#same as toshitophchan

[lindalofbroome]

17 - Important moment

trying to catch up, so did a sketch that i’m not too proud of,,

but regardless, the whole story of Rowan of Rin is very important to me. the moment when the story reveals that Rowan is the bravest of them all, despite being shunned as a coward and a weakling in his village is a moment that means a lot to me. 

Rowan of Rin was the first Rodda book i read from what i remember, so it’s always held a special place in my heart. but when i reread the series earlier this year, properly read it, i think i fell in love with it all over again. suddenly it meant so much more to me now as an adult. to be frank, i’m a very anxious person and i really saw myself in Rowan; the seclusion, differing interests, feeling like a disappointment and not knowing how to undo that feeling, etc. it’s that warm feeling of representation that makes Rowan very special to me, you know?

besides. Rowan of Rin is such a cool book, in my opinion at least. like showing different forms of fear and inabilities? the riddles? DRAGON? the fact that the stream that provides for Rin is snow and ice melted from the mountain by the Dragon? the importance of the Bukshah in more ways than one?

i love this book so much, and i love Allun,,, my goodness,,,,,,,,,,,

[atalana]

@toshitophchan​ to continue with my series of sja luke essays, i wanna talk about luke's love of tricks, and how that intersects with him being a really positive autism metaphor, because it's honestly one of my favourite things about him

like, it's a subtle personality trait in that's it's never really spoken about out loud, but also it's so obvious

bc like. luke is one of the most autistic coded characters i've ever seen, i can find something relatably autistic in literally every episode he's in. his entire season one arc is "i understand so much and yet absolutely nothing about how to be a human teenager, people keep making fun of me and saying i'm weird and i don't know why", with bonus heightened senses and perfect memory

and it's his biggest weakness, that naivety and confusion, but (unlike any other similar character i've ever seen), it's also one of his biggest strengths

see, normally the assumption with the vaguely autistic character archetype is just. this person is clever and rude and maybe they feel bad about not understanding people, and it doesn't go beyond that. they're annoying, or they're pitied, and it doesn't change

which isn't at all true, we're still human beings capable of learning and growing, our brains just work differently, and luke has such a believable character growth. yes he's behind everyone else in learning to understand others, and he's never going to think the same way, but he can learn, and he does

to break this down, season one is his era of asking questions. in every episode he has something new he doesn't understand, some way he stands out majorly, something important he has yet to learn, and that gets him in trouble/taken advantage of a lot. but we see him grow and change and adapt to all of it as time goes on - as sarah jane says in episode one, "you'll never make the same mistake twice"

(and we also see his friendship with clyde grow as clyde takes on the role of teaching him, which is really beneficial to the both of them and something i may cover more in depth in another post)

season two is where he starts finding his feet, enough to defend himself, but not enough to feel confident in himself - he tells rani in day of the clown he's not weird, just different, but the next episode we see that that still really bothers him (and, i love how realistic that is honestly, because "i thought it would get easier, but there are always new things coming along, like this, to make me feel different" is the most relatable thing in the world)

towards the end of season two and into season three is where he really comes into his own, and that's where we start seeing that tricky sense of humor i'll get to in a sec, and then by the time sky comes along he's grown enough and is confident enough to mentor her through the same thing he went through

but he's always gonna be innately different. and that's so important, it's not just that he has things to learn, it's that the way most people are doesn't come naturally to him. again, extreme autistic mood. and yes, he learns to act the part when he needs to (aka masking), but he also learns there are some parts of human culture he doesn't need to fake, he can just be himself, and he can joke about it, which is so incredibly validating

(one of my favourite exchanges bc it just sums up this point very well is near the start of mark of the berserker, where clyde is trying and failing to explain to luke that this definitely isn’t a sleepover, we’re not girls, luke digs his heels in on “and i’ll be sleeping, over, therefore it’s a sleepover”, clyde goes “i never know whether you’re being serious or not” and luke just laughs and says “i know”)

