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waywardxwords · 1 year ago

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Empty

Summary: Ten months ago, Sam threw himself and Lucifer into the cage. While Dean went off to live happily with Lisa and Ben, you couldn’t bring yourself to live a “normal” life. While on a hunt, your trail leads to Lansing, Michigan where you get your hopes up when you stumble upon the Sam Winchester in a dive bar. Instead, bumping into the man you had fallen for years before leaves you feeling empty. Pairing: Soulless!Sam x Female Reader Word Count: ~4.1k Warnings: IF YOU ARE UNDER THE AGE OF 18, PLEASE STOP READING. THIS IS RATED M FOR MATURE. Soulless!Sam, swearing, smut (p in v, unprotected), slightly angsty, sadness, feeling used…Sam is kind of a douchebag in this (hello, he has no soul) - I would also like to preface that I'm still new at this whole ~writing smut~ thing, so please be kind but I am 10000% open to critique/feedback!

A cloud of cigarette smoke pooled above the bar as your boots clicked upon the hardwood of a little dive bar in Lansing, Michigan. It had been ten months since everything changed–Sam in the pit as Lucifer’s vessel, and Dean off living the life he had always deserved with Lisa and Ben. You were happy for him, truly. But that life wasn’t your life. Once you knew about all that went bump in the night, there was no going back. Thankfully, you had found Alice McCaffrey. Bobby had introduced you when you told him you wanted to get back out there. “You don’t hunt alone,” he had warned you. Alice was a little older than you, but you seemed to gel well. It wasn’t like hunting with the Winchesters, but it was still fine.

The two of you found a small, round table towards the back of the bar where there were billiard tables and took your place on the stools.

“I just don’t get it,” Alice gnawed a little at her bottom lip. “We tracked that trail all the way here…there’s no way it just goes cold.” There was plenty of evidence floating around that the Shapeshifter was here, in Lansing. And when you said ‘the’, you meant the one and only: first of its kind, Daddy Shapeshifter; the one who created all shapeshifters.

“I mean, this thing has been alive for how many years?” You toyed with a round paperboard coaster in your hands. “He could just be that good. He’s used to evading hunters for centuries.”

“Yeah, I guess,” she grumbled, but you knew she wasn’t going to let it go. That was fine by you, but in the meantime…

“I’m gonna grab a beer, you want anything?” You asked her as you thumbed to the bar.

“Yeah, one for me, too. But none of that light shit…see if they have a Guinness or something,” she pulled out her laptop and her leatherbound journal.

Just as you turned to walk towards the bar, you caught sight of him. Him. The him you had mourned (and were still mourning, if you were honest with yourself). Your breath caught in your throat as his tall, broad frame stood over a billiard table. The bright light above the table accented each of his features–nothing had changed, really, besides his hair maybe being a tiny bit longer and it looked like he had been working out again. His eyes grazed over the green baize fabric on the table to check his next move.

You didn’t want to make a scene, but this wasn’t possible…there was no way in Hell this man could be standing in front of you. You quickly pulled your cell phone from your pocket and dialed the familiar number. You refused to pull your eyes away as you watched for any sudden movements.

“Bobby?” You asked when he answered after just the third ring. “You got any idea why I’m standing in a bar in Michigan looking at Sam Winchester right now?”

As if on cue, Sam seemed to feel your gaze as he pulled his eyes up from the table and found yours.

“Balls,” Bobby grumbled as you listened to his drawl through the receiver of the phone. “Listen, it’s Sam…but I didn’t say anything ‘cause I didn’t want ya to get hurt…” you weren’t sure what that meant. Sam had already started his pace over to you. There was a smile upon his lips, but it seemed different. “Something’s different about him. He ain’t been the same since he got pulled out of Lucifer’s cage. You hear me?”

“Yeah, I hear ya, Bobby,” your words were soft. “I’ll, uh, I’ll call you later.” You hung up quickly just as he approached.

Your name fell from his lips, almost inquisitively. That same old Sam Winchester half-smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

“Sam,” you breathed in return. It was difficult to keep Bobby’s warning in the back of your mind when the man you had hunted with for so long was standing just in front of you. While hunting with the brothers, you had never allowed your feelings to see the light of day. They were professional, and they had taught you so much about what looms in the dark. But you would be a liar if you said you had never felt butterflies when Sam smiled at you, laughed at your joke, or the way it felt when his fingers grazed your skin…

“Hey, wow, it’s been such a long time,” something did feel a bit off with his words, but even more so with his demeanor. You had mapped out those hazel eyes over the two years you spent hunting with the boys, and there was a lightness missing. They just felt empty.

“Sam, how are you here? I saw you fall into the cage myself,” the thought alone made your eyes burn. Watching Sam and the strength he had to throw himself (and Lucifer) into the cage was devastating.

“Yeah, uh, I don’t really know?” He chuckled softly. You searched for the light, but still couldn’t find it—even behind his laughter. “I just sorta woke up and I was back…”

“God, it’s so incredible to see you,” you couldn’t stop staring at him, afraid if you blinked, he’d disappear. “Is Dean here? Are you guys trying to figure out what brought you back?”

Sam broke his gaze from yours, but only for a second. He slipped his hands into his front jean pockets. “No, uh, I didn’t want to pull Dean back in. It’s rare to get an opportunity to get outta this life. He seems happy,” he nodded. You couldn’t help but notice the lack of emotion in his tone or on his face. “I, uh, I actually found some of my mom’s family. They have a compound here in Lansing, so I’ve been hunting with them.”

You tried to hide the way his words stung. He was so stoic, you didn’t want to look like a fool. But you were hurt…he had to have known you were still hunting. It made you doubt yourself—there were probably better people to hunt with and he had found them. You had always wondered if you were just a tagalong for the Winchesters; maybe they had just felt bad for you, after all.

“Oh, nice,” you forced a smile and a small nod. “That’s good. Hunting with family is good…” your words trailed.

Sam matched your nod. As if he realized he should be asking you about yourself, he continued with, “What about you? Are you hunting still?”

“Oh, uh, yeah,” you turned back to your hunting buddy as she watched cautiously from your table. “This is Alice McCaffrey,” you introduced as you stepped back to the table and Sam followed. “Alice, this is Sam Winchester. Alice and I have been hunting together."

Alice’s eyes widened. “The Sam Winchester?” She asked, incredulously.

“The one and only,” he chuckled as he shook her hand.

“Wow,” Alice’s eyes drifted to you—you knew immediately what she was thinking: shifter? Demon? Shifter-demon?

“It’s really him,” you confirmed. While you hadn’t tested him yourself, you trusted Bobby. Bobby seemed very certain. He just also made it explicitly clear that Sam was different.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you,” she smiled. “I’ve heard a lot about you. I just…I thought you were in the pit…”

“Yeah,” Sam tucked some strands of brown hair that had fallen forward back behind his ear. “I was, but somehow got a way out. We’re still trying to figure that out.” He explained.

“That’s great,” she seemed a little hesitant, but that was why you loved Alice. Alice was wary of anyone and everyone; she didn’t trust at face value. There were still days you wondered if you had earned her full and complete trust.

“What brings you to Lansing?” Sam shifted the topic, his eyes on you now.

“We’ve been trailing a shifter,” you kept the topic brief. It felt weird not delving into all the details of your case, but you couldn’t quite shake the fact that Sam had been back and hadn’t tried to connect with you.

“Oh, the original?” He looked between the two of you. Alice narrowed her eyes at Sam.

“Yeah, are you hunting him too?” She questioned.

He looked between the two of you, still emotionless. “Yeah, we got him. A few hours ago, my team had him killed.”

“You…you managed to kill him?” Alice looked at him with the same level of shock as before.

“Sam, he was the original shapeshifter. Like, father to all shifters,” you added in, wondering if maybe he didn’t realize.

“I know,” he looked between the two of you. “He was a beast. But we’re a team of six. We had it covered.”

Alicia glanced at you—you knew the look. She wasn’t sure of this Sam Winchester guy.

“Hey,” Sam's fingertips grazed your hand. “Would you wanna get outta here? Some place we can sit and catch up. Somewhere quiet?” Between his fingertips on your flesh, and the way his voice had dropped lowly, you shuddered internally.

Somehow, you still seemed hesitant. Had this been ten months ago, you would have leapt out of your chair and been halfway to the door by now. But it wasn’t. And this version of Sam just felt different. You pushed past the hesitation. “Yeah, okay,” you nodded.

“Let me just go let the guys know I’ll be back in a while,” he thumbed back to the billiard tables where you finally noticed an older man, bald and eyes that you felt like could see through your soul. You managed a quick nod before he headed back that way.

“Can I say something and you promise it won’t piss you off?” Alicia asked as soon as Sam was out of earshot.

You were fairly certain you knew what she had to say, but you pulled your eyes from Sam’s back and looked back at her. “Of course.”

“I listened to you go on and on about this Sam Winchester guy. Even when you didn’t realize you were talking about him. You talk about him in your sleep,” she emphasized. Warmth crept up your neck and into your cheeks. You hadn’t realized you were sleep-talking about him… “But the Sam Winchester you’ve been mourning for almost a year? Girl, that’s not him.” Her eyes bore into you.

“I know he seems a little…rough around the edges,” you tried to reason as your eyes found him talking to the bald man in the corner. The man had returned his gaze to you as Sam spoke. “But we have no idea what happened to him in that cage. That would change anyone, Alicia.” You looked back to your hunting buddy.

“I get that, I do,” she agreed. “I’m just asking you to be careful. A lot can change in ten months. Especially when we’re talking about someone coming back from one of the darkest depths of Hell…if not, the darkest depth of Hell.”

“I’ve got it handled,” you watched him as he moved back towards your table. “I’ll meet you back at the motel later.” You managed a quick smile and hopped off of your bar stool.

“Ready?” Sam asked as you approached. You nodded once, but couldn’t help the feeling of the bald man watching you. Sam began to lead you away from the table.

“It was nice meeting you,” Alicia practically yelled over the sounds of the bar. Sam nodded once nonchalantly back at her.

“Yeah, you too,” it was strange, but then Sam’s hand snaked around yours and held it in his palm, and any uncertainty you had in your gut went out the window.

When Sam suggested going some place quiet, you had assumed that would be a café or diner; somewhere public, but where you could get caught up. It surprised you when he pulled into a motel parking lot and had you wait in the car. He wasn’t staying here…why was he getting a room? You were smarter than this, but somehow Sam Winchester had always had a way of emitting a haze around you; a haze that more than clouded your judgment.

“Why a motel room?” You finally managed to ask as you stood behind him while he unlocked the door.

