized, but I respect their capabilities, rare as an attack is. Have you ever hit a parked car with your car?  Not yet, boy will I when I learn how to park around others lmao. What band/group have the most lyrics that represent you? Hmmm, not sure. How many times have you been on a plane?  Four times that I remember, but I was on one as a baby, too. What do you wish were different about your hair?  I wish it was eASIER TO DYE- What’s a personality type that you do not like? Overly talkative is draining for me.  I also dislike the kinds of people who aim to make every "conversation" almost exclusively about themselves/leave no room for you to really express your own thoughts.  That's not a convo. What’s a personality type that you do like? Deep thinkers.  Those open to many possibilities, even if wild.  Nature-adoring people and/or ones who feel heavily connected to the earth. Which of your friends is the least like you and in what way? Colleen.  My best friend somehow, ha ha.  She's extremely straightforward and isn't afraid to hurt feelings if she feels it's important for you to see truth, she gets shit done quick/doesn't procrastinate, she can be quite argumentative, she's completely independent, our religious and some political views are different, our music taste is totally inverted, and I'm sure there's more I'm forgetting.  We're a prime example of opposites attract.  Love her to death. How about the most like you and in what way? Sara, and I could write a novel here lmao.  Separated at birth kinda shit. What’s something you do daily and is this a habit of yours? Sit on the computer, and yeeaah it's just about all I do. What was the last thing to frustrate you and is it still frustrating you now?  Hm.  Dunno.  Probably something like Roman being so intent on lying on the keyboard. What helps you fall asleep? Nothing lol. Is there any type of medicine you can’t take? For what reason?  Anti-depressants.  Learned from my current psychiatrist that taking them only amps up bipolarity symptoms if you have that as well, which I do. Do you like designer bags with the logo stamped all over them?  No. Is Russian or Native American history more interesting to you?  Native American. If you had to choose to have a different accent than the one you have now, what accent would you choose and why?  British, 'cuz it's hot. Have you ever missed a flight?  Omg yes.  O'Hare after visiting Sara was absolutely impossible.  It was so.  Busy.  That and I didn't know what I was doing through half of it. If your ex suddenly kissed you right now, what would you do?  "The" ex would lose his balls, the others I'd push back. Are you a virgin?  P sure no but my story is complicated so aojsdfaow. What is one feature that you don’t like?  I'm guessing you mean on myself personally, and that would easily be weight.  I'd be relatively fine with myself if that was where I want it to be. What’s the genre of the current song you’re listening to?  Metal ballad. What would you do if you were stuck on a boat in the middle of the ocean?  I don't really know.  A part of me says I'd be so hopeless and terrified I'd drown myself.  The odds of being found are minuscule. Who is the funniest person you know?  Girt. When sitting on the floor, in what position do you normally sit?  Kinda with my legs turned to the same side. Do you like being kissed spontaneously or asked?  Spontaneously is way less awkward for me.  But only if you're pretty sure through my display of comfort that I'm fine with it. Have you ever tried to break someone up?  I thought about it out of spite.  I considered messaging her over Facebook and telling her what she was in for, and I wished her dead, and I'm not joking.  Turns out he broke up with her for the same reason as me, according to Mom being a FB stalker apparently. Are you a bad influence?  I am in some areas.  Shouldn't be even remotely lazy as me, and you shouldn't illegally download shit. Would you ever get a tattoo?  I already have five, and six is probably coming next year with holiday + birthday money. Do you get nervous before going to doctor appointments?  Not really, no.  The only thing that makes me anxious is having to get weighed lmao. Do you call anyone "baby?"  Sara, but more frequently "babygirl." What is a movie that you thought you would hate but you ended up loving?  Off the top of my head, I think A Raisin in the Sun. Do you have any close friends that were adopted?  No. What time do you usually have a shower?  Night. What do you want to do after high school? I immediately went to a community college but dropped out in like a month.  My depression was so bad and I just couldn't handle the difficulty, responsibility, and independence leap. Do you know anybody that is pregnant right now? Not off the top of my head.  My acquaintance had a baby girl less than a week ago, though.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #133

“i closed my eyes and she slipped away.”

Do you wear a ring on your finger?  Yes, a friendship one with Sara. Do you expect to be married in the next two years?  There's a small chance I'd be engaged, but I doubt married. What is your favorite type of cookie?  Chocolate chip. Are you allergic to pollen?  I actually don't know if I am anymore??  So far this season, I haven't had any issues... Do you have more upper or lower body strength?  Lower like most females. Do you like hot tubs?  Yaaaaaas. Do you know anyone who is battling cancer?  Not currently, thank God. Have you ever donated money to a charity?  Yes. What was the last movie you’ve seen in theaters? Jumanji.  Excellent movie, so funny. Do you prefer Apple or Android?  Apple, but I have an Android currently. Do you like the color lime green?  Ye. Do you like the Silent Hill movies? First one's fantastic, second is a train wreck plot-wise.  I still like it, it's hard for me to not like something SH, but all things considered it's not a great movie. What movie scared you the most out of any other movies?  The only movie that's ever scared me is The Rite, but only because it played on a fear. Tell me something you’ve been made fun of for in the past.  Uhhhh... I'm sure there's something, but I can't remember. Do you support war?  Nope. Have you ever wanted to be on American Idol? When was this?  No. Do you like kissing lightly better than just making out?  No. You get a text from someone saying that they want to hang out - who would you most like it to be from?  Summer. Do you attend school, college, or university?  First I went to a community college, then a university. Name 5 things you don’t believe in.  1.) Destiny, 2.) Reincarnation (although I actually think it'd be quite cool...), 3.) Karma, 4.) Prayer actually affects anything (maybe), 5.) No free healthcare in America. If you could have any friend that you’ve lost back, who would you pick?  Megan. When was the last time you did something for the first time?  Listened to an audiobook. Do you have blinds in your bedroom?  Yes. When was the last time you had an interview? How did it go?  2016.  It went well, but I didn't get the job.  But now I look back and I'm glad lol. What was the most damaging relationship (romantic or not) that you’ve ever been a part of?  Jason. Who was the last person you cut out of your life? Do you regret it?  Colleen.  Nope. Who is the most attractive person you know personally? Not to be sappy, but the longer I date her, the more and more beautiful Sara becomes. Do you remember the first time you truly enjoyed sex? Or have you always?  He was good from the start. Have you ever done anything sexual in a car?  Maybe briefly make out while saying bye, but I dun remember for certain. What do you wish you had been better prepared for?  Adulthood. Do you know anyone with a semicolon tattoo?  Me. Who knows you best, excluding romantic partners?  My mom. The last news you got that shocked you, what was it, and was it good news or bad news?  My little sister may be developing depression.  Obviously awful news. If you have pets, who normally puts food and water in their dish?  Me or Mom. Do you organize the pictures on your computer into different folders or are they all just under “My Pictures”?  The latter. Do you think if someone is in a relationship, that it is acceptable to have sleepovers with other people of their preferred sex? Yes, so long you're not in the same bed. Would you shoot a gun if given the chance? If you’ve shot a gun before, how many different types of guns have you shot?  aajsfsjwoejieoqo NO. Do you feel uncomfortable sharing things like artwork or poetry you’ve written? Is it because you don’t think it’s good enough to show off or because it’s too personal?  OMFG YES I DON'T SHARE SHIT BECAUSE IT'S PERSONAL AND I GET EMBARRASSED TOO EASILY. For those who have anxiety, has anyone ever told you that you just need to calm down and actually face your fears? Were you insulted or frustrated by this comment? OH HI COLLEEN AND NO SHIT. Do you have any siblings you absolutely despise? Why do you despise them?  No. Do knives scare you? Is it from watching scary movies?  Yes, and no.  Their pain/torture capability is terrifying. Say lyrics from the song currently playing?  "It's more than a feeling, more than a feeling when I hear that old song they used to play." If you HAD to get a piercing (not ears) what would you get?  At this very moment, nose.  Once you can see my collarbones again, I'm getting them pierced. How many closets does your house have?