(is this funny to anyone but luke? probably not. but he turned his hyperliteralism and the fact that people don’t understand where he’s coming from into a very gotcha sense of humor, and everyone else is gonna have to deal with that)

and he enjoys that. he enjoys playing tricks on people and knowing things they don't, he enjoys when he gets to confuse someone, or when he makes them underestimate him, he enjoys taking those acting skills he had to learn to blend in, and using them to his advantage (and, honestly, in this case, i think he enjoys the fact that clyde knows him well enough to know it’s probably a joke, but he’s still not quite sure. it’s just a quiet victory of, i flipped the script and therefore i win. you see it a lot with clyde because he feels comfortable enough to joke with clyde, another good example is his monologue about sanjay after heading to uni, pretending like he’d forgotten all about his former friends, just to see the look on clyde’s face when he revealed it was a trick)

and then that becomes what he does to save the day. most of luke’s biggest solo victories are in hiding and acting and faking things. in enemy of the bane, he pretends to be interested in mrs wormwood's offer to rule the galaxy, until she believes it and trusts him with horath, and then he runs. in mona lisa's revenge, he pretends to be so distraught over sarah jane being gone that he'd do anything to get her back, and he uses that to trick lisa into bringing the k9 sketch to life and dooming herself. prisoner of the judoon, he distracts androvax with talk while works in secret to to let clyde and rani onto the spaceship, the nightmare man, he pretends to be recording that video out of fear when he's actually leaving sarah jane video proof of both the nightmare man's existence and what he looks like

he's resourceful, yes, but he's also a really good actor, because he's had to be. he may struggle to catch up with other people’s assumptions, but once he’s learned them, it’s only half a step more until you can manipulate them. he already learned how to be one kind of person from scratch, might as well learn how to be every other kind as well

and because people know you struggle with some social aspects, they think you struggle with all of them, ignorant to the fact that you're getting very very good at one of them - which you then turn into your sense of humor, your inside jokes with yourself, and when you need to, you can weaponise it

and just. as an autistic actor now in her third year of drama school who imprinted on luke like a duckling before she even knew what autism was, the message of you can be a good actor and still struggle with social cues, you can take what you're good at and what you're not and make it all yours to utilise, and most of all, it doesn’t need to be serious all the time, you can laugh about it, meant the absolute world to me and i will never not be grateful to rtd for this character

[january-emb3rs]

Okay so here’s that Mike drabble I said I wrote. I’ve actually had it done for ages but never had the courage(?) to post it.

What was he to do? He didn't ask to be in Derry. People like Bowers and his gang of misfits were his least favourite people. Judging people for what was perceived on the outside yet never made the effort to know what they were like on the inside. Bowers and his goons tormented him for something he had no control over. He hate Derry and the people that lived there but not as much as Henry Bowers hated him.

He didn’t want to care, he didn’t want to be any more involved with the town of Derry than he had to. But he found himself with his own gang of misfits, the losers club. It felt like he had known them for years on end after they fought together that one horrendous summer at the Neibolt house. He was truly belonging somewhere for once in the town that seemed to never care enough.

He loved all of the losers club and, though he never said it aloud, they knew that he did. He thought about the kids that too were targeted by the ever hated Henry Bowers. He loved the small hypochondriac who helped Mike clean his wounds whenever he unfortunately encountered Bowers and confided in him when Eddie's mother was overbearing. He loved the passionate boy that had a heart of gold but overlooked for his rotund exterior, the one who lent an ear when Mike wanted to talk about anything and everything on his mind. He loved the unapologetic Jewish boy, that understood what it meant to be bullied for something they could barely change though neither of them would never change who they were had they the choice, for that's what made them who they were and determined their true friends. He loved the beautiful and fiery girl that held the heart of two others in the group, the girl that wanted more than what this old town held, the girl that further strengthened their bond to each other. He loved the loud and foul mouthed boy with the glasses that made his eyes look bug-like, the boy that said jokes that crossed lines but learned know when he should stop. He loved the unofficial leader of the unusual group of friends, the stuttering boy that brought them together to find someone he cared for undoubtedly. He loved them all, he always will. Mike's thoughts always drifted off to them whenever summer came rolling in. He heard the laughter of seven voices blending with the sounds of arcades and carnivals, with the warm air as it brushed past his aging face.

Mike always felt alienated, even within his own friend group. He felt like he was missing out on a greater life or a bigger picture. He wasn't sorry for who he was nor was he sorry for how he was brought up. But sometimes he did think if he weren't born to a farmer or wasn't born darker than the rest of Derry, he would undoubtedly be treated better. He thought that if he were born a peach skinned baby boy with rosy cheeks then he would be treated just that bit nicer. He thought about how he could leave Derry, or perhaps the world but those thoughts never lasted long.

