#ryder stays a himbo through and through hshgfhs

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Okay- Can I request a fic with the Pizza Guy porniplier (Don’t worry) Where a ‘really’ confused fem reader finds him at her door. He starts doing his whole “flirty thing” and the reader, after a while, gives up on the logic, and just goes- “Look, man. Do you wanna come in? I just made a pot of tea.” Then they spend the rest of the night talking on the couch. 😌 ‘maybe’ pizza dude gets to cuddle with the reader a lil bit, later, when they decide to put on a movie. - Some people are calling the pizza dude “Ryder” ? - (Hopefully this all makes sense!) ^

This was partially inspired by your comic of the Life Guard, opening up to the captain he tried to flirt with, about his insecurities regarding the water hgdfx 👍🏻

Oh nice I’m glad you were inspired! And I’ve seen the name Ryder circulating and I like it so imma use that here

Now get in losers we’re dispersing the sexual tension these Pornipliers radiate by letting them open up emotionally <3

............

"Did someone order a large pizza? Extra...pepperoni?"

Puzzled, you looked at the delivery guy standing outside your apartment door. You don’t recall ever ordering a pizza--not to mention you lived here alone--so you weren’t really sure what to do. 

He put his hands on his hips, the box itself somehow...staying in-place as he gazed up at you with a small smirk, awaiting your response.

‘How is he doing that? It is magic or.......oh....’ You’re a bit ashamed as your mind goes straight to the gutter, especially after you were caught-off guard when he didn’t mention anything about sausages.

You’ve never met this man before in your life so you weren’t sure why he was being so flirtatious and horny towards a total stranger.

‘Unless he works at some pizza shop for adults...never heard of that before, though.’ You mused.

Still, he was quite a handsome guy, as you noticed a few barely-visible outlines of his muscles through the turquoise polo shirt under his jacket. On a pin you could see his name was “Ryder”.

But as charming as he appeared, he also seemed exhausted. The nearest pizza place wasn’t for miles. God only knows how far he had to travel to get here.

Usually this was the part where normal people would either say “sorry, wrong house” or call him a creep and slam the door. But you’d feel guilty for doing either.

So you decided to be nice for a change.

"I didn't, but why don’t you come inside for a bit? I just made some tea and I can't drink all of it by myself."

Convinced that you're just subtly flirting back, Ryder chuckled deeply. "Oh, I bet it's steaming hot~ I can take that as a tip....unless you got other things in mind-"

"Just my hospitality, dude. I mean..you look tired as hell and I'd hate to see you drive all the way back to the shop." That was more blunt than you'd like to admit, yet to the point so he knew your intentions.

He blinked. "So you don’t have any..."special requests"? Wink-wonk?"

"No.”

"...thank god. Seriously, thanks." He suddenly dropped the whole act, taking the pizza box off as he sighed. "Before you ask...no, i-it’s not my dick. I use a belt to hold this up. That's my secret. I swear I’m not that disgusting.”

“Oh, uh..okay.” You muttered, deciding not to question it as you invited him inside. He put the pizza on the coffee table and sat on the couch awkwardly while you got the tea and turned off the stove, pouring some for him, too. "I don’t know if you have any preferences for tea.”

“Anything beats their watered-down soda. Don’t tell my boss but it’s bad.” He grumbled as he took off his hat, running a hand through his greasy hair. 

Soon you joined him on the couch, yet he seemed rather shy now.

"Look, I...didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I'm just trying to earn better tips. My rent just went up and the only place that would hire me was this shitty ass pizza joint. I got laid off from another one that paid so much better ‘cause they’re using robots to deliver now.”

You weren’t expecting to hear his life story, considering all you did was invite him into your home. But you just nodded in understanding as you handed him a mug. “Sorry to hear that, technology sucks sometimes. And don’t worry. I wasn’t uncomfortable. Just...a little confused. Does this place know you’re flirting with customers?”

Ryder shrugged. “They said I can do whatever I want if I needed tips that badly, so I figured I could offer my own...."services" on the side."

"And....how has that been going for you?"

"..I hate it. I mean, surprisingly it’s kept me steady but...it just doesn’t make me happy, y’know?” The more he rambled on, the more tense he became. “Now it seems like people only like me for my body. I’m horrible at flirting and talking and..just..I-I don’t know what to do anymore...”

Again he sighed, before looking at you with tired brown eyes. “Sorry. I shouldn’t be dumping all of this on a pretty lady without even knowing her name yet..”

“It’s [y/n].” You smiled, a bit flattered at the compliment.

For a while you two talked and shared the pizza together--which did contain extra pepperoni, indeed--and he was slowly starting to get to know you better. To distract him from his shitty job you told him some things about yourself. 

Hours passed without either of you realizing it, but that was fine. He was in no rush to get back to work.

At some point you decided to put in a movie. He wasn’t too picky, so you just chose one of your favorites and got settled as it began. But in doing so you were awfully close to him, practically cuddling against him without realizing it, and you heard him huff.

“I knew it..”

“What’s wrong?” You sat up, confused.

“Nothing, I mean..did you actually want to take this further?” He questioned, looking a bit hurt for some reason, hugging himself in a self-conscious manner. “You could’ve just said that instead of leading me on.”

“..I’m lost. I don’t really understand what-”

“This is how it started with the last customer. We ended up just...making out during a movie the whole damn time. I really thought you were different, [y/n]. You’re the only one who’s treated me like a person.” His tone wavered with slowly rising anger. “But if you were just trying to get in my goddamn pants this whole time-”

“Woah, wait..wait.” Frantically you paused the movie and looked at him. “I thought I made it clear I didn’t wanna do anything unless you were comfortable with it. What made you think I was “leading” you on?”

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “You were just...next to me, acting all cuddly and stuff. I mean I liked it but..usually that leads to something more intimate, doesn’t it? Is that not what you wanted?”

"Oh no, honey...” The affectionate word just spilled out, but you kept talking anyways, not wanting him to get the wrong idea. He was looking like a sad puppy right now, feeling like you betrayed his trust. “I wouldn’t invite you here just to use your body. Cuddling doesn’t always have to lead to anything else if you don’t want it to.”

“...it doesn’t?”

“No. It can be platonic.”

“..I see. I-I had no idea. I’m sorry.” Ryder felt extremely embarrassed for assuming you had other intentions--that you were only letting him open up emotionally just so you can get in his pants easier. The guilt was ever-present on his face still.

“It’s alright. Can I just admit something, though?”

Although a bit confused, he nodded.

“You look like you give great...”

He held his breath as you paused.

“..hugs.”

Then he exhaled in relief, which made you chuckle. He couldn’t help but return the smile, enamored by your laughter. 

Seeing that the plan worked, your eyes lit up. “Hah! I got you to smile again~” You snickered, before putting your arms out. “But in all seriousness, you probably need the cuddles more, so you can lean on me instead if you wanna. No pressure.”

While hesitant at first, he eventually agreed to cuddle with you, smiling lightly as you held him. He put his head on your shoulder, closing his eyes as you played with his hair a bit and watched the rest of the movie, both of you content as can be.

This felt undeniably good. No rough touches or pressure to do anything to please you.

Finally, he could be himself.