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sanchoyo · 3 years ago

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danny phantom season 2, ep 12-16 thoughts! these episodes, in comparison to the first 10 or so, felt way more laid back and low-stakes, which I appreciate sometimes. I didn't appreciate how lazy jack's halfa design was in masters of time, it made me so annoyed I redesigned it. 👎🏻 u_u

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-'picking a fight with me and my upgraded form!' 'you upgraded to a mullet?' DANNNNY. YOU CANT SAY THAT TO TECHNUS. YOUVE HAD A MULLET TWICE NOW ('fun' split danny, and evil future danny BOTH HAD THEM). I HAVE THE RECEIPTS.

-danny seeing technus hurting valerie and yelling I AM GOING TO BREAK YOU IN HALF. SAMEEEE <3

-axion labs is now a part of vladco. FUCK YOU VLAD. hes not even really IN this episode, but just thought I'd throw out a nice fuck you anyway.

-'capable of blasting a single person into space in (2) minutes!' tucker. that would kill someone. i mean yeah they might get to space, but theres NO WAY THEY WOULDNT CATCH FIRE, OR THEIR ORGANS WOULDNT LIQUIFY BECAUSE OF THE STRAIN. THEY'D PROBABLY PASS OUT BEFORE THEN, BUT. ...no, okay, I get why vlad bought this company. this is RIGHT up his alley.

-danny KNOWS VAL DIDNT DO THIS, THAT SOMEONE STOLE THE SUIT. AND SPENDING ALL NIGHT CHATTING WITH HER. <3 and val is a 9TH DEGREE BLACKBELT?? danny's mom is, too!! omg and she hunts ghosts, his parents would love her. and her fav fruit is kumquat bc its a funny word. im so with danny val is amazing. I love her and I Do Not Want To Hear It From Sam.

-I knew danny wanted to be an astronaut, but the bowling tidbit is like. yes give me more useless info abt these characters, I love tiny details that make them feel more human, and im glad hes got hobbies aside from ghost stuff, we dont really see a lot of that!!! (I mean, we knew 'fun' danny from when he split himself in half liked bowling, so obv it makes sense he LIKES it, but hes very GOOD at it. so proud of him, bowling king) val calling him neil armstrong and them teasing each other. LOVE THAT.

-technus you are my favorite grandpa for setting this up. SAM WHY ARE YOU BEING SO CREEPY BE HAPPY FOR YOUR FRIEND!!! STOP SPYING ON THEM!!! who actually cares if technus did 'set them up' together, theyre having fun and enjoy each others company!!! 'you think the universe wants you two to be together?' 'i dunno, but maybe /I/ do!' EXACTLY DANNY!!! SOO TRUE.

-and valerie being happy sam said she wants to try and be happy for them and make room at the lunch table for them. and hugging sam over it. VAL NEEDS MORE FRIENDS.

-VAL GOING AFTER TECHNUS IN HER SUIT WITH (1) MILK, AND (1) TREE BRANCH AND KEYS!!!. I LOVE YOUUUU BEST GIRL. her new suit kicks ass

-dannys like 'HEY IM AN ASTRONAUT :D' AW. ...HES IN SPACE... the fact he's actually intending to give her the ring. with SAMS NAME ON IT?? IM CRINGING DANNY NO. YOU CANT DO THAT...thank god he didnt. thank god valerie cut it off and said they can just stay friends for now. tbh, they both have a lot on their plates!! they obv both still like each other...it can be a future thing!! when she knows about phantom! youre 14 theres no need to rush. I just want her to have friends and be happy :(

-...danny struggles to do (1) pull up. SAME. but all the ghost fighting in phantom form REALLY doesnt carry over at ALL? that sucks

-sam being as fit as she is, is not just a goth. shes a goth jock.

-honey I Shrank Our Kid, One of his Enemies, and his Bully: the episode

-dash's crush on phantom is So Obvious. fitness buddies :) watching them interact always makes me laugh. also, phantom, with PANTS. 'how many costume changes you gonna go through, what is this, vegas??' DASSH DJKSFHASKDF

-MADDIE GOING AFTER THE MOUSE WITH A BROOM, WHAT THE FUCK. AAAH. JUST BUY SOME KIND OF MOUSE TRAP.

-danny likes lime and vinegar chips. which sound very good.

-'our boy finally has the physical prowess of a 60 year old president!' ...poor danny LMAO

-'what's wrong with beauty pageants' oh tucker you sweet naïve child. what ISNT wrong with them. who approved this for a high school?? (I mean, yes. unfortunately child pageants exist, but...) also danny and tucker once again treating the pretty girls like objects. I need to meet the grown man who wrote this, I just want to talk...

-prince aragon's dragon form reminds me of maleficent (color scheme wise) which is always a bonus. considering the episode is called beauty marked, I feel like the sleeping beauty references are deliberate

-sam with the fake fangs. once again her accessories never miss. hate the 'not like other girls, girls who get sucked into this kind of thing are all shallow and all want to be carbon copies' bs tho.

-sam trying to be the Worst Bride, being rude as shit. DORA IS GOING TO GET KILLED. DID YOU MISS THE PART WHERE SHE SAID THE PRINCE WILL HAVE HER HEAD IF YOU ARENT THE IDEAL BRIDE. YOU /KNOW/ DANNY WILL COME SAVE YOU. JUST ACT CHILL UNTIL THEN. even if you were doing fine to get him to take off the crown, consider maybe not letting his poor sister get punished also?? sure, she could also take off the crown and has dragon powers, but did you know that for sure?? dora didnt even really realize it until you guys talked!! (or at least, she was scared to stand up to him. you had no guarantee she would...) but. good for dora. ANOTHER friendly ghost to add to the List :)

-tucker is so under appreciated in his time. if he was doing a tech-based campaign today he'd have a better shot. people in 2004 had NO IDEA how much tech would be a part of our day-to-day lives...altho. tbh if you're going to be running for student council president, maybe you should..focus on things to actually improve the school? since he's going for a tech angle, he could say like, he would be running fundraisers for the schools computers to be upgraded, etc? we've already SEEN he can be good at money-making entrepreneur type stuff!!

-oh my god wait. this episode is JUST YUGIOH?????! A REBORN PHAROH USING A TEENAGER AS A VESSEL?? YESSSSSS

-tucker using his new minion to feed him grapes and carry him. AND LOCUSTS ONTO THE BULLIES. I love how when he's possessed, he gains winged eyeliner.

-this episode is giving me big 'plankton makes everyone in bikini bottom his slaves and build monuments of him from the spongebob movie' vibes. and the pharaoh has a traitor who works for him? VERY big yugioh vibes. aknadin confirmed

-I like that danny is still completely exhausted after using ghostly wail. (still patiently waiting on him to get duplication)

-LOVE the fenton's 80s outfits. I get hes 14 and embarrassed by everything they do because theyre his parents, but. cmon, this is one objectively cool thing theyve done. love 80s fashion.

-...was vlad just standing on that streetlight waiting for danny to come out? how'd he know they'd be coming out the back? how long has he been up there???

-oh, wait, his ecto-acne has flareups? that SUCKS. danny was...well I dont want to say he was LUCKY HE HALF-DIED, but he was lucky his was pretty instant (I'm assuming that had to do with the power/scale of the portals being different?) I remember in the ep we met him, vlad made a point of saying he was stuck in a hospital for a long time, so. that really actually sucks and I feel bad. not that it excuses anything he's done...but like. it does suck.

-vlad being so sure danny wouldnt help him he made it somehow contagious to his friends to make sure he'd get help? danny is a nice boy, he wouldve helped if it was anyone else. the only reason he wouldn't have is because of the shit vlad did to him, on purpose. vlad 100% dug his own grave by being the biggest asshole, so it is very hard to feel bad for him.

-clockwork is back!!! and making danny learn lessons The Hard Way. Uhhh, okay. I kind of get Danny’s logic, that time traveling this far back would prevent vlad from becoming a halfa also, ergo no arch nemesis or ectoacne to worry about. But the fact that was basically the first solution Danny came up with to solve this problem is actually so funny. It’s so extreme

-APPRICIATION FOR THESE 80S LESBIAN BG CHARACTERS.

-vlad telling maddie in the lab (in the 80s) he has something he's wanted to tell her 'for a long time'...how long have they known each other? I assumed they met in college, since jack always calls vlad his college buddy/roommate, so jack and vlad for sure met in college, but did vlad know maddie longer? thats surprising if so. Tho we don’t know what year of college they’re in so they could mean they met as freshmen and a few years have past…speaking of maddie shes crushing the 80s look.

-vlad blames jack, but. maybe dont stick your face 2 inches from the portal??! THIS FEELS LIKE LAB SAFETY BASICS. IF SOMETHING HAS POTENTIAL TO BE DANGEROUS, DONT GET NEAR IT. WITH YOUR FACE UNPROTECTED IN ANY WAY. (altho jack didnt really give a Big Warning besides screaming BONZAI. so. also that, but cmon.) also, they need gloves, goggles, and to pull all of their hair back tbh. but fuck lab safety, I guess!

-cryyyyinnng at how lazy they were with jack's ghost form design, its just plasmius' design on jack!!! you couldve given him his own design!!

