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phoenix1966sbottom · 6 years ago

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Stories where Jared (and a few Sam Wesson AUs) is a ghost or around them. I’m sticking to Jared (and AU Sam), since Sam Winchester is often around them. Given the nature of the rec, please be aware there are death fics in this lot. As always, heed the warnings where the stories are posted!

J2 AU

Shadow of Doubt by saucyminx on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Jared sees spirits. It's something that he's learned to live with in a rather dysfunctional way - that is - until the next spirit to visit him is one he knows. Detective Ackles might be the one person who can help him. (no penetrative sex)

A Cottage With A Sea View by Tempestquill on LiveJournal. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. In 1993 Jared Padalecki inherits a cottage with a sea view on Santa Rosa Island, just off of the California coastline. 2008, jaded actor Jensen Ackles buys a beach house on a small island off of the California coastline from his therapist to escape the frenzy that his life has become after a recent scandal. See how the lives of these two men collide...

The Darkest Things I’ve Seen by anyothergirl415 on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Jared sees ghosts and has a hard time coping.

A Ghost in Your Garden by dimeliora on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. A very loosely based AU of Season One of American Horror Story, Romcom style. Jensen has suffered an accident, and moves into a new home as a form of occupational and geographical therapy. He's surprised on arrival to find that his house is haunted and that his relationship is more damaged than he imagined. Luckily his new neighbor Jared is there to help him deal with the mysteries of his new home, and pick up the pieces of his broken life

Giving Up the Ghost by dimpleforyourthoughts on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Since his parents’ divorce, Jensen Ackles has just about given up on the living. Moving from town to town with his Mom and Sister, his only solace has been found in music, and ignoring pretty much everything else. The latest move to a massive plantation home in Louisiana feels like a dream come true: he'll have all the space and privacy he's ever wanted. But there's something--someone--else living in the house. And they're absolutely bent on making Jensen's peace and quiet a living hell. Jensen's just a moody teenager who wants to be left alone. And Jared is the lonely ghost that haunts his bedroom. Determined to get rid of the pesky poltergeist, Jensen makes it his mission to get Jared to move on from this earth. But the more time they spend searching for Jared's way to cross over, the more Jensen is discovering that Jared might be one of the few people on this earth--living and dead--that he might want to keep around.

Soundproof Box by orphan_account on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. After Jared's mother dies, he buys an old, old house far away from his childhood home. Alone and introverted, always thought to be too weird, the ghost living in the house is Jared's only company. Jared doesn't exactly mind -- turns out Jensen is just as weird, if not weirder. Oh, Jared likes him.

The Crying Boy by etoile_etoilee on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Jensen Ackles' journalist career has hit an all-time low. He's ready to jump on whatever story that could make an interesting article. Come along student-journalist Jared Padalecki, who might have found a legitimate haunted house. (no penetrative sex)

Breaking Free by MorganaDW on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Jensen Ackles is a psychologist who breaks free of his old life to hunt ghosts in a small New England town. When he finds out that his new home is actually haunted by the cursed spirit of a young Puritan man he becomes determined to help free him from the torment and pain that has kept him trapped.Jared Padalecki has long since given up hope of ever being freed from the curse that’s held him prisoner for over 300 years. He lives in fear of the old evil that originally cursed and abused him and knows there’s no hope or freedom for him.When Jensen’s arrival starts an unexpected chain of events that brings hope back to Jared, he also begins to learn more about himself and the lies and guilt he was told three centuries earlier that makes him long for a life that he was never allowed to have.As the pair struggle to break the curse they will soon discover that it’s not only the power of the evil witch that still seeks to hold Jared captive they’ll have to face and overcome but feelings that Jensen wasn’t expecting and Jared doesn’t fully understand.

Ghost Sex by Anon on Spn-blindfold. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. From the prompt: Jensen is a spirit haunting Jared. Every night Jensen fucks Jared to exhaustion, but the sex is the best that Jared has ever had. The longer that it goes on the more isolated that Jared becomes - Jared doesn't want to leave Jensen and Jensen doesn't like Jared away from him. Jared's friends don't know how to save him.

High Spirits by Blueeyedliz on LiveJournal. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Jensen is engaged to Danneel but when they take a weekend break together at an old - supposedly haunted - hotel in Texas, Jensen meets someone who turns his life upside down and steals his heart. This story is a J2 retelling of the 1988 film ‘High Spirits’.

The Lengths I Would Go To by insertcode11. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. The author deleted her journal but allows her work to be shared. Jared runs a matchmaking business and Jensen is looking for a date.

In My Thoughts… by spn_j2fan on A03. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Jensen just wanted to be a father and a husband. He never pictured himself a serial killer. (warning: Implied but not described that Jared tops once)

First Days Gone by insertcode11. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Jared and Jensen are soldiers in WW1. The author has deleted their work but allows sharing. The story is one of many in the file. I have said it before and I’ll say it again…run, don’t walk to download this author’s work. It is amazing and almost all bottom!Sam/Jared!

Because Ghosts by indiachick on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Jared's had a terrible summer, what with all the hereditary insanity, possible hauntings, and Jensen.

