#sad thinking zara might be the closest thing he has to a friend and even then they are just so vastly different

[calirph]

𝐑𝐀𝐘𝐍𝐀 𝐕𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐇𝐀𝐌 𝐀𝐒 𝐙𝐀𝐑𝐀 𝐌𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐊 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐏𝐀𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐋𝐔𝐖𝐈𝐒 𝐀𝐒 𝐀𝐗𝐄𝐋 𝐊𝐎𝐕𝐀𝐂𝐄𝐕𝐈𝐂

captains of the iron dragons.

[wtf-yoongi]

How am I supposed to sleep after this?

pairing | hoseok x reader

summary | vegas w/ your sunshine friend hoseok i don’t think i have to say anything else

genre/warnings | idiots to lovers + humor + fluff + alcohol + drunk j-hope becoming hopeless + gambling + flexing money bc he’s rich af + language bc it’s vegas come on wouldn’t expect anything less

words | 1,875

note | i went to vegas once and it hit me today: that would be 100x better if i had a hoseok (if any of u know where i can get one pls let me know thanks)

It has been thirteen minutes since you first texted Hoseok to know if he was ready to go. 

That idiot always takes the longest time for some reason. Probably choosing between which Balenciaga bag he’s going to wear for the night.

You take a deep breath and look at yourself in the mirror. You don’t look so bad, you’re just not as rich or fancy and the dress you’re wearing might have been on sale last week at Zara, but no one has to know that, right?

You could never reach Hoseok’s level of fashion. Not even if you wanted to.

You don’t want to sit down and wrinkle your dress, so you walk around the fancy room at the Cosmopolitan and stop at the window. Of course, Hoseok booked rooms with a view even though they charge an extra who-knows-how-many-dollars for that, but it ain’t a problem for him.

The sun is setting now, giving tourists a little break from the burning hot temperatures that make everyone avoid the streets as much as they can. To be honest, even at night, the walk between hotel to hotel is just one excruciating experience until you can finally feel the air con on your skin again. The walk you took yesterday showed you that.

Yesterday, however, you both decided to stay away from gambling and just get to know the hotels as if they are freaking museums. Las Vegas doesn’t offer much to do if you’re not into hotels that look like the owner just had a theme in mind and an endless amount of money to realize their vision. So, yeah, visiting hotels is a top notch, must-see tourist attraction. Go figure.

Since you didn’t gamble yesterday, today’s the day. While you were enjoying the hotel pools this afternoon, Hoseok has walked you through every single thing he wants to do tonight. And he has a very meticulous plan.

First, you have to dress up to look fancy. Second, you are going to play blackjack so he can finally realize his dream of looking like he is in a movie. Third, you have to have dinner somewhere to balance the alcohol out. And then, finally, you are going to whatever party is closest to you.

Yeah, sounds like a plan.

Another seven minutes pass and you finally get a reply.

I’m outside your door.

You quickly put your shoes on and grab your purse, checking yourself in the mirror again before opening the door. Hoseok sure is there in all his glory looking at his phone as if nothing is happening, nothing at all.

“You wanna kill someone today?” You ask, eyeing him up and down. He’s wearing red dress pants with a simple white shirt. Come on. “You were right to book two separate rooms for us, I don’t think you’re planning on coming back alone tonight.”

He finally looks up from his phone and laughs lightly after inspecting your choice of clothes. “You say that as if I’m the only one trying to take an advantage of that. You look stunning. Wanna get a drink?”

Your first stop is at one of the many hotel bars. Hoseok quickly orders two drinks from the menu without thinking twice.

“Something light for starters,” he says with a smile as he passes the Cosmopolitan glass to you.

“Oh, you think you’re so funny. Ordering Cosmopolitans at the Cosmopolitan,” you say, raising your glass to touch his. “This is going to be a good night.”

“The best. And hopefully my liver will stand the alcohol levels and you won’t have to drag me back to my room,” Hoseok says, sipping the drink slowly.

“Wouldn’t be too hopeful if I were you.” You know Hoseok and, honestly, the expectations are extremely low. “You were always a lightweight drinker. That shit doesn’t change because you’re in Vegas, you know?”

“I don’t care. What I want today is stop at every single hotel and have a drink and gamble a bit, have some fun!” Hoseok excitedly shakes your arm with his free hand.

“Sure, what’s the worst that could happen?” You ask yourself rhetorically.

