#sam collings

[thisbluespirit]

David Collings's son, Sam Collings, as Tom Wright in Hex (Sky TV 2005).

[totaly-obsessed]

Happy New Year! Appreciation

Request a player | with @alotofpockets

[aester]

ok here's my hc for the tmagp cast. All of them are tired, none of them get enough vitamin D, none own more than 3 shit outfits, Alice gets dress coded for not wearing proper attire but Colin doesn't, only Lena has her ID on her at all times, Celia has a proper tea set and Gwen wears only silk shirts, Sam stopped cutting his hair regularly after quitting his last job. Alice has been here the longest aside from Lena and avoids the sun like a vampire now.

[theuntoldstorythatneedsawriter]

If you would like to request another personality that isn't listed please don't hesitate to put her name in the comments 💕

[albonium]

ooooh that's why there's fia messages when the session start saying theh have to use pink or blue foam 🤯

[yeeterthek33per]

Please Don't Go (Caitlin Foord x Reader)

A/n requested. (Kind of, the request was a little less intense 😅)

Warning: This shii about to be angsty, so fair warning. Blood. Near death experience.

Oooh, she's a doozy. Strap in y'all. She's a long one. Hope y'all enjoy.

---------

Everyone in the stadium could tell frustration was starting to set in amongst the players. Frustration for the Spanish at being down 2-0.

Frustration for the Matildas at the resounding physicality that the Spanish were now presenting.

With Caitlin sporting her head wrap, after a nasty collision with Andres, you were fuming. Despite winning, you still felt helpless watching her go down every two seconds. It didn't help your feet were taken out from under you constantly, either.

Apparently, when you score on one of the best teams in the world, they tend to take it personally. The one-two combo between you and the striker had become deadly twice this game. One each for you and your girlfriend.

That left La Roja scrambling, and no matter how hard they tried, even Hermoso's football IQ couldn't get them through your backline.

With scrambling came desparation, and with desparation, came dangerous tackles and stupid challenges.

Caitlin was infuriated the moment you went down after a studs up tackle, that was one you'd barely managed to brush off, hopping up to avoid being taken off with just ten minutes of the game to go.

Her protests to the ref were ignored when she did nothing to punish the offending player.

Your heart was racing, eyes flickering constantly between your own teammates and the fast footed midfielders of the opposing team and where the ball was situated.

Constantly on the lookout, you were playing decently otherwise. Your head on a swivel as you passed the ball back and forth between you and Kyra on the left side rank, occasionally dipping back to Steph. You knew you were just wasting time at this point, keeping the ball away from Spain.

It's when the Matildas manage a third dangerous breakthrough in twenty minutes that you manage to get into the box, awaiting delivery from Steph, standing beside Cata Coll in hopes to steal the ball.

What your keen eyes don't see is the challenge that Bonmati makes when you go up for the ball.

Her shoulder digs into your waist, and you're sent away from the ball midair. Coll catches the ball in her gloves, and that's the last thing you notice before a searing white pain rocks your head as you collide with the metal goalpost and a fast fading black takes over.

Caitlin nearly loses her mind from her position just a few feet behind you, having seen Bonmati make the challenge. In fact, she's so mad as she turns to the ref that she almost doesn't see your body hit the turf like a sack of rocks, unmoving.

It takes the umpire merely seconds to notice your crumpled form before blowing the whistle furiously, signalling the medics onto the field.

A silence hushes over the crowd, a feat of magnitude, especially amongst the majority Australian audience.

When Caitlin turns fully to you after the fall, her face pales, there's blood trickling down your temple, which is just barely visible under the mess of hair, and your arms splayed out in front of you. There's a lot of it, too.

Both her and Sam fly over to you, panic stricken looks. The medics finally get to you, shoving both players away from your head.

Sam's hand rests on your stomach, eyes flicking over your closed eye stone cold expression.

"Hey, kiddo, come on, time to get up now. Like you always do."

The Australian captain can barely breathe as she watches the medics frantic hands try to stabilise you.

Caitlin shoves her way back beside you again, letting the medics try to stop the bleeding, your hand held tightly in hers.

"C'mon baby, you can wake up, please..."

There's a desperation in her voice that makes tears spring to Sam's eyes as she kneels on the other side of you.

It only gets worse as they signal for a stretcher and for an ambulance.

Tony stands on the sideline, pacing back and forth frantically with his hands on the back of his head.

Everything's moving so fast, Caitlin doesn't even realise she's left the field with you, signalling for a sub from the coach without thought.

The rest of the players on the pitch are all shock ridden. Play doesn't continue. A few players have to take moments to process what the hell just happened.

At that point, the players all concede that the game can end a few minutes early and the referee blows the whistle for full time, declaring an end to the game as the crowd, allbeit hesitantly, celebrates.

Bonmati looks like she wants to throw up, guilt stricken as she moves off the pitch as well to sit. She'd been your teammate once. You'd been close friends, and she'd gone and done that in a game.

The rest of the Aussies are silent, unable to formulate words or actions as they watched you get carried off frantically.

One question silently radiates in each of their minds. "Will she be okay?"

---------

The moment the ambulance arrives, you're on a gurney and lifted into the vehicle, Caitlin right beside you, telling the paramedics she's going with you.

Her hand is still clasped in yours. Tears are welling up in her eyes, and her knee bounces on her seat as the paramedic bandages your head, which is now also in a neck brace.

You were out completely, and there was no sign of life other than your slow and unsteady heart beat. It made the blood in her body run cold. She could only squeeze your hand to reassure herself as the ambulance screamed down the highway.

As soon as you're in the hospital, she's pushed to the side and told to wait as you're wheeled into the ED. Her hands run over her face as she takes a seat, and a nurse hands her a patient sign in form to fill out while she waits.

She can hardly focus on filling it out, though. Everything in her body is tensed, and her heart is racing as she shakily fills everything in.

Thoughts are firing through her mind.

Will you be okay? How much blood had you lost?

There was so much blood.

You were so still on that pitch.

She swallows as she writes on the clipboard, hands still trembling as she hands the board back to the front desk.

She carefully rubs at her own bandaged head, knowing she'd need to be seen herself soon to make sure there's no residual concussion and she tucks back the loose hair.

It takes an hour or so, of her pacing, unable to sit still while waiting before a nurse comes to find her, letting her know you've gone into surgery and you should be out in a few hours and that she recommends having someone to come wait with her while they contact your family.

"She doesn't have anyone, not here, at least. I'm her listed emergency contact."

After providing an ID, the nurse nods and tells her to let whoever she needs to tell know about your condition. She also tells her it could be tomorrow yet before she'll be let in to see her, but there's a small chance she'll be let in early.

She calls Tony first, telling him you're in surgery and asks if Sam had left yet. Sam was like an older sister to you, so it wouldn't surprise her if she'd left the stadium early.

Fifa had suspended the award ceremony until further notice. The winner wasn't something they could crown right now, not after the abrupt end to the game and also not with the winning team not even being there for it, they'd all left immediately to go to the hospital.

There'd been tears amongst the fans, having witnessed one of their own go down like that on the field.

The team had been forceful in finding rides to the hospital, which they found out which one from the medics after being cornered.

---------

The doors to the emergency room fly open as Sam, Steph, Alanna, and Mackenzie all fly in, looking around for the forward, who signals to them as she sits around the corner.

"Oh god, Cait, how is she? Have they said anything yet?"

She shakes her head.