“I just figured it would be nice to get caught up…” you noticed his eyes trailed down the front of you. He was looking at you in a way he had never done so blatantly before; a way you had always imagined in your mind, but never experienced. Your throat ran dry as he opened the door and held it open for you to step through. Suddenly you felt nervous.

“I really missed you, Sam,” you felt a lump of emotion knit together in your throat. Your eyes moved up his torso to find his hazel gaze. A small smile pulled at the corners of his lips.

A surprise to you, his arms snaked around you and pulled you into his chest. “I missed you, too,” you couldn’t shake the feeling that Sam was saying it because he knew he was supposed to.

“Sam…” you started cautiously. There were two parts of you, and they were at war: on one hand, you had wanted this moment to happen for so long–you had willed for Sam to come back. But the other part of you had so many questions that you felt needed answered before you could fully open up to him. “How long have you been back?”

“Just about ten months,” he answered with little-to-no hesitation. He seemed a little surprised when your eyes widened.

You moved away from him to sit on the edge of one of the double beds in the room. Your eyes found the multicolored carpet that lined the motel room floor. “You’ve been back almost the entire time we thought you had been gone, and you didn’t call?”

“It’s…complicated,” he breathed out as he moved to sit next to you on the bed. “Things aren’t like they were ten months ago,” he tried to explain. You kept your eyes on the carpet as he spoke. “Things are different now. The Campbells are different…” there was that word again: different. Your eyes didn’t budge until your name fell as a whisper from his lips. “I really did miss you.”

You watched as his eyes trailed over you once more. Across your face, down your neck…you felt the heat rising again. “I feel like I’ve had this dream a million times–you coming back. And now it’s real, and it just feels…”

“I know,” his words were soft again as his body shifted towards you.

Before your brain could argue with your heart again, you felt your hands pull at the collar of his plaid button-down shirt. His face moved closer until your lips crashed against each other in a hasty motion. His movements were quick, but thorough, as his hands traveled to your waist. He pulled at the hem of your cotton t-shirt until his fingers slipped underneath and grazed against the flesh of your hips, causing goosebumps to bubble on the surface of your skin.

Your hands tangled in the locks of hair at the back of his neck just as his hands lifted you and pulled you onto his lap so your legs straddled his waist. His fingers toyed with the hem of your shirt again until you instinctively raised your arms and broke where your lips met as he tugged the garment over your head. His fingers tangled in your hair once more as he stood up with your legs secured around his waist and turned to lay you on the bed. Once your eyes fluttered to see him pulling his button-down off, your brain kicked back into gear.

“Sam,” you breathed. He was back hovered over you now, his fingertips tracing a line of goosebumps down your neck, then your clavicle, to the tops of your breasts. Your breath hitched in your throat once more. “Sam, should we…are we doing this?” You were still trying to wrap your head around the idea that this was happening.

He paused for a moment and looked back down at you; your eyes tried to find old Sam once more–even just a glimmer. But you were coming up empty, yet again.

“I’ve wanted to do this for a long time,” his emphasis on the word ‘long’ made your heart and stomach flutter simultaneously. “I should have before. But I was stupid, and then I was saying ‘yes’ to Lucifer, and I never thought I’d see you again.”

Your brain wanted to remind him that he could have called you, hell, he could have shown up at your doorstep and you would have welcomed him back with open arms. But your heart decided against it as he leaned closer to your lips.

“I thought maybe you wanted this too,” he breathed as his lips gingerly touched against yours once more.

Words failed you, so instead you reached up and tangled your fingers in his hair once more. The way you moved your lips against his gave him your answer.

His fingers strategically moved behind you, expertly unclasping the black bra that constrained your breasts. With a quick flick of his fingers, you felt the material relax and the straps slipped off of your shoulder blades. Your eyes found his once more–the only thing you saw was want and lust.

You relished in the feeling of his lips as they trailed from your lips to your neck, sucking on the skin just under your earlobe. You closed your eyes at the sensation; your heart allowed your fingers to move through his hair, down to the nape of his neck. He moved against you in a way that warmed you to your core. You hadn’t realized Sam had moved his fingers down to the metal button clasp on your jeans. His fingers very quickly and skillfully moved so the button popped through the denim material and loosened. As he worked, his lips trailed down to your breast and attached to your nipple. His tongue moved over the already hardened bud, massaging in a way that elicited a moan from the back of your throat.

The break of the suction of his lips from your skin evoked a pop that echoed to your ears. In one swift motion, he pulled your jeans from your hips, bringing your underwear with it. He took a moment to stand at the edge of the bed. You watched as the muscles in his fingers, hands and forearms flinched as he worked his belt and jeans from their own metal clasp. He pulled his jeans down along with his boxers until they were at his ankles and he could step out of them.

“So fucking sexy,” he breathed. Your breath hitched once more–that wasn’t something your imagination had come up with when you had thought of this moment. The burn from the pink glow you had felt on more than one occasion tonight crept back up your skin once more, but this time you couldn’t hide.

“Sam,” your breath hitched in your throat, yet again.

Sam moved back over you at that moment, no additional words exchanged. You felt his length harden just between your legs upon your thigh. Your eyes closed once more as he kissed you with a force you had never felt before–you couldn’t place it. It wasn’t passion, it was need.

His hands moved yours just above your head so they were bent at your elbows. With one hand, he clasped them there. His other hand moved down the side of your face, down your breasts until they wrapped around his cock. You felt his knee move between your thighs to part them. His hand shifted until his fingers deftly found your center. Sam’s index finger slipped between your folds, finding out for certain just how excited you were for this moment.

“You’re already so wet for me, baby,” his breath tickled just below your earlobe as he whispered. He picked up the pace with his fingers as he rubbed your swelling nub with his thumb. He moved in small circles that made you begin to grind your hips with his motions. Without warning, he plunged a finger inside of you once, twice, three times before he added a second finger.

A gasp escaped your lips as you pressed your head back into the mattress even further, your mouth agape. “Jesus, Sam,” you couldn’t help the words as they toppled out between your lips. After a few more thrusts, he reached down to pump his hand between his legs again. Without his touch, your brain started working once more. “D-Do you have a condom?” You didn’t mean to stutter, but you were lucky to even get words strewn together that made any sense at this point.

“It’s alright, I’ll pull out,” he kissed just below your ear on your jawline. Goosebumps flooded the surface of your skin once more as his stubble trailed over you. Your brain didn't have a moment to respond.

As he lined himself up against your center, you opened your eyes to find his gaze. His eyes were dark–a dark you had never noticed before. The normal flecks of gold, green, and blue were suddenly a darker yellow, forest green and gray. It was beautiful–lustful, even–but you didn’t see any emotion. They were still just empty.

Your mouth fell agape as he pushed into you, releasing your hands above his head so he could reach down and pull your legs and hook your ankles around his back. Instinctively, you moved your hips against him, meeting him with each movement he made.

Sam ducked his head so his lips could connect with the sweet spot he had found just above your clavicle. You couldn’t be sure, but by the feeling you knew it would leave a mark; you didn’t care. You focused on the raw feeling of him inside you, the way he grunted with each thrust. You flattened your palms up his back, the feeling of his muscles under your hands adding to the pooling warmth in the pit of your belly.

Strategically, Sam reached between the two of you and pressed his thumb to your clit once more. The continuous motion of the small circles sent a shudder over you.

“Sam…” you warned.

He nipped at the skin below your ear. “I know, baby. Let me get you there,” the words dropped from his lips in a whisper once more.

You moved your hips to the rhythm of his hand and his thrusts. The muscles in your abdomen tightened and trembled as he pushed you over the edge. The pace of his movements picked up as he removed his hand and gripped your hips again–he pumped in and out of you with such fervor, you thought you might break.

With a shallow grunt, he quickly pulled out as he found his release–and suddenly, you felt empty.

Sam removed himself from the bed quickly and retreated to the small bathroom to clean up. As he came back, he handed you a towel. While you never could have known what being with Sam would be like, exactly…this wasn’t what you had expected.

“That was…” your voice trailed off as you tried to catch your breath. You rolled to your side and propped yourself up on your elbow as you watched him. Instinctively, you pulled the rustled sheet up just under your chin to cover yourself.

Sam’s eyes found you as he pulled up his boxers, and then his jeans. His chest heaved only slightly as he got dressed. “Yeah, that was nice,” a smile pulled on his lips. “I’m glad we bumped into each other again.” Your throat felt dry again. Words failed you; you didn’t know what to say to that. He pulled his shirt over his head and fixed some of the buttons. “I paid through the night, so you can crash here, if you want,” he gestured to the room.

“You’re…you’re leaving?” You tried to shove the emotions bubbling up so they went back down. It felt like you were underwater–Sam was different. There was no hiding it or trying to deny it anymore.

He looked back at you quizzically, as if he couldn’t understand why you were asking him this, but then turned his attention back to his boots as he tied the laces. “Uh, yeah. We have a lot of work to wrap up, and you’re just passing through,” his words trailed off a little, but it didn’t seem to be because he felt bad. “It really was good seeing you again.”

He managed one more small smile before he grabbed his remaining belongings and walked for the door.

The emotions finally bubbled over, but all you felt was empty.

A/N: Please, please don’t hate me. If you love Soulless!Sam with zero feeling and emotion, then this might be your jam. If you prefer loving, kind, caring Sam–you’re probably wanting my head on a platter. This is part one, I have a part two in the works and I promise I’ll fix everything <3

#supernatural fanfiction #spn fanfiction #supernatural fanfic #supernatural ff #spn fanfic #spn ff #sam winchester fanfiction #sam winchester x female reader #sam winchester x reader #sam winchester x you #soulless!sam x reader #soulless!sam #sam winchester #supernatural

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scarletvanfleet · 3 months ago

Text

Pairings: Josh Kiszka X Danny Wagner

Word Count: 13.9k

18+ NO MINORS! NO SMUT, BUT ADULT CONTENT BELOW CUT.

“Danny, did you know that the ancient Greeks recognized many different types of love? Eight really. But most people, if they do know about it, only know about three of them.”

Greek Loves Universe

Read on AO3

Warnings/Tags: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Fraternity, New Year's Eve, Angst, Pining, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Alcohol, Drug Use, Mushrooms, Marijuana, Confessions, Bonfires, Jealousy, Anger, Name-Calling, Coming Out, Kissing, Holding Hands, Shock, Frustration, Explicit Language, Guilt, Banter, Vomiting, Hallucinations, Paranoia, Cuddling & Snuggling, Sharing a Bed, Hangover, Anxiety, Awkwardness, References to Ancient Greek Religion & Lore, Apologies, Difficult Decisions, Awkward Conversations, Tension, Emotional Hurt, Panic Attacks, References to Arctic Monkeys, Crying, Sad Ending, Heartbreak.

