#saffrah

[cursed-princess-club]

still not over the implications of saffron actually having a crush on syrah. does that mean he saw syrah go "haha nice buns (lol guys get it because buns are like the bread curtis is serving) (and by serving i mean SERVING)" and went man i NEED to ask her out to dinner.

[princesses-and-such]

Syrah is everyone's mom

[peefartress2]

saff's goblin hand doing the opposite of wingmanning him lmao

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Tues 14th March 2023 journal 20:53pm

happy birthday rhianna. I’ll love ya always! 💜. can’t believe I’ve known you for 13 years lol. time fucking flies nigga damn. Anyways today has been a decent day. I don’t remember the last time I did one of these but the point is it didn’t matter cause a real nigga needs a job right now and I mean a J O B ! I had to ask my dad to lend me money and I know that’s what parents are for in times of crises but my dad is a businessman thru and thru so that nigga WILL expect his money back at some point. And cause he trusts me to pay it back to him (which I will) I need a fucking job to cover for the fact that I owe him a bit. And I need one now. But timing is all a bit meh. The agent I was meant to meet with today cancelled and said let’s go next week which I probably won’t be able to do. My feet and voice are tired cause of all this singing and dancing this musical is demanding from me. I’m currently hungry as fuck on a train back home from LAMDA. Had a nice convo with Ramesa today about the ecosystem at LAMDA and how it affects us all and how we’ll all be happier when we leave this place and she’s probably right the more I think about it but enough of giving that thought. I think things are going well in my life. I feel happier I guess? But idk what to attribute it to? maybe I’m just choosing to see the good things and focus on them but yeah things are okay. Nolu is a great addition to life right now. Since I’ve met her good things have happened to me. And she seems to care a lot about me I guess? I felt something when I was with her but I can’t really describe the feeling properly. It felt weird. I’m not used to showing affection and I think I’m rationalising the thought of showing affection to someone and it’s making me feel weird. I do really like her company though. I don’t really know what I want and I think that’s what’s bugging me inside. I don’t really know what I’m doing but I’m having a great time doing it so I guess that’s a good thing. I don’t know how long it’ll last and I don’t know if that matters. What will be will be I guess. Navigating the 20’s is so fucking hard. I want to make the right choices but there’s no real such thing as a right choice: it’s just a better choice. I don’t wanna be wrong but I don’t wanna die trying to be right either. It’s 21:06pm. I’m heading to Grove Park now. I need to eat something. I’m still not over my past and I don’t know when I will be but the feeling is still there so it’s hard to be present with other (women) when I still feel fragile. I also don’t like this whole overthinking thing. It’s annoying. Choosing when to put me first is also new to me. TBC 21:08.. just got home. 21:18pm. I don’t have the time I want for myself. this is very demanding of me. I need to think of ways to get better. But it’s the fact I haven’t had time to sit down with myself properly and think about how I’m going to get what I want. I need to eat something. I talked to saffrah today. She’s doing well. I’m happy she is! 21:21pm. I just wanna relax this evening. Thank God I start later tomorrow. I need to stop biting my nails :/ I’m tired. sometimes I miss Honey. I just miss the jokes we had and how honest I could be and shit. Like I’m already not a trusting person by nature so I don’t like the idea of opening up anyways and even the idea of dating or relationships is throwing me off because I haven’t healed. Im still angry at her for leaving me. Who knew healing would take this fucking long? anyways im out. Sign out time: 21:28pm

[brienodylan]

saffrah replied to your post: saffrah replied to your post: saffrah replied to...

:) youre welcome babe <33

means a lot , thank you <33

[babyspacebatclone]

Stealth ships for the win!

SAFFRON!!!!!! he's so him holy shit. why's he kinda......

[peefartress2]

pondering saffrah/syron because i heard we are getting a Moment. and i!!!!! [reaction image to represent how insane i will be]

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fri 30th dec 2022 2:40am journal

