#verse ✧ mass effect.

[serabellyms]

  PLOTTED STARTER !     ⤷ @downs1de ✧ rustin cohle.

Finally, finally, she'd been able to take some leave. It was difficult, given the intensity of her training, but now that there were final evaluations for those who'd be deemed N7 status (and her passing all of the previous levels with flying colours), she had time to wait until she'd know whether she'd been chosen for such an esteemed vocation. It'd been a difficult journey, and so far... she'd passed. Now, she had a chance to take a break, and she’d sent a message to Rust, letting him know where she was staying if he’d like to come visit. She hadn’t received a message back, but she figured he’d see it eventually.

What she didn’t expect was hearing a knock at her door late at night. She was up in a flash, grabbing her sweater and pulling it over her head to conceal the garish scars that marred her arms and shoulders. Who would be coming at this hour? She hadn’t received any messages; surely if it was emergent, one of her COs or her training officers would’ve sent her a message. Raising a hand, she pulled her pistol close with her biotics, setting it out of sight in case of an intruder, but somewhere she’d know where it was. No need for her to answer the door holding it; she didn’t exactly need a gun to defend herself, after all.

Opening the door, she was... surprised at what she saw. Dishevelled was one way to describe it; clothing rumpled, tie loosened, and a half-abused bouquet of flowers that looked like it'd been bought hours ago. The only saving grace was his hair; it always looked like that, a little tousled. The rest was easy to figure out; even if she couldn't smell the alcohol yet, she certainly knew the look of a man who'd had one too many drinks.

At least he'd taken a cab, identified by the car that was leaving now that she'd opened the door. Oh, god, what did you do? At least he looked... okay, for the most part. No bruises or cuts, which mean no fights, but something had happened. Sighing softly, she reached for his arm to gently coax him inside, resigning herself to... whatever this was. If he'd come to her in this state, there had to be a reason he'd picked her over everyone else.

"C'mon," she encouraged, guiding him to the couch. "Do you... want some coffee, or do you just want to sleep it off?" Either option didn't matter to her; she doubted she'd be sleeping much, given she'd be too damn busy worrying. Once he was sitting, she pulled two glasses from the cupboards, filling them both with water; if nothing else, she’d get him to drink at least one glass of water, and she herself probably needed one. Of course, water wasn’t the only thing she grabbed; reaching into the fridge, she juggled one of her usual electrolyte drinks, knowing that ought to be a hell of a hangover cure for a non-biotic.

Setting the glass down in front of him as well as the bottle, she took a seat next to him, sipping the second glass of water herself. “Drink. The water first, then that. It’ll at least save you from being dehydrated in the morning. They’re, uh—they give them to us after… long stints groundside.” Hopefully he wasn’t apt enough to notice her cover-up; she’d yet to tell him about their real purpose: to keep biotic soldiers hydrated, given the amount of calories and electrolytes burned in combat generating and controlling mass effect fields.

[serabellyms]

As much as she'd have loved to play the diplomacy card, she had to hope that even he understood that they didn't have time for niceties, not with the damn ship going down in flames. She'd be lying if she wasn't feeling a little antsy as he didn't answer; she just wanted to get the hell out of there, with or without him. Hearing the hiss of the hydraulics on the doors, Kat breathed a sigh of relief as the door opened, though she frowned briefly. "I could've done that," she muttered to herself, eyes glancing down the hall as she kept her senses on alert.

When he mentioned her ride, though.... Oh, she had something to say about that. "Much better," she answered proudly, pulling up the station's information on her omni-tool. “Not that way, though. There’s, uh… a few holes thanks to the other one we came here to get.” The one Cerberus wanted her to get. “Hang a left, we’ll head around Cell Block D.” At least, that was the way she’d come; hopefully it was still intact. Just to be safe, she pulled out her spare breather, tossing it at him. "Just in case."

Others could be heard banging on the doors of their cell, begging to be let out as the alarms blared. Kat didn’t want to think about who they were or what they’d done; if she started thinking like that, she’d probably end up spaced again. That… and if she let them free, who was to say they wouldn’t take lives again, like they had previously? Kat wasn’t about to recruit a criminal without some research of her own. She’d done what she could to find information on Jack—which wasn’t a lot—but Riddick she’d found plenty.

Either way—they both weren’t fans of Cerberus. At the very least, the enemy of her enemy could be an ally. Most would be a fool to turn their back on a criminal, but Kat was no fool; he was unarmed—and unprotected—and she had heavily defensive biotics she could rely on if he dared try anything. Commander Shepard hadn’t earned her reputation for nothing.

As they made their way to the ship, Kat caught a frown from Miranda, one she quickly silenced. “Don’t even say it, Lawson,” she replied as they were in the airlock. “Or I’ll be the one to space you.” It was an empty threat—Miranda was far too important to their mission for her to do such a thing—but empty or not, it held enough weight for Miranda to keep quiet, huffing as she quickly disappeared. Now… hell, she needed to play peacemaker.

“Jack, you can head down to the shuttle bay and find Williams. She’ll get you outfitted with something that doesn’t match Cerberus or prison aesthetics, and she can outfit you with some combat gear. Should give me enough time to get your request handled.” Ashley, at least, wasn't Cerberus, and that was probably what mattered the most when it came to getting Jack what she needed. With a nod, Jack departed, and that left Kat with only Riddick to deal with.

Turning to him, she pondered an offer. "There's a private shower up in my cabin, and I can arrange for some clean clothes and a meal, if you'd like. You're free to use it. Courtesy for not stabbing me in the back on the way to the ship." Plus, she needed a meal for herself. "I'd rather eat before we talk, anyway." She'd be far too irritable on an empty stomach for any level of diplomacy.