Author's Note below the cut.

A/N: Hello again my friends. This is something I have been working on for many months and honestly I would not have finished without the continual support of my friends @kultavalo (#1 Beta Reader) & @jake-whatthefisgoingon-kiszka.

Please note that this read is not for the faint of heart. That being said, heed all above warnings and DO NOT continue if it is not for you.

If I have by chance missed something, do please let me know.

𓇢𓆸

Danny knew that when the Kiszka brothers joined a fraternity at MSU, he would eventually get roped into coming to some kind of party. What he didn’t expect was that it would be New Years of all things. He was more expecting a toga party or some other off the wall event. But no, it was two weeks before the thirty-first that Danny got a text from his best friend Sam’s older brother Josh inviting him to come out to their frat’s big night. He was apprehensive at first, never really being one to really party much. He would rather have stay at home in the safety and security of his own bed. But when Josh hit him with the “I miss you” text, he lost all sense of anxiety surrounding the idea of being grouped in with a bunch of strangers.

“I miss you” wouldn’t have hit nearly as hard as it did if Danny hadn’t been secretly pining over Josh since they were in High School. Of course Sam was never the wiser to his crush and Danny thought for the longest time that he would like to keep it that way.

Until now.

Danny was old enough now that he felt he had little left to lose by making his move on Josh. He just didn’t know how to go about it. But planning never did seem to make things easier for him in the dating department. It always seemed like it went better if things developed organically. Though he did promise himself that no matter what, he was going to try to be Josh’s New Year’s kiss.

Josh was everything that Danny had always wanted in a partner. He was sweet, loving, kind, and shared his love around freely. He was absolutely beautiful as well, with his cropped mane of curly chestnut colored hair, lightly golden tan skin, and chocolate colored eyes. He was much shorter than Danny, but Danny loved the height difference as it made it so that Josh’s head rested perfectly on his chest every time they hugged.

He did indeed miss all three of the Kiszka brothers when they’d made the move to East Lansing to go to school, and Danny had stayed behind, preferring to focus on other ventures for the time being. He missed the days of playing music in their garage and sneaking alcohol from their parents' cabinets. But those days were long gone and now all that was left was the lingering emptiness that came with having his three closest friends living far away from him.

The day of the 31st came and Danny had his bag packed and ready to go. He loaded up his car and quickly drove by the bank to grab some cash that Jake, Josh's twin, had actually recommended he bring to pitch in for tonight's beverages. In the short phone call Jake had also mentioned that the fraternity brothers were planning on making jungle juice. Which Danny thought sounded intriguing, as he had never heard of such a thing before.

As he left town he thought back to Sam, a small worry knot tying itself within the depths of his stomach as he considered how his friend would react to him making a move on his brother. Would he think it was weird? Would he be okay with it? His mind raced as he drove down the highway. He also thought about Jake and how close he was to Josh and what he might think of the situation as well. Danny groaned and rubbed a hand over his face.

This was going to be a long night.

𓇢𓆸

When he arrived at the boy’s house he was pleasantly surprised to find a small red brick home with a tiny front yard that was neatly kept. As he stepped out of his car he saw Sam throw open the door and run down the pathway towards him. He jumped straight into Danny’s waiting arms and hugged him tightly.

“Danny boy!” He yelled loudly as he rocked him back and forth.

“Hey Sammy boy. How are you?” He asked, taking a step back from him and putting his hands on Sam’s shoulders so that he could get a full view of him. He looked pretty much the same as he had this past summer, save for his hair being a bit longer. Sam shared some of the same features as the twins, but his were sharper and more defined. His hair hung long and nearly completely straight past his shoulders, only the slightest of curls could be perceived at the nape of his neck. Same chestnut color and pretty dark eyes, but his face was longer and leaner. His whole body was, really. He was also taller than them, closer to Danny's height.

“I'm good, I'm good. Glad you're here! We were just about to start getting ready to head over to the fraternity house. Do you wanna like, catch a shower or anything?" Sam asked as he opened up Danny's trunk, grabbed his bag, and swung it over his shoulder.

“Nah I'm good, showered this morning. Is what I'm wearing good? I brought some other stuff because I wasn't sure what to wear." Danny tried to take his bag from Sam but he wasn't having it. He turned away from Danny and headed back up the pathway to the house, looking back to see if Danny was following. Which he was.

“Okay cool, yeah man, wear whatever you want. It's casual. But if you're looking to pick someone up you might have to try harder than that. Girls here are a little harder to get than back home." Sam winked at him and then opened the door, holding it open so Danny could enter.

If only Sam knew.

The house was decorated pretty randomly and haphazardly with different music and movie posters, various plants, and little tidbits everywhere. The furniture was mismatched but comfortable. It reminded him much of the garage where they all hung out as teenagers. Only this was much cleaner. Probably thanks to Jake and his pension for tidiness.

Right as Danny was thinking about Jake, he came around the corner from the kitchen with a towel over his shoulder and a wide smile on his face. His straight hair had gotten longer too, but his face had remained the same, nearly identical to Josh's but with a slightly more upturned nose and deeper set eyes.

“Hey Danny! Glad to see you made it in one piece!" He clapped him on the shoulder before bringing him in for a brief hug.

“Yeah the drive wasn't too bad luckily. You never know how it can get with Michigan in wintertime you know?" Danny shrugged and continued glancing around the house. He hoped Josh was here somewhere but it was looking like it was just the three of them.

“Josh is at the store already with some of the guys picking up stuff for the jungle juice tonight." Sam said as he tossed Danny's bag to the couch. He always seemed to know what Danny was thinking before he even said it.

“Oh okay. Speaking of which. I grabbed some cash like Jake recommended if you just wanna give it to whoever. Also, what even is jungle juice?” Danny pulled the bills out of his wallet and pressed them into Jake's palm, who shoved them into his own front pocket.

"Essentially it's a bunch of different types of alcohol and juices all mixed together in a big tub.Sometimes we put fruit in it. Tastes great usually but just be careful. It's stronger than it seems, and don’t trust the fruit if it’s been in there a while.” Jake playfully knocked into his shoulder before turning to go back into the kitchen from which he had emerged.

“Oh I don't know how much I'll be drinking tonight…” Danny made eye contact with Sam again who gave him a small smile.

" It's New Year's Danny! No better time to become a drunken menace to society. Don't worry, there are designated drivers to bring us all home safely.” Sam made a cross over his heart and smiled at Danny.

" If you say so Sam.”

𓇢𓆸

It was about an hour later that they made it over to the fraternity house. Jake, being the responsible older brother that he was, had insisted upon making them eat before heading over. Danny had also taken the opportunity to change into a halfway buttoned black shirt and black jeans. He thought he looked rather nice with his long dark curls falling over his shoulders. He definitely could use the confidence boost to get through what he was planning for the night.

There were already some people milling about in the house and on the patio when the three of them arrived. Jake led them inside, making short introductions here and there just in case Danny should need someone throughout the night and not be able to find one of them. Josh was still nowhere to be seen and Danny was starting to become anxious that somehow he had missed the older boy completely yet again.

Finally he heard it. The loud and easily recognizable laughter that could only come from Josh himself. Danny stiffened a little but quickly recovered before anyone noticed. Finally, they walked into a large, wide open room with a pool table in the center and a couch pushed up against the wall. A large TV stood at the other end of the room, and a few stray chairs were placed around the table. And there was Josh, sitting backwards on one of the chairs, a huge smile on his face. His hair was a mess of unruly curls and he wore a plain white long sleeve shirt with khaki colored pants. A string of beads hanging loosely around his neck.

He looked gorgeous, Danny thought to himself as he continued to follow the brothers around to where Josh was happily chatting with his friends. Josh lit up as soon as he saw Danny and immediately stood up to throw his arms around his neck.

“Danny! It’s so good to see you! I feel like it’s been forever.” He smiled as he pulled back, but put his hands on either side of Danny’s face and looked him over. Danny gave him a small smile before dropping his arms and allowing himself to be observed.

“It’s only been a couple of months.” he replied.

“Well realistically I know that, but like I told you. I missed you.” He finally dropped his hands but kept looking into Danny’s eyes.

“I missed you too Josh. So what are you guys doing?” he asked, noticing that now the conversation around them had somewhat died down and people were starting to disperse into other rooms since Josh was no longer holding them captive in conversation.

“Well, we were having a rousing conversation about the plans for the night's events. But it would seem as though my fellow comrades have abandoned me. So we are left to our own devices.” Josh laughed and then looked over to his brothers who had placed themselves around the pool table and were mindlessly playing with the billiard balls.

“It’s still early Josh, there’s hardly any people here right now. What do you expect?” Jake rolled his eyes and tossed the ball he had been holding back onto the table and then turned to lean his back against the wood. Sam continued tossing his ball in the air and catching it as he walked back and forth along the length of the room.

“I dunno, you guys wanna smoke or something?” Josh asked, raising a brow.

Danny shrugged and the others nodded their agreement. Sam placed his ball down on the table and followed as they all went out through the french doors. Outside there was a large courtyard that was made up of a cobblestone porch with a sunken fire pit in the middle. There was a light layer of snow on the ground where it hadn’t been shoveled away completely.

“Jake you got a light?” Josh asked as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small rectangular cigarette case. He opened it quickly and slid out a joint. Jake nodded and reached into his own pocket and produced a black lighter.

“Nice.” He plucked the lighter from Jake’s hand and lit the joint easily. He then handed it off to Jake who took a couple hits and passed it over to Danny. Danny repeated Jake’s actions and then held it out to Sam. They all took turns rotating the joint around until it was burnt down sufficiently and then Josh snubbed it out on the bottom of his shoe and shoved the roach into his pocket. Danny giggled a little, feeling the effects of the weed entering his system. Josh caught his eye and smiled.

“Feeling good Danny?” He asked as he reached out to place his hand on Danny’s shoulder.

Danny could feel the warmth of his hand through the fabric of his button up and it nearly made him shiver. “Yeah, but it’s starting to get too cold out here. You guys want to go back inside?” He asked.

“For sure! Let’s play Mario Kart or something.” Sam suggested as they turned to go back in the doors to the room with the pool table.

“I’m totally going to kick your ass Sam!” Danny told him as he shoved his arm playfully. Sam giggled and pushed him back. Soon they had settled down and were playing a group game of Mario Kart. Jake had picked Luigi, Sam picked Yoshi, Danny picked Mario, and Josh chose Princess Peach. Danny smiled to himself about their picks and they played round after round until finally they gave up and announced Jake the winner overall. He was always the most competitive out of the group, though Josh did like to give him a run for his money and Sam was known for taking whatever route necessary to win. Even if that did involve some cheating. He always got called out on it though.