Haunted Houses are Love by tigbit on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Jared moves into a haunted house. He takes it in stride. (no penetrative sex)

Don’t Even Fix a Price by cleflink on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Heroes sure have changed since Jensen became the ferryman of the dead. (no penetrative sex)

Paranormal 101 by dugindeep on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. There are currently 19 paranormal TV shows broadcast across the world, and the Paranormal National Investigators of the Supernatural are no different. Led by Jensen Ackles, the show is a staple on the Travel Channel and of Jared’s TV (and masturbatory) habits. When there’s an opening in the crew, Jared jumps for the chance to join his ghost-hunting heroes. It’s not an easy transition into the cocky gang of paranormal experts, but Jared manages to find his way, and prove what he’s believed all along: ghosts are real. (no penetrative sex. Warning: Jared rims Jensen)

The Lost by Phoenix1966 (me) on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Big screen star Jensen Ackles was on his way to Brazil to continue filming his latest project. He was glad to lose himself in the role and bury the pain of his broken heart by slipping on a stranger’s skin. Because of his manager’s twisted attempt to help, he found himself on a private jet with a high-class rent boy. Before he could figure out what to do with that, a bolt of lightning sent them tumbling into the rainforest.With them believing there were no other survivors, Jensen has to figure how to get them back to civilization. It was a good thing he was as strong and capable as the leading men he portrayed on screen, because how much help could an expensive hooker really be in the middle of the Amazon?

Cheyenne by Magser on mediafire. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. An actor looking to hide, a quaint cabin by a beautiful lake and an old ghost story... (no penetrative sex)

Here Burns a Candle Out by erushi on LiveJournal. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. WWI steampunk AU. Aeronaut and part-time spy Jensen Ackles has every intention of leaving the spy service after his last job in Europe during the Great War ends poorly. Instead, he finds himself sent to a resort outside the city to recuperate, where he meets Jared, an eccentric ghost hunter who is determined to unlock the secrets of a nearby haunted house. Unfortunately for Jensen, things at the resort aren't quite what they seem, and when matters take a sinister turn, Jensen discovers just how impossible it is for anyone to truly ever leave the world of espionage. (no penetrative sex, but Jared seems the more forward/dominant of the pair)

Heaven’s Just A Sin Away by jeyhawk on LiveJournal. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Jared is a medium and Jensen a ghost...and the sequel And Her Lips Were Cherry Red. After separating from his lover of five years, psychic Jared Padalecki finds himself at loss for what to do, but a plea from help from the FBI turns his life around and soon Jared and his estranged lover find themselves knee-deep in mystery, murders and ghosts with a very real threat towards their lives hanging over their heads. Can they unravel the truth before it's too late, or will their separation turn out to be of the terminal kind? (warning: although there is no penetrative sex onscreen, it is heavily implied they switch.)

Stigmata by Jenshih_Blue on A03. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Jared Padalecki is a tattoo artist in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania living a carefree party life until a twist of fate makes him a messenger of God-a God he wants no part of nor believes in either. Father Jensen Ackles is a priest and a scientist, who after years of disproving miracles across the world is jaded. When their worlds clash, they find themselves faced with a truth that will either destroy them or unite them in a way neither expected.

Song of the Reaper by Jenshih_Blue on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Private detective Jensen Ackles is a cynic and believes he's seen the worst humanity has to offer until one night a dark haired beauty by the name of Genevieve walks into his office. The job, discover the truth behind the death of her fiancé Jared Padalecki, a local artist. The cops have labeled it a suicide, case closed, but she refuses to believe it. As Jensen digs into her fiancés mysterious past, he finds himself drawn into a world darker than he imagined, a world leading to a path of emotional self-destruction. After all—how can you fall in love with a dead man? (warning: although bottom!Jared onscreen, Jensen thinks about bottoming)

Haven’t Met You Yet by sandymg on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. After an unsettling break-up with his lover, well-known horror writer Jared Padalecki has settled into the quiet and privacy of his new home. Except he's developing an obsession about the visitor in his garden who feels like someone Jared has been waiting for his whole life. Trouble is, the man he wants to meet lives in a world where Jared hasn't even been born. (no penetrative sex, ambiguous who tops and bottoms)

Wincest AU

Crimson Peak by TwoBoys2Love on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest AU. In the aftermath of a series of family tragedies, Sam Wesson finds himself swept off his feet by the debonair Baronet Dean Winchester. When he arrives at his new home he discovers a place with far too many memories and spirits. Things are not at all what they seem and Sam finds himself struggling to stay alive. Based on the Del Toro film: Crimson Peak.

Uninvited by TwoBoys2Love on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest AU. Sam buys a new house. All is going well until strange things begin to happen. This brings a strange man into his life and together they fight what is inhabiting Sam's home.

Can’t Take the Sky by saucyminx on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Unrelated wincest. Sam’s brought to yet another foster home but this time he finds a friend. Of course, he also finds an enemy and something other-worldy he wasn’t quite prepared to accept.

Love Make Monsters by riyku on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest. Sam’s sure of only two things in this world. A Crimson Peak Au.

#fanfic rec #bottom!jared #bottom!sam #ghosts #j2 au #wincest au #deathfic #unrelated wincest #wincest

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zinzinina · 3 years ago

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*crashes into your askbox like Kramer*

Hi Sam!! I'm sorry I'm so late (weird weekend oof). N E WAYZ, congrats on 500!! I'm so glad that you're getting the recognition that you deserve because not only are you super fucking talented, but your personality is AMAZING and everyone should witness it.

I hope you don't mind me submitting my dating card late af, please don't feel like you need to rush:

1. If you were an animal, what would you be?

A fox 🦊

2. Describe your ideal night out, and your ideal day in.

Ideal night out is sushi and a movie, I'm not big on clubs or bars. Ideal night in is my favorite pho place and video games.

