#sapphicsalacity

[sapphicsalacity]

19.5.24

I went out with a girl.

She's so different from the previous girl I dated.

I like that.

We're gonna date again soon.

I'm excited.

And I already feel like kissing her.

Which is good... 😏

[sapphicsalacity]

Maybe it's better to part ways.

However, our paths cross again.

Again and again.

[sapphicsalacity]

It's been a few weeks (maybe a month or so?) since I realized I identify as a woman*. Woman* meaning, a woman and a little more than that. I have looked up various gender identities on the internet, some were overlapping, and some weren't. I think multigender makes sense, because I do identify with being a (cis) girl. And I don't feel like a man at all. I feel like I am a woman and a spirit. That might be the best way to put it. Maybe it's multigender or bigender or genderfluid.

Genderfluid feels logical to use because it fluctuates a bit.

I might opt for that one for now.

I know that I don't need to know everything all the time.

I know that certain things might become clear to me as I get older.

Or they might not become clear at all.

Both instances are fine.

I am valid, either way :)

[sapphicsalacity]

I literally re-downloaded a dating app to swipe a bit, only for me to delete it again after a short five minutes.

I don't want to "get to know someone" over text.

I don't want to invest so much time in sending messages instead of having actual in-person conversations.

And then for our dates to still feel like message one.

And people these days ghost.

Or they put up they're not willing to be in a committed relationship, like, this generation longs for connection but does zero to actually achieve it.

I want to meet somebody in-person.

Someone at work, someone at the theater, someone in real life.

And then we'll text and call and go out together.

We'll go on dates (yes, plural).

And we'll be a couple.

That's what I want.

So let's roll the tape. 😎

[sapphicsalacity]

26.5.24

I hope that, in a few years, I will look back on this chapter of my life.

How I seemed to overthink almost everything.

How my deepest fears seemed to reveal themselves to me.

How I became softer and more vulnerable.

To myself and among others.

I hope that, in a few years, I will be excited.

Not just happy, but excited.

Excited to travel the world.

Excited to deal with anything life throws my way.

Excited to be with my friends.

Excited to be with my love.

Excited to have found solace with my family.

Life has felt so incredibly complicated this past year.

And I can't fathom how I have seemed to push through.

Yes, I am still here.

But things have definitely taken a toll on me.

I will create my own solid foundation.

My people.

My job.

My self.

[sapphicsalacity]

50 Gay Date Ideas in 2024 | Plan Your Next Date Night! | Pride Events

[sapphicsalacity]

🥹💜

You are loved.

Reference here

[sapphicsalacity]

"

And when we meet Which I'm sure we will All that was there Will be there still I'll let it pass And hold my tongue And you will think That I've moved on

"

💔

[sapphicsalacity]

18.5.24

I saw them again, as we knew was going to happen.

We spoke briefly.

As they talked, I was reminded how alike we are.

How we understand each other.

Later on, I was speaking to one of their friends.

I could see how they'd keep looking at me whenever I would laugh at their friend's comments.

And, like I said, I wanted to say goodbye to them before I'd leave.

I tapped them on their back and as they got up to face me, I saw a smile in their eyes.

We hugged for a moment.

Their chin rested on my shoulder.

I'll see them when the time is right.

I'll see them again when the time is right.

[sapphicsalacity]

Kissing... 💋

Today has been my fifth date with a girl. It was the third time I kissed her. First time, it was a kiss on the cheek. Second and third time, I kissed her mouth as we said our goodbyes.

I still feel her mouth - and her tongue, I should say - when I'm on my way home. I like kissing her.

But I want to kiss her more.

And more often.

I mean, I could talk about that with her.

Or we could let it happen gradually, organically.

I'm just thinking in what setting it would feel natural (without anyone disturbing us) to kiss her for a long time.

We could meet up at my house or hers.

But maybe that's too soon.

I know I have agency over my actions, and I know I would always ask because her consent is important to me.

So if she were to say no, I would respect that and then we would not meet up at either of our places.

But somewhere in my mind, I wonder why I don't just kiss her if I want to.

Because it's busy wherever we are, okay, valid.

Because it's daylight and people are surrounding us constantly.

Still valid.

But when I kissed them I wanted to kiss them, no matter who would walk past us, cycle past us, drive past us.

Yes, it was nighttime, but I still felt attracted enough to want to kiss them. And then we did.

Do I not want to kiss her, because it feels like that was something they and I shared? Do I not want to kiss her with an open mouth, because it was something they and I did? Do I not want to kiss her because I still have some lingering, nostalgic feelings for them?

I don't know.

I suppose I'll have to be okay with not knowing.

Until I know.

[sapphicsalacity]

Last night I went to the LGBTQ+ Film Festival in Amsterdam.

I watched the Swiss film Rivière and it was so beautiful to watch.

I miss watching those soft but very intense movies.

Recommend it 100%!

[sapphicsalacity]

I saw ER's insta story the other day. They're starting a podcast with some of their friends.

I can't imagine listening to their voice and not being turned on.

[sapphicsalacity]

29/11/23

Maybe we made all the wrong choices.

You did.

I did.

Maybe, in some alternate universe, we would start over.

'Hi, I'm [...]. My pronouns are they/them.'

'Hi, my name is Lauren. My pronouns are she/her.'

...

And then what?

starts crying as I'm imagining this scenario

Maybe we don't have to live in another universe.

Maybe we can just live in this one.

Separately, as we do now.

One day we will bump into each other.

They still sitting on the floor in the studio at school.

I will feel shock, sadness, anger, and a sense of relief.

And as they recognize the emotions on my face and the silence in my voice, I choose love.

I will walk up to them with tears in my eyes.

I will hug them and they will hug me back.

I will choose love.

In that distant yet unlikely future, I will choose you.

We will choose each other.

[sapphicsalacity]

Just wanted to say that I watched ER's interview with NBC Chicago and oh my.

I just keep gushing over them.

They are so 🥺😩🙌🏽

My celebrity crush used to be young Leonardo DiCaprio - especially when I didn't know I was queer.

But ER knocked him OFF that spot.

[sapphicsalacity]

Just wanted to say that I found an audio on Dipsea with a front cover that reminded me of them. Then I found out the voice actor is E.R. Fightmaster and I'm basically gushing all over their Instagram photos.

Basically, this gal is gonna go for her Dipsea free trial ASAP.

I really don't get why there are people out there who feel like nonbinary people aren't attractive. Can't disagree more.

[sapphicsalacity]

You know, when I see things on Tumblr nowadays, like a random text post about a guy fucking a girl, I'm immediately like ew. Not because I think sex is gross, but why does it all have to be so vulgar. I'm totally not attracted to guys when it's c* this, p* that. Maybe I'm just not sexually attracted to guys, who knows.

My labelless life! 😅