#sahsa velour

[pansonofhermes]

Anyone point out yet that Yvie Oddly wore a clown look? No? You know what that means!

I’m just sayin...

[dragmetohellmama]

The Q & A question that had Shea dead on the fuckin floor omg

[this-is-a-queer-blog]

Was it unfair? Yes, it was. But Sasha has charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent, she kinda deserved too. In my opinion Shea should’ve won, but I’m very happy for Sasha. Anyways, you have to remember that this is just a show, and they’re humans, so be kind to them. DON’T BE SHADY, BE A LADY

[dragmoods]

Sasha Velour fuchsia moodboard “Radical, magical, liberal art”

[living-for-rpdr]

THESE 👏🏼GIRLS 👏🏼WERE 👏🏼NOT 👏🏼FOR👏🏼 PLAY 👏🏼PLAY 👏🏼TONIGHT

[thee-boo-cocky]

[trixie-katya]

!LIVE FINALE STREAM!

FOR EVERYONE OUTSIDE US! TO WATCH THE FINALE LIVE, GO ONTO THE VH1 WEBSITE, SIGN IN AND USE XFINITY AS YOUR TV PROVIDER. IT ASKS YOU TO SIGN IN WITH FACEBOOK OR TWITTER AND THEN BOOM, VH1 LIVE STREAM!

[nmjooni]

sasha in her outfit she wore during the lipsync against shea is literally the embodiment of my lesbian fantasy i am instantly wet hands down

[queersocialistbitch]

My aesthetic: the people chanting Shea's name after she lost the lip sync bc she's an amazing queen who did not come to play - she came to slay and she deserves everything in the world

[riceowl]

JESUS THAT WAS BRUTAL!!!! LIKE SHE DID THAT!!!

[pansonofhermes]

So this is pretty much my experience at Drag Con this weekend. Take what I say about the queens with a grain of salt. Everyone’s experience was probably different but this is what I went through.

ALSO I need to make a huge point about drag con overall. They CANNOT continue to oversell tickets like that. I know everyone wants to go and the queens need to make money, but paying $70 for a weekend pass to be told over and over that lines were closed or waiting for over an hour only to be told you couldn’t see your favorite queen is unacceptable. (Plus not to mention you pay to get in AND you usually have to pay per queen you see. I probably spent around $250 total for this and it could’ve been 10x better if WOW and drag race and the Javits center coordinated better.)

[dragmetohellmama]

How can you say they're not in love

[lostastronautillustration]

Our new reigning queen, Sasha Velour  My fav artsy bald queen!! 

 Selling these on Etsy soon! 

 // ETSY // INSTA // WEBSITE

[zamolodchikova]

Yo HERE’S a link to the first 20 minutes of s9!! it wasn’t uploaded when i first posted the link with the first 10 mins, but now it’s there so.. go check this one out instead!! (sound quality is a bit worse, but it’s twice as much content so haha)

[artificialqueens]

Rupaul's Bake Off ~ Hobnob

A/N: The great British bake off is so close i can taste it. People don’t know this about me, but i go into a hibernation like state whilst waiting between seasons of bake off. I then emerge from my cocoon as a sweaty moth, ready to watch some fuckin cooking and pound a few brews.

Alas, bake off moved to channel 4 and i can’t stand channel 4 it can suck my flaccid wang. Too many adds, I’m not about that life, you know? When i found out i looked my mum straight in the eyes and cried. She told me i was loved and held me tight. Thats the only intimacy i ever got from mum :(

I was craving some classic bake off, that really kept with the feel of the show. Bless mary berry that sweet old thing. She was faithful and stayed with the BBC! I burnt my paul holywood cookbook when i found out he was moving to channel 4. Liar!!! Dickhead!!!

Enjoy~ Hobnob

Ru: So then i said if those are your rates ill kill the child myself.

Ru: Shit we on?

Ru: Hello hello hello! Four weeks in, 12 bakers down to eight. They’re on a roll!

Ru: Welcome, to Rupaul’s Bake Off!

~

Ru: Alright ladies, how are we feeling today?

Laganja: Well actually i-

Ru: Hahahahaha thats wonderful!

Ru: For todays challenge you’ll all be making shortbread, and since our ratings went up by 4, we can actually afford real flour.

