#sad-quotes-and-sayings-for-myspace

[tayfabe75]

i've finally caved and started believing that matty and taylor met way earlier than 2014. can you break down your theories? right now i think them connecting on myspace and meeting in person when taylor performed on loose women makes a lot of sense but do you think they lost touch for some years after that? maybe they tried long distance but it simply didn't work for a variety of reasons which explains some speak now/red songs. and then reconnected in 2013 around the time she was w harry?

Hi anon! First, apologies for taking so long to reply. I only really have one theory posted so far, which is this one. But you nailed it! I think it was an early online love affair that probably didn't last very long but seemed to leave a big impact on both of them - strong enough to land them both some of their most popular and successful songs.

For me, Love Story and Robbers are like sister songs, two sides of the same coin. Both songs were written roughly around the same time, both inspired by Romeo and Juliet. Matty has said a whole lot about Robbers, but this line always stuck with me:

"It became this whole metaphor for the relationship that I was in. It's quite a sad song."

Later, when talking about 'Heart Out', he says this:

"I had quite an intense relationship with a girl who lived in another country."

(Speaking of 'Heart Out', please listen to this!)

Taylor, meanwhile, describes the dynamic of the world forcing Romeo and Juliet apart as something that "can happen in the 1700s, or the 1800s, or 2008" - the year both songs were released. There are a lot of strange parallels between Taylor's early catalog and Drive Like I Do. It's a fun rabbit hole to go down, especially given she was singing about London before she was romantically connected to anyone who lived there. Matty, likewise, was using a lot of American terminology as a teenager.

I think what trips people up about this theory is that they assume I'm arguing that these two had a very serious, committed, in-person, early relationship. When what's most likely is that they were two aspiring musicians who connected online and had a whole lot in common, that the chemistry was apparent even through a screen.

Now, if you're someone who believes 'But Daddy I Love Him' could be about Matty… then that makes this recently resurfaced clip about 'Love Story' all the more interesting…

TTPD definitely isn't about last May. It seems like it's most likely about 2014. But... what if it's about 2008? Or, at least some portion of it.

Lastly, I will leave you with a quote from Matty:

"The idea of desire, the idea of wanting to obtain something is so much stronger than the feeling of actually obtaining something. ‘Cause you get over that. You don’t really get over the one that got away.

Thanks for the ask! 💛

[colesmemes]

▸   𝙨𝙪𝙘𝙘𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙤𝙣  (2018-𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵)  sentence  starters  &  prompts.

         assorted  quotes  &  prompts  from  tv  show  that’s  ruined  my  life.  some  lines  have  been  changed  slightly  to  be  more  applicable.  mature  content  and  language  may  be  used,  feel  free  to  adjust  as  necessary.

❝  do  you  want  to make  a  deal  with  the  devil?  ❞

❝  what  am  i  gonna  do  with  a  soul  anyway?  ❞

❝  souls  are  boring.  boo,  souls!  ❞

❝  if  we  get  through  this,  is  there  a  thing  where  we,  like,  talk  to  each  other about  stuff...  normally?  ❞

❝  you  mean  you  wanna  talk  about  the  big  shit?  ❞

❝  we  don’t  have  any  feelings,  what  are  you  talking  about? ❞

❝  you  sound  deranged.  ❞

❝  i  was  wondering,  do  you  think  it’s  possible  to  sue  a  person  -  a  grandparent,  for  example  -  in  an  affectionate  way?  ❞

❝  i  love  you,  i’m  glad  you’re  part  of  my  life,  but  i’m  taking  legal  action  against  you.  ❞

❝  the  fucking  belligerent  zucchini  here  is  set  to  close  negotiations  for  good.  ❞

❝  you’re  going  to  sue  greenpeace?  i  like  your  style.  who  do  you  think  you’re  going  to  go  after  next,  save  the  children?  ❞

❝  can  he  do  a  speech?  the  demented  fucking piss-mad  king  of  england?  ❞

❝  the  only  way  they’ll  respect  you  is  if  you  try  to  destroy  them.   ❞

❝  you’re  not  a  killer.  you  have  to  be  a  killer.  ❞

❝  family  therapy,  family  therapy,  family  therapy!  ❞

❝  i  have,  like,  twenty  bucks  left.  the  world  is  so  fucked  up.  ❞

❝  your  principles?  don’t  be  an  asshole,  you  don’t  have  principles.  ❞

❝  this  is  not  fucking  charles  dickens  world,  okay?  ❞

❝  i  just  wonder  if  the  sad  i’d  be  without  you  is  less  than  the  sad  i  get  from  being  with  you.  ❞

❝  are  we  talking  to  each  other  on  the  deck  of  a  majestic  schooner?  is  the  salty  brine  stinging  my  weather-beaten  face?  no?  then  why  the  fuck  are  you  wearing  a  pair  of  deck  shoes?  ❞

❝  you  don’t  hear  much  about  syphilis  these  days,  very  much  the  myspace  of  STDS.   ❞

❝  what  i  think  they  meant  to  say  was  that  they  wished  your  mom  gave  birth  to  a  can  opener,  because  then  at  least  it  would  be  useful.  ❞

❝  when  you  laugh,  please  do  it  at  the  same  volume  as  everyone  else.  we  didn’t  get  you  from  a  hyena  farm.  ❞

❝  they  did  once  call  me  the  cunt  of  monte  cristo.    ❞

❝  you  little  slime  puppy.  ❞

❝  don’t  threaten  me,  i  don’t  have  time  to  jerk  off.  ❞

❝  who  said  i  never  killed  anyone?  ❞

❝  i  don’t  mean  to  be  insulting,  but  having  been  around  a  bit,  my  hunch  is  that  you’re  going  to  get  fucked  because  i’ve  seen  you  get  fucked  a  lot.  and  i’ve  never  seen  [name]  get  fucked  once.  ❞

❝  i’d  castrate  you  and  marry  you  in  a  heartbeat.  ❞

❝  i  just  feel  because  of  my  physical  length,  i  could  be  a  target  for  all  kinds  of  misadventures.  ❞

❝  oh  here  they  come,  the  attention  whore.  ❞

❝  do  you  have  a  fetish  for  nearly  killing  our  dad?  like,  just  the  tip,  but  for  nearly  killing  our  dad?  ❞

❝  the  gang’s  all  here,  it’s  like  the  fucking  sgt.  pepper  for  broken  corporate  america.  ❞

❝  you  aren’t  judas-ing,  are  you?  ❞

❝  sometimes  i  think,  should  i  maybe  listen  to  the  things  you  say  directly  in  my  face  when  we’re  at  our  most  intimate?  ❞

❝  are  they  playing  from  the  approved  playlist?  because  my  thing  was  all  bangers,  all  the  time.  ❞

❝  oh  really?  it’s  not  cool  to  tell  the  president  to  blow  me?  ❞

❝  some  guy  with  an  undercut  just  called  me  soy  boy.  ❞

❝  he  never  saw  anything  he  loved  that  he  didn’t  want  to  kick  just  to  see  if  it  still  came  back.  ❞

❝  right  now,  i’m  the  real  you.  ❞

❝  we  should  be  good  people.  wouldn’t  it  be  nice  to  wake  up  in  the morning  and  not  feel  like  a  fucking  piece  of  shit?  ❞

❝  i  think  you’re  a  super  talented  superstar,  and  i  love  you.  ❞

❝  oh,  you’re  such  a  fucking  bitch.  ❞

[hamiltonwc]

F1 drivers as Glee quotes they would say:

Max Verstappen:My personality is like a radioactive asteroid. Spend too much time with it and it could kill you-Sam Evans

George Russell: Maybe it’s our job as young, hot progressives to educate older, scary farts- Brittany Pierce

Daniel Ricciardo: Wow. Sad songs make me really sad and I don’t want to be sad - Brittany Pierce

Charles Leclerc: It’s really hard to be a straight white male these days.- Sam Evans

Alex Albon: ‘I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat. And then, on some dark cold night, I will steal away into your home and punch you in the face- Sue Sylvester

Lando Norris-And that is how I make the manager cry at the cheesecake factory. By being a diva- Emma Pillsbury

Carlos Sainz Jr.: You know what, let me at her. TU ERES LOCA!" - Santana Lopez

Pierre Gasly: How's that homelessness working out for ya? Have you tried not being homeless?- Sue Sylvester

Lewis Hamilton - I WILL NO LONGER BE CARRYING AROUND A PHOTO ID. KNOW WHY? PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW WHO I AM.-Sue Sylvester

Esteban Ocon: “Are you questioning my badassness?”- Noah Puckerman

Sebastian Vettel: “I realize my cultural ascendance only serves to illuminate your own banality. But face it, I’m legend. It’s happened.” - Sue Sylvester

Lance Stroll: “You might think that all of the boys in school would want to tap this, but my MySpace schedule keeps me way too busy to date.” - Rachel Berry

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #426

“insatiable furnace, burning up our surplus  /  watching all essential life become another servant”

