#sad perth noises

[hamishcat437]

Great, so cool that they're only going to be touring ONE THIRD OF THE COUNTRY

[bitethedevil]

Strange Bedfellows (Lae’zel X Raphael): Chapter 1

Link to this fic on AO3

Summary: Lae'zel stayed on the Material Plane after the defeat of the Netherbrain. She vowed to rid Faerûn from Vlaakith's filth. She found plenty of allies to aid her cause, but not many people stand a chance against the ruthlessness and efficiency of the Gith, and she soon finds herself struggling.

Though she is not the only one who is struggling: Raphael has been left crownless, and he has angered the Lich Queen herself with his actions. He is in desperate need of assistance from someone who knows how Gith work and think.

Author’s note: I give to you: the cursed ship of Raph'zel (or Hell Frog, if you will). You're welcome and I'm very sorry. It makes sense to me. Both Gith and devils are lawful creatures, though still in very different ways...and I like to put characters who would hate each other's guts in a box and shake it violently <3 Also: the part about Raphael and Vlaakith and a certain object isn’t something I made up. You can find the slate in the Astral Plane.

I would strongly suggest that you read this on AO3 because there I have included a little Gith dictionary at the end.

After the defeat of the Netherbrain, Lae’zel had ventured out to wipe out every Vlaakith stronghold on the Sword Coast. She had vowed that she would not stop until every sarth and kith’rak had been defeated. She had found plenty of new allies to join her cause. People who she grew to trust and who she could call ‘friends’.

They were, however, not as efficient as her former group of allies. Her new friends were capable fighters, but no one else but her was Gith, and they stood little chance against the warriors who had trained all of their life. In the beginning they had been lucky and wiped stronghold after stronghold, but now, she was beginning to lose more people than they managed to kill. Morale was dwindling fast.

This time she had lost two dear friends when they had tried to storm what they thought would be a small camp. They were caught off guard and they only barely made it out alive. They had regrouped in a nearby tavern after.

“Lae’zel…” Tasar said in a gentle voice from beside her. “We couldn’t have known, so stop blaming yourself. Olyssa and Perth knew the risks and they still insisted to go in first. They wouldn’t want you to beat yourself up for it like this.”

She lifted her head to look at the elf. Tasar was a capable ranger and the one out of the group that always managed to stay positive no matter what. Even he looked like hell with the blood in his blonde hair and the tinge of sadness in his green eyes, even though he tried to hide it.

He was being strong for her and despite her appreciating the thought, she did not appreciate the gesture. She was not to be coddled. Though there was no reason to snap at him. No reason to make a bad mood worse. She only made a grumbling noise and turned her focus back to eating again.

She looked around the room. Her companions were dealing very differently with what had just happened. Murnum and Gulmin, the two twin dwarven paladins were drinking in silence. Grace, their tiefling bard, was drunkenly talking to strangers at the bar. Vincent, their human wizard, had been staring at a map and picking at his food for a good half hour by now. Tasar was still just staring at her in worry. It annoyed her to no end.

“We will set up camp soon,” Lae’zel said to those around the table. “Whoever is sober will keep watch. We will leave tomorrow at first light.”

Murnum and Gulmin took a gulp of their ale at the same time at her words, wanting to avoid being the ones to take the night watch. Vincent nodded a bit without ever taking his eyes off the map.

“I’ll take the first watch,” Tasar piped up. “You get some sleep tonight, Lae’zel.”

She gave him a short nod before going back to tearing apart the piece of chicken in her hands. Her eye twitched when she heard Grace’s high-pitched drunken laughter from somewhere in the tavern.

“Someone is talking with your girl, Vince,” Tasar said and looked at Vincent.

Vincent briefly looked up from the map to look behind him at the highly intoxicated tiefling woman. He sighed and looked back at the map.

“She is not ‘my girl’,” Vincent mumbled. “Let her drown her sorrows…We all mourn differently.”

“Mhm,” Tasar hummed and leaned over the table. “It looks like she’ll drown in that fancy lad’s brown eyes if you don’t do something. Come on, Vince…you like her. You should say something.”

“You should mind your own business, Tas,” Vincent retorted with a tightlipped smile.

They kept talking. It was irking Lae’zel how they could talk about such trivial matters when two of their friends were dead. They had lost many people, but it was angering her how desensitized they were all becoming.

There was one more high-pitched laughter from Grace behind her over the bickering of the two men, and that made her snap. She hammered her fist down into the table. The sound of it and her fiery gaze was enough to silence the whole table.

“Tasar, go out and scout for a place to camp,” she ordered cooly and then turned around. “Grace!”

Grace turned around two tables away from them with a lazy smile on her lips. Lae’zel froze for a moment when she saw who she had been talking to before her eyes narrowed at the man. A wide smile spread over Raphael’s face and his eyes lit up in recognition when he spotted her.

Lae’zel stormed over to them. She made a sharp gesture towards their table to Grace.

“But—”

“Now,” Lae’zel hissed at her.

Grace’s face was like that of a child that had just been told ‘no’, but she complied. She smiled politely at Raphael before moving to their table as she had been asked to. Lae’zel stared down Raphael.

“Lae’zel of K’liir…” he said with a charming smile. “Fancy seeing you here. One would expect that you—”

“No,” Lae’zel interrupted him with a sharp gesture. “No talking. Leave.”

Raphael’s smile got slightly tighter at getting interrupted.

“Now, now…” he said in a low tone. “There is no reason to get so defensive, my dear. My grievances are with your former leader, not you. Whyever, would I harm you for the sins of someone else? Perhaps—”

“I will harm you if you ever speak to one of mine again, chraith,” she warned coolly.

Raphael chuckled at that, though it was a cold sound. He did not like how little he was in control of the current situation. Lae’zel was not Tav, and she would not give him the time of day.

“You have grown quite sentimental, it seems,” he said. “How unlike you. Though I suppose it is only natural with how your little crusade is progressing…I hear that your allies are dropping like flies…”

Lae’zel walked away from him. She went outside to retrieve something from their packs. When she came inside again carrying the Orphic Hammer, a few of her allies got up from their seats. They only saw her carrying a big hammer and walking towards a man in a very determined manner, so they looked prepared to fight.

She dropped it at his feet. Raphael did not look particularly impressed. He glanced down at it with a bored expression and then smiled lazily at her.

“I was wondering what became of it,” he purred. “Is this supposed to bribe me to stay away?”

“Yes,” she said in a cold tone with a small smile and narrowed eyes. “If that is insufficient, perhaps a sword through that horned skull of yours might persuade you. I don’t deal with devils.”

“Ah, I see,” he said with a smirk. “You merely get others to do so for you, isn’t that so?”

Her hand moved to the hilt of her sword in warning. This was not the day to test her.

“Don’t forget who is responsible for you ever getting your hands on that silver sword of yours and who assisted you in freeing your people,” he said and then made an expression as if just remembering something. “Or, of course, who now owns your dear Tav’s soul because of it. In a fair world, would it not be yours instead, Lae’zel?”

Lae’zel drew her sword and the whole tavern fell quiet. Raphael looked at her with that grin of his and then at the patrons around them. He glanced down at the sword and then took one last look at her face.

“See you soon,” he purred and snapped his fingers.

The patrons gasped when flames danced around him, and he disappeared. He left the Orphic Hammer behind.

A few days passed. Lae’zel was seated on a bench a bit outside camp while she watched her companions train. She was eating her second lunch while looking at the map beside her, planning their next move.

“Does it get tiring?” she heard Raphael’s voice behind her, making her pause her chewing. “Eating enough for two simply to stay alive in a realm that you were not made for? Your body disagreeing with you constantly as it is dealing with a world it has not adapted to? And, worst of all, aging…”

Lae’zel finished chewing, placed the bowl of food beside her on the bench and reached behind her for her sword. She grabbed the hilt and pulled, but felt Raphael’s hand on hers, stopping the movement.

“Tsk tsk,” he tutted. “I only wish to speak with you. Just a little talk between former unlikely allies, and then I will leave you alone for now. I promise.”

“G’lyck,” she groaned in annoyance. “Speak if you must, devil, but do not expect me to listen to your mindless chatter.”

Raphael moved the map that was sprawled over the bench to sit down beside her. He crossed one leg over the other and leaned his arm on the backrest as he looked at her.

“I have always admired the Gith,” he said. “They are without a doubt one of the worst mortal races to make deals with, but I admire them all the same. In truth, your societies are not much different from those of the Hells.”

She stared at him with a blank expression.

“It is clear that you have failed in all of your dealings with Gith if you begin by insulting them,” she grumbled. “We’re not the same.”

“No?” Raphael asked. “We both believe that strict adherence to order, laws, and hierarchy will uphold our societies and cultures, do we not?”

“A devil might be orderly compared to a demon, but a devil’s order is nothing short of chaos.”

“For an outsider with no real understanding, perhaps,” he mused. “We wield order like a sword, and like a sword, it does not need to have pretty adornments or modifications to serve its purpose. As long as it works. I am sure a pragmatic woman like you would agree.”

“A sword, yes…A curious metaphor for someone who does not know how to wield one.”

“Pardon?” Raphael said, sounding slightly offended. “I am perfectly capable with a sword. I have fought in the Blood War, same as any devil.”

Lae’zel gave him a dismissive gesture and took a bite of her food.

“You are a bard,” she said once she was finished chewing.

“Of some, as I am sure you are aware, use swords,” he said in a slightly annoyed tone. “I am still quite proficient with a rapier even though it has been centuries since I was last on the battlefield, I can assure you.”

“You would call a rapier a sword?” she asked.

“It is,” he said. “I have never seen much sense in hacking and slashing away at a target, when one well-placed thrust could do the trick. I do, of course, know how to handle a longsword as well.”

She shook her head and finished her bowl of stew. She folded the map and put it in her pack.

“I am returning to camp,” she said. “I do not have time for chatter about your lack of martial prowess, istik.”

His eyes narrowed at her and his nose was wrinkled in annoyance when she started to walk away from him. Lae’zel discarded the bowl into a bucket and drew her sword as she walked towards her tent. Raphael appeared in front of her in a flash of fire.

“I will talk, and you will listen,” Raphael grumbled. “We have a common goal, you and I. You want to rid Toril of Vlaakith’s influence, do you not?”

Lae’zel sat down with her sword in her lap and looked up at him with a bored expression.

“You do not care about the liberation of the Gith,” she said. “You cared about the Crown of Karsus. I do not have it. Leave.”

His jaw clenched and he looked around as he noticed the stares he was getting from her companions who recognized him from the tavern. Lae’zel raised a hand as to dismiss them from taking action and kept cleaning her sword.

“I would not waste my time here if our interests did not align,” Raphael said in a low voice to her. “Your little merry band here are not suited for the task they have been given. I could lend you assistance. Soldiers whose sole life purpose is to fight.”

Lae’zel looked up at him again. She studied his face. His tone was off.

“You are afraid,” she said as if it was simply fact. “Why?”

His already sour expression soured further at the accusation.

“Careful, Lae’zel,” he warned in a dangerous tone. “You do not want to make an enemy out of me. Especially when I might prove to be your best ally in this little endeavor yet.”

She got to her feet, sword still in hand.

“Do you think me so naïve, devil?” she asked. “Do you think that I would give my soul for an incompetent group of devil soldiers? We have nothing more to discuss.”

“I am not asking for your soul, you stubborn child,” he hissed. “I am asking you to do what you set out to do and kill every last trace of Vlaakith’s vermin on this plane. I am asking you to—”

He was interrupted by the loud sound of Lae’zel’s silver sword getting sharpened on the grindstone. He saw red. He grabbed her by the scruff of her neck and snapped his fingers.

Lae’zel’s eyes were furious when she saw that she was in the House of Hope. She grasped for her sword, but it had not been transported there with her. A flash of fire danced around Raphael as he took his devil form. His wings spread out behind him and his eyes bored into hers as he adjusted his clothes and schooled a smile onto his features.

“Please, take a seat,” he said in a dark but calm tone and gestured to a chair at the table.

Lae’zel did not budge. She stared him down from where she was standing.

“You will send me back,” she hissed. “Now.”

“No,” he said in a warning tone. “You will sit down. You will behave and you will not leave the Hells before you have listened to every word I have to say. That can take minutes, hours, days, and it is entirely dependent on your behavior, my dear.”

She gave him a low growl of discontent before dragging out a chair and sitting down.

“Speak,” she ordered sharply.

Raphael sat down in front of her and crossed one leg over the other as he studied her for a moment. He would not be rushed in his own home.

“Did you ever wonder why I had the Orphic Hammer in my possession?” he asked.

She just kept staring at him with narrowed eyes, waiting for him to get to the point.

“I suppose not,” he said. “You and your dear friends were no doubt too busy at the time to ask the right questions. Had you done a little digging, you would have learned that you, in a sense, owe your miserable lives to me.”

She raised an eyebrow. There was a glimmer of something in her mind. An inscribed Githyanki slate that they had found in the Astral Plane. It depicted Vlaakith and a devil making a deal for the Astral Prism.

“Continue…” she hissed.

Raphael smiled at her.

“Come now, Laezel,” he said. “One must know a lock intrinsically in order to make a key to said lock, do they not?”

Her suspicions were proved correct, and she felt her blood boil at the revelation. Her nails dug into the armrests of the chair. She wanted to kill him.

“You made the Astral Prism…” she said in a fiery tone. “You helped Vlaakith enslave Orpheus, and you ask for my help! I should drive a sword through your skull for what you have done!”

Raphael held out a hand in a gesture to calm her.

“And I helped free him as well, did I not?” he countered. “It was business. I made most of my fortune from that deal, but I did not enslave your prince myself. Your former queen did. I did however make the Hammer as an insurance policy after I saw the mess she made. It was merely a question of time before her little scheme would be discovered.”

“And now she wants your head for defying her,” Lae’zel replied. “Should I return to the Astral Plane, then I will make sure that every living Child of Gith will want the same thing for what you have done in the first place.”

“I have done what you say,” he said. “But as I have told you, our interests align. You need allies to your cause, not enemies. I am motivated to help you.”

“Chk,” she scoffed. “You are motivated to help yourself, devil.”

“You need all the help you can get, Lae’zel…”

“You need my help,” she said. “Or else you would not be here filling my ears with your drivel.”

Raphael’s fist hit the table so hard that she thought it might split in two. She looked at him with an unimpressed glare. He leaned closer to her with fire in his eyes.

“I am being hunted for sport by Gith on the Material Plane,” he said in a low, angry voice. “I have Tiamat’s dragons circling my home here. I would never have given you or your friends the Orphic Hammer to break your precious prince’s chains, had I known you would not keep your word. The Crown of Karsus was my insurance that this would never happen. Had Tav kept her word, Vlaakith would have been snuffed out long ago.”

Lae’zel sneered at him but that did seem to calm her down for some reason.

“It was not my idea to snub you of it,” she said.

“I know,” he grumbled. “I admit, I should have made the deal with you instead of her. A mistake that will haunt me for millennia.”

She huffed in response.

“I am offering you soldiers,” he began in a softer tone. “Some who will be from the Material Plane and others from here in the Hells. In return I am only asking for you to lead them. I will guide you, of course, but you will lead them. Laws prohibit me from directly interacting in such a manner on the Material Plane.”

“I will not do it,” she said and shook her head. “Find someone else.”

Raphael looked at her with the disbelief of someone who was absolutely certain they already had the deal in the bag.

“What do you mean you will not do it?” he asked.

“What I said.���

“I can’t ‘find someone else’,” he said in an annoyed tone. “You know how Gith fight, where they hide, how they think. You will fight them regardless and I am offering you help to do so. Why would you not accept?”

“Would I sign a contract?”

“Obviously,” he said impatiently. “Though it would only be a necessary formality. I have to abide by Infernal laws.”

“Then your offer does not interest me. I will kill every last one of them, and I do not need your help, devil.”

Raphael’s claws dug into the arm of the chair to the point that she could hear the wood creak, and his jaw clenched. He raised his fingers to snap.

“Perhaps you will reconsider once more of your new friends die to your incessant stubbornness,” he grumbled. “Insolent child…”

He snapped his fingers and sent her back.

[vroomvroommbtch]

Only us - DR x fem!OC

Masterlist

Summary: It only took Daniel four years to ask that question, but it was worth the wait.