Facing mortal desperation, the prisoner above them stops his begging in favor of aggressive tactics. Banging of fists and boots against the unyielding cage.

Just background noise to minds already overcrowded with disasters of the past. Minds like theirs, unshaken.

Nothing penetrates his focus but thoughts of Cerberus. Pragmatism reminds: he can't afford daydreams of blood and revenge right now.

Riddick pulls away from the cell barrier. His hand - equipped with a metal shard - disappears into the jagged opening in the wall, twists his arm deeper. Blueprints shaping in his mind as he probes inside blindly until he feels the thrum of what he's after against the cutting tool. Pressing the raw edge forward, inward, further - it's not much different than opening up the right artery.

A grunt of effort. Air shoots out of the damaged wall with frightful, hydraulic hiss and big bright sparks. The warning system inside his cell bleats out its final slow notes as it goes dark within.

The barricade is eased open, manually. And the goggle wearing man steps through sputtering plumes of air pressure and into the strobe of the hall's red evacuation lights, with plenty of seconds left to spare.

"Your ride any better than the one in the hangar?" True, he intended to lodge that bit of knuckle-clutched metal in whatever guard was in the ship docks and leave on his own. The question was rhetorical, but he does know precisely where he's going. Riddick starts in that direction. She'll have the discussion she's come all this way to get.

[swaps55]

Twin Souls of the Same Star

Funny, Kaidan thinks as they lie side by side, Shepard’s bare skin illuminated by the fishtank. They’d changed their lives just a few hours ago, assuming Joker actually filled out and filed the paperwork to the hanar and Alliance’s satisfaction.

And yet…everything feels exactly the same.

Shepard strokes Kaidan’s ring figure, then pinches it at the knuckle and examines it closely. “Guess I need to put a ring on this, lest anyone doubt that you are now bound to me by official legal documents. Er, at least as far as hanar law goes. Do we know how binding that little ceremony actually was?”

“Are you questioning the legitimacy of Joker’s ordination within the Enkindler Souls of Stars?” Kaidan asks, tugging his ankle free of the twisted sheet and draping it over Shepard’s leg. “Or are you asking about the return policy?”

Shepard kisses Kaidan’s knuckle and then tugs him until he straddles Shepard’s hips.

“Just try and renege and see what happens to you.”

Kaidan hides his flush behind a chuckle. Shepard pulls him in and traces the shell of Kaidan’s ear with his lips. Bastard. Not even fair to go straight for the ear.

“You’re stuck with me. I just want the entire galaxy to know.” 

No hiding the flush now. “Well, in that case. Don’t need a ring. I know your transponder code. Your baseline biometrics. Your service number. Your mnemonics.”

“Okay, so you know how to take me in a fight, sure.”

Kaidan trails his fingers lightly across Shepard’s belly, smiling in satisfaction when he yelps and nearly shoots out from underneath him.

“I know that.”

Shepard gives him a wary look. “Tickling is just a dirtier kind of warfare than bullets, in my book.”

Kaidan wiggles his fingers in tune with his eyebrows, but pins Shepard firmly in place when he attempts to flee.

“Point is,” Kaidans says between sloppy kisses against Shepard’s neck. “I’m pretty sure I can stake a pretty convincing claim to you without a trinket as proof.”

“Don’t know why I’m worrying. Pretty sure you’re the only one who would put up with me, anyway.”

Kaidan trails kisses down the line of Shepard’s shoulder. “Dunno. Have you seen how pretty you are?”

Shepard preens. “Maybe. But Liara says I’m very vexing.”

“Lucky for you, I like vexing.”

“See? Soulmates. The hanar say so. Joker’s head garment thingy looked very official.”

“If you’re really worried about it we could always hire a hanar to follow us around and tell people.”

Shepard sniggers into Kaidan’s shoulder, then adopts a solemn tone. “This one would like you to know that these two are bound soul stars in the eyes of the Enkindlers.” His eyes widen. “Oh god we cannot tell Javik.”

Kaidan barks a laugh, and Shepard grins.

“Well, we don’t have a hanar on board,” Shepard goes on. “Suppose we could just stick some tentacles on Garrus. No one will know.”

“I’ll tell him you said that.”

“He’ll think it’s funny.”

He probably would.

Kaidan rests his head on Shepard’s chest, sighing softly as Shepard runs fingers through his hair.

“Should I have taken your name or something?” Shepard asks eventually.

Kaidan’s heart does a somersault at the thought. Not something he’s ever thought about. Not something he’s ever even cared about. But the fact Shepard has…

He swallows. Shepard continues stroking his hair and just…lets him feel it for a minute.

“You married me,” Kaidan says after a moment.

“Yeah, I remember. I was there.”

“Other people saw it.”

“Pretty sure they remember, too. Joker’s hanar impression was very memorable.”

“Wow.”

Shepard chuckles. The sound rattles under his sternum, and Kaidan lets the feel of it wash through him. “So? Should I be Sam Alenko?”

Kaidan huffs. “Well, you hate being called Sam.”

Shepard ponders that for a moment. “Yeah, I guess it would be kind of weird if people started calling me Alenko, huh?”

“Yeah, that would be pretty weird. Thought’s pretty romantic, though.”

“I am so full of romantic gestures. Just you wait.”

“Mmmm,” Kaidan says with what he’s sure is a stupid grin. “I could take yours, I guess.”

Shepard makes a face. “Can you imagine you and me in the same room as my mother? No one will have any idea what the fuck to call us.”

“Okay,” Kaidan says with a laugh. “No name changes.”

“It’s the thought that counts.”

“Definitely.”

