#sad bc i dedicated a lot of time to him n his fanbase n made some of my first internet frienda there | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mybreadsmybutters · 4 months ago

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immallexx being outed as an abuser is not a surprise to me bc i VIVIDLY remember when i was such a huge fan of his at 14 and watching VERY old videos bc id watched all his newer ones three times and found this one random one from 2015 with maybe 500 views and clearly recorded in his parents house with a camcorder where he called a transfem influencer a “tranny he/she” and obviously that video is BURIED and im sure exists nowhere online nowadays bc he wasn’t nearly as popular when i found it as he eventually came to be but like. i just remember being a kid SO excited about finding a commentary youtuber who actually seemed to like queer people like me AND was queer himself and then finding That video and just. feeling it in the pit of my stomach. bc it was all just! a grift! a tactic!

#this was also arounddd when he broke up with annie i believe #and there was a lot of rumors swirling at that time that things had been seriously abusive there too #it just is really fucking sad and upsetting that he was able to get SUCH a large platform #and especially seeing how he weaponized that against his girlfriend just. its so evil.#was v into kalvin garrah esque discourse at the time which is so fucking embarassing and unacceptable in hindsight #and like thank GOD i was basically only internalizing that garbage not saying it to others #but it meant i kind of just twisted it in my mind as like ‘’welll cis ppl can change n it was a WHILE ago!!!’’#nd its just really shitty to find out that the people you are a fan of are shit people and it makes me sad i spent so much of my teen years #absolutely worshipping and loving him and his content! because he fucking sucks!#sad bc i dedicated a lot of time to him n his fanbase n made some of my first internet frienda there #also sad bc i was inadvertently helping platform someone who i KNEW was evil. and i wish i hadnt willfully participated in that #idk i wish i hated myself less as a kid. i wish i could go back and tell him it’s okay to celebrate queerness #it doesn’t have to be misery and jokes that only hurt and putting others down and getting it Right #tldr i have Complicated Feelings

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