"She's in surgery, but it'll be a few hours before we can even go see her. They haven't said anything about her condition yet, though. Could be a while before we can see her"

She rests her head in her hands, leaning her head on her knees. Sam moves to sit beside the girl, hand resting on Caitlin's back, running her other through her own hair.

"She'll be okay, Cait."

Alanna moves to stand in front of the winger, hands resting on her shoulders. There's tears flowing down her cheeks when she looks up, and the defender quickly wraps her up in a hug.

"Hey, she'll be alright, she's in good hands, she always comes back to us. She's got a hard head." The last part is said mildly jokingly, and Caitlin manages a huff of a laugh, but it doesn't completely calm her.

There's silence for a few moments as they all sit and wait.

"She was just so still, god, she's never been that still, not even in her sleep."

A silent moment of agreement passes over the five of them.

It was true. You tended to be a bit of a sleepwalker, as well as tossing and turning every hour or so. Luckily, Caitlin has always been a deep sleeper, practically dead to the world.

Dead.

It's not something she wants to think about right now.

But the thought still crosses her mind. She can't get the image of you bleeding profusely out of her head.

That's when she looks down at her hands properly. There was blood soaked into the beds of her fingernails, and there was a large stain at the bottom of her jersey. Apparently, it got a little messy when she'd turned you over onto your back.

Another thought crosses her mind. Why the hell did she turn you over? It's the number one rule of first aid to never move someone with a head injury without proper support. It was in case the injured person had a neck injury, so they didn't make it worse.

Suddenly, she'd forgotten all of her emergency first aid training in her panic to get to you. What if she'd made the injury worse?

What if-

She's cut off by Steph crouching in front of her, a bag in her hands. When had she gotten that?

"Hey, Tony dropped this off and told us to keep him updated. I messaged him. Figured you might want to change as well as the rest of us."

Caitlin looks down at the clean white shirts and sweats that most of them are now donning. The look on Steph's face is knowing, obviously having spotted her predicament too.

She looks at the clock above them on the wall.

It was about one in the morning. The other's had drifted off in their chairs, exhausted from the previous days events. She felt a little sorry for their spines.

She nods at Steph, grabbing the duffle bag. She hadn't even noticed they'd all gotten up to get changed at all.

"Thanks."

Not that she could eat right now. The nausea was settled deep into her gut, and she didn't think she could keep anything down if she'd tried.

Steph nods back, hand caressing the side of her arm.

She moves to go to the bathroom in the waiting room. Stripping down, she swaps out the clothing, thankful for the staff having given them fresh clothing entirely with some deodorant and what looks to be a few protein bars, a water bottle, and some small bags of lollies.

After changing, she moves to the sink that's settled outside the bathroom to try and wash her hands.

Without even realising it, she drifts off in her head, back to you, head facing the sky, limp in her arms as she holds you. She'd felt so helpless, watching you get checked over by the medics. In her head, she looks down at her own blood-soaked hands.

She'd given them a contemporary rinse earlier, but there was still lingering red in the creases.

Another pair of hands steadying her own over the sink breaks her out of it. She hadn't even realised she'd been standing there for way too long, scrubbing harshly at her digits. They were starting to turn their own shade of red under the harsh ministrations, and there were tears running down her cheeks.

Steph gently pulls her hands away from the faucet, turning the tap off. The blood was visibly gone, having disappeared within the first few seconds of washing, but it was like it was still there in her head.

Paper towels dry away the water, which was running as clear as ever despite the images that were playing over and over.

There's a concerned look in her eyes.

"Hey, look at me."

Caitlin can't bring her neck to lift her gaze up again.

"Look at me, Caitlin."

She lets out a shaky breath, still refusing to meet her eye.

Fingers on her chin tilt her head up. She meets her gaze, and there are still unshed tears in the striker's eyes.

"What's going on? Talk to me."

"I..." She's shaking now.

The tears start to flow and fast.

"I just can't get it out, I can't stop seeing it. Over and over. Watching her collide with the bloody post, she just crumpled. And then just. The. Blood."

She's cut off by own silent sob as Steph pulls her into her body tightly, Caitlin's arms wrapping around her friends neck in an attempt to muffle the noise so as to not wake the others.

"It was fucking everywhere. Steph, I'm so fucking scared."

Her sobs are heavier but small enough to let the words fall from her mouth.

"There was so much of it."

The defender feels helpless here. She wasn't sure what could comfort her Arsenal teammate at this point. She'd seen the same thing. You were her buddy, her confidant, her best mate. Seeing you collapse like that was terrifying in its own right.

"I know, Cait, I know. She's gonna be okay, alright? I know it's hard, but I need you to believe that for me, for the rest of them. It's okay to feel like this, but you need to believe she's gonna be okay. Be strong for her. Believe for Y/n."

Her hands rub soothingly over Caitlin's back, her voice a quiet whisper amongst her soft cries.

A few minutes pass of them both standing there, Caitlin eventually managing to calm herself enough.

Her breathing evens out, and exhaustion starts to show itself, her weight starting to lean on Steph a little more.

"You wanna try and get some sleep? I'll wake you if one of the nurses comes back."

She huffs a little laugh.

"Sorry, yeah, we should probably try and rest a little. Eugh, sorry, your shirt's all gross again."

Steph just huffs a laugh of her own.

"Don't be silly. My duty as your best woman is to sacrifice my clothing to be covered in tears and snot when it comes down to it."

Caitlin cringes, shoving her shoulder lightly with a chuckle.

"You're so gross."

A cheeky smirk crosses Steph's lips.

"You love me."

Caitlin bumps shoulders with her as they walk back to their seats.

"I wonder why."

A playful gasp leaves the defender as she settles in next to her.

"Rude."

Caitlin just smiles gently, settling into her own seat, head lulling back as her eyes drift shut.

---------

Caitlin's jolted awake by a soft hand on her shoulder. She panics for a moment until she realises it's just Steph and Sam, awake on either side of her. One glance at the clock tells her it's about 4am.

"Hey, sleepyhead. They're moving her to the ICU now, we've asked for a private room for her and some seats so we can stay with her. They're gonna let us in in about an hour or so. They said there'd be a doctor to come in and brief us in the morning. She's gonna be okay."

The other two are still dead asleep, Alanna now laying across Mackenzie's lap, the goalkeeper's head propped up against a watercooler beside the seats.

She nods, now wide awake at the prospect of seeing you and in utter relief from hearing the words come from Sam's mouth.

Her muscles protest at her moving to stand to stretch them out, a yawn leaving her as she looks around at the now almost empty emergency room.

She was grateful the staff hadn't told them to leave for taking up valuable space in the waiting room.

"Have they said how long until she wakes up?"

Her face falls slightly as she receives a head shake in the negative.

"They said they put her in an induced coma. The doctor will tell us more in the morning."

Caitlin swallows slightly, nodding, and takes a deep breath.

You'll be okay. You're gonna be fine. It's just protocol, making sure you're healing. She'll see you soon.

She sits down again, resting her still tired legs. She looks around the girls, feeling a little guilty that they're all stuck sleeping uncomfortably.

But she knows better than to ask them if they want to go back to the hotel. She'd probably get slapped for it, too.

---------

It's about 8 a.m., that she's awoken again, the nurse moving around the room quietly, checking your vitals, changing the bags on the IV drip.

The others are fully passed out in their chairs now. Except for Sam, who's not in the room.