They drift off for a few minutes. Shepard’s hand stills, the weight of it on Kaidan’s head warm and comforting. Maybe Kaidan falls asleep. He’s not sure.

“Did you know we get tax benefits for being married?” Shepard asks, startling him awake.

Kaidan raises an eyebrow. “Did you read a manual or something?”

“Well, I can’t suck at this.”

Kaidan stifles a laugh against Shepard’s chest. “You know, Williams even told me once we should get married for the tax breaks.”

“Did she? Do you think she knew?”

“Of course she did.” Kaidan hoists himself up on an elbow to look him in the eye. “Everyone did. Except you. You thought I was into Williams.”

Shepard flashes him a guilty look. “She made you laugh all the time.”

“She was funny!”

“Yeah, but she was funnier than me and I didn’t like it.”

Kaidan raises an eyebrow. “And that didn’t…raise any flags for you.”

The guilty look gets guiltier. “Does it make it any better if I say that when people mistook us for a married couple I’d think to myself, ‘there are a lot worse things than spending the rest of my life with him?’”

“Really? Really?” Kaidan gooses him again, this time with a lot less mercy. Shepard yells indignantly and twists beneath him. They tussle until Shepard manages to trap Kaidan’s back against his chest.

“In my defense.”

“I’m waiting.”

“Hang on, I’m thinking.”

Kaidan laughs. “You realize that this exact line of thinking is what got us in trouble in Vancouver.”

 “Hey, I remember kissing you in the rain in Vancouver, so I think my line of thinking is pretty great, actually.” 

“Yeah,” Kaidan says softly, gripping his hand. “This is pretty great.”

Shepard rests a chin on Kaidan’s shoulder. “You were pretty pissed at me over the Williams thing. I thought I’d really fucked up.”

Kaidan strokes his arm. The memory of Williams still sits like a bruise, but it’s less tender to the touch than it used to be. “Think I was more angry at myself.”

“Why?”

“For being so in love with you and so unable to do anything with it. About it. I don’t know. You were never going to feel the same way and I just…couldn’t even try to get over the way I felt about you.”

“Seems like I wasn’t the only one who was dense,” Shepard murmurs in his ear. “Turns out I was, in fact, very, very into you the whole time.”

Kaidan smiles into the dim room.

“You know I reached out to Beaudoin after that to get his advice?” Shepard asks.

“Really?”

“Yeah. I thought I’d really fucked up, but I didn’t know why and Beaudoin, you know. Knew how to people a lot better than I do.”

“So you thought you’d fucked up your relationship with me, went to the only person we know with any reasonable insights on dating and romance, for advice, and that still didn’t trigger anything for you?”

“No.”

“You have saved the galaxy twice.”

“I contain multitudes.”

Kaidan snorts. “What did he say?”

“His message was one line and it was zero help. It said, ‘You’ll figure it out, I’ve got money on it.’ I had no fucking idea what he was talking about.”

Kaidan laughs softly into the pillow. “He and Aslany had a bet about us.”

“Wait….he knew too? Aslany knew?”

“Told you. Everyone.”

“Motherfucker.”

Kaidan tugs Shepard’s arm tighter around him, thinking of simpler days and places and times you can’t go back to. “Wish Beaudoin could have been here today.”

Shepard kisses the back of his neck. “Me too. Can you even imagine what he would have said about Joker’s ‘vestment?’”

“He would have loved us getting married by a human ordained through the hanar. And yeah, he would have fucking loved that vestment.”

“He really would have.” 

They lapse back into silence. It feels heavier this time.

Williams. Beaudoin. The Normandy. The ‘Yang. And there’s more to come. Kaidan feels it in his bones.

“We have a lot of history, don’t we?” Kaidan murmurs.

“Yeah, we do,” Shepard agrees. He wraps Kaidan up tight. “I want more. Think we made some today.”

“This one now pronounces you twin souls of the same star,” Kaidan intones.

“I like that part,” Shepard says, nuzzling his neck. “Even better than the vestments.”

Shepard has always shone brighter than any star, but Kaidan has always walked willingly and unflinchingly into that light. There’s never been another path. At least not that he wanted to take.

“Kiss me,” Kaidan says, the sudden need for it overwhelming.

Shepard rolls him over and obliges. It feels no different than it did a few hours ago: beautiful. It always has, with Shepard.

The kiss gets deeper. Shepard’s corona kindles, bright and flickering, a fire without heat that graces Kaidan’s nerves with a soft, sweet hum. Kaidan reaches into the gravity well and lights his own star, their auras blending together into one, solid glow.

We’ve always been this, Kaidan thinks as he falls headlong into Shepard’s embrace.

Now they just have the documents to prove it.

[grtmnick]

"And [she] that was dead came forth, [draped] with graveclothes; and [her] face was [scarred]..."

John.11.44. The Bible. King James Version, Oxford UP, 1998.

(Thanks to @masseffectwillcontinue on Instagram for sharing the above awesome art of our favorite commander!)

[serabellyms]

❛  i'm sorry i didn't listen to you sooner.  ❜     ⤷ @seaofbeachystars ✧ garrus vakarian.

"That's kind, but unnecessary, Garrus," Miranda chided gently, smiling at her turian friend. At least... she hoped she could call him a friend. Now that she was no longer with Cerberus, that ought to be acceptable, no? Still... it felt strange, being on the Normandy again, being a part of things again. Miranda wasn't really used to being part of a team, not the way the Normandy was. Running a team, sure; but that was a professional relationship and nothing more. This... no, this was different.