  Three. What has been your most epic cooking failure?
  Uhhhh maybe when I completely split a hot dog open in the microwave lmao. What was the last single item you spent over $100 on?
  A plane ticket. Have you ever climbed a chain-link fence?  Yes. What is your LEAST favorite Disney animated movie? I've never liked The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Who was the last person’s house you went to besides your own? Nicole and Allison's new place. Do you enjoy the birds' singing in the morning?  Yesssss<3 List these apple types from greatest to worst: green, red, yellow.  Red, yellow, green. On YouTube, who are two people you find hilarious?  GameGrumps are fucking hysterical, then one can probably guess Markiplier is an absolute hilarious goof to me. If you had to live in a palace, what would be the color scheme?  Black and pink because #aesthetic. Favorite dinosaur?  SPINOSAURUS. What is the best part of fall?  The colors. <3 Favorite style of hat? No fucking shame I love fedoras. How do you eat Oreos?  Split them apart to eat the center first.  Or dip them in milk.  Now I want Oreos. Name the first vine that you can think of. I cOuLd'Ve dRopPeD mY cRoIsSaNt. Beyonce vs Rihanna?  Beyonce is a Queen. What’s fake about you? Like extensions, fake nails, botox etc.  Hair color? Have you ever gotten into a Facebook fight?  Yup, with an ignorant woman regarding depression. What are your favorite smells? Lilac, honeysuckle, bakeries, coffee... Do you shave your pits?  Yes. Do you know anyone who has been on life support, and survived?  No. What light in your house was the last to have a bulb burn out?  Living room. Have you ever been in an abandoned house?  Yes. What is your favorite phase of the moon? Full. What season do you want to get married in?  Autumn. Besides the USA, what is your favorite country?  Maybe Scotland?  I wanna visittt. Would you rather go to Europe or Asia? Europe. Would you rather go to Africa or Australia?  Africa. Would you rather go to Mexico or Canada?  Canada. Are there such things as stupid questions?  Yes. Did you get in trouble for cussing on accident when you were a kid? Yes I literally yelled "HOLY SHIT" in the car lmao. What’s the highest you can count in a different language? 11 in German.  Don't remember 12... Where would you like to be buried?  I would rather be cremated and have a good bit of my ashes returned to the earth while my loved ones keep some. Do you think emo/scene hair is attractive? I'm fucking weak for that shit. Have you ever had yourself drawn in caricature?  No. Have you ever seen a ghost orb picture?  Yes. Do you think abortion should be illegal? No. How many keys are on your key-ring?  One. What are some piercings you want?  Collarbones, nose, TONS more in ears, maybe bellybutton once I'm a skinny legend again.  Maybe dermals in my lower back... maybe. Dogs or cats? Why?  Cats.  More chill, less maintenance. Do any of your pets have strange habits? Explain?  Teddy likes to dig and go in a thousand circles before lying down. Have you ever told an extremely inappropriate joke?  Lmao yes. What is your favorite non-traditional fruit? Pomegranate, probs. What's your favorite older film? The Outsiders. Aliens or unicorns?  Unicorns. Where did you meet your current or last significant other?  YouTube. Would you ever get a face tattoo? There's a small chance I'll get a small, red heart at the corner/below my left eye. If you asked your mom to describe you, what do you think she’d say? I've got a pretty good idea what she'd say: I'm very smart (yeah right, Mom), super creative, unique, and quiet. What is the one thing you'd most like to change about the world? LESS VIOLENCE. What are you most grateful for? My recovery, my girlfriend, my mom, my dad, my psychiatrist and therapist, my improving physical and mental health, my resilience... I have a lot to be grateful for. Who is the most interesting person you've ever met?  My Sara Jane. When do you love yourself most? When people tell me I help them. What would you most readily die for?  Sara. What single word do you hate most?  The "f" word regarding gays. Who in life have you felt the strongest need to protect? Sara. What would you most like to be remembered for after you die?  My mental endurance. What's the biggest surprise you've ever had in bed? Waking up because Jason was caressing my breasts. What is the most sacred thing in your life?  My mental health. Who have you most feared in your life? My dad.  Thank goodness that's not something I have to fear anymore. What was the quickest friendship you ever made? Maybe Priscilla. What single word would you use to most accurately describe your parents?  Dedicated. What is the worst word anyone ever used to describe you? A martyr, but not in the "I'll die for what I believe" way.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #112

“i’m like a jesus crisis.”

