#sapphic au

[bye-bi-girl]

When you both are laying on the bed, ready to fall asleep and she turns to you to say something and a softness and adoration and overwhelming love takes over you so you spread your hands and bring her in a gentle hug, kiss her cheek and ask her to tell it now.

[eemamminy-art]

a fleeting illusion, albeit a pleasant one 💜

[becoming-the-bridgertons]

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑩𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒐𝒇 𝑨𝒏𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒚 | 𝒊. 𝑰𝒇 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝑪𝒂𝒏'𝒕 𝑮𝒆𝒕 𝑯𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒎𝒂𝒅𝒆, 𝑺𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝑩𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒊𝒔 𝑭𝒊𝒏𝒆

pairings. violet ledger x ellie bridgerton

summary. violet asks ellie a big question

word count. 1.3K

warnings. none

note. written in RP style by @shmaptainwrites and @lifesizehysteria

Violet sat on the couch with a small plop, tapping her fingers against her legs as she did so. There was something she wanted to talk about, something she wanted to ask, but her voice had become stuck in her throat. It had been for weeks. 

She wondered if having it trapped there was what made her so fidgety, unable to keep her hands still, her partially dyed blonde hair a frizzy mess from how many times she’d run her fingers through it. She desperately needed to get the words out, but they just weren’t coming, and so she sat there twiddling her thumbs wishing she could telepathically speak to Ellie. Perhaps that would be easier than saying it out loud. 

Ellie was lounging on the couch, her nose stuck in a book and nestled into the corner with her feet propped up on the edge of the coffee table when Violet plopped down next to her. At first she kept on reading, until she noticed how long Violet went without saying something, which was very unlike her, chatterbox that she was. Peeking over the top of the book, she noticed the way her wife’s hands twisted in her lap and the stiffness in her body that was a sure sign of nervousness.

Closing her book, on alert but not yet worried because nervousness was nothing new for her love and did not always indicate a crisis, she pushed Violet’s knee with her foot to get her attention, offering her an easy, affectionate smile.

“Dottie, everything alright?” she asked, knowing if nothing else, the nickname would get her to smile. 

“Hmm,” Violet looked over and chewed on her lip, not quite registering the affectionate nickname. “Oh, I’m fine.” No, she wasn’t.

She almost cursed at herself for being unable to be honest, even when probed, however gently it was. She knew Ellie would be able to tell, she always was, no matter the circumstance. Whether Violet was biting back her anxiety and putting on a very convincing performance that would show otherwise, or even a shift in her demeanour during their routine before bed, Ellie would point it out and drag the information out of her piece by piece. 

“I mean. I am fine,” she finally said. “But I just had…I had something I wanted to ask you.”

When Violet didn’t even smile, Ellie sat up, leaning forward so she was close to her, her mouth turning down into a frown at the corners. Her head tilted to one side as she searched Violet’s face until she answered. 

“What is it?” she asked gently but with a firmness that hopefully conveyed her steadfastness to listen, support, and solve any trouble her love could possibly have. At the same time, she reached to place her hand over Violet’s, squeezing gently to pause their fidgeting. 

Violet chewed on her lip and looked down at her lap where Ellie’s hand was wrapped over hers. She marvelled at how it brought her such calm. She wondered to herself how it was possible to love someone as much as she loved Ellie; that was why she wanted to ask her this. Ultimately, it boiled down to that simple, fundamental thing that pulled them together even when the universe pushed them apart. 

“I…I want a baby,” she whispered. “I know we’ve talked about it here and there, but I…I think I’m ready for that. I just wasn’t sure if you were, too.”

Shock instantly fell over Ellie’s face because, despite years of trying to train it otherwise, her face had not once kept a secret. Whatever she had been expecting, it hadn’t been that. 

“A baby?” she asked, immediately realizing how that sounded when she hadn’t meant it in any sort of judgmental way. She just hadn’t processed that her wife had gone from ‘just thinking about it in the future’ to wanting it right now. It was a lot to take in, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t open to the idea. 

Her face softened into curiosity, and she took both of Violet's hands into her own. “You’re sure you’re ready?” This time her voice matched her heart—inquisitive and genuine, inviting honesty. 

“El, I’ve been thinking about it for months,” she finally admitted. “I feel like it’s calling to me.”

Violet gingerly took Ellie’s hand and placed it on her stomach. 

“Could you imagine it?” Violet was almost beaming at the thought. “Our child, Ellie.”

But just as soon as her smile came it faded again at a thought that flashed through her mind. 

“You don’t think I’m too young, do you? Is that why you’re worried?” she asked, referring to Ellie’s initial reaction. 

Ellie sat with her hand on Violet’s stomach, pressing her palm lightly into it while her eyes went to Violet’s face. Her blue eyes were bright with optimism and excitement, her whole face lit up at the idea, and Ellie’s heart melted into a puddle. A smile burst across her face, and she brought her other hand up to cup Violet’s cheek.

“You probably are. We both probably are. But when has that ever stopped us?” she laughed. 

She rubbed her hand across Violet’s stomach, still beaming as she said resolutely, “If you’re ready, I’m ready.” 

Violet grasped Ellie’s face gently in her hands, pulling her into a tender kiss. Each kiss with Ellie felt like a hope and a dream that was almost in her reach, and this one, which she had been holding close to her heart for months, was finally clasped between her fingers, and she wasn’t letting go. 

“I am just as ready for this as I was when I said I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you,” Violet whispered against Ellie’s lips. “You are my everything, my light, my love. Call me greedy, but I want more of this. Of us.”

Somehow, despite already feeling overwhelmed by it, another wave of love wrapped around Ellie, making her feel as if she were riding high, sailing atop the highest crest over the widest ocean. Violet had always made her feel that way. As long as she had Violet’s love, she could do anything, conquer any obstacle, achieve any dream, because she already had what she wanted most in life. Anything else was just extra. 