Are you a brunette? Yep. It is way past due time that I get it dyed... What is your favorite channel on TV? I don't really watch TV, but if I did, I'm pretty sure it'd probably be Discovery. Have you ever been to Chicago, IL? Yes!! It's my only experience with a truly BIG city, and though I'm not a city person, the experience was pretty magical. It was something I wasn't even remotely used to. Just so much life and business and energy to feel there. Who was your first friend? Brianna. She was the sister of my older sister's best friend. What is your favorite holiday? Christmas. :') Do you regret your last kiss? Nope. Have you ever taken a karate class? No. Who was the last person to tell you ‘I love you’? My mom. Have you ever been to the Statue of Liberty? No. Do you live on your own? Noooo. I don't think I ever could. I would have to stay VERY busy, or else the loneliness would kill me. Hell, even if I was very active in stuff, I still don't know if I could. With how bad my depression is capable of being, it doesn't sound smart at all for me to move out unless it was with somebody. Are your the oldest child? No, I'm the middle kid. How many X-rays have you had in the last 2 years? Two, maybe? One for my legs and the other for my teeth. Are you on good terms with your last ex? Yeah, we're best friends. Do you have scars you don’t like to talk about? Nah. Do you freak out if a bee/wasp flies near you? ... yes lol. What subjects in history interest you most? The Holocaust. It's just so... shocking and extreme that it's oddly fascinating, but of course horribly sad. Are you superstitious in any way? Nah. How do you get rid of anxiety? Do what? Are there any items of jewelry you never/rarely take off? Yeah, my two rings, my lip piercing, and tragus piercing. Has a song ever made you cry before? There are many. ^If so, what about it brought you to tears? Again, I said "many," so this would be a horribly long list. There are four though - "Eternally Yours" and "Another Life" by Motionless in White, "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin, and "The Mortician's Daughter" by Black Veil Brides - that I really, really try to avoid, because I WILL cry. They're all associated with Jason for one reason or another. "Stairway to Heaven," especially, is absolutely forbidden for me to listen to. Would you consider yourself open-minded? Very, honestly. Have you ever met someone online that you wanted to meet in real life? I've met Sara! :') There are a handful of others I'd love to meet, too. Tell me about the last thing that made you laugh until it hurt. Wow, I have no idea. I don't remember the last time I laughed THAT hard. When you graduate, what color will your gown be? Ugh, it was this insufferable red. We got to vote on it, and I really wanted navy instead, as it looks more formal and not as obnoxious to me, but red won. Do you own a gun? No. My household legally can't because of my suicidal history. What color of shirt are you wearing? It's a black tank top. Do you use any acne medication? Nah, I don't really get acne anymore. Are you emotional or very stoic? I'm emotional as shit. Have you ever watched an anime series, start to finish? A few. There's Fullmetal Alchemist (as well as the Brotherhood expansion), Deadman Wonderland, and Ginga Densetsu Weed. I've seen bits of others. Which baby animal is your favorite? MEERKATS!!!!!! :') Once they reach three/four weeks, they're fucking precious. I also really like kittens. Do you like jam on your toast and biscuits? Sometimes. Have you ever reread a book? It is very, VERY rare I do this. The only cases I remember are for Because of Winn-Dixie and Meerkat Manor: Flower of the Kalahari. Do you have any religious symbols in your home? I think Mom has some religious quotes on the walls? What religion do you identify with, if any? None. What is you favorite flavor of pudding and/or yogurt? I love chocolate pudding, but I'm not very big on yogurt because of the sourness. I can sometimes eat a cookies 'n cream one, but occasionally I'm like "ew." We’re going to the best amusement park ever, first ride you choose is? One of those water rides where you go down a big slope. Did you have intense night terrors as a child? No. Know anybody who works in a tattoo parlor? No. That'd be dope. Have you ever had a piercing get infected? Ugh, yes. Worst was the first time I got my tongue pierced. It was early into infection though, thank God; I ended up having to take it out and get it re-pierced later. Have you ever shoplifted? No. Do you hate when people say, "Everything’s going to be fine,“ when it’s not? Sometimes. It can feel kinda dismissive of your extreme situation, and sometimes, things simply won't be okay. Like, you can't tell that to someone on their death bed. Do you check your fire alarms when you’re supposed to? No, oops. Are you a shorts-wearing kind of person? Absolutely not. Nobody wants to see my legs, not even me. Is your grandparents’ house obsessively tidy? My grandma's sure as hell was. She was very old-fashioned and "proper" and took cleanliness and manners very seriously. Do you know how to jumpstart a car? Nope. Would you date someone 8 years older than you? Probably. What did you do today? I WENT TO THE GYM AND DID A FULL HOUR OF EXERCISE!!!!! :') For once I am SO fucking proud of myself. I left drenched in sweat, but I also left with a feeling of great accomplishment. I'm going to be going twice a week now with a personal trainer. (: Who was the last person you fell asleep with? Sara. Have you ever punched a hole in the wall? No. People doing that shit terrifies me. Have you ever felt replaced? Sure have. Have you ever kissed someone who was high? No. If you caught your significant other cheating on you what would you do? I don't have a partner, but hypothetically, leave their ass in a blink. I don't fuck with those kind of people. Do you know who Jeffree Star is? Well, yes. I watch him on YT sometimes and (astonishingly) love his music, and I find his work ethic extremely inspiring. That man knows how to hustle. What’s your favourite alcoholic beverage? Probably sangrias. When was the last time you saw a photo of your ex? "The" ex, it's been years. I've removed all pictures I have of him, irl and digitally, because it's triggering for me. How many push-ups can you do? Probably zero. Do you play any games on your phone? There's Pokemon GO, DragonVale, and Dragons of Atlantis that I play semi-regularly. Have you ever received a compliment from a stranger? Yes. Have you ever shaved your face? Just my upper lip to avoid the lady stache, ha ha. What colour is your front door? It’s white. Do you take the stairs or the elevator? If an elevator is available, I will ALWAYS use that. I have an extreeeemely hard time getting up stairs because of having just about no leg muscle. Do you get motion sickness? No. When was the last time you went to your favourite restaurant? Oh man, it's been forever. :/ Olive Garden sounds soooo good right now. Do either of your parents have any tattoos or piercings? No. Well, Mom has her earlobes pierced once, but that's it. Are you desperate for anyone’s approval, in particular? It's funny, even though he hasn't been a part of my life for years, I still desperately crave what I think would make Jason proud. There have been many times where my mind has wondered to what he would think of me now... and I know it's not good. Are there any activities you enjoy doing, but can only do for a short amount of time before you get bored or tired of them? Reading. When was the last time you felt hopeful, and why? Today, after finishing my workout at the gym. I think, finally, that I may be taking another stride forward in life. Do you find yourself asking for the same things for your birthdays and for holidays? Ha, yup: a new tattoo, 100%. What is something someone recommended to you that you disliked/hated? Girt's recommended some music to me before. He loves sharing songs he likes with me. Of course I didn't tell him it sucked, ha ha. What’s a fact about the last person you kissed? She is very passionate about animals, reptiles in particular, and is simply amazing with them. If you had a child, would you rather have a girl or a boy? A girl for sure. Has anybody ever accused you of doing drugs? No. Have you ever fallen asleep with the last person you kissed? Yeah. Honestly, do you think that you will wanna settle down in the same town you’re currently residing in? HELL no. I hate this place. Does anyone call you darling? If so who? Sara does sometimes. Are you close to any of your cousins? No. Are you a romantic person? I think I am. What’s the coolest thing you’ve seen out the window of an airplane? Mountains. Have you ever been in the mountains when the moon and stars were up? NO BUT FUCK I WANT THAT. Just lay in a grassy spot with some s'mores or something and just ~vibe~. Do people like your hair? I get complimented on it a bit. Have you ever held birdseed and a bird came and ate out of your hand? Yeah, at a bird sanctuary. Could you ever live in Alaska? Hell yeah, I'd enjoy that. On the main page on YouTube, what’re the three recommended videos? There's one by a WoW gold maker, a song by 3TEETH, and a video of bullsnakes hatching. Do you really care how many friends you or anyone else has on Myspace/Facebook? Couldn't care less. I only "friend" people I know and care about. Does your significant other have any piercings? I'm single. Do you ever get bored of yourself? Oh, all the time. I feel like I'm extremely dull and plain and, well, boring. How many band shirts do you own? Which? Oh goodness, I have no idea. I own a lot. Do you go to shows mostly for the music, the moshing, or the merchandise? I go for the music. It's nice to buy merch, but it's SO expensive that it's dumb. Moshing, I think is just stupid. Have you ever had anything pierced that you don’t have now? Many places, actually. So many holes closed because piercings had to be taken out when I was in the psych hospital. I was so annoyed. Who were you with the first time you watched the last movie you watched? I was alone. Do you have any twins/multiples in your family? Are they identical or fraternal? No. What is the highest number of jobs you’ve had at one time? One. Is your mom a good mom? She is the actual best. Last thing you threw in the garbage? The crust of some leftover pizza I had this morning. I generally eat the crust, but this time it was WAY too hard.

[struwwelzeter]

DRSG ‘98 Making Of Liveblog

I don’t like this video. It’s a cringy cliché fantasy story with bad cgi I and I know it was probably not that bad back then but actually kind of impressive but I can’t unsee it. Richard wears a red dress though, so.

Hearing Till quote ad lines (“Für das beste im Mann” is a Gillette razor ad) always amuses me. Mainly because I’m like ... you really got out of planned economy in your late 20s and just ... learned all this shit on the fly, huh. I sometimes wonder if people who grew up under the Warsaw pact still feel alienated by all that shit. I do, and I just grew up on what basically was a wannabe hippie commune.

Is it really necessary to yell that much around those dogs?

I start to feel like being Paul Landers just entails living with perpetual disappointment. “They cut off our hair. The set up in Engel was stupid. I wanted Hyenas, but we got wolves, and then they’re not even real wolves. Too many bandmembers to look good on pictures. They only gave me 11 prototypes. *pouts*”

Richard and the word quasi make him sound very incompetent but I feel this is one of the few times where he actually 100% understands what the script is about, minus Ohne Dich (see Rosenrot, Haifisch, Seemann...)

I miss his bushy eyebrows they are cute.

Flake is very pretty in all of this.

I forget this is the 90s. Like, I kind of remember colored contact lenses as something that you can’t buy at any corner, but also, like, what do you mean it’s not a regular thing, every scene girl on myspace has those lol (I feel old.)

Schneider IS the best actor in the band. He has that intensity about him and a general focus that reminds me of someone like Rupert Friend (whom I love). Does a lot with very little, and that’s why it’s so successful. Maybe that’s why he baffles me so much, he slips in and out of roles so easily that I don’t know who he is.

I wonder if maybe he took along time figuring that out himself?

Has anyone ever commented on how Till says “man” instead of “Ich” alot? That’s like saying “one does x” instead of “i/we do x” and like ... why the disconnect? It’s like it’s that only way he can open up, by removing it from himself, which - I do too but it’s sad.

The whole kissing thing embarasses me and is cringy and I won’t comment on it beyond the fact that I absolutely hate, hate, hate theater make up because it makes me break out like crazy and smells bad (Musical class in school, don’t ask), and the thought of kissing anyone with that kinda make up on his like, 90% of why this makes me cringe so bad.

That sped up old style dancing bit is the only redeeming quality of this video (and the dress of course.)

I can kind of see how concept wise this video is Richard’s thing. I wonder how he feels about it today. I mean I’d like it if it was done well but meh ... I just wish it was more lost boys and less twilight does that make sense.

You know I’ll be the first to say that baby Richard was alot of trouble but he was also 31 one in this and clearly questioning himself and like ... maybe I’m a judgmental ass.

We all agree the red dress is very, very, very pretty, correct?! Can we please repeat that somehow?

I never noticed the “6 people walk out of the frame” thing, is that actually true? Do I have to rewatch everything to check or is Paul just bullshitting me.

Yeah no, still don’t like the video.

[lovemesomesurveys]

[found at: eightfortysix]

Who are you? My name is Stephanie.

What are the 3 most important things everyone should know about you? -I’ve been distant and withdrawn these past few years, but I’m just a mess and wrapped up in my own head and the shit I’m dealing with and haven’t been able to really be there for anyone. It’s not that I don’t care. -I get in very moody and irritable moods. -I’m always tired and feel drained.

Where do you want to be in 5 years? I don’t know.

Are you more child-like or childish? I think I’m still a child at heart. I also feel like one when I get in my moody moods and cry over the most ridiculous things.

What is the last thing you said out loud? “Goodnight.”

How do you handle a rainy day? I don’t do anything different unless I leave the house, in which case I’d just dress differently for the weather. 

What did you want to be when you grew up? I wanted to be a teacher.

Are you more of a giver or a taker? I feel like I’ve been more of a taker these past few years. 

Have you ever been given a second chance? Yes.

Do you make your decisions with an open heart/mind? I think I do for the most part. 

What is the most physically painful thing that has ever happened to you? The accident that made me a paraplegic. 

Who have you hugged today? I haven’t hugged anyone today so far.

If you could learn how to do three things just by wishing and not by learning, what would they be? I’d be fluent in Spanish, an amazing pianist, and something useful that I could use to be successful in life. 

What 3 things do you want to do before you die? Get my shit together, do something worthwhile with my life, and travel. What three things would you want to die to avoid doing? Uhhh.

Have you ever saved someone's life or had your life saved? I’ve had mine saved.

What was the last thing you made with your own hands? I’m not crafty.

What was your favorite toy as a child? I was obsessed with Barbies.

What is your favorite thing to do outside? The only outdoor activity I enjoy is spending time at the beach.

How do you feel when you see a rainbow? It’s always pretty cool because it’s a rarity for me.

Have you ever dreamt a dream that came true? Certain things I’ve dreamt have happened, but not like aspiration dreams or anything serious.

What one thing have you done that most people haven't? Hmm. I can’t think of anything cool. I just keep thinking of negative things.

Are you a patient person? No.

What holiday should exist but doesn't? I don’t know.

What's the best joke you ever heard? I don’t know, man.

Is your hair natural or dyed? I dye it red, but it’s been almost a year so my natural hair color has outgrown quiteee a bit.

What is under your bed right now? Nothing.

If you drive do you frequently speed? I don’t drive.

What is the world's best song to dance to? There’s a ton of great, upbeat, perfect dance songs.