Pairing: Daniel Ricciardo x fem!OC

Warnings: Fluff all over the place.

Word count: 4.4k

A/N: How are we feeling after yesterday, DR girlies?! One Monday not being sad is a tiny victory so I take it 😌 Here some fluffy stuff to enjoy on this Halloween day. Now I can go back to my regular schedule of watching The Addams Family movies again and again. ANYWAY, let me know what u think? Send me asks if u want? Thanks for the likes and love, kiddos. Means the world. Kay see ya bye 🫰🏻

---

Only us.

-

April 2022.

Having one second of silence when they were in Australia was something nearly impossible, but Jas loved it. She loved the mess that included being there. She loved the noise that included being surrounded by family and friends, so Jas was nothing but happy. Spending some days at the farm in Perth was like a breeze of fresh air that they all needed, but especially Daniel. Plus, the fact that the race in Melbourne had quite a decent result was a big plus, so things were good, at least for those weeks.

With yet again another season that started poorly and another car that wasn't as fast as Daniel was promised, things weren't looking good, but none of that really mattered when they were home. All they cared about was spending time with their families. Not a race, a CEO, a car or a team principal was gonna ruin the happiness that gave Jas seeing Daniel with his parents and sister. But especially, nothing was going to ruin the joy that brought them watching Olivia spend time with their family, and especially watching her play with her cousins. Listening to Isaac, Isabella and Olivia giggle together was something too pure, too magical and too perfect, and nobody in the world was going to ruin that.

But even in the middle of the beautiful mess and noise, her tiny little family of three always found a way to spend some time being just them. It didn't happen often all things considered, but Jas loved the little moments that included just her, Olivia and Daniel. They were pretty counted, so she cherished every single one of them, even if they included dirty diapers.

While everyone was chatting in the living room and Aoife, Grace and Esme were starting to make dinner, Jas was in their room, dealing with a change of diapers, which was probably her less favorite part of being a mom and having a baby. But as she was cleaning and drying Olivia, two arms suddenly hugged her back. She couldn't help but smile as she felt Daniel place kiss after kiss against her head, shoulders and neck, making her laugh like a little happy girl. That was the effect Daniel had on her since they met, but it all became somehow bigger since Olivia was born. If Jas loved Daniel before, she loved him a hundred times more since she saw him turning into a dad. She felt in love with him again and again and again every single time she saw him with their daughter, and that day wasn't different.

"You smell nice" Jas smiled, looking over her shoulder for a second as she stroked Olivia's tummy with her fingers. "Not like you, you stinky little butt. You need a shower after dinner, you hear me? Well get you a nice bubble bath" Jas said to her daughter, which she answered with some cooing and a big toothless smile.

"I just took a shower but that bubble bath thing sounds like something mom and dad should do tonight too" Daniel suggested, placing one last kiss right on Jas's temple before he moved to her side to look at Olivia, but still hugging Jas with his arm around her waist. "I'm sure Maggie and Michael won't mind looking after her for a night"

Jas couldn't help but giggle when she heard her sister and Michael's names coming from Daniel. She couldn't help but laugh not because they wouldn't want to take care of Olivia like they did countless times, but because she imagined they were going to be kind of busy that night. "You mean Michael and Maggie the ones that mysteriously left in a boogie like two hours ago? I don't think so, babe"

"Remind me again why the hell they say they're on a break if they're fucking around like mad rabbits anyway?"

That was a very nice question that Jas has been asking herself again and again, but she couldn't really find an answer. Plus, she didn't want to mention the subject in front of Maggie, knowing it was nothing but delicate to bring that up. She really couldn't bring it up in front of Michael either because his answer was always the same 'We're trying to make it work', but Jas doubted it. So not being able to talk to them, they all just looked away when Maggie and Michael were basically undressing each other with just one look. Or in this case when they disappeared on the farm, not really giving any explanation of where they were going. "Don't remind me what my little sister and my friend does. And I don't know. It's their thing"

"We can always ask your parents. Or mine" he proposed, looking down at Olivia as Jas made her laugh and move her adorable tiny legs in the process. "What's so funny, uh? Mum's tickling you, baby girl?"

And like any other day, Jas couldn't help but stay looking at the picture in front of her with a smile on her face. Daniel tickling Olivia's tummy with his fingers to make her giggle even more was just the most beautiful thing in the world. Hearing her cute little giggles was music to their ears. See the way her husband and daughter looked at each other was simply everything Jas ever wanted, so it made her heart be filled with nothing but happiness. And to see Daniel being a dad was something difficult to put into words. The way his whole face changed and lightened up when he was with Olivia was magical. The way his eyes seemed to spark and the way his smile just grew bigger was incredible and it all just made Jas melt of love and happiness.

"Wanna spend the night with grandma and grandpa? Wanna do that so mum and dad can have a little bit of fun sleeping tonight?" Jas asked Olivia while she secured a new diaper around her tummy. And once it was done, Jas took the chance to grab her chubby perfect legs to kiss first her right feet and then the left. "You've the most adorable tiny baby foot in the world! They're like paidrín. Look at those fingers!"

"We can sleep but maybe also we can give her a sibling" Daniel whispered, as if their three months old daughter was able to understand what they were saying.

Jas knew Daniel's suggesting was nothing but a joke, but she also knew that deep down it wasn't just a joke. They wanted more than one kid, they wanted at least one more sibling for Olivia and then maybe another one because three was the magic number in their home, but timing was far from right. Olivia came in whenever she wanted and it's magical how she ended up picking the perfect timing to show up in the lives. She appeared when they needed her the most, and for that everyone in their family was thankful and happy but for the next one they wanted to do things right. They talked about it when Jas was pregnant and again when Olivia was born, so no matter how badly they wanted to perpetuate the Ricciardo name, they were going to wait for the right timing for their next Baby Badger.

"Ah, no so fast cowboy. Not till she's at least two or three. We can barely survive with one" Jas reminded him, standing straight to give Daniel a loving kiss on his lips. "It'll come, you know that, right?"

"I know. We can practice some meanwhile" he affirmed, kissing Jas head once again. "Can I?" he wondered, pointing to the onesie that was waiting right besides Olivia.

With a smile and a fast kiss on his lips, Jas left Daniel took care of putting Olivia's clean onesie on her body. She didn't say a thing as she looked at them, too scared to ruin the moment. With the crazy, busy schedule he had, there were counted days Daniel could dedicate his full time to being a dad. There was always some event with sponsors, there was always a meeting, there was always some publicity thing to do, especially when they were in Australia. But on the days that he was free, he would put his heart and soul into it. From changing dirty diapers and clothes, making bath times a complete mess and tummy time as fun as possible to inventing the most ridiculous stories, warm perfectly her bottles or sing lullabies absolutely out of tune, Daniel wanted to do every single thing that would include Olivia. They knew it was the most normal thing for a dad to do, but Jas never complained when she was the one taking care of it weekend after weekend. She never complained when she was the one getting up in the middle of the night or when she had to take care both of an exhausted Daniel and a sleepy Olivia. It was her job as a mom and his partner, so she did it all with a happy smile on her face, thanking her lucky stars for having her wonderful family by her side.

But the days that she got lucky to see Daniel being a full-time dad were her favorite ones. The constant happy smile on his face, the constant shine on his eyes, but especially the constant relaxed state he was it was something amazing to see. Since they met, people used to say nothing and nobody made Daniel smile as Jas did, but Olivia replaced her. Since she was born nobody made Daniel smile as much as their baby girl, but Jas was more than happy to give that place to their daughter. She couldn't blame him because nothing made her smile more than Olivia.

As Daniel carefully dressed Olivia while tickling her, Jas just watched them with a smile on her face, just as big as the one on Daniel's face or as the toothless grin on Olivia's face. She just looked in silence, letting them do their thing and have another one of their moments.

"Remember what I said to Michael the night we met?" Daniel suddenly asked, buttoning the green material in the front part of the onesie.

"You told him you had no idea who I was but you were going to marry me. But he told you that first you needed to talk to me" she remembered, smiling even more at the memory. "I mean, first you stuttered and then your tried to charm me with the whole Enchanté thing, but then you got to talk"

Even after four years Jas could remember that night perfectly. It felt like it was yesterday when she was sitting on the side, talking with the girls as she saw Michael walking up to them. It felt like no time had passed since that handsome tall man with Australian accent apologized for interrupting them, saying that his stupid friend was tongue tied and dying to know if he could invite her a drink. It felt like it was just some hours ago since Jas smiled all happy as she was trying to act cool and chill when in reality she was dying because she couldn't stop looking at Daniel since they walked in. Sometimes, and even when they already had a daughter and a life together, it felt like they were the same kids. Even four years older and with shorter curls, somehow it felt like no time passed for the Daniel who got all blushed as soon as she started speaking French, making him think he fucked up with the Enchanté trick.

Everything that happened between them was like a weird fairytale and every single day since that night Jas thanked her lucky stars for meeting Daniel, for them falling in love but also for them getting stuck together side by side on good and bad days. From Monaco to Dublin to London to Perth and the rest of the world, Jas got to live her dream life all thanks to the man of her dreams, so she was nothing but thankful to whatever put them together, that also included Michael for getting up and going to talk to her back then.

"You really had to be completely perfect and talk fluid French. And Italian and Irish. Beauty and brains that's why I was so convinced there was no way you would ever want to leave with me. Thank God you did" he affirmed, placing one last kiss over Olivia's forehead, making her giggle. "Thank God your mom was drunk enough to ask me if I wanted to leave with her" he stated, grabbing Olivia in his arms and holding her against his chest.

But the second that Olivia saw Jas, a sad pout appeared in her face which meant he wanted to go with her. "What's us with you? You missed mum in the six seconds she was away?" Jas asked Olivia, who answered with some baby sounds, as she placed her tiny hands in her mom's face as soon as Jas grabbed Olivia in her arms. "Yeah? I missed you too. I always miss you when you ain't around. You're my práta, right? You're our paidrín"

"How many words you Irish people have to say potato? Cause I feel there's a new one every single time you speak" Daniel wondered moving his arms around Jas' waist, getting as close as possible to his girls.

"Ninety. Every single one means something different" she explained with a little shrug. In the four years they had been together Daniel really tried to learn some words in Irish, but it was just simply impossible. The only thing he could remember was how to say 'I love you' because Jas would say it to him and Olivia all the time but then that was it. But after four years Jas wasn't really surprised, especially when he barely knew how to talk a few worlds in French after a decade of living in Monaco. "Wanna go back to the living room?"

"In a minute. Can I talk to you about something first?"

"Alright. Now I'm scared. What did we do?" Jas asked, looking up at her boyfriend who was suddenly serious. That was more than rare considering it was Daniel and he was with them. Jas knew there was no way something was wrong between them and Dan promised not to talk about work for the rest of the week, but she could see how something in his eyes was eating him.

"You did nothing wrong. All's good" he promised, kissing her lips to then rest their foreheads together. "You know how much I love you, right?"

"I do know. I love you too. We both love you" she whispered, suddenly getting emotional. She knew. Clearly, Jas knew. For four years all Daniel did was to show her day by day how much he loved her. In every single way he could find, Daniel showed Jas his love for her and then for their family. She could have doubts about everything in her life, even herself, but never in her life she would have doubts about Daniel and their love. She would never do that, especially not when the proof of their love was right in their arms. "What's going on, babe?"

"I just- I love you. I love you so fucking much, baby. I'm the luckiest man in the world cause you're my girls. I see you every day with our baby and then I see you carrying our family with so much love while you also handle all the shit we have around us and I still don't know how you do it. You've so much on your plate while being pregnant but you keep holding all- holding me up in the worst days. I really have no idea what I would've done without you last year. I really don't know how I would've get through it if it wasn't for you there by my side. I really don't know what I did to deserve you, J. I've no fucking idea but I want you to know I don't take anything from granted. Especially not you and her" he explained, big brown eyes looking down at her, shining with love and adoration, all while he stroked her cheek with his right hand.  

"I know you don't take anything from granted, especially not us. I know you, Dan, so you don't have to say anything" she whispered, holding Olivia with just one of her arms to place the other one against Daniel's heart. "I told you hundred times, I'd do it hundred times and I mean it"

"Actually I do have something else to say. You know I don't regret things in my life, but there's one thing I do regret not doing years ago. I like to think it didn't happen cause it was the wrong time. I should've done it earlier but then pandemic fucked us all over and you were right when you told me we should wait to be able to celebrate with our family. Besides last year was shit and then this one decided it was her time to shine" he smiled, looking at Olivia and kissing her tiny nose fast to keep talking. "I also know its pretty stupid to do it now cause the question's gonna sound stupid considering there's no better bound that our baby girl. Also I wanted to do it more special and remarkable but I can't fucking wait. I love you, Jas. I love you since the moment I saw you and I love how you always leave me speechless by just looking at me. You leave me so speechless that I had all this thing prepared in my head and now its all gone cause you're looking at me and I can't with those brown eyes. I love you so I'm just gonna-"  

And right there in the middle of their bedroom, Daniel kneeled right in front of her, all while he took a little red box out of the pocket of his shorts. Jas knew it was gonna happen one day. She knew Daniel wanted to marry her just as badly as she wanted to marry him. They knew it wasn't really necessary, they knew it was just a silly paper and that none of that was gonna change their relationship, but they wanted it. Even when he had been saying for years that Jas was his wife, he was dying to make it official, so there he was, finally ready to make it.

"Danny, babe, you don't have to…" Jas whispered, grabbing Olivia with one arm as she reached down to stroke Daniel's cheek while tears started to stream down her face.

"Let me. Please, just let me" he begged, kissing her palm before he grabbed her hand in his. "I love you, Jas. I love so much it's insane. And I know the last four years weren't a walk in the park and they probably haven't been what your expected. I'm wide aware you deserve more, you both deserve more and better. You deserve a better husband and a better dad, but I promise I'll do better for you. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you. I just- I've no idea what's gonna happen in future, but all I know its I wanna keep living with you by my side. None of it will ever make sense without you so, would you please, please finally marry me, babe?"

In the middle of the pandemic and during one of her lower days, Daniel called her like he normally did every day. He was away working in X and she knew he was tired, she could see all over his face how tired he really was after a day of practice and quali. But even with all that, Daniel called to cheer her up. With some cute compliments and words, Daniel made her smile like nobody could. Jas had no idea how that turned into wedding talk. She had no idea how they ended up talking about their plans, but suddenly Daniel was confessing more than he should have. He was planning to do it some day that year but all his plans got ruined before he could even get a ring. He didn't want to ask while they were locked and away from their families and friends. He didn't want to do it without being able to celebrate with them. He wanted to wait, but that day he was so tired and she was so sad he almost did it. He was about to drop the question right there over the phone, but Jas stopped him. Promising there was nothing she wanted most than to marry him, Jas begged Daniel to not ask. Not when she couldn't hug him, not when their families were away, not when the whole world was a disaster.

But the thing that she asked for was a specific detail about the ring. Since he didn't buy it just yet, Jas told him that whatever he decided to do with the ring was his thing, but she wanted it to have three stones. She didn't care about color, size or karats, she just wanted three. 'I want you in everything, but especially in my ring, you heard me?' were her exact words over the phone, which made Daniel laugh as he promised he was going to make it happen. But then the pandemic and the lockdown came and went, they couldn't go to Perth, then the pregnancy and Olivia and everything in between. But after two years, an insane amount of kilometers, places, laughs, tears, love and a baby girl, there was Daniel kneeling in front of her with the most beautiful ring she ever saw. On a silver band there was an oval cut red garnet that was nothing but breathtaking, and on the side as accent stones were two smallest diamonds. It was just like she wanted. It was exactly as she had dreamed. 

"Get up, grá" she stated, kissing Olivia's head as she waited for Daniel. She didn't need any of that. She didn't need him kneeling in front of her, or a big proposal, she just wanted the love of her life in front of her as she gave him an answer. She just wanted him and that's exactly what she got when suddenly he was back on his feet, stroking her cheek carefully to clean her wet cheeks. "I knew I was gonna marry you when you said 'Enchanté' the night we met. And I knew it again when I woke up by your side. I've known it for the last four years. I've been dying to marry you four years and there's nothing I want more than being your Mrs. Ricciardo, so of course I'm marrying you"

They had to be more than careful because Olivia was right in the middle of them, but the way Daniel kissed her was just the most perfect and beautiful thing in the world. They were just two giggly messes, trying to not smile as they kissed, but it was impossible. They both were so damn happy to finally be doing this that they just couldn't help it. There was nothing more Jas could ask for than being with Daniel and Olivia for such a moment, so she was all smiles and giggles as Daniel hugged them. "You've been my Mrs. Ricciardo since day one, princess"

"And I'm the luckiest for that"

"You're really marrying me?" Daniel asked again, double checking as he kissed her head during their hug.