She kissed her again, a little deeper, holding her close so that when it ended she was able to rest her forehead against hers.

“A little Violet Ledger,” she mused, her voice full of a daydreamy kind of enchantment. “I can’t wait to get to hold another little piece of you.”

Violet felt overcome with emotion, her thumbs tracing along Ellie’s cheekbones as she took everything in. They were going to start a family. Their family. She sniffled a little, fighting back happy tears before kissing Ellie again, not knowing a better way to respond to her comment. 

“Maybe we should start making some phone calls then?” she suggested, her smile almost crystal clear in her voice. 

Ellie couldn’t help but laugh. The second Violet got an idea in her head, she was already scheming and organizing. Of course, this would be no different.

“I guess so. Nothing like jumping right in, huh?” She booped Violet’s scrunched nose, so endeared by this woman she loved before suggesting she start with a call to her OBGYN, figuring the person who delivered babies probably had the most knowledge on how to go about making one when you couldn’t just do it at home. 

Before Ellie could even breathe, Violet was up and out of her seat, making her way to the phone and looking through her black book to find the correct number before dialing it. She chewed on the inside of her cheek while still looking at Ellie with a wide smile. It truly felt like the beginning of everything.

[pollenallergie]

I feel like, deep down, Chrissy is a massive nerd, but only in secret and usually only about really niche stuff. For example, she could tell you all about ancient Mississippian burial practices, but Star Wars? Meh, that’s never really been her thing. Chrissy knows everything there is to possibly know about famous historical women like Julie d’Aubigny (read: famous historical sapphics), but she doesn’t know the difference between Marvel and DC superheroes. She can tell you exactly what dyes were rare and regarded as being “luxurious” and “extravagant” during the Qin dynasty. However, Chrissy hates playing video games because all the bright colors and flashing graphics make her dizzy. Honestly, the most cliché nerdy thing she’s into is LOTR. Chrissy’s a secret Tolkien fanatic (extra emphasis on secret), she spent her entire childhood dreaming about being an elven princess… and also marrying an elven princess…

[sugarbunbie]

Please have my Good Omens Human Lesbians AU fic

sure enough the lights go out

Summary:

Aziraphale disappears from Crowley's life after they have sex the night of their university graduation. They each move on with their respective lives, and meet again 20 years later when Crowley's quit her job as a lawyer and is now selling flowers in Soho. Will Crowley find out the truth about what happened 20 years ago? Or are some regrets meant to be carried forever?

Rated M, wc 10k

Expect: Angst with a Happy Ending, h/c, intense queer friendship to strangers to lovers

CW: archangels being assholes, smoking as a coping mechanism, heavy alcohol consumption, Crowley's poor self-esteem, dubious consent due to drug use, brief mention of suicidal ideation, fire, non-graphic extensive burns

[hackedbyawriter]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn Characters: Finn (Star Wars), Poe Dameron Additional Tags: Sapphic Au, Showers, Scars, non-sexual nudity, okay maybe its a tiny bit sexual, Butch Poe Dameron, Butch (Finn Star Wars) Summary:

Tell me, when the party ends Will you still love who I am, I am?

FinnPoe Week Day 2: Sapphic AU

[leannlyre]

*downloads the full game* *turns voices off* *voices male characters in a way to portray them noncanonically as lesbians*

[bye-bi-girl]

Reminds me! I had written a oneshot. There's plant moms in there. If anyone wants to read.

Plant moms plant moms plant moms

The one prompt I managed to get done for caivi week xD

[bbybluemochi]

new OC🎸!

my friend @onzze and I are combining our mutual obsession with 80s classic rock bands with our love for lesbians, so we're creating a fictional band full of them!!!

[blackcur-rants]

Sylvia Jacqueline Carton dove her face into her bowl of noodles, greedily devouring every last inch of her meal with the intensity of a jackal going down on a piece of meat. Her face was absolutely getting messed up and dirty and would probably end up smelling stronger and more pungent than a figgy pudding at Christmas time, but Sylvia didn’t care. It tasted good and that was all that mattered.

And once the meal was finally finished, Sylvia groaned with satisfaction, for that was the most filling meal she had ever had in her entire life. Sylvia had not been poor growing up, in fact quite the opposite. Though being a poor orphan of mixed Irish and Chinese descent growing up in the middle of the rolling fields and tranquil village squares of rural Shropshire had had its difficulties for sure, Sylvia’s aunt Christina had always made sure she was fed and well-cared for as she occupied her strange life of living halfway being the scruffy, dirty village tomcat and the magnificent and noble honours student of the local school. Aunt Christina (the older twin sister of Sylvia’s father Peter Gerald Carton, a rather stout and peculiar but kind-hearted man who had raised Sylvia on his own for the most part after his Hong Kong-born wife Melissa Elaine Sima had died of bowel cancer when Sylvia was four years and three months old before dying himself in a freakish car accident when Sylvia was eight years and seven months old and leaving his sole child in his own sister’s care) had been the bartender at the local pub in their hometown of Upton Magna, and thus had been a master of cooking fabulous and wonderful feasts for her little niece even before she became the girl’s official guardian. As a result of growing up with all of this good food and drink in her life as a grieving and rather lonely but highly intelligent child, Sylvia had always turned to eating and drinking a nice meal or two whenever she was stressed out by something or other, which was honestly rather frequent in the profession where she worked.

“Wow” a friendly and well-meaning voice called out as Sylvia was finishing the last of her broth, “You really were super, super hungry in the aftermath of that case, weren’t you?”