After IT had been defeated once and for all, and he had lost two friends in the process, they all knew that he loved them. They always knew because they felt the same way. Their paths may have grown apart over time and their memories may have faded but their love for each other never did. Even as the old body of a fulfilled man lay upon his bed, his life leaving his body as his family sat around him in tears, in his final breath he muttered the sweet words that his family assumed were for them but he knew. He knew they were for the six people he had no memory of but shared a childhood with.

"I love you all" “We love you too.” He heard as his eyes closed on the world of the living for one last time and opening to see several pairs of eyes staring down at him, looks of curiosity written all over their young faces. He knew not their names but he knew they were his heart and soul and Mike always followed his heart whichever way it lead him. Today, it seemed that his heart lead him straight to his happiest moments.

Tags: 

@hallmarkhanlon  @vanillacokehead @toshitophchan @b-bill-is-my-son @sunflowersinclair

[denbruhh]

thank you to two of my ABSOLUTE faves @goshdarndiddlyheck and @richiedenbroughs for tagging me in this ily xoxoxo

Rules: if you can, list the top ten songs you are listening to lately, and tag ten mutuals/blogs to do the same.

1) Temple - Tonight Alive 2) Red Roses - Lil Skies ft. Landon Cube 3) Lucid - Polaris 4) Chaos - Rich Chigga 5) Broken - Cursed Earth 6) The Kill (Bury Me) - Thirty Seconds to Mars 7) (Don’t Fear) The Reaper - Blue Öyster Cult 8) Sonora - Spendtime Palace 9) You Won’t Know - Brand New 10) 911/Mr Lonely - Tyler, the Creator

enjoy my weird ass taste lmao ~ i’m tagging @hallmarkhanlon @birdbabestan @toshitophchan @httpsalien @january-emb3rs @ri-chietozier @steve-harringtwin @stanleyurisisalive @georgiedenbrouqh @floralreddie ofc only do it if you want!!! lots of love

[atalana]

alright never mind apparently im doing the sky essay first - @toshitophchan​, the first of many sja essays 😂

but god i love the addition of sky as a character and i so wish we had more episodes with her and luke as siblings

bc like. admittedly, when i first watched sky, i was a little like “ah i see we’re just replacing luke by doing the exact same plot all over again”, but i didn’t realise until the man who never was just how vital it was that they did that

and their introductory episodes do have an incredible amount in common! both luke and sky were genetically engineered to be used as part of an alien plot - in sky’s case she was explicitly a weapon, with her innate electrokinesis modified to act as a bomb against her creator’s enemies. luke was more designed for information gathering and experimentation, but again, created to be used against earth

both were created to be young teenagers, they didn’t have a childhood, they remember the day they were born. they’re human enough to pass as human with effort, but not enough to truly be counted as one, not by most people’s metrics. mrs wormwood tried to call herself luke’s mother, and convince him he belonged with her, and so did sky’s creator, and both kids needed sarah jane to stand in the way and show them what a real mother should be. they have abilities others don’t, like luke’s heightened senses and perfect memory, or sky’s electrokinesis, but they also struggle a lot with blending in and knowing how a human is supposed to act (see: these two are so fucking neurodivergent i love them)

and this is a show about found family, very explicitly. “in all the universe, i never expected to find a family” has been in a closing narration about three times now. and luke’s character arc was very much about finding a family who appreciated him, but it was also about how isolating things were despite that. season one is full of him making social errors and feeling bad about it, season two has secrets of the stars where he feels isolated and weird for not having a birthday, and complains about how every time he thinks he’s gotten the hang of living as a human, something else crops up to make him feel different. mrs wormwood straight up calls it out in enemy of the bane, how isolated he must feel by being truly alone in the universe, no one else like him anywhere. and we see this continue throughout most of the show, it comes back a lot in the nightmare man, even though his friends are there for him, they’re not like him, and that weighs on you.