3. What are the three main qualities you’re looking for in a partner right now?

Patience, humor (i tend to vibe with sarcasm or dry humor, but i'm not terribly picky), and intelligence

4. Tell me which song to listen to while planning your date, to help me get attuned to your vibe.

Meet Me In The Woods by Lord Huron

5. Briefly describe your personal idea of hell!

Sitting in a plain white room that has no windows or furniture

Hello Lizard, my beloved! Your date details are below the cut:

Okay, so Sev's sense of humour is a little... uh, fucked up. He's seen some stuff. He's likely to use humour as a coping mechanism even when you're the one upset; trying to make you laugh if ever you're crying in his arms. Science-minded and deeply interested in intricate conversations, he'll want to listen to you explain your passions for hours, and happily talk about his own (uh, he knows a lot about dead bodies; it's like having your own murder podcast whenever you want to listen!) He is one of the most fiercely protective and loyal people you will ever meet and takes his responsibilities extremely seriously. He would move mountains to keep you safe and happy, even if it took him a thousand years to do it.

So! He can be just a bit intense. That's why I feel like a quiet night is precisely what's in order for your date. I'm arranging deliveries from across the system to come directly to you; no need to cook or go out. They'll arrive in stages throughout the night, so keep an eye out for snacks, dinner and then hot chocolate a little later (just avoid the warra nuts, they give him gas). We're completely filling the living room with those massive squishy cushions Thisspiasians are so fond of, stringing up some glowglobes and getting a holoprojector set up so you can challenge him to as many rounds of Rep Comm as your heart can handle. If it brings up a bit too much realism for him, he may need you to snuggle in between his thighs for a few rounds. He won't admit it aloud, but you'll be able to tell from the way he glances over at you, frowning and shuffling his legs apart.

Thank you for using Sam's Star Wars Matchmaking Service™️! Tell us how we did here. May the Spires Keep You! x

#sam's star wars matchmaking service #ladyopress #zinzinina

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zinzinina · 3 years ago

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First of all, congratulations my dear friend! You deserve all of your followers and more! Here's to another 500!!

Here is my humble dating profile —

1. If I was an animal I'd be an alligator! I live in Florida, so I feel a strong connection to them in general.

2. My ideal night out is adventuring in the city, maybe shopping then going to our favorite restaurant before heading home.

My ideal day in is rainy, snuggles in bed while watching our favorite movies and ordering takeaway.

3. Three main qualities I look for in a partner are:

Affectionate

Stability

Transparency

4. To understand my general vibe, please listen to The Woods by San Fermin while planning this date.

5. My idea of hell is complete free will —having to accept that every decision is your own and reaps a consequence.

Thank you again, sweetheart!! Congratulations!!!!

Hello, lovely Kendra! I’ve found you a good one!

This guy is very much the silent, serious type. He may look tough but he’s secretly a big cuddler, and a deep romantic at heart. We’re talking keeping a lock of your hair tucked into his armour when he’s off on longer missions, so he has you close to him. He is genuinely one of the worst liars you’ll ever see, so you never have to worry about dishonesty or evasion with him. All he wants in life is a sweet, hot goth girlfriend who doesn’t mind his penchant for skull iconography with whom he can settle down in blissful domesticity.

I’m sending the two of you off for a night of adventure on Sullust! Now Sam, I hear you saying, Sullust is a shithole! It’s literally an uninhabitable volcano planet! To which I say: yes, but also no. You see, all the action is (literally) underground! Sullust’s network of subterranean tunnels make up an exciting nightlife that challenges Coruscant’s Lower Levels for vibrance, without the high crime rate. Think themed cocktail bars, karaoke clubs, and the trendiest seafood restaurants this side of Glee Anselm. You’ve got a reservation at this sick Trandoshan place (only eight seats, v. exclusive) -- I highly recommend the spicy Doshian jellyfish, followed by teal-blue Toniray shooters. The music is loud and the booths are high-sided, so you guys can snuggle up together and people-watch to your hearts’ content before taking your sweet time strolling back to your accomodation in the Arts District.

Thank you for using Sam’s Star Wars Matchmaking Service™️! Click here to find out more about our services. May the Spires Keep You! x

#sam's star wars matchmaking service #pala-din-djarin #zinzinina

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zinzinina · 3 years ago

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Hi there! Congrats on 500 followers!! If possible, I’d love to submit something for your celebration! I don’t have a gender preference, but I’d like it if you could avoid creeps like palpatine, dooku, snoke, etc lmao! again, thank you and congrats!!!!

OK SO If I were an animal, I’d probably be an elephant (v emotional and compassionate animals so, mood)! My ideal night out would be a night at my fave bar with my best friends! a night in would be a pint of ben & jerry’s and a youtube spiral for one of my niche favorite topics! In a partner I really look for open and honest communication, a strong sense of self, and a sense of humor!! Honestly my playlists for getting ready for a date contain a lot of calming 1960s folk music like Peter, Paul, & Mary! My idea of hell, as cliche as it is, would be repeating the same task or awful day over and over again for eternity. again, thank you!! 💖

Hello! Great news, we’ve had a successful match!

Don't be intimidated by her royal background; your date is more than happy to kick back and take it easy with you. She’s a fiercely excellent communicator, and isn’t shy about telling you how she feels. She knows who she is, and what she wants — you’ll never have to worry about mixed signals with her. Leia is deeply compassionate and will always support and uplift you, even when managing her own emotions. This is a woman who comforted some kid who was an absolute stranger to her over the death of his mentor only shortly after losing her entire planet. She is a Rock.