Sylvia stopped for a while before accidentally spitting out all of her remaining broth all over poor Charles Jonathan Stryver’s face. Stryver was somewhat bemused at this turn of events and did nothing much other than just calmly and carefully pick up a towel and wipe the hot soup broth off of his face.

“Yeah, I was” Sylvia responded after not much time, “I don’t know. There was just…something about that woman that just…captured my imagination or something else in me in a way no one else ever has”.

“She does kind of look like you, to be quite honest” Stryver said at last as he finished wiping the last of the soup broth off of his face.

“Yes, I am aware of that” Sylvia said again, “but thank you for stating the obvious, Professor”.

It was true though. Catherine Elizabeth Darnay had gotten stuck inside of Sylvia Jacqueline Carton’s head and just refused to get out of there. There was just something about the way she laughed at some bad, cheesy joke or another, the way she had smiled when Sylvia had gotten her off the hook for whatever stupid, bullcrap charges had been hurled at her for her time as a Red Cross nurse serving in Iraq, as if caring for human life and well-being had made her somehow complicit in the atrocities of Saddam or Osama. There was not much that Sylvia knew about Catherine, only that she had been born in Algeria, the daughter of a French businessman and his Algerian wife, with both of her father and her maternal grandfather having some connection or another to the infamously awful Evremonde Industrial Manufacturing, one of the cruellest and most disgusting military industrial war crime-profiting criminal leagues in the whole entire world. Fortunately though, it seemed to Sylvia at least that Catherine was a good and kind and noble woman who had long since rejected the wicked ways of her vile family and had chosen to be good and kind and just to all of God’s children.

(It’s so funny how I’m for the most part an atheist and yet I still think of Cat Darnay as almost a woman of God Themselves. Must be Aunt Christina’s upbringing again or maybe iit was just being brought up in proximity to a church and having a vicar’s daughter for a first crush).

Of course, it was not to be. Catherine was already deeply, deeply in love with another person, a local nurse from Bloomsbury named Lucine Manette, who was said to be as beautiful and intelligent as they were also gentle and kind and loving. It was said in almost all of London’s finest queer circles that they were the hottest and most eligible panromantic bisexual in all of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. And yet they had never married at all, for they were most prominently invested in taking care of their father Alexandre, a journalist who had attempted to blow the whistle on American war crimes in the first Gulf War and had been imprisoned on Riker’s Island for eighteen years until Lucine had successfully smuggled him out of New York to London in 2011. Sylvia sweated a little and rubbed her left hand through the jet black buzzcut that was her recently cut hair at the thought of both Catherine and Lucine, whose beautiful performances of the feminine gender made Sylvia feel even more than usual like she was the butchest butch who ever butched. Of course, Sylvia was not the super-butch lesbian that either she or her compatriots sometimes imagined her as being. Of course, she had very much been the village tomboy when she was little, always more comfortable running around in tattered jeans and light white t-shirts with a freckled smile on her face as she sat by herself with a book under the old ash trees that made up the forests around her home village of Upton Magna than trying to be a pretty little girl laughing and giggling with the other village children. However, she had never held more “girly” things in all that much contempt. In fact, she had loved the brave and headstrong young women she saw in her childhood princess movies and classic novels even as most of them had worn dresses rather than pants and ended up with hot boys rather than with other beautiful girls. In fact, for most of her childhood, Sylvia had dreamed of moving to the city to find a beautiful, strong woman to take her up into her arms and spirit her away into a new life of wonder and love…only to come to London and find that all of the eligible and beautiful queer women had been taken and she herself was left all alone. And that, sadly, was when her heart had started to turn as cold and bitter as a winter snowstorm, and when she had begun to harden herself to the idea of love and companionship and had resigned herself to the fate of being alone and fairly miserable with only her mentor Professor Charles Jonathan Stryver and her books and Hakkasan food to keep her company through her darkest times.

However, no sooner than Sylvia Jacqueline Carton started on the depths of these musings when she saw none other than Catherine Darnay and Lucine Sophia Manette coming into the Hakkasan and sitting down together on a date. Sylvia was rather reluctant to be seen by them for fear of embarrassing herself in front of both these supremely lovely and most excellent individuals. So instead of even trying to sit in the same vague vicinity as both of these beloveds, Sylvia Jacqueline Carton bolted straight up from the table and ran to the bathroom to gather her thoughts as she stared into the mirror. Once there, Sylvia Carton plopped herself down onto the toilet and tried desperately not to scream loudly at the top of her lungs as she held her head tightly between her hands. Part of her just wanted to quiet down and head silently home through a way that nobody else could see until she could flop down upon her bed and let the tidal wave of emotions ride all over her until she could fall asleep at last…and meanwhile, another part of her just wanted to strip off all of her clothes then and there and scream naked into a mirror until she passed out at last and had to be carried home by Stryver…until she then remembered that the London autumns were, to put it very bluntly, not the warmest and most pleasant experiences in the world, and she decided that being able to get home calmly and quickly was a much, much better thing than being carried home in her birthday suit by her old professor. And so it was that, once the pounding in her ears had died down into a barely audible crawl and once her heart had ceased pounding and settled down into a quiet yet still constantly eternal vibration that kept the human body alive for as long as it could, the lawyer known as Sylvia Jacqueline Carton finally exited the bathrooms of this humble London Hakkasan and reentered into the world of normal conversation.

However, when Sylvia Carton reentered into said world of normal conversation, the conversation that was wholly surrounding her was anything but normal, to put it very, very bluntly. For there was on the restaurant TV screen at the moment a special presentation from the BBC about how national hero John Arthur Barsad had been caught trying to play hanky panky with Jeremiah Isaac Cruncher, a local bank teller for Tellson’s Bank. And one must know, dearest reader, that when your narrator refers to “hanky panky”, they are in fact referring to a massive blow job that Mister Cruncher administered to Mister Barsad and which Mister Barsad had decided to record on video and had accidentally posted to his Facebook account and which was now going viral across the nation.