so of course they had to introduce sky, not as a replacement for luke, but as a sister. someone else who can genuinely truly understand where he’s coming from, and he to her. and you get such good supportive moments in the man who never was, like “but you did see that?” “yes, but no one else did”, validating her even though they can’t talk about it here, or “is this what humans are like?” “not all of them”, or “you are so my sister!”, like, it’s just luke going “yep i remember what that was like hey here’s something i call Luke’s Guide To Masquerading As A Human Teenager When You’re A Two Week Old Alien Weapon”, it’s so good. he gets a sister who understands him for the first time ever, and he can make sure that sky never goes through what he had to

(though, side note, im never gonna get over how hilarious it was that when piloting serf, luke took motion controls and sky took dialogue. like. i understand it was for the comedy, but, you have two kids here, one who is electrosensitive, and one who has a perfect memory and who witnessed the rehearsal of this dialogue. sky would have just as much ability to make him walk around as luke would, perhaps better because she could do some of it remotely, and luke could copy his dialogue from the rehearsal word for word. but no, instead what we get is “remember, he’s american!” “YEEEEEHAWWWWWW” 😂)

but you just know after like a year or two of knowing each other they’ve just developed this whole new method of communication that sounds so bizarre to everyone else around them bc they don’t have to do social masking at all around each other they can just be themselves and bond over how weird life as a human is or what the fuck birthdays are, it’s the best

[atalana]

alright @toshitophchan, it’s time for the angsty one, bc dear god is the nightmare man a fucking episode

like we got to see everyone’s worst fears in that one - rani’s scared that her desire for answers will get someone hurt, clyde’s scared of being useless and abandoned (which comes directly from all the stuff with his dad and he and luke honestly have a lot in common here), sarah jane’s been scared of so much throughout her life but right now it’s losing the people she loves - and then there’s luke, who’s terrified of being alone, and more importantly, that any choice he makes that prioritises his own wants over someone else’s, will end with everyone he loves turning on him. 

and like, i could link this to the luke is super autistic thing, the fear of change is definitely present in this episode, everyone’s going through it (and honestly rani is the only person in this episode who isn’t having abandonment issues), but it goes deeper than that, luke is scared of being used. 

and of course he is! because that’s what he was designed for, he was never supposed to be a person at all. as sarah jane keeps telling him, he saved the world the day he was born, but that moment in the factory wasn’t just a victory, it was the first time he came face to face with mrs wormwood since he woke up. and we know from the s2 finale that that matters. he may not want to care about her, but some part of him knows she’s responsible for his existence, he can’t just ignore that. and the first thing she does? tell sarah jane (not even luke himself, because she didn’t see him as a person) that luke is no longer needed, and tries to kill him. he’s been alive for only a few hours at this point, he’s still learning the fundamentals of how the world works, and one of the few things he knows is that he very nearly died because his creator didn’t need him anymore. 

and season one reinforces the fact that he’s around bc he’s useful, because aliens keep taking advantage of him. he doesn’t know anything about how a normal school works, so he accidentally helps the slitheen almost destroy the world. he doesn’t know what to find suspicious in a stranger, so he gets kidnapped by nuns and used as a hostage against sarah jane. the slitheen’s entire plan in the lost boy involves using luke to make money, which is sabotaged by mr smith who wants to use luke to free the xylok.

season two, he’s taken by spellman to use against sarah jane. mrs wormwood targets his friends because she wants her human servant back. even some of his victories, like being the only one who could stop truman in secrets of the stars, it’s not because he did anything special. he saved the world because he existed. and that’s good for getting him to realise being different isn’t bad, that victory definitely does help him in some ways, but it’s not doing anything to make him feel like an actual person, rather than just a useful tool. 

and his friends try to help, but they don’t always know what to do either. when mr smith is about to explode in prisoner of the judoon, clyde and rani both start arguing about the best way luke can solve that problem, and it’s just stressing him out more, trying to solve this and be everything they want him to be at the same time. most telling is the argument he has with sarah jane in mona lisa’s revenge, the first time he’s properly spoken his mind, and what does he say? “i don’t know what you want from me! you say you’re trying to give me a normal life, but when i act like a real teenager, you want me to be perfect again!”

and that gets right to the heart of it, because he doesn’t feel like a person. he feels like he’s been putting on a show of being a person, and even after two years, he still can’t get it right. “real teenager” sets a very clear line between luke and his peers, he’s not one of them, never has been. and he doesn’t know how to be what everyone wants him to be, and that scares him, because if he’s not what people want him to be, what is he? and what if they do what mrs wormwood did, and decide he’s more of a problem than a solution?