As you predicted, Hoseok doesn’t go too far before he’s needing your help to walk. You’re in tiny heels and, despite being tiny, they’re still heels and adding half of his body weight to the mix isn’t helping in anyway. 

You’re inside the ARIA Hotel on your third drink of the night when you first notice that Hoseok isn’t as sharp as he thinks he is to play blackjack. He’s finally living his dream movie life, but he has switched his light Cosmopolitan for Blue Label and you know things aren’t looking up.

If there’s one thing you have to give it to him, though, is that it really feels like a movie. Everything around you looks straight out of a James Bond set, even the young, good looking lady who’s dealing the cards could easily be casted as a Bond girl. But then again, you realize with a scoff, you’re the one standing behind Hoseok’s high designer stool with an eye on his drink so he doesn’t order another one. You’re the Bond girl.

When you get to Park MGM, it’s time to stop. Hoseok is looking sad as fuck as he usually does when he’s too drunk to function and you know he won’t protest if you say he’s had enough. You sit him down on a table at Eataly and leave him for a moment to buy a bottle of water.

“There you go. Drink it up,” you order, handing him the already opened bottle. “You told me I wouldn’t have to drag your ass back to the hotel, but here we are.”

“I never said that.” He takes a break from drinking the water to look at you while you move to sit in front of him. “I said I was hopeful my liver would endure such a challenge.”

“But it didn’t.”

“No, it didn’t.”

You stay silent for a few minutes until the water bottle is empty and Hoseok is using the droplets outside the plastic bottle to wet the back of his neck. He looks wasted and cute at the same time. How is that even possible?

“How about eating something, huh?” You suggest. It’s still early in the night and people are having dinner all around you. The smell of food in this place is driving you mad. “Does pizza sound good?”

Hoseok nods and moves his hands to get his wallet from his back pocket. He hands you the credit card he’s been using all night. “The pin number is your four initials.”

You look at him with raised eyebrows. That’s his pin number?

“Don’t look at me like that, it was the first thing that crossed my mind and you know I’m not good remembering numbers.”

You blink twice and say nothing before walking towards the pizza place, ordering two slices of the best looking one on display. Soon, you’re back at the table and handing Hoseok’s slice. You both eat in silence. 

It seems like he’s coming back to his senses and normal self after eating. For good measure, you order a shot of espresso and something sweet for him to eat from the coffee shop nearby. That should do the trick.

“Are you feeling better?” You ask after a long while. Hoseok is no longer supporting himself on his elbows or looking miserable. He nods. “Good enough so I don’t really have to drag you around?”

He nods again with a shy smile. “Sorry.”

“You wanna party or go back to the hotel? It’s only 11,” you say, reaching for his wrist to check the time on his watch. “You said you wanted to party, but if I’m being honest with you… My feet are killing me.”

“We can order an Uber to go back,” he suggests with a shrug. “I feel tired now, I wanna go to bed.”

“Well if it isn’t my baby showing up again,” you joke, standing up and offering your hand to help him out. “Come on, let’s go back.”

The Uber ride is silent and quick. It’s really such a lazy thing to do, getting a car for such a short ride, but your feet really thanked you for that. 

When you arrive at the hotel, you both go straight to the elevator area and press the button to go up. It feels like an eternity passes before one of the many elevators arrives. You wait for a group of friends to exit before you enter. The door closes and you feel yourself back up until you hit the wall. Hoseok does the same. 

“Sorry for being the drunk friend all the time,” he apologizes. “I feel like you can never enjoy yourself when you know I’m gonna make a mess.”

“It’s ok, you don’t have to worry about that. I’m used to it.”

The elevator arrives at the 39th floor and you both exit quietly, walking in the direction of your rooms. Looking at Hoseok to your right, you wave him goodnight before opening the door and entering the room with a puff – you just need to be out of those heels.

Soon after, there’s a light knock at the door. 

“Hey,” you greet Hoseok, who’s standing a little taller now that you don’t have your shoes on anymore. “What are you doing?”

“I have to ask you something,” he says with a weird I was drunk five minutes ago and all of a sudden feel sober look. “What would you say if I kissed you right now?”

Is he really asking that? What the fuck?

“What?”

“Fuck it.”

Hoseok closes the gap between your bodies in half a second, reaching for your face with his hands. It’s not romantic or slow or delicate, it’s just intense. 

It’s also rushed. It ends too quickly.

When you open your eyes, you want to say something, but your body needs time to catch a breath. What just happened? What the hell is going on? Your brain is panicking.