Your date is going to be very laid back and romantic, just like her. I’m sending you off to Sicemon just in time for the annual wildflower bloom! It’s absolutely beautiful here: low grassy plains as far as the eye can see, and during this one spectacular season the entire planet explodes into colour. The local people have a festival around the blooms, and you’ll be greeted with flower circles when you arrive before heading out into the brightness of the day. You’ll find a picnic rug in your basket; I haven’t given you any food because I strongly recommend you try as much as you can from the local stalls. There’s blossom-honey, rose icecream, fresh baked herb-bread… just for the beginning. Little tip, Leia loves to dance, so make sure you take her by the hand out into the centre of the festival if you want to earn extra points.

Thank you for using Sam’s Star Wars Matchmaking Service™️! Antihistamines not included. May the Spires Keep You! x

#sam's star wars matchmaking service #rescuethewretched #zinzinina

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zinzinina · 3 years ago

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Congrats on the followers!

If I was an animal I think I’d like to be a crocodile, they are just so chill hanging out in the water but if you piss them off you’re in trouble. I also think the mamas carrying the babies is so cute 🥺

Night out: get fancy drinks and dessert at an expensive restaurant then walk down the beach watching the sun set and the stars come out

In: build a blanket fort in the living room and get tons of snacks and watch terrible Movies and make fun of then al la mystery science theater 3000 style

3 qualities for a partner: witty, loyal, a boy-scout Clark Kent kinda person

Song: my type by saint motel

My hell: going to a party where I only know my date and they leave my to go chat with other people or never introduce me to anyone

I prefer guys, and I have no real dislikes but I do like good guys 😁

Hi! Great news, we have a match!

Your date’s wit can occasionally border on sarcastic or acerbic, but let there be no doubt about his inherent goodness. Obi-Wan is the type of man who inspires the people around him to be better just by virtue of his own devotion to serving others. It can be frustrating at times being with someone who applies his own stringent level of altruism to his partner, but that boyish smile underscoring his few greys means it’s hard to stay annoyed with him for long.

For your date together, I’m happy to report that you and Obi-Wan share similar tastes! He’s accustomed to the brightness and immaculacy of the Core; even by Jedi standards, he’s fastidious. So you’re headed out for a classic evening of beautiful food in the sparkling Upper Levels; six courses, champagne, no expenses spared. He’s going to want to take in every single word you say, bright blue eyes creasing with affection. Then, because he’s a romantic at heart, a stroll under the glowlamps at Monument Plaza; if timed correctly, there may even be live music in the square for you both to enjoy. He’ll want to see you home safe with a chaste kiss on the hand to end your evening together, but if you invited him inside for one last drink, he almost certainly wouldn’t say no.

Thank you for using Sam’s Star Wars Matchmaking Service™️! SSWMMS is regrettably unable to accomodate any restaurant bills accrued over the course of your date. May the Spires Keep You! x

#sam's matchmaking service #low-on-health #zinzinina #yes i’m still getting to these #slowly slowly

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zinzinina · 3 years ago

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SAM AAAAAHHH CONGRATS ON 500 YEEHAW i'm so excited for this matchmaking truly. maybe u can give me someone who will break my streak of no long term relationships 😌 okay here r my answers:

i'd probably a cat. most days i just wanna chill out and lie in the sun and not be bothered. i can be particular about things like who i want to interact with, what i want to eat, etc. people have told me i come off as intimidating, but in reality i just want to be loved and held and cherished.

ideal night out: i’m out with my friends, people who know me, and maybe some strangers mixed in. we are sitting at an outdoor table, knees knocking into each other because we are so close, gabbing about things that don’t really matter but are important Right Now. string lights illuminate our faces, flushed with the buzz of alcohol. someone lets me try their raspberry marg. it’s warm but not hot enough to make me sweat. i feel like i’m a part of something.

ideal day in: either by myself or with the person i cherish the most, lazily sprawled on the couch or bed as we watch our favorite movies. it’s raining, but no thunder rolls by. just the pitter-patter of rain on the windows and the din of the television fills the room. the bass is turned up way too loud so when the sound hits that low pitch, the whole house shakes. i’ve seen all these films before, but i never tire of them. we're at a part that makes me cry and i don't feel embarrassed.

3 qualities: Good communication, emotional competency, hardcore stroke game JUST KIDDING uuuhh not afraid to laugh at themselves

sam u must know this song one is the hardest question for me so i’m gonna give u 3 options: Don’t Delete The Kisses by Wolf Alice, Pool by Samia, and Susie Save Your Love by Allie X & Mitski.

personal hell: none of the people i care about remember me, or else they tell me they don’t actually like me and they ignore me

Vee, my love! We have a match!

Okay, hear me out on this. Poe has absolutely no problem with telling you everything about how he feels. There’s a common misconception that he’s avoidant or flippant somehow when it comes to emotional connection; not so. He feels everything -- deeply, and doesn’t believe in wasting time fucking around. He’ll tell you the second he realises he’s falling in love with you without even a twinge of embarrassment or hesitation, and he won’t be offended when you laugh at his earnestness, grinning back at you, waiting for your response. One thing that makes Poe so effortlessly cool is that fact that he isn’t. He’ll laugh at his own stupid jokes and let you tease him relentlessly for trying to look suave in some vintage jacket from the old Empire days, insisting it’s fashionable despite the musty smell, interrupting you to kiss you when he gets caught up in the way your eyes flash whenever you’re giving him shit. (And let’s not pretend the stroke game doesn’t matter, babe, trust me. I got you on that.)