“Hey Josh! We’re going to start mixing soon if you want to help!” came the voice of a young man from the kitchen area they entered through to get to the pool room.

“Guess that’s my cue. Danny, you want to come see how it’s done?” He asked as he set the controller back on the tv stand.

“Yeah sure that sounds fun.” Danny replied and put his controller on the stand too before turning and following Josh into the kitchen.

There was a group of about five people in the kitchen, all standing around, chit chatting with each other. In the center of the room was a large island with a big plastic bin on it with a ladle off to the side. Large bottles of various alcohols were lined up on the counter top, as well as about eight large bottles of different juices and mixers. There were also a few big bags of ice in the sink and some random cut up fruits on a cutting board.

“Wow, you guys really went all out. Is all of this going in there?” Danny asked as he turned a bottle of alcohol around to read the label.

“Yup! We tried to get things that would kind of go together at least so that way it tasted decent. We’ve had some bad batches before.” Josh responded as he began cracking the lids open on the different bottles

“You guys do this often then?”

“For just about every major function, and sometimes on a smaller scale on the weekends just for fun.” Josh shrugged and turned to one of the guys who was lining the walls. “Hey Justin. I think we’re ready to pour.” Josh smiled at him and Justin returned the smile before announcing to everyone to grab a bottle.

Everyone grabbed a random bottle or jug of whatever was closest and on Josh’s count of three began pouring it into the bin. It filled up quickly and after a quick mix, the liquid turned a light rosy pink color, and smelled somewhat like strawberry.

“That’s it?’ Danny asked as he turned to throw the bottle he was holding into the trash can.

“Well, now we throw in all that fruit, and pour it over some ice and the party really starts I suppose.” Josh laughed and reached over to grab the cutting board. He slid in all the fruit and then gave the batch another stir.

“It doesn’t look all that intimidating, Jake made it sound kind of scary.” Danny said, giving Josh a slow smile.

“Looks can be deceiving darling. Did he warn you about the fruit?” Josh said as he reached for a cup and went around to fill it with ice. Danny hid the slight prickle he felt on his skin at the endearment.

“Yeah but he said only if it’s been sitting in there a while.”

“Right he is. It sucks up all the alcohol in there and gets super potent, it’ll knock you on your ass if you aren’t careful. Wouldn’t want you to get too messed up.” Josh winked at him as he began ladling the mixture into cups and handing it out to the people in the kitchen who took it and then began making their way out. Danny stayed next to Josh as he did this and they chatted about different things. Josh remained close to Danny, grazing his arm every now and then and gently grazing his back with his hand when he needed to get around him. Each touch had Danny biting the inside of his cheek. Finally they were alone in the kitchen and sipping at their drinks slowly.

“Are you doing okay Danny? You’ve been awful quiet tonight.” Josh observed.

“Yeah I’m good, just thinking you know.” Danny responded. He could feel the intensity of Josh’s undying curiosity as he looked at him.

“Thinking about what?” Josh asked, swallowing down more of the sweet drink and then leaning over the counter top with his head tilted to the side as he looked at Danny.

Danny took a deep breath and then sighed before quietly saying “You.” and looking away. He took another long drink of the alcohol in his cup before realizing it was now empty.

Josh blinked in confusion and opened his mouth “ Wha…?”

But Danny didn’t get a chance to respond because at that moment Sam came into the kitchen and began rummaging around, grabbing cups and ice and pouring his own drinks. Soon Danny found himself being tugged back outside by his arm by Sam who told him he wanted to introduce him to someone.

They stepped out onto the front patio where they had originally come into the house and there was a small group of people just outside the door. Danny could smell the weed they were smoking as they passed a pipe around. Sam dropped his arm as they entered the circle. The group all greeted him and then offered him the pipe which he took gratefully.

“Guys, this is my best friend Daniel. He came down from Frankenmuth to spend New Years with us.” Sam announced.

Danny gave them all a small wave. A small girl with long blonde hair stepped forward towards him and held out her hand. “Hey Daniel, I’m Lena. I’ve heard a lot about you from Sammy.” She smiled and Danny caught just a small glance of her bright blue eyes in the light from the porch.

“Nice to meet you Lena, please, just call me Danny. Sam is the only one who insists on calling me Daniel.” He laughed and took her hand which was soft and so much smaller than his own.

“That’s your name isn’t it?” Sam retorted, and then tried to hand the pipe to Danny which he declined. Sam shrugged and handed it to Lena instead who took it after dropping Danny’s hand.

“Well yeah but you’re the only one who calls me by my full government name Samuel.” Danny laughed. Lena smiled and took to standing next to Danny.

“So, Sammy told me that you play drums? I do too. Just started a couple years ago. My sister and I kind of have a little duo going on.” Lena captured his attention once more and he noticed her twist a lock of her hair around her index finger.

“Oh sweet. Yeah I’ve been playing a while. Sam and his brothers and I used to have this kind of band thing going on. Used to play in their garage all the time. Then they all moved up here for school so now it’s just me.”

She frowned a little at this and said “Well that sucks. Maybe you should come here too then. Join the frat? Get the band back together. I know I wouldn’t mind seeing you again.” he saw her wink at him and he stiffened suddenly realizing what was going on. His head swiveled around to Sam, who raised his eyebrow and gave him a small encouraging smile. Danny blinked and then quickly excused himself to the restroom. He opened the door to the house and walked back through the kitchen, seeing Jake and Josh as well as their friends still hanging around the island. He went directly to Jake and asked him where the bathroom was, trying but failing to completely avoid Josh’s gaze. They locked eyes for a split second before Danny tore his eyes away and headed down the hall adjacent to the kitchen that Jake told him would lead him to the bathroom.

He opened the door to the bathroom and set his cup on the sink. He looked at himself in the mirror briefly and ran a hand through his hair. He could feel the alcohol and weed already starting to mix in his body and took a deep stabilizing breath. Quickly, he relieved himself and then washed his hands. He stayed in the bathroom a little longer just enjoying the peace that came with the solitude. But his peace was broken not five minutes later when there was a soft knock at the door.

“Out in a minute!" He called to the unknown person.

“Danny, it’s me.” Came Josh’s voice from the other side of the door.

Danny sighed and grabbed his cup. He opened the door and stepped out, Josh moved out of the way so that it didn’t hit him.

“Hey man, you sure you’re doing okay?” Josh asked yet again. Looking Danny over for any sign of illness.

“Yeah I’m fine. Just needed a break and now a refill.” Danny held up his cup at him and shook it slightly.

“Okay. I just-” Josh said quietly enough that Danny didn’t quite hear him as he had already begun turning and making his way back to the kitchen to refill his drink. Josh followed him but stayed quiet and watched him fill his cup and top it off with a couple slices of orange.

“I think we’re going to start a fire and maybe play some beer pong?’ Jake said to Danny as he watched him drink from his cup a little quicker than he had been before, his brows slightly furrowed.

“Sounds good. Didn’t see any firewood though. Unless you guys have it hidden somewhere?” Danny laughed, fully engaged in his conversation with Jake.

“Nah, but we do have a dried out Christmas tree because we never watered that thing to keep it alive!” Jake laughed back and then noted his own empty cup and went to refill it.

“You’re going to set a Christmas tree on fire?” Danny asked, curiosity overtaking him as he recalled the courtyard out back and the fire pit.

“Yeah we’re going to throw some lighter fluid on it and light it up in the pit outside. Should be fun. Too bad we didn’t think about getting marshmallows though!” Jake poked Danny in the shoulder and he could tell by his demeanor that he was already feeling the effects of the alcohol, as a large smile had crawled across his face and wasn’t breaking any time soon. Danny shook his head and smiled back.

It was unusual for Josh to be as quiet as he had been since Danny revealed that he’d been thinking about him. But Danny tried to mind his own business and give Josh a wide berth as he was already somewhat embarrassed by Josh’s reaction.

But he still had a plan to stick to, and with less than an hour until midnight, he had to start making things happen. He decided now that it would be a good time to put some distance between himself and the kitchen so he filled his cup a final time and went out into the courtyard to watch as the other fraternity brothers began preparing to light the tree on fire. The tree itself was already drug out of the living area and into the pit, and was currently being doused with lighter fluid. Soon after, Jake walked out and joined him at the edge of the pit and watched as the others continued their work.

“So I take it you met Lena.” Jake said, bringing his cup to his lips once more.

“How’d you know?”

Jake laughed “ Well, when you came inside you looked like you’d seen a ghost. Plus Sammy isn’t very good at keeping things on the down low. We knew he had a plan for trying to hook you up with someone tonight. Go figure it’d be the drum playing sorority girl from his anatomy class.”

“I just can’t believe he thinks I need to be hooked up with someone. Do I really seem that desperate Jake?” Danny asked him, looking over at the other man.

“Not desperate, no. But it has been a while since we’ve seen you with someone.” Jake shook the ice around in his cup and looked up to meet Danny’s eyes. “What? Am I missing something here?" Jake's eyebrows knit together.

"I just. I like someone else, okay?” Danny sighed, it felt weird to be admitting it.

"Oh? Who? Someone from back home?” Jake asked as his curiosity was peaked.

"Kind of yeah.” He replied, sipping his drink a bit more before plucking one of the pieces of fruit from it and taking a bite.

" How could they kind of be from home? That implies that they're also kind of not from home.” Jake chuckled. Danny didn't respond because at that time Josh, Sammy and a group of others decided to join them outside. Once most of the partygoers had gathered, one of the brothers threw a match onto the tree and it lit up quickly, warming the whole area and dousing it with a yellow-orange glow.

Sam and Josh made their way over to Danny and Jake and made a little circle.

“Hey I was wondering where you’d gotten off to.” said Sammy as he made eye contact with Danny.

“Bathroom. Then got to talking with Jake. So what's the deal Sammy, why are you so interested in my love life?" Danny chuckled but his expression was serious. The twins both snapped their heads over to Danny, their eyes wide and Sammy’s jaw gaped.

“I- I just thought you might like her." Sammy said innocently.

“Like who?" Josh inquired, his voice going up an octave.

Danny took note of the change in Josh's voice and watched the brothers interaction intently.

Sam cleared his throat and looked down before quietly saying “Lena…”

"LENA?!” Josh said loudly, causing a few nearby people to give him a strange look. "Seriously?!”