“Sorry,” Hoseok starts with a low voice. “Maybe I shouldn’t have done that.”

He lets go of you completely and you can almost feel your body have a physical reaction to that. You want more? What the fuck?

He takes a step backwards to go back to his room, but you can’t just let him go like that. You have to do something. Do something!

“Maybe you should have,” you repeat his words, your voice just above a whisper. “I- I don’t know what else to say.”

The only thing you can do now is laugh. That is your only reaction, almost like a self-defense mechanism when awkward things happen. 

“Good. I’m going back to my room now.” He’s smiling too, taking backwards steps so he doesn’t have to turn his back to you. “Breakfast tomorrow at 9?”

“Sure,” you agree, nodding your head with a little too much enthusiasm.

“Cool. I’ll try not to be late.”

“I’m not counting on it.”

“Sleep well,” he says with a smile and finally turns to get inside his room. 

How am I supposed to sleep after this?

Read more ›› masterlist

[rosalind-of-arden]

Sword and Pen Reread, chapter 16

Time for things to get stabby! Long post. Some discussion of a canon torture incident (y’all know which one).

We left off last chapter with Dario making his dramatic entrance. We pick up here with Wolfe lecturing Jess, Morgan talking to Dario, and Glain sending Codex messages. Who is Glain messaging? Her squad? Santi? Khalila?

Jess admits he’s dying, and Wolfe shows a flash of emotion - Jess can’t tell if it’s anguish or anger. I think Wolfe is seeing himself in Jess here. Jess’s “Getting killed for something worthwhile is better than dying alone” echoes Wolfe’s death letter from Ash and Quill: “I hope I died for something, as I lived for it.” Wolfe in Smoke and Iron, too; he’s not afraid to go into the Colosseum and probably die fighting, but the thought of dying slowly and helplessly in prison terrifies him. He understands exactly what Jess is thinking, and that hurts.

Why did I go back and reread that whole letter? There’s something in my eye now.

Second page of the chapter, here’s Jess thinking that his friends have made him a better person, while his family’s influence makes him worse. His impulse to kill the Archivist comes from his family, and he expects his friends would disapprove. Interesting parallel with Dario later in the chapter.

Wolfe’s discomfort with violence again? He neither agrees nor disagrees with Jess’s argument about killing the Archivist. He just shakes his head and gets on with the scheming.

But this isn’t just a moral “is it ok to kill the Archivist” thing, necessarily. For Wolfe, especially, there might be a lot of vindication in seeing the Archivist formally and publicly accused and tried for his crimes. Obviously, he’s not going to admit that outright, but it could very well influence his stance on what to do with the Archivist (and co-conspirators).

And why isn’t Wolfe getting into this argument with Jess? He knows how much vengeance means to Jess. With Jess dying, Wolfe doesn’t want to have an argument that would hurt Jess unless it’s absolutely necessary. Wolfe might also know just how much of the “we need to kill the bastard” talk is emotion talking, too. After all, in the end, Jess is surprisingly compassionate toward the dying Archivist. And Jess wasn’t completely on board with assassination when Anit first brought it up earlier in the book, either. If anyone can recognize angry bluster, it would be Wolfe. Echoes there of Wolfe in Ash and Quill telling Jess how well he knows him.

Wolfe goes to talk to Glain and Dario (there’s the planning team), leaving Morgan with Jess. He’s giving those two a private moment - does he know they broke up? Probably not? But also, keeping his distance from Morgan after the energy draining incident?

Morgan and Jess, bonding over their mutual decisions to sacrifice themselves for the people and cause they care about.

Dario’s first response to being asked to lure the Archivist into a trap: “I’ve had enough of intrigue.” He’s still deeply hurt by the betrayal. He doesn’t want to do anything like that again. But here’s Glain trying to talk him into it. What message is Dario getting here? That his friends need him to be a bad person. Ouch. Guess what this pushes Dario toward?

Lose Wolfe’s trust, never get it back. He immediately and aggressively rejects the idea of working with Callum because he expects Callum to betray them. Very similar to his reaction to trusting Zara again in Ash and Quill.

Dad Wolfe holds Jess up when Jess just about collapses coughing. Wolfe’s hands are shaking while he holds Jess, which is interesting, since that’s always been a PTSD thing for Wolfe up until now.

Wolfe very much wants to be there to catch the Archivist.