The nurse gives her a sympathetic smile when she sees she's awake.

"The doctor should be about another ten minutes with the results."

"Thanks."

The nurse nods and cleans up before exiting the room. Sam returns not long after that.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"Nurse says the doc'll be about another ten. Should we wake the girls up?"

"Let Steph sleep a little longer. She was up the whole time. The other two can bloody wake up, though."

Caitlin has to muffle a laugh.

"Let em sleep. We all played the same game."

"Exactly."

She shakes her head at the striker, giving her a playful nudge. She knows she's only joking. The skipper isn't totally cruel.

Right on time, the doctor steps in the door ten minutes later.

"Friends and Family for Miss L/n?"

Caitlin perks up immediately.

"Yes."

He's carrying a clipboard with a stack of about ten pages on it.

"So, we've got some good news. She's in a stable condition. We managed to patch the bleeding. Her skull suffered a major breakage, and it put a little pressure on her brain, but we've put it back together with some glue and a few staples, so she's all clear in the physical department. There were no neck injuries, so she won't need surgery or therapy for that either. But, saying that, we do have a little bad news. Nothing major, though, but she may be a little more out of it than most if we wake her up too early. We want the surgery to heal a bit more before we try and pull her out of the coma. She suffered a massive brain contusion, and we want to wait for the swelling to go down a little more. There's a chance there may be some memory loss, particularly of the incident itself and of the time surrounding it, but we won't know the full extent for a bit until we can wake her up."

They both nod along, Caitlin's relieved that you aren't in major danger at the moment.

"Given that, the next twenty-four to fourty-eight hours are critical. She's still at risk of further injury due to the swelling so we'll keep a close eye on her, it's best not to disturb her too much but as long as you keep it relatively quiet, she should be alright. It could be a couple of weeks before we can safely wake her up, so keep that in mind."

"Okay." It comes out as a soft breath.

"Do you understand all of that? Do you have any questions for me?"

"Will she be okay?" It comes out as a meek whisper, but he does hear it. He gives a soft, empathetic smile.

"We don't know yet. But we'll do our best to make sure she has the best chance at recovering. Until then, you can trust us to do what we can."

Caitlin nods and looks at Sam, who's still processing his words.

"Does she have any family we need to notify?"

"Uh, no, parents died years ago, and she doesn't have any siblings or aunts or uncles that we know about."

"Alright, thank you for telling us. I'll be back in about 10 or so hours to check back in. In the meantime, I suggest you and your friends go home and find some rest. It'll be a while before we can update you any further."

She nods slowly.

She knows they won't want to leave. Not with you still in the ICU. Judging by the look on Sam's face, she's right.

The other three are still asleep, having exhausted themselves into sleeping longer than they normally would. Though, judging by the bags under Steph's eyes, she hasn't been asleep too long.

Still, she walks over to the defender, nudging her knee gently, and the girl rouses with a soft groan.

"Hey, Stephy, the doctor just stopped by."

Steph shoots up, now wide awake.

"Oh, shit. What did they say?"

"He says she's gonna be alright, as far as they can tell."

She sits in the chair next to her, rubbing her hands together.

"But..."

"But.." the defender prompts.

"She suffered a massive brain contusion, and some of her skull was crushed in the hit. They won't wake her for a couple of weeks in order to let the swelling go down and that she's on watch for the next few days in case it may get worse. He said she may have some memory issues, especially around the accident itself, but could also affect the time around the day too. He said they weren't sure, but it could be better, it could be worse, and they won't find out until she's awake."

Steph nods along as she talks, relief finding her features for a fleeting second.

"He also recommended we all head back to the hotel to get some rest since he won't be back to update us for another ten hours, at least."

She can see the hesitation on the defenders face, and she doesn't blame her.

"I know, I don't want to leave her either, but.." Caitlin gestures to Mackenzie and Alanna, who are practically sleeping on top of each other at this point.

"But we need it. We still have to do recovery, and I have to go see the med staff, too. I'd be lucky not to be concussed myself."

Steph's face falls at that.

"Shit, Cait, we should've done that sooner. And to think I let you sleep and-"

Caitlin quickly waves her off.

"It's alright, I'm fine, clearly, it's just a precaution. We can all head back, get showered, and sleep a little bit. Maybe find something to eat. I don't know if I'm gonna have the appetite, but we need to eat something. And do some recovery stuff as well, we did still play a full ninety yesterday. I'll drive us all back over if you guys want, but you guys need to sleep, especially you. You stayed up the longest out of all of us."

She sighs softly, and she hears Sam agree from behind her.

"Yeah, we need to head back, I'm definitely coming back later with you, but we need to get checked out. All of us. We all kind of copped it last night. I hate to say it, but my calf is killing me."

With that, Steph moves to wake the two sleeping defenders, updating them on your condition, and Caitlin packs up their stuff, notifying staff they'll be back later.

Mackenzie and Alanna both protest mildly at leaving you but are convinced to at least go back to the hotel for some much needed recovery. They'd be back soon.

Caitlin can only hope everything goes smoothly over the next weeks or so.

---------

Everything goes as smoothly as it can. It's just two weeks later when the doctor finally tells her he's going to wean you off the anaesthetic and wake you up, hoping you'll stay stable enough to be up and functioning.

They'd all used their time off to visit you. Most of the team had stopped by at some point. Steph, Caitlin, and Sam were all consistent in their visits, though. The other's had to return to their clubs for duties but asked that they be kept in the loop. Katrina, Courtnee, and Tameka are the ones who stayed to keep visiting. Katrina because she has plenty of time before Vjatsko wants her back and Courtnee and Tameka don't play for a while yet.

Sam, the cheeky shit, refused to even message Emma Hayes back about when she'd be returning at first, eventually telling her she needed the time off, and Steph and Caitlin told Jonas Eidevall that they couldn't return without you awake and functioning with them. To which he'd completely understood and told them to update him on how you were too and when things turned better.

The other two, Mackenzie and Alanna, both put in with their clubs as well to stay. Mackenzie had her back up keeper, and Alanna was injured anyway, happy to find a rehabilitation centre to work with while she stayed.

The arsenal girls all stopped by at some point just after the World Cup ended. Including Beth and Viv, who'd flown over to see you. They did have to return after a few days, right before you were due to be woken up. Leah stayed the longest out of them all, though. Her recovery still wasn't fully ready for field time and probably wouldn't be for a couple of months yet, so Jonas was the most lenient with her.

So, Leah, Caitlin, Steph, Sam, Mackenzie, and Alanna all stuck with you for most of your unconscious stage.

They were all sitting outside the room, waiting for the okay from the doctor, Caitlin being the only one who was allowed to stay with you.

Her hand was clasped in yours, eyes locked on your unconscious form, hoping for any sign, twitch, or movement that meant you were waking up.

It takes about twenty minutes or so. When she's looking down at her phone, scrolling through instagram for updates on the outside world, considering she hadn't really been keeping up with anything but you and the Arsenal team.

The overwhelming support from the fans had made her tear up at one point. The Matildas media had been updating them slowly. Keeping things vague but letting them know you were okay and would update them when you were awake.

She's reading a post from the Spanish Federation about the coach being fired when she feels it.

Your hand squeezes hers softly. It's subtle, but she shoves her phone away immediately.

"Y/n?"

It's a soft whisper, so not as to startle you and not too loud to alert the girls if you weren't awake yet.