Have you ever kissed someone who was drunk?  He wasn't wasted or anything, but I'm pretty sure he was drunk with how ungodly talkative he was, and was way more expressive of emotions than he naturally was. Do you like going to weddings?  I do again now.  Although I haven't been to one since recovery, I'm sure I'd handle it fine and actually be happy this time.  I need to get more comfortable in that setting since I'd actually really like a big part of my hopeful photography career to be weddings.  Such a big celebration of love is something I adore.  I already just like taking pictures of couples. Who was the last person you know who became pregnant?  BECAME pregnant, uh, I think a person I'm actually doing pictures for in January. Beach, city, or mountains?  M O U N T A I N S.  DAMMIT they're so beautiful. You get a call at 2:00 a.m. - your first thought is:  My instinctive answer to this question is, "is something wrong with Sara?"  I live with my mom and sister, so it wouldn't be them, and it's not like Ashley calls me if there's trouble, she'd call Mom.  Dad would call Ashley.  She's pretty much the only thing that would come to mind if someone called me at 2:00 A.M. Future names of your children:  I'm not having kids, but I'd absolutely name my daughter Alessandra and my son probably Luther, Vincent, or Victor. How much does your mother know about your sex life (or lack thereof)?  She's aware I'm a virgin but have "done things." Are any of your siblings married? What are their spouses’ names?  Nick and very recently Joshua.  I don't know if one's married or anything whatsoever, two are in relationships, idk about my brother. Do you think age matters in relationships?  In romantic relationships, yes. What brand of face wash do you use?  Biore. What’s the last letter of your last name?  S Did your parents give you an allowance as a kid?  No, we couldn't afford to do that. Would you ever consider moving to another country for your career?  No, and that's the reason I'm not pursuing being a meerkat biologist. Do you have any lingerie? Lol no, no one wants to see me in that. What was the shortest amount of time you knew someone before dating them?  A few weeks.  Maybe a little less than a month. What is your favorite app on your phone?  Fuckin' thanks Sara, DragonVale.  I love Pinterest more when I actually go on it, but I don't use it a lot. Which of your pets were you closest to in your lifetime?  The dog I have now, Teddy. Who are you most proud of?  Myself.  I don't mean that in an arrogant way, but seriously.  I don't over-exaggerate what I've been through, but I don't make it sound lesser than what it was, either.  I know I should be proud. When you’re eating pizza do you add anything like crushed peppers, parmesan cheese or hot sauce to it?  No.  Jason got me into adding hot sauce to jalapeno pizza (we wanted death, I know), but I don't do it now.  Loved it, but I think it being slightly less hot was more enjoyable. When was the last time that you plucked your eyebrows?  I've never plucked them; I used to get them waxed, but no longer do.  Don't see the point- they're just going to grow back, and quickly, and I'm not wasting money on that maintenance.  It's not like normal eyebrows are hideous anyway. Do you ever argue or debate with people about your beliefs? I will avoid this at all costs.  I hate it. When’s the last time you had Sunny D? Holy moly, I couldn't tell you.  But it used to sometimes give me heartburn, so I could only fucking imagine drinking it now if I hadn't taken my heartburn medication. Would you turn a family member in if you see them commit murder?  Duh. Would you risk your life to save a total stranger? A total stranger, honestly, no.  I don't know anything about that person.  Could be a piece of shit. Have you ever embarrassed someone intentionally in public? I don't remember ever doing so, and I never could now.  As someone with AvPD, I know how fucking awful embarrassment can be.  Plus it's just rude to try to make someone uncomfortable like that. Are you more likely to believe a man or woman? I'm perfectly aware this is wrong, but a woman.  I'm afraid of and don't trust men. Are you satisfied with the picture on your ID card?  Hell no.  Thank God I look like a totally different person now. What fruit did you last eat?  Hmmm, maybe strawberries? What font do you use most? I prefer Garamond for basic things. Are you allergic to anything? Pollen, big time, and silver. Where is your dad from? Ohio.  ... Or maybe he was born in Michigan but grew up in Ohio.  Idk. Aside from your own, whose house did you last set foot into?  Ashley's co-worker's. What was the first thing you learned how to cook? Scrambled eggs.  And it's still the only thing I know how to cook lmao. What are some wild animals commonly found where you live?  Squirrels and birds are the only things you commonly see.  But you'll see a deer sometimes, too, and more rarely a rabbit.  I think I've seen a fox once in my entire life.  Oh yeah, you'll see possums and raccoons sometimes at night. Does it take a lot to make you cry?  Noooope.  Well, yes to physical pain. What’s the longest hospital stay you’ve had? For what?  Uhhh I think I was there for two weeks.  Mental stuff. Do you know any same-sex married couples?  Hm... I actually don't think I personally do. Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex?  There was a point where we dated, Jason was like my only real life friend lol, so he was.  Now I call my girlfriend my best friend, but if you don't include s/os, then my current one would be a guy. Skim, 1%, 2% or whole milk?  Eh, probably 2%. Was the last person you kissed physically attractive? Personally, I wasn't physically attracted to him.  But he's definitely not an ugly guy or anything. Do you prefer to say “haha” or “lol?”  I'd say I use them just about the same amount... maybe "lol" more? How many stories does your house have?  One. Were you dreams very vivid as a child? Yes. Do you eat meat?  If you do, what is your justification for it? Yes.  One, the human diet is meant to contain meat.  It's much easier for our bodies to receive the nutrients it needs with meat.  Two, it's part of population control.  Yes, I know, you could argue the exact same for humans, but it's not like a sane person's gonna start eating humans.  Three, it's just the food chain.  Humans are on top of it.  The process of killing an animal for food seems horrible and cruel, I know, and I doubt I personally could do it unless it was a survival situation, but I don't see it as morally wrong. Do you think that time travel is a possibility?  I don't think it's possible, really.  And if it ever happened, you can bet we'd fuck shit up. Do you enjoy night or day better?  I've actually gotten to where I enjoy day.  I strangely have a much higher chance of experiencing anxiety at night, which has kinda turned me away from it.  Plus I have more energy and am generally in a better mood over all in the early day. Have you ever been to a protest? No.  But the more and more passionate I get about gay rights, I'd absolutely partake in a *peaceful* protest regarding that subject now if one was nearby. Worst decision you ever made?  Let a heavily flawed person essentially become God to me. Do you like to hang out with friends one-on-one or in groups? Eh, depends on the mood of those who would be involved, including myself. Bambi or Nemo?  Nemo.  I've actually never seen Bambi, but I love Nemo.  Lil cutie. Do you have any of your exes as friends on Facebook?  Don and Aaron, yeah.  Well wait, Juan too, but I barely even consider him an ex. Has your partner ever accused you of cheating, when you actually didn’t? No. If your hair is long, would you ever think about having it cut short? Or, if it’s short, would you like to grow it long?  I have a short portion on the left and then the rest is shoulder-length.  After seeing myself with a bit of short hair, I'm thinking of getting a purely short haircut eventually.  Built my confidence up when Mom said she thought I'd probably look nice with a short hairstyle after seeing my new haircut.  It'd be something different. What area of science interests you the most?  Genetics. Have you ever been in an inflatable bouncy house? Yeah. Do you think there will be a WWIII?  Yes, eventually.  I don't think humanity's going anywhere too soon, and there's too many militant people. What are things you’re exceptionally good at? Uh.  Going into full-blown panic mode over stupid shit??  That's my specialty. Do you have any good book ideas?  I think a ton of the stories within my friend group's RP would make amazing novels, but I highly doubt any of us will ever actually make books about it. In all honesty, can a person be too nice?  Mixed feelings.  I just don't think some people deserve being nice to, but a part of me says you should treat everyone with kindness regardless, all the while not letting people get away with shit. Is mental abuse really as bad as physical abuse?  