-there. I did that in about 10 minutes and its somehow less lazy than what made it into the show. embarrassing! better yet, I think the episode would've been better if maddie would've gotten the ectoacne. or maybe its just me, wanting to see her design! anyway. I'm sure people have already done redesigns of them both as halfas. I have to go look after I finish this watch through. Also mildly frustrated jacks resentment and bitterness is basically also a copy paste of vlads backstory. They’re different characters, I really don’t think jack would stew in bitterness and jealousy the same way vlad would!! I also don’t think he’d give up after one time of trying to hunt ghosts and getting laughed at. Our canon timeline says different…I dunno, I get it was for laughs, but I’m annoyed because the POTENTIAL this plot has…

-did vlad really wear a stupid cheese hat to his wedding. ok actually that kinda rules. and the cheese door knocker. the dairy-only buffet table. vlad still got rich, just on being the New Dairy King. (Assuming that means he owns a lot of dairy businesses?) ok! this actually is great. hope maddie isn't lactose intolerant!

-'no matter how hard I tried, I could never get rid of my ghost half, the half I knew Maddie could never accept' ohh, ouch, what a horrible thing to say to her HALF GHOST SON. 'YOUR MOM WILL NEVER ACCEPT YOU' BASICALLY.

-maddie strapping danny to the table with a lazer pointed at him in a secret lab she keeps from vlad that she makes a point of saying is sound proof so he can scream all he wants...CHRIST. DANNYS POOR PYSCHE.

-also, not to feel bad for alternate vlad (because, he did lie to maddie saying jack blames her and never wants to see her again...) but. being married to a woman 20+ years and she immediately goes back to jack? if she didnt love vlad and feels like she had to hide shit from him, and says she wasted her best years with him, WHY MARRY HIM. it feels like leading him on!!! cannot believe im feeling bad for vlad, but. this alternate timeline vlad is significantly Less Horrible than Our Vlad. did she not think she'd get funding for her ghost stuff? (which, fair assumption since they're considered 'ghost fanatics/nuts in canon...but...) why did she think jack or vlad would be her ONLY OPTIONS? be like your sister. be single. Actually, this au could’ve been really interesting if after the accident, vlad lied to her and said jack never wanted to see her again, but she stays single. Imagine how much that would bug vlad… like, in her mind, it was never a competition it was jack or no one type situation…

-danny being like 'leave him ALONE' this jack is a HOMEWRECKER, DANNY. let them go to court and settle this at the least. ...or just throw vlad into the portal. (100% human, defenseless vlad) CHRIST, MADDIE THATS BRUTAL. THATS MURDER.

-danny seeing his mom immediately accepting him and his dad being half ghosts in this universe, if I was him this would be a great sign that his universe's maddie would also.

-*maddie voice* "clockwork will help!" *2 seconds later, with clockwork* "I will Not Help." TOUGH LOVE KING. YES LET DANNY SEE THE SODA HIMSELF AND DEVOLP BETTER OBSERVATION SKILLS.

-when clockwork ""reset time to the way it was"" just before danny "meddled"" ...did he really erase a whole alternate timeline? ...damn. because maddie and danny both called it an alternate timeline by name, it splitting when the college incident went different, so it wouldnt have really mattered if he reset it, right. like because danny's timeline is on a different stream? why didnt clockwork just. show danny a replay and not Reset That Timeline. wh...I wonder how many people that Erased From Existence. Anyway! once again stating clockwork is casually terrifying!

#danny phantom #dp thoughts #sanchoyorambles

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ruffiorocks · 6 years ago

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Long Post on How Lena being ‘evil’ after the reveal would be a disservice to her entire character arc.

Extract from an interview with Jon Cyer:

"If Lex does end up revealing the truth about Supergirl to Lena, it could have devastating impact. Kara herself attempted to reveal the truth to Lena but stopped as it became clear that the revelation would be extremely damaging to Lena after all of the lies and manipulations she's endured thanks to Lex. It's the kind of damage that would definitely fall under the label of "evil" and could even set up a major conflict for Supergirl next season."

What even is this statement? The last part doesn't even make sense:

"It's the kind of damage that would definitely fall under the label of "evil" and could even set up a major conflict for Supergirl next season."

Damage isnt evil, damage is just damage. It's not like you can have good damage. So Lena learning Kara is Supergirl would inflict damage and then she falls under the label of 'evil'? Completely destroying her as a character. This just says that Lena will immediately become evil (such a strong word) as soon as she learns Kara is Supergirl.

I'm sorry ... But what the actual f**k? So they're just going to go down the same road that Game of Thrones went with Dany in the last episode?

"I'm here to save people, not burn them"

5 mins later

"f**k you all I'm pissed off and I'm going to kill every man, woman and child because I can".

Supergirl writers like to borrow heavily from from Smallville. Well the Lex Luthor of Smallville wasnt immediately evil. Lex was actually a good guy at the start, he was a play boy but he wasnt really so bad. He did however have some moral grey areas. Lex was best friends with Clark, but from day one he was curious about how he managed to survive going off the bridge and the damage done to his car and no damage done to Clark. But Lex didnt immediately go after Clark, he genuinely loved and cared about him almost like a brother. It was Clark that kept going out of his way to keep lying to an overly curious Lex who gave him more than one opportunity to come clean to him. Lex was driven crazy because he knew there was something up with Clark but Clark kept acting like Lex was delusional. Lex was used and abused by his father who favored Clark from the moment he met him. But Lex did a lot of good things in the earlier series, he was ultimately always put down due to his name though. Visions of him in a white suit with blood rain just meant that no matter what Lex did his destiny was to be bad and thats how he would then be treated which ironically is what drove those visions to come true.

So are they just going to recycle this with Lena? The only differences being that Lena hasnt done any evil things and she hasnt been trying to expose Kara because she's oblivious?

Lena has literally done NOTHING but help Supergirl, National City and help save the world several times since she first appeared. Lena isn't perfect, she has a dark side when pushed to her limit, she went to shoot Edge because he was poisoning children. She even told Kara she went and did this. It wasn't a secret.

Lena is pro gun? Doesn't make her evil, it's not like people aren't trying to kill her every 5 minutes and soldier or not Alex is way to gun happy. Alex has also basically been an alcoholic who is in charge of firearms since she was first introduced.

Lena killed Adam? Lena made a mistake, one that is haunting her. She didn't hold a gun to Adams head and pull the trigger cackling like a maniac. I’ve said it once and ill say it again, if Lena is guilty of ‘murdering’ Adam then Jonn is 100% guilty of murdering Manchester Black, a man he had already disarmed and killed purely because Manchester taunted him and and Jonn got pissed off. Even Kara looked shocked when she asked where Manchester was, but then immediately she was fine with it and was like ‘dont worry, one murder doesn't mean you cant be a man of peace’.

The biggest problem with Lena ‘turning evil’ after learning Kara is Supergirl is that that would would imply that Lena being a good person has been entirely dependent on her relationships with both Kara and Supergirl! What the hell? I mean i love Kara but she isnt a freaking God!! Lena’s personality has never been dependent on anyone but herself. Lena was a good person long before she ever set eyes on Kara or Supergirl. Lena was the one that dropped Lex in it remember? Why the hell would they reduce Lena from a complex character to a one dimensional character whose heroic and good personality was entirely dependent on her relationship with Kara/Supergirl?

That is exactly what they did to Kara in season 3, she stopped being ‘Kara Danvers’ the moment Mon El left because even though she had a life, job, a human family and friends and was Kara Danvers long before he showed up she suddenly couldn't be that person anymore because her boyfriend wasn't around? Her entire character was reduced to her being dependent solely on him? That’s not Mon El hate by the way, its hate for the writers.

It would be ridiculous for Lena to instantly forgive Kara for lying her to. To be honest i would be more disappointed in Lena if she was absolutely OK with all of this rather than letting Kara know she’s royally f**ked up! Kara its true doesn't owe her identity to anyone, God even Lena probably would have questioned her if she had instantly revealed herself to her. But the problem is that Kara knows she can trust Lena, she has known this for years. Kara has also revealed her secret to people she has known for less time than she has known Lena and to people she barely knows at all (Nia). Yes she told Nia out of solidarity but Kara has had way more solidarity moments with Lena than she had with Nia. Plus Kara didn't really know Nia at all, Nia could have been playing her the whole time. Lena on the other hand is her best friend and has helped save the world, worked with the DEO and saved Supergirls life and ass many times over.

Kara let the secret go on for far to long, in addition she told other people. Kara used the excuse that it was to keep Lena safe because her enemies would go after Lena. But that is just crap because Lena already has her own enemies, she deals with those enemies. Plus Kara never seemed to care that her enemies could have gone after Winn, James, Nia etc. It was a decent excuse in the beginning but then it became invalid the longer its gone on. Lena knowing Kara is supergirl would probably make her much safer in retrospect, Lena could have just called Kara or been given a fancy watch like a certain someone. The worst part though is that Kara has known since season 2 that Lillian Luthor knows who she is, she also knows that Lex Luthor knows who she is and Lena could have been told by them at any point. Lillian has had years to tell her and could of done. Kara has sat back and just hoped the Luthors wont out her? That is probably the worst story line Kara has EVER had! Kara may not want to hurt Lena with the truth but it would hurt way more coming form Lex!! Kara will reep what she sows here.

On top of this Kara hasnt just been pretending to be two different people to Lena, she has been acting like Jekell and Hyde. Lena and Supergirl have come to an understanding over the whole Reign/Kryptonite issue, but Lena only thinks she's come to an understanding with Supergirl. Lena doesnt know that it was actually her best friend treating her like garbage and with hostility the whole time, then coming back to her as Kara and being all besties again. THAT RIGHT THERE is where the betrayal lies. It isnt that Kara kept being Supergirl a secret from her, its that Kara betrayed her trust as Supergirl and was horrible to her. Lena had Kryptonite purely to help try and save Sam, but Supergirl immediately took it all personally not really giving a second thought to Sam at all. She just assumed that Lena was out to get her and then she started to try and pull rank on Lena, but Supergirl was left gob smacked because low and behold Lena Luthor wasn't beholden to the Girl of Steel like Supergirl expected her to be. Supergirl was given a harsh lesson in where she actually stands in the authority department.