finally finished cleaning my room. i gave it a deep clean. i need to implement deep cleans into my routine. give it a deep clean once every month or bi-monthly. i’ve thrown away some clothes that i just dont feel i need or that aren’t me. im making way for new items and things that are the version of me that i want to be and not what i thought i was. i need new in my life and i’ll be making way for new opportunities and new styles to come my way. i think i tired myself out a bit. i dont have much thoughts but i do feel accomplished for the simple fact that i did my room and its clean. im happy for myself. clean room clean mind. or at least it’s helpful. Tay said that she wants to see me. i will see her tonight or after new years for sure. my room smells fresh and feels so so so much cleaner. theres less clutter and unnecessary stuff in my room. im still not completely done with the unnecessary clutter but im getting there. this song is very mellowing to me. Pick Up Your Phone by Play Nice is currently playing. its 2:47am. Friday. i currently feel good. Saffrah is on facetime with me. the room is dark. i needed this clean man. i keep talking about it but it feels good to just have a clean room again. i just feel good. life feels good right now currently. ‘real love is providing groceries for your family.’’ Osei is coming over today. havent seen the guy in years. i’ll be surprised to see what he looks like and what he’s doing. I feel money will be made this year and life will be lived a bit better and that i’ll work harder. i just need to get my body right. i need to sort my back out ASAP. it’s holding me back ( no pun intended) and also just sort out the tension in my body. that would be really helpful for me. money will be made in 2023. its nearly 3am here. its 2:56am. i’m gonna do a meditation and probably try and get some sleep. i’ll talk to you later pal. 

sign out time :2:57am.

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Mon 21st Nov 2022 journal 21:51pm

I feel lazy in the mind. Like a large part of me didn’t want to open this app and write this journal right now but I’m not listening to that part of me. I’m trying to get my life together and I’m in my own way right now maybe cause my body really needs a reset and knows best but time won’t let me relax without quitting the rehearsal process and not performing which is t what I want to do. I need to find my passion for acting again and soon. Therapy today was good. It put me in a really good mood. I had a great conversation with Angie yesterday about life and shit. And the importance of healthy eating which is something I really want to try and embark on this season. It’s getting too dark too early and it’s really fucking up my mood and I feel that diet or what you put into your body is kinda what you get out of it too and because I’ve been depressed for a while or in a depressive state for a while I’ve just been eating like shit and not caring as much but I think I’m tired of chips and burgers. I need something new and homemade in my life. I’m tired of these £4-7 meals that all add up to something in the end. I could be so much better but I’ve lost some discipline that I’m trying to get back. I can get it back and will get it back. Thank God for life. Thank God for opportunity. Thank God for favour and Thank God for love and family. I’ve been looking at my birth chart recently from a tropical pov and a whole sign pov just to see any stark differences and there’s not really much to report back other than saturn is in my 5th house and my Taurus is in my 6th house. That’s all. Saffrah just messaged me. It’s 21:58pm. I felt good talking to that therapist today. I told her life felt like a dream and shit. i like therapists that are conversational instead of looking at me and trying to psychoanalyse me. Shout out to Lisa. Also, Peace is looking sexy as fuck. Speak of the devil she just messaged me; it’s 22:00pm. Oh yeah I went to some party on Saturday evening at Natalie’s old house. Shit was very good vibes considering I was one of two black people there. No racist vibes. Nothing. Just some good white folk. I didn’t feel out of place as such. They were cool and I met some cool people too. Benjy. 28. Actor. Becks. 28. works with Natalie. I was up until 7 in the morning. I was absolutely fucked. Yesterday felt a bit rough for the kid I can’t even lie. just endless cycles of masturbation and self scrutiny. Sometimes bussing a nut isn’t always worth it. i really value honesty man. fuck. I messaged Monique cause I think I wanna fuck. Okay so hopefully by 11:30pm I’ll be asleep. It’s 22:10(10:10)pm. I genuinely love being the right high. It feels the best ever. I had one of my best showers today cause I was high as shit and the hot water hit my back and I honestly screamed a lil😂. I’m listening to a Garden Kisses cover on SoundCloud (artist SeaJay x Garden Kisses). It’s 22:13pm. I feel In love with life and it’s possibilities. I wanna fuck Alexandra. And Monique. And Peace. I thought about Destini yesterday too. I hope her sexy self is doing good. I’d genuinely fall in love with her if I knew her. I wanna fuck Syanna too. Taurus Women>>> ugh or cancer Women >>> or Libra women>>>> or some Sag women>>> ugh I love bad bitches SO MUCH omfg genuinely genuinely love me a bad bitch. Fuck man. I’m open to letting go of close friends in hopes of finding the right close friends if need be. I’m know what I being to relationships and friendships and I know how much work and care I have for people and if people think they can not care for me and I’ll stick around you have me ABSOLUTELY FUCKED UP. I’m not that nigga no more baby. you’ll recognise soon enough. I’m like no one you know. If I could sing this song like the way this nigga is singing it I’d be happy as fuck. Damn. I don’t know if I said this already in previous posts but my mum is back from Ghana. It’s nice to have her back but damn I didn’t miss the sending that much hahaha love her though but Damn man. 22:22pm. I wanna fuck. ugh. I’m high but not completely gone high. like work lev

