#sano emma angst

[dzvelinaskebiyars]

Emma died thinking Draken didn't love her back.

Izana wanted to shape Mikey into Shinichiro but he ended up shaping Mikey into himself.

Kakucho lost his beloved people twice-his parents and Izana-and both times, he was the only one who survived.

Izana doesn't have a grave because he has no family and relatives. Kakucho probably doesn't know where Izana REALLY is buried.

Mikey and Kazutora end up destroying something they loved the most.

Ryusei had to watch Kojiro getting physically and domestically abused and unable to do anything.

Baji stabbed himself because he didn't want Kazutora to blame himself and Mikey to kill Kazutora but forgive him.

In the manga, Izana's last words were "I'm beyond saving, huh?" but in the anime his last word was "Emma.."

Money in Japan is "Okane" but is heard as "Akane". Hence, everytime Koko mentions money, it feels like he's mentioning Akane. "I've always lived for MONEY" he said. But it sounded as "I've always lived for Akane."

Kazutora was having breakdowns in the juvie. He would be screaming, sweating and trembling while completely zoning out and disconnected from reality.

Even if Kazutora shifted blame to Mikey, he was still feeling horrible guilt.

Draken told Kazutora that he was one of his, still part of his crew, but then we see Draken saying that he wanted to kill Kazutora.

Kazutora's hair went white because of the stress and trauma in juvie, that's why he dyed his hair blonde.

[sh1nch1r0]

𝕭𝖆𝖇𝖞

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Shinchiro x Reader

Part (2/2)

After u told him u were pregnant Shin immediately goes into Dad Mode,hes also very protective of you and watches every step that u do around the house….both of u can’t wait to meet ur baby

Tw:Child birth,Complications,Angst,Many Pregnancy and Medical Terms,Birth,Shinchiro beeing a Dad😭🥹

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U heard Shins car pulling into the driveway of ur home as u were sitting on the couch reading a Parenting Book that he had bought a couple of weeks ago.It was so sweet watching him go into Dad Mode,he not only buys parenting books,he also read that if u hold up the Belly of a pregnant person that it reliefs their back cause Babys can get heavy.He did that ever time u cooked or bushed ur teeth cause then he could feel ur tense and exhausted body relaxing against his own.

4 Months have passed since u told him and ur belly grew bigger and heavier by the day,u also had less energy and swollen feet that hurt and cramped a lot so on some days u could barely get up from ur shared bed or the Couch.And unfortunately today was one of these Days.

The Door unlocked and u heard Shins voice in the Hall shouting ur Name and that he was home.He expected u to run into his arms but as u didn’t he was concerned,he finished putting of his shoes and getting into his comfy house slippers.He then rushed into the Living Room where u were.

“Hey Honey how was work?” u asked and sat up a bit straighter,only to be met with not only back pain but also a cramp in your leg which made u hiss in pain.

“Is everything alright?” he asks concerned and sits at the end of the couch.

“My feet are killing me and my back to…” u whine and u lay ur head down on the arm rest.Beeing Pregnant was not easy you knew that but being that exhausted and in pain all the time was blowing ur expectations.

“Can i help i any way Love” your Husband asks and leans forward to put a hand on your Belly.

“No but thanks,i did not make dinner today or i couldn’t make any cause i am trapped on this couch” Shin could hear the disappointment in ur Voice,he knew that u thought it was ur duty to clean and cook and do house work cause he was Working his ass of to pay the bills.Never in a million years would he expect anything from you he lived alone before and hey he was still living and thriving he knew how to handle a household on his own.

“Honey i will make us dinner,and please dont feel guilty for not doing anything cause u are already doing so much for me”he says and presses a kiss against ur forehead.

“What am i doing for your right now?” u ask him cause the only thing u did today or since u were on maternity leave was getting dressed,making breakfast when u could and sitting around till ur pain was better and that was never ur were always in pain the last two months.

“U are growing a Human from scratch that is what ur doing Love,u don’t need to do anything around here i will do it okay.U should rest and relax”he says with a serious look on his face.

“But i am your wife i should help my husband out,i mean u pay for everything”you say and look at him with a sad and disappointed expression.

“U are my Wife.Not my mum.My mom cooked for me washed my clothes and stuff okay.And u are my Wife u are the love of my life for gods sake u should not feel forced to do stuff like that i can do it myself,if u want to do these things fine but never do it cause u should as a Wife” this man will be the death of u he was so understanding and sweet all the time that you would marry him again any day.

U gave him a thankful look and he was off to change before he cooked both of u dinner.

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U tought the Days were the worst part and that everything will be better at night u were so wrong.Not only did ur body hurt like shit ur Baby also kicked u every chance he or she got.It hurt but it was also a sign that there was a life growing inside of you but this life could also be a little bit gentle with the person that was living on the outside you tought.

And so u were awake at 3 in the Morning kicking the cover off of u cause u were too hot and the other moment to cold.And to not wake up Shin who had to get up earlier than he usually does cause Mikeys Racing Team needed new bikes and stuff u wandered off into the nursery.

It was painted in neutral colours cause u did not know the gender yet the crib was built and the Chainging table and a Rocking Chair.U smiled at the thought of Ur Husband brining home this Chair u had voiced to him that u wanted a rocking Chair in the Nursery to read Books to ur baby and he got u a beautiful one with a pattern that matches the colours.

In the next weeks both of u would find out the gender of the Baby both of u did bot care about the gender of the baby “at least our Baby is healthy and happy” Shin always said when u asked him if he wanted a Girl or a Boy.But u knew that Shinchiro wanted a Girl just like Draken and Emma.

Emma had told u that she thinks that its a Girl cause “girls steal away their mother beauty” .Which u could not believe cause Emma was Glowing her entire pregnancy and she gave birth to a Girl.But u lost ur glow the past few months which made u a bit self conscious and sad.But ur Sister in Law always reminded u that u were Beautiful and Perfect and that there was a Baby growing under ur heart and that ur Body was working overtime.She also said that the “Pregnancy Glow” faded away after the 4th Month and that some Women just not have it or they experience it at the end of their Journey.

“Just imagine Me ur Dad and you sitting here playing something with you or reading…” u whisper to ur belly and the baby kicked u as if it could understand you.

“I see you agree my little one..” u say and put a hand on your belly and u felt another kick.The kicks always reminded u of the Moment when ur Husband felt the first kick of ur child.

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The Evening was hot and it started to rain when u and ur lover sat down at the couch he was sitting behind u and held ur belly gently.The feeling of his body against urs was a familiar one and one that made ur soul feel at home.

U both just sat there in peace the only sound was ur synchrone Breathing and the Rain from outside.But then u felt a sudden kick it was a light one but u felt it.

« Did u feel that too » he whispers from behind you.

« Yes our baby kicked me »u whisper back.

« Wow….nature is truly a miracle hmm » he humms and kisses ur hairline.

« Thank you Love » he whispers after a bit of silence.

« For what » u ask.

« For giving me the Chance to be a father and have a family,i am so grateful for you i love u »he says and pulls u closer against his chest.

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This was one of the best moments in ur pregnancy so far,u smile to yourself and rub ur belly gently.

„Is the little one keeping u up?“ a deep and sleepy voice asked u and u turned around.

The darkness of ur home revealed ur lover who looked so done with life and sleepy.

„Yes she keeps kicking me“u say.

„She?…do you know something i dont know“he asks with his arms crossed.

„No but i think its a girl…..something in me says its a girl“u say and get closer to him.

„I mean i have nothing against that if its a boy i wouldn’t be disappointed the only thing that matters is that they are healthy“ he pulls u closer to him and kisses ur lips gently.

„Lets get u back to bed okay?“he says sleepily and u agree.

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Back in bed the kicking started again and u were awake another time.

„Hey my little one in there“ Shin whisper to your belly as he notices ur discomfort.

„Ur mom out here is trying her best to grow you, could you please let her sleep“ he continues,and to ur surprise the kicking stops.U moth to him „it works keep going“ and so he does.

„So when u are older one day,Daddy will take u for a ride on his bike and ohh…one day u will have a bike of ur own i have a good one in mind but u can of course choose one yourself love.“a kiss was pressed against ur belly and with Shinchiros voice and the relief ur body experienced now u fell asleep quickly.

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Those five months passed quickly,and things got better ur backpain was not that strong and ur feet were quiet normal.And to ur and Shins luck both of u found out that u are having a little baby girl.

As both of u found out Shin cried happy tears and u did too.And after that nothing could bring the smile from shins face his wife was having a little girl and he will be a girl dad soon.

Both of u decorated the Nursery in different shades of pink to make it look girly,and everything seemed perfect but that exact evening u noticed that ur Backpain was worsening and that u had several abodem pain……

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It was normal ur midwife had told u ur Body was prepping for Birth and u had something called Braxton Hicks which were false contractions that prepped ur body for the extreme pain of labour.But as the days go by ur false contractions seemed to get worse.They came in 1 to 2 hours and they were so painful that u either need to grab on the nearest thing for support or sit down.

„Love,i know its just these false contractions but please lets go to the gynaecologist and let him check if everythings okay“ ur Husband suggested as u were holding onto him for support as u breathed trough a contraction.

„Okay but he will tell u the same thing as the midwife“u tought.

But ur doctor told u that u were indeed in real labour and that u had to be rushed to the hospital.

It was a shock for both of u cause the baby then would be one and a half weeks early which was not good cause the babys development was not fully completed before the 40th week of pregnancy.

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The Sky was foggy and a Storm was building up outside of the Hospital windows.

U were placed in the maternity ward and the doctors did their best to delay the birth cause the risk of ur baby having complications or u having complications while birth were a bit too high to risk.

U felt like u were going insane in this room u hated hospitals,the smell and the vibe were uncomfortable to you.

But ur Room was a bit more colourful and it had a light that was not too bright and the light color was warmer but it still felt like a hospital.

U were placed on an IC with Tocolytics this medication could delay birth and it seemed to be working well.Cause ur abodem pain reduced a bit.And ur Baby girl she was still kicking u but u could not complain cause u were afraid if she did not she may be dead.It hurt but u at least had a sign that she was okay and alive.

And ur Husband he was glued to you he stayed at the hospital with you he was with u the whole two days u were now here,u begged him to go home to shower and get a bit of comfortable sleep but he refused.In the end both of u agreed that one night but only one night he will sleep at home but in that time Emma and Draken will stay with u for a bit so u agreed.

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As she saw you Emma was in tears u looked stressed and tired ur hair was greasy and a mess and the Robe they gave u was very uncomfortable.

So she proposed the idea that she will wash ur hair and help you get dressed while Draken was bringing theier Child to Mikey and his Girlfriend.

And after a proper hairwash and after u changed into leggins and a Shirt from ur Husband u felt a bit more human and a bit more like yourself.

Emma tried to get u away from ur worries.

„Her Birthday was really nice but her amazing aunt was missing“she told u about ur Nieces Birthday,that u sadly missed cause u were already a day in the hospital and u could not leave.

„I am so sorry Emma“ u whisper.

„Heyy no need to be sorry we are talking about ur Babys and ur Life and Health here she will always be your niece and you will always be her aunt“she coos and lays her hand over yours.

„Shin visited us in the late afternoon,he told us about u and that he needed to go back to you before you wake up.“ she tells u.

„He really Loves u dear,i have never seen my half brother so happy“ her smile was soft and her hand was now holding yours.

„Emma i am scared shitless“ u confess and Emma gave u a small laugh.

„No need to be,u will get trough this and ur baby will too you know why?“ u chook ur head in response.

„Cause u are her mother and u are a strong woman“ she answeres you and u give her a exhausted smile.

And with that u drift of into a well needed slumber.

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Ur Baby was not breathing as they handed her over to you.Her face was pale and her Body lacked any kind of heat,ur world crashed in that moment.U screamed out of pain,pain cause u lost the one thing u loved as much as ur Husband.It was all too much for ur body and everything around u went dark.

A Hand was placed on your Arm and two familiar eyes looked into yours.

„Are you okay Love“ ur Husband asks as u wake up from ur Nightmare.It was a Nightmare was it if not u would loose ur mind.

„Am i still pregnant,is she still alive….Shin tell me“ u say as u panicked.

„Hey…u had a bad dream yes,and u are still pregnant and our baby is doing well“ he assures you and he shifts from his Chair at ur bedside to the mattress u were laying on.He took ur hand in his and pressed a kiss to every finger of ur Hand.

„We will get trough this baby“he says in a calm tone.And leans against ur frame,u craved his presence so much right now u just wanted him closer to you to just hold you close and kiss u.But the IV made that Impossible.

„Shin please hold me“u say and u were close to tear,u shifted a bit to the right for him to lay beside you.And like that u drifted off into a peaceful slumber.While he was beside you.

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The Birth was now only two days away from ur calculated day and the risk was lower that something happens to you and the baby so they got u off of the medication and now u needed to wait.Till u were ready to finally give birth.And as the Doctors finally confirmed that it was time u were a bit relieved that ur pregnancy will be over and also a bit sad.

The Birth was going without any complications and Shin was there every second he held ur hand and u almost broke it by squeezing it so hard,and even if u did he couldn’t care less.Shin knew that labour was painful and exhausting and he tought he could handle it well.But hearing u scream for ur life did things to his heart that almost broke it into pieces.But as u pushed a final Time and u heard a loud cry.Both of u we’re relieved she was here ur Baby Girl was finally here.U looked up at Shin and you could see the tears in his eyes.

Ur newborn was placed on your bare chest moments after,she was perfect she has black hair like Shin and beautiful eyes like you she was the perfect mix of both of u.

« I am so proud of u,i am so proud of u of both of u,had to go tough so much »Shin says in a quiet tone to not upset the newborn who was slowly drifting into sleep.He strokes over her head gently and kisses the top of urs.

« Shes perfect Shin » u say exhausted.

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Both of u were glad to be home after such nerv wrecking Days.

And Shin was the best dad ever,he fed the baby when you couldn’t,he changed her diapers,rocked and read her to sleep and what u found the cutest were the talks he had with her before bed.

U were fresh out of the Shower when u got down and u saw ur husband standing in ur living room the front to ceiling windows open so the coolness of the rain could go into your too warm home.He stood there and rocked her too sleep.

“Daddy will always protect u,and ur daddy will always be there when u need him and so will ur mommy”he coos to her and gives her a kiss on the forehead.

“And when ur older u can play with ur Cousins,they are very exited too meet u next week”he continues to whisper to the sleeping newborn in his toned arms.

“U have a very loving Family and they all love u very much but ur Mom and i love u way more than them”and with that he notices u standing behind him.U get closer to him and lean ur head against his shoulder and look down at the Human both of u made out of love for each other.

“Thank you” he says quietly and u lean up to kiss him.The sound of the rain calmed all of u down which was all needed.Ur Future was bright with a Family like that and u could not wait for more moments like this to come.

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Thank your for reading this fic.And i think my Browser now thinks i am pregnant 😀😭

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[missyandthemisfits]

Tokyo Rev X Apathetic!GNReader

 

Part I of Who The Fuck Really Knows

Manjiro ‘Mikey’ Sano 

He’s a weird one so he is absolutely overjoyed to find you’re generally lacking in enthusiasm, even in the face of what appears to be great danger. 

See, it was raining and Mikey was speeding on his bike and cut a corner insanely fast without slowing down at all, eyes widening as his headlights spotted you suddenly in the darkness. He maneuvers past you in the nick of time but manages to flip his bike – luckily there wasn’t any serious damage, just some scratches here and there, to him and the bike. 

“You alright?” suddenly you were kneeling over his blinking form but he’s still deciphering in his mind what happened. He sits up with ease and glances over your form to make sure you were okay. To his surprise, you blinked back at him, face devoid of any trace of panic or worry. He leaned in a bit.

“I’m alright…you weren’t scared?” You glance at the ground for a bit, humming to yourself. 

“…Yea, kind of.”

“Kind of?” He parrots before bursting out in laughter, doubling over. You wait patiently for him to finish and he smiles at you. 

“What’s funny?” 