Swirling her tea in her cup, Miranda couldn't help a chuckle. "Honestly, it wasn’t something I expected, either. When I joined Cerberus… we were supposed to be doing good things. And we were—or at least, the things I was involved in, or handling, were good things. You can’t look at the things we did—taking down the Collectors—as inherently bad. Questionable… maybe. But given the situation we’re in right now… if I hadn’t done questionable things like bringing Shepard back, then it’s likely we wouldn’t stand a chance.” If the Collectors had managed to assault Earth and taken most of humanity… The rest of the races would be left floundering without the Alliance’s aggressive tactics.

The entire galaxy would be dead in the water. Unfortunately… Shepard was the only person who could do something about their situation. So as much as people questioned MIranda’s decisions and actions, questioned the morality of what she did in bringing Shepard back to life, there was a reason she’d done it—and now, at least, they had a fighting chance against the Reapers.

[serabellyms]

She couldn’t remember the last time she’d slept through the night. Or, at least, what counted as night when you were on a ship. It felt like every time she closed her eyes, horrors awaited her. Some were iterations of the things she’d been through; others were… things she couldn’t explain. Things she hated to see, things that didn’t so much frighten her as they did torment her emotionally.

But what made it worse was the fact that she knew each time she couldn’t sleep, he wouldn’t sleep either. Sometimes she could subtly get out of bed, read emails and reports, and he’d sleep a bit longer; other times, like tonight, she’d snap awake rapidly enough that he’d be woken up by her startled gasps and racing heart. She hated it. Even if she needed him, she hated putting him through it.

Her gaze flickered down to his hand intertwined with hers, hearing the softness in his voice. All she could think about was Earth; how she might’ve felt if he’d been left behind there when everything went to hell. God, that wouldn’t be something she could deal with. It was bad enough Anderson was there, but him? That would be agonizing. Hell, she couldn’t even bring him along with her; she always made sure to send him with Williams or Alenko, so she wouldn’t be… distracted.

Don’t you dare, she scolded herself, trying to will away the emotions, head hanging as she gritted her teeth through the flood. She couldn’t feel, not right now; that was a dam she couldn’t bear to break, not with what they were in the middle of. Not with the weight that was on her shoulders. If she crumbled now, then how could she hope to make it through the rest of this damned war?

“I just… how the hell am I supposed to do this?” It was a question she’d been asking herself for weeks now. “I’m one person. I’m not some… god, or some… hell, I don’t even know. Everyone treats me like I am, but… I’m not. The whole goddamned galaxy is going to hell, and everyone’s looking at me to solve the problem like I’m some magic wand they can wave to make it all go away. Shepard will save us. Shepard’s here, everything will be okay. Shepard will figure this out.” Heaving a sigh, she laid back on the bed, staring idly out the skylight at the vast emptiness of space.

“The galaxy needs Shepard. I’m just… scared I’ll lose Katrina in the process.” Ever since being brought back, she’d struggled with reconciling that fact; it felt like Shepard and Katrina were two different people, warring for control over her. She knew that it was illogical—she was both, of course—but it felt like people forgot Shepard and Katrina were the same person. She was treated like a figurehead; people forgot she was a person underneath it all, too.

FOR THE SICK

@serabellyms: "You don't need to take care of me."

Rust sits up on the mattress, the sole blanket covering him slipping down to his waist. The recently turned-on nightlight casts a soft glow around Kat, and her voice, tired and frustrated, whispers fragilely in the air.

In the room's darkness, Rust's eyes adjust to the dim light just to get a good look at Kat's face. Her restlessness shows in heavy bags under her eyes, and the corner of his lip curls in a soft, understanding smile.

"I know I don't."

He speaks softly, reassuringly, as he leans over and takes her hand. Their fingers intertwine as his thumb rubs gently against the back of her palm.

"Think I'm still gonna do it, though."

[swaps55]

Please I have to know! Do you have any other ‘what we choose’ multiverse first kiss scenes in-progress/in your mind/etc? I just reread the moment between them when Kaidan’s putting on Sam’s N chain and sjsksjsjsk

Apologies for making you wait, but since I didn't have the heart to tell you that I didn't have one cooking, I just wrote one. <3

This may start out looking familiar to you. Until it doesn't. :D

~

In Your Universe

02 December, 2182, Arcturus Stream, Arcturus, Arcturus Station

A steady crowd of people mill through the observation deck on the Callisto section of Arcturus’ torus ring. This time Kaidan knows where he’s going, but even though he’s a few minutes early, the buzz of Shepard’s biotic field slips under his skin before he spies the small opening in the wall just below the ceiling. The only difference between now and that morning almost four years ago is the souvenir shop where the empty storefront used to be.

Shepard pokes his head out of the alcove and holds out his hand for Kaidan to grab. No biotic energy to pull him up this time – Kaidan brings his own momentum. But Shepard’s pull is still stronger, and for half a heartbeat Kaidan winds up in his arms. He clears his throat as they disentangle, and settles beside him in this strange little architectural oddity that’s a perfect fit for two people to sit and watch the stars.

“Still beautiful,” Kaidan murmurs, looking out the window. He mostly means the view.

“Never lets me down, I’ll give it that,” Shepard admits. He pushes a datapad out of the way and stuffs a stylus in his pocket.

“Been here long?” Kaidan asks. “Didn’t mean to keep you waiting.”

“Nah. Needed some time to do a little thinking. Been a hell of a day, and it’s not over yet.”

Kaidan sticks one foot out in front of him, so it hangs just off the ledge. “Yeah. New rank, new ship, new crew. What did you think?”

Shepard ducks his head, hiding a smile behind a fist. When had Kaidan first seen him smile like that? It should stand out in his memory, but it doesn’t. Sometimes it feels like there have never been any firsts with Shepard. They’ve just always been.