Danny was confused by this sudden outburst but when he looked down he saw Josh's cup was again empty and the response began to kind of make sense.

“What's wrong with Lena? She's a nice girl!" Sam defended, looking to Jake for back up. Jake just held his hands up in a way that said “Leave me out of this."

“Nice? Sammy. You're really going to hook up your best friend with one of your flings?" Josh looked pissed, his cheeks even more red than they had been before this conversation came up.

Danny felt his heart drop and he looked from Josh to Sam. “Sam?" Danny asked, his voice sounding a little hurt. Not that he was particularly interested in the girl in the least. But the fact that his friend would just pass off one of his endeavors to him like that kind of irked him.

Sam looked guilty and began biting on his thumb nail. It only took a few seconds of all three of them staring at him before he broke. “Yes! Okay. I did sleep with her. So what?! She's still cool. Cool enough for me to introduce her to Danny! I thought they'd like each other. She was interested anyway!" He tried to defend himself but it would seem as though the damage had been done.

Danny shook his head in disappointment and Josh just glared at Sam. “ Danny deserves better than that you idiot!" Josh exclaimed, obviously still feeling the anger.

“It's fine. I wasn't interested." Danny looked away from the group and over to the fire where a few frat brothers had taken their shirts off and were running around the pit yelling.

“Yeah. Besides, you like someone else anyway, right?” Jake said hopefully. He was obviously trying to steer the conversation in a different direction but it caught Danny off guard that he just said that out loud in front of Josh. He tensed up and gave Jake a quick look as he tried not to panic.

“Yeah." He laughed it off.

“Who?!" Josh demanded, catching Danny's eyes. Danny stared back at him but said nothing.

“Don't know. He just said it was someone kind of from home." Jake shrugged.

Danny watched as Josh's expression softened some and his jaw relaxed. “Oh." Was all he said.

The group went quiet for a moment and Danny took that as his cue to finish off the rest of his drink. He'd begun feeling the effects of the liquor more around the time that Josh outed Sam's indiscretion, but he tried his best not to show that his head was slightly swimming. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Jake check his phone. He noted that there was only about 5 minutes until midnight and swallowed hard. Fuck, how am I supposed to pull this off he thought to himself.

“I'm sorry Danny, I shouldn't have done that. I really didn't think it mattered." Sam spoke up out of the awkward silence.

“It's fine Sam. Just don't try to hook me up with anyone else okay?" Danny gave him a small smile and gently pushed his shoulder. Sam returned the smile and nodded in agreement.

"Are you going to tell us who this mystery girl is Danny?” Asked Josh.

"Ah… It's uhm. Yeah, it's not a girl." Danny scratched the back of his head and looked off towards the fire again as his cheeks reddened. He realized he'd never actually discussed his sexuality with them before. He never really felt the need to. He met Josh's eyes when he felt brave enough and saw the expression of calm understanding there with maybe a hint of surprise. He then looked at Sam who of course had his mouth slightly agape, and finally to Jake who had a smug smile on his lips.

“Why didn't you tell me?" Squeaked Sam.

“I didn't feel like I needed to." Danny shrugged.

“Because you don't. You didn't. You owe none of us that." Said Josh who looked back over to Sammy as if telling him to shut the hell up.

“Thanks." Danny gave Josh a small smile and looked down into his cup where he noted a few more pieces of fruit within the ice. He pulled one out and tossed it into his mouth.

"Hey everyone! We're about to start the countdown!” Yelled one of the shirtless men that had been parading around the tree. There were some cheers as everyone began to crowd closer to the fire.

Danny watched the brother's walk towards the fire and took his own place in between Josh and Sam with Jake just to the left of his twin.

The countdown began and Danny could feel his heart race as they loudly counted back from 30. With each decreasing number he felt his nerves rise, his palms to become somewhat sweaty and he had to wipe them off on his pant legs.

“Ten!"

“Nine!"

“Eight!"

“Seven!"

“Six!"

“Five!"

“Four!"

“Three!"

“Two!"

“One!"

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!" Yelled the chorus of people outside on the patio as the fire burned and a few people blew on tiny party horns. Fireworks began cascading from the skies above.

Danny took a deep breath and turned towards Josh who had a wide smile on his face and was watching the various celebrants as they cheered and some kissed. Josh felt the movement and turned his head towards Danny and locked him in with those stunning sparkly eyes.

“Josh?" He asked

“Yeah?"

“It's midnight."

“Yeah I know. And?" He continued smiling but looked a little confused at the discourse.

“Can I kiss you?" Danny asked. He hoped he'd gathered enough courage to say it loud enough that Josh could hear him over the celebrations.

Josh looked a little surprised, but took next to no time at all to agree, nodding his head as he said “Yeah."

Danny reached out a hand and cupped it along Josh's jawline and pulled him in. He could feel the smaller man slightly lifting up on his toes as they pressed their lips together. Josh's lips were soft and warm and he tasted just like the fruit from the jungle juice. Danny's eyes slipped shut as he saw Josh do the same. It was a sweet, slow kiss that made everything around them fall away, including the loud celebrations. The only thing Danny could hear was the soft hum that came from Josh’s mouth as he slightly deepened the kiss. He felt Josh's arms wrap around his waist loosely and took a small breath in through his mouth. It was shaky at best but Josh was smiling as he pulled back and they both opened their eyes.

“Hi" Josh said shyly as he moved his arms from around Danny's waist to rest his hands gently on his chest.

Danny chuckled a little “Hi."

They just stared into each other's eyes for a moment while they came out of their little bubble. Danny looked up when he heard Jake's laughter. He met his eyes and Jake just let out a resounding “I knew it!".

They finally broke apart, but Josh grabbed his hand and laced their fingers together keeping them connected.

Danny knew he would have to face Sam's reaction sooner rather than later, so he turned his body back to the fire and then looked to his right to see his best friend's face. His expression was nothing short of shock.

“Danny? What the hell man?" He spat, exasperation lacing every word.

" Sam, don't be mad. Please?” Danny begged.

" Mad? I'm not mad. Confused? Hell yeah. Josh is who you like? Why didn't you tell me?” He remarked for the second time that night.

" He's your brother Sam. I didn't know how you'd react.” He replied somewhat guiltily.

" Well I'm a little shocked but like… It makes sense now. What you said, about liking someone ‘kind of’ from home."

Danny just nodded and looked back over at Josh who was staring into the fire with a content look on his face.

“Josh?" Danny asked, pulling his attention from the blaze.

“Yeah?"

“You okay?" He looked closer at Josh's face and noted how dazed he was beginning to appear. Josh's head swung over to him and he looked up at him through his lashes.

“Yeah I just think those shrooms might be kicking in.” He said nonchalantly before turning to his twin. " Can we go home now Jake? “

Danny's ears perked at the mention of the substance and he snapped his head up to Jake.

“Shrooms? He took shrooms? Josh. You took shrooms?!" Danny said in shock.

“Hey I didn't know either until just now. But yeah let's go home. I'll grab one of the DDs." Jake shrugged and turned to walk over to a group of people.

"What's wrong Danny? I'm fine.” Josh asked, though his eyes were a little distant and his speech was the tiniest bit slurred.

“You're not fine. You're drunk and you took shrooms and you didn't tell us? Josh…” Danny lightly scolded him. It wasn’t like Josh had never done shrooms before, but never in combination with weed and alcohol as far as Danny knew, and never without telling someone.

Josh squeezed his hand and gave him a small smile. “Let's go home. I don't want to be around all these people when it really hits. I just want to be with you."

Danny couldn't know if Josh actually meant that or not due to his current state. He couldn't even trust his own mind at this point to tell him if he was overreacting. There were too many thoughts going through his head right now and it began to hurt. He raised his hand that wasn't currently occupied by Josh's hand to his face and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Danny? You okay?" Came Sam’s voice.

“Yeah I'm fine, stupid headache. Can we go now?" Danny was getting a little agitated between everything going on and his head starting to pound, he could feel it bleeding into his words.

About that time Jake came back to the group with two other men and announced it was time to go. The brothers said their goodbyes as they walked through the throngs of people back inside and through the pool room to the kitchen and then outside onto the porch where they had come in.

Danny saw Lena as they were leaving. She looked from his face down to his fingers that were still intertwined with Josh’s and raised a brow at him. He couldn’t care less though. The only thing that mattered to him was getting Josh home and into bed safely.

𓇢𓆸

The drive back to the boys’ house was relatively short, but that didn't keep Josh from laying across Danny's lap and insisting on him playing with his hair. Which Danny of course obliged without complaint. Jake, who was sitting on the other side of Josh, just propped his elbow against the window with a small smile on his face as he watched them from the corner of his eye. Sam, who was sitting passenger next to their designated driver for the evening, was rather quiet. Danny hoped that he wasn't really more angry at him than he had led on. But he knew going into this that it was always a risk.

Finally they reached the house and Danny slowed his methodical stroking of Josh's hair only for the boy's eyes to pop open quickly and look up at him. There was only a small amount of dim lighting filtering in through the window from the street light, but despite this, Danny could still see the glossy and dazed expression on Josh's face as he gazed into his eyes.

“What Josh?" Danny asked.

"You're pretty." Josh sighed and continued to lay still in his lap before Jake rolled his eyes and grabbed his arms to pull him into a sitting position with a huff.

Danny's cheeks flushed pink at the compliment and he tried to hide the small smile on his lips. Jake threw open the door and hauled Josh out with him, an arm wrapped securely around his waist. Danny hurried and threw his seatbelt off, thanking the driver as he got out of the car to lightly jog around to the curb to meet Jake, who was struggling to keep Josh on his feet. Danny quickly went around the other side and hoisted Josh's arm around his shoulder and put his own arm below Jake's, around Josh's waist.

Sam too had gotten out of the car and upon observing them struggling with Josh, scoffed loudly and cut through the grass, going in front of them to unlock the door. He did so and then held it open for them to drag Josh through and set him down on the beat up couch. Josh very quickly laid down on his side on the couch and closed his eyes, though he could still be heard humming some random song that Danny couldn't really make out.

“Okay well, he probably needs to eat something. You know, soak up all that bullshit he downed. Seriously Josh what the fuck got into you tonight?" Sam had his arms crossed over his chest as he regarded his brother with a pinched expression.

Josh fluttered his eyes open and made eye contact with Sam before he lifted a single hand and flipped him off.

“That's nice. Fuck you too dude." Sam threw up his hands and turned to head into the kitchen.

Jake shook his head and looked at a very clearly uncomfortable Danny.