(And possibly the world, if we’re being quite honest)

[momoiro-hime]

putting my ocs in every AU i want part. 34791

| Do NOT repost or use without permission.

[bye-bi-girl]

More than the "childhood/best friends to lovers" trope, I like it when two people start dating and are always accompanied by one of their friends. The friend of individual A starts falling for individual B. But they are always just happy to be there. But then A and B eventually have a fallout or A is just not that good to B. So the friend steps up and treats B a lot better. And they start dating. So much pining, so much hurt, so much yearning. But also, SO MUCH comfort, so much love, so much affection and so much soft sex after they both get together.

This is also very much a friends to lover trope for me but elevated😤

[inkshine]

I indulged myself and wrote a Macbeth fanfiction where Lady Macbeth is in love with a witch.

[becoming-the-bridgertons]

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑩𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒐𝒇 𝑨𝒏𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒚 | 𝒙𝒊𝒗. 𝑩𝒂𝒃𝒚’𝒔 𝑭𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝑩𝒓𝒊𝒅𝒈𝒆𝒓𝒕𝒐𝒏 𝑭𝒂𝒎𝒊𝒍𝒚 𝑫𝒊𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒓

pairings. violet ledger x ellie bridgerton

summary. ellie and violet go to ellie’s family home for dinner with baby anthony

word count. 5.2K

warnings. none

note. written in RP style by @lifesizehysteria and @shmaptainwrites

It had been nine months and they still hadn’t quite gotten used to how hard it was to get out of the house with a baby. Especially now that he was more than just a lump who ate, slept, and pooped. So, Ellie was embarrassed but not surprised when they showed up to her parents’ home about twenty minutes late. 

Ellie rapped on the door before letting herself inside, holding it open for Violet who had Anthony tucked on her hip while he sucked on a chunk of her hair. Ellie made a face and groaned in disgust as she pulled the now dripping wet hair from his mouth. 

“Nasty boy,” she said with almost pure affection before calling into the house. “Mama? Da? We’re here! Sorry we’re late!” She led her little family into the house, the diaper bag still slung over her shoulder as they made their way to the kitchen where they were sure to find her mum, if no one else. 

Upon seeing them, Bea lit up, immediately plucking Anthony from Violet’s hands. 

“There’s my sweet boy! Oh, you are bigger than last time I saw you!” She bounced him as if weighing him, making him shriek with laughter. 

“Mama, you saw him last week,” Ellie said, smiling at the two of them. 

She clicked her tongue at her daughter. “And he is bigger than he was then. You’re late, by the way,” she said. Beatrice Bridgerton hated tardiness more than just about anything else. Except maybe Manchester United. 

“Yes, and I already apologized.”

Violet chuckled and decided to save her wife, knowing her mother-in-law had a bit more grace for her and Anthony than Ellie who had grown up with all their rules. “Mama, Anthony was being very…opinionated about getting into his car seat today. We’ll factor it in next time we come.” She kissed Beatrice’s cheek and tickled under her son’s chin before leaning against the kitchen island. 

“Is that my Ellie Belly and Lettie Lass I hear?” Violet beamed when she heard Callahan’s voice, turning to face him as he walked into the room, only to be immediately scooped into a tight and warm hug. “How are you, love?” 

“Really good, Da. How about yourself?” 

Callahan pulled away and smiled, tapping under Violet’s chin with a curled index finger. “Much better now that my girls and my grandson are here. Although, I realize that Anthony doesn’t have a nickname yet, we can’t have that for much longer.” 

“It will be the top of the agenda, dear,” Beatrice teased, knowing her husband’s penchant for having nicknames for everyone he was close with. She was sure that each grandchild would be sure to get one, if not multiple.

“Well, whatever you call him, he’s always going to be my little flower,” Ellie said as she walked by him and pinched his side, making him giggle and wriggle in his grandma’s arms. She set the diaper bag on the counter and went to give her dad a hug and kiss his cheek. 

“Is that a name for a boy?” her mum asked, but Ellie nodded her head firmly. 

“It’s not my fault he told me he was a girl before was born. Besides. Flowers are just as much for boys as they are girls.”

Ellie took advantage of the fact that Anthony was going to be claimed for a while and wrapped her arms around Violet from behind, resting her chin on her shoulder. 

“Speaking of boys, where’s Danny?”

“Nowhere special, just being the best uncle ever,” Daniel announced while joining everyone in the kitchen. “Had to go out and buy bro a pair of boots.” 

Violet laughed and leaned back into Ellie. “What’s he going to do with a pair of boots? He’s six months old, he can’t play football.” 

“Yes, but he can look the part and no nephew of mine is going without an inaugural pair of boots. Just trust me, he’ll hang these up in his house when he becomes the striker for Manchester City,” he assured her. 

Violet simply rolled her eyes and lifted her hand to hold Ellie’s face close to her cheek. “I’m sorry, Mama, I hate to be rude, but I have not eaten since lunch, and I am starving.” She looked over at her mother-in-law. “Plus Ellie accidentally ate all of the snacks I had made for myself while I was feeding Anthony.” 

Danny immediately let out a long “Oooooh” like a child on a playground when someone gets yelled at by a teacher. 

“I didn’t mean to!” Ellie immediately jumped to her own defense. “I didn’t realize she hadn’t had any yet. And I offered to make her something else but she said no because that was all she had wanted.”

“Nursing mamas need sustenance, Violet,” Bea said in a loving scold. “Good thing there’s plenty to eat here. Go sit in the dining room, Ellie and I will help bring everything out.”

“Why me?” Ellie pouted. 