What song was on the last time you danced with someone? I haven’t danced with anyone.

Do you prefer Disney or Warner Brothers? I watch stuff from both, but I mean Disney will always hold a special place. 

Would you consider yourself to be romantic? I haven’t had a chance to really find out.

If the earth stopped rotating would we all fly off? We’d be swept away.

If you had to choose would you live on the equator or at the North Pole? I wanna live with Santa. haha.

Would you rather give up listening to music or watching television? I mean, I love music but I don’t listen to it as much as I used to. I love having favorite shows and movies to binge watch and obsess over. Ideally, I’d like to just keep both, though. Thanks.

What do you think makes someone a hero? People have their own ideas about what makes someone a hero.

What cartoon would you like to be a character in? Hmm. Can it be something Disney?

Name one thing that turns your stomach. The smell of old food.

What was the last thing you paid for? Bills. Bleh.

Get anything good in the mail recently? No. It’s died down since Christmas has ended.

Tell me some of your greatest fears. I’ve done this so many times in surveys; I don’t feel like it right now.

What's the most eccentric thing you have ever worn? I haven’t worn anything eccentric. I keep it pretty simple.

Have you ever caught an insect and kept it as a pet? Ew, noooo.

You are spending the night alone in the woods and may bring only 3 items... A tent, food, my phone. 

List five people you love starting with the one you love the absolute most. I love my family, which includes my doggo. They’re all my number 1.

If you could have 3 wishes...but none of them could be for yourself...what would you wish for? The end of the pandemic, no one would have to ever go hungry, and no more violence.

How much money would it take to get you to drive to school naked in? I would never do that.

Have you ever been on the radio or on TV? I’ve been on the local news before. It was after my accident.

Have you ever named an individual part of your body? No.

Is there anyone you trust completely? Yes.

Have you ever lost someone without having the chance to say goodbye? Yes. 

Would you rather have an indoor Jacuzzi or an outdoor pool? I’d prefer an indoor pool instead of a jacuzzi. 

Would you consider yourself to be intelligent? No.

Would you consider yourself to be wise? No.

Would you ever creep into the subway tunnels to go exploring? No. That would be difficult for me to do anyway.

Would you rather be a world political leader or a rock star? I really don’t want to be either of those things.

Have you ever given someone a love letter that you wrote? Not a love letter per se, but I’ve written someone a long message expressing exactly how I feel about them and the hurt I’ve felt and pretty much just laid everything out on the table.

Are you looking forward to any concerts right now? There aren’t concerts going on.

About how many emails do you get a day? Like 20-30ish.

Have you ever though about hitchhiking across the country? Uh, I would never, ever hitchhike. 

Who would you bring with you on this kind of a road trip? I would have a road trip with just people I know.

If you are single, at about what age do you think you will be ready to settle down? I don’t know. I just don’t feel a relationship is a good idea for me right now. It’s not my where my focus is. It’s not where my heart is.

Do you often wonder, when you say goodbye to people, if it is the last time? It’s crossed my mind at times.

What movie are you most looking forward to seeing when it comes out? I’m excited for new Marvel movies, the new Halloween movie, and the new Scream movie. I look forward to seeing what else is coming out. 

What's on your key chain besides keys? I actually only have one key, but I have a ton of keychains. 

How do you feel about endangered species? It’s sad.

What was the last CD you bought? It’s been several years since I last bought a CD, so I don’t recall.

Would you be willing to go hang gliding? Noooo.

Have you ever taken a lock of someone else's hair? Uh, no.

Have you ever given anyone a lock of your hair? My mom has a lock of mine from when I had my first haircut as a baby.

If you had a locket what would you put inside? A photo of my family.

What is the difference (if any) between madness and brilliance? That makes me think of Jack Sparrow quote, “it’s remarkable how often these two traits coincide.”

Write any random sentence here Nah.

Say the sentence you wrote out loud. Did anybody answer?

If you were to hit redial on your phone right now, who would it call? I don’t think there’s a redial button, but the last person I called was my mom.

Miracle on 34th street: which is better the original or remake? I’ve actually never seen either one.

Have you ever been in a parade? No.

Do you turn the base up all the way in your car? The volume is at a reasonable level. Do you care if what you do annoys others? I mean, yes. Unless it was like, “it annoys me how much you drink coffee”, in which case I wouldn’t give a shit haha. You get the idea.

What keeps you from being happy? Depression.

Can you talk for one hour without using the word 'like'? *shrug* Maybe.

Why is it that a fly can't bird but a bird can fly? Because a bird is an animal and not an action. 

What websites are addictive to you? Tumblr and YouTube.

Who do you love so much that you would clean live maggots out of their garb? I love my family more than anything, but... klsjfksjdflk I’d have to get someone else to do that I’m sorry. D:

Have you filled out an organ donor card? No.

How many oxymorons can you think of? Pretty ugly. I don’t feel like thinking of more.

How many years old is your diary/livejournal/myspace? I’ve had this survey Tumblr since 2014.

Would you ever wear vinyl pants? No.

What was the last thing that you printed out? I don’t even remember, it’s been a long time.

What are you dependent on? My family.

What do you look forward to each day? My first cup of coffee.

What did you think of the Columbine shootings? It was horrific.

What takes your breath away? Hm.

Have you done anything recently that you regret? Yes.

Will you ever do it again? I’m very stubborn.

In your opinion what gives people depth and character? Experiences?

What’s the name of your favorite band? Linkin Park.

Do you have an account on neopets.com? Aw, I did when I was a kid. I loved neopets.

Who is the next person you will hug? The only person I really hug is my mom. 

Where was your last vacation to? Disneyland almost a year ago.

Where was your last car ride to? The doctor.

Where was your last bus ride to? I used to take it sometimes when I was in college.

Where did you last walk to? It’s been yearsss.

What is the worst band in the universe? I don’t know.

What is the next book you want to read? I’m about to start a new one called, “Anything For You” by Marissa Finch.

What gives you a peaceful feeling? Being at the beach watching and listening to the ocean waves crash in and out.

Do you ever stay up late watching infomercials? No, at night my TV is either on The Hallmark Channel, TVLand, or CMT. I remember back when I was a kid and the only thing on late at night was informercials, which really sucked when I was up late because I was sick or just couldn’t sleep. I’m glad there’s actual stuff on now on a lot of channels. But there’s also other options if there weren’t, like YouTube or a streaming services. I wish I had those as a kid.

Are you a light sleeper? Yes.

Are you a toys-R-us kid? “I don’t wanna grow up, cause I’m a Toys R Us kid.”

Are you part of the mile high club? No.

Would you rather be part cat, or part scorpion, and why? I’ll definitely go with the cat. 

When you sleep next to someone who usually falls asleep first? I’m always last to fall asleep.

What is your usual breakfast? If I have breakfast it’s usually scrambled eggs with shredded cheese and spinach with guacamole on the side (guac and eggs are really good together). Lately, I’ve been really into breakfast sandwiches. I like to have either a croissant, english muffin, or sourdough bread with eggs, cheese, avocado, pesto, and cream cheese and 10/10 highly recommend. I also like eggs smothered with country gravy.

How quickly are you willing to take drugs to numb pain? It’s much worse to sit around and wait while it gets worse cause then the medicine takes even longer to kick in.

Have you ever had your car towed? I don’t have a car of my own.

Have you ever used Kool-Aid to dye your hair? No, but I remember a couple of my cousins did that when they were kids.

Would you rather be naked and famous or dressed and non-famous? Dressed and non-famous. This was an easy choice.

What band or singer do you believe started rock and roll? I don’t know.

If you had a large black vase what would you put in it? Flowers?

Would you rather live in the city, suburbs or the country? City.

Would you ever participate in a 'sock hop'? No.

What’s your age? I’m 31.

What’s your hair color? I think this question has been in every survey I’ve done the past few days.

What’s your eye color? This one too.

[shirtlesssammy]

2x08: Crossroad Blues

Welcome to this season’s real hellatus! We’ve got a little theme for the episodes we’re recapping. Try and guess what it is :D Also, we have some good news and bad news. Good news: We’re going to do a whole week of recaps towards the end of the break! Yay! Bad news: They’re all episodes that we hate. We need to get them off our recap plate before the show ends. Enjoy the hellatus (*crying noise*).

Then:

Sam Winchester, professional puppy dog

Now:

Greenwood, Mississippi

August, 1938

Robert Johnson plays Crossroads Blues on a stage to a crowd at a bar. He briefly hears growls but continues to play. He stops again when he sees shadows race outside. The crowd looks confused. Robert runs outside after hearing barks. He races to a shed, but the unseen source of the barking follows him. He kneels to await his fate. 

The door bursts open to find a woman and two men from the bar. The men run to find help and the woman pleads with Robert to stay with her as he mutters, “Dogs, black dogs.” He dies in her arms. 

Sam and Dean are at a diner and Sam’s researching how much of an outlaw Dean is. Sam is upset because it’s going to make their job harder now that the feds have them on their radar. Well, they have Dean on their radar. Dean thinks Sam is jealous. 

Sam’s got a case. An architect jumped off a building he designed, after calling animal control about seeing wild black dogs in his condo. 

There’s a ton of lore on black dogs. Dean brings the real insight to the situation when he tells Sam, “Bet they could hump the crap out of your leg.” AND I MISS THIS DEAN SO MUCH SOME DAYS. 

They interview Gunner Lawless his business partner under the guise of writing a tribute for Architectural Digest. His partner is resentful but admits that the man was a genius. He wasn’t always that way though. He wonders why people with true talent die young. 

The brothers’ next stop is at an area animal shelter. Dean flirts his way into learning more about black dogs in the area. Dean Bean got Carly’s MySpace address too. 

They next head to interview all the people that reported the black dogs. The first on their list is Dr. Sylvia Pearlman. She hasn’t been home in two days. Dean notes that she’s chief of surgery at her hospital, a position she’s had for ten years. She’s only about 42, so she’s very young for that position. They also find a connection to their vic and the doctor. They both visited a place called Lloyd’s Bar. 

Meanwhile, the doctor is hiding out in an early season dingy motel room. She’s frazzled and petrified when someone knocks on the door. The motel staff is there demanding money for another night’s stay. She grabs her money and turns to the man in the door,  only to see his face warp unnaturally. 

The boys find Lloyd’s Tavern next. On the cross road outside the joint, Dean notices yarrow flowers growing alongside the road. These flowers are used for summoning rituals. They put things together and start digging a hole in the middle of the crossroads. They find a tin with various items in it.

People have been summoning and making deals with a demon. “Y’know cause that always ends good.” EAT YOUR WORDS DEAN. Sam says that these people aren’t seeing black dogs, they’re seeing hell hounds. 

Meanwhile, the doctor meets her end with a visit from her own date with the hell hounds. 

Rosedale, Mississippi

1930

We witness Robert Johnson make his crossroads deal with a demon. 

Sam notes that whatever they’re dealing with is a lot like the Robert Johnson lore. Dean notes that Johnson’s music is full of references to hell hounds, demon deals, and the occult. Dean’s barely-tolerating-this-bullshit eyeroll is truly a wonder. (Objectification Sidenote: Damn, Dean’s pretty in this scene.) 

Anyway, they have a picture of another person that made a deal, George Darrow. They head to where he lives. They notice pepper on the doorsill. George answers his door but doesn’t want anything to do with them. They reveal that they know about the supernatural and tell him they want to help. Sam asks about the pepper and George tells them that it’s actually goofer dust. It keeps out demons.

George talks about making his deal and reveals that the demon stayed around Lloyd’s for a week making deals with other people. George mentions the architect and doctor. There’s one other person that also made a deal ten years prior, a man named Evan Hudson. George is resigned to his fate and tells the brothers to leave. 