“You! I like you, what’s your name?” 

He’s hooked on you like a drug from then on, incredibly entertained by your presence. No one quite understands the connection, not even Draken, but they accept it nonetheless. 

He develops significant feelings pretty early on but he doesn’t really realize those feelings until his entire mood sours at the sight of some rando from Division 2 flirting with you. His brow furrows, his eyes narrow, and his jaw tightens. 

He saunters over, hands in his pockets with a dangerous smile playing on his lips, calling out the squad member’s entire name to get their attention. They glance over before standing in attention for Mikey, who grants the boy a close-eyed smile this time. 

“Beat it.”

You had never seen anyone take off so fast and you and Mikey watch until he’s out of sight. He turns to you with one of his genuine smiles, excited again but you raise a brow. 

“Is something wrong, Mikey? You feeling okay?”

“I am now.” He grabs you hand and tugs gently, grin widening at your blushing face, “C’mon, let’s go get ice cream!” 

“Isn’t it still Winter?”

“I don’t see your point, (Name).” 

Ken ‘Draken’ Ryuguji 

Does he think it’s weird? Maybe a little.

Does it stop him from being a gentleman? Absolutely not. 

He met you in Primary School. You were drawing food in the sand with a stick and what he assumed was a bored expression. He had nothing better to do honestly, so he approached you, hand on his hip. 

“Hey.” You looked up, blinking with a nod.

“Hey.” You kept eye contact for moment longer then returned your gaze to the ground. His sweat-dropped.

“Uh…what are you doing?” he tried again.

“Drawing eggs to go with the bacon.”

“Uh-huh…” Another moment went by. “Are you lonely or something?” You shook your head immediately.

“No. I don’t really get lonely a lot. I actually prefer it like this...” You paused, “You’re okay though.” 

“Um-,” he found himself blushing a bit, “Thanks, I guess?” 

And you were friends from then on. 

You had many girls try and fail to bully you throughout the years he noticed, but you never really responded how they expected, ultimately scaring them off. It was kind of impressive honestly, he’d never seen someone get scared off by well…complete disregard. Well, that some stupid rumor that you were some kind of witch. 

He’d gotten to know you pretty well though, noticing the subtle changes in your nearly absent mood gradually over the years. He inserted the quarter into the machine, grabbing a Strawberry milk for himself and your signature coffee. Making his way over to the bench, he handed you the beverage before flopping back into his seat beside you, arms slung over the back of it as he peered at you fidgeting fingers.

“Tell me what’s bugging you, (Name). Doesn’t do you any good to hide it, you know that.” 

You gripped your drink tighter, eyes burning and threatening to spill fresh tears. 

How did he always know?

Takashi Mitsuya 

Knows you have a hard time not only expressing your emotions but feeling them in what society feels is a “normal capacity” – and couldn’t give a shit about what everyone else had to say about it. You were his dear friend, more than that honestly, but he hadn’t exactly gotten around to confessing-

He’d be lying if he said his nerves didn’t play a part, but he wasn’t scared really. More like…he didn’t want to ruin the dynamic if you didn’t feel the same way. He’d be there for you regardless but the last thing he wanted to do was scare you off or make things awkward. 

It didn’t exactly help that you were in the same class as him, just a few seats away.

You had gotten acquainted through cleaning duty of all things, him being placed on it for being tardy, you being placed on duty because you’d forgotten you homework assignment at home. It was a weeklong punishment but honestly, he wished it had been longer. 

“Kinda sucks we got this gig, huh?” he started with a smile, you blinked over with a shrug.

“Not really. I kind of like cleaning.” He glances back a forth from the desk to your face. You almost sounded sarcastic but he had a feeling you meant what you said, that the tone he registered was just your normal speaking voice.

“Oh yeah? There a reason for that?” He attempted to gauge your reaction to him making conversation and as far as he could tell, you didn’t seem to mind. You nodded.

“My family… isn’t home very often. Doesn’t take that long to do homework, so…I cook and clean a lot. Reading is fun too. Like an escape...” He stopped his movements completely and gave you a sincere look.

“I’m sorry.” You shook your head this time.

“No, it’s alright. I know you didn’t mean to offend. It’s just life, ya know?” You granted him a rare, soft smile - the first one he’d seen from you all semester. Honestly it made his heart skip a beat just to see it, determined from then on to try and make you smile more often. And he’d done a pretty decent job of that he thought.

Sighing, gathering his courage and his keys, he made his way out the front door. He gripped his phone in his pocket before slipping it out and dialing.

“Hey (Name), you busy? I know it’s getting late but would you mind meeting me outside your apartment building? There’s…something I feel you should know.”

[nikki-152006]

sano manjirou X reader

(from Ameliorate EXTRAS!)

.

"It's a little troublesome, yeah." Emma nods, holding the bump of her stomach as you give her a hand down the few stairs outside the hospital, "Thanks, doctor." she smiles at you.

You return the smile, checking the time once more before ringing up to tell the head manager of your hospital to switch to the night shift doctors' team already and request them to reach within an hour.

The hospital you own always has a lot of work- you're the top neurologist and second top gynecologist in all of Japan, all your top brass doctor friends also work at your hospital.

Emma has been coming to you since the beginning of her pregnancy. Her husband Ryuguji is always with her, today is the only day she's come to you alone- Ryuguji is away in another city for work she tells you.

A radiantly shiny black car stops right in front of the two of you. Emma bows to take leave, but before she can open the door and sit in, the window of the passengers' seat at the back rolls down.

There's a man sitting inside in what you assume to be a black overcoat decorated with designs and embroidery made of pure gold. He wears sunglasses, his head is turned not towards Emma but you.

"This is my brother." Emma introduces him, "Sano Manjirou."

You don't need the introduction- you remember who he is well enough. His appearance is just the same too, only, he seems to have matured. The face, the lips, the jawline- they're all the same, just more defined.

There's an itch inside you to see his eyes- the pretty black eyes that always looked at you so tenderly and warmly back at school.

It's been long since you've felt such a buzz in your heart. Every single strand of hair on your body is standing straight as a shower of goosebumps travel all across. 

You'd tried hard to look for him after returning to Japan after your time building a career abroad, but no matter how hard you tried, you never found him. You'd thought you'd never see him again, but here we was- the Mikey you've been aching to meet for a decade now.

He takes his sunglasses off- the pretty black eyes are just the same. They stare at you with the same tenderness, but there's too much more going on in them to let any warmth through. 

"Emma, sit inside."

His voice is matured, it would obviously have changed. You'd expected that, but still, the tone of his words is just as tender and soft as ever.

"How have you been, Mikey-" there's too much longing in your heart to let the words hold in anymore, but the moment you let them out, Mikey's window rolls back up.

Within a second, the car takes off.

You feel like you've been slapped to the face. This bothers you only momentarily, however, there's much more you have in your head to care of.

Sano Manjirou came into your life for a second time, yet the moment he sees you, he drives away like he doesn't even know you. You still don't forget that little moment of his eyes meeting yours- of course he remembers you.

... Is he...  still mad or hurt from back then... ?

Your body droops unwillingly, expressions shattering alongside. 

All these years, you've hoped to clear some things with him. The last interaction you had with him was nothing but pain, and sadly, he probably thinks it was a pain to only him. You're the one who knows it was a pain to the both of you.

There's no one you can blame for how things turned out in the past- everyone was right in their own place, no one could be declared wrong completely.

It's just as they say it is- life has plans of it's own. Nothing happens earlier than it is meant to happen.

Back then, it seemed that not even nature in itself could help the turnout of events. You didn't want to leave Japan, but there was nothing you could do, your parents were posted outside and they couldn't leave you behind.

It was the last day of the second year of high school. You, Mikey and Baji had studied together ever since middle school then. 

You remember the moment all too well. He was sitting beside you on the terrace of school, it was a fresh and windy day. There was a low chatter all around because of the students downstairs during lunch.

Mikey let his head fall on your shoulder. He began to pour the sweet words he'd always have for you, you smiled and played along with them. Replying to all with just as cheeky comment and statements.

He was just beginning, and you were already at the limit of how open you could be with a guy- your parents wanted you to focus on studies and become someone successful, and that meant no distractions in the form of boys.

Mikey cupped your cheeks that day, you still remember the sparks throughout your body that messed your brain up. The words he said after that still ring in your head often- "I love you, (Name)," followed shortly by a "you'll be my girlfriend, right?".

For a moment, you'd been in heaven back then, but reality has it's ways of dragging one all the way down to hell. 

You'd forgotten to tell him something important earlier, and then he'd proposed you out of nowhere, so telling him the thing was becoming too hard.

"I'm sorry..." is all that escaped your lips, but Mikey said he knows you're scared and he assured he'd never ever let your parents find out about the two of you.

Memories often record emotions more than the actual events. You remember being torn but managing to tell him in a tone as broken as hope itself that you were supposed to leave three days from then- that your parents were leaving for another country, and you had no other option other than going with them.

There was nothing but shock in his eyes for the rest of the break. It was at the school's entrance that he'd come to you again later, just minutes after school had ended.

Mikey begged you to stay. You begged him to not make it harder. 

He left, eventually, with nothing but "okay, I hope you're happy" being the last words. Even the words you wished to convey to him couldn't leave your lips.

You wished you'd let those words be the first to greet him if you ever met him again, but it just happened the way it always did- whenever you'd be with him, you'd forget the important things and just enjoy the nonsense of life with him.

You'd forgotten now too, to let those words out of your mouth And you know they'd suffocate you if you don't let them out.

But he's appeared in your life again. He's a brother to one of your patients, so there is the slightest bit of hope in your heart for you to meet him again. And maybe, one day, you'd be able to smile with him just like you used to.

.

.

Emma has been staring at Mikey all throughout dinner, Mitsuya and his wife cannot concentrate on anything other than this.

Luckily, Baji is coddling their daughter, there's no one to disturb their hawk-like gaze on Emma. Draken has been looking between them and his pregnant wife every few minutes now. He's itching to know what's going on too.

Mikey is concentrated on the two Kawata kids in his lap- the twins had married twins and now each had a son with the same genetic composition; biological twins. Smiley's two year old is trying to nibble on Mikey's hand while Angry's just rubs his soft hair against Mikey's stomach.

"Mikey..." Emma can't take the suspense anymore. Everyone at the table pauses to listen to her, she's the pregnant lady of the bunch after all, "What happened earlier, in front of the hospital?"

Draken's eyebrows crinkle and he turns over to Mikey with a confused gaze. Baji is staring at him too, one hand holding Mitsuya's three year old daughter in place and the other putting a spoon of mashed potatoes in her mouth.

"What happened?" Mikey barely flinches at the question, he's still busy playing with the twin babies as his food gets cold in front of him.

"I mean, how come my doctor knew you? She even knew you're called Mikey which is weird considering it's been hardly an year since she returned to Japan and she doesn't yet know about Toman. And how come you didn't reply?"

"A lot of women know Mikey-kun." Chifuyu stuffs his mouth, "That wouldn't be very surprising. He's become so much more popular here in Tokyo now that Toman's all over Japan."

"She said asked him how he had been," Emma tells him, "that obviously means Mikey knew her before. And also, he looked at her weird."

"Stalker?" Mitsuya asks, then pauses, "Wait, is she a threat?"

Draken's eyes narrow, "Is she a threat, Mikey? Would Emma be hurt because of her or anything?"

"We could always send Yuzuha to handle her." Baji stuff his mouth, "Nothing too worrisome about it. Don't bother too much about it, Draken, there's nothing a random doctor chick can do to Emma."

"(L/N)-chan is not a threat." Emma frowns, but her expressions change to surprise as Baji chokes.

Everyone stares at him punching his chest, coughing while his eyes focus on Mikey, "(L/N) (Name)? Her?"

"Yeah." Mikey just looks away, "Her."

A silence rings across the table. Everyone looks between the both of them, waiting for some or the other kind of explanation. 

"Want me to tell them?" Baji actually asks Mikey, it makes the others itch to know now, "It would be best if you tell on your own, it's not my story to tell after all."

Mikey just gets up, "I don't care, she's nobody." but he knows Baji gets the idea to tell, and he knows once everyone knows, they'll do something or the other about it.

The thing Mikey doesn't know is whether he wants to see you ever again or not. You've grown, you've matured. 

He knew a funny, foul-minded girl years ago, she was the one he'd liked. The woman he saw today was not her- he's still sure you're just as foul-minded and humorous when it comes down to it, but it's different.

Your eyes hadn't been as bright back then, your jaw hadn't been as defined. The flame burning behind you was just a spark back then- you've grown. You've become a woman. A proper woman.

He can hear Baji begin in the background. Mikey wants to get out before the others grab him down.

.

"So, (L/N) (Name) was this girl in our class in high school." Baji tells everyone, "She was the goody-two-shoes on face- her parents wanted her to be that sorta kid, but she had the wildest mind underneath."

Everyone is hooked instantly.

"Basically, Mikey was friends with her, he liked her, confessed to her, got rejected by her, never met her again after the rejection, but for some reason, he never got over her."

There's a long silence before Draken and Mitsuya stand aggressively in their chairs, "Still not over her?"

Baji grins, "Never will be. He was totally knocked into her back then, tunnel-vision sorta thing you know. He'd keep on smiling at nothing when she wasn't around."

"And I didn't even know?" Draken can't believe it.

"You'd do the same for Emma back then." Baji points out, "It was the both of you sitting together like that- like idiots. Chifuyu remembers it, don't you?" Chifuyu nods and confirms the same, saying he never realized it would have been over a girl though.

"So," Mitsuya's wife stares at the door from which Mikey has just exited, "potential wife?"

Baji shrugs, "Totally depends on how he takes it. You have her phone number, Emma?"

.

.

"I want them delivered by the weekend." Mikey speaks into the phone, his eyes lazily scanning the empty road. It's one in the morning, there's hardly a soul walking outside.

A car suddenly stops in front of a gate, Mikey identifies it as that of Baji's house. Baji hurries out, all prettied up and as he opens the car door, the lights inside turn on to reveal another prettied up person- you.

A deep frown etches over Mikey's face, he becomes oblivious to whatever the person over the phone is saying.

Baji and you half hug inside the car before you smile and start driving away. Mikey unknowingly starts his bike- he'd told Baji about you being back in the city only a week ago and the guy had already hit on you?

Mikey doubts Baji would do something of the sort considering the history he's had with you but Baji is Baji, there's no telling what goes through his head.

He rides after them all the way to one of Toman's fancy restaurant. By the look of it, Baji must have chosen the venue. He takes you inside while talking nonstop about something.

"Aren't they chatty now." Mikey knows he shouldn't be bothered, it's been over a decade since high school already. There's no point chasing behind the ghosts from his memories. 

He knows he's no one to stop you from going out with Baji, or do the opposite- he shouldn't feel for you anymore. He's no one to control your or Baji's actions.

In any other scenario, he'd have let Baji take the lead in this- he'd have given up on the inside like he used to back during school, but things are different in this scenario.

The only thing Mikey feels towards Baji at the moment is pure annoyance, that, mixed with betrayal. Even if he couldn't end up with you, Mikey had still liked you in the past. As a friend, Baji shouldn't have made a move on you.

Mikey feels himself walking up to a rooftop, he knows Baji would have taken you there to dine and see the scenery. A hand runs through his hair to fix it after the bike ride, Mikey adjusts his clothes the slightest bit, then walks out into the floor.

Baiji is sitting with you at a corner table, it's the one with the best view. On him entering and all the people around bowing down to their feet, you both look up at him.

"You actually came.." you stand up, eyes wide and twinkling.

Mikey pauses, then turns to Baji, who winks at him with a grin.

"What do you mean "actually came"? I did tell you he's gonna come." Baji turns over to you, "Come on, Mikey, you're already late to our mini reunion."

"You're on house arrest." Mikey's eyes narrow dangerously at Baji as he realizes what the man is up to, "No even stepping out."

"Oh my," Baji turns towards you with wide eyes, "doesn't that mean I should be at home at the moment? See you some other time, (Name)-chan, I wouldn't be able to join you and Mikey today."