“Because you owe your wife a meal,” her dad said knowingly, winking as he took Anthony from Bea then invited Violet to the dining room with him. 

Danny let the two of them get most of the way out of the room before turning to Ellie and flicking his wrist and imitating the sound of a whip cracking. 

“Yep. And proud of it,” she smirked before turning toward their mum, more than happy to serve her wife dinner. 

As Violet walked into the dining room with Callahan, she gave him a hand by pulling out a chair so that he could sit comfortably with Anthony before she went and sat down herself. 

As promised, Ellie came in with food and served her, offering yet another apology kiss which Violet gladly accepted. 

“How’s work been, Da? Ellie tells me things have been picking up. I hope you’re taking enough breaks when you need them.”

“It’s good, yeah. We’re actually looking at expanding into North America. It won’t be for a few years yet, but we’re starting to lay the groundwork. Figure if we’re already doing this much business over there, we should have a home base there, too.”

“What?” Ellie asked, looking as astonished as Violet. “Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“Well, the idea came up while you were out with the baby, and it’s only just in the last few weeks that the official proposal has been written up. It’ll be presented to the board next week and I was going to talk to you about it Monday.”

“That’s amazing, Da!”

“If you think that’s amazing, just you wait, Ellie Belly. Scott told me he thinks you should run the project once it gets the green light. And I agree with him.”

Ellie’s eyes grew wide and her mouth hung open in disbelief. “Are- Are you serious?”

“Course I am. I think you’re ready for it. With my help, o’course. But you’ve been working with me for almost five years. You’ve gotta get out there and really learn how to do it yourself if you’re gonna take over when I retire.”

Ellie was shocked into silence, reeling slightly from it. 

“If you want to, that is. I know you’re still adjusting to having a family and this will be a big responsibility. But if there’s anyone who I know could strike the balance, it’s you.”

“Thank you, Da!” She looked from him to Violet, still completely in shock but feeling a swelling of pride in her chest. “We’ll talk about it,” she said to him, knowing this was not a decision she could make alone.

Violet bit her lip and smiled, watching her wife’s face light up at the opportunity she had just been presented. While she was more than happy for Ellie to take on more responsibility, knowing this change would be coming eventually, she did want to make sure it was what Ellie wanted, especially after some of the concerns she had presented about her feelings towards her work after Anthony was born. 

“Ellie, this is amazing.” Violet reached over and took her wife’s hand and squeezed it. “Just like Da said, I can’t think of anyone better for the job, but it would still be good to chat about it.”

Daniel was already growing tired of the work talk, having endured it for his whole life, he was more than ready to move on. 

“Okay, we all know you two have your little dynamic duo and can we be real? This was not a surprise, of course Ellie’s the best for the job, she’s the most competent worker at that company aside from Da.” He ate a spoonful of food. “Now that we’ve covered all that, can we talk about something different, like maybe whatever is going on with Violet’s hair?”

Violet almost choked on her water at his comment, she knew he was just teasing, but it definitely caught her off guard. She hadn’t had the time to get it coloured since before the pregnancy and she hadn’t quite decided if she wanted to yet. “Push a baby out of your you know what and see if you have time to get your hair coloured. Plus, it wasn’t recommended by the doctor,” she finally found words enough to respond. “And your hair’s not much better Danny, you’re about due for a refresh.”

Ellie was having to hold back a belly laugh at Violet’s comeback. She had come a very long way from the shy wallflower who was nothing but the picture of perfect table manners and meek politeness the first time Ellie had brought her home from school. She was still an angel, but she had learned to hold her own with Ellie’s family that showed love by teasing and poking fun. 

“She’s right. Did you lose your barber’s number or did he just stop servicing the circus?”

“Shut up,” Daniel scoffed, and Violet laughed at her wife’s comment. 

“Daniel, Ellie,” Beatrice spoke warningly to both of her children. 

“Your mother is right,” Callahan added. “Be nice, all of you.”

“Sorry Da,” Violet quickly apologized while still trying to hold back a laugh. “But if I can be frank I think we’re all due for hair appointments, except for maybe Mama.”

Violet wasn’t wrong, the past few months had been so busy it seemed like that was the thing that went to the wayside. 

That made an idea pop into Ellie’s head and her face lit up. 

“Ooh, Mama, do you want to have a girls day with us sometime soon? Da and Danny can watch Anthony and have a boys day in while we all go get manis and pedis, and Vi and I can get our hair done. It would be really nice to get out of the house just us. What do you think?”

Bea gave it a serious think before her mouth pulled down at the corners and she shrugged a shoulder.

“I suppose, if you really want.” But then she broke out in a smile that went all the way up into her dark eyes, lighting them up in a way Ellie had loved since childhood. Joy and mischief were her mum’s true essence, and it shone through as she looked at her daughter now. 

“You really trust these two with your son?” she teased.  

“Da yes and, well, Danny hasn’t killed him yet so…” Violet shrugged her shoulders. “I have to figure out what I’m going to do with my hair.”

While Daniel was completely out of line with what he had said, he wasn’t entirely wrong. Violet’s hair had been blonde for as long as she could remember, but this was the first time she was finding herself debating whether or not to re-dye it. 

She pocketed the thought and decided to bring it up with Ellie later, maybe there was something she was missing. 

“Are you thinking about not staying blonde?” Ellie asked, a bit surprised. She had never known Violet with anything but blonde hair, except for the half-grown out roots situation she had at the moment. She hadn’t given it much thought, just assumed Violet preferred her hair blonde, and figured she would go back to it once she was able to after the baby was born. Of course, she had noticed it growing out, but chalked it up to a lack of time and a tendency not to prioritize herself. Personally, Ellie didn’t care. Violet could shave her head and she’d still think she was the most beautiful woman around.

“Maybe,” she shrugged. 