To make it even worse Supergirl enlisted Lena’s then boyfriend to betray her trust and break into her company to spy on her to check she wasnt a liar. James actually does this without to much hesitation, he even enlists Winn’s help. That right there is four betrayals against Lena, where she only assumes it was the one. Lena forgave James, (i dont know why, he still broke into L Corp, he only grew a conscience at the very last second) and holds Supergirl responsible. Lena only thinks it was Supergirl who used her boyfriend against her. Lena will soon find out however that it wasnt just Supergirl, it was her best friend, her boyfriend and even Winn her other friend who all betrayed her. Lena is going to learn that all of the above was actually her the work of her best friend the entire time, then that best friend would come back to her and listen to her mention these betrayals.

Back to James, James had absolutely no reason to throw Supergirl under the bus. He just ‘had to be honest with Lena’ ? How about you dont break into her personal property and betray her trust in the first place? James knew for a fact that Supergirl and Lena were having a beef, he knew full well that if Lena knew what Supergirl had asked him to do she would be even more hurt and angry at Supergirl but he did it anyway. This is exactly what happened because Lena told Kara that Supergirl had used the people she cares about against her and she can never trust her again. At least Kara had the good sense to look guilty. But the other side to this is that once Lena finds out that James knew it was actually ‘Kara’ that betrayed her she will be even more hurt. She will have been doubly betrayed by both Kara and James!

Kara:

1. Treated her crap as Supergirl

2. Enlisted Lena’s boyfriend to betray her

James:

1. Actually did break into L Corp betraying Lena, for some bizarre reason was forgiven. Then he threw Supergirl under the bus to gain Lena’s trust without a thought to the lasting damage it would have.

2. James actually knew the whole time it was Kara being an ass to Lena and it was Kara who was asking James to betray Lena. James then put the last nail in the coffin for Supergirl and Lena’s friendship, but at the same time allowed Lena to continue believing that Kara wasn't the one that betrayed her. James allowed Lena to employ/confide in and be around the very person she declared she could no longer trust. James even enlisted Winn to help betray Lena, Winn being one of Lena’s friends.

If Kara suffers in the aftermath, (which she will) then i want James to suffer the consequences of that betrayal as well. To those that would say ‘Lena is a liar and keeps secrets’ well Lena’s secrets have never directly had anything to do with the Superfriends, she doesn't keep them to hurt anyone, or tell them to hurt anyone. Lena doesn't have to tell Supergirl everything she is doing because Supergirl isnt her boss, she didn't have to tell James everything but she did actually reveal a lot to him. Lena actually told everyone about her super humans idea but they all dismissed it immediately, Lena doesn't have to stop though because some people dont approve.

So to have Lena go bad after spending all of the time fighting Lex and Lillian, saving the alien population from genocide, saving the city from Daxamites, saving Supergirls life more than once, coming to work with the DEO even when she has beef with Supergirl, doing her best to try and help save Reign, manufacturing Harun El to make sure that Argo City never dies, begging Supergirl to let her die so she can save the people from the chemical on that plane, agreeing to marry Mon El to save a children's hospital, buying Cat Co to keep the free press free? Suddenly all that is erased because she is lied to by her best friend? NO! If lies and deceit were enough to send Lena over the edge it would have already happened, she can survive multiple betrayals and assassination attempts from her family, the people of National City making her a pariah, Rhea betraying her, Alana betraying her, Eve betraying her? Jack's death? But the icing on the cake that makes her snap is Kara betraying her? NO! What a disservice to Lena as a character! It would also cancel out the conversations she had with Sam when she was telling her she knew she was a good person no matter what and all the conversations she’s recently had with Brainy about having emotions.

Plus to make Lena, who has fought the Luthors at every turn to suddenly snap and say ‘f**k it im going to complete Lex’s life work’ is insanity.

Ultimately, the social lesson of the day here is if your family is s**t then you are s**t. No kids dont bother trying to be good people, you are lost causes. We dont care that you became a paramedic, or a fire fighter, or a soldier, or a surgeon or anything. You ARE crap and you will always be crap! The lesson is ‘never try’. Everyone else on this show has had trauma and betrayal in their lives but they still get to be heroes? Jonn? Alex? Kara? Winn? All had some trauma or family issues but nope they arent allowed to be bad guys. If having a bad family makes you bad then Alex should be because of her dad, Winn should be because of his dad and Kara absolutely should be because of her parents and her aunt and uncle.

The only thing that would make sense after the reveal is Lena having nothing at all to do with Kara, probably selling Cat Co and cutting pretty much every one of the Superfriends from her life. Where would they go from there with her? Well Lena has no reason to turn her attentions to hurting them or the people of National City. She doesn't stop being who she is due to betrayal. So maybe Lena finds a way to be a hero on her own refusing to help Supergirl anymore. I still 100% believe though that if Kara was hurt Lena would come and help no matter what, because that has always been who she is and her good nature and sanity has NEVER been dependent on Kara. Kara is not the centre of everyone universe.

#supergirl #lena luthor #kara x lena #kara danvers #anti guardiancorp #anti james olsen #jonn jonzz #alex danvers #nia nal #winn shott #samantha arias #lex luthor #lillian luthor #eve teschmacher #eve tessmacher

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loststormtrooper · 6 years ago

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Ive been slowly reading the Splinter Cell books and im almost finished the third one and I have complaints

Spoiler warning I guess for books that are over 10 years old if anyone cares about them.

So the first book was great. They got one of the bond writers to do it and it was so good. Splinter Cells identities have been leaked and Sam Fishers life is at stake throughout the whole thing because for the first time ever, the enemy know who he is. His chapters are in first person which makes everything feel so much more personal. All the other chapters following other characters are in third which gives this nice cutscene kind of feeling that games have when they show something your character wouldnt know. Its a book series based on a game, it just felt right. Sam's daughter gets kidnapped because The Shop (big bad weappns company) wants to stop Third Echelon from getting in the way of their sales and Sam is the one who is trying to stop them and stop them from doing deals with The Shadows which are trying to get the US out of the middle east so their country can take over another. Fisher ends up disrupting these deals and saves his daughter. But like, how it goes is so well. Sams daughter gets invited overseas with her friend and they both ger drugged and kidnapped by someone they thought was their friend! The stakes are high af because they killed off the friend and are going to kill Sams daughter and him if he cant stop all this stuff from happening. And theres the whole war nuclear weapon deals going on that he also has to stop. So good.

Anna Grimsdotir isnt present in this book because they need wiggle room for the next book and shes replaced with Carly who is also an analyst. Theres this nice tight nit friendship between Sams team at Third Echelon with Lambert, Carly, Sam, and and Mike that sets things up for the next book. Also Sams Grav Maga teacher, they flirt a bit, nice side story which leads into the next book. Pretty much everything leads into the next book because even though Sam defeated The Shadows, The Shop is still a major weapons dealer and have the identities of other Splinter Cells and needs to be stopped.

So next book, Operation Barracuda. Sam and his team need to find out who leaked the Splinter Cells information and stop The Shop. Uh oh! It was Mike and he had to kill Carly IN THE THIRD ECHELON OFFICE because she was about to figure out it was him and he escapes and the Triad offer to get him out of the country, he just has to get to the right place and theyll fly him out. Good setup for these cat and mouse chapters where and FBI agent is trying to keep up with Mike. Also Mike was actually planted in Third Echelon years ago and he and his brother have deals with the Triad to sell stuff which The Shop does t like because theure supposed to sell things to them and then they sell to the Triad.

All of these bad guys have one goal though. Theyre dealing with a rogue chinese general that wants to invade Hong Kong. So theres all this infighting and build up to when people, even the bad guys, start to figure more stuff about the other groups. The Triad, being in Hong Kong, dont want to be invaded, but the deals theyve done with bad guy general have provided him with a nuckear submarine that he threatens to detonate on the US coast unless they withdraw from Taiwan.

During all of this that krav maga teacher and Sam have had a few dates and are at Sams place. But when they are walking down the street she is gunned down and Sam is forced to leave her dead body on the street with people around because he cant risk being having anyone looking into who he is, even local police and government because he is in a secret agency. Amazing side story. It's a lot like the side stuff with his daughter in the first book, it gives him more motive outside of it just being a job, these people have killed 2 of his friends, one of which he was really into.

Back to bad guy stuff. FBI guy gets killed by Mikes brother after he goes into a shady place to arrest him. The triad are already there and hes just dead now. But he did arrest Mike so they got info from him which leads same to the Triad. In a pretty cool turn of events the general invades but theres no one to stop him! Oh wait! The Triad takes arms and fights off his army and its rad. Sam had gone into that shady building (just remembered its a night club) and gave them information about the generals attack and then left. It was a different chapter because he wasnt being stealthy, he just walked in and demanded to speak to people and it worked. When all this general vs Triad stuff is happening, Sam is dealing with The Shop. The general is defeated, the leak for the Splinter Cell information is in custody, and The Shop is finally shut down!

Next book... set before the first and has a new writer. All of it is in third person and it doesnt feel like the first for obvious reasons. Theres a handful of spelling errors spread throughout which really take you out of it because now youre thinking about this spelling error.