Mikey's jaw almost drops. Baji says his goodbyes to you and walks over to him.

"You bastard." Mikey whispers, "The hell are you even doing?"

"Setting up a date for my friend?" Baji smiles, "You'd never have the spine to ask her out again, right? She did you pretty dirty the last time, and you still have a picture of her in your room so-"

"What?" embarrassment rises up Mikey's cheeks, "I don't."

"Go lie to someone else." Baji makes a face at him, "Mikey, you know why she rejected you years ago, it wasn't exactly that she didn't like you. You're already lucky to have someone you loved back in your life. Back when I told the others, Kokonoi wouldn't stop saying he wanted to be in your place."

Mikey's lips twitch.

"You're lucky as hell she hasn't died, or isn't in a relationship, or in fact, married." Baji says, "And she suddenly appears out of nowhere to be your own sister's doctor, what do you make out of this."

Mikey makes a face and looks away, his hands folded at his chest.

"And don't tell me you're not eager," a grin makes it's way to Baji's face, "Toman coat on, a white shirt with the top three buttons loose, designer watches, you're totally here to make an impression."

"I was already like this when I was coming." Mikey argues, but then Baji asks him to close the buttons and Mikey doesn't comply. Baji says that proves his point.

"Alright then," Baji turns around towards you and waves, "see ya."

There's silence following his departure. For some time, Mikey just stand on his place with a frown. When he does exhale deeply and walk over to your table, he doesn't even bother looking up at you.

"Are... you still mad at me?" you don't understand why that's the first question you ask him, it's almost as if you intentionally want to make the conversation awkward.

"No." there's nothing but sarcasm in his voice as Mikey seats himself lazily on the chair, one arm dangling over the frame, "Why would I be mad? There's nothing to be mad at."

You frown and sit down too, eyes assessing the expressions he's making. There's a mountain of nostalgia washing you out.

"You're still the same, Mikey." the words just fall out of your mouth. Mikey doesn't looked fazed at all.

He eyes you from head to toe, the frown still etched over his face and hands still folded at his chest in the bossiest manner, "You've changed quite a lot, haven't you, (L/N)," you flinch at him using your last name, "from being all mean to being all nice on the face."

"I was always nice to you." you point out, "It's... I couldn't do anything about it, Mikey. I know you know I liked you too."

"Sure." he rolls his eyes and looks away, his brain focused on calming the pace his heart has picked up. There's an unusual spark running down his body. 

It's obvious- you're the only girl he's ever liked, of course he's excited and nervous to talk to you after a decade. He tries to deny himself of both emotions but they start to overpower him the moment you've started talking.

"Mikey." you frown, "If I was in your place I'd be sad too, I won't deny that. I know I don't have the right to ask you of this, but please, forgive me."

"I'll have to either way, no?" his gaze turns towards you, "Once you and Baji start dating, and then get married, I'll have to see your face around all the time anyways."

You blink.

"I didn't even remember him."

Mikey pauses, "What?"

"Yeah, he called. He was like- heyy, what's up, how have you been, I'm Baji, and I didn't even know what Baji I'd ever known. Then he mentioned he was the other friend I had besides you and then I remembered."

Mikey doesn't like at all that he feels relieved in some ways. He stares at you, lips curved into a small pout and eyes narrowed into yours, "You're a bitch, (Name)."

He notices your shoulder slump in relief, making the low cut of your dress fall the slightest down to reveal much more than he has ever expected. For a moment, he's in awe.

"Thanks." you look up at him, "Just... thank you so much for forgiving me. I'm so sorry I couldn't do anything back then, the only thing I wanted to say was that I love you too but it just... didn't end that way."

"Mhm?" Mikey can't help the tingling rising up his cheeks now, "What's happened happened. But yeah, just know that I don't like you that way anymore. It's been over a decade and I've definitely met hotter women than you."

A smile rises to your face.

"Hotter with an "e-r", so I am at least hot?"

"No."

"But you just said it-"

"No." he cuts you off and averts his gaze to the Tokyo scenery outside. There's a red hue over his face matching yours.

"You're still just the same, Mikey." something melts like butter in your heart. You'd feared he'd have become a different person, but he's still the sweet boy you'd known back at school.

"You've changed." he doesn't look at you, "You used to be pretty flat back then."

You blink, "What?"

"Nice boobs."

"Mikey." all blood rushes to your face, arms covering your chest, "What the hell? That's what you're gonna say after meeting me after a decade?"

"You're the one who said I'm just the same, (Name)," he quickly turns towards you, pleased at your reactions but red on the words he's let out, "why, can you not handle my honesty anymore?"

Your mouth hangs.

"Honesty my foot, Mikey. When have you ever been honest?"

"Always." takes off his coat and throws it over the frame of the chair, "And stop acting like it's a big deal, you've been staring at my chest ever since I got here."

"You're not covering it on purpose." your hands make way to your face now, it's burning red and your heart is already racing against Mikey's. It feels exactly like it did back when you both had been younger.

"You're eyeing it on purpose." Mikey points out, "If you don't want to see, close your eyes."

"If I close my eyes, you're just gonna stare at my chest." 

"Of course I am. And not your chest, I'll stare at your boobs."

You let your head fall onto the table as you handle your embarrassment, and calm the fire ignited all over your body. Mikey only looks away towards the view of the city.

"You're just the same too, (Name)." there's a smile on his face, you look up at him as his mouth opens again, "Other than the boobs, but okay."

"Oh come on, Mikey!" your hands rush to cover your mouth, "Say another word and I'm gonna start talking about your body too."

Mikey stares at you with a blushing smirk on his face, then breaks open the remaining of the buttons of his shirt. He takes the shirt off and throws it to the side, "Go on, I'm all ears."

Your mouth hangs, eyes now shamelessly roaming around the view in front. You can't blame yourself- anyone would've drooled what lies in front. Mikey's torso seems to be sculptured by the Gods themselves.

"Actually, lets sit here." he gets up and walks to another table much closer to the roof boundary and fitted with the softest cushions to form a small cubical. Mikey pushes the table outside, it hardly takes him any effort.

He then sits on the cushions, legs slightly parted, torso in complete view, eyes focused into yours and runs a hand through his hair, "Go on, go on, (Name), or do you wish me to strike a pose or two?"

The one thing Mikey has probably undermined about you is whether you're just as straightforward as you'd been back during your teenage years or not. 

The both of you'd be shameless when with each other back in the day- he probably assumes you'd be nervous and more reserved now that you're an adult.

Oh, poor poor him.

Are you shy? Yes. Embarrassed? Yes. Blushing like an idiot? Yes. But above them all, you're shameless- it's like he's just said, you're just the same too. 

If he wants the fire burning, you're putting in the fuel and not the water.

"Take off your pants too."

Mikey freezes in his place for the fraction of a second. He realizes he's not going to win the little game he's playing- you'd keep on demanding more and he wouldn't get the reaction he's looking for.

"Why should I?" he raises his eyebrow, "I don't see you taking off your dress."

"Then why did you take off your shirt to begin with?" you pat your cheeks to get the red down, nosebleed begging to happen because of all unholy thoughts running in your head, "You meet me after a decade and what you want to do is strip?"

"You meet me after a decade and what you want to see me do is strip?" he fires back at you.

"Yes, why not." you get up and drag a chair all the way in front of him, "Put up a show for me."

"I'm the one who's supposed to be mad." Mikey reminds you, "Dare you get cheeky with me now. You'll be the one putting the show up."

.

"Things kinda look heated there, Baji-san." Chifuyu stares from behind the plants, "They're arguing."

"Let them be." Baji is examining papers with one leg over the other, "They're opening up after a decade and neither is the type to keep it inside, they're gonna go all out. From what I remember of what they were like back in the day, things should be more than just heated."

"Ah," Chifuyu makes a face, "they're making out now."

"See?"

"Ohhh, Mikey-kun's touching her chest now. She's slapping his hand away and... pulling his hair?"

Baji blinks, "Too much detail, Chifuyu. Stop now."

"Baji-san." Chifuyu gets up, "Please order all workers here to leave."

Baji stares back at him, a greedy grin rising to his face, "You're not telling me... "

"N-No.." a blush rises up Chifuyu's face, "I mean, there's a chance... Neither looks like they're backing down and things are getting kinda... really hot."

"Oh, oooh. Of course." Baji coughs, "You mean them." he calls a waiter over and tells them to empty the floor, that not a single person should be visible.

The waiter nods and hurries to get the order fulfilled. Once everyone's gone, Chifuyu peeks back at the scene, "He's just got her on his lap now, and he's feeding her."

"Mhm?" Baji is busy eyeing his prey for the night. Chifuyu doesn't realize at all.

"Now Mikey-kun is... he looks like he's gonna feed her.... something else... if you understand... I mean, she's sitting on the ground now."

"Is this something else tasty?" Baji runs a hand through his hair, Chifuyu turns around and blushes as Baji licks his lips, "Come, let me feed you too."

.

.

"I still haven't thought of a name yet." Emma stares at her four month old baby, "Ken can't think of anything cool either. What do you suggest, Mikey?"

Mikey shrugs, his eyes focused at the document he's reading, "Ask your doctor. She's the one who pulled the baby out after all."

"Jeez, it's almost been a year since you both have started talking again, at least don't go calling her doctor in front everyone. She has a name." Emma makes a face at him. 

Mikey only glances at her for the fraction of a second before looking away.

"Good point though." Ken says, "Ask the doctor, she's the one who pulled him out after all."

"She's been off work recently. The last time I talked to her she said her body was changing. She was feeling nauseous and vomiting and all." Emma puts a spoon of soup in her mouth.

"Sounds like pregnancy to me." Baji is coddling Mitsuya's daughter again, "You wouldn't have a hand in that Mikey, would you?"

Mikey puts the document down and gets up to leave while everyone is left in a state of pure shock at the realization.

"How far long is she?" Chifuyu is the only person who knew other than Baji.

"Three months now." Mikey has already reached the exit of the hall.

"When are you gonna get married?"

Mikey turn around, "Next week. You're all invited."

.

[inuiiwonderland]

Good luck babe

But it’s Emma and fem reader having something going on between them in high school and reader who is into women (can be lesbian or bi) having a crush on emma but sad thing is emma is in denial that she might be into women/is lesbian

So while they go on secret dates, kiss, make out, act like a couple in secret without officially being one, reader falls more in love while emma is slowly starting to have weird feelings for her which makes her so scared and confused.

But reader later notices that emma is having trouble with her feelings/is in denial, she tries to help emma with her feelings but emma still can’t accept it so later on they grow a bit distant which is where emma later goes on to “crush” on Draken.

Few months go by and emma and draken start dating while reader sits back and watch the love of her life date someone else. (A man)

Years later emma and draken marry each other and while reader already moved on/ is trying to move on, emma can’t help but stay up late at night and think about her and reader.

The complicated yet beautiful relationship she had with reader and how special and loved she felt in readers arms but she can’t do anything about it because she knows she’s not into women (still denying it) plus she’s married now. But then she thinks back to draken. All the years she spent with him she always felt like something is wrong/missing.

And when she compares her relationship with you and draken. She realizes that she felt more alive and happy being with you but with draken she feels like she isn’t herself

Anyways sorry for rambling this is probably a stupid idea but I couldn’t help but think about her while listening to good luck babe😭(and hinata!)

[mvkushiin]

𝗜 𝗪𝗜𝗦𝗛

𝗳𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗼𝗺: 𝘁𝗼𝗸𝘆𝗼 𝗿𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿𝘀

𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴: 𝗱𝗿𝗮𝗸𝗲𝗻 𝘅 𝗺𝗮𝗹𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿

𝗺𝘅𝗺 — 𝗳𝗲𝗺𝗮𝗹𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗳𝗲𝘁𝗶𝘀𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗱𝗻𝗶 .ᐟ.ᐟ

__ ★₊˚﹟ 𝗺𝗮𝗸𝘂 ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 ⊹ ࣪ '

𝗶𝗺𝗮𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗲 ::

𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗱𝗿𝗮𝗸𝗲𝗻 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱𝗻'𝘁

𝗳𝘂𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗹𝗮𝗯𝗲𝗹 𝗶𝘁.

⚠︎ 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 :

𝗮𝗻𝗴𝘀𝘁

:: 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗲𝗱, 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱 𝗮𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝗿𝗶𝘀𝗸..,

The rain fell in heavy sheets, drenching the city in a somber gloom. (Name) stood outside the old café where they used to meet, its once warm and inviting glow now dimmed by the passage of time. He clutched his phone tightly, the lyrics of "Sana" by I Belong to the Zoo playing softly through his earbuds, each word piercing his heart like a dagger.

Draken arrived, his motorcycle splashing through the puddles. He removed his helmet, revealing the familiar lines of his face, now shadowed with regret. He approached (Name), his footsteps heavy with the weight of unspoken words.

"You called," he said, his voice barely audible over the rain.

(Name) looked up, his eyes meeting him with a mixture of pain and longing. "We need to talk," (name) replied, his voice trembling.

They found shelter under the awning of the café, the rain creating a melancholic symphony around them. Draken looked at (name), his heart aching at the sight of his tear-streaked face. "I'm here," his voice was soft, as if he was talking with a sleeping baby by their side, afraid to wake it up. "Tell me what's on your mind."

(Name) took a deep breath, trying to steady his emotions. "Why didn't you tell me about Emma?" he asked, his voice cracking. "Why did you let me believe that we had a future together?"

Draken was shocked to hear (name)’s statement. Closing his eyes, the memories of Emma flooded his mind, overlapping him and (name)’s memories together.

"I thought I could move on," Draken admitted. "I wanted to be with you, to find happiness again. But a part of me was always with her."

"Did you ever love me?" (Name) whispered, his voice filled with anguish. "Or was I just a way to fill the void she left behind?"

Draken's eyes opened, filled with a sorrow that mirrored (Name)'s own. "I did love you," he said, his voice raw with emotion. "But it was different. Emma...she was my past. I tried to let her go, believe me I tried my hardest (name)...but I failed."

(Name) wanted to scream, to shout out his pain to the world. No, not just to the world, but to Draken as well. (Name) wanted to release the overwhelming emotions building up inside him, yet instead, he kept it all inside. Clenching his fists, (name) bit his lip, and swallowed the lump in his throat. He put on a brave face, a mask to hide the turmoil within him.

(Name) shook his head, despite trying his hardest to stop it, his tears fell and mingled with the rain. "You should have been honest with me. You should have told me that your heart was still with her."

He knew it, deep down, but he never wanted to face it. Every time he spoke, every time he did something that felt natural to him, Draken's eyes would shift, his smile would falter. It was subtle, but (Name) noticed. At first, he thought he was imagining things, that maybe he was just being paranoid. It wasn't just Draken, either. Mikey had noticed it too. 

One day, in a rare moment of frankness, Mikey had pulled (Name) aside and told him, "You know, sometimes you act just like Emma. That's probably why Draken is so attached to you."

He remembered the way those words hit him like a punch to the gut. He tried to laugh it off, tried to tell himself that it was just a coincidence. But it was hard to ignore the truth. Every time he did something that reminded Draken of Emma, his expression would change. It was as if he was seeing a ghost, reliving memories that were too painful to bear. 

(Name) wondered if Draken saw him as a rebound, a way to fill the void that Emma had left behind. It hurt, knowing that no matter how much he tried, he would always be compared to her.

There was the time they had gone to the amusement park, the same one Draken and Emma had visited. Draken had seemed happy, but (name) could see the shadow of Emma in his eyes. Every laugh, every smile, was tinged with a bittersweet memory.

(Name) remembered the night they had watched the stars together, lying on the grass and talking about their dreams. Draken had been quieter than usual, and (name) had known he was thinking about Emma. It was in those moments that (name) felt the most invisible, like a ghost trying to touch the living.

It felt like (Name) was the dead one instead of Emma. 

It wasn't that Draken didn't care about him. (Name) knew that Draken did, in his own way. But it was clear that Emma's presence was always there, lingering between them. It made (name) feel like he was constantly competing with a memory, and it was a battle he could never win.