Dad Wolfe, quietly checking in with Jess: “He glanced at Jess, just briefly, but Jess understood that to mean something.” This is a nice moment of understanding between these two. There’s the nonverbal communication, which itself shows how well they understand each other. But then there’s Wolfe, knowing very well that Jess might not want his vulnerability openly acknowledged, keeping this little check-in quiet. Jess does choose to explain, but Wolfe’s not demanding that. I suspect he would have accepted just a nod.

Jess says he got a new mask and stronger meds “on the way out”. Intercepted by a Medica? (Medica: ugh, you’re all impossible. Fine, have meds if you’re going to insist on sneaking out.) Or lying?

Magic ring restrictions: no harming anyone unless they’re harming the wearer first, no taking away choices from people.

“My clever father,” Wolfe muttered. “Trust Eskander to find yet another way to make this more difficult.” At this point, Wolfe’s talked to Eskander what, once? On page, at least. And hasn’t exactly had a lot of opportunities for off-page conversations. So where is this coming from? Keria, I’m guessing. Wolfe doesn’t know his father, but I’ll bet he heard plenty about Eskander from his mother, whose view would be... biased, to say the least. Rumors from the Archivist and Artifex, too, maybe - he might have been close enough to either of them in the past to hear them griping about Eskander making trouble in the Iron Tower.

Dario-Wolfe parallels: Wolfe doesn’t want to die in a graveyard because that’s embarrassing, Dario doesn’t want to die like a commoner.

“We’ll make sure everyone knows how royally you bled to death.” Glain gets all the best lines.

Also, though. Here’s Dario saying he doesn’t want to kill the Archivist. He says it’s because he doesn’t want to be killed in revenge for that, but is that it? Or is this another hint at conflicted morality? Or devotion to Khalila, knowing she definitely wants a fair trial?

“Their old dormitory must have contained postulants for the upcoming year.” So, by my guess, this is happening in November. I really, really cannot think of a way this could be happening at the beginning of the school year. It would be hard, even, to push the date into December and say Jess means the new year not school year. So... Alexandria isn’t using the same calendar as us? (Where would that be on the ancient Egyptian/Greek calendar?) Or the Library starts school years irregularly? Or Jess is just out of it and not thinking that this group of postulants would already be pretty far into the program. Eh, let’s go with that. Jess is unreliable.

More Dad Wolfe moments: playful slaps on the head for Jess and Dario. @thegreatlibraryfangirl this is it. The closest thing to a sweet dad moment Dario gets. 

I’m kind of sad we don’t get any more Morgan POV. I’d like to know how she’s feeling about Jess when she hugs him here. Questioning her feelings again? Wanting to part on good terms? Just needing a bit of physical comfort and knowing he’ll give it?

So did Callum really set the trap like Jess asked? Or did Callum actually tip the Archivist off, leading the Archivist to send the Elites? I can see him playing both sides. 

Also, is this happening before or after Zara shoots the Archivist? Who knows.

““Any last words, Scholar? I’ll be happy to record them and add them to your journal... Oh, sorry, the Archivist has ordered your journals burned.” That’s just vicious. The Archivist didn’t just send his captain to kill Wolfe, he sent him to taunt Wolfe with an extremely sensitive subject first.

Ok, ok, another tiny little Wolfe-Dario moment: “I don’t have followers [...] Do I?” “No, sir [...] I’m afraid not. You’re too unlikable.” So we have some very small signs of affection between Wolfe and Dario, but they’re wrapped up in mock hostility. Fitting for both of them, since neither likes to show emotion or vulnerability, but still. Poor Dario.

“Make it between adults, if you can manage that.” Wolfe, snarking at gunpoint again. And trying to draw the enemy off the kids. (Unconventional patronus/animagus/daemon for Wolfe: a fucking killdeer.)

Interesting parallel here between Wolfe and Morgan tricking the Elites with Morgan’s illusion and Wolfe and Khalila in the Welsh general’s tent. Wolfe and kid tag teaming an enemy. But also parallels with the Philadelphia planning - once again, Wolfe and Morgan plan to save everyone at the cost of overusing Morgan’s power.

Wolfe tries to spare the Elites’ lives, but when he fails at that, he doesn’t hesitate to shoot the captain. But that’s while the captain is still grappling with Jess and Dario. Once the captain surrenders, Wolfe won’t shoot. How much of Wolfe’s thinking on when it’s ok to kill someone is influenced by all his work with Santi in war zones? This seems like a very military code of conduct. Give the enemy a chance to surrender, fight if he doesn’t, stop when he does.

