#sailingtempest ✧ jaal ama darav.

[serabellyms]

" are... are these good tears? or bad tears? "     ⤷ @sailingtempest ✧ jaal ama darav.

It'd been a long few days. She'd rushed back to the Hyperion when a message about her brother came through, immediately needing to know. He was awake, at least; still recovering, but recovering was much better than still in a coma. After losing their father, Scott was all she had left; she couldn't lose him too, not with how things were going. She needed something. But even after learning that, it was a lot to take in. There was so much she needed to tell him, so much she owed him, and well... That was even harder to comprehend. She'd hoped for a little bit of alone time on the Tempest, at the very least; everyone else should have been out for their shore leave on the Nexus.

“Huh?” Oh, hell. She’d been caught? And by Jaal, of all people. The last person she could probably mask from. He’d talked about how the angara were more… open, and honest with their feelings. It was something Gabby wished she’d grown up with. Sure, her mom was like that, but not her dad. He’d been all work, work, work—something she’d had to adopt even in the military. But the news about Scott just meant she couldn’t hide it any more.

“I, uh… hah—I don’t really know, if I’m being honest,” Gabby admitted, idly pulling her braid over her shoulder. She’d had to braid it herself the last few months; it was one of the few things Scott always insisted he’d do for her when he could. Even as they’d grown older, it was their little bonding ritual. The one thing they shared any time they could. “There’s just… on one hand, relief. Scott’s—awake, and… I’m happy about that. I’ve been so worried about him. But…” But there was one tidbit she’d left out while he was out. One small thing she hadn’t been able to tell him, not until he was awake and okay.

“I never… told him. About Dad. About how—how he made a choice, and… that choice meant he decided between me or him. I know it was wrong to not yell him, that it was wrong to lie, but—the only way we could communicate was through our SAM implants. How could I tell him that when he wasn’t awake? I couldn’t risk telling him and having that affect his recovery. Because if I lost him…” She didn’t even want to voice that thought. If she lost Scott, she’d lose the only family she had left. Sure, she had friends and comrades, but that was different. Very different.

Realizing how much she’d rambled, Gabby snapped up straight, cursing at herself. “Oh, god. I’m sorry. I just—ugh, good job Gabber,” she muttered to herself. “I think Peebee’s motor-mouthing is rubbing off on me.” Scott would have told her she’d gone “full Gabber”, but she wasn’t about to give anyone that ammunition.

[serabellyms]

Gabby wished she had Jaal's openness sometimes. At the same time, it made it easy to talk to him; it made him a person she didn't have to hide from, who wasn't going to judge him; it wasn't just Jaal, but angaran nature that created that comfort. Of course, it meant she always awkwardly blurted out things when she shouldn't have been so open, but... was it really so bad? Hell, there was a chance Jaal might have advice for her that would be helpful.

Pulling her braid over her shoulder, she fiddled with the end of it, pretending to examine it for split ends like it could calm her. I should see if I can find somewhere on the Nexus to get it trimmed, she thought idly to herself, though the idea didn't make her feel much better at the moment. Jaal's suggestion wasn't the worst; leading Scott into the conversation was probably the best play, but... there was so much more to it.

"Telling him is... well, one thing in itself. Just telling him isn't the problem. It's the fact that I lied to him." There had always been one rule between her and Scott: they would never lie to each other. If there was something they didn't want to talk about, then that was what was said: that they didn't want to talk about it. But there were never any direct lies involved between them, not like what she'd done to him when he was in a coma. She'd been damn lucky he couldn't see her face; he'd have probably called her on it right then and there.

Taking a deep breath, Gabby hung her head, a part of her wishing she hadn't lied to Scott in the first place. "He and I--we don't have secrets. We never have, not really. I mean, there were things we didn't tell each other, but we'd say that: we'd just say we didn't want to talk about it, or that it was private, and it'd be left alone. But this was different. I lied to him. For the first time in my life, I lied to him. And I hate it. I hate that I did that. But... I couldn't help it. What if I'd told him and he'd decided he didn't want to wake up? Then he might not have recovered." And that would've been leagues worse for her. Scott was all she had left; losing their father was bad enough, especially knowing that he'd died to save her.

"I don't know how you do it, Jaal. The angarans, I mean. You guys are all so... open, so honest about your feelings; growing up in the military, serving, emotions are seen as... weakness. They're something someone can take advantage of. And it's even worse, growing up as a biotic--especially a human one. We're already seen as freaks, monsters even, by other humans." It was a bit less in Andromeda, but Gabby could remember more than a few instances where she'd been subjected to various commentary because of her biotics, even among the military.

It's quite strange how other species didn't seem to be open about their emotions like the Angarans. It always confused him on why. There is no shame in expressing what you feel at all. Sure, it can blind you from time to time and prevent you from seeing the big picture. The Angarans is no exception to being blinded like this. At the same time, he couldn't wrap his mind on why people want to feel ashamed for their emotions or try to hide it. And seeing Ryder with tears in her eyes only made him say something. Then again, he will eventually say something one way or another, though it seemed like he caught up just in time.

Concern written within his features. His gaze searching her own, trying to figure out what's wrong. What has made her like this. Did someone say something to her? No, that can't be. She's tough and didn't allow such simple words get to her. Could it be some kind of news she received? Maybe!

Only one way to find out, which didn't seem to be too long from now.

Ryder launched herself into an explanation without wasting a minute. Jaal could already feel how conflicted she is. Since day one, he knew about what happened to her family. It's not like there's nothing to hide, especially when he is apart of her crew and bonding over time with her. It only made him feel sad for her. Not pity, nope! Just sadness because he knew what it is like to lose family members. He couldn't even imagine losing another family member, which he came close to doing so. Multiple ones! So, it only made him feel how she felt in the exact moment.

❝You're relieved he is finally awake, but unsure if you can give him the news of what happened. It's a bittersweet kind of deal. Finally waking up, only to realize your father is also gone.❞ Much like the sadness he felt for her, it reflected into his tone. Even if he is relieved that there's not anything too bad going on, Jaal couldn't help himself. The way he wanted to reach out to give her a hug or to comfort her in some way, but didn't want to overstep his boundary. With how she is and all. ❝You don't have to worry at all. I am sure you'll find a way. You always find a way to tell him. In fact, I don't blame you for being conflicted at the moment. The what ifs. Hm, perhaps lead him into that conversation?❞