“The ship’s pretty incredible. You’d have a field day. She’s got stealth tech.”

“Stealth? Really?”

He nods. “Get this. It’s a cross-species effort with the turians.”

“Huh.”

“The chief engineer threw a lot of jargon at me, but the long and short of it is, she’s got an internal emissions sink system that stores waste heat. She can run silent for close to three hours before the crew is in danger of cooking.”

“Damn. I’m guessing wherever they plan on sending you won’t be lacking for action.”

“Not from what I gather. Crew is hand-picked. She’s small, fast, top of the line, and you would hate the pilot.”

Kaidan snorts and leans back on his elbows. “Why would I hate the pilot?”

“Just trust me.”

“Okay,” Kaidan says with a wry smile. “Guess I’ll have to take your word for it.”

There must be a little more misery in his tone than he intends, because Shepard’s expression sobers, and the gravity well flips.  

“Anderson’s the CO,” Shepard says, right before the quiet that settles between them starts to get heavy.

Kaidan’s eyes widen. “Oh, that’s great, Shepard. Really great.”

“Should make things interesting, that’s for sure. I sure can drive him batshit. Wonder how long before he wants to put me out the airlock.”   

“He thinks the world of you, Shepard. You know that right?”

Shepard shrugs a shoulder and pulls the stylus out of his pocket, twirling it in his fingers. “Lot to live up to, still.”

“Hey. You’ve worked so hard for this. And you’re going to get to do it with the person who means the most to you. Enjoy it, okay? At least for a minute. This is everything you wanted.”

Shepard looks at him, right at him, eyes so clear and sharp there can’t possibly be anything Kaidan can hide.

“Yeah. Guess it is.”

Maybe the hint of regret in his voice isn’t real, just Kaidan hearing what he wants to hear. Just like the hand on his shoulder at the café didn’t mean anything, the damn crooked pin at the ceremony had just been harmless banter, and the way Shepard’s looking at him right now is just Shepard.

That’s what he always tells himself.

What if it is something? His stomach churns with a rush of exhilaration and anxiety. What would you do if I told you the truth? If I kissed you, would you push me away, or put your arms around me and tell me not to stop?

But then Shepard drops his eyes and the moment’s gone. He shoves the stylus back in his pocket, scowls, and digs something else out and holds it up to examine. It’s a chain, for a dress uniform, but black instead of the regulation gold. Just like the one Shepard already has on, linking the top button of his jacket with the gold trim of the shoulder pad. The chain worn by anyone who’s achieved N status – the only adornment allowed by anyone who isn’t N7.

Kaidan raises a curious eyebrow as Shepard rolls it between his fingers, the gaze that moments ago had only been for Kaidan now bent elsewhere.

“Did you bring an extra this time?” Kaidan asks, trying not to smile. The last time Shepard had taken that dress coat off, after the N7 ceremony, he’d forgotten to undo the chain first and snapped it in half.

He shakes his head. “My mom gave it to me today. It…was my dad’s.”

Oh.

“Why today?” Kaidan asks. “Why not when you made N1?”

His laugh is bitter. “She didn’t know she had it. She never went through his things.”

“Oh,” Kaidan says softly. “I’m sorry, Shepard.”

“It’s just a chain,” he says with a shake of his head, and starts to shove it back in his pocket. “Never been the sentimental type, anyway.”

Kaidan stops him, leaning in close enough the sharp hum of their mingled fields leaves him a little lightheaded. Shepard’s lips hover close, too close while Kaidan detaches the chain on his uniform. When he drops it in Shepard’s open palm and takes the one that belonged to his father, an electric shock passes through their fingers. Kaidan swallows, makes the mistake of glancing up at those eyes that may as well hold the depth of the stars inside, then fastens the chain carefully in place. Throughout, Shepard watches him in silence that feels like it means something.

“Thanks,” Shepard says softly.

Kaidan traces the chain with a finger, lump growing in his throat, all the times Shepard had nearly killed himself chasing N7, carving the path that’s now leading him away from the ‘Yang to Anderson and the Normandy flashing in front of his eyes.

They’re sending you somewhere I can’t protect you.

Like a reflex, he splays his hand against Shepard’s chest. There’s still an undershirt, dress jacket and dress uniform between them. Sometimes it seems like there’s so much standing between them, even when they’re side by side, and that space is about to become so vast.

But he can still feel Shepard’s heartbeat. Not a number in his HUD. Just a steady rhythm under his palm. He draws in a ragged breath.

“I don’t want to lose you.”

The words are out before he can stop them.

He curls his fingers against the fabric of Shepard’s uniform, trying to break the spell, trying to pull away while he still can, but instead Shepard cups his knuckles, trapping them in place.

He’s always been trapped in Shepard’s gravitational pull. There’s never been any other star he’s wanted to orbit.

“Hey,” Shepard says. “Kaidan, I…”

Without giving himself time to think about what it could cost them, he hooks Shepard’s neck with his other hand and erases the space between them.

Kaidan does little more than brush their lips together, so quick and reckless he almost misses. It’s nothing like what he's imagined in the rare moments where he let himself imagine anything at all. But when they part it’s only by inches. He can’t bring himself to move farther away.

But Shepard doesn’t move either.

They hover nose to nose. Shepard sits still as a stone, breath warm against Kaidan’s cheek, gaze unfocused, like the galaxy has just reordered itself around him. When he finally manages to speak, it's with a voice Kaidan's never heard before.

"Oh."