and then we get to the nightmare man. because this is the first time luke’s made a choice for himself, not to try and please other people. he’s excited about university, but he knows he’d be leaving his friends behind, that rani and clyde would be envious, and that sarah jane would be either alone, or worse, relieved he’s gone. which scares him so bad it opens the door for the nightmare man. and in his nightmares? his friends are jealous and spiteful, they don’t want him around anymore, they never needed him in the first place. sarah jane adopts a new son, who she likes much better than she ever did luke. the world moves on without him and he’s trapped in an endless void, utterly alone.

and the nightmare man guilts luke about it constantly - it’s luke’s nightmares that are letting him take physical form, soon he’ll put the whole world to sleep and it’ll be luke’s fault, with nothing he can do about it. he can’t be useful here, because he is the problem. the nightmare man also targets clyde and rani with exactly the same isolation tactics - luke’s so much better than you, he’s leaving you behind, why should you bother to help him when it won’t benefit you at all? stop looking out for him and look out for yourselves.

but luke asked for their help.

and i think this is honestly one of his biggest character moments in the whole series - he asked for their help, with nothing to give and no reason in his mind why he would deserve it. and they came back to him because they cared.

(it’s another reason why sky was such a great addition to the show, bc, sarah jane adopting another kid once he left was explicitly one of his worst fears. but no, he’s an amazing older brother to her and he loves her, and sarah jane can love them both at the same time, it doesn’t mean he’s not needed or that anyone’s forgotten about him)

(and, as mentioned in my sky post, i think having him as a brother helps her a lot too)

but i think a lot about him in the end of this episode describing himself as the boy who was made by aliens to destroy the world. like that’s a lot more explicit about that than he’s ever been before, because he’s still kinda scared of being that, of not being human, of being dangerous. it’s another thing that shows up in his nightmares this episode, not just the idea of him being a problem, but specifically being seen as an alien and a threat. he was created to destroy the world and the nightmare man almost had him believing he fulfilled that purpose. “because he’s coming for me, you see? he’s been waiting for me for years” is one of the things he says on that recording, “a whole world of nightmares for me to feed upon, i’ll grow stronger and stronger, and it’s all because of you” is something the nightmare man tells him. 

and now he gets to turn that on his head. because yeah, he was made for one thing. and he denied it, again and again. this is a great episode for personal agency on all the kids’ part, but particularly luke’s, because he realises, properly, that he gets to decide who he is. four years spent trying to live up to other people’s expectations, to try and cover for the way he was made, he doesn’t have to. because yeah, people have tried to use him over the years for many many nefarious plots, and he’s helped stop all of them. so yeah, he can admit it now, because it’s not who he is. it never was. and i think this is the first step in realising that his friends, his family? they know. and they’re always gonna care about who he is, even when he didn’t know himself

[denbruhh]

this is an appreciation post to some of the wonderful ppl ive met through this fandom, i never thought i’d make such deeply rewarding friendships just through a common interest in the kidz of derry but it happened!!

pls follow these amazing girls if you haven’t already: @richiietozierr @ri-chietozier @goshdarndiddlyheck @january-emb3rs @richiedenbroughs @toshitophchan @httpsalien @birdbabestan 

love you girls so much, thanks for all the memes and the beautiful dynamic we all share, which is something i never thought i’d get through tumblr!! you’re all super special to me in your own unique individual ways and the shitpost central that is our gc definitely wouldn’t be the same without all 9 of us!!

[january-emb3rs]

Beverly Poem for Toshi

So next is the Beverly to my Ben! Because I'm cheesy like that. Only joking! Toshi! @toshitophchan I love you so much! I found it kinda funny how we have the same coloured profile picture also thanks for putting up with my weird love for benverly.

Where do I begin?

Each word feels like a whisper of great hope.

Like I'm liberated each time I hear any of them speak.

They all mean the world to me.

But I feel like I do not.

I feel their love but sometimes it gets lost.

But they always let me know,

Of how they care for me

And every one of their friends.

Our friends.

But their love does not compare to mine.

Their love doesn't compare to how much

They have become a part of my life.

Their like my family but so much more.

I love my boys, and my boys love me.