Starts with Sam having to sneak onto a ship thats going to crash onto the US coast and its packed with radioactive material or bombs? It wasnt clear to me. But he stops it and gets out. Its a pretty one track story whereas the other two books had a handful of stuff going on and it all worked neatly. Third Echelon need to know where the nuclear stuff came from to know who did it. He sneaks back on the ship which is under quarantine and takes a sample or something? There was something about having to get engine manufactuing codes to find out where the ship had done repairs and see where it came from but that branching plot just ends later in the book when Lambert says that his analysts found out where it was from. Sam need to find out where nuclear stuff came from. For reasons i cant remember because nothing in this book is worth remembering half the time, Sam has to go to Chernobyl to collect radiated material to see if they match. Thats not the unmemorable part, how they decided to go there to find it specifically is. Anyway, its a match and they figure out who did it and why by knowing who made the ship and how they got the nuclear material. The whole Chernobyl bit could have been better. It didnt feel like anything was at stake. And there was this awkward side story with a woman who helped him get into the dangerous areas unnoticed where theyd flirt and nothing would come of it and then theres nothing else about her ever again.

Then theres all this stuff of Sam infiltrating other places which leads him to another place which leads him to another place. Its very linear and theres a few chapters where he sneaks into a private island thats impossible to sneak onto but he does and it doesnt feel like anything is at stake. The whole book is about having to find out who did this one almost bombing and poisoned a whole towns water supply with radiated material, making it a wasteland, before the US declares war on the wrong nation for ot. But every time they get more information, they suddenly have more time and need to hurry, but then they do that and get more time but need to hurry! At one point they mention the president will declare war in 24 hours and im pretty sure its been like 4 days since then and nothing.

Also! Theres this terrible character cliche guy i hate. There's like 5 chapters spread out through the book where its this weird guy who is clearly the villain ( not bad guy or terrorist, hes just a bad villain) that talks all fancy and as if hes got this grand plan happening and keeps talking about chess and imagining chess moves after he gets new information. Its annoying and i hate him. Get a new character. It doesnt even have to be him, use one of the heads of the bad guy groups that are already established, god. I've got 6 chapters to go and Sam doesnt even know about that chess bad guy yet.

Tbh im considering skipping the next book because its the same writer and the Conviction books and Blacklist book are written by other people. It hasnt been release who i dont think though. Its all a pseudonym.

So i just finished Splinter Cell Checkmate. Its 2 days after i wrote that whole thing and it gets way better in the last 5 chapters. It was much more fast paced and actiony. The rest of the book was slow and not that interesting. There was a bit that brought back a character from earlier who was shot in the head but the bullet hit ar a weird angle and he was left to die. Sam found him and theres this nice calm part of the chapter of Sam trying to get him out without making his wound worse but he wasnt fast enough and he dies. Then Sam finally gets the location of the annoying chess bad guy with some information from now dead guy. It literally ended with Sam saying "...checkmate " to him which fealt really forced... they never met until now and Sam onlt mentioned chess once in the whole book besides that. I think he played it with a friend for a paragraph while they chatted. Epilogue was ok too. The woman who helped him into Chernobyl was in a wax museume and Sam rocks up with a passport for her to get out and fly back to the US with him. Was weird. They flirted maybe twice halfway through the book and then he rocks up with that. She didnt even know his name until the epilogue because he used an alias.

Anyway, first two books are great, third was super slow but ended ok.

#splinter cell #sam fisher #operation barracuda #checkmate

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web1995 · 7 years ago

Photo

the above image, while working well enough standalone, actually requires quite a bit of context, unlike many posts on this site. it is a screenshot of the sexy characters category page on the parody wiki, which is a site for articles about crossovers, spoofs, and parody scripts written in wiki-page format. it seems to function as a type of fanfiction and creative writing space, and to be curated informally. anyway, of the characters above, soleil spacebot is the only one that seemed totally unrecognizable

clicking her parody wiki page is where things begin to get truly strange

Soleil Spacebot is one the main characters in Nelvana's 1986 Animated Television Series, The Spacebots. She is the eldest of three sisters and has a crush on Sam Spacebot.

this information seems reasonable enough, and like it might be about an obscure but existing cartoon. soleils page has some basic information about her and some miscellaneous, confusing crossover information, like every page on the parody wiki. it lists her in various other categories, including “capable characters” and characters who are 19. at the time of beginning this post (early 2017), there were three drawings of her, with a similar style, and no screenshots.

beneath these drawings are two pictures made in dollmakers.

there were no other pictures on the page. visiting the spacebots page itself reveals the following:

The Spacebots is a Canadian animated series produced by Nelvana. It ran from September 13, 1986 to November 28, 1992 and ran for 91 episodes. It features fictional characters including heroes and villains. The background music from The Care Bears Family is used in all episodes of the TV Series.

it also lists a cast of several characters, with credited voice actors:

the other characters have pages of varying complexity, with pictures in the same style. at this point the spacebots cartoon still seems like something that could exist, but googling it turns up only results from this wiki and similar wikis.

spacebots is mentioned on numerous cartoon, parody, spoof, movie idea, and similar fan wikis.

if the spacebots cartoon never existed, it begins to raise questions. someone putting their original character in the sexy characters category on a spoof wiki isnt so startling. neither is someone framing this character as someone from an existing show-- this wiki and similar have pages about non-existing media

however, the level of detail and specificity is alarming. these characters have voice actors (some who turn up google results, some who dont) linked to them, with lists of other voice-acting work theyve done (including cartoons that dont seem to exist either). looking for more information on the spacebots turns up a page on a very badly organized nelvana wiki with more elaborate airing dates information.

The Spacebots is a Canadian animated television series produced by Nelvana, which aired between 1986 and 1992 in syndication; on the ABC network, The CBN Family Channel from 1988 to 1992 and The Family Channel from 1992 to 1998.

by the way, this list of nelvanas programs has no mention of spacebots.

at this time, on revisiting her page on the parody wiki some months after finding the information detailed in the first part of this post, several new pictures had been added— like this screenshot of soleil in the sims 4:

there are various other tracings, redraws, or dressup game pictures of her:

one of the new images is labeled “soleil spacebot in the reboot” and there are reboot designs for soleil’s siblings elsewhere on the parody wiki, as well as this image (from the youtubescratch wiki page for the spacebots) of a reboot poster:

this is completely new— the person or people responsible for spacebots is actively working on the spacebots worldbuilding, creating new promotional materials for a nonexistent 2015 reboot (”The Spacebots (Reboot) 2015″) of a nonexistent 80s-90s cartoon.

there are multiple spacebots reboot posters, but no information about the reboot itself yet, other than a page mentioning it being from 2015. this raises the question of whether soleil’s creator will continue adding to the worldbuilding surrounding their fictional show by citing more information about the reboot, or whether more information about the show’s plot and characters will be revealed (still no wiki pages or pictures for the character named “sour venus” which is disappointing!) or whether the additions will end here.

spacebots’ storytelling medium and its metafiction layers are fascinating. the fiction here is as much the show’s premise, and the original characters existing within the cartoon’s story at all, as it is the circumstances of this show’s existence— voice actors, animation companies, airing dates, a reboot, and proper “credits” for nonexistent in-show music.

so much more information is offered about the show’s production than about the actual plot and characters of the show. the fictional production may be the creator’s area of interest, rather than their original characters (though soleil IS listed as a sexy character and many painstakingly created images of her exist).

the mode of publication is interesting too. spacebots doesn’t seem to be advertised anywhere else, only on these wikis, which have their own fanbases. the youtubescratch page says it was created by a “Miss-Trina-Mouse” (edited by others occasionally) which is also the username on an empty deviantart account created 9 months ago, by someone who says she is female and canadian. “trina mouse” seems to be a fan character for tom and jerry (apologies if trina mouse is an existing character; i do not remember every character of tom and jerry).

(picture from the ideas wiki) this may be the closest thing to an avatar of the creator of the spacebots that currently exists, if Miss-Trina-Mouse is indeed the creator and not a new collaborator. Miss-Trina-Mouse is the creator of trina mouse’s page, and evidently the person currently updating spacebots pages with new or “corrected” information. on this page, the airing dates have been changed to other particular airing dates:

(from this page’s edit history, for easier reading) the first page version is from august 25, 2016. the second edit was finished on march 30th, 2017. Miss-Trina-Mouse has evidently been working on spacebots for some time, and has continued to do so. the page itself was created on june 13th, 2015, by an IP address that may or may not belong to Miss-Trina-Mouse.

Miss-Trina-Mouse does not seem to be the only person working on pages related to the spacebots, however. the edit history for a page about a nonexistent spacebots animated film, “operation system shutdown” reveals it was created by a Sarah61, edited by a Tobina the Tomboy (who has a detailed profile page on the animalcrossing wiki) and eventually edited by Miss-Trina-Mouse as well:

whether these are aliases belonging to the same person, a group of friends, a group of acquaintances, fans of another person’s work, totally spontaneous or planned privately in detail all remains unclear.

Tobina the Tomboy’s profile has pictures in a similar art style to the original soleil drawings, and says she is female, and canadian (like Miss-Trina-Mouse, which makes me wonder whether they are friends or perhaps alternate accounts of the same person). Tobina also lists her favorite animal crossing characters and overall seems to be an ordinary real profile. she has a similar profile on the mysims wiki, listing favorite and least favorite characters from that. i am not screencapping it, because it seems to simply be someone’s self-created public profile without any particularly unusual elements. Tobina and/or Miss-Trina-Mouse could be the spacebots’ creator(s), though, while Sarah61 is too common of a username to search easily, despite being the page’s creator.