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tues 8th nov 2022 journal

im tired. my head hurts. im currently in limbo. im listening to the Mercy remix by Lil Wayne. im on ft with saffrah. i went to see Luke Gall today at the National just to talk about life and shit. it felt alright i guess. Reba called me today. I also found my lost airpod in my house. Joe told me to have faith that i would and boom i found it. i think im in a depressive state these past few days. like my head hurts and shit. i feel low energy and like crying but equally im fascinated with life a bit. this is so hard to carry on but like kanye said giving up is way harder than trying. im just here man. im coming out of this year alive and well. im gonna get those lines learnt tomorrow. i need to find the energy to muster up and find the strength to carry on. to be fair i have lots of people who care about me like i have safftah, i have reba, joe, andre, lysa, travis. ibraheem and all these people who actually care about me and who actually matter to me i forgot that i have so many people here to help me. also mariam and mike and george. i still love her im not gonna lie and thats okay. im still mourning. im still gonna be sad for a while but im going to get thru this so its fine :). but i need to feel whatever i need to feel. i took a vitaminD pill and i feel abit better tbf. its 23:31pm. currently playing RIP YOUNG by Isaiah Rashad. i feel good currently. i do need to piss though so im gonna go piss but yeah i’ve eaten, i’ve had drink, im high, im with loved people thinking about loved people. im grateful i can feel this cause it reminds me how important people are to me. thank you God for the resilience to keep going even when i feel like giving up. thank you for reminding me why i shouldn’t. thank you for pushing me to keep going in these trying times. thank you for caring for me thru different people and things. thank you for showing up in my life. thank you universe. listening to Goldlink X Crew. its 23:45pm. i dont have school tomorrow. im used to my mum not being here. its not so weird anymore. im strong. i have everything i need. i still love her and its okay. you taught me how to love myself for when times like this arise. currently listening to LA by Brent Faiyaz and its really hitting, im smiling listening because i feel what hes saying. life is interesting. alright imma sign out before the next day starts. goodbye today. dont think ive ever said that before or at least typed it before anyways thank God for journalling and sense. c ya nara ! (purposefully spelt wrong) . sign out time: 23:58pm

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sun 6th Nov 2022 14:16pm journal

it has been a week of many many tears. i just haven’t stopped crying. I’ve been in a low vibration all week and I feel like life is testing me. Adding extra insult to the injury already caused to me. I’ve had some very nice moments amidst this all though. Reba, Andre, Auntie Tina, Joe, Saffrah. It’s been nice to have them in my corner. It’s nice to know someone cares. I’ve been thinking a lot about my past and alot about the future and not really enjoying the present. I’m in pain. I also think a part of my brain is numbing all the information I’m taking in so I’m not really processing things as well as I could. We have a talented bunch of people in our school though. I went to the black history month thingy and really enjoyed it. Despite one performance. But other than that it was great. Reba is a star. Peace is also a star. Andre is a star. Mel fucking killed his performance. I cried during his performance: idk everything just hit me so quick. Life doesn’t feel real but I guess it is. Things just aren’t the same and it’s so apparent that they won’t go back to the old days. That’s one part of life that I find myself struggling to accept. Who people are now as to who they were all those years ago. I’ve been listening to Drakes new album to get me thru the week. Major distribution is my fav song on the album. I’ve been getting high. I’ve been trying to push thru the days. It was Honeys birthday yesterday. I don’t think we’re on good terms. I also think I may just have to let her go. The more I try to interact with her, the less responsive and passive it feels. I think she just wants to be left alone so I’m gonna leave her be. I’ve really tried with her. I can honestly say I tried and it didn’t work. Illusions ruined us. I’ll always have love for her however but going back to you doesn’t seem so appealing and I fear that if you do come back I won’t be here. Soon I’d have found me another to call baby. My mum is still not home. Bills are higher. struggling to find stuff to eat. I’m not seeing some friends of old. I wanna message saffrah and ask if she wants to get food. It’s been raining a lot. I lost two of my bracelets. I lost my bank card. I lost my ID card. I lost my house keys. All on different days may I add. Life just feels quite hard at the moment. It’s more time to just tap in and focus I guess. Idk if I should talk to that lady about the audio thingy but I do really want to try it. TFL is going on strike tomorrow. I have to convince myself that life is going just as planned. I’m still stronger. I’m not dying but indeed living. So before we die, how shall we live? I saw my auntie Tina yesterday. I was the first time in my life were we’d sat down and had a honest conversation about how shitty life was and honestly it was what I needed. I didn’t think it was but it actually was. I have energy all of a sudden. It’s 14:40pm. I was watching avatar the last airbender with Saffrah in the early hours of the morning. It was nice to catch up with her. Life is unfair man. Life is truly truly unfair when I think about it . I’m going thru a hard time. I have tears in my eyes as I’m typing this but we move! In need to call someone. Reba perhaps. I’ll talk to you later uri. Sign out time: 14:43pm.