It hurt, realizing that maybe he was just a rebound, a replacement for someone who could never truly be replaced. He wanted to be more than that, wanted Draken to see him for who he was, not just as a reminder of Emma. But how could he compete with a memory? How could he ever be enough when he was always compared to her?

He wanted to be angry, to shout at Draken and Mikey, to tell them that he was his own person, that he wasn't just Emma's shadow. But he couldn't. Because deep down, he understood. Emma was irreplaceable, and no matter how much he tried, he could never be her.

(Name) could never fill the space she left behind.

So he stayed silent, swallowing his pain, his jealousy, his frustration. He stayed by Draken's side, even if it meant being his reminder of Emma. Because even if he was just a rebound, a replacement, it was still better than nothing. It was still something.

"I was afraid," Draken admitted. "Afraid of losing you, afraid of facing my own feelings. I thought I could bury my pain and move forward, but it only hurt you more."

Draken never talked about Emma much, but (name) knew she was always there, a lingering presence in his heart. He could see it in the way Draken looked at him, not really seeing him but seeing someone else. Every time he said something Emma used to say, every time he did something Emma used to do, it was like he was a shadow of her, a poor imitation trying to fill a void that could never be filled. 

(Name) wiped his tears, his eyes held anger and sadness warring within them. "You did hurt me, Draken. Every time you looked at me and I saw her reflection in your eyes, it shattered me."

‘Please don’t look at me like that…’ (Name) said to himself, staring at Draken’s eye. He didn’t see a reflection of his own, but a blonde haired girl with the warmest golden orbs there is, and his boring eye color could never compete.

The blond tried to reach out, but (name) stepped back, the distance between them growing. "I never meant to hurt you," Draken stated, his voice breaking. "I thought I could make it work, but I was wrong. Emma…just make me so happy like no one else"

(Name) looked at Draken with eyes full of pain, his words to Emma cutting deep, making him bleed, not by blood but tears. 

"But you said I was the one who made you happy like no one else," (name) said, his voice barely a whisper. His tears falling down one by one, filled with a whirling angst of emotions. 'It's a lie huh'

Draken's heart ached at the pain in (name)’s voice. "You did," he said. "But it was different. Emma was my first love, and I thought I fully let her go, I’m sorry (name)..."

The heartache gripped him like a vise, a physical sensation that threatened to overwhelm his senses. It began as a dull ache in his chest, a heaviness that made it hard to breathe. When he heard those devastating words, the pain intensified. 

Draken’s words made (name)’s mind raced, the sentence replaying on his mind over and over again like a broken record. Each repetition drives the pain deeper, like a knife twisting in an open wound. It's a dull ache that radiates through his entire body, leaving him feeling numb and hollow.

His throat tightened, constricting with unshed tears and an ache that seemed to radiate through every fiber of his being. The weight in his chest grew heavier, a burden that he struggled to bear alone.

(Name) shook his head, tears falling freely. "I can't compete with a ghost, Draken." 

The tall man’s shoulders sagged, the weight of his mistakes pressing down on him. "I'm sorry," he apologized again, his voice filled with regret. "I never meant to hurt you."

He took a deep breath, trying to steady his emotions. "We had plans, Draken. We talked about a future, about growing old together. But all along, you were still living in the past."

Draken didn’t say anything, too ashamed to even make eye contact with the latter. (Name) looked away, his heart heavy with the weight of lost dreams. It hurts so much. It's the kind of pain that makes him want to curl up into a ball and cry until there are no tears left to shed.

The blond tried to reached out, his hand trembling. "I want to be with you," he said, his voice filled with desperation. "I want to make it work." But (name) shook his head, stepping back. "I can't," he replied, his face showing no emotion, but his breaking voice betrayed him.

"I can't be with someone who's not fully with me, Draken. Let’s end this whatever we have."

Draken's heart shattered at his words, the reality of his mistakes hitting him like a ton of bricks. "Please," he pleaded. "Give me another chance."

(Name) knew Draken would kneel to keep his loved one, to make them stay by his side by all means, but (name) wasn’t Emma and he will never be Emma. 

(Name) looked at him, his eyes filled with sorrow. "I need time," he said softly. "Time to heal, time to find myself again. I can't be with you, Draken. Not like this."

The man nodded, his own heart breaking at the finality of (name)’s words. "I'll wait," 

"I'll wait for as long as it takes. And if you never come back to me, I'll understand."

(Name) turned away, the weight of his own decision pressing down on him. He walked into the rain, leaving Draken behind, his figure a shadow in the storm. 

(Name) loved Draken so much, but Draken loved Emma too much.

As the song played on, each note a painful reminder of what they had lost, both (Name) and Draken knew that some wounds could never fully heal. The love they once shared had been consumed by the ghosts of yesterday, leaving behind only memories and the bittersweet hope of what might have been.

Maybe in a different life where (Name) is himself, and not a shadow of Emma, they could make it work. But there's only this life, and that's the one they have to navigate.

˙ . ꒷ 𝗲𝗻𝗱 . 𖦹˙—

[just-one-more-beer]

“Hello gentlemen!” Taiju bellowed from the door opening with his characteristic teeth bearing grin as Shinichiro and Wakasa walked up to the venue, quickly disposing of their cigarette buds and grinning back. 

They were pulled into a bone crushing embrace. “Good to see you, Taiju,” Shinichiro coughed as he slapped him on his broad shoulder. 

“There’s no bracing against that,” Waka laughed as he pushed his hair out of his face. Even though he still owned a gym, some guys were just so ridiculously strong. 

“So this is all yours, huh?” Shinichiro asked as he looked at the elegant, exquisite looking restaurant and event location that was decorated from the floors to the ceilings in themes befitting the four seasons. 

Taiju grinned. “So they say,” he joked. “We seated you guys in the VIP area, grab yourselves a drink and enjoy the show!” He added quickly as he pointed at the signage in the direction of the VIP lounge before turning to greet the next visitors. 

So they stepped inside, eager to get into the warm indoors and they couldn’t help but gawk at the luxurious interior. “Holy shit,” Waka whispered under his breath. Everything looked expensive. From the floor tiles to the wall designs and the big panels and doors of glass. “Look at all this… We’re doing something wrong, man,” he chuckled. 

---

Read it here! Light Impulse - Chapter 19

Rating: Mature, 18+ - MDNI

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death

Relationships: Draken | Ryuuguuji Ken/Sano Emma, Kakuchou/Kurokawa Izana, Matsuno Chifuyu/Original Female Character(s)

Additional Tags: Tokyo Revengers Original Timeline, Angst, Alternate Timelines, Romance, Family Feels, Fluff, Friendship, dark impulse, Tokyo Revengers Manga Spoilers, Spice, What if they actually talked about their feelings?, All our favourites as young adults!

[hxpel3s5-slxxt]

𝕾𝖆𝖞 𝕳𝖊𝖗 𝕹𝖆𝖒𝖊

Characters: Ken Ryuguji

Warnings: swearing, usage of n-word, unrealistic expectations, emotional abuse, mental abuse, breakup, angst no comfort, mistreatment of personal property

Emma, Emma, Emma.

Wherever I went, I couldn't escape her name.

"Emma wouldn't have been so sensitive." He said.

"Emma would've been smarter than to do that." He lectured.

"Emma looked better."

Then why did he date me?

He had all the time in the world to get with her. I even encouraged him to do so.

He chose to do this to himself. He chose to argue with me every day about being "more like Emma." Not me.

I tell him about your insecurities. About talking about her. About him using her against me in every argument.

"Emma wouldn't have been so sensitive." Is what he said after you told him that.

I tell him it's because he talks about her. It's starting to get under my skin. Hearing my man talk so highly about another woman. So I cried about it. I cried about the fact that I felt unloved.

"Emma would've been smarter than to do that."

"She wasn't smart enough to dodge Kisaki."

I don't know what came over me. I truly don't. All the pent up frustration came bubbling up. So now I stare at him. Both of us shared a dumbfounded look.

"Excuse me?" He cocked his head at me and squinted. Hoping. Just hoping he heard you wrong.

"You heard me, nigga. You keep playin' with me, little boy."

I didn't mean it, but I didn't not mean it either. I got more aggressive and began talking with my hands. I balled my hand into a fist and punched my palm to get my point across.

"You act like I won't pop you in your fucking face. You keep talking about that little girl like she's your everything. Like you're dating her."

I stare straight at him.

I'm done being treated like shit when I obviously don't deserve it. My momma raised me better than that. I had tears in my eyes at this point. I'm over his shit.

He scoffed.

He scoffed and grinned right in my face. As if I were playing with him. He chuckled a bit more before speaking.

"I knew it..." He maintains eye contact. He was peering into my soul with his stone-cold eyes.

"Emma looked better."

I froze. Looking at him.

"She acted better, she sounded better, and I'm stuck wondering why I'm with you." He pressed.

Nigga, I'm wondering the same thing.

"Then get out."

He smiled at me. Like everything was dandy.

And left.

I put on music and started "cleaning."

I took all his clothes and tossed them outside along with his belongings.

Going to my room, I picked up my phone and went to my contacts.

It's okay if Draken doesn't love me; I've learned to accept that. Besides, if he doesn't love me...

I'm sure his friends will.

"Baby❤️ contact deleted."

[mysouleaten]

fem!reader x emma sano

-> reader is in love with emma but she's still in love with draken and is very oblivious to reader's crush on her. reader wants to fight draken, she really does.

Dove Cameron - Boyfriend

[megumi-wife2]

Maybe in another life my dear..

Character: Manjiro,Baji,Ran,Rindou,Takemichi,Draken and two oc

Serious summary: A girl named Michelle was born sick and was hospitalized when she turned 15 and meet a childish gang leader named Manjiro sano aka Mikey will they love each other? Will her dreams of finding love finally be found

Warning: angst, bullying, child neglect somewhat,harsh words,blaming,

Some stories may be really short or some what long enjoy🎀💙

Chapter 1 first meet

Chapter 2 love at first sight

Chapter 3 rain?

Chapter 4 where it begins  Coming soon

Chapter 5 blue roses Coming soon

Chapter 6 that day Coming soon

Chapter 7 something wrong Coming soon

Chapter 8 get better Coming soon

Chapter 9 her beautiful eyes Coming soon

Chapter 10 maybe in another.. Coming soon

Chapter 11 the letter Coming soon

[dzvelinaskebiyars]

HELLO!

Somebody give me requests, PLEASE because I have no idea what to post yet I want to post something.

I'm currently doing requests of Tokyo Revengers! So you can request an oneshot or headcanons. Appreciated if it'd be character x Reader tbh.

Also I'm HORRIBLE at writing NSFW contest so please don't request smut oneshot😭

Anything else is welcome. For example: boyfriend/girlfriend headcanons, sibling headcanons and etc. For oneshot, you'd have to give me DETAILED request.

[sh1nch1r0]

𝕮𝖆𝖚𝖘𝖊 𝕶𝖆𝖗𝖒𝖆 𝖎𝖘 𝖒𝖞 𝕭𝖔𝖞𝖋𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖓𝖉

❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁

Draken x Reader

Emma Sano she was ur Bully Back in Middle School,everything u did she criticised it.U were never enough for anything.She hated u and u hated her but the hate u two had reached its peak when u and her Crush started dating…

Request from: @luluprincess230lp 🩷🎀

❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁

„Thank you for the Plushie“u say and smile up at the Blonde.

„Oh..no problem“he says with a blush on his face.

„Are u free tomorrow Draken?“u ask him as u get off of his bike.

„Yes…but later in the evening i have a Gang meeting…we could meet at the Shire i showed u….oh but only if u want to“he was nervous and shy when speaking to you.

„I would love“u answere and u give Draken a Goodbye Kiss on the Cheek.

„Drive Save yes?“ u whisper as his Face was still in ur Hands.

„But only cause its u“he says quietly.

U could feel his gaze on your back as u walk into the House.

❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁

„Hey Kenny….where were you“ Mikey asks as Draken enters trough the Door of his room.

„Had a Date“he mumbels and sits on the couch.

„A Date with who??“a female voice asks and he turns around to see Emma.

„Shes from ur school“he says and looks away from her.

„Which class?“ Emma asks again.

„I think shes in the same class as you are“ he replies a bit annoyed.

„Ohh is it Yuki,the black haired girl…“she says

„No the girl has blonde hair“ her Question were annoying him slowly.

„Omg…don’t tell me its [Name]….“her Voice was filled with disgust all of a sudden.

„Why…do you fucking care Emma and if its her what is so wrong with me dating her“he did not understand Emma and he never will.

„Cause shes a Bitch,back in Highschool she bullied me…“Emma starts.

❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁

Later that evening u get a text from Draken saying that he wants to talk.

Draken:Hey we need to talk

You:Why is something wrong?

Draken:Just…let me inside and i will explain

You:Okay text me when ur there

And after a couple of Minutes u heard his Bile in ur Driveway.What the fuck was going on that he needed to talk to you so urgently.

U open the Door and he steps inside.

„Well so we meet again..“u say and look at him.

„Is it true that u bullied Emma…Emma Sano?“he asks his voice was shaking.

„What…No…i would…“u started but he cut u off.

„Cause she told me some things..and if u really“he stops for a second.

Emma Sano u wanted this Bitch dead,she was a lying,manipulative and evil Cunt.She bullied u in High School and even now everytime u make a mistake she calls u out and points out how stupid u are.

„Draken…she bullied me…i don’t know what she told you but she was my Bully i told u about when we both talked over our past…“u say and look into his eyes.

„So she was that…but why would she lie…?“ Draken says quietly and looks down at his feet.

„I mean we only know us a short time and i understand that u are on her side“Draken interruptes u.

„No i am on your side the things u told me and the tears u cried that night…no…i..i never expected Emma to be like that“he says in disbelief.

❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁

The evening was warm and u were at the Shrine where the gang always met.U saw Draken standing there and as he saw you the tall Blonde walked to you to hug you.As u both walked to Mikey,Mitsuya,Baji and Takemichi he rested his hand against ur back.

„Hey Y/N“Mikey greets u.

U all talk for a while and u snuggle a bit against Draken cause it was gettting a bit cold.

„Draken????…..“ a voice was heard from behind.

And as u turned around u saw Emma stamp there in disbelief.

„I…why….I told u what she did to ME“she yells.

„Emma…stop lying u bullied her she did not bully you“Draken says in a calm tone.

„No…thats not…true…Draken shes a Monster….“but her insults were of no use.

„Come on Emma cut it out“Mikey says from behind both of u.

„Emma…wtf do you want from us why are u lying to me and why are u trying to get me to hate her?“Draken says now with a louder tone.

„Answere ME EMMA“he then yells as she just stands there.

„I LOVE U KEN…I LOVE U FOR SUCH A LONG TIME NOW AND U…CHOOSE SUCH A BITCH OVER ME“she yells at Draken and you.

„Its not ur choice who i love,or who i should love…and i dont wanna date someone who bullies people cause idk of no reason“his words made Emmas heart shatter.

And as Draken looked at you and gave u a peck to ur forehead she just wanted to die at that moment.

It should be her at your place

❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁

[zerokurokawa]

REVERSE | TOKYO REVENGERS

Let me start off by saying that I’ve been asked to write numerous times and wrote this all on a whim. I’m sorry if it’s not completely perfect, but i honestly tried to make it as perfect as possible while following the story line and making it enjoyable. I hope you all give it a shot and feel free to leave me comments!

a special thank you to @letterstobaji and @almostferaldaydreamer for standing by my side as I wrote this and encouraging me the whole time as I’m typically shy on the internet when it comes to my own works.

and thank you all who decide to read it. 🫀

if this goes well, I plan to write a sequel to REVERSE that takes place in the Tenjiku arc.

[nikki-152006]

kokonoi hajime X reader

(from Ameliorate EXTRAS!)

.

"How much longer do you want to wait?" your friends are worried about you. They glance over towards Inui seated to the side, hoping he'd try to console you but the boy hardly lifts his head.