"Of course I'm marrying you, sunshine" Jas insisted, tiptoeing to give him a short kiss. But as soon as she did, she could hear such a soft, adorable little giggle coming from Olivia, who was looking at both of them. "And I think she's happy about mum and dad finally doing it"

"I think she would be happier seeing mommy wearing this" Daniel affirmed, taking the ring outside the box and then grabbing Jas' hand. She shouldn't be surprised about it at all, but it fitted perfectly. It somehow felt like a dream when he grabbed her hand and put the ring in the right finger of her left hand. It felt like a dream the fact that Daniel asked her to marry him, especially with their daughter there. It felt like a dream to have both of them by her side, so like every day, Jas couldn't help but mentally thank all her lucky stars for them.

"You designed it, didn't you? Cause that's her birthstone" Jas pointed out, looking at her hand and its new acquisition, still not believing how beautiful it is.

But her favorite thing was the red garnet. It wasn't just her favorite color but also Olivia's birthstone, so Jas was absolutely happy that Daniel decided to leave behind the common engagement ring and go for something different.

"I did design it. I spent a lot of time looking for the perfect one and it seemed like it didn't exist. Nothing was good enough, that's why it took me so long. Besides I can give you diamonds any other day, that's why I thought this was way cooler. This way you can have us always with you" he explained, holding her hand to kiss her finger and the new shiny stone decorating it. "Thank you. For saying yes, for her and for everything"

"Don't thank me. It's my thing to look out for you and specially to love you. Its what I do best and its my favorite thing to do. Wouldn't change it for the world. Wouldn't change you for the world. We said its us forever, so I'm here to make it happen" Jas smiled, remembering the promise they made again and again, especially in the worst of the days.

Whatever happened, it was gonna be them forever. Two or three or whatever the number of their little family was going to end up being, it was them and that was the important thing. As long as they had each other everything was gonna be alright. That's what Jas promised to Daniel again and again, especially on the worst days when he needed a reminder that they were gonna be together no matter what happened in his racing career.

"Its us forever" he repeated, kissing her once again. But before Daniel could kiss his future wife once again, a little incoherent cooing interrupted them, making them look at Olivia. "Did you hear that? Mum and dad are finally getting married!" Daniel exclaimed, kissing Olivia's cheek, making her laugh with the scratching of his stubble against her skin.

And Jas wanted to make a joke, saying it was about damn time for him to ask her, but she decided to keep it for later. After all, she had the rest of the night and the rest of her life to do it.

---

Taglist

@amsofftrack @d0ntjudgemy50shades @a-distantdreamer​

[writefinch]

Dear Dairy, Pt.1 (cn: noncon, Mm, kidnap, emphasis on *forced* feminization, induced lactation, milking, bondage, drugging, induction of gender dysphoria in a cis guy, things of that nature)

7th July 2018

Cold day today. I dusted off my scarves for the first time this year. Not literally, they'd been vacuum sealed and packed away when the weather turned in October. I threw out the red and yellow knit scarf, something I should have done last year, as it's far too Harry Potter. I was going to pick out the UMIST scarf but that felt a touch dull for the first scarf of the year. In the end I picked out the green silk paisley, which I felt provided a contrast with the pink shirt. I wore them with the second-hand grey Armani that I've yet to have tailored; I haven't yet decided if it's worth the trouble. I'm leaning towards yes, as I received two compliments today, one from Jason's database administrator, a charming and flirtatious--to say nothing of attractive--lady from Perth. We've talked about the possibility of meeting up for drinks at some point, and I'm increasingly inclined to take her up on the offer.

Experiment C2 is adjusting to his newfound freedom since his release last week. It was sad to see him go, and I'll cherish the time we spent together, our first night especially when he violently objected to the idea of servicing me. Oh, how he kicked and fought, clawing at his neck chain, scratching me, biting, swinging wildly. He bloodied my nose rather viciously and left me in no mood for sex that night, to the extent that I almost let him go entirely.

Of course, his demeanor changed altogether after I bagged him. A clear plastic bag over his head, taped around his neck, watching him gasp and writhe for air that isn't there, screaming his silly little head off until he's sure that he's taken his final breath, then tearing a tiny hole over his nostrils. I let him suck in four generous lungfuls of air before I bagged him the second time, and I went through seven bags before allowing him a rest. After that he became such an agreeable and solicitous cocksleeve you'd have thought he was raised in a merchant marine!

Still, he was unsuitable both physiologically and psychologically for the experimental interventions, and I only have so much space in the cellar, so I had to let him go. Some of my social acquaintances are keeping a close eye on him. He's been told that running his mouth will lead to nothing but the cold grave, and I believe he's a bright enough lad to take that to heart.

I'm beginning the search for his replacement tomorrow.

20th July 2018

I've found him! I've found him I've found him, he is everything I've been looking for, he is perfect, it is as if God placed that boy on earth for no other purpose than my need for him. I can barely contain my excitement.

He is an itinerant surf bum, twenty years of age, single, underemployed, estranged from his family. He has flowing blond hair, a few wisps under his chin that can barely be called a beard, deep brown eyes, and a lithe, rangy figure that seems to be slowly growing into the top-heavy carrot-shaped build of a classic surfer. He's been living in town since May, surfing most days, doing temp jobs, lodging in the spare bedroom of a friend of mine.

What a perfect physique! His body is accustomed to being dashed over rocks and whipped by surf, what fun I will have finding and surpassing his tolerances for pain! Oh, to restrict and ration out air to a boy who has trained himself to hold his breath underwater since he was a young teenager, to see those taut muscles stretched over a rack, I cannot wait, I can't wait.

I won't speak or write his name. I now take every action with the foregone conclusion that he is mine, and that he is already Experiment C3. In my mind, he is already in my cellar.

My friend has kindly allowed him to get behind on his rent, and C3 apparently plans to move to Sydney in ten day's time, driving out across the country in his decade-old Ford Ka, surfboard strapped to the roof. When he disappears a few days before that, people will assume he left to avoid paying his rent.

They won't be wrong, in a sense. C3 won't be worrying about rent for a long, long time...

26th July, 2018

It hasn't been an easy choice, and it is in fact a decision I've been struggling with for some time now, but I've decided to let my hair go grey. I'm almost forty for heaven's sake, and I noticed my first grey a year before the financial crisis. Ever since then I've been religious in my application of dye and toner, carefully concealing each and every one of the pale little buggers that pops up, but it's gone from something I'd do after a haircut to something I'm doing twice a week. I won't rush it, I'm going to ease off the dye over the course of the next year or so, but by next July I'll be au naturelle salt and pepper.

Work remains dull but tolerable. I know I'm blessed to be able to do most of my duties from home given my hobbies, but there's a certain sense of removal from everything, as if it's not really a job at all and I'm back at university doing a coursework-intensive compulsory module. On the other hand, I do enjoy going to the office in a way that I did not when I was going there five days a week!

Experiment C3 is screaming his head off again, I think. It's very faint, and I've turned off the air conditioning in the sitting room so I can hear it coming up from below. I suppose I can't blame the boy, given the circumstances. He hasn't seen me since the drugs wore off, and he's in the same configuration I first kept C2 in: his feet are in snowboard boots and locked into clips in the floor, his neck is in a steel collar connected to an eyebolt on the floor by a one-metre chain, his wrists are cuffed and pulled up towards the ceiling by another chain, he has noise-cancelling headphones strapped over his ears blaring white noise, and he's wearing a blindfold snug enough to prevent him from even blinking underneath it.

He's been there for seven hours now, since three in the morning. He can neither stand nor sit nor lie down, he cannot turn around, he cannot see--though it is pitch black in the cellar even if he wasn't blindfolded--he cannot hear his own voice, and I very much doubt he has any idea how he got there.

As I said, I haven't been down to see him properly yet, so I'm monitoring him at a distance via CCTV and also his pulse and blood oxygen readings. I'm keeping him watered through an IV drip and I'm not at all worried about feeding him just yet, though I'm sure he'll be getting hungry given that I emptied out the contents of his guts with an enema while he was still unconscious. I want him properly good and woozy from sleep deprivation before I introduce myself, either forty-eight hours or until his vitals get a tad skiffy, whichever is shorter. By my word, I am not an impatient man!

Of course, given the close monitoring required, I'll only be getting a few more hours sleep than he will. I suspect I'm getting the better half of the deal. Ah, the poor thing just wet himself. He needn't worry, it's all going into the bucket between his feet, and it'll go to good use later.

I've calmed myself down since his capture, for practical reasons as much as anything else, but I am still abuzz with energy. I am already looking forward to writing my next entry!

28th July 2018

I introduced myself to C3 today.

He spent an impressively long time in the stress position before he was unable to push his legs and instead dangled from his wrists, almost twelve hours, at which point I let the wrist rope go slack and allowed him to collapse. To prevent him from sleeping I intermittently blasted him with high pressure cold water whenever his pulse dropped below 100, for about a further four hours until I decided he'd had enough rest and strung his wrists back up.

He lasted five hours that time, so I let his wrists down again and stood sentry with a paintball gun, giving him a good and proper three-round burst whenever he stopped whimpering. Up again, barely an hour, down again, where I pinned him to the floor with wiring from an electric fence, set to deliver low-intensity zaps across his arms and chest whenever it seemed as if sleep was a possibility. He only got a few shocks, I think the first few put him in such a state of alarm that he didn't dare relax enough to be given another.

I strung him up a few more times, sometimes combining the motivators--his quivering thighs made a delightful target for paintballs as he tried to hold them in a crouching squat--until we reached the forty-ninth hour. I then played my recorded introduction tape through his headphones. It was identical to the one I'd played for C1 and C2, which was itself similar to the one recorded for B4 through B9.

Of course, as the deaf and blindfolded boy was crouch-squatting in place hearing my voice tell him that his old life was forfeit, that he was livestock now, that he would be used as a sex slave, that disobedience would only lead to misery, and the details of the hormone treatments he would be on, I was standing in front of him, masturbating.

My timing was impeccable. Just as the last lines of the recording said "if you're wondering when you'll meet me, I'm right in front of you," I came all over his whorish face. I'm afraid I'm no Peter North, I've no more than four spurts and the first one is always rather watery, but I nailed him right between the lips with one burst and smeared the rest over his face with the tip of my cock. He froze up rather delightfully during the whole ordeal, barely flinching as I cleaned off the tip in his hair.

I took the microphone and spoke directly into his headphones. I told him he'd been in his predicament for two days so far, that he was to obey my simple instructions, and that if he did he would be allowed food and allowed to rest. I told him that I would not require him to speak at any point during these instructions, and that if he so much as whispered I'd keep him strung up without food for another two days. He nodded in agreement, which earned him a hard slap, as I'd not asked him to nod or shake his head. I told him then to nod if he understood, which he did.

I freed one of his arms at a time, telling them to keep them in place and move them only as and when I told him to move them. He obeyed--a far quicker learner than C1--and I put him into the straitjacket. I unlatched his boots one at a time, putting him in ankle cuffs with a short length of heavy chain between them. I injected him in the buttocks with his first dose of anti-androgens, a painkiller, and his hormonal cocktail, and I removed the IV from his arm.

At that point I led him to his cage, a 2x3 metre cell, 1.5 metres high. I removed his blindfold, though it did him little good as it was pitch black in the entire room--I'd switched off the lights and was working via a set of light amplification goggles--and pushed him onto the wipe-clean bedroll.

"Lie still like a good little boy until the lights turn on, and then you can help yourself to some food," I said to him. He made a sound as if to respond, then silenced himself, lying still in his bonds.

The lights were on a timer, and they came on harsh and bright when I was upstairs, watching him through the CCTV on my desktop with a fresh pot of coffee. Three of the walls of his cage were walled off with a tarp, allowing him to see about a fifth of the basement through the remaining wall. Inside his cage was his bedroll, a doggie bowl full of oatmeal and bananas, a small plastic trough filled with fresh water, and a litter tray.

I considered staying up and watching him, seeing the fear grow in his eyes, his first attempt at eating cold food without the use of his hands, the humiliation of pissing in a litter tray, but I was exhausted. As soon as I've finished writing this entry, I'm going to take a well-deserved nap.

4th October 2018

The truffle salt from Coles is a waste of time. Don't misunderstand me, it's useable, it's palatable, and it has the necessary truffle aroma. "Has" is the key word there, it's got the half-life of Fermium and after a week in the cupboard it's now just table salt with black specks in it. I think I'm going to invest in some decent truffle oil at Christmas.

C3 is coming along marvelously. The combination of injections and a high-fat, high-calorie, vitamin-rich diet have had a visible impact on his physique. His skin has softened even further from a clear and healthy surfer's complexion to almost peachlike smoothness and he now has visible jiggle on his thighs, stomach and buttocks. Most importantly, he's now the not-at-all-proud owner of a set of A-cup breasts, complete with sensitive, pebble-sized nipples.

His breasts are extremely sensitive. He's told me as much directly, but I've confirmed it through experimental means. A few light stripes under the nipples with the cane used to bring a wince to his face when he first came under my care, now it brings him to his knees, and the mere sight of the thing leads him to cry and whine rather prettily.

He did have some issues with portion control, in that he wasn’t eating the full servings of food I had prepared for him. This was unreasonable and short-sighted on his part: while plain, I have not asked him to eat anything that I wouldn't willingly eat myself, and while I am not a professional cook I am certainly a talented amateur.

The solution was a simple one: if even a smear of food remains in his dish, I do not feed him for the next two to four days. I only had to enforce this rule twice, and he's finished every meal I've put in front of him for the past two months.

He's gone without sleeping for the last forty-eight hours, he's gone without speaking for the last three weeks, and I've added a low dose of LSD to his drinking water. Tonight he should be somewhat tractable for the induction of a hypnotic state. I am not trying to control his behaviour--there's nothing I want him to do that I couldn't compel him to do through more reliable means--but for an in-depth interview. In concert with a lie detector and a regulated dose of barbiturates, I am going to make him bare his soul to me.

There are a few specifics I'm interested in, such as confirming my assessment of his sexuality and gender identity, and it never hurts to shore up my security by inquiring of any planned means of escape or rescue, but in great part I am doing this for morale effect: I want him to have no respite from me, even inside his own mind. He will learn that he has no more control of his thinking than he does of his eating, sleeping or exercising.

Speaking of which, I had to leave him in an armbinder for a few nights when he insisted on doing press-ups in his cell. The additional restraints distressed him greatly, and he's seemed afraid to even move lest I restrain him further. That was back in August, and I have since acquired an elliptical trainer which I allow him to use daily, good behaviour permitting.

I will write again tomorrow with details of tonight's interview, and I only hope it's more productive than C2's interview was.

5th October 2018

Well, that was elucidating.

I left C3 unrestrained for the interview. It was his first time free of shackles and cuffs outside of his cage since he'd arrived, as I wanted him to be relatively comfortable and I was confident that his drug cocktail would prevent any serious escape attempts.

He is not a natural hypnotic subject and I was only successful in inducing a semi-trance state. I don't think he achieved a trance, but I think he believed he was in a trance, and for my purposes that was more than sufficient. He talked for hours and provided an unabridged history of his life so far. His parents, his brothers, his schooling, his love of surfing and camping, his romantic attachments and rejections, his childhood friends and bullies, his fear of dogs, his earliest memories, his deepest shames, enough to fill a short memoir.

The interview lasted for ten hours, with breaks every two hours to allow him to pee (as I'd also allowed him to drink lime cordial from a cup while he spoke) and to adjust his dose of drugs and deepen his trance state. He cried frequently and easily. He bears a great amount of shame and guilt for someone so young and so relatively innocent--raised by Catholics, naturally--and spent half of the fifth hour in uncontrollable hysterics. I let him rest his head in my lap and stroked his hair as he cried, and he clung on to me like a man drowning. Once he ran out of tears he had a bout of cathartic laughter, and after that a calm passed over him, and he remained in a state of detached, cooperative calm until I ended the interview.