There's a soft groan that leaves your lips as your eyes crack open slowly. The gunk that'd accumulated there annoyed you to no end, and you reached up to wipe it away lazily.

Everything feels fuzzy as you come to, blearily looking around at the far too white walls of the hospital room. When you go to move your other hand, you find it's being held by one you recognize immediately.

"Babe, why does everything hurt? And why am I strapped to a bed?" Your voice cracks every so often, and your mouth feels so dry. It could be considered a desert.

Her relieved laugh startles you a little.

"Hey, Baby, take it easy, don't move around too much. You don't want to jostle your head at all, I'm gonna call in the doctor, and we can go from there, okay?"

You're confused but when she goes to stand, you grip her hand tighter.

"Please don't go."

Your words make her heart break a little and tears well up in her eyes.

"Hey, I'm not going anywhere, okay? I just need to get the doctor, and I'll be back before you know it." With that, she presses a small kiss to the outside of the bandage. You can see the remnants of a purple mark over her eye, too. When had that happened?

Why couldn't you remember anything happening that would land you here?

That's when it hits you. The final. Had you even played it? Oh god, what if you'd missed it?

The moment she comes back in the room, you bombard her with questions that she just tells you to calm a bit with and that she'll answer soon enough.

"Hello, Miss L/n. Nice see you awake, we'll get you some water in a bit, see how you hold down food, and we'll go from there. For now, we'll get into why you're here. I'm under the impression you don't remember that?"

You try to strain to remember something, but nothing comes up, and your head only hurts a little more because of it.

"I... no, nothing."

"Okay, that's okay, that was to be expected. You took quite the nasty hit. You've been in a coma for two weeks. You hit your head on a metal post, and it's given you a heavy brain contusion and most likely a little memory loss. I trust your partner can explain the details a bit better if you wish to know. But basically, we've had you on full bed rest and want to continue so over the next couple of months. It could take months to fully heal, and we don't want to risk further brain injury."

Oh. Had you... did you get injured playing?

You ask as such, head turning to your girlfriend, who's sat quietly, hand still holding yours. The doctor steps out to let you both talk and also notify the other's outside you were awake and they could see you after some further assessment.

She seems hesitant, and you can see she's fighting back tears a little.

"You uh. You got shoved into the goalpost midair. I doubt it was intentional, but you just hit the ground like a sack of rocks. Sam and I both flew over to you as soon as we noticed, but jesus. It was a little bit gruesome."

She wipes away stray tears with her other hand.

"Was that the final?"

She nods.

"Did we win at least?"

She laughs at that and you smile. Mission accomplished.

"You're in the hospital after having nearly died, and that's your first thought. Oh my god, you're such a dork."

She eventually nods, though.

"Yes, we won, but the game was called off with five minutes of reg time to go. Nobody wanted to play after seeing that. Poor Bonmati, I don't think she'll recover after that one."

Aitana? Was she the one that made the challenge?

It starts to come back to you in pieces. You remember the crowd. The roughness. Faintly, though.

"Has she tried to call at all? Was she the one to push me?"

Caitlin swallows. She knows the midfielder never meant to hurt you, especially considering you were friends, but she can't help the minor twinge of anger that swells up in her chest. Which you seem to sense because you just squeeze her hand softly.

"Yes, she did push you, I know it wasn't intentional, though. She's probably feeling terrible. Barca wanted her back straight away after the final recovery period, so she couldn't stay if she wanted to. She did message me to apologise and said if you wanted to call her at some point when you recovered, she'd be all too happy to grovel over the phone to you instead."

You smile softly.

"I hate that she's feeling guilty about it, but I'll let her apologise. She probably needs the closure, if anything."

She nods in agreement.

"What about the others? I assume they've gone back to their clubs?

She chuckles.

"You underestimate their stubbornness. They all refused to return to club duties. Most of them fought their clubs for a few days but eventually did go home again. The Arsenal girl's on the lionesses and swedish sides came to see you. Most of them left. Beth and Viv flew over for a bit. Mainly to mother Steph and myself, making sure we were eating."

You chuckle, of course they did.

"Leah's stayed for the whole time, though. Well, most of it. So, I've got Leah, Steph, Sammy, Macca, and Lans all waiting outside at the moment."

"Oh god, you guys have club duties, though."

You pout softly.

"It's alright, Jonas was the one to tell us to stay until we could bring you back with us fully fit to start recovery. Of course, we were going to stay anyway, but he's adamant he doesn't want us back without you, babe."

You smile, looking down at your lap, but then flick back up to her.

"What about Sammy? I know Emma would be pissed if she didn't go back to start recovery after..."

Caitlin looms at you. Do you remember what happened that game?

"Her calf injury, do you.. remember that?"

"I remember it happened, maybe not it happening so much as that it just happened."

She nods in understanding.

"Sam refused to message Emma back about whether or not she'd be returning. It took a week for her to say she wasn't until you were better."

You shake your head. Sam's really stubborn at times. Now, being one of them, apparently.

"Can they come in yet?"

"Not til the doctor looks at you a bit more. He doesn't want you getting too overwhelmed."

You huff softly.

She smiles and moves to invite the doctor back in, who's now prepared the tests.

After about an hour or so, he's satisfied you're doing alright and allows the girls to come in.

Steph and Sam are the first ones at your side.

They both nearly smother you in kisses and hugs, but after a throat clear and a scolding tone from both Leah and Caitlin, they calm a bit.

Mackenzie and Alanna stand either side by your legs, hands resting there, and Leah stands at the foot of the bed, hand resting on your ankle.

Caitlin is in the chair by your head, hand still holding yours.

It's in that moment, as you chat with all of them, they shed some tears, a few laughs and quiet chatter, that you realise how loved you really are.

And also how much you hate nearly dying. Given all of their tearful reactions and Caitlin's faraway look, you know it was bad. Really bad.

And you'd all spend the time dealing with it slowly, healing mentally and emotionally.

Particularly you and Caitlin. Caitlin was still dealing with the thoughts of seeing you broken like that. Steph and Sam were too, but they managed in their own ways. You were grateful they had people to help them that loved them as much as Caitlin loved you.

It's not an easy journey. The nights are rough, and once you're out of hospital, you get more and more restless, wanting to return home desperately, and you're only allowed to fly after six months. Caitlin stays with you the whole time. Steph flies back and forth with Leah. Sam tries to stay but knows she has a duty to Chelsea and the rest of the Matildas team.

You both drive out to Perth to see the girls play in the qualifiers. Caitlin does get the call up to play. And the looming olympics frustrate you as you know you won't be called up to the squad for it, but you're just happy to return to England once your doctor clears you for flight.

Your recovery period in England is a little frustrating again. Jonas won't let you take the field until you're one hundred percent ready for a full game, not wanting to risk any further incidents. Caitlin is fully inclined to agree with him, too.

You do get in touch with Aitana, she flys over from Barcelona on her off long weekend. She does apologise to you, but you just smack her shoulder, hug her, and tell her never to apologise again.

In the time it takes to recover, Caitlin sticks by you the whole time, kissing you silly every time you even question whether or not you'll be able to return, reasurring you that you're one of the strongest people she knows, and that if she'd been allowed to, you would've copped a slap upside the head for it as well.

You chuckle at that, kiss her back, and thank her for being there. For all of it. She just kisses you again.

You'll never forget the crowds applause to you as you take the field in the gold medal match against England. It's your first ever start since the World Cup final. And it surprised the fuck out of you when you did get called up. It brings tears to your eyes as you run on for the warmups, the crowd whistling, screaming, and cheering as you look back on what is now just a scarred memory.