Evan Hudson works in his home office late at night and flinches at hell hound barks. His wife peeks in before she heads off on a trip. 

As she’s bidding him farewell, her face warps into a dead zombie howl. WHEE HALLUCINATIONS!

Sam and Dean arrive at Evan’s house. Dean opens with asking about Lloyd’s Bar, and Evan immediately slams the door in his face and retreats into his home. That went well! Dean kicks down the door and I’m FINE WITH THIS and not objectifying him at all.

The Winchesters corner Evan in his office. Yes, he knows hell hounds are coming for his soul. Dean’s bitterly dismissive of Evan’s distress, joking about potentially frivolous reasons for him to bargain his soul away. Evan reveals that his wife was dying of cancer, and he made a deal for her health. While Sam melts into a puppy-eyed puddle, Dean still reacts to this with anger. “You ever think about her in all this?” Dean asks. “I think you did this for yourself. So you wouldn’t have to live without her. Well guess what? She’s gonna have to live without you now.”  

Dean’s anger is...counterproductive. So Sam pulls Dean away and they consult in the hall. Dean instructs Sam to spread George’s goofer dust around while he high tails it to the crossroads to summon himself a demon. He’ll exorcise it, and that will buy them a little time. Sam calls this out as a reckless plan and speculates that Dean’s only doing it because he thinks their dad made a deal. “What if he struck a deal?” Dean asks. “My life for his soul?” OH this SWEET EMOTIONAL TORTURE! He heads out to summon the demon.

Dean buries his offering in the crossroad and turns around to find a woman smirking at him. She’s a crossroads demon! They take turns objectifying each other and then Dean invites her to meet in his car for a little privacy. Classic serial killer pickup line. 

Dean tells the demon his terms. He wants Evan released from his deal and he’ll barter himself for it. “You’d sacrifice yourself for someone else?” she says with a devilish smile. “Like father, like son.” 

DRAMATIC MUSIC BREAK

The demon gleefully taunts Dean about John’s deal. When Dean tries to usher her into his car, she balks at the edges of the devil’s trap she sees peeking out from under Baby. Nice try, Dean Bean!

Meanwhile, Evan does his best dramatic chipmunk (prairie dog) impression. 

The hell hounds are now growling from INSIDE THE HOUSE! Sam and Evan watch the doors warily. 

While the hounds close in, Dean gets emotionally traumatized by the demon. (Side note, her breath is visible in this scene and she’s wearing a short sleeved, thin dress. I’m cold in sympathy.) She taunts him about his man-pain and terrible guilt about John’s death. She has the power to bring back John. Dean seems...interested.

The hell hound at Evan’s house stops rattling the door and the room goes silent for a moment until...the hound bursts through the ventilation grate! What a smart doggo!

Dean wants to learn more about the potential to bring back his dad and mopes under a wooden structure until the demon joins him there. She tells him she can give him a ten year deal: John’s life for Dean’s, and they get ten years together before Dean heads below. She plays Dean like a fiddle, and we get a callback to Dean’s feelings in Faith - that he’s not supposed to be alive. Dean experiences VERY LARGE EMOTIONS before wandering out of the structure. “You think you could throw in a set of steak knives?” He directs her attention upward, where he’s painted a devil’s trap on the underside of the structure. What a smart Dean Bean! Excellent misdirection. 

Dean reels off HIS deal: Evan lives, and the demon goes free. If she doesn’t strike a deal, she gets exorcised. (Which is SO embarrassing amirite?) 

Dean starts the exorcism and it starts a fierce wind to howling. The wind gusts into Evan’s house and blows away Sam’s goofer dust circle. Sam and Evan run for safety. The hell hound barks fiercely...until it doesn’t.

Cut to Dean angry-kissing the demon. A kiss seals the deal (apparently all demons like to slip a little tongue). (Insert crack headcanon that this is Crowley in an alternate vessel, when he first gets heart eyes for Dean.)

The demon tells Dean that her word is her bond, but if Dean breaks their deal then the first thing she’ll do when she escapes Hell is tear into Evan like he’s wet paper.

The demon can’t resist one parting shot. Dean should’ve taken the deal. John Winchester’s torture is unimaginably bad. Dean charges for her, the demon smokes out, and Dean’s left with a scared woman in the middle of the crossroads and way too many feelings.

Driving away, Sam and Dean listen to the blues and contemplate John’s deal. Sam tries to focus on the people John saved, but Dean’s stuck in a sadness pit of his own making. Sam asks him if he considered actually making the deal. Dean doesn’t answer, instead just turning the music up.

Oh, Dean.

The Quotes Bark at Midnight:

Dude, I'm like Dillinger or something

I bet they could hump the crap outta your leg

MySpace, what the hell is that?

Somebody goes over Niagara in a barrel, you gonna jump in and try to save 'em?

You're lucky I've got a soft spot for lost puppies and long faces

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive! 

[warnadudenexttime]

What if Patton wasn’t the one in charge?

Now maybe this is only a personal headcannon of mine or a well accepted fan theory, I’m not sure honestly idk what is happening 99% of the time but I believe Patton to be Thomas’ main influence, the big dude in charge, the personality trait Thomas listens to the most, etc.

Also, we get to see how much the sides influence Thomas, well slightly, with accepting anxiety and Virgil’s ducking ( quack whack ). To quote, “an aloof moron with no filter.” He was much more giddy, not exactly fearless just more likely to not think alot before he acted carelessly on actions that could harm him. Because of that power balance being lost between the two ( semi ) grounded sides, that stay ( somewhat ) in reality and the ones who are in the clouds, fantasy is preferred, and positivity all around. So this does prove all of the sides have a lot of influence in Thomas personality, well of course they’re the main four traits but I wanted to restate that.

Now, to get back to the point I was talking about with Patton. Character Thomas and Patton are very similar. Not in a just, he’s a single trait of my personality way, more like he’s a lot of what Thomas atleast mostly shows to his friends or on camera. Both very bubbly, cheery, positive, hides emotions when they feel the need to, loves dogs, loves puns, both have acted as comic reliefs for episodes ( like in Why do we get out of bed in the morning due to Patton not being there character Thomas was heavily relied on for comedy ), and lots more.

I’ve stated in the past my desire to see how Thomas would act if you took away a certain side, and I still stand by that as that’s such an interesting concept to me. Like if you take Roman away does Thomas feel absolutely no desire to create, if we had this episode wouldn’t it be likely a side would have to start the filming because of that art block, he doesn’t speak with that passion he normally has. If Thomas was without Logan would he act exactly like he did in accepting anxiety or would he act “more stupid” or the way he presents himself change? Many factors could take a play in this like him not knowing what day it is, his living room is unorganized with a flood of Roman’s unchecked ideas, etc. But, you guys get the point.

That’s not what I want to talk about today, well I already kinda did but that’s not the point of this post. The point is what would happen if we switched around who the main influence was in Thomas’ personality.

If Logan was the main guy would Thomas be instead working as a chemical engineer right now? Or Thomas did consider videos would they be all educational ( instead of mostly all his videos ending in a “moral” message. ) Would Thomas now prefer that professional look wearing a polo himself, maybe a suit and tie?

If Virgil was the main guy would Thomas have even started a yt channel in the first place? Too scared of the ridicule and judgement put upon him by strangers. Would he be more closed off or if he had videos would they instead be more about mental health and his struggles? Or would it just be Thomas still on MySpace even though it’s 2019, and he’s emo.

If Roman was the main guy Thomas could prehaps be an actor whether tv show, movie or broadway performer? Roman wants Thomas to make everyday of his life interesting and make his dreams come true. ( I’m not too sure on big changes since Patton and Roman’s ideals seem to be similar and we don’t know yet if they clash as they haven’t had a versus episode yet, just to clarify. )

There’s other factors too, how would this change the sides. If Roman was in charge would he have been so pushed into accepting anxiety, would virgil be too scared to share his opinions. Would Logan be more listened to as Roman has stated he respects his opinion very much? Patton would maybe stay the same? Roman loves praise and Patton loves to praise. I’d say maybe Patton would be more sad or disappointed in Roman if he refused to accept anxiety though.

If it was Virgil I could see Logan either being listened to more or less. It depends on if Thomas learns to control his anxiety. If he does, Virgil would probably ask more of Logan simply to make sure everything was safe, etc. Or if he didn’t, Logan wouldn’t be listened too because Virgil just doesn’t or can’t believe him. Now with Roman it’s hard to say simply because it depends on whether or not you believe their rivalry was one sided or not, was it mostly Roman he hated Virgil or did they both. Etc but I think they’d fight more for sure at the very least. I believe Patton roughly stays the same here as well, their friendship could either get closer or worse if you look at it. Closer If Virgil was more scared and anxious or worse If Virgil snaps from all the overly comfort Patton gives.

I think the biggest change would probably be if Logan was in charge. Since Thomas is such an emotional person, 3 of his main personality traits are emotionally driven after all. I think patton would be less respected and listened to, same for Roman perhaps? But it’s hard to say. Would Logan’s friendship with Virgil be as balanced? Now having the ability to just shut his ideas down as ridiculous very quickly instead of learning how to compromise and how he has to be kind and slow with Virgil.

It’s hard to say how this would affect all the relationships and the characters as I can’t predict what would happen as something I didn’t factor happens. Also I didn’t factor deceit into this as he isn’t in the main four but I’m sure he’d be shut down more if Logan was in charge, not listened too at all with Virgil/ or even listened too more too calm Virgil’s worries idk, listened too more if Roman was as Roman loves praise.

But I believe this to be a really cool concept that If someone wrote for or drew or edited or whatever, id die for. So yeah there’s my analysis/rant/thing.

[forgettinggirlinterrpted]

5/8 - 5/13/19

It’s so easy sometimes to forget why I’m here. That’s my problem- I forget things. I forget my keys, I forget to turn my car off when I get gas, once I even forgot I biked somewhere and ended up walking home.

But worse than that, I forget emotions. I forget how miserable not having AC in my car makes me until late April rolls around, I forget when I’m mad at someone, I forget how happy I felt during some of the most important moments in my life. Most importantly- I forget when I’m sad.

I have brief moments that pop up in a sea of darkness that allow me, for just a moment, to laugh and feel like a real person. These moments happen a lot. I can see light and laughter during a panic attack before the flip switches and my brain turns back into a train running off static electricity and black mold. The fog clears for just a brief stop on the tracks and the mold crawls back to its host.

But same as the the fog clears, eventually so does my forgetfulness. My ability to forget is just as weak as it is powerful. Slowly but surely those mold covered trains start moving again with no clear destination. The black creeps in as I sit in the real world, hunched over, grasping onto my surroundings- yet failing to grasp onto any sort of consistent breathing pattern. I can forget sadness, but I can just as quickly forget happiness.

So here I am, in the day room of a psychiatric hospital, surrounded by people just like me. We have become our own ragtag group of misguided grownups. When I arrived here 7 days ago almost a year after my last admission to this hospital, I felt the trains moving at full speed through a pile of sludge. I stared at the painting on the wall and began to fear that here, I may not be able to utilize my warped superpower: my ability to forget.

But slowly, the other patients and I have begun to forget together- somehow forgetting without truly forgetting. Together, we can laugh not through the pain, but alongside it. This is the place where I don't have to feel bad for my moments of forgetfulness. Moments of comic relief and simple enjoyment. I don’t need to feel like my laughter negates my 10-year-old depression diagnosis.

Here, we are embracing those moments. We embrace the moments of happiness and sadness- in whichever order they decide to arrive. In a room full of people so different it looks like the set-up to a bad joke, we can forget in a place that is simultaneously forcing us to remember.