For your date, he’s taking you back to his family’s old place on Yavin 4, still stocked with retro hologames and (slightly musty) Jawa juice. The colony is still fairly small here; a few other families you nod to in the evenings as you pass, sandals in your hands, but for the most part you’re alone. You’ve got the whole weekend together in the rainforest; laying for warm, lazy hours beside one of the shallow pools under the roar of a waterfall, sticky with humidity and each other’s limbs. He'll be loudly indignant at how well you kick his ass at the hologames, demanding to switch controllers more than once before he decides the problem isn’t the controller after all, it’s you -- which is when he adopts a tactic of sabotage, trying to make your concentration slip in an entirely new way. He is Very competitive, after all.

Thank you for using Sam’s Star Wars Matchmaking Service™️! Click here to see testimonials from more of our happy customers. May the Spires Keep You! x

#sam’s matchmaking service #delusionsxfgrandeur #zinzinina

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zinzinina · 3 years ago

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if i were an animal i’d be a killer whale. idk why. actually i do know and it’s because i was obsessed with them as a kid

my ideal night out is chill, idc what we do just please god don’t take me to a club or a place full of people that i will have to be close to. a bookshop or a restaurant or a museum 🙏🙏

day in: marathon watch all the tinkerbell movies with me and then let me read and/or nap

three main qualities: funny, seggsy, nice to me (i do not care if they are nice to other people as i am the only one who matters🙏🙏)

song to listen to: anything from miss taylor swift’s fearless or lover

my personal idea of hell is an old navy full of my maternal family members while anything by maroon 5 or that butter bts song plays all the time

congrats sam im so happy for you!!! ❤️❤️❤️

Hi Cait! I’ve got a good feeling about this one.

Meet Chelli.

I’m glad you don’t mind if they’re nice to other people, because the good Doctor here has been described as a monster, a menace, a lunatic- just to name a few. She’ll (literally) murder for the ones she loves though, and I just know she won’t be able to resist you. She is wickedly funny, incredibly sexy and shares your love for historical artifacts, and can tell you more than you ever wanted to know about every single piece.

Here’s the thing. Normally I’m the one planning the dates, but this girl seems to have a big fucking issue with authority. So she’s taking over completely. You’re both headed to the Chandrila Imperial Museum later tonight, with a stolen bottle of Corellian champagne stuffed in her bag. The museum isn’t open, exactly, but Chelli’s got a macrowelder and zero fucks to give. She’s busting you both in for a private tour, and the two of you may even end up hooking up in the Zeffo section, on top of a cabinet filled with bronze statues.

By the way, you don’t get away with the shit she pulled with Vader without a very talented tongue.

You may or may not end up needing to run for it, if security busts you. This is fine, though, because she knows a rooftop spot with an exquisite view of the city lights. You guys can snuggle up while she tells you all about her adventures: some of them are fucking nuts.

Sam’s Star Wars Matchmaking Service™️ is not responsible for any arrest or imprisonment incurred as a result of your date. It is strongly recommended you engage a lawyer before undertaking the above activities. May the Spires Keep You! x

#sam’s matchmaking service #clanoffetts #zinzinina

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zinzinina · 3 years ago

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Hi Sam!! Congratulations on 500 followers! 🥰💞🎉🎉🎊 You deserve them :D and as for the date prompts...

1. If I were an animal I think I'd be a panda! Because they're peaceful, are sensitive to their surroundings and don't do well with conflict and might get stressed about it, and sometimes can be playful too :]

2. I don't really have a different preference for day and night outs, because I'm already content with being around my partner or friends and I'd go anywhere they'd like to go. I'm most likely going to prefer staying in indoors but if my friends/partner wants to go then I'll come with! Shows just how indecisive I am gahahahah

3. Um I've never been in a romantic relationship before so I don't know if I'll say or answer this correctly, but I'm looking for someone who has humour, loyalty, and understanding.

4. Sunshine Girl (Demo), Laid Down My Arms

5. I've dreamt of this once as a nightmare, my friends and family are laughing at me and won't do anything to save me while I'm getting poured under hot cement until I can't move my body anymore.

But if that wasn't what you had in mind in terms of personal hell, it would be doing something that wasn't your assigned role or something you could do (ie. Having stage fright but you're forced to present on stage in a stadium).

I'm sorry if this is too long or is too confusing, please feel free to ignore if you feel so!! 🙏

Hi sweet Hui! Great news, we’ve got a match for you!

Bodhi is a true sweetheart, so he’s absolutely perfect for you. He knows what it feels like being out of your element, and how scary it is not being in control. But he’s also very brave and he’ll help you settle when you need it, reassuring you and reminding you how much he cares about you. He can be a little shy too, so he prefers sketching and drawing to talking to strangers. You’ll likely find the quiet moments with him are the most intimate, as you sit leaning together while you both work at something in your hands. He can be a bit snippy; and his sense of humour might lean into sarcasm, so I think you’ll have a lot in common once you both overcome that initial nervousness! That’s why I’m throwing you both into the deep end.

You’re both off to an art retreat into the wilds of Naboo! I’ve packed you all the supplies you’ll need, both for drawing and camping. If you follow the included map, you’ll end up out of the tangled forest and up on a bluff overlooking the lake country. I have sneakily chosen a particularly windy path, so you might need to take his hand a few times to make it over the more tangled roots. The scenery is exquisite, and with just the two of you up here breathing in that clean country air you’ll both feel that anxiousness melt away as you work. Because you’re both on the shy side, I’ve packed you some ice breaker questions to keep the conversation flowing and bringing you closer together.