And when you celebrate winning again, this time, being able to fully celebrate, you make sure to hold your fiancee a little tighter, knowing what you all had to go through to get here.

Caitlin just kisses your head and whispers in your ear.

"I'm not going anywhere, Baby. You're stuck with me forever."

You just kiss her in response.

---------

[gunnerfc]

NSFW Alphabet MASTERLIST;

-> all 18+, minors dni!

-> splitting these up from my main masterlist since I don't fully write for everyone here!

-> i'm only doing a player up to three times!

-> NOT ACCEPTING NSFW ALPHABET REQUESTS ATM!

-------------------------------------------------------------

Mackenzie Arnold

Ona Batlle

Ona Batlle [bottom!ona]

Jen Beattie

Aggie Beever-Jones

Stina Blackstenius

Aitana Bonmatí

Aitana Bonmatí [top!Aitana]

Millie Bright

Mariona Caldentey

Ellie Carpenter

Kerstin Casparij

Steph Catley

Niamh Charles

Grace Clinton

Laia Codina

Cata Coll

Kyra Cooney-Cross

Kyra Cooney-Cross [bottom!kyra]

Ana-Maria Crnogorčević

Rachel Daly

Elisa De Almeida

Mary Earps

Ingrid Engen

Beth England

Magda Eriksson

Jessie Fleming

Caitlin Foord

Emily Fox

Laura Freigang

Katrina Gorry

Patri Guijarro

Tobin Heath

Lauren Hemp

Jenni Hermoso

Amanda Ilestedt

Lauren James

Alanna Kennedy

Sam Kerr

Cloé Lacasse

Mapi León

Kim Little

Alexis Loera

Frida Maanum

Katie McCabe

Kristie Mewis

Teagan Micah

Vivianne Miedema

Alex Morgan

Esme Morgan

Zećira Mušović

Lena Oberdorf

Leila Ouahabi

Salma Paralluelo

Irene Paredes

Victoria Pelova

Claudia Pina

Christen Press

Alexia Putellas

Alexia Putellas [bottom!Alexia]

Hayley Raso

Feli Rauch

Misa Rodríguez

Fridolina Rolfö

Jill Roord

Alessia Russo

Alessia Russo [top!Alessia]

Alessia Russo [bottom!Alessia]

Ashley Sanchez

Sophia Smith

Georgia Stanway

Maya Le Tissier

Martha Thomas

Keira Walsh

Lia Wälti

Leah Williamson

Leah Williamson [switch!Leah]

Lotte Wubben-Moy

Daniëlle van de Donk

Cortnee Vine

[copper-16]

Masterlist

Majority of my works can be found on ao3 (which can be found here), but I’ll link a few of the big ones below along with anything posted on here!

No longer an active writer 🩵

AO3 Advice Can Be Found Here

Ingrid Engen/Mapi Leon

did she feel better than me?

You Didn��t Let Me Finish

Do You See Something I Can't

Success is Easy

Haunted By The Ghost Of You

How You Get The Girl

la princesa

How Do I Trust Again?

Ingrid Engen/Mapi Leon x daughter

I Wanna Thank You Baby, You Make It Feel Like Christmas

Why Would She Say That?

She Feels Safe With You

Scary

You Can Do This

We Can't Figure Out What It Means

She’s Perfect

I’m Sorry

Mascot

The Beginning

Elena and Alexia Day!

Elena - The Later Years

First Meetings

Tulips and Two Embarrassing Mothers

Misa Rodriguez/Marta Cardona

You Can’t Talk No Sh*t Without Penalties

Lena Oberdorf/Jule Brand

Hothead

Andrea Medina x Lola Gallardo (platonic)

I Try, I Try

Lia Wälti/Mariona Caldentey

I'm Scared I'll Always Be This Way, That People Will Not Want To Stay

Jana Fernandez/Jill Roord

Heaven Won’t Be The Same

Couples I will write for/have written for (placed in order of who I am most willing to write about, starting at the top):

Ingrid Engen🇳🇴/Mapi León🇪🇸- 26 works 

Jana Fernández 🇪🇸/Jill Roord🇳🇱 - 4 works 

Mariona Caldentey 🇪🇸/Lia Wälti🇨🇭- 3 works 

Caroline Graham Hansen🇳🇴/Marta Torrejón 🇪🇸 - 4 works 

Ona Batlle 🇪🇸/Aitana Bonmatí🇪🇸 - 1 work 

Ona Batlle🇪🇸/Lucy Bronze🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 - 1 work 

Misa Rodríquez🇪🇸/Marta Cardona🇪🇸 - 1 work 

Lola Gallardo🇪🇸 & Andrea Medina 🇪🇸- 1 work 

Fran Kirby🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿/Maren Mjelde🇳🇴 - 4 works 

Ana Maria Crnogorčević🇨🇭/Lia Wälti🇨🇭 - 1 work

Leah Williamson🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿/Lia Wälti🇨🇭 - 1 work 

Sam Kerr🇦🇺/Kristie Mewis🇺🇸- 4 works 

Frida Maanum🇳🇴/Emma Lennartsson🇸🇪- 5 works 

Magdalena Erickson🇸🇪/Pernille Harder 🇩🇰- 2 works 

Jessie Fleming🇨🇦/Niamh Charles🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 - 1 work 

Laura Wienroither🇦🇹/Stina Blackstenius🇸🇪 - 1 work 

Tobin Health🇺🇸/Christen Press🇺🇸 - 1 work

Patri Guijarro🇪🇸/Claudia Pina🇪🇸 - 1 work

Cata Coll🇪🇸/Claudia Pina🇪🇸 - 1 work

Lucy Bronze🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿/Keira Walsh🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 - 5 works 

Ruesha Littlejohn🇮🇪/Katie McCabe🇮🇪 - 2 works 

[putellasawfc]

my masterlist !

-

katie mccabe

injured

instagram official (social media au)

leah williamson

gingerbread competition

wag in training (social media au)

wag in training pt2 (social media au)

lucy bronze

skincare shenanigans

twitter fingers

best few days (social media au)

instagram stories if you were dating lucy

mary earps

wrong hands

beth mead

best decision

rachel daly

down again

jen beattie

exposed

georgia stanway

permanent ink (social media au)

alexia putellas

pre-parental panic

sam kerr

figured out (social media au)

mapi león

mapi as a girlfriend is the type to …

mapi wants to give you a tattoo (blurb)

cata coll

cata as a girlfriend is the type to …

jessie fleming

instagram stories if you were dating jessie

( my requests are open ! i write for the arsenal, barcelona & england women players mostly but i am open to a few exceptions if any of you would like me to write for any other players. )

[dailybrandonrogers]

The BRCU Timelines - A Summary of the Core Overarching Plotline

Pre-BtH Timeline - "Old/Original Timline"

The British Timeline

The Elmer Revolution Timeline

Post-BtH Timeline - "New/Current Timeline"

(Coloured-coded in rainbow order to help remember the timeline occurring order; as in red comes before green, and so does the corresponding timelines, hope this helps!)

1920s - Donna Phitts is born

1971 - Bryce Tankthrust and Bobby Worst are born

2011 - Sebastian Hernandez is born

2018 - Sebastian Hernandez gets a gang sign tattooed on his left arm by the Eldest Elmer in order to continue hiding in his tattoo shop after running away from Helen Brownstein at the beach.