When I got here, my doctors told me to embrace the community. “If you don’t want to talk about your anxiety and depression, then just listen.” So I listened. And then I started talking.

One night, we all gathered in the day room, attempting to avoid the loneliness of our windowless rooms. As a Die Hard sequel blasted in the background, the addicts in the room discussed their journey through meth addiction. I asked questions. They answered. We all laughed. A heroin addict around my age told me, “seriously, don’t touch meth.”

The man next to me, Nate, said through the bustle of conversation and laughter, “are you here cuz of a drug?” I said no, and in his thick, mumbled, country accent he asked me, “then why you here?” 

I told him that I’m sad. 

He sighed, looked down at his folded hands and said, “yeah, I’m sad too.”

Nate loves movies and reading, M&M cookies, and meth. Up until he injected 3 grams of “ice” in a suicide attempt, he has been living on the streets. I halfway listened to the ongoing conversation about how incredible and horrifying hard drugs can be as he told me about a time he was arrested after ending up inside a university dorm building thinking he lived there. We all took a brief break to laugh even more when another patient, also coming from a recent suicide attempt, tried to enter the conversation by saying he had only ever “done weed once.”

Later, in his mumbled speech, Nate told the group about when he was high and stood in the middle of park downtown for 4 hours with a knife in his hand. We asked him what the hell he was doing just standing there. 

He simply replied, “lookin’.” 

I think we were unable, or even unwilling to truly focus on the scary reality behind Nate standing in a public park, knife in hand, waiting for cops that neither we, or even Nate, knew for certain were even coming. 

So we just kept laughing.

As the night and following day before his release passed, I kept talking to Nate. I shared my extra cookies with him, and forced him to come paint in recreational therapy with me. But I couldn’t stop thinking about how genuinely scared I would be if Nate tried to open my dorm room door in the middle of the night. Or if I saw him middle aged, 6’2”, with a bald head, tear drop tattoo, and the psychique of a retired bouncer, standing in park, knife in hand, having the time of his life.

I asked him if it scared him to be out of control like that. He said that was his favorite part; he didn’t mind losing control. Between him telling me about his attempt to end his life and the meth fueled antics that cost him both his new job in Florida and his boss’ iPad, I realized Nate was funny, knowledgeable, and vaguely socially aware.

During one of our conversations, we found ourselves trapped in a seminar about nutrition. He slapped his hands on his thighs and said, “well, time to go.” I whined and asked him to stay. My insistence on attending every activity offered was at odds with Nate’s style. A style that told me that maybe once he did have my naive enthusiasm towards recovery, but lost it somewhere along the way. He said “you want me to stay?” and plopped back into his chair. He knew I wanted him to be there, just as I had begged him earlier to attend a journaling group session- declining my invitation with a non-committal hand gesture and a “nah.”

We sat through the nutritionist explaining “My Plate,” an updated version of the food pyramid. Nate leaned sideways and quietly grumbled, “is that like MySpace,” and I chuckled quietly in a way that reminded me of my habit of exchanging bad jokes in attempts to survive a boring lecture. When the nutritionist asked what could be used as a meat substitute for protein, Nate shouted out every type of bean he could think of. She asked if anybody had eaten eggplant and he shouted, “oh hell yeah, I had an eggplant lasagna once and that shit was delicious.” His southern drawl made everything he said more melodic, and added a level of enthusiasm he often didn’t like to show- unless he is shouting expletives about his incredible experience with eggplant lasagna.

After I had completely tuned out the nutritionist and began to draw in my notebook, Nate leaned over and asked if we could be friends on Facebook. I sneakily handed him paper for him to write his name down. As he wrote, he told me he may not be able to respond for about 30 days.

It happened again. I had forgotten.

I had spent that day arguing with Nate about whether the book or movie version of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest is better. This was an especially unwinnable argument given that I had never seen the movie and only gotten 100 pages into the book, and Nate had only ever seen the movie. 

He had given me movie suggestions, quoted Carrie, and given me shit for thinking a Pink Floyd song playing on the radio was by the B-52’s. 

He ranted about the symbolism behind the music video for Another Brick in the Wall as he painted a birdhouse that he could have easily crushed by closing his fist.

So I forgot. I forgot when he interrupted my conversation with a social worker to mime towards my extra cookie I had leftover from snack time. He had already eaten the first one when I offered, and originally declined the second. 

I was happy he asked for this one though, since I had only asked for the extra cookies so I could give them to him. 

But he didn’t know that.

His casual mention of the 30 days made me chuckle, but also made me remember. Remember where I was, why I was here, and who I was talking to.

I remember that when we first met, Nate told me his father had been in this same hospital almost 23 years ago. He also told me he killed himself right after being discharged. He tried to tell me it didn’t bother him, but shrugged and mumbled, “I mean it prolly does but I don’t know.” I want to say he said it casually, but that wasn’t it. He wasn’t laughing, but he wasn’t crying either. Mainly, he seemed defeated. Tired, like this was just the beginning of a long list of bullshit he has tried to deal with in his own way.

He looked at me, but never fully turned his body. 

He told me the only thing he truly remembers about the day his dad died. 

During checkout, his dad checked a box on his discharge forms stating yes, he did think his time there had helped him. But his father made it clear to Nate that he didn’t think it helped his depression. When he asked his dad why he lied to the doctors, Nate’s father told him, “I just want to go home.”

This all flashes back, and I remember that despite a potential Facebook friendship, this was the last time I would see him. Mainly, I was forced to remember that I have no control over his sobriety- and that 2 days of talking and painting with a depressed 24-year-old is not going to keep him from running back to the life he is used to the moment things get difficult in his new facility.

I began to think about my plan of action if I see Nate in 30 days, 3 months, or 3 years from now, standing downtown waiting for a dealer, or embarking on one of the never-ending walks he takes to kill time when the meth steals his ability to sleep.

Would I stop for him? Am I prepared to know fully and truthfully that this attempt at sobriety had failed? That the system had failed? Am I ready to accept the fact that I live in a world where kind, smart, and funny people just aren’t given the chance at life they deserve?

I asked him why he thought this shot at sobriety would work, and he said, “I’m just tired man, this ain’t no life.” So again, I remember. I remember why he is here in the first place- Nate had tried to kill himself. What happens if this doesn’t all go according to plan? What’s next?

His favorite part of the drug he wants to quit is the lack of control, and his drug-fueled delusions grant him his own ability to forget. Nate wasn’t ashamed to tell me his stories, but made it clear he wasn’t particularly proud of them either- with an ambivalence that is both inspiring and troubling. 

I fear the thought of everything he hadn’t had time to tell me about. I worry about what will happen when he begins to allow himself to remember.

During our first conversation, I told Nate I was afraid to leave the hospital because I thought the real world was scary. Without fully looking at me Nate shrugged and said, “it’s only as scary as you let it be.” 

Before he checked out, I gave Nate my copy of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest to read in rehab. 

Maybe one day we can finally finish our debate on the merits of each version of the story. 

Selfishly, I mostly did this so Nate would remember me. But even if he throws the book away, I just hope he remembers to take his own advice. The world really is only as scary as we let it be.

In our groups sessions this past week, we have talked a lot about forgiveness and second chances. For the past 6 months, I have struggled to handle my anxiety and depression, making my constant battle between forgetting and remembering unbearable.

I’ve learned I need to give myself a second chance, and allow myself to to let go of the things that fuel the trains in my head.

Nate and I are both giving ourselves our own second chances- ones that might end up with us both back in this hospital. Ones that will be scary. 

Whether or not we crash and burn, these are second chances I think we both truly deserve.

The trains in my head will never fully stop, and that’s ok. I feel ready to go home. I feel ready to attempt to live in a world without fear.

And, for the sake of Nate and every single way our short friendship changed me- I just want to allow myself to forget, but always remember to remember.

[ksykesisdead]

Why Not?

Fuck it, I’m bored. Let’s bring it back to the old Myspace Bulletin Survey days and fill this shit out!

When was the last time you ate something containing chocolate? Just a few days ago... Delicious gourmet chocolates!

Are you more likely to listen to your friends’ advice, or your parents’? I don’t really listen to anyone’s advice, to be honest... So, neither?

If someone asks for your honest opinion, do you give it? Yes... Although I do tend to sugar coat things to avoid hurting peoples’ feelings. Yeah, I’m one of those... Sorry. Hah. But also... If I let my emotions get the best of me I can be extremely hurtful. I feel like there’s almost no in between.

What do you think of being “brutally honest���? Hmmm, I can definitely be brutally honest at times despite my statement above. It honestly depends how passionate I am, if I’m angry or upset, blah, blah, blah. But like I said, I try to deliver things in a way that isn’t too hurtful. I know how words can effect people deeply, and I always keep that in mind... I’m good at being a fucking dick though when I’m not handling my emotions well. I tend to tell people that they’re wasting my time. >.<

When was the last time you felt uninformed or out of the loop? In relation to current events and whatnot, it’s a constant thing.

When in a car, where do you like to sit? Shotgun biitchhhhhhh.

Have you ever fought with a good friend over something completely stupid? Oh, I’m sure. 

How did the two of you get past it [ if you did ] ? Fuck me, I feel lame for saying this, but “TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS” lmao (they may leave scars and shit,  but they heal eventually).

Would you ever visit a third-world country? I have, and I would like go back someday.

You’re planning a camping trip; what do you take with you? It depends on the circumstances of the campsite... But generally, the bare minimum.

Who do you take with you? THE BODEINE BOYZ and others!

Have you ever been lost in an unfamiliar setting? Yes! Many times... lol

Are you the type that’s too ashamed to ask for or use directions? Noooooo. 

You overhear two people gossiping about you; what do you do? I usually confront people in those kinds of situations.

You receive a letter from a secret admirer; what do you do? Fucking read it lol

When was the last time that your parents were disappointed in you? Fuck, I don’t know. 

When was the last time that you disappointed a friend? Probably earlier this week or even today. Or well, I don’t consider them a friend actually... So, I don’t know. :o

When you watch the news, how does it effect your mood? Well you see, I don’t watch the news.

When was the last time you felt that you had too much on your plate? It has been quite a while.

Do you ever have anxiety attacks? I get riddled with anxiety quite often, but I don’t believe myself to have ever experienced an actual anxiety attack.

Have you ever felt manipulated? Eh, somewhat. When I sense that somebody is trying to be manipulative, I either confront them or distance myself.

Are you on a diet? Nooooo.

What do you think of young children that already have body image issues? It’s really sad... It truly concerns me because I have been there, therefore I know how detrimental it can be to somebody’s mental well being. It isn’t all derived from vanity.

If you were homeless, how would you cope? I would like to believe that I would cope by getting my fucking shit together and turning the situation around.

Have you ever done something just to fit in? Yes I have. Guess what? More often than not, it just made me feel even more out of place and awkward.

When was the last time you tried to impress someone, for whatever reason? Very recently at a job interview.

If the world ends in 2012, what do you want to get done before that date? How old is this shit? lol it’s 2018!

Are there any family traditions that have changed since your childhood? We never really had any family traditions to begin with.

Would you rather have your friends or your family? Family... But I do love my friends and they mean the world to me.

What is one thing that you find annoying about the opposite sex? Well the things that annoy me don’t pertain to just males... BUT (lol), most of my male friends are those who blatantly check out females in a... gross (for lack of a better term) manner. It’s just a personal thing... I dislike getting checked out by dudes in general sooooo...

What is one thing you find annoying about your own sex? Again, it doesn’t pertain to all females... HOWEVER, I’ve witnessed many females who try to bring each other down. Like come on now, fucking empower one another for fuck’s sake. I just wanna see more females who are accepting and willing to empower one another.