So, the stabbing. It’s easy to see how Dario gets here. He’s spent the whole series characterizing himself as ruthless and willing to make hard choices, and in this book he’s just been told by the people he cares about that he can only help them by doing the dirty work. Over and over, he feels bad about what he has to do (or thinks he has to do), and over and over, he’s told it’s the only way. Add in whatever fucked up family backstory, and this is where he ends up.

This actually reminds me a bit of what @eli-wray said about Jess and Dario’s plan in Ash and Quill. This is an act of self sacrifice for Dario, much like that plan. He’s doing something he feels is wrong but necessary so that other characters don’t have to. In Dario’s view, the only way to get the information is to torture the captain, and his friends are good people so they shouldn’t have to do it. He’ll be the bad one for them. 

“I want this to be done, for all our sakes.” Here’s Dario’s main motivation. Dario is tired of this fight. He was tired of it after betraying Spain. He was tired of it at the start of this chapter. Dario just wants to get all of this over with. 

Dario’s grinning and threats have Jess freaked out, but we already know Dario is a good actor. I don’t think he’s having as much fun as he pretends he is. Will he feel as bad about this as the betrayal? No. But this is definitely adding to the list of reasons Dario does not think of himself as a good person or worthy of Khalila.

And where does Dario’s act fall apart? It cracks a bit when Wolfe asks him to stop, and he sounds more exhausted and frustrated than gleefully murderous. It shatters when he learns Khalila’s in danger. Genuinely murderous Dario isn’t grinning or taunting anyone. He’s just putting the knife right in the captain’s heart.

Anyway, enough Dario. I’m supposed to be rambling about Wolfe here. So, for obvious reasons, this isn’t going to be comfortable for Wolfe to watch. Jess is oblivious as usual, but we get a couple hints. First, Wolfe’s dialogue. We get “Dario, stop”, then nothing until he checks on Jess as they leave. Short sentences, basic word choices. Twice, Jess notes that “not even Wolfe” said anything. Wolfe gets quiet when he’s triggered. And then there’s the “bleak look in the Scholar’s eyes” at the end of the chapter. There’s more than enough to cause that - Khalila is in danger, Jess and Morgan are dying - but trauma is another cause. Pretty sure his expression has been described as “bleak” before when he’s triggered and/or remembering Rome. This is far from the worst trauma response Wolfe has had, but he’s definitely uncomfortable.

Wolfe might have more pragmatic reasons to object, too. He’s been tortured himself. He probably has a pretty good idea of how likely the captain is to give them true and useful information. This may not even be his first time in this kind of situation - there were those 10 war zones, after all. And sure enough, while the captain does point everyone in sort of the right direction, what he says is as much a taunt as an answer, and it’s leaving out quite a bit - possibly, the captain didn’t even know about the final plan to destroy the Archives. Wolfe would probably expect those problems. Dario doesn’t.

[in-the-name-of-styles]

I Never Stopped Loving You...

A/N I’M SO SORRY FOR THE DELAY! But here it is, loves. The Part two :) xx Hope you like it! I suggest you should listen to “I Can’t Fall in Love Without You”  or “One Mississippi” by Zara Larsson while reading this, because these kinda inspired me to write this part. This has some smut in it. I can’t say I’m great at writing it so beware, babies!

You can find Part One here.

I’m sitting on the couch. Waiting for Harry, like I’ve been doing for a weeks now. Waiting for him to come back to me. It feels like a dream now. A dream which won’t ever come true. I better than anyone should know not to jump on conclusions, but the way he was looking at her I can’t help but wonder if he has fallen in love.

Fallen in love without me.

I’ve cooked him his favourite dinner, thinking that it might be the last time I’m making him a meal.

I walk upstairs, looking through all the photo frames hung up on the wall beside the stairs. How much I’m wishing that we can save our relationship. This can’t possibly be the end. But if he has been unfaithful, I will leave him without looking back. I have my dignity. No matter how much I love him, I’ve got to love myself more.

Running my hands through the frames, the tears fall out of my eyes.

I hear the door opening and shutting with a quite slam. I wipe away my tears. This is it, he’s finally home. If I can call this my home anymore. It doesn’t feel safe anymore. Home should be our safe place. A place you can runaway to and not be judged. But now all I can picture is them judging me.

“Why are you standing there like a statue, my love?” He chuckles and  asks suddenly coming behind me.

I jump and shudder at his voice. He wraps his hands around me and rests his head on my shoulder. He softly nudges his heads against mine and kisses my cheek. He nuzzles his nose in my neck and takes a deep breath.