2033 - Blame (Sebastian Hernandez) buys a time machine off of Craigslist in order to travel back in time and tell his past self to change a gang sign tattoo he got as a seven year old. He loses the time machine upon arrival at the beach and after exchanging ownership several times the time machine ends up in the possession of Lord & Lady Mingeworthy, who travel back in time to the year 1865. In 1865, the Mingeworthies are forced to give the time machine to Lucious Cowpussy and Vivian Delongprix, trapping them in 1865. Lucious and Vivian use the time machine to return to 2018, where after exchanging further bouts of ownership returns to Blame, who finally tells his seven year old self to not get the gang sign. Thinking his plan has been a success, Blame returns to 2033 only to find that the displacement of the Mingeworthies from 2018 to 1865 has created a new timeline due to their interferance with historical events; the British timeline.

2033, 1865, 2018 - Blame goes on a fetch-quest through time and space that eventually prevents the Mingeworthies from possessing the time machine in the first place, whilst still allowing the Eldest Elmer (then, known as Tattoo Shop Elmer) to temporarily access the time machine and scheme with Hitler to create the Elmer Revolution timeline.

2018 - The original (non-main character) Blame who travelled back to 2018 to get his tattoo changed decides to hand over his time machine, and stay in 2018. This prompts the events of Stuff & Sam several months later.

2018/2019 - Stuff & Sam takes place in what is technically The Elmer Revolution timeline. However, The Elmer Revolution is not triggered until 15 years later in 2033 when Blame arrives back, allowing the Eldest Elmer to enact his nuke.

1942 - The new timeline is created after the death of Elmer in 1942. Thanks to "lime-a-dozen," whose reveal name is revealed to be Donna Phitts, Blame's life is spared after a near-fatal injury and he is subsequently given a new identity as a man named George. George remembers nothing of his past identity and goes on to live with severe cognitive impairment for the rest of his life.

1971 - Bryce Tankthrust and Bobby Worst were born.

1981 - Bryce Tankthrust meets and falls in love with Bobby Worst at school. Not wanting to be upstaged by another couple at school, she cuts out her heart as a love devotion to him. Abraham Lincoln and Hitler get into fight after being transported foward in time which prompts the revelation of Hitler being Bobby's grandfather. While this heart is later sewn back into her chest by her mortician neighbour, it's given a low chance of long-term viability and becomes a ticking time bomb.

1981 - Bobby Worst is thrown into an orphanage by Bryce's mother after being abandoned by his father, Coach Best, upon the publicisation that Bobby & Coach Best are direct descendants of Adolf Hitler.

1991 - Tammy Tankthrust is arrested and imprisoned for her crimes after calling her victim ugly.

1991 - Finally liberated from her mother, Bryce Tankthrust begins working at CallCo Phones after her involvement in the accidental death of her boyfriend, Donovan, who previously worked there.

1991 - Bryce Tankthrust reunites with Bobby Worst, who is working as an assistant for her boss's wife.

1991 - Bryce's heart transplant finally fails, and her colleague Gloria, a cellphone technician with a secret passion for cardiology, offers to test out a prototype robotic heart as a replacement on her.

1991 - Bryce Tankthrust convinces Gloria to build a robotic replica of her ex-boyfriend, Donovan, in order to temporarily carry out the Double Diva Diversion scheme and make some quick money before promising herself to stay on a legitimate money making career path.

1991 - Donovan murders a man while attempting to help Bryce with a scheme, leading another robot to identify him as dangerous and kill him. Bryce gives him her robotic heart to resurrect him, and leaves him cardiology books to perform a heart transplant on her using the stolen heart of the man Donovan initially killed.

1991 - After so much shit goes down at work, Bryce Tankthrust decides to give in and pursue a life of crime with the help of her robotic assistant Donovan.

2016 - A Day At The Park takes place.

2016 - Queen Elizabeth II ends her deal with Bryce Tankthrust. Previously, Bryce was paying her five million dollars a month to recieve orphan hearts to fulfil her need to frequent heart transplants. This results in a personal feud, prompting Bryce Tankthrust to run for President.

2016 - Adrian Gelson assaults Queen Elizabeth II, leaving her permanently disfigured, at a national park and steals her ring in order to use it to propose to his girlfriend, Everly Darling. After getting married, Adrian & Everly move to Clamville under the alter egos of Mr. & Mrs. Gallager to settle down and start a normal life. However, they are tracked down by a bounty hunter of Queen Elizabeth II and coerced into returning the ring. After murdering the bounty hunter and attempting to escape Clamville, they're kidnapped by Mrs. Frontbottom, the Queen's head of security, and forced to take on the British alter egos of Lord & Lady Mingeworthy while carrying out a mission to obtain the ring left in Clamville and return it to her majesty. However, despite successfully completing this mission, they are forced into keeping the British alter egos and carrying out a life of servitude to the Queen in Clamville as an alternative to death.

November 4th 2016 - Bryce Tankthrust is Elected President.

2020 - Bryce Tankthrust stages the incarceration and escape of horny terrorist Bobby Worst.

November 4th 2020 - Bryce Tankthrust loses the presidential election.

2021 - Footage of Bryce Tankthrust staging the incarceration and escape of Bobby Worst is leaked to the public, which severely damages Bryce's reputation, and businesses. As a consequence, she loses her entire fortune and is left broke.

2021 - Bobby Worst is kidnapped by the Mingeworthies at the request of Queen Elizabeth II as an attack against Bryce Tankthrust.

2021 - Mrs. Frontbottom is revealed to be alive and overthrows Queen Elizabeth II as Queen of the UK.

2021 - Bryce Tankthrust and her assistant Donovan team up with the Mingeworthies to rescue Bobby Worst.

2021 - Bryce Tankthrust gets exonerated, restoring her reputation anf fortune, and her and Bobby Worst get married. Adrian & Everly decide to continue living life as the Mingeworthies, despite being freed from their contract

[kaliforniaaajenner]

Kylie photographed by Chris Colls for Sam Edelman’s 20th anniversary campaign.

[thenhlteaissuperhot]

if you could re-draft the 2014 draft, how would it look like?

The top three are pretty much non-disputable:

1st - Leon Draisaitl (originally 3rd)

2nd - David Pastrnak (originally 25th)

3rd - William Nylander (originally 8th)

Dylan Larkin would have definitely been higher than the original 15th, Brayden Point as well (the guy was drafted 79th), Sam Reinhart would drop out of his original 2nd and so would Aaron Ekblad from his 1st. Jakub Vrana would have also been much lower than 13th - he is talented, with a great shot, but too many hold-backs surrounding and encountering him.

It's literally crazy how many complete busts that draft had in its first round - Michael Dal Colle (5th), Jake Virtanen (6th), Haydn Fleury (7th), Nick Ritchie (10th), Brendan Perlini (12th), Julius Honka (14th)... It's insane to realize that all these guys were drafted WAY before Pasta and it shows you that a high draft position doesn't automatically secure you success in the league.