Trixie: We used washing powder. Magnolia Crawford died.

Ru: I hear your complaints. Magnolia’s family will be notified.

Trixie: Her body is still on the floor. We used her left leg for pie week.

Ru: Her death drop was sickening!

Ru: Are you ladies bready to make some shortbread?

*general mumbling*

Ru: Well on that note lets- WAKE UP PEARL.

Pearl: Im a dude that loves to snooze.

Ru: Gentlemen, start your ovens, and may the best woman, bake!

Pearl: where am i.

~

Ru: Alright Michelle what we looking for in a good piece of shortbread?

*Michelle grabs a tesco’s own brand tray of shortbread and cuts a piece in half*

Michelle: No soggy bottoms.

Ru: But Michelle i heard you love a soggy bottom!

*cackling from Michelle and Santino*

Ru: Now Santino, what are you looking for in a piece of shortbread.

Santino: I want to have a have a childhood flashback like in ratatouille.

Ru: Santino your fired.

Michelle: Its literally impossible to fuck up shortbread, I’m exited to see what these girls can turn out.

Santino: I think one of the contestants died last week.

Ru: You know michelle i completely agree. Ill be keeping my rye on them!

*more cackling*

Ru: Alright we only booked this room for half an hour get out.

~

Ru: lets see how some of these biological women are doin.

Ru: Sharon Needles, how it do?

Sharon: Hoh hoh its going great Ru!

Ru: Now I’m…seeing alot of plastic rings on the counter…whats that all about?

Sharon: See Ru, at greggs they serve their shortbread with fun plastic rings on top!

Sharon: I love greggs this is really a homage to that.

Ru: I uh…ok

Ru: So how about the Shortbread itself, how’s that coming along?

Sharon: I wanted it to have a spook-tastic theme!

*Ru nods*

Sharon: So i put live spiders in the mix.

Ru: Christ…

Ru: Alright ill let you get back to work thanks Sharon.

Sharon: Hoh hoh!

~

Ru: Katya, hows everything cooking?

Katya: Im making ravioli Ru.

Ru: But the challenge is to make shortbread.

*Katya leans in and whispers*

Katya: Ru ima level with you here, i ate all the flour.

*Ru sighs*

Ru: Alright can we get Katya another bag of flour?

Pit crew: We can’t she snorted it all.

Katya: Im so happy to be here!!!

Ru: For fucks sake. there were 20 bags of flour.

*Katya takes another drag of her cigarette*

Katya: Party.

Ru: Right Im going over there.

~

Ru: Leganjy estrangy, it smells great over here!

Laganja: Actually mawma its pronounced la-

Ru: Wonderful!

Ru: How are you approaching the classic shortbread recipie?

Laganja: Well mwahmah i baked my shortbread with pot cuz if it aint green i aint interested you best believe!

Ru: You smuggled marijuana on set??

Adore: Rupaul that was my weed she stole it!!!

Laganja: You fucking dickpig son of a spazzy cunt i didn’t take nothing.

Adore: You also stole my copious amounts of ketamine gurl, most unsportsmanlike…

*Laganja whips out her gun*

Laganja: You willing to die over this? Take it easy okuur?

*She aims the gun at adore’s temple and speaks in a soft voice*

Laganja: I feel very…attacked.

Ru: Oof i doughnut want to be caught up in this pickle. Take it easy…bake oven.

*Roaring laughter from Michelle*

- Ru: Sasha Velour!

Ru: Make this quick I’m running out of food related puns.

Sasha: Want me to give you a quick run-through of what I’m making?

Ru: Sasha you bread my mind!

Ru: Oh i do got more.

Sahsa: I really wanted to get an in depth look at the inner workings of shortbread.

Shasha: So my piece will be a deconstruction of shortbread at its essence.

Ru: Its… just the raw ingredients and you’ve painted 3 of the eggs.

Sasha: plus i infused the oats with the tears of a crying dove.

Sasha: Its the future of baking man. Don’t even trip.

Ru: I have only just met you.

Ru: But i love you.

Sasha: Right on.

*Ru checks her casio sports watch*

Ru: ALRIGHT LADIES STOP BAKING WE’S DONE TIME’s UUupP.

Ru: Time to judge this shitshow.

~

*Ru Michelle and Santino look at all the trays. Santino begins to cry*

Michelle: Uh- lets start with Trixie mattel’s!!