There wasn’t much else she could say about it. She looked up at her mother-in-law and decided to switch the topic of conversation. 

“Mama, this food is delicious. Thank you so much.”

It was always nice when she didn’t have to think about making dinner, and she knew whenever Beatrice was cooking she would be very well fed. Over the years she had become familiar with the different Kenyan dishes she would make, and they had become a part of the regular rotation in her and Ellie’s home, although they couldn’t quite make them the same way she could. 

“You’re welcome, my dear.” Bea smiled at Violet, but Ellie noticed her wife’s quick change in conversation. She wouldn’t press the matter now, but she did make a mental note regarding this in case she decided it was something worth asking about later. 

At that moment, Ellie realized that her dad was starting to struggle with Anthony on his lap. He was getting antsy, trying to climb onto the table, even though he was barely crawling and wouldn’t have made it. He seemed determined, and started to fuss when his granddad wouldn’t let him do what he wanted. 

“C’mere big guy,” Ellie said as she took him from Callahan and nestled him in her lap. She gave him a spoon of his own, and then dipped another into the sauce on her plate, letting him lick it off. He was just starting to eat solids and would eat pretty much anything he was allowed his hands on. She figured after nothing but breastmilk, anything with more flavor had to be exciting. 

“There you go.” She smiled at him as his eyes widened and he started grabbing at the spoon, communicating his want for more without a word. 

“Anthony approves,” she said to her mum, laughing.

“Good. Then he can stay,” Bea deadpanned.

Violet snorted into her glass and tried to cover it up poorly. She put her glass down and pressed a firm kiss to Anthony’s cheek, watching him blink a few times to recover from the kiss. 

“He’s just like his mama, gobbling up his nana’s food.”

Violet had been in a good place recently, she had begun to find her groove in motherhood and was needing Beatrice’s help less, at least for the time being. She and Anthony had their routines and they spent so much time together, she wouldn’t have had it any other way. He was perfect to her, and she would savour these moments knowing they would slip through her fingers like sand. 

“Is he getting hungry again? Maybe I should go feed him so he’ll settle a bit more,” Violet suggested. 

“He’s fine, love. You finish eating, and then if he’s hungry you can feed him.” She took a piece of chapati from the plate at the center of the table, dipped an edge of it into her sauce that he was clearly enjoying, and held it up for him. He grabbed the whole piece with both fists in a fashion rather similar to a Hulk smash and began to gnaw on it with his gums and two teeth that were making their way up on the bottom. “See? He’s happy.” Ellie was loving this stage where they were a little less reliant on nursing. Of course, he couldn’t live on solid foods yet, but it was fun watching him try new foods and flavors, and it allowed some more wiggle room with his nursing schedule so Violet didn’t have to be quite so beholden to his needs. 

“Okay,” she nodded and focused back on her food. 

The rest of dinner was delicious and by the end, everyone was stuffed. They moved to the living room for tea and cake, but the cake definitely needed to wait. 

Violet had enjoyed the time she had with her hands free, but she was missing Anthony a little, so with Ellie’s permission, she stole him away and started to rock him to calm him down a bit as it grew closer to his bedtime. 

He palmed at her hair and her chest, simply searching for something to grab and hold, deciding, in the end, the strap of her bra was best. He would grab and lose his grip, snapping it back against her, but not far enough that it was painful. 

“That doesn’t bother you?” Daniel asked, and she shook her head. 

“Not yet, I’m sure as his grip gets stronger that’ll change.”

“It’s amazing the things you learn to ignore with a baby,” Ellie said, knowing that Violet hadn’t even noticed it until Danny mentioned it. 

“Just wait until there’s more than one,” Bea warned. “Then you’ve got a baby crying and a toddler demanding food immediately. Or you will be nursing the baby and the older one will come streaking out of the toilet completely naked with the toilet paper wrapped around her like a cartoon mummy, and something on the floor is wet and you decide you do not want to know what it is, simply pretending it does not exist until you are done nursing.”

“It was pee! And it was everywhere!” Danny exclaimed, giddy at any chance for Ellie’s embarrassment. 

“At least I didn’t vomit in front of the whole school and on several people during a chorus performance,” Ellie shot back. 

“Ah, yes, Danny boy’s short lived singing career. He certainly knew how to make an exit,” Callahan laughed, winking at his son who, as usual, showed not one sign of embarrassment. Never once had he cared what anyone thought of him and Ellie, though she would never admit it, admired that about him.

“Well, Ellie and I will have plenty of that to look forward to,” Violet grinned. “I’d gladly take the chaos as long as she was by my side.” 

Violet looked down at Anthony and thought at the prospect of another child. While it was still quite soon, she was already feeling that pull for another little one, but she knew in her heart that it would definitely have to wait a bit, especially if Ellie was going to take the new position at the company. They would need time to adjust and figure out what made sense for them as a family. 

Anthony began to tug on the neckline of Violet’s shirt and she took that as her cue. 

“I’m going to feed him and put him down. Save some cake for me,” she said, looking in particular at Daniel, knowing his penchant for eating everything put in front of him. 

“I cannot be held accountable for my actions when Mama’s cake is in front of me, sorry Vi,” he apologized. 

“I made the cake, Danny,” Callahan told him and Daniel grimaced. 

“In that case, you can have the whole cake.” 

Violet chuckled and rolled her eyes, standing up and making her way to Ellie’s old bedroom so that she could feed Anthony while calming him down enough to put him to sleep after she had burped him.

While Violet was nursing Anthony, Ellie served everyone else cake, but set hers aside along with Violet’s so she wouldn’t be eating alone. Of course, Danny ate more than one piece because the cake was a perfectly good cake. It just wasn’t their mum’s cake, and Danny was a brat. 