"He'll be here any second now." you're smiling at them, sure that he'll make it but deep inside even you know Kokonoi isn't coming.

"Ring him up again, Inui." Sano Emma, a friend of yours has her hands folded at her chest. There's nothing but a frown on her face, "He's two hours late already. If he doesn't reach in ten minutes, we're gonna celebrate on our own."

"We'll wait." you look at her with a firm gaze though your irises are twitching, begging you to allow them to let out their pains.

"We won't." she's more definite than you, "If you're really as important of a friend to him, he wouldn't have missed your birthday at least. I don't want to break your heart today of all days, but please, (Name)-chan. You need to face it."

"What nonsense." you laugh awkwardly, looking over at Inui for support but he still doesn't react, "Koko-kun's gonna come. He always does."

"He always doesn't have a girlfriend." Tachibana silently points out, "Men's priorities change once they're dating. You're the one who told me that last year, remember?"

Your lips twitch. You don't want to accept it. You don't want to cry over him on your birthday. You don't want to cry at all- it's the others who'd be put in a more uncomfortable situation than you.

"(Name)-chan.. " Emma sighs as you look over at Inui again, hoping him to intervene and support you, "do you really think Inui's gonna back you up when Kokonoi-san's probably on a date with his sister at the moment?"

Inui's eyes twitch, he looks away.

Your mouth opens, then closes. There's a deep silence in the room.

"Is he?" there's too much of pain in your voice for even you to handle, your eyes get glassier by the second.

Inui doesn't have it in him to reply to you. He's always known of your feelings for Kokonoi but he's always thought Kokonoi and Akane had a deeper bond having known each other from their childhood days.

But at the moment, when he hears nothing but the chords of a broken instrument in your voice, Inui wishes there was something he could do to bring Kokonoi here. No matter what it took.

Tears flow down your cheeks, slowly and slowly staining your cheeks with the dampness of ache. There isn't anything you feel at the moment other than every strand of your heart's muscles being torn apart one by one.

" ... I'm sorry.. " Inui had only wished to cover the date part with some lie and make you believe Kokonoi couldn't come because of some hurdles, but he doesn't wish to keep you living in a lie.

Kokonoi Hajime, a close friend of yours, chose to be on a date with Inui Akane, another close friend of yours on your birthday night. This is the reality.

Inui knows keeping secrets would only make the load of ache in you heavier by passing days, so he doesn't say anything but "I'm sorry", he's not someone who deserves to say anything after all.

"Fuck it all." Yuzuha slams her glass of juice down, "Oi, Inui, " he looks up at her with a defeated look, "piss off." 

Inui nods and gets up. He knows it's for the best of you. 

Kokonoi can't shut up about how familiar him and Akane look. Of course the sight of him is painful for you. Inui sighs and quietly walks out through the door.

He feels guilty, so very guilty. But then again, there's nothing he can do.

"That's it!" she comes and cups your cheeks, "No one's crying today! It's gonna be a girls' night out. There will be no boys."

"Yeah!" Emma agrees, "Those assholes can go fuck themselves! We're gonna go out and have fun today!"

But you're not in the condition to listen to them trying to cheer you up. You feel torn. Shredded.

You don't understand why you're never good enough for him, you can't figure out what you haven't done for him. Why things turned out like this-  him dating Akane is okay, he's always loved her. But he doesn't even bother to even look at you anymore.

You've become non-existent for him, as if the approximate decade you've spent with him doesn't mean anything at all. 

It hurts.

"Get up." Tachibana grabs your arm, "Stop crying, (Name)-chan, get up."

You don't want the few friends who do care for you to be left with nothing but uneasiness today, so you try. Though it's hard, though it hurts even more, you try to hold your tears.

"We're going out." Yuzuha says, grabbing her bag and keys from the kitchen counter, "We'll have fun together. We're friends too."

You nod, smile forming on your face but nothing but ache inside. Your heart feels as if it has been scratched a hundred times, as if each of these scratches throbs in it's own blood.

All this time, you tried to keep this inside you, and now it had erupted. You'd been trying to console yourself all this time, but nothing could pull you away from the truth now.

Kokonoi doesn't care about you. At all.

Not even as a friend.

Not even as someone he knows.

Not as anything.

You don't even realize walking with the girls into Yuzuha's car- your brain and heart in a dead frenzy. 

"Let's drink." your lips are dry, you feel them while speaking, "I don't want to remember this night."

"If that's what you wish, sweetheart." Yuzuha drives towards her favorite club. She's determined to get you wasted too- not even she wants you to remember your twenty-first birthday as such. 

If only Koko-kun cared to at least show up....

You're mad at Akane too, but there's not much you can say to her. Something turned off all your affection for her the moment she and Kokonoi had started dating.

It is natural, you've been told. It's because you're envious, because you wish it was you instead of her.

I always have... 

Emma suddenly says she's gonna ask her brother to pick you all up and make sure everyone's home safe later. It disrupts your line of thought.

You've lost too many tears to be stable in your self now. You feel thoroughly dehydrated. 

If only this pain would go away... 

You unknowingly clutch your heart.

It's not like you to react this way to things. You've always been calm and logical, always think first and act later. It was Kokonoi who'd make you stutter in words and actions.

It was always him who'd make you act out of character- blush, get embarrassed, get self conscious, and what not.

And look at this.

It's him now because of whom you're sitting and crying when you should be celebrating.

No, it's not his fault I chose to be blind.

Kokonoi had been showing this behavior since over a year now- that's even before he started dating Akane. You were the one to choose to let it all past you, it's your fault you tried to run from reality.

"We're here."

You're more than relieved when Yuzuha says it, and are the first one to open the car door and step out. 

Yuzuha looks worried about you but she's definite a glass of alcohol would dissolve all your pain into nothingness. She knows you'll wake up the next day and the pain will still be there, but at least you save your birthday night.

Everyone is quick to enter, heels clacking against the floor.

The inside of the club carries a crazy mood matching the frenzy in your mind. The beats of the music nullify your heart by their vibrations.

You inhale deeply, then exhale. 

This is what I need.

Tachibana chooses not to drink, but you, Emma and Yuzuha down yourself with a couple of drinks before heading towards the dance floor.

There, you unleash everything boiling inside you as dance moves. They're sad, anyone sober would've been able to tell, but that's the thing you love the most about clubs.

No one is sober. Everyone in clubs is downed with some or the other sort of drinks trying to suppress or ignite some or the other sort of pain or joy. Everyone's the same.

.

Yuzuha runs a hand through her hair and looks around. She can't spot you anymore and it scares here.

Emma a little distance away from her is looking for you too. 

The dance floor is wide, there's a massive crowd gathered there, they don't know how to find you through it all.

Towards the other side of the dance floor, you've just fallen on some dude. He barely flinches as your weight rests on his- you're too drunk to process your own actions now.

With hazy, irritated dry eyes, you look up at the guy- he has a pretty face as far as you can tell. 

A nice jaw, eyebrows raised and arched, black hair flowing down his face over to your own. He's pretty, but he's not him.

"Do you need me to take you to the side?"

It's not even his voice.

"Are you okay?"

Those hands aren't like his.

"Excuse me, madam, can you hear me?"

But who gives a shit if it isn't Kokonoi.

He wouldn't be here for me anyways, right?

You kiss him. 

Although surprised by the sudden contact, the guy kisses back. It brings you back to how everyone's the same in clubs- looking for some or the other sort of escape or joy.

You wish to run away from your heart, and the guy wishes to run towards his own.

Using him as support, your manage to straighten up, but then lose balance and fall on him again. "Take me away." the words are slurred but they manage to leave your lips.

He does.

He takes your hand, gives you the balance you need and takes you outside the club. 

The night air is chilly but fails to calm the heat risen up your body. You giggle, the guy grins.

"What's your name?" his hand his around your waist to help you walk, yours are gripping one shoulder of his from behind and the other his forearm of the free arm.

"Me?" your vision is just as hazy, brain just as fuzzy, but you don't feel pain anymore.

Or rather, you feel too much to know what is pain anymore.

"Yeah?" the guy turns towards you.

You let go of his hold and skip ahead, then turn around with a giggle and your arms wide open. 

You're drunk- you can let yourself do anything today.

"(Name)." you say, "I'm (Name)."

"That's a pretty name," the guy catches up to you with smile on his face, "it suits you, (Name)-chan."

You giggle again, "Koko-kun never calls me by my first name, you know. I'm not important to him anyways."

The guy halts, realization hitting him. He doesn't want to take a shot at wooing a heartbroken girl- he feels guilty all of a sudden.

"Do you not like me too?" you look so innocent with your eyes wide and lips trembling in a slur "Did I make you sad?"

Baji Keisuke sighs and runs a hand through his hair, "You didn't." he says, "Would you like to join me for a walk?"

You look at him again, trying to figure whether there's any dislike on his expressions but when your brain doesn't work enough to tell, you just shrug and decide to go with him.

"Should I get you some water?" Baji wants you to get sober enough to realize what you're doing, "You're eyes won't hurt after that."

You let out a small hum. "Okay."

Kokonoi doesn't like it when he's making out with Akane and she suddenly finds something to talk about. He doesn't hate it- it's cute, but sometimes he wishes it was something more related to them than other people.

"Isn't that (Name)-chan?"Akane is peeking outside the car window onto the street where a girl is walking alongside a guy while clasping his arm, "Why is she-  oh shit, it's her birthday today!"

"Yeah, yeah it is." Kokonoi sighs, his eyes lazily following hers to see your figure walk with difficulty as a guy takes you along.

"Wait, you remembered?" Akane's eyes furrow, "Why didn't you remind me then? We should've wished her at least."

"She's not a baby, " Kokonoi says, "and besides, " he places his finger under her chin and brings her face towards him, "how dare you think of looking here and there when I'm in front of you."

Kokonoi is much taller than Akane now- he's much stronger and much more dominant.

"What can I say, " she bites her lip, "I have this bad habit."

"Shall I fix it for you?" Kokonoi grins, his hand trailing down Akane's waist.

"Please do."

Before he indulges himself completely with Akane, his eyes go up in instinct. You and the guy have just walked under a streetlight- he can see the guy clearly now.

Kokonoi's mouth hangs. "Isn't that Baji Keisuke?"

Akane frowns but gets up to look. "He's a safe guy, right? He wouldn't hurt her or something?"

"I doubt." Kokonoi frowns, "But I hate that asshole."

"Should we stop them then?" Akane asks, "You wouldn't want him to get a shot on our friend, right?"

Kokonoi's eyes furrow, "Nah, it doesn't matter as much. He wouldn't do anything wrong, don't worry about it, Akane-chan."

She hums in doubt but chooses to go with whatever Kokonoi tells her- she trusts him blindly after all.

.

.

Inui sits silently in his office. Kokonoi's office is right opposite to his and he can see Akane sit on the table in front of him through the glass door.

They're chatting.

Inui sighs and closes his file. Right in the middle of the lines of cubicles between his and Kokonoi's office is your cubicle. 

He can see the back of your chair- you're buried inside, not wanting to have even a glimpse of what's going on in the office across.

Inui feels guilty, but he doesn't understand whether or not he should. His best friend and sister are dating, there's no greater joy he can have. There's no better guy Akane can have after all.

But he doesn't feel the joy he should. Inui feels like he made a mistake.

He walks outside the office and strolls over to your cubicle.

"(Name)-chan." 

He doesn't want you to turn around- if you do, you'll be reminded of Akane and it would hurt, "I'm sorry for yesterday.... Are you okay?"

There's only a hum in response. 

"Is everything okay?"

Another hum.

" .... I'll be in my office if you need something."

There's no response.

Inui sighs and turns around to walk towards his office but something repels him. 

Without even thinking about it, he takes a turn towards Kokonoi's office and hurries inside.

"Akane-nii chan." he says, "Get off the table please, we're at work and there's a decorum we must follow."

"I'll draw the curtains." Kokonoi waves him off but Inui doesn't listen.

"We're in an office, there's rules around here. I'm not letting you both get away with stuff other employees can't. Please keep your affections for your own time, I don't want any disturbance during work."

"Jeez, Seishu." Akane sighs, "You take work too seriously sometimes," but she does get off, "fine, I'll see you later, Hajime-kun."

Kokonoi stares at Inui after Akane is gone. "What's up with you today?"

"Nothing." Inui isn't in the mood to talk to him at all. It's not like he blames Kokonoi, but there's not an ounce of patience left in him to handle the guilt, your heartbreak and Kokonoi being an ass all at once.

"I'm asking you something, Inupi." Kokonoi frowns, "What's up, why this attitude?"

"Get back to work." Inui leaves the cabin before Kokonoi can reply, but Kokonoi senses something's wrong and he's not letting it go all that easily.

"Everyone!" he enters the hall and announces, "In appreciation of your hard work, you all are allowed to take the rest of the day off!"

Inui knows exactly what's coming up after Kokonoi's announcement. He wishes you leave just in time to not fall between the argument coming up.

There's cheers from the employees as they pack their stuff and leave in groups. It takes a little time for them to leave, Inui's gaze is focused on the one cubicle Kokonoi is unintentionally standing in front of.

You don't step out in attempt to avoid seeing him.

"Are you not going to leave, (L/N)?" Kokonoi notices you a moment later, "I said everyone's dismissed."

Inui sees your shoulders slump as you pack your stuff and get up to leave despite it meaning you'll have to see him. Inui wonders if Kokonoi knows of the emotions you have now. 

He wonders if Kokonoi would notice you trying to avoid seeing him but something tells him he won't. Kokonoi isn't the slightest bothered about you to notice.

"Oh, and say hi to that bastard Baji for me, will you?" the hall is already empty, you three are the only ones there, "Tell him he's not winning the next time we- " 

The sound of a loud slap cuts off Kokonoi's words.

You bag hits the floor, and Inui's heart falls along with it.

This is the worst case scenario.

He rushes towards them to diffuse the situation but Kokonoi signals him to halt. Inui doesn't know what to do- he doesn't want you to be hurt any further. He doesn't want to live in guilt anymore.

"How do you know I know him?" your voice is hoarse from the events of the previous day, "How do you know I know Baji?"

Kokonoi looks like he's holding onto the last thread of his patience, "You were out with him last night."

"You know I didn't know him." your voice gives away the way your heart wails, "You saw me being drunk and going somewhere with a guy I didn't even know...."

"I did, so?" Kokonoi's fist is balled up, he's trying hard not to unleash his anger.

"What?" Inui turns to him, "You- what if something happened to her? What if that guy did something? Koko, what's wrong with you! Why didn't you- "

"It was Baji, Inupi." Kokonoi spits out, his anger getting the best of him, "That guy wouldn't do shit... and you." he turns to you, "Stop fucking expecting someone to be there to take care of you. If you don't want a situation like that, how about not drink and get wasted like a club hoe."

Inui punches him.

And that, not once.

Kokonoi is too pissed to not respond.

Akane has just entered the hall- she's a receptionist and she'd noticed all the employees leaving- she runs over to Inui, gasping and asking them to stop fighting.

You can hear Akane beg you to help her separate the two- you're the stronger one of the two of you, but you don't even bother looking at her.

You just pick up your bag and turn around and leave, not glancing back even once.

.

There's a knock on your door that evening. 

You walk over to it with a piece of toast in your mouth and open the door to reveal Akane standing behind with an awkward expression.

"Hey, (Name)-chan... I... uhm, so... Seishu told us everything... I'm so sorry- " you close the door at her face, lock it and then walk back to the couches.

Not a single part of you wants to see her anymore, and poor Seishu gets the damage- he looks too much like her and you don't want him to remind you of her.

You're done with green eyes and blond hair and sweet voices but you still cannot come to hate anything about Kokonoi.

It's unfair to Akane, you know it, but there's nothing you can do to control it. She's the one who has always been nice and kind to you and Kokonoi is the one who abandoned you in a hollow friendship, yet still, you cannot come to reduce your hate for her or increase that for him.

It's all just a pain, nothing more. 

Love, friendship, everything.