Thank you for using Sam’s Star Wars Matchmaking Service™️! Our office hours are 4pm to 4:15pm, every fourth Thursday. May the Spires Keep You! x

#sam’s matchmaking service #501fettish #zinzinina

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zinzinina · 3 years ago

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Congrats my love! 💞This is such a cute idea ♥️ if you wouldn’t mind….

~if I were an animal, a cat. An ornery ginger cat who takes a while to warm up to people, but likes pets and attention after that point.

~ideal night out is not crazy. I love art and I love museums, so going to an evening viewing at one of those followed by dinner at a place with a sweet ambience where we don’t feel rushed is nice. Ideal day in: a clean house, baking bread or something else yummy, a lit candle, reading while the baking cools on the stove.

~three main qualities: hidden gentleness, wit/intelligence, and confidence (since I struggle with mine).

~Song: “The Water” by Johnny Flynn or “Let Me Love You Like a Woman” by Lana Del Rey.

~my personal idea of hell? This is tough bc I’m always so anxious anyway. I don’t like creepy crawly bugs or reptiles. Anything where I’d be stuck in a room with them for any amount of time. Or seeing one of those in my house and then it disappears so I can't find it again. Anxiety abounds.

~I'd prefer a male partner, someone taller than me. I’m 5’6 but plus size so I just feel bigger. I’m not very into the sequels, so no one from that era, please.

I’m very curious to see your answers 💖

Hi Caroline! Here’s your match!

Tall, commanding and intimidating, Thrawn may not be the first person who comes to mind when you think of intimacy. While he’s inflexible and untouchable in his professional life, his personal life is a different story altogether. Thoughtful, thorough and incredibly sensitive to beauty, Thrawn is the type of man who effortlessly creates moments of overwhelming meaning for his partner as a matter of course. His romantic gestures are precisely designed to tug at your heart so intensely that you’re overcome with tears, while he sits calmly back to enjoy your response. His efficiency has been mistaken for cruelty in the past and while the causes he believes in may not necessarily align with, uh, compassionate grounds, I think there’s enough emotional intelligence in there for him to be persuaded around his questionable loyalties. He’s certainly capable of absolute tenderness when it comes to his romantic partners, so there’s no reason it wouldn’t extend to the greater galaxy if he entertained the idea. Who knows, maybe a long stay in the Unknown Reaches with a scrappy gold-hearted teenage Jedi might change his mind on a few key issues!

For your date, Thrawn really doesn’t permit anyone else to take charge... so I hope you like surprises because I’m not allowed to plan a thing. He already knows everything about your tastes, your likes and your dislikes... even some things you may not even know about yourself just yet. If you enjoy an evening at a gallery, a night viewing pieces from his private collection may prove to be an even more... intimate experience than you’d expected. If I had to guess, I’d say it’ll involve rare Chandrilan wine, low music and his undivided attention — it may sound a little overwhelming, but he’ll take his time with you. He is a very patient man.

Thank you for using Sam’s Star Wars Matchmaking Service™️! We neither endorse nor advise against entering into relationships with Imperial Chiss Grand Admirals. May the Spires Keep You!

#sam's matchmaking service #naboosunset #zinzinina

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zinzinina · 3 years ago

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Congrats on 500 followers Sam! You're so wonderful and deserve all the love in the world <3

For my dating card:

If I were an animal I would be a cat because I am small, dramatic, and love to sit in sunny windows.

My ideal night out would be going for dinner and drinks to de-stress and just hang out! For a day in, I want to make mimosas brunch and watch reality tv until my brain rots.

Three qualities I'm looking for: chill, dependable, and adventurous! (i need someone to get me out of the house lol)

I'm listening to anything by Lizzo 💅

My own personal idea of hell would be sitting on a boring zoom call for several hours with nothing else to entertain me, no phone, no drawing, no one else to talk to. I don't even like thinking about it.

I can't wait to see who my match is :)

Hi Amber! I’ve found the perfect match for you.

Captain Howzer shares your love for a nice sunny window! Despite his sometimes-extreme responsibilities, he’s a remarkably chilled out guy. Easy-going, forgiving and difficult to anger, Howzer’s outlook is endlessly uplifting even in the face of overwhelming stress. You can depend on him to be a grounding, sturdy presence no matter what comes your way. He gets along easily with most new people he meets, and you’ll find that travelling together is an exercise in seeing how many names you can remember before the day is out.

That’s why, for your date, I’m sending you to sunny Sesid! Beloved for its volcanic beaches, beautiful marine life and galaxy-renowned cocktails, Sesid is a tropical planet popular with travellers seeking some serious relaxation. The giant palms rival the varieties on Scarif and you’ll find beautiful carnivorous flowers large enough to lay inside of — not recommended. The two of you have a private cabana with an exquisite view of the smaller islands surrounding; you’ll be able to watch the sky change colours as you lay back and down a few Jedi Mind Tricks in the cool water. Howzer’s more of a fan of the old classic Pina Colada… and he’ll never say no to a Sex on the Beach.

Thank you for using Sam’s Star Wars Matchmaking Service™️! Please be advised your trip is subject to change based on seismic activity, oceanic disturbances and liqueur shortages. May the Spires Keep You! x

#sam’s matchmaking service #dreamydroid #zinzinina

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zinzinina · 3 years ago

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Sam! I can’t believe I missed the post about your 500 follower milestone! Congrats, bb. You deserve all of the followers, and all of the good things always.