Fuck yes it can be.  Some people will take one worse than the other, but both are fucking awful.  Both can ruin someone's life. Zelda Twilight Princess or Ocarina of Time? I have zero interest in Zelda. Do you own a rosary? I'm sure I have one somewhere.  I was raised Roman Catholic, and essentially every Catholic has one. What's the hardest game you've ever played?  Fucking Dark Souls.  I gave it a good effort, but did nooot get that far.  The difficulty honestly drained all the fun out of it.  The hardest game I've ever beaten, uhhh... omg.  Maybe it was just my age/when I played it, but "The Legend of Spyro: The Eternal Night" was so.  Fucking.  Hard.  It literally took me a year or so playing it on-and-off to beat it.  Fantastic game, but my god it was hard.  "Parasite Eve" was also pretty damn hard (mostly thanks to the last boss, jc), but I definitely beat it faster. Would you ever try Fear Factor for one million dollars? Why or why not?  No, wouldn't see the point in wasting the time.  I KNOW I would never get past the second day where you eat some crazy shit.  Nope.  Couldn't do most things they do due to me being a germaphobe, either. If you have a camera, when do you use flash? I never do because I hate the lighting personally, plus the red eyes are just no.  I'd need to learn more about properly using it. What do you call your grandparents? Grammy and Grandpa. What color do you usually paint your nails? I don't paint my nails. Do you look better with red lipstick or black lipstick?  I personally think black.  It fits me better. How many times have you actually been in love?  Once.  I'm not to that point in my current relationship, but I most certainly love her.  There's a difference. How many pills do you take a day?  Five. Have you ever been around someone who was high?  Yeah. Do you want a church wedding?  Definitely not, that's way too traditional for my taste. Have you ever met any celebrities? Lol you don't meet celebrities among my interests in NC.  One day. Have you ever tried archery?  No, but I was interested in it once. Favorite foreign food? Hm.  I'm not sure. Were your ancestors royalty? I only know of Queen Victoria. Does your house have air conditioning throughout, or do you have one that sits in your window? Throughout. Would you ever move to Canada? Sure.  I mean it wouldn't be my first pick for sure, but there's beautiful landscapes, and it at least seems to have way less drama than here. What about Kansas?  Tornado Alley?  Fuck that shit. When you go swimming, do you put your hair up or down?  I keep it down. What do you think is the coolest piercing on someone else?  Ohhh.  This really depends on the person.  Coolest... probably collarbone dermals.  If mine were actually prominent and dermals didn't make me nervous, I'd probably have them.  They're beautiful, but seem super painful.  And risky. Are you attracted to girls?  I've pretty quickly realized I'm more attracted to them than men both physically and emotionally. Growing up what were your favorite cartoon characters?  I loved both Pikachu and Ash. Do you know anyone in a wheelchair?  I don't believe so. If heaven or hell didn’t exist and wasn’t a reward would you still make an effort in being a good person? Duh. Do you want your kids to go to church, synagogue, temple, mosque? Why?  If I had kids, I wouldn't force them to go.  I don't even go. Do you think starting a gofundme is begging or helpful?  It can be either depending on the reason and person's honest intentions. Could you put your dreams on hold to support your bf/gf pursuing theirs? On hold?  Yes. How long should sex last?  It depends on the couple and how they're feeling.  But once one person wants to stop, you stop. Five year plan? Go!  Move out and have a stable job.  Those are the main two things.  Other things will fall into place. Can you be content if you are physically uncomfortable?  I couldn't be. Do you have pictures of your friends, and family in your bedroom? No. How old were you when you went on your first date?  That was like 7th grade, don't know age.  Me, Aaron, and I think two other friends went to a roller rink.  It was enough of a date for middle schoolers lol. Have you ever had surgery, if so for what?  Tubes put in ears when I was 2, pilonidal cyst surgery July this year. Have you ever seen a shark, and if so, were you scared? Never in the wild, just in aquariums.  They never scared me.  Such majestic creatures.  Now if I saw one in the ocean, yeah, I'd be scared. Have you ever gone fishing, or is that totally yucky? Fishing with Dad may just hold my all-time favorite childhood memories.  One of my most cherished memories is this time Dad, Nicole, and I woke up really early to go out on the boat at the nearby river to fish 'til around noon, when activity slows down.  So peaceful and beautiful out there, I'd love to fish there again with him.  I remember it so clearly that I can recall I packed those tiny 3 Musketeers chocolates and Nicole brought Snickers, lol.  Didn't have breakfast since we left so early.  Man... so many good memories related to fishing. Do you enjoy museums, or think they are totally boring? I.  LOVE.  Museums. Do you think illegally downloading things is wrong?  My conscience says yes.  You're stealing.  Yet I still download music.  Oops. Have you and your friend ever liked the same guy/girl?  Not that I know of. Do you tell your best friend everything?  I tell Sara just about every little thing. Ever taken any lessons for anything? Guitar lessons, yeah. Do you call it pop, soda, or fizzy drink?  Soda. Do you like french fries, cheese and gravy mixed together? Uh, that sounds horrid, even without the fact I hate gravy. Do you live in a house, apartment, or what? House. How hot does the temperature get in the summer where you live?  Mid-high 90s, low 100s.  Sometimes high 80s. When was the last time you had a headache? What about stomachache?  Headache, a couple days ago or so.  I get them a lot.  Stomachache, not since I got sick two or so months back. Where is your second home?  Uh.  I guess my dad's? Honestly, could you live without your computer?  Honestly, after being exposed to one for so long, I couldn't live happily, no.  Not unless I just adjusted to not having one after a very, very long time, but I don't even know if that would happen. What is more annoying, people who take forever to reply to texts or when they only say ‘K’? I stg do not reply to me with just "k." Is family the most important thing in your life? If not, what is? My definition of family is different than the traditional.  Just like friends, for me, you pick "real" family.  Say I'm related to an absolute asshole; by actual definition, they'd be family, but to me, nope.  I can put other people above "actual" family, so to answer the question, not necessarily. After taking a shower, do you change in the bathroom or the bedroom?  Bathroom. Are you completely over your last relationship?  There was nothing to get over.  I never got to where I loved him and doubt I ever could.  It was just awkward. Last 3 movies you watched?  "Monster House," "Corpse Bride," and uhhh... pretty sure "Coraline." Do you get stage fright?  Well, when I used to dance, it wasn't that bad since I was with others.  Now, I'm not so sure how I'd be. When was the last time you read a whole book, to the last page exactly?  February. Did you ever actually have a rubber duck? Pretty sure yes. Do you love your computer? MY laptop, yes.  The one I currently have to use, ew. Is there an outdoor movie theater where you live?  No. Have you ever seen your mom or dad drunk?  Both.  Mom claimed she wasn't, but I think she was. Do your parents vote? Mom does, idk about Dad. What’s your favorite thing to eat during a movie? Popcorn. Do you like cherry Pepsi? I like cherry Coke. Would you rather live without your Facebook or Tumblr? Facebook. What Lisa Frank character is your favorite?  Ohhh, the angelic cat. If you inherited a large sum of money what is the first thing you’d buy?  A train ticket. What did you do with your baby teeth when they fell out?  Mom kept them. What is the last thing you took a photograph of?  My snake. <3 Do you have a bookshelf? If so, just one or how many?  It's technically a bookshelf I think, but we store our DVDs there. If you answered yes to the above, are your books ordered in a special way? The DVDs are in alphabetical order. If dinosaurs could be tamed, would you want one as a pet? If they were guaranteed to not attack their owners/be docile and I could care for it appropriately, sure, I'd keep a smaller raptor. What type of souvenir do you usually purchase when on vacation? It's not consistent. If you could choose only one thing from Walmart, what would it be?  Hot fries or Takis, depending on my mood. Would you rather get highlights or dye your whole head?  Dye everything.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #107

“i love everything you do, when you call me fuckin’ dumb for the stupid shit i do.”