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wed 19th oct 2022 journal

i keep talking about how lonely it is these days and how this period of my life is very lonesome but i’m being honest. it hurts. i genuinely dont like this loneliness. everything feels cold and detached in a way. theres no warmth here. where the love go man? where’s my friends man? just finished listening to Brokenhearted by Brandy. im now listening to Lost by Lil Wayne. it feels like that sort of night. Bethlehem hasn’t got back to me. Im tempted to text Juliet but i’ll probably do it tomorrow. there’s people i miss. i’d be lying if i said i didnt miss them. it’d currently 21:04pm. im listening to United in Grief by Kendrick Lamar. wearing a dream but do not sleep hoodie from asos. adidas tracksuit. dark pink socks from Uniqlo. just thought i’d have something to remember if i ever look back at this particular post idk. watched entergalactic by Kid Cudi. it was a cool story. i saw bits of myself in him. i dont really know what life wants from me right now. theres a part of me that is burning out emotionally. my mums not here. Honey is not here. Saffrah is not here. my friends are not here. it feels like a sort of limbo im in. im waiting for the right time to talk to Juliet. its not even like i cant text her now but i dont wanna text something to her thats so deep and personal and have it ruin my evening and throw me off tomorrow’s final performance. I blanked out in today’s performance. i cant believe it. that was one of my worst fears in performing and it didnt mean anything. i handled it good too. just breathe and recalibrate. How fucking convenient. Be Like Water by PJ Morton, Nas and Stevie Wonder now plays. i dont know if im giving these ppl too much power over my emotions or not but i dont wanna not feel nothing so yeah. Im listening to The Light by Mick Jenkins. reply faster bitch i cant wait much longer. i need a woman in my life rn. i need to kiss someone passionately. i need to fuck passionately. i need to hold someone. bitches keep fucking with me, STOP. damn. im sensitive you bitch. damn. life of a 23 year old drama student. lord i hope she swallow more than tears! if you’re gonna leave me life then fuck off and DO NOT COME BACK. you are NOT WANTED. FUCK U. 

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i went to work today. woke up at like 6:45 or something like that to try and get the 7:19 bus to Lewisham but missed it. Then went back home and said I’m not going to work and then decided to check my phone again and see what time I’d get there. I also left out that I had text Nathan to let him know that I was gonna be late for work before Id gone home. Anyways checked the times and it said 7:48am so I took that one and got to lewisham and then to Victoria station from there. And took the district line to school. Ran into Reba on the way there which is funny cause we’d been trying to see each other all week and never found the time to but fate or the cosmic convenience decided we’d meet. spoke to her about my conversation with saffrah and how things are for me right now and she told me about hers saying how she’s been out late for most days and how she’s tired. She also got me a croissant from Gail’s in Barons Court. Flirting with the work wife today lmaoo Peace. took the massaging to the back. We kissed and a nigga put a titty in his mouth or two. I think she wants to fuck man and I can’t lie I’d let her. She’s sexy as fuck. I’m high btw. It’s currently 20:34pm on a Sunday evening and I’m awaiting Mondays trials. It’s production week this week and it’s also the week of my first ever LAMDA 3rd year performance. I’m excited. I’m nervous. I feel ready. I’m still learning new things about my character and myself consequently. I’ve also learnt about rehearsal stamina and I’m looking to try and work my performance stamina and having the same enthusiasm or more for each performance. Cause I love this but it is hard. Angie a Plantain and spinach stew was a 9/10 I can’t lie. I cleaned that plate boy. A nigga was hungry okay! I’m gonna watch something before I sleep, maybe even call Reba and ask if we should watch vampire diaries. Anyways I’m had a good day today. Made money and saved money so I can’t complain and I’m recovering from my cold and voice loss so I’m Gucci man. I’m loved and appreciated by the world and by God. Amen❤️

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journals

11th september sun 2022 

my mum nearly electrocuted herself and my sister. idk man these past few weeks have been weird. our electricity keeps either cutting off or the fuse literally blows out on us. ive never seen anything like this before in my life. other than that i think ive been good. sometime last week i had a conversation with Honey and i’ve been thinking about it and her this whole week. truthfully, i miss her. i miss her presence. i miss her smile. i miss our laughter. love is so... you know? its currently 22:15pm as i write this. im going into my third year of uni tomorrow. graduate year. showcase season. i wanna say im nervous. i am small small but i know im gonna be fine in the end. it will all work in my favour cause i’ve said so and God said so. im listening to Prince’ version of Radiohead’ Creep. im thinking of the infinity group’s version of this on instagram. i wanna find it and play it. 22:22! im excited to see what third year has in store for me. im on the phone with saffrah. i dont know what shes doing but she has a packet of something and its loud as fuck! bless her haha. im listening to laws of attraction thingy and doing a face mask. im gonna pray and then meditate soon. probably sleep soon too!  im so good. 