Of course, most of this was filler and background information for the parts that truly interested me: his sexuality and gender identity. Both were perfect. His sexuality is less important but still delightful. He is entirely heterosexual and repulsed by men. He still has nightmares about the one time I have molested him so far, when I coated his face with cum shortly after his chapter. You wouldn't believe how hard I got as he told me that!

He sometimes masturbates in his cage, which he tells me is mostly from boredom than any sexual desire, and he fantasizes about sex with women. He has little interest in sadomasochism, no interest whatsoever about taking a submissive role, and aside from a weak interest in pegging he is plain vanilla. He has fantasies about sex in public, fucking multiple women, being woken up by receiving oral sex, and seducing older women.

His gender identity is much the same: male, through and through. He has insecurities about being slight and physically unimposing--related to bullying in school--and about being insufficiently masculine. He takes pride in the callouses in his hands and the scars on his body from surfing, and wishes that the thin, pale stubble on his face was thicker.

It's of little surprise then that he finds the changes from the hormones to be a cruel and unwanted imposition. His breast growth makes him feel powerless and disgusted with himself, he can feel his muscles weakening, the tenderness in his breasts is terrifying and degrading, and even the topic of penile and testicular shrinkage made him choke up and sob. He says that even when I allow him to sleep, his mind feels clouded and he finds it increasingly difficult to identify the particulars of his emotional state, which swings and changes in ways he is not used to.

Again, I must reiterate how promising this is. My experiments concern the induction of sexual neuroses and physical development on non-consenting subjects. C1 was unsuitable because he--well, she, more likely--was a little too keen to embrace the role I had planned for her.

C3 is sleeping now. I haven't actually left our impromptu "therapy room" and he's drifted off with his head in my lap. He needs the rest. I have big plans for him, after all.

24th October, 2018

I took a trip to the cinema today. Specifically the single-screen cinema in the back of the adult bookshop. C2 is turning tricks for the manager. I don't think it's his first career choice but for some reason he's been unable to get a job anywhere else in town. He tried being an independent streetwalker for a while, which didn't work out well for him as he was quickly picked up by the local police and treated rather roughly. Almost as if they were keeping an eye on him!

The manager of the adult bookshop got in touch with him, I believe he was waiting for him outside the local lockup in fact, and informed him of a safe, reliable means of plying his trade. Now he sucks cock in the back room cinema along with a handful of other whores in exchange for a roof over his head and ten percent of the ticket sales.

He was apparently given a second tour of the police cells for not handing his tips over to the manager in a timely and honest manner, so his left eye was still swollen shut when I saw him today. His garb was delightful: pastel pink yoga leggings with the Adidas stripes down the sides, and a duck egg blue midriff-cut t-shirt with "BOY" on the chest, with a female gender symbol in place of the O.

I sat down next to him in the otherwise empty cinema and flashed him my ticket, which had set me back $84--worth every penny--and he flashed me a charming smile. There was no glimmer of recognition in his eyes, like all of my experiments and side projects he'd never seen me without a mask. He put his hand on my thigh and told me his name, which I've already forgotten. The feature began, a rather energetic video from the noughties with Kelly Wells, Hillary Scott and Layla Riviera, prompting C2 to get on his knees in front of me. He gagged a little when he unzipped my jeans, not because I was unwashed but because I'd applied a generous quantity of deodorant and aftershave so that he would not recognise me via scent.

I enjoyed a slow, leisurely blowjob for the next hour, where he displayed all the basic techniques I'd so painstakingly taught him as well as a few new ones he'd picked up more recently. There's something to be said about consuming porn this way, not just the oral service but also watching the film from the beginning, without skipping forward to my favorite parts or switching between videos, letting myself slowly build towards my climax at the same pace as the on-screen action. I came just before the money shot, pulling out to cum all over C2's face as Kelly Wells guzzled piss on the big screen, and let C2 lick and suck my balls until the credits rolled.

Before he or I got up, I took out $20, waved it in front of his eyes, and then used the notes to wipe cum up from his face. He flinched at the roughness, scowled, told me to cut it out, and put his hand on my leg as if to push away from me. I said three words.

"Punishment position three."

It was as if I'd reached inside him and squeezed. He let out a pitiful squeak, straightened up on his knees, pushed out his chest, put his hands behind his back, closed his eyes, opened his mouth, and let his tongue hang out. I stuffed the cum-soaked banknotes between his mouth.

"Be good, C2," I told him as I stood up. He didn't move a muscle as I walked out of the cinema, and as the door closed behind me, I heard a single muffled sob. It was an enjoyable experience and I certainly needed it after the last few days because C3 has really been a handful.

It began on the weekend when the first signs of lactation appeared. C3 has been getting increasingly upset with the changes to his body, his widening hips, his weight gain, his shrinking musculature, his shrinking genitalia, and his C-cup breasts. The breasts are especially upsetting, he complains that they ache constantly and are tender to the slightest touch. In any case, when the first droplets of milk dribbled out of his nipples something snapped.

Through tears, he told me that he refuses to eat, that he cannot live with the things I am doing to him, and that I should either let him go or kill him. Obviously this is unacceptable. I told him I was not treating his request with any seriousness, and that if he did not eat his meal, he would go without for the next several days. He nodded forlornly, but still refused the food.

I strapped his hands into leather mitts to prevent him from improvising methods of self-harm, and continued as normal. For the next three days, he refused to respond to commands or obey orders, remaining silent and going limp. He wailed in pain when I caned his soles and slapped his tits, but he continued to wallow in self-pity.

He was ravenously hungry by Wednesday, but when I gave him the opportunity to eat, he would not. I left the bowl of food in his cage overnight, and in the morning it remained untouched. He had not thrown it out or despoiled it, he had simply ignored it in an admirable, if misplaced, display of willpower. I gave him one final warning that there would be serious consequences if he did not eat now. He refused, so I applied the consequences.

I fitted him into a padded restraining board, on his back, his arms, legs, chest, stomach, forehead, chin, wrists and ankles held in place by canvas straps. He could not move an inch, not that he was trying particularly hard. A hollow dildo gag with a breathing hole went into his mouth, principally to prevent him from trying to bite off his own tongue. I catheterized him and inserted a hollow plug into his backside, not overly gently in either case, much to his consternation.

Then, intubation. I fed a heavily-lubricated silicone hose into his left nostril. He thrashed and twitched, as is expected when such a procedure is performed without the aid of benzodiazepines. Undeterred, I asked him to start swallowing, lest the tube end up in his lungs. He did as much gagging as swallowing, but after a few eventful minutes I felt the tell-tale glide of it being pulled down his esophagus and into his stomach.

Once the tube was taped in place under his nose, I attached the free end to a pump until it drew fluid out from within him. A few drops of this fluid onto pH paper revealed it to be stomach acid, which hopefully meant that the hose was not in his lungs. I then attached the hose to the feeding machine, and explained to C3 exactly how it would work.

He would have his meals and water combined into a slurry, kept at a cool four degrees celsius, and injected into his feeding tube. The pressure inside the hose would make breathing difficult or impossible while the food was being pumped, and the volume of his meals--around a litre and a half of slurry--meant that each feeding would be spread out in thirty second bursts, delivered semi-randomly over the course of an hour.

As I told him this, I undid my belt and began to masturbate. Despite the obvious temptations, I had not molested C3 in an overtly sexual manner since that first facial at the beginning of his captivity. By combining molestation with removal of autonomy, I wished to impress upon him the importance of obeying me with whatever autonomy I allow him to have.

I pressed the button on the feeding machine as I approached my climax. C3 squealed and gurgled like a drowning cat from the sensation of ice-cold sludge pumping through a tube in his sinuses and down into his throat, choking as the diameter of the tube expanded enough to cut off his breathing. He thrashed in his restraints with such force that he almost moved the gurney beneath him!

Seeing tears stream from his eyes was too much, and his eyes were precisely where I aimed. I landed a good few ropes on each eye, which he scrunched shut in disgust. When the tube stopped pumping I pried open his eyelids with my fingers and made sure a good quantity of my burning, stinging cum got in each eye, then smeared the rest across his face. He tried to blink it out, with little success, and before he could do much else I applied the padded blindfold. He hates and fears the eye-shutting pressure from the neoprene padding at the best of times, and wasn't overjoyed to wear it with his eyes gunked up with sperm.

He's been like that for the last three days, unable to move, speak or see, fed three meals a day through his nose. The only interaction he's had is when I've unrestrained his individual limbs and allowed them some movement, one at a time, to prevent bedsores and deep vein thrombosis, and when I come down to grope his sensitive tits. He is only able to relieve himself through the catheter and through enemas.

After a few days of stick, he's almost ready for the carrot. Tonight I am making pork carnitas with soft tacos, which he has told me is his favourite meal. I have also purchased one of the Harry Dresden books, which he told me he is an avid reader of. When dinner is ready, I will make him an offer: he will ask me for normal food and apologize for forcing me to use the feeding tube. In return he will be allowed out of his restraints and returned to his comfortable cage, along with his favourite meal and a good book, which he will be allowed to read during his spare time as long as he behaves himself.

I hope he accepts, for his sake and mine.

16 November 2018

C3 had his first true milking today! I've been teasing dribbles of milk from his nipples with my fingers for weeks, but today the volume was so high that I had to deploy a handheld breast pump. He whimpered for the duration but was obviously relieved by the reduction in pressure. It was as if he found the whole ordeal rather humiliating.

The milk is rich, a touch gamey, and less sweet than expected. I don't think the taste will be anything to write home about while his stress levels are so high, and I think that will be the case for some time. I've taken half for myself, and I'm mixing the other half into his food.

He's been docile since the force feeding. The intensity and inevitability of the punishment is part of it, but the rewards are equally important. My deal is that he can ask for anything once. Obviously I laugh at certain requests--he's not getting a phone or a two-way radio--and some things require compromise, but otherwise I have been accommodating. His cell now contains a lamp he can turn on or off, two dozen books and graphic novels, an old mp3 player, and a box of wet wipes. His relief from the constant boredom of being confined in a cage for twenty hours a day is palpable, and he has chosen the comfort that obedience brings over the misery that stems from disobedience.

He has asked if he'll ever be free from this basement and I truthfully said yes. One day he'll be walking around outside free of physical restraints and he will sleep at night in a bed he can truly call his own, though I'm unsure if he'll ever truly be free of me. He takes comfort in the fact that he has not yet seen my face or anything that might identify me, as he reasons that I am therefore not incentivized to bury him in a shallow grave to protect myself. His conclusion is correct but his premise is wrong; he'll know who I am eventually and I still won't fear him.

I'm currently milking him once per day regardless of his feelings on the matter, and I think this has hidden from him the fact that he now needs to be milked. Without his daily milkings the pain in his breasts would become unbearable, and soon he will develop mastitis if he's not milked. This will form another important part of his development: begging for things that are distasteful but necessary. With the exception of the wet wipes, there is nothing inherently humiliating in the things he's asking for. I believe he'll find begging to be milked intensely humiliating, and more humiliating still because of the tolls I'll extract from him when he goes down that road.

A brief note on his physical changes: his breasts are bigger but they remain C-cups for the time being. There are now a striking set of stretch marks on the sides and undersides of his breasts, along with some smaller, subtler ones on his thighs and buttocks which have also thickened up nicely. At some point I'm going to give him a regular schedule of retention enemas until he gets stretch marks on his belly befitting a pregnant little broodslut. His skin is delightfully soft and I'm shaving his face daily until the home electrolysis kit arrives. The combination of hormones, daily exercise bike sessions, and a lack of any upper body resistance training has changed his physique from a surfer's build to a more bottom heavy one.

As soon as I have finished writing this entry I am going to give him two gifts. The first gift is an ear piercing. It will be home to a yellow plastic tag, a miniature version of a cattle tag. The second gift is his name. He's not C3 anymore, and he's certainly not whatever stupid name he called himself before I acquired him. He has lovely tits and he's a milk cow, so his name will be Cowtits.

Cowtits. I think it suits him.

[laminy]

Rami and Joe having a cosy night in and Rami suddenly missing his twin, perhaps the evening reminds him of the cosy nights he and Sami spent in Perth. Rami gets upset and as always Joe is there to console his boy.

“Ooh, look!” Joe says. “You Can’t Take It With You is coming on! Should we watch that? You saw that, right? I think you said when we met.”

Rami nods. “Sure,” he says, “I like that one.”

“Okay!” Joe says, hopping off the sofa. “I’m gonna run and get some snacks from the kitchen— you want anything special?”

Rami shakes his head. “No, just whatever you’re having,” he says. “I’ll come help.” They go into the kitchen and Rami grabs drinks, taking them out into the living room while Joe waits for their popcorn to pop, and then Rami goes back and grabs some sweets. 

When Joe walks back into the living room with two bowls in his hands, one popcorn, one potato chips, Rami’s curled up, Augie by his feet, a blanket pulled over his lap. “Alright,” Joe says, and he sits down, the bowls in between them. “Just in time. I love this one.”

“I know, I remember,” Rami says. “You said he’s your favourite actor.”

“So good,” Joe nods, grabbing some popcorn. He leans forward as he chews, tugging the coffee table a bit closer to them so they don’t have to stretch for their drinks, and then he snuggles back, petting Augie. He smiles over at Rami. “This is nice,” he says, and Rami nods back.

It’s been a few years since Rami watched this film, so he didn’t remember it all right away, but the longer they watch it for, the more that comes back to him. A heavy, sort of sour feel starts to settle in his stomach, and he can’t figure out why — he’s not even sure what he feels. Sick, sort of? Anxious, all of a sudden. But why? He makes a quiet noise, and rubs his stomach.

“You okay?” Joe asks, looking over. “Are you sick?”

“No,” Rami says, shaking his head, “I— I don’t know. I don’t feel well.”

“Babe?” Joe asks, sitting forward, reaching out to him. “Are you okay? Is it your lungs, can you breathe?”

“They’re fine,” Rami says, “I don’t know what it is.”

Joe grabs the remote and pauses the movie, looking at Rami. “I...do you want to go to bed?” he asks. “What’s wrong?”

Rami bites down on his lip, and then just shakes his head. “I don’t...know,” he says. “I— it came on all of a sudden.”

“Yeah?” Joe asks, and Rami nods.

“I feel, it’s like my stomach is twisting,” Rami says, “like I’m nervous about something? But what would I be nervous about?”

Joe shakes his head slowly, thinking. “I...have no idea,” he says. “The baby’s fine upstairs, are you okay?”

Rami looks down, rubbing his stomach again. “I...” He swallows hard, and then sniffles, tears coming to his eyes. “I don’t know what’s wrong,” he says.

“Rami,” Joe says, and he moves the bowls onto the coffee table, and gently nudges Augie out of the way so that he can move closer to Rami. “Hey, hey, what’s going on, are you okay? I— is this like a panic attack or something?”

“I feel,” Rami takes a deep breath, “I don’t know how I feel. It hurts, my stomach hurts.”

Joe nods, and puts his hand on Rami’s stomach. “What kind of hurt?” he asks, and Rami lets out a shaky breath. “Is it from the movie?” Joe asks, glancing at the TV. “I—  we can turn it off, if you want, I don’t care.”

Rami nods, and Joe reaches out, grabbing the remote again, turning off the television. “I saw that film with Sami,” he says softly, and Joe's shoulders immediately slump, looking at Rami.

“Yeah?”

Rami nods. “Yes,” he says. “At the cinema.”

Joe swallows hard. “I...I know you miss him,” he says. “I can’t even imagine.”

Rami nods again, clutching at his stomach a bit more. 

Joe looks at Rami, and then sighs, reaching out to push a curl back from his forehead. “Babe?” he says softly. “I think you’re homesick.”

“For what?” Rami asks. “I am home.”

“I— I know,” Joe says, “but...” He frowns a bit, and wraps his arms around Rami, who hesitates a moment before he climbs onto Joe’s lap. “I’m sorry, babe,” he says. “We shouldn’t have watched it.”

“Sami really liked it,” Rami says softly. “He quite fancied Jean Arthur.”

Joe laughs softly at that. “Yeah, she’s pretty,” he nods. 

“He really liked it,” Rami says again. “I think it was his choice, but I loved the cinema, I’d’ve seen anything.”