The beach or the pool?  The pool.  Cleaner, less risk, no sand. Do you have many internet friends?  Most of my friends are online. Do you think those friendships are on level with your real life ones?  Shit, I'm closer to some online friends more than I am "real" ones. Did you name all of your dolls and stuffed animals?  I think I might've...  I know I named the ones I really loved. Is your middle name plain?  Pretty sure it's one of the most common middle names. Do you like Resident Evil games?  RE4 is in my top 10 fave games.  I've played some of the original RE, but I didn't like it.  Controls were awful and I didn't find the story all that interesting.  I played like the first 30 minutes of RE6 with Jason, but for some reason we never finished it?  I'd love to play more, even though I've heard it was terrible.  Def wanna play the 7th too bc Leon is love.  Eeeeven though I heard that one was awful, too. What would you say is your WORST phobia?  I actually recently found out what pisanthrophobia (fear of trusting people due to negative, past relationships) is, and it is 100% that. Do you wish your last name was more interesting? Sure, I don't like my last name. If you wrote a novel, would you give the characters ordinary names?  Some would be, some wouldn't be. What’s your favorite leaf color?  Orange. Have you ever had a close friend get knocked up early?  I don't know why the term "knocked up" is annoying to me, but whatever.  Anyway, no. Have you yourself ever gotten close to getting pregnant? No. If you were to get pregnant as a teen, what would happen? Have the baby and give it up for adoption. Do you have any pictures of you kissing someone? A few exist, but I no longer have any. Are you afraid of needles?  No.  I mean the idea of getting a deep shot is unpleasant, but I'm not afraid of them. Do you find piercing attractive or unattractive? It really depends on the piercing and the person, but usually attractive. What's your most popular post? I actually made a gif of Chica and Mark almost two months ago (this isn't my main blog obvs.) that took way too long and Mark actually reblogged it (he controls his own social media) and????  A whale-like sob escaped from the very core of my soul?????  And I couldn't sleep for two days?????? Manga or anime?  Anime, I don't read.  I've never read manga, actually. A card game that you're good at? None. Favorite flavors of ice cream?  My favorite is vanilla with chocolate syrup, but I also like plain chocolate or moose tracks. Have you ever overcome a disease that was life-threatening and, if so, which one?  No. Have you ever sent a text to the wrong person? Yes, but thankfully nothing embarrassing.  I've come close, though. Do you like Subway?  Yes, but I always get the same thing there. Would you rather lose your best friend or your boyfriend? *girlfriend, but I'd rather lose my other best friend. Have you ever dated someone in secret?  My relationship now is secret to most people in my face-to-face life.  I mean I wouldn't lie if I was asked, but I'm not going to tell most people otherwise for a few reasons. Do you ever send people good morning texts?  Sara, sometimes. Do you kiss your pets? I kiss Teddy.  I would happily kiss Venus is it wasn't for salmonella. Would your parents approve of you dating someone of a different race? Yes. How old is the oldest person you know? Hm... I'm not sure.  Maybe this woman my mom used to watch; I met her once, and she was such a sweetie.  I think she was almost 90. Have you ever had to put your hand over someone’s mouth to keep them quiet?  Yes. Do you have an accent?  People tell me I don't really have one, even people from outside the state, but with some words, people can tell I'm from the south. Do you own any figurines? Of what? I have one of a small dragon. How long does it usually take you to get to sleep?  Now that I take Melatonin, like, 15-20 minutes I'd guess. What was the last picture you took with your phone?  My dog because he was being precious. Do you have trouble waking up in the morning? What gets you up and awake? I tend to lie there for a while, so kinda?  And I just get up once I'm not incredibly drowsy. What is one thing you and your best friend have in common physically? With Colleen, we both have blue eyes, with Sara, we both have brown hair. Now based on your interests, what is one thing you both have in common?  Sara, we both love reptiles, with Colleen... Jesus, like nothing. Where do your grandparents live? Florida (but she stays in New York a lot) and Michigan. When is the last time you went out to dinner with a friend? Where did you go? Who paid?  Earlier this month with Dad.  We went to a Mexican restaurant whose name I can't remember.  Aaaand I hate Mexican food. Do you get excited when you learn you have to dress up?  Not really.  Too much work. What’s your ideal first date?  Don't have one.  Plenty of things can be fun with different people with different interests. If you type for awhile, do your fingers start to hurt?  Boi step yo game up that's some amateur shit *doesn't mention how I have carpal tunnel so my wrist disagrees* Chinese or Mexican food?  Hate Mexican food and don't like much Chinese, but Chinese. Are you the type of person who would study for a test for hours?  No.  I'm not willing to invest THAT much time into studying. Do you hate when you’re in a good mood and one person ruins your mood?  Ha, yeah.  People can do that easily for me. What’s worse: Rude people, two faced people or fake people?  Rude or two-faced. Does your house have a doorbell?  Shit, does it? o_o  I don't think so... Do you know someone who has dropped out of high school?  A few. Has your Facebook ever been hacked?  I don't think so. Twitter, Tumblr or Facebook?  I love Tumblr so much help I didn't want this. Do you have any quotes on your bedroom walls?  The serenity prayer, yes. Do you wear earrings?  Ugh no because all of mine are silver, which I'm allergic to.  I want to get gold or surgical steel ones so I can actually wear them, I like earrings. Is your WiFi protected?  Yes. Does your phone have a cover on it?  No, but I'd like one. Would you ever lie about your past?  Already am about some things to people in my "real" life. Some say that high school is the best time of your life. Was that true for you? It was in some ways, others not. Is it good to have pride in your own race or does that separate people from each other because it makes them think of everyone else as ‘outsiders’?  It's perfectly fine to feel proud of your race as long as you don't look down on others. What’s the bravest or most daring thing you have ever done? Shit, probably speak my mind to my mom since she's scary as fuck when I disagree with her. Who owes you an apology? A number of people. Who deserves an apology from you? My dad deserves another, for one. Is a prenuptial agreement necessary or does it take the romance and trust out of marriage? Fucking destroys trust, imo. Know of any conspiracy theories you think might be credible?  Not off the top of my head.  I do find the theory of the moon landing being fake very interesting and there is some compelling evidence, but I still believe it was real.  It's my fave theory, though. How do you go about losing weight?  I don't eat nearly enough most days. What is the worst mistake you’ve ever made? Overdosing.  I mean it led to my recovery, but I could've achieved that in a different way. Are you patriotic?  Not especially, but I don't hate America either. When you ask people how they are doing you actually care about their answer or is it just polite?  Yes, I care. Would you consider yourself to be very polite?  In most ways, yes. Which group generally annoys you more, people older than you, or people younger than you?  Younger. What do you think of crop circles?  They're interesting, but I don't blame them on aliens. Have you ever written graffiti on anything?  Nope. Should birth control be taught in high school? How about in jr. high or elementary school?  Around 4th/5th grade. Some kids start having sex early, and it's about this time where a girl can get pregnant. Do you use bad grammar or hate bad grammar?  