Kaidan inhales, the reality of what he’s just done setting in hard. “I’m sorry,” he says hastily, trying to scramble away, trying to think of a way to fix it, but Shepard tightens his grip on Kaidan’s hand, keeping it pressed against his chest. His eyes glitter like the stars in front of them, though reading his expression is like being on the wrong side of a two-way mirror. For agonizing seconds, he doesn’t say a word.

“Oh,” he repeats, softer this time, eyes dropping to Kaidan’s mouth. The gap between them narrows until it doesn’t exist.

The kiss starts awkward, hesitant, like they’re a flickering candle that can’t get enough oxygen to catch. But then Shepard’s head tilts to the left ever so slightly, and suddenly…it does.

Shepard’s lips part wider, drawing Kaidan in, before returning to something chaste, like he’s testing what it means, how it feels. Kaidan goes with it, he’ll go anywhere Shepard leads, so long as they go there together.

The gravity well swirls with a gentle hiss of static. Shepard’s fingers curl around the hand Kaidan still splays against his chest, like an anchor locking them together. Kaidan traces the back of Shepard’s neck with a thumb, catching the stubble of freshly shaved hairs at the base of his hairline.

In the space of heartbeat, kissing Shepard is as effortless as breathing. Soft, slow, with only the stars as a witness. They take their time, letting it grow around them, taking its own shape, until it feels familiar. Theirs. Callisto buzzes with the sounds of conversations, life, and laughter taking place below them. But here, in this little pocket of time and space Shepard has carved out for them, there is only the warmth of his mouth, the hum of his biotic field, the beat of his racing heart.

It’s racing for me.  

Kaidan grips the front of Shepard’s uniform, black chain tangling in his fingers, still trapped under Shepard’s hand.   

I was made for you, Kaidan thinks as Shepard slips an arm around him.

But that isn’t true, is it? There is nothing predestined about it. Nothing written in the stars.

Only what they’d spent four years writing themselves.

When they finally part they rest their foreheads together, breathless. Shepard’s eyes flick to Kaidan’s. He reaches a hand up, hesitates, then gently runs his fingers through Kaidan’s hair. Kaidan closes his eyes and breathes deep.

“That felt…like something we should have done a long time ago.”

A laugh slips out of Kaidan. Not quite the reaction he’d planned, not that he’d had anything planned. But at the sound of it, Shepard’s face lights up like the sunrise.

“When, um. When the hell were you gonna tell me you could kiss like that?”

A flush builds at the back of Kaidan’s neck. “Didn’t, uh. Didn’t think it was relevant to your, uh, interests.”

“My fucking interests.” Shepard’s turn to laugh. “You dick.” He wraps Kaidan up in a tight embrace. Kaidan hooks an arm around his neck, the way they’ve done so many times for helmet checks, always with armor in the way.

No armor now.

“I’m sorry,” Kaidan says, head buzzing with a mix of euphoria, elation, and dread. In a matter of hours, Shepard is supposed to report to a new ship. “My timing for this is really terrible.”

“Epically terrible, are you kidding me?”

Kaidan huffs. “Well, I planned to take it to my grave, but it turns out going back to the ‘Yang without you wasn’t…something I could do.”

Shepard pulls away from him, expression turning solemn. Kaidan tries to look away, but Shepard catches his chin in his fingers and holds his gaze.

“You weren’t going to tell me. You were just gonna let me walk onto another ship and not say anything. Why? You’re—” His face scrunches up as several different emotions pass across it at once. “Why.”

“And risk losing you, because I wanted something you didn’t?” Kaidan scoffs. “No. You’re the best thing I’ve ever had in my life. I just wanted to…be in your universe, I guess. Whatever that looked like. Whatever that meant…to you. If it didn’t mean, well—”

“Making out with me.”

Kaidan rolls his eyes. “Fine, if it didn’t mean making out with you…so be it. We part ways here, and I hope like hell you call me every now and then so I can still hear your voice.”

Shepard waggles an eyebrow. “So you’re into my voice, too, huh?”

“You know what, never mind,” Kaidan says, stifling a grin. “Forget it. I’m finding another hiding spot where I can spill my guts to someone who isn’t the actual worst.”

Shepard seizes hold of him with a laugh that’s light as a bell and pulls him in close until his back is pressed against Shepard’s chest, and presses his nose to Kaidan’s ear.

“You idiot. You are my universe.”

A shiver runs down his spine. Shepard might have a point about the voice thing. The low resonance of it in his ear is…well, it’s fucking exhilarating. He grips Shepard’s arm, closes his eyes, and exhales. “Kinda feels like we’ve been saying that to each other for four years now.”

“Maybe it’s time we finally listened to ourselves.”

Kaidan turns his head and kisses him again, deep and slow.

“Fuck, I’m a great listener,” Shepard murmurs when they part. Kaidan laughs, and Shepard’s grin gets even wider.

There is no star that shines like you do.  

Shepard’s omnitool flashes. He dismisses the notification with a grunt, using the opportunity to rearrange his limbs into a more comfortable shape. A shape that includes Kaidan. His head spins.  

“Something you need to deal with?” Kaidan asks, nodding to his omnitool.

“Later. Don’t worry about it.”

“Come on, I worry about everything.”

“Yeah, I love that about you.”

Shepard’s eyes widen the moment the words are out of his mouth. Kaidan’s heart does a somersault.

“Um,” Shepard stammers. “What I meant was…” He stops. Shakes his head. “No. That’s, uh. That’s what I meant. I think I love a lot of things about you. Everything, probably. You’re—”

Kaidan cuts him off. Continuing to exist in a galaxy where the words haven’t been said out loud is something he can’t stand anymore. 

“I love you.”

It’s the truest, boldest, most honest thing he’s ever said in his life.