[totaly-obsessed]

Welcome to 'woso appreciation' where @alotofpockets and I simp over woso players, and then share our favourites with you in the form of an appreciation post. Enjoy :)

Leah Williamson - Arsenal pt. 2 Alessia Russo - Arsenal pt. 2 Lotte Wubben-Moy - Arsenal Beth Mead - Arsenal Teyah Goldie - Arsenal Lauren James - Chelsea Niamh Charles - Chelsea Millie Bright - Chelsea Jess Carter - Chelsea Ella Toone - Manchester United Mary Earps - Manchester United Millie Turner - Manchester United Maya Le Tissier - Manchester United Katie Zelem - Manchester United Grace Clinton -  Tottenham Hotspurs pt. 2 Beth England - Tottenham Hotspurs pt. 2 Lucy Bronze - Barça Keira Walsh - Barça Georgia Stanway - Bayern Jordan Nobbs - Aston Villa Rachel Daly - Aston Villa Ellie Roebuck - Manchester City Esme Morgan - Manchester City Lauren Hemp - Manchester City Chloe Kelly - Manchester City Jess Park - Manchester City

Katrina Gorry - West Ham United Mackenzie Arnold - West Ham United Kyra Cooney-Cross - Arsenal Steph Catley - Arsenal Caitlin Foord - Arsenal Sam Kerr - Chelsea Hayley Raso - Real Madrid Alanna Kennedy - Manchester City Ellie Carpenter - Olympic Lyon Charlotte Grant - Tottenham Hotspurs

Ona Batlle - Barça Mapi Leon - Barça Alexia Putellas - Barça pt. 2 Aitana Bonmatí - Barça Patri Guijaro - Barça Cata Coll - Barça Jana Fernández - Barça Bruna Vilamala - Barça Claudia Pina - Barça Vicky López - Barça Jennifer Hermoso - Tigres Femenil Misa Rodríguez - Real Madrid Leila Ouahabi - Manchester City Laia Codina - Arsenal

Fridolina Rolfö - Barça pt. 2 Zećira Mušović - Chelsea Amanda Ilestedt - Arsenal Stina Blackstenius - Arsenal pt. 2 Magdalena Eriksson - Bayern

Daniëlle van de Donk - Olympique Lyon Victoria Pelova - Arsenal Vivianne Miedema - Arsenal pt. 2 Kerstin Casparij - Manchester City Jill Roord - Manchester City Daphne van Domselaar - Aston Villa Jackie Groenen - Paris Saint-Germain Wieke Kaptein - FC Twente Esmee Brugts - Barça

Lena Oberdorf - Wolfsburg Jule Brand - Wolfsburg Laura Freigang - Frankfurt Sara Doorsoun - Frankfurt Sydney Lohmann - Bayern Klara Bühl - Bayern Giulia Gwinn - Bayern Lea Schüller - Bayern

Feli Rauch - North Carolina Courage

Tobin Heath pt. 2 Heather O'Reilly Sam Mewis Mia Fishel - Chelsea Kelley O’Hara - NJ/NY Gotham Alex Morgan - San Diego Wave Trinity Rodman - Washington Spirit Christen Press - Angel City FC Emily Fox - Arsenal Kristie Mewis - West Ham United Mallory Swanson - Chicago Red Stars Alyssa Naeher - Chicago Red Stars

Find them Here! (Masterlist has gotten too beefy)

[beyourselfchulanmaria]

Szafran Sam (French, 1934-2019 /Polish Jewish immigrants) Feuillages (1986-1989) Collection particulière © Sam Szafran, ADAGP, Paris, 2022 / Jean-Louis Losi

SAM SZAFRAN OBSESSIONS OF A PAINTER - Sam Szafran seen by Gregory Buchert - EN

Gregory Buchert, visual artist and writer, was born in 1983. Fascinated since his adolescence by the work of Sam Szafran, discovered in the pages of an exhibition catalog, he kept a diary of a suburban wandering and his desire for a hypothetical meeting with Szafran in his first novel, "Malakoff" (Gallimard, coll. Verticales, 2020), imagined during a creative residency in the eponymous city.

Exhibition "Sam Szafran. Obsessions d'un peintre", from September 28, 2022 to January 16, 2023 at the Musée de l'Orangerie

[collarbjt]

SPN 1003

Well…young Dean is so pretty

Call, Coll?’s definition of the monster is much scarier, in various ways

Cas recognized Dean’ demon now.

Well, the demon Dean is quite out of line, it’s a little bit hard to see 

Ohh… oh the Crowley is a great provocateur and also can be a good counselor. Dean serves his knife with interesting way

Oh Dean hits the king of HELL~~~…

Crowley seems quiet disappointed that he lost(?) Dean. And Dean’s words hurts me too because I also think the Crowley and Dean is now a friend.😭

Cas’s advice to Hannah is sooo right, he felt it deeply. Well Cas is trying to be a badass but Metatron’s ‘asstiel’ word wins, oh……poor Cas………..

Sam… your puppy eyes work well, just kidnap that demon and get your bro back

His memories are winded up? Is it because of changeling into demon?

Heyyy just use the gun you idiot, guj is the most effective way for the payback.

Oh captivated Dean is kinda hot🤭

Yeah Dean tends to hold a grudge lol , every Winchesters are same. Well Crowley now you’re in a great danger.

Crowley and Dean, take a bestieee Photos???? Oh Crowley, now I feel sorry for you😅🤣🤣😂

[krikeymate]

For BaileyRhapsody, who requested a continuation of this post. Found here. Part 3/4?

Tara spends four long days in the hospital, and Sam can’t bring herself to leave her side at all. She spends every moment alternating between cradling Tara’s hand as she drifts back into awareness and pacing the room, seething, as she sleeps.

Every interruption to the routine is met with disdain. Every time Tara’s rest is disturbed by a nurse or a doctor, forcing her to test her light sensitivity or answer inane questions, to tell them how she feels, it makes her grind her teeth. The twins’ presence becomes infuriating, Chad’s booming laughter and Mindy’s snide commentary is suddenly unwelcome in a way they weren’t Before. Gale’s pushiness has her snapping, driving her away. She’s sure she’ll feel guilty about it Later, but right now she just needs them all to leave. (At least Kirby has the sense not to try and stay, taking one look at Sam’s clenched fists and making a promise to find out who did this on her way out the door.)

She doesn’t want to eat, she doesn’t want to go home and shower, she doesn’t need a break. She needs to break. Break the fingers on the hands that touched her sister. Break the jaw of that self-righteous little fuck who wouldn’t shut up. Break all his little friends one by one and make him watch, make him agonise waiting for his own turn.

Sam’s head snaps up to the figure standing over her sister. Her father’s sneering face stares back at her, waiting to be acknowledged. She turns away again with a growl. Four days by her sister’s hospital bedside is four days of no Clozapine, four days of stewing in the dark, letting the anger seep into her skin and permeate her body until her every heartbeat, her every breath, her very existence is steeped in her rage. She wishes her hands would stop shaking.

When she turns around again to take another lap of the room, her eyes catch Tara’s. Sam softens in an instant, moving back to her place at Tara’s side. “You ok?” Tara whispers, squinting up at her. Is she ok? Is. She. Ok. Who does she think she is? Sam breathes deep through her nose and reaches over to brush Tara’s hair back. “I’m fine honey, how are you feeling?”

Tara nods her head slightly. “Better.” Somehow the smile she sends her only makes Sam angrier. How could anyone do this to her, to her baby girl? Tara never hurt anyone, she wasn’t a part of this. She’ll kill them. She’ll hunt down every last one of them and make them pay. 

Sam smiles back at her.

-

They’ve been home for three days when they get a knock at the door. It can’t be anyone they know, because Sam made it very clear that nobody is welcome to show up uninvited. And she sure as fuck didn’t invite anyone.

