#sᴇʟғsʜɪᴘ ᴄɪᴛʏ ෆ

[tetzoro]

Spent much too long on this, but this is Dickie and I!

STOPPP THIS IS SO CUTE ?! the nightwing colors :’) oh i love you guys so much ‧⁺◟( ᵒ̴̶̷̥́ ·̫ ᵒ̴̶̷̣̥̀ ) ! ! i’ll take 12 of them !

[tetzoro]

Ahhhhh I’m so nervous! Here it is! I might change stuff, I’m not sure. This is literally the first time I’ve written anythinggggg! Except for that one time we went back and forth in your notes about office Kuroo lol

Both came to coruscant as orphans (or maybe I’m not an orphan I just think I am and I don’t know my family is alive)

We come from different planets, grew up completely different

He’s more wide eyed and accepting of the Jedi way, I’m more hesitant more critical simply bc I’m an untrusting child, not bc I have issues with the way the order is, not yet. I’m just a nervous and untrusting child.

We become friends bc we’re both quiet and we always end up sitting across from each other at lunch. Everything on Coruscant seems communal so I imagine meals at a long picnic table. We sit on the ends, across from each other. He talks occasionally, I listen and the longer we’re friends I talk more, we talk more. But we’re always comfortable in silence.

As we get older I want to be more in to the order. For a little bit qimir and I are on the same page, buying in. Training is better. Masters like Sol engage us in stimulating conversation with areas of grey that satisfy me. Sol especially acknowledging that they Jedi way may not be THE way but it’s the ways he’s chosen bc he wants to try and keep people safe

But then Sol and/or some of the younglings we grow up with don’t come back from annoying that should have been routine. And we’re told that we have to move past it and release our connection to them. We can’t hold on to the love and the memories. The fondness of growing up together.

I get angry. Qimir gets pensive. He reads anything he can get his hands on. He wants to understand more, to understand deeply. He doesn’t know if his grief is right but he also feels that the masters can’t be right either. He’s never felt so conflicted in the places he’s called home longer than he did his home planet.

I get angry. My grief takes the appearance of stubbornness and indignation. My feelings make sense and I will not be made to pretend the people I grew up with and cared for and loved, that those who cared and loved me back, were meant to be pushed from my heart and mind. I stay outwardly angry for awhile and then I put it to the side. My mind isn’t really in my studies anymore only training. Training my body and my connection to the force. Because I don’t know if I’ll always stay in Coruscant but I know I’ll have to survive and make a life for myself either way.

Qimir and stay close. Even in our different paths in dealing with grief we can’t help but come back together. Despite everything we understand each other. I check on him among stacks of books, bring him food, take him to bed. He trains with me, never takes my anger personally. Knows my anger is hurt, confusion and uncertainty.

Even when we don’t speak we orbit each other. We’ve always been comfortable with silence.

We stay for years. Training, talking about all the gray areas masters no longer discuss with us

We fall in love but we don’t really know it. We definitely don’t call it that, don’t acknowledge it. It’s a friendship deepening. An understanding that builds over years. Trust deepening. Maybe a little co dependant because we feel like only we understand each other and our hurt and confusion. But we we don’t call it anything. The masters grow concerned though. Call it troubling

We leave. Qimir is furious (something happens with one of the Masters. Maybe he reads something?) and I’ve never seen him that way. It seems like he’s ready to leave without me. I stop him to say goodbye, resigning myself to losing someone else. If he’s not taking me with him I won’t make him. He tells me to be ready that night, he has plans for the both of us

It works for awhile, but then Qimir is angrier than he’s ever been. The anger builds inside him over the years. He’s angry that he felt like he had no choice but to leave the temple, the place he remade his life. He’s angry that he felt like there was no room for him to grow or change, no unconditional love or care. How they were wary of him in his time of grief and grasping for understanding.

We travel together and try to make it work. I’m not as angry anymore. I’m sad, but it’s a quiet sadness. I’ll always miss who and what we lost but I chalk it up to at least I had a place to grow up mostly safe and get skills to live a life. Qimir is set on exposing the Jedi and I just want to move past it, take care of us and make a life. It stops working, we part

We find our way back to each other

ARIEL. I AM OBSESSED WITH THIS OMG OMG !!!!!!! i love that you guys grew up together and how you were on a similar path but ended up having different journeys ෆ all to find your way back to each other :3 navigating your emotions together + questioning the jedi order waaaaahh. it all fits so well !!!!

thank you so very much for sharing this with me teehee i am storing it in my mind palace so i can ask you more questions about him and you !! i love how you developed the lore sooo so much !! the grief of losing your fellow jedi just for the order to tell you to get over it … it seems so impossible yet that’s their way ! i’m glad you guys have each other :’) !!!!!

i have some immediate questions for you though hehe

1. what’s your lightsaber color?

2. when did you guys realize you were in love with each other?

3. do you end up helping him expose the order or do you guys compromise or or or do y’all run away together :’) hehe

no pressure to answer any of these ! take ur timeee teehee ᡣ𐭩