You sigh and ring up Baji.

"I swear you're not getting over him if you keep on calling me." is the first thing he says over the phone. You'd slipped your whole heartache to him in your drunk state, and he chose to stay as a friend.

"I know." you say, though you know you're just trying to replace Kokonoi's hair with the black in Baji's and his grin with that of Baji's. 

It doesn't fit at all. You don't like Baji at all, but you love Kokonoi, and you wish to distract yourself before the pain drives you crazy.

"Go get a life, (Name)-san." you hear him say, and are suddenly reminded he doesn't even know your surname- you only told him your first name, "Get a life, and when you need friends, you know the bunch you can come too."

This bunch includes Yuzuha, Emma, Tachibana, him and Emma's brother Mikey who somehow turned out to be Baji's childhood friend too.

They're friends to you, undeniably, but still, a decade of close frienship and love has a different charm to it.

A decade of friendship with Akane gets wasted because your envy and dread gets the best of you. A decade of friendship with Kokonoi is wasted because he suddenly stopped giving a fuck about you.

You don't want your friendship with Inui Seishu to be wasted- whether to not he could help you, he's always stood by you no matter what.

The call has ended and you put your phone down with a deep exhale. 

He's right. I can't limit my life to just Kokonoi and his love.

You snort.

His "non-existent" love.

You can hear his voice amidst the knocking on the door. He doesn't sound too willing to call out to you.

"They're wasting their time." you know, because Kokonoi would always love only Akane. 

There's no place in his heart for anyone else. Not even you.

And if they wish to come apologize for hardly caring about you, you don't need it. You don't wish for someone who needs to be reminded to care for you to be around you either.

But then again, the ache is there.

"Long long ago, there was a fire in Inui's house... " you're talking to yourself without realizing where you're headed, "Seishu got a scar on his face because of it, Akane was mistakenly diagnosed to require a lot of money to be treated."

You're in the kitchen, and you're turning the burner on.

"Another doctor checked the reports and found the flaw. Akane wasn't needing a big surgery at all. She was all safe and sound."

You turn the stove's burner on, the fire looks beautiful. 

"I wonder what would've happened if she had died back then.. "

The doorbell's loud noise snaps you back into reality. It takes you a moment to breath in heavily and come back to your senses.

Once you realize what you'd been tying to do, you turn off the burner and hurry towards the drawing room, body trembling from cell to cell in panic and fear.

You'd lost it. You were about to do something utterly stupid.

It freaks you out.

You don't care who's knocking to door, you just open it. You need someone. Anyone.

You need a human interaction. Even just a single one- just to stabilize your mind and not let it override your body this way. You can't afford to let your life go just because a guy you liked didn't like you back or because he became oblivious to your friendship and what not.

Baji is right, you need to live.

It's Inui outside the door.

Kokonoi and Akane are standing a little further behind- Kokonoi is leaning against Inui's car and Akane stands a few steps away from him.

They look up from the ground on hearing the door open. Meanwhile, Seishu assesses the mess of a condition you're in and immediately steps ahead to help you balance.

Your whole body is still trembling, throat parched in fear. "Help me, Seishu. Help me."

Seishu's eyes are glassy- he doesn't know what to do. He never does, and he blames himself for how everything turns out.

If only I did things right... 

But he doubts there's a right or wrong in a scenario like this. None of you all can be blamed for anything.

Inui Seishu hugs you and gently rub his back telling you to calm down. He hears you mumble as you grip onto him, about how you're scared because you feel your body isn't under your control anymore.

You'd always criticized people who leave the world in the name of love but you realize today maybe their bodies aren't in their control anymore. And maybe, they don't or can't put in the effort to gain the control back.

You can't let that happen.

Loving someone is okay, being heartbroken is okay. But letting go of all beauty of the world, all that accepts you for the one person who rejects you is stupid.

You may love him for all your life, may even say his name in the last few breaths of your living, but you would never leave everything and everyone for Kokonoi.

The others don't deserve that.

You don't deserve that.

Seishu helps you inside, Akane tries to help but he tells her to wait outside. 

Kokonoi doesn't bother to even step forward. 

This time, you don't expect him to either.

.

.

"But there's no point feeling guilty about it," Akane and Kokonoi are sitting in the office's cafeteria during lunch, "the whole reason she never told you herself is because she knew you'd feel this way."

Kokonoi just hums in response. He doesn't even know if it's only guilt he's feeling.

Akane stares at him, her lips twitching to word the one question revolving around her mind since the previous day.

"Hajime, " her voice is soft, "in this past decade of knowing her, have you ever even once had any feelings for her?"

Kokonoi's expressions are unchanged, "There's no space for anyone in my heart other than you, Akane-chan. Don't worry yourself with baseless thoughts." he picks up his tray and leaves to put it in the rack of dirty ones.

Akane stares behind him, her lips curled in a frown, "That's not what I'm asking."

Kokonoi watches Inui and you sitting at a table a little away, both busy in gossip. Your expression and pallor give away what you actually feel but you're trying to move on.

He notices you look towards the desert section and walk off towards it. Kokonoi takes the moment to go and sit with Inui Seishu.

"Koko." he greets.

"Inupi." Kokonoi greets back.

There's silence at the table. It is Inui who breaks it with a question- "Are you happy, Koko?"

Kokonoi has never encountered a question harder to answer before. 

He's happy with Akane. She is all he has ever wanted since his childhood, but the fact that you sit alone crying because of him doesn't leave a very good taste in his mouth.

Kokonoi knows he chose Akane. He knows he will always stick by her side, yet still, for some reason, it doesn't feel right.

Him and Akane are perfect, but you being sad disturbs his ease.

Kokonoi has never once seen you cry before the previous day- you'd always been the one to smile through everything, the one who'd care for both the boys when they were hurt during the Black Dragon days, scold them, punish them, but always have that smile on your face.

He had started to cut all ties from you a couple of years ago- Kokonoi did not like his one-way hollow tunnel towards Akane being disrupted by a small, beautiful lane running elsewhere.

_________________  "In this past decade of knowing her, have you ever even once had any feelings for her?" _________________

If they'd been feelings, he wouldn't have thrown her aside so recklessly, right?

He doesn't even know why he mentioned Baji to you back then. It was all on instinct, but there was no need to- he has no business with the guys you spend your nights with.

Kokonoi looks up. Inui is still waiting for an answer, but he has none.

He can't even decide what his own actions or feelings mean.

"You should go then." Inui understands, "(Name)-chan wouldn't return back here if you stay."

But you do.

You place a bowl of ice cream in front of each of the two boys two more to the side, then beckon Akane seated a few tables away. Akane comes, though hesitant but you smile at her and try to talk.

You hold back all emotions and smile, just so that no one else has to bear any guilt because of you. Kokonoi sighs, you're trying to move on and fix things alone.

Like always...

This is just the way you are. 

Nothing but an idiot.

But seeing you try makes his face droop. It latches an unexplained weight onto his heart. 

________ "Are you happy, Koko?" ________

___________ "Help me, Seishu. Help me." ___________

He sighs.

He's not happy.

He doubt he ever will be.

[southside-otaku]

A Game of Fate headcanons

Hades! Draken x Persephone! Reader (fem)

*This is sorta based off of the book A Game of Fate by Scarlett St. Clair because I’m currently reading it. I’m a sucker for mythology and romance haha lmk if y’all want more of these I’m only on chapter 7 so I’ll probably be able to get into this more as I read on! Also this was written with a poc in mind however it can be read as anyone honestly <3

- They never knew there could be such a hunger for another being until they laid eyes upon each other

- Y/n with wild tresses long & soft, not unruly but more of a put together mess

- Draken clad in black sole for a red tie, eyes peering into the soul of a woman he has yet to have the pleasure of knowing

- Hades! Draken who never knew of love but knew he would move mountains-no-countries for y/n

- The Fates knowing what they’ve done to this beast of a man, giving him a destiny so hard to obtain

- Hades! Draken being taken aback by the sole strength of Persephone! Y/n when her eyes held back a wild untamable strength of the goddess she truly was.

- Persephone! Y/n believing no male could restrain her but realizing she wanted to BE in the confines of one’s arms

- Hades! Draken and Persephone! Y/n realizing that they could no longer hold back from one another

- Hades! Draken believing himself to be too controlling and does not want to take his lovers freedom away, not seeing that he was not whom others saw him to be

- Hades! Draken hoping his bloodlust never shows itself in front of your eyes

BONUS!

- Thanatos! Mitsuya & Hecate! Emma being the best support in the underworld and the ones Hades! Draken comes to for advice

[penrose-quinn]

Green Light | Part Eleven

"You look like you're about to drown," you reasoned as if the closeness needed one, straddling your legs on his lap.

Shinichiro hooked a hand behind your knee, uncertain if he's cradling you to him or if you're lifting him up because he felt as if he's already flung himself from the bridge, six feet deep into rushing water, and you're diving down the river to go after him but somehow, nothing was agonizing when your hand brushed the hairs on his arm, then the vein stretched out like a branch on the bone of his wrist.

He mulled over how you could think that you'd only ever destroyed what you touched. His little finger nudged your knuckle a bit and you curled on him like you're making a promise to be careful with his heart.

pairing: shinichiro sano/gn!reader

content tags: they/them pronounces for reader, but ‘their’ is only used once. childhood friends. angst and hurt/comfort. slice of life ft. gangs. idiots to lovers. old friends trying to reconnect but are being dumbasses about it. they don't deserve the friends to lovers tag because they're stupid and pining. the second part of my sad attempt at writing shinichiro’s backstory but he isn’t a [redacted] here. dysfunctional relationship (for shinichiro and izana). underage smoking and mentions of gang violence. non-explicit sexual content at the end (no gendered terms). tokrev manga spoilers.

a/n: this backstory wouldn’t make a lot of sense if you hadn’t read the first part :’) he isn’t a [redacted] here lol, but i’m still tackling on whatever went on between shinichiro and izana (and everyone else). i won’t accept that he missed out on his adult years in this timeline and simply had to suffer on the other. i’m putting the best of what i could make up and write in this version of his backstory so i very much appreciate every like/reblog/comment this receives!  

m.list ❁ read on ao3 ❁ part 12

There was a time you asked him what he wanted to do someday when he was at the peak of attaining everything.

You were still at the edge of eighteen. Still entangled in each other from the riverbank.

Shinichiro felt a nudge from your socked foot against his leg. Your boot was safeguarded close to his armpit for keeping it away from you. His hair was even mussed-up for it, but he couldn’t recall what the both of you were fighting about earlier ago.

You claimed that you were serious and he shrugged because he had the Black Dragons.

“You’re still planning to be in the gang after high school?”

During that time, it didn’t occur to him that you wouldn’t. “What’s wrong with that?”

“Be real. You can’t keep punching guys and meddling in their unresolved issues forever! It’s unsustainable. You’re more than that, Shin.”

You shook your head in disapproval like Takeomi though he would’ve probably enthused him to keep ruling over Tokyo, be the King.

Takeomi basked in their era like a man who found immortality and you just denounced him for letting the shameless power-trip rot his brain. Shinichiro chuckled, even though you accused him of it too. Called them losers.

You told him you wanted to go to college.

Everyone’s expected to, was what he wanted to say because that’s the least thing any good, grateful child should do for all their parents’ hard-earned labor. He hadn’t visited their grave in awhile. Mused over what flowers to bring them while you meandered on how you’re going to get a job, save up a lot of money to have a place of your own: high-rise studio, spacious room, and a balcony with a nice view of the city. 

Shinichiro didn’t appear like he was listening though his lips fondly tilted up throughout because the sun rose with your voice and he never doubted you.

“You will,” he said finally. He knew because you could see the future.

“Yeah? Well, I don’t know what’s gonna happen to you without me.”

You sounded a little vulnerable. Shinichiro attempted to reach for your wrist but his fingers fiddled around the cold button of your cuff sleeve instead. He didn't want to think about what you actually meant, digressing with a remark that you looked good in the gang uniform, and you just rummaged for his pack and lighter in his pocket with a scoff.

He's lying down on the ground, one leg bent to the other and arms behind his head in the lackadaisical manner where he’s looking forward to a weekend of nothing because he hadn’t really crossed that point where he could have a life untethered to where he was now.

The both of you were still covered in wet grass stains till daybreak, and the world moved on.

How could age stack up like bills, pilling high until it left one bankrupt?

Shinichiro used to count how many stitches he had in a bad scar from a fight. Now, he counted his gains and losses over the years. Learned to budget the good left for himself. The best he could do was work. He had to make this work.

S•S MOTORS used to be a small, forgotten building wedged in the bustling landscape of Shibuya.

There’s the skeleton of an exposed ceiling, water stains on the walls, and a smashed window at the backroom. Shinichiro constantly mulled over if this was worth the loans while toiling himself over wet plaster on cracks. He’s starting from scraps again, though he figured he could be the architect of his future from here and he had a vision unveil itself in the ruins of a building, of the aspirations of a new generation.

Kanda went to see him yesterday. He was with the current president of the Black Dragons.

I want to bring back that place where everyone can belong, Shinichiro-san.

A family, a place to belong; Shinichiro reminisced how much he dreamed to build a home.

Company was divided into strays, regulars, and new customers.

Shinichiro still thought of you, walking in here one of these days.

It felt odd when everyone began to come to terms with your absence – his friends didn't have much to say about you anymore but they hoped you're faring well – and then, perhaps without being deliberate, passed his sentiments over to Seishu to the point the boy had probably ceased to guess what kind of presence you would be in his motor shop.

Seishu stayed in longer than he should, this hovel of scattered hopes and broken machine parts though he liked to watch him work in earnest, digging a hand wrist-deep into an engine as if he could find a damaged, beating heart inside.

He never spoke of that aloud, most of the time he didn’t speak at all, though he never had to tell him what happened to his face or how he's used to people seeing the burn scar before him. Shinichiro just saw a lost boy with raw, torn knuckles.

His thoughts went to Izana, and then back to Seishu, if he had somewhere to return.

He’d wander back in here the next morning.

Seishu opened up that he had a childhood friend who was smarter than him.  

It’s a brief, trusting exchange, though what seemed like one of passing felt more momentous than what it was.

Shinichiro grinned, claiming that it's nice they had something in common. Seishu tilted his head at that before perusing the dead husk of a Suzuki Intruder, eyes frosted over in latent thought. He didn't question him about it like how he would on calmer days, sharing about scuffles and stories rekindled over a freely offered soft drink to soothe the bruises.

There's an irony to Wakasa punctuating on how he shouldn't be feeding the kid with too much sugar. Benkei stepped in the room with him, brandishing a paper bag of meat buns. No one hesitated to bring back the old man misunderstanding to get a rise out of the big guy. Crates shifted together, grating against floorboards, unserious threats, more jeering.

Shinichiro sighed expectantly on how his startup business was diving down into a rowdy one.

There were little, amused blips in Seishu's unaffected expression every time.

Shinichiro asked Seishu if he liked motorcycles.

He shrugged, handing him a torque wrench from the set laid beside him. He’s already familiar of the tools and quick on the uptake with a reserved attentiveness that should’ve been pored more on his studies, though he’s at that rebellious age where he felt like he should be elsewhere than losing himself in the monotony of real life.

Shinichiro understood, remembering a time when his youth had been overbearing, not taken seriously, and full of pent-up, adolescent anger.

Seishu didn’t believe he held that kind of rage, and Shinichiro smiled because you’d probably say otherwise.

Even so, he’d tell him that it’s liberating being true to himself in the same breath he kept bringing up that school was a bit better than his motor shop because he didn’t want the kid to screw himself over a lifetime of stinking in gasoline and grueling manual labor in the future. There’s a lot of options for him, just give it a shot.

Shinichiro had gotten better at enthusing that without being intrusive about it. Or at least that’s his assumption when Ken seemed more motivated attending his classes after having a similar conversation some time ago. He wondered if Seishu might get along with him more than Manjiro. His brother was rather selective on his clique of friends and Haruchiyo devoted being by his side till now.