“Yeah,” Joe says softly. 

Rami makes a quiet noise, and more tears spill over, and he buries his face in Joe’s neck, shoulders shaking. “Why did he have to die?” he asks softly, and tears fill Joe’s eyes as well, and he rubs Rami’s back.

“I don’t know,” Joe says softly, “I...really don’t.” He doesn’t know what else to say, so he just holds onto Rami as he continues to cry.

After a few minutes, Rami pulls back, eyes red and puffy, and wipes at his face, sniffling. “I love you,” he says.

“I love you too.”

“I’m not sad because—”

“I know,” Joe says softly. “You can love me and miss him.” Rami nods and sniffles. “You know I’ll always listen.”

“I know,” Rami says softly.

“And when the baby’s old enough, you know you can share as many Sami stories as you have, whatever you want.”

Rami nods again, smiling faintly. “He would’ve liked— well, I guess he was an uncle,” he says softly. “Just not to our baby.”

“Oh, no,” Joe says softly, “he still is. I promise he is. Always have the empty plate out for celebrations, right? He’s there. That’s his spot.”

“Right,” Rami says, and he sniffles.

“You wanna go to bed?” Joe asks, and Rami sighs.

“I just wanna stay here,” Rami says softly, leaning forward to rest against Joe again, and Joe nods, rubbing Rami’s back.

“That’s good too,” Joe says. “I’m good right here. As long as you need.” He presses a kiss to Rami’s temple, and Rami makes a quiet noise, closing his eyes.

[foreverdoesntexist]

Do you have Thai BL recommendations for people who like SOTUS? I especially want to look for those with good relationship/character developments or a university setting (bonus points if they put a lot of focus on campus life). Thank you in advance!

Absolutely! I’ll give you a list of 14 ones that match your criteria, love. I’ve watched over 200 dramas so far so I’ll do my best! ❤️ (I’ll assume that you watched SOTUS S and Our Skyy already) 1. Kiss Me/Kiss Me Again/Dark Blue Kiss/Our Skyy - this was the second BL show I’ve watched and even though the first two seasons have straight couples as the main storyline, the third one (Dark Blue Kiss) had the secondary BL couple as the mains. In Our Skyy just like SOTUS it has a special episode. It follows the story of Pete and Kao, two uni students that start by hating each other (they legit punch each other half of the time) and then fall in love. I loved this series because the actors were also my favorites and their chemistry was out of this world, it’s a GMMTV production (like SOTUS) and its starred by New Thitipoom and Tay Tawan.

https://mydramalist.com/27353-kiss-me-again

2. He’s Coming To Me - a LineTV original but in collab with GMMTV, it stars Singto (Kongpob from SOTUS), and Ohm, this series will make you cry buckets and it’s my absolute fave after SOTUS. It’s perfect in every way, the story will capture you and the actors make you feel their pain. Even though it’s not set exactly in uni, one of the main characters is a uni student and the other is a ghost trying to understand why he’s still around. Together they will find out who exactly this ghost was and what happened to him...and somehow love happens. Besides the amazing leads, the secondary actors as their friends are absolutely hilarious. I beg you to give this a shot, you won’t regret it :P

https://mydramalist.com/31880-he-s-coming-to-me

3. 2Moons/2Moons2/2Moons3 - so this series...is a mess and a half but still a classic within the BL world so I will recommend it since it fits the university life theme. The first one had a certain cast and because of issues within the company (Motive Village), they changed it for the second season and now there’s a third season in the works. I should warn you that the second season retells what happened in the first one and then adds quite a bunch for the secondary pairings, you will love them for sure. It tells the story of a freshman at a university called Wayo that is also attended by his long-time secret love, Phana Kongthanin, a med second-year student, the problem is that Phana doesn’t recognize him. Both have their own group of friends and as expected love happens, even if you end up getting bored with the main couple, I’m sure you’ll fall in love with the side ones. Definitely recommend the second cast version :)

https://mydramalist.com/30962-2-moons-the-series-season-2

4. 2gether/Still 2gether - another one from GMMTV (shocking), with new actors and fresh faces, this series was instantly shoved to the top and trended every single day. The story follows an old cliché but it’s not boring at all, Tine is a very handsome student and cheerleader in college, and then we have Sarawat who is in the soccer and music club. When Tine gets some unwanted attention from Green, who he doesn’t have feelings for, he ends up asking Sarawat to fake date with him in order to chase Green away but there’s a plot twist in all of this. Why does Sarawat agree with it all in the first place? You gotta watch to find out. The second season wraps it up in a very very satisfying bow with lots of fluff that we missed from that season 1 finale.

https://mydramalist.com/39563-2gether-the-series

5. Bad Romance/Together With Me/Together With Me: the next chapter - now...this series was a ride...why? Because the two first seasons showed us how the side couple turned out to be together and then the third season came out and well...they fucked up. I absolutely hate the cheating concept do I’ll advise you to just ignore the third season even though it has a happy ending. Korn and Knock are both uni students and best friends, but things get complicated when one of them wants more and the other already has a girlfriend. It will make you want to slap them both at some point but their chemistry and kiss scenes were one the best I’ve ever seen in BL.

https://mydramalist.com/22990-together-with-me-the-series

6. En of Love: Tossara/Love Mechanics/ This is Love Story - all the three series are set in uni and even tho they have different stories and main couples, they all connect in some way. The acting and the directing are not the best out there and it can get confusing at times but it can be seen as something light and cute to watch if you ever get bored of heavier plots.

https://mydramalist.com/33785-en-of-love

7. HiStory 2: Boundary Crossing - a Taiwanese drama with only 8 episode and part of the HiStory Series, this one tells the story of Qiu Zi Xuan that was an excellent volleyball player in the past, but he had to give up on his dreams due to his injuries, but he still participates in the volleyball-related training, arranges and helps them to get into training, watching them improve. During the training, he meets a guy, Xia Yu Hao, a guy with a really bad temper who gets easily infuriated with people that make him angry, but he strives to acquire what he persistently wants to achieve. It’s a bit different from what we are used to but so cute and heartwarming in the end!

https://mydramalist.com/26354-history2-boundary-crossing

8. Love By Chance/A Chance to Love -  This one also has some clichés but it will get you hooked in no time! Pete is a handsome and rich university student that is incredibly timid. His shyness is caused by the fact that he tries to hide that he is secretly gay. By chance, Pete gets hit by a kind-hearted boy on a bike, Ae- Over time, Ae protects Pete from the world; he takes care of him. But somewhere between the intense closeness and soft touches, Ae begins to feel more than how a friend would. Yet, Pete doesn't want Ae to know the pain of being ridiculed for dating a man. Thus he ignores his feelings for Ae. But Pete falls deeper and deeper in love with the kind-hearted boy on the bike who once hit him, by chance. The main couple is absolutely adorable, Saint and Perth look absolutely amazing and the secondary one, even though it didn0t get a happy ending, they will have their one story arc in the new season (a chance to love) which is currently airing. We also find out what happened with the main characters.

https://mydramalist.com/27393-love-by-chance

9. My Engineer/My Engineer 2 -  When Bohn, the popular engineering student, starts a revenge plan on Duen, the innocent first-year medical student, their feelings slowly start to grow through roses that Duen has to buy for Bohn every day for a month. The second season is yet to air but you should give this one a chance since the first season didn’t actually end with any kind of cliffhanger.

https://mydramalist.com/26362-my-engineer

10. Senior Secret Love: Puppy Honey/ Senior Secret Love: Puppy Honey 2/ Our Skyy - from GMMTV this is where one of the great 4 couples started, specifically Off/Gun, the first series has a straight couple as the main couple and Off/Gun as PIck/Rome as the secondary one, then on the second season we get to more of them as usual. There’s also a special episode in the Our Skyy compilation. They are all uni students and we see how their lives slowly change and eventually how they fall in love. Pick’s character is afraid of falling for his best friend but eventually realizes that he can’t let Rome go. A very sweet and cute series.

https://mydramalist.com/22703-senior-secret-love-puppy-honey-2

11. Theory Of Love - This series...oh man it’s so good and makes you want to kill people at the same time. It’s the second series with the actors Off and Gun, where they play Khai and Third. Third is a filmology major along with his best friends Two, Bone, and Khai, but he has a secret. Third has been secretly in love with Khai for years. For three years, he has kept his secret love in his heart, silently supporting and loving Khai while knowing there is absolutely no future between them since Khai is as straight as a streetlight pole and also an absolute player. To make matters worse, Khai has a "no dating friends" policy. How long can Third love Khai silently while watching Khai bring a different girl home every night? Third has tried to see Khai as just a friend. But has failed time and time again. Because as easy as it is to fall in love, to stop is just as hard.  Maybe even harder. That is until Third learns a secret that breaks his heart completely. But when Third decides to stop, Khai decides to start.I absolutely loved this series and Off and Gun’s acting is just superb, please please watch it :)

https://mydramalist.com/31865-theory-of-love

12. Until We Meet Again - This one will mess you up, thirty years ago, Korn and Intouch were university students in Bangkok. At first, Korn kept pushing Intouch away, but in the end, he couldn't resist the boy who was so full of life where he was the exact opposite and decided to let him into his heart. However, in a time where homosexuality was unacceptable and having parents that were against their relationship and each other, Korn and In's love was bound to be doomed. Their story ended with tragedy. Years later, a freshly returned to Thailand, Pharm who is a  freshman in T- University has grown up always feeling like he is waiting for someone. Being riddled with sad dreams that always left him waking up with a wet face, fear of loud noises, and a birthmark on his temple, the boy has always felt like there is someone he is missing. Dean the third year swimming club's president at T- University has also spent his life searching for someone whose faces he can not remember. The red thread of fate that had tied them together in their past life once again pulls the two boys back to each other, tieing them to each other and a past that might not be worth remembering, but a love that is unforgettable. This will fuck up your feelings and the better part is that the side couple will get a new series soon as well,

https://mydramalist.com/33506-until-we-meet-again-the-series

13. Why R U? - So, this one is for everyone that appreciates some steamy scenes and good acting, which unfortunately is rare. Here we have Saint and Zee playing the roles of Tutor and Fighter and it’s everything you could ask for if you are a fan of hot scenes in BL (nothing graphic obviously). Tutor is said to be ‘wise’ beyond his age and acts rationally, while Fighter is the emotional kind. They started having some animosity with each other but developed a close relationship right after. The final scenes might seem confusing but this series was caught in between the whole Covid.19 situation so they had to wrap it up however they could. 

https://mydramalist.com/32592-why-r-u-the-series

14. TharnType - I’ll recommend this one due to its popularity, but please be warned for sensitive themes like R**pe attempts, and other abusive situations. It’s not my favorite BL due its themes and quite...controversial scenes that made no sense to me. But I agree that the acting was quite amazing and the chemistry was there. Type is a dark, tall, and handsome freshman. Although he’s a warm boy, he is homophobic because he was molested by a man as a child. His life turns upside down when the new year of college brings along a very interesting person in his life a gay roommate, Tharn. With a gay guy and a guy who hates gay men that have to share a small space together for the rest of the year, what can possibly be the outcome of their story? Hatred? Or maybe love?

https://mydramalist.com/32555-tharntype-the-series

So there ya go, these were the ones that fit your criteria that I could remember. If you have any more questions let me know and I hope you have fun!❤️

[weilongfu]

Wei watches Until We Meet Again Ep 3

We start with a scene from the past. OH HAI PERTH. I MISSED YOU. NO, I WILL NOT WATCH THE STRANDED.

And then sad dramatic music when In’s friends talk about him. I guess this was post-death. The gang talks kindly about In and Peth’s character starts to cry. God I missed Perth. He cries so pretty, or rather he’s gotten better at pretending to cry. 

I’m glad to see In had such good friends actually. Such that they even regret not having been able to go to his funeral. They even worry that his spirit is in pain. They slowly cheer themselves up by reminiscing, including talking about how bad he was at cooking. Of course, we can only bear sadness for so long, and the rest of the boys say they should cheer up by going to eat. Perth’s character stays back and says that he is still waiting for In’s cooking. 

The next scene is the swim team getting ready to leave. Team and Parm come up and say hi to Win. Win remarks that Dean has been in a bad mood since yesterday. Win asks about Parm and Team introduces him before throwing Parm under the bus and telling him to give the snack boxes to Dean and ask where to put them.

Dean remains in a bad mood and nearly yells at Parm. But once he turns around and sees who it is, he immediately stops. Win and Team prove to be best wing men and run away to leave Dean and Parm to interact. Parm hands over the snack boxes and Dean thanks him kindly. Parm thanks him in return for helping with his shopping last time. Parm gives Dean a box just for him and Dean almost smiles. Parm does smile a bit stiffly and nervously. Dean thanks him once more before getting on the bus. 

On the bus, Dean opens his box and sees the sandwich and Look Choup. Win asks why he got star shaped ones and calls him a cheater. Everyone else apparently got very simple shapes and Dean got nicer ones. Dean tells him to go away and Win teases him by saying he’s nicer after getting some sugar in his blood. 

Insert product placement with chips. Oh look its Team eating chips. With Yacht? The guy who was Pond? Or does he just look familiar? IDK. But Team tells Win to go back to his seat.

Then we cut to the training camp. Win and someone else yell encouragement at the members while Dean observes. Come on boys, take your shirts off! You’re doing swim practice!

That night, Parm studies and gets a message on LINE. Team says he has something for Parm and it turns out to be pictures of Dean looking cool. It makes Parm smile as he looks through them. 

Later, Dean is apparently holding up Win from going home by some work he’s doing. Team walks in and Win asks why he hasn’t gone home yet. Team complains he’s tired, but is going home now. Win asks how he’s going home and when he hears Team is driving, he asks to go with him. Team is skeptical, but Win says he left his car at home and he’ll even drive for Team if he lets him go. Team eventually agrees and leaves Dean with Pruk, another team member. Pruk asks if there’s something between Win and Team but Dean tells him to mind his own business.

Dean later wanders around campus as if looking for something. He just misses Manow and Parm talking. Manow regrets not being able to take Parm home due to her club activities and Dean overhears. However a loud bang goes off and Parm starts having a panic attack. There is a brief flashback, and Dean runs in to comfort Parm who starts hyperventilating while covering his ears and crouching down. His slow and gentle comforting does the trick and Parm turns to look at him. Parm acknowledges Dean and Dean tells him to be careful as he helps him stand back up. Dean offers to take Parm to the hospital, but Parm insists that he’ll be fine after some rest. Dean insists and threatens to carry Parm, and thus Parm agrees to go.

At the doctor’s office, the doctor says Parm’s hyperventilation was caused by stress. Parm explains his fear of loud noises after Dean specifies that there had been an explosion of an electrical transformer. The doctor tries to probe for any reasons why Parm has this fear, but Parm says he’s been that way since he was young. Dean asks if there’s a cure, the doctor states that since Parm’s hyperventilation is not caused by anxiety, there’s nothing they can really do medication wise. At least until they find a cause.

Dean then drives Parm home and in the awkward silence, breaks the ice by introducing himself fully, along with his major (Faculty of Business Administration) and his siblings (brother Dorn and sister Del). Parm similarly introduces himself fully (Faculty of Economics and his brother Phoom). Dean tells Parm that he lives with his siblings and his parents are abroad a lot. Parm states that he lives alone, his father is dead, and his mom and brother are abroad in America. Dean was born April 21st and Parm June 16th. They both like beaches and rivers. Dean smiles and continues by talking about being the president of swim club and Parm tells him he’s a new member of the cooking club. Dean likes to eat Thai food. Parm likes to cook Thai food. Dean goes ALL IN and tells Parm he’s single. Parm actually replies that he’s also single. 

POWER MOVE, DEAN. IT’S TOO EARLY BUT WHO CAN FIGHT THAT?

Dean drops Parm off at home. After Parm gets out of the car, Dean asks for Parm’s number. 2X C-C-COMBO!!! Parm gives Dean his number without a fuss. Dean calls him so Parm can have his number. 

Parm sits down in a daze, but he’s pretty pleased to have Dean’s number. He saves it into his contacts as P Dean before falling back onto his bed, very very pleased and happy. 