I only ever use it sarcastically or comedically. Last time you fed your pets? My mom always feeds all the dogs simultaneously, and Venus hasn't wanted to eat since I got her.  If she doesn't eat by mid-November, then I'll be concerned (already kinda am). Do you know/ have you met your significant other’s ex?  I know Sara's online but obviously never "met" him. What do you think about censorship in music?  I honestly think both versions should exist.  Some people don't like profanity and I don't believe children should hear it. Do you have any of your teachers on MySpace/Facebook?  I have a few. Have you seen your family tree? Someone made one, but I've never seen it. What are you most likely to do first in the morning; grab a cup of coffee, have a cigarette, or use the bathroom?  Use the bathroom.  I don't smoke and I hate coffee. What are you most likely to do when you are upset; talk to somebody you’re close to, cry yourself to sleep, or bottle it up inside?  I've finally learned how to talk to someone. What are you most likely to do if you get drunk; pick fights, hook up with people, or socialize with anybody & everybody? Never been drunk, but apparently I'm seriously giggly and social when I'm tipsy. What are you most likely to pick if you got to choose your topic on a research paper; drug abuse, mental illness, or the death penalty? Oh, I can write a damn novel on mental illness. What are you most likely to do if there are no good surveys floating around at the time; make some new surveys for yourself & everyone else to take, bitch & complain about how there are no good surveys then take a survey you don’t even feel like taking, or go find something else to do besides taking surveys?  Oh hun.  I get surveys from about a billion sources so I will never run out. *cackles* Do you hold grudges or forgive easily? If someone is truly sorry, I forgive easily. In a relationship, how important are looks? I don't care.  I care about your personality.  Sure, it's nice to be attracted physically to your s/o, but it's not a determining factor on whether I date you or not. Do you have to know someone for a while before you will date them?  I mean I won't date someone too quickly, no, but we don't have to have known each other for months or anything.  Jason and I started dating I don't even think two weeks after meeting, and we had a great relationship for almost four years 'til the end. What do you consider the greatest threat to mankind?  Hm, deep question... probably lack of compassion. Describe your music taste in one word:  Consistent. In the event of a zombie apocalypse, where would you go to hide?  Ideally a brick building or something likewise. Who’s your favorite character on That '70s Show? AHHHHH I LOVE THAT SHOW!!  Probably Hyde.  Maybe Kitty.  But I love them all omg <3  All the characters are SO memorable. Do you fangirl/fanboy over anyone?  hahahahahahahhHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH Have you ever said 'I love you’ and didn’t mean it?  I've said it back to Mom when I feel that I didn't, though I know I did. Use one word to describe your last kiss. Awkward. How much is gas where you live? Two-something.  Mid twos. What has caused you to reinvent yourself or reevaluate who you are? Absolutely Holly Hill.  It saved my life.  I looked at my situation in a totally different light. Short, knee, or ankle skirts?  I tend to aesthetically like those that are a little above the knee. What couldn’t you live your life without? My mom.  I don't think I'd survive.  She's the one who makes sure I keep myself on the right path. Would you be on that who wants to marry a millionaire show as a contestant?  1.) Why the fuck would I marry someone just for money and 2.) why the fuck would I want to go into a relationship with someone I just met. Is it easier to live when you’re evil? Sure, no remorse. <<< Yeah. Have you ever given blood?  Once. Are you a miracle? I consider every single life a miracle; it's the source of one tattoo I have.  This world being created and adapted as it has is miraculous enough, and then the odds of you exactly being conceived is SO fucking rare. Can musicians be held responsible for influencing people to behave badly?  No.  People make their own choices, lyrics don't change that. What annoys you the most about yourself?  I immediately assume the worst end result of any situation. Is it better for people to change and evolve their ideas or always be consistent?  It depends on the belief. Do you want a girl or a boy as your first born?  I don't want kids, but if I did, definitely a girl. Do you have any embarrassing usernames?  Eh, don't like some anymore, but no. Have you ever scratched yourself until your skin was raw?  I have six long scars on my left shin (one being the worst scar on my body) and four more mild ones on my right front scratching the fuck out of them after I shave and then shower.  I don't know why the fuck it happens, but it's awful.  Even lotion doesn't really help. What is the longest essay or research paper you have written?  Ten or so pages. Do you worry about being judged by other people?  I shouldn't be but I'm heavily concerned with it. If someone doesn’t like you, do you usually want to know the reason?  Duh.  I want to know if it's petty or something I can improve on. Can you do a flip on a trampoline?  I used to do front flips, but I was too scared to do back flips because I had this intense fear of breaking my neck or something.  Stopped entirely because of that fear. Does your doctor freak you out?  She doesn't freak me out, she's just unfriendly. Does it annoy you when people’s eyebrows are a different color than hair?  Don't care. Has your grandma ever cussed in front of you before?  More like at me.  But in front of me, too, once or twice. What primary color is your Christmas tree?  Green.  I want a black one, man, but since it's a family thing, it's obviously not just up to me. What’s the best camera brand?  I think it's technically Canon. Where do you go fishing at?  Dad and I haven't gone in forever, but it was pretty much always somewhere on the Tar River or Sapony Creek. How old were your parents when you were born?  Uhhh I don't have my parents' ages memorized, but Mom was around 35 and Dad's one year younger than her. Is there one song that you know all the lyrics to? A decent number, yeah. Has a cat/dog ever thrown up on your bed?  Omg no I'd never sleep on that bed again pretty much. Have you ever had a concussion? Ugh, yes.  Can't even explain how bad it was. Have you seen the movie "The Dark Knight?"  You can't date the world's biggest Joker fan and not at some point. Do you know anyone who has a pet gecko? Summer has a leopard gecko and he's super-duper cute. Is there an animal that you’re afraid of? Maggots and slugs are the worst, whale sharks, some spiders and bugs. Kissed someone who was a really bad kisser?  Tbh. Gotten in trouble for public displays of affection? OKAY SO.  Jason and I used to ride the bus home together and one day I was falling asleep in his lap, and he was too.  Our friends were joking around and yelled something along the lines of us being too affectionate, so the bus driver came back to see what was up, and she looked so confused when she saw we were just trying to sleep lmao.  But she still told us to just sit next to each other.  Looking back on it, it was funny. Do you get bad hangovers?  Never had one. Have you ever sent a friend request to someone who you thought was someone different? No but true shit the only reason I accepted Jason's friend request was because I thought he was a different Jason lmao. Have you ever chatted with someone on webcam?  No because it's awkward as fuck.  Wait.  I did once with Jason.  Never again.  Jeez, three questions I've mentioned him in the last four ones.  Ew. Have you ever solved a Rubik’s cube? I ain't got the patience for that shit. Are you embarrassed/uncomfortable dancing in front of other people? YUP.  