They talked about Danny’s plans now that he had graduated, which didn’t seem to be much of anything except living on vibes, whatever that meant. But he had mentioned possibly doing a trip through some of Europe, which Ellie thought might actually be good for him. He seemed to be lacking in motivation, totally uninterested in participating in the family business despite offers from their dad to get him started if ever he decided he wanted to, and generally unfocused. It drove Ellie mad, but she couldn’t force him to do something with his life if he didn’t want to, even if she couldn’t imagine living so totally undriven and unstructured. 

When Violet returned and sat back down beside her, she handed her her plate.

“Here, love,” she said while her family continued to talk amongst themselves. “Is he sleeping?”

“Unless he’s woken up in the past two minutes he should be,” she chuckled.

Violet took the plate from Ellie, but found herself simply fiddling with her fork and struggling to focus on the conversation at hand. She loved spending time with her in-laws, but recently she was finding it more difficult whenever she was apart from Anthony, even for short periods of time. It just felt like she was permanently drawn to him, which to a certain extent made sense, but she knew she couldn’t and shouldn’t smother him. He needed space and so did she, even if it made her uncomfortable. 

She decided to put down the plate of uneaten cake and leaned back on the couch, pulling her legs up to tuck them into her chest, trying to divert her focus back to the conversation, but without much success, her mind continually drifting off. 

Ellie ate her cake while half listening to her family talk, her focus pulled by Violet and the change in demeanor since she came back. When finished, she put her plate back on the side table and leaned back, her hand coming to rest on her wife’s thigh, squeezing gently. 

“You okay?” she asked, leaning in closer so her voice was low and only Violet could hear. “Do you want to go?”

“I’m okay,” she whispered, trying to assure her wife. “Just feeling the distance a bit,” she said as her gaze went back up the stairs. “It’s fine.”

She tried to wave it off and get Ellie to move on, but sometimes that was asking a lot of her wife. She wasn’t sure where she would lean this time. 

An unfortunate side effect of Violet’s depression immediately after Anthony was born was that every time she showed any similar inclinations or moods, Ellie was immediately on guard about it. She wanted to make sure that they caught any recurrence as soon as possible because watching Violet struggle so much had been so hard, and she never wanted to see her go through that again. But she did her best to remember it wasn’t a linear thing, that depressive episodes could come and go without it meaning she was going to go back to that very dark place. And that Violet was allowed to have moods, good or bad, without it indicating anything. 

She searched her wife’s face for a moment and really felt like something was up, but decided to trust her wife to know her limits. 

“Okay, but as soon as you’re ready to go, please tell me, yeah?”

“Yeah, of course,” Violet nodded, placing a hand on Ellie’s leg and giving her thigh a squeeze. 

Violet couldn’t say that she was able to focus for the rest of the evening. She only spoke when directly addressed and otherwise her mind was on her son in the other room. Eventually, she had come to a decision in her own head that tonight she was going to take the extra time to be close with Anthony when they got home, and that made her feel a little better. 

She wasn’t sure where this sudden bout of separation anxiety was coming from, but it was certainly strong. 

She leaned over to Ellie so she could whisper in her ear and explain her plan so if she disagreed they could come up with some other plan. 

“I want to bring Anthony to our bed to sleep tonight, is that okay?” she asked. “If not, maybe I can stay with him in the guest room, I’m just feeling the need to be close to him tonight.”

She tried her best to remain open about what she was feeling so that Ellie could understand and not worry about her too much. 

“If that’s what you want, that’s fine. If it gets too crowded, I’ll go to the guest room. You two can stay where you’re most comfortable.”

Ellie was less worried about co-sleeping now that Anthony was a little bigger, and she wasn’t a brand new mum with the fragilest of newborns. It still wasn’t her preference, but she could tell Violet needed it.  

She offered her a warm and supportive smile, taking hold of the hand on her leg and lacing their fingers together for a moment. Then, she let go and stood up, gathering everyone’s plates and cups. Her mum took her non-verbal signal that she was ending the evening and followed her to the kitchen where they washed the dishes together. 

“Violet is quiet. Is everything alright?”

“I think so.”

“Eyes on it,” Bea reminded her. She knew very well the struggles Violet had faced with her depression, and she tended to worry, maybe even more so than Ellie. But she did so with a strength and sturdiness that Ellie had always relied on, always there to hold her up whenever she felt her own strength falter. 

“I know, Mama.” Still, months later, she was always on alert for it. Almost hypervigilant in a way she never had been before. She had not realized how much having a family would turn her into someone who worried. All the time.  

In the other room, Violet stood up from the couch and let her father-in-law and brother-in-law know that she was going to get Anthony sorted and come back down in a moment. When she had returned, Beatrice and Ellie were back from the kitchen and Ellie looked about ready to leave. 

Violet had Anthony buckled up in his car seat, miraculously still asleep as they said their goodbyes before loading the car with a few extra containers of leftovers in their hands. 

The ride back home was quiet, but not heavy or uncomfortable, it was simply getting late, and they were both tired. 

When they got back to their home, Violet took Anthony and got him settled on their bed while she got changed and brushed her teeth before going and lying down next to him. 

She felt her heart ease as she was next to him, and it felt like she could breathe easier, too. 

“I think there’s enough room for both of us, El. You should stay,” Violet encouraged her. “Please?”

Ellie had debated the whole way home and through putting away the leftovers and getting ready for bed about whether or not to sleep in the guest room, and she had all but decided to do so. But then Violet asked her to stay, adding that sweet and sincere little please and, as usual, Violet got what Violet wanted. Ellie really had almost no self-control when it came to her. A few bats of the eyelashes over those blue eyes or a pout of the lips, and she was a goner. 