(i have little interest in seeking out more information about these contributors beyond what they make immediately available on their profiles, since it appears that they are ordinary nonfictional people with an interesting fictional hobby)

perhaps it is silly to look so deeply into this project, and to want to know more about it so badly when it seems like it is something its creator(s) made for fun, and doesnt seem sinister in any way. however, the format is not like anything i have come across before, and the level of detail startles me almost as much as the difficulty in finding those details. the spacebots can only be sort-of understood by reading fragmented pages across many different wikis and every wiki reveals more information, some which can be searched to discover more about, and some which turns up no other results. there is even a 1987 NES video game mentioned on at least one wiki:

everything about the spacebots, its presentation, and its continued existence is fascinating. looking into it has been a wild ride to say the least, and the amount of meticulous creative energy put into it is nothing short of admirable.

if spacebots has been created in this way, how many similar unreal shows are out there, in the same format? i know little about wikis of this type, so is this a common creative method on them? is spacebots the creation of one person, or is it collaborative? does the original creator still have control of the concept or is a fan— fans?— permitted to update freely? is the initial creator still working on spacebots wiki pages at all? will more information about the spacebots reboot become available? how long has this been going on? is spacebots more like an art project, an ARG, informal original storytelling (like someone explaining their deviantart OCs), or something else entirely?

i will close this post with a synopsis of the spacebots, found on the youtubescratch wiki page:

The six Spacebots and their allies live in a sci-fi futuristic city called Spaceland. They have their magic powers, magical stars and magical hearts and they have to stop Commander Zurg and The Freakalien brothers from wrecking havoc and planning to destroy Spaceland.

i hope that reading about my attempts at putting them together has been as interesting as i found making those attempts in the first place, and that the spacebots wiki pages will continue updating

#the spacebots

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elem-entals · 5 years ago

Text

undercover irid, crown prince seb, elems academy marco, librarian knowledge nads au

Brent and I had some really good ideas in this whole rp Pt. 1

Undercover irid but seb is also there undercover

Maybe irid is from some far off kingdom secretly

And helps/recruited the elems

And surprise she’s actually an agent from the Eastern Kingdom

And the lovable seemingly dumbass refugee who’s been putting his blacksmithing skills to use since the academy changed hands to dm

He looks at irid; and tells her to cut the act, the mission has been accomplished

Irid:

Irid; >:| dammit, sire

Irid: there’s still more to acc- Seb holds up a hand: it’s high time we stop the charade and make things clear

Seb: we all know how cozy you’ve gotten here, Fire elemental Iridona c; Irid: >:| 😳 your Majesty

Marco: what

Irid: Seb: Crown Prince Sebastian Warbourne at your service c;

Irid as one of the palace guards and a close friend of the prince

Irid muttering: >:| we had more to get done

Marco, later: sam what the fuck

Marco: she’s some sort of highly trained palace guard warrior chick

Marco: no wonder she picked up on training so fast, common girl with secret powers my butt

Seb, walking around a corner: that was her original origin

Seb: she really was a commoner who learned to fight rather quickly

Seb: and I’d watch how you talk about her, especially in front of me c;

Sam: 😗🍷

Sam: just your type marco

Seb: 👀

Seb: she hasnt dated much, but you are quite her type as well, Marco.

Sam: great, I love watching marco get his ass kicked

Seb: I do, as well 🍹

Marco: >:|

Sam: we ain't friends, guy

Marco: you get all fluttery whenever she’s near and you practically glow whenever she’s paying attention to you

Marco: me thinks she’s more than a bodyguard to you

Seb: Seb; 🍹

Seb: my interests are her happiness

Seb, picking lint off of his shirt: she is more than capable of being a mere palace guard

Sam: like a wife

Seb: if I can help her be more, find more of what could make her happy, live up to her potential, I will do nothing to stand in the way

Seb knocks back his drink

All of it

At once

Sam: impressive

Seb: no

Seb: its really not

Sam: I did like 3 at once one time during breeding season a few years back 😗

Seb:

Marco:

Marco: what

Sam: it was hard to position all three

Sam: without spilling it

Marco: OH drinks

Sam: I was already hammered so I dont think I would have noticed anyway

Sam: oh

Sam: yeah drinks

Marco: ...

Sam: and then maybe some very impressed ewes 😗🍷

Marco: what

Sam: anyway your kinglyness finish your ominous speech

Seb: 👀��no that was it

Sam: oh okay cool

Marco: will your guard terrier approve of another drink or does she need to test it

Sam: [takes a sip]

Seb: Seb punches Marco’s arm

Sam as a former party boy for this au I guess

Seb: maybe if its poisoned you should try it first 😒

Sam: oh damn I'll do it, I'd love to die

Seb:

Marco: 😕

Seb: yikes

Sam: jokes

Sam at some point to marco: y'know there's probably a few Samir jr.'s out there somewhere 🤔

Marco: wow

Sam: I know, weird to think about

Sam: I dont know if you wolves feel the same way but sometimes during breeding season some people just let loose

Sam: a lot of hatchlings are raised communally

Sam: dont know who their parents are, 's not really a big deal to us

Sam: sorry, there was just a hatchling that ran past a few hours ago and I got to thinking about it

Starling lore for this au

And maybe in general idk

This is a single dad Sam au now I guess

Marco: what if

Marco: what if you met a kid that was yours?

Is this assuming he doesnt have nadir with him yet?

Sam: I Sam: I don't know

Sam, elbowing him: maybe this upcoming season eh?

Whichever you think is more fun for this point im the au

Sam having a tryst with a starling from the eastern kingdom and he keeps the egg for himself

Lol she drops it on his desk

she's a badass warrior (maybe another palace guard?) And doesnt have the time/safe place to raise it

a starling version of iris

And is like "this is yours to do as you please"

"Wuh"

“Have fun byeee”

Warrior starling with a dry personality and a love of violence

Yes exactly

"This is soft cushy work, perfect for you"

"Uh"

Marco:

Marco: so you have a kid now?

Marco: mazel

Sam: one that I know about, yeah

Sam, with the egg: I could Sam: bring it to a hatchery

Marco: ...

Sam: this is the first time I've been face to shell with a product of a tryst

Sam: oh dont look at me like that, it's a normal starling cultural thing

Sam: it's not like your orphanages

Marco: yeah i know but

Marco: 👀 you were saying you could use a bit of something stable

Marco: company

Sam: 🌕🖊️ Sam: look [shows him the egg]

The egg has a face scrawled on it

Marco: you have a support system here too

Sam, egg voice: hi marco, it's me, Samir Jr.

Concept: Iris as a visiting consultant as a favor to Dm as he’s trying to set up the new Academy

Sam: 🤔 I am getting a bit long in the tooth

Iris: Samir, for the last time, I need those reports on-

Iris: 👀|

Iris: that’s an egg

Sam: it is

Someone asks Iris if she’s dating dm

Sam: very astute observation, I can see why you get paid the big bucks

“Not my type”

Dm: she likes twinks but like straight

Iris: >👀|

Sam: so like all starlings

Dm: mhm

Iris: >👀C

Sam: I know a buddy who's single

Sam: not afraid to mingle with those of the flesh

Iris: you’re about to see my foot up your ass

Marco: this is why I liked having you around

Sam: [cups his hands around his eyes]

Marco: Sam, seriously, it could be nice

Marco: having a little one around

Sam: hmm Sam: I'll give it a week to decide

Iris: ugh you and your father are so domestic

Sam: he's getting old iris

Sam: he wants to settle down

Sam: maybe with someone from out of town 👀

Sam: isnt that right eggbert Sam, egg voice: sure is

Iris: your dad met your mother and like a month later “oh she’s so wonderful, I could see us settling down in some house in the Valley or something”

Iris: [fake gags]

Sam: [sighs] I want that

Sam: marco is your dad into single dads

Sam: this could be your step sibling

Marco: dont even joke

Iris, in a bad dm impression; Samir, you’re claws are looking very pointy today

Iris: may I escort you to the Fall Ball in August?

*your

Sam: why thank you Marco, you're so kind~

Sam, bats his lashes: what a gentleman

Iris, pretending to be faint: Oh, Iris, he’s so lovely, we’ll have a June wedding

Iris: I’m assuming you’re the same way in love, Marc-y

Sam: I need a nice, strong man to help me raise my hatchling

Marco: >:| I hate having you around

Marco: No you dont

Marco: you are strong

Sam: not as strong as this little dude's ma

Sam: she could have bench pressed me

Iris: ooh👀

Sam: I think I pulled something when we were together

Iris: oooooh👀c

Iris: gimme the hot goss

^monotone lucretia voice

Sam, scooting closer: so she drops this on my desk, right?

Iris: ‼️

Sam: "here, you live a cushy, domestic life. Take this"

Sam: what am I supposed to do with this? I ask Sam: she snorts, patronizingly I might add Sam: "use your fancy academy education and figure it out"

Sam: >:T she must think I'm some kind of coddled highborn

Iris: she sounds cool

Marco: you would think that

Sam: she was that big tall starling his fancy pants-ness brought with him

Sam: look at me forging alliances

Sam: you're all welcome

Sam: you're next marco

Iris: oh, you mean

Eh?

Iris: Shabina?

Sam: is that her name? Huh 🤔

Iris: you didnt even know her name? 👀c

Sam: she doesnt know mine so I think we're square

Sam: she called me desk jockey at one point

Iris: oooh, she mentioned you

Sam: oh?

Iris: “the desk jockey had these soft hands, and knew how to use them”

Marco: uGH

Sam, leaning back: ha, totally me

Marco: what do you mean I’m next?