One reason why I don't. Do you ever drink directly from beverage containers because you don’t want to dirty a cup? No, because I don't want other people drinking my backwash??  This is such a backwards question. If you carry a purse, roughly how big is it? What do you carry in it? It's small.  Phone, iPod, wallet, keys, hand sanitizer, a few other miscellaneous things I may need. Of all the pets you have had throughout your life, which one has meant the most to you? Is there a reason why?  My current dog Teddy.  He's an absolute angel that adores me probably even more than I adore him.  He's been an important part of my life for 11 years, and I could never love a literal child more. Imagine it is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you? My mom 'cuz she'd kill a bitch. Is love a commitment to one person, or can you love more than one person at the same time?  I believe it's totally possible to be interested in more than one people, but love?  Only one.  I believe loving someone is about putting him/her above all others. What is your favorite kind of incense?  Omg I had this one, red incense that smelled fucking AMAZING, but I don't remember what it was called! D: Who is the most immature person you know?  *winks @ Sara* Do you read your friend’s surveys? Yes, because it's a cool way to learn usually miscellaneous things about them you wouldn't have known. If you had to get a tattoo tomorrow, what would you pick?  I wouldn't want to get one tomorrow, actually.  I want to get a Markiplier tattoo I designed for Christmas, and I'm going to estimate it'll be around $150-$200 (I'm not good at estimating tat prices, so take that with a grain of salt), so I want to be sure we have money for that first.  Literally the only thing I'm asking for for Christmas, I just don't ask for much anymore. How do you feel about band tattoos?  I'm not against them or anything, but I'm not sure I'll ever get one. What piercing do you like most on the opposite sex? Opposite or same, lip piercings. What brand of hair dye do you prefer to use? Splat is the only kind that's ever actually made the color stick for months.  Won't use anything but that anymore. Would you ever get your hips pierced?  No, seems painful as fuck and dangerous with pants and all, and I'm not skinny enough to look good with them. Have you ever gone to court? Not for a "real" trial, but I did have to give my reasoning as to why I felt I should be discharged from the hospital earlier (I think they wanted me there a month) to a judge, and it was one of the most nerve-wracking things ever.  I did win the case, though. Would you ever want to swim with the sharks?  No.  I'm not necessarily scared of sharks and even believe they're immensely misunderstood, but I don't trust a shark enough to swim with it. Do you like sushi? I can pretty much guarantee I'd absolutely loathe it.  Never trying. What is the worst thing that could possibly happen to you? Relapsing.  I will fucking not go through that again. Who is your favorite visual artist?  NukeRooster and Culpeo-Fox of dA.  Their styles are super recognizable and just wonderful.  I actually want a tattoo of one of NukeRooster's pieces ("Denialism") and actually got her permission, but it would be INCREDIBLY expensive with how intricate it is, so it's gonna be a looooong time 'til that happens. How old were you when you figured out what you wanted to do for a career?  Lmao last month, so 21. Is there anyone with whom you would like to be better friends? A LOT of people.  Mostly online friends, but some irl too. Who was the last person you cried in front of?  Mom. Do you like pretzels?  I have a massive preference for soft ones, but I'll eat either. Do any of your friends have children?  My best friend's pregnant and I have some friends I used to be closer to who have young kids. Would you rather cry in public or make someone else cry in public?  I'd rather cry, but either would suck. Would you rather re-live today forever or not live?  I have absolutely zero desire for immortality. Have you ever truly thought you knew who you were going to marry?  Yeah. Who was the last person of the opposite sex to be in your bedroom?  I actually don't think a guy has ever been in this bedroom...  Well, maybe save for when people were helping us move in, but I don't remember. Do you like kissing in public?  Only if it's just a simple peck. Is the male or female body closest to perfection?  I don't think either is "better" than the other. Four guys/girls whom you find attractive:  1.) Mark Fischfuck, 2.) Link Neal, 3.) Hannah Hart is like my biggest female celeb crush, 4.) uhhh... I'm not really sure.  Maybe Johnny Depp? What is your definition of cheating? As soon as you're flirting with someone else in an obviously non-playful way, you're cheating. Do you tend to go for older or younger when looking for someone to date? Older guys for maturity, no preference with girls. When do you want to get married?  I don't have a specific time in mind.  I don't want kids, so it's not like I'm racing the biological clock. Describe your personality in 3 words or less:  Really Fucking Awkward™ What size bed do you have?  Queen How many friends do you have?  Very few that I consider "friends," really.  Around like 10, and most I include are more like... a bit higher than acquaintances, but not really "friends?" What's the worst thing you have ever done?  It's something I don't talk about because it's humiliating to think I've done it. What is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)  Dry as actual fuck. Are you going to change your last name when you get married?  If I marry a man, yes.  If I maybe a girl, depends on whose name sounds better with whose last name lol. What is your phone background?  Lock screen, Mark Fischbach, home screen, the magic sigil from "Shadow of the Colossus." Have you taken self-defense classes?  No, but I should.  Particularly with how much I distrust people. What are you known for among your friends? Being very quiet. The person you would never want to meet? A rapist.  For someone who's never even been harassed, I am fucking terrified of them and rape in general to the point my mother and therapist have asked multiple times if I've ever been molested. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? The divorce.  I would say the breakup, but that, in the end, had an amazing effect on me. Have you ever built a snowman?  Yeah. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?  Vanilla, but sometimes I'm in the mood for chocolate. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?  The picture I did of one of my RP OC's scars to demonstrate how it looked since it was hard to describe. What do you think about babies?  I'm very uncomfortable around them and feel like I can just touch them and they'll break.  And unlike, like, everyone, I don't find newborn/very young babies cute. What is the effect on you of having people physically nearby, if they’re not interacting with you? AWKWARD AS FUCK I GET SO UNCOMFORTABLE.  Like whenever my mom sits on the couch (it's directly outside my door), I have to close it because her being able to see me and me being able to see her is awkward to me.  If I'm sitting in the front seat of a car with someone, I need music on. Have you ever been extremely tired but refused to go to sleep?  I do that a LOT. Have you ever experienced something paranormal? I feel I have at least twice. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve been stuck in traffic?  I don't know.  You don't get AWFUL traffic jams in this part of NC, but we've definitely waited a while. Best field trip experience? The zoo in 5th grade!!  Saw meerkats for the first time and I was fucking ecstatic. How much time do you spend on Facebook, if you have one?  Sometimes I don't go on for days, and if I do, I go through my news feed once and am done. What is the worst thunderstorm you’ve experienced? Maybe this one time when we still lived in Sharpsburg...  Mom came to get us from our friend's house, which was maybe like 15 minutes away, and I was having an absolute panic attack. Favorite episode of Spongebob?  Hm.  Maybe the Slasher one.  