Here’s my submission for Sam’s Star Wars Matchmaking Service because ya girl is ✨lonely✨

1) If I was an animal I would probably be a cat. I love to sleep. I love to be pet - by the right person. I love who I love, and generally have to be won over. But! I will give everyone a chance at first.

2) My ideal night out would be on a beautiful clear night. One where you can see all of the stars. Perhaps a nice picnic? Or a sneaky skinny dip session in a beautiful pool. I’m not one for big crowds or loud noises, so I’d like to keep it on the down low. My ideal day in would be the quintessential lazy day! Movies on my tv, the best snacks, multiple naps. You get it.

3) The three qualities I’m looking for would be patience. Kindness. And a wicked sense of humor.

4) Tbh any mood I’m in, there’s a Jessie Ware song for that. I’m particularly fond of What’s Your Pleasure.

5) My personal idea of hell consists of having to listen to a fucking idiot just go on and on about things I just truly do not care about. Or listen to someone go on and on about something I know they’re wrong about, but they can’t be taught.

Thank you for being so kind and supportive on here, Sam. I love having your presence on here. Thank you for doing this! What a fun idea! I can’t wait to see who I get matched with 💕

Hi Amanda! Thank you so much for your submission. I’m happy to say we have a match! I hope you like ‘em tall and peaceful:

They don't get much more kind or patient than Qui-Gon Jinn himself, and he shares your appreciation for quietude. Deep-voiced and zen, this guy exudes comforting energy, though sources close to the Jedi Council tell me he’s secretly an absolute freak under those brown robes. No pressure to take it any further than your date, but, y’know. Making sure you know your options. He has a sharp sense of humour, but he prefers to be more of a listener. Don’t worry about keeping conversation afloat through, he’s perfectly happy to enjoy your presence without the need for talk. He just likes being close to you, those blue eyes creasing with affection.

I’m sending the two of you off to Solarine, famous for its sunsets. They last around four hours as each sun goes down, gradually getting dimmer and dimmer and painting the sky gold before the stars fade through. It’s the perfect setting for a private music performance up on the cliffs over the city, shielded (mostly) from the wind in a little slant-sided pergola (but don’t wear any loose clothing just in case). I’ve booked local jazz artist Sy Snootles, fresh from her tour of the Mid Rim to serenade you both (uh, if you get sick of her, just pay her a tip and she’ll stop).

As the sky darkens to that particular shade of indigo most revered in this system, you’ll be brought some blankets to keep warm before dinner is served. Prepared right in front of you by famed Abednedo chef Thrin Be’stosa, I can personally guarantee you have never tasted food this good before. They go nuts for him over on Mon Cala (which, by the way, is the exact planet I kidnapped picked him up from).

After that, the choice is yours! The night is your veda-oyster! Solas City has a number of late-night dessert bars and cafes if you’re feeling sweet, or you can head directly back to your accomodation in the Upper Seventh if you’re feeling spicy.

Thank you for using Sam’s Star Wars Matchmaking Service™️. Payment will be accepted in the form of an invitation for myself and thirty of my closest Ugnaught friends to your eventual wedding. May the Spires Keep You! x

#sam’s matchmaking service #zinzinina #herb welch

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zinzinina · 3 years ago

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Hello Sam my beloved!!!!💕 Congrats on your 500 followers! Thats amazing and your writing is so fantastic and you're so sweet, you deserve them all!!🎉🎉 💕💕

I would like to apply to your matchmaking service please 😌

If I was an animal, I would be a housecat who gets waited on and spoiled and just sits and judges everyone.

My ideal night out would be going out with friends to a pub or bar with live music and good food and drinks! My ideal day in involves sleeping in and staying in bed all day relaxing.

Three main qualities I look for are humour, good morals/caring about the same issues as me, and intelligence

A song to listen to while planning my date: Rasputin by Boney M is the exact vibe any date of mine needs to have (or every other freckle by alt j if you want a serious answer I GUESS)

My personal idea of hell is going to a restaurant and them being out of garlic bread. Alternatively: being stuck in a room with some entitled guy who likes to play devils advocate and wants to debate you and mansplains women's issues to you lmfao

Congrats again my friend!!! 💕

-@mandaloriandin

Hi Kylie! Here’s your match:

Wolffe is sometimes misunderstood. His moral code is central to who he is, but he isn’t as inflexible as you might think. He’s a smart man and he believes in educating and challenging himself; even when it’s scary, or others may not see where he’s coming from. He’s very much a secret softie. His sense of humour can be a bit gruff (and friends might think of it as affectionate bullying at times) but he’s one of the most fiercely loyal men in the galaxy when it comes to defending his loved ones. Break down those barriers with him and you’ll have a partner who’d go to the ends of the known universe for you. Oh, and uh, he matches the vibe of your alt-J song perfectly if you get my drift. He would very much like to devour you.

For your date, I’m sending you somewhere a little more luxe. You see, Wolffe likes his creature comforts. If he had money, he’d definitely have expensive taste (but for now he settles for freshly customised armour). Lucky for you both, I’m footing the bill!* So you’re off to the extremely exclusive spa resort in one of the orbiting station-cities off the surface of Ojom. Your Besalisk attendants are known the galaxy over for their massage skills, and when the two of you are feeling truly pampered, you’ll find your suite has the most incredible views of the moonrise. The surface of Ojom is ice, so the reflections of the light are all you’ll need to illuminate the space — just the two of you, and plenty of free time.