Shepard gazes at him, poleaxed, then chuckles weakly. “Well. We’re just having revelations all over the place today, aren’t we?”

“Figured a few more couldn’t hurt.”

“No. I…think kind of the opposite. It’s, ah.” His face relaxes a little. “It sounds kind of amazing. Something I didn’t know I wanted to hear.”

“I love you,” Kaidan repeats, softer this time.

Shepard holds him tighter, resting his head on Kaidan’s shoulder. For a few minutes, they just sit in each other’s arms and watch the stars.  

So many stars, home to so many worlds. Humanity had ventured out into the night sky and found new life, new constellations, new technology that had taken them to more stars, where they built new homes in alien frontiers. And somehow, through it all, I still managed to find you.

Some days the galaxy feels so big. Other times…it doesn’t.

“You know,” Shepard says quietly. “The day I first brought you here…I almost didn’t.”

“Oh?”

A wistful smile tugs at his lips. “I thought if I didn’t say anything, maybe you’d give up and go away and I could be left the hell alone. It was a miserable day for me. Last thing I wanted was someone else to see it.”

“What…changed your mind?”

“I knew you. You’re stubborn as hell and never give up when you’re set on something. I was doomed to never know peace.”

Kaidan chuckles.

“And you were—” He hesitates. Kaidan gives him space to put his thoughts together. “I grew up coming to this spot. Never told anyone about it. It was mine. No one could find me when I came here. But then…you did. And I realized…I wanted you to. Felt your field and was actually relieved that maybe I wasn’t going to be miserable…alone.” He laughs weakly. “Yeah, looking back, this is pretty obvious and I’m kind of an idiot.”

“I love that about you,” Kaidan says softly.

Shepard presses a kiss to his temple, but that’s not enough. Kaidan turns his head and kisses him like he means it. Shepard makes a sound that goes straight to Kaidan’s groin.

Which is when reality sets in. Kaidan pulls back and drops his gaze, fingering the black chain on Shepard’s uniform. “So…I just, ah. Made things a lot more complicated.”

“We. Team effort, here.”

“We,” Kaidan repeats. “Guess it could be worse. Could have done it while you were still my superior officer.”

Unease flicks past Shepard’s face. He shifts restlessly. “Yeah, that would, uh, make things a little more complicated.”  

Kaidan gives him a wan smile and traces the line of his jaw with his fingers, something he’s never done before, and hopes to do a thousand more time. “What do we do now?”

“How about we worry about now later? You’re the one who said I should just enjoy things for a minute.”

This is everything you wanted.

Kaidan settles back against him and exhales. Shepard wraps his arms around him. A few hours ago, the future had felt so bleak. As empty as the space between all those stars.

Leave it to Shepard to shine bright enough to fill up the gaps.

“Thanks,” Kaidan murmurs.

“For what?”

“For not turning me away that day.”

The gravity well hums as Shepard leans in and kisses him again, the way it only does when their fields collide.

“Thank you…for staying.”

[seithr]

remembered that my shepard/spacer shep has a still alive mom in the alliance according to ME2/3

also remembered that that character (katrine/caia) always has a sister uninvolved in the family's career military history

remembering she had to mourn her elder sister who just Disappeared for two years, and would have spent even longer knowing shepard isn't alive bc their alliance mom probably can't just tell a civillian doctor,

[dethberrie]

HAPPY N7 DAY!! twin!verse au: feat. N7 vanguard anakin & undercover cerberus agent vader ✨🪐 anakin + full canvas is coming later, so stay tuned!

twi | carrd | bluesky (new!)

[01101101ute]

Color wheel art, done on Facebook character recommendations <3

[binaryjayne]

AAAAAAAAH! I commissioned Pasta Fiend for a chibi Venko piece for an upcoming fluff fic I'm cooking up for my Honeymoon series. It came out so much better than I expected 😭😭😭😭😭 they're so in love.

Please Please Please check them out on Twitter. Link is below the CUTENESS

Worth. Every. Penny.

https://x.com/PastaFiendArt

[serabellyms]

   CONTINUED !       ⤷ @undestroy ✧ soren shepard.

He'd died.

She knew he'd died. She'd been there. She'd opened the pod. She'd seen Joker. She'd seen the look on his face... the guilt, the shame, all of it. Even two years later, that memory was fresh in her mind, more vivid than she'd wanted it to be. Sure, it was less frequently on her mind... until a few days ago, when she'd run into him, unexpectedly, and been thrown for an absolute loop. He wasn't just alive; he was working for Cerberus, whom they knew were nothing but trouble.

Being back on the Normandy, thus far, hadn’t changed that. Sure, there was familiarity, and she embraced it. At the same time, she couldn’t just pretend like the last two years hadn’t happened. That meant she couldn’t fully trust anyone—including Soren. How was she supposed to? He was working with Cerberus. That, alone, had Ashley suspicious and wary of what was going on. She’d only agreed for one reason: to find out exactly what was going on. If he meant well, and was telling the truth, then she knew she’d be in the right place to help and do the right thing.

Soren's apology was met with a silence. What was she supposed to say? That it didn’t hurt? That there was no reason for her to be upset, now that he was alive? There was no discounting the feelings that his death had caused. The denial, the anger, the sadness, all of it. All of those emotions had been real, and valid, and his apparently being alive didn’t invalidate them. She knew she had to keep reminding herself of that.

"...It's not your fault," she said finally, after a long silence. It was the truth. "It’s not like you went up there and decided that you weren’t going to make it because why the hell not. Just… shit happens.” It was all she could manage to say about it. “So if you’re apologizing… just apologize because it sucked. Not because you feel guilty about it.” Sympathy was fine; empathy was also fine. Apologies out of guilt, though? Those were things she didn’t want to hear, because he had no reason to be guilty.