Sam grumbles as she’s forced to leave Tara’s side to answer it. She would have ignored it if she hadn’t seen the way Tara winced at the banging against the wood that Just. Won’t. Stop.

This had better be important.

Important turns out to be a skittish-looking teenager with chronic acne and a cagey disposition.

Sam stares at him, unimpressed as he stands there shifting from foot to foot silently. “Well,” she barks out, enjoying the way he jumps back. 

“I uh- I. I…”

The boy’s stuttering has Sam grinding her teeth. Her hand clenches against the doorframe. She doesn’t have time for this, Tara is waiting for her. “What. Do. You. Want?” 

“Iknowwhohurtyoursister!” he blurts out, and in a flash Sam has his hoodie clenched in her fist and she’s dragging him through the door. She slams it shut and throws him to the floor. “Speak,” she demands.

Before he has a chance to respond, someone else does. 

“Sam?” her sister calls out from down the hall. Shit. She’d left her bedroom door open, she thought she would only be a moment.

“Be there in a minute sweetheart,” she calls back before turning back to the boy and glaring at him. “Speak, quietly and quickly,” she says lowly.

“I’m D-Dyl-” “Didn’t ask.”

“Uhm, ok,” he mumbles, pushing himself off the floor with one arm. “I go to college with Tara, we’re in the same-” 

Sam kicks his arm out from underneath him and crouches down beside his prone body. “I didn’t ask,” she growls, poking a finger into his back. “Tell me who the fuck hurt my sister.”

“I have a list! It’s in my pocket, can I just…”

Sam sighs, standing up and taking a step back. She watches him roll over and wiggle a crumpled piece of paper from the front pocket of his jeans. His hand shakes as he holds it out to her. It’s pathetic.

Snatching it from his hand, her eyes quickly rove over the names. She doesn’t know these people. What the fuck did she expect? Her eyes lift from the sheet and look back down at the fool on her living room floor.

“What the fuck is this supposed to be?”

“I-it’s a list. Of everyone who was there that night.”

Her eyes flick back to the list, to a name near the bottom.

“Dylan, was it?” she asks, voice sickly sweet and dangerous. He’s stupid enough to nod. “Your name is on this list.”

She didn’t think he could look any more nervous, but he manages it. “Y-yeah, I… I’m sorry. I didn’t- I didn’t know it was going to go down like that. I don’t want to be a part of it anymore, that- that’s why I came here, to- to come clean and help you get justice and… is Tara okay?”

Is Tara okay?

Is Tara okay?

The words reverberate around in her head. How dare he ask her that. How dare he come here, into their home. He did this to her. He did this.

Sam doesn’t even realises she’s moved until he’s struggling to breathe beneath her, begging her to let go. She squeezes her fingers tighter, until he can’t speak.

“Thank you for the list, Dylan. I’ll make sure that justice is served,” she whispers. 

The sensation of his neck flexing beneath her fingertips is oddly thrilling. She feels on edge, like she’s full of adrenaline, at the top of a rollarcoaster about to drop over the apex. Then she’s falling.

The bastard kicked her.

She scrambles up from the floor after him, catching him as he tries to figure out the automatic door latch. She grabs the back of his head, slamming it forward. Then she yanks backwards, throwing him back to the floor.

Sam forgets in that moment that she’s supposed to be quiet, that Tara’s awake in the other room, waiting for her to come back. 

She straddles him again, delivering a painful punch directly to his left eye. “You shouldn’t have run,” she says, a little breathless with excitement. “You’ve only made it so much harder on yourself.”

“Please,” he whimpers, arms raised to his face. “Please don’t do this.”

“I thought you wanted to make sure Tara got justice?” Sam snarls at him, teeth bared.

“This isn’t justice,” he cries out. “I just wanted to help!”

“You don’t get to decide that!” she roars, fist rearing back for another punch.

Then she’s frozen, her sister’s voice calling out her name from behind her, far too close.

“Sam?”

Tara’s supposed to be in bed. Her arm lowers slowly but she doesn’t dare turn around. She swallows the lump in her throat and waits. She waits for the “what are you doing?” Waits for the inevitable horror in her voice, the fear that’s sure to follow. What is she doing? How… how did it come to this?

“You’re getting blood on the carpet.”

Sam’s head jerks to the side to stare at her with wide eyes. She can’t believe what she’s hearing. Tara doesn’t sound scared or shocked, her tone is downright conversational. “What?” she asks, confused. Surely she misheard her.

Tara leans against the wall and closes her eyes for a moment. She’s still sensitive to the light, and it’s far too bright out here. Sam regrets not closing the door, she shouldn’t be putting herself through this. “Blood. Carpet. Why didn’t you do this in the bathroom? You’re the one that’s gonna have to clean up the mess, you know?”

“I- uh.”

“Are you done yet, can we go back to bed?”

Her sister sounds impatient and there’s a crease of irritation between her eyes. Is Sam dreaming? Or maybe Tara thinks she’s dreaming. How else can she explain what’s happening here?

Sam barely recognises her own voice as she tells Tara to go back to bed. “I’ll be right in,” she promises. “I’m just dealing with an unwanted guest,” she says, like she’s only checking the mail.

Tara hums in acknowledgement, eyes shifting to the boy crying beneath her. Sam can see the flicker of recognition, and he sees it too, because he begins to beg.

“Tara! Tara, please, please help me. Please, she’s going to kill me, Tara, please. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, please-”

Sam’s heart begins to work overtime at the way her sister looks down at him. Indifference. Disgust. Detachment. She can’t look away from the sight.

For a brief moment, Sam’s back standing on a stage in her father’s costume looking down at a monster bleeding out at her feet, Tara’s hand brushing her elbow as she moves to stand beside her. Then she’s back home, on the floor with a boy beneath her hips, looking up into her sister’s intense gaze. 

Sam peers deep, desperate to understand what she sees there. Then Tara nods, and her stomach fills with butterflies. 

“I’ll hold you to that,” her sister murmurs, breaking their eye contact and pushing up off the wall. Sam’s helpless to stop the grin that climbs her face as she watches Tara walk away.

It feels like acceptance. Permission. Love.

She spins the boy beneath her around so she can look him in the face as she crushes his neck.

It feels like justice.

-

When Sam climbs back into bed, Tara tuts at the blood beneath her fingernails, but doesn’t say a word. She only pulls Sam’s arms around her, and as always, Sam’s powerless to do anything but follow.

“What are we going to do with the body,” Tara mumbles sleepily into her pillow.

We.

Body.

If Sam had any doubts before about how much Tara understood of what she saw, she has them no longer. The last vestiges of tension fade and Sam relaxes into her sister, arms a dead weight over her waist.

Sam nuzzles her face into the back of Tara’s head, pondering her question. Tara’s always been the smart one. She hadn’t thought about what comes next, the problem hadn’t even occurred to her. Her smart little sister.

“What do you think we should do with it,” she eventually asks.

Her words make Tara twist in her arms, and Sam regrets asking for a moment, until she settles back down, still in her hold.

“You once told me you’d burn the world down for me,” she whispers into Sam’s neck. “Is that still true?”

Sam’s fingers twitch against Tara’s back, itching with the thought of what she’s suggesting. “Well,” She swallows. This is just another thing they can’t come back from. But they’ve already come so far. “We were looking for new apartments anyway.”

She feels her sister smile against her skin. Her heart sings in her chest.