Why is he doing this to me? Making all this even more difficult for me.

How can he act as if nothing has happened. As if we aren’t falling apart. Not fighting at all. I close my eyes and wrap my one hand around his arm and one hand in his hair, scratching softly.

Suddenly everything is fine. We’re back and it feels like we never fell apart. We never fought and all was good once again. He was never with the girl-

Reality strikes me and I open my eyes and softly pushed Harry back. He looked at me with a confused look.

“What happened?”

I shake my head and give him a small smile.

“You hungry?” I asked.

He tilts his head on one side and looks me. He observes me and come towards me and tries wrap his arms around me. I take his hand and lightly stop him from going any further.

He forcefully shrugs my hands off him and pulls me against him and holds on to me tight, and rests his forehead on mine. I close my eyes tight and stop myself from holding him back. This has to stop.

“Why aren’t you letting me hold you? What is going on with you, baby? Because you weren’t sounding too happy on the phone.”

So now he cares about how I sound on the phone. Where were you when I needed you, Harry?

Where are you when I need you? Right. With her.

“Nothing is wrong. I’m just tired.” I replied.

“No, something is wrong. I know it. Just tell me, babe. You’ll feel better.” He persists.

I suck in a deep breath and walk past him towards the kitchen. He follows me quickly and grabs my hand to tug me back towards him.

“If I’ve done something just tell me, so we can fix it and move the fuck on.” he snaps

Its surprising how these days his mood changes so quickly. Harry was a calm person. Hardly raises his voice at anyone, except when we fight. Like now.

“Harry, can we do this after dinner? Please?” I say softly.

He groans and looks towards the ceiling. He takes a deep breath and looks back at me. I take a hold of his hand, and pull him towards the dining room. I bring the dinner I prepared for him.

I know I’m stalling but I want to make the most of this night.

“I made your favourite today. I hope you like it.” I say

I sit down to serve myself and Harry a plate so we could start eating. After having a few bites, I look at Harry only to find him staring down at his plate. I frown and ask him if something is wrong with the dish.

“Is it not nice? Is it the salt?” I ask

“I’m not hungry.” he states.

“Why, what’s wrong? Are you feeling ill?” I go to touch his forehead but he pushes my hand away.

I look at him observing his pissed of face.

“Nothing is wrong, I’m just tired!” He sasses. Mocking my previous word.

He gets up to leave and the words vomit out of my mouth before I can stop myself.

“Tired ,are you? Tired after spending the day with her?” I muttered.

I try to keep a straight face even though my inner self is begging to scream. He sits back on his chair looking at me with a shocked expression.

All of a sudden I don’t regret saying this to him. If he wants me to speak, I’ll speak.

“Answer me. Are you tired from spending the whole day with some other girl? Did you have fun, baby?” I raise my eyebrow at him, demanding answers.

He opens his mouth but then closes it again. I take his silence as a sign for me to continue.

“You know what, Harry? If you were done with me then why not just break it off? Why keep me waiting for you to come back home to me after your shenanigans. Are you that selfish? Did you not think about me once? I know we are going through a rough time, but the least you could do was leave me before going to someone else.” I say to him.

It feels so good to finally say everything that I’ve been wanting to say. I feel free and don’t feel the weight on my heart. Harry gets up from his seat and walks towards the backyard of our house, he opens the glass door and steps outside. Anger bubbles inside me and I follow him outside. He can’t ignore me now. I need answers.

“Stop walking away! I’m fucking tired of you walking away from me, Harry Styles! I need you to answer my questions!” I yell at him.

He turns to look at me. He just stands there gawking at me. Watching me crying and yearning for his confessions. Most of all yearning for his love. The love he has probably given away to someone else. We are watching each other fall apart.

“Are you just gonna stand there watch me and my heart break right infront of you? Are you that done with me, H?!” I cry

“I saw you, Harry! I fucking saw you and I saw you lie to me! All this as if I meant nothing to you. I love you! I love you so fucking much that it hurts me. But I can’t do this anymore. It’s taking everything in me! I’ve scarified so much and now you don’t even love me anymore” I whisper at the end.

I flinch after hearing a sound of a breaking glass. I look up and see him taking another vase of flowers from our garden table and throw it at the brick wall. I run up to him and pull him back.

“Harry stop! “ I yell.

He goes to push me back and loses his balance. I try to catch him before falling but he still ends up falling on the ground. He puts his head in his hands and starts crying. To say I’m in shock is an understatement. I have seen him cry only a handful of times. None of them had been because of me. Ever.