The next morning, Parm wakes up to a notification on LINE. Apparently Dean messaged him on LINE. Parm’s Inner Manow manifests and tells him he should flirt since he has the chance. You know, we should all listen to our Inner Manow sometimes like this. She then tells him he can just send a picture instead. Parm accidentally sends his mom’s Happy Monday sticker. Parm is sad and embarrassed about accidentally sending the wrong thing. Parm then talks to Dean after Dean corrects him that it’s Wednesday. Dean even offers to pick up Parm for school if Team is busy. Parm offers to repay the kindness by making him breakfast. Dean asks for an omelette with rice and Parm says he can ask for something more difficult, but Dean insists. Parm says he’ll send it along with Team, but Dean says he can come over and eat when he picks him up. Parm realizes this means Dean will come into his condo and Dean says he’ll pick him up at 7 AM tomorrow. Parm is overcome with happiness and nerves. 3X COMBO!

The next scene is another scene from the past. In and his friends walk past Korn. In specifically keeps looking at Korn. His friends gossip and say that Korn is the son of a mafia. That doesn’t stop In from looking at him, even if they say he looks scary. Instead In walks towards Korn and introduces himself. Korn doesn’t seem to think much of In at first, but at least gives In his name. In then asks what Korn is reading and remarks that it looks hard. Korn then tells In to stop bothering him. In says that he will stop. He stays quiet for a moment before bugging Korn again. After Korn gets aggravated, In tells him that he likes Korn and that he wants to start hitting on him. Korn says it’s nonsense, but In insists before saying, Korn didn’t say no so it means yes.

Perth’s character pulls In away, but In insists there’s nothing wrong with Korn, dismissing rumors and all. But as he’s pulled away, he tells Korn, “Just wait. You will like me.” Korn continues to ignore him.

The next morning Parm starts getting ready with what appears to be particular care. I guess today is the day that Dean will be visiting for breakfast! Don’t worry Parm, he’s already wrapped around your little fingers!

Parm prepares the food with particular care. Meanwhile, Dean rolls up in his fancy car. DEAN CAN BE ONE OF MY RICH BOYS IN MY AU! GOSH WHY DIDN’T I THINK OF THIS? I mean, Parm isn’t exactly poor either if his mom can keep him funded for college in Thailand while running a business in America, right? Dean apparently arrived early. As Parm steps out, still in his pajamas, he looks out at the parking lot and finds Dean. He runs back inside and then out to see Dean. Dean says that he’s early and Parm doesn’t have to rush. Parm remarks that he doesn’t want Dean to wait for an hour and asks if he’d like to eat breakfast in his room. Dean says he’d love too and Parm leads him up to his condo.

Parm nervously asks Dean to wait in his living room/dining room area. Dean takes everything in with a cool face and Parm says he will begin to make Dean’s omelette. Dean watches Parm as he carefully prepares everything for the omelette. Parm presents a well made omelette as well as soup and rice. As he smiles proudly, Dean asks if Parm is going to take a shower at all. Parm, embarrassed, runs into the bathroom to do so as Dean looks at the spread of dishes. It all looks very good. Dean continues to look around the condo. Parm freaks out in the bathroom. He even forgets that he’s already brushed his teeth before jumping into the shower. Dean, meanwhile, continues examining everything. Parm soon steps out, dressed for the day, but still a bit of a mess. Dean walks up into Parm’s space and sorts out his hair for him, chiding him gently that there’s no need to rush and that he can wait. He then does up Parm’s tie for him. The tension is nice, but Parm’s nervous smile kind of makes it weird. 

Parm then says they should go “eat” (I’m assuming he made some sort of weird linguistic snafu and even the subs say ‘eat’ with quotation marks). Dean repeats what Parm says as if asking for clarification and Parm realizes his mistake and clarifies he meant to eat breakfast. I guess if you just say “eat” instead of specifying a meal or food, it means something else. The two sit down and when they both reach for the omelette at the same time, Parm seems to remember the promise of their past lives about In cooking an omelette for Korn and promising it will taste good. Parm starts crying and Dean goes over to him to console him. 

Side story plays, SHIT THAT IS YACHT. I’D RECOGNIZE THAT WEIRD FAKE SMILE ANYWHERE. YACHT WAKE UP. WE NEED YOUR CHAOTIC DUMBASS NOW TO SAVE US FROM THIS PRODUCT PLACEMENT.

Next episode, apparently Mean plays the actor from the acting club that hits on Parm in the novel. GOOD TO KNOW. Glad we also finally got to see Perth’s cameo. I’m guessing he’ll be found in the current life and be happy to see Parm/In again. And something about finally getting to eat Parm/In’s cooking.

[takeoffphilippines]

Must Watch Thai Series for #StayHome Weekdays

In today’s current situation of the Covid-19 Pandemic, we are bound to stay at home and just binge-watch everything you see interesting in your Netflix account. I know you’re somehow got bored already in your list of Kdramas like Kingdom, Crash Landing on You, and Also the Spanish Series Money Heist that you’re fascinated into. 

Lately, people started to notice various Thai Series especially those with an LGBTQ genre. BL or Boy Love Series are very well-known and well-represented in Thailand wherein they cater to different drama series where both men or women had a romantic relationship. One of which who trended and got viral is the couple Sarawat (Bright Vachirawit Chivaaree) and Tine (Win Metawin Opas-iamkajorn) from 2gether The Series by GMMTV.

Just to give you a synopsis of the story: Tine is a very handsome student and cheerleader in college, while Sarawat is one of the campus’ most popular guys and is also in the soccer and music club.  When Tine is chased by Green, who he does not reciprocate feelings for — he ends up begging Sarawat to fake date with him in order to chase Green away.

I’m pretty much sure that people nowadays really are now open-minded in watching this kind of drama that got hooked with this kind of genre. Besides this hype BL series, you can backtrack a couple of Thai Series which will surely mark your hearts.

1.) TharnType The Series

Type is a dark, tall, and handsome freshman. Although he’s a warm boy, he is homophobic because he was molested by a man as a child. His life turns upside down when the new year of college brings along a very interesting person in his life  —, a gay roommate, Tharn. Tharn is a very handsome music major with fair skin and mixed features. He is also openly gay. With a gay guy and a guy who hates gay men that have to share a small space together for the rest of the year.

Cast: Mew Suppasit, Gulf Kanawut, Mild Suttinut, Koklian Parinya, Kaownah Kittipat, Boat Napat

Watch Here

2.) Love By Chance The Series

Pete is a handsome and rich university student that is incredibly timid. His shyness is caused by the fact that he tries to hide that he is secretly gay. By chance, Pete gets hit by a kind-heart boy on a bike. The boy, named Ae apologizes and helps him up. Whenever Pete trusts someone they use him for his wealth. While he was getting abused for money, Ae saves him. Over time, Ae protects Pete from the world; he takes care of him. But somewhere between the intense closeness and soft touches, Ae begins to feel more than how a friend would. Yet, Pete doesn't want Ae to know the pain of being ridiculed for dating a man. Thus he ignores his feelings for Ae. But Pete falls deeper and deeper in love with the kind-heart boy on the bike who once hit him, by chance.

Cast: Saint Suppapong, Perth Tanapon, Mean Phiravich, Plan Rathavit, Mark Siwat, Gun Napat

Watch Here

3.) Until We Meet Again The Series

Korn and In's love was bound to be doomed. Midst the chaos, while Intouch kept on fighting for their future, Korn could not deal with all the suffering his lover was facing and decided to give up. Years later, a freshly returned to Thailand, Pharm (19) who is a freshman in T-University has grown up always feeling like he is waiting for someone. Being riddled with sad dreams that always left him waking up with a wet face, fear of loud noises, and a birthmark on his temple, the boy has always felt like there is someone he is missing. Dean (21), the third year swimming club's president at T- University has also spent his life searching for someone whose faces he can not remember. The red thread of fate that had tied them together in their past life once again pulls the two boys back to each other, tying them to each other and a past that might not be worth remembering, but a love that is unforgettable. Because the red thread that binds the two hearts together will always lead one back to the other. Even though it might tangle or stretch, but it will never break.

Cast: Fluke Natouch Siripongthon, Ohm Thitiwat Ritprasert, Katsamonnat Namwirote 

Watch Here

4.) 2 Moons / 2 Moons 2 The Series

Wayo is accepted at the Kantaphat University, in the Faculty of Sciences; in the same institution, he studies, Phana, a second-year boy he has always been in love with, though he never managed to talk to him. When Wayo has the chance to become the “moon” of his faculty, the two will begin to spend time together because Phana himself has been the “moon” of the medical school the previous year and must supervise the freshmen participating in the competition. Despite initially the strong character of Phana makes it difficult for Wayo any more simple interaction, the two slowly get closer and closer. So, Wayo began to visit friends of Phana, Beam and Kit; it is the latter who suddenly falls in love with Ming, Wayo’s best friend, who begins to court him despite his initial haste.

Cast: Fluke Natouch Siripongthon, Ohm Thitiwat Ritprasert, Katsamonnat Namwirote 

Watch Here: 2 Moons | 2 Moons 2

5.) Why R U? The Series

Tutor is said to be ‘wise’ beyond his age and acts rationally, while Fighter is the emotional kind. They started having some animosity with each other but developed a close relationship right after.

Saifah is a popular musician and is often engaged in acts of mischief while Zon is shy yet stubborn. He is also a sci-fi writer. Due to a bet made with his sister Zol, he starts writing sci-fi stories. But after being scolded by his parents for not studying properly, his writing is cut short. Later, when his friends tell him to steal ideas from his sister, he sees that his name is being used in her fiction along with his enemy, Saifah.

Cast:  Saint Suppapong Udomkaewkanjana, Zee Pruk Panich, Tommy Sittichok Pueakpoolpol, Jimmy Karn Kritsanaphan

Watch Here

6.) Sotus / Sotus S The Series

There's a university system called SOTUS (an acronym which stands for Seniority, Order, Tradition, Unity and Spirit - a tradition in which upper classmen sometimes exploit and even abuse freshmen and others seeking acceptance). Junior level students are required to mentor those freshmen and be respected in return. Enter a rather assertive and vocal freshy at the Engineering faculty named Kongpob who gets to be under the mentorship of Artit, a strict Junior who happens to be the boss of his year.

Cast:  Singto Prachaya Ruangroj, Krist Perawat Sangpotirat

Watch Here: Sotus (Also available in Netflix) | Sotus S

7.) Love Sick The Series

Phun has a girlfriend but his father wants him to date his friend's daughter. Phun's little sister, Pang, is obsessed with boys' love.  Phun's father doesn't listen to Phun well but adores his little sister Pang. So Phun needs to convince Pang that he has a boyfriend so that she can help talk their father out of the idea of dating his friend's daughter. Noh is in need of a higher school budget for his school club or he will be in huge trouble. Phun knowing he is able to help Noh out with his problem decides to ask Noh to become his fake boyfriend in exchange for helping Noh raising fund for his Music Club. However, the two 17-years-old high school boys eventually fall in love after the deal brought them closer together.

Cast: White Nawat, Captain Chonlatorn, Ngern Anupart, Prim Primrose, August Vachiravit

Watch Here  (Also available in Netflix)

8.) Make it Right The Series

Based on the popular BL novel entitled "Make It Right," this drama follows the adventures and love lives of high school students. Fuse is a gentle and sensitive boy who is heartbroken because of his girlfriend who cheated on him, so he tries to get over her by getting drunk with his friends at a party. There he meets his friend Tee and ends up sleeping with him that night. How is he going to cope with his new feelings for another boy and just how many boys who struggle with the same feelings are there at his school?

Watch Here: Season 1 | Season 2

9.) Dark Blue Kiss The Series

The continuation of Kao, Pete, Sun, and Mork's story. Kao and Pete being in a blissful romance, have grown closer. But with Kao being closeted from his mother, he fears the dreaded thought of her finding out. His mother then introduces Non, a son of a colleague, as he requires tutoring from Kao. With Non constantly giving off 'iffy' vibes towards Kao, it only fuels Pete's jealousy. Their relationship is put in strain, but through this, they must ultimately overcome each other's flaws. They both blossom in their youthfulness coated by their everlasting fondness for one another. Surrounded by the wonder of dark blue, Pete and Kao surrender to their feelings. 

Sun starts taking hints from his unrequited love and slowly gives up on Kao. Through this Mork happened to possibly comfort him. Whilst Sun pushes Rain to stay away from Mork, the younger man's uncontrollable behavior brings him in. As his wildness is intriguing, Sun's seriousness holds Mork down somewhat. Underneath it all, the two start to care for each other. However, with Mork's dangerous life, he can't shake who he is. But maybe he can for someone like Sun.

Cast: New Thitipoom Techaapaikhun, Tay Tawan Vihokratana, AJ Chayapol Jutamat, Podd Suphakorn Sriphothong, Fluke Gawin Caskey

Watch Here

10.) My Engineer The Series (On-Going)

When Bohn, the popular engineering student, starts a revenge plan on Duen, the innocent first-year medical student, their feelings slowly start to grow through roses that Duen has to buy for Bohn every day for a month. The series brings out the different side of each couple and their journey with friends and relationships. Join us and see how their feelings slowly evolve between each other through the 4 couples.

Watch Here

Additional Thai BL Series You Might Want to Watch:

11.) En Of Love The Series (On-Going)

Watch Here: Tossara | Love Mechanics

12.) Theory of Love The Series

Watch Here

13.) Together With Me The Series

Watch Here: Season 1 | Season 2

14.) He’s Coming to Me The Series

Watch Here

15.) The Best of Twins The Series

Watch Here

16.) What The Duck The Series

Watch Here: Season 1 | Season 2

—

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Instagram: @takeoff_ph | Twitter: @takeoff_ph

[superstorelomo]

Yoink bandcamp

On Anomalía ediciones Upcoming Releases Saturday, 3 Lukas Mantel Sextet – Vardah (Pre​-​Release #2/​4) (jazz fusion, modern jazz)īandcamp page Sunday, 4 Dayum – Ghost of Sparta (technical deathcore) Perth, Australia Yoink – Interactome (progressive rock, math rock)īrooklyn, New York Yon – Animalista (math rock) Porto, Portugal Watercolour Ghosts – Connector (progressive metal, post-rock) On The Flenser Verbian – Jaez (post-metal) Osnabrück, Germany Serration – Ease Yourself Back into Consciousness (metalcore)Īlberta Street Sects – “Gentrification Ⅲ: Death and Displacement” (experimental hardcore) On Ugexplode Lilly Legit & Chime Garlands – Closure (modern jazz, math rock) Sankt Peterburg, Russian Federation Jeb Bishop, Alex Ward, and Weasel Walter – Flayed (free jazz, noise) On Unique Leader Iamthemorning – The Bell (progressive rock) On Wolves and Vibrancy Humanity’s Last Breath – Abyssal (deathcore) New York Fawn Limbs – Harm Remissions (mathcore, grindcore) Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania Blame God – Power and Control (grindcore) Friday, 2 Aaron Myers-Brooks – Energetic Bursts (progressive metal) Israel Zeitgeber – Transforming the Random Crushing Forces of the Universe into Manageable Patterns (world fusion) Kiev, Ukraine פיי שפירו (Faye Shapiro) – אלף נשיקות (Elef neshikot) (experimental pop, world fusion) On Coup sur coup Thursday, 1 August Dead Way Englightenment – Störung (post-black metal) Lisbon, Portugal Things Amazing – Better Things (math rock, post-hardcore) Minneapolis, Minnesota Variable Geometry Orchestra – Mare Tranquillitatis (avant-garde classical) Philadelphia, Pennsylvania Wednesday, 31 Grogus – Four Kings (progressive sludge) On Potentially Kinetic The Tea Club – If / When (progressive rock, art rock) On Cruel Nature Tuesday, 30 Bit Brigade – Mega Man 3 (rock, VGM)Īthens, Georgia Eradiate and The Key to Nchuandzel – Impaling the Night’s Darkened Spirit on the Blade of Intransigence (avant-garde black metal) On L’oreille électrique Monday, 29 Fret! – A Vanity Spawned by Fear (post-hardcore, math punk) Sunday, 28 Electric Pop Art Ensemble – In Montreal (experimental jazz, noise) New York, New York Frode Gjerstad, Fred Lonberg-Holm, and Matthew Shipp – Season of Sadness (avant-garde jazz) ​2: Mario Kart 64 Soundtrack from YouTube Video” (jazz, VGM) Guadalajara, Mexico Saturday, 27 The 8-Bit Big Band – “Let’s Play Live! Ep​. Spurn – At the Precipice of Excitation (grindcore, deathgrind)Ĭalgary, Alberta Troker – Pueblo de brujos (jazz fusion, experimental jazz) On Gizeh Sevish – Horixens (drum and bass, experimental electro) On Napalm Several Wives – Göldi Fell (contemporary classical, dark ambient) Label page Oh Hiroshima – Oscillation (post-rock) On Give Praise John Zorn – Tractatus musico-philosophicus: Philosophical Investigations from the Invisible Theatre (avant-garde jazz) Holy Grinder – Primitive Methods (powerviolence) Bureau Berlin – Earthbound Akupunkture (free improvisation, noise) On Orenda Christopher Cerrone – The Pieces that Fall to Earth (contemporary classical)ĭaxma – Ruins upon Ruins (atmospheric post-metal) On Whirlwind Ben Rempel – Desert Music (experimental jazz) South Bend, Indiana Rebecca Nash’s Atlas – Peaceful King (modern jazz) Harlow, UK After Ours – Random Nuggets (jazz fusion, pop) Friday, 26 July Abe – Abe (math rock, post-hardcore)

[besidemethewholedamntime]

love worth its weight~ part 2

Here’s the second and final part of this work. I really enjoyed writing it actually, and it was interesting to do both pre-loop-breaking and post-loop-breaking (because they will, right?) 