What is your favorite thing about the opposite sex? I fucking love males man. Everything, really. lol

When was the last time you deleted a Myspace friend? What’s Myspace? lol

Does it get on your nerves when people constantly ask for picture comments? Again, how old is this shit? Haha.

You get a request from someone with 3423 friends; do you add him/her? Yeah, to see if anything comes out from it. You never know.

Have you ever taken a personality test? Yesssss. INFJ mother fuckers!

Have you ever taken an online IQ test? What was the result? I don’t think so.

Have you been to the library in your city any time recently? No. I should go some time soon, though.. I was thinking about the library the other day. 

What’s your opinion on religion in schools? I don’t have much of an opinion, honestly. 

Do you think that the world could function in a state of anarchy? Not so much. Haha.

How well do you know your U.S. [ or your country’s ] history? Not very well at all. I have forgotten most of what I had learned.

Would you ever wish to move to another country? Hmmm. Maybe some day in the far future.

Have you ever thought that “the grass is greener on the other side”? Not in those words lol.

What is something that you do that others might consider “nerdy”? I really don’t know. 

Name one unhealthy habit that you have? I smoke cancer sticks every here and there.

You see your best friend chatting with your ex; how do you react? I don’t have a best friend lol either way, I don’t think I’d care much at all.

Have you ever had anything expensive stolen from you? Plenty of times. Fuck you, thieves!

Do you understand / notice when someone’s using sarcasm? Usually, yeah. lol

When was the last time you were fooled? It has been a while.

What First Impression do you hope you make with other people? Hmmm. Uhhh, that I am personable, open minded, and relateable.

Have you ever thought about how you make other people feel / think? Uhhh, to a fault I’d say lol. I am very much aware... VERY much aware.

What is your stance on getting revenge? I am definitely not one that seeks revenge. I think that it generates more negative energy, and fuck idk. I view it as a sign of immaturity. Justice and revenge are derived from different seeds, if you ask me. I can write a whole entry about my stance on revenge.

What is the purpose of hatred? Ugh, I don’t think that I can say that there is a purpose. I think it’s just something we harbor when we are not able to process things in a healthy way... Something that’s fed by many things such as jealousy, a closed mind, insecurities, etc. Some people just handle things differently.

How do you decide whether to accept or not accept a friend request? I usually view their profile to see if we have any mutual friends or interests.

Do huge pictures and un-readable fonts [ on profiles ] bother you? The fuck. No? lol

It’s the first day of school; what do you wear? My go to outfit!! My Buttertones tee, black high waisted jeans, and my ankle booties!

Do you pick out your clothing far in advance? Noooooo. I only do that if I feel like I’m going to a special place or event.

If someone has no fashion sense, what do you think of him/her? It doesn’t phase me much at all. I don’t care.

If you judge, how can you expect to not be judged in return? I always expect to be judged. :p

Any wise/truthful/witty quotes that you live by? Since middle school I’ve always followed the quote, “there are no regrets in life, just lessons.”

Favorite comeback? I suck at those lol.

[dustedmagazine]

Listed: Bodies of Water

Bodies of Water emerged from L.A.'s Highland Park neighborhood in the mid-aughts with Ears Will Pop & Eyes Will Blink, drawing on an unfashionable, but oddly intriguing mix of influences – gospel quartets, Tropicalia and baroque pop. The group is centered around the husband and wife team of Meredith and David Metcalf, who have to date put out four records as Bodies of Water, as well as two as Music Go Music. Jennifer Kelly reviewed the latest, Spear of the City, for Dusted, observing that “Even the most contemplative cuts move with purpose and vigor and carefully plotted complexity. Long-time listeners might well miss the fizzing, popping, overload of good feelings that Eyes and A Certain Feeling brought on, but quieter, darker tunes have a value, too.” You might have intuited broad interests from the Metcalfs’ wide-ranging output and here David Metcalf confirms the point with a list of his favorite photographs.

Russian Playground (Unknown Photographer)

I lived in the Ukraine briefly, in the mid-1990s. I was in Dniepropetrovsk, where there are giant apartment buildings like this all over. A lot of them had playgrounds, but they usually had a few more pieces of playground equipment than this one. Honestly, I don't think this is a legit playground. I think someone just dragged a slide over there and took a photo. These playgrounds usually had swings, slides, and those round metal platforms that spin. Do you know what I'm talking about? They have bars on them to hold onto, but if they get going fast enough, kids will start flying off. I don't know the name for these, in Russian or in English.

The other ubiquitous piece of community equipment out next to all these buildings were these metal bars, about six feet high, that were used to beat rugs. You draped your rug over the bar (they were just two posts stuck in the ground with a pipe between them across the top), and then beat the hell out of it with a stick. Some people had a tool for this, a long-handled type of paddle. I did this a few times in Ukraine. They work great. You have to make sure the wind is blowing away from you.

I've been lamenting the dearth of these in Northeast Los Angeles. It's faster and easier to clean a rug this way than to rent the rug doctor from Vons or whatever, but there just aren't good pipes to hang your rug from. Maybe I'm just looking in the wrong places. I've thought about the pull-up type bars they have on playgrounds around here, but I don't want to bring a rug all the way to some park and then have to deal with a bunch of rubberneckers watching me beat it with a tennis racket. Also, I'd have to do this real early in the morning so that the rug dust wouldn't foul the lungs of the children on the playground. It's just not worth it. I have too much going on in the mornings trying to get my kids fed and out the door to school, not to mention just getting my own head together! Forget it, I'll just have a dirty rug.

Yelena (Unknown Photographer)

This is from some friend of a friend's myspace page. I saved it years ago, for obvious reasons. I can't figure out what is going on in this photo, but the tinsel reminds me that Christmas is coming soon!!!

Grand Bay Living (Unknown Photoshopper)

I love these photoshopped promotional images for non-existent real estate projects! Very compelling. This one is for "The Grove at Grand Bay" in Coconut Grove, Florida.

A few notes:

The newspaper man seems tense. Also, he seems to be on the other side of the glass, outside of the condo. Is he? Figuring out where the glass walls begin and end is incredibly confusing. Is there a balcony?

The kid is rolling dice.

This development overlooks Biscayne Bay. If you do a google image search for "Biscayne Bay," the second image that comes up is of a car stuck in about two feet of ocean water. I suspect that this image represents the REAL Biscayne Bay.

What is the thing next to the sleeping lady? Hologram? Table?

This development exists now, they made it! I think they're still trying to sell the condos. A quote from the website: “They are also the first buildings that twist in the U.S. And on the topic of firsts, these are the first new high-rise residential buildings in Coconut Grove in a decade. Beautiful? Absolutely.” Guess how much these places cost. Did you guess yet? They range from 1.3 million dollars to 23.5 million. Why so expensive? I don't really know.

Apparently, this place has a bunch of amenities; car service, tennis court, chef, pet groomer, playground etc. No mention of rug-beating stations.

I don't know what this photo is called (Adam Moskowitz)

Ever since I was little, whenever I close my eyes, I see some version of this.

Blackpool, England (Chris Steele-Perkins)

Beaches used to be a lot more laissez-faire, for better or worse. My mother's parents used to drive their motorhome right up onto the sand in Destin, Florida. Everyone would park their RVs by the water and hang out. This custom seems to have disappeared. Nobody lets you drive your car onto the beach and park on the sand anymore. Why? Concerns about safety and pollution, I guess.

I've never been to Blackpool. It's hard to tell who's having the most fun in this picture. I vote for the guy wearing socks, reading the newspaper. Seems fun to me. If I could go on a vacation and just sit and read all day I would consider it a wild success. Honorable mention goes to that dog. I guess if he's the kind of dog who enjoys taking vengeance for being muzzled by pissing on other people's stuff, he's probably having a great time. They say living well is the best revenge, but I don't know.

Paris, by Antico, circa 1500 (NY Met)

What a wonderful sculpture! I don't know why this look went out of style. I mean the bronze body with gilt hair and silver eyes. I would love to have sculptures of my children made in this style. We'll just have to track down someone who has the know-how to make this happen. The only deviation from this aesthetic that I'd suggest would be to sculpt them wearing some basketball shorts, but other than that I think we're good to go.

Cynthia Bourgeault (YouTube screenshot)

I've been listening to Cynthia on YouTube quite a bit. She may disagree, but I feel like this photo captures her deal pretty well. I like her!

She seems happy.

A quote from Cynthia:

“At the center of our being is a point of pure nothingness which is untouched by sin and illusion, a point of pure truth, a point or spark that belongs entirely to God, which is never at our disposal, from which God disposes of our lives, which is inaccessible to the fantasies of our own mind or the brutalities of our own will. This little point of nothingness and of absolute poverty is the pure glory of God written in us. It is, so to speak, His name written in us, as our poverty, as our indigence, as our dependence, as our sonship. It is like a pure diamond blazing with the invisible light of heaven. It is in everybody, and if we could see it we would see these billions of points of light coming together in the face and blaze of a sun that would make all the darkness and cruelty of life vanish completely.”

Nice.

Sad Bulldog (Unknown Photographer)

Not sure if this is a couch or some kind of settee. Looks comfy though.

Sometimes I wonder if the total absence of corduroy furniture in my home may be some kind of red flag.

Emma & Naomi (Philip-Lorca diCorcia)

I have mixed feelings about some of this dude's methods; creeping around, hiding lights, laying in wait to photograph strangers without their permission, etc, BUT the results are beautiful. He's always been one of my favorite photographers; very egalitarian, very compassionate.

At least that's the impression I get. It could all be a ruse, or it could be that the proof is in the pudding. I never know anymore.

I don't know what this one is called (Ted Pushinsky)

Looking at this photo is bittersweet for me. Throwing cold water at beach nudes seems like it would bring a lot of joy into my life, but I feel like that ship has sailed. When a kid does that kind of thing, he has spunk and vim. When it's a grown man, he's a pervert, or an asshole.

Everyone hates him. I feel like I didn't take advantage of being a kid enough. I threw cold water on people a few times, but never on strangers. The fallout from that kind of thing seemed grave back then, but in retrospect, unless your parents were monsters (mine weren't), the consequences were pinner. Maybe the real issue was logistical; there were no nude beaches anywhere near Fullerton when I was growing up. At least none that I knew of. There was one in San Diego, but what was I going to do? Take a train to San Diego so I could douse nudes? That's weird. Maybe being elderly will provide me a second chance at this.

Everyone thinks outlandish, reactive old people are funny (unless they're racist). I'll revisit this plan in 45 years.

7 year old skull

Did you know this is how teeth work? I had honestly never thought about it until I saw this photo. Your adult teeth were made in your head long before they emerged, nestled into your bones, waiting to push out the baby teeth. FUN FACT: I have great teeth. Not real straight, but strong.

I've never had a cavity in my life! Knock on wood.

I didn't realize until I went back and numbered these that I made 11. Sorry.

[surveysonfleek]

331.

1. Do you have any big plans for November? hmm sensation, a drake concert and my sister’s birthday.

2. What upcoming event are you most looking forward to? i have no idea tbh. i don’t have anything going on for awhile.

3. What was the last song you heard? idk i’m watching netflix atm.

4. Quote something from last night: 'did they fuck?’

5. What time did you wake up today? around 11am. i over slept hard.

6. What does your last incoming text say? hope i win.

7. Is there a vase in the room you’re in? no.

8. Any plans for today/this evening? today is over but i’m working tomorrow.

9. Have you recently been insulted? yeah.

10. What is the radio in your car tuned to at this exact moment? it’s not on radio, last i was in it i had the aux in.

11. Compared to someone else of your age and gender; do you feel that you have a lot to offer someone? not really tbh.

12. How many days a week do you work? 4-5.

13. Are there people you feel more connected to than others? yes definitely. there’s some people i just don’t vibe with even if they’re nice.