He continues to sob as I slowly kneel beside him and take him in my arms. As soon as he realises that I’m wrapped around him, he wraps his arms around my waist and nuzzles his head in my neck and just sobs. I have never seen him this way.

“I’m so tired, Y/N. So tired!” He weeps and coughs loudly on my shoulder.

He keeps his tight hold on me. Not letting me go even for a second. Not that I want him to. He needs me, and I plan on being there for him no matter what. He is devastated. Tears brimmed in my eyes. I never wanted to see him cry again. But I had to tell him all the things on my mind. His tall frame rests against my body. This is the closest I had been with him in a while. My chin pressed right on his head as I continue cradling him in in my arms.

“Don’t walk away from me, baby. Please.” he wheezes

“Shh..honey, breathe for me please.” I comfort him, running my fingers through his hair.

“You don’t understand. I can’t lose you!” He cries

“You aren’t losing me.” I say softly.

This makes him cry harder. I just don’t understand what has affected him so much to be this upset. I’m trying to calm him down but nothing seems to work. I gently try to pray him of me so I can take him inside the house but he just tightens his hold on me.

“No, please stay!” he panics and looks at me with his red, swollen eyes.

“We have to go inside. Come on, honey..” I softly say to him.

We both stand up and dust of the dirt from our bodies. He pulls me towards him by the waist. We walk inside the house and sit down on the sofa. He hooks an arm under my knees and pulls my legs across his lap.

He makes a small noise, and squeezes me tighter. He drops his cheek to my shoulder. “I’m exhausted, baby”

“Talk to me, H” I hum into his hair and press a soft kiss to it.

“I’m not cheating. If that’s what you were implementing back there.” He says clearly worn out after out argument.

“Then why did you lie to me, Harry?” I ask sternly. He could feel me tense against him. He leans to kiss my collarbone, hoping I would relax.

“Please don’t get mad at me again, baby.” he pleads.

I shake my head. “Then tell me the truth, Harry.”

“Do you think I haven’t noticed the distance between us? You think this hasn’t been hurting me as much as it’s hurting you? I was starting to think that you don’t love me anymore and that you were going to break up with me. Today when you called, yes I was with a girl. Her name is Eva. She is a friend, honey. I promise. I know my behaviour towards you hasn’t been right. I’ve been a proper dick-”

I mutter cutting him off. “That you are”

He stares at me with a sad look and continues. “Yes,and I plan to change it. I lied today, that was an even more worse move to pull. But I was just scared, and I didn’t want to give you anymore reason to doubt me. But I clearly did the wrong thing because you exactly felt that.”

He paused for a bit and then added. “I was telling Eva that hiding things from you and lying to you is extremely difficult. When I told you that I was in a meeting, she could see I was horribly failing to make up a lie. Recently her husband opened up a resort in Hawaii and willing to book us one of the bungalows you love in the corner of the sea. I was planning a trip for us. As a step towards working to bring you back to me.Bring us back….”

I froze. “What?”

“Yes. I’m so sorry the way I spoke to you was just horrible today. She wasn’t happy when I told you that I didn’t have time to talk. Like proper mad at me. Told me this wasn’t the way to treat your lady, and she’s right. I was ready to run home after you hung up on me.” he explains with a regretful look.

“Then why didn’t you?” I ask before I could stop myself. I close my eyes and look down, fiddling my fingers. Thinking he’s had enough for today.

“I was going to, baby. But Eva was in town only for today. She was leaving with Max tomorrow morning and I had to make the plans. I’m sorry. As messed up as this sounds, I’m so relieved that you feel the distance between us and felt emotional about it because I was convinced I was going to lose you. Now we can work on us, don’t you think, poppet?” he asks with a hopeful look,

My heart nearly stopped. “Oh my God, Harry… I’m so sorry!” Everything felt so clear now. I wrap my hands around his neck and hug him tight.

He hooks my knees around his waist and picks me up to take me upstairs. He makes sure I’m safe and start walking. “Hey, none of this now, okay? No more tears today, baby. Everything is okay. We’re okay. I would’ve thought the same thing if I was in your position, poppet.”

“I’m so stupid.” you sniffle, angry at yourself for reacting this way.

“Stop, baby, please. I love you so much. I promise, everything is okay.” he coos.

We entered our bedroom. I move to unwrap my legs but he stops me. “Do you wanna have a shower or go to bed, pet?” he asks with a loving glint in his eyes.