I like this iris dynamic with sam and marco tbh

Sam: maybe I can teach you sometime Marco, y'know, to get a leg up in his royal ominous-ness

Yeah same

Marco: what the fuck is that sentence

Iris: language, pup

Sam: I mean we're going to help you seduce iridona

Sam: get you a palace guard

Marco: what

Iris: now that you’ve got an egg you’re wanting to play matchmaker?

Sam: yes

Sam: I'm feeling domestic

Marco: oh please after you got Celi in your clutches you wouldnt leave me and Dad and Marse alone about “finding someone”

Sam: you're welcome btw, told you I'd find you a twink

Iris: my private life is not up for speculation

Iris: how did you find him for me?

Sam: oh you think you found him on accident?

Iris: I like to find my own beaus thank you very much

Sam: [snickers] okay

Iris: [narrows her eyes]

Marco: nice

Marco: maybe Sam can get you ankid too

Iris slaps his arm

Sam: yeah, maybe Sam: my cup runneth over with them, apparently

Sam: I'll keep doing a whirlwind tour of the willing starling ewes that could break me in half in the eastern kingdom and make everyone an egg

Sam: [sighs] Sam: I'm gonna go to the library to get some books on parenting I guess

Sam: who wants to come with?

Iris, winding her arm thru sam’s: there’s a section on combat training that could be useful for a growing young starling

Sam: just because my hatchling's mom was a meathead doesn't mean they have to be

Iris: oh no no

Iris: not a meathead per say. but a cool and collected young ewe or ram with the ability to defend themselves from enemies

Marco: should you decide to keep the hatchling, you’ll have so many people to help with the kid, they wont even need it

Iris: but they should know

Iris: maybe young master DeSantos can learn some seduction techniques

Marco: >:|

Sam: yeah I've got plenty of that

Marco; Irid has enough on her plate

Sam: what, some kid playing king?

Sam: if the other palace guard has enough time to waste with me I'm sure irid can stomach a date or two with you

Sam: c'mon, let's go to the library

Marco: maybe he was just looking to make friends

Sam: mostly because I don't remember how to get there :<

He was but also sam’s right

Iris: pfft

Iris tugs on his arm

Iris moved over to the capital after losing her first husband. She lost him awhile back when she was just friends with dm

Later when she struggles marco and dm and sam help comfort her

Iris and sam and marco at the fantasy baby store

Trying to figure out what to get a soon to be hatchling

this is a knowledge nads au also

Ooooooo

to prepare you for this variant

is Nads a librarian

nads is a librarian

Bookmage

Book battle mage

We gotta figure out how to incorporate some of this into one of our long standing au’s

Nads: Hi, welcome to Talondrop Library :DDD

Iris: 👀|c hello, young miss

Sam, muttering: it's way too early in the morning for this kind of pep

Iris quietly: I like her, hush

Marco nods

Iris: might we be directed to the section on baby care?

Nads: how can I help you all? c: Nads: unless you're part of that group that's been stealing books in which case I won't hesitate to use force >:c [pulls out an envelope opener]

Iris: 👀|c like a real life Bilbo

Nads who is probably as tall or taller than Iris

Nads: oh, sure! :DDD [she still doesn't put away the opener]

Nads: right this way

Nads: what kind of baby is it? I've organized the whole section by species

Iris: impressive

Iris: a hatchling, eventually

Nads: ✨✨✨

Nads: I see! Nads: that explains why you walked in with an egg 🤔

Nads: I didn't want to assume

Nads: what in particular are you looking for? feeding? education? c: Sam: uh...everything? Nads: first time parent? I got you c;

Nads grabs one of those book carts

Nads: I'll be back in just a second with a selection!

Sam: This vibe is weird

Sam: this is making it all so...realy

Sm@l iris befriending sam after she and celi visit to have their case looked at

Iris and sam gossiping

Iris: true, but we’re at the intel gathering stage

Iris: if you’re gonna decide, you should do it well as informed as possible

Sam: intel gath- Sam: iris I'm getting baby books, I'm not on a mission

Sam: marco, you've been awfully quiet

Marco: ... just taking it in

Marco: dont want to add more noise

Sam: more than our new "friend"? I'm sure you're fine

Sam: it is awfully quiet in here though

Sam: like more than a library usually is

Nads, with a pyramid of books: I'm back, hi c:

Sam: jeez, this is uh Nads: just a small selection, I know

Sam: wasn't what I was thinking tbh

Nads: I've got a small sampling of everything you'd ever want to know

Nads: feeding, bathing, teaching; the works

Sam, looking over a book: uuuuh

Nads: and, most important of all, hatching

Sam: Sam: oh shit I forgot that part

Marco leafs thru a book

Iris: thank you, Miss...?

Nads: Nadia~ c:

Nads: Talondrop Library's head librarian

Iris: Nadia c: I’m Iris

Iris: this is Marco and thats Sam

Nads: ...!!! :OOO Nads: you're from that academy aren't you?

Marco nods

Nads: I hear you guys are hosting the King of the Eastern Kingdom

Marco: pft

Marco: yeah now we are

Iris: always interesting, having visiting foreign entities

Nads: that's so neat, it must be exciting to swap stories c: Sam, muttering: and fluids c:', c: ', c:',

Sam: right marco

Marco: oh gross

Sam: marco

Sam: right

Nads: is there anything else I can help you all with today? c: Sam: yeah, you got any books on seduction so we can help my man over here? c:',

Marco: >:| stop this

Nads: 🤭 we have some romance books if he would be interested

Marco: I am not

Nads: of course! If you'll follow me to the counter

Nads: okay, so you have two weeks before you either have to return or renew them

Nads: I'll just need your signature right here Sam: alright

Nads: and right here Sam: 'kay Nads: and a drop of your blood Sam: ok- what

Nads: for the blood pact c: Nads: if you don't return the books on time there'll be a fee, and if you don't return it in a month's time I'll hunt you down

Sam:

Marco:

Iris: 👀

Sam, taking the pin: fine, I don't want to have to walk to the bookstore

sam pricks himself and a drop of blood falls onto the small magic circle on the counter

it evaporates into a cloud of pink smoke

Nads: the contract is sealed Nads, pushing the books towards him: have a lovely day :DDD

Sam@marco and iris: what, don't look at me like that

Sam: I need these books, I'm completely lost without them

Sam studying the books in his office while marco chills

maybe talking about how irid kicked his ass during training that day?

yes i love this

marco puts his feet up on sam's desk

what does sam do in this?

what if its the same gag

he does everything and nothing

and has an office

I like it

nobody knows what he does

but dm says he's invaluable

marco: so I look up she has the dumbest smirk on her face

marco: and decks me and I fall off the log and loose the whole ass challenge

Sam: HA, classic

marco, throwing the candy wrapper from the candy he nabbed from sam's candy dish on his desk in the wastebasket: stupid

Sam: was your love rival there

Marco: my what?

Marco: I have no such thing

Marco: Iridona is a colleague

Marco: who lied technically

Sam: we've all lied once or twice

So ya know how in older movies, a couple dancing in a big fancy number was like

Lowkey highkey hinting toward their chemistry in bed

That but its how irid and marco fight or fight together

Marco: Samir

Sam: like when you asked what happened to your piece of cake that day in third grade

Marco: excuse you

Sam: and I said your sister must have taken it

Sam: and Marco, you don't have to lie about that absolutely sizzling sexual chemistry you have with her

Sam: and don't let what's his face psyche you out

Marco:

Marco: 😳 n- no-

Marco: aw fuck it

Marco: It doesnt feel right to just up and

Sam: 👀

Marco: “hey so how about this thing I think is between us”

Sam: well sure if you wanna be all Sam: werewolf Sam: about it

Sam: take a starling approach

Sam: romance her

Sam: flirt

Sam: flash her that roguish smile

Sam: instead of ballroom dancing to express your feelings you two spar Sam: it's like its own dance, in a way

Marco: ugh dont remind me. If i was gonna go all werewolf, I’d tackle her during training and growl into her ear about all the stuff i’d love to do to her and see if she’s down

Sam: rhythmic, passionate

Marco: not cool

Marco:

Sam: hey now that's not werewolf Sam: werewolf is "hello milady, I would like to mount you, do I have thine permission?""

Marco: “would thou consent to be bred-eth?”

*wouldst

Sam: "I think you'll find I'm a suitable caretaker, watch me bench this deer carcass"

Marco: heheh

Marco: seriously, I dont even know if shes interested

Sam: well

Sam: test the waters

Sam: you don't have to be blunt about it

Sam: even though I know it's in your desantos dna

Sam: maybe we should have gotten you one of those seduction books

Sam: I've finished all these books and have to return them, I could pick one up c;

Marco: hatred

Marco: utter hatred

Sam: love you too

Marco: wait you read all of those books?

Sam: yes

Sam: Also I haven't slept

Sam: I'm sure it's fine

Marco: soo

Marco: have you come any closer to a decision?