Regardless… there was still a part of her that was wrought with suspicion. “So, tell me. Why Cerberus?” After Akuze, after all of the information they found on Cerberus, on their involvement? How could he want to work with them? That part made her wonder. “You forgotten what they’re like? What they did?” He could probably tell she was suspicious, though her question was genuine; his answer would tell her a lot more than just the words he used.

[serabellyms]

Few people could intimidate the Captain, given the things she’d seen. It was for that reason that Cas’s piercing gaze did little to faze her; she was used to much of the stares, in particular because of her biotics. She refused to hide the fact that she was different; she wore it proudly, like a badge of honour, and made a point of using it for good. People feared what they didn’t understand; she wanted to do everything she could to normalize biotics, as best she could. Most of the fears surrounding human biotics were unfounded; they were just as individual as anyone with a gun could be.

But things were getting worse and worse in the galaxy, in so many ways. Ways they weren’t expecting. Ways that no one wanted to talk about, that no one wanted to support. Fear of the unknown wasn’t something easy to swallow, but it also wasn’t something they could ignore. Ignoring it would mean more lives lost, and right now… that was looking like a heavy possibility.

“Simply trying to see where you fit in the jigsaw puzzle?” Metaphors always helped her; she could understand where he was coming from. “Well… I can tell you one thing. You being assigned here wasn’t an accident. I… actually requested you specifically, believe it or not.” She’d wondered how he would take the news, but she wasn’t one to hide it. She’d done her research. They knew Cerberus was behind the attacks on Akuze, but the evidence wasn’t quite there to prove it. Not yet, anyway.

“We… well, in simple terms, are investigating a group you’re familiar with. Cerberus. That familiarity is why I requested your assignment here. I believe there’s a certain… instinct we get from life experiences we go through, and no matter our recollection—or lack thereof—of them, instinct always prevails. It’s subconscious and intuitive.” She believed he’d bring that to their mission. He’d have an intuition and insight they all lacked… so long as he didn’t allow his past to cloud his judgment. That was the only concern she'd raised--but she'd been assured he was cleared to deal with that.

“I hope that’s not going to be a concern—dealing with Cerberus again, I mean.” Her concern was genuine; she wasn’t assuming he’d lose his head in a fight, but there was the very real possibility that he might not be comfortable dealing with them so soon after his rescue. She wanted to make sure he understood she chose him as an asset more than anything else.

He doesn’t mean it as a complaint. It’s more an observation, and one that is not new for him. A conversation starter, perhaps  ⸺  evidently he is bad at socialising, and even before... before everything, he always had  rusty social skills  at best. It’s not that he tries to be blunt or say weird things on purpose; it’s that to some degree, he’s always felt... different, a little bit off, like on a slightly wrong frequency in relation to everybody else. It’s not a negative thing. It just is.

❝ I didn’t mean to sound as if I blamed them, ❞    he clarifies, softly, as he wraps his fingers around the warmth of the coffee cup.    ❝ Thank you. ❞    He leaves the coffee black, but rather than taking a sip, he simply keeps a hand wrapped around the cup, relishing the heat against his skin.

❝ You have been through a lot, as a team, ❞    he observes, raising his eyes from the coffee cup to meet her eyes, his blues piercing as he regards her. (It goes with the weird  ⸺  when he studies people, his gaze has such intensity to it, it may seem like he’s trying to peer into one’s very soul.) He wishes... He can’t help but wonder if he’ll ever have that, again, that camaraderie and the sense of  belonging,  with a core team with whom you’ve served for a long time. Why should it be that he is still here? Even Shepard is gone, now. He’s come out of a hell only to witness the galaxy at the verge of going all to hell, with barely anyone lifting a finger about it. What did he survive for? But this is all he knows. Being a soldier is all he’s ever known.

❝ It’s understandable, ❞    he concludes, nodding at her.    ❝ I don’t hold it against them or expect anything different; I was simply... ❞    He trails off, unable to find the words for his sentiment. Making an observation. Making conversation. Trying, trying to connect. He doesn’t say much, often, unprompted, but he feels so... so very far away.

[wrathbites]

"What do you see?" Kaidan mumbles, face half-mashed into his pillow.

I see what I'm not supposed to - the pulse flutter in your throat - what I'd be killed for if most others knew. The throb at your temple, too, before you rub your forehead. A weakness I'll never exploit. I see the crease of pain in the corner of your left eye and the pinch around your mouth when you resolve to grin and bear it. I hate it. Fuck but I hate it.

I see the hunch of your shoulders loosen in sleep's hold, the tension of every muscle unspooling one drawn out breath at a time as one more migraine recedes. I see the rogue curls you've missed, coming loose with every twist and turn in the sheets.

I see the faintest of smiles, slow and lazy in sleep, in daze, the twitch of your fingers when they loosen from your pillow. The ache still lingering, but less than it was. You'll stay where you are, for another hour yet, weary and sore and heavy, eyes falling shut in too-long blinks and I don't have the heart to wake you proper.

I see my whole world in your life, every minute a gift.

"I see you," Rhys says instead.

[biowareproblems]

[fatedvoyage]

i finished updating docs and most verses for my dragon age muses, i just need to finish up feyn's and dorian's verses. i think i'll leave those for tomorrow and make promos, but maybe reblog some memes in the meantime. reminder that i've got:

@wittyrogue zevran arainai with verses for all dragon age games

@magistheir dorian pavus with a da:i verse

@vannhawke vann hawke with with da2 and da:i verses

@daxassan feyn isethari, elven rogue oc, with verses for all dragon age games