I smile. “A shower does sound amazing.”

He smile wide and my heart skips a beat. “Then a shower is what my baby will get.”

He walks us to our bathroom and sets me down on the sink counter. He helps me shed my clothes and I help him to get rid of his. He once again picks me up and carries me to inside the glass cube, closing the door right after. He gets the water running and checks the temperature. I stand there with a smile gawking at his god like body. His tummy which is my absolute favourite. His bum, looking absolutely gorgeous, that I have to stop myself from squeezing it.

“So you’re just going to stand there and admire me, poppet?” he smirks. He reaches out and grabs my wrist pulling me closer to him. He presses his lips against mine and doesn’t let me get way. Our lips move in sync and I fight the urge to do more.

“If you don’t mind.” I pull away and whisper. Too weak to do anything else. His lips are enough to make me weak and vulnerable to him.

“Baby, I know it might be too soon but I want you so bad right now. I’ve missed you so much” he mumbled, leaving his lips on my skin, nuzzling against it, taking my scent in.

He reaches out and cups my cheeks in his hands, running the pads of his thumbs at the apple of my cheeks. “You’re so beautiful.”

I laugh lightly and wrap my arms around his waist. “You’re the one to talk, have you seen yourself in the mirror, mister?”

He chuckles and leans in to kiss my nose, before bringing his fingers towards my clit. I brush my fingers up his shaft lightly and apply a bit of pressure on the tip of his cock. He rolls his head back beneath the shower head and water dribbles down his body and his face scrunches its features as I give it a tug.

“Baby, you’re killing me.” he breathes heavily.

Harry drops his palms to my bum and gives it a squeeze, before giving my cheeks a soft slap and bringing me closer to his body and right beneath the shower head. He brushes his nose against mine and leaves multiple loud kisses my cheek. I smile and wrap my one arm which was free around his neck and give his hair a soft tug.

“I’m going to make you feel so good, baby girl. I’m so sorry for everything. I promise I’m going to make up for every single thing.” he whispers in my ears.

This is the happiest I’ve felt in weeks. I have my Harry back and there was nothing I wanted more than him.

He grabs the shower head, and wraps his one arm around my shoulder and presses my back against the wall. He presses his front against mine and uses his knee to push apart my legs access to my clit.

He grips the handle of the shower head and moves it towards my core. I whine and roll my head back against the wall. He quickly leans in and starts sucks and leaving bites on my neck. He circles the shower head and my hips thrust forwards. He removes his arm from under my head and presses his finger to my clit and starts stroking it. My knees are shaking at this point. He increases the force of the water and pushes the head closer to me. I was about to collapse. He presses his whole body against me. The only distance between us no was down below near our cores. He presses his lips against my ear.

“I don’t deserve it but will you please cum for me, baby? Give me everything you have, my love. Are you close?” He says in his sultry voice.

“So close, baby. Feels so good.” I whimper.

He peppers kisses down my neck and sucks on the skin behind my ears. Soon enough I’m cumming and if it wasn’t for Harry keeping a tight hold in me I would’ve collapsed from that orgasm.

“I love you, baby. I love you so much. You did so great. I love you. I love you. Thank you for coming back to me.” He chants while leaving kisses wherever he could reach.

“I love you too, honey. So much. I never left. I’ll never leave.” I shake my head and crash my mouth to his. Dripping with water from the shower heat and he returns the kiss with passion just as much, stroking his tongue with mine. I just can’t get enough of him. Tilting my head back he puts more pressure against my mouth. Wiggling his arm around me and pulling to him tightly. His mouth devours me. and I have absolute so complaints. We deserve this.. We owe this to us and our love.

We pull away and smile at each other.

Then he smirks and says. “The night is just getting started, my love.”

I chuckle and we turn to wash the soap off out body. Once we are done. We step out of the cube and dry ourselves. I walk towards the door with his arms circled around my waist.

“Baby?” He coos in ears and kisses my cheek yet again.

“What, H?”

“I never stopped loving you. Don’t think I ever will.”

I’ve never been more in love with Harry Styles, then I am now. I’m finally happy again.

A/N Well there you have it! Hope you enjoyed reading it. Its a bit lengthy, innit? I’m sorry for that. Please if you liked reading it, consider reblogging so other readers can find it. If you have any requests send them to me HERE anytime of the day, and I’ll try to do my best :) You can also send me feedback of what you liked and what you didn’t like, so I can work on improving. Thank you :) xx