Thank you for using Sam’s Star Wars Matchmaking Service™️! *Costs not included. Bill will be charged at the end of your stay. May the Spires Keep You!

#sam’s matchmaking service #mandaloriandin #zinzinina

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zinzinina · 3 years ago

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sam my beloved I am cackling, pls sign me up for your dating service!!!

if I was an animal I'd probably be a uhhhhhhhhhhhh bat

ideal night out: I love to go dancing, as difficult as it is to find a good club for it. there's this place near me that has live 80s cover bands every weekend and I miss it so much. honestly anything with live music

ideal night in: we make dinner together then bundle up on the couch and watch a movie. that's it, I'm easy ;-;

listen to uhhhhh heart attack- bronson, lau.ra, odesza, golden features AND/OR do re mi - blackbear because that's a banger

my personal hell? I'm at the front of like 100 people in a lecture hall trying to give a presentation. I keep forgetting what I'm talking about. I know my face is burning. I lose my job because I did so poorly. my career stalls. all because of my performance anxiety :)

no gender preference, allergies, or blood feuds 😂

Hi Leo! Here is your match:

My first choice wasn’t able to make it out on a date; something about keeping the whole fucking city running, need to find more caf, no time for this shit, I don’t know.

Okay. You might’ve heard some crazy, outlandish things about Lando. And I’m here to tell you that they’re all true, and probably even under-exaggerated in places. Don’t get him wrong: he’s a sensitive, intelligent man who’s strong and balanced, with the type of charisma that’s completely irresistible. Lando naturally radiates warmth and humour whenever you’re around him, even when you’re not totally sure what his angle is half the time. He believes in living life to the fullest every single day, so he doesn’t hold back with anything: gifts, humour, affection, his… uh, physicality.

Lando knows all about the clubs you’ve never even heard of, well into the Lower Levels. And he seems to be on first-name basis with every single person on Coruscant, so he’ll have no trouble at all getting you both settled into a private booth. Several luxe cocktails in and he’ll be leaning in close, delivering the type of smooth, stomach-melting lines you won’t even believe. Anything you want, you’ll get. Diamonds? Look under your napkin. Song requests? He’ll get the artist to perform it for you privately. Another bottle of that sweet green champagne from Hosnian Prime? Already at the table. Extra company? Just say the word. I can personally guarantee that you’ll never have another date like this one.

Thank you for using Sam’s Star Wars Matchmaking Service™️! This has been our final commission. Our offices are now closed. Thank you for being a valued customer. May the Spires Keep You! x

#sam’s matchmaking service #purgetrooperfox #zinzinina

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zinzinina · 3 years ago

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500!! congrats lovely Sam, how exciting! I'm so chuffed for you getting all the loveeee💘💕❤️💖 I couldn't resist taking part in this celebration, such a fun idea!

1. If you were an animal, what would you be?

One of my families nicknames for me is bunny, and a few of my good friends compare me to those vampire deer because of my fairly sticky-outy canine teeth, and honestly I'm flattered with either of those cuties!

2. Describe your ideal night out, and your ideal day in.

My ideal night out would definitely have to involve some kind of walk through nature, or a dinner under stars, something peaceful and relaxed!

A perfect day in is one where we can stay in our PJs, make art together, have nice snacks, play video games & cuddle the cats (or Tookas?)

3. What are the three main qualities you're looking for in a partner right now?

I super value honesty, duh, a strong moral compass, and someone who can express their love in a way that translates clearly to me💘

4. Tell me which song to listen to while planning your date, to help me get attuned to your vibe.

Soft Universe by Aurora

5. Briefly describe your personal idea of hell!

Being stuck in some overcrowded, overheated place, with no end in sight 😫 even worse if all the people in the crowd were diehard empire supporters if you catch my meaning oof

I have no gender preference, no allergies (apart from a particular penicillin), and I'm surely in a blood feud with anyone who takes issue with my rebel alliance tattoo. I acknowledge your disclaimer and sign myself over to your will!💘

Hi Becky! I have a match for you!

Rose is often mistaken for a softie, and while it’s true that she has a sweet heart, she’s definitely no pushover. Smart, quick and outspoken, she stands up for her friends and the cause she believes in without hesitation. A little-known fact about Rose is that she is absolutely fucking ruthless when it comes to video games. This girl is going to kick your ass and then tease you about it relentlessly, even while she’s snuggling up next to you, grinning in triumph. I’d be willing to bet she even has a secret little starbird tattoo hidden somewhere to match yours!

For your date, Rose likes to keep it pretty simple. She has strong feelings about unnecessary shows of extravagance or wealth; her priorities lay elsewhere. And she can be just the tiniest bit shy, at least to begin with. So she’s coming to your place with homemade goodies. She’s making classic Hays Minor syrup cakes based on the original recipe from her home planet, still hot in her insulated canteen, with fresh jogan berries to have on the side. She’s bringing a stack of holovids to pop on in the background, and some screen printing gear so you guys can work on some fresh Resistance banners while you snack. It might take her a little while to get there, but as the night wears on she’ll be scooching closer and closer until she’s just about in your lap. Then the crafting might need to be delayed… for a little while. Down with the First Order!*

Thank you for using Sam’s Star Wars Matchmaking Service™️! *For legal reasons in case any official representatives are monitoring this channel, this is a joke and we here at SSWMS are definitely not involved in any illegal or insurgent activities. May the Spires Keep You!

#sam’s matchmaking service #bedky #zinzinina

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