Or the pizza one. What bug frightens you most?  Rhinoceros beetles and wasps. Do you hate your weight? Yup.  But it's getting better. What do you usually order on a pizza?  Jalapeno from Domino's, pepperoni from Little Caesar's because their jalapeno is too hot for even me. What is one thing that the Titanic has taught you?  Don't go on a ship in a fucking arctic ocean. What is one thing you dislike about sheep? Why? I'm going to assume they smell bad?  But otherwise, I love sheep, they're super cute. What do you think is an assumption that someone could make about you, just by looking at your Tumblr? Would this assumption be correct?  That I love Mark, Rhett, and Link more than I love myself & they're probably right lmao. Do you sleep with your door closed or open? It's usually open, but I sometimes close it because Bentley annoys the fuck out of me because he comes into my room just to scratch himself relentlessly and get more fur in my room than there already is.  Like he ALWAYS comes to my room just to do this shit.  It's most annoying just because he's obnoxiously loud when he does this and I'm trying to sleep. Do you sometimes need help opening water bottles, Gatorade bottles, etc.? YUP.  My hands are extremely soft, so it hurts easily. What would you say is your number one priority in life right now?  My mental health, 100%. Are you someone who has to hide the things you like around friends? I don't have to, no, but I ABSOLUTELY do.  I'm way too easily embarrassed about what I'm passionate about.  But for some reason I'm not online. Do you like word or picture tattoos better? It depends on the style, how well it is done, and the placement. <<< This. When will your driver’s license expire?  My permit expires in December. If you did, did you have to get a Tetanus shot?  I think?  Isn't that a required vaccination? What color lipstick do you think looks best on you?  Black.  I think me being so pale actually makes it look nice on me. Do you prefer pastel colors or dusty colors? Forests or beaches? Strawberries or bananas? Pastels, forests, strawberries. Do you prefer sunshine or moonlight? Gardening or baking? Flowers or succulents?  Moonlight, neither, uhhh flowers maybe.  Or maybe the latter.  Idk. Do you use emojis when you text or type online?  No, I use emoticons.  It's a fucking miracle if I ever use an emoji. Do you like playing games by yourself or with other people? If you're talking about video games, usually alone. Do you prefer honey or jam? Roses or sunflowers? Oatmeal or cereal?  Jame, roses, probably cereal. Give me a random word in another language. Tell me what it means.  "Erdmännchen" is German for "meerkat." A romantic meal, a trip to a theme park, or go to a concert? Concert, dude. When was the last time you had an alcoholic beverage?  Two months ago because Mom felt like getting Smirnoff's and apparently we have the same favorite (the Jamaican one) and she laughed "well you better drink it before me or Nicole do" so we shared two. Do you believe you'll find someone better than who you're with now?  Honest opinion, I think she's perfect for me.  So finding someone better would surprise me. Do you like pineapple?  YES Would you ever smoke?  No.  I don't fancy cancer, bad breath, and a likely addiction. What was the first thing you are/were excited to do upon turning 21?  Even when I got out of the hospital, I did nothing to celebrate.  There wasn't really anything I looked forward to besides just legally being an adult. You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you?  I don't ever want to be drunk considering I don't like the idea of not having a full grip on myself but if that was to ever hypothetically happen, it'd be Colleen, I'm sure. Do you like hickeys?  If they're not obvious. Do you always answer your texts?  If I have nothing to say, no. Do people ever call you by your last name?  No, I'd hate that.  I don't like my last name, plus it's masculine. What do you most like about making out?  It's just a passionate experience. When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other?  Huh.  Kinda split according to history. Are you too shy to ask someone out?  Apparently not. If an attractive person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it? 1.) Looks are whatever and 2.) I'm not an ass, and even if they broke up, I wouldn't date a disloyal person. Is it hard for you to imagine life away from your hometown?  I don't live in my hometown already. Do you expect to move out in the next year?  That'd be pretty much miraculous. Name something you have always wanted and never got.  An iguana, for one. Do you want a small or big wedding?  I'm sure it'll be pretty small.  I'm not close to enough people to want them to come, but it obviously also depends on who my s/o wants to come. Do you actually participate in gym class, or just stand there? Participated considering you couldn't graduate without it.  Which was fucking stupid. Have you ever found yourself worrying about commitment?  I've never had that fear. Are you dressing up for Halloween this year? I'd like to, but I doubt it. Do you have unlimited texting? Yes. Have you ever slept a whole day away?  Accidentally and I had a massive panic attack because it totally screwed me up. Do you like those ramen noodles?  I actually really dislike ramen.  There was this one spicy kind, though, that I essentially survived off of in the apartment, and it was good.  Don't remember the name, though. What’s your favorite song by Daughtry? "No Surprise" Do you make good first impressions?  I honestly doubt I do because I'll just make it fucking awkward because I'll be uncomfortable. Are you ashamed of your past?  Many parts of it. Name all the social networking sites you use: Just Tumblr and Facebook. Do you watch "The Walking Dead"?  No. Are raisins good?  Omg no.  Disgusting. Do you get cold easily?  I get hot easier. Have either of your parents gone to jail?  No. Do you think homosexuality (anything beside heterosexual) is a choice? I personally believe it's a mutation considering it defies the biological plan, BUT a mutation does not equate to being wrong.  I fully support it.  I don't believe it's a choice either because you can't force yourself to be sexually attracted to a certain gender. Do you wax, pluck, or leave your eyebrows?  Leave them.  Mom takes Nicole and me to get ours waxed for only special occasions.  There's really just no point. Do you like guns? NO.  I'm not into extreme gun control and overall do support the 2nd Amendment (but with some degree of improved control), but I'm personally horrified of them and never want to touch one.  They hold way too much power. Do you sleep with all the lights out, or do you leave a lamp or even the television on? I keep Venus' light on. What do you think of mosh pits?  Seems pretty stupid, honestly.  I've never heard of someone not being in pain after a mosh pit. Do you wear hoop earrings or studs more?  Eh, kinda tied. Have you ever had stitches?  Twice. Does heat seem to drain you of your energy?  Completely. Who do you think has it harder in terms of expectations regarding physical appearance: men, or women?  Elaborate on your choice? Women, easily.  We have an absolute novel of societal expectations. Who is the most emotionally strong person that you know?  I have a number of people in mind, but I don't know about most. Do you feel comfortable staying over at other people's houses for the night? I have to know the person very well. Or would you rather they stayed over at yours?  No, my place is boring as fuck. Do you spend time online when your friends are over?  I'll twiddle on my phone if we're doing nothing, but I don't use my laptop. Do you spend [too much] time texting when you’re around others? No, I try to refrain from texting when I'm with friends. Who was the “bad guy” in the last book you read? That I finished, Ner'zhul was the "main" one if we're being technical, but Arthas was a villain as well. Are you an insomniac? I officially do have insomnia.  I now have to take Melatonin every night if I at all hope to sleep.