“Hey. It's okay. I'm gonna go make sure he's not poisoning the food and then we're all gonna come back in here and eat okay? Then maybe showers if you want and bed." Jake was very calm as he spoke to him, almost as if he was a frightened animal that Jake was trying very hard to soothe.

Danny nodded and looked down at his feet. The residual effects of the booze and weed together were creating a noxious mixture in his stomach and he knew that, added with the anxiety of whatever this was with Josh, this thing with Sam was only going to worsen the impact on his stomach.

Jake’s eyebrows furrowed quickly as he looked over Danny’s troubled face which he noticed was beginning to twinge green.

“Oh fuck. Okay, come on. Come with me. Right now." Jake grabbed him by the bicep and hauled him down the hallway to the end where the bathroom was and pushed him in haphazardly before shoving him to the floor in front of the toilet.

It really was just in the nick of time as Danny barely had time to lift the lid before he was expelling the contents of his stomach into the still water of the bowl.

He heard Jake sigh and then Josh yelling down the hall “Where's Danny? Is he okay? What's that sound?!”

He couldn't say a single word before another onslaught of vomit was making its way out and he heard the sound of quick steps hitting against the wood floors. “Jake, fucking move." Came Sam's voice. There was a brief shuffle and then he felt warm palms stroking the hair back from his face and into a makeshift ponytail at the nape of his neck. The distinct clicking sound of Jake's heeled boots retreating down the hall was all Danny could hear before Sam kicked the door shut.

It was silent for a while as Danny regained his bearings and focused on whether or not he was going to throw up again. After a few minutes the nausea resolved and he reached a hand up to flush the toilet. Sam released his hair from his hold and went to the sink and pulled out a washcloth from the cabinet underneath. He ran cool water over it before squeezing it to a light dampness and then forced it to Danny's mouth and made him hold it there.

Danny sighed and sat back against the bathtub to his left and looked up at Sam who leaned against the door with his arms crossed. He looked thoroughly unimpressed and all Danny could think to do was pull his knees up to his chest and apologize.

“Sam…I'm so sorry. I-”

"Oh shut up with that would you. Don't apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for. Yeah, sure, maybe I'm a little pissed that you've been pining after my brother for who knows how long and you didn't think it was worth telling me before sucking his face off in front of me. But I don't hate you for it. God, what kind of monster do you think I am?” Sam rolled his eyes and dropped his arms from his chest and came to sit on the edge of the tub next to Danny.

“I don't think you're a monster. I could never think that. I guess I just… I don't know. I should have told you. I was just scared.” Danny sighed and put his forehead down on his knees.

“Oh come on Daniel. It's okay. I'm okay, I'm not mad and I mean… It looks like things went okay with Josh? I mean he let you kiss him and he kissed you back and now he won't shut up about you.” He tried his best to sound optimistic.

" Yeah. But he's drunk..and stuff… I.. I don't know how much of this I can actually trust. But really I had no idea how much he drank and I didn't know about the shrooms and I-” he cut off with a choked whimper and Sam's eyes softened into a sympathetic expression.

" Dan…Hey. We know. Hell if you want to really be honest you weren't exactly sober yourself. Please don't beat yourself up thinking you forced this on him. You guys just need to talk okay? Get it all out in the open, and if you decide you want to be together, I promise I won't be a dick about it." Sam tried to comfort him with a hand to his back, rubbing small circles over his shirt.

Danny sat quiet and contemplative for a while before taking a deep breath and nodding.

"You're right. I'll talk to him. Tomorrow though. He's gone right now I think.” Danny lifted his head and looked at the closed bathroom door. He could hear random sounds from beyond it but didn't know what they could possibly be. Sam just hummed as he continued to rub Danny's back.

"That sounds good. Hey why don't I bring you your bag and you can shower and stuff. I threw a frozen pizza in the oven, it should be ready when you get out.” Sam suggested with a small smile.

"That would be great. Thank you Sammy.” Danny slowly got up from his position on the floor and stood in front of the sink and looked at himself. He was a bit pale and his hair was disheveled but otherwise he was intact.

“Yeah of course. What are friends for?" Sam stood and nudged him with his shoulder and Danny moved out of the way so he could get to the door. But before he could get a hand on the knob he reached for Sam's arm and gently pulled him into a hug. Sam was slightly startled for a minute but quickly rebounded and hugged him back.

“I don't tell you this enough Sam. But I love you. A lot." Danny said quietly as he gently squeezed Sam's body against his own.

“Oh you big sap. I love you too. Now let me go. I have pizza and a brother to check on.” He giggled and pushed off of Danny's chest and turned back to the door and made his way out of the bathroom.

𓇢𓆸 After his shower Danny felt about ten times better and was ready to face whatever was waiting for him on the other side of the bathroom door. He slipped on a loose T-shirt and a pair of pajama pants and brushed his teeth. He realized that he was probably going to be eating pizza and defeating the purpose of brushing his teeth entirely. But he figured it was better than his mouth continually tasting like vomit.

He threw his old clothes back in his bag and cleaned up after himself before opening the door and stepping out into the hallway. He was hit with a wave of apprehension as he stepped carefully down the hall but as he rounded the corner he stumbled upon a sight he wasn't expecting.

The couch had been pulled out completely and turned into a bed that had threadbare sheets stretched over the somewhat thin coil mattress and a couple of thick comforters thrown on top. Pillows were piled up near the headboard and in the center of the mattress sat a shirtless Josh who was curiously looking up at the ceiling fan and observing the lightbulbs.

Sounds of shuffling from the kitchen identified the location of Sam and Jake. Danny carefully sat his bag down on the floor at the end of the sofa bed and sat on the edge with his back to Josh. The movement of the mattress got Josh's attention and soon came his voice in a quiet whisper;

“Hey…Hey Danny. Look at this.”

Danny turned slightly and looked over his shoulder at Josh, who had a wide, dopey grin on his face as he locked eyes with him. Josh then reached his hand up again towards the lightbulb. His fingers not even getting near the surface but his hand still being lit up all the same.

“It's like I'm ET or something" Josh giggled and wiggled his fingers around in the light.

“Right." Danny confirmed, slightly confused but assuming this had something to do with the trip.

As he watched his friend continue to play in the light, Jake and Sam entered the room carrying paper plates of pizza. Sam shoved one into Danny's hands and came to sit next to him. Jake handed another to Josh after shifting his attention from the light.

“Eat Josh. You need to. You also need to drink some water then you can go to bed okay?" Jake used that same voice on Josh that he had used on Danny before Danny succumbed to his weak stomach.

“I don't want to go to bed. It's not safe." Josh said simply, picking up a slice of pizza and taking a large bite out of it.

“Josh, it's perfectly safe, what are you talking about?" Jake pressed, eating despite his brother being cryptic.

“No. Not for Danny it isn't. But it will be. I'll fix it. Watch." Josh grabbed the piece of pizza he took a bite out of and set his plate down on the mattress. He quickly shifted up off the bed and took off towards the kitchen. Jake sighed and followed him grumpily.

“What's he doing?" Danny asked, picking up his own slice of pizza and taking a bite out of it.

“Who knows. Making it ‘safe’ whatever that means." Sam shrugged and dug into his food.

Minutes later Josh came back into the living room only to abruptly turn and head down the hallway with Jake hot on his heels. They couldn't see what he was doing but they could hear the doors opening and what sounded like windows shutting and locking into place. This carried on through each of the rooms before Josh was back in the living room, reaching over to secure the windows and double check the front door’s lock. He slid the deadbolt into place and even latched the door chain before turning back around with a smile and plopping himself back down on the sofa bed. He grabbed his second piece of pizza and began munching on it happily.

By this time Danny and Sam were done eating and Sam grabbed their plates to toss in the trash.

“So is it safe now?" Sam giggled as he bumped his shoulder against Jake's who was standing in the doorway to the kitchen now and looking very tired.

“I freaking hope so. He locked everything up like it's Fort Knox. Ridiculous." Jake grumbled. Sam laughed again and Danny gave a small smile.

“Okay I'm going to bed now. He should pass out soon if you want to try and wrangle him into his room.” Jake stated, snatching his discarded plate and Josh's empty one off the bed and tossing them before heading to his room.

Josh groaned and threw himself back on the pillows. " Nooo. I wanna stay here with Danny.” He whined.

Sam laughed out loud and put a hand on Danny's shoulder. " Are you okay with that? I can help you take him to his room if not. He’ll go I promise. He's just being an ass.”

"Am not. Someone has to make sure he's safe Samuel.” Josh said, the glare in his eyes evident on his face.

"Oh shut up will you? He's safe without you encroaching on his space.” Sam argued.

“It's fine Sam, honestly. I'm not worried about it. We're all just going to sleep okay?" Danny explained, turning the question towards Josh who nodded eagerly.

“Yes. Sleep. We're going to sleep. " Josh confirmed as he reached for one of the thick comforters and pulled it over himself.

“Alright, fine. But don't make me come out here. Because I will." He glared down at Josh and then let his hand drop from Danny's shoulder. He then turned and walked towards his room.

“Oh thank God they're finally gone. They were driving me crazy." Josh sighed before continuing. “Hey, turn that light off then come lay down. It's really late."

Danny nodded and stood up silently, clicking the light off and then coming around the opposite side of the bed. Josh fished a remote out from the sheets and clicked the old TV on and flipped the channel to some infomercials. Danny chuckled a little and sat down in the bed, a good distance from where Josh was reclining.

“Mindless TV helps me sleep. Besides, you never know when you might need some of this crap." Josh smiled and set the remote on the floor before snuggling down into his blanket. Danny watched him carefully, unsure of what to really do in this moment but realizing Josh was still wearing those khakis despite his shirtless status.

“Yeah.. Uhm. Do you want me to get you some pajamas or something?” Danny asked shyly. Trying to be casual about the situation.

"Oh! Right. Nah it's fine I'll just kick these off and sleep in my boxers. If… if uh..that's okay with you.” Josh was slowly morphing back into his baseline personality and some of the shyness was beginning to show through.

Danny looked over at Josh and saw the slight rosy twinge to his nose and cheeks, with his bottom lip tucked under his front teeth.

Danny realized a moment too late that he was staring and quickly cleared his throat and nodded before looking away. " Ye- Yeah. Yes. That's fine Josh. However you're comfortable.”

Josh released the hold on his lip and quickly brought his hands under the blanket and popped the button on his pants before sliding the zipper down and pushing them off his hips. He shimmied and kicked them the rest of the way off his legs and pushed them off the edge of the bed onto the floor.

“Better?" Danny asked, looking back over to Josh to see that he had rolled over onto his side, facing him with his head propped up on his arm.

“Much. Hey, you can move closer and lay down. I promise I won't bite.” He smirked a little at his own joke.