14. Is there ONE person you feel more connected to than others? yes.

15. Are you more like your mother or your father? idk i have characteristics from the both of them.

16. Where did your eye color come from? both of my parents have brown eyes.

17. Describe the pants you are wearing: not wearing pants.

18. Have you ever been in a recording studio? nope.

19. The myspace picture you’ve had up the longest? lol i wouldn’t have a clue.

20. Are any of your myspace pictures alcohol related? no..

21. What is your worst relationship quality? idk i get annoyed pretty easily.

22. What was your most recent serious injury? it wasn’t super serious but i had quite a lot of hot oil drip onto my hand while the waitress at korean bbq was changing the grill.

23. What were you most recently happy about? being out yesterday.

24. Are you happy with the way the Yankees are playing? i don’t follow baseball.

25. Are you a fan of cake? yes.

26. What shirt have you not worn in a while that you would like to? hmm idk.

28. When was the last time you were hit on? i don’t remember. how sad.

29. What is the next concert you are going to and where are you seeing it? rnb fridays at olympic park.

30. Name someone you know who is most likely to be found at a bar on Wednesday night? hmm maybe my friends. not to drink but because the bar offers cheap dinners on wednesdays.

[thecoppercow]

Imagine if, after 9/11, Tony Blair had immediately jumped on Blogger (cos we didn’t have Facebook or even Myspace then) and attacked Rudy Giuliani.

Imagine if Euan Blair had dug out an old quote of Giuliani’s, twisted it, used it to attack him with. Then concentrated on his name, the dogwhistle being that Giuliani was a mafioso sounding name, they’re all at it, aren’t they? (In fact, what actually happened was the govt actually backed Giuliani to the hilt, and even ended up giving him an honorary knighthood. Which given that he late turned out to be a dick was a bit much, but whatever, sympathy.)

If any of that had happened, Blair would have had to resign. So why is Trump allowed to get away with not just attacking Sadiq Khan after his city suffers two attacks in a row, but doubling down on it?

In March, London faced a terror attack on Westminster Bridge. The overwhelming reaction (source: I live here) was anger, not fear. Donald Trump Jr, the one with the teeth, responded by taking an interview from Sadiq Khan where he said that terror attacks were part of living in a big city, and pretended like this was false, that Khan was justifying terrorism, implying that this was because he was muslim. In reality, Khan was merely speaking the truth.

Then, a few weeks ago, Manchester was bombed. The Mayor of Manchester, Andy Burnham, said things should “carry on as normal”. Crickets from Trump.

On the 3rd, London was hit again. Trump, the orange one that Americans inexplicably insist on referring to as their ‘president’, responded to a third attack on a major ally by... attacking the Mayor of the capital, then following up by a tweet laughing about gun control. (I mean, you’ve had 22 shootings since the 3rd already, the terrorists over here were forced to use knives cos they couldn’t get guns, were shot by armed police within 8 minutes of starting, and people in a South London pub* threw bottles and crates at the terrorists, rugby-tackled them, etc, which isn’t really gonna happen with lax gun laws, is it.)

What Khan said was “yo, there will be an increased police presence on the streets over the next few weeks, don’t be alarmed, guys.” What Trump claimed he’d said was:  At least 7 dead and 48 wounded in terror attack and Mayor of London says there is "no reason to be alarmed!” Hmm.

When someone pointed out what he was doing was lying, two days later he doubled down with “Pathetic excuse by London Mayor Sadiq Khan who had to think fast on his "no reason to be alarmed" statement. MSM is working hard to sell it!”. Thinking fast, presumably, means ...going back in time to edit his statement he’d already made? And somehow getting the American media to fabricate a quote?

Just odd that Andy Burnham’s equally true, pretty-much-the-same-sentiment statement after the Manchester attacks didn’t get this level of vitriol, isn’t it.

Thing is, even *if* Khan had said what Trump claimed, and told Londoners to not be alarmed, so what? It’s true. The reaction this time wasn’t alarm, it was more deep irritation. We’re a city bored of this shit, not scared of it. Just because the Trump boys are triggered little snowflakes scared of every little thing doesn’t mean Londoners are.

London has been facing attacks for longer than America has even existed. It’s perhaps churlish of me to point this out, but part of the reason London got so used to terror daily was a certain few American businessmen who got misty-eyed over their “heritage” used their millions to fund a certain Irish outfit that used to stick bombs around the place on the regular, which kinda makes you immune to the whole thing. Just saying. And ofc before that you had other lunatics - this city is used to terror, because it’s sort of what made it. It is sad, and shouldn’t have to be, but it is the norm. If Trump and his supporters are scared then that’s pretty much what the animals that did this want, isn’t it.

What is out of the ordinary, though, is a President of a major power, in the aftermath of 3 attacks in 3 months, going for a (popular, respected, trailblazing) municipal figure in an allied country. It’s not made him any friends. Right across the political spectrum, it’s disgusted people, and tbh the State Visit later this year is gonna have to be in Balmoral or somewhere because imagine having the nerve to show your face in London after this.

[lovemesomesurveys]

Have you eaten too much today? I haven’t eaten anything, yet.  Do you have an iPod? I do, but I haven’t used it since like 2013. Do you have a nice phone? I think it is. Are you single? Yes. What are your initials? Nah. And no, those aren’t my initials. ha. 

Do you play any sports? Funny. The most activity I do is getting in and out of bed. What is your favorite quote from a song? What is your favorite quote in general? Is Marilyn Manson creepy or cool? I haven’t seen or heard anything about him in several years. I wonder what happened to him.

Do you have a myspace? It still exists out there, but I haven’t logged on since like 2009.

Do you have a lot of good friends or a few best friends? Or both? I have one best friend.

Do you like talking to strangers? No.

Do you ever make faces at people just to see their reaction? To my brother and mom ha.

Do you think you are a good person? I don’t feel like I have been these past 3-4 years. I blame it on my mental and physical health, but I do worry that maybe I’m just really a shitty person.

Do you have OCD? No.

Do you know what OCD is? Yes. Are you scared of death? I’m afraid of losing my loved ones.

Does the thought of death creep you out? Yes.

Do you have a bruise on your shin? No.

What about your knee? No.

Are you clumsy or graceful? I’m definitely clumsy.

Have you ever ran into a door because you didn’t know it was closed? No.

Have you ever woke up and didn’t know where you were? Only like during long car rides.

Are you a virgin? Yes.

Do you go to church? No. :/

What is your religion? Christian.

Are you random? lol this reminds me of back in the Myspace days when people would be like, “zomg I’m soooo random XD *rawr*”

Do you think before you talk? Usually.

Do you hold back your true thoughts a lot? Yes.

Do you enjoy taking surveys or do they piss you off? I enjoy them, but they can be annoying.

Do you own a Wii? Yeah.

Have you ever sang in front of a large group of people? Yes. Not solo, but in choir back in elementary school.

Are you musically inclined? I played a little piano and maybe could have been decent if I practiced more and took it seriously. I regret not doing so.

Who is your favorite band? One of them will always be Linkin Park.

Do you like to talk about yourself? No. Despite what it looks like in surveys. I’m not this open at all in person.

Has anyone ever called you conceited? No. I’m very much the opposite.

Do you think you are? Absolutely not.

What is your favorite color? Pastels.

Do you like to nap? I do.

Do you hate when people talk loud on their cell phones? Depends where I am. 

Have you ever done drugs? Just weed.

Have you ever been drunk? Many times, unfortunately.

Do you party a lot? I never party or do anything anymore.

Are you a good dancer? Not even a little.

Do you really care whether you are a good dancer? Nope.

Are you annoyed with anyone at the moment? I’m always annoyed and frustrated with myself.

Have you ever ran away? No.

Do you have any pets? Yes. I have a goofy, playful, and very sweet 2 year old German Shepherd/Lab mix named Princess Leia.

Do you like gloves? I do when my hands are cold.

What color is your coat? I have a few coats.

Where did you get it? Various places.

Are you caring? Yes, but I don’t feel I’ve shown it much these past few years.

Do you donate to any charities? I often did before, but it’s been awhile.

Would you consider yourself smart? I consider myself very average. When do you want to move out of your parents house? I don’t want to any time soon. Do you have a curfew? I’m 29 years old, so no. Not like I go anywhere, though. Have you ever written a fanfic? Yes. Is there anything made of plastic around you right now? Yeah.

Is your alarm clock just a normal one, or is it some sort of animal? I use my phone. Have you ever spit into a pot of soup and then watched people eat it? Uh, wtf??? No! Tattoos or piercings? I have 2 piercings (1 in each ear lobe) and I’m good with those. I’ve wanted a small tattoo for several years, but I doubt I���ll ever get one. Can you see any pennies from where you’re sitting? Nope. What about picture frames? Yes. What instruments do you have in your house? None. Have you ever had ants ruin your picnic? I’ve never had a picnic.  What’s the last gross movie/show/video you saw? Hmm. I don’t remember. I don’t watch a lot of gross things. Would you rather live in a huuuge house or a little cozy one? I don’t need anything ridiculously big, just something spacious enough for 4 adults and a hyper, playful doggo. The music on the radio: good or bad? I don’t listen to the radio anymore.

Have you ever heard the saying ‘Distance makes the heart grow fonder’? Yeah.

Do you believe that? It can, but it can backfire, too.

Whose the last person you IMed? I don’t even remember.

Do they have a girlfriend/boyfriend?

Have you ever dated this person?

Do you understand Shakespeare plays? Sparknotes helped where I needed it, ha.

Did you end your last relationship, or him/her? He did.

How many times are on your MSN/AIM? I haven’t used AIM since like 2009. Now it doesn’t even exist anymore. I’ve never used MSN.

Have you ever blow dried something other then your hair? Yeah.

Name a friend whose middle name begins with A: Nah.

What is your favorite piece of equipment at gyms? I don’t go to the gym or use any exercise equipment.

Would you ever name your daughter Kimberly? I don’t plan on ever having kids.

Do you know what fb stands for? Yeah.

Do you have a tutor for anything? No.

Do you understand what you’re doing in math class lately? I’ve been done with school since 2015. Actually, I haven’t even taken a math class since like 2011.

Do you wear cardigans? No.

Does your sibling(s) have braces? Not anymore, but both my brothers did at one time.

How many photo albums are in your house? Several.

How many photo albums do you have on myspace? I had a lot. I’m sad I can’t access those anymore. 

Are you the type of person who has a new boyfriend/girlfriend every week? Haaaa, no. I haven’t even been talking to anyone in that way for like 4 years now.

Are you nice to your siblings(s)?   Yeah. We bicker like siblings do, but we’re really close.

Do you think relationships are a waste of time? No.

Who’s the best kisser you know? Joseph was.

Isn’t Pearl such an old people’s name? I’ve never known anyone named Pearl. 

Do you get embarrassed when you pay for things in all small change? I only do that with quarters if I don’t have any cash and if it’s like a dollar or less. I’ve probably done $2 at most.

Have you ever stayed friends with someone who stabbed you in the back? Yes.

Do you ever go for walks just for fun? That’s not my idea of fun at all.

Are you always tired? Yes.

Do you count the calories you eat? No.

Have you ever had a secret admirer? No, unless they remained a secret and I never knew.

Do you have one right now? Ha, nah.