With a playful grin and an eye roll for show, Ellie turned off the overhead light and crawled into bed, laying on her side facing Anthony and Violet. 

“Fine,” she whispered, teasing her fingers through Anthony’s hair and lightly kissing his temple, “but don’t be mad if I end up leaving at some point and you wake up without me.”

Violet huffed and pouted her lips. 

“If you say so.”

She reached her hand lightly over Anthony and held it out for Ellie to take. She sighed and let her face squish further into her pillow. 

“El, can I tell you something?” she asked. 

Ellie tried to ignore the little uptick in her heart rate at the question, not wanting to assume anything, but feeling her body do so without permission.

“Course you can,” she said, rubbing her thumb against Violet’s palm, her brown eyes keeping hold of Violet’s blue ones.

“I’ve been feeling kind of off when I’m apart from Anthony,” she admitted. “It’s not like before, but I just feel a little anxious…it was hard for me to concentrate after putting him down.”

She rubbed her eyes with her free hand and yawned. 

“It’s not always,” she said. “Just sometimes, and I don’t really know why.”

Ellie hummed in acknowledgement, not jumping to problem solve or investigate immediately, even if that was her instinct. Instead, she brought Violet’s hand to her lips and pressed a kiss to the back before looking at her again.

“Solutions or sympathy?” It was a question they had started using at the advice of Violet’s therapist, because Ellie was a problem solver and Violet was an externalizer who wasn’t always looking to investigate and fix, but instead simply seeking validation for her feelings while she processed them.

“Answers,” Violet responded, contrary to what they usually went for. “I just…I want to know why, maybe that will help solve things.”

She looked down at the bed and tapped her fingers against Ellie’s hand. 

“I just thought maybe you could see something I couldn’t.”

Ellie took a moment to think, trying to mentally thumb through any particular reasons something might have triggered a desire to cling more than usual.

“He is getting older,” she mused out loud. “He’s getting more independent and starting to get a little closer to the toddler stage.” Her shoulder met her ear in a shrug. “Maybe you’re trying to hold onto that newborn baby stage because it feels like he’s starting to grow out of it?”

“Maybe.” Violet bit her lip. “I know in my head that he can’t stay this way forever.”

She traced a finger over the bridge of his nose lightly so as to not wake him up. 

“Sorry, I’m asking you things you probably don’t know. I just didn’t want to keep you in the dark like before. I don’t want that to happen to us again.”

“No, no it’s fine, Dot. I’m glad you asked.” Ellie let her hand drape over Violet’s hip, her fingers lightly scratching her back through the blanket. “Do you think this is similar to what happened before? Or does it feel different?”

“Different. It’s not as heavy,” she assured Ellie. “It’s just there, like a little ache.”

She let her gaze drift down to Anthony again. It was hard imagining loving anything else the way she loved him, but she was sure as more children made their way into their lives that notion would change and evolve, and she would understand it differently. 

She yawned and felt her eyes drooping. 

“I don’t think I’m gonna last much longer, El.”

“Then sleep, my love. I’ll be right here,” she promised, knowing full well she would be right there when Violet opened her eyes to the early morning sun.

Eyes on it, she thought to herself as she felt the pull of sleep, grateful that Violet seemed to have hers on it, too, and that, for now at least, whatever it was seemed manageable. But she intended to stay vigilant, forever keeping her promise to be right there.

[pollenallergie]

i take back everything i said, this song is so best friend!closeted!chrissy cunningham coded.

like you’re jealous of her because “oh everyone loves her. everyone adores her. she’s perfect” but deep down it’s not actually jealousy… you’re just insanely in love with her but also insanely confused about that and like hardcore repressing it (and possibly even resenting both her and yourself for it) because you just can’t have these feelings.

it’s the 80’s… and you’re in a small rural midwestern town… you’re already enough of an outcast as it is… you can’t feel like this, not about any girl, not here. you’d be relegated to being a social pariah if anyone found out. however, you especially can’t feel this way about her. chrissy would never forgive you if she found out. she’d hate you. she’d think you’re a creep. the idea of your best friend hating you is somehow infinitely worse than the idea of being a social pariah.

… but chrissy could never hate you. she’s told you that a million times, and yet you never seem to really believe her. but it’s true, she could never hate you. that’s why she still sneaks in through your window every thursday night for your secret movie nights. that’s why she still goes to great lengths to hang out with you, even though she’s not really supposed to.

according to her mother, people like chrissy aren’t supposed to fraternize with people like you; frumpy people, homely people, the kind of people that’ll never make it out of this place, the kind of people who can’t afford to. her fellow cheerleaders feel the exact same way. they think you’re weird and off-putting, they can’t imagine why chrissy would’ve ever decided to befriend you in the first place. none of chrissy’s friends like you, they all pick on you, but not chrissy. no, she would never. and she’s always quick to divert their attention away from you before it gets too bad, and quick to apologize (genuinely apologize) for their behavior the next time she sees you… the next time she finds herself sneaking around behind her parents’ backs, behind her friends’ backs, behind her boyfriend’s back, just to spend time with the person she’s had a crush on since the second grade.

some people say that you never forget your first crush… but, in chrissy’s experience, you never get over your first crush. no, she hasn’t gotten over you. frankly, chrissy doesn’t think she ever will. instead she lies to all her friends and family just to spend time with her first crush. and she finds herself getting so incredibly angry on your behalf whenever someone mistreats you, but she also finds herself completely unable to do anything to help you, to make the torment stop, because she’s a coward and she’s scared, scared of what people will think, scared of what her picture perfect family and her picture perfect friends and her picture perfect boyfriend will think, and yet… chrissy often catches herself daydreaming about what it’d be like to hold your hand in public, in front of everyone, to be yours and for you to be hers…

[minxinq]

blazamy band/idol au lalala