I hope you guys like it!

{To read on Ao3}

(Part 1 on tumblr)

(Part 1 on Ao3)

-x-

Their daughter is born and she is beautiful.

She comes into the world kicking and crying, already a force to be reckoned with. Fitz cries, as does Jemma, but not from sadness. No, from the sheer relief that they made it to be here. The relief that she is born in a hospital in Perth, Scotland and not some decrepit lighthouse with the remains of Earth flying past them. The relief that when she came into the world at eleven minutes past four the spring sun was shining and the Earth felt strong and sure and new.

The relief that, this time, they don’t know what’s going to happen.

They name her Sarah. Jemma thinks of princesses, of Mulan and Merida who had the chance to, and rightfully did, change their fates.

She wonders if it was like this before.

They know nothing of the past lives they’ve lived, would have known nothing about the daughter they’d loved and lost so many times had Deke not told them. Jemma can’t imagine it, doesn’t want to think about it. The guilt of it all must have been overwhelming.

It’s an unspoken rule between her and Fitz, to never talk about those other versions of themselves, of their daughter. They don’t speak of what she might have been like, was she the same as their daughter now? Did she take her first steps at the same time? Did she speak her first word at the same time? Was she the same or did they lose something they didn’t even know they never had?

Except one day Jemma does say it, because she can’t hold it in anymore.

“I wonder what it must have been like,” she muses, and it’s almost an accident to say it out loud. “To bring a child into that world.”

She watches what her words do to Fitz, watches how they land on him. At first, he is confused, but then it’s only seconds before he understands and his eyes widen, his mouth hangs open and he’s thinking about it even though Jemma can tell he really doesn’t want to.

“Hard,” he manages to choke out. Tears shine in his eyes. “Imagine it, having this person who you love so much you’d do anything for, and yet you know exactly how it’s all going to play out for them.” His eyes cut away from her to Sarah, who’s playing on the floor. His next words are so, so quiet. “I guess I don’t need to imagine.”

Jemma thinks of everything Fitz has done for her and wonders how many lives they lived through. How many times did they lose each other, their daughter? Did they manage to survive it?

She thinks that, at that point, they would have given up. Let the loop replay again. Reset the game. Get another chance.

It’s hard to keep on fighting when you have nothing left to fight for anymore.

The thoughts of those other lives which kept her awake so much in the beginning fade away as time passes. Jemma doesn’t think about it as much, because there’s really no point. They did what they did, they saved the world, and what’s the point in thinking about all the lives they had to live to get there?

As Sarah gets older she begins to worship Fitz, something that Jemma suspected would always have remained the same. She toddles after him in outfits picked by her grandmothers, shoes gifted to her by the team, hats that Director Daisy found too adorable to not pick up while on missions to keep the world safe. She has a favourite stuffed toy, a plushed penicillin teddy gifted to Jemma once they left SHIELD, and she never goes anywhere without it. Her first word is ‘daddy’ and though she expects a tiny little bit of jealousy, it never comes, because children find those hard sounds easier to say and so it’s normal and normality is, for a long time, all that Jemma’s wanted.

Sarah is smart and beautiful and has the uncanny ability to make everyone who knows her fall in love with her. She loves to learn, memorises everything she can - even things way beyond her years. She loves to laugh, loves making people laugh and has a trademark grin that harbours more beauty than the stars. She gets grumpy when she’s ill, likes all of her toys and books to be in order and her favourite sandwich is the same as her father’s.

She is Sarah Fitzsimmons and she is perfect.

And, Jemma thinks, surely, she was always destined to be this good, this great. That in whatever world she was in, whatever hardships she had to face, she was always a light in the dark. Always a hope. Always a joy. Surely, she was always this wonderful.

It makes her unexpectedly emotional sometimes, on days that those precious childhood milestones occur. Because this wouldn’t have happened in those other lives. Her daughter, then, wouldn’t have experienced those things, not while the stars were constantly visible and the only Earth she knew was the broken husk she could see out a window.

“Mummy! There you are. Daddy says he’s taking pictures now.”

Jemma turns around, broken out of her reverie by Sarah’s gleeful yelling. It’s her first day of school and she has her new uniform on and her hair done in two plaits which bounce up and down in time with her excited jumping about.

Jemma cannot help but smile and puts down her cup of tea on the side of the kitchen sink. “I’m just coming,” she tells Sarah, who nods with fervour, before running back through to Fitz, her new black patent school shoes making thudding noises on the floor.

It’s all new.

Jemma glances back towards the kitchen window she had been looking out, and feels the weight lift from her. It’s all new. They’ve never lived this life before. Everything is fresh and new, a clean slate.

Her daughter is starting school today and right now Fitz is playing around with the camera and Sarah’s giggling because she finds his antics funny. Later they’ll all go out for lunch together, perhaps to the park to enjoy the late August sunshine. The Team will phone tonight and ask her all about it and Sarah will respond with enthusiasm the way she responds to all questions directed to her. Her grandparents will visit at the weekend and, maybe, if it’s still sunny, they’ll go to the beach. Tonight, she’ll come home and hug her parents the way she always has. She’ll sleep in the same bed she’s always slept in, surrounded by the teddies and toys she’s always had.

This world in which they live now is far off from the dark and post-apocalyptic world that could have been their fate if they had left things be.

This is the future that they now call home, and it’s all new and bright and shining. An untrodden path, waiting to be explored.

Jemma turns away from the window and goes to get her picture taken with her family.

They’re only just at the beginning.

{To read on Ao3}

[notsofine]

Finding the first day back at work hard. Scattered. Distressed. 

The noises are too much. The chatter seems to be at an above average volume and it is making my head hurt. The stapler is too loud. The clock is too loud. Even my own fingers tapping against the keyboard is too loud. 

I do not like the position of my desk, facing the wall, leaving my back exposed. It makes my skin crawl. I cant see what is going on and who is coming and going and it makes me anxious. There isnt any where I can move to though, so I have to suck it up and deal. I wonder what it doesnt bother anyone else. 

Another email from my cousin, saying shes booked the time off and she and her husband will be flying over for my other cousins wedding. The one I still havent responded to. I still cant decide if i want to go, if I feel like I have to go, if it is a good idea to go. It feels like this is my last shot at attemping to make contact with my fathers family - if I decline there will be no more chances. It would be like me saying ‘I cant be bothered to be part of this family’. 

But I also dont know if I want to be. I dont know if going would make me feel even more of an outsider than I already am. I have 3 more cousins here in Perth apparently. I’ve been here 4 years and I havent seen them yet. So why should I pay for a flight to see family when I havent even seen them in the same state?

I cant tell if I am angry or sad or both. Went for a walk to try and regulate but I am finding it hard.  I cant breathe. It is too much. 

[wub-fur-radio]

Howling at the Moon in June Background Noise for People Scheming, Seducing, Revolting, and Teaching

I took the law and threw it away Cause there's nothing wrong, it’s just for play There's no law, no law anymore I want to steal from the rich and give to the poor

    – Jeffrey Hyman, Howling at the Moon

Singing a song in the morning Singing it again at night Don't really know what I'm singing about But it makes me feel I feel all right

    – Robert Wyatt, Moon in June

As winter turns to summer and sadness turns to fun, you’re invited to come levitate with us and this eclectic mix of 18 indie psychedelic garage rock songs in the patent-pending and difficult to imitate Wub-Fur Internet Radio style. There’s nothing wrong, so just press play and join in as we howl along beneath the light of the Strawberry Moon with the King Khan Experience, the Dream Syndicate, Royal Trux, Psychedelic Porn Crumpets, the Murlocs, the Mystery Lights, and a dozen more bands who know how to keep the faith, baby.

Front and rear cover art based on Creative Commons licensed photos by Jeffrey Putnam. Apologies to him and to the Ramones, Soft Machine, and the Moon.

Play on 8tracks | Play on Mixcloud (or scroll down to use one of the embedded players below)

Running Time: 1 hour, 11 seconds

Tracklist

Eyes Open (2:54) — Jollys | Chicago

Come Levitate With Me (3:54) — The King Khan Experience | Berlin

Treading Water Underneath the Stars (4:08) — The Dream Syndicate | Los Angeles

Samsara Maya (3:44) — The Murlocs | Melbourne

Hymn for a Droid (3:25) — Psychedelic Porn Crumpets | Perth

Moonage Daydream (2:25) — Eagles of Death Metal Presents Boots Electric | South Carolina?

Floating Alice (3:56) — The Jackets | Switzerland

Sex on a Grave (4:57) — Lunar Funeral | St. Petersburg

Seven Sisters (3:30) — Cosmonauts | Los Angeles

I'm so Tired (Of Living in the City) (2:33) — The Mystery Lights | Brooklyn

Midnight Cemetery Stroll (3:55) — Al Lover | San Francisco

Moonlight Lately (3:03) — Together Pangea | Los Angeles

Violeta (2:22) — Versing | Seattle

Pink Lemonade (2:40) — Daddy Long Legs | New York City

White Stuff (3:35) — Royal Trux | Washington, DC

She Was Mine (3:03) — Fire Bad! | Oklahoma City

Pop Song (2:23) — The Snakes | Melbourne

Borderline (3:48) — Spiral Stairs | Mexico

All tracks released 2019 except the first, which is from 2018.

Embedded Mixcloud Player

Embedded 8tracks Player

[jacobmellor]

Chapter 4

What was once seen as a bit of a challenge, an opportunity to show that there may be a different way of thinking or doing had recently been getting me down. I spoke to mum about it and her response was perfect, “most stuff is pointless really”

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lib7w9AdDMY

9 months ago I left my bicycle in Da Nang, central Vietnam. That was me leaving my normal. I was stagnant, progressing through places but not really progressing personally.

Stepping out into the unknown was a really amazing step. Me, Jethro and Felipe rode our shitbox motorbikes costing a maximum of $200 across the country together. Each one a Chinese fake, bald tyres, oil leaks, broken lights, broken fuel gauges, dodgy speedos. They were constantly falling over, breaking down, making strange noises, running out of petrol. Locals gesturing they were going to explode any minute, laughing at us as they pulled out of the service station on their real Honda Waves. Well these shitboxes carried us all the way through that amazing country. Through the scorching heat, the torrential rain, over mountains, along bone shaking roads and survived an actual fucking tornado. Every second was priceless.

And upon arriving in Hanoi I quickly stumbled across a group of crazy awesome likeminded people and rented a big mad house together. A family of travellers. We hosted other travellers, ran a free community English class from the living room and taught English in kindergartens for a bit of money. Together we enjoyed everything that wonderful city has to offer.

With the cost of living so cheap and the wage for teaching English so good, we had time to do or not do. Anything, everything and nothing was possible. Sampling tasty food, playing music, painting, busking, yoga, going to festivals, trips to the islands, finding skyscrapers to climb, joining a football team, taking photos, going to circus, we did it all and more. But the centre of our world which we always enjoyed returning home to was our roof terrace. THE ROOF. Coming in from those manic streets you were instantly transported to a tranquil ish bubble surrounded by air cleaning plants and the smell of drying clothes and marijuana. The walls, tables, doors, and hanging clothes were all covered in our art and any space in between was filled with Jerome’s chilled music. Freedom. The little cherry on top of it all was Hien, our incredible Vietnamese housemate full of traditional culture and fire. At first it was a struggle to cope with our western ways but soon she blossomed into this inquisitive lover of life, opening a business teaching Vietnamese to expats, telling her parents she didn’t want to get married, yet, and trying simple things we take for granted like drawing or watching and dancing to live music for the first time. She lived in the room beneath, always keeping us in check. Check Check!

Around Christmas time everybody had made plans for something else, it’s not something to do forever, that Hanoi life, the city as I said is manic. And polluted. I was seeing family in Australia, Stef was hitching and busking back to Italy, Askar was going to Thailand to carry on his amazing journey of travelling without money. Vika and Yura back to Russia to make music, Xsenia and Pavel would carry on busking and travelling around Asia. Nick to Ukraine to meet a girl he’d met in Hanoi, Daniel to Perth to see family, leaving just Jerome and Hien in the house. But before leaving we all spent Christmas Day in Hiens home town, met her family and enjoyed a big dinner together. It was a perfect way to finish.

On the plane to Australia I cried knowing that I would see my family for the first time in 3 years, but also because I was leaving my newly found family and Masha, the woman I’d fallen in love with behind.

My mum and dad, are older, greyer but still the same people at heart, it was surreal to see them after so long. A few weeks spent relaxing, eating and just hanging out with the folks like normal. I’m very lucky. I’m also so thankful that they are happy knowing I’m happy, I couldn’t ask for anything more. It wasn’t so sad leaving them again, just sad to leave those avocado, poached egg, smoked salmon on toast breakies in the cafe.

I hitched from Sydney to Melbourne and back again and then up to Newcastle for a tree planting job. All the time planning on returning to Vietnam and Masha. I asked Daniel to come and help with the job seeing how he was in Oz, he needed money and it would be nice for him to learn how to plant. Just like that, we were planting 15,000+ native grasses by hand, the perfect job for one of the most inspiring families I’ve ever met. I’d been introduced to Paul, Tanya and sons over a year earlier when with Russ. We stayed at their house a couple of nights but never had the chance to fully get to know each other. Paul is working in construction, but has always challenged himself with amazing/insane adventures, living on the edge, sometimes even falling over the edge, but it doesn’t matter, he smashes through everything with his can do attitude and refusal to fail. After his wife died of cancer, he rode his bike to the very northerly point of Australia and kayaked, fucking kayaked to Papa New Guinea. Aaaaaand raised a shit ton of money for charity in the process. Wow, and then there is Tanya. Like us she is definitely a traveller at heart, hitching Europe and Turkey in the, I think 80’s, maybe 90’s. She’s not old old! One of the most open minded easy to talk to people in the world, she fuelled a love for horses by working in stables in different countries. After realising professional riding wasn’t for her and just going with the flow she now sculpts for a living and has life size bronze works on display across Australia. Being creative and doing what she is passionate about! If these guys aren’t an example of following what you love and achieving everything you put your mind to, I don’t know what is.

I’d booked my flight back to Hanoi from New Zealand, because first I wanted to hitch on a boat and do a bit of cycling in real nature before returning to Masha and Hanoi. And I guess this is where that feeling of pointlessness has come from. I couldn’t find a boat and things haven’t worked out with Masha. I’m not really used to things going against me, I’m used to things being hard, I can deal with that, but all of a sudden my dream of sustainable travel seemed up in a big fossil fuel guzzling cloud of aeroplane smoke as I bailed and flew to NZ. The fact the relationship ended multiplied this feeling ten fold, I felt lost. Instead of doing what I’d done previously, enjoying the journey for what it was, riding the waves, embracing the challenge, learning from the mistakes, going with the flow, smiling at the punctures or the breakdowns, or the bad weather, shitty road, lack of food. I got down.