Danny said nothing in return but did as he said and moved closer to him and laid down on his back, looking up at the ceiling with his hands behind his head.

" Danny?” Josh asked quietly, almost so quiet Danny couldn't hear it.

" Yeah?” Danny responded, still looking up at the ceiling.

" Could I uh…. Can I cuddle you?" He asked, his voice wavering a bit.

“You want to?" Danny asked, a little taken back by the question but he couldn't ignore the way his heart rate sped up at the thought as he stole a quick glance at Josh.

“ Yeah. If you're okay with it. I just want to be close to you." Josh explained and Danny nodded.

“Yeah Josh. You can cuddle me." Danny agreed. Not sure exactly how the smaller man was going to accomplish this, but desiring the closeness as well.

“Turn over" Josh instructed as he scooted more towards the center of the bed.

Danny swallowed down the twinge of nerves and rolled over on his side, facing away from Josh, but then also moving more towards the center. He could feel Josh moving even closer until his body was pressed right up against Danny's back. The size difference was a little odd, but as Josh gently eased his arm around Danny's waist he found that he didn't much care how odd it might look to anyone else. Josh's hand turned over and came to rest gently against Danny's sternum. He gave a small squeeze before relaxing down into the pillows completely.

“Is this okay?" Josh asked as he settled. Danny released the breath he didn't know he'd been holding and nodded.

“Yeah." He said simply, finally allowing himself to take in the feeling of Josh's body pressed against his own. He could feel the heat of Josh's skin radiating through his pajamas. “You're so warm." He said quietly.

“Oh I'm sorry. Is it too much? I can-" Josh went to pull his hand away and move off of Danny but Danny's hand quickly shot up and held his hand in place against his chest firmly, tangling their fingers together.

“No. Don't go. It's nice. " He didn't mean for it to sound so desperate. But he didn't want Josh to move away from him. It's not like they'd never cuddled before in the years they'd been friends. But it had never been like this and Danny wanted to soak up every moment he could.

Josh didn't respond verbally, but he did resume his comfortable position beside Danny.

Danny did eventually close his eyes as Josh began humming the same song from before that he couldn't place. But now, in the quiet stillness of the night he recognized it. Three Little Birds. He smiled to himself and listened to Josh's pretty voice as he began to sing some of the lyrics before cutting himself off and whispering so quietly that Danny could barely hear it.

“You're safe Danny, I'm here. I made sure you're safe. I've got you."

𓇢𓆸

The sun was shining warmly through the windows above the sofa bed and casting yellowed light across the living room when Danny began to stir from his sleep. The first thing he could hear was the sound of some kids' tv show playing on the television. The small voice singing about being neighbors. The second thing he could hear once he came to a bit more was soft snoring from behind him. Which is also when the realization hit him that he was not alone. He did not go to sleep here last night by himself.

Josh.

His eyes popped open and he looked around somewhat startled and was ready to jump out of the bed completely. Then he took note of the arm still wrapped around him and the weight of Josh's head on his back and froze where he lay. He took a couple deep steadying breaths to calm the panic as the memories from last night came washing over him.

He kissed Josh.

Josh kissed him back.

Fuck.

Fuck fuckity fuck.

Okay calm down. Calm down Danny. He told himself in an attempt to not send himself into a spiral. But the change in the rhythm of his breathing must have alerted Josh to his consciousness because he felt him nuzzle against his back and his fingers flex against his stomach where his hand now lay, and the gentle snores ceased.

“Mmmm… Good morning.” Came Josh's gravely morning voice, which sounded more like Jake's normal speaking voice and did interesting things to Danny's brain.

“G-Good morning.” Danny stuttered out.

Josh rolled over onto his back and stretched his arms up above his head with a loud yawn.

“Did you sleep okay?" He asked.

Danny turned over and laid on his back as well, but turned his head to the side to look over Josh, who's hair was a tangled mess of curls and his cheeks were flush with the red twinge of a hangover.

"Yeah. Did you?” Danny replied.

Josh nodded in response, and then pulled himself up into a sitting position.

" Hey, uh.. Do you maybe want to get breakfast?” He asked, looking down at Danny, a somewhat shy expression on his face.

"Yeah of course. Do you want me to wake the others so we can go together?" Danny asked, also pulling himself up into a sitting position next to Josh.

“Oh. Uhm.. Nah. Let them sleep.” Josh tried to sound casual but Danny picked up on an underlying tone that made his stomach clench.

"Okay.” Danny nodded and watched as Josh got up from the bed and headed towards his own room, presumably to change clothes. Danny sat there for a moment trying to gather his senses and looked up at the television where the cartoon was still playing with a small animated tiger in a red jacket hopping across the screen happily.

After a moment of contemplation he got himself up off the bed and grabbed his bag before heading to the bathroom to change.

𓇢𓆸

After they'd both changed they climbed into Josh's small white car, Josh pulled out of the driveway and set off down the road. He didn't say where exactly they were headed. Actually he didn't say much at all. Which put Danny on edge even more than he already was since this was very abnormal for him. If he had to describe Josh’s overall demeanor he would say it was solemn. His expression was near blank, a stark contrast to the normally goofy smile he wore. Danny swallowed thickly and looked down at his hands.

The drive remained quiet until they pulled into what looked like some form of Mexican fast food restaurant. They pulled around through the drive through and came to a stop behind two other cars. Finally, Josh turned to Danny with a very soft smile.

“Do you trust me?" He asked.

“Yeah, absolutely." Danny replied, looking up to meet Josh's eyes for what felt like the first time in hours, but what in reality, had only been about twenty minutes.

“Alright. I'm gonna order you what Jake gets. I think you'll like it." He turned his face back to the front of the car and proceeded through the line. A few minutes later he was at the speaker box and ordered three black bean tacos, and three steak tacos with salsa on the side. Danny smiled to himself thinking about eating regular tacos for breakfast but when he looked at the clock on the dash he realized it was actually eleven in the morning. He also took this opportunity to observe the weather in more detail, and saw the fog outside swirling around the car as bits of sleet fell through the air. It was a chilly morning, saved only by the heat coming from the cabin of the car. Danny found himself wondering if they were going to drive back to the house to eat. But after Josh had paid, and pulled off onto the road, he found that they were traveling the opposite direction from where they'd come. He chose to stay silent and not question it. Somewhat glad for the quiet calm, even though he could sense the impending doom.

He silently contemplated the conversation that was bound to happen. Which way was this going to go? He didn't want to risk angering his anxious stomach again so he forced any negative thoughts from his mind and stared out the window while Josh drove.

It was about fifteen minutes later that he found Josh pulling into the gravel area of a park. There were a few covered wooden picnic tables, and a large playground, though there were no children in sight given the weather. Josh pulled into a spot and shifted the car into park. He sat still for a moment, quietly observing the park itself before grabbing the bag with the food inside and pulling out a taco for each of them.

“I'd say we could eat in the park. But it's a little chilly out and I don't really want to eat a cold taco." Josh giggled, handing a taco to Danny and a small cup of salsa.

“That's okay. This is fine. Nice actually. Peaceful. Do you come here a lot?" Danny asked as he opened his food and applied some of the salsa to it.

Josh shrugged and opened his own taco, copying Danny's actions before responding. “Yeah, sometimes. Most of the time I just come here when I need to catch a break, or if I just need to think."

“Oh." was all Danny could think to say. The energy in the car shifted and the nervousness was palpable as they both turned their attention towards eating.

They ate in silence until their first taco was gone and the wrapping was balled up and tossed back in the bag. After a few more moments of tense silence, Danny couldn't take it anymore. He needed to say something. Anything.

“Josh, I-"

“Danny-"

They spoke over each other accidentally and quickly shut their mouths to let the other speak. Silence filled the air again and Danny let out a frustrated sigh, looking down at his hands.

“Danny, did you know that the ancient Greeks recognized many different types of love? Eight really. But most people, if they do know about it, only know about three of them.” Josh said carefully. Danny could feel that Josh was looking at him, regarding his resigned stature.

Danny's eyebrows furrowed as he looked up from his hands and turned to meet Josh's eyes. Love? What is he trying to say? He thought to himself before blinking away the confusion on his face and responding. “No. I uh.. I didn't know that. What are they?”

Josh took a deep breath, letting it out slowly before continuing. " I won't bore you with all eight of them. But the main three are Eros, Agape, and… Philia.” He paused, looking for some sense of understanding from Danny.

“Okay…What do they mean?” Danny was following the conversation easily. But he wasn't really sure where exactly Josh was going with this.

"Well Eros, as you could probably guess if you know anything about the Greek gods, is romantic love. Sexual, intimate love. The kind most of us would associate with the word love.” he explained.

Danny nodded his understanding and encouraged him to continue.

“Agape, is true unconditional love. It's like the idea of the kind of love that a God might give to a person, and a person for a God. Does that make sense?”

"Yeah, I get it. And…the third one?" Danny swallowed thickly after he asked. He didn't know why but he was a little nervous about finding out what this one was because he had a feeling Josh saved it for last for a reason.

“Right, Philia. Philia is the love between friends, between equals.” He said it gently but the intent was there and Danny immediately picked up on what it was that Josh was subtly telling him.

“Oh. I see." Danny said in a choked voice, letting his gaze drop from Josh’s and return to his own hands as he twisted them against each other as the lump in his throat grew.

He willed himself to force back the tears that were stinging in his eyes. He swallowed hard and closed his eyes. Josh stayed quiet as he let Danny have a moment to let it sink in before barraging him with more words.

When Danny finally felt like he'd gotten a handle on his emotions he let out a small sigh and turned back to look at Josh who wore an expression of worry mixed with guilt.

“Danny, I'm sorry." Josh said, biting the skin on the inside of his lip.

“Sorry? For what?" Danny was a little stunned that he was apologizing to him.

“I- I just… I don't want you to think I don't like you, and I don't want you to think I wasn't in control of myself last night, and I really really don't want you to think that you have absolutely anything to feel bad about. But…” The floodgates had opened now and Josh's normal manner of speach had broken through the near formal way he had explained the types of love.

“But?" Danny asked, curious as to what Josh was going to say next.

" I… I can't." Josh faltered and looked dejected.

“Can't? Josh if this is about Sam… We talked and he-”

“It's not about Sam. Honestly I could not possibly care less about what Sam thinks. No Danny. This is about me. I can't be what you probably want me to be. Not right now." He explained.

" I don't understand.”