In the end, Seishu chose the path of a delinquent in the Black Dragons.

Perhaps, that’s better than being alone on the beat-up couch in his shop.

Shinichiro wanted to be one with static, to be pointless for a moment, even when no one’s going to come looking for him at 3 a.m.

All the lights were down, spilling in the syncopations of the city and the tired wheeze of his heater, though he turned it off a minute ago because he’s saving up for this month's electric bill. His bones creaked from his neck, oily with sweat and Tiger Balm, but somehow, it felt like his spine splintered in half. He’s already fatigued from figuring his shit out and he’s not even in his forties yet.

Was it weird he couldn’t imagine what you’d look like at twenty? He’d been losing inspiration lately. He didn’t want to dump it on you, though sometimes, he hated thinking of you like that to the point he wished he choked on his beer and let it all fizzle away.

Manjiro called him out for moping. Shinichiro threw back that he’s a brat. His brother recognized your tone in him and the question withered inside his mouth. Benkei and Wakasa only shared a pensive glance after he recounted it at the bar. He's out of the loop between them and they didn't make him feel better for it unlike Takeomi, who slurred out that he wouldn't be so miserable if he just got over you, tactlessly well-intentioned and unafraid of speaking out his mind in all the ways asshole friends did to show they cared.

Benkei excused it as one of his drunken tirades again because they were aware how Takeomi had been spiraling from his life, and although Benkei was looking out for them, the reassurance was painfully needless. Shinichiro could see it in Wakasa's quiet, apologetic gaze.

They formed a gang. Had skipped school to smoke his first joint in the garage, swore that they had each other’s back since the hot blaze of their teenage years. So Shinichiro pondered how long Wakasa had eyes like that, or perhaps he just hadn't noticed them in awhile because he hadn't hung out with everyone as much when time became scarce and life kept getting in the way.

Then his hand clenched into a fist as he reached for his phone. The shape wasn't right and there's a coldness to the cell on his palm. Right, he lost his old one weeks ago. What's your number again? Didn't you change your email a year after you moved?

Regret twinged in his chest when Shinichiro couldn't greet you on your birthday today, reminiscing on waking to your message last August when you asked him what it felt like to finally be an adult, tagged after a found your soulmate yet?

He’s still sad and single. Instead of a retort, you responded back that it's okay when the both of you could just be sad and single together.

It sucked that he couldn't ask how you were though buried at the farthest place of his mind, he wondered if you'd even reply.

Shinichiro wanted to tell you that he fell in love again though the one who already got sick of his heartbreak was Izana.

He wasn’t sure how to confide about their sister having a crush with that attitude. He figured that out when she began to reinvent herself in small, subtle ways: a new hairstyle, a song she never liked or listened to before. There were the long, fawning looks, but they lingered more in the after-school daydreams, tucked like a lock of hair behind the ear for her earring to twinkle and catch someone’s eye.

Nothing’s working to her favor yet. He could tell from the way her fingers played with her hair a lot more nowadays because she'd rather braid her feelings than confess, whoever it was.

A symptom of unrequited love, or at least that’s what he assumed it was for needing to fill the hunger with the shy hope of tying wishes on a bamboo branch on Tanabata. Manjiro would rather drag Ken to the food booths than dress in a summer yukata with her and Shinichiro had to rummage his in the old closet.

It’s patterned with waves but his mother had described how the seigaiha looked more like dragon scales against a sea of stormy, black cotton. It’s the same one with two holes at the bottom hem; the one that riveted a woman with two moles under her lip, meeting in line of a takoyaki stall. Because Manjiro wanted a bit of everything, Shinichiro ordered the one with assorted flavors and she had hers with mozzarella. A greasy smear of it on the corner of her mouth made her smile more charming, remarking how endearing it was that he’d accompany his sister in a yukata.

Shinichiro offered to buy her a candied strawberry for making his brother pull a face once she drizzled a packet of hot sauce all over her food, though really, he’s stalling for time so he could talk to her some more.

Hoshiko took a sweet bite of his sincerity and told him that she’s got all night. They would surprise themselves for having a mutual friend from Gareji Yago. She loved his sense of humor. He blurted out that her laugh sounded like magic, which had his siblings stupidly reenacting the exchange over the dining table for a month.

They swapped numbers anyway. It’s almost like a call for destiny until it wasn’t.

Shinichiro supposed the retrospection might be worth passing along in his letters.

It'd been the only consistent thing between him and Izana when he wasn't allowed to visit and his sentence was further extended for misconduct. He had to ask Benkei the other day what his experience in juvie had been like, and with a dark somberness in his gaze, he never forgot how no one really came out of there being the same person.

Shinichiro would let Izana be who he wanted to be, but he was still his little brother.

There’s nothing in the world that could change that.

Shinichiro was eleven when his father asked him if he’d like to have another sibling.

It was one of those countless nights his father missed out on dinner, though Shinichiro would pull out his food from the fridge and reheat it for him in the microwave. Leftovers always made his mother sad.  

He didn't quite comprehend the implication of his father's words yet, and one day he’d grow to harbor the sorrow, unwantedness, and pained resentment he never had in him, bursting from his fists like all boys did. Conflict had never been forgiving to his mother, but she would end up loving Emma and his father, regardless.

Shinichiro would ask a similar question to Manjiro years later, and a vestige of their mother lifted up his lips, sticky with the red bean paste of his taiyaki. His heart found ease from the sweet acceptance of his smile.

“Yeah, I'll definitely love him.”

Once Izana was out of juvie, they rode to a harbor in Shinisogocho.

He liked the sea best; a kingdom of star-studded waves, city lights. The vastness enthralled him, a kind of true calling to potential.

Shinichiro believed Izana was capable of many things so he filled the boy with dreams that couldn’t be bound in the legacy of a house. Manjiro had birthright, but Izana would always have freedom.

Either way, his siblings were meant to flourish. They’re his pride. That’s all Shinichiro could ever ask for.

There’s so much salt in the air that he lit a cigarette, blowing smoke like the distant beacon of a lighthouse – a warning.

No one ever told him that nicotine shouldn’t be something he was supposed to crave – he didn’t mean to poison you the way he did – though he would to his brother back then and it spared him a few more years until he could flicker one by himself on the same harbor, the same shade of night. Someday, the Black Dragon embroidered on his back.

Manjiro graduated from elementary around the time Izana was released though he remained disinclined to ask anything about Manjiro succeeding him in the gang.

In the silence between them, Shinichiro mentioned their sister instead. “Emma’s doing well. She got into fortune telling pretty recently, can you believe that? I still don’t get what’s all the fuss about horoscopes.” Shinichiro chuckled but it wasn’t shared. His brother almost looked dazed, out of touch. Out of reach.

“Her cooking is way better than mine. Maybe, you should try it sometime . . .”

The murmur of waves, ashes dropping. Izana languished on a long drag of his cigarette.

“Come have dinner with us,” Shinichiro tried.

His plea was lost to Izana, a shiny bottle adrift in the ocean, as he let another second pass and told him no.

By the time midsummer ended, Izana had turned fourteen; jarringly, grown into his limbs, about his shoulder blade’s height now, grown impatient when he made the major life decision to run away from the orphanage, screw the system.

All the risk-taking only brought tremendous frustration on Shinichiro because Izana didn’t even consult him about it. Contended with him on his questionable choices. That he’s secure with his underground connections, that he already managed to get himself a contract to an apartment somewhere within the realm of Black Dragons territory, not too far from the motor shop so he could visit him. Why can’t you just see that I’m taking responsibility for myself when you won’t—

Shinichiro wasn’t sure what kind of face he was making that broke off the conversation there. The silence stagnated further, and Izana must’ve been more shattered over their argument than he was. It left them irreparable for a night.

The first to make amends was Shinichiro, laying down his pride to atone, truly atone, and perhaps, the act was disarming to Izana.

Shinichiro had never seen him so distressed, and Izana believed him when his big brother said that he’s just worried for him, addressing that he’s right because he should’ve done something sooner.

Yet they didn’t live under one roof.

The implicitness of their bond had become complicated with the self-awareness. They still drank their weight on soda while rock songs hovered over them for the nostalgia trip, the ballad of their routine in the late, sun-glazed afternoon. They even liked their curry the same way. Medium spicy, the kind of heat Manjiro wouldn't appreciate in his mouth. There’s an eyeroll to every joke that didn’t land, the sneaking upturn of lips, the silver lining.

Some of his customers greeted Izana when he entered the shop. They didn’t refer to him when they spoke to Shinichiro about his brother. Izana stopped styling his hair up like Shinichiro one day, and everyone would look out for the autumn moon swaying beneath his ears, the sharp, wicked wit.

Shinichiro would gladly tune-up his motorcycle for free, asking him how’s he been doing lately. Izana wouldn’t bring up school or Emma, though he would about the gang and his ambitions for it. Shinichiro nodded to his every word, as if they’re talking about music or their latest excursion. He reminisced of their stroll at Tsukuda Bridge months ago, the river underneath evening-black and murky like the waves in Manila Bay.

There’s always an urge to drown somewhere in those depths, secrets and more secrets.

For the longest time, Shinichiro lacked the awareness that people puzzled over him until you'd say so someday, and in his reflections, being seen by you felt as if he'd been transparent enough.

Though perhaps, it hadn't always been like that because in needing to be closer, Izana fiercely searched for something in Shinichiro, imploring in the way he only knew how, and then return every other day, looking harsher than last time, hurting more than last time. He blamed himself for it too – everything’s wrong ‘cause of me – and Shinichiro wished he didn’t punish himself for existing, gently dressing the wounds with words and antiseptic.

“You’re my little brother. Nothing about you is wrong to me.”     

Izana came to him with the storm on his back.

Shinichiro had never been scared of lightning but he was from the truth in Izana's eyes. He knew the question before it could be asked and he didn't deny it.

Retribution had never felt so fast and unrepentant by his fist. It's all what he's taught him and more, self-defense.

On the ground, his head throbbed and Shinichiro still had a full set of teeth, a rasp to remind him that blood-related or not, nothing will change between us, all right? Izana held back on his punch and Shinichiro wasn't pretending to be tough by staying still for another.

He's just resigned in all the ways guilt could cripple a man, seeing his little brother bleed for the wrong, wretched reasons. It's not your fault, he wanted to say, but to reach out meant ruining him and he couldn't bring him the happiness that could take him away from that hell.

There's a despondence on the bite of Izana’s voice, a wavering, anguished sound.

"I never want to see you again."

Shinichiro thought he saw you.

“What happened to you?”

“. . . I had a fight with my little brother.”

Sympathy made Akemi’s gaze softer when she brought him at her place to tend to his wounds at a tragic time.

Shinichiro wondered if sisters were just always like that. They would glare at you like you were a nuisance but would help you clean up after your mess anyway.

Emma never outgrew it. She did a lot of the housework nowadays and she knew exactly where to find the medical box, hauling it out from the bathroom cupboard under the sink with a sigh. She’s careful with the antiseptic because she knew how it stung and she didn’t understand why boys were the way they were, railing on how useless her brothers were. Can’t even cook their eggs how they want it made, or something like that.

Then he mulled over your sister, the way she swabbed the graze on his chin, and from this proximity, he traced out the part of her hair, her cheekbones, and then so clearly this time, her eyes in both shape and sentiment, how she looked more like you.

Sometimes, it’s staggering how he didn't know Akemi as much as he knew you.

He grew up trying to impress her by balancing himself atop the jungle gym, admiring her as an adult when she was hardly one herself who was just learning how to apply makeup to conceal the deeper insecurities at fifteen, to become more feminine to appeal to guys who weren’t worth all the emotional damage. She still wore mascara, the drugstore kind that clumped around her eyelashes, but he realized the mature lines under them suited her more.

His shoulders ached in understanding, about what it felt like to be heaped with all this responsibility you never asked for.   

Perhaps, there’s a special kinship they could seek out in each other but he felt really stupid for seeing her now.

“I was so busy with everything else that I can’t help but feel like I neglected their feelings, what’s really hurting inside . . .”

Akemi serenely watched her daughter from the window. Keiko was in her yellow raincoat and sneakers, splashing on puddles from her dash to the maid café with a friend, and Akemi reminisced of you and her, muddy with youth and growing pains. Yours was so quiet and violent that it almost scared her. Shinichiro remembered that part too, raw like the scabs on your knuckles; remembered the threats and slurs they called her just to get a rise out of you; remembered most of them where from rival gangs that went against Seisaku.

You told him that all you ever saw was red and he didn't stop you for lashing out to her defense. He even fought alongside you.

Though having witnessed that side of you, Akemi recounted that she wound up yelling that you were acting like your brother. Her regret settled deep in her womb and you felt a little farther from her ever since. It wasn't like the both of you never reconciled and you would even claim now that she was just a teenager at the time.

“Siblings fight for a lot of reasons,” she said, but she also hurt you. Sometimes, she feared she might not have the opportunity to know you anymore because of it. Her eyes wandered wistfully to the window again. “I miss the both of them . . .”

Then she sighed, looking back at him. “I hope it gets better with your little brother.”

Shinichiro didn’t know what to say but it throbbed where it should, burning on his throat with remorse. I hurt him.

Akemi poured his cup again as if to fill in the silence with consolation and a meek hope that it’s never too late to reach out.

"You're not a bad person, Shinichiro-kun."

He drank his tea, tasting of tears.

"I'm a terrible big brother."

Shinichiro said it a second time to himself.

The world was cleansed by the rain, but his memories never absolved him.

He went home late that time, and they would ask him why he's bleeding. He would tell them he's fine and it would be like that for days. Something always festered in his silence.

The moment Izana stopped coming back to the motor shop so did Seishu.

Perhaps, this was what it’s like to mourn for the living.

Learning to cope with the hollowness in him that haunted the spaces of his room, filled with their shadows that had grown farther in the Black Dragons. Most would say the gang changed for the worse, gradually being embroiled in all criminal dealings, drugs and blood money.  An elderly storekeeper was stabbed from the gang's aggressions. He died before he could reach the hospital and it was all over the headlines that morning.

It's enough to provoke Benkei to demand a reason for letting it happen, and while Wakasa had stood between them, he matched his partner more in his solemn, self-contained fury. There's a glimpse of the legendary gang leaders that divided Kanto in half in the confrontation. When it came to legacy, their outrage was justified for sacrificing it all for him. Takeomi watched them until he felt the need to intervene because Shinichiro wasn't as upset as he should.

This wasn't their generation anymore, and the successors after the eighth weren't any better when they carried the inherent spirit of vindictiveness.

One of Manjiro's friends would be a victim to this, and his little brother would ask him one day to put an end to it with Toman, dressed in black and gold as to honor what Shinichiro and his friends had striven to become a long time ago.

Black Dragons had always been meant to be led by his brothers.

Shinichiro contemplated if Izana could make a home from the ashes of another and Manjiro was there to pick at its bones. He just wished he could do more for Seishu, attempting to save a semblance of it in the scarcity. He understood what all of this meant to him and why he couldn't seem to visit when he was in a coma for two weeks. The motor shop was closed far longer and he was concerned if there's a place out there for him.

The last time Shinichiro had heard of him was when he was still struggling in physical therapy. Seishu was recently released from juvie by then, following a different tyrant in the Black Dragons. He wasn't alone in the gang, and Shinichiro supposed with his old friend beside him, they could figure something out of the madness. Perhaps, there was hope if they remained together.

In the midst of things, Shinichiro couldn't really do much, fearing to cause more damage than what's done and living through the rest of it than just staying dead. 

“Do Mikey and Emma know?” you asked, hauling him back to you.

“After the accident in the shop, I told them everything. Figured I should, knowing it could be my last . . . Emma first, then Manjiro.”

Because it'd taken him surgery and a span of years to tell her the truth about Izana.

“It's unfair.” Emma shed a tear that day, crumpling in distress that made him want to scoop her up like she’s four, cooing softly, no, there are no monsters under your bed and your mother didn’t hate you.

He was petrified as she still sat there, hands clutching the skirt of her school uniform like how Izana would onto impossibly good, hopeful things.