I was riding but not riding, my head was stuck up in that cloud. But New Zealand is so bllllllloody beautiful that it’s actually difficult not to live in the moment when your surrounded by so much breathtaking scenery. And then I met cyclists Ryan and Dee, an awesome friendly couple from England, with the positive vibe returning I’m starting to find apples everywhere, and people are giving away the best tastiest pinkest peaches you can imagine. I stayed a few nights with a girl who loved to bake. Scones, banana bread, apple + blackberry pie, a loaf of bread and then leaving and discovering a home made quiche she’d woken up early to bake and put with my lunch. Last night I stayed with a family of 6, the dad Chris had cycled from the top of the north island to the bottom of the South Island. 3000km along rough trails in 22 days. Their 3 teenage daughters outwitting me in every conversation and then waking up this morning to watch their 11 year old average sized son devour 8 weetabix, his response, “I do a lot”. Needless to say, I feel good, I feel high on life. I already thought I should write a post whilst I was riding into town this morning. And then waiting for me was a message from a profile I’d made on a boating website months ago, I have just received an email asking if I want to crew a marine biology sailing yacht to Fiji and back.

I’m not saying that being positive or living in the moment had anything to do with the boat, it didn’t. The thing on the boat may never even materialise. I’m just saying that everything is always alright in the end, so no point getting down and worrying about it. You are doing what feels right, that’s all that matters.

So yes most stuff is pointless, my pointless thing is to challenge misconceptions and push boundaries, what’s yours?

[ohwanessa-moved]

Swiggity swag tag meme

Tagged by @monstrblood

A - age: 17 B - biggest fear: Being forgotten C - current time: 10 pm D - drink you last had: Water E - every day starts with: My ass getting out of bed F - favorite song: Right now It’s Humble by Kendrick Lamar G - ghosts, are they real?: If you believe in them hard enough they’ll surely come true H - hometown: Born in Perth Amboy, New Jersey, raised in central Ohio I - in love with: My new tablet J - jealous of: My friends who are staying in ohio for college (lol I can’t deal with ohio state tho, it’s way too big) K - kill(ed) someone: A stink bug who I named jeff L - last time I cried: Of sadness: Last month. of laughter: Last friday. M - middle name: The N - number of siblings: 2 O - one wish: Get out of college with less than $40,000 in debt. P - person you last called/texted: My brother currently in Kumasi, Ghana Q - question you’re always asked: Where are you going to college????? R - reason to smile: I graduate in 23 days S - song last sang: Fullmetal alchemist brotherhood opening 2, I don’t japanese and yes, i’m that kind of person  T - time you woke up: 5:30 am U - underwear color: (Scooby doo I don’t know noise) V - vacation destination: Rome, Kumasi, or Tokyo W - worst habit: procrastinating, I’m doing it right now. X - x-rays you’ve had: my teeth at the dentist Y - your favorite food: If it’s good to eat its good for me! Z - zodiac sign: Leoo,

[sophie-zadeh]

My Husband is a Winker

Yesterday, I joined Geoff Hutchison at ABC Radio Perth, to talk about winking. Bernard Tomic’s notorious wink was the trigger for an afternoon which revolved around the wink. Starting with a discussion with Lucie Bell, the show’s Producer and ending with a myriad of winking emojis bombarding my phone messages. 😉😜

You can read my analysis of Tomic’s wink and other behaviours in this article.

I don’t usually talk about the wink gesture, because it’s not a universal gesture–it isn’t innate within everyone. Instead, it’s a cultural gesture, a manmade gesture, with different meanings around the world. In the Western world alone it has several meanings, often causing confusion in people who observe it as to the intention of the sender’s message.

One thing I realised is, my husband is a winker 😜. In hindsight, I’ve observed this many times in him, however, it doesn't usually consciously register as an expression, because it isn’t universal–it doesn’t stem from a basic emotion. If I observe a universal expression in him (anger, sadness, happiness, surprise, fear, disgust or contempt), I pay more attention, because I may need to alter my behaviour to respond more appropriately to his emotional state.

Before you assume it must be hell living with me, I should let you know that he also observes and understands emotional expression. He consciously uses this skill to navigate his day-to-day interactions. It’s not something to fear, it actually enhances interactions and relationships.

The Meaning of a Wink

The Joking Wink

My husband winks for two reasons. Firstly, he’s inherently funny–to me anyway–constantly making me laugh with sarcastic comments, self-deprecating humour and comments directed to me, which, if I didn’t find funny, I’m sure I’d be deeply offended by. I’m not offended, because I share his humour, doing the same to him, in fact sometimes we laugh about what people would think if they overheard us. Another reason I’m not offended is he mitigates his offensive comments with a wink, overtly signalling, “I’m joking”.

Often, his wink is accompanied with a tongue jut 😜, a nonverbal behaviour which, when overtly used, signals “I got away with that.” ��😝😜🤪 I wrote about the tongue jut in this post. With these gestures he overtly signals he’s joking and with his kind, caring, compassionate general behaviours, I wholeheartedly know that he doesn’t mean any harm.

The Wink of Solidarity and Connection

The second reason he winks a lot, and he did so twice while we were waiting to go on air at ABC Radio’s studio reception, is to show solidarity and connection. Its purpose, to put me at ease. He nonverbally told me, “You’ve got this, you’ll be great, I’m here with you”. There was no need for words. We laughed as he did this, because Geoff Hutchison was in the background, on air, saying, “Wink at someone and see how they react”.

This type of wink can also show agreement and affiliation, sometimes used covertly from one person to another, within a larger group of people. Signalling, “We’re in this together”, a meaningful psychological affiliation between two people, hidden from others. Often, in this context, the wider social environment they are part of is somewhat perceived by them as a them-and-us situation.

Similarly, this type of wink between two parties can signal a shared knowledge of a hidden intention or a private joke.

The Wink as a Flirting Gesture

The wink has another meaning, entirely different to the joking wink. When one person likes another, they may overtly signal their feelings in the form of a flirtatious wink.

I don’t recall seeing my husband do this type of wink. That said, our romantic relationship started with text messages, across the vast Australian continent. I’d met him previously, through work, but it was months later that we began to message, hitting it off romantically. I’m guessing, if I still had those messages, I would see one or two emoji winks 😉 Now I’m curious.

When the Wink Goes Wrong

Because the wink is so ambiguous in its meaning, there’s a risk in using it because it can so easily be misinterpreted by those who receive or observe it. In the case of the wink of solidarity and connection, what if the receiver doesn’t feel the same affiliation to the sender and instead misinterprets it as a flirting signal? This could be potentially damaging to both parties. The receiver believing they are being sexually harassed and the sender being perceived as a perpetrator of, and possibly accused of, sexual harassment.

Imagine a workplace scenario in which an innocent wink of affiliation is observed by the wider social group. This could potentially trigger a plethora of gossip and accusations.

A flirtatious wink is viewed by many as inappropriate within today’s Western society, in a similar way to touch. Some people don’t like being touched, even just a touch on the arm. When they are touched, they are left with a negative experience. A wink from a stranger or someone we don’t like can feel equally disconcerting and very creepy.

On top of that, some people don’t like attention. Would you want a stranger or acquaintance to feel disconcerted or creeped out as a result of your behaviour? If your intentions are for romance, you could have the opposite effect, turning your potential love interest away from you. Is it worth the risk?

And then there’s context. In my twenties, I was running an errand related to my studies at university. I felt really sick and just wanted to get home to bed. It was a migraine. On my way home, I received a wolf whistle. Not liking attention at the best of times, you can imagine my annoyance–and pain–in receiving the sender’s message. I must have grimaced, because the wolf whistler then shouted, “Fat arse!”, probably on the defensive for my nonverbal response. While I find this funny now, I didn’t appreciate any of the attention or the noise at the time.

What I’m getting at is, often we have no idea of a person’s emotional state within the moment. We’re not aware of the life situations or events that have happened to them in the past or recently, and how they could have impacted their emotional state or perceptions. What is intended as a positive and innocent signal, could be received negatively, filtered through experience, emotion and perception.

Let’s not forget culture. We’ve been talking about the wink in the context of Western culture, but differences in the meaning of the wink also exist around the world. What means one thing to one culture could mean something completely inappropriate for another.

While there is no right or wrong in nonverbal communication, it’s all about what signals and messages you want to send to others, I teach nonverbal communication, from the perspective of cultivating feelings of positivity and comfort within others. It’s in this environment that interactions and relationships flourish and people become more caring, compassionate, empathic, generous and agreeable. So, my advice would be to be aware of the risk and use caution. The wink, with its varied and ambiguous meaning, poses a significant risk in facilitating feelings of negativity and discomfort. Unless you are close to the person you’re winking at, and you’re certain they will perceive its meaning as you intended, it’s perhaps best to avoid it.

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[weilongfu]

Wei watches Until We Meet Again Ep 1

Warning for my followers, UWMA starts with the suicide of the past lives of the main characters. If you don’t want to watch it, you should skip the first 8 min of the episode. @thewickling has the timestamps for the exact moments of the suicide scenes. There are gunshots and blood involved.

I will say, it is “supposed to be” the saddest part of the UWMA story. Everything else is supposed to build up and better from it. I think Earth and his co-lead for the past life did a great job displaying how emotional Korn and In were and sad that they were being told to stay apart. Like this is legit pretty good emotional acting. The tears. The breaking of their voices. Their pleas to have their dads let them be together... It’s sad that it lead to such a dramatic end of their past lives. 

Wow this is such a long cast intro. BUT HEYYYY PLAN, MEAN, AND PERTH ARE HERE FOR A VISIT.

Parm wakes up and is running late. Sammy is back as Manow. Insert product placement. Uh... Manow... that’s not how you put on eyeliner... But I’m sure that was just because they didn’t want to mess up her actual makeup. Manow meets Del, and I think Del is Dean’s sister if I remember correctly. Manow runs into who I presume is her love interest and I can’t tell if that’s Perth’s character or someone else cause of the glasses.

Then Team, Parm, and Manow meet! Super friends for life now! They discuss their interests in different clubs. Team says he’ll join the swimming club and Manow teases him before she points out Dean. 

Parm’s face is so weird with that grimace that slowly slackens. But wow, Dean is handsome. I’m okay with him as a lead for sure. Parm tells his friends afterwards that he’ll join the cooking club. He says he likes to make Thai desserts. Teach me Parm! I want to learn! And I’ll have a very cute teacher!

Parm goes off to join the cooking club and welcomed warmly. They are all very happy a guy is joining the club. They are also glad that someone as well versed in cooking as Parm is joining. It’s a very cute scene that they’re so excited for him to join. 

Mean’s character is at the table for the Drama Club. Everyone is going nuts because he’s there. Manow tells them she can act as a stone and demonstrates. She then displays more of her “acting skills.” It’s very funny, but a bit cringe because we’ve all been that awkward sort of enthusiastic where you just want to impress and then you realize later that you’ve been very silly. Mean shows his acting chops by his expressions and alternating between annoyed and enthusiastic. I remember why I like him again.

Manow meets up with Team and Parm and talks about how so many girls joined the club. Team and Parm tease Manow for being concerned over Team’s arms getting sunburned before there’s a loud crash. Parm starts hyperventilating and Team and Manow comfort him and ask what’s wrong. Parm tells them that he’s always been afraid of very loud noises like gun shots, bombs, crashes, lighting and thunder, etc. But he’s not affected if he knows it’s coming. Manow and Team decide to protect Parm. Superfriends activate! Team says he’ll protect both Parm and Manow and Parm asks from what. Team tells Parm that he’s the kind of boy that girls like to ship with other boys. Manow confesses that she’ll ship Parm and Dean together.

You guys are going too fast! Let Dean get a word in first! But their eyes have already met, start planning for the wedding! There’s no way you’ll keep Dean away from Parm guys!

Parm looks up the swimming club and sees the picture of Dean and then looks through Dean’s Facebook. He asks himself why he feels sad when he sees Dean’s face. 

The next scene is the past with Korn and In. Korn says he has to leave early before his father gets home. Korn talks very casually about the punishment he’ll get if he is late. In asks if they die and are born again if they’ll be together again. Korn teases him and In says he’s serious. Korn says of course they’ll be together again because he’ll keep searching until he finds In again. No matter where they are, he’ll search. (This is why I saved a song to use as inspiration for my first UWMA fic!) In says he will also search for Korn. They seal it with a pinky promise. Then they gaze into each others eyes and touch foreheads. 

Before the memory goes any farther, Parm wakes up because of his noisy neighbors. He looks in the mirror and realizes he’s been crying in his sleep. No nightmares, only memories long faded to remind you of the one you loved and lost! As he revisits the memories in he might have seen, Parm starts crying again. 

Parm rushes in and Team and Manow tell him to calm down since the professor isn’t in yet. Then Manow asks him if he’s looked at the Cute Boy Facebook page yet and reveals a photo of Team and Parm together. Team and Parm object and say they are not interested in each other despite Manow saying it’s cute. I mean, I could swing TeamParm if I really wanted to. They’re good friends long term. 

After class, Team asks if their club activities have started yet and since they haven’t, he asks them to watch his tryouts. Manow says she wants to go to see hot guys. I agree Manow! If I had time, I’d do that too. 

Manow and Parm sit in the bleachers to watch. Parm is amazed by how many people came to watch just the tryouts. Realistically, it doesn’t look like that many people tbh, but you know, it’s alright. 

The swim team comes out and wow, those are some attractive guys. Manow says Team is actually pretty fit and Parm says they’re friends and shouldn’t think that way. Manow shoots back that she would go back in time and not be friends with Team now that she knows he’s actually fit under that shirt of his.

Dean keeps staring out at the bleachers until Win bugs him enough. Then the actual tryouts start. I just know I’ll enjoy the swimming sections for the eye candy, just like I did in Waterboyy.

Manow and Parm cheer Team on as hard as they can. Team actually wins the tryout race. They go to congratulate Team and Team says they should go out to eat. Manow asks about Dean and Team teases her. Manow replies that she’s looking for Dean for Parm and that Parm doesn’t even blink when staring at Dean. They tease him some more. Win points out the freshman to Dean and the other guy there. Dean cannot stop staring in their direction. Win bugs Dean again because his eyes are getting watery. 

The next day, Parm makes some desserts while on a video call with his mom. His mom teases him about not having time for her once he has a girlfriend. But we all know better. It’ll be a boyfriend! Afterwards, someone on Facebook took a picture of Team, Parm, and Manow, and called them Team’s biggest supporters. Parm objects and wonders who took the photos before going back to making his desserts with very careful attention. They’re all very cute. 

He brings them to Manow and Team, they’re called Leum Kluen. They’re naturally colored with different plant extracts. Manow and Team try it and love them. Team asks why Parm isn’t studying at the Faculty of Home Ec if he’s this good at cooking. Parm reminds them that it doesn’t exist at their school. Then reveals several boxes of Leum Kleun to give his friends to share with their clubs. (Leum Kleun means “forget to swallow”). 

Team takes his batch and says that he’ll make sure Dean gets the largest portion of them for Parm’s sake. Parm tells him it’s for everyone and Team continues to tease before running off. Manow also takes an extra box for herself. 

At the swim club locker room, the boys go off to shower and Team collapses on the bench because he’s tired. Win bugs Team to get up and Team refuses. Win decides to tease him and pulls off Team’s towel, but Team had already put on his underwear. Team whines about being hungry on the floor before remembering he has the sweets Parm made. He shares them with Win. Win is impressed and Team says that his friend made them with his impressive cooking skills. 

Dean walks in and asks why they’re still in the locker room, but recognizes the dessert. Team offers him one. Dean eats it delicately. Team tells him directly that Parm made it. Dean says it’s good but that food is not allowed in the locker room. Team offers the last one to Dean, but Dean keeps quiet. Team insists one more time saying if you get the last one, you’ll have a “cute partner.” Dean accepts it quietly before Team runs off. Win and Dean watch him go, Win leers at Team’s behind and Dean just stares. Dean catches Win staring at Team and Win immediately cleans up the mess Team left and runs off. 

Dean then stares at the Leum Kleun before saying, “So your name is Parm.” Clearly he’s more affected than we thought! 

Based on the previews, we’re going to get more good DeanParm next week. I’ll be waiting!

Side note: So far, there is none of the interference of Khun New’s directing that I thought there would be. However, it is a Studio Wabi Sabi drama, so who knows when he’ll show his face.