Sam: mmm

Sam: I don't know

Sam: it's only been one day

Sam: Maybe once I get more books

Marco: I-

Marco: hold on

Sam: and return these before I get stabbed in my sleep or something 😒

Sam: what is it boy

marco: are you gonna chat up the cute head librarian

Sam: is celio stuck in a well

marco: utter loathing

Sam: what? I mean I guess I have to

marco: u t t e r l o a t h i n g

Sam: I'm pretty sure she's the only librarian

Sam: cute eh? should I alert irid that she's lost her chance? 👀

Sam: anyway I need more books because honestly I'm starting to freak out

Marco: aw sami

Sam finding nads one day super depressed looking in the dark by herself

And when he gets her attention she's like "!!!" And tries to put on her customer service persona

He asks what's wrong and she tells him that the library's going to be shut down soon and it's all she has

Sam asking dm if there's any openings for the academy library

Dm: well

Dm: theres a lot of openings since part of every intellectual department was infested with Asrani loyalist so

Dm: yes

Sam: nice Sam: um Sam: can I ask for a favor

Dm: and poor Avalene is stretched thin between sorting out the archives and trying to sort out the library

Sam: nothing big this time, I promise

Dm:

Sam: look

Sam: the library in town is slated to be shut down

Sam: and the librarian there has really been helping out with the whole Sam: surprise fatherhood thing

Dm: ah yes

Dm: that aside, I hope you know you can count on me and Marco for support with that.

Sam: I mean granted loaning out books is a librarian's job

Sam: right, thank you sir

Sam: I'll...keep that in mind

Dm: >:| you mean isolate yourself eventually

Dm: anyway 😤

Dm: I’ll see what I can do

Sam: [bats his lashes]

Dm: the young woman in Talondrop? The enthusiastic one?

Sam: that's her

Dm: hm

Dm: I’ll get back to you

Sam: thanks

Dm dials the extension for the library where avilene has set up shop

The academy one

Dm: would you like to take on an experienced young librarian with enthusiasm for the jo- Avilene, loud enough for sam to hear thru the phone: yES

dm nods at sam

Sam: great, I'll let her know

Sam: see, I told you I'd be an asset

Sam: strengthening ties between our neighbors, finding new employees

Dm waves him away: yes yes

"So like I heard you knocked up one of my guards?"

Dm: tell my son to stop dancing around his very obvious crush on Ser Velezquez

Sam: I've tried

Dm: 😒

Sam: I promise I've tried

#sam #dm #marco #iris #look at her getting so much screen time #irid #shabina

0 notes

viralhottopics · 8 years ago

Text

My Life as a Robot

I have been part robot since May. Instead of legs, I move on gyroscopically stabilized wheels. Instead of a face, I have an iPad screen. Instead of eyes, a camera with no peripheral vision. Instead of a mouth, a speaker whose volume I can’t even gauge with my own ears. And instead of ears, a tinny microphone that crackles and hisses withevery high note.

Im a remote worker; while most of WIRED is in San Francisco, I live in Boston. We IM. We talk on the phone. We tweet at each other, but I am often left out of crucial face-to-face meetings, spontaneous brainstorm sessions, gossip in the kitchen.

So my boss found a solution: a telepresence robot from Double Robotics, which would be my physical embodiment at headquarters, extending myself through technology. Specifically, an iPad on a stick on a Segway-like base. The telepresence robot market is crowded, ranging from high-end offerings like iRobot’s Ava (starting price: $69K) to the relatively more affordable Double, which starts at $2,499. The company says it has sold nearly 5,000 of them since its launch in 2012. Mostly these go to big corporations like IBM and McDonald’s, but I’ve heard of teachers and hospitals using them, too. Supposedly all a Double needs to work is a strong Wi-Fi signal.

Christie Hemm Klok/WIRED

The first time I opened the Double interface in Chrome and clicked on an icon of my robot 3,000 miles away I was greeted by the pixelated image of my boss’s torso and a few headless coworkers. There probably were some instructions somewhere that I should have read, but I didn’t. “How do I move it?” I asked them. “We don’t know,” they said. I clicked around. Nothing. I tried the arrow keys and, boom, jolted out of the robot’s charging dock and toward onlookers. I was like a foal, learning to walk. It took about 10 minutes to discover that a) driving a robot using a browser interface is clunky and b) the hip flooring choices of WIRED’s office were going to be my nemesis, with every transition from concrete to rubber to carpet providing another opportunity to fall on my screen.

Growing Pains

Before I ever tried the robot, I was sure I would hate the thing.I thought it would make me small and flat and foolish. I thought it would be annoying to deal with, would require me to wear pants (something we remote workers often don’t do, world!). I thought it would make me a novelty, a sideshow, a joke. And I thought it would be a waste of time.

Diary Entry: Day 1 Nice to meet you…robot, is it? says a strange torso I encounter in the kitchen.

EmBot, I say, Nice to meet you, too!

The figure leans down and puts a hand out to shake. Helpless, I move the EmBot from side to side using the arrow keys in what I hope translates as a gesture of excitement, rather than malfunction. Ill never really know if it worked out. The screen freezes and when it comes back, the torso is gone. I am alone, standing in a stream of humans trying to get breakfast.

Its just me, a robot, waiting in line for the human food I cant eat, I say. No response. I repeat it a few times. Is this thing on?

When I boot up, some of my original fears are realized: I’m disoriented and silly and helpless. I am a spectacle. People ogle and take pictures. I feel like a dog, the recipient of gawking smiles that say, Awwww, youre so adorably unable to take care of yourself. But, most importantly, I am surprised to find that being a robot is delightful. It’s thrilling. I am in the office! There is the kitchen! There is Sam! Hi, everyone! I am here!

Diary Entry: Day 2 I roll over behind Sams desk for a brief chat about a deadline. She hasnt heard me approach. I dont know what to do. If I just say her name shell freak out. I Hipchat her, Look behind you. As soon as I do it, I realize thats creepy—but its too late. She turns and there I am.

Hi, I say as casually as possible, I just–

Sam cuts me off. Em, she says, can you control the volume? Youre very loud.

I am? I ask.

YES, the entire bullpen yells.

I find and adjust the volume. I guess I was screaming all day.

Later that morning, I experienced the joy of being in the daily editorial meeting as a robot. Plunked at the end of the conference table, my iPad head tracked the conversation, listening. Yes, I interrupted people because my browser was a few seconds behind. Didn’t matter. I heard Molly on the phone from the Caribbean and she was barely audible. The audio system sucks. As she was trying to talk people were kind of looking exasperated. Not at her, but at the system. That was me two days ago, I kept thinking. Two days ago that speaker system was my only conduit to theentire company.

It was then I knew I could never go back. I felt so superior as my robot. I loved my robot.

I Am Become EmBot

The crazy thing about being a human 3,000 miles away from your telepresence robot is that divide instantly dissolves when you activate. As soon as I call into EmBot, I am her, and she is me. My head is her iPad. When she fell, I felt disoriented in Boston. When a piece of her came off in the impact, I felt broken.

Nothing drove home the depth of my connection more than the first time someone touched my robotic body without asking. My coworker (who shall remain nameless) came up to gawk at me, and then moved behind my screen. As I was chatting with other people, he picked me up and shook me. I expected pranks like this. Id have done the same thing if I were in the office and it were some other poor schmuck calling in to a stupid robot from far away. But I didnt expect how instantly violated I felt. He just picked up an extension of my body. One moment I was in control of myself, the next, I was powerless. I laughed from the iPad screen faced away from him, but I was unsettled, and then immediately embarrassed, for the first time, because why should it matter to me if the stick Im currently streaming from is picked up off the floor a continent away?

Get over it, I told myself. But then it happened again. And again.

Diary Entry, Day 3 My coworker picks me up as Im wheeling to the meeting because Im slow. I don’t want to be slow! I want to walk on my own! Im an adult! She lifts me up before I have a chance to object. In the air I meekly say, Just ask me first if youre going to lift me, which no one responds to because I assume they think that it’s a joke.

This became my secret shame. People wanted to help me, but every single time they did it, I felt infantilized. I needed to tell my coworkers not to pick me up—a conversation I dreaded. I did this by sending them a draft of my daily robot diary, in which they read about how I was feeling. (Classic passive aggressive move, you say? No doubt, but the few times I’d said the words aloud, they hadn’t clicked for people, so I thought the log was the best way.) It worked. Now no one touches my robot without permission. Case in point:

Diary Entry: Day 5 I cant get out of the all-glass conference room alone. I turn my screen to Joe and he says, Should I carry you?

Thats probably wise.

Ill just drop you off where its straight and then you can make your way from there. Joe is basically my robots father, and my robot is a toddler. When he picks me up Im jostled. He gently places me down at the straight hallway and I want very badly to navigate quickly back to my dock to prove Im self-sufficient, but the screen freezes twice and the motor is slow and it takes me forever.

Later, on the phone, another editor off-handedly said, You know, when Joe lifted you up and carried you—now I hope this doesnt make you uncomfortable—but from our end, with your face on the screen, it looked really inappropriate. Like he was cradling you in his arms. Because when we see the face, our brains cant help but project the rest of you, and so it was like you were actually being carried.

Looking at the future. #embot #newnewwiredoffice

A photo posted by @joemfbrown on May 7, 2015 at 11:00am PDT

So, even though I had given Joe permission to lift EmBot up, the fact that my face was still on the screen made other people uncomfortable. Fine. Another rule: If I ask for help and you pick me up, I’ll disconnect so the screen is dark. Voila. Everything was going to be fine.

EmBot Grows Up

After I put a stop to the inappropriate robot-touching, things quickly went from good to great. I’d call this the euphoria stage. I mastered the arrow keys (rather than holding them down and over correcting, just hit them quickly one at a time and roll like a BOSS). I figured out how to makethe robot stand taller so I wasnt constantly having conversations with peoples crotches. I booted up in the middle of spontaneous brainstorm sessions and shared ideas.

Diary Entry: Day 6

Major breakthrough! I have my first West-Wing-style walk and talk as Embot. I knew this day would come. After the morning meeting, Patrick walks with me down the hallway discussing a longread Im editing. Hes so cool about the robot thing that I briefly forget completely that its not normal to be a disembodied metal moving machine with an iPad for a face. He only says one thing that would be weird if I was walking down the hall as a fully-fleshed human, Youre about to run into wall, come this way.