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sept 6th tuesday 2022

journal

im just abit tired. i’m also a bit all over the place and i just want to chill the fuck out. im free flowing rn. stream of con so yeah. im listening  to lil wayne mr carter right now. i just love writing or journalling when im high cause fuck it really works. i can hear saffrah humming crooked smile by j cole but only tlc’s part haha and i can hear jay z start his verse on hey mr carter. i really wish i could type as fast as i think. i dont know why i care so much about the punctation cause its not like its not coming up to mecury retrograde anyways so you know the mind will be somewhere else cause .. lost my train of thought! fuck! 

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aug 29th 2022

im currently on shrooms and im having a bit of a weird high. things feel heightened in a way but not in a way i particularly like it. its a weird high. i dont understand how my friends like this shit compared to edibles. i love the way edibles make me feel but these shrooms are fucking strong and they make me feel down or like stoic so im gonna stop taking them from now cause they dont serve any purpose for me anymore im afraid. i get nothing from them. im glad im documenting this so i have a record of this shit cause i feel like this will help me not go back to these ever cause i seem to always have a weird time with them. they used to make me feel good or at least ive had one good experience or maybe two but the rest of them have been weird. this is weirdly therapeutic in a way. just journalling my thoughts like this. not being afraid to say what im afraid of may be a power in and of itself in a weird way. my belly hurts. and my head hurts so im wondering if thats just a thing that happens whenver i take shrooms but whenever i take them eddys i feel GREAT. feel like i can take on the world. its not even like i feel lost or anything. i know im me and i know im destined for great things but this current feeling is bad. i wont say terrible cause its not but it is a bad feeling considering what it is. but maybe this is a psychedelic that is telling me that im just not ready for it yet. its not something you can take like an edible and think you’re gonna get the same results. it doesnt work like that. im on facetime with saffrah at the moment. its silent. i kinda like it like that. im sure she can hear me typing away but i really enjoy the sound and flow of my typing. saffrah just hung up on me. i dont know how i feel. for a moment i felt lonely and then i had the thought that i have to be brave and now im here. present with the world and my thoughts haha. bethlehem is messaging me. i feel like im in a stable mood somewhat. im not good, im not bad but kinda in a limbo and thats not where you wanna be on a shroom. i wanna feel the euphoria but you cant search for a feeling you just have to feel whatever is available and let it pass. the good thing about all of this is that it will pass. and im blessed. God blessed me. i can overcome anything if i have the courage to take a leap of faith. i think i hear myself or a varation of myself screaming in my head or at least crying or some sort. its weird but now im a bit emotional. im like an hour and a half into my shroom trip. its 23:34. 23:51 listening to kanye west’s 2007 performance and i just feel good. mum wants me to pray with her. i feel good. im in a good mood. typing is a good asmr sound that i like. stronger just came on by kanye and im in a better mood. i understand why they say just feel the feelings when youre on these drugs. i have a nice face.the shrooms are kinda working now. i feel good. i feel very good. my care for things is gone again. i feel like im in my optimal. touch the sky. im gonna pray with lauren and probably call saffrah back. im listening to all of the lights at the larry hoover concert. mike dean really did his fucking job with the synths!! do you hear those synths?!??! man thats godly! i feel good. my head hurts less but i feel something. i feel like the more expressive i am the more expressive people are around me haha how pretentious of me like bruh come on man. but then again. currently listening to lil wayne’s dedication series (dedication 4). cashed out. i have to say lil wayne is the greatest rapper alive. he has it all man. cadence. wordplay. versatility. storytelling ability. 1:11! just saw another angel number. 1:37am listening to 50 cent many men. idk why but im just feeling things and thats okay. just messaged Honey to ask if shes okay cause she said she disassociating for a while but im here for her. and i love her. so theres that. i think im gonna end this here for now and start a new thingy but i really like hearing my typing which is why im still typing like cmon man. i feel good . listening to lets get blown by snoop and im gonna sign off there. God bless. love uri xx 01:43am 30th aug 2022 tues