[purplesurveys]

135

What's the most relaxing thing you did today? Motherfucking SLEEP. I slept from 10-11 AM and 2-3 PM today and it was the most glorious feeling. Those have been the only naps I’ve been able to sneak in all week. Do you shop at the grocery store closest to your house? Yes, we do. We have two stores that are in different locations but are the same distance from the house anyway, so my mom switches between the two of them.  Which one of your guy friends is the best looking? Uh I guess Jez. I never answer questions like this since my circle knows me to be pretty gay, but I’d pick him. What does your car smell like? Still smells quite new. Who could make you feel better right now? Miraculously I don’t need to be feeling better at the moment. Maybe because I’m answering this on a new laptop and this is the only thing I need? Hahaha idk.

Which three people (who don't have a Myspace) would be in your top friends? LOL. Don’t care for this question but funny/sad story: I was having dinner with Gabie’s family last night and we started talking about the old internet. Apparently her 12 year old sister doesn’t recognize Myspace, Multiply, Yahoo Messenger, and Friendster anymore. Times are a-changing, people. Gab and I were horrified. Have you had an epiphany lately? Nah. What color shoes are you wearing? I’m barefoot when inside the house. Which one of your friends is the most brutally honest? I think Kaira beats me when it comes to being blunt. Miracle Whip or Mayo? Whipped cream is expensive where I live and unnecessary, so I never have it. I put mayonnaise on everything. Who/What influences your taste in music the most? My friends mostly. I let them have control over my car’s bluetooth and then I always find myself listening to what they played after the ride. Do you have anything to say to your ex bf/gf? No ex. What's your favorite kind of foreign food? I like anything Indian, anything street food, anything sushi. I’m not a picky eater and WILL try everything once. Except for fruit. In what year will/did you turn 21? 2019. Who was the last person you gave a birthday present to? Gabie I think. I’m not a big gift person though, and instead I drove her out and treated her to lunch. What do you think of the person who took this survey last? I took this survey from the original poster so heh. Which one of your friends do you look most like? ??? I have no idea, we’ve never compared each other physically. Puedes hablar español bueno? No I can’t, actually. I understand very basic Spanish, and a lot of random words are recognized because we also use them in Filipino. That knowledge isn’t enough for me to be able to carry conversations, but I can sometimes understand phrases. Which day of the week do you watch the most TV? I literally only watch TV when we happen to be at a hotel, which happens like every four months. What's your favorite vegetable? Broccoli. Which one of your senses would you not mind losing? Losing any of them would be terrible. Which band do you have the most of on your iPod/music player? I don’t iPod anymore, but I listen to Paramore on Spotify a lot. Which song describes your mood at the moment? Meh, none. There are songs I feel like listening to but no song can match my mood right now. Which movie(s) do you quote the most? None. What's the closest pink object to you? My top. Do you really weigh the weight on your driver's license? I don’t. Do people??? What's your favorite non-carbonated, non-alcoholic beverage? Water. What's the most epic thing you've done so far this month? I MET GABIE’S DAD LAST NIGHT. It went REALLY well and I cannot be any happier now. Obviously it happened much sooner than we expected, coming out and all, but being accepted and immediately given a thumbs up by the only man my girlfriend has ever really loved is my biggest reward. Which one of your best friend's friends would you most likely date? Gabie. Which word do you have the hardest time spelling? I can’t think of any, but I used to struggle with rhythm. Big Mac or Whopper? Baconator. Have you ever been to an 'Adult Gift' store? Nope. What's your favorite vacation spot? I love Baguio as an ideal vacation spot, but my parents have never seen the big deal with it and I’ve only been there thrice :( What color underwear are you wearing? Green. Have you ever slapped anybody? My siblings when we were little kids, but never as like a full grown person. What's your second favorite sport? Table tennis. Wrestling comes first. What are you listening to right now? Just my electric fan on level 3, no music. Where will you be in six hours? Asleep in bed probably. What do you wish you had more time to do? I do have enough time to do all the things I need for myself, but my anxiety comes in and makes sure I hesitate from starting them. Like going out with friends - I could very well do it whenever I want, but I never want to be the one asking them out first. Going out after school and giving myself alone time - I would do it since I get out of school at 11 AM - but I can’t handle being alone. So there is that. Who was the last person to ride in your passenger's seat? Gabie, when I drove her home last night. Would you ever let anybody else drive your car? No. Gabie only if it’s really necessary, but she’s hit her car several times and my trust in her driving isn’t as through the roof these days lol. Which one of your friends will be the most successful? All of them. How old will you be on your next birthday? I’ll be 20 and I am so excited to finally get out of this decade. What store did you last shop at? Filbar’s. It’s a local store that has Funkos, limited edition comic book/TV show merch, novelty items, just about all the graphic novels and comic books you need, action figures, swords, replicas, etc. What is your absolute favorite band? It will always be an absolute tie between Paramore and Against Me!

[kdollmarie23]

Haven't done one of these in awhile

This could be fun or extremely sad 1: Name• keisha 2: Age • twenty freaking six 3: 3 Fears • spiders, car accident, heights 4: 3 things I love• animals, cosmetology, singing 5: 4 turns on• tattoos, androgyny, intelligence, manners, thighs. 6: 4 turns off• drugs, no sense of direction, mean, 7: My best friend• my cat and dog lol…. wow that sounds lame. 8: Sexual orientation• bisexual 9: My best first date• I’ll never tell 😽 10: How tall am I • 5'3" 11: What do I miss• free health insurance 12: What time was I born • midnight 13: Favorite color• green 14: Do I have a crush• yea 15: Favorite quote• idk 16: Favorite place• anywhere near the ocean 17: Favorite food• Thai 18: Do I use sarcasm• pretty much everything I say is sarcastic 19: What am I listening to right now• some weird ass movie on the tv. 20: First thing I notice in new person• their hair, what they’re wearing, and their smile. 21: Shoe size• 7 ½-8 22: Eye color• hazel brown/green lol 23: Hair color• right now it’s cool copper/ brown 24: Favorite style of clothing• feminine polished grunge 25: Ever done a prank call? Not since 8th grade 27: Meaning behind my URL• at one point I was loveable, and I also loved cupcakes 28: Favorite movie• dirty love and beaches 29: Favorite song• you’re not alone by Saosin 30: Favorite band• the used and knuckle puck 31: How I feel right now• mehhh 32: Someone I love• my girlfriend 33: My current relationship status• in a relationship 34: My relationship with my parents• complicated 35: Favorite holiday• Halloween 36: Tattoos and piercing i have• 7 tattoos, ear piercing and Monroe 37: Tattoos and piercing i want• nipples and lighthouse haha 38: The reason I joined Tumblr• to keep in touch Jainna, and find cool pictures for my myspace that no one else had back in middle school 😹 39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? I don’t hate her. 40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? Yea, my gf gets up way earlier than me and texts me “good morning” around the time I wake up. Haha it’s cute. 41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? That would be my boss, and heck no. 42: When did I last hold hands? I few minutes ago ❤ 43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? It feels like it takes for freaking ever, I need a good 2-3 hours or else I look like a monster. 44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? Surprisingly yes! Although I wish I hadn’t because it’s fucking cold out. 45: Where am I right now? In my living room. 46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? I would be home and in bed If that were the case. I don’t trust anyone lol 47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? Loud 48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? Neither since I was 15. 49: Am I excited for anything? I’m excited for the two news jobs I just started. I am now a freaking talent director for a modelingagency lol and back to doing hair! 50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? No 51: How often do I wear a fake smile? Pretty much every day if I’m working hahaha 52: When was the last time I hugged someone? Today 53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? I unfortunately wouldn’t be shocked at this point. 54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? Yes 55: What is something I disliked about today? I had a good day today. 56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Uhmm… I’d like to meet a pleiadian in human form, if they don’t exist, then I’d like to meet Britney Spears lol 57: What do I think about most? Lately my career path, family, and making my relationship work. 58: What’s my strangest talent? I can sing and do the splits! Hahaha is that strange enough? 59: Do I have any strange phobias? Fucking spiders…. ugh…. 60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Both 61: What was the last lie I told? I have no idea, prolly that I wasn’t hungry or some shit lol 62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? Video chatting is becoming a lot more fun, but phone if my hair isn’t done. 63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Ghosts idk, aliens yes 64: Do I believe in magic? What kind? 65: Do I believe in luck? Idk I just broke a mirror so….. 66: What’s the weather like right now? Cold as fuck in march 67: What was the last book I’ve read? #GIRLBOSS 68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? Not really 69: Do I have any nicknames? Kiwi 70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? I have never really been injured by anything…. oh, actually, Dorothy from my 5th class kicked me in the shin while playing soccer in gym class and that felt awful…. like thinking back I can still feel it. Ouch. 71: Do I spend money or save it? I freaking LOVE spending money, but I know I need to save it because I’m an adult and I need to be responsible. 72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue? Just tried, nope. 73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? Oh yea 74: Favorite animal? Cats 75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? Going over notes for my new job 76: What do I think Satan’s last name is? Uhm idk 77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? I believe by nicko vega 78: How can you win my heart? I don’t have one anymore 79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? I don’t know, always laugh or some shit 80: What is my favorite word? Namaste 81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr? There is more to Tumblr than just my page and my newsfeed???!! Lol 82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? Everyone should stop eating like shit because processed foods cause cancer and you need more veggies so go try some! 83: Do I have any relatives in jail? Idk 84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? Wow what timing, I would be able to go invisible 85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? If I was attracted to them lol 86: What is my current desktop picture? My pets 87: Had sex? Well of course 88: Bought condoms? Yea, practicing safe sex is important. 89: Gotten pregnant? No 90: Failed a class? College class 91: Kissed a boy? Yeah 92: Kissed a girl? Yes yes yes, finally 93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? Ya❤❤❤ 94: Had job? Yep 95: Left the house without my wallet? Prolly 96: Bullied someone on the internet? Lol yes 😞 sorry bout that 97: Had sex in public? Haha yea 98: Played on a sports team? Yes I was terrible 99: Smoked weed? Yea 100: Did drugs? No 101: Smoked cigarettes? Yes, I just quit yesterday 102: Drank alcohol? Yes 103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? Multiple times, I love steak and burgers too much 104: Been overweight? I think I am now 105: Been underweight? Nope, I wish 106: Been to a wedding? Yes, I love weddings 107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? Today 108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? Yes 109: Been outside my home country?Do the Bahamas count? 110: Gotten my heart broken? Unfortunately so 111: Been to a professional sports game?Like a legit football and hockey game, yes 112: Broken a bone? No 113: Cut myself?Ya 114: Been to prom? I actually went to 4 proms, 3 with the same guy and my senior prom with someone else 😸 I love dressing up. 115: Been in airplane?Yaaaaasssss 116: Fly by helicopter?No, but I've had sex in one .... secret never have I ever question! 117: What concerts have I been to?Omg sooo many! I love concerts 118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? Oh yea 119: Learned another language?In the process 120: Wore make up?Everyday 121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? 16 lol 122: Had oral sex? I mean yea 123: Dyed my hair?Si 124: Voted in a presidential election?I did! I voted for Gary Johnson because there is no way in hell I was voting for Trump or Hillary 125: Rode in an ambulance?When I was six 126: Had a surgery?Tonsils removed 127: Met someone famous?Some band members and Delilah in NYC!!!! 128: Stalked someone on a social network?My secret crush 129: Peed outside?Only when I was camping or wasted 130: Been fishing? Yea, i suck at this, and deep sea fishing almost killed me.... I just like to lay out and tan and enjoy the scenery 131: Helped with charity?Yes, cuts for a cause and habitat for humanity 132: Been rejected by a crush? Yea, maybe I'm a weirdo, but now I have a gf so who cares 133: Broken a mirror? Yea I literally just broke one this week, and my week has been going great since, not gonna lie! 134: What do I want for birthday? A new car