Santino: So first off its fucking pink. And there’s bits of glitter sticking out of it.

Trixie: Yeah that glitter isn’t edible.

*Santino, Michelle and Ru take a bite* Michelle: Why does it taste like regret and plastic?

Trixie: I melted 3 barbie dolls into the mix. I was feeling the fantasy.

*Santino begins to choke and collapses on the floor*

Ru: Sickening!

Michelle: Movin on.

Michelle: Bianca Del Rio, lets see what you made henny.

*Michelle picks up a tray of paper slips*

Ru: Tf is this.

Bianca: THEY’RE ALL INSULTS FOR LAGANJA ESTRANJA.

Bianca: I WANT TO SLASH HER FUCKING FACE.

Michelle: That went to a very dark place.

Bianca: I WILL ABSORB HER LIFE ENERGY AND RETURN TO THE SHADOW RELM.

*Michelle puts down the tray and looks at the rest of the trays*

Michelle: The rest of these aren’t even shortbread. Ru did you have to cast a group of twats, how do you fuck up shortbread.

Ru: Now seems like the perfect time to plug my new product.

Ru: It’s a literal piece of shit. Just a big chunk of shit.

Ru: Think of the…possibilities.

Adore: Did Santino die?

Ru: Now available on ebay. Bidding starts at ten quid.

Adore: He isn’t breathing.

Ru: While you think about the series of events that led you to this gig, the judges and i will deliberate.

*Ru looks over to Santino’s dead body*

Ru: Michelle and i will deliberate. ~

Ru: Alright so what do we think?

Michelle: Katya snorted all the flour then spat in a tray, Pearl is asleep inside the oven, Bianca keeps coming at queens with carving knives, I think i saw Trixie sample Katya’s tray of spit, Laganja has a loaded gun, Adore doesn’t belong here, Sasha is immaculate and i love her god bless and Sharon started coughing up blood.

Ru: The ‘steaks’ are higher than ever!

Michelle: And Santino Rice died.

Ru: Ive heard enough…Bring back my goirls.

*Michelle cackles*

~

Ru: Alright ladies…ive made my decision…

*Trixie raises her hand and Ru sighs*

Ru: Yes Trixie?

Trixie: Where’s Manila?

Ru: i-uh…oh shit yeah Manila was sposed to be here.

Ru: Manila?

*Manila pops her head out of a fruit bowl. She’d been disguised as a pineapple the whole time!*

Ru: Why you hiding gurl?

*Manila speaks through broken sobs*

Manila: Someone…someone left the cake out in the rain.

*shady rattlesnake noise*

Manila: I-I just don’t think that I can take it, coz it took so long to bake it.

*A single tear rolls down her pineapple cheek*

Manila: And I’ll never have that recipe again.

*Everyone hugs Manila and cries*

Ru: Mmm thats some good telly.

Ru: Alright I’ve made my decision…

Ru: Stacy layne Mathews, you are the star baker of this weeks challenge.

*Everyone applauds, and nods in agreement*

Stacy: Thanks. As they say back in the swamp, “i am in a swamp, but why?”

Ru: Preach sister.

Ru: Unfortunately…this is the hardest part of the competition…who will be eliminated.

Ru: So Im going to let Michelle Visage decide.

Michelle: Trixie you killed Santino Rice.

Michelle:…

Michelle: thank you. You are safe + immunity for next weeks challenge.

Trixie: Bitchin!

Michelle: You know what, ill cut to the chase. Hermione granger the stranger you can go home.

Laganja: mwwuuaaumahch, it’s pronouncéd lega-

Ru: Get out.

*Even louder applause as everyone else throws rotten tomatoes at a sobbing Laganja*

Ru: Thats not all��every guests here tonight…leaves with a piece of shit!

Ru: See you next week!

Ru: LET THE MUSIC PLAEEH!!

*Everyone shuffles about to the sound of ambient rainforest noises.*

A/N: It was me, tammie brown all along.

If you managed to stick with the entirety of this script you get a shank in the back plus free PPI congration!!!?!?!?!?!!!!!!

[dirtybiowareconfessions]

Confession: Solas reminds me of Sasha Velour so much it isn't even funny. Like even the way he walks is just like Sahsa, I can't believe life imitates art