" Danny, I know you. You're a good guy. The best really. You're so sweet and so kind. The partners you've had.. they stuck. You're happy to commit to the one you love, and so am I. Usually. But.. god this is going to make me sound so fucking awful. But I have to just be honest.” He let out a sigh and waited for Danny to look up at him again. Which he did, and his watery expression made Josh falter.

“Okay. Go ahead. I'm listening."

“ I'm just getting started in college. In the fraternity. Hell, in life. I don't know exactly what it is I want right now. I can hardly decide what I want for breakfast most days… But what I do know, is that despite all of that, the last thing I ever want to do is hurt you. And I know it's kind of a moot point, being that what I'm doing now is already hurting you. Don't think I can't feel it.” Josh took another deep breath before continuing " But Danny, if I were to ignore all of that, throw caution to the wind, and jump into this with you with both feet… I can't promise I wouldn't fuck it up. I'm not old enough, or wise enough to give you what you really deserve from me. If I do this despite knowing that.. it would destroy everything. It would change everything. Our friendship, your friendship with Jake, with Sam? I can't do that to you. To them.” He was breathless and distressed when he finally finished and reached forward to take Danny's hand in his own. “Do you understand?"

Danny couldn't speak. He let his eyes drift back down to Josh's hand in his and just stared blankly at them. He couldn't quite process all the information that Josh had dumped in his lap. He knew he was glad for the honesty, and for how gentle Josh was being to try and spare him some of the emotional damage. But the sting of disappointment lingered and his heart hurt.

After a considerable length of silence, Danny finally cleared his throat. “I think I get it. I guess I just wonder why…” he let his voice trail off a bit as he continued to observe all the intricate details of Josh's hand.

" Why was I so receptive? Why did I kiss you back, flirt with you, cuddle you?”

Danny nodded and chanced a look up at him. He wore a sad smile as their eyes met and he opened his mouth to answer. “Well, I guess I should admit that it was selfish on my end. A bit of my self control and logical thinking went out the window. I knew where my heart and mind was, but I also knew my underlying feelings for you. And you just looked so good and it felt good to be with you. I guess I just let myself indulge a little in that fantasy of being with you without any real regard to your own feelings… and I'm sorry Danny. I am. Truly.”

Danny let the apology sink in along with the revelation that Josh just uncovered. He wasn't going to tell him that he didn't need to apologize and he wasn't going to say it was okay. Because he did feel slightly led on, and it seemed like Josh knew that, and it wasn't okay. So he sat there for a moment before he got the courage to remove his hand from Josh's grip. He wasn't angry. Honestly the torrent of mixed emotions was so overwhelming he didn't know exactly how he felt. But he wasn't mad. He let out a heavy breath and looked up into those normally sparkly eyes that were now rimmed with red.

“I understand, and I accept your apology. If you uhm.. if you don't have anything else you'd like to say to me. I think I would like to go home now." Danny swallowed back his tears again. Forcing himself to stay steady.

“Danny-"

“Please?"

Josh nodded and situated himself back in his seat, and put the car in reverse to back out of his spot and then drove back towards the road.

𓇢𓆸

The ride back to the house was dead silent and no words were shared between them as they arrived and got out of the car to head inside.

When they stepped into the house it was just as they'd left it this morning. Blankets strewn on the pull out bed, Josh's pants on the floor and children's cartoons on the TV. The only difference was that Jake and Sam were now sitting on the bed bickering back and forth about the TV and fighting over the remote. Though they abruptly stopped when Josh and Danny entered the room. Jake immediately eyed the brown paper bag in Danny's hands and shot up to investigate. “Ooh! Did you bring tacos?" He said excitedly as he made grabby hands for the bag.

“Yeah. There's a couple steak tacos in there just for you big boy." Danny weakly joked. Jake took the bag and scampered off to the kitchen. But when Sam caught sight of them the first thing he noticed was how pale his friend looked and how distant his eyes seemed. Then when he spoke he didn't miss the crack in Danny’s voice. His eyes then snapped to his brother who looked immensely guilty, with his red irritated eyes aimed at the floor, heavy shoulders and his hands tucked into the front pockets of his pants.

Sam shot to his feet and addressed his brother.

“What did you do?!" He accused loudly and angrily.

Danny didn't know it was possible for the already small man to shrink even more into himself, but that's precisely what Josh did under his younger brother's judgemental gaze.

Jake heard Sam’s raised voice, which was very uncharacteristic of him and came back into the living room, taco in hand and a confused expression on his face. He looked at Sam and then over to Josh and Danny, actually taking in their appearances this time. As the realization hit him all he could say was “Oh no."

“Sammy please. Could we not? I don't want to do this. Just leave him alone, okay?" Danny begged. Sure he was hurt and upset, but he respected Josh and his feelings enough that he knew he had a right to have them.

Sam was very obviously angry at his brother despite not knowing exactly what happened, and he wasn't just going to drop it that easily.

“Danny, either he tells me what happened or you do. Someone clue me in here because you both look like your grandma just died." Sam had that demanding tone in his voice still and it made Danny cringe.

“Fine. Sam, can I talk to you? Alone?” Danny could feel the frustration rising in his voice as he stepped forward and grabbed his friend's wrist before heading down the hall to Sam’s room and entering, slamming the door shut behind them. He dropped Sam's wrist and took a seat on the bed, his head dropping into his hands as he struggled to contain all the emotions currently wreaking havoc on his mind and body.

“Spill it." Said Sam, standing in front of him, arms crossed over his chest.

“God. Fuck Sam. Give me a second okay?" Danny tried to breathe deeply and slowly but he could feel his chest getting tight with panic. He brought his hands up over his chest and closed his eyes as he struggled to slow his breaths.

Sam caught on to his imminent panic attack and quickly came to his side and wrapped his arms around his friend and put his head on his shoulder as he to gently rock him.

“Hey, it's okay. I'm here, you're okay I promise. Breathe. Like this okay? In for four, hold for four and then out for four. Follow me.” Sam had dropped the anger from his voice completely and was now speaking so softly to him as he started coaching him through the breathing technique. Danny didn't know how many repetitions it took of the cycle before he felt calm enough to stop and the tightness in his chest alleviated. But it did and he finally looked up at Sam and met him eye to eye.

“He uh… Well I guess it's not that he doesn't feel the same exactly. He just explained that he loves me like a friend, as an equal. And that he's just getting started in life and doesn't think he could do our relationship justice if he was to jump into it with me. He thinks I deserve better than that.” Danny explained. Trying to summarize the entirety of their conversation without giving an exact play by play.

“Oh. I see." Sam said quietly, slowly releasing Danny from his hold as he gave him his best sympathetic expression. He paused for a beat before continuing. “He's right though. You do deserve better than that."

" You both say that, but I guess my head is still so wrapped up in trying to be his that I can't even fathom falling for someone new.” Danny sighed and looked off to the wall that was covered in old 70s style concert posters and Polaroids.

“I get that. So I guess this has been with you a while then?" He asked, trying to keep his tone level so he didn't stress Danny out more.

“You could say that, yeah." He confirmed as he continued to take in the messy room with the clothes strewn across the floor and the light from the lamp drenching the room in a warm glow.

“I'm sorry it ended this way Danny. I understand if this changes things for us and you don't really want to be around us anymore. I won't like it. But I get it. So will Jake." He could hear the lump in Sam's throat as he spoke and quickly turned his head to meet his eyes again.

“That's definitely not what I want. I love you guys. A lot. You're the best friends I have. Sure it might be a little difficult with Josh for a while. But it's not like I hate him now. It's just…complicated.” He explained and Sam's face lifted into a small smile as he took Danny's hand into his own and gave it a small squeeze.

"I'm so glad to hear that. I don't really know what I'd do without you. Things might be weird with Josh for a while but I'm sure if you guys want to keep your friendship despite this, you can. You can navigate this together.” Sam was trying his hardest to be optimistic but he knew that they were both going to need time.

“I think for now I just really need to go home.” He admitted, letting his eyes fall from Sam's to observe their hands together.

"Yeah I probably wouldn't want to stay another night after that either. Are you going to be okay? At least until you get home?”

"Yeah Sam. I think so. I'll call you if I pull over or anything but it's not really that long of a drive. It'll be okay. I'll text you when I get home okay?”

Sam nodded and gave his hand another gentle squeeze before letting go so Danny could stand up. He then also stood up and followed Danny as he let himself out of the room and went into the living room to grab his bag.

When he entered the room he noticed that Josh was gone and Jake was sitting on the sofa bed biting at his cuticles. When he noticed them enter the room he stood up and came over to Danny, silently wrapping him in a hug. Danny bit his bottom lip as he hugged Jake back for a few moments and then broke away. He looked into the man's eyes and could see through his attempt at hiding the sadness behind them.

“You're leaving?" He asked quietly, observing the bag slung over Danny's shoulder.

“Yeah. I.. I need to go home." Danny replied, swallowing thickly.

“I understand. I'm so sorry Danny. Really I-"

“Please Jake. Don't apologize. I'll be alright. We’ll all be alright. Just do me a favor?" He cut Jake off quickly, not wanting to hear any more apologies today.

“Yeah of course. Anything."

“Take care of him? Please?" Danny asked, a little desperation seeping into his words.

"Always." Jake promised him.

He gave him a small smile before heading out the door into the cold air of the afternoon, the two boys following behind him as he threw his bag in the back seat of the car. He gave them each a tight hug and then climbed into the driver's seat and turned on the engine.

Jake and Sam stood in front of the car as he went to shift gears and back out of the driveway slowly. He was about to pull out onto the street when he saw the door of the house swing open and Josh, clad in a pair of loose pajamas with a blanket over his shoulders, ran barefoot over to stand next to Jake. Danny pressed on the brakes and stilled the car at the end of the driveway as their eyes met.

They just stared at each other for a moment before Josh raised a blanketed hand and gave a small wave.

Danny returned the wave and didn't miss when Josh took that same blanketed hand and ran it over his eyes quickly. Danny's heart clenched a little, but he forced away the feeling and finished backing out of the driveway and pulled into the road and began to drive away.

𓇢𓆸

The drive was near silent as Danny made his way home. He didn't feel like listening to music, so the only sound that filled the cabin of the car came from the road itself. He let his mind unpack today and yesterday completely, but he maintained control of his emotions.

Once he got home he went directly to his room and threw the bag on the floor next to the door before tossing himself face down onto his pillow.

He took one singular successful deep breath before attempting another, only to be cut off by his own choked sob.

There, in the quiet stillness of his apartment he finally gave up on holding back his emotions and let his heart break completely.

𓇢𓆸

#greta van fleet #danny wagner #josh kiszka #danny wagner x josh kiszka #gvf fic #gvf fanfiction #scarletvanfleet

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