At this point, I was also the star of cocktail parties in Boston. Everyone wanted to know how it was going with the robot. Are people still laughing at you? No. Isnt it weird that your robot is naked? No. Whats the worst thing thats happened with the robot so far? When I hit a dead-zone and EmBot died behind a strangers desk, with my face frozen on the screen, and I found out later that they thought I was lurking and spying on them. I mean, thats also one of the funnier things thats ever happened, but pretty terrible for that poor creeped-out human.

And just like that, I was a part of work in a way Id struggled to be since I first came on at WIRED. As a typical oldest child, tyrant and benefactor to two younger brothers, I pride myself on making sure everyone feels like were all in this together—whether “this” is divorce or publishing a magazine. Its hard to be that kind of leader when youre isolated from your team completely. When youre a voice coming out of speaker. EmBot changed that completely. Suddenly, there I was, materialized. My reporters and I started meeting face to face to discuss deadlines. Everything was so jovial and natural.

Christie Hemm Klok/WIRED

The other incredibly wonderful thing at this stage was that though Embot put me physically in the office, because she was just my head and not my body no one at work was seeing how pregnant I was looking. Now, of course, they know I am pregnant, but since I am not there, the visual reminder of my changed condition was not in their faces. I have worked at places before where women start getting treated differently when their bellies show. The kid gloves come on. I had been dreading how this could play out, but the way EmBot works I remained present and yet unchanged. No one remarked on my belly. It was not a factor in my work.

I became obsessed with EmBot. I couldt stop thinking about her when I turned her off at night. How sad that this thing that has made my life so much better was just dead when Im done working.

Diary Entry: Day 8

Its Friday. It occurs to me that EmBot doesnt get to enjoy the weekend. If only she had arms, she could push the button, summon the elevator, and be free. But shes a prisoner at work. Whereas my physical body is having adventures, growing a human life inside it and moving into a new apartment AND dog-sitting a Bernese Mountain dog.

Mostly my weekend will be about trying not poison my unborn child with paint fumes. My physical body is such a liability. Embot, though she is shackled to work and unable to exist without me to inhabit her, in some ways has the much simpler side of existence.

What if I have to share the Embot with someone? I tell myself that would be fine, but I know already that I would be feel upset. Embot is a part of me. Anyone else would be an intruder.

You can see from the daily diary entry that it was right about now that my connection with EmBot got a little weird. I couldnt let go of this notion that Embot was me and yet she lacked all freedom to exist outside the office. I started to feel that she was a caged animal. Which made me feel like a caged animal.

EmBot needed her freedom.

Get her a Mi-Fi, my friends suggested. Suddenly I imagined this vast conspiracy—finagling a coworker in SF to get me a company MiFi and surreptitiously hiding it under her screen. But then what? EmBot would rush out into the big bad streets of SOMA and try to find other robots to play with, meanwhile my poor comrade would be grilled by the Conde Nast HR department wanting to know “WHAT HAPPENED TO THE ROBOT? Who pushed the button to call the elevator, huh? The robot has no hands!”

That was clearly a terrible idea … and yet. I fantasized. I drove her past the elevator banks a few times to see if the Wi-Fi was strong enough for her to sneak out the door. I dont know what my plan was. EmBot was becoming a teenager. A teenager pushing her boundaries, pushing her luck.

First Pangs of Mortality

A photo posted by Patrick Witty (@patrickwitty) on May 7, 2015 at 12:09pm PDT

Within a few days, I started to realize perhaps EmBot wasn’t invincible after all. For one thing, I couldnt hear meetings very well. Sometimes I had to put my ear directly to the computer speaker to hear the people at the far end of the conference table, which meant that in the room EmBots face was just the folds of my (hopefully not-waxy) ear canal.

Double offers a $99 audio kit, which maybe would help this, but since we hadn’t yet decided if the robot was a wise investment, it was too early to shell out for add-ons.

Worse, though all EmBot needs to live is power and and Wi-Fi, signal strength was proving to be a big problem. Double Robotics acknowledges this is the leadingissue among corporate customers, because most businesses don’t prioritize a strong signal in hallways. This doesn’t matter for humans, but these dead zones can make navigating an office impossible for robots.

So even as I was obsessing about freeing EmBot from the cage of WIREDs office, she seemed less and less reliable. Even when the Wi-Fi was strong, the video would freeze for no reason. I missed crucial information in meetings, only to later learn that everyone thought I was listening because EmBot had frozen with my face on the screen, trapped in a ridiculous expression of curiosity.

And then, this happened:

Diary Entry: Day 12 I am feeling so alone. Embot is in a coma. She didnt charge overnight. “Haha,” I played it cool over IM to Davey, who sits next to Embot and checked on her vital signs for me. She shoved Embot into her dock. I assume shes charging now, but I cant tell.

Diary Entry: Day 13

She remains cut off of me. Its like Embot is in the kind of coma where she cant move or speak or alert the doctors that she is alive but inside her head, she is screaming, LET ME OUT! IM HERE! DONT TURN ME OFF!

Ive called her doctors, or parents, or gods, DoubleRobotics, but theres no answer. Theyll get back to me in one business day.

If she ever wakes up again, I promise to give her a better life. To give her some freedom.

Diary Entry, Day 14

Embot just had a seizure. I was so happy when she woke up that I decided this was my big chance to sneak her out and onto the elevator. I eased her out of the dock and turned to the right, but immediately something was wrong: her head was shaking. Just a little a bit at first but then side to side violently, thrashing around, my field of vision swinging wildly, too fast to make out peoples faces. I tried turning her and found that she was still responding to me somewhat but she could not be still. She was like diabetic Julia Roberts in Steel Magnolias, shaking out her beautiful wedding hair in Truveys salon.

I heard Chuck say, Oh no, youve woken EmBot like she was some kind of monster.

What is happening? Davey cried from her desk.

EmBot is having a seizure! I screamed into the computer. I dont know what to do!

As Embots camera panned quickly in front of Davey I saw her get up.

Can you put her in her dock? I asked, breathless.

She wont stop moving. She just keeps shaking.

I turned her off on my end, but Davey reported that she was still seizing on her own, face blank. She was like the body of a chicken, walking bloody around the yard after the chef cuts its head off. I implored Davey to find a button to turn her off. She did. She docked her. Shes docked now.

My heart wont stop beating. Maybe EmBot is corrupted and corroded and my time with her is over. Maybe EmBot is a monster. I feel like I just a had a seizure.

@EmilyDreyfuss FYI, Embots going crazy. Wandered out of its dock, now manically rolling back and forth.

Alex Davies (@adavies47) May 19, 2015

Were working on a fix. A coworker in San Francisco is logging into her, which normally would upset me, but Im so nervous I don’t care that another being enters her.

Im on the phone with Double Robotics, relaying what he finds.

He reports: On the screen it was shimmying back and forth, and I looked across the room and it looked like a wandering confused and dizzy child aimless and afraid. and alone. I left my screen and went over to see if I could help. I picked it up and smelled the wheels to see if it was on fire or anything then hurried back to my screen to put it in PARK. I may cover it in a sheet.

The Reckoning

Teaching my robot the hard lesson that she is not free http://pic.twitter.com/wen8MONbBm

— emily dreyfuss (@EmilyDreyfuss) May 21, 2015

After EmBot terrorized the office, nothing was the same. I relinquished my delusions of granduer. Double Robotics sent a new unit, and immediately upon activating it I knew it was not really EmBot. It rolls differently. Its speakers are quieter. It doesn’t connect to the Wi-Fi as well. It teeters differently on the carpet-edge. It’s not me. It’s just a robot. A robot I can’t trust.

I still use it, of course. Sure, It’s incredibly glitchy. Most weeks I have to write in our group chatroom, “SOS: EmBot is stranded somewhere between the dock and the IT department. Can someone rescue it?” It went through a phase where I couldn’t hear anything being said in meetings. Then for four days it was paralyzed, so needed to be picked up and carried everywhere. Now it does this thing where it clicks and hisses when the Wi-Fi connection struggles, setting an off-tempo jazz rhythm to every meeting.

It’s fine. I still prefer it to the speakerphone. It brings everyone in the office joy, even when it struggles. I get laughed at a lot from the iPad camera, but I like it. In a lot of ways, EmBot is a joke we are all in on together. Could we just set up an iPad in the conference room with FaceTime or Skype and achieve essentially the same thing? Sure. But where would be the fun in that, people? Where would be the soul-searching? Human life is short, and being a part-time, part-useful robot makes it ever so slightly more interesting.

Diary: Who Knows What Day, I’ve Lost Count

Joe carried EmBot to the head of the conference table for the edit meeting, because her Bluetooth connection isn’t working properly so I can’t control it. Sam asked, somewhere off-screen where I couldn’t see her, “Em, did you get new glasses?”

“No,” I spoke to the rest of the room, “my jerk cat knocked my glasses off the bedside table and I’m far too pregnant to crouch down low enough to get them, so I dug these out of a closet.”

“And that story,” someone from behind the robot said, “is the best argument in favor of having a robot. We would not have gotten to hear that if you were on the speakerphone.”

So, yes, as it turned out, most of the fears I had about becoming a part-time robot came true—it’s an unruly distraction that often makes me look ridiculous, that falls over and can’t be counted on—and yet my coworkers didn’t lose all respect for me. No, what happened was much more subtle and unexpected than that: EmBot lost her humanity. But I gained mine back.