"But you're my big brother too," she said before wiping her face and walking out of the room.

Shinichiro would still apologize to her, even though Emma never really stopped visiting him in the hospital with either Manjiro or Grandpa around.

The only time she did by herself was when they had an actual conversation without Manjiro's presence quelling her into a sense of peace and with a hum, recounted that she didn't know how to react when he reached her a bowl of red rice for breakfast weeks ago.

She panicked and got her first period on the day prior so she mistook it as a disgusting joke. Manjiro didn't even snicker. Shinichiro had little understanding on the tradition, expecting she'd be more knowledgeable about it than him, as he regretfully explained this to her. He forgot himself again with the shadow of a slight stubble, lending him a sad, sleazy look. He looked older too, and Emma chuckled softly at the memory. Old enough to be her father . . .

Because apparently parents cooked red rice for their daughters once they hit puberty, attempted to know what napkin to buy for them even if it's the wrong brand, console them from breakouts when they started flaring up like a disease.

It's the sort of stuff Emma had heard from the girls in class complain about because they didn't realize what they had, what she coveted for herself. No one was ever prepared when she came into their lives. She had two mothers but the both of them couldn't stay like her father, whoever he was.

Shinichiro and Emma ended up sniffling their emotions after that.

“Do you want to see Izana?” Shinichiro asked, but he knew.

Emma carried a certain poignance in her gaze. Abandonment could only mature her in such way.

She couldn’t look at him for the answer. Her lip wobbled. “Does he still want to see me?”

"Did you reach out to him?" 

"I want to," Shinichiro said it as if it’d been unheard for a long time, and all he could do was stare passively at tall, decades-old towers within Marunouchi, the road ahead of him, and nothing. "But I’m not sure what’ll happen if I see him again. The last time was . . ."

He hesitated. Opened his mouth and closed it again, feeling exposed all over even when something locked tight in his throat.

The words wouldn’t come out like they should. He hadn’t spoken about this to anyone for two years, but the rift was almost nonexistent. Regret lingered like it’s just yesterday. He worked his jaw some more, and the ache pulsed where Izana hit him.

Shinichiro often dwelt of a different time when things didn't have to be so broken and he would make the right choices. His siblings never had to be separated and they could just be kids lounging around to watch show reruns on the TV than do homework, sharing a childhood of being ordered around and overfed with greasy kushiage by their grandfather. Maybe, they would measure the other's height against the doorframe with a Pilot marker. Shinichiro would have to scold them for vandalizing though he fondly wouldn't remove their scribbled names over the years until they could work with him in the shop or move out to come into their own. It couldn't be perfect because he couldn’t live up to what a parent could offer but he hoped it'd be enough for him provide them a home where they could laugh and love over the table, throw stupid tantrums, weep loud, grow and make mistakes.

But never like the ones he had committed.

"Izana wasn't a mistake." Shinichiro knew this in his heart. "Everything I did was . . . right?"

He waited for you to challenge him. Tell him where he's wrong and amend. There wasn't a time you hadn't because you loved him enough to tell him about himself so he called out your name and you inhaled, slow and pensive, as your hand reached up to fold a strand of hair behind your ear, the other still entwined with his.

“I feel bad for Izana. He doesn't deserve that,” you told him as your thumb traced his open, trembling palm. His ring on you was warm from your skin. “I feel bad for you too. For agonizing about this for so long.”

The inflections of your voice were pained and conflicted, admitting that to him. “Look, I don’t think I could speak for him. I don’t know him, not like you do. But what you did, keeping something important like that, wouldn’t it have hurt less if you just told him earlier?”

“I figured there was probably a right time to tell him, but then things got out of hand so suddenly,” and he hated it so much; how it brought back the memory of his mother on her deathbed, not knowing when things would get better, not knowing where to place all his despair and indignation to the world but in himself. “He’d been through so much, and I didn’t know what to do . . .”

“I wouldn’t know either.” You gave his hand a firm squeeze. “I know you’re just trying to help, Shin. You care about him. I used to proofread your letters, remember? You wrote to him like you grew up with him. I always thought it was sweet, the way you asked about his day and went on about yours, how you welcomed him in it. Emma would know.”

Shinichiro rubbed his eye. He already sounded congested when he spoke up, feeling even more pathetic.

“I kept her from him too.”

“Why did you?”

“It'd hurt her, if she knew her brothers wouldn’t get along.” Emma was too young to undergo through a lot with the changes and losses in her life. “If they fought . . .”

A pause, then a sigh rolled off your lips. “Wouldn’t have made a difference if she couldn’t see him anymore.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?”

“I feel like I should. I'm just," he trailed off, head hanging low because his frustration was spilling from his eyes and—

You gently pulled his chin to you. “You don’t have to, not with me,” you reminded him, catching tears before they fell with the pad of your thumb, "all right?"

Shinichiro nodded. There were wet blotches on your cuff sleeve for brushing it under his nose because none of you brought a handkerchief so you figured this would do. A bit of him stained you and you didn't mind.

You told him to breathe, and he realized what he'd been holding inside for awhile before letting it out.

"I . . . I didn't have the best relationship with my big brother either. Held a grudge for so long that I thought I'd die hating him, but it doesn't matter now. Being upset of your ghosts," you drifted for a moment with a murky emotion he couldn't name.

A bus stopped by; the passengers stepping out in worn, clear umbrellas. You couldn't see them, blinking vacantly, as you went on.

"You’re not a terrible big brother. You're not a perfect one either, but no one is, I think. You did get to know Izana. You were there for him before he even became a delinquent. You never owed him anything, weren't even blood-related. Sure, you're both complicated, maybe bonded over that and something more, and expected things that aren't aligning to what you want. It would've been better if you didn't keep so much of who is from him, but I'm not gonna beat you up to what already happened. I think you should just move on."

Shinichiro said your name, unsure if it's to protest or to process what you're saying.

"He won't see you, Shin," you reminded him. "It's the most closure you could get right now, unless he changes his mind."

He sighed, letting it sink. "You're right . . ."

"I know it's hard." Then you glanced back at him. There’s something poignant about your eyes. "You still love him, huh."

“Yeah,” was his answer. But . . .

“Your big brother,” Shinichiro started, “did he ever come back for you?”

“He can’t,” you fell back on his shoulder. “He died a year ago.”

Somehow, the two of you were in your house.

You told him it wasn't much of a home without your sister or her family.

Shinichiro contemplated how you would’ve lurked deeper into the emptiness for days had he not asked you to stay at his place.

Sleeves rolled up to your forearms, you ran him a hot bath. He threw back that you should go in first. You insisted that he should after hearing him sneeze awhile ago, despite his efforts to muffle it down his elbow.

The both of you remained stubborn and indecisive about it until you proposed that you join him in the tub instead.

Shinichiro had seen you nude before – perhaps not quite enough the first time – and it wasn't like the thought of your bare skin never crossed his mind. It's just that you're always covered-up, swaddled in layers that it's perplexing to him what it's like to look at you naked.

He remembered how you would cage yourself around your arms because you felt too sensitive out in the open. You didn’t like it when your nipples got hard, when the old scars jagged along your body as mementos of survival and belligerent adolescence. He still chanced on stealing a glance at your tattoo; dark and intricate, coiled around your leg like a tether. It's the part of you that remained unchanged.

He hoped for it. The desire was selfish and ruthless and all-consuming that it could be its own dragon.

You weren't one for bold statements though he couldn't help but contemplate how you carried it with you under your suit after all these years. Contemplated how the needle must've hurt, the social repercussions even more so, stung with blood and loyalty, though you were intrepid through and through.

Warmth bloomed in his chest. It wasn't the sweltering heat from the bathwater, but the realization rippling out of him the moment you dipped into the tub, both of your bare legs rubbing underneath, squeezed into a different brand of intimacy: curated perfectly for couples, couples who were at that awkward, fragile verge of discovering each other without breaking apart from their gazes.

"Can you come closer?" he asked. "You look faraway from the other side of the tub."

Then you came to him like a wave. Everything about you washed over him, sudden and all at once.

"You look like you're about to drown," you reasoned as if the closeness needed one, straddling your legs on his lap.

Shinichiro hooked a hand at the back of your knee, uncertain if he's cradling you to him or if you're lifting him up because he felt as if he's already flung himself from the bridge, six feet deep into rushing water, and you're diving down the river to go after him but somehow, nothing was agonizing when your hand brushed the hairs on his arm, then the vein stretched out like a branch on the bone of his wrist.

He mulled over how you could think that you'd only ever destroyed what you touched. His little finger nudged your knuckle a bit and you curled on him like you're making a promise to be careful with his heart.

You glanced at him under your dewy eyelashes, and when he asked if you hated him, you shook your head and leaned forward to embrace, your hair clinging like arteries on his damp chest, as you let him perch on your shoulder, his lips memorizing a freckle.

Shinichiro thought of the tattoo again, wondering if this was what it's like getting himself etched into your skin.

“How could you ask that, Shin?” you whispered back.

“I guess I’m just afraid.”

Despite his insistence to stay, you asked him to just wait for you in your bedroom, assuring him that it wouldn’t take long for you to collect his clothes from the dryer. He didn't turn on the lights and wearily dove into your covers, wet skin soaking through sheets, though he figured he smelled like you anyway as if that's enough to compensate for sprawling himself out naked and defenseless.

You found him like this later, clothes dumped on the dresser, towel discarded, as you climbed on top of him with the kind of languid grace that bordered to a sweet slowburn but he could tell that it's taking so much from you to not fuck him right there.

His hand was on your cheek, outstretched like he's still reaching for the moon, but it's just you and you're too considerate of him, placing a kiss on his palm. You didn't quite realize how much he felt like a beggar in that moment.

“I'll help you, if you let me.”

What he wanted to say was maybe, you should help yourself, then he'd laugh a little when the aggravation would chip away at you and he'd have to kiss it all better, or worse, didn’t matter which. He nodded. He needed you as your bodies met dripping, somewhere in the rain again, and your hair was akin to something like one and all the tangle of wild, disheveled emotions that hid the both of you from the world. 

"Your big sister wouldn't like you smoking in your room."

"You think I care about what she thinks with what I do in my room?"

"Yeah. A lot." Shinichiro peered at you from your pillow.

"That didn't stop us, though," you said after igniting your cigarette with his lighter.

His eyes watched the tendril of smoke lick up your jaw and the curve of your ear, studded with piercings. You forgot to remove them from the bath so he did it for you when he swept back your hair and you craned your head to him, sheets rustling below your bare waists in the shadow of early twilight.

He left the studs atop the dresser, losing relevance to him once he heard his name and you eclipsed everything, coaxing him to lie down on his back with a hand on his chest. Then a gentle stroke from his brow, a gentler coo, "are you feeling better?"  

Shinichiro closed his eyes and let himself drift from the pads of your fingers. The answer wasn't easy to read. He wanted you to ponder over him in circles. He's a lot needier when you granted him a reason to, but yes, he was feeling a bit better. Perhaps, you made him feel more that he'd draw your lips to him and suck the smoke inside your lungs to taint himself with the taste of your melancholia. Nicotine spared none of you from it.

"She's right, you know. Maybe you should stop smoking," he sighed out, a thread of smoke between breaths, his and yours.

"Stop talking about her," and the truth was he'd rather not talk about her at all, slipping his tongue in your mouth for a deeper conversation, one without words or pretense. Or the comfortable lies he’d tell himself to sleep and burn off with a cigarette in the morning.

The smolder of you turned him into a more honest man, even though his affections for you hadn't been a secret.

"I'll only stop when you do," you whispered.

Like that, you ended a conversation in the way you ended a fight.

You rendered him at a loss for words though he wasn't seeking to win and from a languorous stretch of movement, he reached you the ashtray himself. Then he smiled and remembered how it's so garish with the banana patterns on the dish that it stuck out in your room but you didn't mind purchasing it from the 100 Yen shop the other day, even though you didn't like to smoke here alone.

Something in the ashes would glow when extinguished; both of your fingers touching before you stole the ash tray from him and placed it somewhere on the floor, your outstretched arm shivering out goosebumps from the draft.

There's a small trickle from the windowsill puddling on the floor but you'd rather leave it like that than shut off everything again.

It's so quiet it hurts, so you had opened the window like a wound and the world wept.

A childhood framed in a window. The sole one you’d been gazing on for years, confessing that you didn’t really miss this room after you moved in and he wanted to ask you about it but faltered once your eyes fluttered shut, enjoying each other's presence in the cadence of the rain, awake.

It wasn’t a drowsy spell for you like how it was to him. Shinichiro had learned to adapt to the odd, irregular hours you slept, not quite meeting the other in time, even as it stood still the moment you overlapped him, a wave of warm, urging motion, and he was swimming in lazy endorphins as you spread out the comforter over the both of you, feet covered.

You didn't quite feel like a dream, achingly real and open like a door to this domicile that had been the size of your bodies.

Maybe you wouldn't believe him if he promised you that things would stay like this for the rest of your lives.

But he told you anyway, "I love you."

Exposition Corner:    

[1] Tanabata: a Japanese festival celebrated in the summertime as to commemorate the story of the two star-crossed lovers Orihime and Hikoboshi, who are only allowed to meet each other once a year as long as the skies are clear. A popular custom in Tanabata is writing wishes in a piece of colored paper (tanzaku) and hanging them on a bamboo branch.

[2] Segaiha: a wave pattern of layered concentric circles creating arches, symbolic of waves or water representing surges of good luck. It can also signify power and resilience. 

[3] Gareji Yago: this was actually the motor shop were Shinichiro worked at in the original timeline, and what I’m assuming before he got his shop (if Mikey’s accident didn’t happen). In here, I’m using this as the shop that’s owned by Yoneda, his boss/mentor I’ve referenced in the Bright Light series. 

[4] “[…] if Izana could make a home from the ashes of another and Manjiro was there to pick at its bones”: a reference to Kotsuage, a Japanese funeral ritual wherein family members gather around and pick up the bones of a deceased loved one together using special long chopsticks after the body is cremated. 

[5] “Because apparently parents cooked red rice for their daughters once they hit puberty […]”: to clarify, O-Sekihan, or red-colored rice cooked with Azuki beans, is usually prepared and eaten during auspicious occasions like New Year’s day or Coming-of-Age day. Regarding cooking red rice when a girl has her first period, it’s to celebrate puberty and there are some regions in Japan that still do it but serving sekihan isn’t as common for that as it is in festive celebrations.

In the context of the scene, please don’t think the red color of the rice is meant to represent period lol. It’s Emma misunderstanding it as a stupid joke and Shinichiro not being very good at explaining himself and being a bit misinformed (but he did what he did with well-meaning intentions!). 

[6] I love you: So Shinichiro actually said the unspeakable aishiteru [ 愛してる ], not to confuse it with daisuki [ 大好き ] which is more commonly used in confessing one's love (romantically) in Japanese. For my Non-Japanese speakers, this is just my tl;dr of these references [1] and [2] so I’ll try my best summarizing them!

Aishiteru does mean “I love you” but literally, it translates to “[I] am loving [you]”. 

“Loving” is written in the present continuous て-form as to emphasize the ongoing (ever-lasting) state of the feelings. It’s an expression to convey a serious and profound love that is only used in long-term relationships with a spouse and in rare, emotional occasions such as getting married or when someone is on their deathbed. It’s also hardly spoken to each other.

For cultural context, the Japanese are more reserved with their feelings. There are also many ways to express love but most of them are nonverbal. Conveying it isn’t usually spoken but rather acted on. The gist of it being the love for one another is mutually understood through actions and attentiveness without explicitly stating it.

Now with that said, I’ll leave how Shinichiro throwing the hard L-bomb at MC to everyone’s interpretation. (I’d actually love to read all of your thoughts on it if you’d like to share them with me! <3).

a/n: god, I really hope the way I write shinichiro's decisions and emotional trauma makes sense. no, nothing is resolved here. shin and izana (as well as inui) are still in non-speaking terms :’((((

part ten ❁ m.list ❁ part twelve